Post/Author/DateTime	Post
angryman 11-02-06, 08:06 AM	OK this is a kind of humour thread. I want to adapt famous quotes (from any source, be it movies, history etc) to D&D. Here's one of mine to get the ball rolling! "Praise Boccob and pass the guano." (Can you guess the original?)
Seeker95 11-02-06, 09:04 AM	Before Shekinester we are all equally wise - and equally foolish. Albert Einstein of Furyondy
LCD2YOU 11-02-06, 09:12 AM	For angryman "Praise the Lord and pass the ammo", credited to a ship's chaplin during the attack on Pearl Harbor. 4: He who stops to admire the Assassin vine is lost. 5: There but for the grace of Pelor go I. 6: He who hesitates lives longer than his foolsih friends
Khael 11-02-06, 09:16 AM	"we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, even if I have to raise you all fifty times apiece or more... Arch-necromancer Churchhill the black
LCD2YOU 11-02-06, 09:19 AM	8: Scotty, teleport me up. 9: (In a Scottish accent)Ya canna violate the laws of magic! 10: I'm a cleric, not a wizard 11: (In a Scottich accent)The weave, it canna take much more of this! 12: Dammit Paladin, he's dead
Toran_A_Sunder 11-02-06, 09:24 AM	13: Do, or do not. There is no re-roll.
mearrin69 11-02-06, 11:02 AM	14 "Before we're through with them the Draconic language will be spoken only in Dolurrh" - Admiral "Worg" d'Halsey, Khorvairese Joint Fleet Commander following the surprise Argonessen dragon raid on Sharn.
Nikeratos 11-02-06, 11:50 AM	Regurgito, ergo sum -- Descartilam, black dragon
Seldriss 11-02-06, 12:15 PM	16. " Is there a life before death ?" (unknown necromancer) 17. "I see dead people..." (the same necromancer)
LCD2YOU 11-02-06, 12:18 PM	18: When all else fails, use a bigger weapon
RobbyPants 11-02-06, 01:26 PM	19) "Why are you putting on your shoes? You can't outrun the troll?" "I don't have to outrun the troll. I have to outrun you!" 20) "He pulls a knife, you pull a sword! He sends one of yours to the healer, you send one of his to the morgue!" (or maybe temple) 21) "Woah!"
LCD2YOU 11-02-06, 01:40 PM	22: The more things change the more likely you're in a chaotic society 23: To err is to be evil, to be good means you must hunt them down 24: When at first you don't succeed, use time stop to fix it before someone else notices
RobbyPants 11-02-06, 01:50 PM	25) "If at first you don't succeed, reroll the die if the DM's not looking!" :P
TheChilliGod 11-02-06, 01:51 PM	26) "The gnome savages are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our kingdom and our people, and neither do we." :evillaugh
LCD2YOU 11-02-06, 02:34 PM	27: We have nothing to fear but werewolves and weretigers and werebears (oh my)
Hobbygoblin 11-02-06, 02:35 PM	27) Enough is enough! I have had it with these mother-trysting Yuan-ti on this mother-trysting plane! (as said by a bald drow travelling the planes)
Rickiel 11-02-06, 02:47 PM	28) I ain't gonna hit'cha. I ain't gonna hit'cha. Oh hell I won't when yer flat-footed! *BAM!*
Herald@Large 11-02-06, 02:50 PM	29) "That which does not kill me had better run like Hell!" 30) "If at first you don't succeed, use a hammer. If you still don't succeed, use a greataxe." 31) [Archer's motto] "Go ahead and run. You'll just die tired." 32) "Oh, what a beautiful morning! Oh, what a beautiful day! I've got a beautiful feeling I'll find some goblins to slay!"
Daergal_the_Black 11-02-06, 02:52 PM	33) Alright you primitive screw-heads, listen up. See this? This is my boomstick! It's a 50-charge, 10th-level wand of fireballs. Mage-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Sharn, City of Towers; retails for about 22K. It's got a walnut handle, cobalt blue steel wand-tip, and a hair trigger. That's right, shop smart, shop Mage-Mart!
Khael 11-02-06, 03:03 PM	34) "Call that a knife? I call this a knife!" "Thats not a knife, thats a bastard sword..." "Ah...*slowly sags under weight*, So that's why me table broke in two at lunch/Down I go ..."
LCD2YOU 11-02-06, 03:05 PM	36) Dear reader, let me assume you're an idiot, or let me assume you're from Zhentrim Keep, but then I'd be redundant.
supernerd222 11-02-06, 03:13 PM	To power attack, or not to power attack, that is the question... The only thing there is to fear is the DM himself.
TwiddleStootch 11-02-06, 03:28 PM	37) absolute Power Gaming corrupts absolutely. 38) I'll be back... As soon as I get raised!
LCD2YOU 11-02-06, 04:15 PM	41) Death is but a revolving door.
Whisper_Swiftblade 11-02-06, 04:29 PM	42) that's not a knife, this is a knife (pulls out keen vorpral kukri) 43) my name is Indego Montoya, you killed my father, prepair to be reduced to -10 hp and not be raised 44) (gnome vertion of 44) my name is Indego happyfoot gemshiner piestealer..... 45) the exp is strong in this one
Daergal_the_Black 11-02-06, 05:15 PM	No alterations necessary: 46. Out of the night that covers me, Black as the Pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds, and shall find me, unafraid. It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.
CryoSilver 11-02-06, 05:26 PM	"Praise Boccob and pass the guano." (Can you guess the original?) Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition
freedeath 11-02-06, 05:28 PM	47. "I love the smell of dragon's breath in the morning!" 48. "Say hello to my little familiar!" 49. "What's the matter? Can't you talk with a wand in your mouth?"
Daergal_the_Black 11-02-06, 05:31 PM	47. "I love the smell of dragon's breath in the morning!" I thought that one would be "I love the smell of alchemist's fire in the morning." :D
SquirrelMortis 11-02-06, 07:49 PM	50. I came, I saw, I rolled a natural 20... -Julius "Munchkin" Caesar 51. "Did he fire six wand charges or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a wand of wail of the banshee, one of the most powerful wands in the world, that would blow your soul clean to Baator, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky?....Well, do ya punk?" -Artificer and Cannith Wand expert Dirty Harry
freedeath 11-02-06, 08:00 PM	50. I came, I saw, I rolled a natural 20... -Julius "Munchkin" Ah, sweet inspiration! 52. "I come to bury Caesar, not to resurrect him"
RetiredThief 11-02-06, 08:09 PM	Give a man trail rations and you feed him for a day. Teach him ranks in Survival and he'll provide food and water for one other person for every 2 points by which his check result exceeds 10. Hmmm, doesn't exactly trip off the tongue.
supernerd222 11-02-06, 08:14 PM	I have a dream. Apparently, my DM just got Heroes of Horror.
Stardrake 11-02-06, 10:43 PM	55] "If we shadows have offended...cast Daylight!" 56] "NOOOBODY Expects the Thayan Inquisition!!!" 57] "Ever dance with a Devil in the pale moonlight? A Demon? How 'bout a Yugoloth?"
Trondant 11-03-06, 04:54 AM	56 "I've got an offer you can't refuse" *casts dominate monster*
Kargush 11-03-06, 05:23 AM	51. "Did he fire six wand charges or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a wand of wail of the banshee, one of the most powerful wands in the world, that would blow your soul clean to Baator, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky?....Well, do ya punk?" -Artificer and Cannith Wand expert Dirty Harry 33) Alright you primitive screw-heads, listen up. See this? This is my boomstick! It's a 50-charge, 10th-level wand of fireballs. Mage-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Sharn, City of Towers; retails for about 22K. It's got a walnut handle, cobalt blue steel wand-tip, and a hair trigger. That's right, shop smart, shop Mage-Mart! ROFLMAO!!! :D Those are just fantastic! Anyways: "Orcs don't surf!" :D
LCD2YOU 11-03-06, 07:13 AM	60: Ask not what the Demon Lord can do for you but what you can do for the Demon Lord, or else.
supernerd222 11-03-06, 08:04 PM	61.We went to Sigil to have fun, but Sigil turned out to completely suck. We went on a Friday, because there was :censored: all to do at home. It was the beginning of spring break. Everything at home was boring. Jozan was like, "I'm so null." And I was like, "I'm null too, unit." But I mean, we were all pretty null, because for the last like hour we had been playing with these three Lightening stones that were sitting by the wall. We were trying to ride shocks off them.
AmericanYeti 11-03-06, 08:22 PM	Speak softly and carry a big greatsword.
Salty_Boy 11-04-06, 12:43 AM	For Barbarians: "I laugh harder when he squeals like a Goblin and when he whimpers like a Kobold I'm laughing so hard I cry. And when his eyes go dead the Abyss I send him to must seem like Celestia after what I've done to him." Bards: "The campaign journal will be kind to me, for I intend to write it." Druids: "Nothing occurs contrary to nature except the impossible, and that never occurs without a mage's help." Fighters: "This is my greatsword, this is my bow! This is for Bugbears, this is for show!" Monks: "A good door is locked without bolt or bar, but cannot be opened without a DC25 Strength check." Rogues: "Theft may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without theft." Wizards: "Any fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius-and a lot of courage-to blow things up instead."
Thwyvylyn 11-04-06, 01:00 AM	Float like a Belker, Sting like a 'Vern I have become Death, creator of petitioners. - Jae Roberd Oppenheim on his elevation to proxy. We're on a Highway to Nine Hells! - Tanar'ri 5008th Succubi Bugle Corp, marching tune.
Fabius Maximus 11-04-06, 09:35 AM	"Dude, when a obviously crazy dwarven bartender with a magic wand in his hand offers you a beer, you say YES!" - My arcane archer to the party's halfling rogue who ordered wine, after which said dwarf tried to incinerate us with a fireball.
Jshock_75 11-04-06, 09:43 AM	"There are two kinds of people in this world... those with wands of fireball, and those who dig." *AIAIOWW*
Haruspex 11-04-06, 09:54 AM	"Life is like a deck of many things. Yuh never know what'cha gonna get." Jungle Gump
Rickiel 11-04-06, 12:26 PM	78. Berks, Bashers, Paladins, lend me your ears! 79. To be, or not to be, that is the question; whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer hp loss by the pits and traps of misfortune, or to take 10ft poles against this sea of traps, and by Disable Device end them 80. Good guys finish last, Evil guys have a blast! 81. Never bring a sword to a mage fight! 82. Do you believe that, my being stronger or faster has anything to do with my muscles under these buffs? 83. Arthur: The Lady of Pain, her head clad in the sharpest shimmering blades flaying everything under her shadow, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was lucky to be alive. That is why I am your king! Dennis: Listen, strange women flayin' in donuts an' distributin' death is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical mortis ceremony!
Drachasor 11-04-06, 06:11 PM	Quotes which need no changes: "Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live." -Mark Twain "I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him." -Mark Twain "The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug." -Mark Twain "The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them." -Mark Twain "I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." -Douglas Adams "In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri." -Douglas Adams "Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of." -Douglas Adams "Appearances often are deceiving." -Aesop "Whatever you are, be a good one." -Abraham Lincoln "Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft!" -Theodore Roosevelt (for Paladins) "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." -Theodore Roosevelt "No man is justified in doing evil on the ground of expediency." -Theodore Roosevelt "Justice consists not in being neutral between right and wrong, but in finding out the right and upholding it, wherever found, against the wrong." -Theodore Roosevelt "An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest." -Benjamin Franklin "We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by." -Will Rogers "Evil draws men together." -Aristotle "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." -Edmund Burke "He harms himself who does harm to another, and the evil plan is most harmful to the planner." -Hesiod (in the typical campain) "Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before." -Mae West "Don't let us make imaginary evils, when you know we have so many real ones to encounter." -Oliver Goldsmith "If we encounter a man of rare intellect, we should ask him what books he reads." -Ralph Waldo Emerson "I believe in God, only I spell it Nature." -Frank Lloyd Wright (for Druids, obviously) "No sword bites so fiercly as an evil tongue." -Sir Philip Sidney "Education is like a double-edged sword. It may be turned to dangerous uses if it is not properly handled." -Wu Ting-Fang "I must say, to die with one's sword still sheathed is most regrettable." -Miyamoto Musashi "There are only two forces in the world, the sword and the spirit. In the long run the sword will always be conquered by the spirit." -Napoleon Bonaparte
supernerd222 11-04-06, 06:21 PM	Someone has a copy of Bartlett's.
Grandpa Gamer 11-04-06, 11:36 PM	How about song lyrics? "... When the fireball clears, we'll sing a victory tune, and we'll all lean back at the local tavern. We'll raise up our tankards against evil forces, saying: "elf-wine for my men, and mead for the horses!" The itinerant bard Willie of Nelson.
angryman 11-05-06, 07:28 AM	These are some great quotes guys! Keep them up! "Extreme positions are not succeeded by moderate ones, but by contrary extreme positions." - Nietzche, talking about the D&D boards of course. "Convictions are more dangerous foes of truth than lies." - Nietzsche, who never did like clerics. "He that humbleth himself wishes to be exalted." - He was also not a fan of splatbooks.
Critical_Failure 11-05-06, 09:56 AM	How about song lyrics? pretty much the entire of "through the fire and the flames" could apply to barbarians
Raxmei 11-05-06, 10:17 AM	"You can run, but you'll just lose your dex bonus to AC." Order of the Bow
SquirrelMortis 11-05-06, 03:00 PM	"Pelor is dead..." -Jozan "Jozan is dead..." -Pelor
supernerd222 11-05-06, 08:30 PM	Why would Jozan say Pelor is dead?
angryman 11-05-06, 09:12 PM	Why would Jozan say Pelor is dead? Because he's quoting Nietzche's famous "God is dead." Jozan is obviously a "no devotion" cleric. haha!
supernerd222 11-05-06, 11:55 PM	Well, I know about Neitzche, of course. The dentist. It's just that Jozan doesn't really seem the type, being a cleric of Pelor and everything. It'd kinda be like a reverend standing up for his sermon and saying: God is Dead!
angryman 11-06-06, 04:09 AM	Well, I know about Neitzche, of course. The dentist. It's just that Jozan doesn't really seem the type, being a cleric of Pelor and everything. It'd kinda be like a reverend standing up for his sermon and saying: God is Dead! Maybe he was being ironic?
SquirrelMortis 11-06-06, 07:54 AM	Maybe he was being ironic? Perceptive. I'm glad someone got it... :D
DwarfPcfan 11-06-06, 08:23 AM	I came, I saw, I met the 20d6 maximized fireball...
Azezel 11-06-06, 10:28 AM	When the Gods want a hard thing done, they set their Dwarves to do it. (John Harding, originally talking about Englishmen) To be born an Elf is to have won first place in the lottery of life (Cecil Rhodesoriginally talking about Englishmen) I like Orcs, they have the most rigid code of Immorality in the world. (Malcome Bradbury originally talking about Englishmen) In dealing with Gnomes you can be sure of one thing only, that the logical solution will not be adopted. (William Ralph Inge originally talking about Englishmen) We are showing that Halflings can still die with a bold spirit, fighting it out to the end. (Robert Falcon Scott originally talking about Englishmen) Other races are entitled to the full rights of Humans, including representation in the decisions of the Human government. (Hugh Williamson originally talking about Englishmen)
Chaos Theory 11-06-06, 11:19 AM	"Kobolds, Mr. Rico. Zillions of em!" "Come on, you apes! You wanta live forever?" -- unknown platoon sergeant "well , uh, Yah." --Elvish Private "That deaf dumb and blind Mage Sure throws a mean Fire ball!"
SquirrelMortis 11-06-06, 03:51 PM	I came, I saw, I met the 20d6 maximized fireball... Copy Cat :mad:... Just kidding... ;) :P
Thought 11-06-06, 05:05 PM	(anyone to a wizard) "I don't believe it." (wizard responce) "And that is why you fail." "Tomorrow's forcast: a light sprinkling of necromancy with a chance of DOOM!" "Give me Liberty, or give me death and true resurrection" "Don't cast until you see the whites of their eyes." "Those mages couldn't hit an elephant from this dist-*hit by a fireball*" "Four Aeons and seven decades ago, our forerunners brought forth in this plane of existance a new reality, conceived in chaotic magic, and dedication to the proposition that all adventurers are rolled equally. Now we are engaged in a great campaign, testing whether those adventurers, or any adventurer so rolled and so played, can survive through the DM's plots." "At least I will die as I lived, surrounded by morons."
Pandaemoni 11-06-06, 05:18 PM	These are some great quotes guys! Keep them up! "Extreme positions are not succeeded by moderate ones, but by contrary extreme positions." - Nietzche, talking about the D&D boards of course. "Convictions are more dangerous foes of truth than lies." - Nietzsche, who never did like clerics. "He that humbleth himself wishes to be exalted." - He was also not a fan of splatbooks. More Nietzsche: "He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. For if you gaze too long into the Abyss, the Abyss also gazes into you." "That which does not kill me, gives me XP."
Prak, the Mad 11-06-06, 05:42 PM	31) [Archer's motto] "Go ahead and run. You'll just die tired." actually, I used that the other day at World D&D day... said it to the Ranger that wanted to make a break for it from our safe room... For druids: "There is nothing man can create that which nature cannot destroy" The Barbarian's Psalm: "As I walk through the valley of death, I shall fear no evil. For I know I am the baddest mother-tryster in the whole trysting valley."(works for paladin's also.)
IrishRover 11-06-06, 10:27 PM	Said by the only unarmored, lightly armed PC in a party full of powered armored, fusion gun equiped warriors, upon realizing that powered armored foes were on the other side of the door, "Plasma guns--very dangerous. I'll go first!" No modification needed, "I've got a bad feeling about this!" Concerning a somewhat deranged, but powerful bard, "The farce is strong in this one." Said by an egotistical villain just as the PC's vaporize him, "People of Faerun, I shall return!"
Alpha_Moose 11-06-06, 11:46 PM	"An Elf is a person who does things because they have been done before. A Human is a person who does things because they haven't been done before." -From Mark Twain about the English and Americans
DDdreamer 11-07-06, 06:00 AM	"If a ancient wyrm black dragon crosses your path it means bad luck"
angryman 11-07-06, 10:18 AM	"Guns don't kill people, failed saving throws do." "There's only one way to kill a zombie! COMPLETE BODILY DISMEMBERMENT!" - Groundskeeper Willy "I have a dream, that all races be created equal. That our Half-Orcs and our Half-Elves get a buff, and our Dwarves keep very quiet."
Ebrion 11-07-06, 11:40 AM	"I've seen this before, the Drow dies first" Adapted from Evolution:)
Pippa 11-07-06, 02:21 PM	All Core Races are equal, but some Core Races are more equal than others.
RobbyPants 11-07-06, 03:23 PM	"Those who live by the sword seek to get it further enchanted." "The first rule of the Thieve's Guild is: you do not talk about the Thieve's Guild. The second rule of the Thieve's Guild is: you do not talk about the Thieve's Guild.... The eigth and final rule of the Thieve's Guild: if this is your first night, you have to steal."
Whisper_Swiftblade 11-07-06, 07:26 PM	More Nietzsche: "He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. For if you gaze too long into the Abyss, the Abyss also gazes into you." "That which does not kill me, gives me XP." if you don't mind I think i will alter that "He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby be bit by a lycan. For if you gaze too long into the many layers of the Abyss, the Abyss also srcys at you."
gorfnad the shiznit 11-07-06, 10:31 PM	He who hath the lowest initiative is lost. Beauty is in the eyes of the Beholder. Your XP or your GP. I must save against fear. Fear is the roll-killer. Fear is the little-penalty that brings a total of -2 to all checks. I will save against fear. I will permit it to be cast at me and in a cone around me. And when it has been cast I will turn my sword to the caster to see the path. When the duration of the fear effect has ended there will be nothing. Only I will remain. -adapted from Frank Herbert's Dune-
Ogre4Hire 11-08-06, 12:23 AM	Beauty is in the eyes of the Beholder. Unfortunately, the rest of the party is in the stomach of the Beholder. "Half of being Dwarven is being glad you're not Elven." -Originally a Scottish bumper-sticker refering to the English. "Damn it Dakkarn, you magnificent bastard! I READ YOUR BOOK!!!" Dwarven general fighting his Hobgoblin nemesis. (Originally from Patton) "He has all of the virtues I detest, and none of the vices I admire." Refering to a paladin. "I've got a bad feeling about this." Any party, any dungeon. "What was I supposed to do? Accuse him of rolling a better Bluff check than I was? In front of all the others?" one rogue to an underling, after losing a game of cards.
Lord Gwydion 11-08-06, 01:53 AM	"I love the smell of flamestrike in the morning. Smells like victory!"
Alcari Ambaron 11-08-06, 07:40 AM	Your XP or your GP. That would be "Your GP or your HP" "He who fights and runs away, will not get his EXP" "Where there's a will, there's a Wail of the Banshee" "Stone Shape does not a prison make, nor Force bars a cage"
Arien_Drajanuma 11-08-06, 12:53 PM	"I'll be back!" -Epic Cleric with Contingent Ressurrection "My life for Aiur! eeerrr I mean... Nerull!" -Misc. Necromancer "Toto, I don't think we're on the material plane anymore" -Any char after plane shift "(singing) Heaaaaaven, I'm in heaaaaaveeeen, and my heart beats so that I can hardly speeeeaaaaak... (singing)" -Sung by a choir in Elisyum
Arien_Drajanuma 11-08-06, 01:11 PM	"May the evocation (Force) be with you..." -Wizard casting magic missile or mage armor or such "Dude, where's my mount?" -Hang over paladin
supernerd222 11-08-06, 02:56 PM	Do not copy the overused quotes of Dragons. You know the rest.
coolpenguin410 11-10-06, 09:46 AM	"The DM's hands are a devil's workshop, they generate more smoke than XP"
TheAnthroDM 11-27-06, 12:51 AM	"PCs! I am your Dragon!" - Pseudodragon "No that's impossible! You're not worth enough EXP!"
Romulan_Knight 12-06-06, 05:04 AM	"Kobolds, Mr. Rico. Zillions of em!" "Come on, you apes! You wanta live forever?" -- unknown platoon sergeant "well , uh, Yah." --Elvish Private "That deaf dumb and blind Mage Sure throws a mean Fire ball!" Are two of those from Starship Troopers? As for one of mine "When I get my Mage Hand on you...."