Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Kesht 01-07-05, 01:59 AM	:eek: WHAT? I'm out of the boards for almost a year and the tread is gone? What've you newcomers done? Just kidding. :D Well folks, let's hear 'em. What's happened at your gaming table that was absolutley hilarious? Me? I haven't had that many funny moments that weren't inside jokes or non game related. But I'm sure some of you have some good stuff. :D
Balakar 01-07-05, 02:24 AM	Happened this very evening, Running a group through Return to the temple of Elemental Evil. They found 2 magical "lesser keys" in the Earth temple, which if pressed together form a magical "Greater Key". They found out the phrase "Srone Crushes the Weak" provides a magical blessing, and is the pass phrase for Earth temple followers. So they advance to a guard area, and a pass word is demanded, The wizard character fumbles for his ntos and shouts out "Stone crushes the wheat!" Not quite what I had said...
Gemstone 01-07-05, 04:54 AM	The probably most hillarious thing that ever happened at our game, was when Heimdal, A GOD, took wrong on a persons name... we laughed so that we almost couldn't play anymore... Oh... this is a classic: DM: You see two men, carrying a a box togheter walks over the graveyard... Player#1: I strike them with lightning! DM: Both men die in agony and the box falls to the ground Player#1: *walks over, opens box* HEY Its a man in here, and hes dead! Player#2: Well DUH! They're going to bury him! Player#1: What? never heard of the living dead? (Undead)
Mysticaloctopus 01-07-05, 12:23 PM	I was playing with a female halfling rogue footpadding about 20 feet ahead of the party, including member with map. She found a door, and, looking for hostages, readied a hand crossbow, kicked it as hard as she could and tumbled in. When i stopped laughing, i revealed to the player that she'd just rolled down 3 stories of stone spiral stairs :evillaugh She took so much subduial she almost died. And didn't tumble through doors for a long time, especially in high towers.
Sinaz 01-07-05, 12:30 PM	Two players were trying to conquer a trial of constitution. There was an orb on the far side of a room that was slithering about mid calf deep with vipers. So, the stronger of the players has lept into the vipers after wrapping cloth around his legs. He's being bitten repeatedly as he stomps through the snakes, gets the orb and starts stomping back to the threshhold. DM: The venom is beginning to overtake you. You're feeling woozy and confused, everything is getting blurry. You've still got another twenty five feet to cover... Player1: I don't think I'm going to make it... I don't feel too good... Player2: Throw me the stone! We'll teleport out of here if you can get it past the threshold! Player1: Good idea! I'm going to throw the stone at the-- wait... What if I miss! Player2 lowers his head and considers the writhing mass of snakes just inside the threshhold Player2: RUN DAMN YOU!!! Also, just before the one plyaer leapt into the snakes, he tried to kill them with a sword. I couldn't believe he though this would work, but the exchange went something like this: Player: I'm going to try and kill the snakes with my sword. DM: What? Sigh... ok. Just roll damage, there's no way you're going to miss. Player: 14! DM: Ok, you killed about 4 snakes. It's kind of hard to tell which ones are still alive and which ones are dead. Player: How many are left? DM: Are you serious? I dunno... a gajillion... and I don't think you have the provisions handy to take 20 on this task...
Mysticaloctopus 01-07-05, 12:58 PM	This is my Halfling Sorceror from my pre-DMing days, actually my second play session. looting a villain we'd cornered after his escape route was blocked off, i found a ring with a cat on it. apparantly,, the DM said, the villain had a ring of the Cat, an item he'd invented to give someone 9 lives, climb and jump bonuses and a loathing of water. slipping it on, i felt nimbler. then came the bad bit. If the party wasn't sure if there was a trap, guess which 9-lived PC had to go? Guess who got dropped DOWN A VOLCANO to see if there was a Red Dragon at the bottom!? heh, those were the days... oh, by the way, the DM ruled my body vanished and i reincarnated in the same body 1D4 minutes later, with memory of a painful death...
Radagast 01-07-05, 01:03 PM	Where to begin... - Not so brilliant cleric (effective Wisdom in the single digits) at the end of a campaign. Large party in mid-teens levels with lots of items is confronting a deck-out, epic-level fighter who happens to be dual-wielding artifact swords, one of which he got by pulling it out of his own wound after killing the gal who hit him with. Brilliant cleric decides that instead of healing our tanks or using spells, he is going to kill the epic-level fighter of doom himself. So, he buffs up his ability to hit, runs over, and smacks the guy, hitting his 30+ AC... for about 6 points of damage (after damage reduction.) Epic level fighter of doom wisely cuts the cleric to ribbons next round, completely killing him and taking his soul in the process. - The same guy in a later campaign decides to play a cleric. After being abused by Wyverns, he gets poisoned and then asks the party, "Uhhhh... what fixes poison? And Con drain?" We all look at him for a long moment and then reply, "You're the Cleric - YOU FIX THEM?!" Naturally, he had no spells memorized to handle the situation and died not long after when the secondary Con damage did him in. - Player makes a greedy ranger "of doom" since he feels he cannot be destroyed. Ranger gets turned to stone while looting treasure. Player does not give up and makes a Kensai "of doom" which is "indestructible" as he put it. Character dies 3 times in his first session session and is unplayable after level loss, not even surviving his maiden session. Player decides to make a Wild Mage "of doom." Wild Mage is now 6-inches tall and reduced to being nearly useless. Player leaves group to play a different game!? Lunch break is over, so I'll have to add more later.
3Man20 01-07-05, 04:11 PM	While attempting to rescue a fellow pc, who had been thrown in jail, in a fairly evil town, the group took a wrong turn into a dead end alley. When asked what was in the alley, the response was just trash...oh, and a passed out drunken bum. Needing to bide time for the Thief to scale a wall and drop down a rope, the rest of the group threw some Dwarven spirits on the bum and threw him toward the entrance to the alley, in front of the mob of people chasing them. One tossed, lit torch later, and *ka-boom* the bum, covered in spirits and extremely polluted already became the first Bum Bomb! A very effective method of diversion, I must say...
General_Ridley 01-07-05, 04:41 PM	see my sig. I can explain in detail though, if you wish.
Executrix Swordslasher 01-07-05, 04:58 PM	When my players were exploring a pitch black room and I told them there was a shiny thing, high and narrow, glowing with white light at the end of of the room. Because they were exploring a castle that was recently attacked and sacked by the enemy, they took extreme caution with this, maybe too extremely. For one they sat there for like 30 minutes (real time) trying to figure it out. Their actions include shooting arrows at it and using all types of offensive actions. But never did they try to make a spot check to see what it is, or better, use detect magic or similar spell. It turns out to be a brilliant energy large greatsword. I laughed at them for a long time, they passed by every trial with high level spells, powers, supernatural abilities, or simply hacked & slashed the obstacle to pieces, and I finally manages to stump them with a GLOWING SWORD!
Lincoln Hills 01-07-05, 05:07 PM	In the tunnels beneath the Yatil Mountains, a small tribe of goblins once lived in squalor and filth. Eventually, however, they began to encounter pockets of explosive gas rising up through cracks from deeper realms. Eventually, they decided to move away. They built a ramshackle wall of cut stones across the entrance to the methane-filled tunnelway, marked it with the goblin rune for DANGER, and marched off. A long time passed. Four intrepid adventurers - the big dumb fighter, the archer-wizard, the cleric-thief, and the deep gnome guide - entered the area of the intersection. Now - I stress that the group had no reason to care about this bricked-off passage. None of them could even read goblin, so there shouldn't have been the Lure of the Forbidden involved here. Instead, here's what happened. DM: "You ready to move on?" Big Dumb Fighter: "Not yet! Did you say that wall had writing on it?" DM: "Yeah, but it's in Goblin." BDF: "I hate goblins!" DM: .oO( What does THAT have to do with anything? ) BDF: "I'm gonna break down that wall." (After failing some Strength checks, he gets a crowbar and starts prying a rock loose.) DM: .oO( Hm. Oh, I see they're not using fire. What's-her-name has a continual light going. Okay, good. No kaboom.) "You finally get one of the stones to tumble loose." BDF: "What do I see through the hole?" DM: "Darkness, of course." BDF: "Okay. I light a torch and stick it through the hole." Explosive Gas Pocket: Boom.
-Defiler of Souls- 01-07-05, 05:16 PM	ah man i havent gotten to post these in forever, these first 6 were all from my first seesion with my current group, none of thewm had ever played D&D before and there were some great moments event #1 DM(me):at the end of the tunnel you reach a large iron door ectched with ruins except for one small circular flat area in the center of the door next to the door is an ancient dawrf skeleton still holding his warhammer player1: cool im gunna try and bash the door in! DM: WAIT! shouldn't you do a search check first? player1: what for? player2:i search the area! rolls a 19 dc was 16 DM: clutched in the dwarfs other hand is a small dart, you also notice sever amll holes paralell to the door player1: ok now can i bash the door in now? player3:ok lets do it! DM: remember guys theres a small smooth patch on the door..*hint* Hint* player 1: screw the smooth spot im hitting the door with my greatsword DM: *Sigh* roll a reflex save please rolls a 5 DM rolls damage player was hurt from a recent encounter and his hp falls to -3 hp DM: as your sword hits the runes on the door your pelted with darts and your last thought before you loose conciousness is that you deserved it DM: now guys once again this door is convered with runes EXCEPT ONE SMALL SMOOTH AREA player 3:im gunna throw a rock at the smooth area! DM:nothing happens player 2: player3 push the smooth area player 3: hell no you push it DM: a huge red dragons coming down the corridor behind you player2: fine ill push it! DM: about time, the door opens and the dragon dissappears. event #2 rogue: im gunna listwn at the door roll 17+7=24*success* DM:you hear something grunting and smashing things in the next room rogue:ok im going to try and pick the lock 3+7=10*fail* rogue:oh let me try ag- fighter: screw this im gunna bash down the door Rogue: but we could supris- Stregnth roll *success* DM: the door breaks into splinters and the undead minotaur behind it charges you.. event #3 Fighter enters a bar Fighter:ok are there any elven chicks in the bar DM:yes fighter: i walk up to her buy her a drink and say ," Hey baby wanna see my ent" DM: charisma check *failure* DM: she slaps you and warns you that she is a great wizard Fighter: she must have not gotten the point im gunna try an Innuendo check to get the point accross DM: After a quick incantation a fireball turns the Inn into a rather large pile of ashes event #4 DM: ok you look down into the pit you can't see the bottom Player 1: im gunna push player 2 in and see how long it takes him to hit the bottom player 2: wait a second- player 2: Im gunna roll a reflex save to bring him with me! *success* Player 3: Damnit i hate being different, i guesse ill jump in too! event #5 DM you enter a room which is essentially a maze of thin walkways magicly suspended over a great crevase there are basicly 2 paths one that leads to the door to the next room and another that leads to a treasure chest, on one wall is a large arcan symbol DM: roll knowledge arcana check *sorcerer suceeds* DM(whispers to sorcerer): the rune basicly translaates to "the greedy shall suffer" Sorcerer: ok guys how much will you pay me to find out what it means? Fighter: how about this you tell us and we let you live? Sorcerer: ah ah ah thats not roleplaying technically your characters don't know i understood the rune Rogue: but- sorcerer:so how much you gunna pay me? Fighter: nothing! Sorcerer: ok how about this, you get me the treasure from that chest and ill tell you(and i get tpo keep the treasure rogue: ok sure DM: as you open the chest the pathway beneath you dissappears, and the chest is empty, the rune said the greedy will suffer, please roll a reflex save Rogue: god damnit wtf were you thinkiking *success* DM: luckilly you caught on to a nearby ledge before falling to your doom Rogue: i sware to god player 4(sorcerer) when i get back to your platform you better just bend over cause I'm gunna rape your ass Sorcerer: if you want a spider =climb say pplleeaassseee Rogue: your ass is mine... event #6 sorcerer walks into the bar sorcerer: ok im gunna walk up to the nearest hot chick in the bar and hit on her DM:roll a charisma check 18+3=21 DM: you bring her up to your cheap room in the inn and have hot sex with her DM: constitution check 1+1=2 DM: 15 second later you come back down into the common room... best part was from that point on the other players referred to him as "speedy gonzalice" which gives me one more thing to use to add color to the campaign and here are a few more recent events[i] event 1 <bar fight in progress> DM: all of a sudden you noticed a slight distortion in the air and many of the brwling men in the bar begin to look sleepy, you turn and see the owner of the bar turning the crank on a strange device in the corner of the room, a barely notiable gas seeems to be coming out of the device....you guesse its some sort of sleeping gas to subdue the bard fight. player 1: i test the gas'es flamability by striking my flint and steel together to make a spark DM: :OMG! DM: the gas was indeed flammable, in fact the whole bar is consumed in a firey explosion, you along with every one else in the bar is forcebly thrown out onto the street taking 3d6 damage each DM: as you look around almost every other person in the bar besides you guys is dead on the ground player 2: I LOOT THE CADAVERS! player 3: me too! DM: you find 112 gold and a small brass ring player 1: hey i killed them i deserve a split too! player 2: fine here 3 gold player 1: ... DM: several guards walk up and tell you to freeze, they then put shackles on you, and say you are guilty of theft, and that they saw you player 1: hey i didn't steal anything!! DM: the guards say that they saw you accepting money from the culprits player 1: ahh **** event 2 <city is completely floodeddue to the players messing with the sewer system's clockwork machinery> (also you should know that 1 player in group was a swashbuckler and was forced to leave his rowboat [i] The SS Friendlyfire on an island a few miles off coast of the city) DM: the streets are completely flooded, under about 3 feet of water swashbuckler: hmmm i look around for anything useful floating in the water DM: you do happen to see a bathtub float by swashbuckler: i jump in said backtub and look for something i could use for an oar DM: you do notice a large wooden board nearby swashbuckler: EXCELLENT! i dub thy the The SS Friendlyfire 2! swashbuckler:i now proceed to paddel my bathtub out to sea towards the island i left my old boat on! DM: you do manage to get about halfway to the island, but at that point you are no-longer able to fight the waves and tides and are now at the sea's mercy! swashbuckler:huh? why? im paddeling towards the island damnit! DM: YOU IN A FRICKEN BATHTUB! *DM rolls the magic die to decide how many hours it will take for the swashbuckler to drift back to shore and which shore* *natural 30 and is drifting back to mainland shore* DM: well lets put it this way: your gunna be stuck out here for a very long time. *DM temporarily narates to rest of group* DM: well 7 days have passed, you have already eaten your own boots and are very very bored swashbuckler: i temporarily leave the backtub to look for kelp, but i use my clothes as a leaesh for my tub! DM: you find various seaweed, though your not sure if it's kelp swashbuckler:i eat it anyway *DM goes back to the rest of the group again* DM: on day 13 you notice another bathtub not far away, you paddel towards it and upon reaching it you notice a skeleton inside it swashbuckler: im in trouble arent i? swashbuckler: well anyway i start too lose my sanity and go into long conversations with ned DM: who's ned? swashbuckler:my skeletal friend from the other bathtub anyway it seemed alot more funny in game then when i wrote it down here, but eventually the swashbuckler got home(though for some time he refused to get rid of "ned"). event 3 Monk: i ask around town as to whether there is an assassins guild....but i watch out for guards...i learned my lesson last time... *gather information check 25, pass* DM:you meet a man who you think might know of an assassins guild Monk: i ask him "theorecticly if there were an assassin's guild, though there isn't, but if there were one....hypotheticly where would it be found?" DM: the man looks you up and down and says, " well strictly figuritively if there were an assassins guild it might be found at the horse head's inn, but of course there is no assassins guild, so its not really imortant." monk: "uh huh, and figuratively if there were an assassins guild, and there isnt...but if there were one, how would someone go about joining this guild, even though people can't join because it doesn't exist. DM: he responds: "well i'd think that if theorecticly there were an assassin's guild you might be able to join, that is ignoring the fact there isnt one...but you might be able to join if you helped set up the kills that a figuritive assassins guild would likely do....that is if it existed". anyway it more or less went on like this, until the horse head's in was accidently burned down, by a reckless wizard testing the flamibility of a certain gas anyway i know that was a fricken long post....but i hope you people find these events as entertaining as my group did
Deekin, Kobold Bard 01-07-05, 07:27 PM	Outside the massive Wizard's tower. Cast of Big Dumb Fighter, Overzelous Paladin, Greedy Rogue, and Sorcerer. I was DMing at this point... Big Dumb Fighter: I throw a rock at the window. Sorcerer: Why? BDF: Maybe the Wizard will come out for us if we break all his windows. *Rolls* DM: Natural 20. You've criticaled the window. It shatters into thousands of peices, and you hear the rock ricoshede of someone's skull inside the house. Rogue: Woo! We've hit the wizard! Cmon, let's get up there and finish him! *Run into the tower. Huge spiral staircase going around in a circular fashion up to the top. As the group near the top, they see the wizard resting his feet on an unconcious Paladin. He taps a button, and the staircase goes flat, and becomes slide-like. A huge mincer generates at the bottom of the staircase Characters grab for the rail to not plummet.* DM: Ok, everyone, roll climb. *Rogue: 18. Makes it to the top.* *Sorcerer: 16. Makes it.* *Paladin: 20. Makes it.* *Fighter: 1. Makes a reflex check to see if he can save himself. 1.* DM: Ok, the Fighter is minced. The wizard winces in disgust at the effects of the mincer on the poor fighter. "Ugh... I think I'll uninstall that..."
enailis 01-07-05, 09:01 PM	Ok, I'll give this a shot. The PCs were on campange Imade to test some house rules. They hade just helped a reble army librate a small city from a varrock, and went to celbrate at a tavern. Cleric: I'm going to write a letter about our conquest to the high preist (of Heironeous). DM:OK. Rouge: (who had just been saved form falling into the nines by a foot soilder) Well the least I can do is buy an ale for my friend here. DM:OK. Fighter/rouge: I'm going to find the hottest Girl in the bar and hit on her.... Now the rouge player had been playing the same bloodline for about 3 campanges so I diced to make some potential spouses for him: one of witch was the hottes girl in the bar DM: :rolleyes: Ok, you see a very attactive half-elf drinking some ale Fighter/rouge: Ok I'm going to put my hand on her shoulder and ask her if she wants another drink. DM: *rolls sensmotive: 1* *rolls attack: 20* *Rolls critcal confrimation:20* Now one of my house rules in testing was the insant death veriant DM:*rolls instant death conformation: 17* DM: she swings around mug still in hand and screams "rapist!!" The mug slams agiast your face and breaks, one pice flies stirght through your skull as you drop to the floor dead Fighter/rouge: :eek: Rouge::evillaugh It took us 30 minuties to calm the rouge down needless to say he married her
TLomon 01-07-05, 11:26 PM	First off, Defiler, loved the post. Was worth reading every word you took the time to compose. Now, my campaign... I have a strange lot of players, with a ton of variant rules in the mix. Spelljammer was the main focus, with Realms right behind it. The players were opposing Cyric and always attempting to thwart his every move. I guess in a way, he was the BBEG for awhile. This is a rough approximation of dialog. The other players were just not as ...creative as player 1... and I can't remember exactly how they were reacting, other then... they went all along with the plan. DM: Me Player 1 was a Dark Elf Fighter/Assassin and um... insane. His house has a curse where every member has some sort of insanity. It's rather fun with some of the characters he plays. He also has a reputation for being unbeatable in battle (not entirely true, though). Player 2 was a Rogue/Wizard, and was the spelljammer pilot. DM PC is best description, at least in my campaign. But she is played in others. Player 3 was a Fighter specializing in swords. Basically, a Drizzt wannabe. Background: Due to a recent ship battle, an NPC giff was killed while on board the ship. Player 1: I land Shrike in a forst clearing south of Zhentil Keep. DM: Ok. *puzzled look* Player 1: I put on the girdle of storm giant strength, and heft the dead giff onto my shoulder. I then proceed to walk to the Zhentil Keep gate. DM: *looks at map* Ok, that should take you about 1 hour of steady hiking. Player 1: I knew that endurance feat would come in handy. When I start getting close I start shouting "Dead giff for sale! Come on! Get it while it's fresh! Dead giff for sale!" DM: *confused as all heck* Ok. The guards approach you with crossbows drawn. They recognize your insignia, and your behavior informs them exactly who you are. They are allowing you to leave with just a warning. Player 1: What? They don't want dead giff? It's nice and fresh. DM: The guard utters, 'Leave now, or there will be a fight.' A crossbolt fires off at your feet. Player 1: Fine then! I drop the giff at the gate and run back to the ship. DM: (Finally! Where the heck did that dead giff thing come from?) Ok, you arrive back to the ship in 30 minutes. Player 1: Player 2, take off immediately. We are out of here. Player 2: Aye, aye, sir! Player 1: (whispers something to Player 2) Player 2: Um... I would need to prepare my spells. I can't pilot the ship and do that at the same time. *puzzled look on face* Player 1: Get off that help once we are in orbit. We will have to use our backup. Player 2: Aye, aye. *makes notations on spells being changed out* Player 1: Ready? Player 2: Let's do this! Ship flies to the asteroid belt in Realmspace. Player 2 casts polymorph any object onto a fairly large asteroid, changing it to a pebble. The ship then flies back to Toril, and maneuvers over Zhentil Keep. Player 1: ooc: I can't believe you are allowing this to happen. I swear, any second Player 3: ooc: Any second, I expect Elminster to come out and blast this all to heck. Player 1: Ok, Player 2, are your calculations correct? Player 2: *rolled quite high* Yes, this will be dead on. *gives navigational instructions to the backup pilot* DM: It appears the city is underattack by a large force, but you are unsure what type of troops from this height. Player 1: That doesn't concern me. On my mark... NOW! Player 2: *Disspells the polymorph any object, changing the pebble back to an asteroid, which was set up to be on a collision course with Zhentil Keep* There she goes! DM: The asteroid immediately reverts to its full size. The sudden impact from the air causes it to shatter, sending balls of fire and rock to the city. *detailed description read from a book behind the DM screen* Player 1, 2, 3: !!! - ooc: How could he possibly have let us do that? DM: *continuing to read description while slowly pulling book up for the players to see that I am reading from an FR book (Crucible)* Player 1: OMG! Player 2: How... could... we have... destroyed... Zhentil keep? It's canon! Player 3: Ok, I am thoroughly confused. Zhentil Keep is a major part of the Realms. Player 1: OMG! Player 2: What is it? Player 1: We HELPED Cyric! OMG! Player 2: Oh, there is that. I thought you didn't like him? Didn't you want to stop all of his plans? Why did you help him? Player 1: OMG! This wasn't intentional! DM: Evil Grin
TheOrderofchaos 01-07-05, 11:30 PM	for some funny moments read here http://p089.ezboard.com/fgaming15229frm3
trapspringer 01-07-05, 11:44 PM	Shopkeeper: I really hate these gypsy traders. There are, like, 200 of em.' If you could find some way to incriminate them and get them trown out of or off of sharn, I would make it worth your while. I think they may be involved in some slave smuggling. (The idea is the players will sneak on to the mother-ship, slueth around, uncover the slave trade, free the slaves, and be the heroes.) PC: Ok, I will see what I can do. Player: I walk over to that gypsy dude in the floating boat. Me: OK. Ya know, he isn't likely to just tell you abut his illicit activities. Player: I poke him in the chest. Gypsy: Hey, cut that out. Could I interest you in some tupperware? Player: I poke him in the chest again. Gypsy: Knock that off! You are making me very angry! Player: I poke him again. Me: He draws his sword. Player: Gaurds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...right, so 199 to go, then
mcnoo 01-08-05, 04:57 AM	Then there was the time my rogue was shagging the party's beautiful, excessively kinky drow bard. (in a world full of readily available whips and manacles, kinky can be very kinky indeed) We were facing a bigass demon, being kept on the prime plane by a wizard deep in ritual behind him. I raised my pistol crossbow, the demon with a greatsword in each hand asks mockingly "what are you going to do with that puny thing?" As i fire at the wizard, sneak attacking and killing him in one, i say "It's not how big it is, it's who you're sticking it in and where you stick it" It still makes my group giggle
ShadowDragon8685 01-08-05, 05:27 AM	I have been giggling through this whole damn thread. Everyone: You rock. You freaking ROCK. And Mcnoo: Your rogue has got to win the prize for best score EVAR. :)
Saurenda 01-08-05, 12:48 PM	Where to begin... - Not so brilliant cleric (effective Wisdom in the single digits) at the end of a campaign. Large party in mid-teens levels with lots of items is confronting a deck-out, epic-level fighter who happens to be dual-wielding artifact swords, one of which he got by pulling it out of his own wound after killing the gal who hit him with. Brilliant cleric decides that instead of healing our tanks or using spells, he is going to kill the epic-level fighter of doom himself. So, he buffs up his ability to hit, runs over, and smacks the guy, hitting his 30+ AC... for about 6 points of damage (after damage reduction.) Epic level fighter of doom wisely cuts the cleric to ribbons next round, completely killing him and taking his soul in the process. - The same guy in a later campaign decides to play a cleric. After being abused by Wyverns, he gets poisoned and then asks the party, "Uhhhh... what fixes poison? And Con drain?" We all look at him for a long moment and then reply, "You're the Cleric - YOU FIX THEM?!" Naturally, he had no spells memorized to handle the situation and died not long after when the secondary Con damage did him in. - Player makes a greedy ranger "of doom" since he feels he cannot be destroyed. Ranger gets turned to stone while looting treasure. Player does not give up and makes a Kensai "of doom" which is "indestructible" as he put it. Character dies 3 times in his first session session and is unplayable after level loss, not even surviving his maiden session. Player decides to make a Wild Mage "of doom." Wild Mage is now 6-inches tall and reduced to being nearly useless. Player leaves group to play a different game!? Lunch break is over, so I'll have to add more later. Far be it for me to top this player with one of my own experiences. I DMed a game for my friends. Players makes a fighter. Fighter touches a door that the party mage has said is heavily trapped. Fighter doesn't care and attempt to tie a rope around the handle of said door to try and pull it open. Party mage once again warns this fighter that touching the door will activate moderate necromancy, and moderate transmutation magics. Fighter does plan anyway, when he touches the door a big flash happens. A day later after we pick up the mess, the mage explains what happened with a good spellcraft roll. Transmute flesh to stone, stone to mud, mud to stone, stone to flesh, leaving a pool of fighter we picked up. the worst part was the fighter felt compelled to play this puddle and started making annoying slopping sounds with his mouth spitting on all of us, who also tried to warn him. Just a coincidence, but his alignment was CN. Odd. He justified that as his defense for touching the heavily defended magical door we all tried to stop him from touching. Never knew an alignment made someone stupid on purpose. ::coughs:: Lawful Good ::coughs:: Same player makes a VOP assimar monk. Wastes an entire day trying to get people to tell him where a certain tomb is because they are all convinced he is an ordinary person. Clerical officals he asked (Me) Justified not telling him as he carried no papers or proof of identification other than two tatoos, which he claimed where special marks from a god. No one believed him. After 20 wasted minsutes of his poor diplomacy I directly intervene as the God and send him on his way. Afterwards he is with his traveling companions, the old group. Now as they start to discuss the subject of party treasure very loudly in alibrary mind you his character starts protesting. "I do not want a share of the party treasure." We all agree with him and try to move the subject and are happy that the players each get an extra bit of treasure. but the character is not done explaining why he doesn't want a share of treasure, "I want you all to pay tieths to my church, give what would have been my share to my church" All the players were confused. First he said he wanted nothing now he was telling them to give his share of the treasure to the church. A share of the treasure he had just forefit. Needles to say the exhalted started rasing his voice and demanding a share of the treasure for his church now, and the librarians kicked out the whole party who had been researching the supposed tomb in question and a alternate means of purifying it from descration. Pending intervention from another exhalted character, who is damn scary, he was sent on his way convinced that he could get his comprades to trust him and donate thier money to his church. Again as they neared a temple that held a magica item they needed the VOP monk strikes again. They find a minor magical item, a key. Very fragile and made of glass or crystal. No one picks it up right away, so the Monk helps himself. He then uses the magical key on a door he thinsk will work, and then says "I push it in", I tell him nothing happens. He repeats this 3 times and then the rest of the party catches up to him. Once they do I announce he has lost his VOP. He shakes his head and asks for a new character sheet. I argued tha the monk was still good but he was convinced he needed a new one since most of his feats where lost. After that a nymph (CN) was played. She touched everytrap despite being warned of magical auras. Sound a bit familiar? She casted flare (level 0) in front of the face of a fighter type half red dragon. She even drew her dagger against him. He slashes once with his greatsword and tore her apart, cold iron or no cold iron. the party realized a minute later what happened to her and wondered why in the world she provoked a half dragon. Afterwards we had a CN fighter type goliath with a 15ft sword. Who also liked to touch everything, despite warning. It's a running Gag I guess =D
John Bezo 01-08-05, 05:27 PM	My players just arrived in a desert town, and were spending most of a couple of days drinking, learning the local language and getting to know the local riff-raff. The fighter, the pally, the elf fighter\mage and the dwarf defender are all in the inn. The pally and the elf are going over maps, and collected rumors to the next stop. The DD is in the back drinking himself into a coma, and the fighter is chatting with the barkeep, getting a handle on the local language. A band of magic hating assassins had been hired to take them out. The band consisted of a couple of ogres with fails, elves with bows and orcs with swords. The whole band had antimagic pendants on, each pendent was keyed to the wearer, when they died the anti-magic was dispelled and an acid fog was emitted. Designed to leave no equipment or traces of the group behind. The orcs first thru smoke sticks in thru the roof windows, then tangle foot bags, snaring the elf and pally. Rounds pass, and the fighter is tearing into the elves with bows and 1 ogre at the door, the DD is circling the edge of the room taking on orcs. The elf PC leaped out of her boots on to the bar and was helping the fighter with bow shots. An ogre charged the pally. As the ogre charged, the pally makes a great str check and rips the table out of the tangle foot goo, in order to though it at the charging ogre. The next round the pally rolls a 1 for his attack and I rule that since his feet are stuck in place he losses his balance and falls face first into the tangle foot goo. The next round the ogre gets stuck in the same goo right above the pally. The ogre not having anything better to do, and not being able to move, proceeded to bash on the downed pally. The other pcs do not notice this is going on till about 3 round go pass. The pally is in real trouble now. The elf fighter/mage takes 1 rd to fire behind her at the ogre before returning to help the fighter at the door. She fired 4 arrows then looked away, feeling that it would cover the problem. It did, the ogre died and then the amulet went poof, melting the ogre and settling down on the pally, who was uncoucius at this point. So the pally dies and begins to melt. 5 rounds latter when all the bad guys are down, The elf asks, "did the ogre standing over the pally die, when I shot him." me: "yes" elf: "did he also melt in a acid cloud like the others" me: " yes" elf: "was the paladin in the area of effect?" me: "yes" elf and others: "eeeewwww" As they get over to the pally, they discover his magic armor and sword have survived but the rest of him is nasty yellow-green goo. Fighter: "I just bought a bunch of pottery jars, I was planing on taking desert plant sample back to my liege, we could put him in those" elf: "sounds like a plan to me, just label them, so no own drinks him by accident" DD: " when do you think will be run across a cleric that can cast resurrection?" The others: "who knows" The pally was jarred up, and labeled, and placed into a bag of holding for about 4 months in game time. And about 4 game sessions in RL. He was resurrected and the jokes about paladin jelly on toast still happen form time to time. J. ** Edited for spelling and grammar, now that I have had a bit of sleep and extra time. So I guess the post about how bad my spelling is, looks kind of mean spirited and unnecessary, hey...****
e-z0r 01-08-05, 07:09 PM	My players just arrived in a dessert town, and were spending most of a couple of days drinking, learning the local language and getting to know the local riff-raf. The fighter, the pally, the elf fighter\mage and the drawf deffender are all in the inn. The pally and the elf are going over maps, and collected rummers to the next stop. The DD is in the back drinking himself into a comma, and the fighter is chating with the barkeep, getting a handle on the local language. A band of magic hating assassines had ben hired to take them out. The band consisted of a couple of orges with fails, elves with bows and orcs with swords. The hole band had antimagic pendents on, each pendent was keyed to the wearer, when they died the anti-magic was dispelled and a acid fog was emmited. designed to leave no equipment or traces of the group behind. The orcs first thru smoke sticks in thru the roof windows, then tangle foot bags, snaring the elf and pally. rounds pass, and the fighter is tearing into the elves with bows and 1 orge at the door, the DD is circling the edge of the room taking on orcs. the elf PC leaped out of her boots on to the bar and was helping the fighter with bow shots. The pally was charged by a orge. As the orge charged, the pally makes a great str check and rips the table out of the tangle foot goo, in order to though it at the charging orge. The next roound the pally rolls a 1 for his attack and I rule that since his feet are stuck in place he losses his balance and falls face first into the tangle foot goo. The next round the orge gets stuck in the same goo right above the pally. THE orge not having anything better to do, and not being able to move, proceded to bash on the downed pally. The other pcs do not notice this is going on till about 3 round go pass. The pally is in real trouble now. The elf fighter/mage takes 1 rd to fire behind her at the orge before returning to help the fighter at the door. She fired 4 arrows then looked away, feeling that it would cover the problem. It did, the orge died and then the amulet went poof, melting the orge and settling down on the pally, who was uncoucius at this point. so the pally dies and begins to melt. 5 rounds latter when all the bad guys are down, the elf asks "did the orge standing over the pally die, when I shot him." me: "yes" elf: "did he also melt in a acid cloud like the others" me: " yes" elf: "was the paladine in the area of effect?" me: "yes" elf and others: "eeeewwww" as they get over to the pally, they discover his magic armor and sword have survived but the rest of him is, a nasty yellow-green goo. Fighter: "I just bought a bunch of pottery jars, I was planing on taking dessert plant sample back to my liege, we could put him in those" elf: "sounds like a plan to me, just lable them, so no own drinks him by accident" DD: " when do you think will be run across a cleric that can cast ressurection?" the others: "who knows" The pally was jarred up, and labled, and placed into a bag of holding for about 4 months in game time. And about 4 game sessions in RL. he was ressurected and the jokes about paladine jelly on toast still happen form time to time.. J. Interesting story, yet hideous language. Although your typos are funny at some points. A dessert town must be the kind of town with the houses made from gingerbread and candy. And a little chocolate sauce river and other great sweetness. The dwarven defender drunk himself into a comma? That must require some serious booze-guzzling to do. A comma is pretty small. -> , So the assassins hired Ben to take out who? So Ben was a group of "orges" with "fails"? The fighter was going to put his liege in the dessert plant? Who has plants for dessert anyway?
kgbspy 01-08-05, 10:02 PM	i got the party rogueto walk into a wall after watching 2 rogues steal their own pants and put them on the other rogue
Saurenda 01-09-05, 02:24 AM	Interesting story, yet hideous language. Although your typos are funny at some points. A dessert town must be the kind of town with the houses made from gingerbread and candy. And a little chocolate sauce river and other great sweetness. The dwarven defender drunk himself into a comma? That must require some serious booze-guzzling to do. A comma is pretty small. -> , So the assassins hired Ben to take out who? So Ben was a group of "orges" with "fails"? The fighter was going to put his liege in the dessert plant? Who has plants for dessert anyway? A vain attempt to correct other people's spelling, or grammar mistakes over the net as though you were going to embarass them, now that is funny. :D Another funny moment in a campagin of mine was when villians, ones with high will saves; would be charmed by the party. The NPC casters I made back then had about a 10 will save with thier wis modifiers, and base will saves. Still fairly early in the campagin. One of the players had "Charm Person" as a spell like ability. DC around 14 or so. so I figure that more often than not the dice will be in my favor. Two low end villians were defeated in this manor. The PC pretended to be a friend after it worked and had time for the others to go in an systematically destroy the BBEG plans(,or I could say 'thier plans.' and imply the party's own plans were destroyed; making my own sentance loose all logical sense. Not that I care about silly things like that with a group of strangers). The plan itself was all like clockwork. Charm. Befriend. Take. Turn over to the authorities. Afterwards I got tired and started making outsiders, constructs, and abberitions as the ring leaders. I also used spellcraft rolls to pretend to be charmed and allowed a villian or two to be in the party for a short while, robbing them blind. Don't feel sorry for them though. One party member was convinced they had broken 1 million gold wealth mark at level 3. Talk about delusions of grandure. Good thing they never tried to spend any of that gold. I doubt many merchants would take foil wrapped chocolate in the DnD worlds.
e-z0r 01-09-05, 05:29 AM	A vain attempt to correct other people's spelling, or grammar mistakes over the net as though you were going to embarass them, now that is funny. :D I know it sounds like I was being a tool. Which I probably was. It matters not, though I must say, I don't care for embarrassing anyone.
Ut-Napishtim 01-09-05, 07:06 AM	A day later after we pick up the mess, the mage explains what happened with a good spellcraft roll. Transmute flesh to stone, stone to mud, mud to stone, stone to flesh, leaving a pool of fighter we picked up. OMFG! I'm sooo going to use that trap! :bow:
John Bezo 01-09-05, 12:48 PM	I know it sounds like I was being a tool. Which I probably was. It matters not, though I must say, I don't care for embarrassing anyone. Well it sure seems as if you went out of your way to embarrass me.. J.
Darkblade40001 01-09-05, 03:53 PM	Here's a funny moment from the 1st session of my 1st campaign. The PCs approach a town, and are stopped by the guards, telling them that they need ID and clearance by the queen to enter this sacred town (it had a huge fountain of holy water in it). Well, I wasn't much of a DM, so when the rouge of the party succeded on his Bluff check to make the guards think the ground is made of candy, they proceded to lick it. Endlessly. So, that night, when this orc tribe I planned on coming came, no guards could stop them (licking the ground still), and so I increased the number that came in. Needless to say that holy town burned to the ground that day. The PCs left to cower behind some hills.
Saurenda 01-09-05, 04:11 PM	Here's a funny moment from the 1st session of my 1st campaign. The PCs approach a town, and are stopped by the guards, telling them that they need ID and clearance by the queen to enter this sacred town (it had a huge fountain of holy water in it). Well, I wasn't much of a DM, so when the rouge of the party succeded on his Bluff check to make the guards think the ground is made of candy, they proceded to lick it. Endlessly. So, that night, when this orc tribe I planned on coming came, no guards could stop them (licking the ground still), and so I increased the number that came in. Needless to say that holy town burned to the ground that day. The PCs left to cower behind some hills. In my days of bad dming the following scenario happened; Rouge/Ranger asked a "worm that walks" (Epic villian) in diguise why he should trust him to help his people. Worms fall from the mask and cloak of the villian and I tell the RR to roll sense motive against bluff of the walker. RR rolls a 1. WtW rolled a net 20. Then I open my fat stupid DM mouth of which I had little but two months exp at the time. "You trust him because," more worming are falling out at this point and crawling back under the cloak, "Because...He is MADE OF CANDY!" To which the character who rped very well suddenly developed an instant like for the man, then shaking his head pronounced, "No~!" Thus anytime I or anyone in our group rolls a one the phrase, "He is made of candy." or, "Your reflex save failed because it was made of candy" persists. Thank you for reminding me. And also the transmutation trap is not mine. My former Dm made it. He was very crafty. Made us suffer alot, and experience a lot of real world stuff liek heal checks before magic healing or else wounds would heal improperly, like bones that were broken.
Chosen of the Dark Sun 01-09-05, 08:33 PM	And also the transmutation trap is not mine. My former Dm made it. He was very crafty. Made us suffer alot, and experience a lot of real world stuff liek heal checks before magic healing or else wounds would heal improperly, like bones that were broken. Yeah, I enjoy using the improper healing thing. Funniest time that this happened... PCs of 3rd level are attacked by a polar bear. Party druid, using brilliant deduction, decides the bear is merely frightened, and not hungry as hell. Druid then walks right up to said bear, within five feet, and attempts to intimidate a p***ed off and hungry polar bear! The bear charges the not so smart druid, and the orc fighter then bravely jumps in front of the charging bear and stabs at it, hitting it badly. The bear, now POed at the orc, swings at him, gets a crit, and splinters his arm and his shoulder in one hit. The orc then, manages to get in one killing swing before toppling over in pain. The druid then proceeds to yell at the orc that "The bear was only frightened you ja**a**, why did you kill it?!", and only grudgingly casts cure spells on him. But the idiots forgot to mend the arm first, so the flesh was intact, but the bones were broken. So the PCs end up having to use the pally's greatsword to cut the orcs shoulder back open to splint the bones. It was a good thing for the druid that the orc was LG, 'cause the were in an arctic region, and the orc could easily have "accidentally" pushed her off into the frozen water.
VerosFortis 01-09-05, 08:59 PM	The guys I Dm for are great roll players but they have a few dumb moments. Back in our old 2nd ed campaign... The scene: the pc's have assaulted a wizards tower where a princess (actually daughter of a god) was being held… well they thought she was there. At the end of the battle 2 players are laying dead at the entrance to the tower as they have been thrown out of the windows. Upstairs there are two surviving pc's. The two dead players are laying dead next to the princesses' horse (actually a powerful npc pollymorphed - the protector of the princess). While the two living players are coming down the stairs... Horse: [Changes to a human and resurrects the two dead players] Players 1&2: Sh** what happened. Horse: You have died in combat.. Blah Blah... I am actually... Blah Blah.. and i have brought you back to continue your quest. But i must ask that you tell NO ONE so that my cover is safe. It will be our secret. Players 1&2: Ahhhhh wink wink. Horse: [Changes Back] Players 3&4 come out of the tower. Player 3: Hey you guys are alive... Lathander be praised. Player 1: Yeah the horse resurrected me! Player 2: [Slaps player 1] - In and out of game. Horse: Changes to human. Shakes his head. Teleports away. Player 1: What!! How was I supposed to keep that a secret!
Shurdus 01-09-05, 11:16 PM	*cut cut CUT!* At the end of the battle 2 players are laying dead at the entrance to the tower as they have been thrown out of the windows. So the players were lying dead? Or their characters? Haha emberassed you! :P
silvermist 01-10-05, 11:33 AM	you might read my old thread "so a paladin wakes up in blood and vomit" i've told this story often enough on the boards i think i'll annoy somebody if i tell it again recently one of our party was carrying his animal companion half in and half out of a quiver of ehlonna (which i was allowing, and was also allowing him to at other times sheath his sword in it even though thats questionably possible) long story short he forgot the creature was in there and sheathed his sword one of the other players experimented with magic and dead animals and ended up with a part cat part rabbit creature. he commonly carried it around with him. durring one adventure he wanted to intimidate(i think) some people so he turned himself invisible and told them he was their god. now he was carying the creature and an everburning torch so as per rules of invisibility all they saw was a light and a floting cabbit. and just the other week we were making craft (clothing) checks because my character kept accidentally flashing people and our low iq npc companion thought it would be fun to try sewing. we were all in a train car with nice cloth seats so we convinced him to go sew the unfriendly looking npc across the car to his seat. if the guy hadnt been a wizard it would have worked
MattHawk 01-10-05, 01:26 PM	Byss - Human Fighter 4/Master of Chains 3 (or at least, he was when we started this session) Darius - Human Druid 7 (Me!) Boom - Kobold Warmage 6/some PRC I can't remember right now 1 (We also have another character who is a cleric, but we've spent 6 sessions buming into him in town unsuccessfully trying to find a good reason for him o join the party, so he wasn't present for most of this - he was at the wall fighting with the town guard, but that was the only time he was with the others) The party is in pursuit of a necromancer who has, as best we can guess, stolen the soul of a friend of ours, before burning a town to the ground. Darius and Byss have both been in the campaign since the beginning, and Boom joined the day of the destruction of the town (Byss and Darius found him in the burning town trying to rescue people from the flames and torch-wielding zombies). Byss and Boom have had kind of an interesting relationship - Boom has too low an int to speak correctly, so Darius can use spells to communicate (and they've since gotten some non-spell communication going in the form of their own sign language), but Byss can't really communicate with him. As a result, they tend to cause trouble for each other - Boom is hyperactive, and Byss doesn't always use the best methods to keep him under control when Darius (who, at Cha 12, is the highest charisma player in the party capable of speaking common and is hence kind of the diplomat) is gone doing something else across town. As a result, they don't like each other very much. We started off the day in town, running various errands - purchasing items and magic supplies. The primary thing we needed was food; we hadn't been having the most luck with getting our own in the wild (poor survival checks on Darius' part, as well nearly getting mauled by a boar while hunting - you'd really think a level 5 druid could take on a CR 2 boar one-on-one, but he ended up having to climb up a tree to keep from getting killed and took the thing out with a spell, though that had the nice bonus of cooking it before Darius even brought it back to camp). Hence, we purchased a bag of holding from a magic supplies shop, and fairly well looted the local grocery of its supplies of cheese and bread, filling the bag up most of the way (mostly with cheese, a couple hundred pounds of it, as they seemed to have an oddly large supply). After our shopping run, we ran into a paladin, one of the leaders of the town that had been burned and one of the ones in charge of hunting down the necro. He told us that scouts had sited the necro in the forests outside town. So, we gathered together and set out into the forest after him. He was a lot closer to town then we had anticipated, speaking with an odd blueish-skinned person (none of the party members thought to use a Knowledge skill to identify the person as a Drow). In any case, after nearly getting beat to death by the Drow Monk (well, not the kobold; he got out of the way of the fight and was striking from the sidelines), this army of weird necromantic creatures charged us over the hill; we had to flee (Boom using Fly and his remaining attack spells to do quite a bit of damage and slowing them down, and the Darius wildshaping and doing a little bit of slowing them down with Entangle in eagle form). Boom figured he'd done enough damage so far, and was low on spells, so instead of fighting at the wall of the town like Byss and Darius, who were using bows to attack the hoard from the top of the wall, he went to the bar/inn we had been staying at, and proceded to get absolutely smashed drunk, to the point of passing out. After the battle, Byss and Darius returned to the bar, finding Boom on the floor next to an empty mug. So, we hauled him up to the room for the night. Darius went to sleep right away, but Byss had gone back down to get a drink himself. This is where things started getting weird. After an unsuccessful night on the town (funny in its own right, but not something really out of the ordinary), Byss returned to the room. He had just leveled up, and gained a new Master of Chains ability - being able to use his chain to bind creatures. Well, the kobold was still passed out at the foot of the bed... you can guess what happened next; the Kobold ended up being wrapped up in a ball of chain and locked up. Come morning, everyone woke up. Darius was quite displeased to find the kobold bound like that, and demanded that Byss unlock the chain and let Boom out. It should be noted, Byss and Darius have a weird, often argumentative relationship, mostly concerning what to do with Boom (not to mention Byss always accusing Darius of being high, after seeing Darius talk to his "animal companion" who Darius knew was actually a weretiger and could understand common). Byss refused, so Darius took Byss' chain and put it in the bag of holding, and demanded the release of the kobold before returning Byss' favorite weapon. Byss took things up a step, grabbing the kobold and hanging him out the window, threatining to drop him if the chain wasn't returned. A bit of bluffing later, Boom was back inside and still locked up, the window closed, and Darius still had the chain. Here's where things got out of control. Both characters are prideful, and neither wanted to back down. So, Byss did what he needed to get his weapon back - he grabbed the bag of holding off of Darius' belt. Byss had not been present when the cheese was purchased, so he didn't really know what the bag was, so to get his chain back, he ripped it open. Thus, he ended up on the floor, buried under 200lb of cheese (we later looked it up and realized we did a damaged bag of holding wrong, but we all agreed that it was funnier this way). It was ruled that the cheese, with the force that it came out of its previous extradimensional home, did some damage to Byss, and he was pinned under the pile; the Kobold was also under the pile. Wanting to get them out before anyone got more hurt, Darius pulled out one of the only spells he had ready that seemed useful - Gust of Wind. One hurricane-force cylinder of air later, and much of the cheese was blown out the now-broken window (and, much of it was splattered against the wall, the furniture, etc.) This was enough to at least uncover their heads so they could breath. Darius pulled Boom out of the pile, deciding to leave Byss to try to rescue himself for a couple minutes while he freed the kobold. He Rusting Grasp-ed the chain (he had been trying to not damage anything... but too late for that now), and Boom, quite angry that Byss had seemed to have been trying to kill him, jumped up on the bed and cast Scorching Ray at Byss. This did quite a bit of damage (and left Byss looking like a burned grilled cheese sandwich). In response, Darius cast Protection from Elements (Fire) on Byss, and yelled at Boom. Next, Byss succeded at his strength check to burst out of the melted mound of cheese, and stood up. This scared Boom, who thought Byss was going to try to kill him now; so, Boom cast Poison, something he had used to incapacitate Byss last time something weird happened between them... doing just enough CON damage to kill the wounded Byss, instead of taking him off his feet but leaving him alive like it did last time. If he hadn't been hit by the cheese, he would have still been standing, albeit barely. So, that is how Byss got killed due to cheese. After a little trial on the spot - the barkeep heard the commotion and came up to investigate, then locked us in and retrieved the town guard; the kobold used Fly to go out the window and find a friendly cleric/high priest to come help us, and after hearing the story, the cleric decided that Byss had been trying to endanger Boom's life and was justified in defending himself, so the guard agreed not to arrest anyone - we found out we didn't have enough gold to pay someone to perform a resurection, or even Raise Dead (well, we did, but it was mostly Boom's money and he wasn't about to pay for raising the guy who tried to kill him). However, Darius had just gained the ability to cast Reincarnate. So, in the end, everyone came out alive, albeit Byss looking a bit less human male and a bit more female gnoll then he did before :)
e-z0r 01-10-05, 02:30 PM	It might've been interesting to look through the eyes of that barkeep, rushing into a room to note it's full of cheese splatters everywhere, a fellow passed out and covered in grilled cheese with rusted chain flavoring. And a bewildered-looking druid and kobold pair.
Tevish Szat 01-10-05, 05:16 PM	these will take a little background... The Campagin is Planescape. I am a loose-rules DM, and if something seems like it should do something (often prompted by a nat. 20) i'll let it happen. Also, i have a critical failure/fumble rule: If you role a natural 1, that's a threat for one. you must confirm you roll again to confirm. if your second roll would miss, it is a crit failure/fumble if your roll is a natural 20, you retry the initial attack roll anything else (would hit on confirm) is just a normal miss. The PC in question is a fighter/illusionist. he is a gay (former) court mage, total clueless. was exiled and ended up accidently running through a portal to sigil (campagin start) after sleeping wiht the princess' betrothed... he is also manic-depressive and the party's 'comic relif' The PCs are on the Gray Wastes of Hades, attempting to find and rescue a paladin. The paladin ahd previously been captured by Grazzt. whe had refused him (that ****** him off) so he sent her, disarmed and weakened, to the Gray Wastes to die. Grazzt was scrying on this whole scene, so aside from gaining a hatred of the PCs for ending his fun, he was probably laughing his ass off. The party found the paladin and two mezzoloths toying with her. she was futily fighting back with a splinter of rock used as an inferior (big penalties) dagger. The PCs enter a battle... during the battle DM(me): okay, what do you do? Fighter/Illusionist: ...um... a broadway dance? me: ... make a preform check. F/I: 20. me: ... your odd behavior distracts the 'loths long enough that they provoke attacks of opportunity. The party bard killed the 'loth she was fighting with on the AoO Later... Me: What now? F/I: I attack the bug-thing with my rapier Me: Roll 'em F/I: 1 Me: Confirm... F/I: 20 Me: Okaaaaaay.... new attack roll. F/I: 20 Me: :eek: confirm that! F/I: (hits) Me: Roll damage! F/I: (v. high damage roll, enough to finish the 'loth) other Player: (ooc) Dude, you fumbeled so well you killed it! Me: as you lunge forward, you stumble over a rock. as you fall forward, you stab right through its eye. The yugoloth shrieks and falls over dead.
Ninja_Sensei 01-10-05, 06:01 PM	An old 2nd Ed story... (The party had just snuck into a castle on a rescue mission and had trashed the guardroom, leaving one alive they took him captive and asked that dreaded question:) Party: What's up those stairs? ex-Guard: Another guardroom. The upper guardroom. Wizard: I can take care of this. Fighter: How? Wizard: I had prepared Delayed Blast Fireball. Party: Ooooooooo! (Wizard sneaks up the spiral stairway and tosses the pea-sized material component around the last bend. Then he runs back to join the group.) Party: (snickering at having avoided my guards so easily) Tee-hee-hee DM (me): You hear a small tink-tink-tink-tink sound coming down the stairs towards you. Party: ??? DM: A small pea-sized ball of bat guano and sulphur rolls to between the feet of the wizard after having bounced off the closed door to the upper guardroom. Party: Oh sh... * FATOOM! * Everybody made saves and then checked for their items. Ironically (poetic justice?) everyone was mostly fine except for the wizard who was left holding his melee weapon in his boxer shorts.
Jason Kain 01-10-05, 06:45 PM	My first DMing experience, starting an evil campaign. Highly overpowered, by the way. We had two fighters and a monk. The monk had extremely bad luck with die rolls. He tried flurrying, not flurrying, and finally... Monk: I run up a wall, spin off, and kick! Me: Roll a jump check. If you make it, I'll give you a +2 to hit. Monk: ...3 Me: ...you fall prone, but you can still stand up. Monk: Fine. *Next turn* Monk: That's it! I bite him in the crotch! *rolls...still moving across the table...20...* Everyone there: :blink: Me: ...roll a confirm... *rolls a 20* Me: ...the monk has just bitten a guard's genetals off...through plate mail. That happened again twice. They came across a dragon. I decided it was a female.
ShadowDragon8685 01-10-05, 07:50 PM	BWAHahahahahaha! Did he decide to give her a heart attack by some other genital-focused assualt?
Hugin 01-11-05, 10:43 PM	*posted by request* This just occured in a game at my house involving two soon-to-be first time players and an experienced group. One of these brand new players is female and in all fairness, each step of character creation is a complete learning experience. DM: Your size is medium. Female: Oh, I wrote 2. DM: Why? Female: That's what I wanted my dress size to be. DM: (speaking to the rest of the players) I'm so sorry. We all had a pretty good laugh
MattHawk 01-12-05, 01:03 AM	Byss - Gnoll Fighter 4/Master of Chains 2 Darius - Human Druid 7 (Me!) Boom - Kobold Warmage 6/Divine Disciple 1 Ayer - Human Cleric 7 Yet another funny thing happened tonight, involving a rather unique use of a couple of spells :) To start things off, Darius' animal companion got itself blown to bits a few weeks back (which, due to being college students and having christmas break, was three sessions ago). So, it was time to find a new one. The party was camping a couple miles outside of town (we didn't figure a gnoll would be most welcome in the inn, and we finally found out where we needed to go next anyway), and Darius had wandered a decent distance from the camp so that he wouldn't be disturbed and began the ritual to get a new companion. So, that's 24 hours during which nothing else could happen - Darius couldn't do anything else or be disturbed. This left the three other party members with an entire day to blow off. I spent most of this time on my laptop computer reading through the SRD about getting a new animal companion and looking up the animals that were available (I'd never had to get a new one during a campaign before), so I missed most of the things that happened, but there were a couple more amusing things, and like before, they involve Boom :) The first thing I remember looking up to was Boom doing some hunting. He had just found a squirrel, but it was up in the branch of a tree. One Ray of Frost later, the squirel was a squirrelsicle, but frozen to the branch. One acid ray later (energy subbed scorching ray), and it was a squirrelsicle on a stick laying on the ground, which he had for lunch :) A little later on, Boom finds a wolf, and a combination of an int of 5 and no survival or knowledge(nature) convinces him it'll make a good meal, and that the people will probably like it also. So, in paraphrased form: Boom's Player: I cast Ice Bolt on the wolf. DM: Ice Bolt? Boom's Player: It's an energy substitution Lightning Bolt DM: OK, you don't even need to roll damage on that. The wolf is frozen solid. Boom's Player: I cast Tensor's Floating Disk and put the wolf on it, then head back to camp A little later, after the cleric and fighter see the odd sight of a floating inanimate wolf and the kobold coming into camp... Boom's Player: I cast Flaming Sphere under the floating disk to cook it Me (looking at Boom's player): ... You just made a spell-based BBQ grill Boom's player could probably tell it better (he's on the board, so Mike - if you read this, you might want to retell it from your perspective), but this cracked me up at the time :)
Tevish Szat 01-12-05, 02:19 PM	this happened yesterday, during our latest session... The party was facing a stand of Flesh Mulcher Trees (Monster Mayhem), and had it down to one tree with about 4 hp left. the NPC (DMPC?) cleric cast inflict light wounds and headed at the tree... only to get hypnotized. Player 1: Is he still holding the charge on that inflict spell? DM(me): ...yes Player 1: Okay, player 2, help me with this. (player 2 agrees) players 1 & 2: We run forward, pick up the cleric, and throw him at the tree. They made their saves against hypnosis, but miserably failed the strength check to chuck the cleric far enough to inflict the tree. the tree proceded to die to a magic missile before it did any more damage.
Uratoh 01-12-05, 02:48 PM	I was running a game where one player was a kobold rogue...and the party stumbled upon a necklace of fireballs. I described it as 'a thin string, with several small, red, sort of candylike orbs attached to it. There are two smaller ones, flanking one comprably large one.' The kobold's player took the necklace without showing it to the rest of the party, but then put it on and wore it prominantly...noone cared. they did care, however, when he failed his self-appointed will save the 4th time around, to not take one of those candy balls and stick it in his mouth, and bite down on it... Me: well, you were right, it was a necklace of fireballs...you take 5d6 points of damage and it...(rolls) sets off the other two as well... rogue: do I get a reflex save? me: not really, no. He needed a new character after that.
Raelinne 01-12-05, 03:16 PM	(Great timing on this, guys. I'm getting nervous about starting the game back up, and a good laugh was definitely what I've needed!) Forgotten Realms campaign, starring a paladin. He's the scion of a lesser noble house of Silverymoon, but his father was exiled for being a worshipper of Cyric. Since the magistrates couldn't find proof that he'd been committing sentient sacrifice, he was exiled and not executed. In remorse for his family's crimes, our noble paladin disbanded the house, paid off the servants, funded a temple, and took up the life of an adventurer, dedicated to righting wrongs wherever he could find them. He and the rest of the party end up in an abandoned dwarven mine in the Nether Mountains. The kobolds who've taken over the mine aren't stupid - they know that adventurers, be they bounty hunters or Knights of Silver, wear armor. Thus, they have two rust monsters that they let loose at any metal-wearing party they see. Two minutes later, we have a naked paladin who's standing there holding a greatsword (survived the attack with a bare 1 over saving throw DC), surrounded by dead kobolds. He puts on the priestly vestments he wears for meditation and continues forth to Do Battle Against Evil Everywhere. They get to a room that's set up with race-detecting traps: specifically, if anyone with more than 50% elven blood enters, these statues come to life and attack. Behind one of the statues (west side of the room) is a floor plate that has to be depressed in order to open the secret door on the east side of the room, leading to the dwarf-clan's treasure. After playing a back-and-forth dance with the party's half-elven monk jumping in and out of the room, the paladin and the halfling rogue finally figure out what's going on - and, more importantly, the rogue spots the floor trigger. Leaving the half-elf monk outside, they put a weight on the floor trigger and head for the secret door. Now, the halfling rogue was, to put it mildly, a coward. (No offense - I love the player dearly, but her characters are *all* cowards. This was the last time I've ever let her play either a halfling or a rogue.) While she dithered and hung back, making excuses about wanting to check "one more time" for traps, the paladin finally got sick of things. "I'll lead!" he declared mightily. "Um, you're wearing what amounts to a nightgown," the others pointed out. "Torm is my armor!" he cries, and walks into the dark corridor. Would you believe the !@#$&!@ actually made his saving throw to avoid EVERY TRAP? Amazing what having a dex of 17 will do, once a rust monster eats your plate armor. And worse, he kept doing this for the next three sessions, til they could get back to town and get a new set of plate armor fitted. I think the most damage he took at any time was about 3 points, no matter how many enemies I threw at him.
Deacon Liadon 01-12-05, 03:33 PM	One extremely funny OOC line pops into mind. The party rogue, female, refering to the party dwarven paladin, male. "What's the DC to steal Thormunds innocence?"
Mortecareus 01-12-05, 05:14 PM	In a session I was DMing over the summer, the party were raiding a bandit camp... The party consisted of a Paladin, Rogue, Fighter, and Cleric/Sorceror, all 5th level. All of us are somewhat crazy, but the cleric/sorc's player moreso. It's nighttime. The bandit camp consists of a few small tents, a fire, and some patrolling sentries. The party waits on a nearby ridge, out of sight, while the rogue sneaks into the camp. While he's exploring, knifing the leader in his sleep and lightening purses, the rest of the party are getting bored, and want to start the attack. The cleric/sorc wants to fire the tents, but I wouldn't let him set any of his ammunition on fire. He had no fire-based projectile capacity at all. So, he reasoned, the next best thing was this: Player: "Okay, so I set myself on fire-" All: "What?" He covered himself in lamp oil, and the next round set himself alight. He then ran screaming into the camp and lunged at one of the tents. The rest of the party joined in the attack, and I gave them a surprise round, since the guards were all watching the madman who was running around on fire. The burning cleric/sorc stumbled into one tent (the one the rogue was currently in), and it caught fire too. He then went for the next one, but that didn't catch, and by this time he'd taken a fair amount of damage. He spent the next two rounds trying to extinguish himself by rolling around on the floor. By the time he was extinguished, the fight was nearly over. And ooc, the player was doing extraordinarily bad musical instrument impressions. Yes, he's a madman. We also invented a word for that game. The party Fighter used a battle-axe and light hammer, a mixture of Slashing and Bludgeoning damage that he dubbed "Sludgeoning". The Fighter was called Olaf the Sludgeonator Then there was another time, with a different group, and they were exploring a tomb. Twin Gargoyles stood guard by a door, immobile for the moment, in the traditional hunched over, open-mouthed pose of Gargoyles everywhere. Party wizard goes up to one and puts a sandwich in its mouth. Later on, they came across a large set of scales. This was a weighing-of-the-heart style thing, where someone pure of heart would be rewarded, and an evil character attacked. In a previous encounter, the party's Elf (old D&D, when elf was a class) had died. So they concluded that his body would be best one to use. The Wraith guarding it attacked them. Seems no-one thought to check his alignment (Neutral Evil)
Vecna, lord of secrets 01-12-05, 07:18 PM	My party had this one guy a rogue who had a habit of killing himself, but not accidently. almost every puzzle a gave to them, which were alot he decided that he was going to die. They need to use a few supplies to get across an indoor lake full of phirranas, after about 20 minutes real time, he decided he would swim, get mauled and die while the other players swam across. They were fighting medusa's and he decided to deistract the medusas by getting in a strting contest while the other players bash them in the head we had a puzzle where their were seven bottles of liquid, 6 poison, one not, well there was a riddle, but he decideds to just down one, and gets himslef killed The big bad died a dishonorable death, and to take vengeace she inhabits a sword, and gives the player an altimtum, kill himself or return to the place she died, well he takes her sword and disembowels himself worst of all the party kept reviving him however he does win the award for the most random line of assurance He needed to open a lock to help the party escape a giant, and he clams them down with this: "I got this like Lemons"
Myrddin Wyllt 01-12-05, 07:39 PM	3/4 through a combat-heavy campaign, the archer (a total bad-MF at range, but a total pusbag in melee) was ticking off the group's best rogue, and he finally got fed up and let the archer take point, as they move throught the dormant volcano domocile of a half-fiend. Archer: I move ahead of the group and go around the corner. DM(me): You quickly move out of view of your companions, and as you round the corner you see a pack of large smouldering dogs chewing on the carcass of something large and reptilian. Archer: I quietly start to nock an arrow. Rogue: (Shouts) Hey, Arrow-boy! How's it going up there? Hellhounds: (Wheeling around to eat Arrow-boy) Grrr. (flame breathing on Arrow-boy, who blows his initiative roll...) Archer: Oh, $#!+! HELP!!! Rogue: (taking his sweet time to come to his aid) Not such a bad-MF now, are ya? Archer: :weep: Me: :eek: Everyone else: :rofl:
Winter Fallout 01-13-05, 04:07 AM	I was DMing a short campaign for a few friends, one of which was new to the game so this was sort of a muck around just so he could get used to it. He was playing a Paladin. Anyway the characters had all engaged in combat with Goblins. Our Wizard had fallen into negative hit points and was slowly dying. The party's Druid was in hysterics because her animal companion (a wolf) was injured. The Ranger was too far away to do any help so the life of the Wizard was up to the new Paladin. After many failed heal attempts, the Paladin attempted Lay on Hands. Unfortunatly for the Wizard, the Paladins Charisma was too low and the Lay on Hands ended up doing more damage than healing. So a Goblin had noticed the Paladin trying to heal the Wizard and immediatly set out to put a stop to it. So instead of trying to heal the Wizard, the Paladin engaged in combat to protect his dying body. The Paladin rolls a 1, and it just so happened we have rules for fumbling, one of those rules were accidently attack nearest ally. And that is exactly what he rolled on the d20. My friend playing the Wizard just said to my friend playing the Paladin, "Just leave me alone." The poor guy made it to -9 HP before being stabalised. He spent three days in a coma and five days before he was back on full health.
Raelinne 01-13-05, 09:35 AM	I remembered this one last night, while reading my cat-fur-covered copy of Extinction: My party was sneaking around, exploring some natural caverns beneath an abandoned dwarven mine (same one where the rust monsters stripped the paladin to his undies). The party's bard entered a chamber first, blew her initiative, and was promptly attacked by stirges. The rest of the party/players were easily distracted by bright lights and shiny objects, so it took them a couple of rounds to race to her rescue. By this point, she was taking some pretty heavy constitution damage. "I'll save her!" the robed paladin cried, and whipped out his bastard sword. Wielding it two-handed, he proceeded to attack the stirges that were stuck to her. Yes. You heard me right. And like a good little player-killer lemming, the monk proceeded to flurry away at the rest of the stirges attached to the now-dying bard's body, as the bard's player let out a sigh and started rolling up a new character. ~Rae
Gemstone 01-13-05, 11:59 AM	Quite recently, we started to run our campaign again after about a month pause from it. It happens to be so that the party (1 level 13 ranger, 1 level 9 halfling rouge, 1 level 10 sorcerer, 1 level 10 fighter and 1 level 1 cleric) was ambushed by trolls... Now, the funny thing starts to happen when all the trolls decide to attack the halfling rouge, "cuz hez the bigga thret" as the troll screamed when attacking... now, everything turned out well for our little friend except this one... DM: The troll attacks *rolls dice* and misses you, barely Halinf rouge: YES! I attack with my fearsome dwarven dagger! *rolls* 20!! YES! *rolls*... now it happens to be that he rolled a 3. I bet nobody will think this as funny, but his expressions till makes me laugh! For about a second, I thought his ears would fall off! Now to the next one... Halfling Rouge: We were ambushed by TROLLS?!? How low can we get? Human ranger: Not much lower than you Im afraid, that would cause us to change sizes Halfling Rouge: :eek:
ForneyFreak3708 01-14-05, 05:35 AM	OK I have 3 really good ones for the board. 1) I play with a group of 5 and one of the players (Mackle Monkey) ends up with a sorceress with a CHA of 19. Well he used tha tall of the time to our "advantage" sucsesfully sleeping wiht many men for items or information. He always had to do pregnancy and disease checks though. Well our party had just organized and partook in a tournament in a fair sized city. Well there was this extrodinary male human fighter there and our Mackle Monkey wanted to sleep with him while we were all celebrating at the tavern. His sorceress had just got an alter image type spell and was testing it alot wiht wings and various things. Well we all see the two go upstairs and know what is going on. A few moments into the "act", Mackle Monkey decides to cas this newly found spell to make male parts grow on Ice (the sorceress) while in the act. It was by far a pricless look on our DMs face. 2) Same guy. We jus thad a friend get restationed in TX ( We love you Peters ) well on the last session he decides to have his rogue post a late shift on gaurd and robs us blindly. Well Mackle Monkey is on his 3rd character and there is a huge war with 2 armies of Hextor and Pelor and of course we are teamed with the good guys. Well we end up tracking him through a scry spell and we arekindly wapred to his exact location through the help of a Pelor cleric. As we get to him, our Barbarian wants to skin him but Mackle Monkeys new chracters gets some lucky roles and now his Peters in some telepathic spell lockdown. Poor Peters now has to do whatever Mackle Monkey wants. About 2 sessions ago, we went back to a city of Pelor that had been ceased and overrun with Hextors armies. Well we argue for a good 45 minutes on what to do with him when all of a sudden Mackle Monkey tells us that Peters character strips down naked and takes off runing. We are so confused at this point and Mackle Monkey is laughing so hard yet refuses to tell us what he did because my character was a good friend of Peters character and did not want to see him harmed. Well after we finished playing for the day, we learned that our poor little rogue had gone back to the city of Seafran (the one mentioned earlier) buck naked, ran up to the main section of the city and yelled, "HEXTOR CAN KISS MY GOLD STEALING ***" It was a pricless 10 minute laugh shared wiht us all. 3) My last story involves the only character that Mackle Monkey has created. It was this very strong cleric. At the time we had a cleric, female barbarian wiht a crush on the cleric, a druid, a very dedicated ranger (me), and a little gnome wizard. We had gone out and encountered 4 or 5 gaurds upon war horses. We tried to lie our way out of a fight but it was not working and I ended up sending arrows at one of the riders. Well this was the start of our problems. The wizard refused to fight, dropped his weapon, and sat on the ground. Me, barbarian, and druid ended up killing 4 of the 5 when the cleric destroyed a war horse that we were going to try and control. Well the druid ends up attacking the cleric, the barbarian ends up attacking the druid and the druids tiger ends up attacking an alredy enraged barbarian. Well since my ranger didnt want to see the poor tiger died he tried to control the barbarian. After we are all almost destroyed, I step back and entagle the party. Forgeting about the other gaurd who took off. Well hile we are talking the wizard sends a huge fireball at the party that is entagled bringing the barbarian to negative numbers. Well seeing that the barbarian is a close firned I attack the wizard until he is on the ground. Well finally the druid and cleric work things out and we heal everyone. After it was over, the cleric said we were crazy individuals and left the party. Nobody trusts anyone in our party now, my ranger has lost all respect for the gnome race, the druids believes re all messed up, the barbarian goes into depression over the death of 1 fighter, the betrayal of a close friend ( Poop Peters), the man of her dreams leaving, and a wizard that likes to throw fireballs, but the tiger is just fine. Needless to say I envy yet I fee lso bad for our Dm. We love you too Szykowni.
Gemstone 01-14-05, 12:24 PM	This is not funny, but at least rediculus. My level 4 party once killed (they were 3) a level 9 wizard... how? Well, lets just say he rolled 1 on all his HP, got a 1 on his iniative and lived for not a full round...
Eladrin 01-14-05, 01:50 PM	For Forgotten Realms fans... My party was "sneaking" into a base, owned and opperated by a group of drow who were co-operating with frost giants. Well, the PCs have gotten fairly far into the base, past wit-testing traps, and intellect-forcing riddles, and now they are at the foot of a corridor. At the end of the hallway they can see two massive frost giants, chatting away. Rogue: Okay, I'll head in and sneak attack one, then I'm going to need a volley of arrows while I leap to the other for another attack. Cleric: Wait, better idea. So the group of three use Dust of Illusion (Change Self) to make themselves look like drow in clerics' garb. They then walk proudly around the corner. The two giants turn angrily, demanding what they think they're doing. Cleric: We are drow priests of Lolth, let us pass! Not taking into account that men aren't allowed to be priests... so a rogue, cleric, and sorceror had to fight two frost giants without surprise.
Ramses III 01-15-05, 04:02 AM	In my homebrew world, the gods roam the world, sometimes in disguise, and often meddle in mortal affairs. In my Sunday campaign 2 weeks ago my players (playing the nobles and retainers of a minor noble house) were returning to their villa and the God of Time was hanging around outside, looking like an old guy with sticks in his hair. He had showed up to give them a warning, but they were all perplexed because he knew them by name when none of them had ever seen him before. So the dwarf gardener (reaping mauler) offers him a drink of beer, and the gnome alienist pulls out her scroll of charm person and tries to cast it on him. He approaches her with a totally friendly look on his face, and leans over to whisper in her ear, "I wouldn't reccomend trying that again," and as he walks away down the road he turns into a star and ascends into the sky. In another campaign I ran, some PCs were exploring an old tomb. In the king's burial chamber they found a chariot with gold plating and trim, so they decided to keep it. The cleric had ranks in Knowledge: Architecture and Engineering, so I figured he could find a way to get it out and put it back together. They rode it into battle against the tiefling wizard BBEG and his forces, and the chariot got crushed under a giant's thrown boulder. After the country the PCs were allied with (and on whose side they were fighting) lost the battle and their keep was destroyed, they quit the field and went to recoup their losses. Then the party cleric gets this bright idea: he casts animal messenger and sends it to the BBEG with a bill for the destroyed chariot. For the rest of the campaign the players didn't let a session pass without mentioning how they were going to get the 3000 gp for their chariot from him!
Orion__ 02-09-05, 10:25 AM	:bump:
Boothbey 02-09-05, 12:10 PM	Party came to the aid of a small quaint farming village that had a problem with goblins and their giant spider minions. Expecting an attack, the party mobilized the able and willing of the village into a small militia and set them to guarding the perimeter of the town. During the night, screams are heard. The party rogue is the first on the scene. He sees a villager lying face down on the ground not moving, three beagle sized spiders on the villager's back. The rogue readied his crossbow to shoot the spiders off the unfortunate man...then thought better of that because if he missed and hit the villager that would look bad. Instead, he takes his lit lantern and throws it at the man breaking the lantern and sending flaming oil all over the spiders and the unconscious villager...who promptly snaps back into consciousness and starts screaming.
Alynn 02-09-05, 02:37 PM	Not to burst anyone's bubble, but I wanted to point out that transmute rock to mud only works on natrual, uncut, unworked, unhewn stone, so technically that trap would fail at that point. However turning the char into stone, covering it in mud, then turning that to stone is an affective way to bury the guy forever, and block the passage. Now story time, we have LG Paladin of Heironeous, one NG elf, and 2 CN's and 1 CG, a priest of the goddess Xeen. (She promotes drinking drug use, and BDSM) However this priest is the son of the high priest of pelor in this town. After leaving the town Priest of Xeen shows his true colors and confesses to his real religion, and proceeds to get really really drunk (which grants him DF), which disgusts the Paladin... Alynn is technically in charge of the group as the go between the high priest and the party... Conversation went as follows: Alynn is the cleric Edrick is the Pali Please read all Alynn text as if it was slured and well... drunk as hell... Alynn (To All) "Oh no reason to tell my dad," Turns to the Pali "and its not lying if he never asks you." Edrick : "I would be lying on the inside if I did not confess this." Alynn: "Oh yeah, you guys," In a mocking voice "Oh look at me.... I'm a Paladin, I never lie, I'm goodie two shoes, I do what I'm told. blah blah blah. Well I'm in charge and listen to me, don't tell my dad!" Paladin gets a really disgruntled look on his face. Alynn puts his arm around Erdrick. "Oh, come on guy, I like you, you're nice, I'm nice, we're all nice here, so you don't like me lying to my dad... Ok... well its just not the right time... so lets just do what we are here to do, lets go kill whatever it is that stole the holy symbols, and go home." Alynn still drunk, talking like he is talking to a little kid that is mad at him. "Who's your friend? I'm your friend aren't I? YOu like me don't you? Aww don't be that way. Who's your friend?" This went on for a good 5 mintues before the Pali finally said you are just to get him to stop. The Paladin was then quiet the rest of the trip... while Alynn was making up lyrics to songs that the Rogue was playing... Everyone else around the table was laughing their asses off...
Bane 02-09-05, 02:51 PM	I would like to make a case for the aforementioned Flesh to stone, stone to mud, mud to stone, stone to flesh trap. Flesh to stone has a duration of instantaneous. Thus, the stone that is created is nonmagical. It hasn't been cut or worked in any way, so there really isn't any reason for stone to mud to fail. If stone to mud works, then the whole thing should work. Even better, Flesh to stone includes the creature's carried gear, so the pack-mule fighter will take everyone's rations with him. If you really don't like it, you could just adjust it so that it drops a flesh to stone followed by an Acid Fog. Everyone will be so worried about escaping, they'll probably ignore the fact that their companion is being dissolved. Or flesh to stone, followed by stone to mud on the ground beneath the petrifed character. The statue will sink, and then mud to stone will seal it in. Good bye, PC.
Alynn 02-09-05, 03:12 PM	I would like to make a case for the aforementioned Flesh to stone, stone to mud, mud to stone, stone to flesh trap. Flesh to stone has a duration of instantaneous. Thus, the stone that is created is nonmagical. It hasn't been cut or worked in any way, so there really isn't any reason for stone to mud to fail. If stone to mud works, then the whole thing should work. Even better, Flesh to stone includes the creature's carried gear, so the pack-mule fighter will take everyone's rations with him. If you really don't like it, you could just adjust it so that it drops a flesh to stone followed by an Acid Fog. Everyone will be so worried about escaping, they'll probably ignore the fact that their companion is being dissolved. Or flesh to stone, followed by stone to mud on the ground beneath the petrifed character. The statue will sink, and then mud to stone will seal it in. Good bye, PC. But would you consider afformentioned statue natural stone? Its neither here nor there, but I wouldn't use it because the statue while could be considered unworked, is definately not natural stone.
MasterRookie 02-09-05, 03:16 PM	Okay my Friend the Paladin was required to find a pirates ship in the harbor and barter passage to the secret pirate hide away so he could earn the allegence of their fleet to protect his city. DM: the first to ships you see are common ships of the line, no doubt merchant vessels another ship looks like this. I dispence a picture of a very suspicious ship. It is heavily modified and most likely pirate Paladin: What use are pirates that are no good at pirating. I move on. DM: Its the only ship in the harbor that could possibly belong to a pirate. Paladin: well I'm going to find a better one DM: THERE ARE NO OTHER PIRATE SHIPS, YOU ONLY NEED IT TO GET TO THE SEA CAVE. eventually he quit screwing around and moved on. I can imagin this sort of thing will happen in the future knowing my friends.
catowar 02-09-05, 06:51 PM	Ok in this game Im geting to play for once (my frend is a new'ish DM) ok so were in a very very cold hostile frostfell kind of place hanging out in the bar as I put some new spells in my spell book, the parys rogue gets bored looks around and finds the only good looking woman in the bar, go's up to try to "sex her up" (yep that's what he said) roll's a 1 on his CHA check, she tells him to leave her, he trys agine, rolls a 2, so now shes mad and NOW he leaves....to get that potion of charm person we had, puts it in a drink go's back tells her hes sorry (rolls a 23 for bluff on that one) she says fine, takes a drink, and is now charmed, then he tells her that it will be "really nice" if she had sex with him...... 2 times. well after that. now 2 days after were walking in the town and we are stoped by 3 strong looking cleric's of Cuthbert well to make a long story short, the head cleric of the themple in that town is the womans father....... after hereing that the party's fighter hits the rogue in the back of the head (with the flat part of the blade) geting a crt hit and puting him out cold, the cleric looks down at him, looks up, and says "ummm thanks" takes the rogue and we never see him agine :D
Dishliquid 02-10-05, 08:14 AM	In a 2nd ed game I played a CG half elf ranger who was addicted to psychadelic mushrooms. My partner was an elven ranger/mage. The two of us were following a merchant who was selling evil aligned weaponry and poison gasses abd such. We followed him to a tavern, were he took a room, bought a prostitute and disapeared upstairs. The two of us know the merchant has no idea he's being tailed, so we decide to attack him while he's, you know, occupied. But we also wanted to make it look random. The idea is to steal a map that has all the places he does business with marked on it, not to kill him. So I decide that we should make it look like a random incident. I keep him busy while my partner slips in, steals the map, and slips out. So obviously, the best course of action is to strip down to my underwear, act like I'm drunk, burst into the room and start beating this guy in the head. :nonono: I roll a one and accidentally punch the prostitute in the head, she falls over unconcious while the merchant reaches under his bed and pulls out a wand of fireballs. Only he's so drunk, he points it at me and activates it, thinking, "Hey, maybe using a fireball on the half naked dude standing on my bed is'nt such a bad idea..." The fireball goes off, myself and the ranger/mage both make the reflex save, we both have improved evasion, so we take no damage. (2nd Ed thing). Meanwhile the merchant is roasted alive, the prostitute is burnt to a crisp, and everything in the room is on fire, including the map! :mymy: Our cover is blown, so we have to kill this guy so that he can't identify us to the local assassin guild. My friend steps in, one swipe of his longsword crits, and the merchants head falls off with a plop. At this point, the fire is spreading through the rest of the tavern, and we escape, without any of my clothes... :OMG! From a safe distance, we watch the tavern burn down to the ground, and vow that we'll never step foot in this town again.
digoraccoon 02-10-05, 08:35 AM	The campaign is a quest for the PCs to recover a lost book of evil necromantic spells so that it can be properly destroyed before someone else finds the book and uses it for a coaster or something... The party has been followed time and again by a Mind Flayer (Lord Sl'Cisk Vaziiw). They've fought the mind flayer twice in the 9 encounters with him and he always manages to escape back to his flying castle fortress. Last session the party cleric was pondering how to reach that flying castle and slay him so they don't have to deal with "Tentacle McNugget" anymore. After some prayer, the cleric was contacted by Bahamut, king of dragons to strike a deal on how to rid themselves of the mind flayer. It's 4AM and she drags the entire party to Bahamut's temple on Celestia: PC Wizard Tatum: "Geez, it's like 4am. Is evil even up this early?" Bahamut: "Greetings my children. I have heard the prayers of your cleric and you wish to distroy the alien known as Sl'Cisk?" PC Cleric Olivia: "Yes, we need passage to his flying fortress." Bahamut: "Very well wyrmling, I can assist you, however I do re-" PC Cleric Olivia: "I lay down my life and my loyalty to you, great Bahamut, in return for the favor of teleportation to the castle." Bahamut: "Uh... Okay, well that makes the paperwork easier, doesn't it?" PC Wizard Tatum: "Holy ****, you're going to do that Olivia?" Bahamut: "Where did you people teach my daughter to swear like that?" PC Rogue Nagumo: "Daughter!?" PC Wizard Tatum: "Daddy?" PC Ranger Mira: "Oh, this is going to be a looong day..." I role played Bahamut with quite the sense of humor and I think the entire party now has a favorite god to deal with. Also Tatum now knows her origins as she's always wondered who she was related to... :D
ck2001wendt 02-10-05, 09:16 AM	The party is fighting a Huge Green Dragon last week. It's our Eldricth Knight's turn: "I sneak up behind him and stab him in the back!" He had a couple of priceless lines that session, all the more so becuase he was dead serious: Him: "Which skill should I put ranks in if I want to be a pimp?" Me: "Uhhh...probably Intimidate."
Mahni LeGuin 03-24-05, 04:28 PM	This is a great thread, and I hope that my stuff is worthy... I'm DMing, and we have a party of 6: 1: A human Barbarian, 2: a human Rogue/ Bard, 3: a elven Ranger, 4: a elven rogue, 5: a human Cleric, and 6: human fighter, all of about 4th level. A group of Orc pirates have been raiding villages along the coast, and they've calculated the next town to be hit. Not notifying the village, they decide to lay in wait nearby to ambush the pirates. The plan is simple: Players 1 and 2 hide near the beach, while players 3-6 hide in the woods across the fields from the town... the idea being that after the orcs land, players 1 and 2 will set fire to the boat while 3-6 ambush the orcs, and the noise will alert the villagers... So, the pirates land, off the ship tromp 40 orcs, leaving 4 behind to guard the ship. Players 1 and 2 sneak toward the ship, getting next to it... I tell them the main party of orcs is now 100 ft away (closer to them than the ambush)... player 1 decides he'll attack the orcs on the ship now, rather than waiting... so, sneaking into melee range, he rages and kills the first orc in one blow... at which point player 2 yells out to the 3 remaining orcs on the boat: "Don't be scared!" (the groups battle cry). 40 orcs turn as one... 2nd incident, different game. Are party consists of a 1: Sorna, a nuetral good human fighter 2: Hanra, a chaotic nuetral Human sorcerer 3: Wilfred, a chaotic good half elf bard 4: Billtoo, a chaotic nuetral halfling thief 5: My own chaotic good half orc fighter, Five, that everyone thinks is a barbarian. An early adventure involved fighting goblins... after defeating the goblin warriors, we were left with the cowering women and children goblins... who Sorna insisted on killing and everyone else said we shouldn't bother. Quite the heated arguement. In a later adventure, we defeated a ambush and took two prisoners. Hanra took offense at being ambushed and injured, executed one of the prisoners. This caused problems, including a arguement going back to why it was ok to kill women and children of evil races but not human warriors who had tried to kill you... the problems were solved by Wilfred the Bard, who assigned different areas of responsiblity to each character... the human fighter was in charge of combat, the bard was in charge of prisoners, the thief responsible for buying supplies... and I chimed in, speaking enthusiastically: "And Five is in charge of treasure!" Nobody wanted to argue. Later still, I'm still in charge of treasure, me and the rogue were selling things... the rogue wants to lose me (and pocket money), and tried to get me to go into a tavern, and made a big show of 'reading' the notice about the dancing girls... Five(me): Notice doesn't say dancing girls. :confused: Rogue: How do you know, you can't read. :rolleyes: Five: Says prices for food. Rogue: you're a barbarian, you can't read. Five: Can too. :) Rogue: (to dm, because he can't look at my sheet) did he spend points on literacy? DM: Nope. :king: Rogue: you can't read, and I'll tell you what it says. :noway: Five: I can read, and I tell you that's not what it says. :uh-huh: Rogue: Barbarians are illiterate unless they pay the points! The DM said you didn't pay the points! :rant: Five: I'm not a barbarian. :tantrum: Rogue: yes you are! :headexplo Five: I'm not. Rogue: how do you do so much damage, then? Five: weapon specialization. :cool: Rogue: Barbarians can't take weapon specialization! :censored: DM and Party: :rofl:
Chosen of the Dark Sun 03-24-05, 07:49 PM	I was DMing this game, and what happened was what happened to my DMPC. Everyone is level 3. The town they are in is under attack by goblins, so they are helping to fight of the raid. All my rolls were in the open. It's near the end of the fight. Only one goblin is left, and my DMPC is on the roof-top above it. I'm the only character in sight. Goblin has 4 HP, my bard DMPC has 12. I've been having the worst luck ever all session. DMPC: Alright, I'm jumping down at it with my spear. *roll* 3, sigh. Goblin: *roll* 6. DMPC: *roll* 4. Goblin: 2. DMPC: 9. Goblin: 7. DMPC: 3. Gobin: 20, finally, something good. *confirms crit* 20 again! D***, all the good luck happens to this stupid goblin! Rolling for insta-kill *rolls*. :mymy: PCs: What? Me: Natural 20. Pcs: :blink: :blink: :blink: Me: I just got insta-killed... by a goblin. PCs: :blink: :blink: :blink: Me: :bigeyes: