Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Qual 08-04-04, 11:33 AM	Hey there. Let's hear some of the best in-character one-liners! And I'm not just talking about the funny ones (though they are usually the most memorable), but also the dramatic ones - the one just taking on the BBEG, or just before defeating BBEG, or last parting words of a character. -Qual
Seeker95 08-04-04, 11:38 AM	You may be the Big Bad Evil Guy around here, but I bought the DM pizza tonight.
Hochi-min trail 08-04-04, 12:28 PM	in a huge epic game, which i DM'ed, i played an NPC that was an abomination, but not an accident. he was created to destroy the world by the source of all magic (not the source from charmed, i just took the name, this one is neutral). after a millenia of destroying everything in his way, he tried to kill himself, but the SOAM (source of all magic), always ressurected him. he looked like the monster in the movie "the thing". the Pc's met him, being level 48, and tried to help him commit suicide. i loved playing him. a tourmented soul, but with great evil inside.
Savras 08-04-04, 12:58 PM	Originally posted by Hochi-min trail in a huge epic game, which i DM'ed, i played an NPC that was an abomination, but not an accident. he was created to destroy the world by the source of all magic (not the source from charmed, i just took the name, this one is neutral). after a millenia of destroying everything in his way, he tried to kill himself, but the SOAM (source of all magic), always ressurected him. he looked like the monster in the movie "the thing". the Pc's met him, being level 48, and tried to help him commit suicide. i loved playing him. a tourmented soul, but with great evil inside. So, where's the one liner? Also, here is one: "Want some mint tea?" (Asked by the party priest, who is holding a rusty helmet filled with mint tea and offering it... to the Emperor!) Savras
Lxarth 08-04-04, 08:38 PM	in a huge epic game, which i DM'ed...i loved playing him. a tourmented soul, but with great evil inside. What the hell does this have to do with the topic at hand?! Anytime you can use a line from The Princess Bride is a good day! And most 'one-liners' come from movies or books anyways...so I don't have any to add...
Yoho1.5 08-04-04, 09:22 PM	I used to play a cleric of garl glittergold who would say- "Golden Showers on you all and let Garl Glittergold sort you out" whenever he cast holy smite!
Thalis 08-04-04, 09:48 PM	a friend of mine was playing a neutral evil cleric once, he used detect living, or something like that. the DM said that he dectected several living creatures ahead. the cleric replied with, "I shall rectify that mistake." i still think it was a cool line, and that was a year or two ago it happened.
The Vagrant 08-05-04, 12:37 AM	Nick, a first time player (and a mostly confused one), had to show the king a large horn he was carrying, to claim the reward for killling the BBEG, to give the reward to my characters captures. The gate gaurd into the castle questioned Nick thourgholy, not only confusing him, but making him forget I was even kidnapped. Nick finally had it and told the gaurd he would start over from the begining of the story. He told of how the king told us of the BBEG, how we slayed it, and how we were now there to claim the reward. He forgot to mention that I was kidnapped, and that the horn was from the BBEG. So after mulling it over for a while the gaurd said (in a heavy englich accent of course): "So the horn is your friend?" Me and the DM burst out laughing, but Nick (the other player) just got upset and had to take a break to cool down.
Fi'Irdray 08-05-04, 02:10 AM	We saw a giant mural portraying something that had to do W/ Correllon making a deal w/ Moradin in a truce between Elves and Dwarves... Being the Elven Monk, I made a Knowledge (religion) check and failed miserably... When asked how an Elven Monk could not remember such a gigantic event involving Correllon, my reply? "I slept through my theology classes at the monastary"
wizard_thoarin 08-05-04, 02:34 AM	<Players open sealed crypt> Mysterious Voice: Ahhhh Fresh Air! Players: Close it.....Close it! The players never did find out what was on the other side of that door.
SnowbearK 08-05-04, 02:36 AM	Not a PC one, but an NPC: "This here be arrrrr boat!" Said by 1st mate of a ship when asked what's the name of the ship repeatedly. Finally got frustrated enough to grab the characters, drag them to the front of the ship and smack their faces into the name plate one by one: "Arrr Boat" And when asked why in Umberlee's name would a captain name his ship that... "I 'fraid Captain Crunch, he ain't too good with names."
DevilKiller 08-05-04, 03:21 AM	My monk from Kara-Tur had a bad psuedo-Japanese accent. His party included a trio of human siblings, a paladin, a cleric, and a female sorceress with very high Chr, rather loose morals, and a passion for elves (the player had a thing for Legolas). After happening to see the sorceress engaged in a wild orgy with several handsome elves my monk happened upon the paladin and reported "You-a sistuh is-a SRUT!" You might not find it that funny, but it kept us laughing for several sessions to come, and the word 'srut' has become a part of our gaming vocabulary. There was also another time when we all got killed and went to the afterworld when I kept telling the paladin "We're dead. We're all dead." while he kept refusing to believe me. It was an intentional imitation of Red Dwarf on my part but quite a fun scene to play out anyhow.
Nurgan_the_drunked 08-05-04, 04:59 AM	"Honestly Nurgan, you couldn't spot a barn door unless it had "Bar" written over it"
TheWyvernsDen 08-05-04, 07:59 AM	"Just kill me and give me all your stuff"-A tired friend trying to convince some centaurs to kill themselves...It didn't go well after that, but I was too busy laughing at him to save him from the centaurs. "Why don't you go kick my arse!" -Same friend when he got tired of arguing with a guard, different character, same bad ending. "Hello ladies...since I'm a lover AND a fighter, what say we flip a coin to decide how to resolve this?" -Male fighter to a quartet of drow females, shortly before his death.
coolraygun 08-05-04, 09:07 AM	Originally posted by wizard_thoarin <Players open sealed crypt> Mysterious Voice: Ahhhh Fresh Air! Players: Close it.....Close it! The players never did find out what was on the other side of that door. :rofl: dude that is most awesome... Last week my players were going into a "haunted house". They had been dealing with a pesky quasit, who was making himself a real nuisance, a cursed spirit, and then they ran into a some dretch... the dretch start bringing more dretch in amongst many great things said in the next few moments of the game, one player said... "Let's get out of here, we're all going to die!" I am not a player killer DM, but it is still fun to be able to scare the pants of your players on occasion. :) .... and it was a haunted house... heh heh heh heh
Krelios 08-05-04, 09:09 AM	A fellow party member in a game my friend was running (WFRP, but it doesn't really matter)... After having won several matches in the arena earlier in the morning, our dwarven pit-fighter decided to relax in a bar. On our way to the tavern, a young pickpocket tried (unsuccessfully) to liberate him of some of his winnings. When our pit-fighter discovered this, he asked the young pickpocket to hold out his hand--when the boy complied, he broke the boy's hand with a hammer. (Extreme, but perfectly in line with the legal system in WFRP.) One of the passersby said "you broke that child's hand for 10 shillings?" The dwarf's reply? "Yeah, and I'll kick your ass for free!" Classic...
The WarOverlord 08-05-04, 09:31 AM	Originally posted by Qual Hey there. Let's hear some of the best in-character one-liners! And I'm not just talking about the funny ones (though they are usually the most memorable), but also the dramatic ones - the one just taking on the BBEG, or just before defeating BBEG, or last parting words of a character. -Qual I am only Alive cause I am with "NPC"? More like you are still alive cause cause you chose not to atack me.~Character with a "bad" reputation Hah, hah. I knew there be undead here, that's why I always carry a mace of disruption.....doubles as a place to stick a light spell too.~ Character that hates undead and seems to face them a lot Don't make me step on a chair to slap your head~Halfing Character Don't let the beard fool you, I'm a girl ~ Female Dwarf Character being hit on by Female (gender not previously disclosed)
The WarOverlord 08-05-04, 09:48 AM	Originally posted by Hochi-min trail in a huge epic game, which i DM'ed, i played an NPC that was an abomination, but not an accident. he was created to destroy the world by the source of all magic (not the source from charmed, i just took the name, this one is neutral). after a millenia of destroying everything in his way, he tried to kill himself, but the SOAM (source of all magic), always ressurected him. he looked like the monster in the movie "the thing". the Pc's met him, being level 48, and tried to help him commit suicide. i loved playing him. a tourmented soul, but with great evil inside. Love "Charmed", but it is just not the same since they Killed the "Source" and Cole. And that "Source" was just the "King Demon" from a magic spell and all the upper level demon/warlocks pledging allegence to him/her and not "Source of all Evil" or "Source of all magic" or magic and "evil" would no longer be around in the world on his/her death.....yes? Anyways, Hmmm, I wonder what's in this fancy Chest (sets of Delayed Blast fireball trap and dies instantly) Can Halfings and Humans mate? :confused: Ooops, forgot to cast "Protection from Evil" before "Gate" (dies almost instantly) Oh, I thought you meant something else when you was telling me to take their booty :rolleyes: When do we get to poop or pee?
Ogmug 08-05-04, 02:49 PM	In one game, a munchkin player had brought in a female ranger, complete with dog (this player had a penchance for playing weird characters.. in this case.. it was an Urban ranger, complete with a potion belt with about 20 explosive potions in it). the scene: a huge flaming sphere crashes down on your party, exploding with the force of a fireball. DM: Roll reflex save since the flaming catapult bomb landed in side your party area munchkin: Doh ! a 1! rest of party makes saves cept his dog DM: you take 79 points of damage, as does your dog munchkin: Well, i survive, but the dog is charred. looks sad. Barbarian: What smells so gud. MMm Barbeque Needless to say the munchkin was irritated.
DarkMaster 08-05-04, 03:02 PM	Scene: My Cleric of Pelor, min maxed for ultra undead removal and having Harm prepared is fighting against a Wizard and a pretty powerful Ghost. I knew the Ghost, whatever his HD was, had no chance against my Greater Turning, so I was going to Harm the wizard. Knowing this, the DM said the Wizard had prepared a counterspell. My cleric turns, pointing his holy symbol at the ghost and saying: "Counter THIS!" The Ghost turned to dust. The Wizard died the next round with a well placed harm.
Drake_the_Windseeker 08-05-04, 03:27 PM	"Step away from the damsel and no one gets hurt!" - Fellow PC talking to me while I'm hitting on a recently saved Elven princess "Oi, ye know I'm at just the right height to kick ya square in the balls!" - Dwarf warning me to not underestimate the little guy "Medium-rare or well done?" - said by my half-Red Dragon character shortly before going to battle against an ogre
Bacon and Eggs 08-05-04, 05:54 PM	Your momma is SOOOOO fat, she has a -4 to her AC!
dascribe 08-05-04, 06:03 PM	"If all else fails we can give them tweak. Gnome, the other, other white meat."
amanodel 08-05-04, 07:13 PM	I was in a party with an elven cleric of correlion larethian. We were invited to stay at an Elven Druid's home. The druid offered us berries, but the cleric was suspicious of these berries so he was looking for something else to eat. Next thing we know he blurted out "May we eat you?". He was immediately rushed out of the house and fatigued the next day because he didn't get to eat anything.
choward 08-05-04, 07:47 PM	I recently had my character, a high-level wizard, shout out "taste the rainbow" when casting Prismatic Spray.
masterofmayhem 08-05-04, 08:05 PM	Originally posted by choward I recently had my character, a high-level wizard, shout out "taste the rainbow" when casting Prismatic Spray. :heehee :rofl: I'll try to post one when I manage to stop laughing . . . Man, that was funny.
PS2_DUDE 08-06-04, 12:11 AM	Heres one, A dwarve in my group and I enter a jousting competion, and our DM set it. We fough a few rounds when my dwarven friend gets just the perfect hit and dmg rolls, and dose 88 dmg to my head. (I was lvl 5 Ranger) Snapped my neck like a train running over a stick, but my body stayed on the horse. And the dwarve cries... "Why do I always hurt the ones I love!?"
PS2_DUDE 08-06-04, 12:11 AM	Heres one, A dwarve in my group and I enter a jousting competion, and our DM set it. We fough a few rounds when my dwarven friend gets just the perfect hit and dmg rolls, and dose 88 dmg to my head. (I was lvl 5 Ranger) Snapped my neck like a train running over a stick, but my body stayed on the horse. And the dwarve cries... "Why do I always hurt the ones I love!?"
kliate 08-06-04, 12:44 AM	Swashbuckler: "Unhand her, fowl beast!" Troll: "But I'm not a bird." Swashbuckler: "Perhaps not, but they'll be feeding on you when I'm finished here!"
Savras 08-06-04, 03:51 AM	"I can't believe I was expolioted buy a grasshopper!" Long story... Savras
Fi'Irdray 08-06-04, 03:54 AM	I tried to throw a jar of poison at a Dwarf who had betrayed us on a deal once... natural 1 meant I hit our party's rogue... Dwarf: Well, that wasn't very nice, was it?
januarius jones 08-12-04, 10:26 AM	In a 1e campaign (yeah, I know there's a site for 1e and this is 3/3.5e), we had an ancient silver dragon (Shimmer), two very powerful fighters (Bossk and Dagnar) and a planetar (Imperia) go through an underground lair in the frozen wasteland to challenge Cryonax and an ancient white dragon (Bl'zzard). While the fighters matched up against large ice elementals, the dragons pitted against each other, Imperia fought Cryonax. She won, and as she hovered over the bloated prince, he fell to his knees; "Things are falling into place," she said. "You were always beneath me." She looked down and crushed him with her psionics. Later on, we tangled with the demon lord, Kotchtichie(sp?), and while we slayed his frost giant guards, he was busying himself with his two succubi. As Dagnar craned his neck around to peer into the large room, his jaw dropped. He turned around and explained that "crotchsticky" was being serviced by the help. Imperia responded, "Great Dagnar, that means he has at least two succubi in the chamber with him. Did you even bother scanning the rest of the area?" Dagnar retorted, " Yeah, but in case you don't believe me, princess, you could always flutter on in and ask his crustiness, if he has anything special just for you." Finally, in the end, against an evil NPC party, Imperia battled a powerful skeleton warrior lord, Praetor. As his vorpal cut her torso in two, he cooly stated, "You didn't stand half a chance!" Then he casually kicked the upper part of her over on to the floor, leaving the bottom portion rigid.
Keku 08-12-04, 10:45 AM	Last night in a medium level psionics campaign, my psion had manifested Energy Wall: Cold and divided the room in half while hitting about 12 guys at a time. Later some ofthe warriors came up right by my psion and I said "Bet you fellas are a bit cold, want me to warm you up?" as I manifested Energy Wall: Fire on them
Fi'Irdray 08-12-04, 12:03 PM	After my poor lvl 7 monk (31 HP) got hit for 53 damage from a CR 20 ME: I'm a little dead DM: How dead? What's your HP? ME: ummmm, -25 DM: That's pretty dead
Endarire 08-12-04, 05:05 PM	"Is that a Dagger?" "No, it's a Fire Elemental!" Context: A friend Wizard was fighting a Dire Bat and crushed a gem to summon a Large Fire Elemental. This was said when rolling attack. -EE
Twisted Puppy 08-12-04, 05:56 PM	IMC, the NPC girlfriend of one of the characters charged hell-for-leather into melee, provoking attacks of opportunity to allow the party members to get into advantageous position. After the combat ended, the PC was visibly upset at her lack of caution. "Just what the hell do you think you were doing, (w)itch?" Her reply, to her lover: "If you EVER call me a (w)itch again, you'd better have your sword in your hand, because I'm going to draw mine and start swinging."
Bringer of the Apocolypse 08-12-04, 06:24 PM	The mage when confronted by the demon-lord Gaul: "At this point I would like to cast Bigby's Crushing Atomic Nuke." Ephraim the Diviner to PC mage: "I knew you were coming."
0Quagmire0 09-09-04, 12:44 AM	Redstar - So even a blind squirrel finds a nut everyonce and awhile. Right? (talking to a high level magic using elven council) Council - Correct Redstar - It looks like i just found six!!!!! hahahahaha (just before he was MDJ losing his families magic heirloom)
deusxmachina 09-09-04, 01:57 AM	IMO this is possibly the best one-liner in the game for when the players check for traps or whatever and don't see the dice roll. Straight out of "Pitch Black" with Vin Diesel: Vin's character scouts ahead to look for traps or monsters. "Looks clear." The party moves forward, only to be surprised by monsters that run and fly past them. "I thought you said it was clear! How does it look now?" Vin's character looks again with a slight shrug: "Looks clear." D&D: "How's it look?" *roll a 2* "Looks clear."
BlaineTog 09-09-04, 03:08 AM	This one's from d20 Modern, but it was Urban Arcana, which is close enough. Acolyte of Caffeine* (other PC): Want some Pepsi? Acolyte of Chaos (Me): No, man. Caffine is just another way The Man keeps us down, man. Acolyte of Caffeine: Then why do they fight it and make it illegal? Acolyte of Chaos: Reverse Psychology, man. *Note: Caffine was not this character's drug of choice, but I fear infractions of the CoC. From the player of the Acolyte of Caffeine: NPC: Go that way. Any of His Characters: Can I make a sense motive check? DM: Ok. Roll AoHC: *rolls* natural 20 + 18 = 38 (at, say, 8th-ish level). DM: He is so telling the truth. AoHC: ... *to the party* This guy is totally lying. I say we bust in his kneecaps. And the sad thing is that the character really did think the guy was lying *shakes head*.
Midnight Lurker 09-09-04, 03:38 AM	My character, broke and between adventures Me (To dock hand): I'm looking for work Dock hand: Why don't you work on waking up? DM proceeded to roll really well, knocking my character out. Woke up naked and even more broke. ----------------------------- A PC falls a long way into a chamber, takes a big chunk of damage on landing Player: What do I see? DM: Stars. ----------------------------- DM: Save versus death Me: <rolls a 1> I failed. What happens? DM: You die.
Ricky 09-09-04, 10:10 AM	"Is that a Dagger?" "No, it's a Fire Elemental!" Context: A friend Wizard was fighting a Dire Bat and crushed a gem to summon a Large Fire Elemental. This was said when rolling attack. -EE :heehee
Kalanth 09-09-04, 10:28 AM	From a Ninja and Super Spies one shot adventure, my hero (the gun toting, Rambo like individual) was aiming his undermount grenade launcher at the record store in the mall. From behind him, his team member shots, "We are not supposed to damage the building!" My characters only response, "I'll pay for it." Then a nice and quiet KA-BOOM. . . .I got the bad guy though
JabberWocky 09-09-04, 11:59 AM	The party rogue runs up to the party wizard, who is pulling an ornate, blood-covered dagger out of his abdomen after barely passing the since-fled assassin's DC 18 death attack. Rogue: "What happened to you?" Wizard: "I got stabbed."
TheMightyMcClaw 09-09-04, 12:19 PM	From Munchkin D20: "We are not burglars! We are Reverse-carpenters!" (said by my bard as he attempted to chainsaw through a wall to get a safe out). From D20 Modern: "You've made a den of thieves out of this House of Funk!" (said by a player playing Jesus Christ, after walking into a club owned by a local gang).
Rian Lightblade 09-09-04, 12:23 PM	Here is one from a game I ran along time ago. Back when my entire group was composed of girls. DM- (me) The guard seems unimpressed by your story and refuses to allow you entry. Female PC-(A former Courtesan turned Theif) Well I...I...I jiggle at him! (and she actually sat there and jiggled)
Kalanth 09-09-04, 12:44 PM	I just remembered another one. In the climatic fight with the BBEG, the parties Knight and Ranger were fighting with the BBEG. The knight spent the entire time shouting taunts and snipets of the evil things the BBEG did when the two worked together. With a lucky called shot the BBEG stabbed the Knight in the throat, slicing his larinx in half. With the sword still in place, the BBEG pulled the player close and whispered, "I told you to be quiet." Real simple line, but it was the delivery, and the player still talks about that moment to this day. He was really thrilled when we later ran a campaign on the same world, and the first of the major NPCs he met was his old character, complete with the nasty scar and inability to talk.
Gardun Battlehammer 09-09-04, 12:54 PM	From a player climbing a huge moutain on an alternate plane of exsistance, after meeting up with numerous enemies and having nothing to eat for several days. He then encounters an orc clad in full plate. Player: "Do you have any food?" Orc (in a haughty voice): "I'm the grat orc warlord Murxclasmightklanseght (or some other strange extremely long nonscensial name), I do not carry food!" Player: I beg to differ!!! RARGH!!! DIE!!!! After a brief fight ending with the orc lying in two pieces on the ground: Orc: "I'm the great orc warlord Murxclasmightklanseght (or some other strange extremely long nonscensial name), you cannot kill me!!!!!" Player: "Tell your legs that!" *CHOMP**CHOMP* Same Player later that same session: "Let's just cut the crap, throw me into the damn wall so that I can get home!!!" And me after a long session: "Yea, the roadside is full of roadkill, wagons that have been run over by foxes!!"
Bedevere 09-09-04, 02:14 PM	A fighter in my group tried to conceal a knife down the front of his trousers, in order to be armed in front of the head of the thieves guild they were trying to assassinate. He had no ranks in the skill, and didnt exactly roll well. Since the thief master was known to be a very well educated, well read man, I came up with the following line. "Is this a dagger I see before me, or are you just pleased to see me?"
simen_88 09-09-04, 06:53 PM	From a Ninja and Super Spies one shot adventure, my hero (the gun toting, Rambo like individual) was aiming his undermount grenade launcher at the record store in the mall. From behind him, his team member shots, "We are not supposed to damage the building!" My characters only response, "I'll pay for it." Then a nice and quiet KA-BOOM. . . .I got the bad guy though :rofl:
MarkB 09-09-04, 08:08 PM	We were attacked by an ape-like variety of demon from the Book of Vile Darkness whose name I can't remember, but they're big on invisibility and illusions. The DM had been borrowing the BoVD from a player who hadn't turned up that night and didn't have all the demon's special abilities noted, so he had to wing it, and gave them Charm Person, which they used very effectively to turn about half the party against the other half, until finally our Cleric got off a Dispel Magic. With my mind returning to its normal faculties, I felt obliged to utter the inevitable response to our foes: "Get your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty apes!" Later on, we met a Vrock, which wasted around an hour, since our DM hates puns but we tend to come up wih them compulsively. It started with "Looks like we're stuck between a Vrock and a hard place", and went downhill from there. ___________________________ From a more recent game: Our evil party was joining a trade caravan as guards in order to travel between cities, and we were on our best behaviour so as not to get kicked out. The captain of the mercenaries who were already with the caravan said something very disparaging to our halfling, who happened to be an Assassin, and walked off, and my character was obliged to admonish him against retaliating. "Cain, stop studying that mercenary for three rounds."
Wildonion 09-09-04, 09:25 PM	Ok my Drow Mage, lvl10, has recieved warning that one of the lords of waterdeep (Not pladinson, it was the mage) sent a wizard hunter after me (my DM has a character and as long as they don't cheat they can use it) and I am warned by a street thief. I walk into an ally on my way back to the inn (and to the protection of a half-red dragon and a druid) when the guy finds me! He is a half celestial and he says: A drow? From the way my employer spoke you were a demon! I then proceed the silent still spell a web onto him and then use dispel magic to stop any trinkets. He prepares against me and I cat hold person and he is stuck. I wale up to the poor held half-celestial and have said the words that my character is now famous for: Unlikely Half-Breed! I then behead him with a +5 unholy rapier that my DM randomly rolled and created! Man I love my drow.
PSchirf 09-09-04, 09:35 PM	When asked about his skills, a character was heard to say "Basically I'm a lover, but I'm a fighter too."
amanodel 09-09-04, 11:37 PM	We were at a gate and two orcs were running to attack us. On my turn i suddenly said "Perfect Fireball Formation!" Ever since then that has come out of my mouth before i cast fireball.
pseudonyms 09-10-04, 12:09 AM	I had a few good ones from an Oriental Adventures campaign I was in. For reference, I was playing a CE Nezumi Rogue with 7 charisma and a tendency to touch things that didn't belong to him, so some interesting interactions took place between him and the rest of the party that usually resulted in him lying in a pool of his own blood. The quotes: Me: (After getting beat up on a genuine misunderstanding.) Well you could have tried explaining that before you shot me. Me: (Waking up after a not-so-genuine misunderstanding) Why do my ribs look like a bonzai tree? NPC: (Explaining that his group of mages couldn't release another friendly NPC trapped by a demon in a crystal that sucked people into the different faces on it. The only way we knew to get people out was to have another person look into the same face and swap places with the person inside.) If it makes you feel any better, the crystal also now has three of our best enchanters trapped inside of it. Me: Well then get four of your worst enchanters and get those guys out of there! NPC: (After I had tried to kill him (rightfully so, might I add) and failed only due to party interference.) The next time you try to kill me, you'd better take me down with your first shot. Me: (Tied up and coughing blood.) Don't worry, I will. Me: (Rolling a perception check after being attacked (read: mauled) by a party member's Wisdom-draining familiar.) My Spot's gone down, you bastard!
MarkB 09-10-04, 04:46 AM	Having been tracked through long grass by a pack of strange canine creatures, we make it to the tree-line and set up an ambush. The cleric with Travel domain casts Fly and goes back to lead them in. Having taunted them most successfully, he scoffs at the DM's words of caution. "Hah, it's not like they're going to come flying after me!" DM: "Well, actually..." And thus, we begin to learn about Yeth Hounds. As the Cleric flees the flying hounds, we also learn that they've got better speed than a standard Fly spell. My Rogue, sitting (safely, he'd thought) in a treetop, observes the Yeth Hounds circle in and cut off the Cleric before he can get back to us, forcing him to engage them in mid-air. "Oh dear, looks like it's turning into a dogfight." EDIT: One more - in our evil game, the party's Monk, who fights bare-handed, has a habit of disarming his opponent, throwing away the weapon, and declaring "Now, we fight as equals!"
Ratheus 09-11-04, 04:57 PM	Back in 2nd edition, we were using a donkey for a pack animal since we could take in into dungeons with us. We had left it in one room to fight in the next, filled with orcs. When some orcs started running into the other room to get our donkey, I cast a stinking cloud on the open doorway (between the donkey and the orcs). The DM starting laughing, and after a while managed to squeek out his response. ...the orcs turn and run from your ass, gagging on the putrid green fumes...
Ratheus 09-11-04, 05:06 PM	Just remembered another The barbarian took a critical hit from a longspear, taking him down. Our rogue turned and called him a "shish-ka-barbarian" Okay, another I'd spent a lot of time creating a treetop elven village, home of some wood elves. I described it in rich detail, talking about raised walkways, houses built around trees, buildings on massive platforms hanging 30 feet from the ground, etc. First response from the same rogue as above: Where's the Ewoks?
Cade Hedger 09-11-04, 05:21 PM	I usually play a halfling rogue that puts the mission (and payment for the mission) ahead of making smart decisions. I was in a camipgn with a couple of friends one was a fighter and the other a ranger we had to cross a small canyon so the first thing out of my mouth was "sure, you can toss me across!" those were almost fatal words the funny thing is shortly after the ranger yells back "Hey guys, i found a bridge..."
Zilred 09-11-04, 05:49 PM	For this first one, I had drawn a symbol of Hextor on the forehead of our party Ranger for our overzealous Paladin (who didn't like the ranger anyway) to find when the party awoke next morning. (Paladin is first to rise) (I get up after him) (Paladin sees symbol of Hextor on sleeping Ranger) Paladin: Thank you Hieroneous for this sign! (unsheathes greatsword) Me: Hey! What do you think you're doing? Paladin: Do you see what's on his forehead? Me: Yeah, it comes off with water. (starts wiping off the ink) Paladin: :mymy: Same character, but taunting some thugs so as to lead them into a trap: Me: Hey you! When does your mother get off work? I'm feeling frisky tonight! Same character again, to a vampire: Me: By Pelor's light be judged! (of course it proceeded to tear open my throat after I charged it) On a wanted poster, written by my character: WANTED: <Paladin's Name> On charges of dwarfslaughter, unwarranted agression, and slander. He is to be considered armed and highly dangerous. To be brought to justice alive and as unharmed as manageable Needless to say, two dopey guards actually arrested the Paladin, who is a known cousin to their Duke, in a good temple, and tried to claim a reward for his arrest. There were no formal charges filed as the WANTED poster had no certification (or mention of a reward). The supposed "charges" were overblown too as the "Dwarfslaughter" was from the slaying of Duergar, and the other two charges from his relations with our Ranger.
Wildonion 09-12-04, 12:28 PM	WANTED: <Paladin's Name> On charges of dwarfslaughter, unwarranted agression, and slander. He is to be considered armed and highly dangerous. To be brought to justice alive and as unharmed as manageable Paladin: Thank you Hieroneous for this sign! (unsheathes greatsword) Me: Hey! What do you think you're doing? Paladin: Do you see what's on his forehead? Me: Yeah, it comes off with water. (starts wiping off the ink) Paladin: :mymy: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Can't breathe!