Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Khallhadras7 01-30-08, 09:44 AM	A monster for the Feybook project, feel free to use this. Alright, an actual fey creature instead of something fey-bane. Alot of reading but also a lot less fluff and, from what I've observed, alot more information. The only things that help is really needed for here are the Shrilling Lament ability and the overall CR . If you do have any other suggestions or qualms over this creature feel free to say so, I am always accepting input! Also a creature for the Feybook project, but don't worry over using it for your own means. Caoineag Small Fey Hit Dice: 8d6+14 (38 hp) Initiative: +7 Speed: 40ft. (Six Squares) Armor Class: 21 (+1 size, +3 dex, +5 natural, +2 desiccated flesh) Base Attack/Grapple: +4 Attack: Claw +9 melee (1d3+5/18-20) Full Attack: Claw +9 melee and Claw +5 melee (1d3+5/18-20) Space/Reach: 5ft./5ft. Special Attacks: Shrilling Lament, Choler Hunt, Seeping Bile Special Qualities: Marred Flesh 2/--, Fickle Will, Slay the Competent, Lowlight Vision, DR 5/Cold Iron Saves: Fort+3, Ref+8, Will+7 Abilities: Str 14, Dex 16, Con 14, Int 10, Wis 15, Cha 6 Skills: Climb+3, Spot+9, Move silently+13, Listen+7, Survival+13, Search+6, and Knowledge (Nature)+15 Feats: Improved Critical (Claws), Improved Initiative, Track Environment: Temperate forests Organization: Solitary Challenge Rating: 8 Treasure: None Alignment: Chaotic Neutral Advancement: 9-16 HD (Medium) Level Adjustment: -- “An austere, foreboding shriek languishes in the warm night’s air of a sudden. The tones are reasonably mortal and in fear of fey harassing one such, much to the duress of the victim, the origins of the sound are searched for…Approaching closer to the tell-tale screams, now a fervently-paced chortle of sorts, you emerge from the thicket of wood and come upon a glade well illuminated by the moon’s(Lady Moon’s?) serene glow. In the middle of this glade is a small child in tattered rags, doubled over with seeming rage. On closer observation the slender, tapering claws sprouting from the tips of this adolescent’s digits are apparent, dangling at the things side, and it is when his onyx black eyes come up to meet yours that the true plight of your situation is realized. The moonlight catches the demi-child’s features in full as he dolefully frowns—thick, turbidly brown skin, nigh upon desiccated, every other meter being pox-marked and ravaged by deep gouges that exude a viscous green secretion.” Caoineags are the fey manifestation of ugliness and the despair thereof, nature’s response to half-fey whom decided to live as forlorn hermits in the dense forests of Fey lands, nature’s response to years of societal isolation and an absence in discourse. These hermits used to roam their forests at night, rambling their simplistic troubles to the open world. But as if an epidemic or contagion of sorts these hermits were struck terribly ill and bed-fast, or so various forest critters taking residence nearby rapported to their Fey Noble masters. Not soon after those very forests, made so dark by their once powerful hermit occupants, were filled with cheer and merriment as divers concourses of fey held lavish revelries within these wooded seclusions and burned the posthumous hermit’s shabby huts of twig and leaf. It is not known how the woeful being known as the Caoineag came about (speculations at bottom) or why they decided to pervade and dwell within the forests of these revelries, but it is known the merriment soon ended thereafter as the convivial fey were driven out by the lamenting screams of the new spirits inhabiting the forests, green beauty now marred and gloomy from the Caoineag’s presence. For ominous reasons these sepulchral fey known as the Caoineag are fond of the charred remains of the old hermits’ houses and can often be found haunting groves, meadows, and boscages where the gently creeping verdure is busying itself with reclaiming the nutritious and once organic materials from which the huts were made. Caoineags preside over their usurped forests, stalking prey and living off of the land with a hunter’s skill. Although not evil in nature Caoineags are vehemently enraged when any being looks upon it, even others of their own accursed race. If a hapless traveler or other such creature were to behold the Caoineags visage the disturbed fey would go into a rabid state of mind, lurching over to the victim with a startling speed in an attempt to bring death to all onlookers with its filed nails, almost flawlessly spherical in shape and slightness but scarred by dried fluxes of bile and other undefined bodily fluids. To prevent unnecessary deaths the Caoineag looses a looming cry, a call of sympathy, an omen of danger and a release of pent-up grief, to all of those too near for comfort, in hopes to drive the intruders out. When stalking their prey or those whom have both seen them and escaped, a Caoineag sulks after his prey in the undergrowth, padding in their tracks with a hunched disposition. Caoineags appear as savage, sordid and uncouth children standing 4’5 in height. The terminations of their fingers sprout rending claws in place of fingernails and their faces are a mud-colored scabland of cracked wounds and open sores. Under his ill-kempt cloth the Caoineag has a wiry strength about his frail build and although sores arise in the most sporadic and numerous of locations, trailing their mix of green and yellowish-green oozes, the Caoineag’s skin is surprisingly sturdy, tougher then leather to the touch all would have known, if one were to ever dare such a reckless feat. Caoineags are masterful hunters when the catch pertains to small animals and also competent in the art of trap-making, although few if any know this due to the Caoineags reclusive nature. Although finding sustenance is not a problem the Caoineag weighs in at a meager sixty-five pounds. Caoineags are told to speak both Common and Sylvan, but even though Oerthyx himself was said to attest such claims as true none have ever really heard a Caoineag speak, and thus don’t place credence in such frivolities. As their nature indicates Caoineag’s have no true allies or established societal homes or communities. Caoineags receive a +8 natural bonus on their survival checks when hunting prey via the Track feat. GM’s Notes: The Caoineag is a distinct and powerful fey, capable of laying bare the throats of their enemies with aid by their many melee-enhancing special abilities/special qualities when hunting those whom have previously spotted the said Caoineag. This creature is best used as a sole encounter for mid-level adventurers. Chief among the Caoineag’s abilities are its Shrilling Lament. Due to their innate want of vengeance for all of those whom look upon the Caoineag and the abilities to bring to fruition an effective stalking of the PC’s, Caoineags can be best employed to further track the PC’s down and attack them when they are least aware; which can of course be used as an effective motivator, mechanism of antagonism, or simply a warning etc. When creating this the first thing that came to mind was a random and savage blur flinging itself bodily out of the surrounding shrubbery and attacking a group of traveler’s whom were a bit shaken but not altogether daunted by the Caoineag’s presaging scream. Anecdotal origins of Caoineag: Speculations abound as to what created the tragic Caoineag, but all come to a consensus that whatever did spawn these pitiful creatures was something very powerful and malign indeed. A majority of the Fey Nobles and other quasi-authority figures in Fey Realms say it was the “Old Hermits”, an inconspicuous grouping of Unseelie powers (describe into more depth an epic level race, levels 20-27 probably), whom took the guise of inanely lesser men of a raving disposition (some of the Old hermits did get trapped in their lesser state and survive to this day, driven mad by their lapse of power and inability to garner thus) to escape persecutionary charges issued down by the Fey Lords themselves. When the preponderance of these ancient hermits were killed, some say by a band of mislead mortal adventurers sent by the Fey Lords agents, the rumors tell of the hermits arising from the grave, their might unable to be so easily quelled, and taking a lesser albeit even more spiteful form—that of the Caoineag. Variant other spin-offs of this campfire elaboration tell of the Old Hermits instead conjuring malignant spirits to heretofore preside as guardians over the Hermits place of death and to forever mark the desecrated site and pay homage to the remaining Hermits by heinous means, some such said to be sacrificing new-bourns and flaying indigenous fey in the form of women while profaning their bodies in inappropriate and usually sexual ways. However, those who beseech of Oethyz of the Secret (a prominent Fey Lord) regarding the true tale, he merely laughs, nodding his heads at the rumors aflutter concerning such matters and perhaps the irrationality such disquiet lends to the mind. This isn’t unforeseeable as it is blatant the Caoineag are spirits of anguish and emotional restivity, not those of irate qualities like the Old Hermits themselves were, and so it is believed to be merely a coincidence that one’s downfall came about just as the other arrived. Combat: Caoineags prefer to not engage in combat, but instead unease their enemies’ hearts with their horrible cries of lament. Preceding any combat rounds, if aware of the danger, a Caoineag opens up the round with a Shrilling Lament, regardless of whether it has been attacked yet or not. If the trespassers have not yet spotted the Caoineag it will scurry to the nearest tree’s heights and try to evade the enemy from spotting them. If the enemy does spot the Caoineag however, the forlorn beast will plummet into a guttural rage, heedlessly attacking those who spotted him until either of them or their respective parties are shorn to shreds. Caoineags exposition a terrible adeptness at hunting down those who escape them while in their state of rage and also those of much greater stature then themselves. Under such circumstances a Caoineag will stalk his prey to the earth’s ends, silently waiting to burst forth from the bushes and slaughter those who observed it. The Caoineag will typically wait until night and drag all of those whom caught glimpse of it, separately as have it, out of their tents, sleeping mats, etc. without alerting the others as to what is taking place. When their quarry enters a town or heavily populated area the Caoineag will brand the escapees visages, foot size, etc. into their mind, attempting to once more find and track the enemies spoor when the Caoineag crosses the distance to the opposite side of town. Shrilling Lament (SU): Debatable... Choler Hunt (EX): Caoineag’s become particularly choler and wroth when other beings not only observe them, but also escape with the Caoineag’s visage retained within their minds depths, and thus the Caoineag irately hunts in order to bring swift end to others entertaining it’s reproachable appearance. When stalking those whom have previously seen and escaped from the Caoineag the Caoineag whom was seen gains a +4 on all checks made against those viewers and it’s natural weapons are treated as if having the bane quality. Marred Flesh (EX): The Caoineag’s flesh is very rough and leathery, in places desiccated by physical makeup and nothing of a supernatural occurrence, nothing but scars and hardened tissue. Through this deformity the Caoineag reaps an extra AC bonus of +2 and a DR of 2/-, which supersedes that of cold iron and makes the Caoineag basally immune to the properties of cold iron that harm more natural, and perhaps even less demented forms of fey. If the type of damage dealt doesn't bypass cold iron then the Caoineag instead uses his original Damage Reduction of 5/Cold Iron. Fickle Will (EX): Caoineag’s are very mercurial in character, nigh inadvertently immune to the effects of most mind-effecting influences of a magical nature. This ability represents the Caoineag’s ability to wriggle free from magical effects that would otherwise control or compel it. If a Caoineag’s mind is affected by an enchantment or otherwise mind-effecting spell or effect and fails her saving throw, the Caoineag can attempt it again 1 round later at the same DC. It gets only this one extra chance to succeed on her saving throw, albeit the reattempted save is made at a bonus equal to the Caoineag’s Will modifier. Seeping Bile (EX): From the many calluses and turgid wounds on the Caoineag’s form seep biles of yellow-green, sickly yellow and ichor black. All of these substances are viscous and concentrated to the touch, although those few whom are presented with a chance to touch such vile liquids are usually at the receiving end of the Caoineag’s raking claws. When a Caoineag’s claw attack comes in contact with flesh such biles as in a flux from the Caoineag’s wounds also infect the victim’s wound, forcing him to make a Fortitude check or be affected as if infected by Baroque’s Ichor . The affects of such are listed below. Baroque’s Ichor is a quasi-black/yellow liquid of terrible circumstance, forcing those infected by this extremely contained and contact contagion, albeit dangerous, to make a Fortitude save of DC 16 or take 1d6 hp and 1d2 Charisma damage per hour. The incubation period for those infected by this substance is three days. This vile disease is transmitted via contact, but can only infect the body if allowed to somehow seep through any open wound. Disease—claw, Fortitude DC 16, incubation period 3 days, 1d6 hp damage and 1d2 Charisma damage every hour. The save DC is Constitution-based. Slay the Competent (EX): Caoineags are capable hunters, practiced in the art of slaying foes much bigger in stature then that of they. This is thought to be duly because of the Caoineag’s long history of hunting quarry much bigger then them, and thus learned in the susceptibilities of such lumbering beasts as opposed to their nimble and easily maneuverable claws. For every level the particular target of the Caoineag’s attacks is higher then the Caoineag’s HD the Caoineag receives a +1 bonus on all attack, damage and skill checks up to a maximum bonus of +5. This bonus does not transfer to and fro other targets, even in the same round, and so the Caoineag must adjust this bonus for every other creature it attacks in the same round, if the particular Caoineag has more than one attack.
DebiHuman 01-30-08, 02:19 PM	First, if it gets +2 to AC from Desiccated Flesh, it probably shouldn't also have +5 natural. The Desiccated Flesh should explain why it has a natural armor bonus in the first place. I recommend changing it to +5 NA from it's desiccated hide. Full Attack should be 2 Claws. Your Desiccated Flesh special ability does too much for a special ability. Separate DR 5/- from it and you don't have to explain anything about the cold iron. I really hate that you made this a desiccated creature and then gave it a seeping ichor attack. It cannot be dried out and seeping at the same time. It's contradictory. Advancement should be 9-16. You contradict yourself in several places. "The Caoineag is a unique and powerful fey, capable of laying bare the throats of their enemies with aid by their many melee-enhancing special abilities/special qualities when hunting those whom have previously spotted the said Caoineag." It cannot be a unique and power fey if there are several of them. Please, please, please edit your text. It suffers from verbosity. I do not wish to be unkind because you probably are very attached to this, but your writing is incomprehensible in place. How can a shriek be austere or foreboding and how does it languish? Your writing also suffers from adjectivitis*. It may work for Henry James but detracts in this case. Get to the point, get to it quickly and get to it with minimal fuss. This has the potential to be much better than it is. Editing is the painful part of writing. You've been meandering with your prose. Some of it is lovely, but it lapses into pretention in places. I know that you can do better than this. It may not be as poetic when you are finished, but it will be far more polished. *"He writes himself into an acute attack of adjectivitis, and can no more do without the qualifying words than the dope fiend can do without his syringe or the alcoholic without his bottle."
Khallhadras7 01-30-08, 03:27 PM	Austere, foreboding, and languishing are self-evident. Desiccated can also mean without vitality, in which case it would be gaunt, although I see how some could mistake this, so I will replace it. This creature was almost made to look like a permanent burn victim, and I mean a recently burnt victim. I'm not sure if you've ever seen one, but you can be desiccated and have bodily fluids exuding out of your pores at the same time (apologies if I offended or sickened anyone there). And why can't it be unique and powerful without their being multiple entities of them? Just because I used the word unique doesn't mean I am referring to the Gary Gygax unique. Although, since others could mistake this as well, I will change it to distinct. There are those who have different tastes. There are those who love fluff and those that don't. Then there are people who want to just know the stats and don't care about the rest, and also even more people in between! I am not catering for any one person though, even though one who like's fluff would probably enjoy this more than simple statistics I don't cater for the person who likes fluff, I cater for myself. However, like I have stated before I am very prolific with the verbs and adjectives while tired, so once again, thanks to you, I will go back and re-edit alot of the "blank and blank" esque material, which is a good thing by the way. Thank you again and cheers! EDIT: After rereading all of that I can understand how this could vex someone's mind...not so great. I will probably take your advice and cut down on the words a bit Debbie, so once more, thanks! In other words, my next monster creation will probably have more clarity. =)
DebiHuman 01-30-08, 05:11 PM	Austere, foreboding, and languishing are self-evident. yes, but not in this context. Desiccated can also mean without vitality, in which case it would be gaunt, although I see how some could mistake this, so I will replace it. . Thank you. This creature was almost made to look like a permanent burn victim, and I mean a recently burnt victim. I'm not sure if you've ever seen one, but you can be desiccated and have bodily fluids exuding out of your pores at the same time (apologies if I offended or sickened anyone there). I am a CSI junkie. Nothing can offend or sicken me. I have a +10 Constiution bonus! Though in fairness to our more sensitive readers, keeping the gore descriptions in check is probably far kinder. And why can't it be unique and powerful without their being multiple entities of them? Just because I used the word unique doesn't mean I am referring to the Gary Gygax unique. Although, since others could mistake this as well, I will change it to distinct. Because the first defintion [existing as the only one or as the sole example] is the most common. However, like I have stated before I am very prolific with the verbs and adjectives while tired, so once again, thanks to you, I will go back and re-edit alot of the "blank and blank" esque material, which is a good thing by the way. Thank you again and cheers! You are quite welcome. I only mention it because I do like well-written fluff. You just need to find the right balance in your writing. EDIT: After rereading all of that I can understand how this could vex someone's mind...not so great. I will probably take your advice and cut down on the words a bit Debbie, so once more, thanks! In other words, my next monster creation will probably have more clarity. =) THANK YOU! I look forward to it! :) Debby
sigma999 01-30-08, 06:17 PM	I agree with Debi, the flavor text does suffer from a glut of descriptions, but in your defense I do admit to writing similarly years ago (and sometimes, even these days) Keep this rule in mind: if a player can't read and extract the basic info for class abilities all within 30 seconds, it needs to be shorter. Guaranteed. I have the patience and the skill to read that fast (yes, really; the whole thing), but many don't. Please, think of the poor lil' ADD kids, like one of my friends....
Khallhadras7 01-30-08, 06:23 PM	Hahaha. Consider it done. I figured people in D&D would like the more callow and unrefined form of writing with TONS more flavor text. I might just start handling it like a book now. -_- No...no stereotype intended there, but when you've seen what alot of FR people have made you might be more inclined to agree with me.
Orchomenos 01-31-08, 10:03 AM	Improved Critical needs a BAB of +8. Just give the thing a critical range of 18-20 and give it another feat. Combat Reflexes would be great. :p Speed: 40ft. (Six Squares) Hmm. Eight squares. For added gruesomery (sp?), I suggest to give his (desicated but covered with bile) skin an adhesive property similar to that of a mimic. Anyone attacking it with a weapon risk to have the weapon stuck on it, anyone attacking it with natural weapon risk to caught the disease...
Khallhadras7 01-31-08, 05:45 PM	Ick. That might be a CR bump but I will think about it. And thanks for alerting me on the whole improved crit jazz..I really need to start playing more than I DM. ;)