Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Agent Rasp 11-20-04, 07:24 AM	So, in a sudden unexpected burst of creative whimsy, I sat down and hammered out game stats for a few items inspired by the merry antics of the cast of 8-Bit Theatre, plus a couple of other, only loosely related items. I was surprised by how legal some of this stuff turned out to be, v3.5-wise. * * * * * Knife of Stabbity Death: To most, this is an adamantine dagger bearing dark runes and radiating an aura of evil. When wielded by a wizard, the knife of stabbity death becomes a +1 keen unholy human bane wounding dagger. It also allows the wielder to make sneak attacks as if he were a 5th-level rogue (+3d6 damage). If the character already has the sneak attack ability, he is treated as being five levels higher in the class that grants him that ability for the purpose of determining damage. The knife of stabbity death bestows one negative level on any good-aligned creature attempting to wield it. The negative level remains as long as the weapon is in hand and disappears when the weapon is no longer wielded. This negative level never results in actual level loss, but it cannot be overcome in any way (including restoration spells) while the weapon is wielded. Moderate conjuration, evocation, and transmutation (evil); CL 10th; Craft Magic Arms and Armor, keen edge, mage’s sword, summon monster I, unholy blight, creator must be evil and have the sneak attack special ability; Price 79,802 gp; Cost 38,001 gp + 3040 XP. Hammer of Purity: To most, this is a masterwork alchemical silver light hammer, but in the hands of a cleric, the hammer of purity becomes a +1 merciful holy disrupting weapon. Once each day, the hammer may cast holy smite on any creature its wielder strikes (inflicting lethal or nonlethal damage, at the wielder’s option). Finally, if wielded by a female virgin (cleric or otherwise), the hammer gains the pervert bane ability and grants its wielder the same true strike ability as a shoujo hammer. Unlike the shoujo hammer, a hammer of purity can strike a male who has taken the Master Pervert feat with a normal attack, but should it strike a male with the Not a Pervert feat, the target suffers only 1 point of nonlethal damage, and the hammer wielder herself must make a successful Will save against DC 14 + the target’s Charisma modifier to resist the compulsion to apologize for her mistake. The hammer of purity bestows one negative level on any evil-aligned, male, or perverted creature attempting to wield it; evil males, evil perverts, and male perverts gain two negative levels, and evil male perverts gain three. The negative levels remain as long as the weapon is in hand and disappear when the weapon is no longer wielded. The negative levels never result in actual level loss, but cannot be overcome in any way (including restoration spells) while the weapon is wielded. Strong conjuration and moderate evocation (good); CL 14th; Craft Magic Arms and Armor, cure light wounds, heal, holy smite, true strike, creator must be good and female; Price 88,202 gp; Cost 44,101 gp + 3528 XP; Weight 2 lb. Shoujo Hammer: In the hands of an angry female, this innocuous wooden mallet becomes a +1 merciful pervert bane warhammer. Once per round, the wielder can command her weapon to activate a true strike spell, giving her unerring aim against the male who has offended her; this power is ineffective against females, or any male creature of a different kind or type than the wielder of the hammer. A male who has taken the Not a Pervert feat may attempt to dodge the unwarranted attack by making a Reflex save against DC 13 + the hammer wielder’s Strength modifier, but success is rare, and usually just gets him in further trouble. A male who has taken the Master Pervert feat cannot be struck by a shoujo hammer unless he is flat-footed, helpless, or has provoked an attack of opportunity. When not in use, the hammer is stored in some extra-dimensional space, from which its owner may summon it as a free action; this power may be used three times each day, with the hammer remaining until the wielder dismisses it or is disarmed. The shoujo hammer bestows one negative level on any male creature attempting to wield it, and two negative levels upon a male with the Pervert subtype. The negative levels remain as long as the weapon is in hand and disappear when the weapon is no longer wielded. The negative levels never result in actual level loss, but cannot be overcome in any way (including restoration spells) while the weapon is wielded. Strong conjuration and faint divination; CL 13th; Craft Magic Arms and Armor, cure light wounds, instant summons, summon monster I, true strike, creator must be female; Price 65,200 gp; Cost 32,600 gp + 2608 XP; Weight 3 lb. Shoujo Hammer, Lesser: This weapon resembles the standard shoujo hammer in most ways, except that it lacks the dimensional storage and summoning property. Instead, the lesser shoujo hammer may be shrunk to Fine size and restored to Medium size as a free action. In addition, males with the Not a Pervert feat may dodge this weapon by making a successful Reflex save against DC 8 + the hammer wielder’s Strength modifier. Moderate conjuration and faint divination; CL 8th; Craft Magic Arms and Armor, cure light wounds, shrink item, summon monster I, true strike, creator must be female; Price 20,400 gp; Cost 10,200 gp + 816 XP; Weight 3 lb. Shoujo Hammer, Greater: This dreadful weapon resembles its cousins in function, but is far more powerful. When summoned, the greater shoujo hammer takes the form of a Large +5 merciful vicious thundering pervert bane ki focus warhammer. It retains the true strike property of the standard shoujo hammer, and non-perverts make their Reflex save to dodge unwarranted attacks against DC 15 + the hammer wielder’s Strength. On a successful critical hit, rather than rendering its target deaf, the greater shoujo hammer launches him into the air. The target gains 1 foot of height for every point of damage the hammer inflicts, and takes the normal amount of damage (albeit nonlethal) for falling from that height when he hits the ground; this only occurs after he has traveled a number of miles equal to the hammer wielder’s Strength modifier. A man who suffers the devastating critical effect of the greater shoujo hammer is permitted a Reflex save against DC 15 + the hammer wielder’s Strength modifier to reduce the distance he travels (and thus, falls) by half. The only other saving grace for a male confronted by this horrible weapon is that it can only be summoned once per day; according to legend, this is accomplished by a furious scream of "RANMA!" from the hammer’s wielder. Strong (multiple schools); CL 15th; Craft Magic Arms and Armor, blindness/deafness, cure light wounds, instant summons, summon monster I, true strike, creator must be female; Price 147,100 gp; Cost 73,550 gp + 5884 XP; Weight 6 lb. Hat of the Black Mage: This pointy, wide-brimmed yellow hat functions like a helm of opposite alignment when first put on, except that it always changes the wearer’s alignment to evil; if he is already evil, he shifts one step towards chaotic evil, and if he is already chaotic evil, this power does not activate. The hat grants a +6 enhancement bonus to the Intelligence of any wizard who dares to wear it. Strong transmutation; CL 12th; Create Wondrous Item, bestow curse, fox’s cunning, creator must be 12th level and evil; Price 41,800 gp. Hood of the White Mage: This rose-trimmed white hood grants a +6 enhancement bonus to the Intelligence and Wisdom of any divine spellcaster who wears it. It also bestows one negative level on any evil-aligned creature attempting to wear it. The negative level remains as long as the hood is worn and disappears when it is removed or stowed. This negative level never results in actual level loss, but it cannot be overcome in any way (including restoration spells) while the hood of the white mage is worn. Moderate transmutation; CL 8th; Craft Wondrous Item, fox’s cunning, owl’s wisdom, creator must be of good alignment; Price 50,400 gp. Robe of the Black Mage: This yellow-trimmed blue garment has the same powers as an evil-aligned robe of the archmagi. Once per day, an arcane spellcaster who wears the robe of the black mage may cast the hadoken spell. Strong varied; CL 17th; Craft Wondrous Item, antimagic field, hadoken, mage armor, creator must be of evil alignment; Price 132,834 gp; Weight 1 lb. Robe of the White Mage: This rose-trimmed white garment has the same powers as a good-aligned robe of the archmagi, except that it can be worn by divine spellcasters instead of arcane casters. The robe of the white mage also adds a +6 enhancement bonus to the wearer’s Charisma. Strong varied; CL 14th; Craft Wondrous Item, antimagic field, consecrate, eagle’s splendor, shield of faith, creator must be of good alignment; Price 112,800 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Maladaar 11-20-04, 07:46 AM	I like the Knife of Stabbity Death and would actually consider giving that to a BBEG.