Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Alcari Ambaron 03-28-05, 08:17 AM	Looking for the funny/memorable/inspireing last words try to use numbers on this one. I'll start of with some common ones 1) We can take them all out 2) of course i can jump that canyon 3) this looks like a trap 4) it's easy, i just turn the lever this way and... 5) this looks like the perfect place for an ambush 6) no, i'll be fine without healing
Thelandrach 03-28-05, 08:55 AM	7) I think it's sleeping.
zaymot 03-28-05, 09:06 AM	#8 - (As the rogue is opening the chest) Did I check for traps? #9 - (As they are preforming a Coupe de Grace) The paladin is not around, right? #10 - Who's up for a game of cards? (Holding a Deck of Many Things)
cambric 03-28-05, 09:08 AM	11. It's only a ORC! 12. Dragon...smagon 13. watch this!
Alcari Ambaron 03-28-05, 01:25 PM	14) CHARGE!! 15) of course the rope is secure
BraveSirPatrick 03-28-05, 01:40 PM	16. I have a +10 bonus to Tumble.
Piff 03-28-05, 01:42 PM	16) But it's so small... what harm can it do? 17) (Monsters entering the room) Just stand still... maybe they wont notice us. 18) I sick my head in it. 19) I wounder if it is dead? I'll go check.
Soulman1990 03-28-05, 01:49 PM	20. I wonder whats in this cave. 21. 1000 orcs I can take them. 22. But my attack bonus is +4 I can take that Dragon!
Ayers 03-28-05, 01:52 PM	24) It's only a rabbit.
Grand1 03-28-05, 02:04 PM	x (where X is the current number): Its ok i had subway! x+1: where is my sword? x+2: OOC: i can pass my concentration check
Alcari Ambaron 03-28-05, 02:35 PM	28) jump what way? 29) i don't see any duck
AramilWindwalker 03-28-05, 03:00 PM	16) But it's so small... what harm can it do? That's what the party said before entering the lair of the vorpal bunny.
Aladdar 03-28-05, 03:12 PM	my lvl 2 fighter almost just had one, I'll grapple the bear, you rescue the girl.
kliate 03-28-05, 03:14 PM	30) As long as I don't roll a 1....
nytemare66 03-28-05, 03:31 PM	31) I have a high reflex bonus(as the mage prepares to cast fireball into the combat) 32)They're only kobolds
TheChilliGod 03-28-05, 03:36 PM	33) (You need to hear the whole conversation to get it) DM: So the captain is looking at you evilly. He knows you are in disguise and slowly reaches his hand out. Doomed PC: I shake it! 34) HOW many dice did you just say you needed?!? 35) I charge up to that Bodak on that hill with my eyes closed so he can't kill me! (it wasn't a hill, it was a cliff.) 36)I run through that corridor as fast as I can! 37)F-F-F-F-Fi-fi-fi-fir-fir-fire-fire-fireb-fireb-fireba-*Smash* (stuttering mage) 38)C'mon! It's only a kobold! What could possibly ha*slit* (Assassin Kobolds!) 39)Okay, so the cleric's badly hurt, the mage is dead, the rogue is helpless. But I'm a paladin so I smite the evil! 40)Oops. 41)Awww... What a cute little kit*Chomp!* 42)AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MY GOD IT HUUUURRRRTTTTSSS!!! (Nobody ever remembers what everybody's last words really are) 43)C'mon! I found a secret entry! 44)What?!? But I made my Reflex save for half and I still take 100?!? 45)I jump in after the torch I threw down that pit to light it so I can see down the pit. 46)Hold on, light this torch? Lets see that powder I think this here powder looks pretty black and dirty to me *Boom!* 47)What blade barrier? 48)I engage in a staring contest with that lizard until it backs off. (Basilisk)
Phrennzy 03-28-05, 03:48 PM	28) jump what way? 29) i don't see any duck :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
astute1 03-28-05, 03:52 PM	49) My headband of intellect tells me this is just a harmless beam of light. - Denmar, seconds before being disintegrated by a disintegrate trap. The party had found the trap, but didn't know what it did (besides shoot out a beam of some sort). The rest of the group was considering using Mage Hand to set it off, but Denmar just walked right up and pushed the button.
Phrennzy 03-28-05, 04:04 PM	50) I'll just slowly open the door a crack and peek in. 51) What trap?
Lord Dracos 03-28-05, 04:21 PM	52.)..I'll dash to the rack and chug the potion.(alchemists fire) 53.)..Kill me(dont ask)
Arkonth 03-28-05, 04:23 PM	51) I charge the multi-colored orb! *(prismatic orb)
Ekranoplan 03-28-05, 04:27 PM	55. "Is it done yet?" (Remulax of the Tar Pits inquiring about an indentification spell, one to many times) 56. Lets split up, we will cover more ground. 57. That sound. Is that a mine cart? 58. When I can no longer stand alone, then it will be time to die. 59. Sleep? I dont need no stinkin' sleep! 60. They would never expect a daylight assault.
TinManFan 03-28-05, 05:40 PM	61. I'll try Diplomacy. (rolls a 1) "TENTACLES!!!!" (Waves/flails arm around at the city guards.) 62. "Oh, he doesn't have any of his defensive spells up! I charge!" (Gotta luv an Intensified Polar Ray :D )
Count Nerindil Van Seraph 03-28-05, 05:52 PM	63. Sure, its impressive. But what could have amassed so much treasure? And why does everything smell like brimstone? :dragon: 64. Hey! Who killed the lights? 65. So I accidentaly burned down one stupid tree. Who's gonna know? (don't mess with druids) Thank you for your time, The Count :coolcthul
Kayoz_Majick 03-28-05, 05:58 PM	66. I just want to peek in that window.... No one can see me! 67. I'll knock on the door.... 68. "It moved? I'll hit it with my sword" 69. I dunno, just taste it and see what it does....
Kayoz_Majick 03-28-05, 06:00 PM	70. (as the only human in the halfling villiage) OOC: I just want to see whats in the mayors pouch!
Tibs 03-28-05, 07:44 PM	The gnome in a friend's game (they were fighting an ogre): "Don't worry, he can't reach me."
orcslayer 03-28-05, 07:52 PM	72. I thought what we had was special! This was said to the party's paladin by a bugbear named "Bubba" as he was stabbed by the paladin.
Alynn 03-28-05, 08:01 PM	73) We can't attack them, they're unarmed (Moments before the Pali is obliterated by a fury of blows). 74) After hearing 3 large thumps at the door, goes to open the door "What the hell do yo....." SMASH as he is nailed with a battering ram. 75) "Hey, there is only 2 of em."
orcslayer 03-28-05, 08:04 PM	76. Bend over and take it like a :censored: (another word for a female dog)
TheChilliGod 03-28-05, 09:00 PM	77: I attack the bugbear's girlfriend (That spelt my halfling's death) 78: What do you mean when you said that you needed bait? And why are you looking at me like that? (again, halfling) 79: FOOD FIGHT!!! 80: Ha, I know you're joking when you said that the trap reset. I walk through it.
MaxDog 03-28-05, 09:14 PM	81) ...of course it doesn't have combat reflexes. TWICE...I've fallen for this TWICE! Well, once it was a choice of draw a sword and an AoO or fire the bow I was holding and draw and AoO.
The_Grikk 03-28-05, 09:18 PM	82. They ran into the woods, QUICK AFTER THEM! 83. I wonder what this ring does? 84. I bet i could climb that... 85. Whats the worst that could happen? 86. THERE! THATS THE GUY WERE AFTER! EVERYONE CHARGE!!!!
WizardlyFriend 03-28-05, 09:19 PM	87) can't we just resolve this peacfully? 88) this bridge looks fine 89) (i wont say the exact insult but it was to the captain of the town guard)
The_Grikk 03-28-05, 09:21 PM	90. whats the wizard saying now? and why is he waving his hand ar...
Plastik 03-28-05, 09:28 PM	91. Awww, but it's cute. I just wanna pet it!
CPAtheFat 03-28-05, 10:18 PM	92. Geez ... it's just an eyeball! :behold:
Carn Vandoril 03-29-05, 03:36 AM	After a long run down the dungeon, past several encounters a party of three stand before a door. 93) Rogue: "wow, this is an easy one to pick!" (rolls 20) (door opens, a black dragon smiles at us) 94) Clerick: "any chance we get out of this one alive?" (then rolls a 1 for 'fear' and gets eaten like a peanut) 95) Monk: after losing his left leg:"At this moment, I really don't know anymore".
TheChilliGod 03-29-05, 03:54 AM	96)"So you're Thor, eh? I bet you're a real wuss without your almighty hammer!" 97)"Ooh! Shiny!" 98)"Urm, how many dice did you just roll then?" 99)"I swing through the jungle like Tarzan!" (splat against a tree, like George) 100)"I'm WHAT? with a WHAT? And the vampire did it?!?" (baby, ritualistic suicide followed.) 101)"I'm out of spells." 102)"PALOR SUCKS!!!" (Inside a temple of Palor) 103)"Zzzzzzz...Zzzzz*slit* 104)"What's a coo de grah?" Yay! 101!
Eliza_Stormwhisper 03-29-05, 04:24 AM	105) There are 9 of us and 1 of them. (ogre mage) 106) I ask him if he has any food. 107) I go to the bar and get drunk!
Captain Casualty 03-29-05, 04:35 AM	108) Ok we know what level he is and that means by my count he just ran out of spells!
MortalPlague 03-29-05, 07:12 AM	Grimrick the dwarf fighter and Xanaphia the elf monk were exploring an underground ruin when they heard the patter of thousands of little feet rushing towards them. They saw the 'red ones' (think pihrana-demons with feet) in the distance. Grimrick turns to run. Xanaphia stands firm. 109: Quoth Xanaphia to the dwarf, "You yellow-bellied she-halfling!" Grimrick stayed to die beside her. Rone Warringer was the first of the group in pursuit of a little girl who had run deep into a mine where people were being turned to stone. While the rest of the group battled the ancient basilisk (who turned out to be blind) our hero darted after the girl. 110: "Hey, wait!" He dropped down, failed his fort save, and was turned to stone by a little medusa. Shaeya Brookwarden was exploring the Sunless Citadel on these boards. 111: "Let's get these waterskins filled." She then attempted to fill a waterskin from the water mephit's water tank.
maximusprime 03-29-05, 07:18 AM	112) We'll never get a chance at this guy by himself again 113) But the barbarian just got a critical, we have to attack now 114) -this one was me- I rush the Mind Flayer, this (explative deleted) is (explative deleted) dead! :ayyyy!:
Alcari Ambaron 03-29-05, 12:52 PM	115) just draw your sword and get this over with 116) i'll hold the iron fence (pointy) when it falls, you crawl underneath 117) you guys keep going, i'll check over here
Pringles 03-29-05, 01:09 PM	Happened last friday when one of my player was being attacked by a Rampager (a monster in Dark sun setting that is really fast and huge) 116) I set myself to receive the charge.
Lionel Styles 03-29-05, 01:22 PM	117: "I take of my armor so I can sneak around the dragon." A little of topic118: "I'm going to go see what the Captain thinks of my new red shirt."
sandgriffin 03-29-05, 02:01 PM	119. Have they stopped firing bolts at me yet? 120. i think it likes me. 121.im not going to move from this spot untill i hear screams! (after sending a severed head into town via tensers floating disk, didnt know the head fell off about twenty yards before it reached the town)
3Man20 03-29-05, 03:14 PM	122. I'm wounded right now, I'll let him go by (said by the 1/2 Orc warrior when a bad guy ran away from him...bad guy then proceeded to pull out his horn and summon his dragonrider buddies...) 123. You son of a :censored: (said by the cleric in the group right after the 1/2 Orc's comment above...followed by the beating of leathery wings...)
Misfit815 03-29-05, 03:30 PM	124. Oh :censored: he's rolling a bunch of dice behind the screen again. 125. I'll be right back. (and then he proceeded to meet his doom at the hands of a doppelganger) 126. I don't get it. (and then he proceeded to meet his doom at the hands of the same doppelganger, now appearing as #125 and played by #125's former player) J
Rogue Newb 03-29-05, 03:32 PM	127.(level 1 Char first combat) Whadda you mean, he gets to attack too?
kustross 03-29-05, 03:45 PM	128) *to the epic level Necromancer* "I bet you're the reason why all the zombies walk funny!"
Zeful 03-29-05, 04:27 PM	# 129) A Balista? How much dice damage does that deal? # 130) Please refer to sig below
E-Arkham 03-29-05, 04:43 PM	131) "Why does a kobold need to know my touch AC?" 132) "So what if she's got a spiked chain? She's just a little girl!" 133) (said after three criticals in a row but before the final attack) "Is that all you've got?!?" 134) "Don't worry. There's nothing that my remaining Fireballs can't solve." 135) "I'm out of spells. Time to go hand to hand with it!" Kep
Herald@Large 03-29-05, 05:21 PM	136) "I push the blue button, then the red one. No, wait, the other way around!" *foom* 137) "Why is our torch burning blue?" 138) "Quick! How do you unsummon a demon lord?" 139) "I sneak up and pick the vampire's pocket." 140) "I don't care, I'm gonna hit on her anyway!" (It was the king's daughter) ________________________________________ _________________________ Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
Titan W 03-29-05, 05:41 PM	141)*Casts Wish* I wish for a million gold. 142)*Casts Wish* I wish for a million bucks. 143)*Casts Wish* I wish for (Insert Wish). 144) "The rogue's knocked out, I should be able to survive the trap."
SuprMann78 03-29-05, 06:39 PM	"Of course this water is safe to drink"
SuprMann78 03-29-05, 06:41 PM	146)"I dont see any ghost" 147)"Its teeth arent that sharp" 148)"What ogre drinks Lemonade?"
Sir Spamalot 03-29-05, 07:49 PM	oooooooh a big black marble!!!! "shields block spells, right?"
Masker 03-29-05, 08:04 PM	My firt 1001 thread! :P 149. Ha, it must be an Illusion! 150. (An aprenttice wizard) Master, I swear that I was trying to turn you invisible at the parade, not just your clothes!
pkrerc 03-29-05, 08:20 PM	151: What? It's only a lone kobold! Are you stupid? (Chases kobold down a trap-filled hallway AFTER the rogue rolls a natural 20 and detects traps) 152: The DM wouldn't throw something at us we couldn't handle! It might get tough but I am sure we can handle the Lernaen Hydra at our current (low) level!
pkrerc 03-29-05, 08:24 PM	Oops, forgot the dumbest death I have ever heard: 153: I jump from pirate ship into the lake in full plate armor and attempt to cut a hole in the bottom of the ship with my axe so that my friends can swim out through it and escape :looloo:
JMalone 03-29-05, 09:55 PM	154. Peasant: Hey, mister. The wizard paid me good money to give you this package at exactly 4 PM. Methinks it is some sort of clock.
Deekin, Kobold Bard 03-30-05, 12:44 AM	154. Peasant: Hey, mister. The wizard paid me good money to give you this package at exactly 4 PM. Methinks it is some sort of clock. :rofl: Infinty isn't THAT big.
Xanthia 03-30-05, 01:02 AM	155) (looking at magic runes): You expect me to know what that is? Hello; I'm a Sorcerer! 156) Teleport us out of here? What do I look like, a Wizard? 157) (Loots horde; finds lots of scroll and wands): Wow, these would be great if I knew how to cast any of the spells. Playing a Sorcerer has gotten me to appreciate Wizards so much more.
ImagoKid 03-30-05, 01:15 AM	24) It's only a rabbit. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :heehee It can jump a mile wide! Look at the bones!
Horatio 03-30-05, 03:32 AM	I'm surprised that this one didn't show yet. 158) Ok. I'll go first.
Szat 03-30-05, 04:52 AM	Two PC's were trying to off each other, one PC decided to ambush the other in his hotel room. DM: There's a knock on your door. Antonin Romero: I ask "Who's There?" DM: There's no answer. Antonin Romero: I open the door DM: :doh: *One Maxamized Empowered Scorching Ray later*
SuprMann78 03-30-05, 09:58 AM	160) This doesnt taste like butter
Alcari Ambaron 03-30-05, 10:05 AM	due to a miscount in masker's first 1001 post...we are now at 163 163) RUN AWAY!! 164) whadda mean by "armor check penalty"?? i can still sneak into that camp!!! 165) huh? why can a sorcerer rage?
smaugchow 03-30-05, 10:35 AM	166) Whats a Balor? 167) I'll hold my breath and run into the room full of mist. (which had imobilized/stunned/knocked out/killed? the three previous characters to do the same....had to hit the restart button on that group.) 168) No kidding - a paladin in my campiagn made the famous doomed stand against the evil horde. He made this long speech to his intelligent holy sword (with a slightly different view of paladinhood with whom he had been feuding and had been refusing to serve him - that was GREAT role-playing!) and ended with something like "I do not know your purpose, I do not know why you were created, but I know why I was created. I was born to be here, now, to stand between darkness and light and to make evil pay a heavy price for my blood. This is my purpose, and if you will not serve me now then damn you. You are not worthy of me!" The sword (Dawn's Herald, from a sun-worhiping paladin order) replied, "Dawn's gentle light be upon thy back to warm they courage, and the fiery scourge of the day star's fury burn the eyes of our foes. Let your hand guide me to their black hearts!" I'm paraphrasing from 10-year old memory and he went on and on, but it was quite an eloquent speech. I made him an angel after his death (NPC at that point - we were killing off our high level PCs to start over in a different style) just for that speech.
SuprMann78 03-30-05, 11:10 AM	Dragons dont exist anymore...DUH
pkrerc 03-30-05, 11:40 AM	lol, that last one reminded me of another: 170) That's just superstition! Everyone knows there are no wyrms in the Wyrmwood!
Phrennzy 03-30-05, 12:03 PM	171. Pfft. It's just an ogre. We can take him. (Ogre Mage. This one actually happened to a pair of wizards. Greed will get you killed.)
Alcari Ambaron 03-30-05, 01:11 PM	172) you don't spell White-forest with a G.... for those who don't get it... it's Wight-forest...
speeblefreak 03-30-05, 01:56 PM	(context: the party is in a cave filled with blue ice, which in our campaign freezes you solid if you touch it. Also, the cave was unstable and had a lot of icicles.) "I grab a rock and start smashing all the blue ice I can find!"
jrod10 03-30-05, 02:33 PM	"I thought we only sent out one scout."
General_Ridley 03-30-05, 03:50 PM	175. "He took my chandelier! I'll kill him!" *dies*
Bartleby_GoC 03-30-05, 04:22 PM	176: Rogue checks for traps, rolls a 1. DM: You are absolutely sure there is a horrible, impossible to disable trap blocking the bridge. (which is over a bubbling tar pit) Metagaming Wizard: Hah! I don't think you were even looking the right area! I cross the Bridge. DM: Reflex save. Wizard: :eek: A 7 doesn't do, does it... DM: Nope. You fail to leap to safety as the center of the bridge folds out from under you and you fall inthe hot pitch. (rolls 20d6, since adventure says to use lava rules)
Piff 03-30-05, 06:23 PM	177) We dont need to keep watch while we sleep the forest is safe enough 178) Shouting at the dragon flying above: Hey stupid down here.
Nitneuq Onitnarat 03-30-05, 07:13 PM	179 (From my monk before hurling his entire necklace of fireballs (type V) onto the ground, setting it all off): High Reflex + Evasion = Happy Monk and charred baddies! (as it turns out, after grouping all the fireballs together into a single save against 39d6, that 39d6 + natural = Happy (fire immune) baddies and a new character being rolled.)
Masker 03-30-05, 07:20 PM	due to a miscount in masker's first 1001 post...we are now at 163 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! :weep: :weep: It wasn't my fault, the guy before me didn't numbered so i just kept going :weep: :weep: :weep: Just in case you haven't notice, I'm sad However, life must go on 179.-"What do you mean with instant death effect?" 180.-"Ha, those skeletons are not match for me, You, take care of the sword wielding ones, meanwhile I get rid of that one in the back, the one with the crown, the robes and the silly box tied to his arm" 181.- (A hafling to a fire giant) "That is a really big sword. Are you trying to compensate something else?"
Alcari Ambaron 04-01-05, 04:32 AM	182) (following up on 180) "and i'll run right through all of the other skeletons to get to him"
Lord Raoul 04-01-05, 10:05 AM	183) (directed at the lich who they had been hunting for the entire session) "Be ye freind or foe?" The liches reply was a disintegrate spell. The PC who asked the question died.
Demon Lightfoot 04-01-05, 11:29 AM	(some from games, some from...enetertainment...) 184) "I stand aside for no man." 185) "Brak? That's a stupid name for a ." (5601 xp to whomever gets the reference first) 186) "I lick the yellow mold." 187) "Where's my [adjective] sword got to?!?" 188) "That's [insert character name]! Kill [I]him, and you'll be famous!"
Warchicken 04-01-05, 03:44 PM	(some from games, some from...enetertainment...) 185) "Brak? That's a stupid name for a [insert character class here]." Would that be the same Brak from Space Ghost or his own show on Adult Swim? 189. Here's the setting. A village taken over by a taint (a Naga had them enthralled), the only person who could help us lived in a house inside a grove of trees outside town. The halfling rogue decided its ok to walk down the path to her house, "Its just an old woman." A couple of seconds later a lightning bolt hits him and the druid/wizard tries to reason with her. Soon followed by another lightning bolt. The halfling gets healed, gets up then tries to reason with the old woman again, another lightning bolt strikes him. Needless to say that wasn't the smartest thing done by either of them. 190. Later on we managed to convince the woman to help us in cleaning out the village. Going to the temple in town to clean out the cultists there. We're in a hallway, "Use the wand of lightning bolt" in a long hallway with both our party and the enemy clerics is a bad thing also. A bit longwinded, but that was an interesting session to say the least.
Ayers 04-01-05, 04:15 PM	191) Wait, wait, wait...so the Infinite Layers of the Abyss, isn't a tropical island...? 192) So, when you say he shrugged off my Metor Storm, are you hinting at something, or what? :eek:
John Bezo 04-01-05, 04:30 PM	193) "What.. ummm.... wait... ohhh...." 194) "eepp" 195) "you guys run, I'll hold them off" 196) I walk up to the red dragon and say "We will not give in to your demands" then I throw my mace at its nose.. 167) I wink at the pack of drow wizards
Chosen of the Dark Sun 04-01-05, 08:05 PM	198. (elf fighter before he charged into battle) I'm buff, my greatswords on fire, and I'm feelin' sexy! (he got decapitated)
Demon Lightfoot 04-02-05, 07:06 AM	Would that be the same Brak from Space Ghost or his own show on Adult Swim? That would seem to be the obvious reference...Our Survey Sez...*bzzzzt!* Sorry, no, but we do have some lovely parting gifts; a copy of the home game by Milton Beholder, a year's supply of Kobold Yummies ~Mmmm, Kobold Yummies, when commoners are in short supply! Keeps their teeth sharp and scales shiny! That's Kobold Yummies, the Zhentil Keep Treat (TM), and also Illithid Wax; keep your 'mind flayer' mauve and slimy with Gygax Brand Illithid Wax!
Norseman 04-02-05, 08:13 AM	199. Ouch! Ouch! It burns! 200. You idiot! 201: What? Where? I don't see anything anything. Wait...
Voidboy 04-02-05, 10:04 AM	202) I would sit back if I were you! (To a Pit fiend) 203) I hit him stronger.
JFargo 04-02-05, 10:30 AM	204. What do you mean, "He seems to be using the weapon of power that we came to steal from him?" 205. "I climb into my bag of holding..."
Alcari Ambaron 04-02-05, 11:29 AM	206) ...205 + "holding my portable hole"
Slightly Shotgunned 04-02-05, 01:30 PM	207.) (time: last tuesday; situation: crossing a broken bridge) We threw across a grappling hook rope across the cavern where the 18' bridge USED to be, tied another rope from the rogue going across to the fighter, tied another rope from the fighter to the horse, and had the druid and cleric handling the horse. "I swing across like tarzan!" :eek: (that's how we all looked at her) we all just had images of a horse flying over the edge along with 2 party members and landing on them at the bottom.
Meshakhad 04-02-05, 01:51 PM	208. "CHARGE!" 209. "I throw the torch into the darkness" *turns out there was a blue dragon in the darkness* 210. (Fighter to rogue who bears the fighter a grudge) Watch my back (Rogue) OK *backstab* 211. "I try and grab the floating black sphere (a sphere of annihilation)" 212. (Ghoul rogue PC) "I kill the guy" (Cleric who was interrogating him) "DESTROY UNDEAD!"
Aeolus91 04-02-05, 05:36 PM	213: I cast lightning bolt on the inevitables! (While standing on a gear made of iron in Mechanus)
speeblefreak 04-02-05, 06:12 PM	214. (just before manifesting mind thrust) That's probably a doppleganger and not the rogue. 215. Psion (on a ship): I take energy ray potshots at the passing fish. DM: The zegludon you hit rises out of the water and attacks you. Yeah, I'm pretty stupid. :looloo:
ghostflea 04-02-05, 06:38 PM	whilst using blink 216) "Listen I know there are secret tunnels in the mountain I just have to get deep enough in to find them" (Then RUNS through side of mountain, FYI no secret tunnels)
General_Ridley 04-02-05, 07:10 PM	217) "Behold foul beast! The item of your destruction!" pulls from a robe of useful items "100 gold pieces? Ahh crap."
speeblefreak 04-02-05, 07:39 PM	218 (similar to 217): I activate my Rod of Wonder!
trappedslider 04-02-05, 08:13 PM	219 "I know Bob said it looks like real dynamite." 220 "I have complete confidence that Joe can stop them... Oh, hi Joe." 221 "What are you going to do, kill me?"
Alcari Ambaron 04-03-05, 07:23 AM	220 "I have complete confidence that Joe can stop them... Oh, hi Joe." 222.) "hi joe, what's that you're running from???
Lei Nalio 04-03-05, 01:32 PM	223. Ohhh... What does this button do? *press.....ZAP!* Oh... Sorry Cal... 224. OOC: (Still learning...Just was killed) Wait... I can do that!? NOW you tell me!
The_Grikk 04-03-05, 06:41 PM	225. "Its pitch black... I cant see a thing... Oh, wait... here i think i found a candle let me light it...." 226. Anyone else smell brimstone?
The_Grikk 04-03-05, 06:42 PM	227. Hey is that Elminster.... whats he running for???
Gristooth 04-03-05, 06:45 PM	228. "Don't be here when we get back." Said an exalted barbarian to a demon prince.
Piff 04-05-05, 06:04 PM	:bump:
True Archon 04-05-05, 06:32 PM	229. Honestly, what's the worst that can happen? 230. I p*** on the sacrificial altar to Ares! 231. Player 1: Don't worry guys. By my calculations, including our effective character level, magic items, level adjustments, and the past four encounters, I figure that the DM wouldn't throw an encounter against us that we couldn't handle. DM: :devil: :evillaugh Player 2: Um, well.... did your calculations take into account for the evil gleam in the DM's eye? Player 1: Hmmm.... noooo.... On second thought.... RUN!
Gluk 04-05-05, 06:59 PM	232. I didn't know they had an alarm system!
Bartleby_GoC 04-05-05, 11:51 PM	233. Wait, dragon? There can't be a dragon. The innkeeper would have mentioned a dragon!
Daydreamer 04-06-05, 04:25 AM	Here are two classic ones. 234. What ! only a God could have survived that. and my personal favorite. 235. Vampires have so many weaknesses you can't help but kill them.
Saihtam 04-06-05, 07:51 AM	236. When talking to the dm : 'You're a little prick aren't you' 237. Some cloaked figures approach us? Maybe they're messagengers or something, there's no need yet to get the rest of the party. (Right before the cloaked lycantrhopes attacked me (bard) and my friend (rogue)) 238. Oh god I realy hate beholders 239. Situation : My players were in the 'Inn and Out', some sort of interplanar bar, it had entrances in every plane, so the customers were kinda creapy. Me to the Wizard/Barbarian : You're approached by a chain devil. Chain Devil : are you in for a good time, pretty boy? Player : sure, why not. Player follows the devil to one of the private rooms. (he actualy survived the proces, but I think this could have been his last words) 240. Damn you suck (Right before having you're brains sucked out by a mind flayer)
Carrick 04-06-05, 08:15 AM	241) "You guys brought rope...right?" (the character didn't really die until he failed the final climb check after jumping into the pit)
High Octane 04-06-05, 09:01 AM	242: DM: Just dont roll a.... *Player Rolls* 243: *Sigh* I know better but my character doesnt. I open the door. 244: I don't care! I do it anyway! 245: I open the scroll. (DMs who trap SCROLLS should be shot!) 246: Its just a skeleton with some intestines! 247: Uh, the prismatic are the GOOD dragons right? RIGHT? 248: Its just a joke, Im sure St. Cuthberts clerics will get a kick out of it! 249: DM: How is this pronounced? Player: .......Mephistopholes.
The_Grikk 04-06-05, 10:05 AM	249: DM: How is this pronounced? Player: .......Mephistopholes. :rofl:
Dragonchild 04-06-05, 11:32 AM	I think if any character manages to prattle off one thousand and one words before croaking, either that dude wasn't in critical condition in the first place, or we've gone film noir. :rimshot:
High Octane 04-06-05, 11:56 PM	250: MAX DAMAGE! That should kill him right? .......RIGHT?
Mirikon 04-07-05, 12:10 AM	251) What do you mean you don't have enough dice? 252) Don't worry, we have the element of suprise! 253) Don't worry, I have a plan... 254) Don't worry, we still outnumber it! 255) Don't worry... 256) If we're really quiet, we can sneak past this dragon... 257) Player: I go into the room, and look around. I'll roll a spot check. *rolls* Woot! 20 on the check! What do I see? DM: Roll a Fort save. Player: Uh, sure. *fails* "Dang. What happens?" DM: (to the other players) As <character name> enters the room, he suddenly turns to stone... (Player spotted a hidden Medusa that happened to be looking directly at him.) 258) So what about these warnings on the walls? I'm going to investigate the tomb! 259) I am invincible! 300) They're just goblins...
Ludovico47 04-07-05, 12:53 AM	301. I throw a rock at it.
JFargo 04-07-05, 01:06 AM	302. "Wait, what do you mean, they completed the ritual? 303. "Oh." (After saying "Hey, what's that?") 304. "Rats? Yeah, we can kill rats. What do you mean, Swarm?"
The_Cheat137 04-07-05, 01:51 AM	"I challenge her to single combat." That was a near-TPK situation. Yes, a single combat challenge resulted in near-TPK :P
True Archon 04-07-05, 07:18 AM	306: The scenario went as follows. Player 1: Ok, we're 10th-level and we killed that CR 12 monster pretty easilly (can't remember what it was). Now, Drizzt's statistics in the Forgotten Realms book says that he has about the same amount of hit points as that CR 12 monster. I bet we can beat him. Player 2 (me): Umm, I don't think so. Drizzt has a lot more stuff than that monster did, and that's not including his cat. I don't think we can take him. DM: Do you wanna bet lunch on it? I won't even use his cat. Player 2: I still don't think we can beat him. There's a reason why he is a CR 18, cat or not. Besides, I'm not going to lose my character because of some bet. DM: No, no. This won't affect your characters. We'll just do it as a bet. Player 1: Yeah, I think we can do it. I bet my character can beat him, by himself (his last words). Later on... after the battle.... Player 2: See, there's a reason that he's a CR 18. So, what's for lunch?
MattHawk 04-22-05, 12:54 AM	Paraphrased, of course, but as best I can remember: Druid: "I feed the squirrel a peanut." DM: "Ok, the squirrel eats a peanut, and doesn't run away from you" Druid's Last Words: "Yay, I have another pet now." *Picks up squirrel, places on shoulder* That night: DM to Druid: "Make a fortitude save" Druid: *rolls a 2* "Umm.. 13" DM: "The squirrel was a polymorphed half-elf assasin, and you failed the save against the death attack. Roll up a new character."
Otto the Bugbear 04-22-05, 07:40 AM	"I wish we were done." True story, and he was done. Everyone got saves, which he failed. That was probably the dumbest person I ever gamed with. Cheers Otto :)
LCD2YOU 04-22-05, 08:09 AM	309: "What do you mean I can't swim through the lava?" 310: "The Black Globe (Traveller) should protect us when we evade the cruiser by going through the star"
jokem 04-24-05, 03:18 PM	311) How big can it be? (from Hellboy)
Donacin 04-24-05, 03:35 PM	312) Boars? What's the problem? They're just pigs that live in the forest.
SmiloDan 04-24-05, 04:45 PM	313. "I wildshape into a dire bear and inhale the gaseous form of the vampire." I actually did that. We couldn't allow the vampire to escape because we needed something from her. When the vamp re-materialized, my DM just rolled all the dice he owns. Thank Mother Nature for those Con boosts when wildshaping... and Bear's Endurance!
speeblefreak 04-24-05, 05:53 PM	"Cool, this hood looks just like a mind flayer. I put it on." (introducing new friend to party) "No, he's not the assassin we're trying to find. He told me so himself." "Look what I can do!" (a few days after fighting some slaads) "What's this lump? And why is it moving?" "Scarab of death ? They just call it that to make it sound cool." "Cool. This bag has teeth..." (standing in an underground cavern) "I cast earthquake."
The_Elder 04-27-05, 05:03 AM	x+1 PC1 "Uh.....guys whats the name of that big platnoum colored dragon?" PC2 OOC its a dragon......its name is xp farm PC3 "CHARGE" (TPK lv15 party faceing bahamat who was there to give them a quest)
Paradisio 04-27-05, 05:39 AM	321.) "I push the goblin into the room ahead of us," as the goblin stumbles ahead triggering the pressure plate ironically killing everyone in the ensuing tunnel collapse... The goblin is unharmed.
Amyris 04-27-05, 05:49 AM	322. "What do you mean it's 300ft fall?" This one was from my 1st level druid, who after rolling miraculously high climb checks on the way up fails the final one. Badly. As in badly enough to fall. 300ft from the bottom. That hurt, A lot. 323. "Eh, It didnt look this tall on the way up..." That one was from the same druid, right after the previous one. Oh yeah, some from my players: 324. "Hah, those are just some Orcs, we can take them!" This from the party Dwarf and healer, right before charging at the two orcs and getting critted by their AoOs, dropping him like a stone. 325. "He's just a Hobgoblin, what could he do?" This from the party rogue, who takes an AoO from the Hob to take a shot at the drow hiding behind a table. Sigh, dropped before she even got to attack... 326. "What, I hear something? Forget it, I go back to sleep. I need to recover my spells." Now this one was from the party Sorc, the only one to hear the assasins coming. Sigh...
bansheeman 10-30-05, 07:35 PM	77. ouch 78. Its so pretty! 79.I double dog dare you 80. Wana play some poker i found these on the table over there.( deck of many things)
Gworraent 10-30-05, 08:02 PM	81: Hey it's only CR 18 and we've got 4 10th level characters, so we've got a total CR of 40. we can take it! 82: Drow wizard: stupid surface dwellers, i've had enough of rascism, time for a chaotic evil massacre of this elven metropolis ( one thing with elves, they always have someone stronger than you) 83: Can I pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeez re-roll???
Lao, Ninja of the Dragon 10-30-05, 08:28 PM	(Kobolds worshipped dragons in this campaign) Kobold NPC traveling with party: :bow: Sure you can eat us. We don't mind. And you can take our stuff and add it to your horde. :bow: Wizard: :mad: Bard: :weep: Druid: :eek: Fighter :censored: Scout: :confused: DM: Oops, looks like I forgot to tell you about kobolds in this setting. :evillaugh: *hands everyone 4d6*
General_Ridley 10-30-05, 08:28 PM	185) "Brak? That's a stupid name for a [insert character class here]." (5601 xp to whomever gets the reference first) would it be 8-bit theater in reference to Fighter the Fighter or Thief the Thief? Or is it a specific character named brak? I'll go with using class name for the character of the class.
Owiercyn 10-30-05, 10:22 PM	Getting the numbering right again (I think) 335) "I use Abundant Step to dimension door right above the guy's head!" This said by the monk when facing the BBGG in an evil campaign when the paladin/ranger/ghostwalker who had been almost killed by the party in the first session of the campaign showed up, with the party's female quarry in tow. Total Character level 18 vs. party of 4 15s. He had two bladed gauntlets, one vorpal, one brilliant energy, with a +9 extra to-hit and damage bonus or so from his Ghostwalker class ability against those who almost kill him. Crit, confirmed, instantly decapitated monk. Player: :eek:
The Wasp 10-30-05, 11:19 PM	336) "wait, there's something written here: I prepared explosive runes this morn..." 337) "Demawho?"
trappedslider 10-31-05, 01:44 AM	from Red vs Blue "Son of a :censored:!"
yellowdingo 10-31-05, 01:47 AM	"Give her to your men!" Player sacrifices his mom's character to a horde of mercenaries. And gets a stern talking too afterwards.
BloodMagician 10-31-05, 03:05 AM	From Shadowrun: 340)I set the plastic explosive on the electric fence.
Szat 10-31-05, 05:36 AM	#341)Party is being attacked by a Murk (Libris Mortis). Two members pass through it's threaten area. One AoP. DM: "Well I can only take one AoP a round" PC#1: Unless it has Combat Reflexes or something silly that DM: :thinks: *flips through book* Oh look at that! It does :dancin: Heh heh.... #342) What could possibly go wrong! #343) It's ok guys I've got my Staff of Construct Bane and it's a Gargoyle! Hello! Gargoyle = Construct!
Tharin G'tal 10-31-05, 05:44 AM	'it's gonna be just another dead thing on the end of my axe!' 'What do you potions of levitate just stop working?!'
Oof GruumshNoLike 10-31-05, 07:04 AM	That's what the party said before entering the lair of the vorpal bunny. There was a "bunny" species in one of the early MMs that had a horn like a unicorn. A 1st level party that I was DMing came across the bunnies den where there were a bunch of babies guarded by the parent "bunnies". The Ranger made the comment, "I'll take one to raise as my animal companion!" One nearly-TPK later, the ranger was being escorted out of the den by his other party members, and his left leg was missing from the knee down!
Oof GruumshNoLike 10-31-05, 07:14 AM	My Paladin recently said, when told by another party member to leave the BBEG alone, who was a very high level Nec-Spec/Black Robe (Dragon Lance setting), " Black Robe? Should I be afraid? Because I'm not!" just before grapping the door handle to the BBEG's lair and getting hit by "Symbol of Pain".
hollow_ghost 11-08-05, 03:53 PM	348. (not DnD, but similar) I'm a mage facing another for an artifact. We just used our ultimate spells and we drop to the floor. Mage: "Well, time for melee." :fight!: Me, to charging mage: "MELEE MY (behind)!!!!!" :smirk: never ever appreciated my legendary slingshot more than this (especially since I keep TPKing with it) :mage: Made a critical hit, the bullet smashed the mage's staff and smashed his head. GM told me that the mage was preparing his last spell.
hollow_ghost 11-08-05, 03:54 PM	349) Barbarian, to the paladin, with the paladin's paladin son and my PC that he tried to rape on the sideline: "Your wife is a wh**e!! and your son is an idiot!!" :tantrum: Party: :bigeyes: :rolleye2: :uh-huh: :clap: Paladin, Paladin's Paladin Son, Me: "CHARGE!!!!" :schemes: :ayyyy!: :evillaugh :smirk: :fight!: need I say more?
hollow_ghost 11-08-05, 04:13 PM	350) Killed a bunch of orcs, gained our sixth level, walk up the tower and see the guy we're suppose to capture climb on a huge red dragon's back. Dwarven Barbarian (me): "I ready my greataxe!" :fight!: party gets ready to fight DM: "Are you sure??? It's a huge red dragon." :dragon: ME: "Ah. True. RUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" :noway: party follows me, except Elf Ranger: "I walk down slowly, with my bow ready to shoot." DM: ...:confused: "Roll a reflex" Elf, rolls: "Dam..." :eek: DM, turns to the rest: "As you run like mads down the stair without looking behind your back, you suddenly feel searing heat in your back." :ghosted: Me: "I go and put the elf's 'remains' in my backpack..." :zzz:
WhiteRaven810 11-08-05, 05:58 PM	351: 'Look ma' no hands!' 352: (to a group of girl, while not role playing) 'Yea later me and my guy friends are going to sit around a table and roll dice while trying to save mankind from a succubus invasion. It's tought work, but somebody has to do it.'
strike277 11-08-05, 06:39 PM	353: Who are you and why am I wearing a Red Shirt?
DragonDeadite 11-08-05, 07:11 PM	354: "Hm... the display says 'Great Vorpal Sword of Destruction' but there's nothing in it... " 355: DM: A Black Bear stands up from behind the rock. Me: AH! I hit it with my hammer! DM: Oh good... I didn't like that character anyways.
strike277 11-08-05, 08:26 PM	356: 1st Lvl Pc to Strahd Vozerovich. "Be gone from my sight feind !" 357: I poke the trap with my sw***BOOOM !!!!!!!!!! 358: Who are you looking at !? 359: You don't really think that will work on me do you? :D
The Eye of the Cyclop 11-08-05, 10:59 PM	400- You are alone and we are four. Don't mess with us! 401- Well... we can't really go back now after all we have been trough.
The Eye of the Cyclop 11-08-05, 11:00 PM	400- You are alone and we are four. Don't mess with us! 401- Well... we can't really go back now after all we have been through.
strike277 11-08-05, 11:09 PM	Borrin, Elven Wizard : Shhh, don't wake th..... Danar Dwarf Cleric : DRAGON !!!!!! Borrin : :bigeyes: :help:
WhiteRaven810 11-08-05, 11:31 PM	302: What are you lookin' at? -said to a Beholder-
Pryokon 11-09-05, 12:05 AM	403: "I attack the bugbear gardener!" The party ranger. The gardener was holding a scythe. You can guess what happened. 404: Pc's were trying to infiltrate an organization that included, among other things, a mind flayer. Flayer: "So, to ensure your trust, I'll have to send you on a task that will... you know what? Screw it. I'll just mind scan you." PC's: :eek: Most ended up escaping except for the party wizard, who was stunned and hacked to death by the mind flayer's entourage. Ironically, he was the only one who failed his save against detect thoughts. 405: PC cleric: I'll need something to distract the orcs. Is there something I can use as a bell? Me: You're wearing splint mail, carrying a shield, have no skill ranks in stealth and have a dex of 7. You are a bell.
strike277 11-09-05, 12:48 AM	406: Cool Sword !
Sangredwarf89 11-09-05, 05:52 PM	Ahhh, (insert nemesis' name here) I finally got you. See? Now i embrace you as a friend. (As hero goes under nemesis' army, crushing him to death) Your better than i thought. What pit? (A rouge holds a stolen, unknown wand) I wonder what it does...*waves wand* (this destroyed my whole campaign) It looks hungry. Awww how cute? Let's help it. (something ugly: one of my female Pc's is a freak!!) [Yelled at top of lungs] Is there a lumber company in this town? (In a town highly populated by Druids) *snore* Come on, DM!!!! How about instead you (insert suggestion here) [N00b Making First Character] Hey (DM's Name) Can I start at Level 10? Ohhhh, scary king. Armor's for wimps. [Said to a dwarf] I bet I can out drink you. I'll sleep when I'm dead. Over my dead body! My character punches the orc in the face. (rolls natural one) I wonder what it tastes like. What's this button do? NOOb says "I can take him!" What's in this hole? Woooo hotie! (said to powerful persons wife/gf) Look there coming to say Hello! We're out of Cheetos and Mountain Dew! Can I eat this? Hold on mom let me finish this post. MWCL
boatmanj 11-09-05, 05:56 PM	408? --> "I'll get you next time He-Man!!"
Rabit 11-09-05, 06:02 PM	409.) It's not my charecter, travis should have shown up.
Darkstealth 11-09-05, 06:14 PM	410) Do I still have the eyes in my spell components pouch? I do? At my last breath, I eat them, saying, "Yum." And then I fall to the ground, chewed eyes still in my mouth.
Digger75 11-09-05, 07:46 PM	Sorry (Kender to a minataur pc, after accidently hitting him during combat)
Gimpy Saviour 11-09-05, 08:13 PM	*While being shocked to death in the anti evil field* B-but I'm lawful neutral damited.... *explodes in evil helfire fury*
Darkstealth 11-09-05, 08:31 PM	413) It's shiny!
bitswordmaker 11-09-05, 08:58 PM	414) "What do you mean the kobold's holding a great sword??!!" 415) "Let the Que search for traps" Ques are kinda like kender, only smaller, more annoying, much more interested in shiny things, have incredibly short attention spans, less name calling, and very fast....they are easily described as young children...very young children.... 416) "Aww come on, Jake can't be that bad!" Jake was the second most powerful god, and very evil... 417)"What would happen if we mixed Black Out with Bargewater..." Both are incredibly strong drinks on Therain (my world) 418) "I'm gonna make a wall of negative energy, and cast Heal on it."-player "You're kidding right?"- me "Nope."-player "Alright, do you tell the rest of the party?" -me "Yeah, sure, I'll give them a chance to run"-player "Aight, do any of you have a base speed of a mile or more? No? Then you aren't gonna make it out of the blast zone."- me "Wall of negative energy, heal" - player 419) Player- "I touch the red gold." Red gold- gold cursed by the sacrificing of people to the god Jake. 420) "I jump in front of the Balefire" Read the Wheel of Time 421) "All we have to do is get the vampire to suck the Tarrasque's blood while we distract it." 422) "It's only a black orb." Umbral Blot 423) Dm- "Something reaches out to grab you as you fly up to the ceiling." Me- "I use the weave fireball." Note: never cast fireball in a room full of dwarven ale that has been aging for thousands of years, and yes weave not spell, it's channeling, once again read the Wheel of Time series 424) "What do you mean he picks up a continent??!?!" 425) "I stand in front of the moving blur." Therain is fast enough you have to make a spot check of 60 just to see a blur. 426) "But I'm a GOD!!!" I've got a ton more, but I've gotta go... "Time comes and goes... I remain here always." - Therain
Caemin Pah 11-10-05, 12:15 AM	427) I thought a Wand of Wonder cast Daze ! 428) I have +12 to intimidate, I bet 50gold that I can stare down a dragon ! 429) *Actually said during one of my adventures* It's a tiny Hamlet, how tough can the Guard Captain be?! (when three times during the adventure he swooped in and saved them single-handed from a VERY tough battle)
Always-Late 11-10-05, 12:28 AM	Ques are kinda like kender, only smaller, more annoying, much more interested in shiny things, have incredibly short attention spans, less name calling, and very fast....they are easily described as young children...very young children....I highly doubt you can find anything in existence more interested in shiny things, more annoying, or with a shorter attention span than kender. Besides, of course, kender on crack.
Caemin Pah 11-10-05, 12:36 AM	I highly doubt you can find anything in existence more interested in shiny things, more annoying, or with a shorter attention span than kender. Besides, of course, kender on crack. Does that count my 11 yr old without his ADHD medication? *shudders at the thought of a constantly rambling, constantly moving, unable to finish a single sentence before changing the subject 11 yr old*
Ghost of Taelin 11-10-05, 01:03 AM	430) "I fly up into the air to engage the devil." 431) "I drop my pants and defile the altar." 432) "Gees man, you must be in bad shape, you sure are breathing heavily." 433) "I'm a gladiator, I'm used to fighting bears in the arena." 434) "No one can save against Dragon's Bile!" 435) "It's just a shocker lizard!" 436) "It's just a bunch of shocker lizards!" 437) "Please, am I supposed to be afraid of a horde of shocker lizards?" Most are quotes from my late, lamented Paladin's campaign (Thomas "The Black" Taelin, 1-22, R.I.P., He was a good man, and he lived for vengeance on the world). As you could tell, the dm LOVED. SHOCKER. LIZARDS. The third is from my wizard's campaign (Armenelor "The Knowing" Sharsenor, 1-16, R.I.P., There was no where in the world that his sight had not gone, besides the grave.). He was in a jungle... the heavy breathing was a demon-lion thingy. We still don't know what it was, and the DM (different one) refused to tell us. The second is from my barbarian's campaign (Charoth "I DEFILE THE ALTAR!" Strongarm, 1-6, R.I.P., I @#$@ing HATE MAGIC! GAH!), which involved a lot of evil clerics, undead and a trippy mind-game haunted house. Peace... and love.
Mr_Hackman 11-10-05, 02:52 AM	438) In this adventure one of the magic items in the treasure was a ring of wonder. It was a "cursed" item (sort of) that for every use treated the wearer as though he had pointed a rod of wonder at himself and activated it. While appraising it, the rogue rolled a 1, and i ruled he set it off by accident. He didn't really survive a rino bursting out of the ring and trampling him.:ghosted:
Ammy Thoranderin 11-10-05, 07:45 AM	Dwarf fighter (he was leaning on a tree while on watch in the middle of the night, and had just heard five elven arrows thunk into the tree neatly around his helmet...) 439) "Yargh! Frikkin' Pansies!" ...may he rest in peace :D
digoraccoon 11-10-05, 08:40 AM	440) "I eat it." -PC interrupting my description of a Black Ooze.
PHDrillSergeant 11-10-05, 12:13 PM	441.) "I'm gonna riverdance down the stairs." -- Glenn, aka Vash, the (now late) paladin 442.) "I'm going to toss my sword in the air, jump over the altar, and attempt to catch it with my mouth." --Jerard, the (now VERY late) bard 443.) "I'm going to attempt to appraise her." Glenn, aka. Vash (post resurrection, see above), just before the female player, Alanna, jumped over the table and strangled him. 444.) "I'm going to pet the puppy." Fred, the (late) Sorcerer, when a Hell Hound appears from the depths of the chasm. 445.) "Why do trapfinding on the book? books can't be trapped. DM, I'm going to open the book." --Glenn, aka Val (Vash's younger brother, see above), just before he gets poisoned and dies from the spring tucked inside the hollow book's pages. 446.) "I'm going to strip-search the [female] barbarian." Glenn, aka Gray (Vash's cousin), just before Alanna strangled him again. 447.) "Don't worry, I have a high balance skill." Glenn, aka Oskar, before he fell off of the bridge and into the chasm. 448.) "I'm going to leave the party and go out on my own." Glenn, aka Kilderr, before he was eaten by wolves in the Spine of the World. And the moral of the story is...NEVER LET GLENN PLAY D&D. EVER.
LugWrench 11-10-05, 12:58 PM	449. Oops. (A generic, all around "I screwed up and this is going to HURT" phrase) 450. Doesnt this thing come with instructions? 451. Catch! 452. Im wearing +4 Full Plate of Heavily Fortified Resistance, he cant even touch me. 453. *party rogue, to the female Watch Commander, though the rogue didnt know that at the time* Hey, got milk? 454. Trust Me. 455. Death before dishonor, ATTACK!! 456. If the merchant doesnt like it, Ill just run him through. Ill kill his guards, too. 457. Oh, dear GOD.... Its THEM!!! *when confronted with Tuckers Kobolds* 458. I know what im doing. 459. Orcs? Thats it? Just orcs?
Herr_Grinch88 11-10-05, 01:26 PM	460. (The PCs are on a airship about to smash into to the earth) Don't you know a feather fall spell or something? Crap, I guess we half to bite the bullet.
VagueZ 11-10-05, 01:44 PM	461. "The barkeeper annoys me. Retributive strike." ~from a friend's game. The player who did this was not invited back.
fuzzeymonk 11-10-05, 02:00 PM	462) what do you mean the mountain charges at me!
SamirTrollslayer 11-10-05, 02:59 PM	463. Its not even that BIG of a dragon... 464. Beholders are very heavy sleepers. 465. Demons and devils dont really exist... 466. What a nice cloak. (One charecter put on a poisonous cloak and fell over dead. Another char then removes the curse and...puts it on... doah)
SamirTrollslayer 11-10-05, 03:28 PM	In another one of our games the gods of faerun were walking the land as but were still extremly powerful. We were on a boat and saw a woman walking on the water. Keep in mind our PC's knew the gods were walking the earth. 467. Hey lets ram her. Umberlees not even a greater diety anyways...
DragonDeadite 11-10-05, 03:57 PM	468: Okay, background. Level 5 half-giant Barbarian, sees a Minotaur(W/lvls of Barb) being mean to some patrons so he decides to tell the Minos what he thinks. After some words the Minos tells him to hit or run away. So the barb pulls his Huge Warhammer, swings at the minos... Minos pushes the hammer away and smack him (unarmed!) for non-lethal damage upside his head. The barb repeats the process about three more times, each time missing the Minos, and the minos is just GRINNING at the guy. He's now got about two more points of damage before he passes out... at which point he says... "I'm sorry..." hands over the warhammer and the Minos smacks him with it hard enough to kill him flat out. Funniest thing ever!! He just kept TRYING!! We were all cracking up.
FaustXIII 11-10-05, 04:09 PM	469: I pee on the tree (Trents) 470: I stick my hand in the hole that just ate my sword 471: I transform(doppleganger) into a black wyrmling and pee on the dragon
Secrets Untold 11-10-05, 05:05 PM	I eat the gray fuzzy ball (bag of tricks) Ooh! A flask! (filled with a effriti
Drachenfeuer 11-10-05, 05:39 PM	474: After our party had been harrassed for almost an entire campaing by a trixter Gnome Illusionist, a Great Red Dragon slowly uncoils itself from the hoard of treasure in front of the Paladin Paladin: "I Dis-Believe!!!!" :fight!: :dragon:
prebziah 11-10-05, 05:46 PM	468. what do think will happen if spank the queen? 469. Easy as pie...
jokem 11-10-05, 05:53 PM	470. How big can it be? (was not Hellboys last words, however)
bitswordmaker 11-11-05, 07:20 PM	And as for the Que thing, yeah they are like that. They are also much more interested in map making, and they each have phobia. Makes them interesting as hell to play. Oh yeah, and they all have one thing that they like more than anything else. For example, one player's mania was snakes. If she saw a snake, she automatically grabbed it and started petting it, and stuff like that... Anyways, back to why I'm here. 471) What do you mean he catches my fireball??!?! 472) Hey, I'm a theif, how 'bout you? Said to a paladin... 473) It's only a big hairy elephant, what harm could it be? 474) If I jump high enough the beholder won't see me.. 475) OH GOD!!! Note: on my world, and my step father's, if you say that, we automatically make a check to see if you get a god/goddess. Another note, not all gods like being called upon for no reason. 476) I slam my head into the jail bars. 477) This one is different... I, the Dm, said this, and regretted it.... "You lose another 11 points of CON."-me "Alright, I use my psuedonatural abilities to squeeze my hand down this dude's throat, until I feel air. Then I'm grabbing and pulling up." DM Lesson-never back a psuedonatural minotaur into a corner with no hope of escape. 478) I light the fuse. 479) player-"I spit in the face of the Theives Guild Master." DM- "what do you do about the assassin?" Player-"What assassin?" DM- "The assassin that just dealt 279 points of sneak attack damage to you." Player- "Oooohh..." Aight, that's all until I can remember the rest.... Oh wait... hold on... Bam-Bam aka Duh 480) okay, gotta give you a picture of this guy STR: 50, CON:27 everything else: 3 5'4" of solid muscle, and I mean solid. His weapon was a ten foot tree... All he knew how to do though, was hit and eat.... Okay, channeling, I've mentioned before, is from the Wheel of Time. Male Channelers, when they first touch the Source, often get very sick. When the party met this male channeler, he puked several times... Here was what Bam-Bam's player said he would do; "I eat the puke." Sad, gross, but true.. and so passed the great Duh from the mind of everyone as they started laughing, and trying not to puke at the same time.... Anyways, PEACE!!! "If I was to be able to destroy gods, all my problems would end." - Bit
SuprMann78 11-11-05, 08:06 PM	481) Whats an Orc?
VonZylo 11-11-05, 09:03 PM	482) (my Dm commented on my CON eailer that day) {sarcasticly} Oh look who just died, the guy with a lot of con. {realizing} wait, I'm the only target left arn't I. 483) We'll make the DND book of world records for this. 484) Vorpal items are just supersition 485) This plane looks breathable.
ChompyUnlimited 11-12-05, 07:54 PM	(- = # we're on in this 1001 post) - DAM U ALL! - I send my criticalized magic fangs at him! (opponent then turns spell back at him)
Jonrea 11-13-05, 01:32 AM	488) DM: Make a spot check PC: natural 20 DM: you see writing on the wall. What do you do? PC: I go up and read it! DM: It says "I prepared explosive runes today" Never actually happened to me, but if I was a DM I would so do it.
CalemJones 11-15-05, 12:41 PM	74) After hearing 3 large thumps at the door, goes to open the door "What the hell do yo....." SMASH as he is nailed with a battering ram. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
avatar6v7 11-15-05, 12:48 PM	489) paladin: but how was i too know he hadnt heard of honurable combat
Dragon_loving_DM 11-15-05, 04:59 PM	490. ok back story first the party's theif had just rolled three spot checks which reveled to him that there was a huge ax being held just above the golden object on the alter. The player had dudeced that the ax head would fall and smash the alter to bits if he lifted the golden object off it thief: Guys don't touch that golden head. fighter/barbarian: I pick it up (ooc to me the dm "I've got a +9 to my reflex so I know I can make it.") Me: -all I give them is a evil glint in my eyes- Thief: -grabs new character sheet- "I roll for my new character." Point of this was what the barbarian said....never tell the DM what you can and cannot do for you will have to reroll your character anew. hehe
hollow_ghost 11-19-05, 02:20 PM	491. Oh sure! Fail a single save and die huh? ARG!!! :ghosted:
General_Ridley 11-19-05, 04:21 PM	492. "Come on, the dragon won't be able to kill us! Dragons are blind as bats, and they're really just big lizards with wings. They're pushovers!"
E. Ravenwood 11-19-05, 05:46 PM	493) Oops! 494) Genie, make me a ham sandwich! 495) tis' but a flesh wound. 496) Let's poke it with a stick. 497) WAIT! 498) Not again... 499) Did anyone hear that? 500) Go ahead, push the button.
Rolof 11-19-05, 06:42 PM	My level 3 Samurai: What is this thing? *while holding a necklace of fireballs* So, it is magic? Bah, there is no honor in fighting with magic, I use my sword, it is the Bushido way." *Throws necklace as far as he can in disgust.* Entire rest of the party: Noooooooooooooooooo- *KABOOM*
The Mad Dragon 11-19-05, 07:39 PM	502: This cave opening is shaped like a Dragon's Mouth. 503: Saying "Life is wonderful" to a Defiler.
Keurin 11-19-05, 11:16 PM	504: "I'll kick the trip-wire!" (He ACTUALLY said those words)
b5201 11-23-05, 05:53 PM	505: You get the trog i'll get the lever(expected words on fridays game) :bump:
Tuah 11-23-05, 05:58 PM	506: All six of us are at level 20. We're fighting some level 12 kobold. HOW HARD COULD IT BE?
SavageWolf 11-25-05, 04:59 AM	507: DM: Due to the Rangers Survival/Spot check, the party is able to stay hidden behind a small hillock as you see 10 ogres and a heavily robed ogre jog by. They seem to be a war party of some sort. (Party was level 4 at the time) Rogue: I stay hidden. Fighter: Me too. Cleric: There's no way that we can take them. I stay hidden. Mage (player was the most XP hungry person I have ever met): C'mon, guys! Do you know how much XP they're worth? I stand up and cast Shout. OVER HERE YOU UGLY OGRES!
chaz100 11-25-05, 11:07 AM	"Errr..hello..I'm dieing here!"
Darkstealth 11-25-05, 11:19 AM	"Man, I wish you had heal as a class skill."
tharivol266 11-25-05, 12:03 PM	"i hate clerics." "i draw my sword" "he's just an unarmed old man"
Kirano 11-25-05, 06:45 PM	Taking the card out of the Deck of Many Things: 513: Woohoo! Jack of Clubs! That's good...right ? Uh-oh...
TailsofElements 11-27-05, 03:12 PM	514: DM: You find the rest of the cave has a pond of creepy, glowing, cold water blocking the way for 50 feet. PC: I go for a swim! (Ice-water trap)
Novacat 11-27-05, 04:27 PM	Party with two rogues: Rogue 1 (Nick): Don't worry. I'm not stupid. Those were Nick's last words. Rogue 2 (James): Don't worry. I'm not as stupid as Nick. Those were James' last words.
renliant 11-28-05, 06:20 PM	517) Val, the party Druid opens a Magic Bottle…Out pops a large and angry looking Efreeti. Efreeti - "How do you wish to die?" Soon to be ex-Druid "Peacefully?!?" Efreeti - "Your Wish is My Command Master!" Val smiled, closed her eyes, and snuffed it Efreeti - "Do you have any more wishes master? No? Well, If you don't need me anymore, I'll skiv off to the City of Brass. Adios"
Tarrasque 11-28-05, 09:24 PM	518. elven fighter who's battlecry was "Arvandor!" fails save on dragon breath "ARV!-" 519. ... is then immediately healed to slightly above 1 hp. One Wing buffet later... "-AN!-" back to -8... 520. ... and then is healed again the next round, becomes concious long enough to take the next breath weapon... "-DOR!"
stranger_654 11-29-05, 12:24 AM	521: " The tower is on fire eh? well i take a running jump out of the window (7 stories up) and hope to land on my feet..... 522:" So what if its the largest dragon ever to live, it still cant see its toes....(dont ask) 523:" You would think that they would learn to lock doors...." 524:" It looks like food, it should taste the same...
Dire Hamster 11-29-05, 12:44 AM	525. Do you smell something burning? 526. Whoa, where did they go? They were here a minute ago? 527. Hmmmm, I wonder what this does? 528. Hey, where's my sword?!?
Chronoshift 11-29-05, 04:17 AM	529: Distract the rats 530: What ra-holy hell! 531:Tast my wrath (rolls a one)...maybe we can do a thumb-war? 532: That's...thats one big-ass dragon...
CalemJones 12-06-05, 12:37 PM	533) I think we should sodimise him. 534) I attack with my dagger. (FYI it wasn't a Rogue)
Karn Dragonsbane 12-06-05, 12:54 PM	535: This last blow... and you won´t breath again! (Me, before rolling so low on damage that the dragon was left on 14 HPs and survived)
Lord Pivian Caius 12-09-05, 01:13 AM	77. Oooh, how cute, its a little halfling.
SamirTrollslayer 12-14-05, 08:27 AM	78. What do you mean the dragon pulls out a great axe? 79. !0,000 orcs, we have em outnumbered. 80. I cast magic missle at the darkness...
Netstorm 12-14-05, 05:41 PM	Number.... ??? I think where save....
kindle139 12-14-05, 08:29 PM	540. They're only kobolds...
Tuah 12-14-05, 09:52 PM	541: Don't worry, I have a Wisdom score of 12, we'll be okay! :B (I've done that...)
Thurbane 12-15-05, 12:48 AM	542: Lets kill all these piddling little minions before we worry about the uber powerful leader, then we can concentrate on him!
nosoupforyou 12-15-05, 01:17 AM	543: Quick! Grab the Lich's Phyclatery!!! 544: Awwww...nuts. 545: Okay guys...i'm just going to open this Gate... - SOup
Radagast, the brown 12-15-05, 04:51 AM	while fighting a bodak. they were whereing blind foldes. the dwarf spun his axe in a circle and hit the palidin. the dwarfs responce was "palidin is that you let go of my axe" (it was loged in the palidins chest) his last words to a farmer where "train this" while giving a rude jester (his horse lost its head)
UndeadMouse 12-15-05, 09:25 AM	546: oh...god***n-s***-f***it-m*****f****ing stupid ogre 547: I'm immune to poison! oops, not that one. 548: I can't see a darned thing in here (in a room filled with flammable gas)
Salaman 12-15-05, 12:27 PM	549: Reading Old Master :whatsthis to apprentice: "I need the "Almanac of Korvalicus' Spells". It is on the top of the big bookshelf. Fetch it at once, but it is too high to reach." Apprentice :) : "Yes master, I'll just climb on that board up there ... " The Apprentice falls off the board and hits the floor lethally :ghosted: . Old Master frowns :nonono: but continues reading :whatsthis : "A pity. I thought he'd understood the part with wizards, levitation and heights ... " 550: Reading Old Master :whatsthis to next apprentice: "Do not drink the potion that smells like tee that stands in the kitchen ..." Apprentice frowns: "But I thought you were drinking it, too." Old Master: "Indeed, but I have turned this poisonous potion into tee, have you?" Apprentice :yuck: dies. Old Master :whatsthis : "A pity. He he even levitated to the book ..."
DMaster42 12-15-05, 02:53 PM	551) I dont need armor! 552) What could possibly go wrong? 553) NSFU (No Soup For You hehe i did this once :heehee ) 554) I hate short fat people... (so the human in the center of a dwarf city) 555) Look what i can do! 556) What does this do?
Thurbane 12-15-05, 05:01 PM	557. Look, all I'm saying is that I could do a better job of DMing than you, OK? Don't take it personally.
NeoRaven01 12-15-05, 05:09 PM	558) "Oh ****...This is gonna hurt." 559) "Did Mike(DM) just ask for some of our d6s?" 560) My last character was a Elven Theif, 2nd AD&D, and was asking a LG cleric of Tyr the name of that world's god of chaos. When the cleric wouldn't answer she got mad and yelled at the cleric "If your god is so great why is he afraid of me knowing the god of chaos's name?!" The Tyr's avatar showed up shortly... 561) "Do you speak common?" to a tribe of lizardfolk.
Daystar_Clarion 12-15-05, 06:37 PM	Rest of party consisting of a Rogue, Cleric, Barbarian, Samurai and Swashbuckler (im a fighter) Rogue: Damn...-3 HP...im out Barbarian: I really hate rage when it dosnt go my way. (in negatives) Cleric: I really wish i hadnt picked the non-healing domains and evil deities Swashbuckler: Ok....I tumble past the bad guy *rolls a 1*...ah crap...im screwed arnt I Samurai: I have two weapons!!! howd I get hammered!!!??? Cleric: Whose left?? Fighter:........me :D Rogue: ok, you need to heal us. Fighter:........... :confused: heal? what the hell is that?! I ended up spending 8 game hours trying to keep all the party alive.
Dragon_loving_DM 12-15-05, 06:57 PM	ME as the DM and the player was a wizard Me: your fire ball only serves to **** off the dragon and he breaths a gout of flame at you. Wiz: :confused: :tantrum: :eek: :weep: I thought you said he had white scales. Me: :twitch: No I said his scales were white hot not that he was in fact white because remember that I had said you were sweating from the excase of heat. Wiz: Ok can I make another character that is this guys brother just to get back at the dragon. Me: :shifty: :smirk: :plotting: :schemes: Sure...I'll allow that. Go for it. Those were my last word on that because this gy planed it out for a week before making that second character.
Daystar_Clarion 12-15-05, 07:03 PM	Fighter (me): come on, its only got one eye and its floating, its gotta have crap depth perception. *fires an arrow at the beholder*
NeoRaven01 12-15-05, 07:13 PM	565) The group was in a bar and the groups fighter, a dwarf, got the bright Idea to walk up to a minotaur and say something to him to start a bar fight. What did he say? "Moooo".
Daystar_Clarion 12-15-05, 07:19 PM	Fighter (me): Dont worry, they're paladins, we can defeat them by using lawful good alignment paradox questions!!!!!!! :ayyyy!:
AlanBruce 12-15-05, 07:24 PM	Cleric: "Grant us passage and accept the Holy Word of Pelor!" said cleric and myself (fighter) at the underground main hall of the Kobold queen...
Daystar_Clarion 12-15-05, 07:32 PM	Ok, true story...The party rogue has just gone off on her own to some 'shopping', anyway the town guard grow suspicious of her and ask the latest newcomers (us) if we know her. Guard: there has been reports of an female elf commiting various acts of theft, you wouldnt happen to know anything about it would you? Me (fighter): Hmm, no, we dont associate with theives *succeeds bluff check* Cleric: Hmm, this is a pity, such theft cannot be ignored. Swashbuckler (who is also a chaotic evil tiefling grins and shouts out to the passing rogue.) Hey! Dru! I think some guards are looking for you! The rogue walk towards wearing a brand new mithral chain shirt grinning, then realises the tiefling has just screwed her over and legs it.
Thurbane 12-15-05, 08:38 PM	569. "Don't worry, I can only fail this on a natural 1!" *rolls* "Well, ****!"
cheseboy 12-15-05, 10:21 PM	570. "I go into a rage!" Background: The party was defending a monastery from some kobolds. After killing one wave, they decided to barricade the doors of the central room and go to sleep. I asked what they were going to do with the corpses littering the room. The level 1 half-orc barbarian said he would take them out. When he walked out, carrying the maimed kobold corpses, he sees 9 sleeping kobolds, and 2 on watch with crossbows. Then he rages, prompting a miss from watcher 1, and a bolt to the throat from watcher 2.
Daystar_Clarion 12-16-05, 10:02 AM	DM: OK, a werewolf stands before you. Fighter (me): Ok.....anyone got any silver? Rogue: No *shifty eyes*. Paladin: Your lying arent you. Rogue: Yes...*looks ashamed* Fighter: Ok, I grab the rogues bag of holding and empty it over the werewolf.......what happened? DM: *looks at rogues inventory* According to this, he got crushed by a chandelier, three candle holders, 23 plates, 2 armour: full plate, a spellbook?????, and three crossbows. Rogue: well....err........
Evil DM Mk3 12-16-05, 10:05 AM	518:-They couldn't hit a giant at this dis-
SamirTrollslayer 12-16-05, 11:20 AM	519. ...Titans can't be monks 520. I grapple the Kraken. 521. I declare my dodge on the fellow who looks like Cyric.... oh crap.
DMaster42 12-16-05, 07:59 PM	x) I try to be friends with the dragon. x+1) i point the rod of wonder at the pool of black water in front of me.
NeoRaven01 12-16-05, 08:27 PM	578) Patrick(Sorceror): "I'll hit the dire bore with my club!" Me(Monk): "But you have like 4 offensive spells..." Patrick: "Yeah but I wanna get in on the fighting too!" 1 round later we had a dying sorceror.
Thurbane 12-16-05, 11:39 PM	579. "It doesn't matter what we do in this town, these pathetic lowbie commoners and city guards aren't going to take on a high-level party like us!" 580. "Of course this room is big enough for a Fireball!" 581. "...and then I drink my potion of Gaseous Form and escape. What do you mean I used that last week, and should have crossed it off my sheet?"
b5201 12-16-05, 11:44 PM	527:ooooh shiny.
Duncs 12-17-05, 05:43 AM	One from one of my players recently: 528) 'I am not saying i will kill all of you, but the first 7 of you to shoot will be killed. Do you want to be one of those seven?' Yeah, he tried a '71-Hour-Ahmed'
nosoupforyou 12-17-05, 12:23 PM	529: DM(me): You see a large patch of brown fungus lining the trail in front of you. It smells bad. :evillaugh: Ftr: I start cutting it away with my sword. :fight!: Mage: No! Wait, everybody stand back, I have a cool spell for this. :mage: *addresses me* I and my 4, level 7 wizards, all cast fireballs so that the entire patch is covered!!! DM(me): *hardly containing laughter* That's 5 fireballs? Mage: Well, I'll cast mine with the widen spell feat. DM(me): *laughs manically* Matt...can I borrow your calculator? Ftr (matt): What for? DM (me): I need to see how big this fungus has gotten....hahahahahahaa Ftr, Rog, Ftr2, Monk, Clr: DAMMIT CARSON!!!!! YOU :censored: :censored: :censored: AAARRRGGGHHHH Mage: :pbbbtt: Why do I even try? ------------------------------------------------------------- 530: Matt, can I borrow your calculator? and those two cubes of d6's? ------------------------------------------------------------- 531: *17th lv monk has been posessed with Magic Jar by a lich* Hey guys...come here for a second. :angel: - SOup
lostgirlz 12-17-05, 06:28 PM	532. "as long as the DM doesn't a crit i'll be sweet" 534.(bad news gets worse) "wadda you mean its vorpal"
NeoRaven01 12-17-05, 06:36 PM	334) I'm going to go up to the Paladin's horse and kick it in it's face.
lostgirlz 12-17-05, 06:49 PM	535. Wise Druid "we're low on hp low on spells and the door looks dodgy" WIZ famous last words "we'll be fine"
Darkuwa 12-17-05, 07:12 PM	With my last breath I curse the gnome.
HyperVyperBeam 12-17-05, 08:24 PM	569) "Dying is broken"
olshanski_home 12-17-05, 09:59 PM	570) "Last Words are Broken" I've noticed HVB has only 2 kinds of posts: 1 is Master DM competition entries and the associated smack-talk... 2 is "X is Broken".
Sssargoth 12-17-05, 11:08 PM	571) Don't worry guys, undead are my favorite enemies! *Disintigrated by the lich* (One of my most embarrasing moments in DnD ever)
Asha'man 01-12-06, 07:19 PM	572) :mymy: :OMG! :uh-huh: YOU DIDN'T..... *KABOOM!!!!*
CalemJones 01-13-06, 12:40 PM	573)wadda mean he srugs it off like a ice creame headache that was a crit with max damage
07cbdj 01-19-06, 05:07 PM	574.) It's almost dead! (when fighting a balor) :evillaugh
trappedslider 01-19-06, 05:21 PM	575. Its my turn to push the red button
LurkeroftheUnderworld 01-19-06, 06:38 PM	576. Party Paladin: Hey, inferior kobold! You'd best surrender that little gem of yours because I am the greatest paladin of the God of Light ever to walk the planet. Your feeble resistance to my awsome might will not even be in a footnote in the tale of my greatness! Pun-Pun: If you say so... :rolleyes:
Alorand 02-12-06, 04:51 PM	577) Hey, get the %$@! out of my seat! (To the DM...) :rolleyes: Happened last night. It wasnt vengeful the dragons just *randomly* chose to use their breath weapons on him. :P
Alorand 02-12-06, 05:13 PM	578) Ok, you lure them in here and ill collapse the cealing. That should crush them all. :nonono:
Shaitan0.2beta 02-12-06, 05:19 PM	579) I charge the Loch Ness monster! What do you mean the dock is slippery? Ok... Balance, balance, balance, ah there it is - it's... -4! How come, what is this AC penalty? Crap... He can't grapple me, can he? He can... Crap. (bubbles comming from under the surface)
Birdman 02-12-06, 05:45 PM	580:What you mean the bones come to life? 581: Don't worry your right in front of me I just don't need to roll a one 582:cmon its only a door.
DeadKeepWalking 02-12-06, 05:53 PM	583. Lets open the bottle labeled fire. (FulBomb, aka fireball in a bottle, explodes killing 2 party members) 584. See? It was only a baby. 585. I am not going to use my spells. 586. How long did it take you to carve these many perfect statues? (said to a medusa)
metamind 02-12-06, 06:08 PM	587: If you kill me, two more will take my place! 588: oh its just some stupid kobold (named Pun-Pun) 589: Im sure I could steal some of that Great Wyrm Red Dragon's horde before it wakes up... 590: What's an "epic spell?"
Driven 02-12-06, 06:34 PM	301. I throw a rock at it. That reminds me of something funny... Just an experimental campaign with me and another guy playing. There was this shadow rising up out of the water. So naturally, I pick up a rock and throw it at the bump. I managed to do the only damage(1 damage) to the DRAGON that came up out of the water. :|
TIK_ 02-12-06, 07:30 PM	#591: What the .... <flatline>... (as the bodak joins the fight on the death knights side) This one requires a little bit of a description (little rowboat with pirates heading towards ship with a line of crossbowmen on deck of the Red Wizards pirate ship. Party on shore, the two party rogues just got hit by a fireball where both failed their saves.. Player in question, 3rd level female wizard) #592: I walk to the water's edge into the open and cast magic missile at the rowers in the boat. (gets hit 3 times, with 1 critical from the crossbowmen) Slightly off topic: Player: I charge the grey skinned creature DM: Roll a fort save versus its gaze attack Player: 15 DM: Right.. that's a fail.. now what does a death gaze do.. (flipping through Monstous Manual)
Shar_the_Black 02-12-06, 09:20 PM	Vincent, Cleric of Kelemvor: KELEMVOR WILLS IT!!!! :fight!: (charges straight into the enemy) Later... :ghosted: Vincent: "Whew, didn't see that coming!" Kelemvor: "Neither did I..." Vincent: :eek:
drtompki 02-12-06, 09:36 PM	This happened in an epic campaign that I DMed last year. The party was having a blast killing half the dragons of the Dragon Forest in the Forgotten Realms setting when they had to face all of those dragons mommy. After doing ok (but they were in serious trouble in their minds), one of them had the bright idea to cast Wish. He wished that the dragon was dead. This made it an advanced epic dracolich. At least a few of them survived.
Ixmof 02-12-06, 10:08 PM	593: "I am above healing myself" A few moments later he was at -37
artemis the hunter 02-12-06, 10:15 PM	594: it's only a kobold...
talkingbeatles 02-12-06, 10:39 PM	595: Is...is that Chuck Norris??
kaeso 02-12-06, 11:02 PM	596) I rolled a 6? well, we saw the corpse and from the description you gave there must be a spider over there. Guys, I'll just walk over there anyways. *note* ya, the spider totally raped him :D
artemis the hunter 02-12-06, 11:28 PM	595: Is...is that Chuck Norris?? :rofl: Chuck Norris jokes rock! 597: who wants to go first?
Titan W 02-13-06, 12:15 AM	598) "No wait, what what are you talking about "explosive runes" isn't spelled ---" He soon went boom 599) "Don't worry it's non-magical fire" 600) "This bridge looks sturdy enough" (Illusory Terrain)
Moosh Nailo 02-13-06, 01:10 AM	601) See! I told you the other one was just a baby!
artemis the hunter 02-13-06, 01:32 AM	602: This door looks safe enough, let's not bother to listen at it... 603: a vampiric WHAT??!! 604: DM: you see a five-headed dragon Dumb PC: dragons can't have five heads! it must be an illusion... (it was Tiamat for those who don't know) 605: Evil PC: I smite the Hobo! (Great wyrm gold dragon using its alter self ability)
Celcis 02-14-06, 01:13 AM	Ok, I don't think this should count on the list, beacuse the person who said it did not die untill sometime later, but I think it is funny enough to share. So it's nightime, all the players are in a dark forest and don't know each other but have managed to come together to kill a lone vampire in the woods. After the battle introductions: Ranger: "I am Tanis from the great elven forest." Mage: "My name is Celcis" Fighter: "Who I am is not important. What I am is. I am Death and that is all you need to to know!" Everyone Else: "WHAT!!!"
Celcis 02-14-06, 01:19 AM	606: (actually happened) 3rd level mage: "Hey guys I charmed the Pit Fiend!!" 607:Shadowrun 12' tall 600lbs Troll :"What do you mean I don't have stealth!"
Squaba 02-14-06, 01:39 AM	608: While the rest of the party checks that door for traps I go into the other one and look for loot.
Arakim 02-14-06, 05:51 AM	609: I have an idea...
artemis the hunter 02-16-06, 05:03 PM	610: they can shoot HOW far???
IceStella 02-16-06, 06:23 PM	611 - Outside an Orc Stronghold Elf Ranger; "Let me in, I'm a little lost Orc" (in common, but with an orcish accent) Seconds later, he was killed in a hail of arrows.
Evengar 02-16-06, 06:54 PM	612 - ow
metamind 02-16-06, 07:15 PM	613) PC 1: whats it say? PC 2: it says "I prepared explosive runes this morning" (order of the stick addiction) 614) Draw your sword you six armed freak! (paladin vs. human form of Hextor) 615) 1st level PC: Tarrasque? sounds cute! 616) Your campaign sucks, let me DM 617) Promise me you won't put this on your WoTC forum thingy!
Secrets Untold 02-16-06, 08:17 PM	618: I'm standing on a pit, aren't I? 619: I walk forward one step...BOOM 620: PC 1: If I die, please ressurec... DM: You die PC 2: What did he want us to do?
Watchdog_of_Hades 02-16-06, 08:57 PM	A famous Civil War general's last words were supposed to be... 621: "Don't worry, men! They couldn't hit an elephant at this-"
Watchdog_of_Hades 02-16-06, 09:44 PM	"Brak? That's a stupid name for a [insert character class here]." (5601 xp to whomever gets the reference first) HAHAHA! It's from one of the Jennifer Fallon Harshini books! Uh... Medalon, Treason Keep, Harshini! I WIIIIIN! Unless someone else got it already...
Ashok_Lal 02-17-06, 12:25 AM	Fighter bolts left Rogue bolts right Wizard (me) 622) "what Dragon?" (failed spot check & save)
Marvos 02-17-06, 12:27 AM	623. They look weak 624. DM: You're fine... just don't roll a 1. (guess what he rolled)
Terraenigma 03-19-06, 12:50 AM	625. PC: I use warhammer on the ship. 626. Thats not a warship. 627. I throw beer at the big gray thing! (its a gray render) 628. DM: The cave is collapsing what do you do? PC: I go into spider mode. :D (gets on all fours)
ProfWhy 04-01-06, 05:12 PM	629. "I want to draw them all to see what they look like!" (Kender who grabbed up a Deck of Many Things before anyone else in the party was quick enough to get it... Rest of the party couldn't run fast enough away from that disaster!)
NeoRaven01 04-01-06, 06:01 PM	630. "I'll open the golden box with the eagles on it!" Never open a random box in a crazy gnome's store. It was the ark of the covenant.
speeblefreak 04-01-06, 06:43 PM	^Ow. :wince: 631. It's shiny. I grab it. 632. Huh. Random string coming out of a box. I burn it. 633. Hey guys, I found the way out!
Adrez Nesnsid 06-30-06, 10:11 PM	BUMP!!!! :bump:
DrakoShade 07-01-06, 12:19 AM	I once played a mage who smoked more than I do-- and was less selective. He survived to around level 8... Most of these moments led to his near-death. The last one, of course, finished him off. 634) (Interrupting the DM each time he described a plant in the forest) Mage: I smoke it! 635) (When given a goodberry by the party druid) Mage: I smoke it! 636) (Given a plant to calm him down, since he had an animal telepathy: butterflies effect running all day) Mage: I smoke it! 637) (On seeing a Black Ooze) Mage: I smoke it! 638) (rummaging through the party necromancer's material components) Mage: I'll smoke this, and this, and THIS, and this... 639) (While glued to a stair on a trapped stairwell) Mage: I'll light my pipe. 640) (Pouring out the contents of the lich's phylactory) Mage: I'll smoke it. (He finally died.) Just as a side-note... this guy was obviously Chaotic Stupid. Then again, he worshipped butterflies. He was written to be CS, as an experiment to discover the survivability of the alignment when it comes to wild mages.
Cerulean_wings 07-01-06, 01:23 AM	641 -YES, it's safe to sleep here, trust me! 642 - I heard something 643 - Shiny! 644 - Boring. 654 - I enter the room 655 - Ha! You missed! 656 - Relax, I'm a master of stealth...
Dowjin 07-01-06, 02:26 AM	657 - But... I don't /want/ to go first... :( 658 - Whats the element of suprise? 659 - A room full of gold!!! 660 - My kung-fu is superior! 661 - You will feel a pain like never before. It'll be like- a /rainbow/ of pain! But this won't be like any ordinary rainbow- ~Squish.~ 662 - NPC:Their arrows will darken the skies... PC:Good! We shall have our battle in the /shade/. 663 - So... Exactly how many Hit Dice can I turn?
tharivol266 07-01-06, 03:52 AM	661 - You will feel a pain like never before. It'll be like- a /rainbow/ of pain! But this won't be like any ordinary rainbow- ~Squish.~ 662 - NPC:Their arrows will darken the skies... PC:Good! We shall have our battle in the /shade/. for starters..."Ahhhhh--Ahhhhhh--Ahhhh--Ahhh" yay korgoth. where is the second one from. my friend and i are debating between historical battle, line from a play, or something like that.
Pegasos989 07-01-06, 04:28 AM	Didn't read the whole thread so some of these may have been used,... Anyways, these all have been used SEVERAL times before PK or TPK... Dwarf: "I drink from the well" Halfling: "As the wizard sleeps, I will investigate the evil altar alone" Paladin: "Don't attack, he is unarmed" Same paladin: "RUUU... RETREAT!!! He wouldn't shoot us in the back!" player OOC: "So... Are we to assume that you don't put psionics as NPCs?" player ooc: "Mimic can't advance to huge, right? I'll go in the inn."
GoofBaali 07-01-06, 10:43 PM	#671 - Just think of the xp!
Eled_the_Worm_Tamer 07-02-06, 09:40 AM	#672: 'So whats this the BBEG was reading before he escaped "The 100 things an evil over lord shoud never do"...'
Soldier_for_Hire 07-05-06, 05:13 PM	673: I walk down the dark tunnel. 673a: Wadda you mean there is a dagger in my back and I am dead? 674: I throw a thunderstone into the gaurd house. 675: I flick off the king. 676: help.... 677: Darn the AoO....
GoldLeader13 07-05-06, 06:41 PM	678) "[insert thief's name here]!!! Don't touch that!" 679) "Send someone in to negotiate!" 680) "Prove yourself!" Said by my barbarian. Next thing my friends saw was my unconcious body flung threw the door. :nonono: 681) "Aw son of a b..." 682) "Oh, that's not happy." 683) "C'mon! We can take 'em." 684) "So, how old did you say you were?"
Ragix 07-05-06, 07:13 PM	685.) "Don't worry. It's just a thunder sto-" says guy in tree. 686.) "OOOOHHH!!! What THIS button do?" 687.) "This'll be fun!" 688.) "They're already dead. There's nothing to worry about."
Archmage_Vall 07-05-06, 07:28 PM	689.) "Awwww.... *squeal* wook at the cuuute wittle sweeping baby dwagon!" (Who's mother is watching...) 690.) "Arrr! I be DarkBrownBeard the Pirate, and who be the slack-jawed queer in the fancy blue clown suit?" (A police captain) 691.) "Eh, don't worry about it. The DM wouldn't put anything in there that we can't handle." (Wanna bet?)
Qmega 07-05-06, 10:45 PM	for starters..."Ahhhhh--Ahhhhhh--Ahhhh--Ahhh" yay korgoth. where is the second one from. my friend and i are debating between historical battle, line from a play, or something like that. The second line is from a PS2 game called Spartan Total Warrior unless I am much mistaken
stargate525 07-05-06, 11:27 PM	My character's favorite lines right before he dies, spat at the killer; "It won't be the first time, and it probably won't be the last." I beleive that character is on his... I want to say twelfth life.
thetoastman 07-06-06, 04:01 AM	"Eh, don't worry about it, a dragon couldn't smell a garlic clove if it was shoved up its nostril!"
Qmega 07-06-06, 02:36 PM	692.) "Dragons fly, and you can train them to let you ride, right? Lets subdue it!!"
CaptainHurricane 07-06-06, 03:30 PM	693. Dude you don't have to make a balance check on the slanted side of a covered warship (Splash) 694. Pick up the box and dont worry about the pedistal its on, I mean traps aren't usually THAT deadly. 695. So you're saying that level four spell immunity doesn't work against level 8 spells? 696. Wait that ship wasn't real? Good thing I cast water breathing. (Other members would have fallen if the DM hadn't changed it for us lol.)
KurenaiYami 07-06-06, 04:04 PM	697: Thank the Gods that's over...
SOPI 07-06-06, 05:55 PM	698) Don't worry, I have an 18 in Charisma! 699) I'm going to hit the wolverine so it rages against the chraal. 700) *mocking voice to mafia leader* I'm sure a man of your kind wouldn't possibly be a criminal.