Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Thanqol 06-08-05, 03:13 AM	*All honours awarded to the Original Rant Thread in Magic General* DANGER! DANGER! RAGE AND HATE AT CRITICAL LEVELS! BARBARIAN RAGE INITIALIZED! EMERGENCY ORDER: EVACUATE!!! This is a rant thread. If you don't know what that is, it's vaguely based on a subject (in this case, D&D), and is filled with opinions. I don't claim what I say is absolute Rules-Enforced godspeak, but I usualy look up what I'm yelling about. But, I'm at least part human, so I am allowed the instinctive response of formulating opinions. For that I do not apologize. On the other hand, if what I say offends anyone, you (of course) are welcome to post your opinions. Such is the way of the internet; everyone gets constitutional rights. If you're going to be a jerk, please don't post again and again. Say your piece and leave, don't just flame people. The Code of Conduct is everywhere. Let the angst flow.
The Prince Azar 06-08-05, 03:17 AM	:confused: I understand what a rant IS, but what exactly are you trying to tell us? On second thought, perhaps he made the thread for US to rant in... :thinks:
The Man from Uncle 06-08-05, 03:33 AM	I am in agreement with Prince. (And I ain't stalking you. We just share a curiosity with train-wreck titles). By the way prince, did you have to change your account again? You know that they don't really keep a record of how many warnings they give don't you? You just got to lay low for a bit and not get hit by the same WiZos over and over.
AmanitaEata 06-08-05, 09:53 AM	This is a rant thread. That's great. So where's your rant? Let the angst flow. Oohh, so you've created this thread for other people to rant in? Isn't that a little like saying, "Hi, I created this thread for people to discuss things in. So discuss things now"? When people want to rant about something, no doubt they will start their own thread on the subject.
StormKnight 06-08-05, 08:49 PM	Um...right... RANT! RANT RANT RANT! GRUMBLE GRUMBLE! COMPLAIN! How did I do?
Flakster 06-08-05, 09:22 PM	By now it's obvious that Thanqol doesn't really understand the idea of a rant thread. Thanqol should have started the thread with a rant of his own, that way other people could have commented and agreed/disagreed with it. Better luck next time.
anarco_rata 06-08-05, 10:33 PM	So...are we using this thread to pointless, probably offensive and certainly annoying SPAM? :ayyyy!: Let the spamming begin on second thought, it has already begun...
Thanqol 06-08-05, 11:36 PM	I actualy knew this would happen - it happened with the other rant thread. But I didn't have time to kick it off last night, so I'll begin my little Cycle of Races. Episode One: The Elf. Thanqol: Good evening, everybody. We've got a very special visitor today, a reprisentitive of the elf people. Let's all give him a round of applause, introducting Lillanic Silvermoon! *Dutiful applause, and an elf enters carrying a longbow." Lillanic: Hi everybody. Fire away, Thanqol. T: First question... Lillanic Silvermoon? What kind of name is that? L: *Sigh*. You see, we elves are named after the stupidest things. Our first name is some bizzare combination of letters that the player usualy thinks up spontaniously. Our last name is usualy a random combination of a number of words, including silver, green, leaf, bow, moon, light, feather, and a whole bunch of other stuff. I always wonder where this stuff comes from - I mean, if a human introduced himself as Joe Whisperwind then he'd get a lot of funny looks, wouldn't he? T: Naturaly he would. Second question, why do your people exist? L: Ah, you see, we're an iconic fantasy race, steeped in magic and lore. Our people live long lives and have keen senses tuned into the heartbeat of the earth. T: But you're still barely a match for a human in hand-to-hand combat, aye? L: Oh yes, I never quite got that part. But not all my variations. T: What do you mean? L: Oh, there's a type of elf for everything you can imagine. Going against Darwin's theory of evolution, you can get fire, sun, dark, grey, wood, desert, aquatic, moon, etherial, or whatever-the-hell-else kind of elf. T: Why would this occur? L: I'm still trying to grasp the logic behind it. If a human lives in a forest, does he get different racial ajustments? Of course not, that'd be racist. But why is it okay to be racist to the elves? Why do elf 'super races' exist? I keep getting my cleric to cast Commune for me, but all he gets is 'Munchkins have slain your diety, please worship the Munchkins'. T: Oh, I've seen that happen too many times myself. Now let's move on, to the topic of Roleplaying. How do people normaly roleplay one of your kind. L: Just the same as humans. T: Really? L: Oh, sure. Wizards has never documented what the elf's life from one to one hundred, the adventuring age, is like. Are elves kids all that time? Are they adults, just not accepted as adults? If so, then how can they be 100 years old and barely level one? Sometimes people role-play a bit of arrogance, some long windedness, but in exactly the same manner as a human would. Frankly, not enough documation has been done on my kind's brilliant personalitys, so if you little mortals would try a bit harder I'm sure we'd get the respect we deserve. T: A rather fatalistic outlook, eh? What are your thoughts on the Ranger class? L: Oh by Seven lords in Heaven, don't mention that. If ANYONE plays a Ranger, IT'S ALWAYS an elf. I don't know why! It's not our favoured class, a few extra spot and listen points don't really do that much, and our communion with nature is complete and utter hodge-droppings. If we're into nature all that much then why the hell is wizard our favoured class? I blame the creative writing industry myself. T: Oh indeed. Any final comments? L: Why don't we get on with dwarves? I don't see why elves can't live underground. Nothing saying we can't. Again, creative writing industry. T: That's all we got time for. Thanks for being with us tonight, Lilllanic. L: My pleasure. T: Join us tomorrow, when we talk to another mistreated core race: Dwarves - Why Are We Scottish?
anarco_rata 06-09-05, 01:05 AM	Are elves kids all that time? Are they adults, just not accepted as adults? If so, then how can they be 100 years old and barely level one? Pretty DAMN good question...maybe they just take things the slow way?
The Man from Uncle 06-09-05, 01:47 AM	I am SO looking forward to the next installment. Well done Thanqol.
Thanqol 06-09-05, 06:07 AM	Episode Two: The Dwarf *After a rather lengthly commercial break, Rants on Races returns.* Thanqol: Welcome back. Tonight we're going to look at one of the most disgruntled core races: The Dwarf. Let's give a big hand to Moradin Breakaxe! *Moradin Breakaxe enters, red beard and battleaxe as his main features.* Moradin: Ach, Let's get this over with. T: Of course. First question: Why the weird name? M: Ah, you see, we got pretty much the same predicament as elves. First name, something gutteral like Gortek or something. Second name, random combination of axe, hammer, or mining equipment words. Snorri Stronginthearm is hardly an uncommon name now, to my lasting regret. T: Quite a problem you have there. Next question, what's that smell? M: Charisma penalty. Just try to ignore it. T: Ah, right. Also, the beards. Why do all your people have beard fetishes? In some stories, even female dwarves have beards. M: It's weird, ain't it? Working underground makes you grow and treasure facial hair? It'd more likely go black with coal soot and with soap as common as it is in these times, it'd likely stay that way. I always viewed a beard as something that kinda happens unless you're rich enough to shave anyway. T: Another thing, why are your people so bad tempered most of the time? I've heard of more dwarvish bar fights than elvish ones. M: Hmm, I always thought there'd be more elvish bar fights. Their weak little systems would likely get drunk faster than one of our constitution-bonused dwarves. And, another thing about bar fights I don't get is that arn't dwarves Lawful aligned in the main? Then why, do they get to the lowlands, do they swear and curse off humans, and start punching the bajeebs out of eachother? You can't chock all this down to a minor charisma penalty. T: Ah yes. Another question - why do you all seem expected to favour axes over swords? M: The obvious answer is 'we're from Norse mythology and the Norse used axes'. But places like Eberron have nothing to do with damned Norse mythology! Give me a longbow any day of the week, and I'll upstage anyone with it, I say! T: The big question now - why are you Scottish? M: Oh my. This has been a plague on good Dwarven Wizards the country over. I want to get it clear before the judge and jury - Dwarves in general do not have to be Scottish! If you're affearing to play a Dwarf because of all that damned 'ach, laddie!' stuff, don't think about it! Nothing says that we can't speak in highest circles of intelligence without flying into a rage, an anecdote about mining, or some wave of the hand with an "Ach!"! Dwarves are not collective barbarians and miners, and the favoured class of Fighter shouldn't really reflect on our race as a whole in this amount. T: I've also noticed that there's not as many subraces of dwarf as there are of elves. Would you like to comment on it? M: Dwarves are harder to RP than Humans-With-Pointy-Ears, and all know the Bane of Munchkining is the threat that they may have to Role-Play for a purpouse other than free experience. Thus, we're left with only the one kind of Dwarf, which people don't want to play as much. T: I've also noticed that your people seem to end up as the comic relief more often then not. M: Aaargh! Look, 'Short' jokes have existed from the dawn of time. 'Beard' jokes have existed for longer. Lord of the Rings was great for our case. The elf is the hottest thing to walk the stage and the dwarf is the guy who gets tossed around. I think I realized why dwarves fly into homicidal rages at the sight of a human, actualy. Just speak more clearly and elegantly, shave your beard if the option is so in your medieval world, and launch fireballs at dissenters. It takes some real courage to play a dwarf, I don't blame you who chose otherwise. T: Oh, we're almost out of time. Any closing thoughts, Moradin? M: Sure. It takes some real courage to play a dwarf, I don't blame you who chose otherwise. But it's worth trying. I see so many groups who just step over our race for a poorer but 'cooler' choice. Don't be afeared to try a dwarf! It's a good, neglected choice downplayed by movies and novels. T: Thanks for being with us tonight, Moradin. M: I thank you for giving me the chance to say all this. T: Join us next time when we have a look at the Halfling - Hobbits in Disguise?
Thanqol 06-09-05, 06:22 AM	Pretty DAMN good question...maybe they just take things the slow way? And then suddenly level up 6-7 times in the course of a few dungeon delves?
AmanitaEata 06-09-05, 09:41 AM	So...are we using this thread to pointless, probably offensive and certainly annoying SPAM? :ayyyy!: Let the spamming begin on second thought, it has already begun... I don't think 'SPAM' means what you think it means.
Phrennzy 06-09-05, 10:34 AM	T: Quite a problem you have there. Next question, what's that smell? M: Charisma penalty. Just try to ignore it. :rofl:
The nameles one 06-09-05, 10:52 AM	Great stuff Thangol. :D You know what has always botherd me about halflings? They for some reason are all kleptomaniac's. Whats up with that?
Zedium 06-09-05, 11:49 AM	Well, Athas elves are usually more kleptomanic than any halfling I have ever met ;) Hehe some great points made mate, although I think Eberron fixes most of these illogical things. But I always wondered what is up with gnomes, why do they always end up as mad scientists, if I have to believe the average DnD setting, gnomes tinker with anything, ranging from spells to their lunch. ("I present to you, the ultimate lunch: the UBER-sandwich, be careful though, it might explode.") And think of dragons, they are hyper intelligent beings with near endless lifespans and all they get to do is sit on gold all day long. I can't immagine that is very comfy.
HappyDragon 06-09-05, 02:06 PM	Very amusing stuff Thanqol :) Way to give a Rant thread some actual credability. Keep up the good work.
anarco_rata 06-09-05, 04:18 PM	And then suddenly level up 6-7 times in the course of a few dungeon delves? Yhea, i thougth about that too, maybe they start living faster when they become adventurers? By the way, great "rants"! ^.^ i can't wait for the halflings.
Jayr 06-09-05, 06:31 PM	My lil' rant: WotC must immediately eradicate those infernal wet-blanketlike smotherers of creativity that are the example names for races in the Player's Handbook. All the half-witted and unimaginative people who insist on naming their characters with such pedestrian sobriquets as Lucien Galanodel or Eberk Torunn desperately need to locate a speck of originality or alternatively grow at least one neuron in their right brain. One level below the festering, puerile subspecies of humanity known as the Sample Name Users are those imbeciles who christen their characters with trite monikers in the ilk of Drizzt Do'Urden, Gandalf, and Kagome. Inevitably, such a player will not only assume the name of the chosen idol, but build their character in exact replication of the original. These imbeciles are those to whom I wish to cause serious pain. In the nethermost regions of the abyss of despicably hackneyed names are those who cannot be bothered to muster an iota of originality and name their character after themselves. An individual case of this insipid narcissism can, perhaps, be forgiven, but those who deign to repeat the error shall be shot. In the face. With a hammer. Yay, I used big wordses!
Thanqol 06-10-05, 02:07 AM	*After a special report that kobolds are extremely high in fat, therefore all dragons who want to watch their weight should desist from eating kobolds immediately, Rants on Races returns.* Thanqol: Hey again, everyone. This session we've got a rather respectable Halfling to join us - Romal Undersheen. Come join us, Romi! *A halfling wearing black leather enters.* Romi: A pleasure. T: Nice to meet you, uh... R: Yes, I know. Our names are worse than what those lucky bastards elves and dwarves get. Their names make sense. We get such wonders as Tomi Rumblebelly, and all sorts of other random junk. First name is something short and sorta human sounding, the second name? I'd prefer not to think of how our people named themselves. T: Ooh, harsh. Okay, *Looks at halfling stat block* Lucky? What the hell? R: Yep. For some reason being born short is 'lucky'. T: Isn't this just like saying 'white people are more lucky than others'. Why do humans buy lotto tickets if halflings have that added bonus to it? R: We halflings, with our racial bonus to Move Silently, would be able to take it from 'em even if they did win. T: Ah, so all your people are rogues? R: No! I mean, yes. T: Isn't that a pretty bad racial steriotype? R: Well, excuuuse me, Mister Versitility! T: What? R: You bloody humans can do anything. We can't - we're rogues or roadkill. T: I see your point. Comic relief? R: We are. We are always. I don't know why the short guys get picked on, but it really should stop. I mean, tying the halfling to the 10 foot pole for a trap detector, ha ha ha, backstab 20d6 damage asshats! T: So you're resigned to monoclassing? R: Can't see how we can escape it, really. T: Any final thoughts, Romi? R: Yeah, I suppose I'd better say that we halflings can deal more death than the bloody half-orc barbarian. What's more, you know that awesome Vigilante picture in Complete Adventurer? That's a halfling, that is. We can be as awesome as anyone who walks the sun's path. I'll refrain from making a comment about 'halflin' love'. Good day, big folk! T: Thanks for being with us tonight, Romi. Join us tomorrow when we have a look at the Gnomes - Why Do We Have to be Wizards?
The Man from Uncle 06-10-05, 02:39 AM	Keep up the good work Thanqol!
Thanqol 06-10-05, 03:39 AM	Keep up the good work Thanqol! It's all I can do for a "Train-wreck title". Oh, something unrelated from the cycle I'm doing now: Evil. How do you define it? A lot of things spring to mind, but they all seem to come down to either 'Not caring about human life' or 'Actively working against of human life'. It's a pretty general term which can apply in many individual contexts. But why can't people understand that 'Actively working against human life' DOES NOT MEAN MASSACRING THE DAMNED SHOPKEEPER WITHIN EYESHOT OF THE CITY WATCH WHO CAN KICK YOUR ASS TWELVE TIMES BEFORE YOU CAN SAY GUARDS, GUARDS!?! "But I'm evil. I do stuff like this." Listen, mudbrain, what evil does is assassinate the shopkeeper at night, cast a spell on him to make his life a living hell, ambush caravans supplying him, NOT BRING THE BATTLEAXE INTO IT! My group is cursed with no less than three of these "Alignment? Does that mean wether or not Word of Law affects me?" people. I've got two who CAN grasp the subtle machinations of evil, but still none who actualy understand the DAMNED LAW/CHAOS AXIS!! It's not that hard! Think about it for a while! It's rather obvious that if you list yourself as Lawful Evil that YOU DO NOT TRY TO HACK YOUR WAY THOUGH THE TOWN GUARD, EVEN WHEN YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH TO TAKE THEM! Why not look at it from your character's viewpoint, and RESPECT PROPER AUTHORITY (just do evil stuff within it). This is why I don't run evil campaigns. They sound immensely fun, when done properly. But, the alignments of Lawful Evil, Neutral Evil, Chaotic Evil (seems to be the only prevailing one, actualy), and Chaotic Neutral (This translates as evil almost all the time) are off limits until people can actualy hold up a moral debate. In closing, evil belongs to the Dungeon Master, and unless the Dungeon Master believes that some of his grand horde of evil can be delegated, the heros must remain as they are - Pompus knights in gleaming armour. So learn the good/evil axis. Learn the law/chaos axis. Learn, live, love them.