Things that should be avoided in Forgotten Realms [Archive] - Wizards Community

Things that should be avoided in Forgotten Realms [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
Ethriel
09-23-05, 06:52 PM 1. Do not under any circumstances introduce yourself as a two scimitar wielding Drow whose rejected the evil ways of your people. You will be killed on sight.

2. No matter what Ed Greenwood says, the Seven Sisters will not sleep with you.

3. Or Elminster...

4. Or Khleban...

5. I'm worried when you ask about Ssass Tam.

6. The Red Wizards of Thay are not the Walmart of Magic.

7. That's the Zhents.

8. Do not fry Daemonfae on a stick.

9. Worshippers of Shar do not act like the cast of "Goth Talk"

10. Elaith Craulnobler's haircut does not make him look like Astroboy and you should not point this out to him.

11. Harry Potter does not attend Sorcere

12. You 'meddling kids' did not foil Elaith Craulnober

13. You are not to call the Simbul 'Sweet Mother of Mammaries.'

14. There is no ark in Calimshan.

15. Nor Nazis.

16. Fzoul is not a soup. Manshoon is not a storm.

17. The Night Lord is not the Master

18. King Azoun will not be referred to as a metaphor for George Bush.

19. Princess Alusair will not dress in chainmail Bikini for you.

20. That dragon over there will not play sporting.

21. Hobbits do not live in Shadowdale.

22. The Dales are not the Rebel Alliance

23. Mentions of Greyhawk will be a death worthy offense

24. Elminster will not say "Shuck it, Trebek."

25. Khelben 'Blackstaff' will not not be played by Samuel L. Jackson
Debnath: 26. Azoun's bastard son is not Fitz Farseer
Debnath: 27. Despite similarities, Bane is NOT Torak.

28. Or Mephisto.

29. Or the Shadow King.

30. 'The Godhand' are not Abyshai.

31. Elaith Craulnober is not Michael Corleone
Debnath: 32. Manshoon will not be referred to as 'Darth Vader'

32. Or ;Darken Rahl'

33. Or 'The Betrayer of Hope'

34. Or 'Randall Flagg'

35. Or 'his Divine Shadow'

36. Arilyn Moonblade will not sleep with you. Arilyn Moonblade will not be a bubbly spice girl

37. The Red Wizards of Thay are not neutral despite what Dragonlance may tell you.

38. Haruula is not the setting of the Final Fantasy games, Eberron is.

39. The Time of Troubles was not written by Tim LaHaye

40 Being a shapechanged druid does not give you permission to hump people's legs.

41. Creationism is NOT religious mumbo Jumbo.

42. Alustriel does not seductively lick her goblet

43. Cyric is not Patrick Bateman

44. Chauntaeau does not appear so kings can 'marry the land' nor should I found my own kingdom to test this.

45. The Moonshaes do not make especially delicious snack pies.

46. It is wrong to call the Eldath Veruuna the "Mein Alfers"

47. The Church of Tyr does not promise 40 Valkyrie concubines after death.

48. It'd be more popular if it did.

49. Ilmater does not want masochists.

50. Loviathar is not solely worshipped by BS&M enthusiasts.

51. All Shar needs is not Love.

52. Selvetarm is not a lover instead of a fighter

53. Not all Drow women are lesbians.

54. It is wrong to ask them if you can watch.

55. Most drow don't do 'The foot thing;'

56. Drizzt should not really have been able to beat a Balor in mano-a-mano combat. So us equalling his levels and attacking a Balor together is suicide.

57. Deneir is not the God of Bible Code enthusiasts.

58. Alaundo the Prophet did not write solely about the party...

59. Even if it seems that way sometimes.

60. Kelemvor is not the "wuss god of Death"

61. All scribes are not sexually repressed librarians

62. You will not ho slap Lhao if he doesn't admit you immediately to see Elminster.

63. Especially if you know he's a King.

64. Azoun is not to be referred to as "Daddy"

65. Especially if you are not one of his kids.

66. Bane is not Cobra Commander nor do all of his plans utterly fail....

67. It just seems that way.

68. Alusair does not 'put her sister to the test'

69. Despite what Ed Greenwood says, old, fat, hairy men are not sexually satisfying.

70. Mirt is not Wilson fisk

71. Nor is his relationship with his ward anything but disgusting.

72. Nor does he know Sumo.

73. Nor will he lend you a fiver.

74. Al-Quadim is not a land of terrorists, despite it's now unfortunate name.

75. Do not snicker at good followers of Helm.

76. The Elves founding a kingdom in the north pole are not doing so while enslaved by Elminster to make toys for human children. We don't know how that rumor got started.

77. Waterdhavian men are pansies. It's true.

78. Skullport's Skulls are not Cucoo for Coco Puffs

: 78. No, we don't know how some of these rumors got started.

79. Yes, Festhalls are brothels. Satisfied?

80. Daggerdale will not appreciate Anne Rice's philosophies.

81. Storm Silverhand's armor is not 'clip on',

82. Nor does she practice illicit uses of her hair

83. The Wizards of Thay will not burst out to sing 'YMCA'

84. Yes, we've had some odd games....how did you know?

85. Orcus will not "Rise Again" and neither will Myrkul, Bhaal, or any combination of Moander, Ibrandul, Leira, or Gilgeam.

86. Velsharoon is not the most useless rip off of a god in History.

87. Manshoon and Ssass Tam are not suing him for infringement

88. Mystra does not raffle her body off anually

89. Despite what Ed Greenwood may say

90. Rape is not 'savage love'

91. Anyone thus immitating "Real Middle Ages" will be stabbed.

92. Chosen-Hood is not assigned randomly

93. You cannot trade your party to Abyshai in exchange for stat advancement

94. The 'Night Master' is not Lestat di Lioncourt

95. Do not summon succubi for parties.

96. Except in Planescape.

97. There will be no "Great Wheel" mentionings in any way, shape, or form.

98. The Night Parade is not a pride festival.

99. The Silver Marches Underdark is not a political movement.

100. Or a Railway system

101. No, it is not derived from Cthulu or Lovecraft

102. Finder Wyvernspur is not the god that will destroy everyone because no one suspects him.
Kuje31
09-23-05, 07:01 PM :rofl:
Charles Phipps
09-23-05, 07:03 PM Eberron has it's own version on the boards, I helped Eth here out.

Feel free to add.
WVgamer
09-23-05, 07:17 PM :clap: :rofl: :ayyyy!: are the only things I can process after I realize how ignorant my players truely are. They either believe or have done at least half of those.
Charles Phipps
09-23-05, 07:42 PM 103. It is not my place to question why the hell the Chosen don't just get off their fat asses and do it themselves rather than telling low level adventurers to do it.

104. Vaasa is not the home of the Russian Bikini luge teams, Gulags, or guys in furry hats that talk in Stalinism.

105. In Vaasa, Cart does not "Drive you."

106. Nor in Zhentil Keep.

107. Maybe it does in Thay.

108. Do not comment how Peter Jackson ripped off so much for his movie or JRR Tolkien did for his novelization of the movie. You will be laughed at.

110. Torm is not to be referred to as "The Boy Scout God"

111. Nor is he a virgin.

112. Or all of his paladins.

113. Paladins are not sparkly fresh always and smell vaguely of lemon.

114. Ubato is not to be referred to as Godzilla.

115. Or thank him with the words "Domo Oregato Mr. Ubato."

116. Even if you're from the nation of Wa.

117. Sembia is not the Land of Shakespearian stereotypes of Moneylenders and Italians.

118. Even if they do ask for Pounds of Flesh and have pretty princesses named Portia.

119. Ulther is not the land Conan lives in.

120. Nor is Chessenta
Kirtanus_Albacron
09-23-05, 09:42 PM :D :D :D :D :D Oh God.... That was so funny... :D :D :D :D :D
Ethriel
09-23-05, 10:58 PM It is not our place to tell Mask to go wash his clothing, nor tell him he is 'in the doghouse'

The term 'a hand for a hand' will not be used to a paladin of Tyr.

Drizzt is not 'crawling in his skin' nor will he 'break a habit' that night.

Dwarves are not Scottish.

If they are clan Oriented.

Even if they wear kilts and speak with heavy accents.

And drink beer like fountain water

Alustriel does not tabledance. Ever.

Thayans do not wave staffs and go 'muahahahaha' at random passerbyes.

Abyshai are neither fair nor sporting. They will not entitle anyone to a fair fight, a last wish or a quest.

Reference to Uthegental Armgo as Gregor Clegane will result in a flaying.

Matron Baenre may've been young and hot once, but now she resembles a prune. She will not have one of her daughters 'relive the glory days' with you.

Shandril was a special case. You will not receive spellfire, you will not outwit dracoliches and you won't get laid in the possible final moments of your life in a treasure chamber.

Bhaal does not have ninjas in service to him.

Tanalasta does not return to life to bed someone she 'always loved' and impart cryptic advice.

It is not our place to ask Khelben why he sends us across Faerun on a wild goose chase to 'find ourselves' while an ancient evil is sleeping next door and we can easily take it out while it's out cold.

Nor will we ask why the heroes far superior to us didn't destroy the damn thing themselves in the first place.

Elves do not wear pink, wave in limp wristed fashion and pronounce 'fabulous' in high, girly voices.

Elves will kick your ass if you mess with them. Don't.

We will not try to find racial undertones between Drow, Sun and Moon elves.

Moonblades are not awesomely cool weapons, you will die if you try to pull one.
Charles Phipps
09-24-05, 05:37 AM 44. Cyric is not my copilot.

45. Nor Bane.

46. Mystra will not let me cast epic level magic.

47. Even if I promise to be really responsible with it.

48. Nor will Shar.

49. Even if I promise to be really irresponsible with it.

50. Danillo Thann is not to be referred to "The Man"

51. Even for bagging three novel heroines.

52. And being Khelban's grandson.

53. Which does not make him a Gary Stu.

54. The Imasaki did not invent chainsaws nor can I have a relic one.

55. Myth Drannor is not to be referred to as the second most dangerous city in the world after Detroit.

56. Lolth is a misanthropist, not a lesbian.

57. Corellon Lantheon is not a transexual, he just changes sex.

58. ...and as such is not to be compared with Frank N. Furter.

59. Elminster is not to be referred to as Gandalf's stoner brother.

60. Even if it's true.

61. Fzoul and Manshoon should not be referred to as the guys who got the crap beaten out of them by a 16 year old girl.

62. Even if it's true.

63. Shandril will not be called "Buffy"

64. Speculation into Ed Greenwood's opinions on women are not allowed.
Silverpanther
09-24-05, 05:46 AM so much bitterness :D

i love that :rofl:

and why should bane have no ninjas... CA ;)

shandril was 16? and knocked the zhents out? i thought she only fought the dragon cult?
starkey
09-24-05, 08:58 AM boy you really know how to take the fun out of roleplaying in the realms. What wrong with a little musical number with YMCA in the middle of Thay. Isn't that thier National anthem?
:)
Banpai
09-24-05, 10:46 AM :w00t: :clap: :rofl: :bow:
now to add insult to injury:

Elminsters faciual hair does not increase your lifespann.

If Larloch tells you that all he needs to complete another scepter of sorcerous kings is Elminsters spine...just rip your party mage apart and give him his spine it´s far less bloody this way.

Most Thayan enclaves do not accept a "five finger discount".

Never call a masked witch from rashemen ugly.

Its not true that everyone one the savage coast does want a savage beating.

Its untrue that cring "spider *****" in Menzoberranzan will summon Loth.

Beeing an atheist is not funny its simply stupid.

The password to enter the secret temple is not "your mother".

Ask the Simbul about a challenge involving 5 of her sisters. :angelhide

Try to underrpice the next Thayan enclave.

Aks Khelben wheter or not he´s trying to compensate with his staff.

Go to evermeet with a headband with (elfslayer) written on it.

Report all members of the harpers that can´t play harpto the inquisition.

Follow a vampires tracks into the Underdark.

Teleport yourself to the molten core of Toril to check wheter or not there is a Hollow World.

Go to dark sun in search for a better place for Epic spellcasting.

Try to wield 2 swords in your hands and one in your mouth simultaniously.

A search for a Kir Larana(sp?) cleric might be longer than you think.
Zevox
09-24-05, 07:42 PM :rofl: :heehee :clap:
Charles Phipps
09-24-05, 08:22 PM 83. The Eldrath Veruuna's handbook is not "Mein Alf."

84. Even if it is, their leader isn't secretly a half-elf with a Charlie Chaplin mustache.

85. Elves with superiority complexes don't need a good smacking.

86. It is wrong to team kill.

87. Even if no way would your player associate with a Banite drow priest as a Tyrian paladin and his Corellon Lantheon priest partner.

88. The proper response after defeating an enemy is not "WOOT"

89. It is wrong to plot to kill Chosen, because.

90. Forrest Elves do not bake cookies.

91. The phrase "Dwarvish Manhood" is forbidden.

92. The Harpers are not a Club for adventurers who can't make it on their own.

93. Nor is the Moonstars.

94. Undermountain does not charge admission.

95. Nor should you try.

96. Liriel Banare is not to be referred to as the Alicia Silverstone of the Drow set.

97. No, you cannot invent gunpowder

98. Lantan does not have cybernetics

99. Gond is not the God for those who 'don't get fantasy.'

100. It is wrong to make up deities because no one can keep track of them all.

101. It is wrong to try and bluff Kelemvor.

102. Or Jergal.
Ethriel
09-29-05, 07:54 PM The Cult of the Dragon is not ruled by Skeletor

The Zhentarim will not 'strike back.'

It is wrong to mock Azuth.

The Witches of Rasheman do not have bondage fests with the Wizards of Thay.

The Sahaugin will not be referred to as 'Gill-men'.

Elminster's pride will not lead to a fall. Neither will the pride of Fzoul Chembryl, the Chosen or Vangerdahast.

Shar is not going through a phase.

Tempus and Talos do not 'need hugs', nor is the phrase 'make love, not war' advisable to use around them.

Alusair will not bed your entire party.

No, Vangerdahast is NOT feeling you up, he is truly checking you for weapons.

the Harpers are not 'Servants of the Force.'

The root of all evil is not a man named Profion.

Bards are not useless in a party.

Even if they have no discernable value whatsoever.

Sune will not respond to the song 'I touch myself.'

Ghaunadaur's time is not coming.

The battle cry of the Daemonfay is not 'Sieg Zeon'

Mirt will not respond to a six week body makeover.
Charles Phipps
09-30-05, 07:47 PM The phrase "Ye Gods, is EVERY woman a raging ***** in Forgotten Realms?"

The answer is no....

Only Piergion's daughter, Larael, Quilue, Dove, Alustriel, Storm, Sylune, the Simbul, The Archmagus of Cormyr, Allusair, Mystra, Shirinshee, One Lady of Waterdeep (she IS a courtesan after all), Bronwyn, one Lady Lord of the Knights of the Shield, all the females in the Knights of Myth Drannor, apparently the entire female clergy of Shar, Sune, Sharess without question, Lolth's priestesses, and the High Queen of the Moonshaes.
Yom Beekus
10-03-05, 03:13 PM oh man...these are good...

I've had a few of these rear their ugly heads in my campaign....hoo boy...hope my players don't read this thread...they may get some ideas...

:D
CzarGarrett
10-04-05, 02:34 PM Quality.

I approve.
Cli' San Aquanova
10-04-05, 05:34 PM :rofl:

It's been a while since I've had a thread crack me up like this. This is awesome. :D

-C'SA
:u:Bring Back Merfolk!!!:u:
maynardjkeenan
10-05-05, 07:03 AM This would have been fun, had it not been for the crapass spelling.......
Duke Lenethar
10-05-05, 10:39 PM 38. Haruula is not the setting of the Final Fantasy games, Eberron is.

Thats how Eberron made it! The guys at WoTC are Final Fantasy fanboys! I never saw the similarities until now...

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Ethriel 09-23-05, 06:52 PM	1. Do not under any circumstances introduce yourself as a two scimitar wielding Drow whose rejected the evil ways of your people. You will be killed on sight. 2. No matter what Ed Greenwood says, the Seven Sisters will not sleep with you. 3. Or Elminster... 4. Or Khleban... 5. I'm worried when you ask about Ssass Tam. 6. The Red Wizards of Thay are not the Walmart of Magic. 7. That's the Zhents. 8. Do not fry Daemonfae on a stick. 9. Worshippers of Shar do not act like the cast of "Goth Talk" 10. Elaith Craulnobler's haircut does not make him look like Astroboy and you should not point this out to him. 11. Harry Potter does not attend Sorcere 12. You 'meddling kids' did not foil Elaith Craulnober 13. You are not to call the Simbul 'Sweet Mother of Mammaries.' 14. There is no ark in Calimshan. 15. Nor Nazis. 16. Fzoul is not a soup. Manshoon is not a storm. 17. The Night Lord is not the Master 18. King Azoun will not be referred to as a metaphor for George Bush. 19. Princess Alusair will not dress in chainmail Bikini for you. 20. That dragon over there will not play sporting. 21. Hobbits do not live in Shadowdale. 22. The Dales are not the Rebel Alliance 23. Mentions of Greyhawk will be a death worthy offense 24. Elminster will not say "Shuck it, Trebek." 25. Khelben 'Blackstaff' will not not be played by Samuel L. Jackson Debnath: 26. Azoun's bastard son is not Fitz Farseer Debnath: 27. Despite similarities, Bane is NOT Torak. 28. Or Mephisto. 29. Or the Shadow King. 30. 'The Godhand' are not Abyshai. 31. Elaith Craulnober is not Michael Corleone Debnath: 32. Manshoon will not be referred to as 'Darth Vader' 32. Or ;Darken Rahl' 33. Or 'The Betrayer of Hope' 34. Or 'Randall Flagg' 35. Or 'his Divine Shadow' 36. Arilyn Moonblade will not sleep with you. Arilyn Moonblade will not be a bubbly spice girl 37. The Red Wizards of Thay are not neutral despite what Dragonlance may tell you. 38. Haruula is not the setting of the Final Fantasy games, Eberron is. 39. The Time of Troubles was not written by Tim LaHaye 40 Being a shapechanged druid does not give you permission to hump people's legs. 41. Creationism is NOT religious mumbo Jumbo. 42. Alustriel does not seductively lick her goblet 43. Cyric is not Patrick Bateman 44. Chauntaeau does not appear so kings can 'marry the land' nor should I found my own kingdom to test this. 45. The Moonshaes do not make especially delicious snack pies. 46. It is wrong to call the Eldath Veruuna the "Mein Alfers" 47. The Church of Tyr does not promise 40 Valkyrie concubines after death. 48. It'd be more popular if it did. 49. Ilmater does not want masochists. 50. Loviathar is not solely worshipped by BS&M enthusiasts. 51. All Shar needs is not Love. 52. Selvetarm is not a lover instead of a fighter 53. Not all Drow women are lesbians. 54. It is wrong to ask them if you can watch. 55. Most drow don't do 'The foot thing;' 56. Drizzt should not really have been able to beat a Balor in mano-a-mano combat. So us equalling his levels and attacking a Balor together is suicide. 57. Deneir is not the God of Bible Code enthusiasts. 58. Alaundo the Prophet did not write solely about the party... 59. Even if it seems that way sometimes. 60. Kelemvor is not the "wuss god of Death" 61. All scribes are not sexually repressed librarians 62. You will not ho slap Lhao if he doesn't admit you immediately to see Elminster. 63. Especially if you know he's a King. 64. Azoun is not to be referred to as "Daddy" 65. Especially if you are not one of his kids. 66. Bane is not Cobra Commander nor do all of his plans utterly fail.... 67. It just seems that way. 68. Alusair does not 'put her sister to the test' 69. Despite what Ed Greenwood says, old, fat, hairy men are not sexually satisfying. 70. Mirt is not Wilson fisk 71. Nor is his relationship with his ward anything but disgusting. 72. Nor does he know Sumo. 73. Nor will he lend you a fiver. 74. Al-Quadim is not a land of terrorists, despite it's now unfortunate name. 75. Do not snicker at good followers of Helm. 76. The Elves founding a kingdom in the north pole are not doing so while enslaved by Elminster to make toys for human children. We don't know how that rumor got started. 77. Waterdhavian men are pansies. It's true. 78. Skullport's Skulls are not Cucoo for Coco Puffs : 78. No, we don't know how some of these rumors got started. 79. Yes, Festhalls are brothels. Satisfied? 80. Daggerdale will not appreciate Anne Rice's philosophies. 81. Storm Silverhand's armor is not 'clip on', 82. Nor does she practice illicit uses of her hair 83. The Wizards of Thay will not burst out to sing 'YMCA' 84. Yes, we've had some odd games....how did you know? 85. Orcus will not "Rise Again" and neither will Myrkul, Bhaal, or any combination of Moander, Ibrandul, Leira, or Gilgeam. 86. Velsharoon is not the most useless rip off of a god in History. 87. Manshoon and Ssass Tam are not suing him for infringement 88. Mystra does not raffle her body off anually 89. Despite what Ed Greenwood may say 90. Rape is not 'savage love' 91. Anyone thus immitating "Real Middle Ages" will be stabbed. 92. Chosen-Hood is not assigned randomly 93. You cannot trade your party to Abyshai in exchange for stat advancement 94. The 'Night Master' is not Lestat di Lioncourt 95. Do not summon succubi for parties. 96. Except in Planescape. 97. There will be no "Great Wheel" mentionings in any way, shape, or form. 98. The Night Parade is not a pride festival. 99. The Silver Marches Underdark is not a political movement. 100. Or a Railway system 101. No, it is not derived from Cthulu or Lovecraft 102. Finder Wyvernspur is not the god that will destroy everyone because no one suspects him.
Kuje31 09-23-05, 07:01 PM	:rofl:
Charles Phipps 09-23-05, 07:03 PM	Eberron has it's own version on the boards, I helped Eth here out. Feel free to add.
WVgamer 09-23-05, 07:17 PM	:clap: :rofl: :ayyyy!: are the only things I can process after I realize how ignorant my players truely are. They either believe or have done at least half of those.
Charles Phipps 09-23-05, 07:42 PM	103. It is not my place to question why the hell the Chosen don't just get off their fat asses and do it themselves rather than telling low level adventurers to do it. 104. Vaasa is not the home of the Russian Bikini luge teams, Gulags, or guys in furry hats that talk in Stalinism. 105. In Vaasa, Cart does not "Drive you." 106. Nor in Zhentil Keep. 107. Maybe it does in Thay. 108. Do not comment how Peter Jackson ripped off so much for his movie or JRR Tolkien did for his novelization of the movie. You will be laughed at. 110. Torm is not to be referred to as "The Boy Scout God" 111. Nor is he a virgin. 112. Or all of his paladins. 113. Paladins are not sparkly fresh always and smell vaguely of lemon. 114. Ubato is not to be referred to as Godzilla. 115. Or thank him with the words "Domo Oregato Mr. Ubato." 116. Even if you're from the nation of Wa. 117. Sembia is not the Land of Shakespearian stereotypes of Moneylenders and Italians. 118. Even if they do ask for Pounds of Flesh and have pretty princesses named Portia. 119. Ulther is not the land Conan lives in. 120. Nor is Chessenta
Kirtanus_Albacron 09-23-05, 09:42 PM	:D :D :D :D :D Oh God.... That was so funny... :D :D :D :D :D
Ethriel 09-23-05, 10:58 PM	It is not our place to tell Mask to go wash his clothing, nor tell him he is 'in the doghouse' The term 'a hand for a hand' will not be used to a paladin of Tyr. Drizzt is not 'crawling in his skin' nor will he 'break a habit' that night. Dwarves are not Scottish. If they are clan Oriented. Even if they wear kilts and speak with heavy accents. And drink beer like fountain water Alustriel does not tabledance. Ever. Thayans do not wave staffs and go 'muahahahaha' at random passerbyes. Abyshai are neither fair nor sporting. They will not entitle anyone to a fair fight, a last wish or a quest. Reference to Uthegental Armgo as Gregor Clegane will result in a flaying. Matron Baenre may've been young and hot once, but now she resembles a prune. She will not have one of her daughters 'relive the glory days' with you. Shandril was a special case. You will not receive spellfire, you will not outwit dracoliches and you won't get laid in the possible final moments of your life in a treasure chamber. Bhaal does not have ninjas in service to him. Tanalasta does not return to life to bed someone she 'always loved' and impart cryptic advice. It is not our place to ask Khelben why he sends us across Faerun on a wild goose chase to 'find ourselves' while an ancient evil is sleeping next door and we can easily take it out while it's out cold. Nor will we ask why the heroes far superior to us didn't destroy the damn thing themselves in the first place. Elves do not wear pink, wave in limp wristed fashion and pronounce 'fabulous' in high, girly voices. Elves will kick your ass if you mess with them. Don't. We will not try to find racial undertones between Drow, Sun and Moon elves. Moonblades are not awesomely cool weapons, you will die if you try to pull one.
Charles Phipps 09-24-05, 05:37 AM	44. Cyric is not my copilot. 45. Nor Bane. 46. Mystra will not let me cast epic level magic. 47. Even if I promise to be really responsible with it. 48. Nor will Shar. 49. Even if I promise to be really irresponsible with it. 50. Danillo Thann is not to be referred to "The Man" 51. Even for bagging three novel heroines. 52. And being Khelban's grandson. 53. Which does not make him a Gary Stu. 54. The Imasaki did not invent chainsaws nor can I have a relic one. 55. Myth Drannor is not to be referred to as the second most dangerous city in the world after Detroit. 56. Lolth is a misanthropist, not a lesbian. 57. Corellon Lantheon is not a transexual, he just changes sex. 58. ...and as such is not to be compared with Frank N. Furter. 59. Elminster is not to be referred to as Gandalf's stoner brother. 60. Even if it's true. 61. Fzoul and Manshoon should not be referred to as the guys who got the crap beaten out of them by a 16 year old girl. 62. Even if it's true. 63. Shandril will not be called "Buffy" 64. Speculation into Ed Greenwood's opinions on women are not allowed.
Silverpanther 09-24-05, 05:46 AM	so much bitterness :D i love that :rofl: and why should bane have no ninjas... CA ;) shandril was 16? and knocked the zhents out? i thought she only fought the dragon cult?
starkey 09-24-05, 08:58 AM	boy you really know how to take the fun out of roleplaying in the realms. What wrong with a little musical number with YMCA in the middle of Thay. Isn't that thier National anthem? :)
Banpai 09-24-05, 10:46 AM	:w00t: :clap: :rofl: :bow: now to add insult to injury: Elminsters faciual hair does not increase your lifespann. If Larloch tells you that all he needs to complete another scepter of sorcerous kings is Elminsters spine...just rip your party mage apart and give him his spine it´s far less bloody this way. Most Thayan enclaves do not accept a "five finger discount". Never call a masked witch from rashemen ugly. Its not true that everyone one the savage coast does want a savage beating. Its untrue that cring "spider *****" in Menzoberranzan will summon Loth. Beeing an atheist is not funny its simply stupid. The password to enter the secret temple is not "your mother". Ask the Simbul about a challenge involving 5 of her sisters. :angelhide Try to underrpice the next Thayan enclave. Aks Khelben wheter or not he´s trying to compensate with his staff. Go to evermeet with a headband with (elfslayer) written on it. Report all members of the harpers that can´t play harpto the inquisition. Follow a vampires tracks into the Underdark. Teleport yourself to the molten core of Toril to check wheter or not there is a Hollow World. Go to dark sun in search for a better place for Epic spellcasting. Try to wield 2 swords in your hands and one in your mouth simultaniously. A search for a Kir Larana(sp?) cleric might be longer than you think.
Zevox 09-24-05, 07:42 PM	:rofl: :heehee :clap:
Charles Phipps 09-24-05, 08:22 PM	83. The Eldrath Veruuna's handbook is not "Mein Alf." 84. Even if it is, their leader isn't secretly a half-elf with a Charlie Chaplin mustache. 85. Elves with superiority complexes don't need a good smacking. 86. It is wrong to team kill. 87. Even if no way would your player associate with a Banite drow priest as a Tyrian paladin and his Corellon Lantheon priest partner. 88. The proper response after defeating an enemy is not "WOOT" 89. It is wrong to plot to kill Chosen, because. 90. Forrest Elves do not bake cookies. 91. The phrase "Dwarvish Manhood" is forbidden. 92. The Harpers are not a Club for adventurers who can't make it on their own. 93. Nor is the Moonstars. 94. Undermountain does not charge admission. 95. Nor should you try. 96. Liriel Banare is not to be referred to as the Alicia Silverstone of the Drow set. 97. No, you cannot invent gunpowder 98. Lantan does not have cybernetics 99. Gond is not the God for those who 'don't get fantasy.' 100. It is wrong to make up deities because no one can keep track of them all. 101. It is wrong to try and bluff Kelemvor. 102. Or Jergal.
Ethriel 09-29-05, 07:54 PM	The Cult of the Dragon is not ruled by Skeletor The Zhentarim will not 'strike back.' It is wrong to mock Azuth. The Witches of Rasheman do not have bondage fests with the Wizards of Thay. The Sahaugin will not be referred to as 'Gill-men'. Elminster's pride will not lead to a fall. Neither will the pride of Fzoul Chembryl, the Chosen or Vangerdahast. Shar is not going through a phase. Tempus and Talos do not 'need hugs', nor is the phrase 'make love, not war' advisable to use around them. Alusair will not bed your entire party. No, Vangerdahast is NOT feeling you up, he is truly checking you for weapons. the Harpers are not 'Servants of the Force.' The root of all evil is not a man named Profion. Bards are not useless in a party. Even if they have no discernable value whatsoever. Sune will not respond to the song 'I touch myself.' Ghaunadaur's time is not coming. The battle cry of the Daemonfay is not 'Sieg Zeon' Mirt will not respond to a six week body makeover.
Charles Phipps 09-30-05, 07:47 PM	The phrase "Ye Gods, is EVERY woman a raging ***** in Forgotten Realms?" The answer is no.... Only Piergion's daughter, Larael, Quilue, Dove, Alustriel, Storm, Sylune, the Simbul, The Archmagus of Cormyr, Allusair, Mystra, Shirinshee, One Lady of Waterdeep (she IS a courtesan after all), Bronwyn, one Lady Lord of the Knights of the Shield, all the females in the Knights of Myth Drannor, apparently the entire female clergy of Shar, Sune, Sharess without question, Lolth's priestesses, and the High Queen of the Moonshaes.
Yom Beekus 10-03-05, 03:13 PM	oh man...these are good... I've had a few of these rear their ugly heads in my campaign....hoo boy...hope my players don't read this thread...they may get some ideas... :D
CzarGarrett 10-04-05, 02:34 PM	Quality. I approve.
Cli' San Aquanova 10-04-05, 05:34 PM	:rofl: It's been a while since I've had a thread crack me up like this. This is awesome. :D -C'SA :u:Bring Back Merfolk!!!:u:
maynardjkeenan 10-05-05, 07:03 AM	This would have been fun, had it not been for the crapass spelling.......
Duke Lenethar 10-05-05, 10:39 PM	38. Haruula is not the setting of the Final Fantasy games, Eberron is. Thats how Eberron made it! The guys at WoTC are Final Fantasy fanboys! I never saw the similarities until now...