| Post/Author/DateTime | Post |
|---|---|
| valhiem05-19-06, 02:00 AM | Where can i start a post about being a DnD gamer who just became a parent and wants to know how other parents juggle work child rearin and still manage to play? any suggestions |
| Solaris05-19-06, 02:03 AM | I think you just did. |
| goblin_gronth05-19-06, 02:24 AM | Where can i start a post about being a DnD gamer who just became a parent and wants to know how other parents juggle work child rearin and still manage to play? any suggestions I have four kids. Self-employed and go to ITT Tech. Game time happends in my spare time only if my wife will help out and keep the kids occupied. So my suggestion is you take turns with your wife. You take a day, (possibly) saturday, and take care of the kid/kids. Than the following week or a different day during the week, if your lucky, would be your turn to play. On the most part this has worked pretty good. My wife doesnt always follow through with keeping the kids upstairs while we play our game and they find there way down to where we are, its usually not too bad though. we'll just tell them to go back upstairs and they mind, most of the time. haha. My oldest is 10 and the youngest is 3. I really like my time with them. Its sure nice to be able to have a day though to play and sometimes i am lucky and get to play more than once every two weeks. lol. Hope this helps :D |
| Ut-Napishtim05-19-06, 06:55 AM | Well I usually try and find other folks with kids that like to play. Then the "grown-ups" can sit at the table in the kitchen and play D&D, while our kids all get together in the living room to watch movies and knock each-other's brains out with pillows. |
| Seeker9505-19-06, 07:33 AM | Anything you used to do regularly is on hold. This includes D&D. When the youngest of your children has a regular schedule (i.e., is in school) then you *might* be able to return to regularly scheduled D&D. It depends on how many extra-curriculars your kids get into. If you get them into D&D, then you have a better chance of it. You can call it "quality time". |
| Wabbit05-19-06, 07:40 AM | My oldest is 10 and the youngest is 3. I really like my time with them. Just curious, but is the 10 year old not interested in playing? Seems like a great way to combine kid time with D&D time. |
| NobodyRemembersThis05-19-06, 07:46 AM | OFF TOPIC Self-employed and go to ITT Tech. Do ye happen to live in michigan? I recognize the ITT - there's a campus only a few miles from me. ON TOPIC In my experience, it is only when both parents wish to game and the children are less than 3 does it become a problem. |
| Aireon_Halatirno05-19-06, 08:30 AM | On Topic: I play with a couple that have two children. Both are under 10 years old, we simply meet at 8 o'clock when it is time for the children to sleep. That way they can keep the kids upstairs by the governing law of a bedtime and we are all free to play as we wish, we typically go until 12 or 1 a.m. so we get some good gaming time in while they rest. Off Topic: Does anyone live at a college in the dorms and still play with their normal group at home? I'm going to Drexel which is about 20 extra minutes away from my group, I was just wondering if anyone else has succeeded in continuing play with their group after the college step? |
| Vyvyan Basterd05-19-06, 09:10 AM | My elder child is 5 and the younger is 1. I have not stopped my Friday night game (for the most part) at any point. My wife married me knowing that this is my hobby and respects my need to blow off steam through gaming. Recently she also became interested in the game. She discovered quickly that trying to keep the baby occupied and gaming is difficult, so one of my players started bringing his sister over to watch the baby (easiest babysitting gig she's probably ever had). Those who say their life has stopped after having a child are either suffering from first-time parent syndrome where they put their own needs completely on hold to lavish huge amounts of attention on their child (a friend of ours didn't eat a warm dinner for 6 years!) or are in a relationship where their spouse does not support their "adult time." Or they have four kids and one parent isn't enough to control the herd. :D I've kept my weekly game going, as the DM, throughout both children and its alive and well today. |
| Seeker9505-19-06, 09:15 AM | Those who say their life has stopped after having a child are either suffering from first-time parent syndrome where they put their own needs completely on hold to lavish huge amounts of attention on their child (a friend of ours didn't eat a warm dinner for 6 years!) or are in a relationship where their spouse does not support their "adult time." Or they have four kids and one parent isn't enough to control the herd.Or... They have more interests than just D&D (like soccer, motorcycle riding, church-life, etc.), and in the re-prioritization of life, D&D ends up a little lower than the others. |
| Vyvyan Basterd05-19-06, 09:26 AM | Or... They have more interests than just D&D (like soccer, motorcycle riding, church-life, etc.), and in the re-prioritization of life, D&D ends up a little lower than the others. But I never mentioned D&D in the part of my post you quoted. I know many people who don't game, play soccor, ride their motorcycle, attend church functions, etc. after their child is born. You are correct. If the OP has numerous things he enjoys, he will have to decide which of those is most important to him. D&D just happens to be my most improtant hobby, YMMV. |
| AkaKageWarrior05-19-06, 10:12 AM | good organization and a fair division of "days-off-from-kids" is the solution. but sometimes it won't help anyway. In the last 2 month we played 3 times. once I couldn't join because one kid (of 2) was sick, the other 2 nights my wife called me early before gaming was finished because the kids were sleeping very bad. (but these were the first and only times in 3years! :) ) AKW BTW: is the kid already there!? if yes, all the best wishes to you, the mother and the kid!!! :cheer: |
| rijeagle05-19-06, 10:32 AM | I too am a parent. We managed to play practically every week, but my wife and I made an agreement. Fridays we went out together(one of our Mom's babysat), Saturday was my day with friends (D&D), Sunday was her day with friends. More or less it has worked out well. I worked the graveyard, my wife during the day. I had my daughter during the day, my wife in the evening, so we both had good time with our daughter, but alas, not much time together, thus the Friday 'date-night', and our 'friends day' For two years 2002-2003, I worked graveyard, went back to school (N.E. Tech - A.S. degree), and still managed to play, but I did not DM during that time - way too much, so one ofthe other guys took over, and it worked great, and it allowed me a little 'escape' from the grind. A marriage and family is a commitment from and to each other, and if you can work out a schedule and both sides get a 'fair deal' it works out well. Today, my daughter is nearrly 14, and all but one in our D&D group has kids, so we all know the demands. They each made basically the same agreement we had, and it has worked out tremendously. Of course, real-life issues ALWAYS over-ruled D&D, so we would move the D&D schedule around life (sickness, weddings, family outings, funerals, etc.), not the other way around. Basically, sit down with your spouse, discuss and made arrangements with each other, and include your extended family, if possible. Make sure she gets time with her friends too. And definately make sure you have 'special' time together as a couple - alone. My wife and I have been together for over 18 years, and I've been with this group of D&D friends a little longer, and it has worked out great. Discuss - Compromise - Share. Keep these in mind and you will have a great marriage, and life!! *edit - spelling, added another thought |
| Vyvyan Basterd05-19-06, 10:49 AM | Discuss - Compromise - Share. Keep these in mind and you will have a great marriage, and life!! Well said. |
| pmacdonaldii05-19-06, 11:10 AM | I've got 4, our group had taken a break of about 4 years. We started up again about 8 months ago. Now, we usually meet every other friday. 8pm 1-2 am Kids are all in bed by then. Earlier on when I had my first and was the only one with children we (my wife and I would go together and she would hang out with my groups SO's since we played at different houses each week. My wife would sometime take the baby and sometime leave it for me to look after while gaming. It usually was okay. You just need to work it out between all involved. |
| Vyvyan Basterd05-19-06, 11:25 AM | I've got 4, our group had taken a break of about 4 years. We started up again about 8 months ago. Now, we usually meet every other friday. 8pm 1-2 am Kids are all in bed by then. Earlier on when I had my first and was the only one with children we (my wife and I would go together and she would hang out with my groups SO's since we played at different houses each week. My wife would sometime take the baby and sometime leave it for me to look after while gaming. It usually was okay. You just need to work it out between all involved. I've occasionally DMed with the baby in one arm and dice of doom in the other. :D |
| Zherog05-19-06, 11:50 AM | Been there, done that. :) We have two - they're currently 4 and 5. When they were infants, we were in a group with two other couples; one couple had a school age child, and he had kids from a previous marriage that would be with him on ocassion. After each of our kids were born, we took a break of a couple of weeks. But after that, we didn't miss too many gaming sessions. It's really not impossible to coordinate a gaming session around children. As others have said, it takes compromise (not just for you and your spouse, either - it very well could involve compromise with your gaming group, too). Generally, though, there's little reason it can't be worked out. |
| Vyvyan Basterd05-19-06, 12:24 PM | We have two - they're currently 4 and 5. Are you talking grandkids? :P :D |
| theultimatefrisco05-19-06, 12:47 PM | Off Topic: Does anyone live at a college in the dorms and still play with their normal group at home? Though my groups at home dissolved before I went to college, you can do it if you're willing to have longer gaps inbetween- usually on breaks, or every other weekend if you're close to home (though being on campus for some weekends is a good idea for your social life.) Better yet, start a new game with people on campus. I joined a game this year at school, and I'm starting one in the fall and it's a great break from studying and papers and the occassional freaky late night drinkers that run around in the dorms. |
| Zherog05-19-06, 01:08 PM | * thwaps Vyv with his cane * Hush, whippersnapper! :P |
| Aireon_Halatirno05-19-06, 04:48 PM | Though my groups at home dissolved before I went to college, you can do it if you're willing to have longer gaps inbetween- usually on breaks, or every other weekend if you're close to home (though being on campus for some weekends is a good idea for your social life.) Better yet, start a new game with people on campus. I joined a game this year at school, and I'm starting one in the fall and it's a great break from studying and papers and the occassional freaky late night drinkers that run around in the dorms. I figured I could take a train home once a weekend, because it would only be another 20 minutes longer of a trip. I may do every other weekend because I know for a fact there are people who want to play at college. The only problem is our group works so well now and our DM does such a good job I have to wonder how a college student will compare to an experienced adult. |
| Bruunwald05-19-06, 05:30 PM | The thing about a new baby is, you're not going to be sleeping much. (Congratulations, by the way!) Not sleeping actually means more time for writing, so if you're the DM, my advice is to look at these long, sleepless nights as opportunities to flesh out your campaign. Let me tell you, sleep deprivation is great for coming up for really weird, surrealistic ideas. You didn't say if you were the DM or not, or if the games are held at your house, or if your wife plays. So I guess I'll just relate my own experience as DM and people-organizer. Juggling work is not a big issue for me. Our hours are pretty set. I work for a major University, and there are all sorts of policies on overtime, etc. So unless we have express permission, we all pretty much show up on time, and leave on time, every day. Meanwhile, our gaming group has always been stocked with difficult people whose schedules were always in constant conflict (we can only play on a Saturday, but finding one where everyone can come is very difficult). That was true before I became a dad, and it's true now. So in that sense, it's not much different than before. I still have to struggle to get a date set. The real issue for us is Game Day itself, and how to care for a very active child while distracting ourselves with D&D. My wife is one of my players. We used to mainly play at our place, and when our boy was first born it was pretty easy, because he napped through most of the game time. We took breaks for feeding, etc., but breaks can be good for a game anyway, so that was no hardship. As he got older he became a handful. We still played at home for awhile, but there definitely were distractions during those "terrible twos," so we started getting a sitter. Of course, family will sit for free, but we ended up shelling out some serious cash when they weren't available. Sitters don't come cheap in the Bay Area. At about four he started to become manageable again, because four-year-olds like TV and they like to play with their Star Wars and ImagiNext guys, and you can watch them with much less effort. So we started keeping him around again. We needed to keep an eye on him, so game sessions became noisier than they used to be, but I'm lucky: my players are like family and socialize with us outside the game. So they were more forgiving than they might be otherwise, and we all seem to have adjusted to this. Five years old is even better, because he understands now what it is we're doing, and he sometimes likes to watch. He still mainly has his play time when we have ours, but interruptions are less and less frequent, while being Daddy's Helper is becoming more the norm. I am only too happy to let him move the minis and roll some dice for me. I use the basic game to help him learn to count. Really only counting squares and rolling dice and doing a little basic math. We use M&M's to count hit points. It's a lot of fun. I'm looking forward to the next session, because we haven't played in awhile, and I know he's eager to move the guys around and help me out again. |
| Aeolius05-19-06, 09:01 PM | You might also consider a play-by-post campaign, as they seem well suited for those with hectic schedules. |
| valhiem05-20-06, 12:21 AM | I was soo excited to see how many people responded and so quickly too. I havent played for almost a year and my daughter is 2 months. and the group i played with was short lived. and before them it'd had been years ever since i moved to duluth. now I'm getting the bug really bad. I knew there was D&D after children but you never really think about it until you have your first child. This thread is very encouraging to me. Thank you all. My newest worry is finding the right people to play with. In think there should be a screening process. :P That would make things easier. |
| rijeagle05-20-06, 01:12 AM | I don't know the success rate, but try here at the RPG Gamer Classifieds http://boards1.wizards.com/forumdisplay.php?f=347 Good Luck!! |
| goblin_gronth05-20-06, 01:52 AM | Just curious, but is the 10 year old not interested in playing? Seems like a great way to combine kid time with D&D time. I havent asked her yet if she wants to play. I have thought about letting her though. Shes got a good imagination. |
| goblin_gronth05-20-06, 01:54 AM | OFF TOPIC Do ye happen to live in michigan? I recognize the ITT - there's a campus only a few miles from me. ON TOPIC In my experience, it is only when both parents wish to game and the children are less than 3 does it become a problem. Idaho. |
| goblin_gronth05-20-06, 01:56 AM | On Topic: I play with a couple that have two children. Both are under 10 years old, we simply meet at 8 o'clock when it is time for the children to sleep. That way they can keep the kids upstairs by the governing law of a bedtime and we are all free to play as we wish, we typically go until 12 or 1 a.m. so we get some good gaming time in while they rest. This is usually what we do to. Its soo much easier to just get them to bed and than start playing. |
| Zherog05-20-06, 11:06 AM | I havent asked her yet if she wants to play. I have thought about letting her though. Shes got a good imagination. If you think she's also mature enough for it, you totally should encourage her to play. My best piece of advice for really young kids is to make good obviously good, and make evil obviously evil. I also prefer to stick to "monsters" being the bad guys, rather than humans, at first. Quests like "Save the Princess from the orcs" work very well for young kids. It's something they've seen in movies and read in stories their whole llives, and now they get to be the one who does the saving. You'll also probably want to talk to your group before you invite your daughter to join you, just to make sure everybody is OK with a 10 year old joining. |
| Chicharron05-20-06, 11:40 AM | I have four kids ages 7, 5, and two that are 15 mos. My group games every Monday night from 7:30 to about 11. One of the keys for me is that the other members of the group are the same age, and have similar family lives. Everyone is very understanding when one of the players can't make it for whatever reason. I think it's important to point out that one night a week for a couple of hours isn't really sacrificing that much, but like some of the other posters have already pointed out...it's all a matter of priority. |
| goblin_gronth05-20-06, 12:20 PM | If you think she's also mature enough for it, you totally should encourage her to play. My best piece of advice for really young kids is to make good obviously good, and make evil obviously evil. I also prefer to stick to "monsters" being the bad guys, rather than humans, at first. Quests like "Save the Princess from the orcs" work very well for young kids. It's something they've seen in movies and read in stories their whole llives, and now they get to be the one who does the saving. You'll also probably want to talk to your group before you invite your daughter to join you, just to make sure everybody is OK with a 10 year old joining. My group consist of her uncle. lol. no problem there. You know when wizard did the april fools with the my little pony. She was pretty bummed (so was my wife) when it was just a joke. lol |
| cancerousmango05-20-06, 10:58 PM | Yeah, I've got a 3.5 (fancy that) month old, and I play about every 1.5 weeks. She sleeps great while we play because she loves the sound of people talking, and I have players roll the dice quietly. I work, go to school, read, DM two campaigns, spend a lot of time with my daughter, and still have time for friends and family. Guess it's all that smoking and caffeine. Really, it's not too hard to schedule around a baby. I read to her from the books (amongst others, that's not all I read her) and I can't wait to introduce her to it at the proper age (8-10?). |
| Ripjak05-21-06, 09:11 PM | My second daughter arrive 7 weeks ago and I rejoined my gaming group 2 weeks ago. When my first daughter arrived I took about the same amount of time form the game so that I could help my wife get our family's schedule back towards something resembling order. For me it helps that my wife is willing to let me 'game' but knows that she just has to ask and I will stay at home to help out. It's also a bonus that our group starts around 7 for the session (about 7:30/7:45 for gaming once we all stop chatting and one of the other gamers starts getting antsy). My opinion as to when is the right time to start gaming again - when you and your partner are happy for you to spend that amount of time away from the little one. |
| VanceL05-21-06, 09:44 PM | Where can i start a post about being a DnD gamer who just became a parent and wants to know how other parents juggle work child rearin and still manage to play? any suggestions My wife and I are now parents of 5 years experience. We've both been gamers however, for many more years than that. Kate did stop gaming in the first trimester due to "morning" sickness, and took a break in the first 3 months afterwards, but otherwise she's been part of our games the whole time. Young Simon has too. Our group plays once a week normally and Simon has been there almost all the time.Earlier he was either in his Car-capsule, or his bouncer, or his basinet. Later he would have toys to play with on the rug in the room until he fell asleep, when we'd move him to our DM's couch & cover him over for the night. Eventually the group agreed to move the game to our place, so Simon didn't have to go out in the late night air at Games end, and he had full access to his toys & books, not to mention his "Bob the Builder" DVD's. :thumbsup: Our group are all considerate mature folks who game for fun, not over-serious power-gamer types, so Simon has even got to sit on laps during the game, roll D20's for people and even roll up his mothers starting stats. He now tells his carers at his daycare center all about D&D and whatever he can remember of the previous weeks game. He loves it, and even has his own full set of dice, (and has had since he was 2, they are oversized ones that he couldn't swallow when he was a todler). So, I'd see if your group is willing to have the sessions at your place and see if they are the good and mature friends that we've been blessed with, who fully understand the need for a 15 minute break for feeding/bedtime/bedtime reading of "The Hobbit". Heck, One of our group is Simons Godfather, and all the rest are similarly attatched to him. He hangs out for them to appear every Friday night now, and has even been known to sit on our DM's knee and roll for the orcs! :fight!: Basically, your child brings about some changes in your life, but it's up to you to make arrangements to slot them into your lives. As long as your group are not small-minded, selfish little @#$%^&*'s, then they should be able to make the small adjustments to game loacation to suit your childs needs, time of game to meet any work/childcare issues, and be tollerant of any short-breaks you need in game to see to your infants needs. Really, a well cared for and healthy baby doesn't need constant attention, and as long as the group is willing to keep a lid on the volume and the language, what's wrong with a bassinet/cradle in the far corner of the game room. Good luck my distant comrade, and I hope you too end up with a kid who loves gaming and such! ;) |
| ORC_Paradox05-21-06, 10:28 PM | Keep them away from the dice. Seriously. They are choking hazards. |
| Andrew Clucas05-21-06, 11:10 PM | ... and even has his own full set of dice, (and has had since he was 2, they are oversized ones that he couldn't swallow when he was a toddler). Good point, WizO - but VanceL has it covered! (and I am NOT insectoid, Ripjak! ;-P |
| valhiem05-27-06, 11:05 PM | Originally Posted by VanceL Good luck my distant comrade, and I hope you too end up with a kid who loves gaming and such! Thanks. |
| jds1butterfly06-15-06, 08:38 AM | I've occasionally DMed with the baby in one arm and dice of doom in the other. :D My husband was one of the only baby toting warrior I knew for the first year of our son's life (he was the only one the baby was happy with). We have been very lucky in the fact that all the time we have been playing (because we both enjoy playing) we have had someone to watch our kids. Now our 11 year old want to play too (we are thinking about letting her start in the next campaign). |
| TheYeti177506-16-06, 11:27 AM | :D Compromise is the key as was said before. I have two nights free to do as I wish. Tuesdays - Online chat with Marine friends. Thursdays - PnP game outside of the house. My son is turning 6 here soon, and it's worked out easily enough. Before we had moved and he was just a toddler, there were many times when he sat on my lap during a game or in that bouncy chair thing where I used my toe to rock him to sleep. He now thinks Mini's are cool. As far as my wife, she understands it's my night out. And looks at it this way, I'm not in a bar drinking and wenching it up. And if this is my vice, she can live with that. Though she is trying to break my stop by the LGS on the way home from work all the time. :D Yeti |
| Victor_Phoenix06-16-06, 12:02 PM | Well personally I do not have children, but four of my 6 players do. Ages 1 and 4 and the one year is, every Saturday evening when we play, given to her grand parents. They love the time to spend with their grand daughter. And the four year old believe it or not, plays with us. Her mother is currently playing a sorcerer and the four year old has taken on the persona of her tiger familiar (some bending of the rules). Now I know people are wondering a four year old? Is that possible? Well yes, you see she listens well; we don't really get bogged down with rulings and number crunching so she doesn’t get bored. Bri, the child’s name, watches the battles, listens to the stories, and pretends to be a Tiger. She points at the Bad guy models and says, “Joshy I want to get that bad guy and eat him” I give her the dice she rolls it. Her mom watches what roles and then gives me the info that is needed to do the math part. The most amazing thing about the whole experience is that a four year little girl is begging to understand rudiments of complex math, do to D&D she has begun to add up her own attacks and is truly thinking carefully about her next movement. She will roll a dice look and get really excited if it’s a high number and a little disappointed if it’s low, she will then look at her character sheet. "Which we have altered so the numbers are big and simple and she will say," I got a 14 Josh with my claw. So that is um” Looks at her sheet think for a second then says," A 26 do a get the bad guy?" It is probably the best thing I have ever seen. It has her imagining, reading, understanding math, all in a game, Which she loves because it’s pretend and she gets to play with the grown ups!! Start your kid off early, once they can take simple direction by having them roll dice and showing them where they monster is. And your kid will be the smartest child you know. (PS: Also buy plastic non breakable model for when a four year kills a Bad guy she like to grab the models and throw them, smash them, knock them down , etc...) |
| VrecknidjX06-16-06, 12:14 PM | My 17-year-old plays D&D, other RPGs, minis, and lots of other stuff. He's been at my gaming table since he was still sitting in his rocker seat. As an infant, I'd take him with me to my games. My friends and I would take turns holding him, or playing with him, while everyone else more actively played. I started taking him to GenCon when he was 6. The kid has "gamer" in his soul. My 12-year-old lives for video games and online game design. He does RPG, but not as much (and he prefers d20 Modern). He too would come to sessions when I was playing and he was a toddler. My wife used to play, about two decades ago, and really doesn't anymore. These days, when my older son is the DM, his friends and I (it's not weird for a bunch of 17-year-olds to play D&D an old fart since they've been playing with me since they were about 11) play in our house, in the back room, and keep the door closed so as to not bother my wife and other son (when he's not joining us). When I DM, it's usually at another friend's house, and my 17-year-old usually comes along (he's earned a place at the others' gaming tables, he'd be invited on his own merit even if I weren't there). So, I remember the days of having little ones around, and it can be accommodated. And, if you're tolerant and compassionate and you have friends that are willing to work though it, you'll end up with more gamers in your group if you can wait a few years. Dave |