Ascension of the Strlyons [Archive] - Wizards Community

Ascension of the Strlyons [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
KriegsaffeNo9
08-28-07, 10:37 PM Tongue, meet cheek.

STRLYON

APPEARANCE: The Strlyon resembles a lion that has learned to stand, but for whatever reason got tired of its original neck, and installed a second lion's body, its stomach beginning where its original neck once began. After a while the lion then tired of having forepaws and replaced them with hands. Then it decided to move its right eye just under its left eye, because it liked the sound of it.

Tge/fgsfds: Strlyon use these pronouns in place of "he" and "his." Nobody is quite sure how the Strlyon gender works, least of all the Strlyon, as all romantic liaisons between Strlyons have thus far been performed under conditions of near-fatal alcohol poisoning. As far as anyone knows, Strlyons emerge fully-grown from spigots attached to beer steins and casks.

Origins: The origin of the Strlyon is immortalized in the book Abominations I Have Witnessed and Felt Privileged to Share by Albin Riqtiqu:

Last evening, the fifth of the first month of spring, I beheld a most horrible sight. High Priest Eluxid threw a celebration in honor of his newborn son and brought forth the consecrated fortified wine, known among the folk of the city as Thunderbird's Vintage. Priest Vecter, skilled orator and more skillful consecrated-wine-distributor, said a few words and drew from the cask not a draught of the Thunderbird's Vintage, but what seemed to be a lion with the head of another lion's fore-body and human arms. It flowed onto its feet, drew a large pile of pipeweed wrapped in a large leaf from a small gland behind its ear, and demanded the location of the nearest and strongest alcohol available.

Vecter smiled nervously and attempted to draw our new visitor his own draught, but called forth yet another of the creatures, who flowed into place alongside its brother and repeated his demand. The High Priest apologized and directed the creatures to the nearest bar, but they would have none of it, and hefted the cask, tore away a plank of wood, and drank deep and heavy of the pungent wine. Before the cask was emptied a third beast joined the two, which led our eyes to Vecter, who had tested the dispenser of holy water to see if his luck had changed.

Now we are beholden unto eight leonine ruffians with an unquenchable desire for alcohol and the ability to displace the necessary reaction--a drunken rage--to a later hour, or when they sleep, or become bored. Further, Vecter has been barred from ever operating anything resembling a cask, flagon, bucket, or decanter from henceforth. I am reminded of the Book of the Sun, Beginnings, chapter one, verse seventeen: I have done so for the laughter of it.

Roleplaying Notes: You now have an excuse to hit the bar, and oft.

Notes: All in good fun, ya?

Strlyon Stats

+4 Strength, -2 Dexterity, -2 Constitution: Strlyons are physically mighty. However, they are clumsy and lacking in manual dexterity, and further usually exhibit extensive system shock from overuse of alcohol.
Large: Strlyons are roughly ten to eleven feet tall, but their enormous size is offset by certain anatomical difficulties, as outlined in What The Hell Is Wrong With You Strlyons. Strlyons have a -1 size penalty to Armor Class and attack rolls.
Monstrous Humanoid: Despite fgsfds leonine appearance, Strlyons have two legs, two useful hands, and so on.
What the Hell is Wrong With You Strlyons: Strlyons have certain anatomical oddities that prevent them from getting the best out of their size. A Strlyon's "good arms" are at the top of fgsfds body and are the size of normal human arms, meaning fgsfds has to lean over to hit someone human-sized. Thus fgsfds reach is only 5 ft. Further, because fgsfds legs are so small compared to the rest of fgsfds body, tge occupies a 5' square in combat. Last, Strlyons are denied a bonus to Grapple checks due to their crappy little middle-arms that don't help in grappling foes (as outlined below). Yeah, they're real anatomical winners.
Produce Fine Smokable (Su): Strlyons can produce what a modern person can identify as a large cigar from a gland behind fgsfds left ear. The smokable is always lit and smoking when created. It is an evil-smelling cigar (and shows up as evil under a detect evil spell) and is just hot enough to light flammable materials. It has no other use, besides smoking of course, and only Strlyons can manage smoking them without vomiting uncontrollably (a DC 15 Fortitude save to avoid being sickened for three rounds) or at least getting sick to the stomach (dazed for three rounds on a successful save).
Keetom Ponch: The set of lion's paws in the middle of a Strlyon have blunt claws and little muscle development. The most they can manage is a soft but aggressive slap, known as the keetom ponch among monks who use the phrase to insult the blows of their rivals and enemies. A keetom ponch does nothing but waste a standard action and touch attack to use, but it's funny as hell to watch.
Drunken Rage (Ex): Strlyon can hold off on getting drunk until such a time when it would be convenient, in which case they burn through the whole drunken event in a few seconds. A Strlyon that has drunk at least enough alcohol to get heavily blitzed (equal to roughly twice as many mugs of ale as tge has points of Constitution) can enter a drunken rage. This works like a 1st level barbarian's rage (+4 Strength and Constitution, -2 Armor Class, etc.), and can be attempted once per day. If a day passes after getting hyper-sauced, the alcohol finally works its way out of the Strlyon's system, meaning tge must sauce up again before attempting another drunken rage. Interestingly, a drunken rage can be attempted while the Strlyon is raging on a rage granted by a character class; the cumulative effect is that the Strlyon falls on fgsfds ass and tries to kill the invisible* spider pixies vexing tge so until both rages work their way out of fgsfds system.
This Thing!: Strlyons can do "this thing," which is leaning back slightly and attempting to give a thumbs up with fgsfds weak paws. This is inexpressibly horrible to see, giving tge a +2 bonus to Intimidate checks (or a chance to reroll Intimidate under SAGA rules).
Favored Class: Bard. Uh, I mean bear hunting. I mean Barbarian. Yeah, that's the ticket.
Level Adjustment: +0.

*Yet, curiously, pink.
reaper5081
08-29-07, 02:10 PM OMGWTF!!??!!? Is this a joke? To think of the time you wasted on this hurts me greatly, not to mention the time of the people whose time you wasted by putting this monstosity on the boards!! Shame on you for wasting the time of honest people who look at the things on these boards seriously!
KriegsaffeNo9
08-29-07, 02:55 PM OMGWTF!!??!!? Is this a joke?

....Yes?

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
KriegsaffeNo9 08-28-07, 10:37 PM	Tongue, meet cheek. STRLYON APPEARANCE: The Strlyon resembles a lion that has learned to stand, but for whatever reason got tired of its original neck, and installed a second lion's body, its stomach beginning where its original neck once began. After a while the lion then tired of having forepaws and replaced them with hands. Then it decided to move its right eye just under its left eye, because it liked the sound of it. Tge/fgsfds: Strlyon use these pronouns in place of "he" and "his." Nobody is quite sure how the Strlyon gender works, least of all the Strlyon, as all romantic liaisons between Strlyons have thus far been performed under conditions of near-fatal alcohol poisoning. As far as anyone knows, Strlyons emerge fully-grown from spigots attached to beer steins and casks. Origins: The origin of the Strlyon is immortalized in the book Abominations I Have Witnessed and Felt Privileged to Share by Albin Riqtiqu: Last evening, the fifth of the first month of spring, I beheld a most horrible sight. High Priest Eluxid threw a celebration in honor of his newborn son and brought forth the consecrated fortified wine, known among the folk of the city as Thunderbird's Vintage. Priest Vecter, skilled orator and more skillful consecrated-wine-distributor, said a few words and drew from the cask not a draught of the Thunderbird's Vintage, but what seemed to be a lion with the head of another lion's fore-body and human arms. It flowed onto its feet, drew a large pile of pipeweed wrapped in a large leaf from a small gland behind its ear, and demanded the location of the nearest and strongest alcohol available. Vecter smiled nervously and attempted to draw our new visitor his own draught, but called forth yet another of the creatures, who flowed into place alongside its brother and repeated his demand. The High Priest apologized and directed the creatures to the nearest bar, but they would have none of it, and hefted the cask, tore away a plank of wood, and drank deep and heavy of the pungent wine. Before the cask was emptied a third beast joined the two, which led our eyes to Vecter, who had tested the dispenser of holy water to see if his luck had changed. Now we are beholden unto eight leonine ruffians with an unquenchable desire for alcohol and the ability to displace the necessary reaction--a drunken rage--to a later hour, or when they sleep, or become bored. Further, Vecter has been barred from ever operating anything resembling a cask, flagon, bucket, or decanter from henceforth. I am reminded of the Book of the Sun, Beginnings, chapter one, verse seventeen: I have done so for the laughter of it. Roleplaying Notes: You now have an excuse to hit the bar, and oft. Notes: All in good fun, ya? Strlyon Stats +4 Strength, -2 Dexterity, -2 Constitution: Strlyons are physically mighty. However, they are clumsy and lacking in manual dexterity, and further usually exhibit extensive system shock from overuse of alcohol. Large: Strlyons are roughly ten to eleven feet tall, but their enormous size is offset by certain anatomical difficulties, as outlined in What The Hell Is Wrong With You Strlyons. Strlyons have a -1 size penalty to Armor Class and attack rolls. Monstrous Humanoid: Despite fgsfds leonine appearance, Strlyons have two legs, two useful hands, and so on. What the Hell is Wrong With You Strlyons: Strlyons have certain anatomical oddities that prevent them from getting the best out of their size. A Strlyon's "good arms" are at the top of fgsfds body and are the size of normal human arms, meaning fgsfds has to lean over to hit someone human-sized. Thus fgsfds reach is only 5 ft. Further, because fgsfds legs are so small compared to the rest of fgsfds body, tge occupies a 5' square in combat. Last, Strlyons are denied a bonus to Grapple checks due to their crappy little middle-arms that don't help in grappling foes (as outlined below). Yeah, they're real anatomical winners. Produce Fine Smokable (Su): Strlyons can produce what a modern person can identify as a large cigar from a gland behind fgsfds left ear. The smokable is always lit and smoking when created. It is an evil-smelling cigar (and shows up as evil under a detect evil spell) and is just hot enough to light flammable materials. It has no other use, besides smoking of course, and only Strlyons can manage smoking them without vomiting uncontrollably (a DC 15 Fortitude save to avoid being sickened for three rounds) or at least getting sick to the stomach (dazed for three rounds on a successful save). Keetom Ponch: The set of lion's paws in the middle of a Strlyon have blunt claws and little muscle development. The most they can manage is a soft but aggressive slap, known as the keetom ponch among monks who use the phrase to insult the blows of their rivals and enemies. A keetom ponch does nothing but waste a standard action and touch attack to use, but it's funny as hell to watch. Drunken Rage (Ex): Strlyon can hold off on getting drunk until such a time when it would be convenient, in which case they burn through the whole drunken event in a few seconds. A Strlyon that has drunk at least enough alcohol to get heavily blitzed (equal to roughly twice as many mugs of ale as tge has points of Constitution) can enter a drunken rage. This works like a 1st level barbarian's rage (+4 Strength and Constitution, -2 Armor Class, etc.), and can be attempted once per day. If a day passes after getting hyper-sauced, the alcohol finally works its way out of the Strlyon's system, meaning tge must sauce up again before attempting another drunken rage. Interestingly, a drunken rage can be attempted while the Strlyon is raging on a rage granted by a character class; the cumulative effect is that the Strlyon falls on fgsfds ass and tries to kill the invisible* spider pixies vexing tge so until both rages work their way out of fgsfds system. This Thing!: Strlyons can do "this thing," which is leaning back slightly and attempting to give a thumbs up with fgsfds weak paws. This is inexpressibly horrible to see, giving tge a +2 bonus to Intimidate checks (or a chance to reroll Intimidate under SAGA rules). Favored Class: Bard. Uh, I mean bear hunting. I mean Barbarian. Yeah, that's the ticket. Level Adjustment: +0. *Yet, curiously, pink.
reaper5081 08-29-07, 02:10 PM	OMGWTF!!??!!? Is this a joke? To think of the time you wasted on this hurts me greatly, not to mention the time of the people whose time you wasted by putting this monstosity on the boards!! Shame on you for wasting the time of honest people who look at the things on these boards seriously!
KriegsaffeNo9 08-29-07, 02:55 PM	OMGWTF!!??!!? Is this a joke? ....Yes?