Entry: Feces Golem [Archive] - Wizards Community

Entry: Feces Golem [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
AverageTable
09-02-03, 08:56 PM Feces Golem

Medium Construct
Hit Dice: 7d10+20 (58 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (+1 Dex, +5 natural), touch 11, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +5/+6
Attack: Slam +6 melee (2d6+1 plus disease)
Full Attack: 2 slams +6 melee (2d6+1 plus disease)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Disease, stench
Special Qualities: Construct traits, damage reduction 5/slashing, darkvision 60 ft., decomposition, immunity to magic, insect cloud, low-light vision
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +3, Will +2
Abilities: Str 13, Dex 13, Con -, Int -, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: -
Feats: -
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary or gang (2-4)
Challenge Rating: 5
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always neutral
Advancement: 8-10 HD (Medium); 11-21 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: -

This sickening monstrosity has the general shape of a humanoid creature, but the resemblance ends there. Its height, width, and girth are similar to those of a dwarf. Thick limbs extend from a drum-like torso, and the thing slouches heavily as if not quite able to support its own weight. The entire entity appears to be nothing more than a crudely sculpted pile of manure and other detritus. An eye-watering funk exudes from this foul abomination and its presence is announced by the low hum of the thick cloud of insects swarming about it.

Golems, although greatly prized, carry a prohibitively high price that many are unwilling to pay. The frugal spellcaster, however, is never entirely without options. On the contrary, an alternative can always be found if one is willing to make certain sacrifices.

Be it for the ease of creation, the disposable cost, or merely a lack of better options, there have always been a few spellcasters willing to settle for the worst in golem construction. Using nothing but a few simple spells and a cartload of manure, the resourceful spellcaster can produce a feces golem quickly and under budget.

The feces golem is a tightly packed mass of animal waste moulded into a rough approximation of the humanoid form. It stands approximately five feet tall and weighs some two hundred pounds. Its bland exterior typically lacks any distinguishing characteristics and its creator rarely bothers with clothes. The golem lumbers slowly on its heavy limbs and a faint squishing noise accompanies its steps.

Like all golems, the feces golem obeys the commands of its creator without hesitation and to the best of its meagre abilities. It will not initiate attack (or do much of anything for that matter) unless ordered to do so. If attacked, however, the feces golem will defend itself unless ordered to stop.

Combat
Considering its shoddy construction, the feces golem manages to stand as a relatively effective combatant. It is unlikely to last long against determined opponents; but then again, anyone who resorts to using a feces golem is probably not too concerned with top-rate performance.

Disease (Ex): Filth fever; slam, Fortitude DC 8, incubation period 1d3 days, damage 1d3 Dex and 1d3 Con. The save DC is Charisma-based.

Stench (Ex): The feces golem exudes the horrible stench of rotting waste wherever it goes. Any character within 30 feet of the feces golem must succeed at a Fortitude save DC 8 or become sickened. The sickness lasts as long as the character remains within range of the golem’s stench and for 1d4 rounds thereafter. The save DC is Charisma-based. Creatures that successfully save cannot be affected by the stench of the same feces golem for twenty-four hours.

Insect Cloud (Ex): At all times the feces golem is surrounded by a thick cloud of insects. If anything, the magically-enhanced nature of the golem seems to attract these pests even more than would a pile of regular feces. Any living creature within five feet of the feces golem automatically suffers 1d3 points of damage each round from numerous insect bites. Likewise, casting spells, or concentrating on existing spells, within five feet of the golem requires a successful Concentration check DC (20 + spell level). The insect cloud also provides the golem with concealment (20% miss chance) against all attacks. Damaging area-effect spells, such as fireball, that encompass the golem will cause the swarm to disperse for 2d10 rounds.

Immunity to Magic (Ex): The feces golem is immune to any spell or spell-like ability that allows spell resistance. In addition, certain spells and effects function differently against the creature, as noted below.
A magical attack that deals fire damage slows the feces golem (as the slow spell) for 2d6 rounds, with no saving throw.
A magical attack that deals cold damage breaks any slow effect on the golem and heals 1 point of damage for every 3 points of damage the attack would otherwise deal. If the amount of healing would cause the golem to exceed its full normal hit points, it gains any excess as temporary hit points. A feces golem receives no saving throw against attacks that deal cold damage.

Decomposition (Ex): Unlike others golems, the feces golem does not always last until destroyed. Rather, the feces of which the golem is constructed continues to decompose even after the golem is complete. Each week the feces golem automatically suffers 1d6 damage as it slowly rots away. This damage can be repaired as normal, just like damage to any other golem. However, if the creator of the feces golem neglects it for too long, he may return to discover that his creation has rotted away to nothing.
When a feces golem is first encountered, the DM should typically subtract 4d6 damage from its current hit points to represent recent decomposition. This value can be increased or decreased at the DM’s discretion based on how well the particular golem in question has been maintained. A golem with a mindful creator may be in near-perfect condition while a golem with a neglectful creator may already be on its last legs.

Construction
Construction of a feces golem requires a heaping cartload of manure (any variety) and certain gums and adhesives worth 100 gp.
Assembling the body requires a Craft (sculpture) check DC 10.
CL 6th; Craft Construct, command, mending, stinking cloud, summon swarm, caster must be at least 6th level; Price 8,000 gp; Cost 4,100 gp + 316 XP.
sandskimmer
09-02-03, 11:26 PM I'd like to meet the mage that actually WANTS to make such a thing.

Um, then again, maybe I wouldn't want to meet such a person after all...

It reeks (ahem) of creativity. :)
Donnavin Snowolf
09-02-03, 11:52 PM Golgothan?
Uncommoner
09-03-03, 01:05 AM I remember when AverageTable first told me about this fetid pile some time age. Still turns my stomach as it did the first time I heard the idea. Woe unto any adventurer who runs into such a monster, for he has truely hit rock bottm.

Very interesting concept, a golem on a shoestring budget, for the wizard who has nothing... except maybe... no not going there.
AverageTable
09-03-03, 08:34 AM Originally posted by Donnavin Snowolf
Golgothan?

Gesundheit? :confused:
Tenzhi
09-03-03, 09:04 AM Interesting. I've seen one of these before somewhere... I want to say it was in one of the old Ravenloft compendiums, but I can't rightly remember.

In any case, I imagine this awful offal is most likely to be created by a Neo-otyugh wizard.
AverageTable
09-03-03, 09:16 AM Originally posted by Tenzhi
Interesting. I've seen one of these before somewhere... I want to say it was in one of the old Ravenloft compendiums, but I can't rightly remember.

Well I've never played Ravenloft and know little about it, so I couldn't say.

The feces golem was just an idea I came up with a couple of years ago when I was brainstorming alternative golem materials. I've been meaning to write up formal rules for it ever since then, but it was one of those projects that I just kept putting off.

I was finally motivated to write it up yesterday since it seemed like a good contest entry.
DakezDarkenblood
09-03-03, 09:47 AM I like it. It's very well developed.

Heh. Otyugh wizards with these things... hmm....
tonkounakaki
09-03-03, 02:40 PM I guess no-one has seen Dogma? (Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Alanis Morrisette, Chris Rock)
They had a feces golem in it :) (Was a s**t elemental really, but the intent is the same)
fade_13
09-03-03, 04:09 PM HIIIIIIIII Deeeeeee HHHOOOOOOO! gosh you smell alot like flowers!

if i make one can i put MR. Potatoehead parts on it? LOL
AverageTable
09-03-03, 04:11 PM Nope, I've never seen Dogma.

And now that I know Alanis Morisette (for whom my hatred knows no bounds) is in it, I'll also avoid it in the future on principle. :D
DarkSoldier
09-03-03, 07:27 PM Originally posted by Tenzhi
I want to say it was in one of the old Ravenloft compendiums, but I can't rightly remember.Nope; RLMC1 had the bone, doll, zombie, glass, mechanical, and gargoyle golems; RLMC2 had a half-golem; I don't have RLMC3, but I don't think it had any golems in there.

Anyway, this creature stinks. ;)
Edymnion
09-03-03, 07:33 PM Actually, concept wise, this isn't TOO differant from the Sewage Golem I wrote up on the old boards. I wish I had saved that, I really do. Never made a backup and it got pruned.

Oh well, definatly original.
AlienFromBeyond
09-03-03, 08:06 PM Originally posted by tonkounakaki
I guess no-one has seen Dogma? (Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Alanis Morrisette, Chris Rock)
They had a feces golem in it :) (Was a s**t elemental really, but the intent is the same)

I loved that movie. Although it was a s**t demon, not elemental.
Sulaco
09-03-03, 08:58 PM Originally posted by AverageTable
Nope, I've never seen Dogma.

And now that I know Alanis Morisette (for whom my hatred knows no bounds) is in it, I'll also avoid it in the future on principle. :D

Stupid decision. Dogma is a brilliant film, Kevin Smith's best IMO, and the famous Golgothan (aka Poop Monster) is integral to it.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
AverageTable 09-02-03, 08:56 PM	Feces Golem Medium Construct Hit Dice: 7d10+20 (58 hp) Initiative: +1 Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares) Armor Class: 16 (+1 Dex, +5 natural), touch 11, flat-footed 15 Base Attack/Grapple: +5/+6 Attack: Slam +6 melee (2d6+1 plus disease) Full Attack: 2 slams +6 melee (2d6+1 plus disease) Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft. Special Attacks: Disease, stench Special Qualities: Construct traits, damage reduction 5/slashing, darkvision 60 ft., decomposition, immunity to magic, insect cloud, low-light vision Saves: Fort +2, Ref +3, Will +2 Abilities: Str 13, Dex 13, Con -, Int -, Wis 11, Cha 1 Skills: - Feats: - Environment: Any Organization: Solitary or gang (2-4) Challenge Rating: 5 Treasure: None Alignment: Always neutral Advancement: 8-10 HD (Medium); 11-21 HD (Large) Level Adjustment: - This sickening monstrosity has the general shape of a humanoid creature, but the resemblance ends there. Its height, width, and girth are similar to those of a dwarf. Thick limbs extend from a drum-like torso, and the thing slouches heavily as if not quite able to support its own weight. The entire entity appears to be nothing more than a crudely sculpted pile of manure and other detritus. An eye-watering funk exudes from this foul abomination and its presence is announced by the low hum of the thick cloud of insects swarming about it. Golems, although greatly prized, carry a prohibitively high price that many are unwilling to pay. The frugal spellcaster, however, is never entirely without options. On the contrary, an alternative can always be found if one is willing to make certain sacrifices. Be it for the ease of creation, the disposable cost, or merely a lack of better options, there have always been a few spellcasters willing to settle for the worst in golem construction. Using nothing but a few simple spells and a cartload of manure, the resourceful spellcaster can produce a feces golem quickly and under budget. The feces golem is a tightly packed mass of animal waste moulded into a rough approximation of the humanoid form. It stands approximately five feet tall and weighs some two hundred pounds. Its bland exterior typically lacks any distinguishing characteristics and its creator rarely bothers with clothes. The golem lumbers slowly on its heavy limbs and a faint squishing noise accompanies its steps. Like all golems, the feces golem obeys the commands of its creator without hesitation and to the best of its meagre abilities. It will not initiate attack (or do much of anything for that matter) unless ordered to do so. If attacked, however, the feces golem will defend itself unless ordered to stop. Combat Considering its shoddy construction, the feces golem manages to stand as a relatively effective combatant. It is unlikely to last long against determined opponents; but then again, anyone who resorts to using a feces golem is probably not too concerned with top-rate performance. Disease (Ex): Filth fever; slam, Fortitude DC 8, incubation period 1d3 days, damage 1d3 Dex and 1d3 Con. The save DC is Charisma-based. Stench (Ex): The feces golem exudes the horrible stench of rotting waste wherever it goes. Any character within 30 feet of the feces golem must succeed at a Fortitude save DC 8 or become sickened. The sickness lasts as long as the character remains within range of the golem’s stench and for 1d4 rounds thereafter. The save DC is Charisma-based. Creatures that successfully save cannot be affected by the stench of the same feces golem for twenty-four hours. Insect Cloud (Ex): At all times the feces golem is surrounded by a thick cloud of insects. If anything, the magically-enhanced nature of the golem seems to attract these pests even more than would a pile of regular feces. Any living creature within five feet of the feces golem automatically suffers 1d3 points of damage each round from numerous insect bites. Likewise, casting spells, or concentrating on existing spells, within five feet of the golem requires a successful Concentration check DC (20 + spell level). The insect cloud also provides the golem with concealment (20% miss chance) against all attacks. Damaging area-effect spells, such as fireball, that encompass the golem will cause the swarm to disperse for 2d10 rounds. Immunity to Magic (Ex): The feces golem is immune to any spell or spell-like ability that allows spell resistance. In addition, certain spells and effects function differently against the creature, as noted below. A magical attack that deals fire damage slows the feces golem (as the slow spell) for 2d6 rounds, with no saving throw. A magical attack that deals cold damage breaks any slow effect on the golem and heals 1 point of damage for every 3 points of damage the attack would otherwise deal. If the amount of healing would cause the golem to exceed its full normal hit points, it gains any excess as temporary hit points. A feces golem receives no saving throw against attacks that deal cold damage. Decomposition (Ex): Unlike others golems, the feces golem does not always last until destroyed. Rather, the feces of which the golem is constructed continues to decompose even after the golem is complete. Each week the feces golem automatically suffers 1d6 damage as it slowly rots away. This damage can be repaired as normal, just like damage to any other golem. However, if the creator of the feces golem neglects it for too long, he may return to discover that his creation has rotted away to nothing. When a feces golem is first encountered, the DM should typically subtract 4d6 damage from its current hit points to represent recent decomposition. This value can be increased or decreased at the DM’s discretion based on how well the particular golem in question has been maintained. A golem with a mindful creator may be in near-perfect condition while a golem with a neglectful creator may already be on its last legs. Construction Construction of a feces golem requires a heaping cartload of manure (any variety) and certain gums and adhesives worth 100 gp. Assembling the body requires a Craft (sculpture) check DC 10. CL 6th; Craft Construct, command, mending, stinking cloud, summon swarm, caster must be at least 6th level; Price 8,000 gp; Cost 4,100 gp + 316 XP.
sandskimmer 09-02-03, 11:26 PM	I'd like to meet the mage that actually WANTS to make such a thing. Um, then again, maybe I wouldn't want to meet such a person after all... It reeks (ahem) of creativity. :)
Donnavin Snowolf 09-02-03, 11:52 PM	Golgothan?
Uncommoner 09-03-03, 01:05 AM	I remember when AverageTable first told me about this fetid pile some time age. Still turns my stomach as it did the first time I heard the idea. Woe unto any adventurer who runs into such a monster, for he has truely hit rock bottm. Very interesting concept, a golem on a shoestring budget, for the wizard who has nothing... except maybe... no not going there.
AverageTable 09-03-03, 08:34 AM	Originally posted by Donnavin Snowolf Golgothan? Gesundheit? :confused:
Tenzhi 09-03-03, 09:04 AM	Interesting. I've seen one of these before somewhere... I want to say it was in one of the old Ravenloft compendiums, but I can't rightly remember. In any case, I imagine this awful offal is most likely to be created by a Neo-otyugh wizard.
AverageTable 09-03-03, 09:16 AM	Originally posted by Tenzhi Interesting. I've seen one of these before somewhere... I want to say it was in one of the old Ravenloft compendiums, but I can't rightly remember. Well I've never played Ravenloft and know little about it, so I couldn't say. The feces golem was just an idea I came up with a couple of years ago when I was brainstorming alternative golem materials. I've been meaning to write up formal rules for it ever since then, but it was one of those projects that I just kept putting off. I was finally motivated to write it up yesterday since it seemed like a good contest entry.
DakezDarkenblood 09-03-03, 09:47 AM	I like it. It's very well developed. Heh. Otyugh wizards with these things... hmm....
tonkounakaki 09-03-03, 02:40 PM	I guess no-one has seen Dogma? (Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Alanis Morrisette, Chris Rock) They had a feces golem in it :) (Was a s**t elemental really, but the intent is the same)
fade_13 09-03-03, 04:09 PM	HIIIIIIIII Deeeeeee HHHOOOOOOO! gosh you smell alot like flowers! if i make one can i put MR. Potatoehead parts on it? LOL
AverageTable 09-03-03, 04:11 PM	Nope, I've never seen Dogma. And now that I know Alanis Morisette (for whom my hatred knows no bounds) is in it, I'll also avoid it in the future on principle. :D
DarkSoldier 09-03-03, 07:27 PM	Originally posted by Tenzhi I want to say it was in one of the old Ravenloft compendiums, but I can't rightly remember.Nope; RLMC1 had the bone, doll, zombie, glass, mechanical, and gargoyle golems; RLMC2 had a half-golem; I don't have RLMC3, but I don't think it had any golems in there. Anyway, this creature stinks. ;)
Edymnion 09-03-03, 07:33 PM	Actually, concept wise, this isn't TOO differant from the Sewage Golem I wrote up on the old boards. I wish I had saved that, I really do. Never made a backup and it got pruned. Oh well, definatly original.
AlienFromBeyond 09-03-03, 08:06 PM	Originally posted by tonkounakaki I guess no-one has seen Dogma? (Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Alanis Morrisette, Chris Rock) They had a feces golem in it :) (Was a st elemental really, but the intent is the same) I loved that movie. Although it was a st demon, not elemental.
Sulaco 09-03-03, 08:58 PM	Originally posted by AverageTable Nope, I've never seen Dogma. And now that I know Alanis Morisette (for whom my hatred knows no bounds) is in it, I'll also avoid it in the future on principle. :D Stupid decision. Dogma is a brilliant film, Kevin Smith's best IMO, and the famous Golgothan (aka Poop Monster) is integral to it.