Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Kassil 01-11-07, 03:42 AM	WARNING: You are entering a thread about one of top five most dysfunctional groups in all of Eberron. You really might want to be advised that this isn't likely to be a G-rated thread. Probably not even PG-13. Sanity is not advised. Propriety is right out the window. We're fairly sure even the daelkyr get a little concerned over how nuts the cleric is. The Forgotten Freedom's crew is awesome, but our own adventuring company has some... Unique issues of its own. In the spirit of the misbegotten yet so horribly amusing adventures of the crew of the Forgotten Freedom, we bring you... Things the Collateral Damage adventuring company is forbidden to do. 1) The Warforged Paladin is not to be used to bait rust monsters. 2) The cleric is not allowed to set herself on fire just to get the 'cute' cleric in the next town to heal her. 3) The cleric does not have any levels of rogue, and therefore is forbidden from stealing Oargev's 'manhood'. It's an epic DC anyway. 4) Not permitted to mine the Warforged for adamantine. 5) Or mithril. 6) Or Byeshk. Stop asking. 7) Stop reminding the Warforged that his main travel companion is a thoroughly deranged girl who probably serves the Mockery. 8) The cleric is forbidden the use of appearance-altering spells after she tried to turn herself into a Britney Spears lookalike. 9) Because Spears is probably a daelkyr, that's why. 10) Not permitted to go looking for a living sleep spell in the Mournland and market it as a new and improved sleep aid. 11) Convincing the paladin that the Lord of Blades is his long-lost brother is just wrong. 12) Even if they might be. 13) We do not have a steel kraken in our secret lair. 14) We do not have a secret lair. 15) We don't even have a public lair, they keep exploding. 16) Not allowed to give the gnome an alchemist's lab. 17) Halflings are not to be used as furniture. 18) Goblins are not the cleric's 'whipping boys'.
lordfoxfire 01-11-07, 03:53 AM	19) The Warforged are not to be used as the crew's outhouses. 20) Especially if the latrines are full! 21) The Cleric is not to have handcuffs, leather whips, or any other bondage gear. 22) Especially with the Goblin cabin boys. That's just wrong. 23) The Warforged are not to be used as improvised compasses. 24) ... Especially AFTER magnetizing them. 25) ... Which can't be done. 26) The Captain is not crazy. Just slightly deranged. He is not Don Quixote! 27) The Captain is not the Avatar of Chaos. No matter how many times he claims it. 28) The Warforged is not to be used for ammo. Even IF you have a someone that can tinker up a railgun. I don't care.
Kassil 01-11-07, 04:06 AM	29) We don't have a Captain. 30) Because we don't have a ship, airship, or anything else, that's why. The paladin doesn't even have a mount. 31) The cleric is not a catgirl. Even if she does wear cat ears and meow a lot. 32) The cleric is not Jaela's long-lost sister. 33) Or cousin. 34) Or anything else! 35) The ranger is not permitted to have a glaive after the kobold incident. 36) None of us are the once and future King of Galifar. 37) Or Cyre. Stop taunting the Paladin. 38) Warforged do not develop the Dragonmark of Death. 39) It is wrong to etch it on the Warforged's back while he's praying. 40) The Warforged will not grow if you water him. 41) The cleric is not an avatar of Tira Mirron. 42) The druid is not allowed to try to tree stride through the Warforged. 43) The cleric is forbidden to seduce and murder random passersby of any kind. 44) Or either seduce or murder seperately. 45) Stop trying to make the paladin lose his class abilities already!
LittleTsunami 01-11-07, 04:12 AM	Cleric Daina:*wanders in*Is there a reason I'm not allowed to do anything fun?
lordfoxfire 01-11-07, 04:14 AM	Yes. You're. A. Cleric!
Kassil 01-11-07, 04:15 AM	...Of the Mockery, we think. Or maybe the Dragon Below. ...Or she's just insane. Why does she keep trying to make me lose my paladin status?
LittleTsunami 01-11-07, 04:16 AM	Cleric Daina:And? Does that mean I can't go and randomly :censored: the next cute ranger I see? Does that mean I can't perfom necromancy skyclad in a lightning storm using Sailor Moon's tiara as a sacred :censored:? FYI: Paladin's are meant for only two things. Toying with and effing with. Pick one.
lordfoxfire 01-11-07, 04:19 AM	Yes and Yes.
LittleTsunami 01-11-07, 04:23 AM	Tell me again why I can't knaw on the paladin. I'm really curious. He looks like he'd taste like strawberry Fanta.
Kassil 01-11-07, 04:28 AM	...Oi. Do blot out 'inflammatory' words, will you? We don't want the mods to get feisty and lock the thread down. 46) The Warforged is not edible in any fashion. Stop trying to chew on him. 47) King Kaius is not a Saiyan. Stop asking if you can see him 'power up'. 48) Attempting to use anime items in the game will automatically mark you as a target for the paladin's Smite Evil. 49) The entire adventuring crew is required to obey the Code of Conduct. All of it. Yes, even that. Stop complaining. 50) We are not on a mission from God. Even the paladin doesn't know if there are any gods or not.
LittleTsunami 01-11-07, 04:30 AM	But..isn't that what a Cleric does? Chew on stuff? I thought we were on HOLY CRUSADE!! What gives?!?
lordfoxfire 01-11-07, 04:32 AM	48a) The use of any anime items in game will result in DM Smite Lvl 3.
LittleTsunami 01-11-07, 04:38 AM	What if I roll a 20 to counter it and then use my spork to stab the figurines?
LittleTsunami 01-11-07, 04:54 AM	Can I at least have a transformation sequence?
Phantomcrossing 01-11-07, 10:15 AM	Ah, I love hearing about gaming groups more fractured and dysfunctional than my own. 51) It is unwise to pretend to be a messenger from Breland, telling the dragons of Argonessen that War has been declared on them. 52) It would be considered bad form to ask King Kiaus if he would like it if someone would STAKE their claim on his land. Then ask him how he likes his STEAK, well done or BLOODY. 53) The Quori are not Freddy, stop abusing magical means to prevent yourself from sleep. 54) Wait, you're a warforged, why in Khyber are you doing that anyway.
DarkWarriorKarg 01-11-07, 12:18 PM	55) The Paladin is not to be used to bait evil dragons. 56) ... even if the paladin may be some sort of lizard man. 57) ... and the cleric a redhead wearing skimpy chainmail 58) A nightmare is an inappropriate mount for the paladin. 59) No, the warforged paladin may not summon a clockwork steed 60) Ok, even if it could summon one, it does NOT merge with the paladin as "battle configuration" 61) Even if you describe a cool transformation sequence 62) If you draw it out on a flip top book and animate it, we'll talk.
Kassil 01-11-07, 01:25 PM	Just wait until our other party members finalize their characters. ;p 63. The cleric isn't allowed a Magical Girl transformation sequence, either. 64. No, Pontiff Jaela doesn't get one, either. 65. The Warforged doesn't wear clothes. Stop trying to give him fashion advice. 66. Soaking the Warforged paladin in garlic oil to annoy Kaius is bad form. 67. We are not to refer to Sharn as 'the site of our next big accident'. 68. Vol isn't interested in buying the paladin. 69. Neither are the Quori. 70. We do not have to trigger another Mourning to keep Khyber from waking up. 71. Stop trying to convince the paladin of this. 72. Telling the Paladin to transform and roll out is just cruel. 73. Particularly if you give him a set of glideboots first. 74. The paladin is not Optimus Prime. 75. The Lord of Blades is not Megatron. 76. We are not searching for the Autobot Matrix. 77. We are not trapped in the Matrix. 78. The ranger is not Neo. 79. The cleric is not Trinity. 80. Action Points do not represent 'bullet time'.
DarkWarriorKarg 01-11-07, 01:53 PM	81. The Cleric may not have a "Summon Warforged Warrior" spell to instantly summon the paladin... 82. ... at least not until much higher level. 83. Nor may the cleric play the paladin in "defence mode" or "attack mode". 84. Even if she has a deck of magical cards. 85. And a special bracer to hold them 86. This also applies to summoned monsters.
Kassil 01-11-07, 05:55 PM	87. Sentient lifeforms of any type are not chewtoys, rations, or anything similar. 88. We may not adopt a living spell and name it 'Fluffy'. 89. We may not use a living spell in a pit as a garbage disposal. 90. Because that's what the gelatinous cube is for, that's why not. 91. We did not cause the Mourning. 92. At least we don't think we did. 93. We are not allowed to test this by trying to replicate it. 94. The monoliths of Sarlona are not 'huge Warforged eggs'. 95. The paladin won't fall for it, even if you do manage a fantastic Bluff check. 96. It's the Dreaming Dark, not the Dreaming Dork. 97. Yes, there are some possible similarities. 98. We are not allowed to have a base in the lower levels of Sharn. 99. Because our bases tend to explode, that's why. 100. Let's just avoid being based in Sharn at all. 101. We are not on a holy crusade. 102. Because we can't agree on what the crusade would be, that's why. 103. The cleric is not the avatar of the Mockery. 104. Or the Traveler. 105. She might be a cleric of the Devourer or the Keeper, though. 106. The Paladin is not a Godforged in disguise. 107. Or a Psiforged. 108. We already said that telling him that the Lord of Blades is his long-lost brother is just wrong. So stop it already. 109. We are not going to hijack the Forgotten Freedom. 110. Because they may actually be crazier than us, that's why. 111. And we don't trust anyone in the group with an airship, either. 112. That is not an excuse to hijack a lightning rail. 113. Or any other kind of transport vessel!
Charles Phipps 01-11-07, 05:56 PM	Bravo. If only Keith read either of our threads.
Kassil 01-11-07, 06:22 PM	Bravo. If only Keith read either of our threads. Glad you appreciate it! I fully expect the paladin to have a nervous breakdown at some point from dealing with the cleric... 114. We are not allowed to install slot machines aboard an airship and run it as a mobile casino. 115. Or a brothel. The cleric is not allowed to even suggest this. 116. Or any other establishment of ill repute. 117. We may not call ourselves the Seamstress' Guild. 118. Because Profession (Hooker) isn't allowed in the game, and we're not all female. The Warforged isn't male OR female, for Siberys's sake! 119. We are not allowed to team up with the crew of the Forgotten Freedom to usher in a new era of chaos and despair. 120. The cleric is not allowed to select Exotic Weapon Proficiency (Unmentionables). 121. Or any variation thereof. 122. We are not a heavy metal band. 123. We don't even have a bard. 124. Or anyone with ranks in Perform. 125. No, we cannot be a 'garage trash' band. 126. We don't have a garage.
Crystalforged 01-11-07, 09:31 PM	OOCrystalforged: Yeah! More crazy peoples! Feel free to drop by the FF anytime. Kanatash: Yes we always enjoy freash meat. OOCrystalforged: Now Kanatash, thats not very friendly. You should know better to scare away potential sacrafices like that. Kanatash: True. I should be more suble shouldn't I? OOCrystalforged: Anyway, never fear, the FF will only consume your soul. ... We should do a crossover at some point.
LittleTsunami 01-11-07, 10:38 PM	Ooo!! A crossover??! Is that anything like crossdressing?!
lordfoxfire 01-11-07, 10:50 PM	126) The cleric is not allowed to hum the theme to 'Lord of the Rings' while travelling. 127) ... Nor the theme to Harry Potter. 128) The cleric is not allowed to throw holy water on the warforged to get a puppy. 129) ... nor a kitty, or any other pet. 130) The Warforged are not pets! For any reason! 131) This is not the Lion King and the shifter is not Simba!
Crystalforged 01-11-07, 11:03 PM	Ooo!! A crossover??! Is that anything like crossdressing?! OOCrystalforged: Well I suppose it is something like it. Kanatash: Heh, crossdressing. Just wait til you meet Tirmek, let alone Caralot.
LittleTsunami 01-11-07, 11:16 PM	Nifty!! Can I wear the fish?
Kassil 01-11-07, 11:47 PM	...This just is not going to end well. At all. Although... Maybe the cleric would be more at home on the Forgotten Freedom. Or maybe not. We tend to cause a great deal of accidental damage, whereas at least some of the airship crew's damage is deliberate... And we don't have redshirts. 132) Despite her protestations otherwise, we're all fairly sure the cleric has shifter ancestry. 133) It's the chewing on things that makes us suspicious. 134) Just because he emerged from the Mournland a few days after the Mourning only a few days old is no reason to refer to the paladin as 'Mr. Mournful'. 135) Or 'Misty Eyes'. 136) Or any variation thereof. His name is Edge. Deal with it. 137) We are not planning to go to Khyber to tell bedtime stories to the daelkyr. 138) Even if the cleric's stories could probably creep out a daelkyr. 139) We are not secret agents of House Cannith. 140) We do not serve the Quori, the Lords of Dust, the daelkyr, the Blood of Vol, or the Emerald Claw. 141) The first line of the paladin's code is not a reminder to pillage before he burns. 142) Since everyone seems hellbent on making the paladin lose his powers, the betting pool is open. If no one wins, the funds go toward repairing the last base of operations we blew up.
lordfoxfire 01-11-07, 11:55 PM	...This just is not going to end well. At all. Although... Maybe the cleric would be more at home on the Forgotten Freedom. Or maybe not. We tend to cause a great deal of accidental damage, whereas at least some of the airship crew's damage is deliberate... And we don't have redshirts. .... Yet!
Kassil 01-12-07, 01:54 AM	Yet, he says. Victim isn't a redshirt! He has a name! Oh, yes. I should introduce the group, such as it is... Edge, the Warforged Paladin of Freedom Edge is, perhaps, one of the last Warforged spit out by the Whitehearth creation forge - quite literally, as he was brought to life as the Mourning swept over Whitehearth and killed everyone therein - except, for some reason, Edge himself. He made his way out of the Mournland, and wound up among the Cyran refugees, picking up his name from the Cyran refugees as he used the greatsword of a fallen soldier to good effect in their defense. Eventually falling in with a somewhat depressive Warforged named Victim and the deranged human girl Victim was looking after, they wound up forming the core of the Collateral Damage adventuring company after one particular chain of adventures successively destroyed a small town on the edge of the Mournland, a sizable encampment of the followers of the Lord of Blades, and a chunk of the the Glass Plateau, all in the simple attempt to bury an undead-generating cursed chalice under the grey glass. Since then Edge has somehow managed to retain his status as a paladin of freedom, despite associating with someone who probably serves one of the Dark Six - either the Traveler or the Shadow, given her behavior, despite accusations of being a disciple of all six. Edge is also the only thing usually keeping the group from being banned in every single nation across Khorvaire, being the only one who really seems concerned with helping people as opposed to getting filthy rich, causing havoc, or just trying to survive the group's antics. Conor d'Cannith, Dragonmarked Artificer of House Cannith Eccentric even for a House Cannith artificer, Conor fell in with Collateral Damage when they made a visit to Sharn, getting involved as a part of his interest in magic items and constructs of all kinds. Something of a troublemaker, he fit in perfectly, with a marked fondness for explosive alchemy and magic items of explosive and fiery nature. Many potential operational centers for the company have been completely levelled by Conor's alchemical studies, almost as many as enemy strongholds blown to bits by his magical workings. Despite his tendency to cause a fair chunk of the damage for which the group is named, he remains in fairly good standing with his House - primarily because his destructive tendencies cause more trouble for the enemies of the House than anything else. Fortunately for him, he's not interested in getting fame or fortune, just in advancing his studies into alchemy and magic of the most destructive sort. If he ever manages to avoid blowing up the group's latest base of operations, he hopes to build an airship that uses rocketry to move while the elemental holds it aloft. Knowing the group's luck, it'll last just long enough to turn into a flaming ball of death right as it heads toward Flamekeep... ...And I'll leave the others to introduce their parts of the cast... Bear in mind that Collateral Damage is, apparently, two seperate groups whose only link is Conor's willingness to outfit Victim and Edge with his latest experimental gadgetry. Usually Victim, as Edge has developed some serious suspicion about the artificer's reliability... The other half of the group will weigh in later on, I don't doubt. 143) The artificer is not permitted to invent a hair module for the paladin just so he has hair to pull out. 144) We are not allowed to mail samples of the artificer's latest alchemical experiments to the Towers of Arcanix. They still haven't forgiven us after the last time. 145) Stop telling Victim that his nickname is the Paranoid Android. He isn't an android, a robot, or paranoid. Just depressive. 146) We are not allowed to kidnap Pontiff Jaela just to prove we can. 147) Or for any other reason. 148) Our battlecry is not 'LOOOOOT!' 149) We are not scoundrels for hire. 150) Okay, only the paladin isn't. 151) Because the cleric has apparently maxed Bluff and the paladin doesn't have any ranks of Sense Motive. 152) Not allowed to torch large areas of the countryside for entertainment. 153) Or any other reason short of a daelkyr or rajah arising.
lordfoxfire 01-14-07, 12:59 AM	Victim will be described later. The DM is writing him up as I post this. 154) Victim is not to be called Marvin. He is most certainly not a robot, just very depressive. With the cleric around, who can blame him? 155) No using Victim to subdue our enemies. The suicide rate doesn't need to increase! 156) ... neither is Victim to be used as blackmail or a threat. Sharn placed a larger bounty on us the last time. 157) The cleric is not allowed near any other shifter, fertility gods, or anything else that'll allow her to breed. We don't need anymore weapons with teeth marks in them. 158) ... If that happens anyway, the artificer is crafting glasssteel weaponry with the wizard.
Slightly_Unscrewed 01-14-07, 05:08 PM	OOCrystalforged: We should do a crossover at some point. I'm all for craziness and insanity (just look at my board name) but this scares even me.
Phantomcrossing 01-14-07, 05:29 PM	I would love to lead the charge of the crossover, just send your adventuring party after (or use as an NPC) a certain half giant Rouge/Psychic Warrior/Assassin with a recipe for fiery acidic Chili the likes of which has been deemed a weapon of mass destruction by 6 of Khorvaire's nation. Wanted in Thrane, Breland, Darguun, Karrnath, Darguun, Droam, and by the Heavenly Fleet in Lahzaar. Not wanted in Aundaire due to their love of some of his recipes. You can check the RPGwiki on the freedom to learn more. As this seems to be a homegame of your groups'.
Kassil 01-14-07, 06:19 PM	159) No disguising Edge as Victim. They look nothing alike and it won't fool anyone. 160) Because the paladin has an aura of resolve, not an aura of crushing despair. 161) We don't know why Victim has an aura of crushing despair. 162) Victim is not a weapon of mass psychological warfare. 163) So stop trying to ship him to Sarlona. 164) Because the quori can sense him coming from half an ocean away, that's why. 165) Conor is forbidden from having a wand of fireballs in a quick-draw holster. 166) Even if we are going after a den of trolls. 167) Because his first response to everything is always 'Nuke it 'til it glows', that's why. 168) Conor is forbidden from going anywhere near the kitchen. 169) Alchemist's fire does not mix with stew. 170) No one is allowed to tell Daina that the vials of alchemist's fire are bubblebath just so she'll spend the next week chasing the 'cute cleric' who healed her. 171) No, you can't use acid instead. 172) Or anything else except actual bubblebath! 173) To whoever set up the still in the back room: you either have to share with everyone, or else Conor gets it for target practice. 174) 'Because I was bored' is not a good reason to try restarting the Last War. 175) Neither is 'It'll make us rich!' 176) Or 'You said we need a distraction!' 177) No inventing a spider climb component for the Warforged just so you can call him Spiderman. 178) We do not have a ninja. 179) We are not pirates. That's the Forgotten Freedom's crew. 180) The Warforged are not robots. 181) We do not have any zombies. 182) We do? Who raised them? 183) It was not the cook's fault! 184) Conor is forbidden from mixing potions in the cookpot ever again. 185) This does not mean he can bribe others to do it for him, either. 186) Or intimidate them. 187) No potions in the cookpot, ever! All right!? Conor: It vaguely worries me that we're having Norbaz offered up as a target for us to go chasing. I mean, his cooking is more destructive than the best of my experiments. ...Hmm. :lightbulb This might be a worthwhile idea after all. Edge: :nonono: Why is it that most of our adventures seem to end up being us chasing after some incredibly destructive person or item, only to discover that we cause more damage than it ever could? Conor: Hard work, dedication, and a lot of luck! :D
Phantomcrossing 01-14-07, 07:00 PM	Gimme an email address and I'll send you the full info on Norbaz & his tactics and whereabouts before he returned to the freedom.
ratslinky 01-14-07, 08:37 PM	OORatslinky: :clap: :clap: Bravo bravo this is a great thread. Wish my party was like this but we have younger people so my DM says we have to run G rated games
Kassil 01-15-07, 02:41 AM	OOKassil: Glad you appreciate it, ratslinky. And Phantomcrossing, I'll bother Fox to give you his email; he's the DM, and Victim is his whipping... Thing. 188. Boranel is not to be referred to as 'Target Number One'. 189. At least not while Edge is in earshot. 190. Merrix d'Cannith is not our 'dealer'. 191. He probably doesn't care Conor even exists. 192. We ar not trying to recruit soldier for the war on terror, not are we shipping them out to Sarlona to fight the quori. 193. Daina is not a disciple of the Dreaming Dark. 194. We hope, anyway.
Kaizer_Ryu 01-15-07, 03:19 AM	195: Nor is she one of Terra's (http://wiki.rpg.net/index.php/Forgotten_Freedom:Terra) deciple's. 196: That poor goddess has enough on her plate without worrying about a psychopathic Cleric performing unspeakable acts in her name 197: Nor is Daina allowed to worship of any of the other near-deific creatures aboard the flying loony bin 198: ESPECIALLY not Volrath (http://wiki.rpg.net/index.php/Forgotten_Freedom:Volrath) 199: Edge is not to be sent on a 'holy mission to convert the heathenous scoundrels' on board the Forgotten Freedom while forbidding him from (attempting to) kill any of them 200: He wouldn't last two minutes 201: Even if you give him a +5 Hammer of Healing to smite with 202: I don't care if it's technically not leaving them any worse for wear afterwards 203: It still hurts like hell 204: And I still don't care if you think it'd be hilarious, Daina
JulesCARV 01-15-07, 03:31 AM	205. A holy symbol of the Dark Six is not an appropriate "birthday present" for the paladin. 206. It is not true that all warforged are "natural submissives who enjoy having a strong, dominant woman tell them what to do." 207. It isn't even true of the specific warforged in our party. 208. Tira Miron is the voice of a supernatural force of goodness in Eberron, not Edge's dominatrix. 209. There is no alchemical way of altering dreamlily so that warforged can use it. 210. Turning Victim into a dreamlily junkie is not the long term solution to his emotional problems regardless. 211. Even if it were possible to transmute dreamlily into something Victim could use, it is more likely that he will be destroyed in a fire or explosion caused by the 'research' into this possibility than that he will actually be able to use dreamlily.
Kassil 01-15-07, 01:57 PM	212. This does not mean you are allowed to use Edge instead. 213. Victim is not catapult ammunition, even if he doesn't struggle. 214. You are not the heir to Karrnath. 215. You're not a vampire, that's why. 216. King Kaius is not Batman. 217. I don't care if he can turn into a bat. 218. You are not Batman, either. 219. Or anyone else in this group. 220. Don't even think about checking the Forgotten Freedom. 221. Edge would probably escape if you tried to lock him on board the FF. 222. He's a Paladin of Freedom. See that last word? That's the reason. 223. We are not here to kick :censored: and take names, nor are we here to kick :censored: and chew bubblegum. 224. We're just here to kick :censored: hard enough to achieve orbit with it. 225. Daina is not allowed to choose anyone who has ever been liquid keelhauled as a role model. 226. The keel of the FF is not an acceptable role model, either. 227. Even Edge can't stand being near him. 228. Conor is not Ketler's younger brother. They're distant cousins at best. 229. They're both male, Daina. Stop drawing plans to breed them. 230. ...Any form of yaoi, yuri, or any other form of hentai is expressly forbidden from being a part of one of Daina's plans. 231. Because it falls in the 'anime references shall be struck by the DM' category. 232. There is not Warforged God. 233. We are not starting the Cult of Edge. 234. OR the Cult of Victim. 235. And sure as hell not the Cult of Stupid. 236. We'll track down the FF just to get them to keelhaul anyone who tries. 237. Neither the artificer not the wizard are permitted to create a Staff of Bigby's Crushing Tactical Nuke. 238. Even if we do think a rajah might be stirring under our base of operations.
LittleTsunami 01-15-07, 04:07 PM	Daina can't do this...Daina can't do that.. What does a girl have to do to suck on some little orphan child's dead dad toes around here?!? I ask you... On a completely different note..May I restart the Last War so I may use the resulting blood as the scented ingredient in my bubble bath? (Which I will be taking with the cute male and female clerics from the next town. ;) ) PS. Can I make Sephiroth my man toy if I promise to keep him fed and nude tied by a rope to my wrist?
LittleTsunami 01-15-07, 05:05 PM	Daina Dimitra. Finger painting is fun. Daina Dimitra. Age fifteen. Eldest daughter of Couge Dimitra and Painalle Alyan Dimitra. Her first word was "boom" and wasn't spoken until she was six years old. She didn't learn to walk successfully until she was nine. After managing to burn down the family's sixth cottage since her birth by the time she reached eleven years of age her parents took her younger brother and sister and left for another continent, leaving her sitting outside the remains of her most recent domicile. While she was finishing off the farm life surrounding the home a cleric came upon her bloodied form and assumed the worst. He tried to clean her up and even offered to teach her a few things that might help her to survive. She still wears his teeth around her neck as a choker. Taking his notes, journals, and prayerbooks she began to educate herself in the ways of religion,(we're still not sure where she learned magic), until she finally came into contact with a group in desperate need of something different. (They now sit around a burning bush praying to a single God...and they say she's crazy...) After a few weeks with this group of "strange fems" as she took to calling them she found herself under the care of one named Victim. (Victim left the group to watch after her. Why again? *pokes him* Why?) Finding this amusing she started using Victim as an end to all of her means. Spending hours simply staring at Victim until he would look the other way and she would run her tongue up his cheek quickly then giggle on about her last 'victim' looking just like a baby caught between him and the paladin. She has yet to understand why people start crying when she exclaims quite cheerfully, "Fun time!" :D
Kassil 01-15-07, 06:51 PM	239. Sephiroth, Cloud, and any other Square-Enix character counts as anime. 240. Come on, they even included anime cutscenes in Chrono Trigger. 241. LEt's just rule out anything involving Japanese pop-culture, all right? 242. Edge is now allowed to have a +5 Hammer of Healing. Ever. 243. Victim is not to be offered up to 'Pimp My Ride'. 244. Neither is Edge. 245. We are not building an offroad lightning rail. 246. Conor is forbidden to go near lightning rail tracks unless actually riding the rail somewhere. 247. Victim is not to be used as a delivery system for alchemical warfare. 248. We are not allowed to try to restart the Last War. For any reason. AT ALL. 249. No, we are not going to force Edge and Victim to take levels of bard so we can bill them as a Heavy Metal band. 250. Victim is clearly emo, after all. 251. Anyone who goes near the kitchen has to eat before everyone else from now on. 252. This is not an excuse to get fast food! 253. Rule 251 is rescinded due to there no long being room in the kitchen for the cook. 254. This is not an excuse to resume spiking the food. 255. We will begin negotiating for some bottles of liquid keelhaul as a method of dealing with rulebreakers. 256. Edge and Victim will still recieve the original punishment detail of having to clean out Conor's lab due to their immunity to poisons.
LittleTsunami 01-15-07, 07:01 PM	What about Angelus and Dark Willow? Am I allowed to..at the very least...hijack the nearest bar and use it as our new bath house and dayspa? I give good discounts to those who give me backrubs! What about blessing every little boy we come across so they grow up to be a cute cleric? What about cursing every cute little boy who is too full of themselves so that when they grow up all they could ever do with their lives is bow down and serve my pocket lint? Give me at least a maybe. Please? Or should I simply refuse to heal anyone until you let me finish that experiment with the Batfrogs? What about a literal skin and bones enchantment?
Kassil 01-15-07, 07:27 PM	Edge: I have a repair kit and the ability to heal myself with my Lay Hands ability. The last time you cast a cure spell in my direction, it landed on the illithid I was fighting! Conor: :D Wand of Cure Moderate Wounds. I can heal myself! And with all of this lovely loot we've been collecting, I practically don't even need to go do anything except salvage the ones we don't want to keep! Edge: :confused: ...Loot? We haven't been adventuring lately... Wait... I remember hearing about a magewright being robbed... :waits: CONOR! Conor: Quick, Victim, stand here! *runs away quickly* Victim: This is going to hurt, isn't it? *cringe* Edge: CONOR! COME BACK HERE SO I CAN SMITE YOU! :fight!: 257. Not allowed to mention looting within earshot of Edge. 258. Unless we were just on a legitimate adventure. 259. Robbing the local neighborhood does not count as an adventure. 260. Anything that we have to hide from the paladin does not count as an adventure for these purposes. 261. Daina needs to stop trying to port extradimensional entities into the world. 262. Because the Forgotten Freedom does that enough already without our help. 263. Victim is not to be magnetized and sent running through a weapons store. 264. Unless there's money riding on if he survives, in which case Conor and Daina are to ensure he does. 265. Unless we're betting that he dies. Then Conor gets to use that staff of Bigby's Crushing Tactical Nuke he "found".
lordfoxfire 01-16-07, 12:48 AM	Dear Gaia... This party redefined the word 'Doom'. The wanted poster is next to the word, I know it... 266) The Party's wanted posters are not to be used as trading cards. 267) ... They are not poker cards either! 268) ... For crying out loud, quit betting on WHEN Daina will have her way with Edge! 269) Because he's not alive! That's why! 270) ... And no one is gonna make him 'anatomically correct' either! 271) I don't care how much you paid the artificer to do it! 272) ... to quote: "Eldritch Smite"! 273) That's it. No one is to go near the Paladin's room without a permit! 274) ... This party needs something sturdier than an airship.
LittleTsunami 01-16-07, 02:36 AM	Random Town Guard: Miss Dimitra? *he holds up a sheaf of parchment as he reads* You are to be detained for an indefinite amount of time until your trial date is scheduled. As of this moment your rights as a citizen of Karrnath are hereby revoked until such time of either your death or pardoning. Your crimes as listed for this most current warrant of two days ago include torture, arson, vulgar display, indecent use of cooking utensils, raping the... Wait... You are a cleric... Rape? Nevermind... Kidnap, robbery, extortion, murder, disembowlment, stealing the virginal robes from the High Temples... Random Town Guard via Daina's Ears:Wah wah blah yeh rape yeh neh food blah wah yah wah bah bah bah dah..... Daina:Does he ever hush his face suckers? Daina:Dunno. I wonder what he tastes like... Daina:Ooo...pointy sparkly woman thingy over there... Can I have her as a pet? Daina:I should put that piece of paper in his ear until it hits his brain. Random Town Guard via Daina's Ears:Wah blah wah blah death wah weh... Daina:I'm hungry... Daina:Why did mama leave again? Daina:You don't think she actually wanted that baby? Daina:He tasted good. Daina:Hear hear! Random Town Guard:Gah!! You little bra-*he falls over dead* Random Town Guard via Daina's Ears:Blargh!!! Daina:Hmm...I'm not hungry anymore..wha happened? Daina:*smug grin* Daina: Red paint again? *she looks down at herself* FINGER PAINTING IS FUN!!!
Kaizer_Ryu 01-16-07, 03:14 AM	And the first of the awards for this thread is handed out. LittleTsunami, you get a :looloo: award for that. :clap:
LittleTsunami 01-16-07, 03:20 AM	What's a :looloo: award? Oddly enough...the words that spell out the smiley is in fact one of my most common nicknames...shocking isn't it?
Kaizer_Ryu 01-16-07, 03:29 AM	It's just a little trophy for your signature showing that you are completely and utterly insane. I currently have 2 of them. I would have three, but the standards had to be raised for the FF due to excessive amounts of insanity from all participants. :D Once Charles Phipps got his 5TH one, we knew we were in trouble. And that's just from when we started giving them out after a total of something like 150 pages. :evillaugh
LittleTsunami 01-16-07, 03:31 AM	Thank you then! *hands you a fish stuffed with diced Prince CDs* :D
Kassil 01-16-07, 04:02 AM	Conor: ...Not fair! Edge: Says you. I think she deserves it. And no, this is not a challenge to see if you can beat her. Conor: But- Victim: ...Would you prefer we tell her you want to compete for that award? I wouldn't mind. She might focus on you instead of tormenting me for once. Conor: :mymy: ...No, I think I'm just fine with things riiiiiiiiight the way they are... Edge: Good. Oh, and Conor? Conor: Yes? Edge: ELDRITCH SMITE ATTACK! *KABLAM* Conor: ......Ow. :ghosted: 275. The paladin is not a Lawful Good paladin. 276. He is Chaotic Good. 277. This means that being a sneaky bastard is within his allowed behavior. 278. This means you should stop whining about his breaking his vows, Conor. 279. Because he didn't. 280. And you deserved it, anyway. 281. Daina is forbidden from ever taking levels of Craft (Alchemy). 282. We don't need her to invent something to make her mental issues worse. 283. Victim is not allowed to use his rage ability. 284. Because apathetic depression and frothing rage do not mix well. 285. We don't care what Conor claims, the damage bill says otherwise. 286. Not allowed to try to template the Warforged.
lordfoxfire 01-16-07, 02:07 PM	287) No templates for anyone on this crew at any time. Especially the Cleric! 288) ... Except Victim, and that's an IF. He may need it later. 289) No one is allowed to hijack the FF. 290) ... We wouldn't win anyway. 291) ... Because they fight dirtier than we do. 292) ... Yes, this means they can do more damage than you Conor. 293) The Artificer is not allowed to build a railgun or anything like it. 294) ... and if he does we are not to aim it at King Kaius. 295) And he is still not Batman. 296) The Ranger's mortal enemies will not be Sharn. 297) ... We have enough problems with them as is. 298) ... Nor will it be the Lord of Blades. He's already looking for Edge. 299) ... Does this crew NEED mortal enemies anyway? 300) No more 'negotiations' on getting permits to the Paladin's room. There is only two permits. That's it.
Kassil 01-16-07, 05:16 PM	301) The ranger is not allowed to name a specific city or nation as one of his favored foes. 302) There is no 'Smite Stupid' power. 303) Nor is there a 'Smite Irritatant' power. 304) Not allowed to invent either one. 305) Because then someone with a short temper and an Int around 100 would destroy the world. 306) Or try, anyhow. 307) With our track record, we'd beat them to the punch by blowing up the entire multiverse in one go. 308) Yes, we are banned from using any known form of planar travel for this reason. 309) That's why we have several unknown methods at our disposal. 310) Do not tell Edge any of this. 311) Victim is not allowed to multiclass as either a Frenzied Berserker or a Hulking Hurler. Ever. Even if he manages to qualify for either one. 312) Because rule 283 applies to the FB, and the last time he threw something it carried his aura of crushing despair with it. 313) Grafting wings to the Warforged will not make them Batman. 314) Sharn is not to be referred to as either Metropolis or Gotham City. 315) Because Sharn would eat those superheroes alive. 316) Yes, even Superman. 317) We are not going to find the Tarrasque and turn it into our transport. 318) While we may go to war with the dragons at some point, we are not yet capable of taking on an entire continent of angry dragons. Please stop suggesting it. 319) No, Conor, Mutually Assured Destruction is NOT an option. 320) The quori are not terrorists. They're just terrifying. Conor: Hey, Edge! Come here! Edge: Now what do you want? If this is another hair module... Conor: No! This is a lot better. Stand there... And now... BEHOLD! The Mirror of Opposition! Edge: :mymy: Oh :censored: - Conor! Cover it up before- *The Mirror of Opposition explodes, as most of Conor's inventions tend to, with a blast that leaves mirror shards embedded all over the place. Conor and Edge pick themselves up, Conor griping under his breath while he scribbles notes on his shirt sleeve, Edge looking around suspiciously* Edge: Well... Maybe it blew up before it could- Lance: Hi there, "brother". Edge: :censored: Lance, Warforged Paladin of Tyranny and Wizard Lance was born of an "accident" involving a Mirror of Opposition crafted by Conor. While theoretically this creates a perfect double of the person mirrored in it, Conor's mirror was, like anything he makes that isn't meant to explode, was a bit flawed. The only thing it fully mirrored was the alignment opposition and the base class; where Edge is a Paladin of Freedom, Lance is a Paladin of Tyranny devoted to establishing himself as the undisputed ruler of all Eberron. It doesn't particularly bother him that he'll have to go through just about every major power on Eberron, plus the prospective global tyrants aboard the Forgotten Freedom. He's not even concerned by the notion of having to go through the daelkyr and the rajahs to do it. He figures he has pretty much forever to do it, given that no one knows what the maximum life expectancy for a Warforged is. Another major difference is that where Edge is a Warlock, Lance is a Wizard, although both have effects distinctly related to the Mournlands. Oddly enough, while the two paladins despise each other and often clash, neither one has lost the paladin abilities for being part of the same group, a fact that the rest of the Collateral Damage group often exploits by making them work together. Oh, and the last flaw of the mirror? Lance's stats, while coming to the same total as Edge's from a metagame aspect, are distributed quite differently, with a much higher emphasis on his strength and intelligence than his wisdom and charisma... 321) Edge and Lance are forbidden to try to sabotage each other. 322) Edge and Lance are only permitted to fight if done in a gladitorial style with open betting. 323) Lance is forbidden from getting anywhere near Edge's room. 324) Edge is forbidden from getting anywhere near Lance's room. 325) Any other rules which apply to 'the paladin' now applies to both of them. 326) Conor is never allowed to try copying a member of the company ever again, on pain of being forced to babysit Daina when she's in "innocent" mode.
Razoredge 01-18-07, 12:06 AM	Razor Edge: :plotting: *Hiding in the closet, until his snickering gives him away* :censored: So I've been discovered, by a Prime no less. *grumbles* Who told you? :shifty: *looks around to make sure no one else is watching him, and steps aside to make room for one more* Hmm. Say, cutter, if you're willing to keep this dark between you and me, I'll gladly share something else even more interesting with you, savvy?... :schemes: Razor Edge, Cambion Doomguard "Peeping Tom" and Hitchhiker: No one knows where he came from, how he got here, why he's hiding out in the Cleric's bedroom, or what he intends to do with her underwear. Judging by his spiked black leather attire, clawed steel gauntlets, impressive array of sheathed daggers and swords, and his horrifying scarred visage, it could be anybody's guess. But no one would suspect he might be a cross-dresser. He stands at close to seven feet in height with a wiry, athletic build, so he has to stoop somewhat to avoid banging his head, and messing up his spiky white, crimson streaked hair-do. He's humanoid, but obviously of unknown extraplanar origin. Who would think otherwise [except for a leatherheaded Prime] with his coal black, pockmarked skin, sharply tapered ears, and razor sharp teeth setting him apart from all other common races? With one eye a ruby red, and the other a scarred, ruined milky white orb, twitching spasmodically on occassion, he seems even more of an outsider. Another good addition to the Collateral Damage Adventuring Company...? 327) The Cambion is not allowed to hide in the cleric's closet. 328) Or steal her underwear. 329) Neither is anyone else. Does anyone even know what he's doing here? 330) Future note: no one is allowed to pick up random hitchhikers. 331) Even if they do like biting the cleric. 330) No one is allowed to tell Edge that the Cambion is hiding in the cleric's closet. 331) Or that he plans to break into his room and steal his underwear. 332) No. The Cambion is not gay. He just likes underwear. 333) The Cambion is not allowed to have adoring fans, followers and sidekicks. Regardless of how popular he likes to think he is. 334) As per rules 329 and 333, he's not allowed to sneak one aboard, either. 335) Even if they do make an excellent replication of the Ambiguously Gay Duo. 336) Because Razor Edge is not Batman. 337) Even if the Cleric and Artificer can somehow graft batwings onto him.
Kassil 01-18-07, 01:08 AM	338) Memo to all new member the Warforged do no wear clothing. Trying to steal their undergarments is a futile effort. They don't have any. 339) Do not confuse Edge and Razor Edge. 340) Because one has an Eldritch Smite and the other has a pair of really sharp swords, and they don't like being mistaken for each other. 341) Conor, stop using alchemy to trap your dresser drawers. 342) That isn't an excuse to build that Disintegrate trap, either. 343) And why in Khyber's blackest coils do you have planes for a plane shift trap? 344) What do you mean it drops them in Dal Quor? 345) ...Conor is hereby authorized to install clearly marked traps to drop people into Dal Quor. 346) By clearly marked we mean signs like 'Treasury' and 'Pantry'. 347) Because our enemies always seem to go for the kitchen first. 348) No, I don't know why. Conor was banned from the kitchen already. 349) Look, even Batman wouldn't survive Sharn. We have. 350) This is proof that none of us are Batman. 351) So drop it already, will you? ---- Conor is wandering down a side passage in the group's often-gutted-by-explosions base of operations, muttering to himself and pulling at his sleeves with one hand while doodling equations with the other on the open material. He pauses as a glimpse of movement down by an intersection grabs his attention, and his hand goes to one of the wands at his belt as he starts to creep down the hall. He sneaks around to the corner, and leaps around, a wand of Fireball in hand, to confront the intruder. Who, it seems, happens to be Razor Edge. With a handful of cloth. Silky cloth. Conor: *staring, but without lowering the wand* ...Right! Identify yourself or get blasted, pal!
LittleTsunami 01-18-07, 01:52 AM	Daina:*she wanders into her room licking red paint off of her fingers* Do you like Batfrogs? *she turns her head towards the one holding her underwear* Conny? May I have this one? Daina:Weren't those soft thingies gran-gran's? Daina:Dad wore them alot too. Maybe this one likes screaming and white blood too? Daina:She looks like my little sister..almost..*she tilts her head to one side before picking up a pillow and setting it aflame* Maybe I could play dolls with those little librarians I saw earlier today....*she meanders out quietly, the burning pillow set on her bed*
Razoredge 01-18-07, 02:43 AM	Razor Edge: :censored: :fight!: *rolls to the side and draws his short swords from the sheaths strapped to his back, in one fluid motion* Alright! It's on then!... :OMG! *He cuts off abruptly, turns to the side, and leers suggestively at Daina* Well, well, so you're the lovely lass with exquisite taste. *he winks and looks her up and down, still clutching the bundle of undergarments tight in his fist.* Very nice. Quite comfortable too, if I might say so. ;) :shifty: *Upon closer inspection of him, it actually appears as though he is wearing a corset of some description under his studded leather. Or not. It's suggestively tight, without being painfully restrictive.* And, sorry lady, I'm no body's boy-toy. Lover, however... ;) *He glances around, seeming to notice that something is amiss; That cute little slip of a cleric girl is gone. No matter. He turns back to Connor, and winks suggestively at him* What say you, cutter? ;)
lordfoxfire 01-18-07, 02:58 AM	Captain S'cottl'iander d'Lyrandar, Third scion of House Lyrandar. Jealous that his brothers will inherit the house of Lyrandar FAR before he will. Their marks increase their lifespans and thus they'll outlive him in the end, and being the FIFTH in line has made him very impatient. Thus he's decided to 'accelerate' his position... by killing off his brothers with 'pirates'. However, hired arms will tell for the right price so he's decided to make his own pirate crew. This ended up being a bigger task than he had planned. Like most things, the means became an end in of itself. He is actually happy being a pirate captain and uses what influence he has to maintain his crew and ship(s). The number of repairs he goes through however is starting to attract notice... Victim, Apathy Incarnate Victim's story is surprisingly simple. Built and sold to the people of Karrnath during the Last War, Victim was one of the first 'regular' Warforged to be created; being treated as property had something of an impact on him, and his seeming knack for being in just the wrong place at the wrong time earned him his name from the soldiers he was under the command of. With the Last War over, he was at something of a loose end - apathetic and somewhat depressive, he hardly made reliable labor, and it was being debated to scrap him, until Daina came skipping by on her way out of Karrnath and, after tasting him, told him to follow her. Used to taking commands from humanoids, he did so - and has been stuck with her ever since, particularly when everyone aboard the Collateral Damage voted him to be her keeper. 352) The Alchemist can stop ruining the ship. We're getting short of gold. 353) Yes, we know that means we just raid someone else again. 354) That's still not an excuse to keep wrecking the damned thing. 355) Our mortal foes do not fly a chameleon airship full of half-orcs. 356) Asking the Captain to 'Beam them up' will result in being shot. 357) ...I know there are no guns. You will still be shot. 358) ...Possibly from the hold. 359) This may be done in the middle of Conor using the staff of Bigby's Crushing Tactical Nuke that he doesn't have. 360) The Captain knows nothing about 'Dilithium Crystals.' Quit asking. 361) There is no Profession: (Engineer), nor is there Skill: Engineer, or Feat: Engineer. 362) Anyone who keeps asking for 'Engineer Scotty' will be keelhauled. Then drowned in liquid keelhaul. 363) The Captain also does not wear a red shirt. Thus he never goes first. That's Victim's job. Capt. Scotty: :headexplo Conor! Are you blowing up sections of the ship again?! Conor: :angelhide No.... Just cloning Edge. Capt. Scotty: :uh-huh: ... Did it work? Conor: Sort of. Lance: Hiya Captain. :D Capt. Scotty: :mymy: :blink: :OMG! ... 3 days in the Brig with no supper. NOW. :hoppingma
Kassil 01-18-07, 03:14 AM	The Collateral Damage, Airship The airship that the Captain took when he decided to go pirate, presumably after hearing about the Forgotten Freedom and deciding it sounded like a good idea, the Collateral Damage was originally known as the Golden Goose. This lasted until about five minutes after Conor came aboard, four of which were spent beating out the on-deck fires after he blew away part of the deck in an effort to blast a flock of bats that were swarming the ship, and the other minute running away from the dock he'd set on fire. Victim, in one of his extremely rare moments of non-apathy, renamed the ship. The Captain, figuring the Golden Goose is a dumb name for a pirate vessel, went along with the name change. The Collateral Damage can easily be distinguished from the Forgotten Freedom by the fact that there's almost always some piece of the ship missing with fire-blackened or acid-burned fringes. Conor: Can the brig wait a few minutes, Captain? There's a stowaway here. :twitch: And the cleric set her bed on fire. I had nothing to do with it this time. Capt. Scotty: Sure you didn't. Just like you had nothing to do with those potions in the cookpot. Conor: Victim did it. Lance: :rolleyes: Yeah, sure the apathetic tinplate did it. We all know he's a master alchemist. *Lance strolls over to Razor Edge and looks the Cambion over* ...So what's your deal, Spiky Boy? Any reason we shouldn't toss you over the railing to take a short trip to meet the Keeper? *on the deck, trailing behind the ship by a length of sturdy chain* Edge: When I get back on board, I am going to smite Conor so hard he'll end up halfway through the bottom of the ship.
Darakhoranon 01-18-07, 04:45 AM	As if Eberron needed another assortement of lunatic maniacs.... What are the rules, by the way? Who is allowed to post additions to crew/story/collateral damage? With all the crazy stuff going on (and since I lack the patience to catch up on who knows how many pages of FF madness), I think thereīs a need for a different kind of organization... I think Iīll open a new thread (including posting rules and the like) sometime in the next few days.
Eled_the_Worm_Tamer 01-18-07, 06:07 PM	Great thread, but you hear that wailing sound? thats Kieth crying over what we do to his world. You dont see this on the FR boards... Of corse you dont see me there much iether :mage:
Razoredge 01-18-07, 08:48 PM	Razor Edge: :rofl: Ha ha! Good question, berk. I'm still trying to figure that one out myself. Though I could ask the same of you. *He sheathes his swords, and looks Lance over.* :uh-huh: :twitch: You don't look like a modron, or anything else from those barmy Planes of Order... *He looks around, noting the scorched walls and apparent disorder of the place. The whole thing looks like it's about to come apart at any moment.* :evillaugh Well, whatever you Primes are, and wherever you're from, I want in on this... 364) Lance is not a modron. Nor is Edge. Or Victim. Even if the Cambion might think they are. They're Warforged. 365) No. Compacting the Warforged into a cube shape and fusing mechanical wings with their forms will not make them modron. 366) Nor will polymorphing them into gelatinous cubes and strapping steel plates to their bodies. 367) This is not an excuse to test that theory. 368) Because the artificer is banned from conducting all forms of experimentation. Magical, technological, or otherwise. 369) He doesn't have a lab. Or even a kitchen. Apparently he blew it up last week with the staff of Bigby's Crushing Tactical Nuke that doesn't even exist. 370) No one may use the Cambion as their guinea pig for a series of transgender experiments. Especially if he enjoys the mutation of his own body. 371) Modron aren't the Borg. Nor are the warforged. 372) ... No. The Cambion isn't Borg, either. Even if he has his way of assimilating others into his own "collective". 373) He's the Harbinger of Disorder and Entropy. 374) ... and he doesn't assimilate. He seduces or destroys. Quit prying into his personal life! 375) The crew are banned from dressing the Cambion in drag. This includes the Captain. 376) Because the Cambion isn't gay! He isn't Batman. He just likes underwear. 377) This doesn't mean he may dress as Catwoman, either. Even if tight black PVC suits him. 378) Who told you? Stop harassing the Cambion! 379) Calling the Cambion gay will result in being bitten. 380) ... forget that he's been seen nude in the cleric's bedroom. 381) ... because biting has been banned. Quit asking. 382) Anyone who asks about biting again will be fed to the Cambion for breakfast. Especially you Daina... Razor Edge: Hey! Look, what's that, over there? :schemes: *runs off down the hall after the cleric*
Kassil 01-18-07, 11:39 PM	As if Eberron needed another assortement of lunatic maniacs.... What are the rules, by the way? Who is allowed to post additions to crew/story/collateral damage? With all the crazy stuff going on (and since I lack the patience to catch up on who knows how many pages of FF madness), I think thereīs a need for a different kind of organization... I think Iīll open a new thread (including posting rules and the like) sometime in the next few days. Additions to crew: if you have a character who'd fit here, as opposed to the flying circus/madhouse of the Forgotten Freedom, you're free to join in. Just post the intro so we know who the character is, and do try to avoid 'ubers' like the FF has. Conor is going to be bad enough with his quirk of just about all of his manufactured items eventually exploding. Additions to story: Anyone with a character. QED. Additions to rules: Free-for-all, although we'd prefer to avoid ones that are utterly nonsensical and pointless. Comedy > all And to quote our illustrious Captain, you can go ahead and set up a new thread, but it isn't likely to migrate over there... Although the idea is appreciated. And now... Lance: Hey! No ditching when I'm not done making fun of you yet! *sprints down the hall after Razor Edge, pulling a Wand of Web he picked up on the way out of Conor's repeatedly-blown-up lab from his belt* Conor: Erm. It might not be a good idea to use that... There's a lot of open flame on the ship... :mymy: Capt. Scotty: Conor. Brig. Now. Conor: Yessir.
Phantomcrossing 01-19-07, 12:21 AM	I'll re frame, I'm actually waiting to hear how your crossover game goes with Norbaz. I've given your DM the info, now its just a waiting game that i look forward to seeing, at least secondhand, the outcome of.
Muir 01-19-07, 03:16 AM	Capt. Scotti: *inspecting the hold to see if there is any damage someone has 'forgotten' to tell him about* "What's that snoring?" *finds a dwarf in a stained tunic sleeping* "Hey! you were that contractor, won the bid to fix our ship in exchange for some of Connor's failed experiments! Why are you on my ship?" *starts kicking him but stops when a fist-sized wooley grey spider scuttles out of the dwarf's unkempt beard and nips him in the toe.* Klauph Rootgrokker "Mph? Whe-Wha'm I still on tha ship? Tankard, I told you not to bite me while I'm working!" *spider hisses/chitters* "Oh? Moight be right; they are known for reducing things to a more primal state. Hello again, Captain. I don't suppose you could maybe use a repairman on board? I promise that no matter what else falls apart in my presence, I can keep the ship whole." Capt. Scotti: "You might be useful...why do I feel like I drained several jars of whiskey?" Klauph:"Did Tankard bite you? Might be you want to see a cleric, if you have one on board. She's from someplace really cold, and her venom has a high alcohol content, keeps it from freezing. Me, I'm used to her bites, but you, Captain, might be in a bit of trouble." Klauph Rootgrokker, Arcane Heirophant, ex-member of the Ashbound, ex (or maybe current) Child of Winter, and inadvertant stowaway Klauph left the Ashbound once he realized arcane magic was easier to use for breaking non-organics apart. He left the Children of Winter (his memory is still a bit hazy as to whether he told anyone else in the sect about his resignation) once he came up with a theory that the world would end in fire, not frost. Either way, he knows it is coming to an end, and the end will come soon. For a time he set up as a general repair contractor, repairing items belonging to those who helped hasten the end, subtly sabotaging one belonging to those who do not. He had heard few details about the Collateral Damage company, but Tankard told him a lot more, and he heartily approves of their endeavours, and looks forward to aiding them. Klauph dresses in a ragged tunic, and doesn't pay much attention to his personal appearance. He tries to sound educated, or at least keep his accent neutral, but it tends to creep back in occasionally. 383)No one is to try to use Connor's non-existant lab to modify Tankard. 384)Especially not to make her produce venom containing hallucinogens. 385)Trying to modify venom milked from the spider is likewise forbidden. 386)Unless you are trying to distill a poison-free liquor from it. 387)Klauph is forbidden to tell Connor anything else about boom shrooms; just his knowing of their existance is bad enough. 388) At least they don't grow on Eberron. 389) What do you mean, you grew some in the privy? 390) Klauph and Connor are forbidden from growing boom shrooms in the bathroom. 391) Using dirty dishes as a growth medium is likewise unacceptable. 392) The laundry is also off limits. 393)No, you may not try to grow boom shrooms using Victim's bodily fluids! 394)Why? For starters, he is far more useful alive than as a suicide bomber! 395) No one may conduct any experiments involving boom shrooms aboard the ship, or in our current base of operations, or near any property belonging to us. 396) The sewers of Sharn are still okay.
Razoredge 01-19-07, 08:42 AM	Lance: Hey, you. Come back here! :fight!: Razor Edge:*still running* :pbbbtt: Hah! Not likely, berk. Now, where's that cleric... *He turns a corner, runs through the door into another room, tossing a sackful of caltrops behind him... only to stumble across the dwarf and Capt'n Scotti* Ho there, cutters! You wouldn't be able to lann me which way your lovely cleric ran, would ya...? :plotting: Lance: *loud clattering echoes from the hallway* :censored: Hold it, Spiky Boy! I'm not that easy to stop! :headexplo Razor Edge: :doh: Uh-Oh :censored:! Sorry cutters, but I'll have to wig-wag with you another time. I've got some tail to chase. :shifty: *runs off again* [Additional note: Once I can think of some more rules, I'll edit them in here, or attach to a clean post. :cool:]
Darakhoranon 01-19-07, 09:32 AM	Well, first things first... Sooner or later, weīll need someone to counter the madness and havoc spread by you and the... glorious... Forgotten Freedom. And Iīd rather not be forced to take wing myself. You see, thereīs this HOT girl, and I... Back to topic: Iīll think of something or someone to add to your crew.
Kaizer_Ryu 01-19-07, 10:42 AM	Sooner or later, weīll need someone to counter the madness and havoc spread by you and the... glorious... Forgotten Freedom. We already do...sort of. They're just not very good at it. :D :shifty: Oh, by the way. If any of you see a legion or five of Dramadars (Inevitable of the Overly Dramatic), Muliebris' (Inevitable of Crossgender Roleplay), Naggats (Inevitable of X-Nazi's, X = Grammar, Rules, etc), Jerneks (Inevitable of jerks from evil to Magnificent), or Comicus' (Inevitable of Anime, Webcomic, Videogame, or Manga Spoofing/Ripoffs), I'm not here. :hides: The Gram'mar (Inevitable of Spelling and Grammar Checks) is cool. He's one of mine.
Darakhoranon 01-19-07, 05:22 PM	While Capt.Scotti and Klauph Rootgrokker are still looking after Razor Edge, they suddenly hear heavy footfalls drawing nearer and nearer. MANY heavy footfalls... Capt.Scotti turns around to see nearly a whole legion of inevitables entering the hold. Capt.Scotti: Hold it right there! What do you want? Inevitable: We have come to bring you to justice, Jarlot. Drop your weapons! Capt.Scotti: Hey, hey, wait a second! Iīm not Jarlot, Iīm CAPTAIN Scotti!!! Inevitable: Our mistake. In that case, can you tell us where we can find a being called "Kaizer_Ryu"? Capt.Scotti: Try the Forgotten Freedom. And get the hell OUT OF HERE!
Kassil 01-19-07, 07:25 PM	Lance: Now I've got you! *fires off the Wand of Web at Razor Edge as the Cambion goes past the kitchen, sending the sticky webs exploding out everywhere - including into the kitchen and the cookfire* -------- Conor: *sidetracking into his 'lab' on the way to the brig* Surely the Captain won't mind if I just check in on one or two of my experiments before I head on down to the brig... Oh, fantastic! It's finished! *He snatches up a gleaming golden ring that was laying in the middle of a broken-open mold, obviously having been left to cool* Conor: :evillaugh At last, it's finished! The schema I got from that suspicious-looking fellow in a black cloak in a tavern in the depths of Sharn worked just like he (or was it she? I couldn't see past those tentacles...) said it would. But I need a test subject to make sure it actually works... Victim: Didn't the Captain tell you to go to the brig, Conor? Conor: ...Perfect! Here, Victim, try this on, and then I'll head right to the brig. Victim: ...I'm going to explode, or catch fire, or melt, or get the Song That Never Ends stuck in my head, aren't I? *slips the ring on and promptly disappears* ...I'm invisible? Conor: Camoflauged, actually. Behold! The power of the Two Ring! ------ Anonymous Mindflayer in a Black Cloak: The fool! He made it! Soon, the Two Ring will open the way for the return of the daelkyr and the wrath of Xoriat! :88E:
Muir 01-20-07, 04:15 AM	Klauph: *staring after Lance and Razor Edge and the departing inevitables* "People come and go so quickly around here...So you do have a cleric? And an attractive one at that? You really should seek her out, Captain; I do not make a habit of praying for antivenom spells, and your foot is turning purple." Capt. Scotti *stands up and staggers, somewhat drunkenly* "Not a bad idea, not at aaall...while I'm at it I can show her why I'm the captain, and she's just a cleric." Klauph*sniff, sniff* "I smell something burning...smells like burnt beans...and spiderwebs..." Captain S: "Connnnooor! To the kitchen, Klauph!"
TheGrandAdmiral 01-20-07, 08:37 PM	Victim: Hey look! A cute little rabbit. Visus: (Changes into a very ugly rat). What, you dare call me a bunny? AHHHHHHHHHHHH (7d6 -7 sonic admage) Visus: Once an extremely gifted chageling psion specializing in sonic attacks, he once made a little too big of a bang and his neighboring epic spellcaster permanently turned him into a mouse, to stop the racket. However, this only made the noise higher in pich, and thus more painful. Also, as a result of his being a changeling, he discovered his ability to change between small rodent forms. Climbed aboard as a bilge rat and has been wreaking havoc ever since.
Kassil 01-20-07, 08:42 PM	Victim: *surprised that he was missed* ...Strange. Conor: Ow... Why the :censored: did you blast me, you Khyber-spawned rodent!? The Warforged target said it, not me! Victim: ...Bets he can't see me? I like this ring! Conor: :censored:
LittleTsunami 01-21-07, 12:20 AM	Daina:*wandering around the main deck, spinning in small circles*Lackoo..lackoo...lackoo...lackoo ..... Daina:Lackoo...lackoo...lackoo.... Daina:Lackoo...lackoo...lackoo.... Daina:Lackoo..lackoo...lackoo.... Daina:*whacks Magenta Daina* You were off by half a beat!! Daina:*pouts* Daina:*stops twirling and looks up at nothing in particular* I should set the clouds on fire...
FreAkOuTRG 01-21-07, 10:58 AM	Pentrien: Eh. Not worth it. All fizzle, no flare. *while staring at the sky* Although claimed by many to be slightly insane, Pentrien maintains that he has a healthy relationship with the voices in his head. Pentrien began his career as a sorceror when he was 12, when he was bitten by a purple banana (or so he claims). He spends most of his time developing spells such as Pentriens bananarang, and Pentriens uber fantastical pot glazing technique.
FreAkOuTRG 01-21-07, 12:17 PM	In truth, Pentrien became an extremely gifted sorceror at the age of six. Growing up the son of a brewery worker, by age 7 he had created a cantrip that got rid of hangovers and headaches, and turned your breath a lovely shade of green. His father however, was often drunk. When he found out his son had magic talent, he had him create useless, flashy spells. When his son created more useful spells, the man beat him in a drunken rage. By the time he was 15, Pentrien had learned not to try anymore. After his father died in a brewing accident (the manager said that it was the best batch that they had had in 20 years), Pentrien took to wandering, sometimes using his otherwise useless spells in a somewhat clever manner. Currently 17, Pentrien is on board an airship. He isn't currently aware of the fact that he is on an airship (He had switched places with a beerkeg, in an attempt to help his team defeat a platoon of singing kungfu hamsters he had accidently created. Oddly enough, the keg exploded and got the hamsters drunk, marking one of the few times his useless spells had actually done something benificial). Pentriens fabulous beer summoning/body banishing. Replaces users body with a keg of beer, sends user to place where keg came from. Pentriens Kung-fu singing hamsters. Summons 1d4+1 awakened hamsters with 2 levels in bard and 2 levels in monk. Upon summoning, the hamsters promptly break into song: Oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh Everybody was kung-fu fighting Those kicks were fast as lightning In fact it was a little bit frightning But they fought with expert timing They were funky China men from funky Chinatown They were chopping them up and they were chopping them down It's an ancient Chinese art and everybody knew their part From a feint into a slip, and kicking from the hip Everybody was kung-fu fighting Those kicks were fast as lightning In fact it was a little bit frightning But they fought with expert timing There was funky Billy Chin and little Sammy Chung He said here comes the big boss, lets get it on We took a bow and made a stand, started swinging with the hand The sudden motion made me skip now we're into a brand knew trip Everybody was kung-fu fighting Those kicks were fast as lightning In fact it was a little bit frightning But they did it with expert timing ...make sure you have expert timing Kung-fu fighting, had to be fast as lightning
LittleTsunami 01-21-07, 02:42 PM	Daina:*tilts head to look at Pentrien* Weirdo.
FreAkOuTRG 01-21-07, 03:04 PM	*:D* Hiya.
Kassil 01-21-07, 03:12 PM	Edge: *still swinging from the back of the ship by a few lengths of chain* Will the two of you stop talking about the :censored: clouds and help me get back on the :censored: airship!?
FreAkOuTRG 01-21-07, 03:18 PM	Pentrien: Airship? *Looks down* Oh. I thought I was trying a new spell... new spell... hmmmmmm...
LittleTsunami 01-21-07, 03:22 PM	Daina:I'm hungry again. Daina:Ditto. Daina:*starts walking toward the brig* I wonder what we have on the menu for today.
FreAkOuTRG 01-21-07, 03:24 PM	Pentrien begins muttering and fumbling his fingers in complex gestures. A loud poof sounds off below Edge.
FreAkOuTRG 01-21-07, 03:27 PM	Below Edge is a white bunny the size of an elephant, with blue bat wings. The bunny rises upwards, taking Edge with it.
LittleTsunami 01-21-07, 03:36 PM	Daina:*stops to look at the flying rabbit* Daina:Bwu? Daina:Bun-bun!!! Daina:BUNNY!!!! Daina:*grins and leaps at the rabbit, dagger extended* Lunch and bath at the same time. This is turning out to be a good day. *catches the rabbit by it's front paw and sinks her teeth in*
FreAkOuTRG 01-21-07, 03:39 PM	Bunny: Hey! That stung! *Bites back*
LittleTsunami 01-21-07, 03:45 PM	Daina:*shakes Edge off the rabbit before plunging her dagger into the evil creature's heart* Daina:*crying* Daina:Aw..don't worry sweetie..we'll let you kill the next one. Daina:Yay!!
Kassil 01-21-07, 04:14 PM	Edge :nonono: Just what this place needed... More lunatics. *drops back off past the ship, still tangled in the chains Lance trapped him in* I wonder if this counts as suffering towards status as a martyr. ---- Lance: *carefully hiding the Wand of Web, although how he manages it is a good question given his lack of anything but a belt and a baldric holding the greatsword that was copied from Edge's blade* Talk about hot situations. Hey, Spiky Boy! There oughta be a lever in there to put dump some weird alchemical mess Conor made to put the fires out! Think you can find it, or is that too different from trying to find a cute girl?
TheGrandAdmiral 01-21-07, 04:19 PM	The shadow of a colossal kobold and its rabbit(reptilian) familiar shadow The Collateral Damage. As they shrink down to normal size the rabbit hits Daina straight on the head. Visus, in rabbit form, teleports into the scene. Visus: MUAHHAHAHAH infinite strenght rabbit! Pun-Pun: Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids!
LittleTsunami 01-21-07, 04:20 PM	Diana: *pokes head into the kitchen* Did someone say cute girl? I'macutegirlifIsaysomyselfthoughI'monlya scuteastheoneIwasclonedofandthatwouldbeD ainathoughtI'mcuterthanherIthinkandnotas crazynonotascrazyatall!! (Yes..that was all in one breath.) Diana:OrmaybeI'moneofthsoesillylittlekid swhojusthopsonthingsandpretendsI'msomeon ewhoI'mreallynotbecauseit'sconvienientfo rmeandIjustwanttoeatlittlebabiesandoo... .shiney... ------ Daina:*looks up at whatever hit her* Hm? Oh. Hello Miss Polish. How are you? Explaining Diana No Diana is not really a clone of Daina. She is one of Daina's voices. No we aren't informing Daina or Diana of this. Nor are we telling them how one managed to escape. Blame Conor.
FreAkOuTRG 01-21-07, 04:47 PM	Pentrien: Shiney? Where's the shiney?
FreAkOuTRG 01-21-07, 04:53 PM	:lightbulb Pentriens Shiny's! *begins muttering again* ZEEEEEEEEERP! *Everything within 30 feet of Pentrien is made of gold. Including people.* Closer inspection reveals it's only fools gold...
Kassil 01-21-07, 06:27 PM	OOKassil: Hey, Pun-Pun. Pun-Pun: What? Kassil: You're in Eberron, not the FR. Which means you get to go off to wherever deities reside, with all those Divine Ranks. Pun-Pun: :mymy: *poof* OOKassil: ...I always wonder why everyone feels the need to bring that useless exploit into these things. :nonono: ----- Edge: ...I really hope that spell is temporary, or else the new kid's gonna be in a world of trouble.
FreAkOuTRG 01-21-07, 06:45 PM	*Wanders off*
Razoredge 01-21-07, 11:53 PM	Razor Edge: *darts to the side, and rolls away from the sticky, flammable cobwebs, but not before something catches fire in the kitchen... and the whole thing explodes with a violent bang. :headexplo But rather than being angry, like most addlecoved Clueless might think, the Cambion laughs. Chuckling to himself, the sooty, singed fiend inspects the lever to dump said alchemical mess onto the flames...* Now, I wonder what this does :plotting: *He says with a mischevious grin... and pushes it in the wrong direction.* Ooops. :schemes: *Laughs and runs... bumping into Diana on the way out* Oi, watch where you're going, berk! I nearly ran into.... :OMG! :tie: *He lifts Diana up, throws her over his shoulder, and runs off, not realising that she isn't Daina at all* :evillaugh 397) The kitchen is strictly off limits for all purposes, contraband or otherwise... except for cooking. 398) No. You may not hide gun-powder in the cookpot, and pretend it's pepper. 399) Because we can tell the difference, especially when Victim suddenly explodes, and the Cambion chortles evilly. 400) For this reason, the Cambion is not allowed within a hundred feet of the kitchen... 401) ... Or Connor's non-existent secret lab. 402) ... Or any other part of the ship that might contain flammable alchemical substances. 403) He is not allowed to carry said flammables on his person. 404) ...Or smuggle any onto the ship. 405) Because smuggling is banned, as are all other shady activities.
Kassil 01-22-07, 12:41 AM	Lance: ...Oh :censored: The Warforged dives back down the hall, nearly taking out the Captain and the dwarf as the kitchen's flames gutter out with an ominous purple glow, and thick tendrils of greyish smoke (or is it mist?) start to ooze out. ...And then the whole mess ignites with a spectacular flash and an explosion that sends the entire kitchen, fragments of the hull, and half a dozen very startled redshirts spinning towards the ground below. ----- Edge: ...Right. Conor, or someone else? ...Conor, definitely. The Warforged Paladin/Warlock works an arm loose, grabbing one length of chain, and proceeds to start blasting the other chains apart so he can haul himself aboard again. ----- Victim: Huh. An explosion I wasn't in the middle of? I really like this ring. Conor: ...Wasn't that from the direction of the kitchens? 406) Honest. We're not smuggling. Or pirating. Or anything else. 407) At least not if anyone official is asking...
LittleTsunami 01-22-07, 01:23 AM	Diana:*tilts head to one side as she is being abducted* WhatareyoudoingIdon'tthinkI'msupposedtog owithyouwhoeveryouarewherearewegoignwill therebecheeseandbloodandsugarandbloodche esecreamwouldbegoodtowithsomecrayonsandp aperandIlikeclocksdoyouthinkwe'llseeanyc lockswherewe'regoinglikeanewclockwithras berrylungsnadtartsthattastelikelittleboy sthumbsandheyisthatmymommyareyoumymommym ommywhydidyouburndownallouroldhousesandw hyamIonyourshoulderandwhyarewegoingsoqui cklytowhereeveritiswearegoingisitshineya ndpinkishtherecanwehaveabowlofbrainsandc herryblossomstherewithmusicthatsoundslik elittlechildrenbeinghurtbeyondimaginatio nandmaybesometoydoggieswithbowstiedaroun dtheirthroatsandmagicalgirlsequencesarec oolthoughIwouldn'twanttobethedumbblondel eaderwhoendsupbeingkidnappedallthetimeth atwouldreallysuckyouknowwhatelsesuckstoo mymouthlikesukingonlollipopsandcattoysar ereallyniftywithallthatnipstuffthatgoesn yanyanyanyanyanyanyanyaandstuffandmewmew memewmewmewmewandmeowmeowmeowwoofgrrrawr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ! ------------------ Daina:*currently made of iron pyrite* Odd..I feel like I'm having an..oh..this is cool...I wonder if I can pawn myself...
Kassil 01-22-07, 02:43 AM	OOKassil: ...Oh, dear Siberys... Diana is a Dragonlance Gnome.
Darakhoranon 01-22-07, 03:27 AM	...And then the whole mess ignites with a spectacular flash and an explosion that sends the entire kitchen, fragments of the hull, and half a dozen very startled redshirts spinning towards the ground below. Suddenly a man wearing black leather armour steps out of the empty air. Apart from the fact that his golden eyes have slitted pupils, he looks human. Aurixirthos: Scotti! HEEL!!! Capt.Scotti: CAPTAIN Scotti, if you please! Aurixirthos: Whatever. The redshirts are a trademark of the Forgotten Freedom. So if you donīt want our ubers to sue you for copyright infringement, you should change their shirts colour... Oh, and OOKassil: At least we havenīt seen any Kenders around here - not yet, anyway...
Kaizer_Ryu 01-22-07, 04:29 AM	Meh, there's plenty of Redshirts to go around. We're not even bothering to hire new ones anymore. Between the infestation of Alternates and the Cloning machine, the FF is set. That way, if they even survive to payday, Squishy only has to give one paycheck per name, and let the potential recipients fight it out. It's economical AND good business! Plus, he gets to charge extra for the crew to watch the death matches. Of course, if they don't want to use Redshirts, they could always use the Crystals (http://wiki.rpg.net/index.php/Forgotten_Freedom:Crystal) no one wants. All they have to do is make sure they think Victim is Kanatash, and wala! Free, yet unbearably annoying help/cannon fodder/meatshields/emergency foodsource/necromancy materials/alchemal test subjects/target practice and more! The ubers would probably pay YOU to take them.
Kassil 01-22-07, 07:33 PM	OOKassil: The entire sci-fi industry beat you to the term decades ago. Expendable crewmembers are always called redshirts, even if their uniforms aren't actually red (ours are forced to dress in a lively blue, just in case Conor's accidents conjure up angry fire elementals; the blue fools them into mistaking our redshirts for water elementals and gives the rest of the crew time to deal with them.). Although if you guys want to offload those Crystals, we'll take 'em. Victim doesn't get enough torment yet.
LittleTsunami 01-23-07, 04:34 AM	OOKassil: ...Oh, dear Siberys... Diana is a Dragonlance Gnome. OOTsunami: You're just jealous.:P
ratslinky 01-23-07, 07:44 PM	OORatslinky: Maybe some one should cast slow on Diana so we can understand her when she speaks
Kas 01-24-07, 05:01 AM	This party needs a bard to sing of their exploits. A bard named Voltaire.
Darakhoranon 01-24-07, 07:59 AM	Aurixirthos: I sincerely hope that your bard will have more talent than our singer... Oh, and does anyone know if Diana is somehow descended from a copper dragon? Those guys can REALLY talk your ears off...
JulesCARV 01-24-07, 11:28 AM	V'ltair'akth (self-styled "Voltaire"), Worg Bard: A self-styled defender of the liberty of the Worgs, Voltaire is a pretentious worg bard. He hates Dhakaani goblins for enslaving and exploiting (in his view) his people. He tends to speak in "elevated," pompous monologues (example: "Though all the hosts of Dhakaan oppose me, my resolve does not waver, for the spirit of worgdom shall not -- cannot -- be crushed!") Originally V'ltair'akth, he changed his name to "Voltaire" because his original "goblin name" was a symbol of "Dhakaani oppression" to him. Although he fancies himself the leader of a great "resistance movement," Voltaire is largely alone in his struggle. In fact, no other worgs can stand the pompous, self-righteous bard. He regards Lhesh Haruuc as "the public face behind which cruel Dhakaani imperialism hides." Voltaire first heard of the Collateral Damage Adventuring Company when he heard of the great Paladin of Freedom, Edge, a champion of liberty and justice for all people. He thought that Edge would be a fine ally in his struggle, and attempted to enlist him. At first, Edge felt some sympathy for the worg, and promised a fair hearing, but refused to delay his adventures, saying that Voltaire would have to come along to explain his cause if he wanted help. Voltaire agreed, and continues to try to persuade Edge to take up the worg cause, although Edge grows continually less sympathetic the more Voltaire tries to persuade him. Realizing that his time with the Collateral Damage party may be limited if it is solely dependent on Edge's hospitality, he has begun acting as the party's bard, using oratory and a howling sort of singing as music. He also chronicles the party's adventures and exploits. Voltaire's greatest fear, as a champion of worg dignity and independence, is that Diana will eventually start finding him cute, and start to snuggle with and pet him. Oddly enough, Voltaire is not nearly as afraid of the just-as-real danger that Diana will decide to eviscerate him and wear his skin as a fur coat. Note: I hope I'm not being presumptuous in talking about how other characters like Edge would initially react to Voltaire. If Kassil or LittleTsunami have any objections to how I portray their characters' reaction, then correct me.
Darakhoranon 01-25-07, 03:48 AM	Not much danger there. We all like messing with each otherīs characters...:schemes: Thereīll be a surprise waiting on her bed when Daina returns to her room.
Richmud 01-25-07, 10:03 AM	I seem to have lost the battle to not get involved in this, hopefully my minimal knowledge of eberron doesn't mess anything up, please feel free to correct me if I mess up. I'm working under the assumption that there is a nameless crew of experts and commoners aboard the ship if thats wrong please tell me and I'll redo this post A changeling in its natural form appears slightly above the airship and falls to the deck below. Dox: Ow, I don't think this is where I wanted to go. He looks around and notices the various nameless grew members busy working. Several of them suddenly stop working and walk over to him. Dox: Um...do any of you have an uncontrollable urge to obey me? Crew: Yes master Dox: Not again, um...please go back to doing your normal work Crew: Yes master The crew then returns to work but are obviously now much more engrossed in their work then they were a few moments before Dox, the reluctant thrallherd Dox spent most of his life hiding among various groups of psionisists and learning what he could from. Once he felt he had completed enough of his training he went out into the world, his goal was at first one of travel and learning but as he explored he saw instance of what he considered great injustice and tyranny by the silly laws everyone seemed to obey. He decided he would find a way to free everyone from the bonds of law and obedience and began to study the subject. Unfortunately he came across a special psionic thought pattern which when used causes people to become enslaved. He found after reading about he could not stop thinking it and soon he was surrounded by a group of slaves. This was a nightmare for him and he has spent all his life after that searching for a way to stop himself. His most recent attempt involved a trip to a secret kalashtar monastery, unfortunately the telport power failed to work correctly and he found himself landing on an airship.
Razoredge 01-25-07, 11:28 AM	Razor Edge: *sets the babbling Diana down on her feet, but doesn't release his hold on her, and eyes her warily. :uh-huh: :shifty: She might be acting barmy, but she certainly doesn't look it. :looloo: Nor does she look or act like a Xaositect, or any other of the numerous varied creatures that call the Cage kip. In fact, upon closer inspection, he sees that this isn't Daina at all... but some other red-eyed, thunderstruck babbling wench wearing her skin* Wait a minute... you're not Daina. :nonono: Who - or what - in the Abyss are you?
Kassil 01-25-07, 09:44 PM	OOKassil: Voltaire looks quite amusing, and that's a fairly apt way for Edge to react, particularly since the longer he stays aboard the CD, the more jaded he gets. ----- Edge: Onatar's brass :censored:, I am rapidly getting to hate that copy of me. *The warforged paladin-warlock surveys the deck, noting the glittering statues of metal, and sighs* Right, then. Looks like I've got my work cut out breaking this magic up. At least I've got the tricks for it. ----- Conor: Err, Victim? *silence* Victim? *silence* VICTIM! IF YOU DON'T ANSWER ME, I AM GOING TO BLAST YOU TO PIECES! Victim: Oh, sure, threaten me with dismantlement. It's nothing new, you know. Everyone wants to take me apart, put me in danger, do horrible things to me. Except... This ring. :love: ----- 408. Profession (Pimp) is banned, along with all other 'carnal' professions. 409. The Warforged are not bait. Of any kind. At all. 410. Not permitted to set fire to local structures because one of Daina's personalities is complaining about being afraid of the dark. 411. Or for any other reason. 412. Unless we have a legitimate reason. 413. Looting the ruins is not a legitimate reason. 414. Unless it's a lot of gold. 415. And there aren't witnesses. 416. This doesn't mean you should kill any witnesses, Daina! 417. Or you, Lance! 418. Voltaire is not allowed to get Conor to devise a magical insturment for him. 419. Because the last time he did, we wound up with bagpipes that shot fire from the tubes, that's why. 420. Razor Edge is not permitted to seduce the crew of the ship. 421. Or Pontiff Jaela. 422. Or any other heads of state. 423. Or any other kind of major important figure. 424. Okay, he can try for Vol, but that's just nasty. 425. Daina is not allowed to moon people with her dragonmark. 426. Or introduce herself with her full name. 427. How the :censored: did she get an elf-only mark, anyhow? 428. On second thought, we don't want to know. 429. Dox is hereby placed in command of the crew redshirts. Maybe we'll finally get our money's worth out of them. 430. Yes, I know we don't actually pay them. 431. No one is to tell this to Edge. Or Voltaire. 432. Lance, on the other hand, is allowed to know. 433. Because we made him the ship's paymaster. 434. He's the only orderly one of you bloody lot! Stop complaining! 435. Conor is forbidden from building an amplifier helmet for Dox. 436. Even if it would mean a huge increase in our expendable forces. 437. Because it might override our will saves, that's why! 438. Conor is forbidden from becoming a Cataclysm Mage. 439. Because he causes enough cataclysms without those powers. 440. Razor Edge is not allowed near the Silver Flame. 441. The Silver Flame is not for holding BBQs with. 442. Tira Mirron did not offer advice on seasoning the meat. 443. ...nice flavor, though. 444. We are not agents of the Lords of Dust! 445. Or the daelkyr! 446. Or the quori! 447. Or anyone else! 448. Unless they pay really well! 449. No one is to tell either of the paladins this. 450. The punishment for violating 449 is to be airdropped into Flamekeep disguised as a werewolf.
Darakhoranon 01-26-07, 08:40 AM	Daina enters her room and sees a present wrapped in red (blood red) paper lying on her bed. Daina: Whatīs this? After opening it she sees: A plushie. A WORG plushie. Aurixirthos: Itīs nice to have access to the worldīs greatest plushificer, isnīt it?:schemes:
Richmud 01-26-07, 08:55 AM	451: You can not kill the crew so Dox can collect better looking slaves 452: Or more effective slaves 453: Or slaves with better skills 454: Making it look like an accident does not get you around rules 451-453 455: Just stop trying to kill the crew so Dox's power effects new people
Darakhoranon 01-26-07, 09:41 AM	456: At least donīt TRY to kill the crew. DO it! 457 (Addition to 421): Thatīs disgusting! Sheīs how old? 12? Leave that to the crew of the Forgotten Freedom...
Kaizer_Ryu 01-26-07, 10:56 AM	458: (addendum to 457) On second thought, she's one of the crew 459: And Captain Jarlot's daughter 460: And, like, 30 now 461: And somehow became an Elf 462: There's always the Ninja Jaela clone 463: Though she's celebate 464: And carries a ninja star bigger than she is, so it's at your own risk 465: I, nor any one else, is liable for any injuries, physical, mental, or otherwise, that result from any attempts to woo said Ninja clone 466: Or anyone else on the Forgotten Freedom 467: OR DAINA 468: Trying 467 is just moronic, that's why 469: Same goes for any of her escaped personalities 470: I'm still allowed to collect the insurance money 471: Because I'm the Captain, that's why 472: You are not to tell the Paladins this
Kassil 01-26-07, 07:21 PM	473. On second thought, tell Lance, he can probably find a way to double it with loophole clauses. 474. Anyone with Profession (Lawyer) is to be thrown overboard immeadiately. 475. Yes, I know we're currently flying over Sharn. 476. No one is allowed to bring the Skyway crashing down. 477. Unless we just bought something there and can make a killing on the insurance. 478. THAT'S NOT LITERAL, DIANA! 479. Victim is to parse all the rules for Daina and her escaped voices so literalism will not be a problem. 480. No one is allowed to blackmail the captain with threats of withholding anything. 481. Or offers of anything. 482. Except money. 483. The Captain only accepts bribes in the form of large quanities of platinum coins. 484. Or rare and extremely valuable gems. 485. No one is to tell this to Edge or Voltaire.
Darakhoranon 01-29-07, 07:53 AM	486. (addendum to 467) Even if you are a half-ogre with an intelligence score of 3. 487. Because you donīt know what the :censored: an "intelligence score" is! 488. (addendum to 467) On second thought, go ahead and try! No member of the crew is required to even POSSESS intelligence... 489. Not even the captain. 490. Especially not the captain. 491. Beings with Profession (Lawyer) are no longer to be thrown overboard. 492. They are to be given to Daina as a "present".
Richmud 01-29-07, 09:43 AM	491. Beings with Profession (Lawyer) are no longer to be thrown overboard. 492. They are to be given to Daina as a "present". Now thats just cruel and unusual punishment.....though I'm not sure for who
Darakhoranon 01-30-07, 08:01 AM	Exactly my point...
SilvercatMoonpaw 01-30-07, 02:20 PM	OOcat: I am so joining this thread. My main contribution will be commenting on the actions of the other characters with the help of my friends. Bunny: That's what it calls us, anyway. :P Silver: Ooooo, new subjects for my "experiments". :devil: 13: Do you realize what would happen if these guys joined the FF? Bunny: The universe would collapse? OOC: The write-ups of the Commentary Crew can be found here (http://wiki.rpg.net/index.php/Forgotten_Freedom:Silver_and_Bunny) and here (http://wiki.rpg.net/index.php/Forgotten_Freedom:13_%28Thyrs%29). They aren't really characters for the thread so much as MST3K-style commentators. It's best to leave them to me.
Darakhoranon 01-31-07, 09:49 AM	OODarakh: As if any of us was stupid enough to even come near them - especially Bunny looks a bit too bloodthirsty today...
Kassil 01-31-07, 01:18 PM	OOKassil: If Fox doesn't do something with Scotti soon, LAnce is going to stage a revolt and take the airship over. After all, he's got levels of wizard, we've got the bard, and if all else fails we can terrorize the elemental with Conor's experiments to make it do what we want. 493. Games of Three Dragon Ante are no longer to be played using dragon scales in place of coin. 494. We are not hunting dragons for more scales just because Lance keeps beating everyone, either. 495. We're hunting them for their hoards. 496. We do not have a victory dance that we do whenever we win a fight. 497. Not does a victory fanfare play. 498. We might have a theme song. 499. It probably gives the quori nightmares, though. 500. Conor is not allowed to create anything to play said theme song. 501. Nor is Voltaire. 502. And Dox cannot get the redshirts to sing it. 503. They're usually too busy screaming and running around while Daina and Diana are chasing them. 504. We are not on a bold mission to discover new worlds. 505. Or new forms of life. 506. Unless someone's paying a really big bounty for them.
Darakhoranon 02-01-07, 03:02 AM	507. And the captain wears a red/black uniform and gets his head shaved. 508. (addendum to 507) Conor wears a green/black one and a "magical" visor. 509. (addendum to 496) We also donīt give a speech everytime we start a fight. 510. Daina DOESN`T change her costume before a fight. 511. Because you wouldnīt concentrate on the enemy, thatīs why!
Darakhoranon 02-01-07, 03:05 AM	512. On the other hand, it might frighten the enemy. 513. We donīt set out on "adventures" in groups of nine. 514. Especially not if a pipe-smoking wizard is in the party. 515. A WEED-SMOKING wizard is okay, though. 516. You are not allowed to create a "magic show" with two white rakshasas in it. 517. Not even if you and your partner are REALLY close friends. 518. ESPECIALLY NOT if you and your partner are really close friends.
Kassil 02-08-07, 04:15 AM	Lance: This... Is boring. I thought the Captain of this ship was doing a better job of causing havoc than this. :ahem: *Lance stalks off, muttering to himself about ineptitude* ----- Conor: Victim, take the ring off. Victim: I think not. Conor: Victim, take the ring off or I'll dismantle your fingers. Victim: :P You have to find me first, you know. This chameleon effect is really rather nice. Conor: :waits: ----- Edge: :mymy: I don't think I've ever seen the crew working this willingly. I wonder what's gotten into them. Dox: *sighs* :raincloud ----- 519. The ship does not have any special trinkets built into it to prevent mutiny. 520. Even if the GM says so to cover his own behind and the Captain's. 521. The GM is not Batman. Get over it. 522. Look, the predominant alignment of the group is chaotic and evil. Not Lawful, not Good. 523. That means we can't be superheroes. 524. Batman is a superhero! 525. Therefore, none of us are Batman! 526. No, Edge is not Batman! 527. Not allowed to throw bottles of Conor's magical rum overboard as bombs. 528. Aurala is not to be referred to as a 'feisty wench'. 529. Even if she is. 530. We are not waking the Tarrasque so Conor and integrate it into the airship. 531. Or for any other reason. 532. Not even revenge on the goblins in Undersharn.
Richmud 02-08-07, 06:19 PM	Crewman: Look master the others onboard are noticing how much better we work now. Dox: Don't call me master Crewman: Sorry master, I won't do it again master Dox: *sigh* I don't even think I can get happy over you disobeying me in this