Post/Author/DateTime	Post
DarkWarriorKarg 05-26-06, 01:18 PM	It's time for some Friday humour! In honour of Secrets of Xen'drik... 1. When interrupting a virgin sacrifice, it is not polite to point out that the victim no longer qualifies. 2. Drow are NOT “simple spear chuckers from Xen’drik”. They have also been known to chuck boomerangs, beads of force, fireballs and the occasional force orb. 3. The party artificer may not create a homunculus that looks like a miniature female drow with butterfly wings, skimpy clothing and wielding a broom of prestidigitation (clean). The broom is too much. 4. You may not address the lizardman guide as Wally. 5. Or as Al’ngator 6. It is generally considered bad form to bed the chieftain’s daughter. 7. If it isn’t considered as such, you might want to find out their marriage traditions. 8. And then find out what happens to the groom after. 9. “George! Watch out for that Treant!” <wham!> 10. You may not have a Beastmaster raised by a tribe of girallions. 11. There is no Temple of Doom. There is a Shrine of Disquieting Results, however. 12. Offering the paladin as a virgin sacrifice to the scorpion god is NOT a negociation tactic. 13. It is wrong to tell the warforged otherwise. 14. When approached by a party of hill giants, there is no need to panic. They may just want to trade. 15. Unless one asks if you can “squeal like a dire piggy” and his companions pull out Large banjos. Then panic is expected.
Kresalak 05-27-06, 12:31 PM	16. The most important lesson. DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!
Ellorin 05-27-06, 02:52 PM	17. Betting on who will be swallowed whole next by the T-Rex is socially unacceptable. 18. And, for the last time, don't "accidentally" spill ketchup or mustard on the kobold (based on a real session).
Thwyvylyn 05-27-06, 03:44 PM	19. It is generally a bad plan to try and capture the local Legendary Ape and bring him back to Sharn for display.
MisterShifter 05-27-06, 07:33 PM	20. Drow boomerangs are actually frisbees. They're only playing with you. Really.
Subtle Knife 05-27-06, 08:03 PM	21. Climbing a tree, beating your chest, and doing the Tarzan battlecry WILL likely attract either 1) confused giants, 2) angry drow, or 3) one hell of a large and hungry Tyrannosaurus. 22. If you can't speak the native tongue, most likely your darkly sinister nemesis will. Things will not end well. 23. Your sadistic DM is developing the game stats for Malaria and/or Ebola virus as you read this. 24. Hungry natives will try and roast your familiar - an opportunity to try out the Improved Familiar feat you took last level... SK
kelvinaw273 05-27-06, 08:39 PM	25. Do not attempt to be understood by the natives by talking slowly and loudly. Drow have sensative ears. 26. Always employ a translator. Make sure you learn phrases from them, and try them out BEFORE you leave civilisation. When facing a large tribe of suspicious dark elves is a bad time to find out that your instructor thought it funny to tell you that "We come in peace and have no designs on you or your land" you thought you said actually means "Hey your sister is hot, can I buy her off you?" 27. When being sacrificed by natives to a gory pre-human deity, it is poor form to defacate on the alter. 28. Screaming with terror is perfectly acceptable and is taken as a complement, though. 29. When raiding forgotten temples, reset all the traps before you leave with the loot. The next group of explorers will appreciate the challenge and the practice. Really. 30. When fleeing for your life from angry tribes of drow, try to cross tree-trunk bridges on the point of collapse, scale impassable cliffs and dodge through Tyranosaurus lairs waking them as you go. It probably will not save you, but the Drow will appreciate the effort and give your shrunken head a place of pride when they get you. 31. The dinosaurs of Xen'dric are entirely natural. They are not the result of some ancient Giant entrepeneur dabbling in forbidden necromancy in order to create a theme park. 32. It is wrong to tell the warforged archeologist this. 33. Don't ask how I know, I just do, OK? 34. I don't care if real archeologists would make drawings of the pristine site and strip away the earth layer by layer, saving all the tiny fragmentary remains as evidence. We are being paiod to bring back expensive goodies, period. 35. It is sometimes significant to talk to local natives about shunned and abandoned ruins they never go near. There may be a very good reason. They may even tell you what it is if you are nice to them. 36. Always try to be friendly and greet people with a smile. Being a thousand miles by overland trek through dinosaur infested jungle from the nearest help can be inconvenient when facing hostile people, and killing the first you see usually adversely effects the attitude of the rest. 37. When captured by native drow, telling them that you are a mighty warrior and great leader in your own land will probably only give them a bad impression of strangers. It also will not help you when it comes to getting sacrificed, although it may change the order in which it happens. 38. When on the alter awaiting the knife, escape attempts are best carried out without regard for the feelings of local customs. Some traditions are best not followed by strangers, and this is one of those you should avoid. 39. When escaping from said situation, where you are running to is less important than what you are running from. 40. If the entire pursuing tribe suddenly stops chasing you, take stock: you may have strayed the wrong way. 41. Or they may have very stealthy run- ! <Urk><thud>
Endless_Helix 05-27-06, 09:05 PM	42. When finding ancient artifacts of a destroyed civilization, you may not decide to play frisbee with the shiny medalion. 43. Stick to using any such artifacts for their intended purpose; the poor gnome never recovered from the wand of fireball... 44. Stormreach is not a "cesspool of squalor and crime, that smells like sh*t". It actually smells quite nice. 45. Giants are not "Michael Jackson on steroids with pumps". 46. Drow are not tantric sacrifice ritual gurus. 47. They just stick to the sacrifice end of things. 48. House Cannith did not patent Xen'drik brand natives. 49. We may not "liberate" the drow and sell them into slavery.
Thwyvylyn 05-27-06, 09:34 PM	50. When in Xen'drik, if a dish has the name of a humanoid attached to it, it is likely made of them and not by them.
SilvercatMoonpaw 05-28-06, 11:18 AM	51. If you even hear the name "Forgotten Freedom", ask the drow to kill you quickly.
Kaizer_Ryu 05-28-06, 12:54 PM	52: The tribe of Amazonian Giants do not take kindly to shameless and/or crude pickup attempts 53: Making fun of their basketball team for not being able to dunk is extremely bad form 54: It's more interesting to watch than men's basketball because they have a better grasp of fundamentals 55: They are not ruled by a fem-bot posing as a fem-puter 56: Being sentenced to death by snoofsnoo is not a cause for celebration 57: I don't care if the skeletons of the last guys looked like they died happy 58: Do you not see what happened to their pelvises?
Eled_the_Worm_Tamer 05-28-06, 03:35 PM	59: Frendly naitves, never are. 60: Abandoned ruins, arent. 61: Lucky escapes, wont be. 62: Sleeping monsters, are faking. 63: Harmless fluffy things are the larval state of acid spiting killing machines 64: Last minute rescues will arive late. 65: In the event of a last minute rescue being in time, it isnt a rescue. 66: Short cuts, never are. ( aplys in Real life too ) 67: Dormant volcainoes, are wating for adventurers.
Lord Kale Fangblade 05-28-06, 04:45 PM	68: two words " Dont Go" ( unless you have a death wish)
yossarius 05-29-06, 12:54 PM	69. Drow mass-mating rituals are sacred events, and should not be interupted with cat-calls and "whoo-whoo"s. 70. When in doubt, assume the drow will not find any practical joke amusing. 71. Realize that the most common last words spoken before drow warriors is "Don't worry; I picked up two whole semesters in conversational drow at Morgrave University." 72. When facing the giant dire gorilla, you will not hum "Shock the Monkey." 73. Nor will you offer him "monkey porn" as a peace offering. 74. And you definately may not capture him alive and ship him back to Sharn as an exhibit. 75. Nothing about were-giraffes are funny. Stop it. 76. Who says the tarresque lives in the mournland? I never said that. 77. The lone hut in the middle of the jungle is not to be referred to as the "Help Desk". 78. And no, Jaela WOULDN'T look good in a leopard skin bikini, so stop saying that.
ravenspawn 05-30-06, 01:45 AM	79. That tiny hut is not Baba-Yaga's summer cottage 80. The verdant ruins of the Giant Wizard is not where the warforged will find a heart. It is wrong to tell the warforged this. 81. If the drow tribe welcomes you with smiles & invite you to their feast as guests of honor, check for suspicious bubbling cauldrons no one is eating from yet...you may be on the menu. 82. Do not tease the Shifter by saying they have family members living in the jungles. 83. It is wrong to sell the idea to House Cannith to built luxury resorts on Xend'rik and to use drow as cheap labor.
Straylight 05-30-06, 05:43 AM	84. Everything is bigger in Xen'drik. This isn't a mine -it's an anthill. 85. War drums in the distance is perfectly normal jungle ambience. It's when the War Drums stop that you should start to worry. 86. If the guide is cautious and alert, you're probably safe. If he is confident and sure of himself, you're in trouble. 87. If the same birdcalls follow you for more than one mile, it's a trap. 88. If it looks perfectly safe, it's a trap. 89. If there's nowhere anybody could possibly hide, it's a trap. 90. It's a trap. 91. No, getting lost in the jungle is NOT an excuse to persuade the female paladin that your wounds must be bandaged with strips torn from her clothes, thus forcing her to wear a leaf bikini. 92. Do not go diving in the pool beneath the waterfall no matter how pristine and refreshing it looks. Piranhas, alligators, and startled, scantily (or un)clad native maidens flock to such locations, and invaribly lead to unplesant results. 93. If you find yourself in the hospitable company of natives and notice one of their women seems to have taken an interest in you (furtive glances when nobody is looking, winks from across the dance fires, etc), avoid her at all costs: she is the chief's daughter and any interaction with her will greatly offend the chief. 94. They travel in pairs. If you got one, look out: it's mate won't be far away. 95. If you got one of the little ones, look out: mommy won't be far away. 96. Any creature bearing natural markings resembling daggers, skulls, bones, fangs or scythes should be avoided at all costs. 97. There's always a bigger one. 98. The expedition is already dead: plan to recover remains, not survivors.
Nived 05-30-06, 11:36 AM	99. Deciding to use a UMD check to activate the thing you just found in the anceint ruins blindly is probably not a good idea. 100. Singing Hakuna Matata, while catchy, will not free you from your worries. 101. Or the Drow planning to sacrifice you. 102. When you see a halfing sized creature standing in the middle of the path with a smile on its face... its an ambush, and its not polite to ask where its mommy is. (sadly something from a game) 103. Gold plating the warforged will not make the native drow "Think (he) is a god". 104. It is wrong to tell the warforged this.
Wexquif 05-31-06, 12:16 PM	105. Theres a chance you'll see some warforged. No one really has any idea about this. 106. If you see a drow wielding to scimars, get out. Your DM is not true to Eberron.
Thrincold 05-31-06, 12:41 PM	107. You are not Bugs Bunny. Jumping into the pot you are to be cooked in will not result in a warm bath or comedy. 108. Just because you made friends with one group of Drow does not keep you safe from being sacrificed/ eaten by the next. (In game problem) 109. Cyclopean ruins will include same-sized traps and monsters. 110. Anything built for people your size is probably a trap or monster den. 111. This is not starwars, the cute little teddy bear creatures will not set you free and befriend you before you become dinner. (In game I did this to my players :evillaugh )
Kresalak 05-31-06, 06:17 PM	112. Watch the new King Kong before playing. Your DM probably already did, and you should be prepared. 113. Indiana Jones too. 114. (The Nazis are the Karrnathi, and the SS are the Claw, just so you know.) 115. If you find a big, giant sized box, close your eyes before opening it. 116. If you are captured by drow, the artificer might be able to wow them with technology. Or at least provide a nice diversion as he takes a one while activating an item. 117. If your elf starts mutating into new subraces as you travel, don't worry. This is a natural thing for elves, and not a function of the horrible thing that is about to kill you.
Raziel_Brokodar 05-31-06, 06:39 PM	16. The most important lesson. DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING! ...that or... 118. Don't go to Xen'drik if you value your life. :P 119. Beware of Giants, horrid apes, or anything else that will likely kill you, to avoid this refer to tip #118
kidman 06-01-06, 09:02 PM	120) stay out of the water, it is never as calm as it looks. 121) watch out the grass is known to bite 123) dont chase a lone drow because they are never actually alone 124) the 5ft leeches do not help thin your blood. 125) do not get in a strangers boat... 126) even if they have candy... 127) even if its chocolate 128) Giants do not appriciate you walking in while they are taking a $h*t. 129) or whatever else giants do in the bathroom (eww god that is discusting why did i even think of that) 130) duct-tape will not fix solve every problem 131) if you dont belive me about 130 ask spineless fred 132) or handless george 133) dire wolves are not to be called Doggy 134) or "cute little puppy" 135) even if you really think you know what your doing 136) drow is not a romantic language so dont try to speak spaninis to them 137) even if he says hola 138) because hola in drow is im going to F***ing KILL YOU wow that is quite a few ight who's next
rampant 06-02-06, 04:34 AM	139. If it doesn't try to kill you immediatly, its planning something. 140. If you think you saw it first, its a trap. 141. Why, yes, the whole continent does hate you. 142. This bears repeating, its a TRAP! 143. Don't trust other adventurers, they are just as crafty as you are if not more so. 144. That said, they do make excellent distractions. 145. If your DM is a godzilla fan consider yourself screwed.
Kaizer_Ryu 06-02-06, 09:45 PM	145. If your DM is a godzilla fan consider yourself screwed. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: 146: Anytime you are being chased by a nameless horror from the jungle, remember: You don't have to outrun it. You just have to outrun your party members/anyone nearby. 147: This applies to named horrors as well.
SilvercatMoonpaw 06-03-06, 06:50 AM	148: If your DM rants about how the "savage" nature of the creatures of Xen'drick warps the true reality of how nature and cultures of this environment are completely facinating and not nearly as bad, consider yourself lucky.
Endless_Helix 06-03-06, 02:29 PM	149: Just because you have a map, doesn't mean it's right. 150: Just because you have a guide, doesn't mean you won't get lost, so get prepared for Lost: Xen'drik Tales 151: Never, ever **** off one of the Yak Folk. 152: "Savage" isn't just a derogotory name for a culture, it's also a descriptor, as in, "That Savage will eat you." 153: If you have mysterious visions in one of the temple, do not go chasing after them. 154: I don't care whether or not they were scantily clad and begging for it! 155: You may not pretend to be a tribal god, just so you can be worshipped. 156: You do it to get the f*ck out of there.
Ellorin 06-05-06, 12:44 PM	150: When Siberys Dragonshards are falling from the sky, it's no use opening an umbrella.
ravenspawn 06-05-06, 08:40 PM	151- If you notice ripples in the puddles around you...run, run for your lives. And when you're done doing that, RUN some more! :eek: 152- Has it been mentionned? IT'S A TRAP!! :rolleye2: 153- Those gorillas in the mist, will rip you limb from limb and eat your brains. 154- Remember, giant societies = giant traps = giant damage :gah: 155- With all the weird stuff on this continent, :88E: don't bother with clean underwear, don't bother with underwear at all!
Raziel_Brokodar 06-06-06, 02:45 PM	139. If it doesn't try to kill you immediatly, its planning something. 140. If you think you saw it first, its a trap. 141. Why, yes, the whole continent does hate you. 142. This bears repeating, its a TRAP! 143. Don't trust other adventurers, they are just as crafty as you are if not more so. 144. That said, they do make excellent distractions. 145. If your DM is a godzilla fan consider yourself screwed. hahaha!
Nived 06-06-06, 09:05 PM	156: Take the leadership feat and specifically describe your follower's as wearing "Red Shirts". No DM can resist and the Surprise round sacrifice of a Red Shirt can save your life. It worked for Kirk it can work for you! 157: Sending wave after wave of men will probably not work, as giants have no preset kill limit. 158: Look at your DM's DVD collection. If you see Predator, Aliens, King Kong, Godzillia, Congo, and other assorted monster movies. Bring extra character sheets. 159: Fire is always an option.
rampant 06-07-06, 05:11 PM	160. If redshirts are unavaliable bring bards. 161. Or gnomes.
Undying_Councillor 06-12-06, 11:58 PM	162. There are no 'Lonely Planet Guides' for Xen'drik. Think about this. 163. Sharn is nice all year round. 164. The Mournland is a much closer place to go to die. The airfare is cheaper too. 165. When your face looks like your passport documents painting, it's time to go home. 166. Asking the Warforged Psion/Sorceror/Wizard to "become angry and use their great magic" will not impress the natives. 167. The weather forecasters are always wrong. 168. Did I mention Sharn is a nice place? 169. The damn big hole you just fell into is probably a footprint (from an actual game).
rampant 06-13-06, 03:03 AM	170. Either that, or its a TRAP!!! 171. Natives are crafty it could be both.
MrFilthyIke 06-13-06, 08:52 AM	157: Sending wave after wave of men will probably not work, as giants have no preset kill limit. You must listen to the vocals of the Velour Fog.
Endless_Helix 06-13-06, 09:01 AM	172. I am not Tarzan. 173. Jaela is not Jane. 174. Repeat after me, "I will not use the airship to buzz giants. They can throw rocks." 175. When destroying ancient ruins, take care to not be in them when the actual destruction takes place. 999 times out of a thousand, you die. 176. Never expect to be the lucky 1%. You're not. 177. Swimming in chainmail bikini = bad idea. 178. Actually, chainmail bikini = bad idea. 179. Never drop your weapons screaming "Don't hurt me ! Don't hurt me!" You will be hurt. 180. There isn't a warforged component out in the jungles of Xen'drik that makes farting noises. 181. Do not tell the warforged there is. 182. Also, you may not blame your gaseous misdeeds on the warforged. 183. Or the gnome. 184. Wait a second... RUN! IT'S A DORMANT VOLCANO!
Sereno 06-13-06, 09:40 AM	185. Any pool of muddy water with ripples across the surface is hiding a monster. 186. Any pool of muddy water that is perfectly calm is hiding a *really big* monster. 187. Yes ... of course, it's a trap! 188. They're not birds, they're giant vampire bats!
Nived 06-13-06, 09:57 AM	189: Playing dead works on bears... not drow. 190: Always carry extra dimentional holding space. Its hard to drag a cart through the jungle and heck the only reason to face certain death is the loot. 191: 'Abandoned' never is. 192: 'Lost' never was. 193: 'Discovered' doesn't really count when its inhabited. 194: If someone says "Look we're discovered the fabled Lost city of (whatever) that was abandoned centuries ago!" Run.
RedRobe 06-13-06, 11:21 AM	195. "Kah-li-Mah" is not a friendly greeting...no matter who says it to you. 196. You are not Breland Jones. 197. Making it up as you go along will most likely get you killed...or worse. 198. Do not trust your trap survival on the pretty, blonde bard you met in Stormreach.
Sereno 06-13-06, 12:47 PM	199. When your patron, sending you to Xen'drik, tells you not to trust anyone ... yes, he IS including himself. 200. X never, ever marks the spot. 201. Except when it does.
KhanSemus 06-13-06, 11:47 PM	202. When jumping in the airship while being chased by the natives, look out for the pilot's pet snake. 203. When the party flies away, don't forget the girl with glasses no one likes. 204. Yes, if the party member with lowest Int is crowned, you may run. 205. But only after the big party that night. 206. Unless you are on the menu. 207. Or are the entertainment. 208. If you think something is following you, it is. 209. Even if it's a walking tree. 210. No the boys led by a flying kid can't teach you to fly. 211. However, the pixie with them can. 212. Just be sure to carry some cold iron weapons if she has friends. 213. If the calvary arrives, and they ride anything but horses, they aren't for you.
Nived 06-14-06, 11:56 AM	214: "You ever get that feeling you're being watched." Means you're being watched. 215: "I've got a bad feeling about this." Will only make it worse. 216: "We come in peace." is not what you should say to the natives, because even if you do... they don't. 217: "Take us to you're leader!" While using intimidate might work... if by work you mean brought into the center of their war band where you are outnumbered 6:1 with their leader intent on sacrificing you.
Lord_dBellatoria 06-14-06, 01:28 PM	215: Do not tell the drow that you are friends with Drizzt Do'Urden, the Drow of Xend'rik hate Forgotten Realmers. 216: "Hail Lloth!" as a greeting will not impress them and will likely get you killed. 217: Do not let the bard sing Sir Mixalot's Baby Got Back to the drow women even if they do.
Sereno 06-14-06, 04:57 PM	218. If your guide tells you, "Throw me the idol, I'll throw you the whip" and you do, he won't. 219. But, the trap will get him. 220. How many times do we have to say it? OF COURSE, IT'S A TRAP!!
Nived 06-14-06, 06:30 PM	221: No matter how 'lost', remote, or secret. You're expedition will not be the only one hunting for the treasure. Your rivals and opposition, (which like probably be from Karrnath and have German accents) will always be there to try and snatch victory from you after you've done all the heavy lifting. 222: They mostly come at night... mostly. 223: If you don't know what it is and its moving, poking it is the last thing you want to do. 224: Intellectual curiosity will be the death of you.
KhanSemus 06-14-06, 09:56 PM	225. If you don't know what it is and it's not moving, poking it is (again) the last thing you want to do. 226. Should a secret society protect what you seek, make sure they're willing to let you interfere. 227. Or don't know about you. 228. If you release something from its centuries/millenia old prison, you are under contract to put it back. 229. Or kill it. 230. Let it take out the competition first. 231. Unless they have a way of control, then you deal with them first. 232. Should a party member die while dealing with this creature, you are also under contract to bring them back to life. 233. Unless you need help reading that last rune of the ressurection spell. 234. Then you can take a rain check. 235. But next time bring someone who can read all the runes.
RedRobe 06-15-06, 08:43 AM	236. If the creature/entity released from its centuries/millenia old prison asks if you are a god, you say YES! 237. If said creature asks you to choose the form in which the Traveller will come, choosing a fluffy bunny will only make your inevitable death all the more pathetic. 238. The afore-mentioned bunny WILL have vorpal teeth, and a mean streak a mile wide. "RUN AWAY!!"
SilvercatMoonpaw 06-16-06, 05:44 PM	239: We've all heard of the Temple of Elemental Evil. Don't go there. 240: The Drow will not think it's funny if you use words similar to the name of their bat god in an attempt to find out how ready to bow they are. 241: You are not allowed to bring any Huge apes home with you. 242: Yes, they can tell if she's still a virgin. 243: I told him it was a trap.
KhanSemus 06-16-06, 10:13 PM	244. If he calls himself an enchanter, yet calls fire from the ground, you are no longer in 3.5 Eberron, no matter Xen'drik. 245. You now need those red pumps you took off the drow leader's daughter. 246. And you need to convince your shifter that he is descended from kings of the forest. 247. But the warforged already has a heart. 248. No, there is no scarecrow in the party, your pyro tendencies aside. 249. For the last time, don't take the huge ape home with you! 250. But yes, the giant t-rex can live in the dog house and drink from the pool.
Elemental 06-17-06, 04:45 PM	251: A Flesh Jelly is not a local delicacy, it's what the storm giants keep in their back yard to eat unruly captives. 252: If you come across the mummifed corpse of a giant warlord with the inscription "He Shall Rise Again", "Even In Death He Shall Not Be Free" or similar, don't take it home with you. 253: Or read any books you found in the area. 254: If you must do either of the above, cut off his limbs and sew the legs back on at the shoulders and the arms at the hips. You'll be the first to get smited when he returns to life, but it'll be worth it. 255: If a member of your party ever says something like "You guys deal with the girallons, I'm out of here." or "We can't go back in there for them, it's suicide!", then kill him immediately. If you don't, then at the climax of the adventure, he'll pull up the rope ladder when you're ten feet away and the enraged natives are a hundred feet away because "I couldn't let them get me!"
ChronosCrow 06-18-06, 04:32 AM	256. While in Xend'rik if you spot a man with a British accent & a blue box and he asks a lot of questions, turn the other way & find a continent...or time line. 257. Following the foot steps of Hladra d'Cannith is probably a bad idea. 258. All speaking humongous constructs want to destroy you even if they seem to act otherwise, it's a ruse. 259. If it's ancient it's dangerous, drop it, now. 260. Don't let the Rogue catch it! 261. If the map says the river runs south it really runs east. 262. If the map says the river runs east you're just screwed. 263. Leading the t-rex to eat the near by Drow tribe might seem like a good idea, but it's not. The t-rex is really their sentry guard.
ravenspawn 06-18-06, 11:58 AM	264- Remember the 1st rule of running away; don't look back, ever. It just slows you down. 265- 2nd rule of running away, you don't need to run faster than the nasty thing(s) chasing you, just run faster than your friends. 266- If that strange plant just smiled at you, run away. 267- If you hear stomach rumblings but don't see a source, run away.
Rei32491 06-18-06, 12:31 PM	268: If it looks 'cool', don't touch it 269: If it's 'shiny', don't touch it 270: If it's 'pretty', don't touch it 271: I don't care if you think it would make a great souvenir
Norr 06-30-06, 11:19 AM	269: Do not greet the natives by singing the opening lines of 'hooked on a feeling'. They will take it as an insult. 230: Eating strange mushrooms will yield you more than just a bad stomach. 231: Despite the lenient poison rules. 232: This also goes for strange plants. 233: And strange animals. 234: And strangers. 235: Yes, even those that doesn't look strange. 236: It's not just the native people who are crafty. 237: Everything that doesn't look strange, is a trap. 238: A strange one. 239: If there is something that isn't strange, dangerous, a trap, poisonous, homocidal, tribal, deceitful,a funny green colour or disguised as something that isn't any of the above, it's not in Xend'rik. Or dead. 240: Scratch the last part, dead things in Xend'rik qualifies for a lot on that list.
Norr 06-30-06, 11:33 AM	270: If you enter a corridor or room full of skeletons, but no visible traps or other hazards, leave fast. 271: If this is not possible, you are soon to be unqualified for life. 272: If you do see the reason for the earlier eadventurers demise, that's not it. 273: It's behind you. 274: If not, it is now. 275: Before heading out of Stormreach, write a will, a letter to your family and a map to where your life savings are hidden. 276: To prevent these from falling into the wrong hands, take them with you. 277: For this reason you should also keep a journal. 278: They will be prime treasure and make for tragic moments when found on your skeleton years after your demise. 279: So make sure they're all fake. 280: Your family should already know these things.
Nived 06-30-06, 05:19 PM	281: Whatever it is... just assume it's lethal. 282: If you're looking for a lost scholar that's gone native... it doesn't mean he's found a peaceful tribe... it means he's learned to like the taste of sentient beings. 283: Sentient beings like you and your expedition. 284: Whatever you do don't paraphrase the line "Dr Livingston I presume." 285: If you catch a wiff of something good being cooked... it means they're expecting you. 286: How many different ways do we have to say everything on Xen'drik wants to eat you? 287: Yes, even the plants. 288: Yes, I'm sure something wants to eat the warforged too. 289: I don't know... rust monsters and termites. 290: Fiendish Dire Termites.
warforged_assasin 07-03-06, 07:20 PM	300: If the hot girl likes you STAY AWAY AT ALL COSTS she's either married to the cheif, his sister, or his dauter
Identitystolen 07-03-06, 08:07 PM	301) If it moves, shoot it. 302) Preferably with something that has a long range increment. 303) If it stands still shoot it 304) A lot 305) If it moves, apply rule #301 306) If shooting doesn't help run 307) Even if you slowest party member has been caught, keep running. 308) Preferably untill you can hear the sounds of a sacrafice in the distance. 309) Throwing rocks into a presumably trapped area is a sure way to set it off 310) But send in the bard first just in case.
urial angel of death 07-04-06, 06:43 PM	311) If your DM has seen Alien vs. Predator and constantly rants about how he could have done it better or that it should have been done with more gore be afraid. 312) Don't go toward any large temples. If #311 applies then this aplies doubly so. 313) Don't get near the large slimy egg-shaped thing. 314) Of course it's really an egg. 315) If your team is being picked off one-by-one by an unseen force run for all you're worth and abandon your previous mission. 316) Casting invisiblity purge will only make things worse. 317) If giant ruins have the words "Rip van winkle cells", "statis pods", or something similar carved into them run. 318) Drow taking trials of manhood do not like you hitting them with spitballs.
Oorlof 07-05-06, 07:52 AM	319) That harmless bug that bit you? 320) Not so harmless. 321) No, that wriggly feeling in your belly isn't gas or stomach problems. 322) You don't want to know what it is. 323) Trust us on this. 324) You also don't want to know what the wizard prepared this morning. 325) But if you'd read this not after you count to ten while we back off, we'd be much obliged. (One wonders what the OotS would do in either the Mournland or Xen'Drik. For those fresh out of clue on the last two items: http://www.giantitp.com/cgi-bin/GiantITP/ootscript?SK=92)
Norr 08-25-06, 10:21 AM	326: If you and your party walk down a corridor riddled with harmless practical joke-traps, leave immediately. 327: If not, your lead party member will soon be crushed under a huge stone slab. It will have a note on it saying "Now who's laughing?" 328: If not, it'll be something worse. 329: Why? It's Xen'drik! 330: If the chief agrees to let you go provided you beat him in a contest, it's rigged. 331: If the contest consists of you taking turns putting one of your hands into a hollow tree stump, use the warforged. 332: If there's a rust monster in there... well, tough luck. 333: If you find a calendar with periodical markings, check todays date. 334: If it's marked, don't touch ANYTHING. 335: scratch that, it's too late. Just run. 336: If you hear a lady in distress, don't rescue her. 337: It's a trap. 338: If the native drow tribe are going to crown anyone, it's the scorpion heritor. 339: Although they might just kill him last. 340: You're only chief as long as you act like one. 341: If your miming concerning new captives makes the tribe go 'eww', you're on dry land. 342: If you're about to be burned at the stake, yell defiantly and have your magician buddy call a rainstorm. 343: Of course, you'll just be speared instead. 344: If you have no magician, have your psion buddy control flames, that'll show 'em. 345: of course, they'll just spear you instead.
SilvercatMoonpaw 08-25-06, 02:57 PM	346: Just because the cannibals have decided you're they're god doesn't mean you won't get eaten. 347: If the island has a huge wall around it, don't go in.
Nived 08-25-06, 06:38 PM	348) Just because they're tribal doesn't mean they're not just as smart as you. 349) Whoever says "We can't turn back now!" will be the next to die because you can, in fact, turn back. And now is a great time to do it. 350) They may be easily frightened, but they'll be back, and in greater numbers. 351) You're not being paranoid. 352) The entire continant is out to get you. 353) Yes even the people in Stormreach. 354) ESPECIALLY the people in Stormreach.
Eled_the_Worm_Tamer 08-26-06, 07:08 PM	355: As a rule of thumb your pace should be tied to the proximity and rate of any drum beat. Slow distand drumb beats mean a lesurely pace to avoid impdement of stealth. Rappid drum beats, espechaly the hind that draw to a sudden crichendo, and particulary if there close by, should be met by a radid pace intent on on making any sorce od percussion distant once again.
rampant 08-26-06, 07:29 PM	356. If there is no possible way for it to be a trap, it is a trap.
The Livewire 08-26-06, 08:25 PM	357) Listen up you primitive Screwheads! This Dorje of energy missile is MY boomstick. 358) Your half drow guide will not lead you to the safer drow. 359) There are no safer drow. 360) We will not find the city of Opar. 361) Do not call the Dire Lion Jar-bal-jal 362) The Drow boomerangs are not missing two arms, nor can they be guided by thought. 363) The Mind Seeded Drow boomerangs OTOH 364) You may not TK the halfling's Glidewing at the drow and say "That's not a boomerang, THIS is a boomerang."