Post/Author/DateTime	Post
rymezies 06-03-05, 08:34 PM	I'm know this has beed discussed befor, but i've always laughed my head off when i hear these things, so, the funniest conversations EVER!!!
Azzedar 06-03-05, 10:15 PM	DM: It appears you managed to convince the blacksmith to lower the price. PC: Rock 'n Roll! I use the sword! DM: wh...buh....what do you mean you *use* it? PC: I swing it around to see if its *magical* DM: WHAT?! It's not like a light saber, you can't just tell if a sword is magical just by swinging it. PC: Then how can I tell if its a magical sword? DM: Just cast detect magic PC: fine: detect magic DM: .....*grin*....its not magical PC: DUUUUUDE! DM: *laugh laugh snort* PC: The blacksmith said it was a magic sword. DM: He was lying. PC: He said he never TELLS a lie! DM: He was lying when he said that too! PC: DUUUUUUDE! (I tried to replicate that from memory as best as I could)
Snytherion 06-04-05, 08:03 AM	DM: Outside the closed city gates you see a cloacked figure. As you look into his face you see to glowing red eyes glare at you PC: (most innocent and sincere tone) Are you evil? *It took us a quarter of an hour to regain our breaths*
Liwmial 06-04-05, 01:47 PM	Me: You see two goblins sleeping by a lake, one is a child. Player: I pull the goblin hands out of my bag, pull my cloak low over my head, and enter the room. Me: ???? Ok..... Player: I wake the goblins. Me: Roll a disguise check. Player: Woot! Seventeen! Me: The baby goblin starts crying and the elder lunges at your throat. Player: What!? I got a seventeen. Me: You're an elf, in clothes from a zombie, holding two goblin hands ... and it's light in here. :: We still laugh at this, in game and out. ::
DanjaNinja 06-04-05, 02:05 PM	Extraplanar Oracle: Knowledge can only be gained through sacrifice! What have you to offer me? Party (OOC): What can we give? Silence Me, Ranger (OOC): How about my Eye of Vecna? I never had much use for it. :) Oracle:Very well! DM: The Oracle rips off half your face along with your left eye. You're sobbing and writhing on the floor with pain. Me: What?! DM: I rolled your Bluff check. You got a natural 20. :evillaugh Then the Oracle gave us some cryptic information, and then the party leader asks how we can get where we need to go (Which, BTW, was the Nine Hells). Oracle: I can take you there, but I demand another sacrifice! Me (OOC, slightly disgruntled, underestimating DM cruelty): Well how about my other Eye of Vecna? :) DM: Wow! You got another natural 20! The oracle rips off the other half of your face. You faint from blood loss. And the entire party suddenly teleports to Hell. :evillaugh And after all that, I still haven't learned not to speak OOC.
Ekranoplan 06-04-05, 03:09 PM	*PCs enter The Soup King. It is the finest soup restaurant on the eastern sea board. Soup King- I Begin to talk. Welcome to the Soup King! I stop talking Ranger- Hello. I hear you have good soup. Soup King- I beging to talk. Yes, this is true. Would you like some fine soup? I stop talking Warlock- (slightly annoyed) Why do you talk like that? Soup King- I being to talk. Talk like what? I stop talking. Swashbuckler- Do you have any French Onion Soup? Soup King- I begin to talk. Yes we do. Warlock- I begin to talk. HA! You did not say " I stop talking" I stop talking. Soup King- I dont know what you mean. Now step aside while I ask for everyones order. Samurai Hi, what would you recomend? Soup King I begin to talk. I would recomend the Samurai Special. I stop talking. Warlock I being to talk. You are doing it again! I stop talking. Samurai- I am trying to order my soup. Stop causing a ruckus. Warlock- I continue to be annoyed. No, this man, the Soup King, is being rediculous, and he must be stoped! I stop talking. Samurai You do not eat soup with honor! (A bunch more stuff happens that I do not wish the type out. The PCs all eventually got soup, and a free crown of spoons as a souvenir when they left)
Flushmaster 06-04-05, 05:00 PM	Samurai You do not eat soup with honor! That. Is. Funny.
Josheva 06-08-05, 04:23 PM	K there was me, a halfling sorcerer, and andrew the elf sorcerer (his PC's name was kahn but we didn't use PC names). Me: Tell us where the thieves guild is or we will do something very terrible to you! Thief:Never, they'll do something worse to me! Me: <<casts charm person. He saves>> Tell us where the thieves guild is! Thief: Never! Me: <<casts geas. It works>> Tell us where the thieves guild is!!! Thief: NEVER! Me: Andrew get my gun...
Ibbins 06-08-05, 06:32 PM	The party is in front of a hole in the side of a mountain, which was the prison of a powerful monster and needed to be resealed. As soon as we got there... Me (being a cleric, BSing my whole way through this): I quickly build a shrine to Heironeous and kneel in front of it. "Oh Lord, how can we defeat this beastie?" DM: You hear a booming voice from the skies "Look ahead and you shall--" Me: "Er, can't you just do it yourself?" God-voice: "Um, well, no, it's best I don't get involved..." Me: "But you're aleady involved!" God-voice: "Yes, but not technically... It's all got to do with politics..."
smaugchow 06-08-05, 06:36 PM	The party fights an orc who has wished that all damage done to him is instead done to the one trying to hurt him. They eventually grapple him/pile on and tie him up. Now they have to decide what to do with him. Going of the incorrect assumption that "whatever you do to the orc instead happens to you," one especially deviant charatcer says: PC: "I wonder what happens if you have sex with him?" Orc: "You walk away funny, little elf!" PC: "Shut up you!" forgets and punches the orc. "Ow! You know what I mean!" Orc: "You try now. We see what happen. Grab-sak call you later, he promise." PC: "You won't call - you'll be dead." Orc: "You right. Grab-sak lied. But you wish for him to call!" :D It went on like that for a while and got stupid. OK, stupider. And grosser. I miss those guys....
General_Ridley 06-08-05, 09:27 PM	Anti-Paladin has just made a sacrifice, and a dretch has appeared to assist him. Anti-Paladin: WTF are you doing here? I don't need you. dretch: Me here to help. you pay me, I go. Anti-Paladin: Like I'd pay you a copper. dretch: I help, you pay, I go. that the deal. Anti-Paladin: What can you do? dretch: *farts* Anti-Paladin: *rolls fortitude save, rolls 2, succeeds with room to spare* Okay, so it smells, how's that useful? dretch: you follow, we get weapons, you pay me, I go home. Anti-Paladin: Okay. dretch, I go in and intimidate everyone, then you go and fart at everyone who is still there. dretch: whatever. Anti-Paladin: *attempts to intimidate 2 thievish looking guys, would have succeeded had they been individual, but toogether they reason they are powerful enough and succeed. Anti-Paladin kills one and attempts to get the other, dretch farts, he runs, Anti-Paladin steals some masterwork weapons.* Here's your money, now tell them to send me something more useful next time. dretch: whatever. Half green Dragon fighter walks up behind Anti-Paladin, beats the unholiness out of the anti-Paladin, and then leaves with the stolen goods.
Fenris Frost 06-09-05, 01:22 AM	This wasn't exactly in game. One of the players (Adolph) had just gotten a soda from the fridge. However, due to the fact that it was near the top close to the freezer, the bottom froze and put the carbonated contents under even more pressure. All this was unbeknownst to us. So. We're playing, and Adolph reaches for his coke. Casually popping the top, we're surprised by the KSSSSSSSSSHT! of exploding coke. To quickly save the matt and everyone's sheets (actually, the uncaring bastard really just didn't want coke all over himself) he selflessly began slurping away at the coke. Now, in normal circumstances the pressurized stream would have stopped after just a few seconds. Not so with this can. After about 20 seconds of us staring in complete silence at Adolph trying to drink the exploding coke as it comes out, his face turning red and his veins popping out from his neck and forehead, accompanied by the frenzied slurping sounds as he gulps it down, Derek our DM takes the moment to say, "....Why Adolph..... You're turning me on...." Adolph laughs, chokes, sprays coke over everything and we all just started laughing our heads off for the next 10 minutes. It was great.
DeathMagus 06-09-05, 01:36 AM	"....Why Adolph..... You're turning me on...." About 50 straight seconds of belly laughter...and half the house is asleep to boot! Good one! One of my own: DM: You see a stone cottage with an open window and a solid wooden door. F Cleric: This must be the house the woodcutter was talking about. The goblins must be inside. (The party assumes a SWAT-esque entry formation around the door) M Druid: I kick in the door. (Critical fail, but a high STR) DM: Your foot hits a warped patch of wood, and you find your ankle is stuck on the other side of the door. M Druid: ****. F Sorceror(insane): I'll help! (runs and slams into Druid) (STR check critically succeeds) DM: You now find your leg embeded in the door up to your thigh. M Druid: ****!!! DM: You can hear voices from inside. Goblin 1: What's that? Goblin 2: It looks like a leg.... (Long pause) Goblins 1 and 2: Get the barbecue sauce! To boot, the little 11 STR F Cleric rolls a 19 a little later and kicks down the door with no problem.