| Post/Author/DateTime | Post |
|---|---|
| eue10-23-07, 12:28 PM | There is a similar thread for PCs, and someone suggested this one, so, here it goes. 1. "Because I am the DM..." |
| wordserpent10-23-07, 12:43 PM | 2) Uh...It was all a dream that your characters had...err...together...strange huh? Anyway when you wake up everything is back to normal. 3) The gods don't allow gunpowder to work in this world. |
| The_Wrath_of_Talos10-23-07, 12:46 PM | Even though DM's dont really need excuses, since they are in control of the world your playing in but here it goes... 2. Divine intervention. 3. Because I said its still a CR2 trap even though I added a +10 to the disable DC. 4. I had no idea that commoner could roll 3 20's in a row. |
| Master_Vega10-23-07, 01:22 PM | 6. See, it's on this page of -insert random supplement I've never seen before-. (Yeah, up until about two months ago my primary gaming group consisted entirely of powergamers. It was and still is a blast.) 7. The invisibility armor is thrashed to hell, so no, you cannot reverse-engineer it. (Way to make the engineer party members useless, GM. >>) 8. GM: You shoot the outline in the sky and blood flies from it; he immediately turns around to hide himself. Me: And I see the hole on the other side. GM: No, you don't. Me: I just shot him with a 5d12 railgun and rolled 45 damage... GM: His armor's thick. Me: ... Alright you're the GM... -All the above quote actually happened. Fortunately the GM doesn't often need excuses, and simply powergames better than we do (it gives us a challenge.) |
| Lord QZip10-23-07, 04:13 PM | 9. Too much work at the office. (My DM doesn't even work in an office technically and has been surrounded by DnD books without anyone mentioning anything. He never has 'too much work'. So, when he tried this, suffice it to say, I smiled.) 10. DM: This town doesn't stock that scroll. Sorry. PC: And the reason none of the last 7 towns have stocked this scroll? DM: Uhh, it's a rare spell. |
| DM_Shonuff10-23-07, 04:31 PM | 11. uh, because that's how it was done in 2nd edition, so i'm using it..I know we're in 3.5..so? 12. um...sure that sounds about right..sure. Roll those because..um..i got something behind this screen that sasys so. 13. Just because you didn't see me roll, doesn't mean I didn't roll it earlier. 14. that's a houserule.. 15. yeah me and my friends never use it, so meh...*throws out encumberance* 16. the dragon has a long lost relative which was a fire elemental..and now the WHITE DRAGON...has fire reistance.. 17. those 14 orcs?..um..they came from...that secret door that is right..*scribbles* there. Huh? I know the elf checked the wall, as did the rogue. I know they both rolled a 34...so? 18. no your dwarff doesn't have any body hair. There's a strong case of underground lice that has made the dwarves evolve past beards.....and mustaches....and eyebrows....and pubes.. 19. Remember that aboleth you touched three sessions ago? no? well you did..that's what's turning ou into a Illithid. |
| Garonak10-23-07, 04:49 PM | 20. Becasue it would be stupid otherwise 21. A face appears in the sky and says: "Hahaha. So you don't think I'm powerful do you? I'll show you" - The world just got bigger and a new continent popped up in that ocean over there. 22. What? It's perfectly normal that all the giants, maugs, dragons, drows and any other creature got at least 5 ranks in Tumble and the skill trick Nimble Stand (stand as a free action without provoking aoo). It got nothing to do with your trip-monkey with +22 on your trip check, 20ft reach, combat reflexes and 22 in dex. |
| Zousha_Omenohu10-23-07, 05:18 PM | 23. "Because I don't know what the hell I'm doing!" (I've often exclaimed this in sheer frustration when my brother asks me to DM and then we hit snags because I've been lazy and haven't prepared anything.) |
| lulzapalooza10-23-07, 05:24 PM | 24: I'm too stoned. 25: I'm not stoned enough. 26: I'm too drunk. 27: I'm not drunk enough. Really though, only 24 and 26 are valid excuses. |
| AffableDoomwalker10-23-07, 05:31 PM | 28. "Well... uh... he's really tough." Heard after this exchange: "What do you mean he isn't in the least bit intimidated? His friends are dead, his wizard got killed by friendly fire, there's a guy with a great sword to his throat, and I'm STANDING ON HIM dangling a flail in his face! I want more than a +1 bonus to my intimidate check." |
| Kady_Small10-23-07, 08:05 PM | 29. "Umm... he ran away 'cause he was afraid he'd get your blood all over his new tunic?" (Yeah, I gotta balance my encounters better.) |
| RollaD2010-23-07, 09:34 PM | 30! because.....jesus said so! player: i dont worship jesus... then its too **** bad! |
| damixmastermike10-23-07, 09:42 PM | 31. "Because I'm more powerful then the God, for you see, NPCs don't have free will..." (I tell this to my PCs all the time) |
| Thevail10-23-07, 10:24 PM | 32. Oh..well you see you failed a spot check, so you didn't notice them until now. Oh, yeah, well I made the roll for you, see, so you wouldn't know that you weren't spotting something.. |
| Zinger209910-24-07, 12:55 AM | 33. Because I said so. 34. This Grell is special. He is not limited by the rule that says you can only make one attack with a Natural Weapon in a round. He gets to use all 10 of his tentacles. And FlyBy Attack. 35. DM: You're pinned. PC: But I didn't make a grapple check. DM: You're pinned. 36. I don't need a reason for Editing! I'm the DM! 37. These Half-Elves have Darkvision. 38. The DM is always right. 39. DM: It's in the eratta. PC: Funny, I don't remember that being in the eratta. DM: It's easy to miss. In fact you'll probably miss it every time. PC: I see... 40. I don't need to make another excuse. I can just add number 40 and say it counts. Because I'm the DM. |
| navar10010-24-07, 02:30 AM | 2) Uh...It was all a dream that your characters had...err...together...strange huh? Anyway when you wake up everything is back to normal. 3) The gods don't allow gunpowder to work in this world. My DM uses this, a lot. :raincloud |
| navar10010-24-07, 02:34 AM | 41. DM: It doesn't work. PC: Why? DM: It just doesn't. |
| Infernostrider10-24-07, 09:33 AM | Even though DM's dont really need excuses, since they are in control of the world your playing in but here it goes... 2. Divine intervention. 3. Because I said its still a CR2 trap even though I added a +10 to the disable DC. 4. I had no idea that commoner could roll 3 20's in a row. DMs need it all the time, if they suck |
| Garonak10-24-07, 11:00 AM | 29. "Umm... he ran away 'cause he was afraid he'd get your blood all over his new tunic?" (Yeah, I gotta balance my encounters better.) They didn't run, thay made a tactical retreat after splatting one of the party members, going from full HP to -50 something. 42. I know that *you* can't make a double move and then get a full attack, but that's because this guy is *special* and you're not. No, you can't see his sheet. |
| Scipio10-24-07, 11:59 AM | 43. I haven't read the supplement it's in so it's not allowed. (I use this all the time with my players who are always bringing in books I don't own.) |
| Master_Vega10-24-07, 03:48 PM | Honorable Mention (Isn't quite an excuse, but it fits here.): Friend: I jump passed him. GM: You draw an attack of opportunity. *rolls dice* Friend: What? He has a gun; guns don't get attacks of opportunity. GM: He has a feat for it. Me: That's not a feat; that's a class ability... *light turns on in head* That's a class ability in a prestige class I made up. You allowed my prestige class! Awesome! |
| Raszama10-24-07, 05:32 PM | 44. The old "your character doesn't know why that happened" 45. DM: Your character self-immolated because he walked through a en enchanted arch. It's a magical effect. Player: Wait... that's not a spell!!! DM: I said it's MAGIC. Player: Oh yeah, what school? DM: YOU CAN'T TELL! 46. DM: Roll it up. Player: What's the DC? DM: Just roll. Player: (smiles) 43! DM: Ooh, the DC was 45. You die. |
| Sathery10-24-07, 05:53 PM | 47. DM: Alright, the shopkeeper's name is "Gendrison." PCs: Wasn't that the shopkeeper's name from the town half an hour away? DM: Um, yeah, it, uh, is. *Dammit.* That's this guy's name too. He's his twin, and, uh, evil...sorta. 48. Alright, so I wasn't able to roll anything up for this week, so we're going to fly be the seat of my pants. (In which, the previous week was spent reading these forums in hopes of getting a good idea, in which I did, but "didn't have the time" to do any of it...) 49. DM: Alright, roll me a Will Save. PC: But I just did, like, a minute ago in game time. DM: I know, but you need to do it again because of the other pool of water. PC: What other pool of water? There's only one on the map. DM: *Draw.* That one. The, uh, Invisible Pool of Doom! |
| Darth_Serenous10-24-07, 06:28 PM | Its a house rule...(thats the one Im using ^^) |
| Kaligrad10-24-07, 06:55 PM | 43. I haven't read the supplement it's in so it's not allowed. (I use this all the time with my players who are always bringing in books I don't own.) I'd be more concerned if you went the other way. Player 1 rushes the ogre, criticals, with double strength damage for charging (3.0 feat). Player 2 rushes, criticals. DM: ...your mace is stopped from hitting the ogre by a divine force. Player 2: Why?! 51. "You're not gonna kill my boss in two hits!" |
| Scipio10-24-07, 09:43 PM | I'd be more concerned if you went the other way. My players would soo disagree with you (that's why I need a new group so bad. They're munchkinny rules lawyers.) 52. It's RAW. (Used to excuse any bad ruling the DM makes even if everyone knows its wrong. Also used by players to excuse any broken thing they claim to be able to do.) |
| Prator_The_Golden10-24-07, 10:09 PM | 53. You can't go that way because... there are rocks blocking the path. Big rocks. Rocks that are too big to move. And which produce mile-wide antimagic fields. |
| Dravda10-24-07, 10:44 PM | Depending on my mood... 54. DM: Roll a fort save. Player: [Rolls a 1] DM: I didn't see that -Count Dravda |
| Garonak10-25-07, 01:16 AM | 55. I don't care if you got 46 on your knowledge check, you don't know this monster. It's *special*. |
| navar10010-25-07, 02:49 AM | 56. "If that were to work, it would have been done by an NPC more powerful than you a long time ago." 57. "It's ancient magic from a long dead empire thousands of years ago. No one today, except this guy, knows of it." |
| Death-Knight10-25-07, 06:44 AM | 58:DM-reroll that reflex save Me-Why? DM-because the llama's said it was right (he's a wierd DM) 59:the-er-rum fireball um, bounced back at you... um... 60:DM-You hear a couple of clickes and see a goblin infront of you PC-i want to investigate the clicks! DM-what about the goblin??? Pc-whats he gonna do? DM-Okay, take a reflex save??? PC-Why? DM-because the green dragon great wyrm you didn't erm see, decided to breath at you! 61:DM-1000 arrows fly at you, roll 1000 feflex saves PC-what? if got <insert correct name of item (i cant remember) here> it stops mundane ranged weapons effecting me! DM-they are, erm, magically!! And for being smart, they all do 10,000D6 fire damage PC-YAY! i have immunity to fire! DM-did i say fire? i ment ice! 62:DM-the goblin wasn't there first time you looked PC1-How did it get there DM-Err... Teleport PC2-You said there was a magic block here DM- He, err... did i say teleport, i ment flew through the window PC1- But were underground? DM- its a magic window PCme-but what about the magic block??? DM- Err... good question, and the ansew is... Your characters head fell off, and you died, the release of your soul disruted the anti magic field, an... PC2-Can i use fire ball??? DM-no, your characters head falls off to! PC3-ca... DM- DEAD!!!! 63:ermm, the fire went round the goblins 64:you didn't see the red dragon, because, erm, you were distracted by the, erm... Green dragon Great wyrm that just got summoned by your cockyness!!! 65:DM-you cant use your greatsword, you dropped it! PC- When? DM-just a second ago! PC-how? DM- Ermm, a wet fish slapped it out your hand 66.DM- You die! PC-How??? DM- you got ***** slapped by the Nymph!!! |
| albinomonkeyking10-25-07, 12:16 PM | 42. I know that *you* can't make a double move and then get a full attack, but that's because this guy is *special* and you're not. No, you can't see his sheet. My own incident. DM: He makes an attack roll. *roll* Okay, he hits your outstretched arm and cuts it off at the elbow. Player: WHAT?! How did he cut off my arm? That isn't in the rules! What the hell! DM: He might have an ability you don't know about. Player: Does he? DM: You don't know. 67. Player: I make a bardic knowledge... I got a 37. DM: You... don't know anything. Player: With a 37? How do I not know with a 37? DM: Technically, it is a cult of a god that no one knows exists, except the cult, and they are secretive, so you don't know, because no one knows. Player: The cult knows, so I could know. DM:You don't know, just shut up. 68. Player: I'll cast dominate person. DM: It fails. Player: What?! You didn't even roll. DM: He has protection from good. Player: So did the last 5 guys I tried to dominate. DM: It's a good tactic against good. Player: So he just goes around randomly casting it on himself hoping he comes upon some good people who want to fight? DM: Oooh, yeah bad timing on your part. |
| Garonak10-25-07, 02:11 PM | 69. Player: I make a bardic knowledge... I got a 37. DM: You... don't know anything. Player: With a 37? How do I not know with a 37? DM: Technically, it is a cult of a god that no one knows exists, except the cult, and they are secretive, so you don't know, because no one knows. Player: The cult knows, so I could know. DM:You don't know, just shut up. Hmm... I have to remember that one for the Loremaster in the group. 68. What? You've never seen a Half-Green Dragon Twelve Headed Hydra with True Seeing as a permanent effect? Just because you cast illusions to cover your ship doesn't mean that I can't try to kill you... err... I mean... something else... It's not like I *want* to kill you, it just happens... once per session. |
| Drinkie10-26-07, 12:15 AM | 69. Player: YES! I got a 35 on my diplomacy check! DM: The ogres charge you. Player: What?!?! They're suposed to be friendly now! DM: Is a ****ing group of ogres, not a foreign power! And they don't have friends! |
| Garonak10-26-07, 07:02 AM | 69. Player: YES! I got a 35 on my diplomacy check! DM: The ogres charge you. Player: What?!?! They're suposed to be friendly now! DM: Is a ****ing group of ogres, not a foreign power! And they don't have friends! I have to remember this one aswell... One of the players has a +63 on Diplomacy checks when he's prepared for talking... |
| Derenger99910-26-07, 12:37 PM | 70. DM: No you can't do that, period, dot, end of story. Player: Why, it says right here in the rules that I can. DM: If you do, you're going to kill the main bad guy in one round at level 7, so no you can't. Player: This is BS. DM: Yeah? How much time did you spend preparing this campaign? Player:Well, um, none. DM: Right, so when you want to get up off your lazy butt and run a game, come talk to me and you can let that lame ass ability work in your game, not mine. Are we done? This was an actualy exchange in one of my games, me being the DM..said player did run his own game, I made the exact same character and used his his ability to kill off every one of his bad guys, he got frustrated and then realized what I was doing. Needless to say he never complained again in one of my games. |
| fighter_mcwarrior10-26-07, 08:38 PM | 71. Yeah...ya know that one ub3r sword of doom you guys looted from the dragon's horde? Well, it got stolen...no, you didn't see the thief take... 72. You don't get to cast that spell 'cause Mystra says so 73. Why yes, all of your enemies have bracers of true strike, even the ones that normally can't use them 74. Umm...he just happens to have that scroll on hand 75. The really expensive armor disintegrates as soon as you remove it because, um, you're goodness is too pure for it...yeah that's right... 76. I know the rules say you can throw dwarven urgoshes, but you just don't get to, even with that much strength (based on an exchange with one of my DMs) 77. I don't care if you have a 37 INT...you don't know enough about technology to repair and use a crashed starship (an actual exchange with one of my players) 78. You can't carve through that wall...it's made of unobtainium... 79. Wow, that's the fifth time today that all the monsters have randomly decided to attack your character |
| Ghostpilot10-27-07, 02:29 AM | 80: Screw logic, screw physics, screw good sense: X feat, item, etc. is the only way possible to do what you want to do, no matter how mundane. The party is in a fight, and there are a couple of guys blocking the plank to a ship we're going to use for our escape, with their backs to us, fighting with the crew members on board. I'm under the effects of Greater Invisibility and try grapple and push one of them off the plank. DM: He gets an attack of opportunity. Me: What?! How? DM: You're trying to grapple him without improved grapple. Me: I'm coming up behind him, he doesn't know I even exist, and I'm invisible. What, does he just randomly attack the air at all times so the "spirits" don't grab him? DM: Uh...you don't have improved grapple. 81. I owe X player a favor, so in game he gets away with murder. DM: Yeah, I don't like that Stand Still feat you have... Me: Huh? It's only been useful once so far and that was 3 sessions ago. DM: But it's so broken, I can't do anything. Me: How is that broken when you let X player bring in a character two levels above us, with three times the gp worth of gear to accompany another one of his characters that can heal himself an infinite amount of times and summon full HP undead every turn with boosted stats? Hell, we're practically carrying his cape over here. DM: Um...I'm kinda dating his ex-girlfriend. Me: :raincloud: |
| Khan200010-29-07, 03:45 PM | 82) You can't use that yet....you're not high enough level. I don't care if you had the money for it. 83) Because I said no... |
| Gravyguy4211-01-07, 01:45 PM | The rare excuse used to keep a PC alive: The party barbarian, by the name of Kylljoy, is at -8 HP and bleeding to death. He rolls to stabilize. We were using Fort. saves at the time instead of d100s. Stupid, I know. He rolls a 1. Panicked by the fact that a critical failure will mean certain death, he quickly rolls again. Another 1. A third roll: 1. He got a 2 on the fourth try, and a 4 on the fifth. DM: STOP ROLLING!!! You failed! Every muscle in your body EXPLODES! PC: So... I'm dead now? 84. No, you survived due to your sheer stubbornness. Creepy thing is, this kind of bad luck happens to us a lot... we call it "The Curse of Kylljoy" |
| High Octane02-12-08, 06:16 PM | This was an actualy exchange in one of my games, me being the DM..said player did run his own game, I made the exact same character and used his his ability to kill off every one of his bad guys, he got frustrated and then realized what I was doing. Needless to say he never complained again in one of my games. Just curious, what was the ability? |
| Josheva02-12-08, 07:11 PM | 85) Because the already existing Pun-Pun kills every single ambitious kobold in the world so that he isn't threatened. 86) Because doing so would unravel the threads of prophecy (Morrowind FTW) 87) Because there is a very good chance that an NPC will, at some point, cast an area effect dispel magic on you, and I don't want my party dying from 50 pages of explosive runes. 88) Shatter is banned because you are too perceptive as to its uses. 89) Because if I was playing strictly by the book, the commoner that rolled three twenties would have killed you. 90) You can't worship that god because Pun-Pun killed him. 91) Because if the efreeti granted you a wish, you would almost certainly be killed. On second thought... 92) Because if you keep pestering me, I'll rule that the 1 250 000 chickens you summoned with a wish spell have breathed all the air in the world. 93) Because if you have a ring of sustenence I can no longer use the chicken threat! |
| russdm02-12-08, 09:04 PM | 85)86) Because doing so would unravel the threads of prophecy (Morrowind FTW) I have played Morrowind before and love it. It brings up a little paragraph that says that effectively. Funny... 94)Because my last DM did it that way or My DM in another game rules it that way. |
| fighter_mcwarrior02-12-08, 09:39 PM | 95. DM: It gets an attack before it falls PCs: What!? How is that possible? DM: Umm...this world has cartoon physics |
| CCS02-12-08, 09:48 PM | I'm a DM. I don't make nor offer excuses. |
| blodgett02-13-08, 12:01 PM | 96. It's not cheating if I'm the DM. 97. I'm using the new math. 98. I rolled a twenty, see. DM rolls a twenty. (This has actually happened in front of multiple witnesses.) |
| Master_Vega02-13-08, 01:13 PM | 99. What I will say if my problem player asks why he can no longer throw four javelins at once (long story): "Because Physcentia, goddess of physics, took her once-every-one-hundred-thousand-years-ten-minute-nap during your last battle." |
| kelcimer02-13-08, 01:47 PM | 100. "That session didn't happen." |
| LeeAlucard02-13-08, 02:39 PM | 101. "You stop complaining. No saving throw." |
| nivlac_calvin04-21-08, 07:11 PM | 102. Because of pie |
| fighter_mcwarrior04-22-08, 06:33 PM | 103. It's a special version of the monster, so it gets a new ability 104. Umm...the guy who created this dungeon was paranoid...so yeah, that's why there are traps in all these random places 105. This NPC just doesn't like you for some reason |
| BugBytes04-22-08, 07:12 PM | My favorite's gotta be number 13 106. Because they'res an antimagical forcefeild blocking you My DM uses this insecantly whenever we use a magical ability he hasn't anticipated. :raincloud |
| Shinikama04-22-08, 08:01 PM | 107. Because he prepared explosive runes today. 108. Because Pelor hates you and Nerull doesn't care. |
| eoin_morgan04-22-08, 08:11 PM | 109. Player: I try to shank the governer under the table! *rolls* 35 to hit! Me: It misses... PC: WHAT? he's a lvl 5 aristocrat... Me:DONT MAKE ME REVOKE YOUR PANTS-WEARING PRIVELEGES!!! thats my specialty ^^ |
| CheesieM0nkies04-22-08, 10:38 PM | 58:DM-reroll that reflex save Me-Why? DM-because the llama's said it was right (he's a wierd DM) 59:the-er-rum fireball um, bounced back at you... um... 60:DM-You hear a couple of clickes and see a goblin infront of you PC-i want to investigate the clicks! DM-what about the goblin??? Pc-whats he gonna do? DM-Okay, take a reflex save??? PC-Why? DM-because the green dragon great wyrm you didn't erm see, decided to breath at you! 61:DM-1000 arrows fly at you, roll 1000 feflex saves PC-what? if got <insert correct name of item (i cant remember) here> it stops mundane ranged weapons effecting me! DM-they are, erm, magically!! And for being smart, they all do 10,000D6 fire damage PC-YAY! i have immunity to fire! DM-did i say fire? i ment ice! 62:DM-the goblin wasn't there first time you looked PC1-How did it get there DM-Err... Teleport PC2-You said there was a magic block here DM- He, err... did i say teleport, i ment flew through the window PC1- But were underground? DM- its a magic window PCme-but what about the magic block??? DM- Err... good question, and the ansew is... Your characters head fell off, and you died, the release of your soul disruted the anti magic field, an... PC2-Can i use fire ball??? DM-no, your characters head falls off to! PC3-ca... DM- DEAD!!!! 63:ermm, the fire went round the goblins 64:you didn't see the red dragon, because, erm, you were distracted by the, erm... Green dragon Great wyrm that just got summoned by your cockyness!!! 65:DM-you cant use your greatsword, you dropped it! PC- When? DM-just a second ago! PC-how? DM- Ermm, a wet fish slapped it out your hand 66.DM- You die! PC-How??? DM- you got ***** slapped by the Nymph!!! :ayyyy!: :ayyyy!: |
| Kozeric04-23-08, 01:16 AM | 110: no you cant bend the rules. no there nothing that says that. your just normal people you dont have that power......what a kitten ninja is so in the source books 111:pc: i want to get laid at this bar. dm: you see a very attractive elf and a gnome hooker. pc: i hit on the elf nice diplomacy 20 dm: yeah not working pc: what it was a natural dm: sorry nope pc:hmm well what about the hooker dm: sure 5 gold a night pc: sweet good thing i bought the book of erotic fantasy dm: damn it pc: hehe this is going to be a fun session dm: f*** im not role playing this your character dies and give me that book im going to burn it. pc: but you bought it for me DM: and i regret it every day. 112: DM: you do WHAT? PC: i put the bag of devoring in the bag of holding DM: ahh i hate you. you die you die now i worked on this for 2 years Pc: and i ruined it after like what 2 encounters DM: know what no you get sucked into the black hole...... just you |
| The-Tortoise04-24-08, 12:41 AM | 113: "It's not my fault!" And, yes... that one really happened after several complaints about his game from yours truly. Namely, I was getting tired of being dead after three game sessions, and he wouldn't drop my new character in... How it is that something - ANYTHING! - can be not the DM's fault is beyond me... |
| ChazmyrHune04-25-08, 12:15 AM | 114. PC: How come the planetar banished us back to the material plane? He should have dealt with us diplomatically, we came in peace... DM: It's a matter of celestial law. You know nothing about celestial law, do you... smarty pants. PC: (rolls check for Knowledge: Planes and gets a 19) well, i know a little... DM: shut up 115. PC: DAMN YOU, DM! DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!! (brandishes sword at air, in the middle of the grasslands) DM: You get hit by a freak streak of lightning for... (rolls a d100) 88% of your total hitpoints. PC: What the- you can't do that! DM: you hear thunder rumbling in the distance PC: Okay I'll shut my trap. 116: PC: How the hell did I fall into that Trap? DAMN YOU DM! DAMN YOU!!!!!!!! (brandishes sword at the dungeon ceiling) DM: You get hit by a freak streak of lightning for... (rolls a d100) 74% of your total hitpoints. PC: What the--- I'm indoors! This is crazy! DM: you hear thunder rumbling in the distance PC: Okay I'll shut my trap. 117. DM:The purple worm trashes about as it tries to gobble up the hapless fighter. Barbarian, it's your turn. Barbarian: I kick the purple worm in the nuts. DM: It doesn't have nuts. Barbarian: I make an attack (rolls a 20). WOW! DM: You provoke an attack of opportunity, and the Purple worm sees you mid-swing. Barbarian: Okay... what happens next? DM: The Purple Worm tails slaps you in the nuts. 118. Stare at the player in question with malicious intent 119. PC: I want a cheeseburger. DM: The bartender says "We don't serve cheeseburgers here, sir. PC: (Draws sword)I said I want a cheeseburger!! DM: The bartender clotheslines you to the floor and slaps you around (rolls d100) 39 times with a locked gauntlet. PC: Uhmmm... shouldn't you make an attack roll first? DM: shut up |