Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Allthegoodnamesweretaken 07-19-07, 05:02 PM	I once remember reading about a sword that desperately wanted to be a medical scalpel (it eventually gained healing powers, if I remember correctly). I also remember reading about a bow that, no matter what it said, always came off as incredibly perverted (although it didn't mean to sound that way). Have you heard of/thought of/made any amusing intelligent items?
peteyrock 07-19-07, 05:10 PM	I loved the intelligent greatsword in Baldur's Gate 2. "You know, my last owner always said I was 'sharp' and 'edgy'... He was such an ass." "You know, once, I was like, a Moonblade. True story." "C'mon, c'mon! I want something to kill!" "I don't know what you were expecting, but as a sword I'm pretty one-dimensional in what I waaaant." EDIT: Lilarcor was its name.
tarkin 07-19-07, 05:11 PM	I had a very noisy Sword of Subtlety that used to cry out in battle. Gave any one you tried to surprise with it a +4 to their listen check to avoid being surprised.
Propane 07-19-07, 05:27 PM	I loved the intelligent greatsword in Baldur's Gate 2. "You know, my last owner always said I was 'sharp' and 'edgy'... He was such an ass." "You know, once, I was like, a Moonblade. True story." "C'mon, c'mon! I want something to kill!" "I don't know what you were expecting, but as a sword I'm pretty one-dimensional in what I waaaant." EDIT: Lilarcor was its name. Lilarcor was awesome, and good, too! I always ended up giving it to Minsc as they both seem to have the same intelligence level =p THACO: +3 bonus Damage: 1D10 + 3 Damage Type: slashing Proficiency Type: Tho Handed Sword Speed Factor: 8 Type: 2-handed Abilities: Immunity to Charm Immunity to Confusion Requirements: Strength: 14 Lawrence Lilarcor was well known, not for being brave, but as an idiot. As the tale goes, the boastful Lilarcor left his village at the urging of his friends so that the "great hero" could do battle with a devious Treant. He walked for days in the dead of winter until, feverish, he found his target and began an epic wrestling match. Unfortunately (or perhaps luckily), the "Treant" was nothing more than a craggy old normal oak. His friends had been jesting, not actually expecting that Lilarcor would go fight the fictitiously dangerous tree. That might have been the end of it, but Lilarcor, not really knowing what a Treant was in the first, didn't realize the truth. He eventually unprooted the oak and, marching proudly home, he declared himself a hero. Thus was born a laughing stock of epic proportions, and over time the name of Lilarcor became the sacrificial fool in many tales of "less than brillance". It is known whether this enchanted weapon is Lilarcor himself, perhaps imprisoned by an evil mage or some other odd coincidence of fate, but it certainly acts in a manner consistant with his level of competence. If it is he, he has never bemoaned his captivity. He might not realize, or care, that he is no longer a human. As a weapon, Lilarcor has its uses, but many a warrior has eventually given it away. Banter such as "Ouch, that musta hurt", "Oh yeah! Got 'im good", and "Beware my bite for it might...might...might really hurt or something" is a constant barrage on a warrior's psyche.
stargate525 07-19-07, 06:26 PM	I once had a pair of boots that had multiple personality disorder (3-5 personalities each one) And a sword that was a pacifist and a neat freak.
Drow64 07-19-07, 07:30 PM	I had a shortsword who acted like a valley girl. Her name was Armalia. Armalia: So then I said to him, 'You're, like, totally dead, man!' And so he said, like, 'No way!' And then I- Hobgoblins: Rarrghhh!!! Armalia: Hey, what the ****? They're swinging at us! Nobody said they'd be, like, swinging at us! Sword: CLANG! Armalia: Ow, my paint! It's like, totally ruined! *SNKT* "Gaaahhh!..." Armalia: Uh, hey, my guy, like, needs a band-aid or something and he's lying in a pool of his own blood. Is that, like, bad or something?
TheKeyofE 07-19-07, 08:09 PM	A friend told me about a sword in an old AD&D game of his. The sword was Agoraphobic (fear of open spaces or new and frightening situations). The sword just wanted to stay in his "safe place" (his sheath), and the wielder had to coax him out. If the wielder ever pulled him from the sheath forcefully, he'd just jump right back in. EDIT: and I liked Lilarcor, too. I thought his comments when you initiate dialog with him were funnier than his random sayings. "Wait, you're asking my advice? Alright, I'd like to register a complaint. I want to kill a dragon. Right now. No, no, no, don't go look for one, just find one and kill it. That would be soooo AWESOME!"
Lunas_Argent 07-19-07, 11:13 PM	I once remember reading about a sword that desperately wanted to be a medical scalpel (it eventually gained healing powers, if I remember correctly). I also remember reading about a bow that, no matter what it said, always came off as incredibly perverted (although it didn't mean to sound that way). Have you heard of/thought of/made any amusing intelligent items? LMFARTFOLaughing My F***ing A** Right The F*** Off What!!! I have never heard of such an idea, but I love it!!!!!! PS, Im assuming you meant to say AMUSING weapons, and not ANUSING weapons, Id just rather die from old fashioned weapons than Anusing weapons.
Allthegoodnamesweretaken 07-19-07, 11:59 PM	oh dear, I just noticed the typo... N is right next to M! It's not my fault, blame the keyboard setup!
Propane 07-20-07, 12:47 AM	oh dear, I just noticed the typo... N is right next to M! It's not my fault, blame the keyboard setup! Oh, I thought you made a strange "On using" typo =\
Lunas_Argent 07-20-07, 12:55 PM	Oh, I thought you made a strange "On using" typo =\ I originally thought it would be a thread about torture.
Kradlo 07-20-07, 01:20 PM	I recall a number of amusing intelligent weapons. Upon our fellow PC picking up the sword, the PC suddenly started talking. "Hi! I'm Tollarthotharod, and this is my pet Elf!" The sword Foulmouth, that tended to tell its wielder in the most colorful language imaginable how utterly ineffectual and incompetent he was. Nothing could shut that sword up. A friend of mine had a mithril longsword with a basket hilt. The sword hated orcs, so much so that if there was one orc behind an army of balrogs, the sword would tell the wielder that they were going to kill the orc. If the PC refused, the basket hilt would flow up to cover the PC's arm up to the elbow, whereupon the sword would tell him that if he did not comply, it would open every vein in his arm and keep them open until he bled to death. A PC of mine, Rogla Goblinslayer, had a mithril bastard sword named Melinda. Melinda was in love with Rogla and had a jealous streak. If a comely barmaid approached, a metallic voice would ring out. "Back off, b*tch, or I'll cut your t*ts off!" And many years ago, I played a character that was a manifestation of the Champion Eternal, Lord Skael Drowbane. The Black Sword, Blackhorn, killed everyone that he loved before killing him in front of the gates of Tanelorn. It was delightfully tragic.
Lunas_Argent 07-20-07, 04:27 PM	The only mafic items Ive ever heard of being used for amusement like that werent intellegent. Magic boots of Healing (Yes, I said Healing). The NPC healer would kick your character in the groin as hard as he could to activate its power ;)
Ogreman 07-20-07, 04:53 PM	My favorite intelligent item was the intelligent flying carpet. It used construct rules, and couldn't talk, but was very Disney-version Alladdin, until one day when our cleric was taking a bath and the carpet stole her clothes. That was a good day.
Dracomortis 07-20-07, 05:24 PM	Our party found a talking platinum coin once named Shiny. Despite our best efforts, we could not convince as to why other coins refused to talk to it and every attempt to spend it failed - it would flip into the eye of the merchant, or keep slipping between our fingers, or hide inside our clothes. It was actually pretty funny, if a little annoying at times.
Empirate 07-24-07, 07:54 AM	I gave one of my PCs a pair of scary swords once. Alone, they were rather ...dull, actually. +1 and +2, respectively. But when wielded together with the TWF feat, they gained additional powers. They were called Hunger and Thirst: Hunger inflicted a negative level on a crit, while Thirst always inflicted an extra d4 points of damage that the wielder got as healing. They always craved dragon blood, but as the PC wielding them was only too happy to comply (he was a real dragonslayer, Ranger with Favored Enemy: Dragons), they never had to dominate him. The funny part, though: There was a third item in the "set" that they had been created as. After some research, the PC found the mage who kept it, and bought the item off him. This item was the Scabbards of Patience. Placing Hunger and Thirst in their respective scabbards let them gain additional powers - the longer they weren't drawn, the greater the powers gained. Their best properties were "unlocked" only after one year and one day in the scabbards: Hunger was Vorpal then, while Thirst got the Speed property. Properties gained in this way were active for one encounter only, after which the swords needed a scabbard holiday to regain them... From that day on, we didn't see this PC use his magic swords much... he waited and waited for the better powers to manifest, always paranoid he would "waste" the waiting time. Eventually he even bought a decent magic longsword so he'd have a sufficient backup weapon. Hunger and Thirst were quite content with this, they liked their scabbards. Most of the time they slept, only occasionally whispering to each other.
unundindur 07-24-07, 11:11 AM	I loved the intelligent greatsword in Baldur's Gate 2. "You know, my last owner always said I was 'sharp' and 'edgy'... He was such an ass." "You know, once, I was like, a Moonblade. True story." "C'mon, c'mon! I want something to kill!" "I don't know what you were expecting, but as a sword I'm pretty one-dimensional in what I waaaant." EDIT: Lilarcor was its name. WORD! :D This one have become a legend amongst me and my friends. "Whats my status? Now when did you start carin so much about me impaled in someones guts? Well, let me think... I want to kill someone rich, then kill someone richer; HACK AND SLASH MY WAY TO FORTUNE MOAHAHA!" :rolleyes:
Platstud 07-24-07, 03:59 PM	From that day on, we didn't see this PC use his magic swords much... he waited and waited for the better powers to manifest, always paranoid he would "waste" the waiting time. I can identify with this. I HATE using limited use items in case I might need them later. My last character died when he hit a trap while he only had 1 hp. He was carrying 3 potions of cure minor wounds and 2 potions or cure moderate.
danelsan 07-29-07, 07:37 PM	I had a bard with a intelligent dagger that was also an ocarina (a musical instrument - Zelda, anyone?). It loved music and dancing (in fact it was a +3 Dancing dagger that could cast Otto's Irresistible dance!). On top of that, it (he?) had a very queer personality, and tried to pull the bard to it's tastes: "Oh, Darling! That princess has no grace, can't move her feet right. Look at the dancing of the baron's son, why don't you go ask the young man for some lessons?" Also, a friend told me of a character who had many intelligent items: sword, shield, armor, even a cloak, a belt and a pair of boots! All of them had different personalities, tastes and objectives, giving the character o lot of powers and even more headaches!
TheKeyofE 07-29-07, 10:27 PM	Also, a friend told me of a character who had many intelligent items: sword, shield, armor, even a cloak, a belt and a pair of boots! All of them had different personalities, tastes and objectives, giving the character o lot of powers and even more headaches! That must have been rough on the DM. That's like having six extra NPCs with the party at all times.
stargate525 07-29-07, 11:35 PM	I can identify with this. I HATE using limited use items in case I might need them later. My last character died when he hit a trap while he only had 1 hp. He was carrying 3 potions of cure minor wounds and 2 potions or cure moderate. Kinda like the guy who drowned with a potion of waterbreathing in his hand. Our party found a talking platinum coin once named Shiny. Despite our best efforts, we could not convince as to why other coins refused to talk to it and every attempt to spend it failed - it would flip into the eye of the merchant, or keep slipping between our fingers, or hide inside our clothes. It was actually pretty funny, if a little annoying at times. I'm totally springing this on my players... That must have been rough on the DM. That's like having six extra NPCs with the party at all times. Played correctly though, it can be alot of fun for the DM and the players.
SuichimoTheDragoon 07-29-07, 11:39 PM	Although not based in D&D, the only weapon I've had experience with that would be considered intelligent would be Steve the Slingshot from Dark Cloud.
Thurbane 07-30-07, 04:28 AM	Anusing intelligent weapons? Well, I guess you could use the rules for concealing weapons... ...oh, AMUSING intelligent weapons, gotcha! :D
Khadmus 07-30-07, 06:35 AM	I originally thought it would be a thread about torture. And I about breaking intelligent weapons in half. (not literally). I guess that means I'm a powergamer now...*sigh*...I miss being a scrub.
The.Vortex 07-30-07, 07:23 AM	And I about breaking intelligent weapons in half. (not literally). I guess that means I'm a powergamer now...*sigh*...I miss being a scrub. I actually thought, this thread would be about aBusing intelligent weapons.. the b is reight next to the n as well ;)
ServanWolf 07-30-07, 07:53 AM	i just created a set of four magical weapons: a +1 unholy brilliant energy Scimitar (who hates all wath good and alive) a +1 holy disrupting Warhammer (who hates all whats evil and undead) a +1 axiomatic vorpal Rapier (who hates all what is chaotic and illegal) a +1 anarchic vicious Flail (who hates all what is lawful and try to control it) each one has also the Spell Storing ablilty on it...wath special on those four that they must be all on the same person toherwise you get one negative levels (per item you dont have on you), and the wielder must always be Neutral on the Chaotic-lawful axis). The wielder must be have cleric also. I think you could imagine the debates the weapons do all the time against each other and the character wielding it. Be the way each item is a intelligent item of the strongest kind :p.
Ecalsneerg 07-30-07, 09:03 AM	My favorite intelligent item was the intelligent flying carpet. It used construct rules, and couldn't talk, but was very Disney-version Alladdin, until one day when our cleric was taking a bath and the carpet stole her clothes. That was a good day. What did it do? Wear them in a disturbingly erotic manner? :P