Post/Author/DateTime	Post
GeminiDreams 07-12-06, 07:36 PM	Void Thresher Large Aberration (Extraplanar) Hit Dice: 40D8+38 (358) Initiative:+1 Speed: 40ft Run AC: 17(+1 DEX, +5 natural, -1 size) Base Attack/Grapple: +10/+21 Attack: Claw + 12 melee (2D6 + 6 dmg) Full Attack: Double Claw + 15 melee (3D8 + 8 dmg) Space/Reach: 12ft/11ft Special Attacks: -- Spell-Like Abilities: Create Void/2 Special Qualities: Void Edged, Blank Wounds, Dark Regeneration, Spell Immunity, Entrenched, Light Sensitivity Saves: Fort +15, Ref +7, Will +6 Abilities: STR 31, DEX 12, CON 16, INT 7, WIS 6, CHR 3 Skills: Intimidate + 20, Climb + 15, Hide + 15, Spot + 10 Feats: Daunting Pressence, Alertness, Weapon Finesse (Claw) Enriroment: Any open area in the night, or any underground Organization: Solitary Challenge Rating: (Unknown) Treasure: None Alignment: Always Chaotic Evil Advancement: 38-42 HD(large), 50 - 54 (Huge) Level Adjustment: (Unknown) You peer through the darkened air and see a large, lumbering beast with two abnormally large claws. It notices you soon after and begins running towards you with its claws extended. Void Threshers look similar to a beetle that has climbed up on its hind legs. Its front arms extend out about four feet from its body, and each have a scythe-like claw at the end of them. Its frame is built up, in almost every place except the head, by layers of pure muscle. The skin is rough looking and can take slight punishment. It has no mouth, and has two small eyes that are a dull yellow. They only come out in the night, and go into caves that they have either stolen, or have diggen, when day comes. It seems to not need to feed, but instead, enjoys the primal savagery of slaying other creatures. They are said to have been created when wizards tried to create a black hole on a planet. The creature was teathered with strong leather, but it snapped the minute it was pulled in. Within seconds, horribly screaming emitted from the black hole and it collapsed, sucking in everything and everyone in the immediate area. The only thing left alive, was the beast, since it was in the middle of it andfor some reason, was protected by the sheer force. It emerged with an infusion of magic on both its claws and wasnt seen again. It was thought it had breed with others and created these hybrid creatures. Combat: Void Threshers use their two giant claws in order to cut down opponents. The magic on these claws, which seem to be beyond its own control, creates a small rip in space whenever it strikes through a solid object. This rip immediately begins sucking in objects. Beyond that, they are very slow, very brutish creatures. Void Edged(Su): Whenever a Void Thresher hits a creature with a claw attack, there is a 80% chance that it creates a small rip in space. Any object of size small or lower within 10 feet of the rip must then make a reflex save (DC 15) or be sucked into the rip. If any object is connected to a larger sized object, it does not have to do this. If it is being gripping by something larger, then reflex save is DC 10 instead. If the object still fails the save, it is pulled from the grip. Once an object entires the void, it is instantly lost forever and cannot be retrieved by any means. The rip than fixes itself and has no more effects. Blank Wounds(Su): Whenever a Void Thresher takes any damage, there is a 80% chance that it creates a small rip in space. Any object of size small or lower within 10 feet of the rip must then make a reflex save (DC 15) or be sucked into the rip. If any object is connected to a larger sized object, it does not have to do this. If it is being gripping by something larger, then reflex save is DC 10 instead. If the object still fails the save, it is pulled from the grip. Once an object entires the void, it is instantly lost forever and cannot be retrieved by any means. The rip than fixes itself and has no more effects. Dark Regeneration(Ex): If a Void Thresher is in an area with no direct sunlight, then it regenerates 1% of its maximum health at the beginning of each of its rounds. Spell Immunity(Ex): Any spell directed at a Void Thresher specifically is instantly nulified and no affects are experienced. Entrenced(Ex): Whenever a Void Thresher is on any kind of semi-soft, or soft surface, its feet are dug into the soil, and any pull effect on it is nullified. Light Sensivity(Ex): Whenever a Void Thresher is in direct sunlight, it experiences a partial blindness and its AC is lowered by 4. Spell-Like Abilites: Create Void/2: Twice everyday, a Void Thresher can slash the air to create a large rip in space. Any object of size large or lower within 25 feet of the rip must make a reflex save (DC 10). If it fails this save, it is pulled 10 feet closer to the void. Any object of size large or lower within 15 feet of the rip must make a reflex save (DC 15). If it fails this save, it is pulled 10 feet closer to the void. Any object of size large or lower within 5 feet of the rip must make a reflex save (DC 20). If it fails this save, it is pulled into the void and is instantly removed from the game forever. No effect can bring the object back once it is gone. It an object is being gripped by an object larging than large size, the DC needed for each save is reduced by 5. If the object still fails the save, it is pulled from the grip. Well, tell me what you think of it. This is my first monster, and I havent DM'd ever, nor have I played a real game of DnD, but I have read a lot of creatures from these forums and wanted to try it out. I will answer any and all questions regarding the creature. For anyone who would answer some questions I have right now, I would be glad. They are: 1 - I have an idea of what Advancement is, but could someone explain it more for me? 2 - Same idea for that level adjustment thing. 3 - For the "Create Void" ability, I want it to function like it keeps dragging them if they fail. Not, they fail, move a bit, and spell ends. An example I would want is that if they always failed, and were 25 feet away, they get sucked into it. Anyways, any, all, and random suggestions/advice is appreciated, I hope you like it.
dok 07-12-06, 11:35 PM	Wow. OK. There are a lot of errors here. I'm just going to dive right in. Some folks have accused me of being mean or harsh, but I don't see the need to offer up praise except when I think something is really exceptional. Obviously, you feel good enough about your creation to post it, so I'm going to assume you don't need any extra praise. When I'm quoting your original post, it will be in green. When I'm offering a suggested correction, it will be in red. Blue underlined text are hyperlinks to the rules where you can (and should) read more. Large Aberration (Extraplanar) Hit Dice: 40D8+38 (358) Monsters recieve average hit points for each Hit Die. They also recieve a number of bonus hit points for each Hit Die equal to their Constitution score modifier, but no matter how low a creature's Constitution score is, they always recieve at least 1 hit point per hit die. This creature has a Constitution score of 16, which means it has a Constitution modifier of +3 (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/theBasics.htm#abilityScores). So, this creature should have a number of hit points equal to 40 * 4.5 (average hit points for each of its hit dice) 40 * 3 (constitution bonus added to each hit die) for a total of 300 hit points: Hit Dice: 40d8+120 (300 hp) Speed: 40ft Run If no movement mode is listed, it's assumed that the creature moves on the ground. By writing "Run", it's unclear if you mean that this creature can move 40 ft. as a Move-action, or if, when taking a full run it only moves 40 ft. A human has a base movement speed of 30 ft., but when they Run, they move 120 ft. a round. You see the difference? Speed: 40 ft. AC: 17(+1 DEX, +5 natural, -1 size) Math error, and formatting. First, 10 + 5 + 1 -1 = 15, not 17. Second, it's typical to list the Flat-footed and Touch ACs of a monster. Flat-footed AC is without dexterity bonuses, while Touch AC does not include Armor or Natural Armor bonuses. Armor Class: 15 (+1 dexterity, +5 natural armor, -1 size), Flat-footed 15, Touch 10 Base Attack/Grapple: +10/+21 A creature's Base Attack Bonus is determined by the number of hit dice it has, and it's Type (http://www.d20srd.org/indexes/typesSubtypes.htm). A creature of the Abberation Type (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/typesSubtypes.htm#aberrationType) has a Base Attack Bonus equal to 3/4 of it's total Hit Dice, or +30 for this monster. Grapple bonus is Base Attack, plus Strength modifier, plus a Special Size Modifier (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/combat/specialAttacks.htm#grappleChecks). So the Base Attack bonus would be +30, the Strength modifier is +10, and the Special Size modifier for this creature would be +4. Base Attack/Grapple:+30/+44 Attack: Claw + 12 melee (2D6 + 6 dmg) A creature's melee Attack bonus is equal to it's Base Attack, plus it's Strength modifier, plus it's size modifier, and then adjusted for any feats or spells or other special effects. So this creature's Attack bonus should be BAB (+30) plus Strength modifier (+10) plus size modifier (-1) = +39 You gave the creature the Weapon Finesse feat (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/feats.htm#weaponFinesse). That feat allows creatures and characters to use their Dexterity modifier instead of their Strength modifier when calculating Attack Bonus. But this creature's Strength modifier (+10) is much higher than its Dexterity bonus (+1), so there's no reason for this creature to have or use that feat. Also, when a creature attacks with their primary melee attack, they apply their full strength modifier as a bonus to damage. Creatures attacking with multiple weapons or multiple natural attacks apply their full strength modifier to their primary attack, but only one-half the strength bonus to the other attacks. So it should look like this: Attack: Claw +39 melee (2d6+10) Full Attack: Double Claw + 15 melee (3D8 + 8 dmg) This is also confusing. In D&D, when a creature attacks with multiple natural weapons (like, two claws) each claw is usually treated as a seperate attack. So one claw might hit, but the other might miss. Or, if the creature is unable to direct it's claws at seperate targets, but always has to attack the same target with both claws, then that is both their Attack and Full Attack options. So this should either be: Attack: Claws +39 melee (2d6+10) Full Attack: Claws +39 melee (2d6+10) or Attack: Claw +39 melee (2d6+10) Full Attack: 2 Claws +39 melee (2d6+10) The first is if both claws can only ever attack a single opponent, and the creature only ever attacks with both claws. (like certain hunting cats) The second is if the creature can chose to attack with one claw, or use both and direct them at seperate targets. Space/Reach: 12ft/11ft Values for Space and Reach (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/combat/movementPositionAndDistance.htm#bigandLi ttleCreaturesInCombat) are based on the creature's Size, and are always in multiples of 5. A typical Large creature that is humanoid in shape has a Space and Reach of 10 ft. each: Space/Reach: 10 ft. / 10 ft. Special Attacks: -- Spell-Like Abilities: Create Void/2 Special Qualities: Void Edged, Blank Wounds, Dark Regeneration, Spell Immunity, Entrenched, Light Sensitivity Spell-like abilities can be either Special Attacks orSpecial Qualities. Where they are listed depends on how they come into play. You should read up on how Special Attacks & Special Qualities are listed here (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/intro.htm). A good rule of thumb is that if the ability causes harm to opponents as part of the monster's actions, it's probably a Special Attack. Saves: Fort +15, Ref +7, Will +6 Saving throws are determined by finding the creature's Base Saving Throw Bonuses and adding the appropriate ability score modifier. Base Saving Throw Bonuses are determined the same way Base Attack is determined, with the creature's total Hit Dice and it's [color=blue]Type (http://www.d20srd.org/indexes/typesSubtypes.htm). An Abberation (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/typesSubtypes.htm#aberrationType) has Good Will saving throw bonuses, and thus has Poor Reflex and Fortitude saves. Good saving throw bonuses are equal to 1/2 of the creature's Hit Dice, plus 2, while Poor saving throws are equal to 1/3 of the creature's Hit Dice. So, this creature's Base Saving Throw Bonuses would be +13 Fortitude, +13 Reflex, +22 Will. Fortitude is modified by Constitution modifier, Reflex is modified by Dexterity modifier, and Will is modified by Wisdom modifier. So the creature's correct saving throws would be Saving Throws: +16 Fortitude, +14 Reflex, +20 Will Abilities: STR 31, DEX 12, CON 16, INT 7, WIS 6, CHR 3 If you don't own the Monster Manual, I strongly suggest you buy it. It has an entire chapter dedicated to creating your own monsters, and has suggested ability scores based on the creature's size. Skills: Intimidate + 20, Climb + 15, Hide + 15, Spot + 10 Skills, like Saving Throws and Base Attack, are determined by a creature's type, total hit dice, and ability score modifier. An Abberation (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/typesSubtypes.htm#aberrationType) recieves 2 skill points, plus it's intelligence modifier for each hit dice it has, with a minimum of 1 skill point per hit die. It also recieves quadruple skill points for its 1st hit die, the same as characters do. That means this creature would have 43 skill points. (It's intelligence modifier is-2, but all intelligent creatures get at least 1 skill point per Hit Die, and 4 skill points for the first Hit Die) All skills have a modifier equal to the number of skill points spent, plus the appropriate ability score modifier. Intimidate, for example, uses a creature's Charisma modifier. So if you spent 13 ranks on Intimidate, this creature would have an Intimidate modifier of (13 -5) +8. You should probably read the rules for the individual Skills (http://www.d20srd.org/indexes/skills.htm). Some skills, like Jump and Hide, have additional modifiers based on Size or Speed. Feats: Daunting Pressence, Alertness, Weapon Finesse (Claw) First, a minor point. If you're using a feat that isn't in the System Reference Document (http://www.d20srd.org/index.htm), it's considered polite to list what book the feat is from. Second, all creatures with an intelligence score recieve 1 feat for every 3 Hit Dice they have, plus an additional feat with the first Hit Die. So a 40 HD creature should have (40/3, round down = 13, +1 for the first HD) 14 feats. Enriroment: Any open area in the night, or any underground Normally I leave these lines alone, but you listed that this creature has the extraplanar subtype (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/typesSubtypes.htm#extraplanarSubtype). That Subtype means the creature's normal environment isn't just any old area, it has to be another plane: the plane of Shadow, the Demi-plane of Vacuum, the Elemental Plane of Air, and so on. That's what the [extraplanar] tag means: when PCs see one of these creatures on the Prime Material Plane, it's away from home. Advancement: 38-42 HD(large), 50 - 54 (Huge) Advancement refers to the rarer versions of the creature that were born larger, stronger, bigger than others. It represents a measure of how strong the strongest of these creatures might be. Creatures can't "advance" the way characters gain levels; advancement just represents naturally bigger, stronger versions. As such, the advancement range starts above the creature's base Hit Dice. This creature has 40 Hit Dice, so the advancement would begin at 41 hit dice. Creatures typically advance in one of two ways, but these are guidelines and not rules. Most creatures can be advanced to x1.5 their base hit dice before increasing one size category, and up to x3 their base hit die after that. Advancement:41-60 HD(Large), 61-120 HD (Huge) Some creatures don't advance that far. They only advance to double their base hit dice, and don't increase in size. Advancement:41-80 HD (Large) Void Edged(Su): Whenever a Void Thresher hits a creature with a claw attack, there is a 80% chance that it creates a small rip in space. OK. Here's a problem. Abilities that only work a certain percentage of the time are bad design. Yes, Summoning abilities still work that way, but that's about it, and those were grandfathered in from the previous editions. Monster abilities work best if the DM decides when they work. That can be on every claw attack, that can be as a Standard Action, or as a Full Attack action or any number of other ways. Any object of size small or lower within 10 feet of the rip must then make a reflex save (DC 15) or be sucked into the rip. You need to understand the terminology better before you use it. When you say "any object of size Small or lower...", I don't think you've read what Small size (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/combat/movementPositionAndDistance.htm#bigandLi ttleCreaturesInCombat) is defined as. You say the creature's claws create a "small rip in space"; a Small object is defined as being up to 4 ft. in length and up to 60 lbs. I think a rip 4 feet long is not what we would describe as "small". It seems more likely that you meant to say that Tiny or maybe even Diminutive objects & creatures would be affected. You also don't say how far away this effect reaches. Is only the creature struck affected? What about creatures farther away? Could multiple creatures be affected? There's also the question of how the Saving throw DC is calculated. Typically, the DC to resist a creature's Supernatural Attack (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/specialAbilities.htm#supernaturalAbiliti es) is calculated using a specific formula based on the creature's Hit Dice, plus the most appropriate ability score modifier. However, I think you intended this ability to represent a sort of "rushing wind", in which case you should probably reference the rules for strong winds (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/weather.htm#winds), using that as a guideline. For example: The rip draws in air, loose debris, and possibly creatures, creating Severe Winds within a ??? ft. radius. Any creature that is pulled into the rip... Once an object entires the void, it is instantly lost forever and cannot be retrieved by any means. The rip than fixes itself and has no more effects. What happens if no objects enter the void? Does it last forever? Does this rip go away after a single item enters it? If multiple objects are affected, how do you determine which ones are lost? Dark Regeneration(Ex): If a Void Thresher is in an area with no direct sunlight, then it regenerates 1% of its maximum health at the beginning of each of its rounds. More problems. First, there's already an ability called Regeneration (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/specialAbilities.htm#regeneration), so if you want a monster to have that ability, you have to follow the rules for it. Regeneration (and Fast Healing) heal a fixed number of hit points a round, and never a percentage of a creature's total hit points. You also need to be clear whether spells like daylight and sunbeam count as "direct sunlight". Spell Immunity(Ex): Any spell directed at a Void Thresher specifically is instantly nulified and no affects are experienced. Again, there's already an ability called Spell Immunity (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/specialAbilities.htm#spellImmunity), so if you want to use that ability, it has to use the same wording. Second, a blanket immunity to all spells is incredibly powerful, and generally reserved for very unique cases. It's generally not appropriate for most monsters. Only creatures that are associated with very strong magic, or anti-magic, have spell-immunity. This creature doesn't seem to be either. A much better approach would be to give this creature Spell Resistance (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/specialAbilities.htm#spellResistance), which represents a similar level of being immune to magic, but recognizes that a 20th level wizard has more potent magical powers than a 1st level wizard. Entrenced(Ex): Whenever a Void Thresher is on any kind of semi-soft, or soft surface, its feet are dug into the soil, and any pull effect on it is nullified. Remember how I said if there's an ability that exists with the same name, you have to use those rules? Well, here's the converse to that principle: if you want to talk about game effects, you need to use the correct terminology when it exists. There is no such thing as a "pull effect" anywhere in D&D. There are Bull Rushes, there is the Awesome Blow Feat, Grappling, the Improved Grab special ability and the Snatch feat, but no definintion for "pull" effects. Also, absolute immunity is usually poor design as well. A Colossal dragon with a 50 strength and the Snatch feat can't pull this creature towards it? Very little exists as an absolute. If a creature has a talent or natural advantage, this is best modeled with bonuses or modifiers. Look at the Dwarf's racial Stability trait (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/dwarf.htm). If you think a creature should have a bigger bonus, you can increase it, but absolute & total immunity should be extremely rare in a world where Titans can smash cottages like golf balls. Light Sensivity(Ex): Whenever a Void Thresher is in direct sunlight, it experiences a partial blindness and its AC is lowered by 4. Again, terminology is important. There are very specific rules for blindness (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/conditionSummary.htm#blinded). Creatures that are "unable to see well due to overstimulation of the eyes are Dazzled (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/conditionSummary.htm#dazzled) which is the typical effect from Light Sensitivity. And again, "direct sunlight" is not always the same thing as "bright light"; a cleric casting daylight creates light as bright as "direct sunlight", and because this is an extraordinary ability, the creature should be affected the same by a daylight spell as by actual sunlight. Spell-Like Abilites: Create Void/2: Twice everyday, a Void Thresher can slash the air to create a large rip in space. Any object of size large or lower within 25 feet of the rip must make a reflex save (DC 10). If it fails this save, it is pulled 10 feet closer to the void. Any object of size large or lower within 15 feet of the rip must make a reflex save (DC 15). If it fails this save, it is pulled 10 feet closer to the void. Any object of size large or lower within 5 feet of the rip must make a reflex save (DC 20). If it fails this save, it is pulled into the void and is instantly removed from the game forever. No effect can bring the object back once it is gone. It an object is being gripped by an object larging than large size, the DC needed for each save is reduced by 5. If the object still fails the save, it is pulled from the grip. Please read the definition of a Spell-like Ability (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/specialAbilities.htm#spellLikeAbilities) . Notice how it requires things like a Caster Level, what level spell is being used or the equivalent level the effect has, and how the DC is calculated. This should be a Supernatural ability to use, and create a stronger wind than the normal effect above. I understand you want to create a rush of air that can pull weapons from characters' hands, but that simply isn't how D&D rules work. If you read the wind rules I linked to above, you'll see that a character standing in a tornado has no risk of losing his grip on items held. The assumption is that if a wind isn't strong enough to drag a character, it isn't strong enough to break their grip. 2 - Same idea for that level adjustment thing. Level Adjustment is for monsters that could potentially be used either as player-characters or as cohorts to player characters. Not all creatures are appropriate for use as PCs. It's possible for a Gnoll to take up adventuring and travel with other creatures, but it's not possible for a Gelatinous Cube. Some creatures are too weird, some aren't sentient, and some are simply too powerful. 3 - For the "Create Void" ability, I want it to function like it keeps dragging them if they fail. Not, they fail, move a bit, and spell ends. An example I would want is that if they always failed, and were 25 feet away, they get sucked into it. I suggest you use the Wind rules, and give the Void a fixed duration for being in existence. Mostly, though, I don't like the creature. I know its your first try, so I'll try and be gentle: 1.) This creature has too many hit dice. You didn't know how they worked, so I'll chalk that up to ignorance. 2.) The creature's ability scores are inconsistent. It's strength is extremely high, while it's Constitution might be a little too low. It's mental ability scores are all very low, without much reason. 3.) This creature has several abilities that are both individually and taken together, too powerful. "Immune to all magic" is something you don't see, except on very powerful creatures. Having an attack that can permanently & irrevocably destroy items and/or kill characters is also something you don't see except on very powerful creatures. 4.) I'm sorry to say this, but the creature doesn't make a lot of sense to me. It's a bug-like creature that roots into the ground to be immovable, but it moves faster than a human? It's immune to all magic, but it's claws make supernatural rips in space leading to other planes? How or why is it able to make these "tears in space"? What does tearing through space have to do with living in darkess? Some of this is design-oriented, and some of it is conceptual. 5.) Your flavor text/introduction doesn't make a lot of sense either: They are said to have been created when wizards tried to create a black hole on a planet. The creature was teathered with strong leather, but it snapped the minute it was pulled in... What? Wizards are smart enough to attempt to create a black hole, but somehow they didn't properly calculate the tensile strength of leather? And why was this creautre at that location? What did it have to do with the wizards? Was it part of the ritual? Was it a necessary component? Or did someone just park their pet in the wrong place at the wrong time? The only thing left alive, was the beast, since it was in the middle of it andfor some reason, was protected by the sheer force. I'm sorry, but that makes no sense. "Since it was in the middle of a black hole of destructive force, it was protected by the sheer force". That's a bit like saying "since he was at ground zero, the force of the atomic blast actually kept him quite safe!" It emerged with an infusion of magic on both its claws and wasnt seen again. It was thought it had breed with others and created these hybrid creatures. Bred with other what? How can it breed with anything if it's a unique creature created by a magical mishap? I think you might have an interesting idea here, but it needs a lot of refining, both in terms of how you understand the rules, and in terms of the concept, description, and development of the creature.
GeminiDreams 07-13-06, 04:13 AM	Im assuming that took awhile, considering the HUGE length, and for that I am generous. Thanks for your help. And I was actually kind of expecting more flame than that, so you were kinder than expected. <( ^_^ )> Maybe Ill repost this guy later on once hes been 'fixed'.