Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Urlithani 07-22-04, 05:13 AM	Well, I got started in another thread, and I figured it was really off-topic for that thread, so I made a new one. I wrote down a list, and in the last 3 years alone, I have played D&D with 46 people in various games in Faerun. (lots of gamers in Palm Beach, FL!) So I thought about each person's name for a moment each, and had something funny to remember about most of them. So I'm sharing it with you all! Here we go! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ - Plays Druids. Smart person that does DUMB things. Like casting fog cloud over an ambassador's ship from another country...called Thay. Just because we walked by it along the docks. - "I'm going to come back as a cleric of Shar and kill you all! I really mean it this time!" - Gets his arms removed in horrible ways. Dies even worse deaths later on. - Holds the record for characters being introduced in the beginning of a gaming session, and dying before the end of that session. - "I will become the most powerful wizard/cleric/archmage/hierophant in Faerun!" - Every character is Waterdhavian. - Every character is from Silverymoon. - Loves Mystra waaaaay too much. - All characters, in some way or another, have a tie-in to Torm. - Became Queen of Damara after marrying Gareth Dragonsbane's son. - Has characters in one campaign dying to demons. The 1st was dismembered by a Vrock, the 2nd maimed by a Glabrezu, and the 3rd sliced and diced by a Marilith. - Sleeps with evil female NPC's - Follows bad guys relentlessly to his own death. - Plays LG characters in ways that nobody else would have known LG to play. - Barbarian. Smash stuff. Happy. - "Death to the halflings!" - Insists on worshipping lesser known gods(lesser or demipowers only). - Always steals the ale/mead/spirits/wine - Plays dwarves without beards! - "Dude, you're wrong!" "No, you're wrong!" "Why!?!" Group: "So sayeth the wise Aluando!" *argument dissolves into laughter* - Druid + Pyromania = scary druid - MUST play Level adjusted races(Aasimar, Drow, Genasi, etc.) - "I am going to kick the skeleton in the crotch, and when he's kneeling in pain, I will chop his head off!" "Dude...it's a skeleton...he doesn't feel pain." - Plays humans because humans are supposed to be the most populated race in Faerun, but are often the minority in our gaming groups. "I gotta represent the human race, yo! Holler!" - Does "the Robot" if Gond is mentioned. - Arr! To be a pirate! Ahoy! - "Gnomes were made for punting!" - "I am gonna make it through this adventure without my pants, even if it kills me!" (It killed him). - *knock knock* "Who is it?" "Housekeeping!" (It's 3am game time). "I crack open the door." "A rapier slides into the opening and stabs you...roll a fort save!" (All the best housekeepers come at 3 in the morning.) - "Why am I hanging upside down, and why is my hair on fire?" That's all I can think of before bed. If you have any funny quotes or player/character quirks from your Realms games, share 'em for laughs! :)
Bait the Bard 07-22-04, 06:26 AM	"How many dice was that? umm... 32 dice spellfire damage, here we come!" The look on the DMs face after expending all levels in one go and critting. :D We also had a bard, curious name Bait, who they were in the habbit of useing as bait, to lure monsters, etc. He was also very annoying, though he did save the sorc's familliar once ;) 'bout it for now, I'll come back with some (of I remember, and can be screwed :P) - the annoying bard
aravilar_holistacia 07-22-04, 07:33 AM	- Plays humans because humans are supposed to be the most populated race in Faerun, but are often the minority in our gaming groups. "I gotta represent the human race, yo! Holler!" Oh, gods, I can't stop laughing... :rofl:
Mystery Man 07-22-04, 08:15 AM	A couple years ago I ran a campaign that had a lot of nautical stuff in it. Every time my players got in the dinghy (that's a life boat to you and me) something bad would happen. They would get attacked by giant squid, the evil guy would take over their ship, they're left penniless naked and unarmed floating in the middle of the ocean, you get the idea. It got so they wouldn't get in the dinghy for love, money or to save their own skin. :) Now whenever they're faced with a percieved hopeless situation where there is only one way out or they just know something bad is going to happen they say "I/Let's/We get in the dinghy." And if there is a boat anywhere near an encounter they'll stay as far away as possible.:D Priceless.
Deoca 07-22-04, 11:45 AM	For our group members who read this I shall just say: - Hey look! I'm a cleric of Umberlee! As for others.... our lead DM actually publishes some of our more pithy remarks as sidebars in a newsletter. I think we might read it more for the comments than the news :) Most of them aren't tasteful enough to reprint but maybe a few.... - "Awww no, not Harpies! Not even penicillan will clean that up! - "The Drunken Master has rules for that..." "But I'm not a Drunken Master, I'm just drunk" - "Sundial's not working" "Here, we got a torch - what time would you like it to be?" - "Fighting Defensively? Is this a battle or is it Riverdance?" - "It's winking at me! Oh no, it's a bi-polar bear!" - "Can't we just lob an alchemist fire at it? No, then we'd have to fight Smokey the Dire Bear" - "...and Yazi just stands there and puts an apple on his head" - "HEY! I'm not wearing armor right now! I can move more than 20'!!!!" - "I know I'm never going to live to regret this" - "Party Rule #1: the Dwarf isn't allowed near any prisoners we want alive, or to have all their teeth" - "We've got an oil rig of healing potions here!" And every group has most likely run into... - "Just another God we've ****** off." Darn, after trying to find the supremely funny ones it seems that they all need parental warnings :rolleyes:
Thelandrach 07-22-04, 12:19 PM	One party had several wizards who would use illusionary area-effect spells to hurt the bad guys and not the good guys. They figured out early on that they needed to clue the fighters in on the "illusion" part without letting the bad guys know, so they came up with a password: wombat. If they spellcaster said anything about wombats, it was an illusion... the first time. So, it'd work like this: Wizard: I call upon the Flaming Wrath of the Wombat! (casts illusory fireball; fighters save, bad guys don't). Other Wizard: I call upon the Flaming arrows of the Wombat! (casts Flame Arrow, which ordinarily wouldn't do enough damage to count, but now that the Bad Guy is disbelieving a real spell, he takes max damage...).
Brahzs M'ahnkei 07-22-04, 04:18 PM	We had to save Arribar from Thay in one adventure, and somehow in the course of the final battle our paladin of Lathander (who had some power in the city) panicked and crowned our barbarian/forsaker ruler of the city. The party was descending into the proverbial Pit 'O Death, and were beset upon by a hydra from below- we could only attack the heads. The were-bear paladin says: "What are you doing? You can't jump down onto the hydra to attack!" The halfling swashbuckler/dervish says: "Oh really? That means I must!" He did so and killed the hydra! I also ran a rogue once who was a serious cleptomaniac- the DM would secretly make pickpocket roles and then write what I had picked up later in the adventure. ;)
Mel Ann Cholly 07-22-04, 04:50 PM	Originally posted by Brahzs M'ahnkei I also ran a rogue once who was a serious cleptomaniac- the DM would secretly make pickpocket roles and then write what I had picked up later in the adventure. Yeah, we've got a rogue like that too. He's not allowed to go anywhere unless he's with a party member with a high Spot check :) Let's see...player quirks... 1.) Plays "good" characters who aren't (animates dead, uses the deadliest poisons, dominates everything - even other party members) 2.) Gets disintegrated (record 6 times in one campaign) 3.) Plays the most complicated characters ever. Campaign starts at first level: "I wanna play a level adjusted character, can we start at level 3?". "My character is a rogue who lost all his memories and thinks he's a fighter, but he has these tattoos on his body and if they disappear he remembers his rogue training". "I'm an Elven Monk even though there are no elves or monks in the area". 4.) Plays xenophobic characters and complains about "dirty humans", but then gets upset when the human PCs don't like him.
Niten Swordmaster 07-22-04, 06:48 PM	I once did an Underdark adventure and one of the PCs played a drow noble. We were in Menzobarranzan and he tried to be a smart ass by saying that he checked the sun dial on his wrist. We all laughed at him and he couldn't figure out why for a couple of moments. The look on his face when he figured it out was pricless. - The Halfling says; "I bull rush the Balor." - "I stab the sleeping Black Dragon."
Brahzs M'ahnkei 07-22-04, 10:03 PM	I am also reminded of the plight of our cleric. The guy rolls abnormally and consistantly low- I have never seen anything like it in my life. On a side note, he has rolled 3 consecutive 1's on four seperate occations. It's incredible to watch. Anywho, at one point in the adventure he comes upon a sleeping guard, and decides to knock the fellow out. He produces his heavy mace and declares that he will now roll for _subdual_ damage. He even manages to put a small pillow over the guard's face to soften the blow. He rolls... he criticals. For the first time in his life. The DM ruled that b/c of the crit, it was real damage, not subdual. He maxes the damage, kills the guard. This happened several years ago, and that roll remains one of only four known critical hits that this player has ever rolled. ;)
Finder 07-22-04, 10:38 PM	PC has 5'0 Drow Ranger DM- The minotaur charges you from the middle of the road PC- I brake down in a linebacker stance DM- The minotaur lowers its head and aims at you PC- I'm wait until he gets close and then try to tackle him DM- The minotaur hits you PC- Did I tackle him? Several rounds pass Me- I pour a potion of healing down the drows throat. This was way back in 2E when we had a drizzt obsessed guy that was a little slow Heath plays a Human Paladin who just got some boots of striding and springing, helping with his encumbered movement Heath- I charge the two fire giants in the back DM- Right when you close withing twenty feet you begin to dance Heath- Darn boots Many rounds later Me- I pour a potion down the paladins throat Heath- I guess its back to 3' movement This was back in 2E in against the Giants Campaign
Arcen 07-22-04, 11:29 PM	Originally posted by Urlithani - "Gnomes were made for punting!" ROFLMAO! Some stuff from my games: - PC "I'll try to read the skeleton's mind" DM "You get darkness and a bit of an echo" - Sneak Sneak Sneak CRUNCH (Sounds of a Halfling sneaking past a sleeping Dragon.
Cole Deschain 07-23-04, 03:02 AM	"Time to go bastard-hunting!" - Fighter, in the middle of a Chultan temple, where the party has chased a lone Yuan-Ti. "Johnny, fetch me my crackpipe. It's gonna be a looooooong night." - Borderline psychotic wizard to his luckless apprentice, when doiing research on a vampire. "What's that whistling noi-" -Luckless halfling, just before the giant-hurled boulder hit.
Cole Deschain 07-23-04, 03:05 AM	Not one of mine, but it's from the late, great SotK boards- "I silently stomp the giant wolverine to death."
Niten Swordmaster 07-23-04, 10:20 AM	"I am also reminded of the plight of our cleric. The guy rolls abnormally and consistantly low- I have never seen anything like it in my life." Wow, our cleric is plagued by the same bad luck with dice. He never rolls good. Even when he isn't there and I play him, I roll bad on his turn and then fine on mine, its amazing! What god does the cleric worship? Is it Gond? cause thats who ours worships. Maybe the Wonder Bringer is cheating his followers...
maynardjkeenan 07-23-04, 03:25 PM	I have a player that corrupts each D20 he touches. Other polyhedron is ok, but as soon as he puts his slimy fingers on a d20... he rolls 1-5 on it.. And he's a rogue, so no Gond there.
Niten Swordmaster 07-23-04, 03:32 PM	Rats, that would have been interessting to persue; The Vile Touch of Gond!
Savras 07-23-04, 04:22 PM	"Chocolate takes you down" (said by me, OoG, but still rather funny" "We are murdering a murder-mystery" (a PC explaining IG what the party is doing) "I can't belive it! I was exloited by a grasshopper!" (same PC, a campaign later, when his druid walked by a tree that said "I am Silvanus, and you shall leave me a tribute!". Then a dimiunative half-man half-grasshopper pops around the tree, claims to be the Avatar's servant, and explain they demand tribute for some goal or the other. The druid is considering, the lil' mate goes away, then suddenly the druid feels a wee hand in his pocket- he looks down and sees the matey pick-pocketing him! Well, he says to me OoC "If they need the money so desperately they are willing to STEAL it, and from a druid of Silvanus, then I am willing to give them some!", and proceded to give them quite a bit. I burst out laughing. Later, after I told him the lil'l thing had Ventriloquism as a SL ability, he exclained this sentece).
Kittencaboodle 07-23-04, 06:02 PM	DM -- (player botches listen check) You are straining to hear and then you hear it behind you.... A CIRCUS! Player -- What? A Circus?! In the woods??? At night??? DM -- You whirl around and see... Player -- :bigeyes: DM -- Bubbles (the party's donkey) is eating apples from the bag in the cart. Player -- Bubbles! Stop eating all the apples! (dawning realization) HEY! I tied him up! DM -- :smirk: Why so you did and it appear he's chewed through the rope again. "It's a daisy!" (Generally said when spot checks were botched and usually before we got attacked by something with large nasty sharp pointy teeth) "Dammit! That's another horse that's gotten killed! Fine, at the next town, I go to the stable and buy another horse." "What are you going to name it." "The same thing as the others. I dub thee Ellistraae the 12th. Don't die."
Occams_Razor 07-25-04, 06:44 AM	I had a crew playing the 2e Night Below campaign, but I had moved it into FR, because I am a lazy guy who prefers to use the FRCS instead of having to do all that hard work. Anyway, we had a newer guy playing the wizard in the party and the campaign opens with an ambush on the road into town. The characters are surprised and the ambushers are trying to abduct the mage. Before they can close with him, he runs to a tree and climbs into it. Then the next round he fires his light crossbow at one of the enemies and misses. Next round: Me: Okay, Max*, your turn. Max*: Um... I'm going to wait. Me: Well, you don't want to cast a spell? Max*: No, I don't want to waste it. Me: Okay, well, why don't you shoot one of the enemies with your crossbow. Max*: I can't. Me: Why not? Max*: I only bought one quarrel. I didn't think I'd need any more than that... Everybody dissolved into hysterical laughter at this point. *Names have been changed to protect the foolish.
Gerad Von Lansing 07-25-04, 07:56 AM	Ok, these quotes are mainly from my characters I played in a buddies campaign as a fighter/blackguard of Bane. DM...."You see a Red Dragon swooping down from the bright blue sky." Me..."I pray to Bane for guidance." DM..."OK." Me..."Well?" DM..."Dragon drool lands on your head." Me..."Well, I pray to Bane again to give me strength to conqueor thy foe." Several rounds later. DM..."Gerad, you wake up to (the other parties fighter) dumping a healing potion down your throat. Next incedent happened when my Red Dragon mount stole some Silver Dragon eggs. Me..."Where did you get them eggs?" Mount..."Some dragon." Me..."What kind?" Mount..."Same kind as those two flying towards us." " Damn, not again. Champion of Cyric." Fails a spot check. " You see a naked Dwarf rolling in mud."
Cherrn 07-25-04, 11:11 AM	One of my players played a beautiful paladin of Tyr in my campaign once. They entered an inn, the beautiful woman instantly drawing stares from the crowd. A man came up to the paladin and gave her behind a tender squeeze. This is what she said: "Do not strike my behind in the name of lechery! But strike it only in the name of justice!" I found that rather funny :D
Brahzs M'ahnkei 07-25-04, 11:14 AM	Originally posted by Niten Swordmaster Wow, our cleric is plagued by the same bad luck with dice. He never rolls good. Even when he isn't there and I play him, I roll bad on his turn and then fine on mine, its amazing! What god does the cleric worship? Is it Gond? cause thats who ours worships. Maybe the Wonder Bringer is cheating his followers... Ironically enough, he was a cleric of Tymora... ;)
Eccerion 07-25-04, 12:21 PM	This one happened last session of an evil champaign im running, the PCs, a lvl 3 human cleric of Bane, a human lvl 1rouge/1fighter/ranger and a halfling lvl 3 rouge, were with joined force of zhentarim and blackblood werebeings who were attacking a temple of Selune. The rouges were sent to take out the lookout in a lookout tower, which pretty much went south from the word go. First they moved across the courtyard less than very stealhfully, lucky for them the guards didnt spot them, then after climbing the tower they both jump at the guard....and both miss horribly. The guard sounds the alarm and both rouges decided to flee...by jumping off the tower to the temple roof below. Roll tumbling to reduce the fall by 10 feet, then balance to avoid falling....both fail, first crashing into the roof, then sliding off it crashing into a heap at teh foot of the tower (it was attached to the temple wall). After pulling themselves up they tried to scramble across the roof to get out of way the battle below them as the forces of evil overran the selunites, which was when the halfling rolled a "1" on his balance check, almost falling off the roof. After he got up again he walked less than 10 feet before getting another "1" on his balance check, almost falling off the roof again. Then when they finally get to the edge of the roof they tie a rope to climb down, and they both rolled "1"s on the climb check, falling once more into a heap onto the ground.
Alac Luin 07-28-04, 01:03 AM	In the party I'm DMing, there is a Dwarf that will not stop threatining the party H-elf Bard/Cleric with hog-tieing. I think the dwarf is jealous of the size of the plumb in the bard's cap.:)
tentacle_mike 08-07-04, 01:06 AM	I play a lvl. 6 gnome wizard who is slowly going insane. Since the beginning of the campaign he has become more and more paranoid. at one point when the party was waiting out a storm in a cave, we heard a noise and I turned around and immediately launched a fireball. I ended up killing ten wolf cubs and five she-wolves. After the DM told us what I had hit, we burst out laughing while he continued to look horrified.
AvengedMutablegenus 08-07-04, 11:00 PM	"indeed" ~ A old minotaur sage that agreed with everything the party said Me as a DM slipping the name of the monster that was attacking the party, and then trying to recover " Ok, now it's the kir-lan [long pause] da ding dongs turn to attack" "Ok you see the all black knight on the black dragon on top of the black tower watching you"~Me "Ok, but DM, what color is his helmet?"~ A young player On our first season as a party the "reckless" barbarian had just ran through town hall and the rest of the party is running to catch up to the barbarian and the party asks the guards "did you see my friend run by here just a second ago?" the guard says " what did he look like?" and me not knowing the character very well ask for the barbarians character sheet and in game say (keep in mind i'm just reading facts off his character sheets" was he 6'4, 184 lb's brown hair, and reckless?" and reckless was on their because i made everyone think of one word to describe their character :-P hah we had to top playing for a few minutes after that one. Today i was playing and the party realized that Khelben's dirty secret he was harboring was that he was in a secret realtionship with a leading local offical named Leah Darkmoon and the dwarf (the "crafty thinker") went and told the husband of Leah " Mr. Darkmoon, you're wife loves the Khelbens Blackstaff!" and the entire party minus the dwarf fell out of their chair we were laughing so hard. See how punctiality matters so dreadfully much!
Ardent 08-08-04, 07:42 PM	Heh, there are some good ones... DM: "Save versus Fortitude." Elf: (without rolling a die) "I fail the Fort save. I'm dead. I'm rolling up a new character." (proceeds to generate a new character) "I may be a holy man, but I *love* the sauce!" "Mystra save us!" "Shaddap, ya daft elf! Youle alert the goblins!" (said goblins charge in) Dwarf: "Cripes, it's a good thing I'm wearing my ring of feather fall..." DM: "Actually you're not, you gave it to the elf, remember?" Elf: "Yeah, you said it was too cutesy. I totally forgot about that...looks like I wasted a spell slot on feather fall for no reason." Dwarf: "Whaddya mean? Can't you cast it on me?" Elf: "Only if I liked dwarves." Rogue: "Looks like a simple rune-casting proximity mechanism." (starts fiddling with trap) DM: "As you tinker with the trap, trying to disarm it, you're suddenly taken by an overwhelming sense of impending doom." Rogue: "Crap! I triggered a really bad trap, didn't I?" DM: "Yup. You've been affected by the Bard spell Overwhelming Sense of Impending Doom. Will save versus Death." Rogue: "I hate you. You know that, right?" DM: "As you approach the half-elf, she turns around and holds a nocked arrow readied upon her bow." Half-Elf: "Hold! I will use my weapon if necessary." Rogue: "Honey, all I was going to sneak attack you with my short sword." Half-Elf: "Last time you did that I ended up pregnant, you no-good filth." Cleric: "So she's a Cleric of Bane, right?" DM: "Yup. A really powerful one, from what you've heard." Cleric: "You're sure she's a Cleric of Bane?" DM: "Yes, I am. Why do you keep repeating the question?" Cleric: "Well, I was hoping you'd give us some evil cleric to fight, but you've basically nerfed my character. He can't hit her." DM: "Why not? You don't even know what sort of protections she has." Cleric: "She's got the best kind: breasts." Eilistraeen Cleric: "We beseech you for your assistance, lords. Please grant us sanctuary within the walls of the Citadel." Rogue: (to party Cleric) "I'll grant her sanctuary in my bed, if nothing else." Cleric: (to Rogue) "You should think twice. Drow females aren't above castrating mates that don't please them." Rogue: (gulp) "On second thought, maybe she should have her own room..." Yeah...it does seem like most of the best quotes are risque. Oh well...
BrianCritchley 08-09-04, 03:10 AM	you guys are forgetting the most well known player quirk "a normal race outta the players handbook? who'd wanna play that?"
Xavier_of_Cormyr 08-11-04, 10:59 PM	some memorable ones from the multitude of campaigns i've been in...... (this one has been heard at every gaming table) "NATURAL TWENTY!!!" {bites into a pretzel} "I kill it..." ( a sit in player talking about his +10 holy avenger) "My last DM let me have it.... and who the hell is Monte Hall?" (player's quote after the DM had rolled 20d10 and was still rolling the breath weapon damage) " go ahead, kill me.... I've had too much for too long!"
Forsaken_Rocker 08-12-04, 10:58 AM	ive had many a funny ones, unfourtunatly i live in a smaller town (about 4 thousand people) so ive only played with 5 people (i dm) (this wasnt mine) but a long time ago this player kept ******* off the dm, so he finally said, alright drops a pink caddilac with hidrolics on your head, 4d20+80 damage 1d20+10 per round because of the bounciness, this has become a popular threat the dm issues to his more annoying players. We've had another person, whos objective was to pick up a chick in every town we went through (traveling from a bit east of waterdeep to susaile) well in the first town, he got nice diplomacy rolls... but lets just say after that double 1s made the chick leave unhappy (we now refer to this event as 20 seconds) hes also managed to steal a bottle of wine in almost every city, despite my best (legitamete) atempts to stop him. another has snuck into a nobles house, and almost been caught, because of the damn cat that is always in the cellar (as he says) another, who lets say is not gifted in intellegence (although both characters have had 14 or 16) has done many a stupid things. We were traveling through a forest, and came upon a shrine with a sword stuck in an alter, he says, "I'm gonna go take the sword out" as he touches it to take it out a booming voice comes from nowhere "YOU DARE INVOKE NATURES RATH, LEAVE THE SWORD AND KEEP YOUR LIFE!" so i say to him, "so basically if you pull this sword out you die" so what does the idiot, do pulls it out, a whole bunch of dire animals come out and essentually rip his head off, (he was lvl 3 and was competly surrounded, we didnt even bother rolling it out) also, one refuses to talk in an accent, (dwarf) so finally, we just said, "alright, you're turned into a sissy pink elf if you dont dish out some brutal dwarf talking" we got the talking, he strung together a string of dwarven insults enough to get my dad to cry, involving that my mom was really a half goblin half gnoll and that the elf in the party should get his damn ears clipped before he swings his axe at the desired clip to level, full swing. we let him stay dwarf