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Return of the Flumph 03-29-06, 04:55 PM

Captain Maddox Medium Monstrous Humanoid HD: 30d10+330 (495) AC: 10+25 natural+3 dex+2 large shield (40) In: +11 Spd: 40/swim 40/climb 40 Attacks: oversized +5 meathook of asskicking +50/+45/+40/+35/+30/+25 melee, or oversized boulder +30 Damage: oversized +5 meathook of asskicking 3d8+20, oversized boulder 3d6+15 Saves: Fort +30 Ref +14 Will +22 Abilities: Str 40 Con 32 Dex 16 Int 18 Wis 14 Cha 4 SA: Pex Snatch, Beef Jerky Healing, Detect Pedophiles, Laugh Like a Pirate, Great Rowing SQ: Kick Anyone's Ass, Oversized Weapons, Regeneration, Iron Balls AL: CE CR: 22 A hulking, unkempt humanoid in full pirate regalia comes lumbering up the street from the harbor. An enormous meathook hangs from one of his gorilla-like hands, a dead humpback whale is being dragged in the other. You smell beef jerky. Captain Maddox is a capricious and violent being who roams the world looking for skulls to crack. Totally unpredictable, Maddox punts children over fences, yells at old people, and beats up purple worms with his bare hands just because he can. No one is totally sure where Maddox came from, and the title "captain" is a mystery as he commands no crew. Sarcastic and egotistical, Maddox has a snappy comeback for every occasion and a sharpened meathook for every other. Sometimes, he moves into an urban neighborhood for a while, during which time he terrorizes his neighbors and sets bear traps in his backyard in case their children plan on coming over (he eats the ones he catches). COMBAT Pex Snatch Maddox can, by succeeding at a DC 25 reflex save, catch any projectile launched at him between his pectoral muscles. Beef Jerky Healing Eating a stick of beef jerky causes Maddox to instantly heal back 50 points of damage. Detect Pedophiles Maddox can tell if you are a pedophile just by looking at you. If you are, he will kill you. If you aren't, he may or may not maim you. Laugh Like a Pirate As a standard action, Maddox can throw back his head and laugh so mockingly that all within a 100 foot cone must succeed at a reflex save (DC 36) or be knocked back to the end of the cone, taking 1d6 points of damage for each ten feet you get thrown. Additionally, whether you stay standing or not, you must succeed at a will save (DC 31) or become shaken. Great Rowing Maddox can single handedly row a ship of any size at its full speed. He can row it at half its normal speed across land, tearing up fields and streets he travels over. Kick Anyone's Ass Any weapons Maddox uses, as well as his fists, can overcome any type of damage reduction. Oversized Weapons Maddox can wield oversized weapons as if he were of Large size. Regeneration Weapons and natural weapons of fey, elves, and other disgustingly cute creatures deal lethal damage to Maddox. Iron Balls Maddox's iron balls grant him a +8 bonus to will saves and all charisma-related rolls.