Post/Author/DateTime	Post
ColonelPanic 05-13-07, 09:02 AM	I had a session yesterday, where the low-level party was about to rest in dungeon, and the fighter wanted to choose a room with only one entrance, but the halfling rogue (who likes "bling" and hates dirt and dead stuff) wanted to sleep in a "almost" nice room, but with two doors, leading out to the main cave system. The halfling says to convince the party: -"I've checked it and nothing can come from that door.." But it did, during his watch, of cause.
Raumz 05-13-07, 01:17 PM	(From a game I watched) The party was walking through the courtyard of a ruined castle that, unknown to the party, had been claimed by a group of bandits. So they started got ambushed and started running. Now 200 feet or so outside a castle there was some sort of trap that if trigger the rope would close around the persons foot and in some way would throw them a few hundred feet back to the castle. The Cleric and the fighter got hit by the trap and the rogue and the monk made the reflex saves and kept running. So flying through the air the Cleric turns to the Fighter and says, "Dont worry my god will sa-" The reason he was cut off was because he and the ifghter slammedi nto the castle wall at 100+ miles per hour.
Lecen_of_Mitran 05-13-07, 01:20 PM	Pimp, the chaotic neutral halfling: "-Freeeeeeeeeedddddddddddooooooooommmm!!!! !!!" Nice, huh?
Kerin 05-13-07, 01:48 PM	My party, a group of four third-level characters (A monk, a rogue, a bard, and a barbarian) were fleeing an iron golem through an ancient and abandoned castle. They took a wrong turn, and found themselves in a bathroom - the only escape being down the toilet-shaft. (The castle had been abandoned for thousands of years - nothing gross involved.) The rogue ties her rope and skedaddles down, followed by the rest of the party except the Monk. The monk punches the golem, and nearly breaks her wrist. The golem punches her, and she decides to follow them. The rogue, who was the only one with ranks in Use Rope or Climbing, rolled a 1. I offered her a Reflex saving throw to avoid falling (maybe I shouldn't have) and she rolled another 1. She fell three hundred feet into the sewer and died. And that is how it came to pass that the party's elf rogue's last words were "Oh, hell! Into the toilet, guys!"
AffableDoomwalker 05-14-07, 12:03 AM	"I'll handle this..." the late Jiram, lever 2 Cleric of Kelemvor, just before walking into the center of a room full of zombies and botching a turn undead.
Steven_Arborosa 05-14-07, 12:44 AM	"Oh come on guys, just open the door already!" *Kicks open door* - Macario Dellero, 4th Level Fighter.
Madoffler 05-14-07, 12:52 AM	"Lets split up"
Metaldays 05-14-07, 01:48 AM	" Don't worrie, we'll make it."
calronmoonflower 05-14-07, 02:50 AM	"Nice kitty."
kelvinaw273 05-14-07, 04:37 AM	"What does this do?" "The green ones are safe to eat." "Leeeerrrrrooooooyyyyy Jeeennnkkkiiiiinnnnsssss!!!!"
True Cavalier 05-14-07, 05:01 AM	"It's alright, I keep attacking, I'll drink the healing potion next round if he doesn't go down." <-- Overused, really "Crap." <-- After the powerbuilt dwarven fighter was Dominated by a vampire and charged his two frail friends "What is that thing?" <-- Like 2 rounds before being burried underground by an Entomber. I love using monsters from books my players haven't read. Actually the character didn't exactly die in that last one (we are now using a house-ruled fate-point system, because they'd die a lot) but he would have if not for that.
Kraleck 05-14-07, 09:11 AM	"It's just a Kobold." Little did they know it was an S3 (suicide signal scout). step 1: load kobold "cannon fodder" down with explosives. step 2: use alchemist's fire on itself when intruders are spotted. step 3: charge the intruders. step 4: resulting boom alerts every kobold in the dungeon and possibly causes a tunnel collapse. "I disabled the trap." Little did they know disabling the first trap armed the second and third ones. "Ignore that warning sign. It's a trick." No it wasn't. "I'm sick of fighting rats and spiders! When do we fight something stronger?" Ask and ye shall receive. "You are the weakest link. Good-bye." Explosive Runes are fun. "I can't believe we made it!" Not yet you haven't. "Let's ignore the trapped door and break down the wall." Yeah, the door was trapped to keep a nasty foe from getting out. "It can't get any worse." Self explanatory... "I cannot lose! I am invincible!" Disintegrate says otherwise. "Ignore that beggar and let's find the assassin." Yeah, ignore the assassin's accomplice who has been appearing in every alley they search. "Cool! A Glove of Storing!" Cool! It has a Delayed Blast Fireball stored inside. Oh, sh- *boom*. "At least we didn't get hurt." The next 20d6 says otherwise. "Reinforcements! We're saved!" Yeah, that's the enemy's reinforcements. "I'm feeling lucky today." The feeling is mutual. Meet the Fatespinner and Luck Stealer. "10 gp says he doesn't make the jump." Put me down for 50.
Xandria 05-14-07, 09:35 AM	fighter-"I'd like to rip off his mask." DM-"Are you sure?" fighter-"Yes." DM-"You rip off his face. The gods aren't happy. You lose honor points." and...I think this might be my siggy. mage-"I trip him." DM-"You trip the Lord of the Shadows?" mage-"Yeah." DM-*rolls*"You suceed. He looks angry."
Moniker 05-14-07, 10:53 AM	"I see the tables have turned!" - A planewalker to a Vrock after he's done 103 damage with his non-magical sword, not realizing that he's done practically nothing to ruffle its proverbial feathers
BluPlague 05-14-07, 11:07 AM	"and I'm telling you, that they wouldn't write 'do not pull this lever' on the wall behind the lever if it did something bad. Think about it. If I made a lever to a secret room, I'd write telling somebody not to pull it so they didn't come in. It's psychology. Watch, I'll show you." He pulls the lever. It turns out that the previous adventures to walk through wrote it on the wall to notify anybody after them of the trapdoor that claimed their mage's life. After, watching the speaker fall, the party fighter wrote "...please. P.S. really!" and the group left the room, minus the speaker.
NightBreeze 05-14-07, 11:19 AM	35. "Uhm...."
Kaligrad 05-14-07, 11:21 AM	"Don't worry. No one would bother to trap this room!"
northern_bear 05-14-07, 11:44 AM	Party is in a big fight, that they sudenly realise they can't win. The dwarf fighter moves up to block the retreat. The gnome rogue flees the room and easily hides down the hallway. The elf wizard flees the room and manages to roll a 20 on her hide check. The dwarf fighter flees the room, taking several attacks of opportunity, and runs down the hallway. Dwarf: "Hey, where'd those guys go?" Squash! He dies, realising too late that a movement rate of 20 and and negative 8 hide modifier is not great for escaping. The other party members remain hidden as his corpse gets dragged back into the room for some fun.
DreadArchon 05-14-07, 02:25 PM	Barbarian in the Libris Mortis Necromantic Vault: "Oh, heck, if you can't disable the trap, just let me walk over it. I'm a level 10 Barbarian, what could go wrong?" [And that's the only time that I've ever, ever rolled {4,4} on 2d4 for Energy Drain. I didn't fudge it or anything, it was even witnessed.] Same Module: Dwarf in the Libris Mortis Necromantic Vault, half an hour later: "I've got Evasion and a +13 Reflex save. If I can't disable the trap, I'll just activate it." Me: "Roll a Fort save against Destruction." Dwarf: "My Fort save is only +3! Of course, I have action points..." *rolls a 2*
BoringInfoGuy 05-14-07, 02:27 PM	"D*mn Kender." Said repeatedly across Krynn.
Large Gnoll 05-14-07, 03:18 PM	40. The classic: "I don't see a duck."
phoen777 05-14-07, 04:53 PM	To a Dragon: ":censored: you!"
True Cavalier 05-14-07, 06:55 PM	Not last words per se, but that last one reminded me of the time the party's rogue gave the finger to a necromancer hovering over an army of undead that were swarming down the mountain towards the village where we were (I was not a DM then). Boy it was ugly.
The_Basilisk 05-14-07, 07:03 PM	"Relax! Ogres are only CR 3" "Bonzaii!!!" "You are one UGLY mother f-"
DarthMarasmus 05-14-07, 07:40 PM	"Oops!"
TheShortestDM 05-14-07, 08:06 PM	(Shouting down at the scout at the end of the hall): "WHAT? WHY ARE YOU MAKING HAND SIGNALS?"
vader_rocks 05-14-07, 08:23 PM	"Are you kidding? They couldn't hit the broad side of a --" -A swashbuckler standing on top of a castle tower discussing the accuracy of the archers of the advancing army.
Sajek 05-14-07, 08:59 PM	During the American Civil War, one general was surveying the battle when a bullet whizzed by. His men warned him that there were enemy sharp shooters about, leading to these famous last words: "Don't worry. Those Yankee curs couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-."
FatMonkey13 05-14-07, 09:05 PM	Player 2: I study the Allip for my death attack. Allip: To disprises country life, the name with makes of somethe under 'tis a bare bodkin? Als dritt nich nich lieber: Ich das Tor in der Türhüter. DM: You take 8 wisdom drain. Player 2: Is that permanent? Player 1: Control Undead, I tell the Allip to open the door Allip: I can't... To becogning optimes ago; and practical to underson Player 1: Go into the room that I saw a demon in from the secret passage. Allip: Dominoes Pesto Crust Pizza!! DM: The Allip goes into the room. Roll Initiative Player 1: What? ... 6 Player 2: 26 DM: A Demon charges from the room... only 1 target is available... Hit... Hit... Player 1: 1 have 1 hp left Demon: Roar DM: Make a will save... You are panicked, you must run from the cause of your panic... you may use... if you have no other option you must... if you can not... Player 2: I run away Player 1: I run away. DM: The Demon takes an attack of opportunity. Player 1: Crap Other Players: Lets run back to town carrying him. DM: How much do you weigh? Player 1: 350lb Other Players: We can't carry that and we don't have any good or silver weapons. Perhaps we should run back to town...
vader_rocks 05-15-07, 02:50 AM	During the American Civil War, one general was surveying the battle when a bullet whizzed by. His men warned him that there were enemy sharp shooters about, leading to these famous last words: "Don't worry. Those Yankee curs couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-." That's where I heard that one from! My DM quoted my above post and I couldn't figure it out!
vader_rocks 05-15-07, 02:52 AM	Player 2: I study the Allip for my death attack. Allip: To disprises country life, the name with makes of somethe under 'tis a bare bodkin? Als dritt nich nich lieber: Ich das Tor in der Türhüter. DM: You take 8 wisdom drain. Player 2: Is that permanent? Player 1: Control Undead, I tell the Allip to open the door Allip: I can't... To becogning optimes ago; and practical to underson Player 1: Go into the room that I saw a demon in from the secret passage. Allip: Dominoes Pesto Crust Pizza!! DM: The Allip goes into the room. Roll Initiative Player 1: What? ... 6 Player 2: 26 DM: A Demon charges from the room... only 1 target is available... Hit... Hit... Player 1: 1 have 1 hp left Demon: Roar DM: Make a will save... You are panicked, you must run from the cause of your panic... you may use... if you have no other option you must... if you can not... Player 2: I run away Player 1: I run away. DM: The Demon takes an attack of opportunity. Player 1: Crap Other Players: Lets run back to town carrying him. DM: How much do you weigh? Player 1: 350lb Other Players: We can't carry that and we don't have any good or silver weapons. Perhaps we should run back to town... Is anyone else confused? Maybe I'm just ignorant...
Yokomohoyo 05-15-07, 03:24 AM	"I'll be back!" -Jack the 7th level gnome fighter- "It's only 3 feet of water!" - Again Jack the 7th level gnome fighter right before falling into the clutches of a heat metal spell. -
ODB_Big_Milos 06-13-07, 10:37 PM	i will drink this potion of flying and walk off of the cliff
WilwarinAndamar 06-13-07, 11:37 PM	From our Rogue: "Wait, the second hallway to the left? Okay." Bad directions. He was eaten by a drider. :ghosted:
LoneStranger 06-14-07, 01:57 AM	Had one this past weekend, used D20 Modern and was based in World War 2. We were storming a German held castle and were doing very badly. Well at one point my character is being told to go help about three separate people so I pick the person in the room on our level of the castle that had an MG42 in it. "I'm here to help" Said shortly before said character ran out of the room and said room got hit by a rocket, killing my character very quickly after being shot a few times in an earlier encounter.
dknight100 06-14-07, 02:22 AM	I've got to ask, why do people bother calling these threads "1001". Its pointless. The poster doesnt have 1001 *items* (in this case, last words), people in it arent really keeping track, or even aiming to reach 1001. Why not just title such threads "Famous Last Words" or "Interesting Encounter Ideas". Adding 1001 to the start just sets the thread up to fail
GrondGala 06-14-07, 10:07 AM	The low level party went after the BBEG. We were told his hideout was a fair trek away, deep in a mountain, and was very, very dangerous. We found it without too much trouble. Walked down stairs through numerous traps, magical fogs, alarms, etc... Into a room where the stone tiles of the floor *clack* when you walk on them... *clack clack clack* went we, only able to see 5ft in front of us. The DM hit us all with 8 cones of cold simultaneously... That was the surprise round. Everyone but the monk (thanks to evasion or some such) dropped immediately. I suggested he make a diplomacy check to beg for his life. "Ok, good idea." *rolls a 1* "WOULD YOU A**HOLES MIND NOT KILLING ME?!?! F***!" More frosty goodness ensued and we rerolled.
radiation_messiah 06-14-07, 10:31 AM	My wizards last words: "Everyone be quiet! There is a dragon outside!" The Barbarian wasnt quiet.
Enderlaand 06-14-07, 01:26 PM	I wish these had been last words, but our party is just too good to have died here. We were in a desert escaping some acid rain by running into a convenient cave. At the back of the cave were two dire boars. My character, the druid, steps forward and uses Wild Empathy. "Woah," he says to the very angry looking boars, "Get the *Bleep* outta my cave." I failed the roll and combat ensued. We ate well that night.
Enderlaand 06-14-07, 01:28 PM	I've got to ask, why do people bother calling these threads "1001". Its pointless. The poster doesnt have 1001 *items* (in this case, last words), people in it arent really keeping track, or even aiming to reach 1001. Why not just title such threads "Famous Last Words" or "Interesting Encounter Ideas". Adding 1001 to the start just sets the thread up to fail Party Pooper. Get over it.
Hydryh 06-14-07, 01:41 PM	Is anyone else confused? Maybe I'm just ignorant... :teach: MODE ACTIVE I see three things funny here: 1) Allips are insane, and babble endlessly. The DM was roleplaying this in a way I find quite amusing. 2) The players forgot about attacks of opportunity. 3) The "noble heroes" left their friend's corpse as soon as it was clear that it would prove hazardous to carry. :teach: MODE DEACTIVATED The allip is my favorite. :dancin:
Avatar of Kokusho 06-14-07, 01:42 PM	CN evoker/fighter to half-dragon BBEG: "Your momma was a kobold and your daddy was a pseudodragon!"
captaincarot 06-14-07, 01:55 PM	fighter. "you sure you know how this trap thing works" rogue. "yep i am totally sure i've disarmed ones exactly like it loads of times." "you just push that button, pull these 2 levers. and turn that little red knob over there, like so" fighter "cool did anyone see where his head went" mage "yep i got it" cleric "oh well anyone got any glue, we need some glue." and another one. dwarf fighter whispered conversation " you sure you know how to control this broom stick" mage "yes i'm sure look it's hovering" dwarf fighter " so if you sit on the back and i go on the front i can get that lance and we can use it like charging on a horse" mage " well yeah i suppose so" dwarf fighter "heheheh i can't wait to see them trolls scatter." mage "well they're not going far it's a 20 foot wide corridoor, how about i drop a delayed blast fireball right in the middle of em so we fly over it and then it goes offafter we've passed." dwarf fighter "sounds like a plan to me" they mount the broom stick and fly off down the corridoor. spell cast dwarf messes up attack and knocks them both off the broomstick right in the middle of the trolls, then the fireball goes off. and another famous utterance from the hapless dwarf mentioned above. while charging a group of stone giants, shouts your mother was an orcs WH**e
Blackskullgreymon 06-14-07, 02:01 PM	"I'm pretty sure this plant isn't poisonous" - Yeah, about that... "Don't worry" - Be happy "I'll use my ability to find traps made of stone. We're safe here" - Yeah, the idiot rolls a 2 and misses the very large, obvious wooden trap strapped to the ceiling. "If I can just hit it in the face with my last arrow...." - What's that sound for when things miss and you die? Oh, no reason... "Use teamwork!" - Help me dig my own grave! "I'll use my new sword I found lying in the last room" - Okay, sometimes things are free, sometimes they are cursed. Turning into a small monkey when the Purple Worm comes up is not plan A.
Repirr 06-14-07, 05:11 PM	"Don't worry, the dragon's my friend now..." Said by our wizard after she used the Eyes of Charming on a dragon, and he convinced her that they work. POP goes the wizard :evillaugh
Eshenaleros 06-14-07, 05:35 PM	does anybody realize "YAAAAAAARRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!" is one of those famous last words?
yt3800 06-14-07, 05:42 PM	I was doing a war adventure, and my players along with lots of low level npcs began to attack to earth elementals. One of the players a small gnome decieded to charge one of the elementals, thus provoking an AOP. The elemental got a 1 hit KO and sent him flying right onto a gurad who was gurading a small town which was more then 10 sqs away :D. I never laughed so hard in my life!
Crusher217 06-14-07, 06:14 PM	The elemental doesn't get an AOP if the gnome is charging.
crotalus8 06-14-07, 07:05 PM	These were the last words spoken over the NPC priest of Pelor that the party needed as the sole healer. He had just been taken down to -9 by a volley of javelins, one of which was a crit. Bard: "Crap, I'll go over and roll a Heal check" Rolls a "1" Me: "You go and try to inspect the wound. You wiggle the shaft in his chest and he bleeds out. Congradulations, you just killed your healer." The bard still gets crap for that one. No one seems apt to ask him for a Heal check. Go figure...:confused:
Rexracerjr 06-14-07, 08:05 PM	What magic is this!?-A dwarf fighter as he realized that the hall flooded with water was actually oil, and that the carved hands holding torches on the walls were beginning to move and the doors began to seal... a great moment, considering that the entire city guard had followed himinto the flooded hallway to investigate.
DarkLiChNeaZur 06-14-07, 08:47 PM	the party enters a crypt and is in the last unlocked toom, they find this door with these large whirling blades that are glowing green, the last words of the party's rouge, "i wonder if their blades of healing" i rolled 5d12 dm and ended up with somthing like 42 dmg on the bugger. Nimbla, Lvl 1 Elf rouge, 372-421, she died attempting to find a blade of healing. the next best had to be when the party's dwarf fighter with 1 lvl of cleric JUMPS at an undead party and screams "ZOmbies fodder"-about 5 rolls later he was dead and with about 20dmg over kill (they were tough zombies)
Malcaor 06-14-07, 09:19 PM	A gnome rogue helped the BBEG summon a Balor. "What, you said you could control it?!" Then it cast fire storm...
Pyro_Azer 06-14-07, 09:39 PM	In my party last words are unanimously OH :censored:
TheCrawlingSpleen 06-15-07, 01:42 AM	While it hasn't taken place in D&D (yet), my younger brother plays a lot of swords and sorcery video games. In all of these games, from The Legend of Zelda to The Lord of the Rings his last words are almost always: "I think I can take him." Also, while these weren't last words, they almost were, so I think it still counts: "Ha ha! You're mine now!" Vincent Guldor, 1st level monk, as he stepped into melee with the 2nd level fighter enemy. Shockingly, his unarmed strike failed to penetrate the fighter's breastplate armor, and on his next action, the fighter struck with his bastard sword, taking Vincent from about half health into negative hit points with one blow. He was healed before reaching -10, but I was still amused.
Empress_of_Death 06-23-07, 05:15 PM	" I wonder what happens if you step on the green tiles." It wasn't pretty.
Khan2000 06-23-07, 06:52 PM	fighter-"I'd like to rip off his mask." DM-"Are you sure?" fighter-"Yes." DM-"You rip off his face. The gods aren't happy. You lose honor points." and...I think this might be my siggy. mage-"I trip him." DM-"You trip the Lord of the Shadows?" mage-"Yeah." DM-*rolls*"You suceed. He looks angry." Can I use this in my sig?
Kraikken 06-23-07, 07:03 PM	I don't get it, all this scroll keeps saying is Hestor Hestor Hestor! -Last words of Tui, Halfing Rouge Kraikken, The Beast
Cerulean_wings 06-23-07, 07:40 PM	"I may die today, but I shall die as a hero, Bael!" By Fhen Illesil, Level 24 Bard-Loremaster, right before charging at Bael, 1st of the Lord of the Nine, in his throne room. Long story. Epic Campaign. Good times :)
Blackskullgreymon 06-23-07, 07:44 PM	"I don't know if this will work..." "No! Flank him on the other side!" "Hey! I'm over here!" "It's labeled 'potion of cure'"
Draginja 06-23-07, 07:59 PM	does anybody realize "YAAAAAAARRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!" is one of those famous last words? No, but according to my DM, the last words anyone says are "HURK... bleagh." Kind of annoying. Allips are insane, and babble endlessly. Is that why my DM always tries to sing "Waka Laka" in Spanish when they talk to us? Bard, to a dragon: What did you mean by "teamwork"? Dragon eats Bard. Dragon: I bite you in half and you die. Good teamwork, noob.
Mr_Crepsley 06-23-07, 08:04 PM	'Go ahead, you wont kill us.'
Shrinks 06-23-07, 08:28 PM	Woah, guys I see..somesort of gaint bug thing, it looks scared...it's okay..." said before second level rogue attempted to pet a defensive and frightened ankheg. also: Rogue: I make a spot check to see what enemies are hiding in the room. *DM rolls a 1 (in secret)* DM: you look but don't see anything hiding in the shadows. Rogue (to party): Guys! There's nothing to worry about, it's empt-" before being mauled by a hiding worg.
poxjedi 06-23-07, 08:58 PM	"Does anybody know if Fire Elementals have Combat Reflexes?" "I have ranks in swim!" "Yeah, but I MIGHT get a critical" (Overheard Whisper) "Yeah, but the DM isn't smart enough to do that..."
Zeratul 06-23-07, 09:09 PM	"Are you kidding?? Monks do SO MUCH damage!!" "You guys go ahead-- I'll take him. I have fire resistance 5." "No way. It couldn't be a Balor- they're CR 19!" Sorcerer: "I fly above the venemous evil undead ooze thing and hit it with my staff" --30 seconds later-- "what do you mean- 3 negative levels??" (same sorcerer) "I'm going to go sneaking with the rogue." DM: You see a strange silhouette of a person sitting on a throne... Player 1: I make a spot check to try and see it more clearly DM: You see a few skeletons at the edge of the- Player 2: OMYGOD!!! I use one of my scrolls of meteor swarm on the center of the throne!!! DM: **sigh** ...roll damage. --5 Minutes Later-- DM: You realize that the guy was dead, and his skeletons were just skeletons, and you destroyed this sheet (holds up long list) of treasure... Players 1 and 3-7: "OMFG" "WHY DID YOU DO THAT???" "YOU NOOB!!" Player 2: umm... LEROY JENKINS.
Gnomes_are_Monsters 06-23-07, 09:31 PM	I taunt the Orc (Barbarian)
Avatar of Kokusho 06-23-07, 10:09 PM	Druid to a death knight: "Come on out and fight me like a man, you coward!" Not MY last words, but his abyssal blast leveled the wizard, my animal companion, the cart full of innocent people...saved the paladin, though :D
Khazan 06-23-07, 10:34 PM	"It's okay...they're only zombies." (moments before the 2nd level group charged into the mis-identified horde of wights) "Let's split up the party - we can cover more ground that way..." (resulted in the nearly simultaneous grisly deaths of both smaller groups. it's now become a humorous quote around the gaming table whenever they are discussing what to do next in any situation :) )
Malcaor 06-23-07, 10:43 PM	"I run!" gnome bard moments before a Balor cast Fire Storm on a sunday mass. Gnome's fault too.
TheWerg 06-23-07, 11:16 PM	"I go charging around the corner... sure, with a -8 penalty to AC, I'm still at half health and it's only a goblin." Good times...
TheWeave07 07-17-07, 12:24 PM	I've got to ask, why do people bother calling these threads "1001". Its pointless. The poster doesnt have 1001 *items* (in this case, last words), people in it arent really keeping track, or even aiming to reach 1001. Why not just title such threads "Famous Last Words" or "Interesting Encounter Ideas". Adding 1001 to the start just sets the thread up to fail DEAL WITH IT!!!!! THEY'RE FUNNY AND YOUR MOM COULDN'T DO ANY BETTER!!!
rubermavors 07-17-07, 01:06 PM	"Oops!" this could also be listed under 'things you never want to here from a tinker gnome' "what's a skriaxit?" "what happens if i pi** on the magic electric field?" from an old dragon magazine: "hey look guys i found stormbringer" "so what did lord Strahd want anyway?" "i'm the only one that didn't get charmed by the illithids, cool"
RealSorceror 07-17-07, 01:19 PM	DM: "She hands you a cursed sword, and charms you to fight her." Me: "Its ok, I've never rolled a 1 with Arson." Apparently, saying "cursed" is the trigger word to cause a Warlock to stab himself in the chest for three rounds.
HandOfDoom 07-17-07, 03:56 PM	My Rog5/Ran2 was searching for Traps, rolls dice and result is about 32 DM: "You're absolutely sure that you don't find any traps in that door" True, Search DC was 34... Rogue: "I grab the door knob and open the door..." DM: "Okay, you feel a strong magic leaping from the door knob to your hand and shivering your body. Will Save please..." Rogue rolls 14 and fails DM: "Other party sees as your brave rogue - upon grabbing the door knob - arches as strong and painful spasms hit his body. With large blue flash he disappears and in the door steps a small goldfish is flapping somewhat pathetically." Rogue (as his last words): "Blub blub blub" - then opens and closes his mouth in silence as a fish does on dry land....
soulnova 07-17-07, 04:53 PM	"I still have 5 hp left"
dknight100 07-17-07, 05:11 PM	My swashbuckler managed to have 2 sets of last words, before we couldnt really pay for a res anymore... 1) "Its cool, noone would trap a grilled vent in the roof. I'll just spiderclimb up and give it a yank" flamestrike, sigh. 2) not actually last words by my character, by my last words before his death "I'm on 20hp, but its all good. these things (small sized mechanical bugs) have a lightening attack, but i dont think its as per the spell" oh snap, turns out it is as per the spell. And my githzerai monk, while everyone else was taking cover indefinitely from rogue snipers up the top of a huge pit trap we had fallen into: "You're all sissies, I'll show you how its done" I forgot that I was flat footed while climbing.
058 07-17-07, 05:48 PM	"So . . . you're cannibals."
TheCrawlingSpleen 07-17-07, 06:32 PM	2) not actually last words by my character, by my last words before his death "I'm on 20hp, but its all good. these things (small sized mechanical bugs) have a lightening attack, but i dont think its as per the spell" oh snap, turns out it is as per the spell. Clockwork horrors? And why does it matter whether it's as per the spell or not?
Malchius 07-17-07, 06:53 PM	"Don't worry, I'll tumble in between the Wights" damn wights killed my Lurk!
dknight100 07-17-07, 07:01 PM	Clockwork horrors? And why does it matter whether it's as per the spell or not? Yea clockwork horros. because i'd forgotten it was actually a potent lightening attack. Basically, i thought the dm would get to roll a d6 or two, turned out to be quite a few dice and he rolled well.
Femme_Undead_Lover 07-17-07, 07:19 PM	My first campaign... - A paladin/cleric - a Fighter - a Samurai - a Bard... So here they were... in the temple of a forgotten god... and suddenly they found a pretty woman (a half/vampire) that started helping them, but also she was fishy.... os the paladin cleric made a detect evil.... and she wasn't evil (I love magic!!....) At night a bunch of mosters came out of nowhere and started attaking them. When finally there were just 2 of them a strange "undead" came out from no where (the vampire summoned it, and it was a devil) because they were being (all) attacked... The samurai kicked ass... and the cleric palidin was focusing in destroying the "undead" (devil)... The paladin was infront of the devil, the vampire 10 fts behind the palidin, and was being helped by the fighter to get up.... and what was heard in this situation???: Vampire - "No.... he is here because of me!" Paladin - "Then let me recue from his claws!!! Die creature!!! DIEEEEEE!!!" So... the paladin roll a d20 = 20. The vampire rolled 1... (they were level 12)... and in the next moment.... there were only ashes in the fighter hands...
JohnJohn 07-17-07, 07:59 PM	From 1st ed tomb of horrors... Player: we have searched this place from top to bottom this tilting passageway must lead somewhere... Player2 yes I don't know where else to look unless one of those magic portal things we passed by do something. Player 3 well I put my staff in that black portal and look its a stub.. that thing disentigrates stuff... Player 4 I think if we just run down this corridor we will get to somewhere... Group : we charge down the sloping corridor!!!! (For those that don't know the corridor in that place tilted down and would suddenly dump people into a volcano.. and yes there was a total party wipe) Another campaign................ Player: I aint fighting nothing else (swear word) I am going up into my rope trick (((casts rope trick))) Player 2 come on we can handle some dire wolves Player 3 my spells are getting low lets just call it a night, rest up and start fresh in the morning. Player 4 well I am not staying down here without the cleric so if the cleric goes up the rope I will to. Player 3 okay I will go up to but I think this is silly. we beat that mummy easily then that basilisk thing now you guys don't want to fight a couple of dire wolves... thats xp on the hoof. DM so everyones going up into the rope trick??????? (said in alarm) Players: yes DM are you doing anything? taking everything with you? Players what do you mean why would we leave anything??? We always keep everything with us... DM okay so everyones in the rope trick... (Players "yes"). Okay then everyone look on your character sheets and list off all your extradimensional/nondimensional spaces Players: (swear words deleted as this is a PG forum) Player 1 I got a bag of holding type 2 Player 2 I got a quiver of elohna and a handy haversack Player 3 I got a bag of holding but its only a type 1!!!!!! Player 4 well I got the folding boat but that doesn't count .... does it??? Player 3 wait can you give us xp first? we are in a safe spot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Player 2 uh oh.. I knew we shoulda fought the (swear word) wolves DM: exradimensional space taken into an extradimensional space... Player 2 I don't think we are going to be in kansas any more toto (Insert implosion here) Lastly.................................. .......... The last campaign I ran recently ended on Isle of the Ape... As set up the party was rather high level (for us) at around level ..15 In the final battle the warrior PC who has more hps then some minor deities.. and who is buffed up by every spell a wizard and cleric can throw on her... Player 1 (the warrior) I hit the big monkey for 42 points of damage on the first hit... 34 on the second... 38 on the 3rd .... THIS MONKEY GONNA GO DOWN!!!! (Insert a lot of gloating by the player here) DM The giant ape hits you only once but for.... 51 points of damage Player 2 (cleric) don't worry I can throw on a healing spell this round I was already going to do that I figured you would get hit. DM Not so fast..she took over 50 hps of damage from a single attack.. someone help me out here and look up that roll she needs to make to see if shes okay.. I think its an easy fort save if I remember right. Player 2 oh yeah I remember that.. we haven't had to use that in a couple campaigns... DM yeah we haven't had to deal with anything that did over 50 pts in a single swipe in a looooonnnggg time. Player 4 (who was playing a mage and who's spells weren't working on this thing and who was thus sitting there bored) I looked up the rule.. yeah its like a fortitude save of 15.. she can make that easy. Player 1 yeah with all my bonuses I cant fail that... Player 2 well remember a 1 on a save always fails... Player 1 (rolls) Extensive swear words deleted as the player rolls.. a 1 Player 2 um can I change my spell to resurection? I have that staff thing that casts it maybe I can use that instead... DM okay but that will be your action and she wont be able to act next round because she will be kind of out of it the next round as she will be a bit...confused... Player 2 No problem (proceeds to bring back player 1) Player 1 (swear words) o.k. thats it this monkey is going down.... Well the monkey is going again..this is the next round but you cant act this round.. Player 1 I don't care I have one hundred and 20 something hps I can take it.. DM rolls dice.. 1 hit...for.... 52 points Player 1 crap I am killing this thing just tell me when I can swing again.. DM um make your fort save again... Player 1: Oh yeah well I can't fail that stupid save again I got bonuses out the wahzoo... (rolls) a 1....... Much swearing and cursing is being deleted here as there may be young ones present... there was also some throwing of cheese puffs, a knocking over of a chair, the throwing of a players handbook, then a stomp off to a room with a door slamming and much yelling and cursing coming through the walls.
Aelfric_Parvoti 07-17-07, 08:43 PM	Cornish Codswalloper, the incredibly vagrant gnomish rogue, was spending a night in the stocks again and singing loudly in his horrible oafish voice. A commoner threw an old boot at him from the window of his house. Cornish somehow squeezes his large head from out of its prison, and rolls a natural 20 on his jump check to leap into the window of the commoners house. The frightened man, head of his family, panics and runs, hiding around a corner. He picks up a chair, and uses it as an improvised weapon. The commoner critically fumbles, one of the legs of the chair accidently catches the corner and bounces back into the commoners face and he falls over. "What?! A chair?!" Cornish, yells in his disgusting dope voice, and then rolls three twenties (the only time I've ever seen this happen) and instantly kills the commoner, stabbing him through the head. Cornish later finds the rest of the commoner's rather large family and they grapple him to death.
Soluphobe 07-17-07, 09:03 PM	My Warlock, not quite dying, but only because the DM fudged the roll: "That's okay, I've got a decent tumble check, all I have to do is not roll a- oh, I really shouldn't have said that" *rolls* "Crap. I knew that was a bad thing to say." Other: 1: But farmers are evil! I charge him. 2: I throw some gold at the goblins. (They were trolls, and rend damage hurts.) 3: But...I'm a kuo-toa! Illithids like me! 4: Umm... I whack it.
Mr_Crepsley 07-17-07, 10:01 PM	New one, Last words for the sorcerer. 'Dude! We're not going all the way back to town for a Wand of Cure Moderate Wounds!'
ed_zero 07-17-07, 10:15 PM	Party enters a cold humid and huge cave with a lot of broken dragon eggs along the way, presumaible destroyed by a previous party of adventurers or hatched, at the back a gigantic dragon awaits. The party charges in... After the beggining of the battle in a desperate attempt to protect everyone else (tha sorcerer)... The druid(lvl 15 half dragon, DEBUFFED and poisoned): "HIT ME!" The dragon: "if you insist..." Full attack. and then Nothing... after that, taking proper strategies they defeated the dragon... Heroic but silly... i laughed a lot after seeing the insane damaged he received... ------ Two guys in my campaign were fighting against each other since the beggining, somehow they reached the border of THE ABYSS (I mean THE ABYSS) (sorry i think i didn't make it sound properly: THE ABYSS) that huge hole in the ground with nothing at the bottom but snakes that rip your flesh, and yara yara, etc and all sort of abominations... Suddenly: Player 1: I hit [player2] Player 2: I dodge DM: ok, roll attack, and ummm well lets try you roll a defensive roll... player 1 hits player 2 player 2: That isnt fair, I THROW MYSELF TO THE ABYSS AND PULL HIM WITH ME: my character screams: "DIE WITH ME!!" player 1: I dont pay any heed to what he does instead I THROW MYSELF WITH HIM SO THAT HE DOESN'T PULL ME!!! i scream: "Ill throw ourselves then!" we laughed a lot looking at the stupidity of that omnious and yet hilarious situation. Still they ask me now: "are our characters still falling?" and we laugh...
Femme_Undead_Lover 07-17-07, 10:42 PM	From other campaigns I've been a player: - "It's only a stupid goat!" - a ranger rolled a 1 (handle animal) in the top of the most escarped mountain. - "What happen if I pull this lever?" - a halfdragon in the top of a tower just about to be covered with 10 rocks of 30X 60X30 fts... - "Hey! I've seen you before! You were the one that murdered an entire city"... Yeah, he was.... - "But we killed you, and left you into ashes in the last town!" - a Barbarian yelling at a leech... - "And then we just get away with his head..." (2 noobs talking about the troll that was freaking out the nearby city...
TheCrawlingSpleen 07-18-07, 01:17 AM	"Stand back, guys. I've got this." That's never a good thing to hear a PC say.
metalmayhem80110 07-18-07, 03:08 AM	I've got the best one... Sadly from one of my characters... We had just found a deck of many things and everyone was taking turns drawing from it. So I'm playing a Cleric of Bahamut. One of the other players says "You're the healer, you probably shouldn't risk drawing from the deck, we can't lose you". (Keep in mind, almost the entire party worships bahamut) "It is ok my son, Bahamut will protect me and grace me with good fortune" I say, I drew a card. The Void.....
Blckdrgn 07-18-07, 03:51 AM	What do you mean the entire room detects as a trap?
Drausktanchache 07-18-07, 04:25 AM	Some Classic ones "Don't worry I have improved evasion!" "Not in the face! Not in the Face!!!" "FOR SCIENCE!!!!"
rubermavors 08-03-07, 01:59 PM	i'm ok bullete don't like dwarves (actually it's elves)
1337Ninja 08-03-07, 05:45 PM	"Ooh! Shiny!" Orc draws gems/art from the deck of many things. Next round is not so nice...
LucyWanabe 08-05-07, 01:09 PM	"Who's the b**ch with the spiders?"--Said while standing in front of an avatar of Lolth. PC 1: Oh, shutup! You're just a stupid silver dragon! Where's the cool gold one?! PC 2: *Rolls high on Knowledge check* I don't think that's a silver dragon. PC 3: Well, what looks like silver but isn't silver? PC 2: Platinum? PC 1: Oh, shi-- *Party is splatted* "Die!"--Failed turn attempt of a cleric of a sun god, trying to destroy a hoarde of skeletons. Paladin: We should attack the orcs. Ranger: Why? Paladin: Because they're there. (There was an encampment of over 100 orcs) "I'm sorry for punching your wife, sir." PC: *Engulfed by a gelatinous cube* "I hold my breath."
Nicademus81 08-05-07, 03:44 PM	(Hugs Asmodeus) "I love you cold and heartless aspect of evil" "Dam Halfing!" "Dam Tiefling!" (peeing on Lolth) (Singing) "Markin' my territory, markin' my territory) (Sphere of Annihalation) "There had better be stippers at my funeral, and beer!" "Eat this!" (20th lvl wizzy casts Sudden Maxamised, Energy Admixture, Explosive Fireball on a Terrasque) *Bounce* "Cuthburt on a cracker!"
Gryllmyre 08-05-07, 07:36 PM	"It's alright guys, we still have half our spells and we've had 3 encounters. The next one should be cake, then we can rest." 1e paladin with a necklace of teleportation - "I teleport behind the giant" (I end up in the floor) 1e paladin with a necklace of teleportation - "I teleport behind the demon" (I end up in the floor) I hate that necklace.
ChompyUnlimited 05-20-08, 08:40 AM	Okay...so we were in a really small dungeon and there was only one way out...back from whence they came. So, my strangely assembled party (half of which transferred from another campaign) [Level 1 Elf Fighter, Level 18 Human Monk/Cleric, Level 28 Gnome Paladin/Cleric/Divine Emissiary, Level 4 Elf Ranger, Level 22 Half-Elf Ranger/Fighter, Level 22 Half-hedgehog (aka Hedgeling, a custom race) Wizard, Level 4 Human Fighter, and Level 11 Blue Dragon Fighter] are running because I didn't think they would be stupid enough to go into a dungeon full of level 18 red dragons and only pay attention to one, and the dragons are running after them, attacking with everything they've got. Of course, our Level 1 Elf Fighter is trailing behind because he's basically dead (1 HP left, no way he's getting out of there even if the level 28 heals him again), and all the way he's yelling "CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAAAAAAP!!!! YOU GUYS, DON'T LEAVE ME HERE TO DIE, HEAL ME! HEAL ME!" Then he trips over a rock and hits his head on the ground, knocking him unconscious...the funniest part would be his semi-famous last words...as he trips over the rock he yells "OH, WHO PUT THAT ROCK THERE?!"
Degausser 05-20-08, 10:06 AM	Okay, so, the player finds a circlet made for the express purpose of UNMAKING AN ARTIFACT OF THE GODS, and . . . Player: "I put it on my head!" Nothing happens "See! It's safe! Now I pick up the artifact of Rod of Orcus!" (For anyone who knows the planescape adventure: Yeah, she was unmade. Took two wish spells to get her back.)
Nyarlathotep 05-20-08, 10:16 AM	Upon approaching a small village after fighting their way through a forest filled with werewolves...In Ravenloft. Player one: "I think we should be careful. What if this is where the werewolves came from." Player two: "Oh come on, they can't ALL be werewolves" Turns out that in Ravenloft, yes, they could.
jarisfein 05-20-08, 12:04 PM	"Hey, let's go check out what's in that mist..." "He was pulling our legs, the phlogiston isn't flammable. Watch..." "The Lady of Pain? Hehehe... I'm gonna make her earn that title", <trousers unzipping> "Come here, little lady."
ImtheDM 05-20-08, 11:53 PM	DM: The fighter has Thal (PC Wizard) on the floor, grappled with a dagger to his neck, he yells at you to say away or he dies. PC: A dagger only does 1d4 damage, I charge! DM: ****ing meta-gamers. ..and check mah sig.
Calestin Kethal 05-21-08, 08:50 AM	Playing my fighter / bard / bladesinger in late 3.0. We were assaulted by a band of orcs. All we need is a single fireball to clear the area. So I say to the warmage: "Drop the fireball on me. I can take it!" I figured that since I had a good ref and fort saves and close to max hitpoints, I'd be good. Even if he rolled max damage, I'd still have hps left. I also had a ring of evasion to boot. The warmage rolled his damage. 53. I rolled my ref save. Needed a 9, rolled 5. I'm still good, as I have hps left. But now that I've taken massive damage, I have to make the DC 15 fort save. Needed a 4, rolled a 2. They still razz me about it, too.
BubaDragon 05-22-08, 01:27 AM	So, I am running a campaign for my son (age 16) and his friends (all new players) and they are in The Palace of the Silver Princess. You know the bedroom upstairs with the cat hiding under the bed? (Hiding under the bed is a small black cat. It will appear as a harmless domesticated creature, but is actually an enchanted great cat…) DM: “You enter the room, this was obviously a bedroom.” Players: “We search the room.” DM: “OK”, (rolls dice), “Hiding under the bed is a small black cat.” Druid: “Oh a kitty! I offer it some cheese.” DM: “The cat, enticed by the food approaches and tentatively takes the food from your hand” Druid: “I pet the cat and offer it more food” DM: “The cat enjoys the food and the attention” Druid: “Cool, I can have a cat as a pet! I pick the cat up and stuff it in my backpack!” DM: “You WHAT?!?” Druid: “Pick up the cat and put it in my backpack…” DM: “OK, so you want to put the cat IN your backpack…” Druid: “Yes I had taken it off to get the cheese so it shouldn’t be hard.” DM: “OK, so you pick up the cat, who is purring contentedly and start to stuff it into your backpack…” Druid: “Yay, I have a little cat as a pet!” DM: “As you do this, the cat starts to change and morph under your hands, I need a Reflex Save and Initiative please.” Druid proceeds to fail saving throw and looses initiative… DM: “OK, what was once a small cat is now a rather large and very upset panther, he spins around in your hands and unleashes a full attack on you…” Great Cat: “Growl”, Bite – Grapple – Swipe – Swipe – Rake…To this day we still give him grief about that particular event… “You remember, you were there, the cat was purring, your pack was open… Good times, good times…”
Cranewings 05-22-08, 01:31 AM	This was an amazing PK. Fighter - "Hey, that sword is party equipment." Druid - "What party? I just met you and I just saved your life. This is the spoils." Fighter - "Look, you need to give it to me, it took a long time for us to get it." Druid - "Sorry, that's the breaks." Fighter - "Give it to me or else." Then combat breaks out, but the fighter was down half his hitpoints, and I mean, come one, he was trying to take on a druid with a wolf. It was all bad. Many good players have fallen victim to loot rage.
Demetri_Knighthawk 05-22-08, 03:11 AM	In a recent game, player 3 is acting out his bards actions by leaning back and proping his feet up on the game table, what were once white socks are approaching black (he's a road worker so usualy we dont give him a hard time unless we want a speedbump on our lawn) and lifts his 2liter bottle over his head to declare. "I drink till i'm drunk and pass out!" At this he lost ballence IRL and fell back out of his chair to slam into the wall, putting a nice crater of the drywall between the studs he was now wedged in at the shoulders. All of us: :blink: :mymy: :gah: :twitch: P3....So thats what its like to roll a 1. I had completely forgotten to ask him to keep his feet on the floor , he seeemed to have learned his lesson.
jarisfein 05-22-08, 11:30 AM	"We just started the adventure 5 minutes ago, no way is the DM gonna kill us this soon..." "Don't worry, guys. I have a maximized repeating Lightning Bolt that'll take care of that walking pile of vegetation." <Shambling Mound> "Cool, a portable hole... I put it in the bag of holding!"
Midknight_Scourge 05-22-08, 02:51 PM	In my first ever DnD adventure: DM: You find a scroll and a gem on the troglodyte. Me: I'm the wizard I'll take them. Rogue: No, I want them. Me: You can't use them! Rogue: I've got use magic device. Me: Lets settle this logically. Rogue: Yeah, roll initiative. (I only had 5 hp) When I was DMing: PC: He never uses traps. (I do)
wrecan 05-23-08, 10:50 AM	There's some good stuff on this thread
Master-of-Puppets 05-23-08, 03:40 PM	In a pirates campaign they are fightng a dragon in a smal island an the mage has managed to drop the dragon into the water, near the beach, all hidden in the small forest after the fall the water is murky and there is no sign of the dragon, in fact the mature adult green dragon stays underwater, casting buffs on himself... the anfibious gnome rogue: "I activate my cape of invisivility and go to check underwater" two words: void sense...