Post/Author/DateTime	Post
ChompyUnlimited 11-15-05, 03:20 PM	1: The barbarian runs up to the dragon and shoots it with his crossbow, but hits the tree that is burning up 20 feet to the left of the dragon 2: Wizard tries to kill the white dragon with its 0-level spell
Vestigial_Thumb 11-15-05, 03:27 PM	3. Rogue shoots at the dire bear mauling the party fighter to death, only to miss the bear, hit the fighter, killing him with a sneak attack.
AlphaSquirell 11-15-05, 03:35 PM	4. Rogue backswings with his sword, impaling it into the stone wall behind him. Trying to free it, he breaks off the handle. (he had already had really bad rolls, really funny; even better was the fact that he got a critical hit on a dire rat with a ROCK right after that)
Dragon_loving_DM 11-15-05, 03:42 PM	5. Dragon moves to eat the partys tank (I roll a nat 1) Dragon instead gets a mouthfull of dirt and a headach from the partys tank with his ogerbashing warhammer (he rolls a nat 20 hows that for playing the odds.)
Gene2324 11-15-05, 05:57 PM	6: Dekanter Goblin charges at party and critical misses three times in a row. It snapped its own neck the third time. -Gene
Selena Ombrenoire 11-15-05, 06:11 PM	7 ) I once rolled 4 critical failures in a row. My opponent was a little goblin with 12 AC... I only needed a 2 to hit. The goblin scored 2 critical hits in a row, and rolled maximum damage. My level 5 ranger really got is butt kicked by a goblin ! That was insulting ! I was very bad lucky back then... I never scored any natural 20 in one year ! (and I was playing twice a week !)
Goomba 11-15-05, 06:36 PM	8) lvl 10 Fighters roll a 1. Fighter: I am too high for that critical miss!!! DM(Me): Ok roll a balance check. Fighter Rolls another 1. Fighter: Now What! DM: Roll to hit Fighter rolls natural 20, rolls again to see if its a crit.... Its a crit DM: Awesome :devil: Roll damage!!! Fighter rolls some rediculous ammount of damage. Fighter: That had to kill him, is he dead yet? DM: Dunno how many HP's do you have? You just stumbled, lost your balance and accidental fell onto your blade. Fighter: You SON OF A :censored: True story
The Weave05 11-15-05, 06:46 PM	9) last campaign I was DMing for a bunch of good roleplayers who happened to be fighting the BBEG (Big Bad Evil Guy) at the time. Now, the objective was not to defeat him necessarily, but to take the crystal he was gaurding. They were losing, but roleplayed there every death very well. As it came down to the last standing character, he managed to hatch a brillaint plan. On a series of great rolls, the one roguish character managed to get past him and grab the crystal, then rolled away from his series of death spells. He got to the edge of the tower they were fighting on and i told him to make his jump check onto the cliff below. But, alas, he said he wanted to say a few words to the BBEG before he left. He spent 2 minutes roleplaying a great finishing speech (i figured I'd let him, I felt nice) but to his dismay, when I next asked him to make his jump check again he rolled a one, critical failure. He ran off the tower edge in a valiant stride only to trip, smash his head on the small cliff below and fall 500 feet down where he was literally obliterated. Wow...so sad... :dragon: heheheh.... He was fine in the end, they were all laughing to death. EDIT: had to adlust the numbers
Belljar 11-15-05, 10:27 PM	10) Spotting a Troll on the road, at Level 2, we decided discretion was called for. Being the Ranger, I asked if I could try to guide the rest of the party through the woods, aiding their move silently rolls. The DM was amenable, so I rolled my own check - a 1. This seemed to set up a harmonic bad luck dice resonance among the other four members of the party, who all rolled between 1 and 5 on their respective checks. Needless to say the Troll heard us. During this same campaign, we had two spectacular dice miracles (among many particularly amusing failures). Not exactly critical failures, unless it was the DM failing... The final confrontation with the BBEG (A Morhg Sorceror) who was trying to cast a spell to release his all-powerful mistress from centuries-long imprisonment. We engage the bad guy to try and stop him, and for a while hold our own. We make an inordinate number of fortitude saves against his paralyzing touch, but eventually the tide turns. The Ranger gets slammed out of melee, and the Barbarian gets paralyzed. The final component for the bad guy's spell was in the Barbarian's pack, so he tries to get it out, provoking an attack of opportunity from the Dwarven Fighter/Cleric, who delivers an unbelievable amount of damage due to good roll with his buffed warhammer, destroying the Morhg. The DM decides, that with its last ounce of undead strength, it hurls the final component at the cauldron to complete the spell. I look at the battle grid, noticing that my Ranger had been knocked next to the cauldron and say, "Can I try to catch it?". DM says, "Sure, roll a d20." I roll a 20. DM says, "Well done, you stopped his evil spell. I'm going to end the session now, since I had planned for the spell to succed and the rest of the campaign to be about you trying to undo it..." Later in the same campaign (after a drastic rewrite on the part of the DM) we were exploring the long-buried fantastical city of the ancients, which had been infested with the forces of a tyrannical evil organization. After a brief sojourn to the Abyss, we returned (several levels advanced) to the same enemies - hordes of Ogres, Hobgoblins and Goblins. During one skirmish, the Barbarian hits a hobgoblin 'so hard, his descendants will feel it' two-handed, power-attacking, with a magical Greatsword. We joked that, since he had taken, literally, five times his normal HP in damage in one hit, there was a chance the sheer force of the blow could open a hole in the space-time continuum. The DM, in the spirit of the silliness, contrived some rediculously small percentage chance, and hit it with his dice. So, there we were with a tear in the fabric of space. He randomized which plane it opened into (Elemental Plane of Fire), and whether it was sucking or blowing (sucking). The Barbarian got sucked in, and would have died save for the Wizard polymorphing into something huge and pulling him back, scorched, but alive. The DM then rolled a random encounter check for the Plane of Fire, and got an Elder Fire Elemental, who decided to come through the portal. Luckily the Bard cast Tongues and used Diplomacy to convince it to go back and close the tear behind it. (We later calculated the numerical probability of this particular sequence of events occuring, and it came out to something like a million to one.)
High Octane 11-15-05, 11:00 PM	One of my earlier groups had a druid in it. The druid was famous for crappy rolls, but his wolf animal companion somehow got great rolls. Anyway, the group was facing a giant spider, and I set up the board with some trees bushes, etc. appropriate for a forest environment. Well long story short a few rounds in I roll to see which one the spider attacks. It attacks the wolf, and rolls a couple of 1s. I sit there trying to figure out how he could critical fail when it really cant trip, cant drop or break a weapon, cant hit an ally and I think it would be near impossible to hit even itself. Then I noticed that the wolf was right in front of a tree. SO I ruled that the spider missed the wolf whoi lept out of the way and got its fangs stuck in the tree. 2 rounds of free hits later, spider is dead. The group LOVED that wolf. Too bad it ended up dying.
Discordia 11-15-05, 11:17 PM	12: The group fighter and rogue were gathering information at a temple when they were attacked by a fiendish dire rat. Two things you should know in advance - the fighter was having a bad run of luck that had started in the previous session; and, somehow, he'd gotten it into his head that it would be useful to have acid on hand and had purchased three vials from a traveling alchemist. The two of them attack the rat. The fighter rolls a natural 1 and ends up falling on his back. Now, I'd warned him in advance that there was a risk in carrying that much acid around, so I told him that he'd have to roll item saving throws for the vials. However, in an act of mercy, I told him that he'd only have to roll above a 6 on a d20 for each vial. I figure that with those odds, maybe one will break. What's he roll? A 2, a 3, and a 5. We had to stop the game for a few minutes until I stopped laughing.
Dex 11-15-05, 11:31 PM	Two things: 13) The fighter was in melee with the BBEG. BBEG rolls 1, drops his sword. The fighter picks up the dropped sword, and swings with it. Rolls a 1, drops BBEG's sword. BBEG picks up his sword, swings rolls a 1 ... let's just say that after four rounds, neither had landed a hit on the other, the BBEG got his sword back and was killed by a parting fireball... 14) The cleric and the wizard had both Dominated a particularly unlucky NPC, but they couldn't agree what to do with him. They rolled CHA checks to see who got dominance, the cleric rolled a nat 20, and the wiz rolled a nat 1. Overkill because the cleric has loads more CHA than the wiz, and the NPC wasn't actually important - at all. Like, he was just some random. :rofl:
Wizards_White_Knight 11-15-05, 11:49 PM	Well...Sometimes, the best rolls can turn out to be bad. Would you guys believe me if I said that in one night, out of a total 16 d20 rolls, I rolled 6 20's and 8 other critical threats? (Using a longsword, with a level 3 or 4 character with no magic weapons. (My roleplay choice, nothing to do with a gimpy DM)). 14 of 16 rolls were CRITICALS. Of course, everythign we faced that night happened to be UNDEAD! :eek: But it gets better. We fight our way through a burning town, flaming zombies coming out and attacking us at random intervals, and we finally make it to the BBEG, a former ally who helped us debunk an evil cult. This guy was a freaky cleric of Wee Jas, with a nice big scythe. The ninja in our group rushes ahead, and myself (marshal) and the warlock get blocked off by more zombies. We make quick work of the zombies, but then I had to rush into battle slightly hurt because the ninja needed aid. *sigh* :weep: I attack twice, the only two rolls of the night which were NOT critical threats or natural 20's. Enough to get the attention of the cleric. Anyone familiar with the Death Domains power? A touch attack, that if it hits they roll a d6 for each HD they have. If the total number is equal to or greater than your hit points, you die immeadietly. I had a total of 36 hp, but only had 15 at the time. The DM rolled the first dice. 1. Second dice. 1 :eek: Third dice. 6 :confused: Fourth dice. 1 :D ONE IN SIX CHANCE OF SURVIVING. Guess the final dice roll? To make matters worse, that character was the first character to ever die in our group. In two years we have been playing, he was the first to fall. AFTER ROLLING 6 NATURAL 20's! The ironic thing was, if just one of those 14!!! critical's counted, that would have been at least one extra hp I would have saved. *sigh* That my friends, is what I call a critical failure. WWK
Disciple_of_Taoth 11-16-05, 01:16 PM	15 A friend of mine was playing a thief named Cleppy who had the bad habit of wanting to break into peoples homes and steal their stuff. I have no problem with that specifically, but I was happening so frequently that it was slowing up the game. So I attempted to put a little fear into the thief on one of his attempts. He broke into a wealthy home that was supposedly empty...empty except for the five trained war/guard dogs. Cleppy then decided that he had no chance to fight off all of the dogs and decided to flee......up the small chimney. I had him roll for a climb check and he made the first one fairly easily and made it about halfway up the chimney. He rolled for his second check and scored a natural 1 and was stuck in a chimney with five ****** off dogs below him....good times.....of course he never did learn his lesson.
Morbid 12-04-05, 07:24 AM	I used to have a game of 4 people PCs and I was the DM. Well one day I had some guards attacking them, I figured 4 of them, 6 guards, all was set to turn out well. Heh... I was completely wrong. 2 Guards critically missed and killed two other guards (dropping the guards to 4). I figured, "It's fine, **** happens". I was wrong again. One fell splitting his creative thinking part of his brain from his logical thinking part, (split his head in half) The next severed his friends arm and stumbled so delightfully the next time he was up onto his own blade as his friend who he severed his arm had bled to death. One WAS actually killed by the party's concious actions, and the last was killed by a critial failure by a part member which tore blade through the poor mans intestines. Needless to say, I've had better gaming sessions.
ChompyUnlimited 03-20-06, 08:43 PM	Ahh, bringing back an old thread of mine. #(wherever we are now): I didn't know that if you yell in this place the ceiling collapsed! Now what? (yells: HELLO????????? after player that just died did that) *ceiling crumbles* #(wherever we are now after that last one): His army has what?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Kukamunga 03-20-06, 09:04 PM	19 i beleive: Pritty simple.. but the wizzard of the group had been jumping into melee becuse he was out of spells.. anyway his robes had been basicly tattered to threads which was also backed up by our house ruled armor hitpoint DR system ... anyway one of the rangers had a vial of acid that he tossed into the frey he rolled a natural 1 and then he rolled a 20 on chance to critically fumble. As that the wizzard was basicly right in the line of fire already for the toss (we commented about it before hand) so we ruled that it hit his robes and the dammage roll did full dammage becuse i feal for crit fumbles and dont like them to make much of an impact. I allowed the dammage to just go to the robes which used up the rest of the hp... which left our party wizard in the middle of the battle effectively naked... sigh its one of those had to be there to see the look on the players face who was playing the wizzard... sigh
Loren Pechtel 03-20-06, 09:47 PM	Becuse i feal for crit fumbles and dont like them to make much of an impact. I allowed the dammage to just go to the robes which used up the rest of the hp... which left our party wizard in the middle of the battle effectively naked... sigh its one of those had to be there to see the look on the players face who was playing the wizzard... sigh What's so terrible about winding up naked?? I've done it to a couple of PC's once--it was a tempting but unobtainable treasure to bug them. The only way in-out was a magical teleporter--and the teleporter only teleported living things. (They were too low level to be able to circumvent this.)
Carnor_Jax 03-20-06, 10:05 PM	I was playing a lvl 5 samurai and had not hit a single thing so far in the campaign. I was feeling bad enough when our group then ran into an entoumber who then preceeded to shove me underground. Well i failed every check to get out and died of suffocation. Needless to say i have since retired that character and now have a hatred of samurai.
Lord_Canius 03-20-06, 11:16 PM	I at one time played a bard, and my role in the game was to make good Bardic Knowledge checks so I could tell the fighter how to kill whatever it was. Now, here the good part. DM decides that HE gets to roll my Bardic Knowledge rolls (fine by me, the guy was a dicer, got natural 20's half the time anyway). However, at 4th lvl, Idiotus Maximus Dee-eeMus decides that he's going to put us up againts a CR 9, I still don't know what it is, becuase when he rolled my Bardic Knowlegdge check, he got a Natural 1. Now, he did my Bardic Knowledge roll secretly, so when he told me that the creature seemed to be a half-dragon kobold, I didn't think our party would have any problems ( 4 fighters and a bard, don't ask me). Crappola, Fighter 1 rolls a 1, falls on his face. Fighter 2 rolls a 15, Charges, rolls a 1, trips over Fighter 1 and lands on Fighter 1's sword. Fighter 3 was forced to make a save against fear, rolled a Nat 1 and soiled his armor. Fighter 4 rolled a 1, rolled a 20 to hit, and succeded on a crit by 1 point, hitting ME and killing me dead.
Johnny Cache 03-20-06, 11:48 PM	We had a druid in our party once who didn't speak Sylvan and didn't know diplomacy. Naturally we sent him out to talk to the fae. :rolleyes: Now, I know that a 1 on a skill roll isn't a "critical failure", but a total roll of zero is still pretty darn bad. (Did I mention that he was a half-orc? Oy veh.) Our "friend" managed to roll three of them in a row. First he manages to pee on an ent (in dire bear form, no less), then he tells the local fae princess that she has a nice pair of ***s, then he tries to grope the princess and a few of the pixies in her court. That did it. He wound up being the first driud in the history of Faerun to be ejected from the woods with extreme prejudice.
TheChilliGod 03-21-06, 12:22 AM	Fighting an ooze. You know them; they have 5 AC. And my character was a 5th-lvl fighter, with +3 str mod. And a bludgeoning weapon. So you'd expect him to hit, wouldn't you? "C'mon, I can only miss on a Natural one! *Rolls* :eek: " I nearly had a spaz attack for that one. I nearly had another spaz attack when the DM said that the creature was a snowflake ooze, and these ones split with bludgeoning weapons. From then on, I apologized to my d20 for ever doubting him.
ressurrector 03-21-06, 01:21 AM	3. Rogue shoots at the dire bear mauling the party fighter to death, only to miss the bear, hit the fighter, killing him with a sneak attack. Sneak Attack damage should NEVER be done to an unintended target, the entire point of the poorly names "sneak attack" is being so precise in your attack as to deal extra damage to an enemy unable to defent himself adequetly (sp?). That being said, somewhat funny, and I'm sure the Fighters player chased the Rogues player around the room for a bit.
ressurrector 03-21-06, 01:39 AM	What's so terrible about winding up naked?? I've done it to a couple of PC's once--it was a tempting but unobtainable treasure to bug them. The only way in-out was a magical teleporter--and the teleporter only teleported living things. (They were too low level to be able to circumvent this.) I once gave my PCs Elenoras' Wand of Embarrasment. For those of you who have never heard of this: It identifies as a wand of improved invisibility, and it works as such, with one SMALL difference. The Improved Invisibility affects the targets clothing/armor only (not gear, jewelry, etc...) Furthermore, the target can still see their own clothing, so it takes them a while to get what just happened. 24: (I think) Warforged Fighter (lvl16) with a ring of lightning resistance, walking through a corridor trapped with lightning traps. He finally gets to the one trap that isn't a lightning trap (buffeting winds) Fails: 1 reflex save, 2str checks, and a swim check, and then dies drowning in lava. The DCs were all quite reasonable, he only needed like a nat 5 to make them. 25: I had a gnome character (house rules races building method, feats/flaws), who was a total skill monkey (65 skill points at lvl 1, +7 int modifier) He failed every Int based check for the first session (some with modifiers over +15), and rolled nat 20s on untrained Diplomacy rolls. He failed a UMD check on a gate, and got the entire parts sucked into hell through some other unlikely rolls. (we got out after looting the garden :D )
HandOfDoom 03-21-06, 01:44 AM	One of the funniest moments my recent party had was when the sleeping camp was attacked by few stirges (http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/MM35_gallery/MM35_PG237.jpg). Dwarven Cleric got one pinned to his chest and for a reason or another failed Grapple so the Stirge stayed there and took 4 points of CON damage. The party has also a Half-Elf Rogue with phenomenal instinctive of using light crossbow as primary weapon (Point Blank Shot feat but not Precise Shot)... 10' away he raises the crossbow, aims straight to Cleric's chest where the stirge is pinned... Clr2: "Hey you, easy on that peagun man! That bloody little crossbreed of bat & mosquito is in the middle of my bloody chest ! Rog2: "Hey, I need only 6 or above on d20 to hit! Relax, I think I know what I am doing!"...Rolling the dice....Natural 1...."Oops..." DM: "If you roll score a hit agains Clr2 you hit him, otherwise you miss...." Rog2: Rolls natural 19....Lucky him....No critical.... DM: "1d8+3 damage - and by the way, Clr2 got his left nipple pierced by your bolt..."
tsuyoshikentsu 03-21-06, 03:14 AM	... A nat 19 on an xbow IS a crit.
HandOfDoom 03-21-06, 06:40 AM	...then the roll was 18...whilst writing I didn't have my books around me. All I remember it was one below critical...Thanks for the keen eyes. HoD
Loren Pechtel 03-21-06, 12:59 PM	I once gave my PCs Elenoras' Wand of Embarrasment. For those of you who have never heard of this: It identifies as a wand of improved invisibility, and it works as such, with one SMALL difference. The Improved Invisibility affects the targets clothing/armor only (not gear, jewelry, etc...) Furthermore, the target can still see their own clothing, so it takes them a while to get what just happened. Yeah, I've devised such a spell also. It's simply too attractive for someone not to have come up with it unless you are in an environment where nudity is the norm.
Doom_Linnorm 03-21-06, 02:30 PM	26: During my previous campaign my PC's came across a Famine Spirit. It attacked them and rolled critial failure on attacking, so I let it roll to hit itself with its bite attack.. then it crits. (for those of you who have trouble realising what that means, a Famine Spirit has a vorpal bite.) We spent the rest of the session laughing about how the Famine Spirit vorpaly bit its own head off and how on earth that is possible.
Sel_Carim 03-21-06, 04:15 PM	27. Our party was interogating someone for information. One player decides that he is going to kick the prisoner in the groin to get information out of him, GM asks him to make an attack roll.... nat 1. Player winds up flat on his back infront of the prisoner with a silly grin on his face, needless to say the interrogation went downhill from there :D 28. (same character) The entire party wound up seeing something that made us all make will rolls to avoid fright. Everyone succeded except this character, he rolled three 1s in a row, one for the initial fright, twice trying to pull himself back together. I still laugh when I remember the sceene described, the party trying to impress the important NPC who had showed up with the frightened character running around in the background with his hands over his eyes screaming incoherently. If I remember the quotes right NPC "Is your companion alright?" My charcter "Just ignore him, he should be fine in a minute (insert despereate scream) He's actualy, usually quite brave and reliable" (insert another desperate scream) NPC raises eyebrow "indeed..." :rofl:
tedopon 03-21-06, 04:28 PM	29: PC: "So, this chair flies, right?" DM: "Yep, like the slave said, 'the master sits and wills it so'." PC: "Okay, I sit down and make it fly to the balcony up there." DM: "Gimme a wiz roll" PC: "Uh oh" DM: "Correction: The chair DID fly. Too bad you decided to take it up over the orchestra pit. Ouch... (sound of many d6's rolling) Yeah, just turn over the sheet."
ChompyUnlimited 03-21-06, 05:41 PM	we're in the middle of a war... PC's: Hurry Rivven! Rivven: Can't you see that my 4.5 foot long blade is stuck in this rock????? DM: Oh, god... if ye wants to live, make one of them little bitty reflex saves. PC's: DC? DM: 32. Rivven: Ahhhhhhh! PC's: what happened? DM: Your best friend has just been squished by a very heavy Great Wyrm Gold Dragon... PC's: crap. (Rivven rolled a nat1 on his reflex save) :rofl:
GreatWyrm 03-21-06, 07:26 PM	What's so terrible about winding up naked?? I've done it to a couple of PC's once--it was a tempting but unobtainable treasure to bug them. The only way in-out was a magical teleporter--and the teleporter only teleported living things. (They were too low level to be able to circumvent this.) My group just fought through a maze full of gellatinous cubes. Our tank was a monk that ended up being engulfed quite a few times. He just stopped putting clothes back on because they kept getting dissolved. Was running around the dungeon nude. :D