| Post/Author/DateTime | Post |
|---|---|
| grimclaw12-12-04, 12:44 PM | Dateline Half-Elf Foundation Rumurs abound in the halls of the HEF and this reporter has dug deep to bring the readers the story.Lady Sil long time leader of the HEF has,according to rumor been struggling under an addiction to lembas.This reporter has often witnessed her dependance on this vile elven substance during stressful events himself.Questions need to be asked,can she overcome this trial,will her followers rebel or simply ask her to share? High ranking members of other groups have expressed concern,but refuse to speak publicly in the hopes that thier own closets arent checked too much. This reporter will continue to ask the tough questions and bring the answers to light.Hopefully the lady herself will answer these charges and continue to be a guiding light to her followers. Dateline ravaged countryside At great personal risk this reporter has managed to secure an interview with the tarrasue himself. GC-Good morning,you recently were involved in a strange rampage at the HEF,care to explain to my readers? TAR-A simple matter really,my favorite hat was stolen and I was trying to get it back thats all,a big misunderstanding really. GC-Could you verify the belief that you are a unique creature or are there others of your kind? TAR-I'm unique to this world but each world has it's own representative of the species.It gets rather lonely actually,at least till we have are millenial reunion,thats a great party. GC-Are you all male or are there females? TAR-OH there are females but you probably couldnt tell the difference,relationships are difficult though when you only get togather once a millenium.Would you like some tea? GC-Yes thank you very much.So whats the deal with the long sleeps and periodic rampages? TAR-Stress actually we tend to have nightmares while sleeping and it takes a while to get our bearings when we wake up. GC-Whats so stressful about being the tarrasque and what kind of nightmares do you have? TAR-Your kidding right,I'm on the hit list for every would be heroe in the world and there isnt a mage in existance who wouldnt want my body to experiment on.Just once I'd like a group of adventurers to just drop by for tea and cookies.I'm a pretty skilled baker you know,my brownies are to die for. GC-I see,so it seems life isnt really easy for a creature of your stature.Do you have any hobbies beside baking? TAR-Yes,I'm heavily involved in internet gaming,noone cares how you look there,though getting a keyboard my size wasnt easy to say nothing of the mouse.I also joined a knitting club composed of unique and unusual creatures such as myself.Asmodeus just joined in fact.I also write poetry on occasion. GC-Well there you have it,the Tarrasque a monster,yes but a pretty descent guy after all. Dateline Gazzette offices- Do you have a story?Then feel free to submit it to the Gazzette,the number one guild periodical in the multi-verse.Also we accept advertisements and want ads.As well as op-ed pieces.You too can be an intrepid reporter of the truth or at least propaganda and jiucy rumors. :whatsthis |
| Demonfey12-12-04, 01:24 PM | Dateline Half-Elf Foundation Rumurs abound in the halls of the HEF and this reporter has dug deep to bring the readers the story.Lady Sil long time leader of the HEF has,according to rumor been struggling under an addiction to lembas.This reporter has often witnessed her dependance on this vile elven substance during stressful events himself.Questions need to be asked,can she overcome this trial,will her followers rebel or simply ask her to share? High ranking members of other groups have expressed concern,but refuse to speak publicly in the hopes that thier own closets arent checked too much. This reporter will continue to ask the tough questions and bring the answers to light.Hopefully the lady herself will answer these charges and continue to be a guiding light to her followers. Dateline ravaged countryside At great personal risk this reporter has managed to secure an interview with the tarrasue himself. GC-Good morning,you recently were involved in a strange rampage at the HEF,care to explain to my readers? TAR-A simple matter really,my favorite hat was stolen and I was trying to get it back thats all,a big misunderstanding really. GC-Could you verify the belief that you are a unique creature or are there others of your kind? TAR-I'm unique to this world but each world has it's own representative of the species.It gets rather lonely actually,at least till we have are millenial reunion,thats a great party. GC-Are you all male or are there females? TAR-OH there are females but you probably couldnt tell the difference,relationships are difficult though when you only get togather once a millenium.Would you like some tea? GC-Yes thank you very much.So whats the deal with the long sleeps and periodic rampages? TAR-Stress actually we tend to have nightmares while sleeping and it takes a while to get our bearings when we wake up. GC-Whats so stressful about being the tarrasque and what kind of nightmares do you have? TAR-Your kidding right,I'm on the hit list for every would be heroe in the world and there isnt a mage in existance who wouldnt want my body to experiment on.Just once I'd like a group of adventurers to just drop by for tea and cookies.I'm a pretty skilled baker you know,my brownies are to die for. GC-I see,so it seems life isnt really easy for a creature of your stature.Do you have any hobbies beside baking? TAR-Yes,I'm heavily involved in internet gaming,noone cares how you look there,though getting a keyboard my size wasnt easy to say nothing of the mouse.I also joined a knitting club composed of unique and unusual creatures such as myself.Asmodeus just joined in fact.I also write poetry on occasion. GC-Well there you have it,the Tarrasque a monster,yes but a pretty descent guy after all. Dateline Gazzette offices- Do you have a story?Then feel free to submit it to the Gazzette,the number one guild periodical in the multi-verse.Also we accept advertisements and want ads.As well as op-ed pieces.You too can be an intrepid reporter of the truth or at least propaganda and jiucy rumors. :whatsthis :rofl: :bow: That was great, Grimclaw! |
| Dyne12-12-04, 02:44 PM | Awesome, Grimclaw! This will help us all to keep track of what's going on. I think I'll come back with some stories about the matches at the Mountain Top Arena. I also have a few things in the Council of Archmages Library under the Message Board that you might want to take a look at. |
| The Vorpal Tribble12-12-04, 02:53 PM | Ad: http://my.photosleeve.com/TheVorpalTribble-albums/album04/aak.jpg Orderable from Arms and Nobles. |
| grimclaw12-12-04, 03:05 PM | Dateline Council of Archmages- Long time but often ignored archmage scullyblast has decided enough is to much and let her fellow mages know today.The response was somewhat tepid so this reporter wouldn't be suprised if a rival council of mages is raised up in defiance of the CoA.You heard me right faithful readers,a full fledged mage war may soon rage thruout the guilds.The damage could be considerable.No doubt tongues are already being sharpened. :whatsthis |
| grimclaw12-12-04, 11:43 PM | Dateline Half-Elf Foundation- The trial of the century concluded today,closing with a visitation of divine Rh'iel herself.Many decisions were reached.Dyne was found both guilty and not guilty(this reporter was glad to see the half elves come to such a firm decision and not flip flop on it).He is also officially insane and as such may even qualify for a half off card at the blue lizard(The Blue Lizard,fine dining and a family atmosphere.)He is also officially on Rh'iel's crap list until he makes amends,though how he was to make amends isn't clearly defined.The lesson to be learned apparently is when a goddess gives you a gift dont return it to her,or even ask for the receipt and where she got it. There were several other interesting events that took place and caught this reporters eyes.Turaisj was apparently caught in a time warp and didnt realize it until after an embarrassing outburst after the trial was over.Lets hope he finds a time warp survivors support group and puts the episode behind him. Lord Droga spoke at the trial via the time honored evil lords method of diembodied voice.Why wasnt he there in person?After extensive investigation this reporter has learned that Lord Droga fears an assasination attempt by the HEF.iether that or he was involved in an assignation with a half-elf wench.The screams of agony echoing thru that particular section of Dramkar made hearing problematic. Xen,in an inspiring display of logic attempted to plea on Dyne's behalf but had little luck.Then again whos to say what the sentence would have been otherwise.Those of you with legal trouble could do worse if you need a lawyer. Meneldil,who presided over the trial seems to be getting extremely grumpy in his old age.Several bursts of magic were aimed at disembodied voices.The greastest threat though was in listening to his sonorous voice drone out the charges and various legal arguments.Several individuals were stopped from hanging themselves by the court ballifs who were bleary eyed themselves. Perinial evildoer Crowley(who was referenced as an example of multiple personalities)was heard to say he was of two minds on the verdict,but that Rh'iel is hot isnt she?(yes she is) The conclusion raises many questions,such as will the HEF attempt to use the courts to push there agenda,will Crowley gain another personality,who is Dynes probation officer,has lady Sil conquered her lembas addiction(see earlier addition of Gazzette)? For futher answers and even more questions keep reading the Gazzette(number one guild periodical in the multiverse). This addition of the Gazzette was brought to by the financial support of the Dramkar board of tourism,Dramkar,fun in the burning shadow filled wasteland,bring the kids. :whatsthis |
| grimclaw12-13-04, 05:37 AM | Tragedy struck at the arena today as Caronath slew the psion Timothae in a brief but intense battle.Caronath seems to favor acidic attacks so bring out the glass armor. No word was givin on memorial services for the deceased,sadly the victors servants claimed the ichy remains immediatley after the battle. It made this reporter long for the day when he himself was the ultimate terror of the battlefield.though I still terrorize the buffet line quite nicely. What was learned from the battle?Dont enter a death match without bringing along a cleric who knows ressurection. :whatsthis |
| De Batavier12-13-04, 10:00 AM | Warlock Circle looking for Living Ship. If you have in your posession a Living Ship, new or used, or know how to get a Living Ship. Contact the Warlock Circle. Price to be determined to mutual satisfaction. Reply can be sent to the Warlock Circle (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=343531) Karl Abend |
| Xen15512-13-04, 11:40 AM | You might write better than the newspapers were i live *checks newspaper* yup. Have you been injured in a cart wreck, taken any potions that hurt or maimed you in any way. Do you want to sue somebody. Call the lawers at XEN & XEN lawfirm, We will get you money. But check out the Hammerforge Corporation for any and all of you item needs. |
| grimclaw12-13-04, 12:45 PM | A horrible accident in Mithril Hall today took the life of gaurdsman Tagel Stonehammer."I didn't realize the crossbow was loaded,"commented Drombar Thickfingers. :whatsthis |
| grimclaw12-13-04, 12:47 PM | Mithril Hall has an opening for a city gaurdsman.Equipment supplied including armor and ultra modern air conditioned helmet.See city watch capt.to apply. :whatsthis |
| grimclaw12-13-04, 12:51 PM | Adventurers wanted,all classes and races accepted though humans and elves preferred.Appy with Aranglavarithimar the Unholy,Mt.Doom,third cave on left.P.S. Adventurers with "good taste"will be given extra consideration. :whatsthis |
| Dyne12-13-04, 09:42 PM | Advertisement: Visit Dyne's Magic Shop for all your magical needs. Quality items at unbeatable prices. We're also a family owned business, rather than a massive corporation that only cares about money. (no offense to the guys over at the Hammerforge Corporation) |
| Demonfey12-13-04, 09:51 PM | Ad: Need materials for a spell? Can't find a component you want? Then come to the Merchant's Guild, and ask for Crowley. He'll set you up with what you want. |
| The Vorpal Tribble12-13-04, 10:15 PM | Ad: Are local monsters causing a problem? Need help handling unusual mounts such as giant eagles or griffins? Missing anyone? Looking for someone? If so, call upon the Beastmasters of the Preserve, we specialize in capturing and handling dangerous creatures and are known as the greatest hunter/finders in the land. If wishing to locate an individual we'll find him. Prices are modest and we guarantee results. |
| Xen15512-13-04, 10:19 PM | :rofl: Advertisement: Visit Dyne's Magic Shop for all your magical needs. Quality items at unbeatable prices. We're also a family owned business, rather than a massive corporation that only cares about money. (no offense to the guys over at the Hammerforge Corporation) :rofl: |
| Demonfey12-14-04, 07:46 PM | Breaking news! Melee has just broken out down at the HEF! It looks like the war Lady Silmarien had declared against the GoUE is going to start right now. So far, Droga, Vadok, Lady Sil, and Meneldil are about to fight, but things look as though they are about to grow into something huge. |
| redhase12-15-04, 02:35 AM | the guild of Ulitmate Evil will have fresh cuts of elf meat, to all who are interested. Contact the Ulitmate Evil Hall for orders! After the attack is over. |
| Tenzhi12-15-04, 04:23 AM | Dear Elf-Bane, How do I get Viggo to notice me? Sincerely, Sil-Marsha-ien/Sil-Jan-ien/*rrreeeahhh* To Sil, This is exactly the 316th letter you've sent Me with the same exact question. I'm finally answering it in hopes that you will no longer write. I'm also sending 13 Balor to your return address as a special present. In short, Viggo will never notice you. Were you to lop your ears off, set yourself on fire, and run around in front of him - he wouldn't even spit to put you out. You are a worthless half-breed with no chance at a Viggo. You're best bet is to find yourself a nice, homely half-orc and settle down in a filth-ridden swamp-hut somewhere in the Marshes of Eldaresh. Please don't write me again, The Elf-Bane |
| Orcy The Green Wonder12-15-04, 04:50 AM | Dear Elf-Bane, How do I get Viggo to notice me? Sincerely, Sil-Marsha-ien/Sil-Jan-ien/*rrreeeahhh* To Sil, This is exactly the 316th letter you've sent Me with the same exact question. I'm finally answering it in hopes that you will no longer write. I'm also sending 13 Balor to your return address as a special present. In short, Viggo will never notice you. Were you to lop your ears off, set yourself on fire, and run around in front of him - he wouldn't even spit to put you out. You are a worthless half-breed with no chance at a Viggo. You're best bet is to find yourself a nice, homely half-orc and settle down in a filth-ridden swamp-hut somewhere in the Marshes of Eldaresh. Please don't write me again, The Elf-Bane .... hey. Orcy resents that remark. We don't live in swamps, thats Ogres. |
| Tenzhi12-15-04, 04:59 AM | Dear Elf-Bane, .... hey. Orcy resents that remark. We don't live in swamps, thats Ogres. Thuggishly, Orcy the Green Wonder To Orcy, Putting aside the fact that Ogres are more of a hills/mountains creature, and it's trolls that are more likely indigenous to swampland... The Elf-Bane was referring specifically to the sort of half-orc who would shack up with a mentally unstable half-elf. He was not, by any means, making a general statement about the living habits of the, er, Noble race of orcs. May the lice forever fear your hair, The Elf-Bane |
| Orcy The Green Wonder12-15-04, 05:08 AM | To Orcy, Putting aside the fact that Ogres are more of a hills/mountains creature, and it's trolls that are more likely indigenous to swampland... The Elf-Bane was referring specifically to the sort of half-orc who would shack up with a mentally unstable half-elf. He was not, by any means, making a general statement about the living habits of the, er, Noble race of orcs. May the lice forever fear your hair, The Elf-Bane Dear Elf-Bane, Orcy IS a half-orc. Though he wouldn't go about settling down with a mentally unstable half-elf. Or anything related to an elf for that matter. Wondrously, Orcy the Green Wonder |
| Dyne12-15-04, 06:57 PM | Dear Elf-Bane, How do I get Viggo to notice me? Sincerely, Sil-Marsha-ien/Sil-Jan-ien/*rrreeeahhh* To Sil, This is exactly the 316th letter you've sent Me with the same exact question. I'm finally answering it in hopes that you will no longer write. I'm also sending 13 Balor to your return address as a special present. In short, Viggo will never notice you. Were you to lop your ears off, set yourself on fire, and run around in front of him - he wouldn't even spit to put you out. You are a worthless half-breed with no chance at a Viggo. You're best bet is to find yourself a nice, homely half-orc and settle down in a filth-ridden swamp-hut somewhere in the Marshes of Eldaresh. Please don't write me again, The Elf-Bane That's an insult to all half-orcs. No self-respecting half-orc would settle down with a crazed half-elf. A half-elf would have a better chance with a stinking troglodyte. |
| Tenzhi12-16-04, 12:42 AM | Dear Elf-Bane, That's an insult to all half-orcs. No self-respecting half-orc would settle down with a crazed half-elf. A half-elf would have a better chance with a stinking troglodyte. Love, Dyne O. Might To Jimmy, It is a well-known fact that 8 out of 10 half-orcs have no self-respect, and that most half-elves are crazed as well. A lesser known fact is that clinical studies have proven that half-elves don't survive the rigors of troglodyte mating rituals. Scientifically proven not to exist, The Elf-Bane |
| De Batavier12-16-04, 03:10 PM | Several murders have taken place. The Blue crime syndicate takes credit. The actual perpetrators are unknown. Information leading to arrest can count on rewards. |
| grimclaw12-20-04, 04:09 AM | Help wanted=Immediate openings for those gifted in the arts of stealth and item aquisition.Experiance preferred.Contact Ali Baba.P.S-limited openings. Help wanted=Warrior specializing in Incorporial undead combat.Primary duty invoves defense of employer against spectral visitors.Must be reasonably priced.Contact Ebanezzer Scrooge. Advertisement=Tired of plain round ears?Jealous of your elven friends?See me for safe,fast ear sharpening surgery.I use only most modern clerical techniques.Contact Ima Sylvan. Notice=Get your free Seven Sisters calendar(swimsuit edition)when you purchase your copy of bestselling book"A beginners guide to weaving"by Mystra,goddess of magic. Notice=Friday nights are now kareoke nights at Banes BBQ Barn.Ribs and drinks half price. Personals=Single,insane god of lies,murder and intrigue seeks soul mate.I like long walks on the beach,dancing,theater and wholesale slaughter of the innocent.No freaks,serious enquiries only. E-V1L Sune's Love Line inc. Lost=Pet Elf-eater.Large three legged and tentacled.Answers to BO-BO.Last seen neer Evermeet.If seen please contact Malar the Beast Lord. Advetisement=Are you a barbarian?Do you enjoy smashing things,growling,complaining about magic and avoiding baths?Then you qualify to be a member of B.O.B.Yes the Brotherhood of Barbarians,look for a chapter near you.For info call1-800-1BIG AXE. Law enforcement notice=Well known druid Larry Leaflover was arrested today after several complaints were filed by the local flora."I feel dirty."a local oak was heard to say. Advertisment=Tired of run of the mill roleplaying games?Then it's timeto roll up a fantastic bunny character and explore the deep dark basement.Avoid the evil rats,hordes of barbaric mice,spell casting gophers and the legendary shotgun weilding Fudd as you search for the Golden Carrot of Power.Will you melee with your +2 ear blades or cast the amazing Duck Season spell?The choice is yours.Get your copy of "Basements and Bunnies"today!Voted best non-existant roleplaying game of the year by the College Slackers Association. Advertisment=Sick of the excessive calories of elves,the high carb content of humans?Then you need Dwarf Cakes.Low calorie,low carb,low fat and no sugar.Nuticious and delicious.Recommended by the Dragon Dietary Council. Advertisment=Need undead minions to help with your conquests?Well we got em.All makes,all models.2 year warranty.Stiffs-R-Us. Advertisment=Going bald?Ashamed to be seen by your fellow treants?Then join Leaf Club for Treants.Gauranteed results."Remember,I'm not just the owner,I'm a customer."Willy Willow CEO Notice=I have just uncovered Ao's most closely gaurded secret.It's unbelievable,truly amazing.The world must know-BOOM!!!!!!!-cough-cough-never mind. :whatsthis |
| Dyne12-20-04, 04:13 AM | Advertisment=Tired of run of the mill roleplaying games?Then it's timeto roll up a fantastic bunny character and explore the deep dark basement.Avoid the evil rats,hordes of barbaric mice,spell casting gophers and the legendary shotgun weilding Fudd as you search for the Golden Carrot of Power.Will you melee with your +2 ear blades or cast the amazing Duck Season spell?The choice is yours.Get your copy of "Basements and Bunnies"today!Voted best non-existant roleplaying game of the year by the College Slackers Association. That sounds oddly familiar.... Wait, that was last week's game session! |
| grimclaw12-20-04, 04:43 AM | (picture of a sprite dressed in a brown trenchcoat and dark brown fidora) Hi,I'm Simplistix the Gazzettes new reporter and this is my interview with Talos the Destroyer. S=Good morning Talos.Well lets get right to it.Your nickname is the destroyer.Does a name like that cause problems in your personal life? T=Oh my,yes.Every time something gets broken I'm the first person everyone blames.And try getting into a relationship.I'ts an uphill struggle because women assume I'm totally focused on my job.I have other interests,but they hear the name and don't bother to look deeper. S=I see.Well what sort of interests do you have then? T=Well,I'm a romantic at heart,I like poetry and romantic comedies.I collect knick-knacks.I'm a real fan of the Lord of the Rings movies.They really brought the books to life.Though they did change a lot of things I dont entirely approve of. S=You have a reputation for being power hungry.Also a reputation for elevating mortals to godhood and then draining them of thier power.How would you anwer those charges? T=Jealousy.Despit what people say I'm a great believer in organization and I also believe I'm well suited to head up such things.Some dieties see this as a threat and make wild accusations.As for the ascended mortals,well that really hurts.I go out of my way to raise them up,out of the goodness of my heart,and I consistantly get stabbed in the back.Velsharoons betrayal for instance,was particularly hurtfull.I had thought we had established a trustworthy working relationship.I'm too trusting I guess. S=As your the lord of natural disasters you recieve the blame for every storm,earthquake,etc.Is this fair? T=Well I suppose I am ultimately responsible,after all I'm the one in charge.But truthfully the whole natural disaster thing is a large business and I have many underlings who handle the day to day aspects.I never get credit for the good things though. S=Such as? T=Well the beauty in a thunderstorm,the awe inspiring sight of a volcanoe spoutig a stream of lava hundreds of feet into the air.It shows my poetic nature.I mean I'm not an entirely bad guy,I have feelings,hopes,dreams. S=I'ts been noted you have relationships with Auril and Umberlee.Professional or personal? T=No comment.I really dont like discussing my personal life. S=Fair enough.Any plans for the future you woulkd care to share? T=Just the usual,you know world domination,destruction of my enemies and rivals.Umberlee and I are working on a class 7 storm.Oh,and I'm working on my own album.It's 16 tracks of my covers of classic 80's hits.It aught to be out in june. S=Well thats all I have.Thanks for your time. Next week's interview Sune.I cant wait. :whatsthis |
| grimclaw12-20-04, 08:13 PM | A sprite dressed in a trenchcoat and a fidora runs into the Gazzette offices,"Stop the presses,The war is over,front page news." Grimclaw looks up from his desk,Page two Simplistix." "page two!"Simplistix exclaims,"What could be more important than this?" Grimclaw sighs,"Poor circulation and loss of advertsement revenue.We need more contributors to help improve our circulation." :bump: :bump: :whatsthis |
| Dyne12-20-04, 08:21 PM | "Need more contributors"? EXTRA! EXTRA! Santa Claus was caught cheating on his wife! Mrs. Claus is now suing for divorce. They are now fighting over custody of the toy-making elves. |
| grimclaw12-21-04, 12:12 AM | :bump: circulation bump |
| jagggar12-21-04, 12:22 AM | Dear Elf-Bane, How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? -jagggar |
| Tenzhi12-21-04, 01:16 AM | Dear Elf-Bane, How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Introspectively, jjjaaagggaaarrr To Triple-ply, A woodchuck would chuck as much as he should chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. And if he should chuck as much as he could chuck he'd fill up a wood truck with ricks of chucked wood. Shoulda, woulda, coulda, didn't, The Elf-Bane |
| grimclaw12-21-04, 07:20 AM | Dear Elf-Bane, I have recently discovered that my girlfriend is a weretiger.Would it be inappropriate to get her a flea collar?Should I put out a litter box?Any suggestions on how to make this relationship work would be greatly appreciated. Sincerely, Grimclaw. |
| Tenzhi12-21-04, 08:11 AM | Dear Elf-Bane, I have recently discovered that my girlfriend is a weretiger. Would it be inappropriate to get her a flea collar? Should I put out a litter box? Any suggestions on how to make this relationship work would be greatly appreciated. Sincerely, Grimclaw To Grimlock: If you don't find the idea of a transformable robot going out with a weretigress to be inapropriate, then how can there be anything wrong with getting her a flea collar or a litter box? The Elf-Bane would also suggest getting a nice magical leash to help keep her in check. Sincerely, The Elf-Bane |
| Demonfey12-21-04, 07:23 PM | Dear Elf-Bane, I was wondering: Do you like to light things on fire? If so, then join us at Pyromaniacs Anonymous, also known as PA. Sincerely, Crowley Maelhaevek. |
| grimclaw12-21-04, 08:54 PM | Dear Elf-Bane, After returning from my honeymoon with Tabitha(see my previous letter)I discovered to my horror that my house was infested with elves.I have tried all the usual solutions,poison,traps,getting a pet orc but nothing seems to work.I have only seen three of them but I have been told that for every one you see there are at least 25 more.What can I do?The noise and nightly dancing and singing is depriving me of sleep and effecting my marriage.Not to mention that it is impossable to keep them out of the pantry,we are having to throw away a lot of contaminated food and that is getting expensive. Desperately,Grimclaw. |
| Demonfey12-21-04, 08:59 PM | Dear Elf-Bane, After returning from my honeymoon with Tabitha(see my previous letter)I discovered to my horror that my house was infested with elves.I have tried all the usual solutions,poison,traps,getting a pet orc but nothing seems to work.I have only seen three of them but I have been told that for every one you see there are at least 25 more.What can I do?The noise and nightly dancing and singing is depriving me of sleep and effecting my marriage.Not to mention that it is impossable to keep them out of the pantry,we are having to throw away a lot of contaminated food and that is getting expensive. Desperately,Grimclaw. Dear Grimclaw, I can help. Elves absolutely loathe me, because to them I am the most horrible desecration of their kind. EVER. Just let me see what I can do... :schemes: Sincerely, Crowley Maelhaevek. |
| grimclaw12-21-04, 09:05 PM | Free Advertisement-Crowley's exterminators We kill em all!Professional service with a diobolical laugh. call 1-800-die-scum. |
| Demonfey12-21-04, 09:07 PM | Dear Elf-Bane, After returning from my honeymoon with Tabitha(see my previous letter)I discovered to my horror that my house was infested with elves.I have tried all the usual solutions,poison,traps,getting a pet orc but nothing seems to work.I have only seen three of them but I have been told that for every one you see there are at least 25 more.What can I do?The noise and nightly dancing and singing is depriving me of sleep and effecting my marriage.Not to mention that it is impossable to keep them out of the pantry,we are having to throw away a lot of contaminated food and that is getting expensive. Desperately,Grimclaw. Why not make this a thread? That way, we have something to do while everyone else is busy trying to figure out what to do with the IFWG |
| grimclaw12-21-04, 09:22 PM | I've always planned on keeping it permanent.I post some amusing ads and an interview each weekend.Tenzhi has his advice column.If you want, think of a subject and you can be the official Gazzette journalist for it.Anybody can do ads though(well actually anybody can do whatever they want,but they arent official Gazzette journalists)I'd like to see a police blotter,a regular astrology section,in depth satirical reports on imaginary stories,a weather report and a fantasy sports section,maybe a travel section etc.Anything a real paper has. Sometimes everyone gets so serious I figure we could all use an occasional good laugh. official journalists should end thier article with this- :whatsthis unofficial journalists are like contributors at large.ads however should not have the smily.(please note that these rules are for my amusement only and should be ignored at will.The only real rules are have fun,no arguing,be funny,no insults to real life figures(amusing,gentle satire is allowed).This thread is for non serious buissiness and as an escape from the intensity that sometimes overtakes the other threads.)We are a refuge from the sorrows of fantasy life. |
| Demonfey12-21-04, 09:29 PM | Catoblepas has told the populace today that the war could be back on, but in a new form. Will this one work? Find out! |
| Dyne12-21-04, 11:05 PM | Anyone can do an astrology section: "Today, you will discover something new." "Today, you will forget something." "Today, you will remember it." "Today, you will forget it again." "Today, you will become rich and find true love." "Today, you will meet someone new." "Today, you will get dumped by that person you met yesterday." "Today, the person who dumped you will take you back." "Today, the person will dump you again." "Today, you will finally figure out that the person you met four days ago has just been messing with your mind." "Today, you will forget that you figured out that the person you met five days ago has just been messing with our mind, and you will take them back again." "Today, you will get dumped again by the same person." Insert ridiculously general prediction here. |
| Tenzhi12-23-04, 02:15 AM | Dear Elf-Bane, I was wondering: Do you like to light things on --- [ed's note: Rest of message mysteriously lost to fire] To Missing and Presumed Burned: Fire is a useful and oft-destructive thing. It is praised by poets and imitated in dance. It certainly has its merits, though it is not the Elf-Bane's favourite form of energy. Also, while the Elf-Bane admires your enthusiastic adoration of flickering flames, please keep in mind that putting fire in a letter and destroying the contents of My inbox is only amusing the first time. From the frying pan, The Elf-Bane |
| Demonfey12-23-04, 02:20 AM | Dear Elf-Bane, I was wondering: Do you like to light things on --- [ed's note: Rest of message mysteriously lost to fire] To Missing and Presumed Burned: Fire is a useful and oft-destructive thing. It is praised by poets and imitated in dance. It certainly has its merits, though it is not the Elf-Bane's favourite form of energy. Also, while the Elf-Bane admires your enthusiastic adoration of flickering flames, please keep in mind that putting fire in a letter and destroying the contents of My inbox is only amusing the first time. From the frying pan, The Elf-Bane Enjoy burning things so much that you became the very essence of fire? Then join Pyromaniacs Anonymous! For all your burning needs. Contact Crowley for details. To Tenzhi: It was only a few bills you never pay. |
| grimclaw12-24-04, 12:26 PM | Quote of the day:"Politics is a pain in the back."Julius Ceasar |
| grimclaw12-27-04, 02:25 AM | :bump: :bump: :whatsthis :whatsthis |
| Demonfey12-27-04, 11:30 AM | It has been reported that the entire GoUE has been filled with coal on Christmas. |
| grimclaw12-27-04, 01:15 PM | In a related story the GoPG gave all thier presents to the orphaned children of adventurers fund,spreading christmas cheer everywhere. :whatsthis |
| Demonfey12-27-04, 10:22 PM | In a related story the GoPG gave all thier presents to the orphaned children of adventurers fund,spreading christmas cheer everywhere. :whatsthis Where Crowley then released a press release saying that if so many adventurers didn't go after him, there wouldn't be as many orphans, before giving their households coal to have and burn for warmth. |
| Dyne12-28-04, 02:01 AM | In a related story the GoPG gave all thier presents to the orphaned children of adventurers fund,spreading christmas cheer everywhere. :whatsthis WHAT?! Nobody told me about that! My presents! |
| Demonfey12-29-04, 11:24 AM | Yes, that's right, IT'S BACK!!! There has been great rejoicing in all the guilds, for this means that things are back to normal. |
| Dyne12-29-04, 04:03 PM | There's been rejoicing? Now, how did I miss that? |
| Demonfey12-30-04, 10:21 AM | There's been rejoicing? Now, how did I miss that? Didn't you notice all the dancing smilies? |
| grimclaw12-31-04, 06:03 AM | Elf-bane caught reading book of logic.Foundations rocked to the core.Lady Sil was heard to say,"I cant believe it,it's a lie it has to be!' :whatsthis |
| grimclaw01-02-05, 02:43 AM | Personal-Guilt ridden drow ranger seeks strongwilled female to punish me.Are you a little Mielikki and a little Lloth?Then your the one for me.Must like cats and long evenings of self incrimination.Contact Drizzt Do'Urden Advertisement-Goblin Couriers,when it absolutely,poitively has to be there next month. Help Wanted-Pureblood Elven Adventurers Inc. is hiring! qualifications-elven,arrogant,condescending,snappy dresser if sun elf contact Siegfreid Starhopper if moon elf contact Roy Cloudkicker if neither contact someone else not-we no longer accept applicants with pet cats of any sort Notice-Madam Zelda's Phsycic Services will be closed due to unforseen injuries that occured when comet struckher dwelling.Will open next month.Remember,Madame Zelda's when you want to avoid the cruel hand of fate. Squint Spell Phone-Get our nationwide plan plus a 50gp spell phone for only 25gp a month.limited time offer. Notice-The Prancing Pony Inn will be closed due to the disappearance of a mister Underhill and party,last seen in the company of known muffin thief and pie filcher,Strider.Renowned private eye Naz Gul and his eight associates are on the case and request any info be braught to thier attention. Advertisement-Soothing Balm Eyedrops-"I couldn't get thru a day without them."Sauron Lord of Darkness. Police notice-Divine Tyr,Lord of Justice,was arrested last nightfor public intoxication and assault after a confrontation with the Dawn Lord Lathander."I could take you blindfolded and with one hand tied behind my back!!"he was heard to say as he was hauled away. Scientific breakthru!-The sixarmed spellweavers,known for thier ability to cast multiple simultaneous spells and for the fact that communication with them was impossible were pleased to learn that famed scholar Marty Jenson,deciphered the cryptic notes they often leave for adventurers to find."Apparently they were trying to order a pizza." he said. Diplomatic Triumph-The wizard Dr.Philimar made a breakthru today as Tannarri and baatezu ambassadors met for peace talks today.The room was brought to tears as Asmodeus related that his feelings had been hurt when Orcus hadnt invited him to his birthday party and how that made him feel inadequate.The two tearfully hugged and swore to renew thier friendship.Is this a sign that the Blood Wars may soon be over?"I hate doctor Philimar,"Garth Gardener,of Warmongers Interplanar Weapons Sales was heard to say. :whatsthis |
| Lady Rolindin01-05-05, 11:12 PM | what new news have you found out Grimclaw. ther seems to be a lot of things happening and yet not happening. |
| grimclaw01-08-05, 01:57 AM | Not a lot yet. Mostly just rules debate. I suggest having a basic game strategy ready and hope that they get things ready soon. Oh,and find ways to amuse yourself till then. I've taken the twin roles of creator and comedian til things start up. I imagine once they get the organization done things will speed up,after all we need a foundation to build on. I seem to be suffering from writers block again. I may have to unleash the funniest joke ever told. |
| Demonfey01-08-05, 01:59 AM | Not a lot yet. Mostly just rules debate. I suggest having a basic game strategy ready and hope that they get things ready soon. Oh,and find ways to amuse yourself till then. I've taken the twin roles of creator and comedian til things start up. I imagine once they get the organization done things will speed up,after all we need a foundation to build on. I seem to be suffering from writers block again. I may have to unleash the funniest joke ever told. Start with the tribute to the funniest joke ever told (all the greatest things have a tribute somewhere) |
| grimclaw01-08-05, 02:00 AM | Please note most of the younger audiance wont get it. Those of you who are sensitive or avid enviromentalists may not want to read farther. "A BABY SEAL WALKED INTO A CLUB." :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :devil: |
| grendle01-08-05, 10:21 PM | Het grimclaw....i like your paper!.....keep it up :bow: :bounce: |
| tak01-09-05, 12:50 AM | ad - tak the drunken half-orge for hire reliable mercanary service.cheap rates. |
| Tenzhi01-09-05, 01:11 AM | Dear Elf-Bane, No one laughs at my jokes, no matter how many baby seal skulls I split open. Brutally, Clubber Lang To Club-a-Dub-Dub: Start using baby elves and you'll have at least one person laughing. Switch to a bladed weapon and people may find your humour side-splitting whether they like it or not. Signed, sealed, and de-livered, The Elf-Bane |
| grimclaw01-09-05, 10:49 AM | Dear Elf-Bane, Not even a chuckle? As for the elves poison works best as you dont have to get close to them. :D |
| redhase01-09-05, 05:43 PM | "A BABY SEAL WALKED INTO A CLUB." How about some harper jokes, those are good too. I heard the Harpers were looking for a few good men and found none. Thier standards were to high. No one could tell a lie. |
| Cazic01-09-05, 07:15 PM | Breaking News---- A new kind of class has been discovered that has been hiding in secret and protecting the realms from as many beings of other planes as able. The Trickster (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=358903) class has now began to reveal themselves to the public. The Trickster (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=358903) High Council asks that the public comment on thier class (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=358903) for they are still trying to balance it for public use. (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=358903) |
| Jharviss01-09-05, 07:49 PM | Advertisement After a venture into an overly large, mysterious cave, the Worldbuilders' Foundation stumbled upon a slumbering Tarrasque and, for lack of better words, decided to slay him. After a fearsome battle, the creature was slain and a large batch of sweets were discovered. The Wouldbuilders' Foundation is offering +8 Brownies of the Tarrasque at the mere price of 250,312 gold pieces per dozen. Contact Jharviss if interested. |
| Cazic01-09-05, 10:41 PM | <<<<<<<<<<Deleted>>>>>>>>>>>> |
| Demonfey01-10-05, 05:31 PM | Powerful mage jokes: M: What have I leveled? Well, you know Atlantis? RG: Yeah. M: Sorry about that. I was drunk at the time... *M=mage RG=random guy |
| grimclaw01-23-05, 12:15 AM | breaking news-Tarrasque regenerates and institutes nation wide hunt for brownie thieves. :whatsthis |
| Dyne01-23-05, 12:18 AM | Do you like to fight Evil? Or do you merely not want to be killed by the Dark Ones? Then join the Guild of Pure Good for all your needs that are Good and/or Pure. |
| grendle01-23-05, 12:29 AM | AD-Monkey For sale...only one chain one owner and well...MONKEY FOR SALE!!!!!!!!!!!.......buy it now for $9.95.....Limited time offer! :D :angelhide |
| tak01-23-05, 02:04 AM | AD-Monkey For sale...only one chain one owner and well...MONKEY FOR SALE!!!!!!!!!!!.......buy it now for $9.95.....Limited time offer! :D :angelhide ok i'll give u $5.55 last ofer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| grendle01-23-05, 02:05 AM | ok i'll give u $5.55 last ofer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOLD! |
| tak01-23-05, 02:09 AM | is he hose traned and i got a monkey yes finaly :D |
| grendle01-23-05, 02:10 AM | is he hose traned and i got a monkey yes finaly :D Why yes all the monkeys i sell are hose trained!..... :D |
| Dyne01-23-05, 06:06 PM | Watch where you keep your hose. :shifty: |
| grendle01-23-05, 10:51 PM | Watch where you keep your hose. :shifty: I believe the Half Ogre ment House Trained..but i had to put it in his language :D |
| Dex Stonehammer01-24-05, 07:15 PM | ad a tak for sell just for 1.00 one owner he workes good as a beer drinker. |
| tak01-24-05, 07:38 PM | ad a tak for sell just for 1.00 one owner he workes good as a beer drinker. hay i have no owner so sell ur self :b: |
| grendle01-24-05, 07:41 PM | *Comes up behind dex ties him up and says*......DEX FOR SALE $0.50....to the lowest bidder :evillaugh :plotting: |
| Cazic01-24-05, 08:46 PM | *Comes up behind dex ties him up and says*......DEX FOR SALE $0.50....to the lowest bidder :evillaugh :plotting: I give you a hand shake for it. Nothing more! :D |
| jagggar01-24-05, 08:58 PM | I'll pay you -$1,000,000. |
| grendle01-24-05, 09:25 PM | I'll pay you -$1,000,000. SOLD! |
| jagggar01-24-05, 09:26 PM | Alright, I'd like Dex and my $1,000,000, please. |
| grendle01-24-05, 10:05 PM | Alright, I'd like Dex and my $1,000,000, please. OK here is dex....and an IOU for $1,000,000....HE HE :D |
| JoyLynn01-25-05, 06:56 PM | Wanted - Time In A Bottle Overworked scholar needs time in a bottle which I can uncork to create a pocket in time. I want to be able to stay up all night with my papers and still get eight hours of sleep before I have to get to work in the morning. The pocket can be small, just large enough to enclose a bedroom. |
| tak01-25-05, 10:16 PM | ad - tak the drunken half-orge for hire reliable mercanary service.cheap rates. |
| Cazic01-25-05, 10:22 PM | ad - tak the drunken half-orge for hire reliable mercanary service.cheap rates. will accept large amounts of liquior as payment. :D |
| tak01-25-05, 10:27 PM | its a deal :D |
| Cazic01-29-05, 01:56 PM | Breaking news------- A secret society (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5337134#post5337134) of very (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5337134#post5337134) powerful Golem Makes has stepped (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5337134#post5337134) into the (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5337134#post5337134) light of public (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5337134#post5337134) and is welcoming new recruits for their (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5337134#post5337134)cla ss. (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5337134#post5337134) |
| grimclaw01-30-05, 10:33 PM | :whatsthis braking news-grimclaw elected grand high poomba of B.O.B."I didnt know I was running."A puzzled grimclaw was heard to say. :whatsthis |
| Cazic01-30-05, 11:10 PM | Breaking news ------------------- If you watch enough people drinking coffe long enough then you will magically start drinking coffe to and if you drink enough then you will act just like all the other people drinking coffe. See for yourself and watch. :whatsthis :whatsthis :whatsthis :whatsthis :whatsthis :whatsthis :whatsthis :whatsthis :whatsthis :whatsthis :whatsthis :whatsthis :whatsthis :whatsthis :whatsthis |
| grendle01-31-05, 02:32 AM | Breaking news ------------------- If you watch enough people drinking coffe long enough then you will magically start drinking coffe to and if you drink enough then you will act just like all the other people drinking coffe. See for yourself and watch. I think it's your imaginaiton.....cause i dont have any coffe :D |
| Cazic01-31-05, 08:38 AM | I think it's your imaginaiton.....cause i dont have any coffe :D You didn't watch long enough. It takes awile. WATCH LONGER! :P :D |
| grimclaw02-06-05, 03:47 AM | Health Watch-New study suggests Halfling House coffee may stunt growth. :whatsthis This segment brought to you by Baator tourism Bureu"One Heck of a good time!" |
| grendle02-06-05, 03:50 AM | But hopefully you wont drink ye old moutain dew(We all know what that stunts) :eek: |
| redhase02-06-05, 03:52 PM | It's seems that I have heard that the Hef is having a llout sin dig, they are having an all out party with a maap pole, so it's bring your own ale, grog, or what ever you like to drink. bring your own color streamer for the party, and dance dance. drink have fun, those crazy elves do know how to party. So everone go to the elven maap pole gathering and sil will be handing out Limbus to all who want some. Party , Party Lets all go party. Hef party, party. be held at the oblisik lets all go have fun and party. |
| Dyne02-06-05, 04:48 PM | Elves? ELVES?! As a full-blooded Elf, I find that quite insulting. They are Half-Elves, as in the disgrace of a halfbreed that hasn't earned the privaledge of being compared to Elvenkind. :rant: |
| grimclaw02-06-05, 04:59 PM | Elves? ELVES?! As a full-blooded Elf, I find that quite insulting. They are Half-Elves, as in the disgrace of a halfbreed that hasn't earned the privaledge of being compared to Elvenkind. :rant: Given my opinion of elves that is a good thing for the HEF :D |
| Dyne02-06-05, 05:01 PM | :censored: :rant: :pbbbtt: :banghead: :headexplo :hoppingma *Gets tired from a lack of a decent Constitution score* *Pant* *pant* ...hold on a moment... *pant* ...I'll be angry again in a moment... *pant* *pant* |
| Cazic02-06-05, 10:38 PM | Breaking news------------------ A new group of spellcasters that pulls power from both arcane and devine spells has emerged from hiding. This order of spellcasters is made up of three different groups: 1. Spell Master of Light (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5394025#post5394025) 2. Spell Master Of the Balance (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5394054#post5394054) 3. Spell Master of Darkness (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5392278#post5392278) If you have any comments please state them in the Spell Master fo Darkness Offices. |
| grendle02-06-05, 10:45 PM | This Portion of Grimclaw's Gazette is brought to you by........."Fire it keeps you warm" :D |
| Cazic02-06-05, 11:49 PM | This other portion of Grimclaw's Gazette is brought to you by.........Water the true thirst quencher. :P |
| Dyne02-07-05, 12:14 AM | This portion brought to you by the newest reality tv show: "That's My Wood!" |
| jagggar02-07-05, 12:19 AM | Some ads brought to you by "Cold it cools you off." |
| Dyne02-07-05, 12:25 AM | *Whacks Cazic with a wooden stick* That's my wood! |
| grimclaw02-07-05, 12:47 AM | ahhh the ad money rolls in.I'll be rich !! :D |
| Cazic02-07-05, 08:25 AM | *Whacks Cazic with a wooden stick* That's my wood! *Grabs the wood and hits Dyne* No thats my wood! |
| grimclaw02-07-05, 12:01 PM | *Grabs the wood and hits Dyne* No thats my wood! Pirate hops up on one leg takes wood and begins hitting Dyne and Cazic with it,"Thats my leg!!!!" :D |
| grendle02-07-05, 03:28 PM | Pirate hops up on one leg takes wood and begins hitting Dyne and Cazic with it,"Thats my leg!!!!" :D Takes piates leg sets it on fire and says here your somkin now! :D |
| Cazic02-07-05, 07:44 PM | Takes piates leg sets it on fire and says here your somkin now! :D I am not sure what "somkin" :rolleyes: is, but I know SMOKING is bad for your health. *Splashes water on the leg* |
| Demonfey02-07-05, 08:17 PM | How do you "slash" water? |
| Cazic02-07-05, 08:55 PM | How do you "slash" water? DF i think you are seeing things. It says "Splash" not "slash" :D tisk tisk tisk DF is going crazy again. ;) :P |
| Demonfey02-07-05, 09:00 PM | DF i think you are seeing things. It says "Splash" not "slash" :D tisk tisk tisk DF is going crazy again. ;) :P Again? you mean I had gotten better at some point and missed it? |
| grimclaw02-07-05, 09:25 PM | Again? you mean I had gotten better at some point and missed it? It was only for about five minutes so you were probably sleeping or something. :D |
| Demonfey02-07-05, 09:31 PM | It was only for about five minutes so you were probably sleeping or something. :D Awwww...not again! :D |
| Dyne02-07-05, 10:32 PM | *Takes the stick back from Cazic* *Whacks everyone with it* That's my wood! |
| jagggar02-07-05, 10:38 PM | *takes out a steel bat* *that's right, steel, not aluminum* *wacks Dyne* It is is it? |
| Dyne02-07-05, 10:44 PM | *Is knocked out colder than steel* *Lies on the floor, collapsed, for several hours* :zzz: |
| jagggar02-07-05, 10:51 PM | MY WOOD!!! *readies an action to hit whoever comes with in her threat range with the steel bat* |
| Dyne02-07-05, 11:02 PM | *Wakes up several hours later* *Sees the scary figure of jagggar violently wielding a steel bat* :eek: There went my courage! *Runs away in fear* |
| jagggar02-07-05, 11:09 PM | :devil: :evillaugh :devil: Now, what to do with my wood. . . ? :lightbulb :mage: :lightbulb |
| Dyne02-07-05, 11:13 PM | :devil: :evillaugh :devil: Now, what to do with my wood. . . ? :lightbulb :mage: :lightbulb *Hears her thoughts from a mile away* MY WOOD!!! *Teleports back in and grabs the wood stick* *Flees, trying to dodge jagggars swings with the steel bat* |
| jagggar02-07-05, 11:20 PM | *swings and misses Dyne, but hits the wooden stick and breaks it in half* . . . Uh-Oh. . . |
| Cazic02-07-05, 11:30 PM | *swings and misses Dyne, but hits the wooden stick and breaks it in half* . . . Uh-Oh. . . NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ! *finds another peice of wood on the floor* MY WOOD! |
| grimclaw02-08-05, 12:20 AM | Grimclaw drags up a small tree,"My wood!I win!!Ya me! |
| tak02-08-05, 12:56 AM | Grimclaw drags up a small tree,"My wood!I win!!Ya me! tak grabs the other end of the tree my wood |
| grendle02-08-05, 01:02 AM | tak grabs the other end of the tree my wood Runs by sets the wood on fire and says ha!...noones wood! |
| tak02-08-05, 01:17 AM | Runs by sets the wood on fire and says ha!...noones wood! pulls steaks from pouch and yells BBQ |
| Cazic02-08-05, 08:18 AM | pulls steaks from pouch and yells BBQ BBQ SAUSE! *pulls some out of his robe.* |
| grendle02-08-05, 08:46 AM | BBQ SAUSE! *pulls some out of his robe.* I got the knives and forks who's got the plates!? :D |
| Demonfey02-08-05, 05:53 PM | Wow, that may be one of the most random exchanges I have seen here. It was even more random than the monkey... |
| Dyne02-08-05, 08:09 PM | Wow, that may be one of the most random exchanges I have seen here. It was even more random than the monkey... Thanks to yours truly. *Sees the stick snapped in half* :headexplo *Grabs jagggar's steel bat* *Begins chasing after her with it* AAAAARRRGH!!! |
| jagggar02-08-05, 08:21 PM | *throws dagger at Dyne, a near miss* Dyne: Ha! Ha! You missed. jagggar: Nuh-uh. *watches as Dyne's pants fall down* *runs away* |
| Dyne02-08-05, 08:29 PM | Don't put words in my mouth! *Chucks the steel bat at jagggar* *Misses by a long shot* Curses! *Finally notices that his pants are down* *Looks at jagggar with a gleam in his eye* Oh, I see how it is now. |
| jagggar02-08-05, 08:56 PM | *transcribes everything Dyne says* *runs back up to him and shoves the paper in his mouth* |
| Cazic02-08-05, 10:03 PM | I got the knives and forks who's got the plates!? :D I have wooden plates. :D |
| Cazic02-08-05, 10:05 PM | Don't put words in my mouth! *Chucks the steel bat at jagggar* *Misses by a long shot* Curses! *Finally notices that his pants are down* *Looks at jagggar with a gleam in his eye* Oh, I see how it is now. Dyne! Pull up your pants their are children here. *motions to the kids in the corner* *that are crying* kids: The Horror. THE PANTSLESS HORROR!!!!!! |
| jagggar02-08-05, 10:08 PM | *steals Cazic's wooden plates* *sands the edges down til they're sharp* *starts playing frizbee with the children with the sharpened wooden plates* |
| Cazic02-08-05, 11:11 PM | *steals Cazic's wooden plates* *sands the edges down til they're sharp* *starts playing frizbee with the children with the sharpened wooden plates* *since the kids are still in the corner (crying) they dont see the plates and the wood just hits the wall and falls in front of them.* :P kids: The horror. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. no pants. The horror. :D |
| jagggar02-08-05, 11:21 PM | *was aiming at the kids* |
| Cazic02-08-05, 11:34 PM | *was aiming at the kids* *magic crying kids evasion powers?* :P :D |
| grimclaw02-13-05, 05:39 PM | so this is what it's like to go to heck in a handbasket. :confused: Dyne pull your pants up,please!And stop looking at jagggar with a gleam in your eye,you could go blind that way.Gleams are bad for your ocular health. However eating your own words is good nutrition. :D No children,this is an adult oriented publication.As if you couldnt tell by are indepth reporting of important issues. :D |
| Cazic02-13-05, 09:00 PM | No children,this is an adult oriented publication.As if you couldnt tell by are indepth reporting of important issues. :D As it turns out they were Half-Elves so even thow they look like kids and act like kids they are really 16 years old. :P :D |
| Dyne02-13-05, 09:02 PM | Actually, for a Half-Elf, 16 years old WOULD be a child since they develop more slowly than Humans. But, the sad thing is, even though they grow older, they always act like children until they die. |
| Cazic02-13-05, 10:24 PM | yes that is unfortinatly true. Thus is the life of a half elf, but as I said looks like, acts like. Though I dont think 16 would be a kid in all ways in a human culture in the DnD world or in other DnD cultures for that matter. :) |
| Cazic02-16-05, 12:30 AM | Whats the name of the spell that lets a person travel through shadows? |
| Dyne02-16-05, 12:37 AM | Dear Dyne, the All Powerful One, What is the name of the spell that lets a person travel through shadows? Sincerely, Your Faithful Peon Dear Faithful Peon, There is a spell called Shadow Walk that takes one to the borders of the Plane of Shadow. It is used for fast travel between shadows. However, I must warn you, it is a very inaccurate form of travel. You may find yourself a little ways from your intended destination. The Shadow Dancer Prestige Class has the Shadow Dance ability, which lets them travel between shadows as though using a Dimension Door. Other than those, I do not believe there is anything else along those lines. At least, nothing else in the D&D Core Rulebooks. Signed, The Ever Egotistical One |
| Cazic02-16-05, 08:36 AM | Dear Faithful Peon, There is a spell called Shadow Walk that takes one to the borders of the Plane of Shadow. It is used for fast travel between shadows. However, I must warn you, it is a very inaccurate form of travel. You may find yourself a little ways from your intended destination. The Shadow Dancer Prestige Class has the Shadow Dance ability, which lets them travel between shadows as though using a Dimension Door. Other than those, I do not believe there is anything else along those lines. At least, nothing else in the D&D Core Rulebooks. Signed, The Ever Egotistical One Dear He of Planet Sized Ego, Thank you for answering my question, but for what I am doing i think Shadow Walk will work just fine. Do not call me a peon. No ne likes being called a peon. I don't even call my own peons peons since i know they dont like it. Sighned, He who can think of more words to describe a Spoon then a Monkey can. |
| grimclaw02-16-05, 07:23 PM | Enviromental update-Resources at an all time low.Experts claim it is Dynes ego that is responsible."It's consuming resources faster than we can produce them."Petey Peon,scientist of the lowly slave foundation said when interviewed. :whatsthis |
| Cazic02-17-05, 08:41 AM | Breaking News----- The elusive Shadow Crafters have at long last join the public. They are now willing to take in new members for their class. (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5458134) |
| Cazic02-18-05, 04:05 PM | Breaking News----------- A new (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5477368#post5477368) group of powerful (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5477368#post5477368) Diplamates have been (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5477368#post5477368) created. They are (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5477368#post5477368) known as the Forgers of Nations. (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5477368#post5477368) |
| grimclaw02-19-05, 11:25 PM | :whatsthis Date line Tyranor-A great,heated political debate was brought to a screeching halt today when all involved banded together to beat up a contingent of entertainers in purple dinosaur suits who happened to be marching by."Republican,democrat,conservative,liberal ,socialist or capitalist,theres some things we all agree on.This is no place for that kind of creature."was the most often heard quote of the day. (This story brought to you by "Evil Conservative Industries and "Unpatriotic Liberals Inc.) :whatsthis |
| Cazic02-21-05, 01:05 AM | We the Spell Masters have returned. (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494051#post5494051) |
| Cazic02-21-05, 05:02 AM | Live from the field------ C (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862)l (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862)o (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862)w (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862)n (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862)s! (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862) C (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862)l (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862)o (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862)w (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862)n (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862)s (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862) as (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862) f (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862)ar (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862) as (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862) the (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862) e (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862)ye (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862) can (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862) see. (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862) There are litterly thousands of tiny cars and even more big shoes all over. It is official. We are being invaded by Clowns! (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5494862#post5494862) |
| Cazic02-24-05, 08:59 AM | "The Mist of these lands have drawn us here." (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5519455#post5519455) |
| Cazic02-26-05, 09:32 PM | "There can only be one." -Highlander (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5541463#post5541463) |
| Tenzhi02-27-05, 01:18 AM | Dear Elf-Bane, I am currently trying to create portals to every possible location in the multi-verse within the same plane of existence - any advice? Signed, The Cazmic Crafter To Caz: Putting aside the fact that a slight miscalculation can result in the destruction of the portal-containing plane as well as a few of the planes connected to it... Filling a plane with an infinite number of portals is a tedious task that eventually makes a place uninhabitable. One morning you get up, you head to your kitchen for some coffee, and you suddenly find yourself in some horrible forgotten realm full of nasty, wicked creatures. That's no way to live. And it's impractical, too. With that many portals in the same space, eventually some of them will go through trans-dimensional drift and you won't know where you're going. My advice is to quit creating portals while you still can. But if you insist on carrying on the project, do it carefully lest you destroy half the multi-verse. Ostentatiously, The Elf-Bane |
| Dyne02-27-05, 01:24 AM | Dear Elf-Bane, Why would you want a plane with infinite portals when you can travel to any place in existence with a single thought? Egotistically, The Ever Egotistical One |
| Tenzhi02-27-05, 02:15 AM | Dear Elf-Bane, Why would you want a plane with infinite portals when you can travel to any place in existence with a single thought? Egotistically, The Ever Egotistical One To Ego the Living Planet: As the Elf-Bane never stated that He desired such a plane Himself, He must assume that you are asking why you would desire such a plane and that you are capable of travelling to any place in existence with a single thought. There are a number of possible reasons why you would want such a plane despite your travel capabilities: 1. The plane in question might contain portals to places that do not, in fact, exist. 2. You could send people there as a form of entertainment. 3. Your servants could use it. 4. And of course, you might just want to create it as an exercise of power to alleviate general boredom. And so on, and so forth. In mock deference, The Elf-Bane |
| grendle03-06-05, 07:36 AM | Umm where is grimclaw at i am kinda wondering |
| Cazic03-06-05, 04:59 PM | Umm where is grimclaw at i am kinda wondering He is off braving the fearsest of storms, the mightiest of beasts, the deepest of oceans, and the darkest of hearts all to bring us a good story. *Que picture of Grimclaw sitting on the couch durning a light rain, petting his cat, drinking some water, and watching the Exorsist.* ;) |
| Dyne03-09-05, 12:30 AM | I'm still here. You know, the Ever-Egotistical Dyne. The one that is consuming all the world's resources because of the size of his ego. Yeah. Go me. :cool: |
| Droga03-09-05, 02:19 AM | I'm still here. You know, the Ever-Egotistical Dyne. The one that is consuming all the world's resources because of the size of his ego. Yeah. Go me. :cool: Sure you want to weigh Egos? |
| Cazic03-09-05, 10:18 PM | Sure you want to weigh Egos? Before you two do that warn us so we can move a few thousand deminsions over so that the resulting Physical, spiritual, magical, dementional, and many more 'als earthquakes won't KILL US ALL! :P |
| Dyne03-12-05, 08:43 PM | Sure you want to weigh Egos? I would so beat you out. The entire multiverse isn't big enough to sustain my ego. |
| Cazic03-13-05, 10:26 AM | I would so beat you out. The entire multiverse isn't big enough to sustain my ego. (See earlier post) |
| Cazic03-14-05, 03:50 AM | Breaking News------------ Vampire Lycanthrope Hybids! They are here and are setting up camp. (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5667935#post5667935) |
| Cazic03-14-05, 04:59 PM | I would so beat you out. The entire multiverse isn't big enough to sustain my ego. Dyne when your ego has taken the form of not only several evil characters, but a entier RACE of evil beings then i think you two could weigh egos. :P |
| Cazic03-15-05, 04:14 AM | "We return from the breank once more!" (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=5510083#post5510083) |
| Dyne03-16-05, 05:56 PM | Dyne when your ego has taken the form of not only several evil characters, but a entier RACE of evil beings then i think you two could weigh egos. :P My ego is bigger than all the races combined! MWA HA HA HA!!!!! |
| Cazic03-16-05, 11:44 PM | My ego is bigger than all the races combined! MWA HA HA HA!!!!! Sure. :rolleyes: You just keep telling yourself that. :rolleyes: |
| Dyne03-17-05, 12:06 AM | Exactly. :D |
| Cazic03-20-05, 03:51 PM | :bump: |
| Cazic03-27-05, 09:16 AM | :crazy: Must...resist urge .... to go ...bump crazy. :noway: Must....resist.... Must....resist.... :mymy: :gah: |
| Cazic04-09-05, 08:34 PM | Oceans, the most expansive and all encompassing things in all the Multi-Verse. It opens ways to those that wish to explore this world, it provides opportunities for power to those that wish to take it, it tantalizes the minds of all that look upon it, it takes the lives of countless and gives birth to even more. These, the waters of our existence, are what promise the greatest power. They are that which can extinguish the flame of Good and Evil, drown the emotions of all, birth the mightiest of Warriors, and these things are all but a fraction of its power. It is the way that will lead you to the greatest of glories and the newest of beginnings. These waters are nothing short than the streams of power that connect us all. If you wish to know of the great powers of the Seas then come my Brothers and Sisters. Come to meet us at the crossroad of your life and join us in your journey. The Seafarer's Guild (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=397037&page=1&pp=30) |
| Dyne04-15-05, 06:33 PM | If you need some extra gold, come on over to the Interplanar Bank at the Merchants Guild and you can receive a lone. Or, if you are seeking a place to keep your money safe, we also offer accounts where your money will be stored in a difficult-to-reach (if not impossible) place. |
| Dyne04-26-05, 06:47 PM | Interplanar Bank (http://boards1.wizards.com/showpost.php?p=5952038&postcount=838) Buy our money. Also: :bump: |
| Dyne04-30-05, 07:48 PM | The Stormhand Federation (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=422445) is looking for new members. If you consider yourself a strong individual, then contact me. |
| grimclaw05-10-05, 01:08 PM | some things should never die. |
| Dyne07-25-05, 12:16 AM | We really need this thread. |
| Zombomaniac07-25-05, 10:59 AM | tiss true. we need this thread. i will need to make some news for this. |
| grimclaw12-17-05, 04:00 AM | read laugh relax.hi everybody.this hit and run brought to you by Grimclaw out of the goodness of his own heart.love ya. :D |
| jagggar12-17-05, 09:28 AM | Grimmy!!! :cheer: :bounce: :cheer: Gunna be back for any length of time soon? |
| turalisj12-17-05, 11:08 AM | -= NEWS FLASH =- Rhaan Zor, 1,000TY (Tyranorian Year) Several bodies where found outside of the Halls of Refuge. Attached to the skull of one victems was a note: The count of bodies will grow, so long as members of the Guild of Pure Good stay hidden. Releash them unto custody of the Guild of Ultimate Evil, and the count of bodies will decline. Do not, then a new pile will appear in two days. No one has any information on this killer, except that he may have ties to the Guild of Ultimate Evil. Towns folk are advised to be on the lookout for these people.... (a list of the GoPG members follows) |
| Zombomaniac12-29-05, 10:08 PM | News Flash The Oder of the Giving Hand is now dead. After the people of Stone Town left Tryanor for a more peaceful lands Gabriel spent all money left by the people on Effigies for four different Guilds. Gabriel has now declared that he will never be a member of any Guild again, that he renounces all memberships he once held, and that he will do anything he sees fit to destroy Evil. |
| Demonfey12-29-05, 10:41 PM | This just in: a green person tried to steal the winter solstice party Sunday of this week, but made the mistake of trying from the GoUE. From 15,000 feet up. The body has yet to be found completely. If you find mushy red paste, inform the GoUE, because they found the rest of him (they think). |