Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Kelios_Lyonsmane 12-12-06, 12:41 PM	I know there is a post like this " around " i just cant find it and i tought why not start one for FR . Mine was my Barbarian who tryed to bash a door in but he rolled a 1 so failled and got bruised in the attempt ( not to mention the dent in his ego ) so he decided to rage to open it ... The problem was , there was a reason the door was locked , there was only ruins left on the other side ( somthing about a mage duel gone bad ) and a 300 foot drop ... As powerfull as a Dire Rino ... and half as smart . P.S. If you have the link for the old post , a link would be apreciated and even if your death didint happend in FR it is still funny :-)
MerrikCale 12-12-06, 01:02 PM	Funniest death: That old lady in LA Law.
LaEternale 12-13-06, 01:54 AM	I don't know if he died afterward but a friend of mine told me a funny injury story. He was playing a paladin, and his party was fighting a demon when the demons vorpal sword removed the arm brandishing his holy sword. Paladin: I want to pick up the arm with the sword since you said its still gripping it tightly, and slash at the demon with my dismembered arm. DM: You've suffered a trauma, do you really think you could do it? Paladin: I'm a Paladin, the most **** of the warrior classes, and I have a Con of 18. Fighting evil in dire situations is what I DO! Besides, I have Unarmed Combat. DM(GLARES):Bad pun, but I'll let you try. Paladin: (Rolls natural 20) DM: You've got to be kidding. Fine, you kill the demon with the sword in your severed arm. Paladin: Good. NOW I can pass out.
Bonzai 12-13-06, 03:52 AM	Hehe, one of my favorites was when I had a Pale master with destruction retrobution. He had a penchant for animating rats to get the most "bang" for his buck so to speak. A harper cleric decided one day to put an end to his villiany, and attack him. In his typical response the pale master swarmed him with rat zombies. In response, the cleric attempted a turn/destroy undead. I believe that "Boom" was the word that the dm chose to describe it. Out side of my games, the head of vecna is my favorite story.
LaEternale 12-13-06, 09:18 AM	Heh. Boom is ALWAYS a good description.
Gray Richardson 12-13-06, 03:04 PM	The party was under attack by mimics and the party rogue tried to activate a scroll of fireball with his use magic device skill. He failed his check specatacularly. As the DM I rolled on the scroll misfire chart, and determined the spell would go off on a time delay of 8 hours. After the fight with the mimics the cleric was out of healing spells. They decided to camp for the night in the dungeon to rest, recover and regain spells. I asked the rogue if he wanted to use his healing potions to regain some HP, but he wanted to wait until the morning when the cleric could do it for free. I made a big show of asking where in the room he was bedding down (in the corner) and where he was oriented (facing the wall) and then told him that during the middle of the night the fireball went off with him pretty much in the middle of it. Fortunately for the other players they were out of range. But the sad thing for the rogue was that, even with the very low damage rolls I rolled, it was still more than fatal for the rogue. The most anoying thing for him was that the party had a ways to go to get out of the dungeon, and even with trying to hurry things a long, the player had to wait 3 sessions before they could get to a place where he could be resurrected. :)
Merlin_Durwood 12-13-06, 04:24 PM	I had a PC who had three characters, all in the same campaign, die by similar methods, one right after the other. He started his career as an elven ranger who failed a reflex save to avoid being crushed by a boulder and died. It never lived to see level 2. It never lived to see the first COMBAT. So, he waited a little bit and began to roll up another character. His next character was a half-celestial paladin. This character was a level 1 and we had just reached level 5, so I gave him the thumbs up. This one didn't make it to level 2, either. We were up North, along the Silver Marches during a snowstorm. Now, I'm not one for throwing random encounters at PCs that are outclassed very badly, but unfortunately, when three of my PCs want a "more realistic feel", I at least try to accommodate. So, I rolled up the random encounter chart, got 1d4+1 Frost Giants and set them loose. The half-celestial takes flight, trying to at least make anything beyond his hand. The next thing he saw was a massive boulder coming straight for him. The boulder didn't kill him; the 60 foot fall did. The others, upon seeing the Frost Giants, decided to run for it. His third character was a CN drow rogue and even though I let him take a level or two, since we were level 7 by this point, he refused and was level 1 again. Once more, I rolled on the random chart, got 1d4+1 Hill Giants. The high level players charged the giants. The drow stayed in the cart, which was being bombarded by boulders...and you do the math. His last character (that actually lived for a while) was a human enchanter. It was just bad karma on his part I think to have been killed by all those rocks, since he is an elf player and not a fan of dwarves at all.
Bonzai 12-14-06, 01:07 AM	Anther funny one... I was DM'ing a campaign, the Party's standard MO at the time was to kick down the doors, kill all resistance, and ask questions latter. I was getting frustrated with the approach. On a whim, this happened. The Party kicks down yet another door, this one belonging to a werehouse belonging to the BBG, and promptly begin battle with guards. Now the guards were your general run of the mill rent a cop types. Not bad guys, just hired to protect the building. I was hoping they would use stealth, and scout around un-noticed. No luck. As the fighter was dispatching the last guard I gave this description, "your attack succeeds, the poor guard fails to parry your attack, and your blade is burried hilt deep into his chest. His eyes widen in shock, and in a quavering voice he says, "My name was Bob". Fighter: "Um... excuse me?" Guard: "You kilt me you idiot. At the very least I would think you should know my name"... with that there is a gurgling noise as his lungs fill with blood. His eyes glaze, and his body slumps to the floor. The next day the party runs into a grieving widow, with three skinny and sickly looking kids in tow. She is over come with grief, and tells the party that he sweet devoted husband, Bob, had finally landed a good paying job as a guard. That finaly they were going to be able to feed their children, and get little Jimmy the temple services he desperatly needed. Last night was his first night on the job and he had been murdered. She begged the party to please find the murderer and bring him to justice. Now the fighter felt really bad, and gave her some gold to easy her suffering, though he kept his mouth shut. It worked, and the party curbed their killing sprees. Still, to this day, they will sometimes turn to each other after their characters had killed something and say, "His name was Bob". LOL.
Invoker47 12-14-06, 02:36 AM	Wow, that story depresses me OOC, lol. I'll have to keep that in mind whenever any of my players get out of line. One of my best friends was playing in my campaign as a sun elf wizard named Aelus. Aelus, despite having a wisdom of 14, had absolutely no common sense. The first indicator of this was going to the bar right across the street of the Red Wizard Enclave in Waterdeep (where all the Red Wizards hang out after work) and picked up a woman Red Wizard. All he remembered was waking up with numerous bruises, whip marks and various other injuries. Nobody, IC or OOC, knows exactly what happened to this day. But I digress. In their search to find an artifact piece way up in the Spine of the World, the party is ambushed by an Ice Devil (CR, what? 13?); at the time they were about 7th level. The devil wanted the artifact piece for his superior, and I made it patently obvious that the devil was more than a match for them. Aelus decides to attack the Ice Devil, and as a 7th level wizard, opens up combat with, of all spells he could have chosen, a Magic Missile. The ice devil wins on initiative, laughs at the wizard, and proceeds to roll a 20, then another 20, then ANOTHER 20 with his glaive attack on the wizard. Took his head clean off. Since then, Aelus' player has played wizards with much more common sense.
Bluenose 12-14-06, 05:39 AM	We had a paladin in the group in a campaign which involved a lot of action at sea. The paladin had also sworn not to use missile weapons, after he'd fired a crossbow into melee and managed to hit one of our allies. So when a battle started at sea he would spend a lot of time standing around doing nothing until one ship managed to get into position to board another. The problem came after we had obtained some potions of Water Breathing. We got into another fight at sea, with spells and missiles being exchanged, and the paladin was just standing there in full plate armour waiting for something to do, when he had an idea. He asked the party wizard to cast a Haste spell on him, drank a potion, then told the DM, "Sir Toldren jumps over the side of our ship!" We all stared at his player, and he looked back until someone asked why. "Well, I'll sink to the sea bed then run along it with the haste spell working until I get under the enemy ship, then I'll climb up the rudder and surprise them. I can't drown because I drank a potion of Water Breathing. I knew there'd be a way to make myself useful." Unfortunately, 30 feet of water meant he couldn't actually reach the rudder of the enemy ship... even by jumping. And since he'd gone running away from us we couldn't even find him after heaving to and sending down divers. So we didn't catch the pirates. Not only that, the paladin was a favourite of our patron who wasn't at all pleased, and who accused us of getting him killed deliberately. :rolleyes:
msatran 12-17-06, 12:49 AM	This is a second edition story, because it's just that old. Me: All right, so you guys climb up the ice ridge in the underground cavern, and it's slow going, but eventually, you make it to the top. As you make it to the top, you see a sheet of ice that leads to a higher ice crag, with a mass of glittering treasure atop it. GMPC Wujen, knowing, as all the other players do, that there is a huge white dragon nearby, casts Protection from Cold on herself. Fighters ready weapons, and everyone begins casting preperatory spells. The dragon bursts through the sheet of ice while this happens, shattering it, and breathes on everyone, injuring them all badly. PC swashbuckling rogue is the only one who gains initiative on the white dragon. Me: What's your action...? Player: I leap from the edge of the ice crag onto the dragon's head, and attempt to stab it in the eyes. Another player, out of character: Oh, my god. Can you say "Scooby Snack?" I let him make the attempt and roll to hit the dragon. He rolls 3 1's in a row. The dragon went next and flipped his nose upward, using two claw attacks and a bite attack, and promptly ate him.
darksyngr 12-19-06, 04:14 AM	I was playing an incredibly dumb halfling. I think my INT was 6 or lower. Anyway, she had a penchant for shiny things. A companion in the party was evil... and drow. He wanted to know what was on the other side of a portal so attracted her attention with a gem and threw it in. As it turned out it was a hord of Ogres. Didn't work out so well for me. All good my next character was a Drow too :devil:
darksyngr 12-19-06, 05:39 AM	I don't know if he died afterward but a friend of mine told me a funny injury story. He was playing a paladin, and his party was fighting a demon when the demons vorpal sword removed the arm brandishing his holy sword. Paladin: I want to pick up the arm with the sword since you said its still gripping it tightly, and slash at the demon with my dismembered arm. DM: You've suffered a trauma, do you really think you could do it? Paladin: I'm a Paladin, the most **** of the warrior classes, and I have a Con of 18. Fighting evil in dire situations is what I DO! Besides, I have Unarmed Combat. DM(GLARES):Bad pun, but I'll let you try. Paladin: (Rolls natural 20) DM: You've got to be kidding. Fine, you kill the demon with the sword in your severed arm. Paladin: Good. NOW I can pass out. I love this one... and I love puns, hehe :D
kelcimer 12-19-06, 05:23 PM	We were all 1st or 2nd level in a novice DM's game. One of the players had been eaten by a fish. By the time an hour or so had passed and he had created a new character, the party was going up a tower. There was a long spiraled staircase. Another player and I found a lever at the top of the stairs. There was a sign next to it that said "Super Happy Fun Slide". I couldn't resist so I flipped it. The stairs tured into a long slide. There were still at least three other players on the stairs. Everyone grabs ahold of something except the player who has just gotten back ito the game. He'd gotten half way up the stairs when this happened. The player next to me at the top of the stairs says, "Are you crazy? Someone's going to get hurt!" And then he flips the switch back. The slide becomes stairs again. The player was going at a good speed by this point. A bloody pulp arrived at the bottom of the stairs. The character hadn't been in the game for two minutes. We never even met him.
kelcimer 12-19-06, 11:36 PM	A player had finally, after some 12 sessions, caught up with the guy who had killed his family. The players actually have the villian's base of operations(an abandoned nameless fort in the middle of the Forest of many Names) and are laying an ambush. As soon as he finds out the guy is a couple miles away he swings to them, whispering winds the bad guy "Follow me!", and then proceeds ten miles in the opposite direction. Mind you, the player doesn't even ask if it appears the villian is following him or understands where the player is. He was walking through the woods back to his fort and heard "Follow me" right next to him. So the player wants to be ten miles in the opposite direction. I say "Okay. You're ten miles in the oppositie direction" because he has the means to do that realtively quickly. "I'm going to message the party and say "Goodbye guys."" "Okay. you do this." I go in the other room and tell them they hear Johnny's voice out of nowhere say "Goodbye guys." I come back in and I tell them this is done. I still have no idea what he has in mind, but I'm more then willing to let him play out whatever he wants to play out. "Okay. I'm going to take one Saddle Bag of Holding and put it in the other." I look at him incredulously and say in that DM way, "Are you SURE you want to do that?" "Yeah." "Why?" "Hillary says that if you put a bag of holding into another bag of holding that they suck everything within a ten mile radius into a sigularity. This'll take out Jack Thunder and his band and I'll go out in a blaze of glory!" [Note about Jack Thunder: Don't laugh. I expected this cleric of Talos to die in the first session he showed up in. I though to myself, "That's a gods awful name. The players will hate it. They'll want to kill him on the principle alone!" And I was right! But then he survived that session. And the next time he showed up...and the one after that...I never thought he'd become a major villian...*sigh*] I pull out the DMG and look up bag of holding. I'm sure that it doesn't work like that, but in these cases it never hurts to double check, especially at that time of the morning and the player likely to dispute what happens. I look up at him after reading the entry and say again, "Are you SURE you want to do that?" with my finger on the entry. "Yeah." I look over the entry one more time to make sure doubly sure I haven't missed anything and say again, "Are you SURE you want to do that?" "Yes." "Okay." I close the DMG. Before I set it down I ask one more time, "You sure?" "Yeah, I'm sure." "Okay. You and everything within a 10 foot radius of you gets sucked into and spread across both the astral and ethereal planes." The player didn't like that. [Note: the DMG did not say exactly what happened between bag of holding and bag of holding but it did mention what happened between a bag of holding and a portable hole. So I did both. Later, after I thougth about it some more, I amended what happened to say that he went to Ravenloft due to precedent established between me and another players game.]
Inspired_Mage 12-20-06, 02:07 AM	I have 2 one this one, both from the same campaign. I played a monk/rogue named Kamber and we were stuck in an old abandoned dwarven mine (i think we were about 7th or 8th lvl at the time). We were busy climbing over a pile of dead bodies as the only way out of the room was a passageway behind them, we had all managed to get over except for our dwarven mage who whilst climbing the pile of bodies managed to slip and cause some noise (which even our full plated cleric did not do!) and right on cue a deep rumbling from within the pile of bodies starts to ebb forth so the mage does what he thinks best and runs out the other door in the rrom that we came through just as a troll bursts out fromt he bodies and gives chase to him. So theres me and our barbarian looking at each other after heaing this but not knowing what it was and we decide to climb back over and see what the hell is going on. I win initiative and make it back over quicker than the barbarian and follow the frantic screams of our mage with the barbarian about a double move behind me. I eventually turn a corner and see the mage at the end of a corridor, with the troll blocking the way between us, since i know backup is only a round away, i do what i always do in combat, i tumble between the legs of the troll to turn and face it and so it will be flanked when our barbarian arrives and i could sneak attack it whilst the barbarian would most prob power attack it and the mage could unleash his magic from a distance (in the much further distance you could just make out the sounds of our cleric clanking down the halls in search of us). Problem with this tumble is that for the first time i my characters life he failed and the troll got a AoO which happened to be a criticle, then the troll went next (just before the barb) and attacked me, hit with both claws and rended my monk into 2 pieces. (the third character in my short d&d career to be killed by a damn troll). The other death was quite funny from the point of view of our barbarian earlier in the same campaign. We came upon a room with a set of stairs leading up, which my monk/rogue duly went to investigate, at the top he found a lever which he duly pulled (as you do) and lo and behold a door slid open to reveal a machine with hammers for hands! My monk did what any man who fights with his fists does when faced by a metal monster, he ran back down the stairs. At this point our barbabarian was staning in the room below, in the oppoiste corner of the room and everyone else was spread about checking the room, but our one NPC warrior was standing opposite the stairs leaning against the wall (you see where this is going, dont you?) when the barbian hears the monk scream in surprise and then footsteps followed by heavy clanking start pounding down from up the stairs when all of a sudden the monk runs out form the stairwell screaming "Machine!!!!" and dives to the side and a split second later the machine pounts out of the stairwell withot stopping and hits the NPC warrior with its hammer (a critical hit) and turns the man to mush before he had even registered the machine was there. We laughed about that one for a while as that NPC warrior was (up until this point) the luckiest man alive when it came to combat and had vanquished foes way above himself due to some very lucky hits, he was sorely missed...
Melblen_Cairn 12-20-06, 10:57 AM	There is one that sticks in my head from a dragon magazine article from years and years ago. Something like 101 worst ways to die or somethign like that. Apparently after the party had survived the activities of its 2nd or 3rd Anti-Paladin. The same player decides to bring in another one. As soon as the the rest of the party hear the DM say in the distance you see and Black armor clad figure riding in on a black horse they party reacted with..... The rogue fired a sling stone at the figure and the mage cast Enlarge on it in flight so it became a huge boulder which subsiquently flatened the new antipaladin. The player of the new dasterdly fellow says well I have a ring of regeneration and the DM replys thats fine you are still stuck under a boulder that weighs a couple thousand pounds and are repeatedly reflatened. Another good one is one of my friends was playing in a low level game years ago. He had a level one mage with one spell. Magic Missle. He had like 1 HP and was miserably low on AC(like any low mage). He would do two things in combat. Cast his magic missle and charge directly into melee with his staff. Swinging furiously at any monster headless to his own safety. Miraclously, he continued to survive fight after fight untill one session he couldnt make it. The rest of the party was like ok we need to play it safe so his character is still alive when he comes back. Sure enough the first combat they leave him in the back of the party and the first arrow the monster fires hits the mage killing him instantly.
JaiaDrottsingr 12-20-06, 11:22 AM	I once killed a water celestial with a harpoon, his final words were, "Call me Ishmael." Later a sea captain came up to my party and said, "Aa-heeargh, you haven't seen de white whale recently, 'ave, yah?" I guess it was one of those, yahhadtobetheretoappreciateit kinda moments.
Melblen_Cairn 12-20-06, 12:03 PM	Another that comes to mind is from a fairly recent game. Two of my players had a pretty funny idea. One was a huge Half orc of increadable strength. The other, a wise cracking Halfling wizard/rogue. After the party repeatedly got tired of waiting for the Halfling to hurry up and follow they finally came up with a brilliant plan. In the next town over they purchased a barrel. With some enginutiy on the part of another party memeber they fashioned some heavy duty straps onto it and the Half orc began carrying the halfling everywhere in the barrel. The barrel continued to go through a number of upgrades, Including a cloasable locking lid from the inside, Metal reinforcments, Quick release straps (so the Half-orc could drop the barrel and charge), Arrow slits, and Fire proofing. The Halfling, who was fairly small even by Halfling standards made a nice space for himself safe in his barrel. Now I had an incredable number of ideas on all the numberous bad mishaps I could inflict on this barrel and halfling. But I held off becuase it was so increadbly funny for them to walk into a town and all the stares they would get at the spectical. I didn't even get the chance to use any of them. They were attacked by several of Gerti's Frost giants and were being straifed by her pet Ice Dragon. The Halforc does his usual, Drop the barrel, pulls the axes and charges in, yelling "Praise Tempus!!". The Halfling also does the usual and pops the hatch on the barrel and bursts out with dual light crossbows and spells then drops back in and buttons the barrel up to reload and cast spells through the slits. (he could have always done this from the begining we know but he liked the visual of this halfling rising out of the barrel with two crossbows the leveling them at his target.) Well after hitting a pair of giants with bolts and mord's force missles they threw a coupld rocks at the barrel. The barrel survived the hits rattling the halfling inside but it knocked the barrel off the trail and down the hill (they were in the treacherous hilly country at the base of the Spine of the World). Bouncing off Pine trees and boulders he rolled completely dazed inside. The rest of the party deals with the Giants and they manage to send the Dragon packing. Sure enough as the dragon is flying off over head the halfling opens his big mouth and throws insults at the dragon. Well the Dragon turns in flight and swoops down snatching the barrel up with the halfling inside. It flys high above the rest of the party and drops in into their midst. End of the Marvelous barrel and wise-cracking Halfling. The Half-orc still lives on to this day, and every Feast of the Moon during the celebrations of his fellow Clergy of Tempus he toasts and remember the little guy and the barrel.
Thumperhead 12-20-06, 02:55 PM	One of the funniest character deaths I've had was also my shortest-lived character: In a 2nd-Ed campaign, my bard had just perished while the party was fighting a naga in an underground cavern. I quickly rolled up a Wild Mage, who, for no apparent reason, teleported to the party's location. Upon being confronted with the naga, he fired off a polymorph spell. "You're a goldfish!" What the mage didn't know was that the naga was wearing a crown of spell turning. "No, you're a goldfish!" What the naga didn't know was that the wild mage was wearing a ring of spell turning. "Nope! You are!" "Nuh-uh! You!" At this point, the mage missed his saving throw… "Well, darn." … and turned into a goldfish, who fell into the lake next to where the party was fighting. Oh, didn't I mention there was an underground lake? Well, there was. Now this lake just happened to be the home of a species of underground lake carp, one of whom promptly ate the now-fishy mage. Our DM, for reasons of his own choosing, had house-ruled that when a polymorphed being died, it returned to its original form. And as it happens, carps are somewhat smaller than human beings… One exploded carp later, I began rolling up my third character for that campaign.
Orcmonk89 12-20-06, 03:10 PM	I once had an extremely stubborn paladin. When faced with a door that was barred from behind, he moved forward and began kicking away at it, without a plan. The people on the other side heard this, and readied themselves. When it at last broke open with enough kicking, he stood in the doorway and was laced with many, many crossbow bolts. He then charged in, and was subsequently killed. Dumb Paladin...
Kelios_Lyonsmane 12-20-06, 06:42 PM	I remember reading this one from WAYYYY back. There was a second edition mage who was teleported in a empty 10x10x10 room with no doors so he decided to make one ... with a fireball !
Melblen_Cairn 12-21-06, 10:39 AM	hahahaha I love that one
Melblen_Cairn 12-22-06, 12:42 PM	folding boat and a small space....nuff said.:raincloud
selunatic2397 12-22-06, 10:10 PM	I let one of my more unstable players run one of my bush league baddies once. I gave him the sheet for a neutral evil bard...he twisted it into an insane...jester! The group's tank did his usual bull run through a locked door...he had placed a 25 foot deep pit of whipped cream behind it. He smashed through the door and ended up in the pit...he drowned before the rest could rescue him. Drowned in whipped cream :D We were all feeling rather silly that day anyway!
JaiaDrottsingr 12-22-06, 11:18 PM	I let one of my more unstable players run one of my bush league baddies once. I gave him the sheet for a neutral evil bard...he twisted it into an insane...jester! The group's tank did his usual bull run through a locked door...he had placed a 25 foot deep pit of whipped cream behind it. He smashed through the door and ended up in the pit...he drowned before the rest could rescue him. Drowned in whipped cream :D We were all feeling rather silly that day anyway! More! MORE!
selunatic2397 12-23-06, 10:09 PM	Okay Jaia, here's the aftermath... I had gotten chosen to go on a munchie run...I had a full tank of gas! When I got back the tank and the jester had been separated by the others, due to general uppityness on both sides. The tank had challenged the jester to a duel...after someone raised him from the dead...The jester agreed and chose as the weapon...Biological/Alchemical stuff...no swords allowed! This was one of the things I never would have expected from either of them. I gave them an hour to plot and ate burgers and listened. The jester was planning to create hollow glass sling bullets and fill them with green slime and brown mold, he originally he asked for glass arrowheads but I pointed out that 1st edition bards can't use bows so he did a rethink. The tank passed me a note about making home brewed napalm! Now I did remember stating that naptha/greekfire had a petrochemcal base earlier and winced as he described putting a cauldron over a fire pit...pouring in several gallons of naptha he had gotten from an earlier adventure...gads! did he keep everything???...and wait for it to "simmer" before adding some soap... You probably already see it coming, but the jester stated he was spying on the tank and was readying a large bottle of brown mold and still had on his ring of warmth...but not his ring of fire resistance. Luckily one of my gamers roomates who was a fireman came in to watch the mayhem and grab the last burger...hearing what was over the firepit he passed me a note reminding me of what just 1/4 cup of vaporized gasoline could do and ended with "BOOM". I put on my DM hat and stated the obvious results to the clueless pair... The jester pointed out that he was holding about 3 pounds of brown mold, and did that help? I laughed ominously and read from the monster manual about brown mold growing in reaction to HEAT. I gave them each 5d6 blast, 5d6 fire, 5d6 cold, and then had the rest of the group decide if the ceiling would collapse on them... Silly question, I know! They hit them with 10d6 in crushing damage to add to their punishments. In the end, they were blasted, burnt, frozen, and buried pert near alive taking, if I remember correctly...85 points each. Only the jester survived...due to 1st edition bards being general hit point monsters...but even he was only just barely alive at that. I have learned many times over, again and again...players are their own worst enemies. :D Type at ya later fellow gamers...I get to be at work at 5 am tomorrow for christmas eve morning sales in retail land...please pray for my general survival. :)
JaiaDrottsingr 12-24-06, 12:30 PM	Okay Jaia, here's the aftermath... I had gotten chosen to go on a munchie run...I had a full tank of gas! When I got back the tank and the jester had been separated by the others, due to general uppityness on both sides. The tank had challenged the jester to a duel...after someone raised him from the dead...The jester agreed and chose as the weapon...Biological/Alchemical stuff...no swords allowed! This was one of the things I never would have expected from either of them. I gave them an hour to plot and ate burgers and listened. The jester was planning to create hollow glass sling bullets and fill them with green slime and brown mold, he originally he asked for glass arrowheads but I pointed out that 1st edition bards can't use bows so he did a rethink. The tank passed me a note about making home brewed napalm! Now I did remember stating that naptha/greekfire had a petrochemcal base earlier and winced as he described putting a cauldron over a fire pit...pouring in several gallons of naptha he had gotten from an earlier adventure...gads! did he keep everything???...and wait for it to "simmer" before adding some soap... You probably already see it coming, but the jester stated he was spying on the tank and was readying a large bottle of brown mold and still had on his ring of warmth...but not his ring of fire resistance. Luckily one of my gamers roomates who was a fireman came in to watch the mayhem and grab the last burger...hearing what was over the firepit he passed me a note reminding me of what just 1/4 cup of vaporized gasoline could do and ended with "BOOM". I put on my DM hat and stated the obvious results to the clueless pair... The jester pointed out that he was holding about 3 pounds of brown mold, and did that help? I laughed ominously and read from the monster manual about brown mold growing in reaction to HEAT. I gave them each 5d6 blast, 5d6 fire, 5d6 cold, and then had the rest of the group decide if the ceiling would collapse on them... Silly question, I know! They hit them with 10d6 in crushing damage to add to their punishments. In the end, they were blasted, burnt, frozen, and buried pert near alive taking, if I remember correctly...85 points each. Only the jester survived...due to 1st edition bards being general hit point monsters...but even he was only just barely alive at that. I have learned many times over, again and again...players are their own worst enemies. :D Type at ya later fellow gamers...I get to be at work at 5 am tomorrow for christmas eve morning sales in retail land...please pray for my general survival. :) ROFLMAOOLACA.
Dark_beebles 12-25-06, 03:08 AM	Oh man i have alot of these.. Well this is from the 1st time i ever played DnD was 3e and the group i was playing with started with 1e came out. It was night time and we were setting up our camp for the night. I was on watch (Elven Ranger/fighter). I heard some howling and when i went to look i found some huge paw prints in the soft wet ground, instantly i went back to the camp and woke up the party saying we were being stalked by some animals, then Dire wolves attacked our cleric came out of the tent (dwarf) grimping about being woke up then saw the wolves charging through the clearing and ran back into the tent to done his armor (now we were ****** going what the **** Drippy his nickname) well a wolf charged into the tent. the wolf attacked and tripped him. DM: your turn. Drippy: Since i am already on the ground i guess i'll put my pants on. Dm: :confused: huh? Drippy: I sleep naked man...and besides to hurry donning my armor takes 5 rounds so i'll let him chew on me for a while DM: ....... Same group but years later we were playing into the epic levels. We found a tower in Myth drannor..looked clear of traps and what not..so we went into the tower, cleared out some demons and other stuff looted some stuff..we decided to hit this button we found when we 1st entered the tower. So the group went outside and i casted Wall of force and stood behind it just incase something really bad happened (my dm always did stuff like that). Anyways so the rogue pushs the button. DM: Ok you feel as if your growing huge your head is nearly touching the ceiling. Rogue: He looks outside and says "HEY GUYS I AM GROWING HUGE" Party: Get out man the tower is Shrinking!!! Rogue: No its not i am growing for you guys being so sma... DM interupts: You dont hear the end of what he is trying to say as he gets smooshed and as the blood rolls off your wall you relise...the tower is a instant fortress..in a pool of crimson red. My guy: Well, i guess we did out part in making sure myth drannor has more fertilizer(turning to the cleric), Use the staff of life and lets get moving. This other time it was what we did to the monsters. Back drop is this dragon demaned tribute earlier in the campaign for using its "road" so w/e we gave it to him. Any time that dragon was mentioned in the game or OOC when we had some smoke breaks i said "Man that still pisses me off...when we find that dragon again i am gonna kill him in 1 hit..even if its with a danm rock". Sure enough after a time we decided to "visit" this dragon again. DM: You hear what appears to be flapping of leather. And you see a Shadow growing large. The dragon landed and we rolled int. My brother went 1st and did a spring attack with is monk missing. Me: I draw out the Slaying arrow and Shoot:elf: . I roll a nat20, we had this crit chart from the old days and i rolled 1d4 round death from heart pierced i was yelling. YA I told you i would kill him in 1 hit. :elf: Dm: :eek: Well i'll roll for the fort save from the slaying arrow, he can still do something before he dies. He rolls a natural 1(only way the dragon could fail). Well you still havent found his lair. Me: Well lets just see about that, we get a spot check or anything to remotely notice something that could be used as a lair? DM: ya fine but you wont find it Me: I cast fly and i'll look in 8 directions trying to notice anything. My spot check is ....WOOT nat 20 and rolled again nat 20.(we were playing back then back to back nat 20 skill auto succeed). Hey guys...i found this lair...:dancin: :cheer: Party: WHERE!?!?! Me: Behind that little rose bush in front of us :ayyyy!: Dm: :headexplo :hoppingma Party: :rofl:
Dunion 12-25-06, 05:37 AM	sweet... i love it when players beat DMs in regards to rolling and using their skills.. especially if we're talking about bastard DMs (have one myself)
Dark_beebles 12-26-06, 12:59 AM	sweet... i love it when players beat DMs in regards to rolling and using their skills.. especially if we're talking about bastard DMs (have one myself) eh, thanks..did it alot to my Dm i like the guy outside of the game but when we played it seemed like it was Us vs Him and not Pc's vs the Npc's. As a side note...i personally think dragons are weak regardless of their cr....i just get lucky when fighting them. I turned a dragon into a mushroom with the old Polymorph other..the dc was only a 28 (back when spell focus gave +2) and still got the dragon. Some other deaths.. Where were in this room and the ceiling behind us fell closing off any means of escape, and the floors and walls where all solid iron, and no way to teleport or summon so we went forward. The npc party that was hounding us since like 5th level came in the other door (at this time we were 19th level). Fighting broke out and i saw our 2 main fighters go down quick..due to back rolls on saving throws and crits. Me and my brother had this plan set up as a once in a life time thing because..its well....suicide...but we did it anyways, Me: Well it looks like you finally has us...cept i wouldnt step any closer else i'll turn this whole mountain into the biggest explosion this world as even seen. NPC Cleric: *Stopped walking towards us* This will be the last time i ask you, Are you ready to convert, its your only hope for survival and power beyond your dreams My bro:*Casts Disguised Timestop and no one noticed not even me* "I drop a Delayed fireball here and the next round i do one here so they both go off at the same time*, round 3 i'll move up and drop all everything out of my Bag of holding, round 4 i'll open up my Iron Flask and quicken a wall of force Me: Of course i am ready to convert...you all to RADOACTIVE VAPOR and i throw my 2 bags of Holding inside each other and Snap my Staff of the Magi over my knee. So imagine this for a second folks, Atral Gate opens up, Staff of the magi goes off and then 2 delayed fireballs..but did i mention my guy has...2 fully stocked helm of brillance? Thats about 60 fireballs going off at once, as well 2 of each Necklace of fireballs....:eek: :eek: :eek: . Needless to say....Everyone in my group, My DM had their jaws hit the table. Because i was so animate about doing this, and my brother and me laughed so hard about this for months and months...the plan was actually to use this as a offensive attack...I fell out of my chair and was almost choking on the mnt dew i just drank when i saw their faces. We dubbed this attack "Amadan's(my pc's name) Tumbling Inferno". Other shorter story is we were in a Sigul, for a while during the ToT trying to find out info on where the gods where in their avatar form. We were in this tavern or inn w/e you want to call it. Lounging around when this demon starts missing with us...now while we didnt care the other 2 in my party are spineless (and in Real life too) so nothing was going to be done. So, I Casted a spell (created one not from the books). It makes a weapon bypass any DR for 1 round/3CL's not much time considering my guy was a assassin). Me: I look around is there any mundane item around such as a food plate or fruit? DM: uh..ya there is a small assortment of fruit left over from when you guys ordered food earlier in the evening Me: Ok i cast Armor Break on a banana... Jason(pc): ....why in the hell man.. DM: ...uh ok your banana starts to glow as the magic takes hold inside the "weapon" Me: I study the demon...for a death attack..:plotting: DM: lol ok man sure thing man, Me: 3 rounds go by yet? Dm: ya and the demon doesnt seem to notice you study him with the intent to kill him with the banana :rofl: Me: Ok, i'll throw the banana and trying to death attack this fool...OMG Crit banana shot (rolled a Natural 20) DM: ....ok w/e whats the DC for your death attack? Me: ...45 :evillaugh DM: HOW IN THE HELL, since when did you get it that high in that short of time? Me: I explained it to the DM :rant: ....Last time i did it is when i was 7th level, you never let me do it so thats why its "so much higher now" DM: ok...well he fails..and dies...I still think this is complete crap. Party: :eek: :rofl: Npc Bar patrons: How in the heck did you just kill a Glabarazu with a Banana...??? :confused: :bow: Me: My Master taught me well, you might have Heard of Mrs. Doubtfire, She invented the attack called Drive by fruiting...I would watch myself if i were you..I have a whole table of death here *pointing at the tray of apples, oranges and other exotic fruits on the table* :king:
Silverpanther 12-29-06, 05:29 AM	Unbelievable man! respect, really, but does this spell make soft items like a banana hard enough to be an improvised weapon? and how did you get a death attack dc of 45? this reminds me of my last campaign. my younger brother and his best friend were, well, let us call it RECKLESS when fighting. died often enough and most often SOOO stupid that i can`t pick spontaneously. my brother was an earth genasi fighter (i guess out of damarra) and our friend played a fire genasi samurai (the one from quintessential samurai. this char is the reason why i won`t allow players the use of d20 products EVER again. he was from calimshan, where his family, originally from kara-Tur, of course, was modelled after the mishima clan from tekken :) his grandfather was a badass almost über epic level half fire elemental monk - heihachi mishima :devil: but all my chars had epic, still living forefathers (my brothers grandfather, of course former team member with heihachi, was a barbarian20/frenzied berserker20/legendary dreadnought10, for example :ayyyy!: yeah, level 41 is duty in my campaigns, that is when über epic starts...) so their motivation was to become even more powerful then the annoying ancestors) anyway, i`ll talk to them and write down the most memorable deaths and kills they remember. just so much in advance: somewhere around level 10, they knew they samurai that well in the afterlife that i allowed him to have the training for his first level of monk there :D
Silverpanther 12-29-06, 05:38 AM	oh, and there was this kill in my first campaign, where the drow (?) rogue rolled such a mean critical plus sneak with his composite longbow, that he PINNED a zhent-spy to the wall in the drunk duck inn... the same rogue, that was killed i guess only one (in any case not many) fight later, when he tried to to tumble behind and sneak... a level 5 barbarian. they were around level 3 or four i guess, and the barbarian just turned around with a very ****** off expression on his face and got a 54 (or something around that) point critical with his greataxe on him... slicing him nicely in two. that was the first time this bigmouthed **** shut up for at least some moments :)
NightBreeze 12-30-06, 09:42 AM	I'm the DM. The uber-tank of the party (something about 300hp) is the target of a full round of slaying armors. He dies only if a natural 1 is rolled. Rolls: 17 18 Player: I don't like this 1 1 1 !!!!!!!
Dark_beebles 12-31-06, 02:07 AM	and how did you get a death attack dc of 45? Well its quite wrong to do this i was doing it because the dm was just irritating me. Ok, Rogue3/ftr4/BG3/assassin10. Str:26 Dex:30 Com:24 Int:36 Wis:24 Cha:22 Ok thats thats a 20DC right there, then had ability focus, adds 2 to any Ex or Su DC such as poison, gaze, breath weapons ect. So thats a 22DC with the aura of the BG thats 24, Now here is the tricky part and most people wont do this because their DM's will either A) Be a pansy and wont let any of these stop it or B) Just hates custom magic items. Anyways I was a Half fiend Gray elf to begin with and had rolled insane stats Had Dex and Int both 20 after Elven racial mods, the Half fiend was some a Nar's Fiend Bind Spell. So my Int was a 24, Then i had a 6 item so thats 30 Int..."Bought" a +5Book of Int later on, so thats a 35 int, put 1 point into it so had a even 36(i'm picky about odd stats annoys me to no end). So thats 22 base from before and a 13 from stat for a total of 35. Now I got lucky with this in my party but, had a fatespinner so thats why it came out to a 45 for this attack. However i had a CurseSpewing Weapon which if they fail takes a -4 to everything...so that could be a 49. And didnt even use my main dagger's 3/day Limited Wish which could give anyone another -7 so that could be a 56. I didnt even use or prepare my Power leech Wand which could drain up to 22Int from a creature and give to me as a Enhancment bonus, I also had a Psionic Device 1 time use...i drain a creature however they have to have higher stats, HD then i did to work..But if they fail i would gain a +4 to all stats perma just like a inherit bonus or racial. So i had a 36 Int not many monsters or PC's have that, Let alone ones i could possibly use it on. So my Char Had 10+10+21(int)+4 from feats for a total of 45 by myself, Then i could give anyoone a -9 at any time and if they failed the weapon hit could give them another -4. So the Dc with no help could be "techinally" 58. Anyways sorry to get off topic..
Silverpanther 01-06-07, 04:32 AM	Hey, is it just me, or have the message boards been in better use in the past?
Victor_Ograygor 01-06-07, 09:13 AM	I jumped out a window with my feather fall ring, but there was a bog anti magic shield. Ahhhh long way down …………….. --------------------------------------------------------------- New Forgotten Realms forum starting up. http://s8.invisionfree.com/FR_RP
BrianCritchley 01-08-07, 04:32 AM	that your DM let the Banana deal any damage at all to the demon is suggestive it served him right. and the ability mods you have suggest he was a tad over generous as well. honestly, the only PC death of mine that comes to memory was in a Mechwarrior 3rd edition game. it involved a satchel charge and a Banshee assault mech
Old Sage 01-08-07, 08:03 AM	So long as he was a Davion, Brian... I'm happy! ;)
draco1119 01-08-07, 08:11 AM	So long as he was a Liao, Brian... I'm happy! ;) Fixed. :P
Old Sage 01-08-07, 08:28 AM	It is fortunate that I am not also a Mask agent here... ;)
draco1119 01-08-07, 12:23 PM	that your DM let the Banana deal any damage at all to the demon is suggestive it served him right. and the ability mods you have suggest he was a tad over generous as well. honestly, the only PC death of mine that comes to memory was in a Mechwarrior 3rd edition game. it involved a satchel charge and a Banshee assault mech How does one avoid dying in D&D?! I always thought it was part of the game. And I have to ask: were you the idiot placing the satchel, or the idiot piloting a 95-ton Mech with anti-infantry capabilities that got FUBAR'd?
selunatic2397 01-08-07, 01:16 PM	The most recent funny/stupid death in my game occurred following a dispute about a phantasmal force spell cast by a gnome illusionist in the form of a bridge crossing a very deep canyon. The dispute was whether you could actually walk across it...knowing it was an illusion...or not knowing if it was an illusion. I reminded my gnome pc that under 1st edition rules a phantasmal force image tends to vanish when it is struck by an opponent...you step on it...it goes bye bye! The resident tank's player was at the table during this debate so I have no real idea why he, upon sighting a pack of 7 frost giants hot on the groups tail, yelled at the top of his lungs... "I BELIEVE!!!! I BELIEVE!!!" And then announced he was running across the bridge to the other side... Yep, you guessed it...the bridge vanished and down he fell...to the jagged rocks below! It's moments like that, that make me proud to be a DM...and totally confuse the living heck out of me!
Jareth_dTalrys 01-08-07, 07:24 PM	This one happened to me in the first adventure I ever played. But first... a little set up. I had never played D&D before and was unsure about pretty much everything. The DM who was a friend of mine (still is) was very helpful and suggested that I play a Rouge and further suggested I play a halfling ,pointing out that a rouge lets me do a LOT and a halfling get plenty of bonuses and that would help get me involved in everything very quickly. So, I rolled up my very first character- Jareth d'Talrys (yes, he is my namesake). I had great fun playing him but as I continued to play, Jareth earned a new name: Jareth of the Natural "1's". See, I was using a dice set I pieced together from the large bin of loose dice you can find in ANY gaming shop and apparently obtained a cursed d20. It would roll either exceptionally well or exceptionally BAD (nat 1's usually). Some instances of GOOD rolling: crit from a cross bow shooting into a Drow's globe of darkness and killing him, a double crit on a carrion crawler with 2 thrown daggers and a crit on a vampire in his own lair. The BAD rolls are where we pick up the whole "funny deaths" topic... 1- After finding a number of minor magical items on a dungeon crawl, we visited "Chuck's Magic Shop" to sell what we could and buy anything else... Wizard: Well, I've go this everfull bottle of ink... Chuck: *pours a LOT out onto his counter till he sees that it will not empty* Okay, I'll take it. got anything else to sell? Fighter: *note: Kendra, who was playing the fighter, also had never played before* Well, guys, I got that dust of dryness, I mean, what would we ever need it for? *hands it to Chuck* Chuck: *sprikles some on the ink and it dries up* I'll take it, any thing else? we finished out business and went on our way. The very next thing we encounter is a large pit trap in an underground castle gate. Paladin: Well, go do your thing, Jareth... Me: *sigh* alright, stand back... My roll was a natural 1 to disable it and I fell some 80 feet down a pit that was home to an annoying Gelatenous Cube that was lodged halfway down the pit. I fell through it and was trapped with the cube between me and the party... Me: *to Kendra* "What would we ever need dust of dryness for"????? Their solution to get me out was to cast shrink on the cube and lower a rope. Casting shrink made the cube fall and my reflex save to get out of the way was another nat 1. All told, I spent 4 or 5 rounds inside the cube and, though I didnt die, Jareth spent the next 6 game sessions hairless and without real clothes. For actual Deaths we go further ahead in that same adventure... DM: As you enter the room, everybody roll spot. Me: Aw, ****!!!!!! DM:*laughing* Natural 1? Me: Yeah... Six fireballs later from 3 Spellweavers any me not spotting them and therefore not getting a reflex save, and Jareth was toast. Further along, same adventure, after my ressurection, another death... THIS time in a Lich's Castle... DM: there are 2 traps on the door. ME: Disable device... *rolls were successful* ok, I open the door DM: Everyone sees a very long and grand room with a large metal chest at the far end. It's entirely platinum and covered with gems. Paladin: Oh man, we have GOT to go for that. Me: Are you KIDDING?? We could NEVER get that thing out of here, WAY too heavy. Wizard: Yeah, but I'm betting there HAS to be something awesome in it. DM: *to me* Roll spot. *I was successful* there is a large wall trap right inside the door and a ceiling trap right after it. Me: Forget it guys, let's just keep going, we can get other treasure as we go along, WAY too many traps. Paladin: Oh come on man. You can do it, You've been rolling well this game. Me: *resigned sigh* ...Fine, but I just want you to know, whatever happens... YOUR fault. *the first wall I disabled, and the celing after it, 2 more traps to go and we were there, and the next was a crushing wall trap* Aw... ****!!!!! *nat 1* Can I make a reflex save? DM: Go ahead. Me: NO ****ING WAY!!!! *nat 1 again* DM: You are crushed between the 2 walls that come slamming together, and die instantly. *the others luckily make their way to the chest and open it* DM: In the chest is a single wand of light with 5 chargest on it... Me: WAIT A MINUTE! You mean I got killed for the sake of a FLASHLIGHT?? DM: *laughing* Yep. Me: *to the Paladin and others* You guys suck... at least take my body for ressurection... AGAIN. I was injured a LOT more in that campaign and died again due to natural 1's, but I've gone on WAY too long.
Silverpanther 01-10-07, 01:46 AM	Did you ever thought of MAYBE buying a new d20? one that is not, let`s say... DAMAGED?
Melblen_Cairn 01-10-07, 01:56 PM	Hehe good one Jareth. His story reminds me of a natural one story. One of my players had a Dwarf fighter. Tough as nails, high HPs, insane fort save. They were traveling throught he underdark for several sessions and one session he couldnt make it to the game. The rest of the players took over his char for him (i should start disallowing this hehe). They get into a fight in a Kutoan temple near a pool of water that leads to a subterrainian lake. The player currently controling the dwarf rolls a 1 at somepoint during the fight and his very expensive magical greataxe goes flying into the water to sink to the bottom of the lake. They finish the fight and he takes the parties only potion of water breathing and goes for a swim. A Kutoan monk/assassin watches him in the water, studying him for a time, then goes in for the attack as he reaches his axe. Succeeds on the attack but the dwarf's fort save is more then enough to save him in all cases but if a 1 is rolled. Sure enough the same player rolls a 1 on the fort. I left that player to explain to the Dwarf characters player why he was dead on the next session hehe.
Jareth_dTalrys 01-12-07, 03:16 AM	A little update on myself and and my dice situation... I have gotten a number of good, COMPLETE sets and they have served me well, not only in gameplay but also in my duties as a DM. My original gaming group has learned how good the dice have been for me when I DM'ed a couple adventures for them (one of the memebers of the group was the DM that got me into it all to begin with). And now, the group I DM currently know how the dice work for AND against them... But what about that cursed d20? I kept it but never used it again. I couldn't really find my way to get rid of it, until I moved. I thought to give to my original gaming group a gift that meant something... "special." So in an empty dice box I placed a single d20... the cursed d20 of Jareth of the Natural 1's. And even though I never used it after I got a full set, the ill luck remained. I found out that after I left, when they would get together to play, one of the group would have very bad rolls. Whoever was sitting closest to the box with the dice in it would have the bad rolls, and as soon as they moved away from it they would roll better. My first DM would also use it as punishment to keep the players in line- do something stupid, roll the cursed d20 and accept it's judgement. And, so, the legend of Jareth of the Natural 1's was kept alive, and probably still is, as far as I know.
Leaflord 01-14-07, 01:29 PM	Scenario 1: After a long battle in Astral, one player remains alive after batteling an astral dreadnought. Unfortunately it is the party's evil and greedy red wizard. Thinkin gof leaving the bodies behind he then decides too take em with him too prime, and have them raised. He takes ofcourse most of the valuables of the other players as "compensation". Scenario 2: The barbarian Wolf starts too whine and bug the hell out of the wizard, he wants his vorpal sword back. Knowing that the barbarian has a great use of keeping the mage alive, he tries first calmly too explain too his fellow that the sword is sold. Not quite believing the wizard Wolf goes on an on and on fer near an hour, until the Wizard decides too give the sword back. Scenario 3: They teleport too the wizards tower in Thay and the wizard quickly tells the mage "Here... this be my tower, go inside too the lower floors and too my treasury, you will have no trouble finding it if you can read..." and teleports away. Having some troubles with the magically warded door the poor barbarian tries mostly everything he might come up with.. bashing at the door, climbing walls, trying windows, nothing... until he finds a weakpoint in one of the near windows, tears and bashes his way in with the little tools he had left, but successful. Inside the tower down the coridors he encounters a pretty angry/amused lich. Wolf: - Uhh.. hello. Lich: - Amuse me of why you are here, please, I need a good laugh. Wolf: - Uhm... I want my sword back! The towers master said I could have it. Lich: - I said no such thing.. Wolf: - Huh ?? *pause* Anyways, I want my sword. Lich: - I find it slightly amusing.. even funny that you broke into my tower looking for your sword.. *lich gets interrupted* Wolf: - I'm not breaking in! Lich: - *after a slight pause* Any you are calling this... ? Wolf: - But the door was magically locked! Lich: - *starts chanting* ....
Ehput_Keh 01-15-07, 01:39 AM	Well this story doesn't involve any of my own characters, and the world was a home campaign not an FR campaign. Let me first say that the player had extremly bad luck with characters. His first character was an Elf rogue, who first got polymorphed into a rat. He was like that for at least 5 sessions. The first session after getting changed back he is scouting out in front of the group, he gets yanked up into a tree, it took a few rounds for us to reach him. All we could see was his feet sticking out of the mouth of a large constrictor snake. I don't quite recall the death of his second character. But his third is most memorable. When first meeting this character our party sees him falling threw a water shoot in a cave complex. Upon hitting the pool below he starts to drown( he let go of his spiked chain but refused to take off his armor). He gets to minus five before our cleric can revive him. Later we are in the port of the largest city in this world chasing some kiddnappers. At this time we had aquired an "figurine of wondrous power" in the shape of a turtle. We all decided that we could catch the bigger boat faster if we rode the turtle instead of the small sail boat we were in.( never mind the fact that there was no way to harness ourselves to the turtle ) We all make jump checks to make it on the turtle, everyone makes it except him. he is still weighed down, but tells us to go on, and proceeds to role 1 thru 4 on just about every swim check there after. Quite litterly he started swimming towards the bottom. And evetually he made it to the bottom giving up on trying to make it back up he decides to walk along the bottom and try to make it to the shore, needless to say we never heard from that character again. One other note about the first character, one of our adventures we ended up in a cave. Inside there was a shaft leading down about twenty feet. But there is a large group of stirges in the cave. He is trying to use a rope to climb down when the stirges attack, they drain enough con. from him that his hit points reach 0. he falls( at this point about 5 feet ) and lands face down in a puddle of maybe three inches deep of water, and starts to drown. He got to about -7 hp before someone realized he was face down in a puddle and turned him over and revived him.
JaiaDrottsingr 01-15-07, 05:29 PM	How does one avoid dying in D&D?! ? It's possible to die in DnD? Seriously, at level Five in my first non-Jaia FR campaign, I demolished a Beefed up version of Klauth that my DM found online, it was, I think, level 60, even. The rest of the party ran like Hell, and it ended up that "Tickling a Sleeping Dragon (15 cookies for the reference)" was indeed the best way to catch it off guard. We both passed our reflex rolls, due to natural 20's, and swatted its own face, gouging its eyes in the process. I soon stuck a dagger in its throat (managed due to a sucessful Balance/Climb check I made to hang on to one of the Ridge Scales when it reared up in pain), fell off mostly unscathed (Thank you, Tumble). I soon shot arrows up its nose, killing the unlucky creature. Maybe I'm just an insanely lucky *****. Post Script The DM always aimed for TPK's, by the way. Post Post Script That character was a Halfling Rogue.
Dark_Rhapsody 01-15-07, 05:47 PM	well, my party (my friend Dalton, I, and two NPCs: Shandri...and I can't remember the other) was in a tower that we had came across in the middle of the forest. At the top of the tower, we found a tresure hoard and one of the items was a pair of dice. I was cautious about it, so I just stood back and let Dalton roll them. He rolled them and got a seven. My cousin Walker (the DM) said "on the floor appears a sack of coins...(slight pause)...and shandri explodes." I don't know...it was so unexpected, but halarious. We revived her though with ressurection though.
erikscottdebie 01-15-07, 10:32 PM	This story shows why 1) a party of rule-lawers is sometimes its own worst enemy, and 2) when the dwarf gets anxious, start running. So our high-level party (25th at the moment, though we were 19th at the time) is fighting this very evil, very dark necromancer type. We're all prepped for undead and holding our own for a while when he drops a prismatic sphere over himself. [We look at the eldritch knight, and he shrugs.] "I don't have those spells memorized." [The party looks around.] "Erik -- you're the rogue. You've got high reflex saves." "Um -- but not fort and will," I respond, a little nervously. "Hmm." [So the party's thinking and thinking and thinking when finally the dwarf pipes up.] Dwarf: "Dammit, I'm tired of this!" [Dwarf picks up the cleric, of all of us (who needs 'im?), and hurls him into the prismatic sphere.] Cleric (my brother): "What the hell?" DM: "Seriously?" Dwarf: "Uh huh. Belt of Giant Strength. Ranged bull rush." DM: "Hmm. I'll allow it. Evan (my brother) roll your saves." Cleric (blessed by the gods) is reduced to 1/4 hit points but still survives the trip in, managing to resist all the nasty effects of the different colors. DM (to dwarf): "Well, make an attack roll." Dwarf: "For what?" DM: "To see if you hit the necromancer." Dwarf: "Fine." Roll. "Ah ha! That's like a 22!" (Note: Incorporating strength modifier.) DM: "Hmm. That should hit. Ok, make a strength check to see . . ." Eldritch Knight: "Actually, wouldn't that be a touch attack?" DM: "Why yes, yes it would." Rogue (me): "And that would be Dexterity, eh?" Dwarf: "Crap. That makes it . . . 16." DM: "Well, that misses his touch AC." [To cleric:] "You hurtle inside, torched and shocked and frozen and blasted. The necromancer side steps, gives you a little wink, and you hurtle back out the other side. Roll your saves." Heheheh. Cheers
Silverpanther 01-22-07, 07:41 AM	not a very funny kill, but a nice ressurection: a friend of mine has a homebrew campaign, where orcs are weaving over the civilized lands (classy!). so in the capital of the country, a paladin-city, the aasimar-superior of our friends characters is killed during the assault of some sort of slaad-lich (one that is not normally able of being a lich, but my friend stefan is not a dm that plays too close by the rules, any one ever heard of a balorformyrian?)attacking our friends. and the druid casts a reincarnate-spell, rolls a 97, 98, i am not sure, and brings back the former aasimar... as an ORC :ayyyy!: was a nice scene explaining to the fellow aasimar, how their officers office was destroyed and the only living being left in their was an orc :)
Karsus_of_Carnage 03-24-07, 06:53 AM	:bump:
JaiaDrottsingr 03-24-07, 07:09 AM	Here's one someone had in my group, like, in 2005. DM: You see a set of stairs in a spiral, there are many enemies running up the flagstone steps. What's your course of action? PC1: HUDDLE! *PC's group together* PC1: What should we do? PC2: I roll Sir Shiny into baddies? PC3: Disguise a tanglefoot bag as the lunch their mommies packed? PC4: Oooo, ooo, oo, OOOOO! Mememememe! I know! I know! PC1: *siiiiiiiiiiighss helplessly* What, Ervin? And then Ervin Montagaster the Barabaric Druid Halfling ran towards the edge and tried to jump to the other side, into a barrel on the back of an orc, but failed the DC check and careened straight down right into the middle of the floor, 50 feet below. Miraculously, he survived, but was killed by a half-devil hiding under the staircase.
Khaelieth 03-24-07, 10:22 AM	A paladin I had wanted to be very chivalric. They see a door, and instead of peering through, paladin charges through. The 3 goblin warriors on the other side had heard the tin can stomping about, so they've readied actions to shot ANYTHING that comes through the door. The paladin gets hit by three quarrels, two of them critical. He wasn't a happy bunny.
Bonzai 03-24-07, 04:41 PM	This wasn't a FR death, but still funny. I was playing a spell thief, who was guiding the rest of the party through a canyon to reach some ancient ruins. It was late at night, and the DM was pushing for us to finish the mod that night, so we were rushing through, avoiding as much conflict as we could. Well, we came across a patch of cactus that was growing in the canyon. Thinking the spot may be used for ambush, I sent my bat familiar out to scout. Finding nothing of note, we decide to push ahead. We all roll checks to see if can manauver through the field without touching the cactus. All of us, except the Dwarf. He says, "Bah, Dwarves aren't made fer tip toeing. Me armor should see me through a few cactus quills", and commences to plow through the field... Turns out the cacti explode, shooting quills in every direction, and start a chain reaction through the entire field. We all make our reflex saves, which was still enough to kill the whole party... except for my bat, which had improved evasion (DM only rolled once for all of them). Lol. Turns out some of the content we skipped would have warned us about the cactus field, and given us some nice bonuses. Oh well. Serves us right for rushing through.
oracle71 03-25-07, 03:44 PM	This happened a long time ago. PCs are on an underwater adventure, where they're defending an aquatic elf settlement. They wander to the edge of town, which is described as "a great trench. The side is a sheer cliff that extends into a lightless abyss." The heavily armored knight, in full plate, walks over the side, thinking that he'll find the source of the monster incursion.
Kaewin 03-25-07, 04:42 PM	[FONT="Century Gothic"] I was running an adventure that I haven't finished yet and the pcs captured a half-drow wizard everyone kept calling him a drow and he got all upset about that so the Ranger said " OK how 'bout we chop you up into little pieces and put the human pieces in one pile and the drow pieces into another pile?" The drow said "No thanks being a drow is fine with me." And the elf sorcerer kept telling the to do what the ranger said. Guess what-they did.:weep:
Spartanmax09 03-25-07, 05:44 PM	I had a friend, we were fighting the boss of this huge adventure we were doing, we were talking about his AC and Immunities and blah blah, so he said I'm basically Invincible right? the DM says sure why not, so he decides to stand right in front of the charging Boss that ends up criting him twice and taking his health down to -20
JaiaDrottsingr 03-26-07, 06:33 AM	[FONT="Century Gothic"][COLOR="DarkGreen"] Hey! No copying! And besides! i used dark olive green, and size one, anytheways.
Legion16 04-04-07, 04:03 AM	I'm sorry to say I was actually the only survivor of a near TPK that I was responsible for. Playing a flesh golem type construct barbarian with a 30 STR and a 6 INT. His name was Thwomp. His club was Thwomp-stick. His body had been made mostly from humans and ogres, so we called him a half ogre. I'd say dumb as a stump, but that would be insulting to stumps. Stumps have him beat by several IQ points. Team was headed through a tunnel leading under a lake, and out to an island. Thwomp, who was bringing up the rear, decided he was bored and started bonking on the stalagtites with Thwomp-stick. He wound up triggering a booby trap, and then trying to pretend he didn't do anything. The fighter, who was up front, said "Why do I hear running water?" The cleric, who was pretty much oblivious to anything involving Thwomp's stupidity (unobservant would be the word. Slightly retarded might be another.) said "Well, we are under a lake. Perhaps you just hear the current over the stone." The thief and ranger, twin brothers, turned to Thwomp immediately and screamed "What the F*** did you do this time?!" The last word the entire party ever heard was Thwomp saying "Oops."
Legion16 04-04-07, 04:05 AM	And then, there was the incident where the party attempted to use Thwomp as an artillery piece. 4 barrels of beer, 6 buckets of beans, a hungry and thirsty Thwomp, and a lit torch. Do the math.:eek: :D
Therashaland 04-04-07, 07:03 PM	Well I'm gonna leave this one to the imagination, but it included a bag of holding with an infinite supply of little blue pills, charm person, and a cleric of Sune. My poor poor halfling barbarian died doing the deed he enjoyed the most in a 48 hour marathon. ~Therashaland
Mpinkard 04-05-07, 12:07 PM	Back in the early 90's, I was having trouble with one particuliar player that was sure I was out to get her halfing thief, I continued to recite the simple statement, "DMs don't kill player characters, players do." She was always making simple mistakes during lock picking, checking and disarming trap attempts. Usually these mistakes would end up injuring the halfing thief or one of the party. To make up for this she had decided that everything she did, she would describe to me word for word, action for action this solved alot of problems with botched rolls but she was being extreamly literal. One afternoon the group was somewhere in the Western Heartlands searching for an entrance to a Lich's secret lair when they located a pit that had been partially covered by a boulder. The party moved the boulder to the side exposing a 60 foot drop that was roughly 8 feet in diameter. I clearly remember that day, the player of the Halfling thief rubbed her hands together and winked at me just before she begain her task. "I have 100 feet of rope here," she stated I replied, "alright simple enough, I want you to..." The player interupted me and began telling me how she was going to defeat this obsticle, "I am going to tie one end of the rope to the boulder, the other end of the rope around my waist and jump down." "If your sure thats how you..." She interupted me again, "Yes, I am jumping down," she said looking around at her snickering party members. I dropped 6 ten sided dice to the table and begain counting, "your going to take 46 points of damage, since you only have 30 hitpoints you have to wait at the bottom of the pit as the rest of your party recovers your corpse so you guys can move on." None of us have seen the girl that played the halfing and that was 15 years ago.
Mikayla 04-05-07, 05:34 PM	Ages ago I was a player in an evil campaign. Our party of evil-doers was being chased by the goodly knights of the king and one day we learned a particularly formidable knight was staying at an inn nearby. We were all scared of him, but in the party was an assassin who also happened to be our highest level character. With much bravado he volunteered to assassinate said goodly knight-paladin-guy and set out to do just that. The DM asked: “When are you going to the inn?” “3:00 AM” the player responded. That seemed reasonable. 3 AM is the dead of night and when most goodly folk are asleep and easily assassinatable (yes, thats a word - don't argue with me). We could all tell that despite his bravado he was somewhat nervous about going after this goodly paladin guy alone. Still, he presses forward. The assassin picks the lock on the outer door and quietly enters the inn. Then he asks the DM... “Are their any maid uniforms around?” Keep in mind the assassin was male. Naturally, the rest of us start laughing. This makes the assassin’s player even more nervous. The DM manages to stop laughing. “Sure, yeah, you find a maid’s uniform.” “I put it on.” Replies the player. Our laughing increases – and so does the nervousness of the assassin’s player. The assassin then makes his way up to the knight’s room (I believe he checked the registrar to find out what room the knight was in – the one smart thing he did). At the door, he almost freezes with nervousness. “What do you do?” The DM asks. “I set my sword down by the door, then I knock on the door.” The player responds. Very stealthy, eh? “The knight answers the door.” Says the DM. “He asks what you want. He is also looking you over with an odd expression on his face.” Remember, our intrepid assassin is a man wearing a maid’s uniform now. There is no reply from the player who sits there wide-eyed in terror and confusion. Our laughing has now reached the point of hysterics. The player of the assassin is totally frozen – dear-in-headlights time. “What do you do?” The DM asks again. And again. And again. Finally, mustering up all his courage, the player responds: “I ask if he wants his bed turned down.” Seems like a maid kind of thing, yes? Only, its 3:00 AM in the morning, as the player specified. “No.” Replies the knight. “I am sleeping in it right now.” Our laughing reaches new heights. “What do you do now?” asks the DM. The player stammers, stutters, goes red-faced and sweaty and then blurts out “I go for my sword!” Well, maid-uniform-wearing assassin vs. knight in straight forward one-on-one combat? The knight throws one punch and under the old (2nd ed. I believe) knock out rules scores a knock out on the first hit. The knight ties up our crossdressing-hero and throws him into another room to be interrogated in the morning. So, this thread is about death so I guess I have to get to that part; our party was linked together with these telepathy rings, so when the assassin got captured, he was able to tell us and he was able to tell us what room he was being kept in. I was playing a drow sorceress (well, a “mage” in 2nd ed. but I called her a sorceress because it sounds sexier) and the leader of the party ordered me to go “take care of this.” So my sorceress levitated up to the window of the room. The assassin’s player was very happy to be rescued – but of course, as I’ve mentioned, we were an evil party. So we didn’t rescue him – my sorceress fire-balled the room until he was dead and the inn was burning nicely. We wouldn’t want him revealing the locale of our hidey-spot. So, the tale of the cross-dressing maid-assassin is probably the worst/silliest death my Pen-N-Paper group has had in its 20+ years.
msatran 04-07-07, 05:38 PM	Well, technically, the PC didn't die. On a mission to deal with some demons who the PC's believed were linked to Grazzt's faction, one of the players decided to hire a wizard to summon a Pit Fiend, in the hopes of gaining information about the demons from him. The wizard first asks the PC if he is mad, and then the PC shells out 50,000 GP. The wizard reluctantly agrees. More fool he. So the wards are set and the summoning begins, and into the circle appears an angry and baleful looking pit fiend. The conversation goes on for a little while, at which point the PC asks: "What assurances do I have that your magic is more powerful than their magic." Pit Fiend: I assure you, Pit Fiend magic is more powerful than the magic of any mere mortal. PC: I don't believe you. You are clearly lying to bargain for escape. What proof do I have? Pit Fiend: Would you like to see some Pit Fiend magic? PC: Yes, prove to me that your magic is more powerful than theirs. Pit Fiend: Of Course. At this point, the Pit Fiend granted his wish, turning the PC into a Pit Fiend like himself, only under his control. The wizard died screaming, and the PC had to give me his character sheet. To this day, Lorynar, the rogue, remains a Pit Fiend, plotting against all and sundry in Westgate, to which he moved, realizing that his fellow adventurers might eventually discover that he was a pit fiend, and kill him. Worse still, he is under the control of a LESS POWERFUL pit fiend, because he's just in colossal experience point defecit...
JPDeed 04-12-07, 06:08 AM	1) Westgate: DR 1372. (3rd ed) An alcoholic sun-elf wizard sneaks downstairs from the room in an inn the party shares. Creeping behind the bar, he starts to guzzle one of the very potent liquors kept on display there. Suddenly, there is a noise behind him. "You there, what are you doing?" Says the elderly publican, dressed in nightgowns and holding an oil lantern. "Ah....." Says the Sun Elf. OOC "I cast lightning bolt at him. I don't want to get caught stealing whisky. It wont be good for my reputation." The lightning bolt slams into and through the barkeeper, sizzling him. The bolt hits the wall but fails to shatter it, bouncing directly back at the wizard. The wizard fails his save and cops it sweet - and THEN the bolt hits the rows of highly flammable alcohol... 2) Quivering Thumb Arena, Westgate: DR 1373. (3.5) The gnome barbarian/fighter Flicky The Mad enters a gladiatorial contest vs a random opponent and staged environment. He draws against a half clay-golem fire giant. Fighting a good battle, he is grappled and thrown into a pit of "lava". Me: Will save please FLicky. Flicky: Ah...3 Me: plus? Flicky: Total.. Me: Ok...Well, you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you have been thrown into a pit of lava Fully Submersed - 20d6 damage! Ok - so you take 66hp fire damage. Roll your massive damage Fortitude save. Flicky: 1...natural. Ok, Flicky's heart gives out from the shock of taking such a massive amount of fire damage. His eyes roll back into his head, and he sinks to the bottom of the lava pool -That most of the crowd can see is a thinly veiled illusion. But not poor, gullible Flicky.
Bolithio 04-12-07, 12:39 PM	Nether Mountain Wilderness, the party is attacked by Harpies, and one of the PCs is captured and taken to a nest atop of a large granite spire. The mage in the group casts fly on himself and attempts to fly up to investigate. Half way up he encounters a nest of Griffons - and for some reason the mages first reaction is "I cast Fireball!" Well, the fireball roasted the chicks pretty quick, then the 12 Griffons tore the mage apart in about 1/2 a round - who had only been reduced to have their HP.
bobsan 04-12-07, 03:24 PM	I beleive, in my camapaign, the saddest death occured due to poorly timed dice rolls on my part. The group was exploring a tomb looking for a party member when they came across a hidden room, opened the door to the room and proceeded in. what no one detected was an old pit trap just inside the door. Given how old I made the trap (It was a REALLY old tomb), there was a chance the floor would not give. Somehow, the iron clad 200+ lbs dwarf made it across just fine while the leather clad 80+ lbs halfling met a pointy death in a 60' shaft. My dice must have been out for blood that night.
Slayergnome 04-17-07, 10:03 AM	I was running a adventure "The Sunless Citadel" and based in Forgotten Realms. Amongst the party was a elf rogue who had in his backpack ten alchemist fires. He had also at some point picked up a barrel of explosive substances somewhere. In a room there was a colony of Thoqqua (Earth/Fire based elementals). The rogue not truly understanding the ramifications of his actions...put the powder in the center of the room after leaving a trail to it's entrance. Finally when the T's appeared he set off the barrel and it exploded in the room very well. It sadly didn't kill the Thoqqua's and they attacked him. Their special ability describes their attacks as causing someone to light on fire for 1d4 rounds. Several of them hit him and got off their attacks. I rolled a % die and it was low. So all his alchemist fires exploded at once and he was killed instantly. The party couldn't even loot him since he was such a charred mess.
bloodtalon 04-17-07, 05:52 PM	the stupid/funniest happened at the same time about 10 years ago a party i was dming needed info and there was a old dwarf in the tavern had it. so instead of bribing him like i thought they would the halfling thief decided to have a drinking contest with him and if the halfling wins the dwarf gives up the info we were playing bu 2e rules so i improvised and did posion saves the dwarf passed every save while the halfling ended up drunk in an hour then had alchole posioning and died of it. the second real funny one but no one died happened like this there was a party 15 level half oger barbarian, 10 level fighter 5 level cleric human, 15 level dwarven fighter and a side kick a 3 level kolbold fighter they were surpised by a group of ghouls, first round the 3 head guys ended up paralizeed and getting eaten by the ghouls. the little kolbold ended up defeating all 8 of the ghouls and still today makes fun of the other 3. who in turn runs from ghouls and anything that looks like one
jonstryder 04-18-07, 11:55 PM	My tale of a funny death is not one for the FR. My game group was using the Hero Game System and we were running around in a Fantasy setting created by the GM. The group consisted of 5 people, an elven theif/light fighter, a sorcerer, a cleric, a stone troll warrior, and a martial artist. So we recover a book on fire demonology (he liked to see things burn--even if others are in the way)...that is the sorcerer did and was as giddy as a school girl. We returned to the keep where our sorcerer holed up in a room for a few days to read the book. In the mean time our healer paid attention to people out side who needed to be treated for a plague. The elf pays a visit on the sorcerer. He was found in a room in one of the towers, rocking back and forth on the floor and clutching the book like it was "the one ring". The elf snatched the book away from him which caused him to flip out. The elf threw the book out the window before the sorcerer could react. So in his current frame of mind, he had to get it back, and leapt out the window with it. Now he some how survived a fall from several stories up. But his injuries would kill him eventually...that and the plague going around. The cleric demands that he appologizes for his misdeeds and for just being a bastard in general or else he would not heal him. The sorcerer recanted with a colorful uthinisim for what the cleric could do with a goat. He died shortly there after from both his injuries and the plague. The player of the cleric I will note left the group after that as he did not like the fact that his character lost all his powers after that. The reason was because he was playing a cleric who served a good and kind god, and should have healed the sorcerer regardless of the fact that he was twisted and deranged.
msatran 04-19-07, 11:31 AM	That's ridiculous. Withholding healing is the time honored right of clerics everywhere if they believe that their god has been insulted. The power of a deity is not to be taken lightly. He was right to leave the game.
quoth_the_raven 11-13-07, 03:27 PM	Anther funny one... I was DM'ing a campaign, the Party's standard MO at the time was to kick down the doors, kill all resistance, and ask questions latter. I was getting frustrated with the approach. On a whim, this happened. The Party kicks down yet another door, this one belonging to a werehouse belonging to the BBG, and promptly begin battle with guards. Now the guards were your general run of the mill rent a cop types. Not bad guys, just hired to protect the building. I was hoping they would use stealth, and scout around un-noticed. No luck. As the fighter was dispatching the last guard I gave this description, "your attack succeeds, the poor guard fails to parry your attack, and your blade is burried hilt deep into his chest. His eyes widen in shock, and in a quavering voice he says, "My name was Bob". Fighter: "Um... excuse me?" Guard: "You kilt me you idiot. At the very least I would think you should know my name"... with that there is a gurgling noise as his lungs fill with blood. His eyes glaze, and his body slumps to the floor. The next day the party runs into a grieving widow, with three skinny and sickly looking kids in tow. She is over come with grief, and tells the party that he sweet devoted husband, Bob, had finally landed a good paying job as a guard. That finaly they were going to be able to feed their children, and get little Jimmy the temple services he desperatly needed. Last night was his first night on the job and he had been murdered. She begged the party to please find the murderer and bring him to justice. Now the fighter felt really bad, and gave her some gold to easy her suffering, though he kept his mouth shut. It worked, and the party curbed their killing sprees. Still, to this day, they will sometimes turn to each other after their characters had killed something and say, "His name was Bob". LOL. That is a GREAT story!
Shiftkitty 11-13-07, 03:48 PM	My very first character in my very first game died stupidly before he even reached the dungeon. As a total noob, a friend invited me to a game with more experienced players. Everyone was making new PCs all at level one so I wouldn't feel overwhelmed by higher level characters. (I think they were willing to do ANYTHING to get a girl to their gaming table!) So I made a fighter (Borg the Bold, or something like that) and we were just starting out, heading for a cave way up in the Crystalmists to fight the bad guy. I think we were going to recover gold that had been extorted as "protection money" for a little village. You know, a simple story to ease in a beginner. We were making our way along a narrow trail with a sheer drop on one side when the DM told us that the trail was getting not only narrower, but the surface was feeling looser. An avalanche had taken the trail out and the remaining ledge was very unstable, as it turned out. We were supposed to look for an alternate route (a hidden opening that would lead us through the mountain and on to tasty treasure). I was playing a fighter, however, and I figured that fighters were supposed to be bold and fearless. Out onto the trail I marched, telling the others there was nothing to fear, yadda yadda yadda. The ledge gave way. 900 foot drop + Ftr1 = Ker-splat! The DM was afraid that I wouldn't want to play again after this unfortunate turn of events, but I was excited at the prospect of a game with no "gimmees", where your own actions would either make you famous or kill you in the process. I took over an NPC fighter, dubbed him "Carl the Cautious", and carried on.
DM_Shonuff 11-13-07, 05:08 PM	I think i've posted this here before, but... Funny death: In a group of 6 dwarves, me playing the 7th dwarf (rogue). Yes Dm worked at a certain resort in Florida and enjoyed these humorous analogous jokes at the players expenses. We were rescuing a crown that would return the king of the dwarves not only to his former age, but break the imprisonment of his soul. whatever. Throughout the campaign, all we were getting were water based magic items, and other elemental related items, but never fire..so we figured it right.. we get to the big boss.... mature red dragon. http://i123.photobucket.com/albums/o302/shonuffstudios/Maps/map-2.jpg Okay so you see the setup. Now the battleragers charge in and start duking it out, the wizards are casting, they kill the dragon. So all of the others begin to check the 45 degree slope out, and see the dragon has been here for years...and it's lair is like 80% covered in....excrement. Now that the dragon is dead, and it's bowel muscles release...even more ...excrement exits the corpse... Now..the fighters and rangers and rapid response riders and clerics all begin to make their way down the slippery slope and I stand with a found and looted heavy metal kite shield (fire breath protection). I make my way to the edge, as half the party made it to the edge and found metal rungs of a ladder (also covered in dragon guano) and begin to climb down. Now the bad part. As the wizards (who are behind me dissecting the red dragon for various material components,)look up, they hear the battleragers and fighters, ahead of me down the slope ,complaining on having to trek through all this $#it, so what do the wizards do? Both of them have a Phylactery of Endless Water. (a.k.a. container with a portal into the plane of water at it's bottom..a.k.a..water hose) and commence to clean off the guano...pushing the massive ammount of guano and water...down the slope.. I take a dex check, and fall backwards onto the now shouldered shield..and begin to what is now froever known at our table as "Dragon $#it surfing" ... dex check to stand on the moving shield, three balance checks to stay atop... It pushed me over the edge of the slope, into the drop of the chimney 32 feet per second...onto the other 5 dwarves..who after catching 500 metric tons of water (plus me) in the face, mixed with expelled Red dragon guano...and we all fall to our deaths. The two wizards survive..until they climb down the chimney and look for the crown...and are eaten by 5 wyrmling red dragons. TPK by poop.
Fingoldfin 11-15-07, 12:26 AM	I was hanging out at the local gaming store when I witnessed a very funny death. The PCs had to swim across a channel to get to an Island just off shore that was home to a ruined castle. The DM tells them that while swimming across they encounter a school of jellyfish. Not a big deal. Each PC will receive 1d4 attacks from jellyfish. If a jellyfish actually hits it will only do 1d2 damage. The problem was one jellyfish rolled a crit for an instant kill. The DM told the kid his PC was dead. The kid tried to argue that a jellyfish shouldn't be able to kill his character. The DM said your character must be allergic to jellyfish. :D
Ebrion 11-16-07, 06:26 AM	MY DM had just read The Thousand Orcs, and decided to run a campaign that set us in Mithril Hall, during the seige. At one point we decide we need to go to Silverymoon. So our PCs, all lvl 10 go out the door and a meet a large force of orcs. Us and a few NPC dwarfs are tearing a good chunk out of them, when the shamans show up. They use command on my Barbarian, and a friends Fighter. During the battle we are ordered to strip. Our mage was ale to dispel only one of us, so he picked the dwarf. When my stripping was complete, I was then commanded to pleasure myself. Yeah ...the rest of the party quickly retreated afterward. My Barbarian died in shame. :tantrum:
OrderofUhlrik 11-16-07, 11:45 AM	My mage, now archlich npc, after getting 6th level spells (this is 2nd ed. fyi) and finding a staff of power and a wand of conjuration in two seperate Ancient Wyrms horde's respectively, was basically less killable than the huge tanks we had, (Stoneskin+Globe of Invulnerabilty+ The Blue/Red spheres from a Prismatic Sphere). However, at the beginning of his career he was rather wimpy and was easily killable. He had an inventive use for a second level spell though that led to the funniest deaths ever. We were attacking a den of Formorian Giants which are notoriously idiotic. They had one guard posted outside of the cave they lived in, which is positioned on an outcropping on the side of a mountain, with only one unreliable path down the side of the mountain. They are high enough up to take maximum fall damage, plus crushing blow (DM thought he'd scare us by adding that stipulation, you know the giants pushing/charging us off the side of the cliff). Well I send my familiar up to a rocky outcropping above their lair (It was an owl.) and my DM allowed us a sort of basic communication between us because the owl rolled an int of 9 after the familiar bonus, so he was smarter than our half-ogre, but I digress. I cast summon swarm and rolled the summon for bats. So I had a swarm of bats under my control that could cover a 10' cube, which was enough to cover the entire outcropping that the giants used for a campfire and whatnot. Anyhow I send the bats up and while they don't do much damage (1d4 if the giant sits there and takes it, 1 if he fights it or moves) it causes the stupid thing to go into a panic of swatting and flailing and screaming until he finally works his way to the edge and tumbles off to his death. I leave the swarm and soon after the entire clan emerges from the cave to do battle. They are immediately attacked (bats biting, flying into their makeshift armor and biting in unpleasant places, etc.) They proceed to do the same thing their comrade did, flail about and scream. Their chieftan tries to run down the trail but in his panic pitches over the side. Two other giants tumble into their huge communal bonfire, while saving themselves from the bats, immolates themselves and they tumble off the side because they are on fire and delerious from pain. Three of the four that are left meet comical deaths via the side of the mountain. The last one, the youngest of the group, plopped down and swatted instead of falling, but dies from the massive amount of bitewounds he was inflicted with. Just to add to the hilarilty, the DM was not happy about any of this, but all of his rolls led to the various events I just described. He was so angry, the mage became his focal point from then on out. Hence my insane focus on defense. (He never adventured without the stoneskin/globe and only began offensive casting once he got at least the blue sphere on himself [That's forcefield protection I believe]).
selunatic2397 11-16-07, 12:08 PM	Great Story! I use 1Ed rules and I love it when the PCs get creative with the rules. Consider your story and the tips on your wizard's defensive spells borrowed! :) Thanks For Sharing!
OrderofUhlrik 11-16-07, 02:12 PM	Your comment on my mages defense leads me to two other funny death stories that involve my favorite PC ever. Before I had ever red RAS Sea of Swords book I was using the combination of Fireshield/Stoneskin. So, I walk into battle as a 14th level Evoker (Homebrew Robe of the Archmage changed me from a standard wizard to a specialist of my choice, hence evoker.) I had a ring of spell storing that had one spell stored (Prismatic Wall). We were fighting a drow party of similar makeup but roughly +4 levels. My wizard was matched up against a lvl 18 drow assassin (Still 2nd ed. fyi.), the drow attacks twice and realizes my ploy with the stoneskin/fireshield and steps back and begins to toss anything he can at me. My wonderful DM was allowing him 4 attacks a round this way (Same as darts I believe) and since he was such a high level he had a ThAC0 (To hit AC 0) of err, -3 I believe. That is equivalent to +23 attack I'd guess. So he was hitting me. I used the stored spell to create a prismatic wall behind him and two of the other NPC's who were engaged with our thousand pound half-ogre who had quaffed a potion of giant growth so he was absolutely huge. I believe he was 20' then. The DM was baffled why I did that, asking "Are you sure? Are you sure?" Anyhow, the assassin taunts me and spends his next round finishing my stoneskin off. On my turn I cast Thunderstaff. Thunderstaff does damage in a cone and has a knockback. The drow failed their Magic Resistance and didn't save. (God I was lucky). The ogre due to his weight and his successful save was only moved a few feet, however the drow were flung straight into the prismatic wall. They went through all of the layers, one actually survived until the save vs. spell or be sent to another plane or however it went. He ended up on Mount Celestia, the DM being a good sport (seeing as the drow was done for no matter) rolled and discovered he landed right in front of Bahamut. I'm sure you don't want to hear alot about my successful PC's though. My first 2nd ed. character was a paladin of Apollo. He was valiant and even managed to get plate-mail and a +1 spear by level five. He was a pretty good character even though I wasn't entirely suited for a paladin. The party had just encountered a group of giants and were on the way back to town to recover. Random encounter, Umber Hulks. We fight and fight until there is only one wounded Umber Hulk left, he attacks my pally, crits, and bites his head clean off. The half-orc in the party proceeds to strip my body and take my armor, and then guts the damned Umber Hulk to retrieve my helmet. One last story for a successful PC adventure. We were tasked with the death of a Green Dragon. We were a level 9 party at the time. We had a fighter/cleric, three fighters, a wizard, and my ranger/beserker. The DM allowed us prep time before we entered the cavern so my Beserker had haste, prayer, bless, aid, protection from evil, potion of super heroism, and something else I don't recall. I also had one magic item other than the scimitar and my other +1 scimitar, a belt of hill giant strength, which gave me a 19 strength. He dual weilded scimitars (One was a Scimitar of Speed [+1 attack at the beginning of the round]) with ambidexterity and +2 two-handed fighting (Two proficencies you need in 2nd ed. to two-hand fight without negatives), my DM to suit his purposes allowed for equal attacks per hand, and as usual this was going to bite him in the ass. So, with the super heroism pot he was the equivalent of a level 13 ranger. He had then the ability to do three attacks a round per hand. We enter, and my beserk finally finishes charging up. (Takes ten rounds in 2nd ed.) Dragon breathes and lands. I rush in and proceed to attack 13 times. (Three per hand x2 because of haste, so 12 + 1 for the Scimitar of Speed) I was doing 1d8+12 (+7 for strength, +1 bless, +1 magic on scimitars, +3 for beserk) I hit every time, and critted twice doing a total of 206 damage. One shotted the scaly mother. I was forced to retire the character after that (I didn't disagree, I had no idea how imba he could be.)