Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Chronomage 05-21-04, 06:57 AM	Okay this is what I did with my players: For reasons that shouldn't concern anyone, the players had an informal audience with Elminster in Shadowdale and were getting along just fine. Elminster complained of some pains without saying where and headed off to the bathroom. One player, a rogue with shadowdancer levels, got curious and when El came back made an excuse and disappeared. Going to the Bathroom he combed it and found a medicine cabinet, inside of which was a collection of unknown powders in a special package that read, "For treatment of the human immunodeficiency virus, apply twice daily, and swallow the red stuff."
C.M.O.T. Stanleigh 05-21-04, 01:28 PM	Well, this wasn't actually in FR setting, but... I was dming for two PCs, they were chasing a band of unusually big and strong orcs who were accompanied by trolls. They encountered them on a field, where they could slay all but one orc who fled and couldn't be chased because the orc killed the other PC. So the remaining PC desperately tried to find someone who could raise his friend, all the while carrying him on his shoulders. Thanks to a luck roll, he did find a lone druid's cottage. The druid was a bit cranky, but agreed to raise the fallen smith. The druid finished his spell and told the PC to wait for a couple of hours and then his friend would just wake up. Then the druid said he had important business to do and let the PC wait in his cottage while he was away. After a while the PC got a bit bored and went outside to observe the nature around him. And suddenly he spotted the orc who had fled from the battlefield. After some very strange confrontation tactics they ended up fighting on top of the roof. I have very vague memories of how this could have happened. Of course the roof couldn't take the combined weight of an axewielding almost seven feet-tall half-lizardman and not as tall but certainly sturdier orc. Both fell through, and the more agile PC finished of the orc. Battle was over but the PC thought it would be considerate to tidy up a bit. He pushed the orc under the bed and fixed the roof somewhat adequately. Then he frowned at his blood-stained battlegear. He searched trough the house to find water. He found a big barrel containing about fifty bucketfuls of water. He then washed his weapons all of his gear in it. Then the other PC woke up and was told what had happened (He had left the room at the time his PC went dead, and it was interesting to listen to the PC explaining the situation). His reaction was something like: "Right..." The druid finally returned, and describing him "furious" would be like calling Waterdeep a hamlet. First he asked the PCs why is his floor bent downwards at least half an inch. -"And what are those bloodtrails leading to my bed? And what about the stench coming under it? Well, maybe I'll calm down after having a drink of cool water that I carried, almost breaking my back doing it, from the only river in 50 mile radius. Why does it have a bit of reddish colour? YOU ******!!!-" And the PCs ran like Abyss... I'll come back writing something funnier if I remember anything good.
Dirk_Nightbreese 05-21-04, 02:01 PM	Well, this is one of my favorite memories from a game. To set this up, one must know that the PC I was playing was a bounty hunter who exclusively hunted monstrous humaniods and one of the other PCs in our group was a Saurial. Upon our meeting, my PC thought the Saurial was a lizard man and attacked, trying to capture him. After figuring out the Saurial wasn't evil or a Lizard man, the fight stopped, but my PC didn't trust, nor like the Saurial. To complicate matters, the Saurial couldn't talk and so held up pre-made signs that had questions and explinations on them...and could only really communicate through writing. My PC could not read...though he didn't want any one else in the party to know this...he was ashamed. But he wouldn't let on that he couldn't read the signs, he'd just nod in an uncommital manner. Our party made their way to this abandoned school of Wizardry that had been destroyed many years before. Exploring one of the towers in the school, the party got in this fight and everybody was downed except for my PC and the Saurial, who were trapped in this chamber where a trap was about to go off. So the Saurial is writing like mad, trying to tell my PC what to do and after much frustration my PC finally just yelled at him, "I can't read!" and socked him in the mouth. Everybody at the table busted up with laughter and it was a great scene.
Dirk_Nightbreese 05-21-04, 02:30 PM	Dude, is that really called for? If you don't have anything to contribute...why post? that is unless this comment will lead to an ultimately hilarious story about a gaming experience.....I sure hope so.
Pystian 05-21-04, 03:29 PM	Funny stories folks. Dirk, I liked yours especially, perhaps because I play a Saurial.
Forsaken_Rocker 05-21-04, 11:03 PM	I was dming a 15 pc campaign (AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!) it was cool, but 2 were brothers (AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!) let me first point out that one of the brothers dream car was a pink cadilac with hydrolics. so they got into this huge fight about if drow could be of any good alingment (AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!) i put my foot down and said that drow were not allowed in the campaign ANYWAY because this was in Icewind Dale and about 15 defenders of Bryn Shander set out to kill... yeah not get into details. So the guy (bro who likes pink cad.) got all up in my face, he ****** me off. so i shouted. "AIGHT THATS IT YOU ARE GETTING A PINK CADILAC DROPED ON YOU!!!" it dealt 5d20 damage and another 2d10 per round because of the bouncing hydrolics. He died because of it and tore his char. sheet and woulden't play for 2 months:bigeyes: the other 14 players coulden't stop laughing and would refer to this everytime he played. I also have another one about this strange white powder they found on the streets of Thay. but i dont want to get smited by big_sis
Chronomage 05-22-04, 10:14 AM	Non FR moment, with background: I was playing in this one campaign where I was an evil halfling assassin. Nobody ever looked at me twice, even though there were a string of senseless murders around town with my signature. I was part of the local thieves guild and had a nice thing going on where I was aiming for the inner circle. I hadn't yet gotten the PrC because it was a limited world and the secrets of the assassin were closely guarded. So we're going through this one tomb and I get separated from my party. I accidentally summon this avatar of Kali (hindu goddess of death) and make a deal with her that I'll assassinate this Princess that supposed to come to town several months from now. In exchange she'll induct me into the mysteries. So me and my friends get topside, and I'm still bluffing em, when it all goes to hell. The street lurches we run for the walls and get one heck of a view for the action. The avatar comes surging up on the back of a purple worm, wreaking havoc and devastation! Great Wizards come to fight her, mounted warriors, golems, the whole bit and she's kicking the crap outta all of em. And then it gets worse. The fighting spreads, engulfing the city. My cousin comes up and tells me the guildhouse is burning and the thieves deserting. Than, worse still, the princess shows up. And she confronts the avatar and the avatar says, "YOU!? I ORDERED YOUR DEATH!" And I, totally freaked out at this point, can only shout (squeak loudly), "It's not my fault! She's :censored: early!" As you might imagine, the other players did not react prettily.
Taeleraed_Saahdel 05-24-04, 01:16 PM	My friend was playing a psychic warrior, and he was still pretty inexperienced with psionics. We were at the mage fair, and all of a sudden this wizard starts launching fireballs into the crowd. My friend says, "I know, I'll use mind blast" "It's a 60 ft. cone!" "oops." people fall over clutching heads.
Juniphy 05-26-04, 07:00 PM	The DM was this fat ugly guy with pimple problems, he was roleplaying as a dashing knight with the cheesiest lines. Funniest moment ever! :D
Mr. Domino 05-26-04, 08:02 PM	I was dming the "Burning Plague" campaign located on this site as a free download a few weeks ago. When a pc's monk character came upon a trapped(the dangerous type) corpse. When he poked it with his staff I ruled that the thunderstone trap made my by the kobolds in the dungeon went off. Needless to say, the resounding boom from the thunderstone echoed down the dungeon, allerting all the kobolds of intruders. To this day the player gets ragged about checking corpses. ;) In a different campaign where I was a player, the look I got when everyone noticed my elf evoker only had a 10 constitution was priceless! :eek:
Lancelot3679 05-29-04, 02:25 PM	The best one ever was when I played a Dwarf-Half Celestial son of Clangadin Silverbeard. Cool Paladin. The party was attacked by a group of driders. Well, on defeating the four driders we found a ring and it was decided that I should try it on and see what it does, since my saves would probably save me if anything went wrong. DM – “Ok Thoradin, you put the ring on right?” Me – “Yup” DM- “K. You hear a voice in your head. It is a booming female voice that says, “Report, are they dead?” Me – “Yup, we killed those Driders good, why, who are you?” DM – “[gasp]You have meddled in things that are beyond you far too many times, that is why my slaves came after you. You will return that ring or be punished!!” [Backstory – We took on some drow in the underdark, freed some slaves and escorted them back to the surface, the drow priests sent the driders into the town to kill us and get the slaves back] Me – [Walking around, other characters curious] “Let me think about that... [hums a dwarven tune]” DM – “How dare you keep Lloth, Queen of the Drow waiting!!! I will...” Me – “Ahhh, so I keep Lloth waiting, eah? Well, you can tell that fat, bloated, spider-arsed [fem. Dog] that I don’t much care! And I will keep her waiting as long as I want. Cause I’m Thoradin Goldbeard!” DM –“When you finish yelling, dark clouds gather overhead, and a green vortex opens allowing a 15ft creature with a carapace of black plates, large bat wings, four humanoid arms and four arachnid ones, ten black eyes, and with a mane of black hair to step out of the portal. In a way, it looks like an arachnid balor.” Me – “Oh Fu.....” DM [Dark and Demonic voice] – “You will return Dark Queen’s holy ring, Now!” Me – “Sure, no problem.” [Hands over ring and Demon turns away]. “Oh, and you can tell Lloth that I’m sorry for that whole ***** thing.” DM – The Demon stops, and turns. It flares small claws by it’s mouth and waves it’s hands and the world is suddenly one of flame, roll a reflex save.” The demon then immolated about 80 people in the town and did some major damage to the team. Not to mention the trial that followed because the towns folk thought that I had used the ring to summon the demon. Just goes to show you, never swear at a Dark God. For my favorite line from a PC in one of my games, just look at my sig.
Neo 05-30-04, 05:26 PM	I would have to say one of the funniest moments I recall as a DM was during an old campaign that took the group down into the undermountain. The party was made up of Fergus Bucallen - (fighter, human..scottish accent, kilt.. dont ask ) :) Heisten - (elven ranger) Doomdark - (sigil human, wizard) Doctor Feustus - (creepy human Necromancer with a liking for leeches and cranial drills) Mendrick - (human paladin) Having descended quite far into the depths of the dungeon about level 4 or 5 I think it was they came to a long stairwell down, moving as a group they started to head down descending some three hundred feet before they heard an unusual intake/outaking of air. rounding the corner coming up the stairs floated a beholder (first one i'd ever used in my games and its reputation had definitely preceeded it), the group in a panic drew weapons and fully expected to die but bravely... all that is except Heisten. Heisten moved past the beholder fleeing for his life down the stairs in the hopes of avoiding the beast intact, leaving the group to confront the beholder alone. He ran down another 150 feet of stairs while they fought until he reached the bottom landing and came to a pair of large stone doors. Pulling the stone doors open he looked inside and saw a huge vaulted hall with many tall stone pillars going from floor to roof. From within the room came the steady pulse of warm air. curious hesiten moved into the hall a little ways and lit a torch, holding it up above him. It was then he noticed he was some 100 feet or so from the nostrils of a particularly large Red Dragon and the steady breeze was coming from its once snoozing seld. The dragon blinked its eyes open saw heisten and unfurled itself from a catlike ball it had been resting in and started to stalk towards him like a cat stalking a mouse. At that point he was lucky enough to make the save against dragon fear, dropped the torch turned round ran outside the hall pushed the door shut, declared "nope nothing in there" and began running back up the stairs again. When the group saw him again, he was pale as a ghost running as afast as he could, straight past the fighting part, straight past the beholder and kept on running up the stairs and through the dungeon till he returned to the Yawning Portal once again :D Needless to say after the fight with the beholder the group returned to heal up anyone and give Heisten a piece of thier minds, but when asked about what he had seen at the bottom of the stairs all he would ever say was "nope, nothing there uh-uh.." and then take a deep swig from his wineskin to steady his nerves LOL Of that particular group Doctor Feustus later died while sat in a wagon full of spare supplies and oil casks that became the unfortunate target of a fireball spell. All the others with the exception of Hesiten died when Doomdark became a lich and after having been caught trapping the soul of a particularly notable paladin by the group turned on them and was able in a very close battle to slay them, he later went on to become one of the campaigns major villains. Hesiten being ever the cowardly one fled the battle when it became obvious the group wasn't going to win and retired to the country to raise turnips.
Urlithani 05-31-04, 03:26 AM	Our PC's were an elite team for the kingdom of Damara, which was usurped by an evil noble in league with giants, drow, and the witch-king himself. So we were in this fire giant stronghold, and had to leave hastily after our objective was completed(we killed uh, 2 giants, a couple monsters, and a couple drow...because 3e giants are NASTY). We found a ring of three wishes, but the rogue and the other wizard didn't want to leave the rest of the treasure behind, so they teleported back. The wizard had the ring of three wishes, and the rogue had a succor stick, that when he broke it he was teleported back to his guild. Well, a patrol happened along, and for whatever reason the wizard's teleport spell didn't work. The rogue broke his stick and was whisked away. The wizard, in a panic, decided to hide in the giant chest of copper coins. He buried himself well, and the giant king and Drow high priestess did not initially see him. The wizard, feeling the chest he was hiding in open, donned the ring, pushed his head above the coins, and said, "I wish I was back home!" And there he was, sitting on his bed, back home in Impiltur. He heard footsteps coming down the hall. The door opened, and standing before him was the Drow High Priestess. "What are you doing?" She asked. "I, uh..." He replied, not really knowing what to do or say. She put her hands on her hips. "Well come on. Dinner is getting cold." So he followed her downstairs for dinner. She stood before the doorway to the dining room, holding the door open for him. "Thanks!" He said with a smile as he went in to enjoy his soup. She merely laughed. At this point, we're all like, "Wow man that's cool. You have a drow wife and you're all cozy and stuff." DM: As you're eating dinner, you hear a voice come through the wall: "So, I see they caught another fool trying to steal the King's treasure!" The room dissolves around you and you see that you are sitting in a barren prison cell. You manage to see the eyes of a drow female look at you through the small window in the door before laughing and turning away. So the player asks: "Uh, what's going on?" Our DM said: "It wasn't a ring of three wishes; it was a ring of delusion." :D
Brahzs M'ahnkei 05-31-04, 04:31 PM	While in high school, I played in a low level campaign that sticks in my mind to this day- all of us were inexperienced players, just bumbling through an adventure. One scene that still makes me chuckle: I was playing a giant-type (don't remember quite how, it was 2nd Ed.) with prodigious strength; a party-mate was playing a dwarf. The town was attacked, and we made our stand in the marketplace. The dwarf came up with a brilliant idea to shock and demoralize our enemies: have me (the giant) throw him into the fray. The rest of the party (including me) was quite dubious, but he was so excited, I couldn't resist. Needless to say, I rolled a one. The dwarf sailed high and away and smashed into a market stall selling live chickens- our kind, slightly-short-sighted DM ruled him unconscious rather than DOA. We all fell out of our chairs laughing at the stunned player who (apparently) had not even thought of this possible outcome. For the remainder of the campaign, whoever was DMing mangaged to throw in some chicken feathers in some way shape or form. Peace and cookies. ;)
Caul 06-02-04, 03:03 PM	...old man on the tricycle with the bell...nuff said...
Amoun 06-04-04, 02:41 PM	Before I start let me just outline a little house rule we use. If you roll a natural 20 twice the creature u were attacking goes unconscious, if you roll a natural 1 twice you go unconscious (for to hit rolls). DM: You descend into a damp room and you see two very large ogres snoring next to a 10 x 10 door. Fighter/Thief: I sneak up to the ogres and attempt to slit their throats DM: Roll Your move silently Fighter/thief: 18 DM: Ok you are next to one of the ogres what do you do? Fighter/thief: Attempt to coup de grace *rolls dice* 1.... oh *beep* 1 again DM: As you try to slit the ogres throat you slip on the wet floor hit the ogre on the head and go unconscious. The ogre wakes up and starts cursing in giant, waking the other ogre up as well. Players: We attack.. Couple Minutes later DM: You defeat the ogres Cleric: I heal our little sleeping friend *Fighter/thief gets back up* DM: The 10x10 door bursts open and you see one tanarukk draw his weapon. *Everyone rolls for initiative* *Fighter/thief rolls natural 20* Fighter/thief: I charge at the tanarukk, *rolls dice* 1... *rolls dice again* 1... the guy just knocked himself unconscious on numerous other occassions during the first round of combat... but this is where the curse began hehe.
Mel Ann Cholly 06-04-04, 03:08 PM	We were in this mage's tower, and there seemed to be no way up. But a true seeing spell revealed a hidden opening. Most of us couldn't climb, and we only had 50ft of rope in the party, so we couldn't use that. So the mage decides, "Well I've got these charmed giants, why don't we have them throw us up." So the DM rolls for the giants to start tossing us through this opening. When it's my turn to be tossed, he rolls a one. And I impact with the side of the tower. I think the mage just about ****** himself laughing at my misfortune. In this other campaign that I was DMing I had the party (a Half-Orc barbarian, a Human Ranger, and a Human Rogue) investigating this cave behind a waterfall. It was obvious that it was a monster's lair, but they couldn't tell what kind of monster. So they find some treasure and stuff and assume the lair is abandoned. As they're leaving, the Ranger turns to the Barbarian and goes "I'll give you a gold piece to jump through the waterfall". The Half-Orc thought that was a pretty good idea, so he made a running jump and went through the waterfall. And passed by the Beholder whose lair they were in, as he got blasted with all of it's eyes rays. He made every save but one. And he landed as a stone statue. In a completely different campaign, the Half-Orc's player was playing a Halfling Rogue and was walking along a thin stone wall of a keep. He ended up failing a balance check and fell, and the damage ended up killing him. So now we like to bug him about heights. Falling, jumping, it doens't matter, it usually ends poorly for him :D :D :D
Lancelot3679 06-05-04, 03:18 PM	I remembered a good one from a campaign that we had in the dales. We'd run into a scouting party of drow (all female) and found a number of magical items. It was a large party, I was running two characters, twin brother/sister duo, there was a really great rouge/ranger, a orc chef/bolas hunter, gnome mage, half-dragon paladin and ranger... The rouge started using his Use Magical Device skill to test out the items. One of the items tested was a wand off the Drow Priestest. He tries for some time to figure out what he has to do. It was a black shaft with two strange purple gems. He finally touches one and the thing begins to let off a humming sound. He tries the other "button" and it hummms louder. Finally it touches both and a version or web shoots out. Then he turns to Lucinda, my twin cleric in the party, and says, "Here you go Lucinda, I think you can use this more than anyone else in the party." There was roaring laughter and some more sick jokes... the NPC still carries the wand.
Archangel 06-08-04, 07:59 AM	We're on the quest to find a cure for some special disease in some cavern complex. So after a few minor encounters we've got split up. My Shade character got trapped by a improved Ettin. I got myself into some goo that prevented my invisibility from working so I hidden myself in some hole and used my torch to put myself on fire knowing that my fast healing will heal me afterwards. After I started burning the goo slowly started to disepear but then I tried to put the fire out but kept getting low reflex save rolls and almost killed myself. In the end I finished almost naked and without hair at 2 hp. At the same time my other 2 party members stumbled into a ceremony room full of cultists that immeditely started to go at them. They of course fled but in confusion missed the way they came in so they ended up going over a bridge over some molten lava. There was a gap in the bridge but it was only 3 feet wide. Since they were being closely followed DM disallowed take 10 to jump across so they both rolled the jump skill and the one of them got a 1 (and that was the only number that he would fail with) so he fell into the lava and died! The other one was later killed by the Poison Mist and my char attacked the Ettin again and was killed with a critical hit! In another campain but same DM we met this crazy guy (he called monsters rabbits and we found that out only later) who was our guide and we came up on some cave! He warned us of rabbits inside but one PC decided to enter while the rest went on! DM descibed it as a "Big enterance with steam coming from inside" (we were in Icewind Dale). When he entered he saw a huge cavern with a large steaming pond in the center and a large golden chest at the other side. That didn't stop him although the other players already knew what was going to happen and we could do all but stop ourselves from bursting into laughter! But he found a path around the lake and almost got to the other side. At that moment two large 10 headed Hydras got out of the lake and attacked. He tried to get away and as he almost did a HUGE Dragon emerged from the lake and cast Haste on one of the Hydras...! That players made a new char and a session later with some priests and led by my char went to the cave again to find his last char. Again I didn't want to enter but he convinced the priests to go in first... that was the last time we saw them!