Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Paladin2004 09-04-04, 06:16 AM	1001 Most out of control Epic level PC and there actions. someone start #1
Kyuketsukiouji 09-04-04, 09:29 AM	A halfling rogue desides to steal the moon. And succeeds.
kliate 09-04-04, 10:58 AM	2. I use power attack to sunder the world. <break!>
Starmage21 09-04-04, 12:51 PM	#3 Casting Wish just to retreive your eversmoking pipe
kliate 09-05-04, 11:51 PM	4. Researching an Epic Divination spell to learn the caramilk secret. 5. Using spring attack to pass an opponent land right in front of him at the end of the round (around the world in a single move action) 6. "This is a knife", holding up a 30-mile-high blade with a long epic progression of Monkey Grip related feats 7. The weather stops in fright as the character begins their epic whirlwind attack 8. "This world is boring"...the character proceeds to create their own
darczero 09-29-04, 05:10 AM	#9) Sleight of Hand/Pick Pocket; check successful; item stolen: Party's Wizard #10) Dwarf Weaponsmith (with all feats that boost Craft skills): What do you mean he broke your sword again? I just made it for you two rounds ago! (Then proceeds to repair the sword and hands it back to fighter at end of round) #11) Armwrestle Thor and Kord... at the same time #12) Cast 7 Intensified Meteor Swarms... in one round (actually seen someone try this!) #13) Smite Evil on Tiamat, kill in one hit, then area effect from Chain smite kills Asmodeus
MetMaster 09-30-04, 12:06 AM	14) Reshape the existing universe in to his own image, populating the entire universe with clones of himself. 15.) Getting board with that and creating a new universe so he can see the excitement of heros battling overwhelming evil. (And since he himself is evil the battle will never end. A DM is born) 16.) Generally dictating the game to the DM instead of vice-versa. (Why I'm being DM from now on)
green_yawgmoth 09-30-04, 01:23 AM	17) The party is in the dungeon, and the wizard left his spellbook at home. So the monk runs to get it. At the end of the next round, he has it. :D http://photobucket.com/albums/v91/yawgmoth/kittyjig.gif
Jace_Von_Varius 09-30-04, 12:36 PM	18. For fun, pass a year wholly through innate time stop. 19. Telekinesis someone into low earth orbit. 20. Telekinesis the EARTH into low Jupiter orbit.
Nylkran 09-30-04, 06:27 PM	21. The party's wizard takes a Knowledge check, and discovers that reality is merely a game and that he and everything else, only exist in the DM and the players imagination. 22. The Epic Rogue is looking for food, the check succeds, and all the food of the players dissapair.
Toren Megoa 10-01-04, 07:18 AM	23. The Epic Rogue uses disguise self and pretends to be the moon. 24. Said Rogue actually causes were-creatures to transform by just looking at him, in broad daylight. 25. The Epic Bard makes a bardic lore check and realizes he is in the matrix. 26. The Epic Monk tries to jump over a short wall and ends up in low-orbit around the sun. 27. The Epic Barbarian takes baths in lava and eats Adamantine brand Sugar Pops® for breakfast 28. The Epic Cleric grants his own spells. 29. The Epic Druids animal companion is Tiamat. 30. The Epic Wizard has an empowered, enlarged, maximized, quickened, silent, and stilled meteor swarm spell always at hand.
gabriel_master_thief 10-01-04, 01:38 PM	31. An Epic Rogue/Shadowdancer that can hide in plain sight, in the middle of a barren wasteland with no cover under direct sunlight. ( I actually did this.) 32. An Epic Druid/Rogue that Wild Shapes into a fly and delivers a sneak attack and casts an Empowered, Maximized Poison spell
Gemstone 10-01-04, 06:05 PM	33. A very epic bard asks the gods to clean his house, and they does! 34. An epic wizard reshape the weave through one single epic spell, since he finds the original to be boring 35. The Epic rouge moves silently and hides and succeds to sneak attack HIMSELF 36. The epic ranger who uses balista bolts as arrows 37. Said ranger has so much BAB that he can use up the entire arrow stock of... Nessus... 38. ...and isn't even trying
Israfel the 7th 10-02-04, 01:27 PM	39. The epic bard makes a bluff check against the God of Law to convince him that he doesn't exist and the God pops out of existance.
Gemstone 10-02-04, 06:43 PM	40. said bard makes a Bluff check over himself, and is so convinced that he may use Alter reality freely 41. ...and tricks death, litteraly
White rabbit 10-02-04, 06:56 PM	42. The epic rogue, running at full speed across an open field in broad daylight successfully hides in shadows in front of an audience (actually happened).
Incensius 10-04-04, 04:42 PM	43. An Epic Ranger makes a Spot check and sees his player 44. Epic bard walks over to the Lich Queen and goes "Hey....how you doin' ?" 45. Said Epic bard survives and is quoted and used in a TV series.
wdarkk 10-05-04, 05:02 AM	Ignore Material Components + Rod of Excellent Magic + Time + A Haircut = Near-infinite Simulacrums "I cast Origin of the Species: Galacticus!" Your familiar can take a Hecatonchires in melee without help, magic items, or any spells.
molten_dragon 10-05-04, 10:16 PM	49. Epic level sorcerer with bahamut as a familiar. 50. Epic level paladin who slays his deity for being "unfaithful to his moral code" 51. The epic wizard hands out dragon orbs to kids on halloween. 52. Epic level cleric creates a new spell. Origin of the Deity.
Gemstone 10-06-04, 05:03 AM	49. Epic level sorcerer with bahamut as a familiar. 51. The epic wizard hands out dragon orbs to kids on halloween. 52. Epic level cleric creates a new spell. Origin of the Deity. :heehee
Kupokpok 10-09-04, 06:11 PM	Stolen from someone else's sig. Complain, and I'll remove it, no questions asked: 53: The Epic rogue steals the pants that he is wearing without himself noticing, and succeeds. This one's not stolen: 54: (starwars) the epic jedi uses Alter Mind on himself and convinces himself that he isn't a jedi.
wdarkk 10-09-04, 06:21 PM	The first one's stolen from the "Real men, real roleplayers, loonies, and munchkins" thing. 55. Epic Barbarian who resides in Valhalla (after evicting previous occupants). 56. Epic Wizard who can counter SDAs and all of a god of magic's spells.
RPGfish 10-09-04, 09:37 PM	57. Your wizard decides to use 999 magic missles on every skeleton he sees in the old 1st-level random dungeons. 58. Epic fighter has finally reached the requirements to become any and every prestige class that you could possibly imagine, even play the role of sub-deity. 59. Epic cleric needs to use a few miracle spells to let his/her deity allow him/her to advance to the next level. (hey maybe the DM will be nice and make it only 250,000 exp to have the miracle spell let you advance to the next level...) 60. What's that? Oh dear the golden great wyrms seem to be retreating from the 30th level random dungeon... Maybe I need to make a dungeon according to the player's level (65)
bballer911 10-10-04, 01:13 AM	61.) Epic Wizard Teleports Epic Rogue 10,000 ft into the sky to kill him. Then Epic Rogue lands on a cloud runs to the edge and tumbles to the ground taking no damage and says "Do it again please"
Generic Fighter 10-10-04, 02:43 AM	62. The Epic Barbarian uses save or die poison as a condiment. 63. The Epic Commoner still can't do anything. Generic Fighter:fight!:
askala3 10-10-04, 03:00 AM	64) A Disciple of Mammon starts using his Enhance Value power to gain money. Thus giving him little reason to adventure, even though he vows to at least see all the places he owns.
DemonWolfZero 10-12-04, 10:41 PM	65) Epic Level Expert uses his +150 craft(basketweaving) skill to replicate any of the above effects. 66) Epic Fighter/blacksmith outcrafts his God, Hephaestus (did that).
Loren Pechtel 10-13-04, 12:41 AM	67) An Epic Monk ends up in the Spelljammer universe. He uses his jump skill instead of a spelljamming ship.
askala3 10-13-04, 02:37 AM	68) Through clever use of his jump and balance skills, a rogue learns to fly.
TheDarkestOfAngels 10-17-04, 01:16 AM	69) The Epic Sorcerer's Cat Familiar uses Cerberus as a Chew Toy. 70) The Epic Enchanter has an entire continent's worth of creatures all dominated. 71) The Epic Bard can use diplomacy to make everyone and everything he encounters a devout follower of himself -- as in like a religion. 72) Said Bard becomes ascends to godhood through above method.
KeithF 10-17-04, 02:02 PM	:rofl: These are brilliant. 73) Your epic rogue in the Forgotten Realms setting steals the Tablets of Fate, and Ao doesn't notice. 74) The epic wizard casts an epic Transport spell, pops out of the player's head, and turns the DM into a newt. 75) A spellcaster casts an epic spell that makes the DM suffer a fatal heart attack, so that all the monsters disappear. 76) The epic psion defeats the entire cast of Dragonball Z. Without waking up. 77) The epic sorceress has two hecatoncheires as her hairstylist and manicurist.
Zanik 10-17-04, 03:09 PM	78) the rouge disguises himself as a cleric then bluffs a god into giving him cure spells (this one actually happened before epic)
Illusion 10-17-04, 03:38 PM	(79) Epic Sorcerer always has presdigitation cast so as to keep his shoes shined (80) Epic rogue uses bluff to convince the BBEG that he is dead. (81) Epic ranger tracks the first movement of the first gods (because he already knows where everything/everyone has been since the beginning of time)
Gellion 10-19-04, 09:44 PM	82.Epic Inventor(Dave1001's base clas in the Classes forum) creates a device that creates multiverses, and sells them for ten gold peices. Okay, that one was kind of lame. 83. Azathoth is afraid of you.
insatium 10-20-04, 06:49 PM	84. The rogue steals his pants without noticing. 85. Cthulu goes insane upon seeing the party. 86. The monk leaves contrails and has a sonic boom. 87. The hulking hurler can destroy the world. Wait, that happens before epic. :mymy:
askala3 10-21-04, 12:25 AM	88) The epic rogue hides under a squirrel that he has hidden under a bouncing ball that he threw. 89) He hides the bouncing ball.
01d55 10-21-04, 01:14 AM	90) The Epic Rogue steals vital organs from his foes. Epic rogues are comedy gold.
Krog_the_Destroyer 10-22-04, 02:58 AM	91. Epic Palidin conquors hell by defeating the lords of the Nine from dice freaks, at once, after he sent a letter three weeks in advance.
Unamis 10-22-04, 03:17 AM	92) The epic wizard uses a Wish to increase the size of his beard. 93) The epic half-orc barbarian begins to ponder why he is here today and then writes a book about the meaning of life. Later, a band of epic level philosophers murder this poor half-orc with their +4 quilpens of sarcasm's. 94) The epic dwarf still hasn't got laid.
Soepkom 11-02-04, 05:14 PM	95) the Legendary Dreadnought manages to fly by becoming unmovable in mid-air
Kevlimin Soulaxe 11-02-04, 06:19 PM	96) Epic Barbarian starts each day bench pressing immovable rods.
Gemstone 11-03-04, 04:41 AM	:heehee :bounce: :invasion:
Lord Mortanius 11-03-04, 07:30 AM	97.Epic Wizard destroys DF Boccob, Mystra, Velsharoon, Savras, and Azuth in one round.
Kevlimin Soulaxe 11-03-04, 10:39 PM	98. Epic Ranger makes a listen check and hears the dice being rolled.
askala3 11-04-04, 02:25 AM	99. Armor of Immovable Rods
Callista 11-04-04, 02:34 AM	100. Forget gods... the PCs have started to wonder how much XP they get for killing the DM!
TheDarkestOfAngels 11-04-04, 02:51 AM	101. By using an outstanding listen check, the epic bard figures out what a particular NPC wrote by listening to the NPC write. 102. With an astounding spot check by the epic ranger, the epic rogue found life on another planet by looking for it on a clear night. 103. The epic rogue used search to locate a specific set of bacterium and hair folicles on a dirt road. 104. The epic monk can, literally, jump over tall buildings in a single bound and run faster than speeding locomotives. 105. The epic fighter holds his breath for three days and doesn't die. 106. The epic fighter battles a Great Wyrm Dragon with a regular club (with no other equipment) and kills it in six seconds (or one round.) 107. While a "real woodsman" chops down trees and rastles bears for a living, the epic barbarian chops down mile thick trees from the elemental plane of wood and "rastles" abominations for a living. 108. THe epic sorcerer hiccups and a thousand civilizations rise and fall in a great apocalypse. 109. The epic druid calls the forest "too urban." 110. The epic cleric call his god "unfaithful" to his own dogma and takes over without contest... because the god didn't want a savage beating.
Soepkom 11-04-04, 04:17 AM	109. The epic druid calls the forest "too urban." LMAO!
Caitiri 11-04-04, 09:43 AM	Epic Level Monk Tossed into D20 Modern Uses Exceptional and infinite deflection to stop all the Bullets fired at him By anyone.
Arquinsiel 11-04-04, 09:53 AM	(79) Epic Sorcerer always has presdigitation cast so as to keep his shoes shined Actually in Warhammer Teclis, widely regarded as the most powerful mage currently in existance uses a spell like this to keep rain off (it being a different system and all). Interestingly though, in the last session I played in a lvl8 bard managed to kill someone with prestidigitation. That's what happens when you throw fleas out the window without thinking. 111: The god's worship the player characters. 112: Wish spells don't dare try anything funny with characters.
Phrennzy 11-04-04, 09:58 AM	85. Cthulu goes insane upon seeing the party. 86. The monk leaves contrails and has a sonic boom. :rofl:
Paladin2004 11-04-04, 11:47 AM	113: Epic Level Bard farts and everyone is compelled to dance. because such a good performance next time in the city he is payed double for what he would normally recieve and is consider to be a local celbrity. 114: Epic Level Bards plays his lute with his nose hairs. (lol the credit for above must go to my bro) 115: Epic level Monk decides not to travel to work in his car ..because it is too slow. 116: Epic Level Druid single handedly saves the rain forest, and plants and grows 100000000 square ft of new rain forest 117: Epic Level Paladin converts God of Death.
Kevlimin Soulaxe 11-04-04, 06:09 PM	Paladin 2004, you failed counting, didn't you? 117) Epic Paladin uses Lay on Hands to jump start cars. 118) Epic Wizard's vast collection of spellbooks rival the Library of Congress.
TheDarkestOfAngels 11-04-04, 06:30 PM	119) The epic sorcerer comments on how few known spells his less experienced wizard buddy has in his spellbook than he knows in his head. 120) The epic monk calls Superman a "pantsy." Superman attempts to retailate, but recieves a savage beating. 121) The epic monk dares not travel at his full speed because doing so would be so fast that he'd travel into the future. He can do this because his strength is great enough to be able to carry infinate mass as a light load and he's fortuitous enough to survive in a vacuum in near-absolute zero temperatures.
feartheinvinceblehamster 11-07-04, 02:23 PM	119) The epic sorcerer comments on how few known spells his less experienced wizard buddy has in his spellbook than he knows in his head. 120) The epic monk calls Superman a "pantsy." Superman attempts to retailate, but recieves a savage beating. 121) The epic monk dares not travel at his full speed because doing so would be so fast that he'd travel into the future. He can do this because his strength is great enough to be able to carry infinate mass as a light load and he's fortuitous enough to survive in a vacuum in near-absolute zero temperatures. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: anyway, 122) a epic fighter hits a goblin with a toothpick...with so much force said goblin is obliterated from the universe 123) epic rogue steals a mansion....and the owner doesn't realize it 124) epic druid destroys every city on every plane of existence, then settles down with his brachyurus companion 125) epic paladin kills AO for not being holy enough...in one hit 126) the epic cleric is the only person who worships the deity he referes to as "me" 127) epic wizard can cast 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999 999999999999 EPIC level spells each day 128) the epic character buys every piece of land on toril... and it seems like a small amount of money for him 129) epic bard convinces AO that he is actually a quasi-deity 130) epic bard convinces hextor he is actually a LG twin brother of heironous 131) epic sorcereor actually survives the backlash damage to make the sphinx(from dragon, for those without it, the backlash damage is 999d6, average of 2297 damage
Sacul Kamadaka 11-07-04, 03:10 PM	132) An epic rogue steals a mother's baby, before the baby is born. :P
insatium 11-07-04, 04:40 PM	133. The epic wizard knows the Question with an answer of 42. 134. The epic epic fighter realizes he can't get drunk any more and goes to steal the Mead of the Gods. He beats the sentries (rogues) with Hide and Move Silently checks. 135. The gnomish wizard has more DR than the dwarven barbarian has HP. 136. The epic rogue steals Toril. No one notices.
Psyker Nel'Restynn 11-07-04, 06:22 PM	133. The epic wizard knows the Question with an answer of 42. Well I guess that makes Douglas Adams an Epic Wizard!! ;) You know what im talkin about!! anyways.... 137. The Epic Paladin is so righteous that he uses his pee as holy water and absolves the world of sin by writing his name in the snow. 138. The Epic Ranger tracks the PC's dice roll through the Space-Time Variance occuring during the game session 139. The Epic Rouge steals his Players dice 140. The Epic Bard convinces the DM that he is actually the PC and the Epic Bard is actually the DM 145. The Epic Wizard wanted to see if it was possible to make the people of one universe create versions of actual people in another universe on paper, and then his Epic Bard buddy using his Epic Bluff made the first group believe that they used their imaginations to create and then, as the people in the second group are wandering around their own world, simultainiously play a pen and paper version of actual events occuring in the second universe. After completing their wonderful ploy the Epic Wizard and Epic Bard decided it was time to retire from adventuring and changed their names to Gary Gygax and Ed Wood.
Belsaros 11-07-04, 08:38 PM	146) Your epic fighter uses the Lady of Pain as a broadsword 147) The epic Rogue steals all the carbon atoms out of his opponents, and turns them into a huge diamond 148) Your Hulking Hurtler plays billiards with the cosmos 149) Your epic bard turns Ao into a fanatic.... on a crit fail... 150) the epic ranger chose gods as his next favored enemy... because there were no other options left 151) The epic commoner can now defeat cows 152) Vencna comes to the Epic Loremaster when he needs to know something 153) The epic bard still can't escape the throngs of men/women chasing after him/her. 154) ...The epic ranger has been telling them which way he went
FearzThug 11-07-04, 08:53 PM	151) The epic commoner can now defeat cows -HAHahahhAhahah 155) The Epic Cow can now defeat the epic commoner.
TheDarkestOfAngels 11-07-04, 09:20 PM	156) In his worst performance ever, the epic male bard only recieved 200 marriage proposals (to put it lightly) from the cosmos's most attractive super-model-quality female outsiders in addition to recieving a massive pile of cash instead of his usual or better. 157) The epic wizard beats the nonepic fighter at arm wrestling. 158) The epic hexblade can curse his opponents with a quick birdie flip instead of his usual standard action in concentration. 159) In Soviet Russia, wish casts epic wizard. 160) The epic bard became all powerful when his bardic knowledge allowed him to be all knowing.
insatium 11-08-04, 03:59 PM	159) In Soviet Russia, wish casts epic wizard. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: 161. The epic commoner exists. 162. The epic barbarian has more Intellingence than the nonepic wizard. 163. The kender sorcerer has a tarrasque familiar.
Miles Vorkosigan 11-08-04, 07:10 PM	164. The character makes a Listen check and hears the beginning of the universe. 165. He hears the numbers "1,2,1,2,3" before that. 166. The epic fighter is immortal because Death wont touch him after the incident with the hamster. 167. The epic sorcerer appears to adventurers all over the multiverse, throwing them into unlikely and dangerous situations, eventually adopting an annoying demeanor. His spells only somatic component is the snapping of his fingers, followed by a flash of light. He calls himself R. -MVK PS I hope that last one wasn't too badly worded.
Lord_Anthrax 11-09-04, 02:41 AM	168)The Epic Bard actually becomes a useful addition to the party. :D 169)The Epic Cleric convinces Asmodeus and Demogorgon to sit down and discuss their grievances over tea. 170)The Epic Wizard builds a monument to himself out of all the used Scrolls and Wands he's collected over his career.
insatium 11-09-04, 03:51 PM	167. The epic sorcerer appears to adventurers all over the multiverse, throwing them into unlikely and dangerous situations, eventually adopting an annoying demeanor. His spells only somatic component is the snapping of his fingers, followed by a flash of light. He calls himself R. You mean Q, right? :P 171. The epic bard steals himself...before he was born. 172. Mordenkainen's Disjuction is "too weak" a method of item destruction. 173. The characters can travel through time with a thought by the Int 3 half-orc barbarian.
Miles Vorkosigan 11-09-04, 05:58 PM	You mean Q, right? Exactly. The epic bard steals himself...before he was born. You mean rogue, right? :P 174. An epic fighter sunders the Material Plane, creating a black hole. 175. A crippled epic level wizard admits that matter can, in fact, be recovered from spheres of annihilation and he quickly develops a spell to do so. 176. An epic rogue steals the epic bard's punchline. -MVK
Kevlimin Soulaxe 11-09-04, 10:08 PM	177. Epic Monk travels from planet to planet using only a 20 foot head start. He doesn't get hurt in the vacuum either. Its an epic feat.
Belsaros 11-10-04, 03:22 PM	178) the epic cleric summons the GM as his greater planair ally 179) the epic wizard casts repair on Pangea.
insatium 11-10-04, 06:54 PM	You mean rogue, right? :P Yup. 180. The epic barbarian takes no damage from the Hulking Hurler. 181. The rogue can sneak attack the world. 182. The epic druid lives in a zoo. No one notices.
Paladin2004 11-11-04, 12:14 PM	183: Epic Level monk deflects all 7 volleys of arrows from the castle while strangleing a frost worm in each hand. 184: Epic Level Barbarain gets a successful intimidate check on the Tarask. 185: Epic level fighter sunders and destroys the world...epic level cleric uses a maximized super epic seed "make whole" spell to fix it. 186: Epic level dwarf still hasn't managed to get drunk.
askala3 11-12-04, 02:33 AM	187) The epic monk walks to the bottom of the ocean, and doesn't get wet because he deflected all the water out of the way. 188) Said epic monk graduates from law school, just from the argument that allowed the above. 189) Said monk starts bringing the snacks.
TheDarkestOfAngels 11-12-04, 03:06 AM	190) When the moon falls from the sky, it lands on the epic barbarian, scraping his knee and sending the rest of the planet into the apocalypse. 191) Once the above apocalypse ends, the epic druid sheds a single tear in an anti-pollution commercial. From that tear, grows an entire planetary ecosystem. 192) In a grand epic song, the epic bard reawakens all of those that died in the apocalypse and rejuvinates them to full health. 193) The epic cleric gives his god and the rest of his pantheon a lecture about preventing total planet-wide catastrophes to his devout followers. 194) because of the rule that you heal only your HD per day (or was it per week?... something...) of complete bedrest, it takes three years for the epic barbarian's scraped knee to heal. 195) Because of the epic rogue's immense strength and dexterity, the epic rogue attempts a divine/godly display of ledgiermain, but fails and accidently decapitates the king. After an epic bluff check, turns out that decapitation is just a bad case of polio and that the epic rogue is actually the real king in disguise. 196) The epic fighter can make his victim's head explode with an intimidation check. Without physical contact. 197) The epic fighter can use his ride check to both ride a rock AND make his wife very, very happy. 198) The epic sorcerer can kill people by rolling straight charisma checks and suddenly becomes immune to the Nymph's deadly beauty because of his immense handsomeness. 199) The epic fighter's can kill someone faster with his steel-tipped boot than with a fully-loaded gattling gun. 200) The epic wizard doesn't use his eyes to look up spells in his vast library of books. His eyes have long since succumbed to carpel tunnel syndrome to the point to where he's permanently blind.
da'Loharon 11-12-04, 10:52 AM	178) the epic cleric summons the GM as his greater planair ally 201)Epic cleric use GM to smite his own player
insatium 11-12-04, 10:09 PM	202. The Epic Infiltrator forgets his real identity. 203. The Epic Barbarian has a better understanding of economics than most third-world countries. 204. The Master of the Unseen Hand flings the tarrasque into geosynchronous earth orbit. 205. The Master of the Unseen Hand violent thrusts to send the iron colossus into the earth's core.
Deekin 11-12-04, 11:08 PM	206. Epic Char fights the Lady of Pain.. and lives
Jandor1 11-13-04, 02:11 PM	207: Epic Illithid Savant catches another running Epic NPC and sucks out his brain in one round (i actually did that) 208: Epic party becomes Paragon and they quit playing becaues there's no point anymore (actually did that, too) 209: Epic psion has a bad dream and the world is forever changed. 210: Epic psion has a GOOD dream and everyone needs to change their pants... :D
whitelightsaber 11-15-04, 11:41 AM	211. Epic Wizard, without using any spells effortlessly grapples tiamat to death never rolling better than a 4. 212. Epic barbarians rage lasts so long he never has to stop. 213. Epic fighter enters a grand spellcasting competition between the gods and wins using just the spells stored in his greatsword. 214. Every Epic character in your party can cast meteor swarm. 215. Epic Bard sings the song that never ends and steals all the followers away from Pelor. 216. Epic barbarian dives in a pool of acid that deals 100d6 damage per round...for safety. 217. Said Barbarian gets a 3.7 on technique but an amazing 9.9 on artistic. Whitelightsaber
Paladin2004 11-17-04, 04:07 AM	218: Epic Level Deep Wood Sniper shoots man on the moon.
Jandor1 11-17-04, 12:24 PM	219: Epic Monk says: Physics? I don't need no stinkin' Physics! and proceeds to turn into a cow and jump over the moon. 220: An Epic Rogue steals the cradle from under the cat, and the cat doesn't notice. 221: Epic Psion says "there is no spoon," and all the spoons across the multiverse dissapear... 222: Epic Wizard has Elminster as a follower. 223: Epic Warmage cooks himself a Great Wyrm dragon egg for breakfast and the mother for brunch. 224: Epic Bard steals the secrets of Rock and Roll from the God of Music and proceeds to lead a legion of followers on a sexual and cultural revolution. 225: Epic Rogue steals notes from the above bard's instrument, but no-one notices because the crowd is screaming too loud. :rolleyes:
Kharanax 11-17-04, 08:00 PM	226. A evil spellcaster replaces the Dark Powers of Ravenloft because they weren't evil enough. 227. An epic paladin sunder the Abyss by hitting the ground with a smite evil.
Loren Pechtel 11-18-04, 04:05 PM	96) Epic Barbarian starts each day bench pressing immovable rods. Last week I was looking at epic spellcasting, working out what a wizard NPC could do with buffing. Buffed, she could bench press the rods--and she's not even 30th level.
Gemstone 11-18-04, 04:39 PM	216. Epic barbarian dives in a pool of acid that deals 100d6 damage per round...for safety. I almost dropped to the floor because of that :D THAT'S Freakin Epic! 228. Said Barbarian stays in for a few rounds just for the sheer fun of it 229. Epic Faerūnian spellcaster removes the weave with only one spell, without Mystra knowing it! 230. Epic wizard doesn't have to roll attack rolls, because he hit anyway 231. Said spellcaster has so much intelligence that he can't use anymore of his skillpoints, because there are to few offical skills 232. Epic barbarian hits and sunders the DM's guide 233. Epic druid makes up his own size category, because all the other feats is already taken 234. Epic wizard dives after the barbarian, just to be a sportsman and take as much damage per round as the barbarian 235. Epic cleric invokes his own time of troubles, were all the gods becomes avatars again... 236. Said Epic cleric beats these gods, even though they are statless... 237. And turns Faerūn into a Monoteistic world... without Ao, because he took down his Avatar to
Belsaros 11-18-04, 07:34 PM	238) The Epic Initiate (Wheel of Time) Casts Balefire and the game never happened -Submitted to me by Alucarian Lord
Galamdring 11-18-04, 08:19 PM	239 - A meteor hits the Earth, right on top of the epic Rogue. The planet is destroyed, every living thing dies, except the epic rogue that takes no damage due to Improved Evasion.
Iyestorm 11-18-04, 10:28 PM	240) The Epic Arcane Archer shoots an arrow and it hits someone in another dimension. 241) The Epic Wizard casts time stop and the Epic Monk can still move. 242) The Epic Rogue steals the DM. 243) The Epic Rogue steals the poster's idea for #300. 244) The Epic party has more money than Bill Gates. 245) The Epic party finally finds out what REALLY happens to the socks that people keep losing. 246) The Epic Party plays with these DMs (http://boards.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=271292) 247) With These Items (http://boards.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=300022) 248)... and they still complain that the game is too easy.
TheDarkestOfAngels 11-23-04, 08:40 PM	249) The character is so epic, that the character's written character sheet reveals the greatest secrets of time and space.
kliate 11-24-04, 05:18 PM	250) The Epic Rogue uses UMD to cast a spell from a staff...with so much power that Mordenkainen can't help but cry like a baby.
Ichor Spellka 11-25-04, 07:08 PM	251) The epic sorceror becomes a demi-lich, and makes friends with a unique new arch-devil intent on conquering the first layer of Hell. 252) Said epic sorceror gains dominion of a prime planet, and convinces the DM that since he owns the prime planet, he can break the wealth by level chart and have infinite resources. 253) Epic demi-lich sorceror wants to join in on the battle to overthrow the leadership of the first ruler of Hell, and disguises himself as the above huge arch-fiend's belt-buckle. 254) Epic githyanki psion illithid slayer punts the demi-lich, teleports away, and the demi-lich cannot locate him by any means. 255) Epic monk reflects a pantheon's divine blasts back on them, and simultaneously destroys all gods in existence. Then undoes it, and tells them to try harder.
Somber_The_Necromancer 11-29-04, 02:21 AM	256) Epic necromancer has more undead in his army than their is room on the plane. 257) epic wild mage acadentaly sneeze and every thing in a 10 mile radius is obliderated. 258) commoner takes 10 on a skill. 259) epic cleric raises himself from the dead and calls himself jesus and leads his aposltles to write a book about his life and his teachings and calls it the bible.... :D
Zao Fato 11-29-04, 06:44 AM	260. When a 21st lvl party Cause 1900 damage in one turn (That happened in my last session) 261. When your Diplomacy checks will allow no-one to attack you and for everyone to become helpful 262. When your character live long enough to be able to take a nuke to the face and laugh (only does 100D8 damage...)
Mr. Bungle 11-30-04, 05:26 AM	263. Epic drunken master drinks a ocean of wine to prepeare for battle 264. Epic ftr/blackguard deals more damage with sneak attack than any wizard spell 265. Epic cleric turns undead, and the negative material plane is turned and runs away to another dimension
Somber_The_Necromancer 11-30-04, 11:35 AM	266) epic elf drinks a non-epic dwarf under the table. 267) epic character makes a sunder attack and misses and hit the world and destroys it. 268) the charater sheet has more pages than the players handbook.
Rakasha#5 12-05-04, 08:43 PM	Epic Rouge makes a search check and finds a plot in Increasingly Innacurately named Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Trilogy Copyright 1980
Molitor 12-06-04, 02:34 AM	270) Epic commoner barmaid gets your drink order correct........every time.
Kord's Boon 12-07-04, 07:01 PM	27-) Epic wizard notices his fighter friend is having trouble damaging an epic dwarven defender, so he adds (-) to the decimal system
Gemstone 12-08-04, 02:49 AM	27-) Epic wizard notices his fighter friend is having trouble damaging an epic dwarven defender, so he adds (-) to the decimal system :bounce: :clap:
Ricochet 12-09-04, 06:56 PM	271) The Epic Loremaster caculates pi for fun 272) The Epic Cleric grants the dieties spells 273) The Epic Rogue steals the DM's notes 274) The Epic Commoner milks a cow to death
Paladin2004 12-11-04, 09:19 PM	275: Epic munchkin has nothing else to multiclass\crossbreed with
Ryu Hitome 12-12-04, 06:51 PM	276: A meteor falls to the planet as Cloud and Tifa rush to stop it, only to have an epic level monk walk by and casually deflect it with the slightest flick of his finger. "Oh sorry... was that supposed to be a major plot point?" He asks nonchalantly. 277: Epic Cleric True Resurrects Aeris. XD (Dunno why I'm on a FF7 kick... I despise that game...)
Ahnehnois 12-12-04, 07:09 PM	278: (this happened) Epic Pixie Rogue/Shadow Dancer pickpocketed the soul gems from a demilich.
Ricochet 12-12-04, 07:19 PM	279) THe Epic Fighter runs out of feats to take 280) The Epic Hulking Hurler throws himself into the sun 281) The Monk jumps foward in time whenever he runs 282) The Epic Wizard creates a spell that kills the DM in real life 283) The Epic Rogue steals a giant's arm without him noticing
terulian 12-13-04, 05:32 AM	284: ) Epic Rogue : "I rolled a 5 on the die... plus modifier, and synergies.... that's 385 total sleight of hand." DM : "Okay, you steal Elminster's Eversmoking pipe, all his gold, his left shoe, his right big toe, and his childhood memories, plus a level 7 spell slot"
Molitor 12-13-04, 03:07 PM	hahahahahaha
whitelightsaber 12-14-04, 11:53 PM	285. Epic bard makes a bardic knowledge check and figures out how to use the force, make lightsabers, and act exactly like a jedi then procedes to do so.
whitelightsaber 12-22-04, 12:39 AM	286).Epic Fighters intelligent sword has more intelligence than 20th level wizard, more charisma than 20th level sorcerer, and more wisdom than 20th level druid.
Jaaz 12-22-04, 01:57 AM	287. Epic Wizard's knowledge (engineering) check causes a world revolution in industry, and contrete becomes common. 288. Epic Bard's performance and art starts the Rennisance...5 planes away. 289. Epic Monk's movement becomes a sonic attack. 290. Epic Mystic Theurge/Cerebremancer makes three knowledge checks and deciphers the key to all existance. 291. Epic Sorcerer doesn't need dominate spells to order a Tarrasque around. 292. Epic Fighter needs to use a wood club...because anything harder tends to fling their opponent out of orbit. 293. Epic Rogue used Balance/Tumble to land safely after being hit by said Fighter. 294. Epic Psion adjusts the planet's spin and orbit telekinetically...To favor the country he's taken over. Finally, but not least on this post... 295. Epic Wizard uses Origin of Species to create rapid-breeding, talking, 10' tall, overly happy purple dinosaurs as a plague upon the planet. He calls them Barnees
TheDarkestOfAngels 12-22-04, 02:08 AM	296) The epic fighter wins a contest of strength in a gladitorial match against a group of elder titans. 297) The epic shadowdancer can use escape artist to escape through the forth spacial dimension. 298) When a mad scientist threatens the world with a coming apocalypse, the epic paladin shows up, looks the scientist straight in the eye and says, while wagging his finger, "I don't think so." The scientist slumps his shoulders and says "sorry" while scrapping his plans for world domination. 299) The epic rogue can use his craft: trapmaking skill to cast a spell in a standard action. 300) [Stolen by an epic rogue from #243]
Loren Pechtel 12-23-04, 02:46 AM	301) Epic Wizard tired of all the Barnees casts a Slay Barnees spell with a planetary AOE.
Gemstone 12-23-04, 05:12 AM	302) Epic planeshifter has a material plane as her pocket dimension 303) Epic paladin surpasses her god in goodness 304) Epic necromancer raises Aloskar with a Animate dead spell 305) Said necromancer kills Aloskar faster than LoP 306) But before that, the paladin from #303 turns Aloskar with a single attempt 307) Before the #302 planeshifter exchanges the entire material plane with the elemental plane of fire
Skewed Logic 12-25-04, 04:05 PM	308: epic hexblade/samurai/swashbuckler invests his epic time in creating a PrC that requires something off his class list as pre-req's..something. 309: epic bard from 288 pitches this idea to the R&D people at WoTC and they buy it, then in a hostile take over purchases the company and changes the name to Bards of the Bay Shore.
Ltheb Liadon 12-25-04, 05:07 PM	310: The epic wizard augments the Hand of Vecna. 311: The epic wizard crafts an item ten times as powerful as the scepter of the sorcerer kings, and never uses it. 312: The epic 3.5 wizard/Incantrix casts a 9th level chronomancy spell to travel back to 3.0 to become unstoppable. Then he casts a chainspell-twinspell-Persistant-Empowered-Maximized-Empowered Timestop, so he can be unbeatable forever. I Actually did 310 & 311 in a game. :)
gradea 12-29-04, 05:59 AM	313) Epic Bard turns down Sune and Aphrodite when they ask if he wants "get together" 314) Epic Loremaster figures out the plot to the Matrix 315) An Epic Fighter, low on cash, finds Vecna and starts selling the rest of his body parts 316) An annoyed Epic Barbarian makes Hextor an octopolegic 317) Epic monk successfuly thumb wrestles a kakren 318) Epic wizard stops actually saying what he does, he simply tells the DM he casts a spell then names an effect 319) annoyed DM makes own monsters 320) Epic elvin ranger, human ranger, and dwarven fighter defeat an entire army of orcs... 321) Epic bards then play all three characters in the movie, which grosses millions in profits 322) Epic rogue steals his own impulse to steal 323) Epic bard convinces the powers that be that its ok for LG paladins to engadge in rampent, premiscuious, depraved acts of sex 324) Epic bard convinces a Solar to strip 325) Epic barbarian finaly learns to read 326) Epic barbarian knows more languages then a non epic wizard 327) Epic barbarian can cast spells...without having taken any levels in a spellcasting class 328) Epic wizard knows the druids language 329) Epic druid can talk to plants...without magic 330) Epic party finaly learns that no matter how strong they are, they should never attack a lone kobold 331) an Epic wizard says "say hello to my little friend" pulls out a staff, and proceeds to lay waste to a small third world nation 332) Epic sorcerer "so wait, does anyone have a calculator and a map? i want to see how many times i need to enlarge this" 333) Epic bard convinces the epic rogue to give idea 300 back 334) Epic paladin uses smite evil and waves his hand in the air... purging three layers of the abyss 335) (Don't read this if your still playing FF7) Epic wizard casts meteor swarm...a brown haired chick dies in a melodramatic scene in order to power a spell that will create a barrier that doesnt even freaking stop the thing 336) Epic bard uses bardic knowledge- figures out the entire final fantasy plotline and how it all ties togeather 337) Epic paladin falls from grace...doesn't even bother taking black guard levels, still can kick anythings arse 338) two Epic rogues steal eachother...at the same time 339) Epic half orc barbarian is cuter then Sune 340) Epic wizard uses a ray of frost, intensified 37 times, and destroys post 473
Loren Pechtel 12-29-04, 10:34 PM	313) Epic Bard turns down Sune and Aphrodite when they ask if he wants "get together" I don't understand this one--just because he's very powerful doesn't mean that there more desirable females about.
gradea 12-30-04, 12:06 AM	it means he can get anyone, and its at the point where he doesnt even need deities....and since im here 341) Annoyed Epic mage destroys person who questioned his earlier post 342) Epic assassin kills the Lifestream and destroys the planet 343) Epic red wizard makes Manshoon and Elminster fetch drinks at a party 344) Epic tinker invents easy to program VCR 345) any Epic evil NPC tells Talisid and Kharash to get a room and lives to tell about it 346) an Epic Risen Martyr...is really confusing 347) an Epic Paladin uses Vhara as a mount
Sukugaru 12-30-04, 12:52 AM	348) When his farm is attacked by bandits, the epic commoner uses his profession (farming) skill to effortlessly turn them into scarecrows. 349) The epic commoner that manages to bring in a succesful harvest in ground that is really just a big rock. In the elemental plane of fire. While a rift above the farm is dumping all the water from the elemental plane of water on it. 350) The epic rogue steals a red dragon's hoard, including the magical artifacts the dragon swallowed for safekeeping. He does this while the dragon is sitting on the hoard and wide awake, and the dragon never notices.
Durham_Shedar 12-30-04, 01:51 AM	Finally, but not least on this post... 295. Epic Wizard uses Origin of Species to create rapid-breeding, talking, 10' tall, overly happy purple dinosaurs as a plague upon the planet. He calls them Barnees ROFL!!!! :rofl:
nick012000 12-30-04, 02:26 AM	The Epic fighter successfully uses his adamantine greatsword to sunder the 4th Wall.
darkness ninja of light 12-30-04, 04:36 PM	329) Epic druid can talk to plants...without magic 352. Epic Loremaster makes epic druid realize that just because you can talk to plants without magic.....doesn't mean they'll talk back.
Gemstone 12-30-04, 04:54 PM	353. Epic wizard has more weapon proficiencies and feats than a level 20 fighter. 354. An epic wizard casts Genesis with some metamagic feats and accidently creates a new material plane... 355. Said Wizard crafts an origin of species spell that creates CR 80 dragons, that worship him into godhood. 354. Epic rouge steals the epic wizards (from #355) divine ranks and the wizards casts an epic spells that returns them
Melpomene 12-30-04, 04:55 PM	353.) Epic Necromancer/Fighter/Spellsword/Entropomancer makes armour and weapons from voidstone... and wears them without any ASFR.
Loren Pechtel 12-30-04, 11:48 PM	it means he can get anyone, and its at the point where he doesnt even need deities....and since im here So what if he can get anyone? I still think Aphrodite will be one of the most desirable ones to get. If she offers herself to him I don't see why he would turn her down. He would only turn her down if he thought he could get better. What better? His ability doesn't mean that there are other super-desirable females out there.
gradea 12-31-04, 02:59 AM	Ok, loren, if you have a problem with my joke, stop wasting space in this forum and just IM or Email me, im on yahoo. Grade_a29. People came here to laugh. your really not doing anything to advance the forum's topic. 354) Epic level abjurer makes a ward against needless whinners 355) Epic level magesmith repairs the fourth wall with Mending 356) Epic level magesmith accidently puts up the third wall as well 357) Epic level lore master knows what the heck the third wall is 358) Epic level Warrior of Darkness is covered with more chemicals then are in a twinkie 359) Epic level mind flayer savant eats the brains of an entire swarm of insects, but only gains the power to fly into bright objects 360) Epic level bard convinces the Lady of Pain to strip (which of course just reveals the fact shes really three giant squirrels with rings of levitation, a robe, and a headress) 361) Epic level fighter has taken so many feats he the most usefuly thing left is "Toughness" 362) Epic level rogue steals things out of peoples pockets they never had 363) Epic level gnomish tinker...builds something that actually works like it should, and is practical 364) Epic level monk...somehow learns to fly, and gains the ability to simply stop arrows in mid flight after taking to wearing all black and dark sunglasses, even during a rainstorm at night. 365) Epic level arcane archer fights a man with gun powder weaponry. Stands there. Lets the man shoot at him repedidly without dodging yet never gets hit. After about ten mintues fires a Fireball Arrow.
Vacerious 12-31-04, 05:07 AM	366) Epic Cleric sips wine w/ his eyes closed while undead start to move upon him. when the undead get close to him, they slowly start to disentigrate. the cleric opens one of his eyes and goes, "Crap. Are we in a battle?" 367) Said Cleric sneezes. Half way across the world, a dracolich falls to pieces. 368) Epic Cleric of Olidamarra considers Olidamarra and Garl Glittergold his drinking buddies.
Aeolus91 12-31-04, 12:10 PM	369) The epic Wizard owns the PHB, DMG, MMs 1, 2, and 3, and all the class optimization books.
The nameles one 01-01-05, 06:58 AM	370) The epic Dragon Disciple finally turns in to a real dragon
Lionhearted 01-01-05, 08:29 AM	[QUOTE=TheDarkestOfAngels] 104. The epic monk can, literally, jump over tall buildings in a single bound and run faster than speeding locomotives. can't be too hard i mean my 12 th monk runs 100m on 7.14 s that's 55km/h and he got +79 to jump , boing 100ft long 20ft high jump (30/6m) :P
Sukugaru 01-02-05, 05:13 AM	The nameless one: I'm sure I've seen that quote in your sig somewhere, I just can't remember where. Could you tell me where it's from, please?
Rancorpit 01-02-05, 06:32 AM	The nameless one: I'm sure I've seen that quote in your sig somewhere, I just can't remember where. Could you tell me where it's from, please? Let me guess: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy or one of its sequels.
lordrin 01-02-05, 06:45 AM	371. Epic Loremaster is a 10 time returning champion on Jeopardy. 372. Epic Rogue steals the answers to take over as champ on jeopardy. 373. Epic Rogue sneak attacks everyone that calls him the Epic Rouge. 374. Removed by WizO_Catoblepas. 375. Epic Bard convinces the world that the third Matrix movie didn't suck. 376. Epic Psion eats ice cream too fast and gets an ice cream headache, imploding a neighboring planet.
Sukugaru 01-02-05, 07:51 PM	377) Epic Rouge is very very red. So red, in fact, that when the Epic Rogue Sneak Attacks it, you can't tell where the blood stops and the red starts.
Starmage21 01-02-05, 07:58 PM	378.) The Epic Cleric casts a healing spell on a fighter and he explodes 379.) In an attempt to duplicate the effect that the Epic Cleric acheived, the Epic Wizard summons the Positive Energy Plane and everyone on the prime material plane explodes after a few seconds. 380.) Epic Psion has a brain fart and manifests the epic cleric and wizard from 378-379
Angels of Death 01-02-05, 10:58 PM	381) Epic Fighter/Master Thrower uses his craft:weaponmaking skill to make epic-level magic daggers fast enough to acheive all his attacks in a round (including rapid shot) with palm throw.
Loren Pechtel 01-02-05, 11:07 PM	382) Epic fighter shoots the moon--and hits it.
gradea 01-03-05, 07:13 PM	383) Epic level expert does tech support for microsoft and actually manages to get the OSs to work 384) Epic level bard tells the worlds most dangerous joke (from Monty Python) 385) Epic level fighter likes artifact level swords (Nuklearpower) 386) Epic level wizard is actually the one answering those wish spells 387) Epic level bard manages to trick enemies into walking off a cliff but infurating them and "daring them to step over this line" 388) Epic level bard convinces a forium queen to "be a bit more spontanous" 389) Epic level rogue accidently bumps into someone from behind on the street...that person then explodes as they take obsceen amounts of sneak attack damage 390) Epic level druid...gets togeather with four other epic level druids from around the world and summons captin planet! (GO PLANET!) 391) Epic level pyromancer or pyrokinetisist ("I'm sorry smokey, but NO ONE can prevent forest fires now :evillaugh ") 392) Epic level paladin ends cold and flu season by himself 393) Four Epic level ninjas fight two giant beasts while vinilla ice plays in the backround (come on, you know where thats from) 394) Epic level Chronomancer has gone back in time and stoped me from making this post. He also protected some woman from some really weird golem thing. Using meteor swarm. (wow that would have made the movie shorter) 395) Epic fighter is forced to take epic skill focus as a feat 396) Epic barbarian decides to take some points in Knowledge (ediqute) 397) I really need some points in Knowledge (typing) 397) (real) Epic level deep dwarven barbarian attempts to attack a drow city alone...and looses no mater how epic he is...cause their drow...and drow rule :devil: 398) Epic level drow fighter comes to the surface, and gets an amazingly positive reaction 399) Epic level alienist poses for an illistrated verson of any of H.P. Lovecrafts books
Gemstone 01-04-05, 07:10 AM	398) Epic level drow fighter comes to the surface, and gets an amazingly positive reaction Hmm... Drizzt Do'Urden anyone?
Sabelo2000 01-04-05, 08:17 AM	400 - Epic Level Gamers spell all words correctly in their grammatically proper posts. er, that should be... 400 epci level Gamer's spell all there \/\/0rdz corectly and have good gramir in all they're post's 401 - Epic Level Rules Lawyer rewrites English language so Internet users can speak it correctly.
Yan-C-Bin 01-04-05, 09:19 AM	402 - The epic level psion (shaper) creates new prestige classes.
The nameles one 01-04-05, 11:40 AM	The nameless one: I'm sure I've seen that quote in your sig somewhere, I just can't remember where. Could you tell me where it's from, please? -Douglas Adams. -Goodbye and thank you for the fish. I think...
speeblefreak 01-10-05, 09:33 PM	403. The epic wizard's CL is so high that he casts Apocalypse From The Sky and destroys the world. The gods die from lack of worshippers, and the whole campaign setting collapses from lack of gods. (I actually did this.) :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh 404. The DM allows this because there's no other way to get rid of the character. This happened, too!
speeblefreak 01-11-05, 12:18 AM	405. The epic rogue disables the Matrix and bluffs everyone into thinking they're still in it. 406. The epic commoner kills a kobold. 407. The epic bard kills a kobold. 408. The epic druid complains that the forest is too urban.
Dev_Riven 01-11-05, 02:24 PM	409) The Epic Mindbender gets control over the DM 410) The Epic Apprentice finally gets a level of sorcerer 411) The Epic Aristocrat buys the material Plane 412) The Epic nymph just seduct anyone 413) The Epic psion create new alignments 414) The Epic Wizard got make a successfull check in Craft(Plane) 415) The Epic Loremaster knows that he's only a roleplayed character and that he lives on a battlegrid 416) The Epic blackguard finally got rid of all anger in him 417) The Epic commoner does epic farming. Yup, he still sucks. 418) The Epic Noob buys Complete Warrior because he thinks Wizards finally did a guidebook to non-epic classes, and the next books are going to be Complete Commoner and Complete Aristocrat. 419) The Epic fighter pick a level in warrior class because selecting (and finding!) a new feat slow down gameplay too much.
Kyuketsukiouji 01-11-05, 09:48 PM	417) The Epic commoner does epic farming. Yup, he still sucks. 420 - The Epic Commoner does Epic Farming, turning the Anauroch Desert into a cornfield overnight... :P
speeblefreak 01-11-05, 11:54 PM	421. The epic ninja uses plutonium rods as nunchaku. :D 422. The epic kineticist sweats Oil of Impact. 423. The epic barbarian bench presses Toril.
Hand of Vecna 01-12-05, 02:44 PM	21. The party's wizard takes a Knowledge check, and discovers that reality is merely a game and that he and everything else, only exist in the DM and the players imagination. 415) The Epic Loremaster knows that he's only a roleplayed character and that he lives on a battlegrid. Heh, Reed Richards actually did this (sorta) in the 1602 mini-series (by Neil Gaiman). He realized they existed in a Universe based on "Dramatic Need," which is why the Thing could never be fully/permanently cured. 424: Epic Sifter becomes his Player. 425: Epic Sifter becomes the DM. 426: Epic Sifter becomes the players and the DM (Swarm form).
speeblefreak 01-13-05, 08:38 PM	424: Epic Sifter becomes his Player. Not much point to becoming a 1st-level commoner,is there? :P 427. The epic Order of the Bow initiate can't hit anything because he splits his own arrows before they reach the target.
gradea 01-13-05, 11:05 PM	428) Epic Spelltheif steals Elminster's, Mansoon's, and Merlin's powers. 429) Epic Master Samuri takes a vow of peace, gets his katanas blade reversed, and takes to wearing a pinkish gi. 430) Epic Wizard has an Epic spell designed strictly to emulate the cantrips power to tie shoes, but with a spellcraft DC so high the number, if writen, would implode under its own gravity.
speeblefreak 01-14-05, 12:00 AM	431. The epic psion gets amnesia and time resets. 432. The epic wizard arm-wrestles a hecatonchieres and wins. 433. The epic loremaster discovers the purpose of gnomes. :P 434. The epic ninja uses the Infinite Layers of the Abyss as +500 anarchic unholy shuriken.
Loren Pechtel 01-14-05, 12:21 AM	435) The epic monk has to slow down because if he moves at full speed the blueshifting messes up his vision too much for him to see his target.
speeblefreak 01-14-05, 10:57 PM	436. The epic spellcaster/manifester can vaporize planes with a thought and develop any epic spell/power he/she can think of in seconds with no resources expended...at 21st level. With no equipment. (to all munchkins out there) This is entirely possible and reasonable. The loophole exists. I have found it. :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh
tesseract451 01-17-05, 07:03 PM	437. A 21st level epic cleric/wizard/mystic theurge creates and casts an Origin of Species: Tarrasque, just so a Tarrasque would no longer be unique and he could therefore shapechange into one. (Sadly, I've actually done it)
the Horc 01-17-05, 09:58 PM	438. Your Epic Wizard acquires a Winterwight, then names it "Pookie". 439. Your Epic Wizard acquires a Hunefer, then names it "Pookie". 440. Your Epic Wizard acquires a Shadow of the Void, then names it "Pookie". 441. Your Epic Wizard acquires an Atropal, then names it "Pookie". 442. Vecna changes his name to "Pookie".
gradea 01-18-05, 02:49 AM	443) Epic Rogue disguises herself as a medusa and actually turns people to stone. 444) Epic Rogue bluffs a guard into thinking he's a dragon and the guard gains the ability to breath fire and fly. 445) Epic Loremaster can set VCRs and understands the income tax. 446) Epic Monk becomes noblility, spikes hair, and takes to calling everyone a fool while smirking alot. 447) Epic Ranger with dragons as a favored enemy has Tihamuts heads above his mantle. All of them. (Its a she with five heads before you guys get ANY ideas....:P). 448) Epic Bards band togeather, form a band known by mortal men as the Eagles. 449) Epic Ninja anthro turtles defeat poorly trained men in ninja outfits and someone named after a kitchen impliment used to shred cheese. 450) Epic Rogue actually "maxes out" a skill. Somehow. 451) The PC plays a Solar. 452) PC takes all the levels in the "Tarrasque" monster class.
gradea 01-18-05, 02:50 AM	436. The epic spellcaster/manifester can vaporize planes with a thought and develop any epic spell/power he/she can think of in seconds with no resources expended...at 21st level. With no equipment. (to all munchkins out there) This is entirely possible and reasonable. The loophole exists. I have found it. :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh I want to see this build
speeblefreak 01-18-05, 09:20 PM	I want to see this build Look at the Epic Research Facts thread. #446: "Epic monk becomes nobility, spikes his hair, blah blah blah..." What's with that? :confused:
speeblefreak 01-19-05, 12:33 AM	#453: The DM complains that he is "running out of Chosen." Another real one.
Sukugaru 01-19-05, 02:06 AM	Look at the Epic Research Facts thread. #446: "Epic monk becomes nobility, spikes his hair, blah blah blah..." What's with that? :confused: I think it's a reference to Vegeta in the anime Dragonball Z.
Lord Kellnor 01-19-05, 05:53 AM	#454: The Epic Bard charms BigSis into accepting a date :love:
gradea 01-19-05, 02:42 PM	It was a refrence to DBZ, your correct Sukugaru! Tell her what shes won Jonny! "A new car!" *starts playing price is right theme* (wonder if you know which show my samuri with a vow of peace, reversed katana blade, and pink gi is refering to...) ok, now that im done with that burst of insanity... 455) Level 30/Everything...period. 456) Epic level wizard can use fafnir as a familiar. 457) Epic level fighter, without improved unarmed strike, and win in a fist fight aganst a non epic monk, neither with items, and the monk took a vow of poverty. 458) The PCs can use profession (Baker) to avert natural disasters and stop wars. 459) Epic Tinker's device malfunctions and suddenly the planet has a lot of little contenents where a big one used to be. 460) Epic paladin dictates what "Good" is to the deities. 461) Epic wizard manages to disintigrate the DM. (For messing up his actions. for the third time. PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT IM SAYING DARN YOU! >.>; long story....)
Yan-C-Bin 01-21-05, 08:48 AM	DID ANYBODY SAY "EPIC RESEARCH FACTS????" WOW! NEVER THOUGHT THAT ANYONE WOULD GO THERE!!!! 462) The epic level rogue steals the Hulking hurler“s ball... and has so many HDs that he survives being crushed though he can“t lift it.
tesseract451 01-21-05, 01:20 PM	1) Epic level Fatespinner finds a way to alter the cosmos to re-start the numbering of the list. Muhuahahahaha! :D
insatium 01-21-05, 02:09 PM	464. Epic elan psion dies. Of old age. 465. Epic shifter forgets his real identity. 466. Epic fighter steals the Mead of the Gods because he can't get drunk on normal booze. 467. Epic soulknife doesn't suck. 468. Epic soulknife goes into hiding to protect the only son of his former apprentice. Eventually, he is killed by said apprentice. 469. Epic gnome artificer makes the Starship Enterprise. 470. The Void Incarnate can't find himself.
Mordane76 01-21-05, 04:42 PM	471. Epic Hulking Hurler, finding himself unarmed, bends over backwards, digs his fingers into the ground, and flings the world at his opponent.
Ze_Mighty_Vegetable 01-21-05, 05:51 PM	151) The epic commoner can now defeat cows -HAHahahhAhahah . don't dis the epic commoner. You never know when plowing 400 acres per round is gonna be usefull. #472 (I think that's the count...) Gods pray to your cleric. #473 The gods ask permission to your cleric before allowing someone acces to a spell. #474 Nobody dares to trip you anymore, for fear that your fall would sunder the Earth. #475 Your ranger 2WF with both Thor and Odin (Odin being in the off-hand...)
gradea 01-21-05, 06:14 PM	"468. Epic soulknife goes into hiding to protect the only son of his former apprentice. Eventually, he is killed by said apprentice." But you forget, the epic soulknife comes back more powerful then the apprentice could possibly imagen...apparently being an incoporeal ghost with no powers what so ever counts as "power"...or the apprentice just had a really bad imagenation.
Gemstone 01-21-05, 07:13 PM	#476. Epic Drow sorceress, can't penetrate her own SR because of the improved spell resistance feat #477. Said Drow sorceress kills mystra, with a heightened and enhanced (yes, she can do it) ray of frost #478. And makes herself immune to Karsus Avatar... #479. Epic wizard prepares a quickened heightened (9 levels) enhanced maximized widdened karsus avatar, just in case he will run out of his big spells...
the Horc 01-21-05, 07:25 PM	But you forget, the epic soulknife comes back more powerful then the apprentice could possibly imagen...apparently being an incoporeal ghost with no powers what so ever counts as "power"...or the apprentice just had a really bad imagenation. Obi-Wan: If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can imagine! *Bluff check* Either that, or if you strike me down, I'm not going to be truly dead like 99.999999% of the rest of the galaxy. So, I'm going to be able to affect things, while you're going to think I'm just dead.
Elemental 01-21-05, 09:09 PM	480: Your samurai tries to commit seppuku, but can't hit his own AC.
pawtucket_pat 01-21-05, 11:17 PM	Originally Posted by gradea 313) Epic Bard turns down Sune and Aphrodite when they ask if he wants "get together" I don't understand this one--just because he's very powerful doesn't mean that there more desirable females about. Oh he must be holding out for Apollo or Lathander. Who wouldn't? 481: Epic bard's vocal range makes other wonder if he still has his original equipment. 482: Epic loremaster finds out that the Lady of Pain's real name is...Ethel. 483: Epic barbarians reaction to finding Demogorgon: "I'm gonna hug him and pet him and name him George"
NeoZanmato 01-21-05, 11:24 PM	484:Epic dwarf aristocrat stops all adventuring because he owns all the gold, platinum, silver, copper, gems, in the multiverse. 485:Epic Loremaster finds out what the serpent is, and why it erased the LeShay. 486:Epic Thrallherd controls everyone and uses it to create his own patheon and to rig the presidential election 487:Epic Assasin, assasinates the DM, and then his player. 488:Epic Expert takes ranks in Proffesion(Epic thingys) and comes up with a good one for number 489
Paladin2004 01-22-05, 06:22 AM	489: Epic level Wizard knows the exact value of Pi 490: Epic Barbarain told him it ^ :P
Kyuketsukiouji 01-22-05, 10:10 AM	490 - Epic Paladin Smites Evil. All of it. Everywhere.
Elemental 01-22-05, 12:02 PM	216. Epic barbarian dives in a pool of acid that deals 100d6 damage per round...for safety. I've seen that happen, in an epic arena game found here (http://rpol.net/game.cgi?gi=668&gn=The+Exodus:+Epic+DnD+3.5&date=1106411239), where a PC impervious to fire dived into some lava to heal himself. The other fighter shapechanged into a Beholder, and turned the antimagic cone on the lava. There was a whiff of smoke, and that was it. 491: The epic wizard's Intelligence is so high that he's figured out he's an RPG character. 492: And his domination spells are so effective that he's now running his player. 493: The stars aren't right for the epic alienist, so he pops them into the correct positions. 494: The epic barbarian hits his foes, and knocks them into next Tuesday. (If the space they're in contains a solid object as of next Tuesday, they reappear in the nearest unoccupied space.) 495: The epic paladin puts on the Hand and Eye of Vecna, and Vecna is the one who needs to make Will saves to retain his alignment. 496: A nymph sees the epic bard, and needs to save or die immediately.
speeblefreak 01-22-05, 03:22 PM	#497: The epic commoner uses Profession (seamstress) to close a Sphere of Annihilation.
Ze_Mighty_Vegetable 01-22-05, 05:02 PM	#498 The epic munchkin needs a separate plane to write all his prestige classes. #499 the epic role-playing fanatic mae an epic Fop and manage to actually survive more than one game #500 (Yes! I got the 500th) the epic über-Munchkin looks at this thread and can't find anything funny in it. He's done it all.
Cloakable 01-22-05, 06:29 PM	501: When the Epic Barbarian is fighting, he just rages. Nothing else. Juuuust Rage. He aint moving a bit, and still he wins!
Ze_Mighty_Vegetable 01-23-05, 01:52 AM	#502: The epic bard knows everything. Don't bother with a plot. He's gonna bardic knowledge his way through it. #503: The Epic monk is unable to brush his teeth because he attomaticaly dodge it. 504: The epic god rule. Period. 506: The epic Mr T pithy the epic foo' who say he can't skip #505.
askala3 01-23-05, 04:14 AM	#505: Skipped because it mentioned a Deity with levels in Void Incarnate. #507: The Deity from #505 has followers, but they don't know it.
Harry 01-23-05, 05:25 AM	#508: Players develop an infinite loophole in rules that is accepted by the DM. #509: Players are level-uping so fast and their character sheets are so long, that making changes to their characters takes 99% of the time they play.
Purkake 01-23-05, 07:58 PM	510. The epic paladin uses the Book of Vile Darkness as bed-time reading. 511. The epic monk feels sad because he took the VoP. 512. The epic BBEG actually survives a final showdown with non-epic heros. 513. The epic Ur-Priests have to steal spells from each other. 514. The epic spiked chain tripper notices that being prone doesn't change much anymore. 515. An epic undead actually survives a turning atempt.
Gemstone 01-23-05, 08:24 PM	516. The diary of the Paladin from 510 is the Book of exalted deeds... 517. And that was from his 20th's, and now hes into his 40th's, several cleanshed from evil cosmologies later...
Cosmosis 01-23-05, 09:18 PM	518. As part of his act, an epic bard juggles a sphere of annihilation, a gibbering orb, a genius loci, a crawling head, a demilich, several dozen beholders, Elminster, and Agathys. 519. Said bard takes levels in Hulking Hurler. 520. Epic psion fuses herself and 99 friends into a hecatonchires. 521. Epic basketweaver gains DR 20/wicker. 522. Epic wizard grafts Bigby's crushing hands onto his own arms.
Loren Pechtel 01-23-05, 11:56 PM	523. The character sheet has so much information on it that the player gets an out of memory error trying to load it. On a maxed-out machine. 524. The character sheet weighs more than the character.
speeblefreak 01-24-05, 10:00 PM	#508: Players develop an infinite loophole in rules that is accepted by the DM. Sheesh! I've mentioned it, I've explained it, and now I've dropped it. Leave me alone, already! :rant:
Ze_Mighty_Vegetable 01-25-05, 01:08 AM	525: The first-time epic DM sees this thread and grow afraid. 526: The veteran epic DM is declared clinicaly insane. He put up with all this thread already. 527: The doomed epic DM drown is sorrow in cheap scotch as he know is players have got wind of this thread. 528: The epic monk is too enlightened to bother to move. 529: Everybody cower from the epic barbarian (intimidate skill and plain common sense).
Kyuketsukiouji 01-25-05, 09:32 AM	530 - The Epic Barbarian rages and things spontaneously break apart.
the Horc 01-25-05, 01:59 PM	530: Rather than moving, the Epic Psion/Wizard/Sorcerer moves to universe around him.
DreadWizardDM 01-25-05, 07:29 PM	531 : The character makes a knowledge planes check DC 1000 and realizes he is being controlled by a "0 level commoner PLAYER" and creates a rift from the world of fantasy into the world of reality. The party steps through the rift and confronts the players angrily and accuse them of making them do all kinds of crazy stuff and fighting / adventuring and prepares to kill the players (who are now groveling, hiding under the kitchen table and pointing at the DM exclaiming "HE MADE US DO IT!!") :P
DreadWizardDM 01-25-05, 07:33 PM	532 : The above characters (now in the real world) read the D&D books and make up 1st level characters conveniently named after the players and DM and cast them into the fantasy D&D world into a nasty dungeon to give them a taste of thier own medicine!
speeblefreak 01-25-05, 10:40 PM	#533: The epic monk's initiative is so high he acted yesterday. #534: The epic munchkin's character sparks godswars on a regular basis. That's me. :devil: #535: The epic fighter uses the Sword of Kas as a backscratcher. #536: Said epic fighter uses a Sphere of Annihilation as a nail file.
Harry 01-26-05, 02:06 AM	530: Rather than moving, the Epic Psion/Wizard/Sorcerer moves to universe around him. This one could be done by a first level expert with 4 ranks in Knowledge (Physics) and who knows it all depends on the point of view. :)
Cosmosis 01-26-05, 07:28 PM	537. The epic fighter uses a necklace of strangulation as a fashion accessory, since his galaxies of hit points allow him to easily survive wearing it for a month without outside help (432,000 rounds, and thus a total of 2,592,000 damage from the necklace). EDIT: Whoops, the necklace does a constant 6 damage per round, not 1d10.
Harry 01-27-05, 02:07 AM	537. The epic fighter uses a necklace of strangulation as a fashion accessory, since his galaxies of hit points allow him to easily survive wearing it for a month without outside help (432,000 rounds, and thus a total of 432,000d10 damage from the necklace). This could be done by 22nd level fighter who took Fast Healing feat two times.
Yan-C-Bin 01-28-05, 08:14 AM	Then we“re already out of control!!!!!!! 538: The epic character outgrows the balance of levels/uncontrollability... Quite possible.
gradea 01-29-05, 02:33 PM	Hey! Appolo was like a Greek Brad Pitt! Can you blame him? 539: Epic level void incarnate...isnt 540: Epic level Ettercap Monk takes to wearing red tights and fighting crime 541: Epic Evoker prepairs soup with a meteor swarm 542: Epic Ranger decides he's finaly had enough of Yogi and takes Bears as his next favored enemy 543: Epic barbarian gets bored and decides to use his brain for a change 544: ^ Discoveres his brain has atrophed so much he gains the mindless trait 545: *Who the bard was really holding out for* Half Succubus Nymph Sorcerress with the Lust template (Encyclopedia Magica, Nymphology), whos save DCs are so high conventional "numbers" are unable to express it 546: An epic wizard decides to put a point in strength. 547: Epic level expert with ranks in profession (Realtionship therapist) patches things up between Zeus and Hera 548: Epic Dwarven Defender stops moving relitive to the planet he is on 549: Nobody throws the Epic Dwarf! 550: Epic Hexblade says a sware word and curses an entire planet 551: Apparently an Epic Artificer recrafted Post 473 after it was blown up...( :P read back a few pages and you'll see)
Harry 01-29-05, 02:59 PM	552# Epic Psion Nomad manifests Mass Time Hop that's duration is so long he'll be back after the end of the world - therefore surviving the apocalypse. :P
Gu4rdian 01-30-05, 03:55 PM	553) Epic Cleric try to raises an army of Undead. 554) Said Epic Cleric succeeds... With one spell.
the Horc 01-30-05, 05:31 PM	553) Epic Cleric try to raises an army of Undead. 554) Said Epic Cleric succeeds... With one spell. 555) The Epic Radiant Servant of Pelor proceeds to turn said army... as a free action.
pawtucket_pat 01-30-05, 08:58 PM	Hey! Appolo was like a Greek Brad Pitt! Can you blame him? Don't say "Greek Brad Pitt". I just had a bad "Troy" flashback. *shudder* I apologise to everyone who actually liked the movie. :angelhide 556) Epic vile character controls the mind of an epic paladin and makes him kick a puppy. Said puppy explodes. (Anyone else know where I got that one from?) 557) Epic loremaster figures out the answer to the question of life, the universe, and everything....42. 558) Epic ogre barbarian wields a stick with a nail in it....so big it crushes the WORLD! MWAHAHA! (Simpsons reference) 559) Epic cleric converts Jack Chick to worship of Pelor.
Meshakhad 01-31-05, 01:02 AM	560. Epic favored soul takes over when his deity dies. 561. Epic psion or wizard outsmarts Mystra. 562. Epic kineticist can create a supernova - without a star 563. Epic horizon walker becomes a decent class. 564. Epic divine oracle wins the lottery. 565. Epic pixie out-wrestles the tarrasque - without any grapple feats, and just been hit with an epic ray of enfeeblement, and the tarrasque is under an epic bull's strength spell. 566. Epic exalted arcanist obliterates the Lower Planes - as a free action. 567. Epic apostle of peace forces all conflict in the multiverse (except against constructs and undead) to cease.
Harry 01-31-05, 03:29 AM	563. Epic horizon walker becomes a decent class. Nothing to laugh at, taking six levels of Horizon Walker gives Dimension Door at will + full BAB, excellent for Telflammar Shadowlord.
Expanded Psion 01-31-05, 04:03 PM	568.Epic Druid sneezes and the next Ice Age descents on Toril/Earth. P.S.:i didn't read all of them :D
gradea 01-31-05, 06:08 PM	587: An Epic Rogue sneezes, and the only person capable of hearing it is the Epic Ranger. 588: An Epic Psion sneezes, and the entire world says "God bless you." 589: Epic Paladins and Monks dont sneeze. 590: An Epic Cancer Mage Sneezes, and the entire biosphere is wiped out.
Iuris 02-01-05, 03:54 AM	591: The Epic Thrallherd has a bit of a problem: since there are no more non-thralls left on the planet his psychic call is now trying to get him to become his own thrall...
Unamis 02-01-05, 08:30 AM	592: Epic Fighter, bored of his superior lifestyle, attempts suicide by hopping from a mile long cliff. He fails to die. 593: Epic Wizards brains -currently memorizing 859 335 023 spells- melt down and form a gateway to the Dungeon Dimensions.
Kyuketsukiouji 02-01-05, 12:47 PM	591: The Epic Thrallherd has a bit of a problem: since there are no more non-thralls left on the planet his psychic call is now trying to get him to become his own thrall... 594: Epic Thrallherd has to have some of his Epic Wizard thralls create interplanetary gates so his thralls on other planets can come and worship him the way they should. 595: Epic Mindbender researches Dominate Planet. 596: Cosmic Descryer consumes a random layer of the Abyss every time he uses Cosmic Connection.
Executrix Swordslasher 02-01-05, 02:58 PM	562. Epic kineticist can create a supernova - without a star That is such a problem in my game... 592: Epic Fighter, bored of his superior lifestyle, attempts suicide by hopping from a mile long cliff. He fails to die. Max falling damage, limited by terminal velocity, in dnd... is 40d6. An nonepic barbarian with improved toughness & good con could survive that.
newatreides 02-01-05, 05:55 PM	The epic spellcaster counters the spell that created the world. The epic fighter uses the godslayer sword as a toothpick. The epic wizard changes his name to match the Last Word. The epic rogue steals the Orrery. (note: the last two posts require in-depth reading of the manual of the planes and it's web enhancements) The epic bard convinces the Inevitables that come after him that he's not the one they're looking for. The epic wizard gains an ooze and a construct thrall. The epic acolyte of the skin starts renting out HIS hide. The epic rogue takes classes in legendary dreadnaught the epic druid takes up the sword... and keeps his powers. The epic character rules both the government of all the countries in the known universe and the unknown one, and every band of outlaws. He regularly stages entire wars for his own amusement. The epic bard tells the gods to go to hades... and they do.
Loren Pechtel 02-02-05, 12:40 AM	592: Epic Fighter, bored of his superior lifestyle, attempts suicide by hopping from a mile long cliff. He fails to die. And he thought he could??? Max 120 damage. The only risk is failing a massive damage roll if you don't scale them at epic levels. How about: 592a: Epic Fighter decides to jump off the cliff instead of going down the stairs because he knows that in less time than it would take to go down the stairs he will heal all the damage from jumping down. 592b: Epic Barbarian jumps down cliffs routinely because he's got so much DR that he's immune to falling damage.
Loren Pechtel 02-02-05, 12:43 AM	The Epic Bard ran out of instruments to study. His skill in Perform: Flatulence is sufficient to convert anyone who hears it to a fanatical follower.
the Horc 02-02-05, 02:20 AM	The Epic Bard ran out of instruments to study. His skill in Perform: Flatulence is sufficient to convert anyone who hears it to a fanatical follower. Loren Pechtel, you are hereby sigquote worthy.
Vaypah 02-02-05, 07:47 AM	608.(I think) The epic Ranger\Duelist\Tempest\Dervish\Weapon Master gets sooo good with swords he can finally defeat Drizzt in a duel. 609. The epic wizard can finally out-spell Elminster. Need i go on? :P What??!! The numbers were always right!! (Imperial credits WILL do!!) :D
Unamis 02-03-05, 10:05 AM	1009.(I think) The epic Ranger\Duelist\Tempest\Dervish\Weapon Master gets sooo good with swords he can finally defeat Drizzt in a duel. 1010. The epic wizard can finally out-spell Elminster. Need i go on? :P Err... you hopped over 400 numbers. Lemme see.. your first was 608. and the second 609th, so that means: 610) The Epic Blackguards black armor is now so utterly black that it transforms into an armor shaped blackhole.
gradea 02-03-05, 11:37 AM	611) The Epic ranger follows tracks that haven't been made yet 612) The Epic elementalist becoems an elemental prince 613) Epic Acolyte of the Skin has bits of all past and current Lords of the Nine on his body 614) Epic level evil cleric can turn the living 615) Epic level Chronomancer reverts D&D to its AD&D form 616) Epic level barbarian finaly discovers the PROPER use of all those diffrent forks at a banquiet 617) Epic Illithad Savent has eaten his own brain 618) Epic (anyone) has enough ranks in alchemy to make Augment Alchemy good 619) Epic Monk who has taken damage reduction and has lenses of scortching light takes to wearing blue tights and red boots 620) Epic level Deity...finaly is powerful enough to justify being called a Deity
Gemstone 02-03-05, 11:55 AM	616) Epic level barbarian finaly discovers the PROPER use of all those diffrent forks at a banquiet Deity :heehee Good one :D
Cosmosis 02-03-05, 04:36 PM	614) Epic level evil cleric can turn the living Er, any 1st-level cleric can do that with the right domain choice. 615) Epic level Chronomancer reverts D&D to its AD&D form 617) Epic Illithid Savant has eaten his own brain :rofl: :rofl:
Ze_Mighty_Vegetable 02-03-05, 06:28 PM	621): Everyone fear the epic ravager. 622): The epic Ur-Priest stole all spells from the gods. 623): Said Ur-Priest opened a bank for deities, allowing them to loan spells for hefty interests... 624): The epic paladin and the Epic blackgard can't fight it out at Ragnarok as they intended... They just can't overcome the other's protection from evil/good, and can't go near each others... 625): The epic monk can't flurry of blows for fear of creating a tornado 626): The epic wizard cast create water. anybody seen "day after tomorow"?
Loren Pechtel 02-04-05, 02:51 AM	626): The epic wizard cast create water. anybody seen "day after tomorow"? That garbage was about cold, not water. 626a): The epic wizard casts create water. Noah is glad he was warned to build an ark.
TheDarkestOfAngels 02-04-05, 03:49 AM	That garbage was about cold, not water. 626a): The epic wizard casts create water. Noah is glad he was warned to build an ark. that would have to be an epic cleric or druid.
Ze_Mighty_Vegetable 02-04-05, 03:16 PM	That garbage was about cold, not water. . I never saw the afore-mentionned garbage. I wrote #626 based on the previews... It seemed the kind of film where if you've seen the previes, you'd seen the whole movie.
gradea 02-04-05, 06:13 PM	627: Epic Arcane Trickster fightes golems by making them Incarnate Constructs then sneak attacking them to death.
TheDarkestOfAngels 02-04-05, 07:04 PM	628) The epic sorcerer's epic leadership score is limited only by the population of the local cosmology. 629) A high level wizard, who laughs when he remembers those days of being level one when he could get killed by a common housecat, is later killed by an epic wizard's cat familiar. 630) The epic bard performs a play entirely where the entire play revolved around the Bard doing menial paperwork - and it instantly becomes a #1 success around the cosmos. 631) Thanks to the epic fighter's enormous strength, he accidently kills a hobo by giving him pocket change. 632) The epic cleric becomes an interstellar travel agent by killing his clients and resurrecting them two weeks later. Calling it a "trip to your god's plane."
Loren Pechtel 02-04-05, 10:39 PM	I never saw the afore-mentionned garbage. I wrote #626 based on the previews... It seemed the kind of film where if you've seen the previes, you'd seen the whole movie. I only saw it because it was showing on the airplane.
gradea 02-04-05, 11:30 PM	633) Epic Warhulk "AWW! CUTE! IM GOING TO PET HIM AND SQUEEZE HIM AND NAME HIM GEORGE!" followed by killing "george" in a hug...with george being Tihamut
Kyuketsukiouji 02-05-05, 12:47 AM	629) A high level wizard, who laughs when he remembers those days of being level one when he could get killed by a common housecat, is later killed by an epic wizard's cat familiar. You've obviously never taught your cat familiar how to cast Enhanced Intensified Chain Lightning, have you? 360 HP damage + half to 30 targets tends to shut non-epic people up really quickly. Which brings us to... 634-A hostile army invades the Epic Wizard's kingdom. The Wizard's familliar takes care of the problem.
conjurer_lord 02-05-05, 01:05 AM	That garbage was about cold, not water. 626b. The epic wizard casts Ice Storm. NOW we have day after tomorrow (that movie doesn't deserve caps or underline).
TheDarkestOfAngels 02-05-05, 01:07 AM	You've obviously never taught your cat familiar how to cast Enhanced Intensified Chain Lightning, have you? 360 HP damage + half to 30 targets tends to shut non-epic people up really quickly. .... that is the point of the joke. It wasn't a "its funny because that's proposterous" joke. It's a "just when he thought he was safe from snuggles the cat, he returns after being adopted by an epic wizard to finish the job" joke.
gradea 02-05-05, 01:25 PM	635) Epic necromancers can frighten Kender Paladins.
Gemstone 02-05-05, 02:31 PM	636) A goblin paladin is not afraid of said necromancer... 637) But is frightened by his epic girlfriend O_O 638) The epic wizard thinks that epic spellcasting is to weak... 639) Said wizard uses it to make himself breakfast every morning 640) AND every pocket on his clothes are a unlimited pocket dimension...
Kyuketsukiouji 02-05-05, 03:03 PM	641- Epic Greenstar adept casts Nail to the Sky on himself so he can cover more ground with an Epic Locate Object cone spell, looking for meteor chunks from orbit.
Ze_Mighty_Vegetable 02-05-05, 05:42 PM	courage, everyone! Only 360 to go to cap the 1001!!!!
the Horc 02-05-05, 07:04 PM	642: The Epic Gnome Articifer builds himself a giant, planet-eating robot. 643: The Epic Gnome Artificer builds the Death Star. 644: The Epic Metamind Powers said Death Star. 645: The Epic Warmage proceeds to out gun said Death Star. 646: The Epic Occult Slayer destroys Magic. 647: The Epic Illithid Slayer commits genocide. 648: The Epic Dragon Slayer commits genocide. 649: The Epic Gnome Giant Slayer commits... you get the idea. 650: The Epic Hunter of the Dead commits... what would that be called anyways? Necrocide? 651: The Epic Justicator drags in Mask. 652: The Epic Knight of the Chalice takes out the Abyss. 653: The Epic Bard convinces the world that his Sock Puppet is in fact a deity. 654: He does it so convincingly that the Sock Puppet actually achieves said divinity.
TheDarkestOfAngels 02-05-05, 07:24 PM	642a & 643a) ... made out of tongue depressors, popsicle sticks, glue, and lots of duct tape (and it ends up working better.) 655) The epic ranger can use his survival check to forage for food and water in the negitive energy plane. 656) The epic rogue can make a listen check to hear earthquakes coming before they occur - sometimes weeks in advance. 657) The epic rogue can make a listen check to determine what a baby looks like and its gender and its weight and any physical abnormalities while the baby is still in the womb. 658) The epic rogue's search check reveals that there the air contains 1 PPM (part per million) cubic feet of mercury in the air. 659) The epic rogue can use sleight of hand to palm an item larger than him/herself and effectively hide it without being seen. Like a bus. 660) The epic fighter specializes in using other people as a weapon.
Kyuketsukiouji 02-05-05, 07:29 PM	671- While fighting a demilich, the Epic Barbarian picks the party's Epic Monk and starts using him as a club to bypass its DR.
Quenditar 02-05-05, 07:37 PM	429) Epic Master Samuri takes a vow of peace, gets his katanas blade reversed, and takes to wearing a pinkish gi. Alas, such obvious signs of goodness can't persuade an epic Master Samurai/Justiciar with a relentless drive for justice. And trouble begins... On-topic: 653: The Epic Blade Dancer moves so quickly he's invisible - while taking a casual stroll.
Loren Pechtel 02-06-05, 12:53 AM	654) An atomic bomb falls through a planar rift and lands in front of the Epic Loremaster. Round #1) He identifies what it is and that there are only 20 seconds left on the timer. Round #2) He casts reduce on it. Round #3) He stuffs it in the Epic Barbarian's mouth. Round #4) He teleports the Barbarian to the lair of the BBEG so said Barbarian can use it as a breath weapon. He's got the DR that when it goes off it won't be any worse than Tabasco sauce.
Ze_Mighty_Vegetable 02-06-05, 01:18 AM	#654: The Epic Monk dies of enlightenment. #655: The Epic Fighter start a feat-lending business. #656: The Epic Druid become the whole world. No more need for quests... #657: A brave party of Tarrasques unite to search for the ultimate bane of their races, the mythic epic PCs. #658: The Epic Loremaster wonder why we can reach 658 out-of-control epic PC... and shudder in fear, as he knows...
Kyuketsukiouji 02-06-05, 09:32 AM	659 - The Epic Expert uses Craft(Stonemasonry) to build a castle for the party. Overnight.
Executrix Swordslasher 02-06-05, 01:19 PM	660) Epic Loremaster proves that there is no god or deities. 661) Said Loremaster proves String Theory and preaches it to the clerics. Now clerics prepare their spells by doing physics problems and calculating reaction energies. 662) Said Loremaster has a spellbook that could only be opened if the holder could solve twenty partial differential equations in ten seconds, and the Loremaster does it for fun. 663) Epic Master Alchemist finally notices that chemistry is more reliable than alchemy and makes the periodic table. 664) Epic Artificer runs out of ideas on what to craft. He creates a cloning machine to make more of himself so they could think together. 665) Epic Arcane Archer shoots an arrow of exit wounds, and it takes a full circle around the would, comes back, and bounces off his mage armor. 666) Epic Horizon Walker gets tired of travelling. 667) Epic Wizards gets tired of keeping track of a table of contents in his spellbook, he simply write: all spells ever invented are in here. 668) The Cosmic Descryer uses spells to build stargates, and they last for eternity. 669) Epic Fist of Raziel can't figure out how to use all his smites in one day. 670) The Legendary Dreadnought never turns, he walks through everything. 671) Epic Psion gets a headache as his brain overloads itself. 672) Epic Ranger hates everything, he kills off every races and then kills himself. 673) Epic Pyrokineticist learns to utilize nuclear fusion to create bigger self-sustained fires.
the Horc 02-06-05, 03:00 PM	674: The Epic Frenzied Berserker has been frenzying for over two years now, and no end is in sight. 675: The Epic Paladin realizes he cannot physically use all his smites in a day. 676: The Epic Order of the Bow Initiate can use his precise attack on someone on the moon. 677: The Epic Master of the Unseen hand proceeds to rip out the core of a star. 678: The Drunken Master proceeds to outdrink Thor. 679: Then kicks his ass afterwards. 680: The Epic Bear Warrior finds that the Paragon Pseudonatural Behemoth Bear isn't enough.
Gellion 02-06-05, 05:01 PM	681. Epic Gnome Tinker invents 2-4-5 Trioxin. :eek:
Starmage21 02-06-05, 06:18 PM	680: The Epic Bear Warrior finds that the Paragon Pseudonatural Behemoth Bear isn't enough. 682: The Epic Bear Warrior from #680 realizes that a Paragon, Pseudonatural, Behemoth, Legendary, Half-Red Dragon Dire Bear is about all he will ever be able to muster.
curseofgnome 02-07-05, 01:16 AM	653: The Epic Bard convinces the world that his Sock Puppet is in fact a deity. 654: He does it so convincingly that the Sock Puppet actually achieves said divinity. All bow before Banjo!
gradea 02-07-05, 01:56 AM	683) Epic (generic) ninja is cloaked in such an aura of mysteriousness that even he doesn't know who he is 684) Epic swashbuckler defeats Hextor in one on one combat and proceeds to say "How appropraite, you fight like a cow." (i may have that quote reversed.) 685) Epic Necromancer can death effect a deity. 686) Epic Abjurer can bounce back Sepheroths Meteor. 687) Epic Conjurer can summon Diamond Weapon (wow a lot of FF7 quotes). 688) Epic Abjurer can depopulate a city with magic missile. 689) Epic Transmuter learns the greatest secret ever, turning forum flamers into gold. 690) Epic Diviner knows every existing portion of reality and potential reality like the back of his hand. 691) Epic Enchanter can make Prismatic dragons kneel and kiss the back of his hand 692) Epic Monk's break down walls by swinging with the back of their hand 693) Epic Aliensts don't have hands... 694) Epic Alienest Summons Cthulhu 695) Epic Hunter of the Dead losses a hand, gets it replaced with a chain saw, and learns to use a boomstick. Grovey. 696) Epic Assassin death attacks entire contenents. 697) Epic Elementalist becomes an elemental plane. 698) Epic Warlock...still doesnt do enough damage. 699) Epic Druid wild shapes into Ego, the Living World. 700) Epic Sorcerer knows Hadoken. 701) Epic Warhulk gains so much muscle mass he collapses in on himself and forms a black hole. 702) ...Which the Epic Entrophomancer uses to make a Sphere of Annihialtion. 703) ...Which the Epic Fighter sunders.
Kyuketsukiouji 02-07-05, 10:21 AM	704 - The Epic Infiltrator wakes up one morning and realises he's everyone in the town he lives in. 705- The Epic Ranger is down to choosing "butterflies", "kittens" and "puppies" as enemies, because he's run out of anything else even remotely threatening.
Starmage21 02-07-05, 10:46 AM	706 - The epic party realizes that adventuring is no way to make money, and instead found a company that mines the Quasielemental Plane of Minerals for valuable materials.
Ze_Mighty_Vegetable 02-07-05, 01:01 PM	707): The Epic Barbarian has just drunk the whole Quasielemental plane of alcohol. 708): The Epic Drunken Master wants to kick his ass. 709): The Epic Pacifist manage to settle the dispute and make them the best friends in the world. As a free action. 710): Even if the Epic Bard write nothing, the blank pages become the most successfull play in history just by virtue of having touching him. 711): The Epic Dwarven Defender can't move. 712): The Epic Shadow Dancer can't ever become visible again.
the Horc 02-07-05, 08:38 PM	713: The Epic Fatespinner proceeds to gather 1000 monkeys...
ikki 02-07-05, 09:34 PM	714. Verminfriend gathers 30000 undead flies, makes a hivemind, and enjoys the power of 500+ sorcerer levels 715. Creates double-empowered simulcras of self, with a rod of excellent magic. 3000+ simulcras. Proceeds to create epic spells that demands 3000+ 9th level slots. Feels happy about having a 8000 score bonus in all ability scores.. with a one year duration. 716. Gets bored with the simulcras, and turns them into mini-ioun stones. Still providing spells. 717. Origin of species: 100.000 humans. Shoves those into painextractors. Has 100 golems to feed and restore them.. indefinately. 718. Uses that liqud pain, and rods of excellent magic to create a ring of quintuple empowered tripple twinned quickened wish. 719. Starts filling up his treasury with billions of gp (using the ring). 720. Makes some simulcras to craft more wish rings.. once more fueled by "free exp". Then has the simulcras wear them.. to make more cash. 721. Joins all epic organisations with himself and a million simulcras. Then proceeds to rewrite their rules... Lets Vote Again! One million one for chairman Zaragon buying all spells and items for a single gold coin, 3544 against. Zaragons motion wins! :D
gradea 02-07-05, 10:59 PM	722) Epic disciple of asmodeus uses his vial diabloism on a prestigitation and whipes out the entire scimirilian army and originial with a volly of magicly summoned oragino. 723) Epic fiend of corruption figures the best way to suck souls into the abyss is to invent the TV. 724) Epic Iujutsu Master....no longer exists ^.^. 725) Epic Fighter does not complain about being weaker then the mage.
Loren Pechtel 02-08-05, 12:50 AM	726) Epic Alchemist develops the Midas Touch. He discovers the problem when the planet is converted to gold.
Ze_Mighty_Vegetable 02-08-05, 01:02 AM	727): An Epic monk bound by an unbreakable magical adamantine precesely forged speacificaly to fit him 20 tons sarcophage in a stasis field can't still be considered flat-footed. 728): The Epic Paladin's aura expand so much it encircle the world. Everybody morph into care bears and sing It's a small world . 729): The Epic Munchkin is. 730): Nobody wants to be around a cleave-oriented Epic Fighter when he cut his bread...
Gemstone 02-08-05, 04:15 AM	730): Nobody wants to be around a cleave-oriented Epic Fighter when he cut his bread... :heehee
Meshakhad 02-08-05, 11:13 PM	728. Band of Epic Ravagers clean out a town, THEN they notice the sign that says "1023rd Global Paladin's Convention." 729. The Epic Diviner attempts to scry on them, learns everything about them, and promptly dies of fear while they're asleep. 730. Epic Celestial Mystic takes over from Zaphkiel. 731. Epic Eye of Gruumsh takes out Corellon Larethian. 732. Epic Darkwood Stalker takes him out AND Gruumsh with one shot. 733. Epic Favored Soul of Corellon Larethian then takes over as God of Elves. 734. Epic Healer defeats AIDS. 735. Epic Cancer Mage unleashes a super-deadly disease that instantly affects everyone in the universe. 736. Epic Healer cures it. As a free action. 737. Epic Stonelord turns into a rock. 738. Epic Bard writes a plan of how the universe should be, then convinces everyone it IS that way. It then BECOMES that way. 739. Epic character defeats the game (as in, if this were a computer game, the game is over). 740. Epic Order of the Bow Initiate kills Hextor with a non-magical bow, while he is on the Material Plane. 741. Epic Horizon Walker has been to every single place in the multiverse. 742. Said Epic Horizon Walker also becomes an Epic Wayfarer Guide, then proceeds to travel to other campaign settings. 743. Epic Fatespinner accidentaly alters the creation of the universe so that magic was never created. 744. In the new universe, Epic Smart Hero reinvents magic. 745. Epic Catlord goes to war with the Epic Fishlord. 746. Epic Illithid eats the brains of an entire city for appetizer. 747. Epic Tinkerer builds an airliner. 748. Epic Monk wields more than two nunchakus at the same time. 749. Someone spills a drink on the Epic Barbarian. He goes into a rage and destroys half the country. 750. The Epic Apostle of Peace stops him from destroying the other half.
Ze_Mighty_Vegetable 02-09-05, 01:39 PM	751): The epic Bard gives moral bonus just by walking, as the beat of his stpes is so inspiring. 752): It's a proven fact that an epic Pacifist accompany each and every Epic Barbarian. Why? Ragnarok hasn't come, has it? 753): The Epic Gnome Thinkerer is too fearsome to contemplate. 754): The Epic Kender is finaly protected from PC-kills. 755): The epic Ur-Priest do not steal spells. He bully them from the gods.
Gellion 02-09-05, 06:44 PM	756. Epic Tinkerer ascends beyond the multiverese through sheer technilogical knowledge.
Meshakhad 02-11-05, 12:19 AM	757: The epic alienist drives CTHULHU mad. 758: The epic cleric or favored soul of Tharizdun destroys the universe. 759: The (LG) epic kensai runs out of possible tasks to fulfill. In addition, every single possible feudal lord refuses to have him as a servant - they are unworthy.
The_Grikk 02-11-05, 07:00 AM	760: Epic level rouge rolls so high he creates secret passages when he looks for them.
pawtucket_pat 02-11-05, 08:29 AM	761) Epic level rouge makes a fortune for a cosmetics company. (Yes, I'm one of those people who likes correct spelling of core classes) 762) Epic level wizard thinks that becoming a demi-lich isn't small enough, so he becomes a nano-lich.
Renaissance 02-11-05, 02:26 PM	if you believe in correct spelling then you should have spelled it 'rogue'. 763)the epic loremaster learns that you can build muscle by doing exercise and then proceeds to whoop the epic fighter's a**.
Gellion 02-11-05, 05:01 PM	762) Epic level wizard thinks that becoming a demi-lich isn't small enough, so he becomes a nano-lich. 764. Epic level Wizard decides that a nano-lich is too large and becomes a Pico-lich.
Kaigen 02-11-05, 05:19 PM	Ash rocks! 763) Epic Hunter of the dead from 695 finally remembers the correct incantation.. "Klatu... Narata... err... ummm... " .....nevermind
newatreides 02-11-05, 05:29 PM	764. The epic rogue steals thoughts. 765. The epic rogue goes looking for food... and the player's chips and soda all disappear. 766. The epic fighter is so bored he decides to kill time... And succeeds. 767. The epic commoner can beat a nonepic monk in hand to hand combat. 768. The epic wizard gets bored, and makes his familiar a piece of animated origami. 769. The epic wizard takes a level in expert for fun... 770. So he can take over the world with an army of origami.
Trevor Goodchild 02-13-05, 01:57 AM	771: The epic wizard casts Origin of Species:Cthulhu and alters it to be extremely lawful. 772: The epic psion destroys the plane of dreams, in his sleep. 773: The epic Barbarian's axe slips and he accidentily cuts down Yggdrassil 774: The epic bard convinces Drizzt Do'Urden to give a public apology to Menzoberranzan
pawtucket_pat 02-14-05, 03:16 PM	if you believe in correct spelling then you should have spelled it 'rogue'. Reread the post. I meant to use rouge. Of course, the question is, how does rouge gain levels? One for the ages. 775. The epic soulknife's mindblade is the Sword of Kas. 776. The epic Ur-priest steals the Lady of Pain's flaying ability.
Mr. Bungle 02-15-05, 07:33 AM	778) Epic party destroy all paralell universes, just for fun. 779) Epic wizard applies every known (and usable) metamagic feat to his meteor swarm, and still he can highten it by 20 levels. 780) Epic human ranger kills favored enemies with a cup in one round. 781) Epic wizard rearanges magic in the universe, so that only he may cast epic spells. (or any other spells for that matter) 782) Epic ogre frenzied berserker/warhulk is charming and smells like honey. 783) Epic druid decides to give everyone a fresh start, and creates the world anew. 784) Epic monster have more hit points than a planet.
Meshakhad 02-15-05, 07:30 PM	785. Epic exalted character becomes a good elemental (as in, they are composed of elemental goodness). 786. Epic warmages of opposing nationalities cause the Cuban Epic Warmage Crisis. 787. Epic forsaker loses his DR, since there are no magic items in sight.
Ze_Mighty_Vegetable 02-16-05, 01:46 PM	785. Epic exalted character becomes a good elemental (as in, they are composed of elemental goodness). :bow: Thou art funny, sir.
Renaissance 02-16-05, 02:09 PM	lol, i dont know why i didnt see that b4, good one paw. 788)epic fighter has so much muscle mass he cant scratch his own back without using his greatsword. 789)epic level bleu starts a new cheese phenomenon (for paw :D )
skywyze 02-16-05, 03:12 PM	776. The epic Ur-priest steals the Lady of Pain's flaying ability. Sweet Jesus, a 15th level character (10th level Ur priest) could really do that, couldn't he? I mean, there's no level restriction on it, no rolls involved or anything, and her ability is spell-like, isn't it? Scary thought.
Kyuketsukiouji 02-16-05, 04:02 PM	Sweet Jesus, a 15th level character (10th level Ur priest) could really do that, couldn't he? I mean, there's no level restriction on it, no rolls involved or anything, and her ability is spell-like, isn't it? Scary thought. Nobody knows. The Lady has no stats beyond alignment, so as far as anyone is aware, it could be spell-like, it could be Extraordinary, or it could be 3 Awakened Chipmunks in a dress using a Sock Puppet of Flaying.
Loren Pechtel 02-16-05, 10:27 PM	790) Epic Warhulk throws the planet.
Dunther the Great 02-17-05, 12:30 AM	764. Epic level Wizard decides that a nano-lich is too large and becomes a Pico-lich. 791) Epic level Wizard decides that a pico-lich is too large and becomes a singularity-lich.
icthulu 02-17-05, 12:42 AM	792- The Epic Rogue, irritated with crowded streets, now slight of hands people out of the way. 793- The Epic Fighter can now consider Halflings and Dwarves light weapons when determining two weapon fighting penalties. 794- The Epic Bard receives applause when ordering food at local restaurants and taverns. 795- The Epic Monk's spinning kick lifts the monk into the air like a helicopter.. 796- The Epic Cleric may turn right on red. 797- The Epic Cleric's cure spells now effects their unborn children. 798- The Epic Loremaster is now considered an artifact. Please choose 2 for table II, 3 from Table IV and 1 from table V to determine powers and effects with use. 799- The Epic Wizard's fireball also causes radiation poisoning. 800- The Epic Wizard's meteor swarm consist of small planets and moons. 801- The Epic Ranger is approached by the 3 horsemen of the apocalypse for a small job.
insatium 02-17-05, 06:20 PM	802. Epic Master Inquisitive smokes a pipe and says, "Elementary, my dear." (needs work, I know, but I couldn't think of a way to put the Holmes hat without calling it that) 803. Epic Spymaster works for the KGB. 804. But he really is a CIA double agent. 805. He really is a Sharn city watch detective. 806. Epic Watch Detective joins the Ankh-Morporkh City Watch. 807. Epic Urban Soul/Vigilante dresses like a bat. 808. His sidekick (one of several) is killed by an insane clown (of sorts).* 809. Cosmic Descryer is connected to everything in the multiverse. 810. Epic psion farts. Time is rewound 300 years. 811. Epic Psychic Warrior has enough PP for his buffs. *For those who don't get this one, one of the Robins, Jason Todd, was killed by the Joker.
Gellion 02-17-05, 08:28 PM	812. Epic Tinkerer creates the T-Veronica Virus.
conjurer_lord 02-17-05, 10:42 PM	813. The epic Void Incarnate
Loren Pechtel 02-18-05, 01:52 AM	814) The epic monk gets a ticket for running a red light. He did it because to him it was green due to his speed.
Johnny Cache 02-18-05, 07:31 AM	815. The epic Horizon Walker is annoyed; he can no longer travel anywhere. Sometime during the night, the epic Rogue stole "away"....
Kyuketsukiouji 02-18-05, 09:58 AM	816- Epic Monk starts getting bonuses to Move Silently because he's outrunning his own noise.
the Horc 02-18-05, 11:59 AM	814) The epic monk gets a ticket for running a red light. He did it because to him it was green due to his speed. 817: The epic monk got a ticket for running a red light. It was green when he started, but he was going so fast he went back in time.
Johnny Cache 02-18-05, 04:49 PM	818. The epic Wizzard over-empowers a Timestop and actually makes time go backwards, which causesuac hcihw ,sdrawkcab og emit sekam yllautca dna potsemiT a srewopme-revo drazziW cipe ehT .818
Harry 02-19-05, 03:22 AM	sdrawkcab gniong si emit eht seciton eh lufrewop os si draziw cipe and dispels the Time Stop.819 (read the italics backwards)
Johnny Cache 02-19-05, 03:58 PM	820. Epic Wizard tries to dispel his runaway Timestop, but the epic bored and tired DM tells his player: "Sorry, but you've already gone back so far that you've forgotten how to cast that spell, so you can't dispel it. Fortunately, the effect soon ends by itself... (pauses, looks at watch, checks that route to exit is clear) "OK, then - does everyone have their original sheets from when you first rolled up your characters? Because here we go again! "You're walking down a dirt road, feeling a strange sense of deja vu, when a kobold seems to jump out of nowhere and bars your way. He seems quite confidant...."
urial angel of death 02-20-05, 11:04 AM	819) through multiple range enhancing effects an epic(very) arcane archer kill every orc in Mordor with one rain of arrows
conjurer_lord 02-20-05, 06:12 PM	820. Epic Wizard tries to dispel his runaway Timestop, but the epic bored and tired DM tells his player: "Sorry, but you've already gone back so far that you've forgotten how to cast that spell, so you can't dispel it. Fortunately, the effect soon ends by itself... (pauses, looks at watch, checks that route to exit is clear) "OK, then - does everyone have their original sheets from when you first rolled up your characters? Because here we go again! "You're walking down a dirt road, feeling a strange sense of deja vu, when a kobold seems to jump out of nowhere and bars your way. He seems quite confidant...." That's no joke. I feel like that bored and tired DM all the time. Epic players can be extremely annoying sometimes. :rolleyes:
pawtucket_pat 02-20-05, 09:57 PM	821. The DM gives the epic level diviner's player a copy of the module they're playing, to save time and energy on both their parts. 822. The epic level wizard uses an umbral blot to erase mistakes he makes while scribing scrolls.
Ze_Mighty_Vegetable 02-21-05, 01:22 AM	823): The Epic monk destroy the Earth, flurry-of-blowing it by accident as he walks. 824): The Epic Ranger destroy the Earth merely by existing, as he has EVERYTHING as a favored ennemy. 825): The epic Wizard sneeze, wich act as a word of power and destroy the Earth. 826): The Epic Rogue roll a natural 20, accidentaly disabling the Earth, destroying it. 827): The Epic Bard destroy the Earth in one of his plays. Unfortunatly, it really happen. 828): The Epic Paladin is so good he radiate raw positive energy, destroying the Earth. 829): The Epic Barbarian rage. The Earth commit suicide. Why wait a few rounds? 830): The Epic Cleric pillar of flame the Earth, so everybody can go to their celestial reward. 831): The Epic Fighter sunder the Earth. 832): The Epic Druid destroy the Earth by summoning too much of it... conclusion: epic Characters are a crime against nature.
gorfnad the shiznit 02-21-05, 01:35 AM	833: The epic level monk blue-shifts as he comes towards you and red-shifts after he has passed by you.
gorfnad the shiznit 02-21-05, 01:40 AM	834: There once was an epic level monk named Bright Who could travel much faster than light He left one day In a relative way And returned on the previous night
gorfnad the shiznit 02-21-05, 01:47 AM	835: The epic level Deepwood Sniper looks strait foward, makes a spot check, fires off an arrow, and hits an enemy directly behind him.
askala3 02-21-05, 02:17 AM	836: An epic spellcaster causes armageddon on a planet by summoning too much. Not because the summoned creatures destroy it, but because they upset the orbit of the planet and cause it to drift into a star.
Johnny Cache 02-21-05, 01:30 PM	837. Epic Psion decides to mindlink the Epic Barbarian with the Epic Apostle of Peace. All three characters' heads explode, releasing a toxic cloud which destroys all life on Earth. 838. Except for the epic Driud, who casts Epic Mass Reincarnate. Everyone roll for your new race! 839. Epic Bard started a joke, which started the whole world crying... (btw - #838 is the reason we have the show "Cow and Chicken". ) :rimshot:
Meshakhad 02-21-05, 04:15 PM	840. Epic rogue steals a Vassal of Bahamut's treasure trove - before the Vassal of Bahamut is even born. 841. Epic Radiant Servant of Pelor annihilates Orcus and all his undead servants with a single Turn Undead attempt - and he rolled a 1.
Kyuketsukiouji 02-21-05, 06:28 PM	842- Epic Chronomancer realises he's got to take some time off to develop Origin of the Species: Human.
Gellion 02-21-05, 07:12 PM	843. Epic level Fighter can reduce everyone in the worlds HP to one by using one of his attacks.
Loren Pechtel 02-21-05, 11:26 PM	844) Epic archer's arrows are dazzling blue bolts due to Cherenkov radiation. (Cherenkov radiation is the blue glow you see around a nuclear reactor that's underwater. It's caused by exceeding lightspeed in the local medium. No, this doesn't violate Einstien--the limit you can't exceed is lightspeed in a vacuum. Light travels slower if it's in anything but a vacuum.) 845) Epic Barbarian is waken by a great roar. It's coming from a very frustrated Tarrasque that has been attacking him for an hour but can't pierce his DR.
speeblefreak 02-22-05, 08:27 PM	#846. The epic rogue kills people with no saving throw by using Disable Device on their brains. From 20 feet away. #847. Said epic rogue disables the Weave. #848. The epic shadowdancer can hide in the shadows cast by atoms. #849. The epic weevil can outfight the Companions of the Hall. #850. The epic loremaster finds a use for Eberron. :pbbbtt:
conjurer_lord 02-22-05, 10:43 PM	#846. The epic rogue kills people with no saving throw by using Disable Device on their brains. From 20 feet away. This would work but for one problem: most people's brains are not complex enough to be considered devices. :D That being said... #851. The epic expert crafts a wooden model of a human brain. It is by far more functional than most brains found in the world.
Paintbait 02-22-05, 11:11 PM	Falling off a sheer cliff over 5km up...tumbling and taking 0 damage! Someone tell me if that one was already on the list?
Loren Pechtel 02-22-05, 11:42 PM	Falling off a sheer cliff over 5km up...tumbling and taking 0 damage! Someone tell me if that one was already on the list? I already suggested the Barbarian jumping down cliffs because he has enough DR that he can't be hurt by it.
Paintbait 02-23-05, 01:24 AM	I suppose that is kinda the same thing, but in a different category.
aharumazda 02-23-05, 03:03 AM	853. An enchanter cast charm monster that effected all creatures, monsters, gods in the whole of multiverse.
dfmoyer 02-23-05, 03:41 PM	854. Epic monk burns up in atmosphere due to friction while taking a leisurely stroll. 855. Gods want to adventure with epic characters so they can level faster
Gemstone 02-23-05, 05:40 PM	856) The Epic Dragon Ascendant has reached more DvR than Bahamut, who now serves the Ascendant... 867) A very epic gold dragon takes 10 levels in the Hoardstealer prestige class, summons a time duplicate of himself from the future and tests his own defenses of his hoard... 868) The epic wizard researches a spell that summons and multiplies a FLIGHT of the dragon from #856...
speeblefreak 02-23-05, 07:47 PM	[QUOTE=Gemstone]867) A very epic gold dragon takes 10 levels in the Hoardstealer prestige class, summons a time duplicate of himself from the future and tests his own defenses of his hoard... QUOTE] Wow. Does that dragon have nothing better to do? 869. The epic rogue succesfully disables those :censored: pop-up ads!
Starmage21 02-23-05, 08:08 PM	870.) Prismatic Dragon Steaks have become a common meal for the Epic Party.
speeblefreak 02-23-05, 08:16 PM	871. Said epic party thinks the steaks are too bland, so they spice them up with Spheres of Annihilation. 872. Said steaks are still too bland, so the party moves on to deity steaks. 873. By the time all the gods are eaten, the party has become gods themselves, so they eat each other. 874. The party cleric resurrects self and the party so they can keep eating. 875. The epic fighter needs some strong drink to go with these steaks, so he drinks the Elemental Plane of Booze. 876. The epic rogue Sleight of Hands the booze out of the fighter's digestive tract while it's still in perfect condition so that he can have a share. 877. The epic wizard develops epic fire spells solely for the purpose of cooking steaks. 878. Said epic party keeps eating right through the apocalypse and doesn't notice.
conjurer_lord 02-23-05, 11:11 PM	879. The epic poster has neglected eating to post on this thread, as evidenced by the post above.
Gemstone 02-24-05, 03:27 AM	[QUOTE=Gemstone]867) A very epic gold dragon takes 10 levels in the Hoardstealer prestige class, summons a time duplicate of himself from the future and tests his own defenses of his hoard... QUOTE] Wow. Does that dragon have nothing better to do? Actually, I meant to write that it had nothing better to do... but I forgot :P 880) Said Gold dragon, proceeds to take levels in rogue just to steal other dragons hoards...
speeblefreak 02-24-05, 10:05 AM	The epic epic character is so epicly epic his epicness has condensed into a liquid and oozes out of his pores like sweat. Lesser characters touch him and become epic.
speeblefreak 02-24-05, 10:09 AM	882. The epic zombie's Diplomacy modifier is so high it rules a country. :rolleyes:
Mr. Bungle 02-24-05, 12:29 PM	883) Players no longer trows dice. They instead always take the mean (to save hours of rolling). Number 883 is common I guess... Who wants to throw 40d6 anyway? :dancin: 884) Epic players have done everything possible and decides to kill themselves permanently. But they fail...
Need_A_Life 02-24-05, 12:32 PM	883. Epic Monk walks in the rain without getting wet due to AC... 884. Said monk hasn't had a bath in years due to the problem above 885. Epic Rogue offers to use his Disable Device on the monk so he can bathe normally 886. Epic Wizard uses his Knowledge (witty comebacks) to send half the country into laughter 887. Epic Barbarian actually understands the joke 888. Epic Loremaster knows things that haven't happened yet... through no use of magic 889. Epic Bard makes a critical failure on his Perform (blabbering) and fan clubs still pop up for him. 890. Said fanclubs are in the abyss. 891. Epic Barbarian flees to the Elemental Plane of Fire for long-term safety. 892. Said Epic Barbarian is a Frost Giant :eek: 893. Epic Horizonwalker hires 10,000,000 epic wizards to create new planes for him to travel to... 894. Epic Paladin clears out the Abyss, the Nine Hells and cures his neighbors terminal disease. 895. Said Epic Paladin has fallen from grace... and doesn't care, he still rules!
Kyuketsukiouji 02-24-05, 01:34 PM	896- Boccob and Mystra get into a fight to see who'll be the Epic Wizard's apprentice. 897- The Epic Paladin spontaneously converts succubi and eyrines just by smiling at them.
Need_A_Life 02-24-05, 03:28 PM	898. Epic Paladin has a heigher Sleight of Hand modifier than non-epic rogue. 899. Epic Wizards create demiplanes for pantspockets 900. Epic Rogues request one of these for when he is going on his 'shopping spree' 901. Epic Barbarian is attacked while asleep... when he wakes up 8 hours later the ambushers are still trying to damage him. 902. Epic Assassin slits the throat of Asmodeus... while being on another plane. 903. Epic druid wildshapes to a new shape every other round... and has plenty to spare when the day is out. 904. Epic Mystic Theruge leaks that he'd like to take on an apprentice but dismisses Mystra/Boccob as they weren't able enough. 905. Epic Sorcerer casts disguise self, alter self and polymorph to hide a papercut :confused: 906. Epic Blackguard decides to kill everyone in the world... alphabetically :confused: 907. Epic Paladin regrets letting himself be known as "Aasimar" when hearing of above Blackguard. 908. Epic Monk receives command over an army.... and fights the enemy alone (they're that cool :cool: ) 909. Epic Wizards no longer use Invisibility when they want to be a perv, they use a Stilled, Silent, Maximized, Empowered, Quickened Greater Invisibility... 910. Epic Barbarian makes trolls run away terrified... 911. Epic Wizard uses acid splash to destroy an army of trolls. 912. Epic Loremaster knows the Last Word.... 913. The barbarian friend of above Loremaster has a tatto with the Last Word. 914. Epic Wizard read it out loud... and proceeded created a new world where the old one had been; C&C (Computers & Cubicles) 915. Above Epic Wizards final words was "phone home...."
speeblefreak 02-24-05, 07:17 PM	883) Players no longer throws dice. They instead always take the mean (to save hours of rolling). Number 883 is common I guess... Who wants to throw 40d6 anyway? :dancin: Was that meant to be a joke? Because I do that a lot. (looks for straitjacket and puts it on) :crazy: I need help. 916. The epic wizard turns a Sphere of Annihilation into liquid form. 917. The epic drunken master drinks it. :pint: 918. To wash down the corrupted black pudding he just had. 919. The epic telepath wields the Staff of Ancient Penumbra...as a Q-tip because it's not good enough for anything else. Courage, people! only 82 more!
Moonshadow101 02-24-05, 09:42 PM	920. Epic elemental savant of fire evaporates entire plane of water, burns down plane of wood, and slaps smokey the bear. 921. Epic druid Wild shapes into the Tarrasque and mates with the existing one, then makes an omelet from the egg and feeds the poor. 922. Epic Rogue steals the DM's personal map, pulls out a pencil, and erases all of his enemies from existance. 923. Epic Illithid rogue sucks out his own brain and doesn't notice.
Loren Pechtel 02-24-05, 11:32 PM	924) CG Succubus VoP diplo-bard goes to the Abyss naked and converts all the demons to the good side. (She can go a long way towards this without even being epic. If I'm remembering the numbers right she should be able to get about a +50 on her diplomacy check at level 20.)
aharumazda 02-25-05, 02:18 AM	925. Epic Wizard cast Genesis and create another multiverse. 926. Epic Rogue cast Genesis and create two more multiverse.
gradea 02-25-05, 09:00 AM	927) Epic level tinker invents a bugless opperating system. 928) The Epic level party takes an expert with them, just to level him up, so he can start making them nonmagical Epic items. 929) The Epic Ranger has to take abstract concepts as favored enemies. ("Curse you, idea of social ediqute!" *Stabs!* *Epic Barb* "Hey, for some odd reason nobility stoped yelling at me at parties...") 930) Epic Wizards can actually kill things with rays of frost that have enough meta magic feats on them. 931) Infact, they can kill most creatures with just about any spell, even non-damage dealing ones. 932) Every DM of any Epic game will discovers the joy of Prozak. 933) Epic level kender steals time to make stealing easier. 934) Epic level chromancer recreates time...as a free action.
insatium 02-25-05, 01:14 PM	935. The epic party uses graphing calculators to roll damage. <_< >_> That's what my party does if we play RL instead of over OpenRPG. 936. The epic Forsaker kills things with Prestidigitation.
Meshakhad 02-25-05, 08:11 PM	937. The epic aristocrat RULES THE WORLD 938. The epic radiant servant regularly destroys liches with turn undead.
the Horc 02-26-05, 01:04 AM	939: Epic Henchman doesn't get killed.
conjurer_lord 02-26-05, 01:58 AM	940. The epic thrallherd has Elminster, Khelben, Manshoon, and Szass Tam duking it out for the right to be his cohort. 941. He finds none of them worthy and turns to the gods. 942. He finds them also lacking and creates his own universe filled with creatures more to his liking.
Mr. Bungle 02-26-05, 10:23 AM	943) Epic servant of pelor rename his sunburst to H-bomb (so the players can understand the effect it has on the landscape). 944) Epic ghost defeats non epic barbarian in weightlifting. 945) Epic expert can, as a standard action, create a mountain with his profession (shoveling) skill. 946) Epic mage cast mage's telepathic bond on every living creature, creating a new form of mass intellegence. He calls it: "The Internet". 947) Epic rogue steals her own items in sleep and then hides them on her body. Dispite searching the entire universe, she never recovers her items.
howlingwolf 02-26-05, 03:36 PM	948) The epic PC's don't even have to fight anymore. They turn up to trouble spots, and just roll intimidate checks to scare the BBEG into surrendering. 949) A epic monk with exceptional deflection and infinite deflection feats destroys a entire army by taunting them all to shoot at them, and proceeds to wipe them all out with their own arrows and bolts. 950) The epic PC's don't raid dragon lairs anymore. They get hired by dragons as security consultants vs. other parties. 950b) Epic PC's don't steal dragon hoards anymore. They get it thrown at them and told to bugger off. 951) The apocalypse comes while the PC's are drinking in the tavern. But it soon stops when they tell the four horsemen to, 'Keep the noise down out there.' 952)The Epic PC's equipment consists mostly of kegs, as they can handle everything on their own. Resulting in lots of, 'Hold my ale and watch this' moments.
the Horc 02-26-05, 11:18 PM	953: Epic Character figures out how to not have his Portable Holes and Bags of Holding explode when inserted into eachother, just so he can store all his Bags of Holding in his Portable Holes. 954: Epic Celestial Mystic becomes the 8th Mounting Heaven of Celestia. 955: Epic God is properly statted. 956: Epic Drow Wizard begins the sexual revolution. 957: Epic Devastation Vermin is the plot device in the randomly rolled Epic Adventures, playing the Moon sized parasites. 958: Epic Prophet of Erathaol has channeled so many celestials that they call her easy.
Need_A_Life 02-27-05, 07:14 AM	959. The Epic party decides to leave all their equipment behind, put on necklaces of strangulation, -2 bastard swords, armor of arrow attraction to remember the 'good ol' days'... 960. They still don't take any damage.... 961. ... while clearing out the Abyss
Adrez Nesnsid 02-27-05, 11:46 AM	39. The epic bard makes a bluff check against the God of Law to convince him that he doesn't exist and the God pops out of existance. "'Oh, that was easy,' says the bard, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing"... A cookie to anybody who gets the reference.
Adrez Nesnsid 02-27-05, 11:56 AM	960. The Epic Noble (Dragonlance) who casts spells better than most wizards because he can call in favors from Lunitari on a roll of natural two or better. We're getting close to the 1001 mark. YAY! :dancin:
conjurer_lord 02-27-05, 02:43 PM	"'Oh, that was easy,' says the bard, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing"... A cookie to anybody who gets the reference. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. And that quote is sacred and must not be used so frivolously. :D
the Horc 02-27-05, 03:19 PM	NM
pawtucket_pat 02-27-05, 04:16 PM	961. Epic level puppy survives a kick from the epic level monk BBEG. 962. Epic level wizard wishes upon a star....by flying up to said star, landing on its surface, and sucking all its energies dry (beats wasting 5000 XP). I wonder if some people are holding back so that they can get the 1001st post.
Adrez Nesnsid 02-27-05, 05:49 PM	Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. And that quote is sacred and must not be used so frivolously. :D :cookie:
yamiwarlock 02-27-05, 06:50 PM	Warlock here! 963. Epic samurai pulls out his +20 flaming, shocking, icy, thundering, flaming burst, shocking burst, icy burst, thundering burst, cleaving, honorable, keen, vorpal, dancing, flying, brilliant energy, defending, bane (of every type of monster), distance, merciful, returning, seeking, anarchic, axiomatic, holy, unholy wakizashi of initiative and speed... 964. Then reaches for his katana. 965. Epic whirling dervish attacks an army of 1,000,000 epic barbarians and defeats them all, and still has more attacks than a group of 1,000,000 epic wizards. 966. Epic King of Thieves hides behinds his invisible friend. 967. And hides his invisible friend with him. 968. Epic wizard wishes for a new DM. 969. And the wish comes true. 970. And thanks to his collection of rods of excellent magic, it doesn't cost any XP. 971. But he gains a level. 972. Epic Artifacer drains the XP out of the multi-universe... 973....and makes a new universe in his image... 974. For no gold or XP cost. 975. Epic Wizard with a wall of force spell like ability casts fly and haste, then re-inacts tron. 976. The epic rogue half-ogre steals a nuke from the future, eats it and makes the reflex save from the explosion and takes no damage. 977. Epic Commoner hits.
yamiwarlock 02-27-05, 07:25 PM	978. Epic psion tells teh DM what to do (credit to Banning). 979. The Epic Wizard gains enough XP to make his Time Stop Permanent. He puts everyone's fingers in their noses. 980. The Epic Cleric heals the HP of a black hole, recreating a fallen star. 981. The Epic Cleric beats the Patheon in a Knowledge (Religion) check... 982. ...even after the Patheon tries to beat the opposed check by drastically changing the entire rules of their Religion (even swapping them). 983. The Epic Fatespinner wins the player the Super Lotto Plus Jackpot by retaking a new number through the TV. 984. The Epic planet resists all the epic characters in this thread who destroy it. 985. The Epic Multiclassing Jackass (you know the one) finally attains one level in every single class and prestige class ever written in Dungeons and Dragons history. 986. The Epic Rogue steals the 986st "1001 Most out of control Epic level PC and there actions" post that talks about... 987. Epic deadly pudding envelops existance. 989. Epic Rogue gets a worthwhile synergy bonus. Just kidding. 990. Epic Wizard dodges a prismatic spray with a "Knowledge (Dodging Psionic sprays if the spray rolls a 4, on monday, February 7th, 2016)". 991. Epic Psion's number of power points has to be calculated by NASA 992. Epic Psion does something without using power points. 993. Epic LARPing Wizard casts fireball, burning down the convention center. 994. Epic Rorouni Kenshin ripp-off Samurai finally see's Samurai X and ripps up his character sheet. 995. Epic Shugenja finally completes it's spellist. 996. Epic Crab clan beserker smashes Shadow Dragon, Fu Leng, Daigotsu and Iuchiban in a single cleave and they fly into the Kaiu wall, knocking it down. 997. Epic cleric casts light, destroying the lying darkness/living darkness. 998. Epic monk runs backwards and reverses time in order to kill the commoner mother of epic warrior. 999. VERY epic commoner mother beats epic monk with her fists. 1000. The epic wizard has the DMs notes in his spellbook. 1001. The epic poster gets the 1001st post. This is my first time posting in this thread, and I freakin' finish it. I'm such a bastard.
Kyuketsukiouji 02-27-05, 08:06 PM	1001- Epic Rogue steals the 1001st post, and slips his instead. Had to be done. ;)
yamiwarlock 02-27-05, 08:52 PM	0000. The thread is restarted....by an epic wizard with plenty of spellcraft. 1. The epic courtier/bard talks Heironeous and Hextor into being friends.
speeblefreak 02-27-05, 10:10 PM	2. The epic character has a reason to use the phrase "my pet Chosen."
FatherNature 02-27-05, 10:16 PM	3. Epic level Half-Ogre Barbarian/Frenzied Berzerker/Warhulk rages and frenzies and flings his Fullblade into the sky causing a rip in the fabric of space and slays the DM. His player accends to DM-hood.
the Horc 02-27-05, 10:24 PM	3. The epic psion *****slaps Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman into allowing psionics into their world. 4. He regrets the decision soon afterwards. 5. Epic Druid returns the burnt world of Athas to its lush and pristine former self. 6. Epic wizard turns back time, stops the dragon overlords from destroying the balance of nature instead, then returns triumphantly. 7. Epic druid, PO'd at the Wizard's actions, falls from druidic grace, becomes a Blightlord, and then messes everything up all ver again. 8. Epic Weapon's Master no longer rolls for damage except on criticals. 9. Epic Weapon's Master always rolls for damage, as his threat range is just that wide.
Deviston 02-28-05, 09:13 AM	10. The Epic level Wizard who decides to create His own existence, names Himself God (( allowing the capital H's )), has a kid by some chick at a party named Mary (( He was drunk )) and then lets the world go for a couple million years and creates a game called D&D and kind of sits back laughing.
Starmage21 02-28-05, 07:40 PM	11.) The Epic Forum Wh0re posts enough to take a significant percentage of the 1001 posts across the forums.
Loren Pechtel 03-01-05, 12:22 AM	12) The epic ranger grows tired of the rough trail. He crafts some horseshoes of the smooth road: Use activated (use: touching the ground) casting of a permanent wall of force, 20' long by 6' wide as defined by where the horseshoe touched. 13) Epic wizard grows tired of memorizing spells. Instead, he creates an epic version of presdigitation that can do anything he might want to do.
askala3 03-01-05, 12:49 AM	14) Nobody is impressed at all by over 99% of the over 1000 posts that have been made. And there are some pretty wack posts
Sukugaru 03-01-05, 01:49 AM	15) Epic rabbit defeats all pantheons of all religions 16) Epic commoner eats the rabbit from 15 for dinner
Ze_Mighty_Vegetable 03-02-05, 05:13 PM	1001. The epic poster gets the 1001st post. This is my first time posting in this thread, and I freakin' finish it. I'm such a bastard. :headexplo Aaaarg. You beat me to it. I hate you. Yet, you did beat me to it. There can be only one. Congratulation, O epic Poster. You've won...the Prize.:bow: You're now an officially marked man, for everybody posted in this thread with the intention of posting the 1001th post. How does it feel to be on the deathlist of a whole thread? :mage:
the Horc 03-02-05, 05:35 PM	You're now an officially marked man, for everybody posted in this thread with the intention of posting the 1001th post. How does it feel to be on the deathlist of a whole thread? :mage: I have no hard feelings.
Ze_Mighty_Vegetable 03-03-05, 12:47 AM	I have no hard feelings. :confused: You should... Now, back to the thread 17): The Epic Priest convert crowds just by brushing his teeth. 18): When the Epic Monk sneeze, his sneeze is always a profund statement on the nature of enlightenment. 19): The Epic Fighter can cleave on a sneeze. 20): The Epic Bard inspire a whole kingdom to greatness by sneezing. 21): You don't want the epic hulking Hurler to sneeze...
Ze_Mighty_Vegetable 03-03-05, 12:51 AM	Warlock here! 963. Epic samurai pulls out his +20 flaming, shocking, icy, thundering, flaming burst, shocking burst, icy burst, thundering burst, cleaving, honorable, keen, vorpal, dancing, flying, brilliant energy, defending, bane (of every type of monster), distance, merciful, returning, seeking, anarchic, axiomatic, holy, unholy wakizashi of initiative and speed... 964. Then reaches for his katana. . :bow: Thou art funny. The beauty of it is that it needs not be an epic problem... too many people think a samurai's weapon (mostly katanas...) are the be all, end all.
DreadWizardDM 03-03-05, 02:18 AM	22.) The Epic level hooker has over 1 million customers and infinate ranks in Perform sexual techniques. 23.) The epic hooker seduces all the pantheons and has them wrapped around her little finger 24. The epic union sentinal police officer arrests the epic hooker but is bribed with "favors".
PhaedrusXY 03-03-05, 02:25 AM	25.) THIS (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=387616) :D
Ze_Mighty_Vegetable 03-03-05, 04:49 AM	26): The Epic Warhulk can't move from fear of destroying the Earth. 27): world peace is finaly achieved as nobody move from fear of provoking the Epic Barbarian.
Need_A_Life 03-04-05, 03:27 PM	You know you're Epic when... 28. Ao asks YOU for permission 29. You use Deny Weave on yourself to prevent it from overloading 30. You create a new ocean by casting 'create water' 31. You have finally made a spell mimicking the djinn's ability to 'create wine' 32. You become the hit of the world when casting your 'water to beer' spell 33. You play cards (Deck of Many Things) with gods and show no concern 34. You can use a sunder + great cleave combo to destroy raindrops :eek: 35. You can do this underwater :eek: :confused: :eek:
Deviston 03-07-05, 08:45 AM	36. The Epic Rogue uses his bluff check to convince the Epic Alienist that the Bodak is an Alien come to take her away to the stars, and she goes off to find it screaming," TAKE ME WITH YOU " !!
Need_A_Life 03-09-05, 04:11 PM	37. Epic Wizard uses spell turning as the ONLY action in combat and still slays the enemies (yes, even the barbarian :weep: ) 38. Epic Villian finds a way to escape the non-epic heroes 39. Epic Henchman actually survives! 40. Epic Commoner uses his Craft (Items-with-labels-on-the-bottom-saying-"Made in Taiwan") to irritate the villian.... 41. Epic Expert does the same trick, only without dying. 42. Epic Barbarian chooses to "fall on his sword" and doesn't take any damage! 43. Epic Loremaster points out that there's around 80 numbers in the first 1001 numbers which overlap with others and therefore was not counted. 44. Epic Psion uses his massive intellect and a few power points to explain that through Quantom Physics they could actually be things yet to come... 45. Upon hearing that statement the Epic Barbarian knocks the Psion unconciouss with an unarmed strike.... 46. Epic Monk sees this as an intolerable act and begins hitting the Epic Barbarian, who doesn't realize the attacks. 47. Epic Wizard no longer bothers to use magic, he lets his familiar destroy enemies. 48. Epic Druid eats said familiar while Wildshaped. 49. Epic Wizard doesn't care.
Debug0x2a 03-09-05, 09:01 PM	50. Epic hulking hurler throws self at ground, rolls a 1, and misses. 51. Epic wizard's delayed blast fireball generates so much force it fuses hydrogen molecules in the air... 52. But the fireball is so damned big you wouldn't notice anyways. 53. Epic rogue tumbles off of the side of epic hulking hurler's rock.
Need_A_Life 03-10-05, 01:15 PM	54. Epic Rogue steals Hulking Hurlers rock.
Debug0x2a 03-10-05, 02:28 PM	55. Epic wizard polymorph's hurler's rock and the rock throws the hurler
Jaxen723 03-10-05, 06:26 PM	It was a refrence to DBZ, your correct Sukugaru! Tell her what shes won Jonny! "A new car!" *starts playing price is right theme* (wonder if you know which show my samuri with a vow of peace, reversed katana blade, and pink gi is refering to...) ok, now that im done with that burst of insanity... 455) Level 30/Everything...period. 456) Epic level wizard can use fafnir as a familiar. 457) Epic level fighter, without improved unarmed strike, and win in a fist fight aganst a non epic monk, neither with items, and the monk took a vow of poverty. 458) The PCs can use profession (Baker) to avert natural disasters and stop wars. 459) Epic Tinker's device malfunctions and suddenly the planet has a lot of little contenents where a big one used to be. 460) Epic paladin dictates what "Good" is to the deities. 461) Epic wizard manages to disintigrate the DM. (For messing up his actions. for the third time. PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT IM SAYING DARN YOU! >.>; long story....) nvm
Jaxen723 03-10-05, 06:51 PM	611) The Epic ranger follows tracks that haven't been made yet 612) The Epic elementalist becoems an elemental prince 613) Epic Acolyte of the Skin has bits of all past and current Lords of the Nine on his body 614) Epic level evil cleric can turn the living 615) Epic level Chronomancer reverts D&D to its AD&D form 616) Epic level barbarian finaly discovers the PROPER use of all those diffrent forks at a banquiet 617) Epic Illithad Savent has eaten his own brain 618) Epic (anyone) has enough ranks in alchemy to make Augment Alchemy good 619) Epic Monk who has taken damage reduction and has lenses of scortching light takes to wearing blue tights and red boots 620) Epic level Deity...finaly is powerful enough to justify being called a Deity 616) :heehee These are forks !!!!!!!
Jaxen723 03-10-05, 07:17 PM	Ash rocks! 763) Epic Hunter of the dead from 695 finally remembers the correct incantation.. "Klatu... Narata... err... ummm... " .....nevermind Klatu... VERATA....Nichmmhghmhhuh..
Nyat 03-10-05, 09:44 PM	56. Epic Sorcerer casts Apocalypse from the Sky...and wipes out the campaign setting he's in as well as several others.
Need_A_Life 03-12-05, 02:09 PM	57. Epic Wizard casts Magic Missile, hits every single ghost in existance 5 times, and complains that he's run out of targets. 58. Above Epic Wizard targets himself with the remaining missiles and loses less than 2% of his hp. 59. Epic Cleric casts 'Create Water' as an offensive spell, drowning all creatures with a con of less than 80 with ease. 60. Above Epic Cleric doesn't use Waterbreathing to survive this... he relies on his 167 Con. 61. Epic Monk/Rogue uses flurry of blows + stunning fist + sneak attack 20d6 to take out armies... 62. Epic Wizard has a familiar that is regarded as one of the most powerful beings in existance.... he kills it by kicking it. 63. Above Epic Wizard casts Quickened True Ressurection(!) on the familiar out of habit.
TheDarkestOfAngels 03-19-05, 01:59 AM	64. The epic fighter is so frightened of the even more epic dragon that he wets himself, the dragon slips and accidently cuts his own head off with his razor sharp talons and the fighter later takes credit for killing the dragon. 65. The epic swashbuckler can finesse small skyscrapers and use them as effective weapons. 66. The favored soul's power stopped since he surpassed his god in power. 67. The epic rogue learned the meaning of existence when he used his escape artist check to escape a windowless forcecage and he suddenly slipped into a higher plane of existance. 68. The meaning of existance to the epic rogue in the higher plane from 67 was given via a broadway musical. 69. The epic bard regularly consorts with nymphs, angels, and gods of beauty and lust.
Debug0x2a 03-19-05, 03:25 AM	70: When the epic rogue can succeed at escape artist vs gravity 71: ...and then vs the laws of physics 72: When the epic druid finally gets out of wild shape and doesnt recognize that guy in the mirror anymore 73: When the epic paladin/bard bluffs pelor into committing an atrocious act thereby changing his alignment to evil, allowing the paladin to smite evil on him 74: ...and cleave to nerull 75: When the epic pyrokineticist has enough power points to use temporal accelleration continuously while dropping enough fire manifestations around so when he lets time restart, the universe goes up in flames
Need_A_Life 03-19-05, 07:20 AM	76. Epic Wizard has Contingency (Timestop) to go off every time a previous timestop ends 77. Epic Wizard draws false moustaches on deities while under the effect from 76. 78. Epic Rogue paints moustaches on deities faces without the use of magic, the deities are to awed to say anything. 79. Epic Rogue from 78. Makes a Sleight of Hand DC 142 (120 for stealing own pants without noticing; +20 penalty for doing it as a free action, and +2 because he was looking). 80. Epic Psion has enough Power Points to destroy the entire multiverse 81. Epic Psion does so and creates a new, better to his liking. 82. Epic Thri-keen Monk w/ ring of Jumping +30, jumps into the water creating a tsunami, hoping that it might hit him, allowing him to get a bath! 83. Epic Barbarian learns that it isn't spelled bra-barian. 84. Epic Thog (Order of the Stick) gets a ring of "protection from girl cooties" 85. Epic Belkar (Order of the Stick) kills Elan :D 86. Epic Fighter (Archer)/Rogue uses manyshot and rapid shot to destroy an army, by catching them flatfooted. 87. Epic Copyright lawyer (Order of the Stick) removes goblins, hobgoblins and liches from the series. This leaves 'creature in the shadows' quite alone. 88. Epic Cleric has a minimum of 58 ranks in ALL skills (even cross-class skills) 89. Epic Troll gains immunity to death effects, fire and acid. Additionally it gains Fast healing 2. 90. Epic Poster Need(s)_(to_Get_)A_Life.... :P
feartheinvinceblehamster 03-19-05, 11:55 AM	[QUOTE=speeblefreak] Actually, I meant to write that it had nothing better to do... but I forgot :P 880) Said Gold dragon, proceeds to take levels in rouge just to steal other dragons hoards... ROGUE!!!! ROGUE, ROGUE, ROGUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! R-O-G-U-E!!!!!!!!!!!!111111
Gemstone 03-19-05, 01:14 PM	[QUOTE=Gemstone] ROGUE!!!! ROGUE, ROGUE, ROGUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! R-O-G-U-E!!!!!!!!!!!!111111 NOAAAA!!! Dang! I missed that... *hits head with hammer* I'll repair that
Pyriel 03-19-05, 10:46 PM	935) Epic Bard learns how to play the brown noise, which makes people deficate themselves. Then proceeds to play loud enough to make everyone on earth **** themselves. can you say southpark anyone?
askala3 03-20-05, 02:15 AM	NOAAAA!!! Dang! I missed that... *hits head with hammer* I'll repair thatyou repairing your head or the post? Had to ask :)
Gemstone 03-20-05, 05:59 AM	you repairing your head or the post? Had to ask :) Wow! Somebody actually caught what I meant :D I meant both actually ^^
SearcherOmega 03-21-05, 01:34 AM	92) Epic Great Wyrm manages to sneak into the middle of town square by hiding behind commoners... 93) Epic Level Toad Familiar succeeds on an intimidate check versus aforementioned Great Wyrm by croaking. Maliciously.
Cloakable 03-21-05, 10:10 AM	94) People from the CO-board doesn“t even bother to min-max the epic character 95) The epic Barbarian doesn“t bother to rage any more 96) Epic Bear Warrior sleeps through the winter in bearform
dfmoyer 03-21-05, 07:40 PM	Epic character throws red and white ball and shouts "Tiamat, I choose yoooouuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!"
the Horc 03-21-05, 08:23 PM	Epic character throws red and white ball and shouts "Tiamat, I choose yoooouuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!" The rest of the out of control epic characters gang up on this individual.
Deviston 03-21-05, 09:23 PM	99. Epic Programmer then turns off his Uber 1337 gam380y and commits suicide for creating the game called Poke'Deities, and other such lame DnD related Poke'mon games, cause he made them all . . . (( slight pun on the "gotta catch'em all" saying ))
AramilWindwalker 03-26-05, 10:51 PM	100.) Epic rogue runs out of d6s to sneak attack with 101.)epic bard smiles, and the patntheons shower him with gifts 102.)epic monk jumps and lands on the DM
Debug0x2a 03-27-05, 12:44 AM	103. Epic rogue steals dice from another game, and then the factories to obtain enough d6s for sneak attacks 104. Epic frenzied berzerker frenzies indefinitely, thus making it impossible to kill him 105. Epic dungeon delver can actually do something that has nothing to do with dungeons and survive (gasp)
insatium 03-27-05, 08:21 PM	106. Epic Foe Hunter is useful against something besides his hated enemy. *gasp*
kgbspy 03-29-05, 09:13 PM	107. The epic psion can dimension door around the earths circumfrence in one round. 108. Said epic psion still has actions remaining in round to kill off CR 65 Lich with one energy missile
speeblefreak 03-30-05, 02:34 PM	109. The epic character kills Jarlaxle and gains my eternal thanks.
AramilWindwalker 03-30-05, 05:54 PM	110) epic bard does knowledge check and discovers the lady of pain is just 3 awakened chipmonks using a sock puppet of flaying. 111)Epic wizards learns to cast spells spontaneously, and celebrates by a bookburning of his spellbooks, all 479 of them, he has spell mastered all of them anyways.
Need_A_Life 03-31-05, 10:04 AM	112. Epic Cleric makes a spot check and sees the DM (High Wis) 113. Epic Barbarian Rages once annually... and is still raging when he tries next. 114. Epic Wizard can roll intimidate checks that makes level 15 barbarians wet themselves. 115. Epic Wizard beats non-epic monk in a fistfight.... while tied up.
ikki 03-31-05, 11:20 AM	116. Kobold Paladin redeems the whole kobold race.. into Kobalt Dragons :D
DisposableHero_ 03-31-05, 03:11 PM	117. Epic Wizards don't need to lift a finger, worst case scenario a still/silent invisible servant lifts it for him
Loren Pechtel 04-01-05, 12:48 AM	118) Epic wizard dies from casting his new super spell--he's crushed by all the dice. 119) Epic cow jumps over the moon. 120) Epic lich ensures his survival by making a new phylactery--the planet.
Donraj 04-01-05, 12:56 AM	121: Epic Lich fails, because the epic *blank* can do enough damage to destroy the planet.
JadedSeer 04-01-05, 01:07 AM	122: Epic Paladin convinces a band of Demon bandits to worship Pelor. Said bandits then proceed to rob people in the name of Pelor. Paladin is excommunicated. Who goes on to give Pelor the beating of his life. With a rusty iron rod.
Elven Doritos 04-05-05, 11:03 PM	123) Epic Wizard sneezes, flailing his arms. accidentally casts high-powered silent epic spell. World erupts in superheated hellfire. Sorry, this is just a :bump: in disguise.
ondali 04-06-05, 07:22 PM	124 epic PC party starts collecting Xixecals in cages to mass produce their eggs (my players started thinking about this today, although they ran away from the last one they saw)
Norseman 04-06-05, 08:11 PM	125. Epic monk jumps from one side of Faerun to other and takes a nap midflight.
Oluevara 04-07-05, 12:15 AM	126. Epic monkey steals every banana in the universe
Lionhearted 04-07-05, 11:48 AM	127. epic characters player got bored and starts to roll up an new character
TheDarkestOfAngels 04-07-05, 03:05 PM	127. epic characters player got bored and starts to roll up an new character phht. that'll never happen.
Lionhearted 04-07-05, 03:15 PM	128.epic character gets knowlegde of the players plot and "sphere"shift to the gaming room where he makes the Player write an blood contract of not stop playing the character
Bloody Tempest 04-09-05, 12:02 PM	#??? I convinced my party to all cast telekinesis on the sun and used it to crush a city of our enemies. My excuse was, "the earth can take one for the team." ...Sigh, that was a great ending... :rolleyes:
kuhTHOOloo 04-10-05, 08:41 PM	The Bards from #448 sell tickets starting at 175 gp (for the very back row)
shmeck 04-10-05, 10:10 PM	Epic Rogue so rich from burglary he buys off every opponent; the party never has another combat & disbands out of boredom.
insatium 04-11-05, 09:14 PM	132. The players win. 133. The DM loses. :devil:
TheDarkestOfAngels 04-11-05, 09:52 PM	134. The epic rogue succeeded in world domination since the epic rogue's weath guidelines now show that he owns the world and a small island of paradise in another plane.
Johnny Cache 04-11-05, 10:06 PM	135. (variant of #127) Epic character gets bored and decides to roll up a new player.
TheDarkestOfAngels 04-11-05, 10:34 PM	135. (variant of #127) Epic character gets bored and decides to roll up a new player. 135a. but only after recreating the universe in his own image.
kuhTHOOloo 04-12-05, 12:06 AM	136. The epic bard finds his lost shaker of salt and proceeds to use his +125 in Knowledge (business administration) to set up several incredible restaurants.
Unamis 04-12-05, 08:18 AM	The Bards from #448 sell tickets starting at 175 gp (for the very back row) This is the Epic- forum, not the 'Impossible Come True'- forum. :D
kuhTHOOloo 04-12-05, 09:31 AM	This is the Epic- forum, not the 'Impossible Come True'- forum. :D You think I'm kidding? This is for the presale tickets for an upcoming eagles concert!
MajorlyLiterateGamer 04-14-05, 08:54 PM	Originally Posted by pawtucket_pat 762) Epic level wizard thinks that becoming a demi-lich isn't small enough, so he becomes a nano-lich. 764. Epic level Wizard decides that a nano-lich is too large and becomes a Pico-lich. 137)Epic Level wizard decides that a pico-lich is tod big and becomes an Atto-lich.
pawtucket_pat 04-14-05, 11:09 PM	137)Epic Level wizard decides that a pico-lich is tod big and becomes an Atto-lich. 138) Epic level wizard decides an atto-lich is too big and becomes a chibi atto-lich. ;)
Miah 04-15-05, 11:43 AM	139) Epic Loremaster figures out that Gnomes were created for the sole purpose of being punted.
Need_A_Life 04-17-05, 03:56 PM	140) Epic Sorcerer laughs at Wizard and becomes a Mega-Lich! 141) Epic Gnome has run out of jokes to use 142) Epic Dwarf cannot get drunk without being 'cursed' by Wish first. 143) Epic Ranger begins choosing specific creatures as Favored Enemies (Favored Enememy (Bob the level 1 fighter) +12).
pawtucket_pat 04-17-05, 06:52 PM	139) Epic Loremaster figures out that Gnomes were created for the sole purpose of being punted. You don't need to be epic to have figured that out.
Gemstone 04-18-05, 02:33 AM	You don't need to be epic to have figured that out. :eek: That means... that... we're all... EPIC!
Selkie_Guardian 04-18-05, 05:10 PM	144) Epic PALADIN casts 'Origin of Species: DM'.
DuskyFruit 04-20-05, 07:48 AM	145) A monk that decided to jump to the astral as he believed it to be over the skies. He burned up in the atmosphere. 146) A paladin that wanted to become a deity, after getting demigod status by Pelor he accidentially lobbed off Pelor's, Heironious' and Ehlonna's heads with one greatsword stroke. The paladin has now killed all the existing deities and former members of his adventuring group now have taken all the portfolios.
Uberman 04-21-05, 07:46 AM	147. An Epic Chaos Mage 'Nuff Said. One that I've actually seen: A 40th lvl character so fast that he can run a MILE, slap someone, and run a mile away.. without being seen b/c of his twinked hiding abilities.
DuskyFruit 04-21-05, 08:49 AM	148. Ranger tracks the DM 149. Epic mystic theurge uses dispel magic to dispel the weave 150. Epic halfling assassin uses halfling skiprock along with death attack to slay an dragon army in one round 151. Epic rogue uses disable device to destroy the plane of Mechanus 152. Epic arcane archer uses hail of arrows to kill any living thing on earth with hp less then 92 (the damage she did) 153. Epic paladin gains so much in his leadership score that when he finally attacks the abyss he have Lathander, Torm, Ilmater, Mielikki, Selūne, Tyr, Tempus, Mystra, Lolth, Kelemvor, Bane, Eillistraee and Talos as cohorts 154. Epic necromancer first uses finger of death on 6 deities and then raise them as ghosts under his command
Belial the Leveler 04-21-05, 09:27 AM	Cosmic Descryer casts "Poctiv's Deep Impact" and destroys faerun. Whoops! Cosmic Descryer casts "Mavin's Worldweave" and turns Arvandor into a burning Hell. :D Cosmic Descryer casts "Gate" with caster level infinity while under effects of "Hide Life" and gates in all the demons of the Abyss on mount Celestia-terrible fun after that :embarrass
the Horc 04-21-05, 10:01 AM	155. Epic Vow of Poverty Monk loses his Vow because he now qualifies as an Artifact.
kedi 04-21-05, 10:12 AM	155. Epic Vow of Poverty Monk loses his Vow because he now qualifies as an Artifact. :rofl:
skywyze 04-21-05, 11:01 AM	156. After being ticked off once too many, the epic gnome wizard dominates Ao and makes him recreate the multiverse so that people now have lawnhumans in their gardens. 157. The epic hulking hurler needs to be kept at absolute zero, lest the vibration of the atoms in his feet destroy the entire multiverse in a single hit.
echo104b 04-21-05, 07:32 PM	158: Epic Level Cleric casts Anti magic field on the known universe. 159: Epic Rogue Steals his own pants. 160: Said rogue doesnt notice 161: Epic level Character attempts to atack. And misses. (wow!) 162: Epic tatooed Monk runs out of space on hs body. 163: Epic level rogue owns 16 lvl4 bags of holding. and fills them up. 164: Epic level Rogue Bluffs the United states Government into adopting the metric system. And there was much rejoycing. 165: Low level party finds Gargantuan repeating crossbow. Through Crafts Engineering, Tools, and Weapons, it is transformed into a balista. Said balista is than enchanted with +5, Shock, fire, cold, exploding, and returning. (that's epic for a low level game {lvl 5 and lower}) (true Story) 166: above said Balista is Named Dijon, The party called "the warriors of Dijon" and they go on a global quest to destroy Tarter Sauce and other randomly bad condiments. (again, Completely true.)
Loren Pechtel 04-21-05, 11:08 PM	167: Epic Deepwoods Sniper accidently commits suicide--his arrows go clear around the universe and come back and hit him in the back.
Vercingetorix 04-22-05, 01:07 PM	168: Epic Loremaster completes the calculation that Mechanus was executing. The answer is 42. 169: He already knew what the question was.
Ungoliantschilde 04-22-05, 10:26 PM	170.) An Epic Half-BlackDragon, Half Storm Giant (me) proceeds to fly up, into the cloud cover, wait for an army that numbers in the hundreds of millions to show up, then proceeds to belly flop... several times. 171.) Said Half-Dragon refuses to wear anything except "Maeris' God-Awful Man -Thong"... It's pink and orange tiger striped. And it's got nothing more than a piece of floss in the back. The Dragon also takes great pleasure in defecating, farting, and scratching himself... in public.
Need_A_Life 04-24-05, 05:47 AM	172. Epic Barbarian says: "B'oh" *rolls intimidate w/ -20 penalty* and causes Archfiends to have heart-attacks. 173. Epic Bard finally taught his player to sing in tune... 174. Epic Player makes Knowledge (D&D) checks, opposed by Sense Motive checks from the Epic DM, to determine who gets their way. 175. Epic Player carries a d20 with them at all times, using it in all situation. Say, a person is a lawyer talking to the jury; he takes out a d20 rolls, points at the natural 20 and announces that he won. 176. Epic Weirdo is playing D&D 5.6.... and has been since 1980. 177. Epic Fighter no longer has any feats left to take, and begins to add feet at the appropiate levels instead.
The Bassist 04-24-05, 07:20 AM	178. Epic Shaper creates an astral construct so large, that the Astral plane is left dry of ectoplasm. 179. His Genesis-created demiplane now far outspans the Material PLaen. 180. Said Shaper can fully equip an army of thousands in less than a minute... with +5 Vorpal longswords. 181. Epic Telepath declares himself Supreme Ruler Of The Universe after successfully dominating the DM. 182. Epic Kineticist can deal enough damage to destroy Waterdeep in a round... with an Energy Ray. 183. Said Kineticist actually hurls Watedeep telekinetically against a tough opponent. (I've actually done that with a small village) :D
Porcus the Wombat 04-24-05, 12:22 PM	175. Epic Player carries a d20 with them at all times, using it in all situation. Say, a person is a lawyer talking to the jury; he takes out a d20 rolls, points at the natural 20 and announces that he won. Wait...it doesn't work like that?
EpicTom 04-26-05, 06:29 AM	184: Use slight of hand to move someone for 100 miles, without them noticing...
EpicTom 04-26-05, 06:31 AM	Oh and having such a high reflex save they can avoid "plot".
babysamurai 04-26-05, 07:02 AM	They can ask to borrow Mjolnir whenever they want, because Thor's afraid to say no to them.
kgbspy 04-26-05, 09:50 AM	185. The epic psion destroys a 200 HD Construct that was immune seemingly everything with two free actions and without actually dealing damage to it. (My character did this yesterday, 2 reality revisions, one for mordekainan's disjunctution (to dispel a dimensional lock) and the other to open a gate below its feet. i gated it to the gravitational flip inbetween the 2 layers of bytopia. it was so big that half of it was pulled "up" and the other half was pulled "down". gravitational stress = destroyed construct) :)
insatium 04-26-05, 05:52 PM	186. The epic loremaster knows this thread exists. 187. The epic commoner has done everything in the thread.
the Horc 04-26-05, 06:45 PM	188: Epic Wheel of Time Channeler blows away the Dark One. 189: Epic Wheel of Time Blade Master stabs to death the Dark One. 190: Epic Wheel of Time Noble bribes the Dark One not to bother anyone again. 191: Epic armor-wearing Fighter has a higher AC than the Monk/Swashbuckler Gestalt.
kgbspy 04-26-05, 06:49 PM	189. The epic moron has lost so many skills, abilities, and feats, that he starts to regain them
Lady_Firehawk 04-27-05, 09:20 PM	190. The epic :bump: bumps the entire WotC board to the top of every other forum in existence :D 191. The Epic Ranger has Favored Enemy: Self because there are absolutely no other favored enemies he could possibly have... 192. And still he can't kill himself. ;) 193. The Epic Cleric notices that the Epic Rogue has stolen his own pants no less than 4 times. 194. Despite being told where the pants were, the Rogue STILL can't find them because he hid them so well. 195. The Druid Wild Shapes into Galactus and eats the world. 196. An epic pixie can beat Hecatoncheries (sp?) at arm wrestling... when it's using ALL of its arms.
Nether_Theory 04-29-05, 01:26 AM	Just to inform you, these are all things that have happened in MY games. 197. 40th level Rakshasa Paragon Monk/Sorcerer that could FLY 2,250 miles, cast a spell, and retreat another 2,250 miles. This took a lot of calculation. 198. Epic (30) Sorcerer fires 360,000 intensified empowered Burning Bolts (each bolt deals 26 fire damage) and, of course, he had the proper feats to make the damage any energy type really. He once, in a very climactic battle, killed twenty seven dragons (and severely wounded another enough so that the fighter could kill it with one arrow) with one casting. I was not pleased. 199. 40th level Troll Deathknight Paragon Paladin of Slaughter was literally unkillable because he had regeneration versus (virtually) everything, fast healing to take care of anything that got through, items that protected from death effects, high saving throws and SR, and massive armor class anyway. 200. 40th level Feral Half-Dragon/ Half Ogre (or perhaps, more accurately, Quarter Ogre, because it's the Half-Ogre from SS) Paragon Barbarian Frenzied Beserker/ Cleric of Kord has more than twice Kord's Strength score. Or any other God, for that matter. 117 . . . That's a bonus of 53. He was wielding a Fullblade. Needless to say, anything in his way just died, unless it was smart enough to stay away. 201. 40th level Fighter/Dervish/Exotic Weapon Master Marilith has 60 attacks. Even on the basis of probability- he will always hit at least twice, and- heres the kicker- had an ability that killed anyone he got a crit on. 202. 30th level Wizard Forged a staff that could ( now mind you- I looked over all of his math and all his accounting under the rules for item creation in the DMG) cast a Quickened Wish infinitely. The part that got me the most was that it was, at least by the pure rules, perfectly legal. Costly, but legal. Of course I eventually decided not to allow it, but it still creeped me out. 203. 30th level Sorcerer (Same one) casts an x8 Enlarged Genesis spell that decimates an entire plane. 204. Scariest of all- 30th level Sorcerer (again, same one, guy was a real power-gamer) has a belt that permanently hastes him and that allowed him to cast Time Stop Quickened once per round. In short- he could "set" a minimum of 2 spells a turn, without quickening or multispell. For, let's say, a Meteor Swarm spell- that's 48d6 Min. every turn. Eventually he thought of a devastating combo- he would set all the spells, then, on the last round of Time stop, he would ready an action to cast Time stop when the duration expired. That's right- he could empty every single spell and ability he had in a single round. He killed 11 Gods (don't worry, that's not a significant blow- there were over 5000) in one turn- he dealt 12,168,480,128 damage EACH. I no longer run epic campaigns 'cause of this dude. 40th level DM that stayed up several hours past his sleepy-time to write (among other things) about six very scary over-powered PC's, all the while thinking how to beat them in an upcoming session. DM rolls knowledge (Humor) and gets a 0 because he's untrained, and instead tries to roll a Knowledge (Bitter Irony) Check and, somehow, still fails. DM is Staggered and too tired to care.
DuskyFruit 05-04-05, 04:16 AM	205) I once played a epic game at level 33, all party members started with 80 millions gp, I played an mystic theurge and had 40 pearls of power for each level along with 10 greater rods of metamagic per metamagic feat available
Loren Pechtel 05-05-05, 01:02 AM	206) The Epic sorcerer knows every arcane spell. 207) The Epic wizard need not worry about spell duration--anything not instantaneous is permanent for all practical matters. 208) The Epic wizard need not worry about range. Short range extends as far as he can see anyway. 209) The Epic cleric has quickened true resurrection as an innate spell. He raises any dead body he sees.
Titan W 05-05-05, 02:26 AM	210) The epic spellcaster can destroy the cosmos as a free action ((I actually created thsi spell... I still don't get WHY my DM won't aproove it LOL)) 211) The epic sorcerer says "Can I choose the Epic barbarian of hte party to be my familiar?" 212) The epic commoner has enough ability to fight a CR 1/8... and still has to run away...
Forthmark 05-27-05, 12:47 PM	213) Epic rogue realizes that he has stolen his own pants no less than four times now, and backstabs himself for revenge.
Gemstone 05-28-05, 07:36 PM	214) said rogue takes no damage... he just rolls with the attack, even on a natural 20. 215) Said rogue has so high dex that he moves as if he had no skeleton 216) and can't be raised as an undead... 217) By anything else than the cleric who rebukes Osiris
theOne333 05-28-05, 09:36 PM	218) The epic wizard has spheres of annihilation orbiting his head in place of ioun stones. 219) Epic Assassin fakes his own death so well he believes it himself and suffers immediate amnesia. 220) Epic Artificer uses cogs of Mechanus as the gears in his machines. 221) Epic Psion goes insane, and the multiverse is subsumed by the Far Realms. 222) The Epic Master Transmogrifist has long since forgotten what he originally looked like. 223) The Epic Cleric realizes he is far more powerful than any deity, and starts worshipping himself. Somehow, he continues to derive power from this circular logic... 224) Friends of the Epic Barbarian consider raging to be his normal state of mind, and recommend therapy and Prozac when he stops. 225) Epic CE character has such a high Leadership score that the Abyss is in constantly growing 'debt' to him and gives him every newly fallen tanar'ri as his follower/cohort, causing the collapse of the Blood War. The Baernaloths are to Intimidated to be angry. 226) The Epic Bard has Her Serenity as his concubine. 227) The Epic Planeshifter considers the multiverse boring and has gone in search of the elusive realm known as the "Real World". 228) The Epic Evil Cleric rebuked Vecna.
~Black Knight~ 05-28-05, 10:28 PM	229) Epic rogue steals the universe 230) Epic monk outraces time. 231) Epic bard has so many ranks is perform (comedy) that he can make rocks laugh. 232) Epic loremaster finally discovers why people drive in parkways and park in driveways. 233) Epic cleric prays to himself 234) Epic Ranger uses his country's supply of arrows in one manyshot attack.
Loren Pechtel 05-28-05, 11:17 PM	235) Epic Sorcerer develops a means of spontaneously creating epic spells in exchange for 3x the casting DC. One day he's driven insane by a mosquito buzzing around and hits it with the heaviest damage spell he can devise. Unfortunately he takes out the planet in the process.
terulian 05-29-05, 05:43 AM	Epic player can roll a 25.7 on a 20 sided die.
MorbidThoughts 05-29-05, 05:27 PM	237) Epic bard discuises himself as a town and all its populace 238) Epic rogue forges his own character sheet and becomes even more powerful 239) Epic wizard's familiar turns the world into the technological age in 3 days 240) Epic poverty monk have more magic items than the tower dwelling wizard after making every person richer than kings
Sukugaru 05-29-05, 06:44 PM	241) Epic Ranger/Rogue takes himself as a Favoured Enemy, and thus is finally able to notice when he steals his own pants.
Loren Pechtel 05-29-05, 10:31 PM	242) Epic Sorcerer knows all spells. 243) Epic Sorcerer doesn't have enough time in the day to use all his spell slots.
Lonely_Sorrow 05-30-05, 02:09 AM	244: Continual Flame the entire universe.
lightman 05-30-05, 07:03 AM	245. When the epic bard finds out threw lore that there is one ultimate power in the universe-the dm. Then he has his team set out to kill the dm
~Black Knight~ 05-30-05, 04:09 PM	246) Epic Wizard with no equipment or spell book destroys the Tarrasque in 1 round.
insatium 05-30-05, 05:44 PM	ROFL@lightman's sig. So true, so true. 247. Epic fighter's fourth attack hits.
P33KAJ3W 05-30-05, 06:40 PM	248. Epic player hits NPC and vorpals his own head off from a reflect seed (what! DMs get to post too!)
vivijen 05-30-05, 07:11 PM	249.) Epic Monk who can one inch punch a god and kill him in one strike! 250.) Epic Player who hast fast healing and can heal his whole HP in one round!
the Horc 05-30-05, 07:23 PM	251: Warning: Mature: Epic Saint Monk character does not need to worry about losing his Vow of Chastity through masturbation, as he cannot make his own Touch AC
Loren Pechtel 05-30-05, 10:41 PM	251: Warning: Mature: Epic Saint Monk character does not need to worry about losing his Vow of Chastity through masturbation, as he cannot make his own Touch AC But a 20 always hits.
theOne333 06-01-05, 01:29 PM	251: Warning: Mature: Epic Saint Monk character does not need to worry about losing his Vow of Chastity through masturbation, as he cannot make his own Touch AC :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :heehee :heehee :heehee :heehee
Meshakhad 06-04-05, 05:49 PM	252. The epic water savant turns into a super-powered puddle of water.
Drake_the_Windseeker 06-05-05, 12:35 AM	253. The Epic Sorcerer/Dragon Disciple traces his lineage to Bahamut, finds him, and beats him at thumb-wrestling (has actually happened) 254. The Great Wyrm Prismatic Dragon slashes at an Epic Fighter and misses 255. The Gnome Epic Wizard (specializing in Craft: Alchemy) fails to catch a falling potion whose sole purpose is to meld with the Earth and destroy all life only because he intended to drop it, just to see what it did
vivijen 06-05-05, 06:51 PM	256.) Epic Sorc who accidentally casts spells in his sleep, destroying the world in the process, but he was dreaming that he was saving it :P 257.)Epic Druid turns into a Tarrasque and eats the other one 258.)Epic Druid who turns into Tiamat, mates with Bahamut, and has the offspring :P 259.)Epic Fighter who hits so hard it can be felt across the world! 260.)Epic Barbarian that can rage and lasts for 4 days.....straight!
the Horc 06-05-05, 10:31 PM	252. The epic water savant turns into a super-powered puddle of water. 261: Epic Mage lays a curse on Epic Water Savant and his twin Epic Warshaper sister, so that they can only transform when in contact with each other, while saying "Wondertwin Powers, Activate". 262: Epic Mage blows away their Epic Awakened Monkey just to make everyone happy.
TheDarkestOfAngels 06-05-05, 10:50 PM	263. The epic druid causes a cycle of mass extinctions and evolutionary recoveries whenever he cleans his house. 264. The epic barbarian plays baseball with tree trunks and meteors - using the mars, venus, earth, and the moon as bases. 265. The epic fire savant sun bathes in the sun. 266. The epic cat defeats the epic wizard, who had long gotten over his fear of cats from dying by one at level one. 267. The epic bard knows every girl's phone number in all of toril, greyhawk, and Krynn. 268. The epic rogue stole much naughtier stuff from all of the ladies in the region. 269. The epic barbarian bothered to invest his two skill ranks so he could read "Dave goes to the Store." 270. The epic good-aligned exalted druid successfully prevents the harvest of all plants used to create illicit drugs. 271. The epic evil-aligned vile druid successfully prevents the good-aligned druid from preventing the harvest of all plants used to create illicit drugs, thus saving Christmas.
terulian 06-06-05, 02:36 PM	Epic War Hulk bests Thor in a contest of strength. Epic Dwarven Defender sleeps through a tornado.... that ripped his house apart, but left him and his bed where it is. Epic Poster makes it to 1001 posts in this thread.
TheDarkestOfAngels 06-06-05, 03:25 PM	Epic Poster makes it to 1001 posts in this thread. Actually, this has already happened and "rolled over" to start a new (second) 1001 set.
Lyinginbedmon 06-10-05, 03:58 PM	275) Epic Wizard discovers that history is actually the result of a mistake he made in the future, and doesn't bother to change it 276) Same Epic Wizard sends a small group of adventurers on practically suicidal missions just to pay the rent on his house 278) Epic Rogue must be assassinated by every Assassin on the planet, and they miss...
lightman 06-10-05, 04:12 PM	276) Evil Epic Bard convinces Epic Paladin to slaughter the entire kingdom. 277) Epic Fighter's player must take advanced math to calculate the amount of damage he does per attack 278) Epic Cleric goes out shopping with Yondalla (okay, thats from Nodwick, its not mine) 279) Epic party finds that a being greater than a god, the DM, rules everything and set out to destroy him.
the Horc 06-10-05, 04:54 PM	Actually, this has already happened and "rolled over" to start a new (second) 1001 set. Epic Poster becomes the 1001^1001th poster.
Loren Pechtel 06-10-05, 11:45 PM	281) Epic Hulking Hurler throws the universe.
Meshakhad 06-11-05, 09:10 PM	282. Epic ninja can sneak past elven guards while carrying a radio at full blast, his move silently is so high. 283. Epic tattooed monk gets mistaken for a drow, since his skin is covered in tattooes.
TheDarkestOfAngels 06-11-05, 11:13 PM	284. Grug the epic barbarian reads "Dr. Seuss's The Grinch" 285. The epic swasbuckler can use a rapier to perform cosmetic surgury during a heated battle in a matter of mere moments. 286. The epic frenzied berserker can do more damage with an ordinary cat than Kas could with his sword. 287. The epic succubus paladin can.... can... .... :drool: ... what was I talking about?
FatherNature 06-12-05, 12:16 AM	288) the Epic Rogue uses his Bluff inplace of his Hide... Scene: rogue, 3 guards, and dead bodies and lots of blood in an open area in the sun. Rogue "You don't see me." Guard1 "ok." Guard2 "sure." Guard3 "you got it."
lightman 06-12-05, 08:24 AM	289. Epic fighter complains deities are too easy to kill 290. Epic Barbarien actually makes his will save!
Drasche 06-13-05, 02:46 AM	291. The Epic Occult Slayer destroys Magic: The Gathering on account of a misunderstanding. 292. {Epic Rogue steals #292 and makes it #191} 293. The Epic Psion gets an ice-cream headache and causes an Ice Age. 294. The Epic Horizon Walker decides to chronicle his journeys, and subsequently writes the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. 295. The Epic Barbarian beats 1000 monkeys in contest to write a Shakespearian play. 296. The Epic Loremaster changes his name from Soren Talbaren to Alex Trebeck.
lightman 06-13-05, 06:57 AM	297. Epic fighter who started with a strength score of 4 now has a strength score of 500.
insatium 06-13-05, 08:50 AM	298. Epic Barbarian's Int reaches 4. 299. His Charisma reaches 3 not long after. 300. Epic Fighter's strength is a number so large it cannot be counted. 301. Epic Loremaster/Geometer counts it.
Venom of the Yuan Ti 06-13-05, 09:59 AM	302: EPIC awakened Tree/Wizard causes the extinction of the human race (seen it happen).
askala3 06-14-05, 02:44 AM	303) Intensified Awaken.
TheDarkestOfAngels 06-14-05, 03:38 AM	303) Intensified Awaken. 304) Living Intensified Awaken
guevaramartyr 06-14-05, 04:08 AM	When you (the DM) show up for the session, the players tell you they don't need you anymore.
vivijen 06-15-05, 09:36 PM	306.) Epic Monk who starts a sentence, runs around the world and completes the sentence in the same round!!
Rhadamanthus 06-15-05, 09:48 PM	#307: Epic Monk/Sorcerer uses Mage Hand to crush the Epic Ogre Barbarian/War Hulk's...lower region...yeah....this one actually happened in an Epic Game I ran...
Loren Pechtel 06-16-05, 12:34 AM	308) Epic Wizard develops improved spider walk so the monk of #306 doesn't become acquinted with the concept of escape velocity. 309) Epic Loremaster figures out how to keep Windows from nagging about a reboot after an update.
kam_Islash 06-16-05, 11:08 AM	310) You don't go on quests...you give quests! ///
Lyinginbedmon 06-16-05, 11:17 AM	310) You don't go on quests...you give quests! /// I guess that makes mine Epic :P 311) Your exploits are so well known they are thought to be myths and no-one believes you when you tell them who you are :weep:
speeblefreak 06-18-05, 08:15 PM	#312. Player: I make a full attack. (rolls some fistfulls of dice) Is he dead? DM: (consults stats) No. Player: (rolls more dice) How about now? DM: (thinks, scribbles some figures, consults stats) No. Player: Sheesh, I'm starting to run low on attacks! (rolls several more fistfulls of dice) NOW is he dead? DM: (scribbles some more, shakes head, gets out the calculator, punches in numbers for a few minutes, consults stats) >sigh< Yes, Corellon Larethian is dead...actually, I messed up. You killed him with the last batch of attacks. Player: (rolls some more fistfulls of dice) How badly do I defile his corpse? DM: How many attacks do you HAVE?! Player: Only a few more. (rolls dice) #313. Your character has 10 modifiers to its Armor Class #314. Your character sheet (same one) fills 9 pages. #315. Your spell-like abilities (still same character)fill a full page. #316. Spilling into the margins. #317. And your handwriting's TINY. #318. You have over 500 natural attacks #319: You have 13 types of natural attacks. #320: You have 7 attacks per head. #321. Making 210 head-based attacks. #322. Your special attacks and special qualities fill two pages. #323. Spilling into the margins and the top blank area. #324. And your handwriting is STILL tiny. #325. You lose your action every 1d4 rounds because you're trying to decide which of your 22 breath weapons to use. #325. You have 10 different natural poisons. #326. You would have all that even if you WEREN'T a god. #327. Your portfolio is so large it contradicts itself. #328. The epic character is so powerful the DM develops a subconscious loathing of all things epic. #329. The epic drunken master has a stomach of holding.
katsklaw 06-19-05, 01:34 AM	330. Epic wizards familiar can kill most greater gods. 331. Epic jester meets a pack of liars, rolls vs confusion ...... and passes. 332. Familair from #330 commands someone to actually write #333.
The_Spleen-Splitter 06-19-05, 01:48 AM	330: a high prosletizer (or however you spell it) converts the whole world to worship him, causing him to instantly become and über-diety. 331: same character uses his power to create another world 332: same character converts that world, too. rinse repeat 333: uses his insane power to become a real person instead of just a chracter in a game. 334: Uses power to convert this world as well 335: epic character so powerful, he never uses anything other than mundane, non-masterwork weapons. And proceeds to beat the :censored: out of all who appose him/her. 336: epic artificer with intelligence so great, he figures out the secret of how to make video-games. 337: then proceeds to kill himself for robbing the paper rpg a chance to get a foothold :weep: 338: and then gets resurrected because of those dumb contingent resurrections he still had since he was a 50th lvl character who still had to adventure
askala3 06-19-05, 02:31 AM	339) Fighter type rolls all his attacks at once (including cleaves), because he hits on a cumulative -100 with full power attack
Lyinginbedmon 06-19-05, 05:37 AM	340) Epic Rogue is publicly seen being hung, drawn, quartered, stabbed, poisoned, and beheaded. He later stole the coin purse of the executioner...
katsklaw 06-19-05, 01:57 PM	341. Epic warmage kills tiamut because she used all of her breath weapons simultainiously and soiled his new boots. 342. same warmage casts thunderclap in a domed room while alone with Bahamut and lives to tell his grandchildren how stupid he was when he was younger. 343. same warmage's familiar has a familiar. 344. epic thief steals Thors shadow. 345. epic barbarian teases Tyr about not being able to play "patty cake".
the Horc 06-19-05, 10:39 PM	346. Epic Void Incarnate is forgotten by player.
Paladin2004 06-20-05, 05:28 PM	347. Epic level druid has a ecosystem the size of the amazon rain forest as his animal companion 348: Epic poster finally learns how to spell^ - (Obviously i'm level 1)
Capfalcon 06-20-05, 10:26 PM	# 349 When you save and Jesus takes full damage. # 350 Epic Ranger listens and hears the echo of you rolling the dice to see how well he heard.
SpanishElf 06-21-05, 01:39 AM	351. Epic wizard takes over a huge city just so he can wage war on everything. 352. Said wizard gets board and turns everything on the planet other than himself into a penguin. :evillaugh
Valgaav 06-21-05, 04:53 PM	you took Deformity(Obese) at first level, and now, well... "That's no moon!"
aharumazda 06-22-05, 04:02 AM	354. Epic Cosmic Descryer cast gate spell and brought forth the whole Legion of Hell and the Hordes of Abyss. The Lower Planes became quiter since. 355. The Epic True Necromancer cast create undead spell and all creatures that ever lived in the multiverse became undead. 356. For something truly epic.....the Epic Commoner ascended and became the Overgod of all the spheres and Overpower of all the planes.
TheDarkestOfAngels 06-22-05, 04:19 AM	356. For something truly epic.....the Epic Commoner ascended and became the Overgod of all the spheres and Overpower of all the planes. 357. The epic commoner above was quickly overtaken by a much more powerful force - the epic commoner's wife. :P
The Ultimate Dragongod 06-22-05, 11:07 AM	So what if he can get anyone? I still think Aphrodite will be one of the most desirable ones to get. If she offers herself to him I don't see why he would turn her down. He would only turn her down if he thought he could get better. What better? His ability doesn't mean that there are other super-desirable females out there. Maybe the epic bard is gay. Maybe he's too much of a free spirit to get tied down to a pair of goddesses. Who knows?
TheDarkestOfAngels 06-22-05, 01:42 PM	you took Deformity(Obese) at first level, and now, well... "That's no moon!" Kid: Hey daddy, what's that? Father: Why that's "Mercury" son. The planet closest to the sun. ... what it's doing on this Wharf I haven't the foggiest... Peter: I'm a guy, you jackass!
katsklaw 06-22-05, 04:48 PM	358. epic bard knows what #360 will be and is already writing a poem about it. 359. epic Mage creates "Dispell DM".
Lyinginbedmon 06-22-05, 05:08 PM	360: Epic Commoner invents a new ale that is 1:1:3 of marijuana, purple frog, and paraffin respectively. The bard's poem is later seen flying over the city at 90 miles an hour...
EvilDuck 06-23-05, 10:08 AM	361: The epic ninja can balance on his sword while he holds it up.
The_Spleen-Splitter 06-23-05, 11:03 AM	362: Epic Rogue bluffs that he is a god to scare off some BBEG. And then remembers that he is a god... 363: Epic Monk gets his hand replaced with metal fists so that they can be enhanced by weapon abilities (ie. mighty disruption, etc.) 364: Same monk then realizes he can't move his fingers. Uses sunder on the fists with his nerve endings :OMG! 365: Epic DM lets his PCs use these characters. And then beats them into submission in the game
Trevor Goodchild 06-25-05, 01:46 PM	366: Orcus wants to play the lute in the band of the Epic CE Bard 367: Said Bard eats Orcus' brains for not being metal enough 368: The Epic Wizard kills Harry Potter 369: The Epic Psion is made out of deep crystal 370: The Epic Druids starts a hippy commune 371: The Epic Commoner takes levels of Kensai so he can enchant his tractor 372: The Epic time-manipulating Illithid becomes his own grandfather 373: The Epic Blackguard falls and creates a new hellish plane 374: The Epic Paladin's detect evil no longer works effecitvley because he always gets interference from the Hells even on Mount Celestia 375: The Epic Drow Sorceror casts Origin of Species: Fanboy
insatium 06-25-05, 05:10 PM	375: The Epic Drow Sorceror casts Origin of Species: Fanboy NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! :eek: TRUE EVIL!! 376. Epic Drow Ranger dual-wielding scimitars realizes he's a Drizzt clone. 377. Epic Elven Ranger realizes he's a Legolas clone. 378. Epic Rogue sneak attacks an iron colossus.
Lyinginbedmon 06-25-05, 05:31 PM	378. Epic Rogue sneak attacks an iron colossus. That's against the rules of the Sneak Attack isn't it? I remember reading that constructs were immune to sneak attacks because they had no definable vulnerable areas. Anyway, 379: Epic Wizard is buried in a newly built memorial tomb. The next day, the door has been destroyed... 380: Epic Dwarf Fighter is crushed under a mountain whilst building his newest house extension. Unfortunately, the pool never regained it's clear water, this annoyed the Dwarf
insatium 06-25-05, 10:24 PM	That's against the rules of the Sneak Attack isn't it? I remember reading that constructs were immune to sneak attacks because they had no definable vulnerable areas. That's the whole point. He somehow does it anyway. 381. Epic Wizard's Int hits Disgaea's stat cap* and resets to 1. 382. Epic Wizard is still smarter than Epic Barbarian. *Approximately 21 million.
Valgaav 06-26-05, 12:59 AM	379: Epic Wizard is buried in a newly built memorial tomb. The next day, the door has been destroyed... don't you mean Epic Cleric? :ghosted:
Lyinginbedmon 06-26-05, 06:48 AM	Precisely :cool:
Lyinginbedmon 06-27-05, 05:47 PM	383) Epic Avatar of the Guardian causes the sun to blot out when he leaves his house
da beast 06-28-05, 01:48 AM	384: Epic timetraveling cleric casts true resserection... On himself 385: Epic barbarian figures out the answer is 42 (im not sure if that was the number It was a while since I saw hitchikers guide) 386: Epic rouge pickpockets a couple gods while their looking at him 387: Epic monk can kill 5 great gold wyrms with his hands broken off, beat over the head with a mace to the point of mental damage and blindfolded with a burning cloth lol i saw the thing about the penguins and I hope that happens cause I :inlove: Penguins :)
EvilDuck 06-28-05, 03:09 AM	The answer is 42. 388: When the barabian pounds on the ground, it shakes the gaming table. 389: The paladin's sexual frustration... ahh, I can't finish that.
J'zarr 06-29-05, 05:49 PM	390: The epic paladin decides his Vow of Chastity doesn't apply on minors and uses his diplomacy to persuade his deity... and succeeds. 391: The epic goblin barbarian/fighter/wizard with glover of ogre strength persuades the barbarian to give him all his gp, instead of his hp. 392: The epic archmage throws two twinned, intensified, automatically quickend fireballs on an epic goblin that's in the way. 393: By use of a clone spell, the goblin survives. 330: a high prosletizer (or however you spell it) converts the whole world to worship him, causing him to instantly become and über-diety. 331: same character uses his power to create another world 332: same character converts that world, too. rinse repeat Read planeshifter, apply epic to it. "Yes, I made the world you inhabit." Btw, did you know water walk isn't so hard as is create food and water? Any low level cleric can turn water into wine and heal... ;)
Chemlak 06-30-05, 06:53 AM	394: Female Epic Rogue paints her face with the Epic Rouge from 386, after hiding in shadows behind her lipstick.
Dreamknight 06-30-05, 12:12 PM	394: Female Epic Rogue paints her face with the Epic Rouge from 386, after hiding in shadows behind her lipstick. :heehee Hope this hasn't been done: #395: Epic Shaman needs to go planeswalking to find enough spirits for his spells. #396: Said Shaman's Spirit Guide goes on strike due to being over-worked and under-paid. #397: Epic Shaman makes a host of assisting Spirit Guides. #398: Who then unionize and demand higher wages. What do you pay those Spirit guides ?
insatium 06-30-05, 02:31 PM	399. Epic Fighter's can't hit his own touch flatfoot ac while incorporeal. 400. Epic Bard sings. Time stops to listen.
darkerassassin 07-01-05, 01:08 AM	401. epic cleric and epic bard runs a day care center for atropals. 402. epic ranger hears what the dm is thinking. 403. epic druid calls mother nature and makes love with her.
darkerassassin 07-01-05, 01:21 AM	404. epic fighter bathes in the great lava pit in the elemental plane of fire with a bottle of Great Wyrm Red Dragon's BreathTM shampoo, goes to the positive energy plane to dry himself and before going to sleep (in the negative energy plane), finishes a bottle of vintage 0001 Ricin wine.
Valentinus 07-02-05, 11:30 AM	405. Epic expert (cook) prepares an amazing feast for the entire army using only a dead chicken !! 406. In the same epic party, the epic cleric grants the epic paladin's spells. 407. The epic barbarian is bored with life and decides to commit suicide. He tries throwing himself into the negative energy plane, but after a few months all the negative energy is sucked away. He now has an injured knee !!
lightman 07-02-05, 01:51 PM	408: Epic Wizard creates a game where people can pretend to be great adventurers. He calls this game "Dungeons and Dragons." 409: Same Epic Wizard finds every spell in existants for this game. 410: Same epic wizard realizes all actions are decided by a roll of dice by truly amazing gods (namely Greg, Bill, Jess, James, and Tom)
Drasche 07-04-05, 12:44 AM	411. Epic Rogue decides to kill time while waiting for his party mates. He succeeds in three rounds. . . .
askala3 07-04-05, 01:16 AM	412) The rogue from #411 suddenly finds himself extremely old, and being yelled at by an annoyed father time about "not going around killing people's kids".
maharaj zordon 07-04-05, 01:45 AM	413. The epic monk runs so fast he ends up in the 1970s, and stars in action films under the name "Bruce Lee". 414. The epic barbarian brushes his teeth with bits of gelatinous cube, and uses sulphuric acid to rinse. The bristles on his tooth brush are nails.
Drozen20 07-04-05, 03:06 AM	415: The epic fighter/barbarian/paladin/ranger/rouge/bard/cleric/druid.. beats Dungeons and Dragons once and for all. 416: The epic wizard casts mage armor on his paladin friend and he turns into a tank.
Chemlak 07-04-05, 04:31 AM	416. Epic Wizard uses Proctivs Move Mountain and Mord's Disjunction to drop an upturned mountain on a Stone Giant... 417. Epic Stone Giant catches the mountain and throws it back. It lands, kicking up a dustcloud that begins a "nuclear" winter. 418. Epic Ascetic (Vow of Poverty) with Nimbus of Light gives off enough glow to allow ALL the plants on the planet to survive the nuclear winter.
Chemlak 07-04-05, 04:34 AM	419. Epic commoner milks 500 cows, but fails the balance check and spills all the milk. 420. Epic Monk spots this from a mile away and manages to catch the milk in a bucket - before it hits the floor.
Chemlak 07-04-05, 04:46 AM	421. Epic Rogue uses a tightrope made of a single strand of human hair to cross a rather large pit (Hell). In high winds. With both hands tied behind his back. On his head. Blindfolded. While the barbarian shakes the rope. 422. The Epic Monk from 420 runs down Hell and back up the other side and beats the Rogue. 423. Epic Fighter in full plate copies the Rogue - and succeeds. 424. Epic Expert (cook) makes a meal that Gordon Ramsay (UK based celebrity chef) can't complain about.
Chemlak 07-04-05, 04:54 AM	425. Epic Sorcerer knows more spells than the wizard. 426. Really Epic Bard knows more spells than both of them together. 427. Epic level wizard uses Wish to tie his shoelaces. 428. Epic level fighter succeeds at a Use Magic Device check. He loves his Staff of the Magi. 429. Epic Cleric Turns Undead. All the dead skin cells on everyone in the world run away leaving everyone looking 10 years younger. He distills the process, bottles it and begins a cosmetic firm.
Chemlak 07-04-05, 08:43 AM	430. 4 Awakened, shapechanged in to humans, epic Bard beetles step through a mysterious portal to another world, form a rock band and change their names to Paul, John, Ringo and George.
Chemlak 07-04-05, 08:55 AM	431. Epic board poster writes his 6th post in a row. 432. Epic Wizard who has Tiamat for a familiar (this was on the thread AGES ago) sneezes, and the Wizard makes his 5 reflex saves. The non-epic floor he's standing on gets annihilated, and he falls down a 3000ft pit, onto some poisoned spikes. Epic wizard gets up and slaps his familiar across the nose.
The Mailman 666 07-04-05, 11:47 AM	433) New to this site and posting his first post, an Epic level internet surfer finishes reading this entire tread! :OMG!
Lyinginbedmon 07-04-05, 11:50 AM	434) Epic Wizard beats Epic Internet Surfer from #435 to it, without a computer
Abalux 07-04-05, 02:59 PM	435) Epic internet surfer/monk realizes there is no computer.
The Goddess 07-04-05, 07:56 PM	As the DM starts to fall asleep he announces, "The Acadamy Award goes to... the epic level fighter!" Right, Lost Dunedain. :D
Light of Day 07-05-05, 03:36 PM	436) Two epic rogues try to hide behind each other. At the same time. Both succeed. 437) The epic wizard's spellbook is actually a giant library he carries around in his own demiplane. 438) The same epic wizard doesn't actually need his spellbook anyway, he's taken spell mastery for all his spells. 439) The epic wizard doesn't bother with non-epic spells any more. They're to weak and boring. 440) The epic fighter has so many bonus feats he needs the epic wizard and his epic intelligence to remember them all. 441) The epic rogue steals his own character sheet and forges a better one. His player doesn't notice. 442) The epic drunken master can out-drink a dwarf (nearly). 443) The epic monk can fly. Not because of his speed or jump modifier, but because his AC is so high that when he falls the ground can't hit him. 444) The epic rogue can use escape artist to plane shift himself. 445) The epic paladin's turn undead is actually useful. 446) The epic ur-priest steals divine ranks. 447) So does the epic rogue. 448) The epic wizard's familiar has a higher intelligence than he does. 449) The epic rogue/spellcaster can no longer cast spells with verbal components because his move silently is too high. 450) The epic loremaster no longer need her spellbook. She can memorize spells with a successful lore check. 451) The epic DM can actually anticipate what the players are going to do next.
Dunther the Great 07-05-05, 04:02 PM	441a) More importantly, the DM doesn't notice. Ever.
Valentinus 07-06-05, 07:29 AM	452. Epic players and DM dont play anymore - they just sit quietly and stare intently at each other. Dice sometimes roll by themselves. Sodas float from the fridge and empty themselves into glasses. If anyone else enters the room, they must save (Will, DC 50) , or run screaming and insane with fear.
askala3 07-07-05, 02:11 AM	#452 would be a will save, although unless they were dealing with their BO like they dealt with the dice (magically), there would be a Fort save to resist Nausea.
Paladin2004 07-12-05, 04:15 PM	453: Epic Poster can repeatadly bump his own thread, with out any fear of reprisal!
Lazy Wanderer 07-14-05, 01:17 PM	454) Epic Wizard has so many magic related feats that he gets board and picks up Improved Unarmed Strike... 455) And subsequantly defeats an entire contingant of soldiers unarmed.
Verelor 07-15-05, 04:13 PM	456.) Epic Bard actually impresses Simon on American Idol 457.) He also accidently kills Paula with his awesomeness. 458.) Epic Barberian fumbles a grapple check against the Tarresque.... 459.) ....And wins the grapple anyway. 460.) Tarresque stops everything and yells: "WHAT THE F---!?"... 461.) ...And proceeds to get beaten silly. 462.) With the Epic Bard's assistance, Epic Rogue starts his own concert for the heck of it.... 463.) But everyone walks away dissapointed because he never showed up :D :D :D 464.) The idea that the Epic Commoenr was somehow actually able to become an Epic Commoner amazes and perplexes everyone from the lowliest lizard to the highest diety and he is thus able to reproduce any of the effects stated in this hugh-jass forum topic. 465.) Epic Paladin and Epic Lawful Good Exalted Cleric argue over who is more holy. Either way, Tyr, Torm, Heirenous, and Pelor lose by a galactic-size landslide...that the Epic Wizard created to get rid of those pesky spell components and experience!! :) 466.) Epic Dwarf Barberian smells so bad he can turn undead better than the Epic Cleric. :eek: :) :eek: 476.) Epic Scourge/Blackgaurd donates money to the poor that eventuallyalleviates the suffering of the world...cause he was tired of having so much. :cool:
skywyze 07-16-05, 04:37 AM	477. Epic Commoner (Cook) invents Smores. 478. Epic Genius invents a way to eat them without making a mess. 479. Epic Bard composes a song worthy of the inventor of Smores. 480. The Epic Lawful Good Exalted Cleric from 465 goes on to become so good-aligned that everything else is the very essence of evil in comparison. 481. Said cleric is in fact so good-aligned that everyone with the Celestial template become Fiendish, just by being compared with said cleric. 482. By comparing the very Nature of Good with the cleric, the Nature of Good seems like the Essence of Evil. Because Good and Evil are no longer so different, all wars between Good and Evil end and peace reigns throughout the multiverse. And there were smores for everyone. And there was much rejoicing. :cool:
Valgaav 07-18-05, 02:56 AM	483: the Epic Vassal of Bahamut starts having to give money back... 484: Above can kill a Great Wyrm Red by looking at it funny
lightman 07-18-05, 07:36 AM	485: Epic Rouge has to give back all his money to regain his livelyhood of stealing, as he has all the gold in existence 486: Said Rouge regains all wealth within 1 week
Lyinginbedmon 07-18-05, 11:19 AM	485: Epic Rouge has to give back all his money to regain his livelyhood of stealing, as he has all the gold in existence 486: Said Rouge regains all wealth within 1 week I didn't know Rouge could steal, must be a good makeup then :P
Chemlak 07-19-05, 09:21 AM	485: Epic Rouge has to give back all his money to regain his livelyhood of stealing, as he has all the gold in existence 486: Said Rouge regains all wealth within 1 week 487: Female Epic Rogue is ecstatic about all the Epic rouge she's getting to put on her face, along with her Epic concealer, Epic Lipstick and Epic eyeshadow.
da beast 07-19-05, 03:57 PM	#488: Epic commoner decides to kill a god... Because he thinks theres to many. #489: Epic Wizard creates a spell that is so powerful that it actually affects the past and he accidently kills himself in the past therefore creating a time paradox and destroying the multiverse #490: Epic village idiot learns to cast vengful gaze of god...
Verelor 07-19-05, 06:47 PM	491.- Epic Rogue with his uBeR INT score actually figures out rogues aren't necessarily theives. Like that's going to stop him. 492.- Epic commoner still sucks 493.- Epic fighter lost his coolness at level 25. The other epic classes besides perhaps bard just keep getting cooler looking and seeming... 494.- Except for epic commoner, who always sucked
kam_Islash 07-19-05, 09:03 PM	492: You can give people heart attacks with epic Intimidate.
skywyze 07-20-05, 12:33 AM	#488: Epic commoner decides to kill a god... Because he thinks theres to many. 493. The godslaying commoner from #488 goes on a god-killing spree. By the time he's done there's only one god left. Wars and crusades erupt over what to name him, since said god is too intimidated by the commoner to actually speak up.
ragingmaro 07-20-05, 02:13 AM	Wow this one might actually go all the way 1001!! 494. Epic Warlock gives new warlocks their dark powers. 495. Epic character becomes headmaster of Sigil Prep 496. An epic Ranger hears me typing this sentence about him. 497. Epic commoner get ****** about everyone saying he still can't do anything and hunts down and kills everyone who dared to tease COMMONER!!! NOT SO COMMON ANYMORE!!!
askala3 07-20-05, 02:18 AM	Wow this one might actually go all the way 1001!! You forgot the word 'again' in that statement
ragingmaro 07-20-05, 04:01 PM	? Sorry new here didn't know it has gone around the world before.
Lyinginbedmon 07-20-05, 04:10 PM	498. Epic Commoner goes on a drinking binge and doesn't pass out after 2 pints 499. Epic Cow rallies the other Epic Livestock into a revolution against the Epic Commoner and claim the farm for their own 500. They put a couple of Epic Pigs in power, made a movie and called it, 'Animal Farm'
Retsej Esiw 07-20-05, 04:30 PM	501 You enter town, and the prices inflate faster than post WWI Germany's ... 5GP a pint :D
ragingmaro 07-20-05, 07:18 PM	Like this (http://www.giantitp.com/cgi-bin/GiantITP/ootscript?SK=122) ?
Retsej Esiw 07-21-05, 01:11 AM	Like this (http://www.giantitp.com/cgi-bin/GiantITP/ootscript?SK=122) ? Yes, but with a few more zeroes added. THAT would be more like Germany
om_dorastrix 07-21-05, 01:17 PM	502: A Hasted Enlarged 40th lvl Marilith fighter(20)/monk(20) with perfect multi-weapon fighting and great cleave begins his flurry of blows and near instatly kills 91 of the nearest enemies at +28/+28/+28/+28/+28/+28/+28/+28/+28/+23/+23/+23/+23/+23/+23/+18/+18/+18/+18/+18/+18/+13/+13/+13/+13/+13/+13 and about 75 cleave attacks with a reach weapon(taking feats from ebberon). edit: I have no life...
Udnamtam 07-21-05, 04:10 PM	503: Actually reading every single one of these posts . >_< i hate the summer . . .
Verelor 07-21-05, 05:46 PM	502: A Hasted Enlarged 40th lvl Marilith fighter(20)/monk(20) with perfect multi-weapon fighting and great cleave begins his flurry of blows and near instatly kills 91 of the nearest enemies at +28/+28/+28/+28/+28/+28/+28/+28/+28/+23/+23/+23/+23/+23/+23/+18/+18/+18/+18/+18/+18/+13/+13/+13/+13/+13/+13 The fact that that is actually remotely possible within the game system is scary, eh? Even just for the fact that handling that sort of 6-second turn (yeah, right!) would take an entire session of rolling attacks and saves :)
the Horc 07-21-05, 06:24 PM	Wouldn't it be easier to have the Marilith just have Exotic Weapon's Master and Flurry with that, because Lawful Mariliths by definition are RARE!
Valgaav 07-21-05, 07:16 PM	Wouldn't it be easier to have the Marilith just have Exotic Weapon's Master and Flurry with that, because Lawful Mariliths by definition are RARE! I forget who said it, but: "One in a million chances happen nine times out of ten. This is the rule every PC is based on."
Verelor 07-21-05, 08:32 PM	Not if we can help it, eh? To keep the topic on track: 504. Epic monk uses the cast of Dragonball Z as his personal towelboy crew. 505. Epic Colossal Evil Red Dragon Wizard beat to near-oblivian the eternal Z-Dragon. He now uses the eternal Dragon as a magical belt to get extra free wish spells every day...or else!
Lyinginbedmon 07-24-05, 09:19 AM	506. Epic Balor's death throes destroy the world, even Jesus doesn't make his save P.S. I think we need a new page just to resize after that post
skywyze 07-31-05, 03:04 PM	507. Epic player wins. That's right, (s)he wins D&D, despite the fact that it's not a game that can be won. He does this as an immediate action. While in a coma. :D
lightman 07-31-05, 03:15 PM	508: The 58th level fighters are considered cannon fodder 509: Dm of epic party spends his whole life working on adventures, as its almost impossible to spend all the epic villains skill points 510: Epic fighter decides to kill everyone in the world. He does this 10 minutes
Debug0x2a 07-31-05, 06:23 PM	511: Epic DM 'wins' D&D. If its impossible for a player to win its even more difficult for a DM to do so as any form of annoying the players can result in the group leaving the game which is in fact a loss. 512: Epid DM casts 'You're the DM now' in an out of control Epic Level campaign and succeeds.
Loren Pechtel 08-01-05, 12:08 AM	513) Epic Hulking Hurler finds a telescope. He sees Saturn's rings and likes them. He proceeds to pick up a big rock and throw it at the moon, shattering it and making rings around the planet. 514) Epic Hulking Hurler overhears the wizard griping about there not being enough hours in the day. He proceeds to lengthen the day by throwing rocks on a low trajectory. 515) Epic Arcane Archer make h-bomb tipped arrows. They have a lithium-deutride pellet and he can shoot them so hard that it detonates without an atomic trigger.
Forthmark 08-01-05, 08:48 AM	516) Epic character survives an encounter with the Infernal Tax Collector without finding himself in massive debt afterword. http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp04152004.shtml
Gunz 08-02-05, 11:26 AM	517) An epic horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks: "Why the long fa..AAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHH......* "
da beast 08-03-05, 01:59 PM	516) Epic character survives an encounter with the Infernal Tax Collector without finding himself in massive debt afterword. http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp04152004.shtml Hahaha I remember that one =D I was planning on actually using it...
Secrets Untold 08-07-05, 06:43 PM	2 epic psions face 17 great wyrm red dragons, all using their breath weapons. Psion 1: I think i have an anti-fire sheild. *Sheild materializes* Psion 2: Really, i thought you left it at home? *shield disappears* Psion 1: You idiot!!! :weep: Dm: :rofl:
Mighty Max 08-10-05, 09:04 PM	429) Epic Master Samuri takes a vow of peace, gets his katanas blade reversed, and takes to wearing a pinkish gi. Its a samurAi
Valgaav 08-12-05, 06:01 PM	520) Epic Level Fighter, rather than go into "Exotic weapon proficiency: Bread"-type feats, decided to keep taking Improved Initiative. He now goes before Pelor.
Sapp 08-12-05, 07:40 PM	Improved Initiative doesn't stack does it? What's the point of Superior Initiative (epic) then?
Jammin8915 08-12-05, 08:12 PM	521) Epic Rouge makes the balance check to walk on clouds (real check in the book...) i originally put 73... i didnt see that there was more than one page
Jammin8915 08-12-05, 08:17 PM	2 epic psions face 17 great wyrm red dragons, all using their breath weapons. Psion 1: I think i have an anti-fire sheild. *Sheild materializes* Psion 2: Really, i thought you left it at home? *shield disappears* Psion 1: You idiot!!! :weep: Dm: :rofl: :heehee
Lyinginbedmon 08-13-05, 04:43 AM	Improved Initiative doesn't stack does it? What's the point of Superior Initiative (epic) then? It doesn't, it overlaps the bonus from Improved Initiative. Therefore, it would be much more beneficial for the Fighter to instead take Great Dexterity
Debug0x2a 08-13-05, 03:33 PM	522) Epic Dirgesinger gives such penalties that the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse fail their ride checks and faceplant in front of him.
sineous blackspell 08-20-05, 04:03 PM	the rogue wearing full plate sneaks past the epic ranger
Andrewinator 08-20-05, 04:16 PM	524) Epic party has so much money they need to write the amount on their characters sheets in exponential notation. 525) ...and they need to rent a plane to store it all on.
sineous blackspell 08-20-05, 09:54 PM	the dm asks you to not shapechange into what three players spent an hour making up! legendary multiheaded creature and the dm knows you use intensified kiss of death :D
Manyfist 08-20-05, 11:55 PM	527.) Epic Bard takes the Vow of Celeciby, and still gets laid on the weekends 528.) Epic Wizard teleports to 'Earth' then realises he's a lvl 1 commoner again. 529.) Epic Commoner defeats a Lvl 2 Party Finally! 530.) Epic Wizard finally gets laid. 531.) Epic Sorcerer and Epic Bard get married, and have to wear a bag over each other's head, to stay alive, 532.) Epic Monk escapes a Black Hole, and takes 1 damage. :D 533.) All Epic Characters are Defeated by the Greatest Epic thing, the Eraser. 534.) Epic Psion, sneezes causing Arcane, and Divine magic to cease at once.
sineous blackspell 08-21-05, 05:40 PM	the rogue got polymorphed into a duck and still pecked the monster to death! folks this happened! was so funny
sineous blackspell 08-21-05, 06:21 PM	536)everyone gets to reroll a bad roll 537)wish is cast every round 538)everything you fight has sr/dr/immune to crits and trueseeing
Kothardarastrix 08-23-05, 05:54 AM	539) Epic Commoner attempts to killl himself because of barneys but can bypass his own AC.
sineous blackspell 08-23-05, 05:18 PM	the devastation vermin doesnt live past 1 round!
Lyinginbedmon 08-23-05, 05:34 PM	540. Epic Wizard can cast epic spells like a Millionaire uses hundred dollar bills
sineous blackspell 08-23-05, 08:48 PM	541)you tell great wyrms to"shoo" and "run along" because you got better things to do!
Loren Pechtel 08-23-05, 11:26 PM	542) You don't have to tell Great Wyrms to shoo, they know better than to mess in your affairs.
sineous blackspell 08-24-05, 09:52 PM	543)finally creatures make morale checks !*all dragons are yellow now*
Ad Infinitum 08-25-05, 12:14 AM	(Sorry, haven't read the entire topic, may be repeating) 544) The wizard's demiplane has grown larger than the plane of his birth. 545) The rogue can make sneak attacks on fourth dimensional creatures. 546) The commoner doesn't actually have to ask an adventuring party for help. 547) When a paladin and his god disagree over one of his actions, the paladin wins the argument. 548) The bard can sell anyone the brooklyn bridge... 549) and the State of New York will honor the sale... 550) waiving the sales tax. 551) 3.5 Dweomerkeeper doesn't seem overpowered anymore. 552) The ranger has Deities, Solar Systems and Dungeon Masters as Favored Enemies. 553) The wizard has knowledge checks of "Yes", AC of "No", Caster Level checks of "Done" and Spell Resistance "You're joking, right?" 554) The barbarian's damage reduction is too strong to be able to shave - he tries to cut off the hair and dents the sword. 555(!)) He reads this list and scoffs.
Zemyla 08-25-05, 01:12 PM	556) The epic psion manifests time hop on the planet. (This can be done at around 90th level.)
Lyinginbedmon 08-25-05, 01:32 PM	556) The epic psion manifests time hop on the planet. (This can be done at around 90th level.) I believe you mean Mass Time Hop, and at 90th level it can affect all creatures within 250 ft. Definitely not the area of a planet, though it could hop the region forward 90 hours, roughly 4 days
Thaebius 08-25-05, 06:04 PM	557) The Epic Wizard decides to make an epic spell which creates apple pie "from scratch"... by creating a plane, a planet/ solar system within it, and beginning life itself in an accelerated timestream which quickly nets apples, grain, etc etc etc.... 558) And doesn't even bother asking what the spellcraft DC is, it doesn't matter. 559) The Epic Barbarian wields two immovable rods, connected by a chain. 560) While they're active. 561) The epic Demilich's phalactyr is the planet. 562) The epic Blighter destroys planes, merely by entering them. 563) Craft Epic Artifact (Greater) no longer seems like a bad idea for a new feat. 564) The epic master of the unseen hand fights vampires by turning the planet to face the sun. 565) The epic expert has him beat.... he just uses craft (solar body) to create a new one. As a partial action. 566) The epic monk catches the gingerbread man.
lightman 08-25-05, 07:10 PM	567. Epic Wizard casts wish to start make sugar. 568. Epic Wizard's sugar is Awakened and is shown on many T.V. commercials. 569. Epic commoner can make dragons run away from getting into a room with them
sineous blackspell 08-25-05, 08:06 PM	570)epic wizard polymorphs monsters directly into treasure for others to find!
NineInchNall 08-25-05, 09:29 PM	571) All the party Marshal's followers are made up of quintuple-gestalted clones of the Wish, the Word, the HIVE, Dweomercheater, and Nanite Master - and they aren't effective enough to have any impact on the game. :rolleyes:
DraconsNighthawk 08-26-05, 05:46 PM	572: All epic characters use +5 keen vorpal daggers, to cut their food.
Fayle 08-27-05, 03:28 AM	I ran an extremely epic session involving an invasion of Toril by the Zhentarim as they swept across nation after nation, led by Bane himself....long story on how this started (involved a game of chance between Mystra and Azuth). To make a long story short, some of my PCs were made an offer by Cyric's avatar and they took it, needless to say becoming quite evil. As war waged on their front, many of the Chosen of Mystra were present, but Elminster got separated from the rest. When the PCs found El he was swarmed by Manshoon and some of his clones. As they ran to his aid, a great portal opened and Mordenkainen stepped through. The two wizards finished off the Manshoons as the PCs approached them. Both of them were slouched over in exhaustion, when the supposed leader of the PCs (a half-stone giant, half-orc fighter/orc warlord) wielding "Foesmiter" (Ilneval's longsword) decapitated Elminster with one swing. Shocked, Mordenkainen proceeded to blast the party, but was quickly slaughtered. I will say in his defense though that he rolled several consecutive 19s and 20s to put them away. The entire party had to take a break after that as none of them could believe what had just taken place. Though neither sage died indefinitely, they were still bested at that moment.
speeblefreak 08-27-05, 06:02 PM	574. The epic wizard deals over 1,000 damage with a Magic Missile spell.
NeoIceshroom 08-29-05, 12:05 PM	574. The epic wizard deals over 1,000 damage with a Magic Missile spell. Seen the same spell deal 21,500 damage >.> (My friend is a professional munchkin and as a DM I have to study his character like a fortress to kill his stupid *****) Anywho... 575. Epic Psion Savant (who is also a werewolf*) fuses the atoms of a paragon mind flayers brain (while it's still in his soft squishy skull) and crushes the resulting explosion into a black hole, then proceeds to turn fledgeling sub-atomic black hole which only has a gravitational pull of a few pounds into his "new psicrystal" after having the wizzard cast permanancy on it. Afterwords just to make sure this epic mind flayer, who was not only a paragon but also a 55th level psion himself, doesn't return we have our half-dragon soul eater(check Book of Vile Darkness) consume his soul. 576. Epic necromancer revives said mind flayer as a free action. 577. Epic shaman/spirit shaman/tamer of beats/ rodentlord(animal lord variant) has an army of Rats, beavers, mice and capybaras with a collective intelligence score of several thousand. Each one of his companions have enough intelligence to take the leadership and epic leadership feats. His main companion is a Capybara the size of a small moon. He knows everything every rodent in the entire multiverse (and all other ones for that matter) knows and feels at all times. 578. Epic master thrower throws entire planes of existance as a standard action. 578. Said master thrower has to throw items at slower speeds to keep them from accelerating past the speed of light and dis-appearing from the multiverse. 579. Epic barbarian/frenzied berzerker/legendary dreadnought has so much rage that when he rages he inspires entire species on the same plane to go on a genocidal rampage of murder and destruction. Will save DC to negate = 461. For those of you who don't know what a capybara is, they're like beavers without tails and they live in south and central america. Yes they are technicly rodents. http://www.sch.im/wlp/large%20images/capybara.jpg *I do werewolves more like World of Darkness Garou than D&D werwolves, Lycanthropy is not a disease and Lycanthropes vary from LA +4-12.
skywyze 08-30-05, 06:55 AM	578. Epic master thrower throws entire planes of existance as a standard action.Kind of begs the question, where would he throw it? :confused:
Rhadamanthus 08-30-05, 12:57 PM	Kind of begs the question, where would he throw it? :confused: At another plane of existence, probably. Or the Far Realm :coolcthul.
Khaldune 08-31-05, 01:21 AM	582. Epic rogue gets his shadow to steal for him 583. Epic fighter considers adamantine to be brittle for him 584. Epic wizard summon gods to fight for him 585. the gods pray to the epic characters for advice
Capfalcon 09-01-05, 02:21 AM	in Epic Russia, spell casts you.
JackOfBladesw 09-01-05, 11:13 PM	(actually happened to all) 586. Epic Paladin kills every demon in the Abyss. 587. Epic hexblade/leader decides his location is boring so he moves the city to a different island by lifting it with his pinkey. 588. Epic monk losses to epic turtle in a race. 589. Epic wizard has so many spell books they need their own plane.
feartheinvinceblehamster 09-02-05, 06:10 PM	your leadership score is high enough to have elminster as a cohort(i so wish i was making this up)
sineous blackspell 09-03-05, 06:53 AM	590)staff of unlimited wish is not your most powerful item!
Debug0x2a 09-03-05, 02:25 PM	591) But staff of magic missiles is.
evangelion1010 09-03-05, 03:59 PM	592. You can look at the most valuable masterpiece in the world, forge it, and your forgery is viewed as superior to the original. See also forging artifacts/tablets of fate
Lyinginbedmon 09-03-05, 04:17 PM	593) You have transcended the level of Epic spells and are now using stone tablets with arcane writings on them as garden gnomes.
sineous blackspell 09-03-05, 06:25 PM	594)book of vile darkness and manual of the planes are in the bathroom magazine rack!
Debug0x2a 09-03-05, 11:12 PM	595) Book of Vile Darkness and Manual of the Planes are on the toilet paper rack.
Bob the Great 09-04-05, 04:05 PM	596: Epic wizard casts Mass enslave (epic), and enslaves everyone on the planet. 597: They don't even get a saving throw. 598: He then proceeds to complain that he could do so much more with epic spells if the DM would just get rid of the stupid spellcraft cap of 3 Million. 599: Epic flask of alchemist's fire is actually worth using. 600: Epic munchkin is satisfied.
Trevor Goodchild 09-05-05, 02:16 AM	601: You are Vin Diesel (http://www.4q.cc/vin/index.php)
skywyze 09-05-05, 08:43 AM	602. The paraplegic Epic Expert (Mountain climbing) tries to scale the towers of Sharn... Naked. 603. Said paraplegic actually manages, thanks to the epic bard's inspiring words. 604. Epic barbarian tries to get a piercing, but the piercing needle cannot pierce his skin due to his astronomical DR.
tharivol266 09-05-05, 01:03 PM	393) Four Epic level ninjas fight two giant beasts while vinilla ice plays in the backround (come on, you know where thats from) Go ninja go ninja go go ninja go ninja go 605) epic level rogue kills the big t with one attack using only a sewing needle
Valefor Arkshan 09-06-05, 10:30 AM	Dunno if it's been said already, but here it is: 606 - Epic character attempts a Will save to disbelive a creature that isn't an illusion, and it disappears anyway.
sineous blackspell 09-06-05, 05:07 PM	the epic cleric turns the abyss as a quickened action
BaronVertigo 09-06-05, 06:41 PM	608. Your epic party stumbles upon a Staff of the Magi. The wizard picks it up, looks at it.... looks at the staff he's already carrying.... and says, "Anyone want this Staff of the Magi?.... Anyone?... *looks around*.... Umm, okay, I'll just lean it up against this stump here..." (actually happened)
Drake_the_Windseeker 09-06-05, 08:10 PM	609. Epic Red Dragon Sorcerer kills Tiamat with a Magic Missile spell. 610. Paragon Dragonkin Epic Warlock takes over the world and changes how people look at Good and Evil.
tharivol266 09-07-05, 12:56 AM	611. an epic ninja throws a shuriken and cuts reality/light or splits an atom causeing a nuclear reaction and destroys the world
Drake_the_Windseeker 09-07-05, 01:03 AM	612. Character is so evil that the alignment Evil is now pronounced Eveel. 613. Character challanges Jesus to a boxing match and knocks him out. 614. Character finds out a simple, already well-known Truth to actually be true, changing his alignment to Neutral, after slaughtering both Asmodeus and whatever Angel is the highest-ranking one.
sineous blackspell 09-10-05, 06:15 PM	the hp box is too small the xp box is too small not enough spaces for feats not enough skills on the charts a year earlier you made your own character sheet including calculated damage averages! you have 2 backpacks ones your books and ones your character
Kupokpok 09-18-05, 03:53 PM	626: If your character's name is The Great King of All Cosmos. :cool:
insatium 09-18-05, 05:00 PM	627. Your character sheet has more pages than pi has digits. 628. Your character knows the answer is 42. 629. Epic Loremaster discovers the question. 630. Epic Goliath Dervish dual-wields weapons bigger than he is without penalties.
Drake_the_Windseeker 09-19-05, 09:09 AM	631. Your Epic Mystic Theurge can whup any other spellcaster of the same level (finally) 632. Your Epic Advanced Dragon could take on Bahamut and Tiamat on at the same time and WIN 633. Your Epic divine character is so devout that the DM will roll a failed check again, 'cause the Gods love him so much.
4-armed kobold 09-19-05, 11:52 PM	634. Epic psion manifests Reality Revision to make Psionics core (finally)!
Harry 09-20-05, 03:03 AM	635.Epic Sorcerer's Cohort's Familliar's Cohort created a Golem, that was bored and created his own plane made all out of metal. 636.After Super-Epic "Cosmic Descryer" uses his "Cosmic Connection" Ability to draw power from the universe, for three seconds all the magic on all planes is turned off.
tragedy 10-02-05, 08:20 PM	637)epic rogue makes pickpocket/sleight of hand check,succeeds and steals the organs of everyone in the plane. 638)epic bard convinces the gods to have a battle royale 639)....and kills the only survivor
Quarionthegolden 10-02-05, 11:41 PM	637)epic rogue makes pickpocket/sleight of hand check,succeeds and steals the organs of everyone in the plane. 638)epic bard convinces the gods to have a battle royale 639)....and kills the only survivor 640) epic spellcaster uses a corrupted reaping wail of the banshee.
vardock 10-03-05, 02:34 PM	641: aquire a moon sized hunk of platnium 642: KILL PUN PUN THE INFINTITE!!!!!! 643:convert an entire city of drow to fanitical followers of Pelor with a single diplomacy check 644: convince a succubous to take a vow of chastity 645: nuke hell with a super powered version of vengeful gaze of god and kill every fiend in the outer planes. 646: climb and jump with enough skill to make spider man jealous ;)
skywyze 10-03-05, 02:57 PM	641: make all beautiful women in the cosmos attracted to nerds, geeks, exe. exe., instead of jerk-ass idiots and jocks. 642: KILL PUN PUN THE INFINTITE!!!!!! 643: make your own dream girl!! :ayyyy!: :king: :shocked: :drool: :inlove: :thumbsup: :smirk: 644: make your own house to with said dream girl 645: nuke hell with a santified, purified, maxamized, and uberfied version ov vengeful gaze of god and kill every fiend in the outer planes. 646: cast a powered-up version soul domination on a bunch a girls and have as much "Fun" with them as possible, then enslave them than cast soul domination again.Wow. Just... Wow. Quick! Fetch this man a girlfriend before he goes critical. :D
tragedy 10-03-05, 08:05 PM	:eek: im just plain shocked at his suggestions. anyways, 647)epic barbarian faces 15!!!! :OMG! Hecatoncheires,20!!! :eek: Umbral Blots,50!!!! :shocked: Atrophals ,and 100!!!!!!!!!!! :uh-huh: Primal ELEMANTALS!!!!!! WINS AND DOESNT EVEN SUFFER A SCRATCH!!!!!!!! 648)epic paladin kills the orc army from LoTR,the Uruk-Hai army,Gollum,Saruman,Sauron,Morgoth AND GANDALF WITH ONE HOLY SMITE!!!!!!
kdyal 10-03-05, 08:55 PM	649. Epic expert crafts Force Golem 650. Which the Epic rogue then steals, 651. The Epic bard seduces, 652. and the Epic barbarian breaks in half.
D&D_Madness 5000 10-04-05, 05:41 PM	653. Epic Barbarian goes on a killing spree and kills Khelbar Blackstaff, leaving his body to rot in a desert... 654. Which the Epic Hulking Hurler grabs and throws back to the Epic Barbarian... 655. Who cuts the body of Khelbar Blackstaff in half and puts it in the sewer... 656. Which is found by an epic Cleric who resurrects Khelbar Blackstaff and goes kill the Epic Barbarian with a party of epic commoners :uh-huh: 657. The Epic FIghter goes to slay 10 xixecals with an improvised weapon... a SPONGE... He succeeds in 3 rounds :ayyyy!: (Note: The 3 rounds INCLUDE the time he took to get TO the xixecals!)
D&D_Madness 5000 10-04-05, 05:52 PM	935) Epic Bard learns how to play the brown noise, which makes people deficate themselves. Then proceeds to play loud enough to make everyone on earth **** themselves. can you say southpark anyone? Oh yeah! That one episode... You suck...
Darkuwa 10-05-05, 12:42 AM	658: Epic Cleric casts a cure mass. It resurects everyone that has ever lived in all the worlds of all the mulitverses, and gives everyone full health. 659: Epic monk multiclasses to another class, then takes another monk level,
vardock 10-05-05, 10:00 AM	658: Epic Cleric casts a cure mass. It resurects everyone that has ever lived in all the worlds of all the mulitverses, and gives everyone full health. 659: Epic monk multiclasses to another class, then takes another monk level, CHECK THE COMPLETE WARRIOR. you will find some cool prestige classes that a monk (or paladin) can crossclass into and can still advance in his previous class
Drake_the_Windseeker 10-05-05, 10:05 AM	660. Your Epic Necromancer revives party members just like the party's Cleric 661. The Epic Sorcerer's Dragon familiar is actually useful. 662. Your Epic Bard converts the followers of Pelor to worship Nerull with metal 663. Your Epic Dwarf Fighter can out-drink anyone in the world. 664. Your character can win a thumb wrestling contest with any of the Gods 665. Your Epic Paladin makes a succesful Diplomacy check to make the Great Gold Wyrm give up its hoard without a fight. 666. Your Blackguard can summon Asmodeus to do his bidding, and brings forth the Apocalypse from Hell
D&D_Madness 5000 10-05-05, 05:21 PM	667. Epic Bard convinces Great Red Wyrm to give him all his hoard... after stabbing the dragon, which alone, almost killed it :D 668. Epic Fighter kills Earth in 2 rounds. 669. Epic Illusionist makes everyone in the world think Barney is their ruler :looloo: 670. Epic Hulking Hurler throws Earth into the sun :mymy: 671. Epic Rogue makes a sleight of Hand check and steals everyone's eyes right in front of their... ah, forget it... :( 672. Epic Barbarian breaks the Plane of Shadow with an improvised weapon, a popsicle stick! :uh-huh:
Darkuwa 10-05-05, 07:05 PM	CHECK THE COMPLETE WARRIOR. you will find some cool prestige classes that a monk (or paladin) can crossclass into and can still advance in his previous class Yah, I know, I was talking about taking like pally levels then going back to monk.
kdyal 10-05-05, 07:24 PM	Yah, I know, I was talking about taking like pally levels then going back to monk. There is a feat in Complete Adventurer that allows that (ascetic knight or something like that)
VampiricBloodlustNemesis 10-05-05, 08:21 PM	63. The Epic Commoner still can't do anything. So F'in true! XD
tragedy 10-06-05, 07:01 PM	Baleeted!
VampiricBloodlustNemesis 10-06-05, 08:13 PM	676.) epic barbarian cleaves earth in half, with an improvised weapon...a squirrel.
D&D_Madness 5000 10-07-05, 01:01 PM	677. Epic Barbarian kills prismatic paragon dragon with a sausage... even though it does subdual damage... 678. Epic Hulking Hurler/ Epic Psionic Dude throws sun into Earth without even touching either of them :bigeyes: 679. Epic Barbarian manages to survive 1,000,000 ray of frost spells, 100,000 burning hand spells, 10,000 fireball spells, 1,000 fire storm spells, and 100 vengeful gaze of god spells. :mymy: 680. Epic Rogue makes a balance check and uses cockroach as mount :eek: 681. Epic Barbarian makes jump check and catches up to Hulk in 3 seconds 682. Epic Monk makes smite check and scares all hezrou's on the planet into a poor man's house... :heehee 683. Epic wizard crafts diminuititive golem... which is able to kill every great red wyrm in the cave... which is infested with great red wyrms... ;) 684. Epic Dwarf Fighter breaks in half above golem. 685. Epic Wizard returns and kills Epic Dwarf Fighter using bacon as a spell component :uh-huh:
Darkuwa 10-07-05, 07:00 PM	686: Epic wizard no longer walks anywhere, he simply teleports gates etc. 687: Said wizards tower has no door because of this.
Lyinginbedmon 10-07-05, 07:08 PM	688. Epic Monk/Wizard/Archmage creates a new race: Tyranids (http://uk.games-workshop.com/tyranids/)
tragedy 10-07-05, 07:54 PM	:headexplo 689)epic wizard mind-controls the player :eek: 690)epic bard convinces nerull that pelor is his FATHER!!!!!and that vecna is his brother....and orcus his uncle.. 691)epic paladin beats st.cuthbert in a smiting contest 692)epic rogue steals the DM'S POWERS!!!!!!!!!!!
VampiricBloodlustNemesis 10-09-05, 10:16 PM	693.) Epic sorceror tames the Big T, imbues him with multiple templates and unleashes him on the world.
Loren Pechtel 10-09-05, 11:39 PM	686: Epic wizard no longer walks anywhere, he simply teleports gates etc. No. This doesn't take an epic wizard even. Anything with teleport without error at will can do this.
VampiricBloodlustNemesis 10-10-05, 01:19 AM	yeah you're right
maharaj zordon 10-10-05, 01:57 AM	694. The epic artificer invents the most powerful magic item in history- Glitch.
D&D_Madness 5000 10-10-05, 08:40 AM	695. Epic Wizard teleports dungeon master into campaign world. 696. Epic Bard seduces ppl with his music into appraising said DM. 697. Being the Vengeful DM he was in the "true" world, the Epic Barbarian from said DM's last party cuts him in half. 698. Finally, the Epic Drunken Master destroys 1,000,000 paragon tarraque with one of his beer kegs :uh-huh:
sineous blackspell 10-10-05, 10:25 AM	699 killing bahamut and tiamat in 1 round!(by the way anyone know the xp for bahamut and tiamat?i cant find it. 700 always being in timestop and casting spells people never see until your on vacation on your island you made!
Darkuwa 10-10-05, 12:46 PM	694. The epic artificer invents the most powerful magic item in history- Glitch. Reboot! 701: Epic drunken master get take one sip of a light beer and sunder the planet.
Krispieman 10-10-05, 07:03 PM	699 killing bahamut and tiamat in 1 round!(by the way anyone know the xp for bahamut and tiamat?i cant find it. According to Deities & Demigods (I think, can't find it right now) defeating any Deity gives you enough exp to level (charachter level * 1000 orso). K-man :cool:
kam_Islash 10-11-05, 02:06 PM	685. Epic Wizard returns and kills Epic Dwarf Fighter using bacon as a spell component :uh-huh: He's that high level and he never got "Ignore Material Components"? 702 Epic rogue falls 900 feet and lives 703 He was put up there by an epic druid casting whirlwind 704 Epic, goldike character from DnD Gets converted to whitewolf...............and the GM prays for a botch. A rogue with 1 Sorcerer level can cast a spell from Complete arcane called Golemstrike which allows it to do one sneak attack against a construct.
skywyze 10-11-05, 03:57 PM	705. Epic barbarian gets dumped butt naked in the middle of the frozen wastes, thousands of miles from the nearest sign of civilization. Using a single survival check he makes it back, considerably more wealthy than he was when he left. The DM may or may not ask him to play out the part where he strangles the Dire polar bear with his bare hands. 706. Epic monk doesn't need to shave his head any more. He made an intimidate check and now his own hair is so afraid of him that it doesn't dare to grow.
Bliol 10-11-05, 04:13 PM	707. An epic bard partakes a quest to become a god 708. He succedes in it 709. He somehow gains divine rank 16 710. He takes the Divine Splendor salient ability 711. Then roams the land personally in search of worthy followers
tragedy 10-12-05, 08:12 PM	712)epic rogue gives every divine being in each pantheon an atomic wedgie and evades all of their attacks so they hit each other
skywyze 10-13-05, 11:07 AM	713. Epic diviner knows where you sleep. Yes you, not your character. 714. Approximately 250,000 workers died during the construction of Sharn. This is because someone dared to sneeze near the Epic Construction Manager, and he took grave offense to it.
Bliol 10-13-05, 01:51 PM	714. Approximately 250,000 workers died during the construction of Sharn. This is because someone dared to sneeze near the Epic Construction Manager, and he took grave offense to it. I think you're talkin bout Stalin:)
vardock 10-13-05, 04:36 PM	715: epic sorcerer makes lolith his "lover". 716: epic apostle of peace kills every devil in the nine hells with a single censure fiends attempt. 717: epic cleric converts ethernull into a follower of pelor and convinces him to take a vow of piece 718: epic blackguard commands Orcus (if you read the BOVD he became an undead demon, and lost the excess fat) and an army of atrophals. 719: Epic commoner kills one quadrillian 1,000,000,000HD Prismatic Dragons as well as all the gods, with a single spitball :shocked: :shocked: :shocked: :OMG! :OMG!
Forthmark 10-13-05, 06:08 PM	715: epic sorcerer makes lolith his "lover". 716: epic apostle of piece kills every devil in the nine hells with a single censure fiends attempt. 717: epic cleric converts ethernull into a follower of pelor and convinces him to take a vow of piece 718: epic black blackguard commands Orcus (if you read the BOVD he became an undead demon, and lost the excess fat) and an army of atrophals. 719: Epic commoner kills one quadrillian 1,000,000,000HD Prismatic Dragons as well as all the gods, with a single spitball :shocked: :shocked: :shocked: :OMG! :OMG! Ummm....I think you mean Peace, not piece.
Bliol 10-13-05, 06:23 PM	718: epic black blackguard commands Orcus (if you read the BOVD he became I think you should improove on your racial tolerance man. It's not a black blackguard, it's a negroid race representative blackguard.
lightman 10-13-05, 07:30 PM	I think you should improove on your racial tolerance man. It's not a black blackguard, it's a negroid race representative blackguard. I think that might have been a typo, dude. Chill. I've accidently repeated words many a time time. Writing "Black" twice isn't that hard
Lyinginbedmon 10-14-05, 01:45 PM	720. Epic Commoner defeats Brolly the Legendary Space Warrior 721. Epic Wizard develops a way to permanently defeat Pun-Pun without him knowing 722. Epic Necromancer revives Pun-Pun the next round, as a zombie 723. Epic Rogue steals said zombie Pun-Pun's wallet
Bliol 10-14-05, 01:47 PM	Maybe if I add a simbol to the end of my previous statement, you comically challenged folk will understand. Now, to repeat. I think you should improove on your racial tolerance man. It's not a black blackguard, it's a negroid race representative blackguard:)
da beast 10-14-05, 03:22 PM	721: You know that song "walking on sunshine"..
vardock 10-14-05, 07:39 PM	sorry about the typo. it has been corrected. it was purely accidental and nothing was ment by it. please accept my appologies :doh:
da beast 10-15-05, 03:36 PM	No harm no foul. Someone got a kick out of it though :P
Lyinginbedmon 10-15-05, 03:43 PM	722. Epic Ranger takes System Reference Document as a favoured enemy :weep:
Dungeons & Donuts 10-15-05, 04:36 PM	723. Epic Necromancer takes Core Rulebooks as favoured enemy. :D 724. Epic Bard convinces the BBEG to have tea with him, and commit suicide. 725. Epic Fighter cuts off Epic Paragon Tarrasque's head with plate of donuts, without harming the donuts. 726. Epic Rogue makes sleight of hand check and steals above donuts. 727. Epic Barbarian uses above donuts to kill Epic Hulking Hurler 728. Another Epic Hulking Hurler grabs donuts from Rib Cage of dead Hulking Hurler and throws then at an HD 200 colossus, instantly killing it.
Debug0x2a 10-15-05, 07:40 PM	729: Epic Wizard polymorphs said donuts into Cthulhu and drives epic hulking hurler insane. On accident. In his sleep.
vardock 10-16-05, 10:50 AM	730: epic commoner beats a barberian in a fist fight 731: epic adept beats epic sorcerer/ton of prestige classes in a spellcasting contest 732:same adept casts more spells in a day than an infernal. 733:epic expert kills a prismatic dragon, converts a Drow army into followers of correlon while stealing all their stuff, all in one turn!!!
Dungeons & Donuts 10-16-05, 11:19 AM	734. Epic Wizard catalogs all the spells and monsters in the world, and creates a game called Dungeons And Dragons. 735. Epic Bard writes 99999999 handbooks for said game each day. 736. Epic Fighter uses sword to carve 99999999 miniatures for said game each day. 737. Epic sorcerer invents title for company to lead said game, called WotC. 738. Epic Barbarian uses sword to carve out statues for the staff of WotC. 739. Epic Cleric/deity breaths life into said statues for said company for said game. 740. Epic WotC staff kill each of these above epic ppl in 3 rounds. And, the Epic Wizard that drove the hulking hurler insane.
SirCaran 10-16-05, 11:28 AM	741. Epic character finds way to influence the die roll Gains flying by exploiting it, rolling natural 1 on his jump and land on ground roll.
tragedy 10-18-05, 09:07 PM	742)epic wizard polymorphs the universe into a board game....cough cough D&D cough cough 743)epic necromancer creates an army of flesh colossi in an hour and takes over the world in a day
Lionhearted 10-19-05, 08:18 AM	[QUOTE=vardock]730: epic commoner beats a barberian in a fist fight [QUOTE] correction not barbarian but monk
vardock 10-19-05, 12:41 PM	474:epic commenor beats barbarian in a sword fight 475:epic expert masters every craft 476:Epic expert masters every profession 477:epic expert becomes all knowing 478:said expert beats epic loremaster in a game of jeopardy 479:epic deverish dancer kills 8 140HD paragon, psudonatural, corrupted, Hecatongeries in a single turn 480:epic apostle of peace censures every fiend in the lower planes at the same time 481: epic blackguard commands an army of 1,000,000,000 atrophals 1,000,000,000 demi-litches and 1,000,000,000 undead great worm Prismatic Dragons. 482: epic fighter has every feat ever printed for warriors. 483: epic character has twenty levels in each core class, 20 in each prestige class that has a 10 level progression, and has maxed out all "detour"prestige classes. 484: epic aristocrat becomes richer than Bill Gates. 485: epic drunken master drinks a whole keg of everclear, and barely gets a buzz. I AM THE MOST PROLIFIC POSTER ON THIS THREAD!!!!!!!!!!!
Bliol 10-19-05, 01:44 PM	prolific, yet so humorless:D jk:)
Bob the Great 10-19-05, 06:56 PM	728. Another Epic Hulking Hurler grabs donuts from Rib Cage of dead Hulking Hurler and throws then at an HD 200 colossus, instantly killing it. You mean a normal hurler couldn't? :P
tragedy 10-19-05, 07:21 PM	786)epic bard convinces pelor is one of the members of the......BEEGEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!and hextor that is of the band.....ABBA!!!!!!!! 787)epic barbarian sunders the codex of infinite planes for THE FUN OF IT.
lightman 10-19-05, 07:53 PM	788) Epic Barbarian sunders the universe for the fun of it
maharaj zordon 10-19-05, 08:44 PM	789. Epic Barbarian still requires an epic loremaster to teach him fractions.
Lyinginbedmon 10-20-05, 02:50 AM	790. Epic Commoner still needs to remove his shoes to count past 10
vardock 10-20-05, 01:06 PM	791:epic diviner divines every hot babe on the planet who would date him. there are 2 792: epic wizard's spellbook has more spells in it than the "LAST BOOK" 793: epic wizard has so many spell slots that he could not cast them all in one day even if he quickened them all. 794: epic rogue convinces a brain collector to give up all it's brains and start collecting Benie Babies. 795: epic monk uses weakening touch so many times that the Epic Barbarian has a strength of 1 while rageing
Lyinginbedmon 10-20-05, 02:27 PM	796. Epic Wizard beats the Epic Hulking Hurler in a fist-fight, unprepared, and without using any spells 797. Epic Monk is unable to train, because his fists easily punch a hole the planet's mantle 798. Epic Cleric grants the deities spells 799. Epic Barbarian's rage appears so calm that he can kill someone with his teacup 800. Epic Bard's songs are so powerful that even the dead can't help but listen, without even waking up
drow 10-20-05, 02:56 PM	801 Epic Half-dragon Elven Cleric of Muchkinia, Gawd of Powergamers, and Order of the Bow Initiate (3.0 version), still gets beat up by Elminster the UberNPC. :P
DreadWizardDM 10-21-05, 06:24 PM	level 1000 ogre farts so hard he blows away the prime material plane, leaving nothing but noxious green vapors.
Bliol 10-21-05, 06:31 PM	level 1000 ogre farts so hard he blows away the prime material plane, leaving nothing but noxious green vapors. I don't think you need to be a level 1000 ogre... judgeing from some people I know, you wouldnt even have to be an ogre:)
madmob 10-21-05, 09:41 PM	802 The epic bard is so charismatic that with a single wink he turns gay women strait and strait men gay.
vardock 10-22-05, 01:59 PM	803: epic paladin/cavaleer/deverish dancer smites 10 evil gods to death while dancing on his charging horse 804: epic demonologist summons all the sucubii and enrines in the lower planes to bear his children, none of which dare question him at any time. 805:epic wizard takes control of a nerd on another plane and makes him use a lot of unnecessary smilies. :cheer: :w00t: :evillaugh :dancin: :clap: :love: :bounce: :rofl: :surrender :pbbbtt: :raincloud :allalone: :headexplo :invasion: :heehee
tragedy 10-22-05, 02:13 PM	806)epic rogue steals his own hands without noticing. 807)epic barbarian dies from damage sustained from rolling a triple 20 on his dinner and stabbing his own leg through the table. 808)epic barbarian beats Cthulhu in a arm/tentacle wrestling contest.
Lyinginbedmon 10-22-05, 02:18 PM	809. Epic Sadako-ripoff creates a massively powerful spell that kills anyone who hears its verbal component. They then upload it onto the internet under the file name 'allyourbase.wmv'
Dungeons & Donuts 10-22-05, 11:15 PM	810. Epic Bard seduces Overdeity to give him a 10000-mile long plane of uber smilies... :cheer: :w00t: :lightbulb :plotting: :evillaugh :dancin: :angelhide :clap: :love: :king: :devil: :cloud9: :pile:
DreadWizardDM 10-23-05, 12:58 AM	epic succubus deepthroats a 72 inch kielbasa lol.
tragedy 10-23-05, 07:56 PM	812)epic paladin beats asmodeus to death with his own ruby rod
NoSoupFoYou 10-25-05, 07:49 PM	813. Epic sorcerer sneezes and destroys the Material Plane, leaving behind a hole in spacetime, says "Oops, didn't realize I left it on!" 814. Epic party survives the aforementioned explosion without a scratch. 815. Epic fighter says, "C'mon, what was that?? That was pathetic! I coulda done better than that!!" 816. Epic cleric brings back to life all the people killed in the blast (about a trillion or so), in one round. 817. Epic wizard uses his immense powers of thought to recreate the Material Plane, exactly as it was before, with microscopic precision. 818. Epic party is worshipped not only in the game world, but in the real world as well. 819. Epic wizard is awarded the Nobel Prize, "for your outstanding contributions to the field of magic," and projects himself into the real world to accept it.
Quarionthegolden 10-26-05, 11:43 AM	820. epic paladin kills Thurazzaundian in 1 round!
Lyinginbedmon 10-26-05, 12:09 PM	821. Epic Wizard creates a self-replicating dragon to keep control of all of his cities 822. Epic Monk kills Super Necrodragon Abzo Dolba in one round, in a graveyard, at night, whilst taking a nap
The Ultimate Dragongod 10-26-05, 12:46 PM	823. Epic Party kills Eberron. Yes, Eberron. (It's actually about to happen IMC)
tragedy 10-26-05, 06:22 PM	824)epic barbarian kills Belial by ripping off the latter's *area* and kills Lilith with it.
Quarionthegolden 10-26-05, 06:30 PM	824)epic barbarian kills Belial by ripping off the latter's *area* and kills Lilith with it. dii fan? :D :D :D :D
Dungeons & Donuts 10-26-05, 07:57 PM	825. Epic Rogue makes a sleight of hand check while sleeping and steals his own dreams. 826. Epic Wizard uses magic to steal said dreams from Rogue. 827. Epic Sorcerer crafts Construct with HP no human can calculate using said dreams as a material. 828. Epic Loremaster manages to find out how much HP the construct has anyway. (over 2,0000000000000000 digits) 829. Epic Bard writes down the number in 1 round. 839. Epic Hulking Hurler grabs paper with number on it, and throws it to the DM. Yes, he throws it out of the D&D plane... :eek:
Quarionthegolden 10-27-05, 02:58 PM	840.epic paladin goes to 1945 and kills hitler :noway: :fight!: :OMG!
kdyal 10-27-05, 03:11 PM	840.epic paladin goes to 1945 and kills hitler :noway: :fight!: :OMG! 841. Epic paladin then smites evil out of history, and lands Hitler a job as an architect in the 20's, thus thwarting his rise to power in the first place...
Lyinginbedmon 10-27-05, 03:15 PM	842. Epic Evil Bard convinces Architect Hitler to become a painter and tells him to apply in Vienna
commiecommie 10-28-05, 11:51 AM	843. Epic chronomancer goes back in time to genocide all DD posters before they were born thus preventing this thread from going on so **** long. :plotting:
tragedy 10-28-05, 12:36 PM	844)epic bard sings so loud that asmodeus could hear it from Malsheem in Nessus.
thalog 10-29-05, 11:52 PM	845) epic evil cleric/high pyloitzer(?) gets the kings virgin bride to be pregnant and convices everyone it was immaculate conception and there for the fault of the gods and causes an uprising against them
vardock 10-30-05, 12:57 PM	846: epic commoner has more feats than epic fighter 847:Epic kobold Rapes Tiamat 848:Epic Half-orc Slays Grumish And Becomes The New God Of Orcs 849: Epic cleric has access to every domain 850: said cleric kills all the gods. and takes all there power. becoming god of everything.
vardock 10-31-05, 12:09 PM	851: Epic wizard has enough spell levels to apply every possible metamagic feat to a single 9th level spell 852: Epic Apostle of Peace has so many Epic protection items, that even if He Broke his Vow of Poverty, He would not care. 853: Epic Emissary of Bracheryl, converts every Humanoid on the cosmic wheel with a single calling. 854: Epic cleric Casts Scantify the wicked on every Evil being In the cosmos. 855: Epic Blackguard finds a way to trade in his blackguard levels for paladin levels
vardock 11-03-05, 12:17 PM	856:epic scout gets +1,000,000d6 damage and +1,000,000 to AC for moving 10 ft. 857: Epic spell sword can wear super-sized full plate, 2 tower shields, and 2 lead gauntlets, and still have no chance of arcane spell failure 858: Epic Cleric channels so much divine power that he accidentally trades places with his diety. 859: Epic kobold becomes stronger than pun-pun 860: epic seaker of the misty isle actually finds the misty Isle I AM THE MOST PROLIFIC POSTER ON THIS THREAD!! as a matter of fact i am the one keeping this thread from sinking to oblivion and never reaching 1001.
kdyal 11-03-05, 12:25 PM	I AM THE MOST PROLIFIC POSTER ON THIS THREAD!! as a matter of fact i am the one keeping this thread from sinking to oblivion and never reaching 1001. You do realize that it has already been there once, don't you? 861. Epic rogue starts collecting d20s. From other people's games. 862. Epic cleric hallows the Abyss, making its current denizens homeless... 863. Epic bard then Persuades the former denizens to move back and behave themselves
Lyinginbedmon 11-03-05, 12:55 PM	864. Epic Loremaster discovers Anime 865. Epic Sorcerer accidentally creates Shounen Bat and makes him indestructible. 866. Epic Barbarian is assaulted by said Shounen Bat and lives to tell the tale without even considering bursting into rage...
DreadWizardDM 11-04-05, 03:40 PM	867. Epic wizard discoveres he is actually being controlled by a zero level human on a planet known as earth in another reality than his own and informs his companions that some guy called the "DM" has been trying to kill them for 10 years. 868. the epic party develops a spell to transport themselves to this unknown universe where these wretched "players" and the "DM" exist and spring into being around the kitchen table! 869. The epic wizard sends the cowering players and DM to the D&D world and assumes the role of DM and causes a hoard of blood thirsty orcs to attack and kill them. LOL!!
lightman 11-04-05, 03:46 PM	867. Epic wizard discoveres he is actually being controlled by a zero level human on a planet known as earth in another reality than his own and informs his companions that some guy called the "DM" has been trying to kill them for 10 years. 868. the epic party develops a spell to transport themselves to this unknown universe where these wretched "players" and the "DM" exist and spring into being around the kitchen table! 869. The epic wizard sends the cowering players and DM to the D&D world and assumes the role of DM and causes a hoard of blood thirsty orcs to attack and kill them. LOL!! 870. The Epic Wizard then creates a spell called "Summon Pizza Boy"
tragedy 11-08-05, 07:31 PM	871)epic wizard travels back in time and sets up a new board game called Dungeons & Dragons under the alias of Gary Gygax....
Bill Bisco: Average Adventurer 11-08-05, 07:55 PM	872) Epic Wizard has so many simulacrums that he now just uses them for a delivery service. They all stand in a line and each one readies an action to take the package from the last one and hand it to the next. Every package everywhere on the planet is delivered in 6 seconds :dancin: Oh and I give credit to the user who thought of this concept. Will add name once I find it.
Rhadamanthus 11-08-05, 07:57 PM	#872: Epic Arcane Archer accidently shoots himself by attempting to shoot an enemy, missing, and having his arrow travel all the way around the world to pierce his back with all manner of unimaginable magical bonuses. #873: The Epic Arcane Archer doesn't notice. #874: The aformentioned Epic Arcane Archer fires an arrow straight up, into the sky, thus punching a new hole in the ozone layer. #875: Epic Bard's voice is so powerful it can shatter glass. #876: An even more Epic Bard's voice is so powerful it can repair the glass shattered by the previous Epic Bard. #877: Epic Geomancer uses powerful earth magic to undo continental shift, thus uniting the continents into a single super-continent. He names it Pangea X.
terulian 11-09-05, 01:42 AM	#878 - Epic fighter runs into a kobold psion, ***** his pants, and runs (go to the character optimization board and look up the "The most powerful character EVER." thread) #879 - Epic Psion Uncarnate isn't #880 - Epic Gnome Tinkerer beats Russia and US into space.
Tobus Neth 11-09-05, 03:23 AM	Rogue can hide in his own shadow in the desert
akiskyd 11-09-05, 04:14 AM	Here some campaign setting flavored: #882 Epic undead (vamps, liches e.t.c.) party goes on vacation to the positive energy plane and return suntanned (from libris mortis) #883 Epic Brb gets anrgy and to wants to break a spine. He then sunders Spine of the World. #884 Epic Wiz instantly counterspells the cooperative spell of Elminster, Halaster, Khelben, Simbul and the 7 Sisters. He then organizes seminar for them. #885 Epic Psion fuses with HIMSELF. #886 Epic Palladin sucks the Dark Powers of Ravenloft into himself to contain the evil. Then he forces all the Darklords to attone for their sins and releases them. Ravenloft is turned into a playground for his children. #887 Epic Sorcerer imprisons the Lady of Pain into a maze with no exit. #888 Epic cleric meets his god. The god thinks: "f...k, this mo.......er is stronger than me" and cleric says "I heard that..."
vardock 11-09-05, 01:49 PM	889: epic enthropmancer succeds in creating a true sphere of annihalation 890:epic wizard kills a hecatoncheries simply by droping his spellbook on him from 2in. above it's head. 891: said epic wizards familiar kills the hecatongeries brother with a single attack. 892: epic half orc barbarian succedes at a chrisma check against a great worm gold dragon 893: Epic blighter kills all plant life on the planet in one standard action
akiskyd 11-11-05, 03:04 AM	The advanced great gold wyrm has our beloved ranger in the corner. He has no more arrows! What to do? His eye takes his... brilliant-energy returning quiver down on the floor. Damn! It's empty. Now What? And the lamp lights over his head. "It's my last hope, he says" and he does it... #894. Said ranger hits the advanced great gold wyrm by shooting his brilliant-energy returning quiver instead of an arrow. #895. After that he kills the dragon by shooting himself from the bow instead of an arrow.
savant_warlord13 11-11-05, 07:02 PM	14) Reshape the existing universe in to his own image, populating the entire universe with clones of himself. 15.) Getting board with that and creating a new universe so he can see the excitement of heros battling overwhelming evil. (And since he himself is evil the battle will never end. A DM is born) 16.) Generally dictating the game to the DM instead of vice-versa. (Why I'm being DM from now on) My friend is a level four gnome, and he already does #16
savant_warlord13 11-11-05, 07:11 PM	57. Your wizard decides to use 999 magic missles on every skeleton he sees in the old 1st-level random dungeons. 58. Epic fighter has finally reached the requirements to become any and every prestige class that you could possibly imagine, even play the role of sub-deity. 59. Epic cleric needs to use a few miracle spells to let his/her deity allow him/her to advance to the next level. (hey maybe the DM will be nice and make it only 250,000 exp to have the miracle spell let you advance to the next level...) 60. What's that? Oh dear the golden great wyrms seem to be retreating from the 30th level random dungeon... Maybe I need to make a dungeon according to the player's level (65) Many prestige classes have opposing alignment requirements
kdyal 11-11-05, 07:17 PM	#896. Epic Loremaster discovers RSRD.
NineInchNall 11-11-05, 09:30 PM	Many prestige classes have opposing alignment requirements Remember that alignment sub-types can qualify you for the things, and that "non-lawful" can be read not to mean, "cannot be lawful," but instead, "neutral or chaotic." So with every alignment subtype the character could do it. With a lenient DM. :D
vardock 11-12-05, 02:15 PM	896:epic sorcerer has so many spell levels that he can apply every metamagic feat possible on every spell he can cast ten times and still have spell slots that are not ocupied by metamagic spells 897:epic drunken master drinks his body weight in Everclear and does not even get a buzz. 898: epic barbarian's rage lasts for a year. 899: epic loremaster learns the true name (BOED) of every being in the cosmos, proving once and for all that knowledge is power by becomeing the supreme ruler of the cosmos. 900: epic commoner convinces every demon to become lawfull. 901: said commoner convinces every devil to become choatic only 100 to go!!!! #1001 is in sight!!!! :invasion: :invasion: :invasion: :invasion: :invasion: :invasion: :invasion: :invasion: :invasion: :invasion: I have added a total of 61 to this thread. has anybody made more than me? if so by how much? I wish to top them
Debug0x2a 11-13-05, 12:07 AM	902: Epic Bard/Barbarian/Fighter/Monk/Wizard/Sorceror/Cleric/Druid/Rogue/Paladin/Favored Soul/Warmage/Warlock/Shugenja/Wu-Jen/Samurai/Swashbuckler/Spirit Shaman/Hexblade/Ninja/Scout/Spellthief/Psion/Wilder/Soulknife/Psion Warrior/Incarnate/Totemist/Soulborn/Archivist/Dread Necromancer finally takes a prestige class.
Prak, the Mad 11-13-05, 04:03 AM	231. Said spellcaster has so much intelligence that he can't use anymore of his skillpoints, because there are to few offical skills that character would have to have a 194 intell... more if you count the speak language skill, which he wouldn't even need.... so... that being said... 903) the epic spellcaster from above creates more languages to take points in with "speak []" just to use extra skill points...
lightman 11-13-05, 08:15 AM	902: Epic Bard/Barbarian/Fighter/Monk/Wizard/Sorceror/Cleric/Druid/Rogue/Paladin/Favored Soul/Warmage/Warlock/Shugenja/Wu-Jen/Samurai/Swashbuckler/Spirit Shaman/Hexblade/Ninja/Scout/Spellthief/Psion/Wilder/Soulknife/Psion Warrior/Incarnate/Totemist/Soulborn/Archivist/Dread Necromancer finally takes a prestige class. Hate to burst your buble, but that breaks the rules in so many ways that it's just not funny (unless you put an ex in front of a lot of the classes) :D
vardock 11-13-05, 07:23 PM	904:epic commoner beats an epic monk with both arms and a leg tied behind his back, blindfolded, deafened, and without blindsight or tremor sense. 905: epic wizard has a spellbook that is so big that it has it's own gravatational pull. 906: epic acolyte of the skin becomes so devilish and powerful that he becomes pure devil and rules over the nine hells, with Asmodeus as his foot rest 907:epic Ur-Priest saps so much divine power that he becomes a diety himself 908:Even more epic Ur- Priest saps all the power of every diety including the above ur-priest, becomes the only god and being true to his nature as an ur-priest, kills himself, leaving the cosmos godless. 909:epic thrall of gratz realizes that gratz is less than half her strength, and decides to kill him and take his place in the Abyss. 910: epic thrall of Demogorgon follows her lead and kills his former master. 911:the (Former) thrall of gratz then seduces the (Former)thrall of demogorgan and kills him in his sleep, becomeing ruler of the abyss. 912:epic blood mageous kills every archdevil as a means to get to the grocery store 913: epic effegy master has his own planet which is populated solely be his effegys 914:epic fighter is proficient with every exotic weapon 915:epic fighter has weapon focus with every weapon 916:epic fighter has weapon specalization with every weapon 917:epic fighter has greater weapon focus with every weapon. 918:epic fighter has greater weapon Spesilation with every weapon 919:epic fighter has improved critical with every weapon. 920:epic fighter has scantify martial strike with every weapon 921:epic fighter has epic weapon focus with every weapon 922:epic fighter has Epic weapon specalization with every weapon 923:epic fighter has overwhelming critical with every weapon 924:epic enlightened fist kills 8 gods with his fists and all the rest with an epic spell, all in one turn. 925:epic initiate of the sevenfold veil wards an entire plane in one day. 926: epic mindbender has all the dieties as his thralls 927: epic seeker of the song discovers every note of the primal music. 928: epic conjurer uses the words of creation to make a new cosmos. 929: epic sublime chord kills everyone in the lower planes with a single song. 930: epic suel archanamage can ignore the arcane spell failure chance of any armor. 931: epic wayfarer guide teleports everyone on the planet in one day 932: epic divine emmissary can smite so many times a day he could not possibly use all his attempts in a day. 933: epic paladin's mount is so powerful it could kill a god by accident. 934: epic dreadnaught has so many uses for unstoppable and unmoveable that he could never use them all in a day. 935:epic gnome giant slayer makes all giants extinct, makeing him out of a job. 936:epic cleric channels so much positive energy into the negative energy plane that he destroys the entire plane. 937:epic justicar brings in every criminal in the cosmos to justice in one day. 938: Epic kensai's signature weapon has an enhansment bonus that can only be expressed in scientific notation and every abality you could possibility give it. 939: epic Legacy Champion has the Greater Legasy feat for 1,000,000 legacy items. 940:epic master of the unseen hand beats the epic hulking hurler in a rock throwing contest. 941: epic ravangers aura of fear is constantly active and covers the entire world. 942:epic reaping mauler beats Kord in a resteling match. I think this makes 100 by me. if i miscounted or repeated a past post, please PM me so i will find out without you wasteing space on this thread
Prak, the Mad 11-13-05, 10:35 PM	"468. Epic soulknife goes into hiding to protect the only son of his former apprentice. Eventually, he is killed by said apprentice." But you forget, the epic soulknife comes back more powerful then the apprentice could possibly imagen...apparently being an incoporeal ghost with no powers what so ever counts as "power"...or the apprentice just had a really bad imagenation. maybe it's the dm's imagination at fault...
Debug0x2a 11-14-05, 02:57 AM	Hate to burst your buble, but that breaks the rules in so many ways that it's just not funny (unless you put an ex in front of a lot of the classes) :D Thats why you start with bard. I'm sure an epic bard/blackguard can convince Pelor that hes actually doing his bidding as a paladin AND as a cleric despite being chaotic evil and worshipping nobody but himself.
tragedy 11-14-05, 07:43 PM	943)epic barbarian's warcry shatters the world and everything on it. 944)epic psion lifts a city with his mental powers.
Dungeons & Donuts 11-14-05, 10:05 PM	945) Epic Barbarian sunders the DM in 1d4 - 4 turns 946) Epic intelligent item sunders it's master with 0 minor or major powers... 947) Epic Blackguard is so powerful, he destroyed all the gods in the greyhawk pantheon and then resurrected them, killing them again. All of this was done in EBERRON... 948) Epic Barbarian sunders the most broken creature ever *cough*Pun-Pun*cough*
Kobold_Ur_Priest 11-14-05, 10:12 PM	949.) epic rogue steals everyone's eyes in his party then makes the believe they were struck blind by a vengeful deity 950.) said epic rogue somehow creates an occular demon ( see Dungeon 129 ) from his party's stolen eyes
Ixmof 11-14-05, 11:37 PM	Please forgive me if this has already been posted: 951) Epic Wizard creates a gate to earth, then uses suggestion on the DM to gain even more power.
Debug0x2a 11-14-05, 11:56 PM	952) Epic Halfling Rogue steals Thor's Hammer... despite it being over twice his size and in Thor's hand at the time.
da beast 11-15-05, 03:33 PM	945) 948) Epic Barbarian sunders the most broken creature ever *cough*Pun-Pun*cough* I imagine sundering a *broken* thing wouldn't be that hard...
Dungeons & Donuts 11-15-05, 06:07 PM	I imagine sundering a *broken* thing wouldn't be that hard... :surrender:
Paladin2004 11-15-05, 07:01 PM	Wow, this thing is huge! My little thread is all grown up :weep: Bwahahahah feel the power, this has to help in my plan for wolrd domination somehow... :plotting: :evillaugh
vardock 11-16-05, 08:51 PM	953:epic druid and epic blighter get in an argument, resulting in a world that is half barren and half over grown. 954:epic commoner has more spell like abalites than an Infernal 955: epic spellthief steals all the power from the epic ur-priest, who stole the power from an Epic rogue who swindeled the power of the gods.
Big_Fau 11-17-05, 01:01 PM	164: Epic level Rogue Bluffs the United states Government into adopting the metric system. And there was much rejoycing. The dumb part is legally were supposed to have adopted it (stupid politicians) No Idea what number were on 9996: Epic Conjurer Summons a Tarrasque sperm thus impregnating the current one XD 9997: Epic Evoker Calls upon sunlight in the plane of shadow,with permanancy, lighting the entire plane thus creating a plane of light. 9998: Epic Fighter Manages to master every weapon in the known multiverse, so he invents a new one the gunblade! and then masters it in two hours. 9999: Epic Wizard has this posts amount of hp :P
lightman 11-17-05, 06:07 PM	The dumb part is legally were supposed to have adopted it (stupid politicians) No Idea what number were on 9996: Epic Conjurer Summons a Tarrasque sperm thus impregnating the current one XD 9997: Epic Evoker Calls upon sunlight in the plane of shadow,with permanancy, lighting the entire plane thus creating a plane of light. 9998: Epic Fighter Manages to master every weapon in the known multiverse, so he invents a new one the gunblade! and then masters it in two hours. 9999: Epic Wizard has this posts amount of hp :P Read the last post of the thread for the number. Sheesh
vardock 11-17-05, 08:09 PM	960:Epic diviner discovers the existance of our world 961:Said diviner learns to access the internet remotely 962:the diviner finds the post by big fau, and becomes enraged at his idiocy. 963: the diviner has his buddy the Epic Abjurer ward all devices that can access the internet against him
Omeganian 11-18-05, 02:01 AM	210: Epic psion has a GOOD dream and everyone needs to change their pants... :D 964. The epic barbarian changes the pants but cleaning them is a BIG problem... his cells are undestructible. 965. The epic dwarven defender can't even remove his pants... the cells hold their position. 966 The monk finds one day he has children throughout the multiverse... the cells ran everythere. 967 And the epic bard rules the planes... for an opportunity to bear his child the goddesses give their realms and the gods become goddesses THEN give their realms. P.S. I wonder how much of this thread comes from here. http://www.hoboes.com/pub/Role-Playing/Humor/Your%20Character's%20Too%20Powerful
SamirTrollslayer 11-18-05, 09:54 AM	[QUOTE=lordrin] 375. Epic Bard convinces the world that the third Matrix movie didn't suck. QUOTE] This is no small feat...
Omeganian 11-18-05, 12:10 PM	968. Epic cleric gets a bonus to his spells per day because of his high Constitution and Strength. 969. Epic fighter gets an attack bonus because of his Wisdom and Charisma. 970. Epic bard's books outsell Harry Potter!
Lyinginbedmon 11-18-05, 12:14 PM	378. Epic bard's books outsell Harry Potter! This can be done without being epic, one of my friend's old characters is an Elf Ranger that has numerous bestselling books, including Elven Poetry and The Watchful Eyes
Archtyrant Terevoth 11-18-05, 12:34 PM	968. The barbarian accidentally plunges the world into eternal darkness when he growled menacingly at the sun and intimidated it into running away. 969. An epic dwarf creates a decanter of endless whiskey and still can't drink enough to get drunk.
Omeganian 11-18-05, 01:46 PM	This is for people familiar with the Sword of Truth series. 973. The Epic rogue opens the first Box of Orden - and slips out of the lethal bonds. 974. The Epic guardian paramount opens the third Box of Orden - nothing happens to anyone because he doesn't allow it. 975. The Epic wizard opens the second Box of Orden - and then complains it doesn't do anything for him.
vardock 11-18-05, 06:15 PM	975: epic diviner from #960 does the same thing he did to Big Fau to Omeganian for messing up the numbers again!!!
Omeganian 11-19-05, 12:18 AM	975: epic diviner from #960 does the same thing he did to Big Fau to Omeganian for messing up the numbers again!!! I fixed it. Now it's your turn and Archtyrant Terevoth's too 977. The epic loremaster manages to answer The Last Question. 978. He does it in five minutes... and is amazed it took so long. 979. The epic wizard laughs at him and says he made a spell with this effect... for fun... 50 levels ago Those who do not know what I'm talking about go to: http://infohost.nmt.edu/~mlindsey/asimov/question.htm
Omeganian 11-19-05, 02:14 AM	I seem to use a lot of books for this thread. Here is Dan Simmons' Hyperion. 980. The epic monk outraces Rhadamanth Nemes while she is shifed. 981. The he kills her - with a single blow. 982. The epic druid restores the Startree - and then builds one around every star in the multiverse. 983. And the epic loremaster starts teaching the UI how to do EVERYTHING.
Elkas Saralonde 11-19-05, 04:20 AM	We're getting close... I'll make a lot to contribute where I haven't before. :D 984: Epic tinker builds the Chinese wall... In a move-equivalent action. 984: Other level tinker builds the Matrix... As a free action. 985: Epic bard's pitter-patter of feet is enough to make bardic music work. 986: Epic rogue has more digits behind all his class skills than the epic wizard can count. 987: Epic barbarian farts and casts a twinned, empowered, quickened, maximimized, stilled, but definately not silenced gust of wind. 988: Epic druid converts the gas of said barbarian's fart and creates a renewable energy source. 989: Dragons have an epic sorcerer's blood flowing in their veins and base their culture around it. 990: Epic wizard has a single Pot-It note as his spellbook... 991: Epic ranger tracks a single ember from the Elemental Plane of Fire. 992: Epic warforged turns into a humanoid. 993: Epic soulknife can create a bigger mind blade than a hulking hurler could hurl. 994: Epic hulking hurler plays ten-pin bowl with the Earth's solar system and reaaranges the stars as his scoreboard. 995: Epic monk crouches faster than the speed of light. 996: Epic wizard sacrifices Elminster as a material component for prestidigitation. 997: Epic rogue/assassin sneak attacks the moon, hides the moondust, and disguises himself as the moon without magic. 998: Epic paladin sweats holy water. 999: Epic pison has a psicrystal bigger than the epic artificer's best construct. 1000: Epic paladin is so courteous that he leaves the honor of having the 1001st joke to another.
Omeganian 11-19-05, 04:36 AM	1001.And the epic bard manages to describe all the nobility of the paladin from thread 1000 in his song. Well? Going for a third?
Chemlak 11-21-05, 06:58 AM	2: Epic Commoner can't count past 1000, and accidentally resets the count... 3: Epic Fighter has Weapon Focus (Sneeze), because he ran out of feats. 4: Epic Wizard has Spell Mastery so many times that he actually used it for his Cantrips 5: Epic Rogue successfully hides behind an air molecule 6: Epic Diviner finds the Epic Rogue 7: Epic Ranger Tracks the rogue by following the air molecule 8: Epic Druid has a Frog as an animal companion. 9: The frog can defeat Tiamat.
Rhadamanthus 11-21-05, 08:36 PM	10. Epic Troglodyte is considered to be a weapon of mass destruction simply by virtue of his stench. 11. Epic Mage decides to use time magic to take a vacation...700 years in the past...
Golem_Lord 11-22-05, 08:03 PM	12. a epic cook puts together salt, beer, and arcane essance and makes a pie that gives you +100 int
whitelightsaber 11-23-05, 12:06 AM	13. Epic wizard no longer prepares spells. His epic spells per day are more than enough and non epic spells are far to weak to consider wasting sleep time to prepare.
Dungeons & Donuts 11-23-05, 12:18 AM	1014. Epic Arachmage/Wizard/Egoist is so powerful, he can undo the mistake of the Epic Commoner on #2 and return the count to it's former glory. 1015. Epic Sorcerer teleports into the real world and recreates his world using spells and monsters from his world to create Dungeons & Dragons. 1016. Epic Wizard has enough power to give the above sorcerer a new name, Gary Gygax. 1017. Epic Hulking Hurler tries to play CATCH with an epic monk 1018. Epic Loremaster is powerful enough to heal said epic monk after 1 second game of CATCH. 1019. Epix Wizard creates new class, epic newscaster 1020. Epic Newscaster reports of how hulking hurler kills an epic monk with a foam ball, and reports of a new game being created in another plane called D&D 1021. Epic Epic Arcane Trickster realizes that he's being posted about in a 1001 thread about epic characters' actions
Loren Pechtel 11-24-05, 12:41 AM	22) Epic wizard is no longer concerned with what he can cast--he has enough slots to cast every spell he knows as often as it is possible to cast in a day.
roich3 11-24-05, 08:59 PM	LV30 hafling roge has cotrole oh the world created her own and charges a tax of 1,00,000 gold from every town.
savant_warlord13 11-24-05, 09:14 PM	LV30 hafling roge has cotrole oh the world created her own and charges a tax of 1,00,000 gold from every town. at level 30? bah! before Laucian died of old age, Sylvanus bless his soul, he was level 64 and still fighting the occasional NPC
Sukugaru 11-24-05, 09:42 PM	22) Epic Loremaster realises both the mistake of the Epic Commoner from the 3rd #2 and the Epic Arachmage/Wizard/Egoist from the 2nd #1014, and resets the count so that it is at the 3rd #22. 23) The epic Dragon Disciple is more dragon than most dragons. 24) The epic Barbarian finally learns to read and write. Again. 25) The epic Rogue steals the literacy of the epic Barbarian from #24. Again. 26) The epic Barbarian/Fighter/Ranger/Frenzied Berserker still has trouble making the Will Save to not flip out and kill his own party. 27) When the epic Frenzied Berserker frenzies, the whole world frenzies along with him. 28) The epic Ninja has immensely high ranks in Perform (Wailing on Electric Guitar). 29) Not only does the epic Rogue not notice when he steals his own pants, nobody else does, either. 30) The epic kobold commoner makes Pun-pun crap his pants and run away in fear.
tragedy 11-27-05, 11:06 AM	31)epic barbarian kills Hextor by bashing him over the head repeatedly with Nerull's severed head. 32)epic wizard makes the Tarrasque his familiar. 33)and then he defeats Moradin with a shoehorn.
Gworraent 11-27-05, 08:36 PM	34. party rouge attempts to steal his own pants without himself noticing...and succeeds
Loren Pechtel 11-27-05, 11:47 PM	35) Epic wizard crafts a ring of wish at will. In one sitting. 36) Epic fighter wears armor crafted of neutronium. He's strong enough to lift it. 37) Epic monk winds up in the universe of Honor Harrington and defends the ship he's on from a long range MDM attack by deflecting the incoming missiles. 38) Epic hulking hurler goes into business launching interplanetary spacecraft. 39) Epic rogue decides it's easier to walk across the clouds than the ground. 40) Epic rogue jumps to the moon. (Note for those of you who don't know the universe of #37--the missiles in question weigh 120 tons have a burnout velocity of 87% of lightspeed if launched from a standing start. They also need to be hit something like 20,000 miles out from the target as they carry bomb-pumped x-ray lasers.)
echo104b 11-28-05, 04:14 PM	41) Epic paladin walkes into the US Whitehouse. Everybody dies. 42) Epic Loremaster Discovers how to load his player's d20 43) Epic Soulknife forgets how to make a small blade 44) Epic Barbarian looks in the mirror and scares the **** outta himself 45) Epic barbarian intimidates commoner and said commoner's head explodes.
Dungeons & Donuts 11-28-05, 09:05 PM	1046) Said paladin is CAPABLE of getting to the whitehouse... :D 1047) Epic barbarian kills above Loremaster, saving the count and putting it back into place 1048) Epic Wizard casts a spell to KEEP IT THAT WAY
Sukugaru 11-28-05, 09:36 PM	1047) Epic barbarian kills above Loremaster, saving the count and putting it back into place Another epic loremaster would like to explain to this barbarian that this list has reached 1001 *twice*, been reset both those times, and after the second reset several posts ago, started from #2. She would then like to go on and mention that if the list were to be properly renumbered, then we would be up to... um... 2049. I think. Somewhere around there. She's not epic enough to work it out exactly.
Dungeons & Donuts 11-28-05, 09:43 PM	2049) Epic Spellcasters go in and fix all these mistakes, putting it into place :D
Forthmark 11-29-05, 09:27 AM	2.05x10^3) Epic expert converts this thread's count to scientific notation. 1) Epic Dwarven Cleric* doesn't have a head for all these numbers and sunders the thread, thus reseting the count to 1. *referencing Order of the Stick (http://www.giantitp.com/cgi-bin/GiantITP/ootscript?SK=34)
gleep 11-29-05, 01:51 PM	37) Epic monk winds up in the universe of Honor Harrington and defends the ship he's on from a long range MDM attack by deflecting the incoming missiles. 00053) Epic Order of the Bow Initiate holds off an Office of Frontier Security fleet... by pummeling the entire task force from almost two lightyears away. 00054) Epic Ranger finds yet another Manticoran wormhole junction terminus. 00055) Epic halfling wizard amuses himself by throwing daggers through said terminus and cracking nearby planets in half. 00056) Epic treecat chews through gleep's skull and finds a nugget of celery. :D --gleep
Omeganian 11-30-05, 01:23 AM	2057. The epic wizard mixes a drink which gets the epic barbarian drunk. 2058. And the epic cleric removes the epic barbarian's epic hangover. Should the thread be renamed "10001 Most out of control Epic level PC and there actions"?
Lionhearted 11-30-05, 02:01 PM	xx1: epic bard convert all existing trekkies to believe that star trek is a giant conspiracy to rob them clean :plotting: xx2: he then entertain himself by convert them back and forth, by saying : nevermind what i said before. :evillaugh xx3: epic trekkie avatar beams down and annihilates the bard with his phaser made of toilet paper and duct tape. (and his ears are pointy. by nature! :mymy: ) xx4: epic trekkie converts rest of the world into trekkies. including the epic chars :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: xx5: the epic rogue stops bluffing and makes everything right, steals everyones pants, build a customised death star from the pants. annihilates the epic trekkie then rule the pantless world... as an free action :whatsthis xx6: the grand dm discovers whats going on. and just shake his head :nonono:
Harry 11-30-05, 05:00 PM	2065. When the Epic Cosmic Descryer uses his Cosmic Connection ability to draw off excess energy from multiverse the Magic stops functioning for everyone else for 1 minute. 2066. Mystra, who doesn't like that fact, wants to stop the Descryer, but... 2067. ...she gets anihilated by Celestial Badger summoned by Descryer. (the Badger gets +12400 HD from Superior Planar Summoning)
sauriel 11-30-05, 05:36 PM	the next one: epic necromancer lich creates army of spell stiched nightwalkers (with all 9th lv spells.) to raid a small town for fun. then casts wish to bring entire town back and does it again(true story thats my character) the one after that: epic half-fiend monk desides that instead of defeating the formian society that lives in a cave he uses flurry of blows to just destroy the cave.( another true story that is my friends character.)
Golem_Lord 12-10-05, 11:20 AM	2070:Epic Dwarf drinks all the beer in the world. . . 2071: . . .and dosent get drunk 2072: Epicily Drunk Dwarf then shoots a target half way around the world, and hits 2073: The shot was made by a Sling :eek:
Paladin2004 12-10-05, 06:27 PM	2074: Epic Thread Starter turns all epic posters into a mighty zombie army!
Lyinginbedmon 12-10-05, 07:37 PM	2075. Epic Wizard calculates Pi to the Nth decimal
tragedy 12-11-05, 07:25 PM	2076)epic barbarian throws a greataxe around the realm 2077)and it lodges in the back of his head but he lives even tough it was a X4 critical hit and it was triple-confirmed and had devastating crtical and he failed the fortitude save 2078)and he manages to live a normal life with a gigantic axe embedded in his head.
Golem_Lord 12-12-05, 04:00 PM	2076:Epic orc Sorcerer attemts to create a Stone Golem out of a marshmellow, a blade of grass, the mayor*, and a arrow. . . . And sucseeds 2078: The Epic orc sorcerer then figures out that orcs arent supposed to be sorcerers and makes a spell"Reword RL Text" 2079: And changes the words in the Dungeon masters guide *The conversation they had when they saw the mayor Bob(Gnome ranger) Hey has anyone seen the mayor? Crunk(Orc Sorcerer) Um. . . No. Bob) But i see him in that Golem mold Crunk) Oh, how did that get in there? Bard(Half-Orc Barbarian) Me thinky polimorph
Quarionthegolden 12-13-05, 10:39 PM	2080: epic fighter makes santa helpless with a candy cane on X3 crit., and uses cleave for coup-de-grace. :rofl:
DMaster42 12-15-05, 02:35 PM	2081.) The epic wizard challanges Boccob to a wizards duel and kills him with one spell.
kharn_berek 12-20-05, 05:13 PM	epic rouge robs entire town and no one notices that all the safes in town are gone or that all there money is gone either dm fears the cash of the epic evil rouge party
kharn_berek 12-20-05, 05:23 PM	epic tengu rouge teleports over to opponets airship hides behind captain and does a sneak attack coup de grace and kills him in one shot epic stormgiant/half dragon/abberation(fleshgrafted arms) flys over and does intimidate check and enslaves whole crew and orders them to drop all gear and jump over board (into shark infested water) epic dm cries that his well planned airship fight is lost to a sneak attack
Golem_Lord 12-21-05, 10:17 AM	epic tengu rouge teleports over to opponets airship hides behind captain and does a sneak attack coup de grace and kills him in one shot epic stormgiant/half dragon/abberation(fleshgrafted arms) flys over and does intimidate check and enslaves whole crew and orders them to drop all gear and jump over board (into shark infested water) epic dm cries that his well planned airship fight is lost to a sneak attack Lol, that is great! 2085- Epic Shadowdancer Epicly jumps through Epic shadows. . . 2086-. . .on the Epic sun 2087- Epic Rouge hides in plain sight, with the human looking in his direction 5 feet away and said human with +100 spot check and the rouge has a -40 and sucseeds (yes this accualy happened, rouge rolled a nat 20 and human rolled nat 1
the Horc 12-21-05, 03:13 PM	2088: The characters start their own exterminator business: specializing in Moon-Sized Parasites infesting the sun. 2089: They roll high enough on their Gather Information Checks to actually find a market for such things.
insatium 12-21-05, 08:42 PM	2090. Epic character has Bags of Holding filled with nothing but Consecrated Purified Holy Water. 2091. Said Holy water is to be used in a deluge on a demilich. 2092. Said character intends to make a holy water vial gatling gun for undead termination. The above is a true story.
Azerath 12-21-05, 10:24 PM	2093. Epic wizard's rodent familiar is the undisputed chess champion of the world.
artemis55 01-02-06, 02:26 AM	2094. A very epic Dread Necromancer Demilich kills Nerull with a few Vengeful Gaze of God spells, and subsequently ressurects him as a demilich under his complete control. (this is after killing and subsequently raising the rest of the universe) He then declares himself emperor and rules for eternity. (I plan on have happen...)
lightman 01-02-06, 08:09 AM	2095. Epic Red Dragon hoard needs its own demiplane to store.
Diplominator 01-05-06, 07:19 PM	2096: Epic Ranger doesn't need Sense Motive. He opposes Bluff with Spot now, and sees right through their lies.
Herger 01-06-06, 04:15 AM	2097: Epic Horizon Walker has traveled so far and so many places that he has actually reached the Game Table and played himself (with the permision of the GM, of course, because the player that controlled the Horizon Walker wasn't there for strange reasons)
tragedy 01-06-06, 09:39 AM	2098)Epic bard convinces Neo there IS a spoon and that the Matrix isn't real.
Guildmaster 01-07-06, 11:23 PM	xEpic Minotaur barbarian of legend challenges god of strength to see who can lift the most off ground, Kord lifts a mountain, Mino lifts a mountain, kord himself, and actually changes the planets orbit from the pushing off the ground. (actually happened to my friends char) x2 Epic Drow Assasin finds a way to deathb attack loth and succeeds in killing her in 1 action, (happened to my char)
Templar_Prime 01-16-06, 08:49 PM	2101) Epic paladin's diplomacy roll has the effect of a Jedi Mind Trick, and not just on the weak minded.
guru7892 01-16-06, 09:51 PM	2102:epic fighter/barbarian survives a chuck norris jump kick. 2103: when the epic rouge hides in plane sight he loses himself in the moment. 2104: a cleric becomes so powerful the deity draws their divine power from the said cleric. 2105: dex fighter's reflexes are so good he effectivly exists 5 seconds ahead of everyone else. epic dex fighter: *shrugs* ok joe: I didn't say anything... epic dex fighter: dont worry about it joe : damnit! epic dex fighter: don't beat yourself up about this joe: ARRRGH!! epic dex fighter: don't hate me because i have good reflexes joe: i hate you! epic dex fighter: don't insult me! epic dex fighter decks joe with a punch joe:mother^@*$%@*+? epic dex fighter: yes i am wizard: your good
scienceman47 01-19-06, 06:43 AM	2106:Epic Barbarian - The epic barbarian wields a collosal greataxe weighing several thousand pounds, enters an adamantium tower, flies into a rage and proceeds to great cleave the pillars and walls until the tower collapses around him, burying him in several tons of metal, in a standard action. Unhurt thanks to his damage reduction, he leaps from under the metal into the sky, beyond human vision. He lands with enough force to propel the adamantium ruins like shrapnal, killing anything for miles. 2107:Epic Bard - The epic bard travels unhindered into the home of Nerull. He plays a song so beautiful that the dead god is inspired to release the bard's dead girlfriend. He spent two feats on iron will and great iron will, so this time he doesnt look back. Upon returning to the material plane, he sings a song of such hatred that every tree and building animates and kills every snake in existence. 2108:Epic Fighter - The epic fighter decides to defeat every army on the material plane. He destroys the elven army by shooting arrows into the sky so fast that the enemy is conviced that it is rain. He then destroys the dwarven army by sundering the mountains around them in half, crushing all of them. He defeats the army of giants by grappling, and conquers the gnomes by striking the ground with a greatclub so hard that it creates earthquakes. He conquers the armies of the sea by whirlwind attacking it into a whirlpool, and defeats the army of humans by disarming them with dual whips faster than they can approach. Orcs give up after being unable to hurt him after three days, and the goblinoid army turns tail and runs with an intimidate check. He then demands tribute from other planes, and they comply. 2109:Epic Rogue - The epic rogue in a fit of boredom decides to rob the gods. She then sells the stuff to their divine opposite for a quite a profit. What they dont realize is that the stuff she sells to them is in fact their own items, disguised and bluffed into looking like each others. She is never caught. 2110:Epic Ranger - When the epic ranger is asked to kill a foe, she does one of two things. If the foe is not a favored enemy, she looks at the ground and tracks them without moving, pointing exactly where the foe is now. She then pulls out her bow and fires an arrow, which inevitably kills the subject. If it is a favored enemy, she shrugs and states that there are none left to kill, as she already took care of them. 2111:Epic Monk - As a test of her abilities, the epic monk first deflects a rainstorm before the rain hits the ground, survives a vengeful gaze of god with SR alone, runs across an ocean before she sinks, jumps to the moon, sunders it in half, and lands back on earth without getting hurt.
speeblefreak 01-21-06, 01:09 PM	#XXXX: The epic hulking hurler uses the Great Wheel as a discus.
Dungeons & Donuts 01-21-06, 05:03 PM	2108. Epic Barbarian still cannot defeat the most broken monster in the history or D&D, the Deathmoon (http://boards.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=8210352#post8210352) 2109. 20 Epic parties of every class at lvl 80 in D&D finally succeed at destroying the Deathmoon 2110. Epic Barbarian hits epic sorcerer in the head so much, his intelligence lowers to 2 2111. Epic sorcerer is so stupid because of said 2 intelligence, he resurrects Deathmoon who makes him it's thrall and it destroys the inner, outer, and main planes. :OMG! :OMG! :OMG! :OMG! :uh-huh: :uh-huh: :uh-huh:
Lyinginbedmon 01-21-06, 05:19 PM	2112: Epic Commoner defeats Pun-Pun...post-ascension
Thrantar 01-21-06, 06:41 PM	2113 The epic intelligence... optomizes the CO boards.
NightBreeze 01-21-06, 07:00 PM	2114. Epic Rogue/Bard makes Ao believe that he is the creator of all.
IrishRover 01-27-06, 02:13 AM	2115: The epic Paladin redeems a Marilith (Done this in a second edition game--with a mage) 2116: The epic Marilith/Fighter takes 25 attacks in a round--and slays the demon horde sent to capture her
Drake_the_Windseeker 01-27-06, 11:16 AM	2,117. Epic Sorcerer/Epic Red Dragon Disciple with the Dragon Breath feat* proclaims himself King of the Half-Dragons... 2,118. ... said Half-Dragon is smoted by Bahamut for his attempt at being evil. 2,119. Perfect Wight infiltrates Shadow Moses Island in such a way that makes Solid Snake weep. 2,120. Said Perfect Wight not only succeeds at his mission much better than Solid Snake would have, but he paints a small smiley face on Metal Gear Rex, that Liquid finds just before the place blows to smithereens. *Dragon Breath, published in "Race of Dragons." Said feat allows a Half-Dragon with 6HD or more to use their breath weapon every 1d4 rounds, with no limit per day. Thank you, WotC.
ZepDek 01-30-06, 03:50 PM	2121. Epic monk bored out of his mind decides to punch a sphere of annilation, easily makes his save......and breaks the sphere. (Actually happened..long story) 2122. The epic party already having Venca in a bag, decide to harvest the rest of the gods. 2123. The characters are so damn adaptable that the Dm decides to stop using character sheets, rules, ect and just "wing it" free form style.
blade_runner 01-30-06, 09:13 PM	2124 bard makes intimidate check and makes player do all the hard stuff while he sits around drinking cola and eating chips.
NightBreeze 01-31-06, 09:59 AM	2125. Epic Monk mixes oil with water, throws the mix and drinks all and only the water droplets before evrything falls.
ZepDek 01-31-06, 02:22 PM	2126: An epic character decideds to go destroy a far off galaxy because he Thought it called him a pansy. 2127: He succeds. 2128: Epic Ijusu (Sp?) master has taken so many Improved initive type feats that he exists three weeks ahead of everone else. They party no long has to fight anything, they just encounder a seady succession of brutally mangeled corpses. :D
ZepDek 01-31-06, 02:25 PM	990: Epic wizard has a single Pot-It note as his spellbook... You mean post-it note? Or at least I hope you do....
Jandor1 01-31-06, 03:00 PM	Epic Ijusu (Sp?) master has taken so many Improved initive type feats that he exists three weeks ahead of everone else. They party no long has to fight anything, they just encounder a seady succession of brutally mangeled corpses. amazing. and it's Iaijutsu.
NightBreeze 02-01-06, 12:58 PM	2129. Said Iaijutsu charges the nine hells with his party and when they arrie, he is sitting on rack, dodging 20 000 attack each round. " I've been waiting for 2 weeks, idiots!" - he yelles.
Draegun Fury 02-04-06, 12:35 PM	2130: Moving at half speed the Epic Ranger makes a Wilderness Lore Check (3.0) and cures Multiverse-wide hunger.
Drake_the_Windseeker 02-04-06, 02:55 PM	2,131. The Epic Monk can run faster than an airship can fly, jump over tall buildings in a single bound, and has massive damage reduction to everything except Kryptonite. 2,132. The Epic Rogue makes himself a suit that looks like a gothic man-bat and terrorizes the criminals of the Material Plane. (actually happened) 2,133. The Epic Wizard creates a longsword of brilliant energy, activates the enchantment, and then proclaims that the gnomish inventor George Lucas is probably ******. 2,134. Another Epic Wizard opens a door to another plane and sees a group of bespeckled young adults looking over a table with multi-sided dice, pencils and papers, talking in hushed tones.
NightBreeze 02-05-06, 10:31 AM	2136. Epic sorcerer has wished so many times to know additional spells that now he doesn't remember all spells he know. 2137. Epic Wizard writes down a Spell Compendium and says Mystra that if she'll be good, maybe she will have a look at it. 2138. Epic Elemental Savant kills a Fire Elemental with a fireball. 2139. Epic Wizard with casts in one round 6 doubled intensified twinned empowered quckened chained polar rays, killing an anrmy of great wyrms. 2140. Same Wizard evokes thousands of unseend servants to gather all the Wyrm's treasures.
MartialFighter 03-05-06, 09:22 PM	2141. Epic gestalt fighter/fighter (2 bonus feats every even level) has taken so many feats that he chooses Great Charisma. 2142. Epic math nerd realizes that with all the numbering errors this thread should be somewhere around 2155. 2143. Epic wizard, through a succession of time stop and fireball spells, kills every god and other opposing force in one round.
speeblefreak 03-05-06, 11:30 PM	2144. The epic player's ELH is more dog-eared than any of his other books, even second-hand books or his PHB. (Actually the case)
Bongitybongbong 03-06-06, 08:49 PM	2145. The epic level sorceror wins a grapple checks to grapple the 26 Great Wyrms that were sent after the party.
skywyze 03-07-06, 02:50 AM	2146. The most out of control epic level player plays in our campaign. :D
Joren 03-07-06, 04:40 AM	2147: The epic half dragon sorcerer turns the rest of his base race into half dragons so he doesn't feel so lonely.
MartialFighter 03-08-06, 06:35 PM	2148. Advanced troll epic fighter tries to bull rush epic ninja off the side of a cliff, epic ninja runs up his shoulder, jumps behind him, and kicks him in the back of the head, knocking him off the cliff.
1984 03-08-06, 06:48 PM	Not sure if this is mentioned. 2149. Epic rouge have to remind everyone that he is still in the room. 2150. Epic Ranger/Monk changes his name to Chuck Norris. :D EDIT- missed the numbers by 2000 or something. Need to sleep, now! EDIT-
Lord_Dyrr 03-08-06, 09:08 PM	epic rouge sneak attacks himself a year ago... Killing himself a year ago.... Which somehow creates a deadly paradoxical alternate timeline where Nerull rules the world, the Rebels steal a TIE fighter and blow up Boccob, and a giant cheeseball of annihilation destroys someones mother.
Et Cetera 03-08-06, 09:32 PM	#2151. An Epic Monk/Egotist creates 200 duplicates of himself, fights them all just for the hell of it, and still has enough time to create his own plane to bury all of the bodies on.
Loren Pechtel 03-09-06, 12:19 AM	#2152: Epic Hulking Hurler decides to go star travelling. He goes down to the gravel pit and starts throwing stones. As per Newton this accelerates the planet to star-travelling velocities. #2153: Epic Hulking Hurler decides to commit suicide very dramatically: He grabs a big stone and hurls it into the star so hard that the star goes nova. #2154: Epic Monk decides to go diamond mining--on the local white dwarf star. (Note: The surface is probably pure diamond. Never mind it's glowing at a white heat and has an escape velocity measured in %c.) #2155: Epic Hulking Hurler sees the monk of #2154 and decides to do it the easy way: He throws a rock so hard as to shatter the star. #2156: Epic Cleric enters a new plane and all the undead there immediately turn to dust. #2157: Not only does every living thing on the planet follow the Epic Sorcerer but the planet itself decides to follow him.
MartialFighter 03-19-06, 12:31 PM	2158. Epic Barbarian casts "Vengeful Gaze of God"
Lyinginbedmon 03-19-06, 12:44 PM	2159. Epic Commoner survives Vengeful Gaze of God
Desvelar 03-19-06, 07:42 PM	2160:Epic Assassin(amongst other things) Jumps from planet to planet. 2161:Epic Assassin kills The Guardian 2162:Epic Assassin assassinates planets and then galaxies
Quarionthegolden 03-24-06, 12:46 PM	2163. epic shinobi/assasin/vampire/half-fiend faces ochimaru (epic sound shinobi, if u dont know naruto), and redirectes ochimaru's atks back! (actually happened!) quarion
Lionhearted 03-24-06, 04:25 PM	2164: Epic loremaster CAN keep track of ALL posts in this thread (but he'll have a hell doing it)
SolkaTruesilver 03-29-06, 04:49 PM	(I don't have the courage to read and memorize them all, but if it hadn't been sorted) #2165: The Epic druid's animal companion is the Tarrasque... ... and it has many more Hit Dice than usually...
metamind 03-29-06, 08:59 PM	# 1,226: The Epic Loremaster understands the ending of "I am The Cheese"
Rickiel 03-29-06, 10:41 PM	This is either A.) #1,227; or B.) #2166 Somehow, someway, Raz lives to be a Rogue 7/ Wizard 3/ Arcane Mechanist 10/ Arcane Trickster 10/ Gatecrasher 10/ Wild Mage 10/ Shadow Dancer 10/ Archmage 5/ Half-elf Paragon 3/ Elven Paragon 3/ Dread Commando 5 (Call him a 76th level Rogue Mage for short) while only possessing a wealth equivalent to that, of a proper 10th level character...finally!
SpiderEater 03-30-06, 01:05 AM	2167: Epic Wizard creates Epic Hyper-enlarge spell, casts it on himself, enlarges to the size of the entire universe, and renames himself Universe Man (thanks to They Might Be Giants for this one :D )
Lyinginbedmon 03-30-06, 01:19 AM	2168. Epic Commoner is
metamind 03-30-06, 04:03 PM	2,169: The epic ranger uses the Survival skill to predict tomorrow's weather, and forsees the apocolyps.
Secrets Untold 03-31-06, 08:22 PM	273817283.823423824034829084x21231293849 12+28388-234) Epic Loremaster develops new way of coutning, boosting this thread from 2169 to the aabove number.
BeefotronX 03-31-06, 10:21 PM	2171: The epic commoner turns the world's largest desert into a rice paddy, and then feeds the entire mortal population of the multiverse. 2172: The epic expert can make masterwork tents from his navel lint as a free action. 2173: The epic aristocrat's manor is maintained by a staff of 100 epic peasants. 2174: The epic commoner can build a thatched-roof cottage that is impervious to burnination and mildew. 2175: The epic adept can kill the epic fighter, but only if she is able to squeeze off a vengeful gaze of god in the surprise round. 2176: The epic commoner makes some sake with his leftover rice and the epic fighter finds it acceptable enough to tide him over while he searches for the Mead of the Gods. 2177: The epic munchkin makes it to the Temporal Energy Plane and successfully travels back in time 10 generations to hand pick all 1024 of his own great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandparents, each of whom are of a different species.
Illeveun Bloodblaze 04-02-06, 12:52 AM	2178) Epic wizard discovers that his life his just a game, and discovers there are other games like his life. He makes it so that there are these four wheeled metal things going around, while a dragon is becoming a cyborg and the epic fighter is fighting said cyborg with a mech, and Mystra and Solinari are having get togethers
nosoupforyou 04-02-06, 11:44 AM	2179) The Epic Wizard is too busy to walk his pets. He creates a simulacrum to do it for him. The Simulacrum proceeds to walk all the gods around the block at sunrise. Boccob doesn't like his leash. - SOup
metamind 04-02-06, 12:31 PM	2,180) epic commoner starts Wal Mart, which enthralls the entire cosmos. Wal Mart is comming to your town. Resistance is Futile!
WarColonel 04-02-06, 03:23 PM	100010000101 - Epic Rogue dislikes all the different numbers in base-10 and proceeds to steal them. Everyone now uses binary. 100010000110 - Te same rogue ten procedes to steal letters from the alpabet. Noone yet knows if e as suceeded.
Lyinginbedmon 04-02-06, 03:57 PM	2183. Epic Half-Orc Commoner realises that this thread has a misspelled title
metamind 04-02-06, 07:19 PM	double post
metamind 04-02-06, 07:20 PM	100010000110 - Te same rogue ten procedes to steal letters from the alpabet. Noone yet knows if e as suceeded. f curse nt! And fix yur misspelling! 2,184: Epic Druid is finally gd fr te party! Damn rogue.
Illeveun Bloodblaze 04-02-06, 10:11 PM	2185) The epic druid finally has enough wisdom to read through this entire thread. 2186) Epic Sorceror Enlarges himself so many times that even the multiverse cannot hold his one form. 2187) Said sorceror breaches the space time continum with his size and makes it so that the universe is subjective to himself and his laws of physics. He screws with things to his unending delight,
NightBreeze 04-04-06, 10:42 AM	2188. Epic wizard extends a Time Stop 10000 times in order to examne all the babes in the multiverse. Hard time choosing.
KirkBb 04-04-06, 12:40 PM	2189) Due to Einstiens theory of relativity, Epic monk can actually kick you yesterday.
Carbine 04-09-06, 08:20 PM	2190) 60th level characte gets upset and causes DM to slap his player (yes this actually has happened.) 2191) Epic wish/miracle... at will with no cost (anyone know if this counts as a SDA?) 2192) Epic Character actually and truely scares player/DM/DM's parents 2193) Epic Divine caster kicks his god in the crotch for skimping on the good spells. 2194) Epic artificer begins to create a nuclear stockpile "for the good of the world" same artificer 1 year later declared Emperor of the world 2195) Epic commoner starts first wal mart union. Same Epic commoner dissapears the very night of the union's creation and is never seen again (thanks 2180)
Watchdog_of_Hades 04-09-06, 09:18 PM	Someone's probably already said this, and you don't even need to be epic, but 2196) Pun-pun
Starman IX 04-11-06, 05:34 AM	2197) The Epic Elan has lived so long, he must start taking levels in Smart Hero. 2198) The Epic Chameleon has done everything mentioned in this thread. Ten times better. So, nyah! 2199) The Epic Warforged Bard creates a new dance craze that sweeps the multiverse: The Robot. 2200) The Epic Dread Pirate creates The Best Page In The Universe and his own Alphabet of Manliness.
Drake_the_Windseeker 04-11-06, 08:47 AM	2201. The Epic Warforged Artificer/Fighter creates the first firearms and begins a series of assassinations, killing every woman with the name "Sarah Conner." 2202. Epic Half-Red Dragon Sorcerer destroys every other cliche knockoff of himself. 2203. Epic Fighter named "Sir-Not-Appearing-In-This-Film" fights his way into having a role in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail."
Whisper_Swiftblade 04-11-06, 05:50 PM	2202: epic rogue hides behind himself
Dochenor 04-11-06, 06:29 PM	(2203) Draegloth Fighter/Rogue kills Drazzt with one hit and takes over three layers of the Abyss. I did this before reaching epic level. I LOVE vorpal weapons!!!
Wolfpack 04-17-06, 03:32 AM	Epic Druid with leap attack: I leap attack the moon to catch the BBEG(Who had just teleported there) DM: give me a minute ... DM: OK the DC is 5,044,659,840 unless you have a 20 ft running jump in which case it's still 1,261,164,960 Druid: looks at character sheet, I make it without rolling, without the running start. DM: Trajectory check please.
CelestialBarbarian 04-17-06, 09:58 AM	Your familiar can take a Hecatonchires in melee without help, magic items, or any spells. Heh. This is my favorite so far! :D
vanrulzz 04-21-06, 06:16 PM	2204: The wizard defeats all the gods at the same time... in melee combat (actually happened)
insatium 04-22-06, 10:14 AM	Epic Binder binds himself as a vestige. Epic Shadowcaster functions perfectly well in full daylight. Epic Truenamer can succeed without rolling on any Truespeak check.
yukisanada 04-26-06, 06:34 PM	An epic Elf Ranger keeps a gold great wyrm for a pet cat. An epic Samurai went bowling with the moon. An epic Ninja stole his own underwear. And Finally an Epic Barbarian can kill anything and everything bearhanded even when the attack roll is only 1....yet he still can't read.
metamind 04-26-06, 09:08 PM	Epic rogue steals the numbering for the last two posts :P
Rickiel 04-26-06, 10:36 PM	2013: Epic Rogue-Mage Raz steals the '-mage' in front of 'rogue' from post 2012. 2014: Epic Rogue-Mage Raz steals the numbering for the last three posts and gives them back via Santa Claus. The numbers should be there on Christmas of 2006. 2015: Raz still runs from the Hecatonchires that his familiar beat up the other day.
vardock 04-28-06, 01:55 PM	your familiar can take on a 140 HD (given racial maximum) paragon, psudonatural, Hecatongeries with one hit, solely by virtue of it's own power. epic sorcerer creates a new cosmic wheel as a free action. said sorcerer destroys the old cosmic wheel in the same ammount of time
Loren Pechtel 04-29-06, 12:54 AM	Epic wizards casts Genesis: Prime Material Plane.
Evicarate 04-29-06, 11:28 PM	The epic level barbarian is the big monty python foot that steps on everyone is the opening credits The epic sorcerer casts magic missile and there is enough missiles to kill every commoner in the Material Plane....and he does The epic druid wild shapes into a plane The epic fighter can duel-wield two handed weapons.....with his eyelids
skydragonknight 04-30-06, 08:27 AM	2023. Epic Paladin makes a Diplomacy check and makes a dozen Atropals into fanatics for his deity's cause. 2024. Said paladin makes another diplomacy check to make HIS Deity a fanatic for his cause. :D
Zarius_Aurion 04-30-06, 10:16 PM	2025: Epic characters find a level cap. The barbarian refers to it as a 'sideways 8' 2026: Epic monsters metagame against the PC's. It dosent save them. 2027: Epic Drunken Masters blood is gone and replaced with alchohol. Dwarfen stout ale to be exact. 2028:Epic Wizard realizes that the current numbers being used sound like a date used for a bad science fiction movie. 2029: Epic bard makes a science fiction movie. His Warforged Barbarian friend helps out to make it and its sequels a hit. Unfornately, they had to use a stunt double for certain scenes, as not even molten iron could penetrate his DR. 2031: Epic Fighter has taken feats that havent been made yet. 2032:Epic Blackguard sneak attacks better than the epic Rogue. In full plate armor with bells and whistles. In broad daylight. And the Rogue is an 20th Assassin too. (Quite possible actually. A sneak attack with a greatsword and Full BAB can do horrible things to monsters flesh.)
Rickiel 05-01-06, 01:20 PM	2033: Epic Wizard's Familiar is smarter than the Wizard 2034: Epic Familiar still can't open the peanut-butter jar though. 2035: Epic Familiar takes up the job of Scribing the Epic Wizard's Scrolls. 2036: Epic Familiar casts 2nd Edition spell Evolution, creates an independant race out of his animal kind, and is forever immortalized in a statue of a new nation's capital as the greatest familiar ever 2037: Epic Familiar's Wizard is given a statue about three inches high compared to the familiar's 15 foot statue.
Lyinginbedmon 05-01-06, 02:19 PM	2033: Epic Wizard's Familiar is smarter than the WizardThis actually isn't as hard as it sounds...
Deekin 05-01-06, 03:40 PM	2034: Epic level Char can be beat pun-pun, without being pun-pun.
Evicarate 05-01-06, 08:17 PM	The epic wizards toad familiar just took Asmodeus's lunch money.....after sharing a wail of the banshee spell.....aka croak of the banshee
Sorcery_owns_n00bs 05-02-06, 05:55 PM	2038- Epic Barbarian almost defeats Chuck Norris in one-on-one combat 2039- Epic Fighter bench presses vin diesel 2040- Epic Necromancer gives Mr T the creeps
dragor_shadowfury 05-04-06, 11:40 AM	2039: epic commoner takes 20 on a check 2040: lv21 caracter slays a CR99999999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999999999999 2041 said slaying was done as a free action.....in the fiends turn 2042: epic flie defeats epic commoner ________________________________________ ____________ when she flies above the good they consider themselves blessed when she flies above the wicked they consider themselves dead serra angel the day has passed beyond our power the petals close upon the flower the ligth is failing in this hour of days last waning breath the darkness of the nigth surround the distant souls of stars now found far from this world to wich were bound of sorrow fear and death
DustyTome 05-07-06, 05:54 PM	2043- Epic Fighter kills Thor...by sneezing at him. 2044- To save space, the Epic Wizard replaces his "Spells Known" list with a "Spells Not Known" list. ;)
Zarius_Aurion 05-14-06, 04:15 PM	2044: Epic Dragon becomes immortal and never stops growing. Eventally he becomes so large that the Nine Hells as a toliet. 2045:And theres not a damn thing Asmodeus can do about it. 2046:Epic PC's kill dragon and end universal hunger. 2047: Epic Dwarf barbarian has so much HP he survives being crushed by said Epic Dragon, getting hit with its breath weapon, being eaten and going through its digestive tract and then hacking his way out of the Nine Hells while 8 of the lords of Hell attack him. 2048: He kills three of them before he gets back to the prime material plane. 2049:No one can flank the epic Rogue because no one has enough Rogue lvls to do so. 2050: Epic Wizard creates an epic spell he nicknames 'Ultima' and does 9999 to the Epic Dragon. 2051: He casts it three times in a single round on the Dragon. 2052:It takes 1 full minute of casting Ultima until the dragon starts to notice the damage. 2053: He made Ultima as a free action before he started casting it. 2054:The players (not characters) gain 1 lvl in their Epic PC's Core class. 2055:The DM becomes an overgod and remakes the world. Then the adventure begins...
Lyinginbedmon 05-14-06, 04:36 PM	2044: Epic Dragon becomes immortal and never stops growing. Eventally he becomes so large that he uses the Nine Hells as a toliet. Ever heard of a Prestige Class called 'Dragon Ascendant'? :confused: :P
Loren Pechtel 05-15-06, 04:44 PM	2045) Epic rogue is so strong that he makes his own diamonds by squeezing lumps of coal. 2046) Epic fighter sees the epic rogue do this and decides to show him how it's done. He takes a big lump of coal and squeezes really hard. He compresses it down to a black hole which promptly explodes in a 5MT blast. 2047) Epic barbarian next to the epic fighter makes the strength check to avoid being tossed into the next county by the blast.
Seghan 05-17-06, 02:32 AM	2048.) Character levels up and finds himself rolled around to level 1 again.
Dampe 05-27-06, 02:32 PM	not epic but... use timestop and the feat for making self spells last 24hours, along with using divine metamagic feat for making it cost 7 turn undead attempts to do. 24hour timestop :P (read as, cast again every new day).
Witch 05-27-06, 05:10 PM	24hour timestop :P (read as, cast again every new day Even if it actually worked, which is debatable with the "(apparent time)" clause, that would be extremely boring and ineffective with most spells.
Lyinginbedmon 05-27-06, 06:46 PM	Even if it actually worked, which is debatable with the "(apparent time)" clause, that would be extremely boring and ineffective with most spells. It would also make you completely useless, being unable to hurt anything (Even the typical use, time stop + delayed blast fireball, wouldn't work, the thing would detonate inside of the apparent time) in any way. You might make a half-decent thief, but even then it's nothing too great.
X-Codes 05-27-06, 08:12 PM	2049: Epic Cleric casts Holy Smite and destroys the Abyss. 2050: Epic Cleric is too high of level to gain a single XP point from this attack.
Et Cetera 05-31-06, 07:38 PM	2051 You know you're epic when your Bard sings... and the ground applaudes.
Rickiel 06-01-06, 12:35 PM	2052: Whenever the epic Rogue lies, reality believes it. 2053: The epic rogue lies about there being a chicken in his pants, and lo, there is now a chicken in his pants!
Red Dragon 06-01-06, 03:41 PM	2053: The epic rogue convinces someone that they don't exist. The person so convinced pops out of existence. 2054: the warlock/monk goes around calling himself Goku and invents the Kamehameha. 2055: The epic fighter keeps Bahamut as his guard dog.
Lyinginbedmon 06-01-06, 03:57 PM	2053: The epic rogue convinces someone that they don't exist. The person so convinced pops out of existence. 2056. Epic Warforged is so depressed the world stops caring ...which makes him even more depressed
NightBreeze 06-01-06, 04:47 PM	2057. Epic Wizard has created 51% of the races on his world and directly controls the other 48% (the las 1% is free just because he wants a little bit of fun)
BladedLady 06-15-06, 08:22 PM	2058. Epic Wizard no longer casts spells. A set of contingent epic spells takes care of his every whim.
Steidas 06-17-06, 07:02 PM	2059. Epic Commoner finally messed with a 1st level kobold fighter.
Et Cetera 06-18-06, 01:38 AM	2060. The Epic Knight rolls a natural 1 and hits... Pelor.
BladedLady 06-19-06, 09:17 AM	2061. Epic Evangelist (c.f. Complete Divine) if killed by his deity for a funding shortfall. 2,999,999 Gp is just unsatisfactory...
Steidas 06-19-06, 11:15 AM	2062. Epic Paladin can give back women's virginity with a single touch. Seriously, what's up with that?
BladedLady 06-19-06, 06:03 PM	2063. Epic Warlock leaves a trail of devastation, due to his permanent Antigenesis effect. 2064. Epic Emerald Star Adept, through a set of DR-related feats, can no longer be harmed. At all. 2065. Epic Bard convinces deities that life is pointless, and that they should all kill themselves. All of the above happened in a severely overpowered, but quite enjoyable, epic game.
Loren Pechtel 06-23-06, 12:37 PM	The Epic Cleric sets out to resurrect a hero of legend. He figures out the hero died of old age and thus isn't subject to normal resurrection. 2066) Thus he develops a more powerful version of resurrection that works even on those who died of old age. Unfortunately this fails, he doesn't know why. 2067) He develops an even more powerful area effect version. He finds himself in the middle of a crowd as everyone who ever died in the area of effect, clear back to when humanoids evolved is resurrected. Unfortunately, the hero he's after isn't in the crowd. He finally figures out he has a wrong location as to where the hero died, his location is where the hero left for an unknown location for. His attempts to find out the true location of the heroes death return strange results, it's like the place he died doesn't exist. 2068) He upps the power of his spell still further. A nebula disappears from the sky to be replaced by a star.
thasis 06-23-06, 03:10 PM	2067.) Epic Wizard casts Summon Ted the Flayer to create the most horrific scene in the universe. 2068.) Said universe implodes at the thought of the scene. 2069.) Epic Monk jumps to World of Warcraft 2070.) Epic Bard casts Dominate on all of the gods (including the Uber Diety). 2071.) Said Bard gets bored and created a divine gladatorial areana.
Gunz 07-05-06, 09:32 AM	2072) Epic Bard convinces a Neutronium Golem that these are not the galaxies he is looking for.
X-Codes 07-08-06, 08:57 AM	2073) Epic Halfling throws a dagger and kills the drow pantheon. 2074) Epic Drow ressurects the drow pantheon. 2075) Epic Hulking Hurler throws the prime material plane and obliterates said halfling, drow, and pantheon.
Loren Pechtel 07-08-06, 11:45 AM	2076) Epic Webmaster actually manages to accomplish the forum upgrade.
Paladin2004 07-26-06, 08:21 AM	2077) (insane) Epic Thread starter manages to cast Raise Thread....
Lyinginbedmon 07-26-06, 08:57 AM	2077) (insane) Epic Thread starter manages to cast Raise Thread.... 2778. Epic Poster notices thread resurrection from the Nth Dimension
kliate 07-26-06, 10:12 AM	2779) Epic thread hits 1000th post. Only 91 to go!
Asmodeous 07-28-06, 02:10 AM	2780) Your character casts summon familiar and the player turns up. 2781). You cast dispell epic magic at maximum range and the sun blacks out, permanently.
ThorGuy 08-03-06, 10:30 PM	2782. Pun-Pun changes his intelligence to 9, and takes 500,000,000,000,000,000 levels of wizard. Is almost balanced with the rest of the party.
ghostfrog 08-05-06, 04:26 AM	2783) Epic Thrallherd gains Mok'slyk the Serpent and the Serene Lady of Pain as thralls, and Asmodeus, Demogorgon, Queen Morwel and Zaphkiel as believers.
Et Cetera 08-05-06, 08:49 PM	An Epic Gnome Invents the automobile, and destroys it moments later, realizing that magic kicks technology's ass.
old_school_gamer1991 08-07-06, 01:10 PM	2783) colossal epic rogue hides from his shadow
Lejes 08-07-06, 08:53 PM	2784) You run out of skills to take.. 2785) And feats. 2785) Using the Epic Handle Animal to take magical beasts with an Int score of 3 or lower, you successfully house-break the Tarrasque. (Actually had a character do this.....)
Lyinginbedmon 08-07-06, 09:55 PM	2783) colossal epic rogue hides from his shadow Certainly wouldn't be the first, we had a shadowdancer rogue in the party that did the same thing as a party trick :whatsthis 2786. Epic Lich uses subatomic matter as its phylactery, because there's nothing else left to use 2787. Because of the futility of such a task, the same epic lich offers a reward of <name of universe> for anyone that can successfully terminate hime permanently.
Et Cetera 08-07-06, 11:59 PM	-When your wizard's familiar can cast 9th level spells, not because you have that epic feat, but because Mordenkinan is your familiar.
AJ53 08-08-06, 11:45 PM	2789- Epic Rogue rolls a tumble check and misses the ground entirely.
Et Cetera 08-11-06, 03:33 AM	2790 - When a single player charater can do anything previously stated on this list without multiclassing.
void7shade 08-11-06, 11:12 PM	23. The Epic Rogue uses disguise self and pretends to be the moon. 24. Said Rogue actually causes were-creatures to transform by just looking at him, in broad daylight. 25. The Epic Bard makes a bardic lore check and realizes he is in the matrix. 26. The Epic Monk tries to jump over a short wall and ends up in low-orbit around the sun. 27. The Epic Barbarian takes baths in lava and eats Adamantine brand Sugar Pops® for breakfast 28. The Epic Cleric grants his own spells. 29. The Epic Druids animal companion is Tiamat. 30. The Epic Wizard has an empowered, enlarged, maximized, quickened, silent, and stilled meteor swarm spell always at hand. I totally dig #28
Kharanax 08-12-06, 10:17 AM	2791. Epic Cleric casts implosion on deities because he wants some billard balls. Because tarrasques aren't tough enough. 2792. Epic Mind Flayer transforms not just the sun, but all the stars, from sources of light to sources of darkness. 2793. Epic Artificer fully populates an infinite plane with her own homonculi. 2794. Two Epic Hulking Hurler/Warhulks uses galaxies to play catch.
InterSilva 08-16-06, 02:04 AM	2792. The Epic Bard with Leadership is afraid of his own cohort.
Malakant 08-20-06, 04:10 AM	2796. An epic fighter thwarts an epic wizard's attempt to create his own universe by rolling a strength check high enough to stop the Big Bang.
Someone_else 08-20-06, 10:58 PM	2797 An epic character can and does regularaly base jump from low orbit with no regards for falling damage 2798 Your epic wizard not olny plays god but is god and creates creatures so random that Darwin thinks he is on acid
Issabella 08-21-06, 08:36 AM	2799 your epic rogue is trying to kill demogorgon. So he sneaks into heaven, disguises himself as demogorgon, taunts and bluffs Solars into shooting him with arrows of demogorgon slaying that their bows create. He keeps this up till he has a quiver then vanishes!
Drake_the_Windseeker 08-21-06, 08:52 AM	2,800. Your Barbarian can make a complete sentence. 2,801. Your Sorcerer/Dragon Disciple is powerful enough to dwarf Io. 2,802. Your Wizard discovers the Epic Seed Antimatter and creates a spell that could destroy the multiverse as we know it. 2,803. Your Bard becomes the most famous person in the multiverse. 2,804. Your Rogue can hide from himself. 2,805. Your Barbarian can hold off the Dragon Empire from Dragonstar (another d20 campaign setting) from assimilating his planet into the Empire, despite the fact that he is not proficient with their technology. His magic items and his abilities can kick all their spaceship's booty's into the next century.
LordBOB777 08-26-06, 03:43 PM	2,806 ( hope this hasnt been said already) the commoner FINALLY gained a level.
Starman IX 08-27-06, 09:59 PM	2807) Epic Beguiler convinces all Bards and Rogues that they are useless and should retrain as Beguilers. 2808) Epic Archivist reminds you that the current number is "To Bob" 1) Epic Psion revises reality so much that we have to start over...
Rickiel 08-27-06, 10:10 PM	2810: All taverns of the multiverse run out of rumors because the heroes have already straightened everything out. 2811: Epic Wizard rebuilds the Death Star and puts an additional touch of a grating over the thermal exhaust port. 2812: Epic Ranger with favored enemy Starships (Superheavy), still destroys the Death Star with a single normal arrow fired through the grating and initiating a chain reaction that destroys the whole thing. 2813: Epic Kender steals the plans to the Death Star from R2-D2 before the Jawas could get the droids. 2814: Epic Bard gives such a horrific tale that it scares a certain Skywalker into staying at the moisture farm for the rest of his miserable life. 2815: Epic Blackguard shakes hands with Darth Vader before they begin evil brain-storming. 2816: Epic Wizard rebuilds the Death Star (again) and this time convinces an Epic Barbarian to the front of the thermal exhaust port by promising to teach the Epic Barbarian how to read and giving the Epic Barbarian a paid life-long subscription to PlayJedi magazine. 2817: Epic Rogue sneaks past the Epic Barbarian when he's reading PlayJedi, gets into the thermal exhaust port, and sneak attacks the Death Star, initiating a chain reaction that doesn't harm the Epic Barbarian, but does get him angry for having his PlayJedi magazines turn to dust before he could read past the first paragraph.
Loren Pechtel 08-28-06, 02:10 PM	2811: Epic Wizard grows tired of rebuilding the Death Star and simply casts Make Whole.
tragedy 08-28-06, 09:11 PM	2812: Epic Paladin solos the entire Abyss, and as an afterthought, beats Asmodeus to a bloody pulp.
Donraj 08-29-06, 01:00 AM	2812: Epic Paladin solos the entire Abyss, and as an afterthought, beats Asmodeus to a bloody pulp. He doesn't exactly have to be very epic to do that last bit. 2813: Epic artificer vaccum packs the sun into a homemade gun.
Rickiel 08-29-06, 10:52 AM	2814: Epic Raz (what's wrong with having a big ego?) gets ticked off and in a fit of rage goes into the Ethereal Plane. And finds the Ethergaunts. And starting from the oldest, going down to the youngest, proceeds to systematically eliminate them. 2815: Epic Raz still hides under the bed whenever Epic Wife shouts it's his turn to do the dishes.
tragedy 09-02-06, 08:30 PM	He doesn't exactly have to be very epic to do that last bit. I meant the DiceFreaks version of Asmodeus. That one is a beast.
tragedy 09-02-06, 09:15 PM	2816:The epic cleric can worship the Lady of Pain and she can't do anything about it. 2817:The epic fighter takes on all of the Lower Planes with both arms and legs severed, his eyes torn out and his head cut off and wins in a landslide victory.
ornitholestes 09-03-06, 02:10 PM	2817.) The DM hands the epic level diviner his notes. "He would have found out anyways."
Drodain 09-04-06, 10:36 PM	2818.) The Barbarian/FrB destroys Sharn because he lost the armor he was working on...in less than 2 minutes.
SpellSticher 09-05-06, 04:25 AM	2819.)The Epic Wizard casts Fear on The Lady Of Pain. She has a heart attack.... 2820.)...And suffers 400d10 points of damage.... 2821.)...And dies.
mathew99 09-05-06, 11:02 PM	2822: epic rogue bluffs reality into thinking hes a higher level, and levels up 2823: said rogue makes a bluff chek to say "hey look, an obvious distraction!", and every person within 10 miles stares at that spot for 17 days trying to find it.( I ve seen someone do this, but only worked for a second)
dySWN 09-07-06, 12:48 AM	2824: Epic Rogue kills Tiamat with a single fukimi bari
himo6013945 09-09-06, 08:29 AM	Epic loremaster reads the entirety of this post.(Yes I am a epic loremaster:)
WinDReiN 09-09-06, 11:23 AM	Mystra's avatar slips on a banana and dies in the middle of her grand entrance to harper's headquarters.
Starman IX 09-09-06, 01:03 PM	You know, regularly I wouldn't think that was funny, but it made laugh until I snorted just now :confused:
InyourCloset 09-10-06, 07:25 AM	2825: Epic Loremaster makes a check in Knowledge (Engineering) and discovers nuclear energy, space travel, faster than sound air engines AND the bicycle
BladedLady 09-30-06, 07:16 PM	Is it a bad sign for a DM to read this for ideas?
BladedLady 11-10-06, 11:07 PM	2826) Epic Warlock's damage potential, in points per round, is best described as the reciprocal of the Planck length.
Draconian_Cloud 11-12-06, 09:30 AM	2827) Riptara Vex- Went back to his home town to collect corpse from the local cemetry. Upon someone seeing him the town clerics and gaurds came to kill him. He used a red dragon orb to repell them while he was hasted breathing dragon fire. The clerics started to throw holy water on him so he charmed local children to attack the holymen. While this was going on I sent a great wyrm gold dragon to assult him. He then uses the things create volcano abilite destroying the town and swallowing the dragon and cast quickend teleport! To get ride of him I had Vecna come and tell him the secret to god hood, making him a npc god that became the games new focus.
Comman8 11-12-06, 03:45 PM	2828) Meeting AO (did this) 2829) Taking on a being that eats multiverses that even AO can't take on.(currently doing this)
byakuganbrawler 11-12-06, 05:05 PM	[QUOTE=gradea]It was a refrence to DBZ, your correct Sukugaru! Tell her what shes won Jonny! "A new car!" *starts playing price is right theme* (wonder if you know which show my samuri with a vow of peace, reversed katana blade, and pink gi is refering to...) [QUOTE=gradea] Ruroni kinshin 2791. when an epic wizard can beat up agents from matrix without spells at 1hp with only a dagger and wand of light
byakuganbrawler 11-12-06, 05:07 PM	[QUOTE=gradea]It was a refrence to DBZ, your correct Sukugaru! Tell her what shes won Jonny! "A new car!" *starts playing price is right theme* (wonder if you know which show my samuri with a vow of peace, reversed katana blade, and pink gi is refering to...) [QUOTE] Ruroni kinshin 2791. when an epic wizard can beat up agents from matrix without spells at 1hp with only a dagger and wand of light
abyssling 11-13-06, 03:13 AM	2830 - Your epic cleric of Talos gets dumped by his girlfriend and cries himself to sleep, sinking Mulmaster into the sea. 2831 - Your epic monk actually dodged Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick once. Then he died in shock. 2832 - Chuck Norris missed an opponents head and went to kick the crap out of Satan for reneging on the deal and ask for his soul back.
HaikenEdge 11-16-06, 05:58 PM	2833. Epic kobold cleric prays to his deity for divine intervention. The intervention takes the form a single level 1 Kobold Ardent.
Lyinginbedmon 11-16-06, 05:59 PM	2833. Epic kobold cleric prays to his deity for divine intervention. The intervention takes the form a single level 1 Kobold Ardent. Ooh, up to date reference, neat :) Seriously, so many still take him (http://melekashiro.multiply.com/photos/hi-res/4/71?xurl=/photos/photo/4/71) to be a Divine Minion Wizard/Master of Many Forms. Very few people actually use the updated model
CelestialBarbarian 11-17-06, 05:16 AM	2833. Epic kobold cleric prays to his deity for divine intervention. The intervention takes the form a single level 1 Kobold Ardent. What's an ardent?
Lyinginbedmon 11-17-06, 08:57 AM	What's an ardent? A character class from Complete Psionic page 5
AngelLemmingThief 11-17-06, 11:34 AM	Ooh, up to date reference, neat :) Seriously, so many still take him (http://melekashiro.multiply.com/photos/hi-res/4/71?xurl=/photos/photo/4/71) to be a Divine Minion Wizard/Master of Many Forms. Very few people actually use the updated model Chuck Norris is a Divine Minion Wizard/Master of Many Forms? Heh, sorry :)
CelestialBarbarian 11-17-06, 03:31 PM	A character class from Complete Psionic page 5 There's a Complete Psionic book? I didn't even know that. So why is getting a 1st level ardent one of the 1001 most out of control epic PC actions?
multipleheads 11-17-06, 03:33 PM	the epic dwarven defender moves and the bbeg dies from fright:D
multipleheads 11-17-06, 04:12 PM	epic wizard puts universe into temperal stasis, sets millions of delayed blast fireballs, and sits back to watch the fireworks:) said wizard afterwards says "nevermind" and everything is restored :D
bluemage55 11-17-06, 05:08 PM	There's a Complete Psionic book? I didn't even know that. So why is getting a 1st level ardent one of the 1001 most out of control epic PC actions? Because the ardent's name is Pun-Pun.
CelestialBarbarian 11-17-06, 05:20 PM	Because the ardent's name is Pun-Pun. Pun-Pun, Divine Minion 1/Wizard 1/Master of Many Forms 3 Looks like a 5th-level character.
Witch 11-17-06, 07:00 PM	Looks like a 5th-level character. Newer version.
Lyinginbedmon 11-17-06, 08:28 PM	Thanks in part to my meddling, Pun-Pun is now a 1st level Kobold/Human Ardent who manages a very high Knowledge modifier to learn about Pazuzu (Fiendish Codex) and get 3 wishes to earn his abilities.
KieranBathgate 11-17-06, 08:38 PM	Epic Frenzied Berzerker kills opponent in one hit! Epic wizard dominates a pit fiend for 32 days! Epic bard plays the best song in the world!
Witch 11-17-06, 08:47 PM	Most out of control non-Epic Character: Balor killing Demogorgon.
LordBOB777 11-20-06, 01:03 AM	Epic bard plays the best song in the world! though it isnt actually the best song in the world.....This is just a tribute!
CelestialBarbarian 11-20-06, 02:19 AM	though it isnt actually the best song in the world.....This is just a tribute! I don't get it.:confused:
Lyinginbedmon 11-20-06, 02:32 AM	I don't get it.:confused: It's from the song Tribute by Tenacious D (Now appearing in film!)
HaikenEdge 11-20-06, 01:14 PM	Thanks in part to my meddling, Pun-Pun is now a 1st level Kobold/Human Ardent who manages a very high Knowledge modifier to learn about Pazuzu (Fiendish Codex) and get 3 wishes to earn his abilities. Yeah. Lyinginbedmon came up with a kobold version after I wrote up a human version. Guy deserves major props. The human version used an extra feat to get a +2 to Knowledge checks, while the Kobold version uses a masterwork tool. Either way, Kobold Ardent 1. The most out of control epic character. EVER. X. Kobold Ardent 1, with his infinite Knowledge check, becomes the DM.
Lyinginbedmon 11-20-06, 02:08 PM	Yeah. Lyinginbedmon came up with a kobold version after I wrote up a human version. Guy deserves major props. The human version used an extra feat to get a +2 to Knowledge checks, while the Kobold version uses a masterwork tool. Actually I just suggested using Wish to gain the Sarruhk and his abilities, the idea then ballooned out into what we see today after Khan noted the 3 Wishes from Pazuzu from Fiendish Codex and everyone started working the skill bonuses to the stratosphere. Thanks for the complement though :)
georgebartonis 05-04-07, 06:09 PM	2834: The epic commoner actually does something useful. LOL like that could ever happen
SonorusSmudge 05-05-07, 11:36 PM	2835: The epic monk manages to catupalt herself into orbit. 2836: The epic multiclasser obtains every known class ability... Including epic stuff. 2836:The epic cleric becomes her god.
Lyinginbedmon 05-06-07, 07:03 AM	2836:The epic cleric becomes her god. Now that would get confusing Can I have Mass Cure Moderate Wounds today? Yes I can Yay! Thankyou me!
ryuspearhead 05-08-07, 07:18 PM	an elven durid who took on lolth and grummish .
dragons12 05-09-07, 01:31 AM	2835:epic Barbarian Runs To The Local Tavern And Back Faster Than Boccob Can Teleport Without Error And Back 2836: Epic Bard Kills Farlarghn Because Of Bad Directions 2837: Epic Paladin Kills St Cuthbert Due To Drunken Teleporting 2838: Epic Cleric Dies Due To 1st Level Commoner's Heal Check 2839: Epic Wizard Creates Reflect Spell Field And Forgets Not To Cast Feeblemind Within Said Field 2840: Epic Rogue Steals St Cuthberts Throne And Succeds 2841: Said Rogue Suceeds On Bluff Check When Confronted By St Cuthbert 2842 Said Rogue Succeds On Dipllomacy Check To Convince St Cuthbert He Himself Is Chaotic By Nature
Prak, the Mad 05-09-07, 03:08 PM	though it isnt actually the best song in the world.....This is just a tribute! bastard! you beat me to the reference!
Prak, the Mad 05-09-07, 03:09 PM	2834: The epic fighter actually does something useful. LOL like that could ever happen there, fixed.
epiceviloverlord 05-12-07, 12:43 AM	This is a true story A Human Lich Cleric5/Entropmancer7/Ur Priest10 enters the game as a new character. He meets the party in the dungeon hall as they are fighting a monster. he does not enter combat and most of the party is killed. The remaining party members are disrespectful to the character as he tries to join the party. He gets a lavish room at an inn. Scrys upon one of the party members. He then casts gate to call a Brain Collecter. Then uses greater teleport to send it to where he is scrying. The DM lets the player play the Brain Collecter and the entire party is destroyed. NEVER TALK **** TO AN EPIC SPELLCASTER.
Psionx 05-14-07, 01:08 PM	2844: The party psion decides to nova, misses his target and disintegrates the planet 2845: Said psion becomes omnipotent with a few knowledge and autohypnosis checks 2846: And keeps fighting at -10 and beyond
Kholai 05-17-07, 09:58 AM	2847: The epic wizard casts magic missile at the darkness. The darkness fails its fortitude save against massive damage, and the world is engulfed in light forever more.
MCage 05-19-07, 01:34 PM	Epic Druid Wildshapes via PrC into collosal+ gelatinous cube and proceeds to absorb cities
Grandmaster_Kane 05-19-07, 09:47 PM	epic monk runs so fast he breaks the time barrior and runs back to his chhildhood Epic wizard lives so long he see the end of the world Epic fighter cuts the sky with a dagger Epic bard charms the lady of pain into sleeping with him
skywyze 05-19-07, 09:51 PM	Epic bard charms the lady of pain into sleeping with him:eek: -> :confused: -> :D -> :cool:
zzo38 05-20-07, 01:30 PM	Epic bard with Perform (comedy) skill writes a scroll of the funniest joke in the entire world and dies laughing at it. So does everyone else. Except barbarians (they can't read it).
Infinitum 05-22-07, 09:44 PM	Ther waas this un tim a clerc wus en mi gruup nd he usd his cosmec conniction ab nd usd gaete tu sommon a hectonchieres nd al uf a sooden evryun deid frum da uncuntruld ting it wus foony evryting deid too
blade_runner 05-22-07, 10:14 PM	N+10000000000000000000000000000000000000 00: Someone actually beats The Iron Siege (Impossible, I may say). 2847: The darkness fails its fortitude save against massive damage, and the world is engulfed in light forever more. That would stink, I could never get to sleep.
Floom 05-23-07, 04:38 AM	It's from the song Tribute by Tenacious D (Now appearing in film!) i did that in a campain once, i was playing a bard and a deamon appeared, and i challanged him to a rock off and i won! cant remember the song though... :P
skywyze 05-23-07, 05:47 AM	Ther waas this un tim a clerc wus en mi gruup nd he usd his cosmec conniction ab nd usd gaete tu sommon a hectonchieres nd al uf a sooden evryun deid frum da uncuntruld ting it wus foony evryting deid tooAaaargghhhh! My eyes! *claws at eyes* The typos! They burns us!
Lyinginbedmon 05-23-07, 07:40 AM	There was this one time a Cleric was in my group and he used his cosmic connection & a Gate to summon a Hectoncheires and all of a sudden everyone died from the uncontrollled thing. It was funny everything died too This translation brought to you by Lying Interpreters ;)
killswitchxxx 05-23-07, 11:13 AM	the epic paladin attacks the abyss and kills 30 layers of the abyss ( i did this in my last campaign)
Lyinginbedmon 05-23-07, 12:28 PM	What happened to the other 636 layers?
Infinitum 05-25-07, 11:12 PM	This translation brought to you by Lying Interpreters ;) Blast it, you broke my code!
Grandmaster_Kane 05-26-07, 09:32 AM	A epic monk sunders the earth in 2 with a unarmed strike after it failed it's save
JolanthusTrel 05-26-07, 10:22 AM	Epic bard with Perform (comedy) skill writes a scroll of the funniest joke in the entire world and dies laughing at it. So does everyone else. Except barbarians (they can't read it). Then translated one word at a time into other languages and thus Joke warfare was started.
Grandmaster_Kane 05-27-07, 06:08 PM	A orge barbarian gets enough skill points to cast the Karsus's avatar spell and the world ends from the pardox
Infinitum 05-27-07, 08:38 PM	A powerful wizard opens random Enduring Gates (Cosmic Descryer) that lead to prison planes of the Hecatoncheires. The wizard then turns ethereal and watches the fun.
Grandmaster_Kane 05-28-07, 09:26 AM	A powerful wizard opens random Enduring Gates (Cosmic Descryer) that lead to prison planes of the Hecatoncheires. The wizard then turns ethereal and watches the fun. Then the hec see him with there constant true seeing ability and destroy him utterly
skywyze 05-28-07, 10:03 AM	Then the hec see him with there constant true seeing ability and destroy him utterlyHey, give the man some credit - he managed to spell hecatonthachjrkjeagyhhhhhargnjwhatever correctly. :p
Infinitum 05-28-07, 02:09 PM	Then the hec see him with there constant true seeing ability and destroy him utterly There is a difference between being ethereal and invisible =) It would be like I was incorporeal. :)
Geraturatu 05-29-07, 10:06 AM	Another one would be: A psion gets such a high rank of Charisma that when he casts Thrall on the Caretakers, none of them can possibly make the save thus he controls Dungeon World.
Pitiless_Interfector 05-29-07, 04:21 PM	Making 1,294,362 gp per week with the Profession skill. Hah! Now I've made the 1,000th post!
skywyze 05-29-07, 05:01 PM	Making 1,294,362 gp per week with the Profession skill. Hah! Now I've made the 1,000th post!Actually yours was #2862. I went back and counted. ;)
Lyinginbedmon 05-29-07, 07:29 PM	I'm fairly certain he meant the 1000th post of the thread, just mine is now the 1003rd post of the thread, though I imagine this would be greater were one to count the original threads as well
Infinitum 05-29-07, 10:09 PM	How about a Wizard making a custom epic spell that serves as more powerful version of Gate that inadvertently released Thariz'dun? I've seen it happen folks, I've seen it happen...:nonono:
Sajek 05-31-07, 12:53 PM	The epic wizard cast plane shift and appears in the real world next to his player. The epic rogue steals the DM's notes and rewrites them so that he gets a million gp. Ever since the epic fighter killed Murphy, he can't fail at anything.
Avatar of Kokusho 06-03-07, 08:23 AM	The epic wizard cast plane shift and appears in the real world next to his player. That would be infinitely cool. The epic necromancer lich finds a portal to a demiplane between the Positive and Negative Energy Planes and becomes something like a celestial (living) creature...and ends up soul-locked to a drow fighter. (Yes, this happened.)
PwnageLlama 06-05-07, 12:28 AM	Your party's wizard kills your DM.
s4ndm4n 07-02-07, 08:19 AM	The Epic Bard, after millions of centuries of practice, finally has the expertise of Jimi Hendrix with the guitar.
s4ndm4n 07-02-07, 08:21 AM	The Epic Rogue steal's Azathoth's flute, and survives
Drew1369r 07-02-07, 07:01 PM	The Epic Rogue bluff checks his way to convince posters that the proper spelling of rogue is rouge
Quarionthegolden 07-03-07, 09:30 AM	???: epic sorceror becomes healed by fire
kamiidude 07-03-07, 12:27 PM	epic emo sorceror is depressed and trys to vorpel himself with his dagger. dagger shatters on impact with skin.
Lyinginbedmon 07-03-07, 02:15 PM	2873: Epic Expert develops Wormhole travel in an hour and slaps John Crichton
Grandmaster_Kane 07-03-07, 07:27 PM	Epic wizard summons the shrike and the epic fighter actually wins the intaitive check against it! then the epic rouge sneaks him for 2348572304857340587342073429068732067345 2067345098673409672304975034975603497608 3457604357604539760543762309674509760459 67043576034596730d6 damage
Infinitum 07-03-07, 11:33 PM	Epic wizard summons the shrike and the epic fighter actually wins the intaitive check against it! then the epic rouge sneaks him for 2348572304857340587342073429068732067345 2067345098673409672304975034975603497608 3457604357604539760543762309674509760459 67043576034596730d6 damage And it lives.
Grandmaster_Kane 07-04-07, 09:13 AM	And it lives. lol that was priceless
Quarionthegolden 07-04-07, 04:55 PM	epic emo sorceror is depressed and trys to vorpel himself with his dagger. dagger shatters on impact with skin. priceless.
Sulacu 07-05-07, 05:46 PM	Epic fighter kills everybody.... ...EVERYBODY... ...in the Klondike factory. That's what he'll do for a Klondike bar.
Infinitum 07-06-07, 02:00 AM	A thief managed to get into Mystra's closet.
Grandmaster_Kane 07-06-07, 08:25 AM	Then steal her bloomers and run them up the flagpole
Infinitum 07-08-07, 12:25 AM	Then steal her bloomers and run them up the flagpole Lol!
Lionhearted 07-09-07, 08:23 PM	Now that would get confusing Can I have Mass Cure Moderate Wounds today? Yes I can Yay! Thankyou me! SEEN IT HAPPEN! Player closes his hands in a prayer and say "hi, can I those spells today? "yes ofcourse I can *cackles*" Although it was in a world without gods, he worshipped himself :P
s4ndm4n 07-27-07, 04:50 AM	44. Epic bard walks over to the Lich Queen and goes "Hey....how you doin' ?" 45. Said Epic bard survives and is quoted and used in a TV series. Said Bard performs "Crazy Train" from atop the New England Patriots football helmet September 8, 2005 as the surprise guest at Gillette Stadium in Foxboro, Massachusetts for ABC TV's prime-time "NFL Opening Kickoff 2005." (found this at ozzynet.com LOL LOL LOL)
Lyinginbedmon 07-27-07, 07:22 AM	2881. Epic Archivist renews the count
RealSorceror 07-27-07, 11:13 AM	2882). An epic Warforged Artificer makes himself into an Epic Major Artifact. His unique method of destruction? A weapon crafted from notexistium. 2883). Epic VoP Monk makes a WIS check and recieves ultimate enlightenment. He then meets Nirvana, the band. 2884). Epic Cerebromancer casts Time Stop, and then quicken manifests Temporal Exceleration. The DM dies from thinking about it too hard.
archerpwr 07-27-07, 12:17 PM	2885) Epic gish gets bored and shapechanges into a beholder and starts carving a mountain in his own image with disintigrates.
BillTheManiac 07-27-07, 06:56 PM	2885) Epic gish gets bored and shapechanges into a beholder and starts carving a mountain in his own image with disintigrates. His image as a beholder or as a non-beholder?
Lyinginbedmon 07-27-07, 07:09 PM	His image as a beholder or as a non-beholder? 2886. Both
BillTheManiac 07-27-07, 07:56 PM	2886. Both 2887. And researches an epic spell that manipulates the laws of geometry so it's actually both. In the same mountain. And yes, they're both as big as the mountain.
Grandmaster_Kane 07-28-07, 01:06 PM	2888 Crazy gnome alchemist create the internet and the firs pr0n site
Geraturatu 07-28-07, 11:39 PM	2889: A cleric or paladin has such a great Wisdom score that they spot a butterfly on another planet without any ranks in the skill.
Feredenil 07-29-07, 10:31 AM	2890) Epic Sorcerer's familliar frog with an intelligence score 90 giving advice to the party's Epic wizard. (forgot to say I've actually witnessed this) 2891) Epic monks using rain as a ladder so they can lounge on the stormcloud, watch the view and play volley with arrows shot at each other.
Kesthol 07-29-07, 05:57 PM	2892) Epic wizard researches and casts an epic version of fireball, creating a second sun. 2893) Epic druid. 'Nuff said. 2894) Epic cleric summons his deity to give it a tongue-lashing. 2895) Epic fighter sunders atoms as his standard attack, creating the equivalent effect of a quickened, widened, maximized, empowered fireball heightened to spell level 9 (with appropriate damage dice), centered on his weapon--and nothing of his breaks in the process.
Grandmaster_Kane 07-29-07, 11:11 PM	2896) Epic Barbarain farts at the dinner table and the result tornado destroys a entire continent 2897) Epic bard creates emo music and millions of suicides result
Psionx 07-30-07, 02:23 PM	2898) The epic level fighter shoots an arrow at himself at a tangent line to the earth and kills himself causing the DM's head to explode 2899) The epic level rogue beats the epic bard by stealing his heart and mind before any diplomacy checks can be made 2900) The epic level fighter somehow misses on an attack, hits a wall, and destroys the material plane. 2901) The epic level psion can manifest spells 2902) The epic level rogue bluffs the universe into believing he is a gestalt of every character class at his normal level then breaks the 4th wall and helps master chief beat the flood eventually coming into our world to challenge chuck norris, makes chuck use something more than a harsh stare and doesn't die before he hits the ground.
Grandmaster_Kane 07-30-07, 05:19 PM	2903) EPic monk actuallt beats chuck norris in a roundhouse kick deul but destroys the omniverse in the process 2904) Epic Druid takes on pwngoat as her companion
AnduirAbersand 07-30-07, 05:24 PM	2903) An Epic Barbarian and Epic Fighter grapple eachother UPWARDS into the air to grab onto an Epic Major Artifact.(Imagine two people climbing ontop of eachother, higher into the air, just the two of them.) 2904) An EPic Wizard summons and summarily pins Cthulu to the bottom of an island. Then goes on to set water on fire, then floods Waterdeep/Neverwinter, and sets the resulting flood on fire. 2905) An Epic Fighter/Rogue gets launched into the air(thrown) by an Epic Barbarian, then Explosive Fireball'd at the zenith of his throw by an Epic Wizard, which sends him higher. He tumbles 120ft and takes little damage. Or did you want made-up stuff?
BillTheManiac 07-30-07, 08:27 PM	2903) An Epic Barbarian and Epic Fighter grapple eachother UPWARDS into the air to grab onto an Epic Major Artifact.(Imagine two people climbing ontop of eachother, higher into the air, just the two of them.) 2904) An EPic Wizard summons and summarily pins Cthulu to the bottom of an island. Then goes on to set water on fire, then floods Waterdeep/Neverwinter, and sets the resulting flood on fire. 2905) An Epic Fighter/Rogue gets launched into the air(thrown) by an Epic Barbarian, then Explosive Fireball'd at the zenith of his throw by an Epic Wizard, which sends him higher. He tumbles 120ft and takes little damage. Or did you want made-up stuff? 2906) Epic wizard figures out how 2903 and 2904 are possible.
Psionx 07-31-07, 08:10 AM	*Snip*beats chuck norris*Snip* Heresy! Unless of course that monks name was nobody... then I guess because nobody can beat Chuck Norris. Moreover, nobody has a chance to beat Chuck Norris.
Lyinginbedmon 07-31-07, 08:16 AM	Odysseus for the win...
Thegans 08-02-07, 06:54 PM	Heresy! Unless of course that monks name was nobody... then I guess because nobody can beat Chuck Norris. Moreover, nobody has a chance to beat Chuck Norris. What if the monk remembered getting beat in a roundhouse kick duel and traveled back in time because he was an older future version of Chuck Norris that took over the Far Realm after the omniverse was destroyed. 2908. Epic Bard has a five minute conversation with the Lady of Pain and gets out with just losing his arm. 2909. Epic Horizanal Walker gets the Lady of Pain to trap him in a maze because its the only thing he hasn't explored yet.
Drake_the_Windseeker 08-03-07, 10:01 PM	2,010) The epic bard convinces Bahamut and Tiamat to come to a truce and love each other as the brother and sister that they are. 2,011) The epic bard's wizard companion steals a sperm sample from Bahamut and an egg from Tiamat, fuses the two together, and makes a dragon of such epic proportions that Io's head explodes trying to comprehend it. 2,012) The epic psion manages keeping sane despite the contraversial divine draconic offspring mentioned above. 2,013) The epic dragonborn paladin calls the draconic spawn mentioned previously a blasphemy and is so focused in her will that she slashes through the borders of the multiverse and slays the creature with smite evil, despite the fact that it is not an evil creature. 2,014) Previously mentioned bard convinces everyone not to kill one another and settles everyone down for a friendly game of cards and ale.
Thegans 08-03-07, 10:31 PM	2,011) The epic bard's wizard companion steals a sperm sample from Bahamut and an egg from Tiamat, fuses the two together, and makes a dragon of such epic proportions that Io's head explodes trying to comprehend it. I'm guessing you haven't read Races of the Dragon.
Drake_the_Windseeker 08-04-07, 03:36 PM	I'm guessing you haven't read Races of the Dragon. You would guess poorly. 2,015) The epic sorcerer knows more spells than the epic wizard. 2,016) The epic warmage deals more arcane damage than the epic sorcerer or epic wizard. 2,017) The epic fighter has so many magical items that the previous three characters mentioned don't matter.
Thegans 08-04-07, 04:22 PM	You would guess poorly. In that case did you miss the part where Bahamut and Tiamat were created for the purpose of mating to create said dragon. I would doubt that Io would have troble comprehending a dragon that he planned on having come into existance.
Tshern 08-04-07, 06:20 PM	2,018. Epic Paladin smites evil and manages to remove all three evil alignments from the 3.5 edition of Dungeons and Dragons.
Lyinginbedmon 08-04-07, 06:33 PM	That should be #2918
Feredenil 08-05-07, 04:36 AM	2919. Epic Rogue hides and forgets where he's hidden himself so he searches and discovers his alter-ego.
Bozwevial 08-05-07, 07:54 PM	2920. The epic bard can only move 5 feet per round due to the massive heap of talismans of Zagy on his back. 2921. ...That have been there for longer than the DM can remember. 2922. The epic loremaster actually understands THAC0. 2923. The epic ranger tri-wields. Greataxes. 2924. ...With two arms. 2925. The epic rogue stole the epic paladin's code of conduct. 2926. ...And, while he was at it, stole the ink from that player's character sheet. 2927. The epic commoner learned how to cast light. 2928. The epic dwarven defender trims his beard by standing in a blade barrier spell. 2929. The epic barbarian uses a shuriken as a melee weapon. Anything more powerful causes explosions on impact.
s4ndm4n 08-06-07, 11:01 AM	159) In Soviet Russia, wish casts epic wizard. 2930.In capitalistic America, a single herd of sheep rules over the world's entire population of wolves.
Kesthol 08-06-07, 11:09 PM	2931. Epic Cleric makes Sense Motive check, understands what Alan Greenspan was trying to Bluff past investors. 2932. Said Cleric convinces epic Bard to quietly buy a controlling share of China. Pair make a killing in impending market crash. 2933. Epic Bard convinces the people of Soviet Russia that, "In Soviet Russia, government pays you!" Mass disillusionment esentially successful, 1917 onward. :) 2934. Epic kobold turns the Underdark into one giant trap; rigs ceiling to collapse. *Sniff* Kurtulmak is proud.
Gunz 08-10-07, 03:57 PM	2935. Epic wizard goes around killing everything with ray of enfeeblement and ray of exhaustion. Except if they're immune. Then he just blasts them with 5 quickened intensified enhanced twinned split ray disintigrates. In one round. I've seen it happen, it's ugly. 2936. Epic enemy wizard runs around with a persistent ray deflection and pummels the previuos wizard into oblivion with his quarterstaff. Eat that, munchkin.
Dartonus 08-10-07, 04:49 PM	Epic Illithid Lich wizard turns the world into a ball of Magma with Genesis and Earth to Magma.
eelot 08-10-07, 08:25 PM	2937. Epic fighter grapples Ozma as the epic wizard successfully casts temporal stasis on it
YourInnerDarkness 08-10-07, 11:51 PM	2938. Epic Wizard and Epic Monk deside its a good Idea to take over Heaven and Hell 2939. Epic Wizard and Epic Monk Take over 2nd Plain of hell In a single spell (gut wrench) 2940.Epic Monk/Concordant Disciple Takes over Heave Single Handidly Killing 780 Angels and 1 Lord of Heaven 2941.Epic Monk Realizes he got Caught in a Moment and Prays to go for his sins and gives back heaven
JudgeDeadd 08-12-07, 02:06 AM	2942. An epic fighter sneezes and decapitates a whole nation. 2943. An epic monk can win a tennis match with a hekatoncheirai (that has a tennis racket in each hand).
Lionhearted 08-16-07, 07:52 PM	2944. Epic paladin calls upon Tyr in order to dispatch Kiranselee during the war of the spiderqueen adventure, Tyr appears together with Lathander then proceeds to kick Kiranselees skinny undead darkelf ass. (real story)
Calallion 08-18-07, 11:50 AM	Epic fighter jumps 70ft into the air and balances on a petrified, levitated bumblebee just to show off to the villagers! Said fighter and his companions then buy boars and ride off into the wilderness to find and eat a mindflayers elder brain! (Actually did that! felt so good!)
Feredenil 08-18-07, 09:10 PM	2946. Epic Rogue can bluff himself into believing he's a chicken, resulting in him laying an egg.
Drake_the_Windseeker 08-19-07, 10:25 PM	2,497. The Epic Bard persuades Wizards of the Coast to call off 4th edition D&D and instead work at fixing 3.5's bugs.
Lyinginbedmon 08-20-07, 02:26 AM	2,497. The Epic Bard persuades Wizards of the Coast to call off 4th edition D&D and instead work at fixing 3.5's bugs. I get the feeling this is related to the rumoured scrapping of the Bard in 4E. 2498. Epic Wizard 'persuades' Warlocks of the Coast of the truely superior class. They promptly change all record of their name and conspire to eliminate the opposing classes.
control freak 08-21-07, 12:32 AM	2499: Epic Shadow caster decides to make his own paths, creates a path to the shadow plane which subsequently destroys it and plunges all of existence into darkness, every one then stares at pelor as he is the only sorce of light left, untill the epic shadow caster sneezes
Lyinginbedmon 08-21-07, 01:56 AM	If the Plane of Shadow is destroyed, how could darkness even exist?
Feredenil 08-21-07, 05:04 PM	2500. Epic Necromancer commits suicide. 2501. Epic Druid's animal companion is called 'Toril' 2502. Epic Commoner can cast stinking cloud like an eighth level wizard. Every time he farts. 2503. Epic Lore-master discovers new lore in ancient books. (that he wrote). 2504. Epic Paladin smites this thread to Oblivion. 2505. Epic Rogue plays solitaire with a 'Deck of many things' casually every evening with his tea.
Psionx 08-29-07, 12:28 PM	2506: 2 Epic Monks meet, one fires a crossbow bolt at the other, the other reflects it at this first, the original reflects it back and thus the game hot potato is invented. (Deflect Arrows, Reflect Arrows, Infinite Deflection)
Loren Pechtel 08-29-07, 04:12 PM	2507) Epic Webmaster fixes this board.
Anodai 08-29-07, 04:42 PM	2508) Epic wizard enslaves a planet and has the populace dig up the planet for a year, then make it into a fortress. He then sacrifices them all to become a lich. He also turns them all into blood golems so that they share hit dice. He is now next to immortal, as are all his blood golems on there own planet guarding his soul.
Sol_Aedh_Avoth 09-03-07, 06:55 PM	2509) A Cleric grants Spells to his Deity... 2510) A Barbarian tries to learn reading and writing. And fails... 2511) A Barbarian tries to learn reading and writing. He succeeds. And thus, he's no more a Barbarian and loses all his hardly gained Powers... 2512) A Monk tries to surpass Lightspeed. But dies by Heat damage...
Psionx 09-05-07, 04:03 PM	2513.) A monk with fire immunity exceeds the speed of light, but creates a vacuum effect that destroys the universe. 2514.) The party wizard has more HP than an overdiety... and better saves. 2515.) The party wizard has proficiency with more weapons than the party fighter. 2516.) A psion tries to determine why kids love cinnamon toast crunch, why trix are exclusively for kids, and why kids go coo-coo for cocoa puffs. He fails at all 3 but learns of 3 new prestige classes available only to children.
BillTheManiac 09-05-07, 04:06 PM	2517) A druid takes levels in Planar Shephard 2518) The party fighter takes levels in archmage.
Sol_Aedh_Avoth 09-07-07, 06:26 AM	2519) A Rogue disguises himself as Sun in the middle of the Night... He does so well that he creates a Magnetic Field equal to the Solar one, and thus destroys the whole Solar Sistem...
BillTheManiac 09-08-07, 08:21 AM	2519) A Rogue disguises himself as Sun in the middle of the Night... He does so well that he creates a Magnetic Field equal to the Solar one, and thus destroys the whole Solar Sistem... you mean gravitational?
IrishRover 09-24-07, 12:23 PM	2520. Epic fighter creates a government that actually works, with a tax system that's actually fair. All aristocrats everywhere cease to exist...
BillTheManiac 09-24-07, 07:28 PM	2520. Epic fighter creates a government that actually works, with a tax system that's actually fair. All aristocrats everywhere cease to exist... Is fighter the right class for that? I'd go with paladin. 2521. Epic dread necromancer (turned into undead, of course), summons himself with a summon undead spell.
Grandmaster_Kane 09-25-07, 05:04 PM	2522 Epic rouge sneak attack a overdeity and the damage is so huge it carries over to kill every being in the abyss and every god on every patheon
BillTheManiac 09-25-07, 05:12 PM	2522 Epic rouge sneak attack a overdeity and the damage is so huge it carries over to kill every being in the abyss and every god on every patheon 2523 Including frenzied berserkers with Deathless Frenzy on 2524 Epic barbarian survives the damge.
Paradox_of_Life 09-25-07, 08:53 PM	2425: 2526: Epic monk can read that ^.
BillTheManiac 09-26-07, 04:07 PM	2527: Epic cleric sense motives the yaldaboath thread.
Grandmaster_Kane 09-27-07, 05:41 PM	2428: Epic Wizard creates a level 15 spell that nukes every plane and ends all life. 2429: Epic wizard then re-creates all life in his image with a Lvl 16 spell
Lyinginbedmon 09-27-07, 05:42 PM	If the first spell ends all life, how can he be around for the second?
Dunther the Great 09-27-07, 05:43 PM	He's obviously undead :P.
Paradox_of_Life 09-27-07, 05:45 PM	Hes undead. Edit: Damn, ninja'd.
Mesiolan 09-29-07, 06:09 AM	2507) Epic Barbarian uses cc skill UMD to use a Circle of Death spell from a wand. As a part of his regular morning toilet, to get rid of fleas and lice. 2508) Epic Paladin uses a gate into the positive energy plane to remove rust and dirt from his equipment. 2509) Epic Psionicist successfully dominates the overmind (interplanar mindweb of the Illithid Elder Brains of the whole multiverse). And changes their alignment permanently to NG.
Lyinginbedmon 09-29-07, 06:14 AM	2509) Epic Psionicist successfully dominates the overmind (interplanar mindweb of the Illithid Elder Brains of the whole multiverse). And changes their alignment permanently to NG. 2510. Thus destroying the Bush administration
Horus_Sungod 09-29-07, 06:16 PM	2511 The epic diplomancer sneezes and turns everyone in the room "fanatic". 2512 The said diplomancer talks to someone, makes that person fanatic. That person can in turn use diplomacy to make others fanatic. And so on...
Loren Pechtel 09-29-07, 11:51 PM	2513) Epic Diplomancer/Wizard devises a spell to make his voice carry worldwide. He turns everyone fanatic and proceeds to ascend to divinity because of all his worshippers. All other gods wither and die to a lack of worshippers.
Taeldrin Laesrash 09-30-07, 12:49 AM	2514. The Epic Rogue walks across a bottomless pit on his own feet. 2516...faster than the Wizard can Teleport across.
Grandmaster_Kane 09-30-07, 06:39 PM	2517 Monk single handedly destroys dispatchers iron towr with only his fist 2518 epic barbarain outwits Amoudeus 2519 Epic fighter has a duel with the entire abyss using only a iron dagger... and wins in 2 rounds
Paradox_of_Life 10-04-07, 02:59 PM	2520: Epic fighter doesn't cut his grass. He uses intimidate and dares it to grow. Grass fails.
Grandmaster_Kane 10-04-07, 05:24 PM	2521: epic barbarain drinks all achol in the world... he then turns to lava as the only remaing thing that can give his gut that "cozy feeling"
BillTheManiac 10-04-07, 05:42 PM	2522: Epic wizard makes sense of Pun-Pun vs. Mortiverse
Grandmaster_Kane 10-05-07, 04:28 PM	2523: Epic rogue sneak attacks the mortiverse and pupun in the same round and the damage is so high that travels back in time and kills the rougues 3rd grade teacher....
Infinitum 10-05-07, 04:52 PM	A rogue attacks Pun Pun from a bubble of primordial creation in every instant ever "experienced" by Pun Pun simultaneously, slaughtering Pun Pun as soon as the energy that composed his beginning form took a shape even remotely like the beginnings of a kobold. Pun Pun, regardless of his temporal abilities, can not overcome the raw fact that the DM > Pun Pun.
BillTheManiac 10-05-07, 05:41 PM	A rogue attacks Pun Pun from a bubble of primordial creation in every instant ever "experienced" by Pun Pun simultaneously, slaughtering Pun Pun as soon as the energy that composed his beginning form took a shape even remotely like the beginnings of a kobold. Pun Pun, regardless of his temporal abilities, can not overcome the raw fact that the DM > Pun Pun. Trust me, if you're the DM, it's a lot easier to attack Pun-Pun. You don't need a rogue.
Lyinginbedmon 10-05-07, 05:46 PM	2525. New edition kills Pun-Pun and WotC's sales figures irrevocably simultaneously
Thegans 10-12-07, 06:28 PM	2526. Epic bard bluffs succubus and eyrines into thinking their the same creature 2527. Epic bard bluffs fourm into thinking it is working better. 2528. Epic bard bluffs the elementals and guardianals into non existence.
BillTheManiac 10-12-07, 07:03 PM	Elementals still exist, I think 2529. Epic bard bluffs elves into thinking they're two different races.
Thegans 10-12-07, 10:14 PM	Elementals still exist, I think 2529. Epic bard bluffs elves into thinking they're two different races. I just remember seeing two their getting rid of guardianal threads and one was a their getting rid of guardianals and elementals thread. I dn't know if its true since I don't listen to the pod casts.
Kesthol 10-14-07, 01:17 AM	2931. Epic Cleric makes Sense Motive check, understands what Alan Greenspan was trying to Bluff past investors. I may have to rescind that in light of the current revelations. Then again... Resetting the numbering system: 3002) Epic Druid is planeshifted off the Material Plane, wildshapes into (a new) Earth.
OmnusI 10-23-07, 11:25 PM	2529: You keep Mjolnir to bang the dents out of your other weapons that are much cooler.
CelestialBarbarian 10-26-07, 05:54 PM	2529: You keep Mjolnir to bang the dents out of your other weapons that are much cooler. Since I love Thór and Mjöllnir so much, I really enjoyed your post. :)
Lord_of_Vain 10-26-07, 06:26 PM	Epic kobold leads all kobolds to the surface and they sweep the world and he rules as high emperor.
CelestialBarbarian 10-26-07, 06:41 PM	Yeah, that epic kobold thing is really outrageous! Wait a second! Where did you hear about my campaign?! :P
Lord_of_Vain 10-26-07, 09:34 PM	Yeah, that epic kobold thing is really outrageous! What a second! Where did you hear about my campaign?! :P Ha, I have not. I was making a campaign where an epic kobold named DeBrazzen was actually doing this, yours is similar?
CelestialBarbarian 10-26-07, 09:52 PM	Ha, I have not. I was making a campaign where an epic kobold named DeBrazzen was actually doing this, yours is similar? Heh, I was just kidding about you hearing about my campaign. I've had a "King Kobold" subplot in my campaign since the beginning, 5+ years ago. Actually I think I had the subplot from the first time I ran the campaign, back under 2nd Ed. (I might have actually started designing it under 1st Ed.) Under the 1st and 2nd Ed rules he was pretty wimpy. I'm looking at the 1st Ed Monster Manual and it has kobold "leaders" as goblins. It mentions a chief and his bodyguard, but says nothing about whether they're better than the leader mechanically. Anyway under 3rd Ed I decided to make King Kobold (a name a borrowed from a fantasy book of the same title I used to see on the bookshelves back in the days when I actually went into stores instead of spending my whole life on the internet :P) an epic NPC. I haven't actually statted him out under 3rd Ed because the original version called for him to essentially be a fighter-type and he has a piece of an artifact that enhances his melee abilities (by making him three times his normal size), but now I'm leaning toward making his a sorcerer, around 30th level, in which case the artifact piece no longer helps him, which I don't like. Since they're just reaching epic level now and in any case haven't followed up on the kobold subplot and sought out his underground lair, I don't need to make him up just yet. The party did spend a substantial length of time tangling with his troops, including some nasty elite scout archers and one of his sons, a 20th-level sorcerer. For the moment though they've moved on to other subplots. They did defeat the armies he had posted on two different bridges, so they're pretty much put an end to his plans for expansion--for now. Kobolds breed pretty quickly though... :schemes:
BillTheManiac 10-27-07, 10:04 AM	Dragonwrought Kobold Fighter 39/Dragon Ascendant 12? Or something like that.
Lord_of_Vain 10-27-07, 07:57 PM	Yea man, kobold tion, that's what its about.
BillTheManiac 10-28-07, 08:45 AM	3004. Epic ninja assassinates himself!
scorcerer 01-31-08, 10:05 AM	2510: epic lvl 33 sorcerer created spell that does 500d20 2511: then surpases spell resistance and kills his god boccob with it (did this)
scorcerer 01-31-08, 10:08 AM	srry those shpuld be: 2530 and 2531
scorcerer 01-31-08, 10:12 AM	2532: lvl 98 fighter becomes lvl 99, dm decides he should ascend to godhood and after this happens proceeds to kill every god in the diety book (done this)
scorcerer 01-31-08, 10:18 AM	2533: epic scorcer trips hulking hurler into pit and casts two entensified, maximized, enlarged, quickened, still, slent meteor swarms at him, hulking hurler grabs them and throws them back at the wizard.
lvl33sorcerer 01-31-08, 10:35 AM	2534: epic wizard has soo many bonus spelll he can cast more spelld per day than the epic scorcerer
lvl33sorcerer 01-31-08, 10:37 AM	2535: epic scorcerer realizes the tarasque is magic proof so teleports into tarask and blows up its head with tricked out fireballs
lvl33sorcerer 01-31-08, 10:43 AM	2536: the reflex save for epic scorcerers fire ball is 41 (thats me)
ikki 01-31-08, 02:08 PM	2537: Epic apostle of peace redeems all the (other) planes with inhabitants, into LG and joins them with mount celestia. Evil, Neutrality and Chaos finally ended in this universe.. 2538; Saint bathes in acid, daily. Convinced its the best way to stay clean
lvl33sorcerer 01-31-08, 03:27 PM	these are mystats for my newest character a lvl 5 warlock ecl 7 (race:githzerai +6 dex -2 int +2 wiz) str 17, dex 24 con 16 int 11 wiz 11 cha 18 give me ur stats plz if ur lookin at this
BillTheManiac 01-31-08, 05:36 PM	these are mystats for my newest character a lvl 5 warlock ecl 7 (race:githzerai +6 dex -2 int +2 wiz) str 17, dex 24 con 16 int 11 wiz 11 cha 18 give me ur stats plz if ur lookin at this 2539. Epic-level Sorcerer dares to spam a thread with such formidable foes as an Epic Druid who can wildshape into Earth, and an epic cleric who grants Pelor spells!
lvl33sorcerer 01-31-08, 06:31 PM	2540: epic druid dares to challange epic scorcerer with maxamised epic spell (2000dmg)
Quarionthegolden 01-31-08, 07:03 PM	2532. epic ranger hunts down a diety and kills that diety! (it can happen!):P kinda like this :elf: :devil: then :devil:is:ghosted:
Avatar of Kokusho 01-31-08, 07:03 PM	2540: epic druid dares to challange epic scorcerer with maxamised epic spell (2000dmg) 2541:Epic wizard calls whoever cast that epic spell at a measly 2000 damage a rank amateur and teaches him what a real spell is. 2542: Epic ranger with dervish levels kills four balors in one round and still evades the fire damage.
Quarionthegolden 01-31-08, 07:06 PM	no more #s for me! epic ranger shoots just 8 arrows and kills epic wizard be4 it can react well!
Quarionthegolden 01-31-08, 07:07 PM	Chaos between epic characters and gods bring the end times!!!!!