Post/Author/DateTime	Post
marcel_deathbringer 01-24-07, 05:24 PM	I am a really big fan of the 1001 threads, so I thought I would create this one. I don't know if its ever been done, but I am curious to see what you can come up with. So lets get started. 1. Coat him in honey and let a dire bear eat him. 2. Punch him to death 3. Put it in a sack with a dog, snake and a monkey and throw in a lake. Okay, now you go.
OrderIsAKindOfChaos 01-24-07, 05:27 PM	1. tickle it to death 2. sunder its head (they desemve to be inanimate objeects anyways) 3. kill one use it as a weapon to kill others
LordThavian 01-24-07, 06:38 PM	Delayed Blast Fireball! It which the spells components are made to look like chocolate truffles! :D Use it as a piece offering and make a quiet exit during the (max 5) rounds it digests in the goblin then BOOOOOOOM! Mess like that, they'll be needing blotters to clean the little guy up! :P
Arcanis_the_Omnipotent 01-24-07, 06:51 PM	well, there's always the obvious slash, bludgeon, and pincushion, but those are boring. Let it feed your dragon friend. Give it one copper, and give the goblin next to it one gold! Teleport it three miles above solid ground.
FreAkOuTRG 01-24-07, 07:01 PM	Teleport it three miles above solid ground. Teleport it three miles below solid ground. Put up a poster: 5-50 gold/goblin head. Drown it in a cauldron full of Potion of Cure Minor Wounds.
Ryusage 01-24-07, 07:09 PM	Since some people did not count... 13. Sneeze in its direction 14. Give it a Rubik's Cube (the goblin will eventually die of hunger sitting there)
smartasdan 01-24-07, 07:19 PM	15. make it listen to a math lecture 16. use flesh to stone and bury 17. give him a copy of william hungs "she bang"
Shiikeras 01-24-07, 07:44 PM	18. Give it 10 beer cans, one of which is alchemist's fire. 19. Put it in a barrel, and roll it down a hill. 20. Give it a scroll with explosive runes. Tell him it's a secret, don't read it.
Fencerboy 01-24-07, 08:00 PM	21. send him into the kobold arena... he'll die of boredom 22. tell him he'll get 50 gp for refilling the red dragons mouth w/ alchemist fire while he sleeps so his breath weapon works... 23. Tell him dragon bile is a good laxidant 24. put him in a room w/ an angry housecat... I mean, look what it can do to a commoner!!
rice830 01-24-07, 08:09 PM	25. Tell it you dropped a gold piece in the town well. 26. Assure it that the town, which holds the well, doesn't have a town guard. 27. Make sure it doesnt realize it is a town of dwarves.
DrakoShade 01-24-07, 08:17 PM	28: Breathe in his general direction. 29: Blink at him. 30: Introduce him to a female half-orc. Her class doesn't matter.
Regular_K 01-24-07, 10:19 PM	31. String him up, and by that, I mean make a puppet out of him 32. Make him run the gauntlet 33. Make him drink salt water 34. Lower his self-esteem.
kdyal 01-24-07, 10:57 PM	Put up a poster: 5-50 gold/goblin head. 35. Put up a poster: 5-50 CP/goblin head.
Aiden_Bautista 01-24-07, 11:23 PM	Hand him a tube of miracle beauty cream (Actually Soviergn Glue) and convince him to place a drop in each nostril and along his lips, squeeze his nose shut and blow out his cheeks. Not only will he now suffocate to death, but he looks funny doing it.
Dm_Farble 01-24-07, 11:33 PM	35. Assure him that no harm will come to him if he lights a campfire in the druids forest. 36. Feed him to my huge dire weasel, slinky. 37. Tell him that a group of Illithids were looking for him. 38. Give him 500 gold to poke the Elder Brain 39. Charm him into spitting on a dwarf king Sry, posted this out of order possibly
Bengal 01-25-07, 12:20 AM	42. get him to help you become an omniscifer, don't give him a contingent raise dead 43. assure him that putting out a beholder's central eye will let him become an incredibly powerful mage. 44. Cast Giant Growth on him and drop him off near a gnomish Bravos training camp. 45. prepare inflict minor wounds a very large number of times.
SageBahamut 01-25-07, 12:27 AM	46: kick him down hallways to set off traps. (Did this to a kobold once...) 47: tie him to a stick... and use him to set off traps. (Same kobold. poor bugger.)
Bengal 01-25-07, 12:43 AM	(How could you do that to a lovable little kobold?) 48. leave him in a room with a bucket of water every night, and set him on fire, just a bit. After four nights, switch to a bucket of lamp oil.
marcel_deathbringer 01-25-07, 09:21 AM	(How could you do that to a lovable little kobold?) 48. leave him in a room with a bucket of water every night, and set him on fire, just a bit. After four nights, switch to a bucket of lamp oil. Now I must say, this is very ingenius. I love it, and I shall try this someday.
IceGod 01-25-07, 09:32 AM	OrderIsAKindOfChaos said: 2. sunder its head (they desemve to be inanimate objeects anyways) That reminds me of the first game of D&D I played (2nd edition), the DM's buddy had a half-minotaur character. When fighting our second or third battle, the minotaur picked up one of the goblins and used him as a weapon to batter the other goblins (no, I don't know what the dieroll for the goblin was). After a couple of rounds, he rolled a natural 1 and our rather sadistic DM was using the critical failure rule. He rolled a d6 to determine the result: He broke the goblin. so I guess that's 49
Bengal 01-28-07, 02:28 AM	50. Spend two months and a few thousand gold researching Hornung's baneful deflector. Line up ten goblins like bowling pins. Get a halfling master thrower to help you test probability. I reccommend he have two weapon fighting, rapid shot, and flurry of blows, along with a big sack full of shuriken.
Whisper_Swiftblade 01-28-07, 02:39 AM	51) force it to watch The Veiw until it kills itself, this will probally not take long.
LESSEROF2EVILS 01-28-07, 03:26 AM	52 - Take a pack of Goblin bards teach them to play music from Stomp's catalogue (be patient this may take a while). Promise the goblins shiny magical items it they perform for a colony of Knell Beetles. 53 - Take a second pack of Goblins, promise them the same shiny magical items if they complete a task. Give them gasoline and matches and tell them to clean up the mess made by the beetles. 54 - If any goblins remain, the smell of BBQ should attract sufficient ravenous animals...
Arameas 01-28-07, 02:17 PM	55) Tie one up, and use soverign glue to stick the buisness end of a decanter of endless water over its mouth. Turn it on.. setting is up to you. 56) Bind it's wounds with bandages covered in Explosive runes.
goblin_pride 02-02-07, 01:52 AM	34. Lower his self-esteem. How? Turn him into a gnome?
razhan 02-02-07, 03:31 PM	57)make him make faces at a gully dwarf 58)use bluff skill to get him to belive make him believe alchemist fire is hot sause and give him a trail ration. 59)tell him the cheiftan has a shinny object.(this will kill entire tribe faster than a band of adventurers) kicking a kobold:( read the ecology of the adventurer see how the kobold feels about it.
LESSEROF2EVILS 02-02-07, 09:10 PM	60 - Give the goblin 50' of silk rope. Send him into a red dragon cave to floss the dragons teeth. Don't tell the dragon he's coming. 61 - Allow the goliath in your party, to use your pet goblin, once he runs out of rocks. 62 - Tell a hill giant, that the goblin is a rock. 63 - Feed the goblin to a hungry roc...
razhan 02-02-07, 10:34 PM	64) give him a soul drinker and tell him if he shaves his legs with it he will become a Diety!! 65)tell him the basalisk's eyes are worth 1,000,000,000gp. wee nice statue!! 66)teach him to cast fire ball and summon a fire elemental at most 30 feet away from him. woops i blew myself up?! 67)tell him the prismatic wall is cotton candy!!
Skritz_the_Lizardmen 02-03-07, 09:05 AM	65) Two word....Vorpal Sword!
Alucard7087824 03-03-07, 09:18 PM	66.)Cast Geas/Quest on it and tell it to bring you the tongue of the Terrasque 67.)Get it to have a tea party and invite a Solar Angel, a Balor and a Pit Fiend 68.)Give it chocolate coated rocks and a chocolate coated explosive of some sort and it will kill several of them with the blast 69.)Tell it that the local Archmage's book has shiny symbols on it
blue14mist 03-03-07, 10:13 PM	70.umm...eat em! duh! 71. poke em in the eye 72.kick him in da nads
Isomer 03-04-07, 03:36 PM	73) Plane Shift to the elemental plane of fire 74) Plane Shift to the elemental plane of water 75) Push him off a cliff and tell him he's in the elemental plane of air (he willn't know the differance)
Krevon 03-04-07, 03:51 PM	76) Teleport him to Star Wars universe and give him a lightsaber. 77) Send him after the "Head of Vecna" 78) A druid uses him to play fetch with her wolf.
M1kh43l_P4r4d1s0 03-04-07, 03:58 PM	79) tell t to do a barrel roll. 80) Will it 81) give them a lawn dart. 82) Give them a nerf dart. 83) Just paper cut.
dragonseth 03-04-07, 05:38 PM	84. Magic Missile 85. Magic Missile in the shape of a slapping hand
Krusk 03-04-07, 06:21 PM	86- With a big hammer wack-a-mole style.
Shudragon 03-04-07, 07:16 PM	70:) tell it that whoever kicks a colossal black dragon the hardest gets 500 gold pieces. 71:)kill a sorcerer's familiar, and blame it on the goblin. (pretty fireworks:D ) 72:)tell it that if it swallows a bottle of alchemist's fire, it'll turn into a dragon.
Shudragon 03-04-07, 07:17 PM	Dangit! took to long to post! sorry 'bout the wrong numbers.
flkd20 03-09-07, 10:10 AM	73) Sleep everyone in a tavern. Goblin's Hand + Sovereign Glue + Sleeping Barmaid's Bosom. Preferably under the clothing. When sleep runs out... 74) Same way you deal with any adventurer: give him a Deck of Many Things and let curiosity take it's course.
Tommyboy 03-09-07, 02:13 PM	91. Give them Othur, tell them that if they burn it and inhale the smoke they will turn into bugbears.
dragonseth 03-09-07, 02:54 PM	92. The voted Most Brutal Weapon Ever, a crocodile. 93. The voted Most Brutal Weapon Ever, a crocodile...with a Mind Flayer giving a thumbs-up in the background.
Grizzled Gryphon 03-09-07, 08:30 PM	94. Cast Gate under him, with the other end right above him. Then cast blade barrier in the middle. 95. Soveriegn Glue its feat to the floor. Tie one end of a fifty foot rope to his neck. Tie other end to anvil. Throw anvil out of a winodow at least 55 feet off the ground. Place bets on what part come off first.
Finfreeze 03-09-07, 08:57 PM	96. Kill 115 kobolds and stuff them into a mundane bag. Drop said bag onto goblin from a distance of 10 feet. If you miss or the goblin survives, kill another 115 kobolds, stuff them into another bag, and try again. Keep at it until the goblin dies.
Vamroc 03-10-07, 02:00 AM	97. Have a Goblin walk under a twenty foot ceiling then cast Evard Black Tenteciles at the top followed by Reverse Gravity. 98. Tell him Peter Jackson has a job available for him. 99. Tell him WOTC Bought Steve Jackson Games. In this case the goblin kills himself. 100. Have the goblin walk up to a paladin from The Church of the Silver Flame with a sign that reads I love The Great Devourer.
Qube 03-10-07, 01:54 PM	3. kill one use it as a weapon to kill othersdone that: grapping with a goblin, then throwing it to an other one: the DM allowed it with a huge penalty. natural 20 :ghosted: 101. pointy end goes into the goblin
RogerRamjet 03-12-07, 01:49 AM	102. With a gun?
Krevon 03-12-07, 01:59 AM	103. Use it as a lure when shark fishing. 104. Send it to the Cuthulu universe and letit fail a will save. 105. Keep it alive and let it die of old age. (never happened)
Scholar_of_Nature 03-12-07, 02:21 AM	106. Call a lightning bolt on it... (goblin ashes anyone?) 107. Use Metal to Wood spell on its sword and tell it if it stabs itself it wont die... then change it back to metal... 108. Black Lotus poison... (druids are awesomeness...):D
Tusalu 03-12-07, 03:31 AM	109. Cast reverse gravity. End the spell. Cast reverse gravity. End the spell. Repeat. 110. Bind the poor goblin to a the back of a minotaur, and tip of some adventurers that the minotaur has a +5 flaming burst greatsword in his backpack 111. Drown him in cheese 112. Tie him to a wooden wall. Burn the wall. Shoot the goblin. And Blow up the remains:)
Tusalu 03-12-07, 08:33 AM	113. Hold the goblin prisoner in a week, without food. Then bake a bread containing a live, angry hedgehog
RogerRamjet 03-12-07, 02:45 PM	114. A crit miss...
Ryusage 03-12-07, 02:51 PM	115. Folding chair.
Kearif 03-12-07, 05:38 PM	86- With a big hammer wack-a-mole style. 70 tell it that whoever kicks a colossal black dragon the hardest gets 500 gold pieces. 71kill a sorcerer's familiar, and blame it on the goblin. (pretty fireworks ) 72tell it that if it swallows a bottle of alchemist's fire, it'll turn into a dragon. Dangit! took to long to post! sorry 'bout the wrong numbers. 73) Sleep everyone in a tavern. Goblin's Hand + Sovereign Glue + Sleeping Barmaid's Bosom. Preferably under the clothing. When sleep runs out... 74) Same way you deal with any adventurer: give him a Deck of Many Things and let curiosity take it's course. 91. Give them Othur, tell them that if they burn it and inhale the smoke they will turn into bugbears. Tommyboy's post was really number 92, so I think were on... 117. Tell it that dragons can't see you if you cover your eyes and don't move. 118. Give it a card that reads pn the front "How do you kill a goblin. See back" and on the back reads "How do you kill a goblin. See front" 119. Pop Rock candy and a Coke. 120. Force it listen to Crap, err, I mean Rap.
fiendkiller 03-12-07, 05:54 PM	Practice the General Grievous combo from Star Wars Revenge of the Sith on him: Pick him up, break his back on your knee, throw him down and then ram either his neck or sternum with your heel.:devil: :devil: :evillaugh
Rotfl_and_Lol 03-12-07, 06:23 PM	122. Teleport him to Far Realm 123. Teleport him from Far Realm into past, into any guild of 3.0 psions, or tower of 3.0 wizard with haste. 124. Tell him that Pun-Pun has shiny things in backpack. 125. Let him play Sorcerer. 126. Cast shrink item on 10T balls made from sugar, tell him that their aren't tasty, and he shouldn't eat them, and watch him die from sugar overdose. 127. Do anything of those before, and then raise him back. Repeat until he has 0 con or dies from old age.
danzibr 03-12-07, 09:43 PM	128. Give him a bag of holding and push him into a portable hole. 129. Give him any number of cursed items (Necklace of Strangulation comes to mind). Let nature take its way. 130. I generally dislike introducing Star Wars into classical D&D, but... force lightning. Dan
Mulkr 03-12-07, 10:20 PM	131. Tell goblin that if he walks into a church of pelor known for its paladin's strength that yelling "power to Gruumsh!" repetitevly will lead them to give him a +10 vorpal flaming shocking icy burst greatsword! Let the paladin's then give you the sword! 132.Give him an iron locket with some Explosive runes. Tell him that the inside is really shiny, but only if 200 or more goblins are looking at it. Otherwise, it's not shiny. Watch the Goblin explode with the other 199. 133. Tell him that if he sneaks into a teenage dwarf girl's room in the dead of night, all the dwarves will give him 999,999,999,999pp. He'll be in there quicker than he can think. (It'll probably only take him a few years!):D
Mulkr 03-12-07, 10:20 PM	Double post.
Link182 03-13-07, 06:07 AM	134. - Kindness. Kill it with kindness
darrylhaines 03-13-07, 08:57 AM	135. Say boo to it.
Kearif 03-13-07, 03:48 PM	136. Tell it that all goblins are vegitarians now, it'll likely kill itself.
HammerSmashed 03-14-07, 07:40 AM	137. Tell him that putting a tack under the Frenzied Beserkers chair will earn him 500 gold. Watch the decapitation:cool: :evillaugh 138. Drown him in a jar of mayonaise.:evillaugh
Faithkeep 03-14-07, 07:48 AM	139. call Kore, the Dwarven Paladin. :D
Theogonist 03-14-07, 08:20 AM	140. Tell it, if it eats Boo it will become as powerful as Minsc...
hiroshimahamster 03-14-07, 08:26 AM	141. Throw a double-ended sword at it - no joke, when my wizard first made her entrance she crispified all but one of the goblins my new party were fighting with a trusty fireball. The rogue saw only one was left and threw his sword 10ft at him as a joke... He rolled a 20...and then another to confirm...then another... That's one dead goblin...
Devlonir 03-14-07, 08:55 AM	142. Tell him that if he stands in front of a speeding lightning rail train, he will magically teleport inside when the train would hit him. 143. Do a game of "who can hit the other the softest" and loose 144. Tell him that his entire life is a fantasy and doesn't really exist. That all he is, is the imagination of a group of gamers on a saturday afternoon and that his life can only result in the brutal death by a group of adventurers. (He will either kill himself, or become an adventurer himself.. which is also a death sentence)
Demon Lightfoot 03-14-07, 09:56 AM	145: Hit it with a lightning bolt. 146: Hit it with a bowl of polenta. 146: Hit it with a acid-substituted meteor swarm. 147: Hit it with a badminton racket. 148: Make it watch "Leonard Part 6".
Faithkeep 03-14-07, 12:08 PM	149. While he's looking at the referee and his back is turned to you, hit Bobby Lashley with a steel chair... then hand the chair to the goblin... then lie down on the canvas pretending you're knocked out. :D
Evil DM Mk3 03-14-07, 12:48 PM	150: Hit it with a balled up tissue.
Gorlick_Da_Consumer 03-14-07, 01:08 PM	51: tell him that if he danced with a dyad that he would be beautiful 52: hand him a chines finger cuffthingy (lol i love those)
Danvac 03-14-07, 08:43 PM	153. Put biofeedback sensors on his fingers and force him to play Journey to Wild Divine (He will die of the peace-loving game) 154. Send him to the Dalai-Lama 155. Give him Depok Chopras autograph.
Demetri_Knighthawk 03-14-07, 09:16 PM	(154) Tell him there is now D&D 4.0 and he is no longer acceptable under the old rules and he must wait for a notice from WOTC for his updated statistics.
Gorlick_Da_Consumer 03-15-07, 12:56 PM	155: put him between two pices of bread, with mayo and strawberry jelly, then drop him off infront of an oger mound, sit back and watch the cat and mouse game
Danvac 03-15-07, 09:34 PM	156: Show him a complex number plain 157: Show him a fractal 158: Explain him quantum theory
LordThavian 03-16-07, 04:23 PM	159: Strap the little guy down wearing a set of headphones and have him listen to Roseanne Barr's version of the american national anthem! :evillaugh
Faithkeep 03-17-07, 12:58 AM	160. Go Kraken-fishing. Use the goblin as bait.:D
Irving 03-17-07, 01:06 AM	Bathe him. They're water-soluable. Trust me.
Nathreet 03-17-07, 02:05 AM	161. meteor swarm. 162. give him a vicious weapon
Argo 03-17-07, 03:26 AM	163. Step 1: Paint a target on his face. Step 2: Hand him a crossbow. 164. Step 1: Cast "Delayed Blast Fireball" on a cupcake. Step 2: Give him the cupcake. Step 3: Wait. Step 4: Laugh.
Rothwell 03-17-07, 04:10 AM	65) Two word....Vorpal Sword!165. Three words cursed vorpral sword.
AnduirAbersand 03-17-07, 09:57 AM	(How could you do that to a lovable little kobold?) 48. leave him in a room with a bucket of water every night, and set him on fire, just a bit. After four nights, switch to a bucket of lamp oil. THAT is simply evil... my turn! 166. Bury him neck-deep in sand and introduce him to a Bronze Dragon. 167. Introduce him to a Golden Dragon. 168. Introduce him to ANY dragon, for that matter. 169. Try to convince him that if he cut off the head of a powerful creature and replaced it with his own, he'd gain it's power. Even if he killed it via fluke, he's still screwed. 170. Talk him into streaking through a Dwarven town (bribe him) and then point and laugh. 171. (even better!) Pay him to sneak into a village of random humans, pay him beforehand. When he's in the middle of town, yell "GOBLIN!" and wait. 172. Get him into a drinking contest with an orc. 173. Give a bunch of them knives and forks and put them into a room together, then lock the door and come back on a month. See which one's left. 174. Take the one that's left and chain him to a boulder, push the boulder down a hill and tell him to keep up. He'll fail. He's a goblin. I'll be back with more later...
Lord_Of_The_Abyss 04-24-07, 08:46 PM	175. Tell it the orc horde's camp has shiny magical items hidden in the tents and that he has to go in while they're there or else the orcs will take them with them 176. Tell him the orc (secretly a frenzied berserker) in the corner of the tavern called him fat........watch the carnage!!!:devil: 178. Convince him there's a portal that leads straight to his deitie at the bottom of the cliff and he won't die if he jumps......
Darknight303 04-24-07, 09:41 PM	179. Aid anyone? with 1d8+1/lvl temp hp that goblin will explode due to double its hit points in temp hitpoints. lvl 7 just to be safe
VulcanStormwrath 04-24-07, 09:46 PM	Polymorph him into a naked halfling girl.......in the midst of a goblin horde.
Thraxon 04-25-07, 12:17 AM	128: Make him play nintendo dogs
cpn_creepo 04-25-07, 01:18 AM	129. Give him front row seats to a Dethklok concert.
Thalspar 04-25-07, 09:48 AM	130.tread him on a stick and set that up in front of your house while letting him drink cure minor wounds this one can last for days