Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Waterhammer 05-09-06, 11:12 PM	1. The ability to move from here, to there, without moving legs, or feet. (sort of sliding) 2. Growth of roostercomblike, puffter, hair. 3. Dragging the tip along the ground as you "slide"(see #1)generates a powerful energy attack against your enemy. 4. Growth of Bowielike bangs in face, hairdo.
Snicker 05-09-06, 11:21 PM	5. Can blind your enemies with light reflecting off of your katana. 6. Can signal allies with the sound effect that accompanies 5.
jaelis 05-09-06, 11:21 PM	7. All you can eat bacon. 8. Quicker to say than "masterwork bastard sword"
Adam Smite 05-09-06, 11:27 PM	9. Quickdrawing a two-handed katana makes sense. 10. You can make a running leap to slice someone's head off and noone will look at you funny for it.
jaelis 05-09-06, 11:30 PM	11. Swing it backwards and you've got an attack. (Almost.)
Grave_Accomplice 05-09-06, 11:36 PM	Good god! It's like... like... fungus! It's EVERYWHERE! WHEN WILL THESE KATANA THREADS STOP!!!! How does quick drawing a katana not make sense? :confused: No, really...
dragonseth 05-09-06, 11:46 PM	12. You can convince your DM that they are not MW Bastard Swords, and then you can kick some hardcore *** until you get shot down here.
jaelis 05-09-06, 11:56 PM	13. It's like a fungus.
Grave_Accomplice 05-10-06, 12:09 AM	14. Members like Dragonseth trick you, then eat your brain.
Auburn 05-10-06, 12:44 AM	15. You can be non-dwarf and non-paladin and talk about your honor as much as if you were a dwarf or paladin.
Johannixx 05-10-06, 02:39 AM	16. Your sadistic DM can port your party into the future, only to have his plans foiled by your ability to cut through SUVs as if they were made of tissue paper. 17. You can also cut through rifle or machine gun barrels, provided your shout sounds constipated enough.
Norsesmithy 05-10-06, 02:42 AM	18. seppuku becomes a free action as you realize you broke your imaginary code of honor lying to yourself about the katana's abilities. 19. as 16, but replace Katana with samuri 20. as 16 but replace katana with any historical japanese swordsmith
JulesCARV 05-10-06, 03:00 AM	21. You no longer have to worry about your character's lips moving in synch with his dubbing. 22. Make those pesky commoners bow and kowtow before you -- or have their heads chopped off! 23. Your eyes become four times as large as normal, granting you low light vision.
BloodSpill 05-10-06, 03:03 AM	21. Announcing yourself as a pathetic katana fanboy. 22. Announcing yourself as a smelly katana fanboy. 23. Announcing yourself as a poor samurai fanboy wannabe. Edit: What, you mean we're not talking about real life??
Armoracia Rusticana 05-10-06, 05:08 AM	24. This is so cool.
Watchman 05-10-06, 05:32 AM	25. With the endless supply of cheese provided by the katana you'll never have to go hungry again. Although bad taste comes with the territory. 26. Actually, you could probably be able to con stupid half-starved peasants it's a miracle and start your own religion. This of course requires no competition around, but dudes with katanas are supposed to kill each other on sight anyway on general principles. 27. The endless tide of rodents that follows you around and eats up leftover cheese can be used for a more balanced diet. With luck they'll come to regard you as a Great Provider sort of deity and fight fanatically in your defense, too.
Rulebook 05-10-06, 08:07 AM	28. you can wake your sleeping compatriots up with the "SHWA-PIIING" noise it makes while being drawn 29. its like brilliant energy, but it goes through EVERYTHING 30. the magic spells scribed on the 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,00 0 folds of steel grant you the power to leap 1000 feet in the air, demention door, and walk up walls 31. iajutsu is obviously even faster than a free action. its so fast it gives you 3 more standard, and 2 more move actions in a round! 32. cleave, great cleave, and sunder are all bonus feats that accompany the weapon.
Tristan 05-10-06, 01:39 PM	wow, I thought people where more mature than this. If people like Katanas they like Katanas. This thread was meant as a joke anyways. and so I dont spam like some people 33)Grants the Vorpal Ability when fighting ninjas
Silverthumb128 05-10-06, 03:33 PM	24. This is so cool. 34) lol 35) totally
Balor von Balorvitch 05-10-06, 03:52 PM	36: A katana makes you an instant expert on japan, busido or a samurais honor.
True_Raistlin 05-10-06, 03:52 PM	36) You can make your DM insanly angry by duscussing "the correct katana stats"
dragonseth 05-10-06, 03:59 PM	37. You can cut whatever you want with it by simply replying to the DM, "But it's a KATANA! They are t3h uber sword!!!!!1!!one"
Watchman 05-10-06, 04:04 PM	33)Grants the Vorpal Ability when fighting ninjasCaveat here: 33.a) Only works against NPC ninjas. PC ninjas get the Vorpal effect against NPC samurai. See any anime or manga with a katana-toting ninja portagonist and samurai redshirts for proof.
supernerd8916 05-10-06, 04:05 PM	38) you can cast the Summon Vahenir spell as a free action.
metamind 05-10-06, 04:14 PM	39: You're the first one to DIE in my campiagn. This is how my kill list works: 1. Katana fanboys 2. Anime fanboys 5. Drow fanboys 4. Elf (not counting Drow) fanboys 5. PCs who homebrew
Tristan 05-11-06, 04:13 PM	38) you can cast the Summon Vahenir spell as a free action. oh yea, sorry. Kinda like that anime/or movie rules sheet. Main characters can aim with deadeye accuracy and bad guys (storm troopers) cant hit the broad side of the third dimension or something like that
Kresalak 05-11-06, 04:50 PM	Summon Vahenir is definatly the best post I ever made. 40. You you cut through the earth by dropping it edge down.
Platonix 05-11-06, 05:29 PM	41. You can auto-dispel magic by slicing through the spell effect.
supernerd8916 05-12-06, 06:06 PM	42. You automatically gain the deflect arrows feat, usable with your sword.
Sledged 05-12-06, 06:30 PM	43. Does it smell funny in here to anyone else?
Norsesmithy 05-12-06, 06:31 PM	44. as 42 but also bullets
dragonseth 05-12-06, 06:53 PM	45. 44 and your sword will never be damaged in accomplishing this feat.
Kothardarastrix 05-12-06, 07:59 PM	46. Sundering the material plane is no longer an Epic use of the Improved Sunder feat. 47. Hulking Hurler is considered gimped in comparison. 48. Through the use of bad dubbing and leet speak, you can mimic the abilities of the ninjas Real Ultimate Power!
MasterGrazzt 05-14-06, 03:49 AM	49. You can *head falls off, fountain of blood spurts from neck stump, corpse slumps to ground, unshaven japanese man is seen wandering away*
supernerd8916 05-14-06, 09:24 AM	50. You must now say "I will avenge your honor, MasterGrazzt!"
Waterhammer 05-14-06, 03:28 PM	This thread was supposed to be vaporised tomorrow, Oops. 51. The old man at the tavern will give you food, and drink for free.
Watchman 05-14-06, 03:49 PM	52. The DM's job becomes considerably easier - originality, avoidance of clichés and internal consistency are now at best optional.
Bluebrush 05-14-06, 04:53 PM	53. Ever so slightly more damage than a longsword, all for a feat.
Nobunaga Oda 05-14-06, 06:04 PM	21. Announcing yourself as a pathetic katana fanboy. 22. Announcing yourself as a smelly katana fanboy. 23. Announcing yourself as a poor samurai fanboy wannabe. Oh yeah, ´cause if your character wields a Katana you are a stupid fanboy. This topic is stupid, like all the others topics about the Katana here. This one tries to be funny, but it just a "bashing topic" in disguise... It´s a sword. It´s japanese. It doesn´t have nothing special, or wrong about it...Why evergody loves to argue about this?
jaelis 05-14-06, 10:34 PM	54. You can make silly jokes that do not amuse people who are serious about their weaponry.
Kothardarastrix 05-15-06, 03:05 AM	55. Blatant Japan Fanboys get angry when you make fun of their Ubar Weapon. 56. You can make a Katana Gun which opens gates to the Far Realm because of their Uber Coolness after being shot.
Hairfoot 05-15-06, 08:03 AM	57) prompts posters naming themselves after dead shoguns to claim they're not Japanafanboys. 58) makes people who have an interest historical weapons upset. 59) causes aneurisms in people who've written PhD theses on katanas and the ridiculous, anime-fed myths surrounding them.
tiercel 05-15-06, 08:48 PM	60) When you are wielding a brilliant energy version, you can constantly refer to it as "an elegant weapon, for a more civilized age." 61) When making attack, Intimidate, or Perform (Weapon Drill) rolls with the above weapon, you constantly make "whummm, whummm" sounds as you roll the die. 62) When playing the character from #60 and #61, you live for the moment when you are trying to smuggle two nature-priests into a major city so you can use bardic-music suggestion, wave two fingers vaguely at the city guards, and inform them "these are not the druids you are looking for."
dragonseth 05-15-06, 08:57 PM	60) When you are wielding a brilliant energy version, you can constantly refer to it as "an elegant weapon, for a more civilized age." 61) When making attack, Intimidate, or Perform (Weapon Drill) rolls with the above weapon, you constantly make "whummm, whummm" sounds as you roll the die. 62) When playing the character from #60 and #61, you live for the moment when you are trying to smuggle two nature-priests into a major city so you can use bardic-music suggestion, wave two fingers vaguely at the city guards, and inform them "these are not the druids you are looking for." That...was beautiful. 63. You always have a disgruntled, 'I'm going to kill you' look on your face.
Jshock_75 05-15-06, 09:17 PM	64. Katanas are MAMMALS* *Even if they're not
Adam Smite 05-15-06, 09:34 PM	How does quick drawing a katana not make sense? :confused: No, really... It does make sense. That's why I said it did. Please re-read before going crazy over something that's type-written. Reasons why that matters: Ever have a fighter that Quickdrew a Halberd? or Longspear? How about a Fullblade? Where do you put such weapons so it's easy to get them? Ah well. At least the Katana's relative shortness and curved blade make it easy to imagine. And to avoid useless waste of thread, 65. In any fight where you are the only Katana wielder, you automatically win. 66. Any fight that has two or more Katana wielders is determined randomly with an equal change towards any of the Katana wielders winning. Obviously, no two Katana wielders will fight on the same side.
Wonton2006 05-15-06, 10:18 PM	67. when u get teh katana u lose all spleling and grammar and punctuation and common sense. u start talking about how teh katana is so uber because it has 1000 folds of steal in it. ur katana is treated as adamantite for ignoring hardness treated as mithral for weight and treated as vorpal for uberness. ur katana has a mind of its own which allows you to take 3 standard actions in a round. u start sounding like ur 12 for teh purposes of spelling "teh" and "u". 68. You hair becomes a cluster of triangles, which are sharp enough to deal 1d12 peircing on a successful attack, x4 on a critical. 69. You are constantly affected by a Ventriloquism spell, which is most likely the reason for the fact that your lips don't match the sounds that come out of them. 70. You must charge whenever possible ignoring requests from your allies, and never thinking. You prefer to shout a loud battlecry to announce to your enemy that you're charging at them, and for the coolness of it.
terrashand 05-16-06, 12:43 AM	I'm pretty sure that lightsabres are not katanas gentlemen. the very elegant spinning, twisting, dancing style that used is closer to a tai chi sword. But, of course with 2 hands (which I can see considering no weight on the blade that second hand helps with control). 1001. You have the right to stop complaining about the katana stats. MW Hvy Crossbow, MW Bardiche, MW Heavy Frail, MW Greatclub, MW Maul, MW Naginata, MW Voulge, MW Lochaber Axe, MW Pincer Staff, MW Dwarven Waraxe, and a MW Harpoon all do the same damage. So ummm what's the argument here that is 13 weapons in DnD that all do the same amount of damage. It is called a game system because nothing is to be exact. I mean come on a katana is alot closer to a bastard sword then a greatclub and yet they do the same amount of damage.
tiercel 05-16-06, 01:30 AM	I'm pretty sure that lightsabres are not katanas gentlemen. Hah, well, my contention wasn't that they are the same... but they do share a number of points of significant similarity: Lightsabers are probably the only other kind of sword to have anything like the popular reverence accorded the katana. Both lightsabers and katanas can, by popular acclaim, cut through anything. Including clean dismemberment/decapitations, onrushing vehicles, or anything else you could think of. Similarly, both lightsabers and katanas are better than guns. Jedi share significantly many features with both samurai and ninjas. (Jedi vs Pirate is an unresolved issue, though -- I suppose we could start an OT Luke vs Han thread :P ) The awesomeness of both lightsabers and katanas is perhaps partly attributable to their process of creation -- a mysterious, ill-understood handcrafting by carefully trained masters. Both lightsabers and katanas get their own specific (and necessarily very cool-sounding) sound, imitated and lusted after by their fans. The simplest resolution to reconciling this string of similarities is, of course, to merely assert that lightsabers ARE, in essence, the katanas of their setting. (And yes, brilliant energy is a pretty lousy approximation to a lightsaber but is visually appealing.) Returning to topic: 71. The first instance in which you draw your sword (katana or lightsaber) will be a cinematic Event, in which the sword will very clearly make its characteristic sword-being-drawn noise and other characters around you will have to make Will saves to avoid being dazed by awe.
terrashand 05-16-06, 01:44 AM	You want a lightsabre in DnD huh....alright play a cleric go into runecaster and plant a charge/day activated by command word (most of which in flavour text and novels were mental) moonblade spell on a sword hilt and there ya go. You pull out the handle and mentally speak the word and *lightsabre sound* there ya go. (also can be done with a perm rune if your DM will allow it).
sooperspook 05-16-06, 02:24 AM	What is it with you people and your hatred towards anyone who likes anime? Seriously. Who cares what other people like? Its not going to affect your games in any way whatsoever. Its like going nuts over someone who likes horror films. (O NOES! HE LIKES SOMETHING I DONT 1!QUICK!! I MUST BASH IT FOR ALL TIME!!!one1) I don't care if you like anime or disney or 3D or anything else. But I am sick to death of complete strangers verbally abusing me simply because I happen to like a style of animation. Grow up.
tiercel 05-16-06, 02:58 AM	What is it with you people and your hatred towards anyone who likes anime?I don't hate anime. I make fun of the things that are silly in anime, because it's easy. It's kind of like making fun of things that are silly in D&D, because it's easy. (There are threads about that, by the way.) I will confess though that I think I see *at least* as many threads/posts, if not far more, decrying katana fanboyism than actual drooling katana fanboy posts. It's kinda like the battalion of posters who, when any thread asks for a list of broken/problematic feats/spells/PrCs, will immediately descend paratrooper style and boom about how they are so tired about hearing OVER and OVER again how everything is broken when in fact everything is fine, even Natural Spell and the bead of karma, not to mention everything in every supplement ever published, and that anyone who says anything is "broken" is a hack and a DM who doesn't know how to cut it with real, manly players with the requisite amount of bristling testosterone..... ...ahem. I am ranting and straying off topic. In the interest of continuity: 72. You will always carry at least one expensive silk handkerchief on your person at all times, so at some point when someone asks you the trueness of your sword (or better yet, if you are pretending to be deep, your soul), you can reply wordlessly by dropping the silk handkerchief onto the upturned blade of your katana. Naturally, the handkerchief will be silently and perfectly cut exactly in half, and most importantly, without any threads showing. (This fact will be emphasized by the slow-motion view of the falling handkerchief, and zoom-ins with instant replay from a reverse angle, possibly augmented by a descending scale on an oriental-sounding string instrument.)
scienceman47 05-16-06, 04:17 AM	73. You are allowed to bypass the regeneration of the shogun of sorrow, or any other shape-shifting master of darkness. 74. The rose petal cut, a special technique only for the most effemenate samurai allows you to cut a rose in such a way as to seperate the rose petals, accomplishing nothing but impressing your girlfriend. 75. You bypass all Hardness, the price being that you will have to wait for the object in question to fall in two. Go meditate or slaughter ninjas or something. 76. Your wounds leave a lasting jealousy in eurocentric or realist foes, as they take a -2 to attacks and saves whilst they wonder how exactly the katana got so cool, and why not the bastard sword. 77. You may take a vow of bloody and stylish vengeance. Furthermore, you may take with you a baby and carry him on your back with no penalty while on you quest. 78. You gain an AC bonus equal to a monk of equivalent level allowing you to wear no armor except that robe. Instead of wisdom, you use your awesome score for AC.
Wonton2006 05-16-06, 07:42 AM	You want a lightsaber in D&D? Flame Blade. Use the proper energy substitution to make it a different colour - ES (Cold) for blue ES (Acid) for purple ES (Electricity) for yellow ES (Sonic) for... white or invisible
Rhomphaia 05-16-06, 11:47 AM	79) You can have that cool wavy effect on the blade that European swords 'didn't have'.* 80) Being able to say "Never bring a gun to a sword-fight, son." 81) Able to have by far, the biggest fillet knife around. Until someone shows up with a no-dachi. *Katanas, due to the method used in their forging, have an uneven wave-like pattern in their blade. Many people assume that this is unique to japanese blades. The peoples of Scandanavia and Norway often forged broadswords in such a way as to have braided patterns in their blades that is often more striking that a simple wavy formation on the blade. Now onto a couple of other things... Grow up.[/QUOTE] You want a lightsaber in D&D? Flame Blade. Use the proper energy substitution to make it a different colour - ES (Cold) for blue ES (Acid) for purple ES (Electricity) for yellow ES (Sonic) for... white or invisible You forgot to make it a wand. What is it with you people and your hatred towards anyone who likes anime? Hate anime? No. Hate rabid fanboys of any type? Yes. Seriously. Who cares what other people like? There is a difference between 'like' and 'obsession'. Its not going to affect your games in any way whatsoever. Unless it doesn't fit the setting. Then it will affect the game a whole bunch. Its like going nuts over someone who likes horror films. (O NOES! HE LIKES SOMETHING I DONT 1!QUICK!! I MUST BASH IT FOR ALL TIME!!!one1) Hasn't this always been the way of humans? Destroy anything that is different? Why change now? I don't care if you like anime or disney or 3D or anything else. But I am sick to death of complete strangers verbally abusing me simply because I happen to like a style of animation. It's not bashing those who like anime. There's nothing wrong with liking anime, or even liking one particular series a whole lot. Still there is a line between liking something (even liking it a lot) and being obsessed with it to the exclusion of all else. This is bashing rabid fanboys (and girls) who want to carry that obsession into every part of their lives. The way I see it, we are doing all of them a favor by giving them an impersonal look at the ridicule they will face when they take that obsession too far. Either that or we are just a bunch of ***holes who simply like tormenting others. This thread is exactly what I thought it was when i read the title, poking fun at the conventions of a genre. I am a fan of both Star Wars and Star trek, and when I see someone making fun of the way Kirk talks or Han's limp-writed shooting style, I laugh, because it is funny. As for your last comment... Grow up Doctor, heal thyself.
Elf_Jedi 05-16-06, 10:55 PM	Who's talking Katanas? ;)
narukagami 05-16-06, 11:21 PM	84) Posts about the subject are officially banned. 85) Now stop posting, or we're all in trouble.
Vahenir 05-17-06, 01:42 AM	Edit: Post Removed. I thought he was just kidding, didn't even notice the sticky up at the forums. Turns out all katana-related threads really ARE banned. So, the WizOs have my apologies and I hope they won't come down on me too hard since I edited out my post as soon as I saw the sticky.
xver 05-17-06, 02:54 AM	Risking the ire of the WizOs and numbering Vahenir's #86 against his will (heaven help me), I add the following: 87) A hoard of anime-hating-fanboys will decend on you and mercilessly flame you until eternity. (Or #89, whichever comes sooner.) 89) WizOs will lock your thread, thus allowing you to "win" any argument. 90) The edge of your blade will glow in a full brightness, full satutration color not used in western animation ... um, I mean ... weaponry. 91) You can cleave tanks in twain at range. (See the other thread ...)
DungeonMaster 05-17-06, 12:08 PM	This thread is just for fun right? No serious discussion. I think that's why it isn't locked. As long as it's just for kicks I think it's safe to post. Correct me if I'm wrong plz WizO. 92. Laugh at all the western sword weilders whose swords can only put dents in armour 93. Look far more stylish than an improvised weapon, those non-masterwork ones
Elf_Jedi 05-17-06, 08:12 PM	This thread is just for fun right? No serious discussion. I think that's why it isn't locked. As long as it's just for kicks I think it's safe to post. Correct me if I'm wrong plz WizO. I agree this thread hasn't turned into a flame war, like that other Katana thread.
WhiteHarness 05-17-06, 08:25 PM	This thread is just for fun right? No serious discussion. I think that's why it isn't locked. As long as it's just for kicks I think it's safe to post. Correct me if I'm wrong plz WizO. 92. Laugh at all the western sword weilders whose swords can only put dents in armour 93. Look far more stylish than an improvised weapon, those non-masterwork ones That's a good way to start the arguments that'll get this thread locked.
Vahenir 05-17-06, 08:58 PM	WizO_Hutt: "We have had a large number of katana-themed threads lately, and they invariably degenerate into a flamewar after a few pages of repetitive replies. Given that absolutely nothing new has been added to this discussion within recent memory, the topic is now banned until further notice." Is this a katana-themed thread? Yes, it is. Period. There is no caveat in Hutt's statement that we can still have joke threads about katana. I'd say it's best to stop posting in this one as well unless a WizO comes in and says this one is okay. But you know this one is almost assured to turn into a flamewar too - which is exactly what Hutt is attempting to prevent, so I don't presume this thread will stay unlocked long.
Subedei 05-17-06, 09:27 PM	I've decided I need to kill you in an honorable duel Vahenir. No reason, it just seems like the thing to do.
Vahenir 05-17-06, 10:11 PM	Can't argue with that kind of logic. It's go time!
terrashand 05-17-06, 10:43 PM	I get winner. But, I fight dirty sorry.
DungeonMaster 05-17-06, 11:31 PM	Ah but dirty fighter with katana always wins against simply dirty fighter. Except perhaps not so good against AK-47 dirty fighter. That should probably be #94. #94 Die very fast against AK-47. Vahenir you're so dead, Subudei does Gumbdo. Bring gun, trust me, he didn't specify the weapon. Loosen up WH, if I cared enough I would PM blast back. I can accept you have a different opinion than mine and that I can't change yours.
terrashand 05-17-06, 11:42 PM	:D Dungeon I'm in the US Army we have M-16A2's. Plus I am normally the 203 man in my squad (grenade launcher). Not to mention I am proficent with a sword myself.
Kothardarastrix 05-18-06, 12:40 AM	Well if you use an M16A2 with an M203, I propose we give the other a scoped AKM.
BloodSpill 05-18-06, 05:02 AM	Wasn't this about wielding real katanas? If not, my earlier comments were misguided. Katanas 101: Not everyone is a fanboy Summary: Anyone wielding a katana in REAL LIFE is not right in the head. (Or performing some sort of artistic display in Japan.) Anyone just carrying a katana is of somewhat dodgy sanity, but that is my opinion of anyone who has a sword collection. (Not interested, my opinion) Alternatively, the person is a very dangerous fanboy with trouble telling fantasy from reality. Anyone who wields or carries fake, non-lethal katanas around is a fanboy, a LARPer or a fanboy LARPer. Anyone who wants their character to wield a katana in a non-oriental game is a fanboy. Anyone who argues about the stats of a katana is a fanboy. Anyone who wants their character to be super powerful because of a katana should be playing BESM d20 instead. Anyone who wants their character to wield a katana because the character is a samurai or ronin in an oriental game is perfectly okay. I mean sure, I like anime. Anime is good, but I don't want it in my DnD. It's like ninjas. Ninjas are now considered mainstream because of the parody of the idea of a ninja. Ninjas are mammals! Hippos are mammals! Ninjas are fine in a non-serious DND game, but really don't belong in any setting that has no possible explanation on how such a tradition of espionage originated.
Kothardarastrix 05-18-06, 09:19 AM	Vahenir, if this thread gets locked, I win the argument. I don't hate anime, in fact one of my favorite franchises is Gundam.