1001 Hilarious Monster Encounters [Archive] - Wizards Community

1001 Hilarious Monster Encounters [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
Secrets Untold
10-22-05, 09:59 AM For those who aren't familiar with these types of topics, allow me to explain. Just number down the sides and let everyone know your funniest encounters. I don't have any, so can somone do #1. I'll keep track of the number of encounters listed in a little list that i'll update.

Current Number: 0
The Vorpal Tribble
10-22-05, 10:28 AM #1. Mayonaise Elemental
#2. Rootin', Tootin' Texas Chili
#3. Michael Jackson
Hedstrong
10-22-05, 08:32 PM #4 The colossal tabby cat that streches and lays down upon them. (stupid cat)
#5 The Mountain Dew Pooding. (works best when done in colloasal flood mode, stupid mike)
#6 The Metro-sexual Half-Orc Barbarian. (god da**it Mike)
#7 Giant bipedal Mole, (MOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLEE MOOLEY MOLEY MOLEY, thats it Mike shut up)
feartheinvinceblehamster
10-22-05, 08:41 PM do they have to be true? if not:

8: frylock
9: master shake
10: meatwad
11: puss...in boots
12: blue screen of death
13: Humbug!
Flame_Drake
10-22-05, 08:43 PM 14) a swarm of Badgers, a shrieker fungus, and a giant Snake

Drake
Dungeons & Donuts
10-22-05, 08:44 PM 15. Gelatinous Sunblock Cube
16. Bacon strip swarm
17. Cheese Colossus
18. Living Stapler of doom
19. Diminuitive Tarrasque
20. Animated Colossal Monstrous Mailbox of Ultimate Doom :uh-huh:
homey188
10-22-05, 09:12 PM 21:the after effect of drinking soup of opposition (actually happned)
RavenDrake
10-22-05, 11:17 PM 22). 1d4 Enlightening Elementals (Incorporeal touch attack, 1d4+1 wisdom bonus for 1 hour, fortitude save or be lost in contemplation of your own navel for 1d4 days)
23). Giant Radioactive Mutant Guppies!
24). Living Spell composed of Finger of Death, Spell Turning, and True Resurection. (It'll just keep killing itself at you).
guru7892
10-22-05, 11:39 PM 25) gnoll...
DM: you see a sodd cluttered gnoll that is very disgruntal
player) i take out my shovle
DM) its acually a gnoll, with teeth
player)OH! i take out my keen holy flaming spade of digging and dismembering +3.
DM) why not use your sword?
player) my fighter is using a spade build.
DM)they have one of those?
*7 hours later*
player 2) so i said, THATS YOU WIFE!
entire table)*laughing*
Parrex
10-24-05, 12:57 PM Are we talking about actual monster encounters that turned out funny in the case of #25 or funny monsters to encounter as in the case of #1-#24.

26. Kobold paragon, This truly exalted creature steps forward obviously the leader of its kind it drops its weapons, and hisses at you, challenging you to single combat.

-one round later-

The kobold drops to the floor pulverized, and looking a lot less pretty.

27. Take forty some odd goblins, one fast flowing river, a thin unstable bridge, and a brawling fighter with high strength, combat reflexes, and improved trip... result forty some odd goblins swept down a river one by one.
SilverFoxKnows
10-24-05, 06:52 PM Fluum, the cowardly Ogre. When the party encountered him he curled up in a ball and yelled "No hurt Fluum!". They were dumbfounded. Not only did they not kill him, they took him along out of pity.
Realms of Chaos
10-24-05, 11:27 PM Fluum is going into my nex campain for sure :D .

29: 10th level druid attempting to use snakes as weapons. Surprisingly enough, it worked.

30: two githyankis, using astral projection, sitting there, waiting for the other to attempt to sunder their cord.

31: Living planeshift. This fight is interesting as it always transports itself and whatever it hits to another plane.

32: 15th level wizard jumping on top of an opened bag of holding filled with fully soaked eversoaking sponges.
guevaramartyr
10-24-05, 11:37 PM 33. a 4th level pit fight with a thri keen monk PC. monk tries to jump and slam into the 1st level gnoll theyre fighting. critical failure. he breaks a leg and miraculously succeeds at a tumble check not to fall prone. gnoll immediately smacks him for a critical hit. 32 damage.
Realms of Chaos
10-25-05, 10:23 AM 34: This one really happened. In the campain there was a literal hole in the ground that literally followed us. Thinking that the hole was trying to place us into a pit, we shoved an orc in it so that its head stuck out and closed a door behind us. It was only afterwards that we learned that all that the hole wanted to do was grant us a wish.
Borris
10-25-05, 11:22 AM 35: Communist goblins armed with hammers and sickles

36: Gargamel the inept wizard

Both were real encounters
green_yawgmoth
10-25-05, 04:20 PM 37: Werepikachu (damn you R.M.G.C.L.F.)
38: Yellow, fuzzy shocker lizards with 6 levels in sorcerer (for lightning bolt, shocking grasp, and scorching ray) and energy sub (lightning).

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v91/yawgmoth/kittyjig.gif
Argon_Asimov
10-25-05, 06:22 PM Fluum, the cowardly Ogre. When the party encountered him he curled up in a ball and yelled "No hurt Fluum!". They were dumbfounded. Not only did they not kill him, they took him along out of pity.

This, and the hole-in-the-ground are definately finding thier way into one of my games :D

And its not going to be some kindly, let-me-grant-you-a-wish hole, its gona be more along the lines of a transplanar being with the ability to create the illusion of solid ground above its feeding orafice, with a big pile of gold coins at the center. You know those fish that lie on the ocean bed, burried under the sand, and thier tongues look like food to smaller, more foolish fish? Yeah, like that :evillaugh
Spus Widgetwatcher
11-06-05, 10:56 PM 39: Deadles, the Chaotic Evil Awakened Badger Necromancer(CR8)

Story: The Druid awakening him screwed up his spell and the badger emerged chaotic evil from the awakening, and ate the druid's face. Badger becomes an assassin. Hunts players. Almost TPKs party with a fireball.
2y1y1z2
11-06-05, 11:49 PM 40. The Battle With the Stirge

A Bard, a Cleric, and a Monk, all Half-Elves, open a door to a small room. The Bard is in fron (don't ask why) and sees nothing. He turns around to tell the party that the room is empty and a stirge latches onto his back. Initiatve is rolled. The Bard, being armed only with his trusty bow, debates his options. "I could ram my back into the wall, but that would drive the proboscis deeper. I could try to stab it with an arrow, but I'd probably miss and stab myself. I know what to do!" The bard cowers on the ground and shouts "Get it off! Please get it off." The cleric swings his mighty hammer and misses entirely. The monk performs a grand flying kick and also misses horribly. The stirge draws blood. The bard continues to whimper and cry. The cleric connects with the stirge, sending it smashing into the wall, while the monk runs over to stomp it to death. Blood is everywhere and the bard is crying, but the battle has been won

NOTE: I was the bard.
Rhomphaia
11-07-05, 12:17 AM 50. See my sig.
51. Later in that same adventure, the party came upon some myconid (mushroom people). Immediately the shrooms began to spray us with spores (it turned out they wanted to speak with us). However, one of the players immediately says "You do know how mushrooms reproduce, right?"
That had most of us shuddering at the thought of a race that actually pleasures itself to talk to you.
Mysticaloctopus
11-07-05, 03:03 PM 52. I was a gnome wizard and i got a ring of 9 lives, basically an intsa-resurrect 1d4 mins larer9 times per user. mega artifact, the DM was like that. it was the BBEG's comeback trick, but i stole it off the body.

so i ended up the rogue's trapfinder. If he was endgy, i was forced to hop around a bit. I ended up skewered, roasted in a volcano, then thrown back down to 'double check for dragons'.

being near-immortal and having STR 7 sucks, especially when you're out of spells for the day.

53. THAT TIME 5 GOBLINS ALL GOT CRITS IN 2 ROUNDS ON OUR PARTY OF 1ST LEVEL!
Domriso
11-07-05, 05:15 PM 54) A half-Vampire Dwarf (?), Half-Red-Dragon Elf, and a Half-Farspawn Human (i was the DM and i had them all be half creatures to follow a story line where they encounter two teams of three half creature) go to a castle they were anoumously summoned to and a noble guy is there. They ask what he wanted and he says "I'm not the master, he is" and his head falls back and a brain in a jar comes out of his neck.

55) In the same adventure, the brain sends the party to an underground pit to roost out some vampires (Note they are all 3rd level) and so they split up. The Half-vamp and Half-farspawn encounter a vampire spwan (the half-vamp is a fighter/sorcerer, and the half-farspawn is a cleric wielding a balanced fullblade), and so they start fighting. For 7 turns they randomly attack each other and all miss. Then in a brillant move the vamp breaks his hand (rolling a natural one and getting a 1 on the DIE OF DOOM breaks your weapon, and he was using his fists) and then both halfs get criticals.

56) Again same party, all three meet up and take on a Vampire Illithid. After a grueling battle that took a long time with the Vamp Mind Flayer getting lots of damage and then healing it back, the half-vamp breaks his sword. So the Half-dragon gives him a new one. Then the half-dragon breaks his sword. Then the half-vamp breaks his new sword. The the vampire illithid grapples the half dragon and attempts to eat his brain. While attempting that, before the half-vamp can attack or the hlaffarspawn can cast a spell, the mind flayer breaks all his tentacles attempting to eat the half-dragons brain. We all got a good laugh out of that.
I Am Famine
11-07-05, 05:24 PM I started a HHGttG style campaign a few days ago, i've had to fight some pretty weird stuff.

57) We winded up on the Planet of the NME. It was an alternative reality on Earth where the New Mysic Enterprise had created a fascist dictatorship where everyone was forced to be 'Indie' or suffer terrible punishments. We had a big punch-up with The Arcade Fire. They were in the middle of playing 'Neighbourhood #2 (Laika)' when one of our characters (The Spirit of Jazz) began shouting at them and playing random crap on his trombone. They turned into reptilian aliens and tried to shoot at us with sub-machine guns hidden in their guitars.
58) After escaping that our ships Infinate Improbaility Drive caused to crash straight into a Space Pigeon. Unlike their astronomically distant relatives on Earth, Space Pigeons are vast asteroid sized pseudonatural abominatons from a proto-deific age.
59) The Space Pigeon died (well probably...) after ramming us into the surface of an unknown uncharted planet. It wasn't long until we fell into a trap created a race of animate tribal children. They looked like kids to us but they too were confused by how hairy and tall these what you call 'grown-ups' were. Luckily though they were a peaceful species of Jelibabivores who mistook us for invaders. It seemed that they we being attack by 'scaly gangly creatures with a penchant for wearing intentionally unfashionable clothes'.
60) During the night just like the children had said all too familiar race of beings attacked. The Kaiser Chiefs in their real reptilian forms were stealing away the children to teach them the ways. Some were on the Kaiser Chiefs siode, clad in horrible brown Fred Perry jumpers and pointlessly thick glasses chanting 'I am the girl anachronism' or 'coin-operated boy, hes my favorite toy'.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Secrets Untold 10-22-05, 09:59 AM	For those who aren't familiar with these types of topics, allow me to explain. Just number down the sides and let everyone know your funniest encounters. I don't have any, so can somone do #1. I'll keep track of the number of encounters listed in a little list that i'll update. Current Number: 0
The Vorpal Tribble 10-22-05, 10:28 AM	#1. Mayonaise Elemental #2. Rootin', Tootin' Texas Chili #3. Michael Jackson
Hedstrong 10-22-05, 08:32 PM	#4 The colossal tabby cat that streches and lays down upon them. (stupid cat) #5 The Mountain Dew Pooding. (works best when done in colloasal flood mode, stupid mike) #6 The Metro-sexual Half-Orc Barbarian. (god da**it Mike) #7 Giant bipedal Mole, (MOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLEE MOOLEY MOLEY MOLEY, thats it Mike shut up)
feartheinvinceblehamster 10-22-05, 08:41 PM	do they have to be true? if not: 8: frylock 9: master shake 10: meatwad 11: puss...in boots 12: blue screen of death 13: Humbug!
Flame_Drake 10-22-05, 08:43 PM	14) a swarm of Badgers, a shrieker fungus, and a giant Snake Drake
Dungeons & Donuts 10-22-05, 08:44 PM	15. Gelatinous Sunblock Cube 16. Bacon strip swarm 17. Cheese Colossus 18. Living Stapler of doom 19. Diminuitive Tarrasque 20. Animated Colossal Monstrous Mailbox of Ultimate Doom :uh-huh:
homey188 10-22-05, 09:12 PM	21:the after effect of drinking soup of opposition (actually happned)
RavenDrake 10-22-05, 11:17 PM	22). 1d4 Enlightening Elementals (Incorporeal touch attack, 1d4+1 wisdom bonus for 1 hour, fortitude save or be lost in contemplation of your own navel for 1d4 days) 23). Giant Radioactive Mutant Guppies! 24). Living Spell composed of Finger of Death, Spell Turning, and True Resurection. (It'll just keep killing itself at you).
guru7892 10-22-05, 11:39 PM	25) gnoll... DM: you see a sodd cluttered gnoll that is very disgruntal player) i take out my shovle DM) its acually a gnoll, with teeth player)OH! i take out my keen holy flaming spade of digging and dismembering +3. DM) why not use your sword? player) my fighter is using a spade build. DM)they have one of those? 7 hours later player 2) so i said, THATS YOU WIFE! entire table)laughing
Parrex 10-24-05, 12:57 PM	Are we talking about actual monster encounters that turned out funny in the case of #25 or funny monsters to encounter as in the case of #1-#24. 26. Kobold paragon, This truly exalted creature steps forward obviously the leader of its kind it drops its weapons, and hisses at you, challenging you to single combat. -one round later- The kobold drops to the floor pulverized, and looking a lot less pretty. 27. Take forty some odd goblins, one fast flowing river, a thin unstable bridge, and a brawling fighter with high strength, combat reflexes, and improved trip... result forty some odd goblins swept down a river one by one.
SilverFoxKnows 10-24-05, 06:52 PM	Fluum, the cowardly Ogre. When the party encountered him he curled up in a ball and yelled "No hurt Fluum!". They were dumbfounded. Not only did they not kill him, they took him along out of pity.
Realms of Chaos 10-24-05, 11:27 PM	Fluum is going into my nex campain for sure :D . 29: 10th level druid attempting to use snakes as weapons. Surprisingly enough, it worked. 30: two githyankis, using astral projection, sitting there, waiting for the other to attempt to sunder their cord. 31: Living planeshift. This fight is interesting as it always transports itself and whatever it hits to another plane. 32: 15th level wizard jumping on top of an opened bag of holding filled with fully soaked eversoaking sponges.
guevaramartyr 10-24-05, 11:37 PM	33. a 4th level pit fight with a thri keen monk PC. monk tries to jump and slam into the 1st level gnoll theyre fighting. critical failure. he breaks a leg and miraculously succeeds at a tumble check not to fall prone. gnoll immediately smacks him for a critical hit. 32 damage.
Realms of Chaos 10-25-05, 10:23 AM	34: This one really happened. In the campain there was a literal hole in the ground that literally followed us. Thinking that the hole was trying to place us into a pit, we shoved an orc in it so that its head stuck out and closed a door behind us. It was only afterwards that we learned that all that the hole wanted to do was grant us a wish.
Borris 10-25-05, 11:22 AM	35: Communist goblins armed with hammers and sickles 36: Gargamel the inept wizard Both were real encounters
green_yawgmoth 10-25-05, 04:20 PM	37: Werepikachu (damn you R.M.G.C.L.F.) 38: Yellow, fuzzy shocker lizards with 6 levels in sorcerer (for lightning bolt, shocking grasp, and scorching ray) and energy sub (lightning). http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v91/yawgmoth/kittyjig.gif
Argon_Asimov 10-25-05, 06:22 PM	Fluum, the cowardly Ogre. When the party encountered him he curled up in a ball and yelled "No hurt Fluum!". They were dumbfounded. Not only did they not kill him, they took him along out of pity. This, and the hole-in-the-ground are definately finding thier way into one of my games :D And its not going to be some kindly, let-me-grant-you-a-wish hole, its gona be more along the lines of a transplanar being with the ability to create the illusion of solid ground above its feeding orafice, with a big pile of gold coins at the center. You know those fish that lie on the ocean bed, burried under the sand, and thier tongues look like food to smaller, more foolish fish? Yeah, like that :evillaugh
Spus Widgetwatcher 11-06-05, 10:56 PM	39: Deadles, the Chaotic Evil Awakened Badger Necromancer(CR8) Story: The Druid awakening him screwed up his spell and the badger emerged chaotic evil from the awakening, and ate the druid's face. Badger becomes an assassin. Hunts players. Almost TPKs party with a fireball.
2y1y1z2 11-06-05, 11:49 PM	40. The Battle With the Stirge A Bard, a Cleric, and a Monk, all Half-Elves, open a door to a small room. The Bard is in fron (don't ask why) and sees nothing. He turns around to tell the party that the room is empty and a stirge latches onto his back. Initiatve is rolled. The Bard, being armed only with his trusty bow, debates his options. "I could ram my back into the wall, but that would drive the proboscis deeper. I could try to stab it with an arrow, but I'd probably miss and stab myself. I know what to do!" The bard cowers on the ground and shouts "Get it off! Please get it off." The cleric swings his mighty hammer and misses entirely. The monk performs a grand flying kick and also misses horribly. The stirge draws blood. The bard continues to whimper and cry. The cleric connects with the stirge, sending it smashing into the wall, while the monk runs over to stomp it to death. Blood is everywhere and the bard is crying, but the battle has been won NOTE: I was the bard.
Rhomphaia 11-07-05, 12:17 AM	50. See my sig. 51. Later in that same adventure, the party came upon some myconid (mushroom people). Immediately the shrooms began to spray us with spores (it turned out they wanted to speak with us). However, one of the players immediately says "You do know how mushrooms reproduce, right?" That had most of us shuddering at the thought of a race that actually pleasures itself to talk to you.
Mysticaloctopus 11-07-05, 03:03 PM	52. I was a gnome wizard and i got a ring of 9 lives, basically an intsa-resurrect 1d4 mins larer9 times per user. mega artifact, the DM was like that. it was the BBEG's comeback trick, but i stole it off the body. so i ended up the rogue's trapfinder. If he was endgy, i was forced to hop around a bit. I ended up skewered, roasted in a volcano, then thrown back down to 'double check for dragons'. being near-immortal and having STR 7 sucks, especially when you're out of spells for the day. 53. THAT TIME 5 GOBLINS ALL GOT CRITS IN 2 ROUNDS ON OUR PARTY OF 1ST LEVEL!
Domriso 11-07-05, 05:15 PM	54) A half-Vampire Dwarf (?), Half-Red-Dragon Elf, and a Half-Farspawn Human (i was the DM and i had them all be half creatures to follow a story line where they encounter two teams of three half creature) go to a castle they were anoumously summoned to and a noble guy is there. They ask what he wanted and he says "I'm not the master, he is" and his head falls back and a brain in a jar comes out of his neck. 55) In the same adventure, the brain sends the party to an underground pit to roost out some vampires (Note they are all 3rd level) and so they split up. The Half-vamp and Half-farspawn encounter a vampire spwan (the half-vamp is a fighter/sorcerer, and the half-farspawn is a cleric wielding a balanced fullblade), and so they start fighting. For 7 turns they randomly attack each other and all miss. Then in a brillant move the vamp breaks his hand (rolling a natural one and getting a 1 on the DIE OF DOOM breaks your weapon, and he was using his fists) and then both halfs get criticals. 56) Again same party, all three meet up and take on a Vampire Illithid. After a grueling battle that took a long time with the Vamp Mind Flayer getting lots of damage and then healing it back, the half-vamp breaks his sword. So the Half-dragon gives him a new one. Then the half-dragon breaks his sword. Then the half-vamp breaks his new sword. The the vampire illithid grapples the half dragon and attempts to eat his brain. While attempting that, before the half-vamp can attack or the hlaffarspawn can cast a spell, the mind flayer breaks all his tentacles attempting to eat the half-dragons brain. We all got a good laugh out of that.
I Am Famine 11-07-05, 05:24 PM	I started a HHGttG style campaign a few days ago, i've had to fight some pretty weird stuff. 57) We winded up on the Planet of the NME. It was an alternative reality on Earth where the New Mysic Enterprise had created a fascist dictatorship where everyone was forced to be 'Indie' or suffer terrible punishments. We had a big punch-up with The Arcade Fire. They were in the middle of playing 'Neighbourhood #2 (Laika)' when one of our characters (The Spirit of Jazz) began shouting at them and playing random crap on his trombone. They turned into reptilian aliens and tried to shoot at us with sub-machine guns hidden in their guitars. 58) After escaping that our ships Infinate Improbaility Drive caused to crash straight into a Space Pigeon. Unlike their astronomically distant relatives on Earth, Space Pigeons are vast asteroid sized pseudonatural abominatons from a proto-deific age. 59) The Space Pigeon died (well probably...) after ramming us into the surface of an unknown uncharted planet. It wasn't long until we fell into a trap created a race of animate tribal children. They looked like kids to us but they too were confused by how hairy and tall these what you call 'grown-ups' were. Luckily though they were a peaceful species of Jelibabivores who mistook us for invaders. It seemed that they we being attack by 'scaly gangly creatures with a penchant for wearing intentionally unfashionable clothes'. 60) During the night just like the children had said all too familiar race of beings attacked. The Kaiser Chiefs in their real reptilian forms were stealing away the children to teach them the ways. Some were on the Kaiser Chiefs siode, clad in horrible brown Fred Perry jumpers and pointlessly thick glasses chanting 'I am the girl anachronism' or 'coin-operated boy, hes my favorite toy'.