Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Ranger314 04-17-06, 05:24 PM	Let's take a moment to share our players' stupid actions, resulting in character death of rolling on the floor laughter. I'm a new DM so I don't have very many funny stories, but I'm anxious to participate in this forum and hear some great things! 1. Player asks whether or not a gelatinous cube is edible. Another player says "try."
Morgwolfsong 04-17-06, 06:26 PM	in one campain there was a powerful wizard who traped 3 evil demi gods into gas for in 3 seperate bottles one of my players asks if he may "drink the god" then continues to do so ... aftewards his body was torn to shreds from the inside out
azbrat 04-17-06, 06:59 PM	I play with my kids and they do the oddest things... they usually make me think wow how can I ever let you out of the house, let alone borrow my car, after that real brainiac thing you just did! 9 year old puts on litch armour after being told not to, he was surprised when he lost his charature to litchdom and getting killed by his party... 16 year old tests an experimental tatoo of feather fall by jumping off a 100 foot tower... tatooist wonders if tatoo for raising intelligence works...
Fakespy 04-17-06, 09:29 PM	One player in my game had a bunch of signet rings w/ a letter of his name on them. He ran up and punched his name into a big red dragon. Needless to say this character is no longer among the living.
shadowfox628 04-17-06, 09:42 PM	6) The PC's are trapped in an underground tunnel, which has many other side tunnels. They are currently trying to find a detour back to a demi-lich, who promised them information for the head of a Chi-Greyhound (a Chiuahua [sp?] mixed with a Greyhound). They are offered a choice: left or right. Now, only ONE of the PCs gave me a character bio, so I decided to do a side-quest around it. Everyone got the hint that she knew her way around. Well, let's just say that it wasn't a case of intelligence, but rather wisdom. I've stressed on playing characters by the attributes as well as alignment in my campains. Well, the party Cleric (Int 6, Cha 20) decided "I'll go the other way." Needless to say, she was eaten by a Worm that Walks minutes later.
sandgriffin 04-17-06, 10:00 PM	This one happened to me when i was playing at origens: :embarrass : alright you see a cave in front of you Paladin(Me): alright i stride boldly forward :embarrass : everyone make a spot *rogue rolls high* :embarrass : Alright you see a thin taunt wire on the ground Paladin: Ha! i poke it with my lance from ten feet away :embarrass : a protculis slams into the ground not an inch from your face, another slams down about fifteen feet away from you. *at this point i forget there are other ways into the cave complex* Paladin: alright i wanna lift the portculis *crit str check* paladin: Ok everyone inside while i hold this up *the party follows my command like sheep* Paladin: ok i put down the portculis behind me :embarrass : arrow slits open in the walls, durguar fire on you with crossbows. I set off a giant mouse trap, then broke into it.
SolkaTruesilver 04-17-06, 10:13 PM	8) A friend told me, he once said "Don't fear me! I am a paladin!" to befriend villagers... of a Ravenloft village...
Raven Dark 04-17-06, 11:12 PM	We play a lot of low level games and have stupid things kill the low hp characters all the time. A few examples... In a game I was DMing, the characters were walking down a dungeon corridor and came across a prison area with several empty cells--one with a pair of raging girallons trying to grab at the characters through the bars. I informed the players that if their characters hugged the far wall they would be just outside of the girallon's reach. As they are all inching their way along the far wall, shoulder to shoulder, their backs against the wall while sucking in their bellies to avoid the reach of the girallons' sharp claws the group's wizard (who was in the middle) suddenly blurts out "I fireball them!" "You're going to launch a fireball into the back of their cell?" I asked. The player responds to me in all seriousness, "No I aim straight at one of the creature's foreheads!" Needless to say they party wizard went into the negatives from the resulting explosion--leaving the remaining three party members (who were all badly, badly wounded) to deal with the extremely irate girallons when the cell bars melted into a liquid... ...The only other TPK we ever had was when the group's barbarian and the newly ressurected wizard tackled a rotten dungeon door with several orcs on the other side. Thanks to listen checks, the duo knew of the orcs and were getting ready to surprise them. The wizard tells the barbarian to kick in the rotten door while he readies a fireball for when he kicks through the door. *KICK* The barbarian's foot went straight through the rotten wood, got stuck in the resulting hole he created with his leg, and had just enough time to look at the wizard and scream out in a shrill voice "DON'T!" before becoming enveloped in a hellish inferno. Although the barbarian survived the initial blast, the wizard was put into negatives from the premature detonation and the barbarian was left alone...to deal with the enraged orcs...while still stuck in the now flaming door. Another painful day for all. :D Although the latter story was more bad luck than stupidity, the following were all just stupid: ..."I jump for the rope!" An 8-strength cleric with full plate and no ranks in jump. He fell 200 feet to his death. ..."I try to grab the cleric as he falls past!" The party rogue further down the rope. He made his touch attack and got a hold of the cleric, but was pulled off himself by the extreme weight of the fullplate. Died upon impact. ..."I cast fireb..." The party's barbarian cleaved the wizard in two before he could finish. ..."That sword isn't mine, but this dagger is!" The party rogue to the captain of the guard, upon questioning, as he pulled the dagger (which was stuck next to the sword) out of the corpse laying at their feet. ..."What could that ugly wench of a barmaid possibly do to me?" Last words from the party bard who, unbeknownst to him, had the "ugly wench" standing just behind him with a large bottle of brandy poised to strike. ..."It's just a bug bite. You probably don't even need to have it treated right now." The party paladin to the group's druid. The druid died one minute later from the giant ant's poison. ..."That is one delicious looking girl you got there." Last words from the party cleric to the city magister about his 9-year old daughter. EDIT: The next poster gets #18.
Khan2000 04-17-06, 11:44 PM	This is one of those times where I was a player and not the DM. The DM's campaign world was set on Earth in the future after an apocalyptic world war and everyone started out at level 0. I became the party ranger. Imagine, if you will, everything that is commonly known--i.e., guns, explosives, modern conveniences--has become unknown. The party was exploring an underground bunker in which we found grenades and C4. We happen upon a locked entrance that led downward. By this time, we knew that grenades exploded and C4 exploded. Well, my ranger figured that he would use all of the C4 and throw a grenade into the room. Of course, everyone else got out of the way--far, far away. In goes the grenade, and we have a nice dead ranger.
Amon_WinterfallIV 04-18-06, 02:05 AM	#20. Sorceress runs around trying to reduce tensions and concerns by doing the following: Shouting in enemy dungeons that "I don't work for your enemies". Whereas the rest of the party attempts to be inconspicious... :( #21. The mayor tells the Party to leave town. Sorceress: "I Cast Charm person on the Mayor." Mayor saves on his will save. :rolleyes: #22. The Following quote as been seared into my brain: "I send my Hawk familiar to look for bears". In the forests: "I send my hawk familiar to look for bears" In the Ice Wastes: "I send my hawk familar to look for bears" In towns: "I send my hawk familiar to look for bears" Sailing in a ship in the ocean "I send my hawk familiar to look for bears" :rolleyes: Look THERE ARE NO BEARS IN THE OCEAN. There we go.
FireOpal 04-18-06, 02:26 AM	Human ranger, half-orc barbarian and vicious gnome fighter find themselves a mile down in a deep mining cave. Surrounded by intimidating, annoyed dwarven minors, the gnome initiates an attack on one of the dwarves. To back up his pal, the barbarian rages, with his nasty icy burst battle axe at the ready.This half orc is very fond of this weapon. It is his baby. Humanitarian STUPID ranger doesn't think twice about attempting to physically relieve his fellow party member's battle axe from him, "in order to save the poor dwarves." :confused: Poor dead ranger. :weep:
Ralphius_Maximus 04-18-06, 08:51 AM	I had some interesting near-death experiences with my old Rogue in a now sadly defunct game. We are in a town with a walled park in the middle. We are told that something has taken up residence in the park and people who go in don't come out again. Later, the Rogue discovers that there is a fountain dedicated to his god in there. Naturally, he went to pay his respects while the rest of the party were asleep. There he discovered archers. Lots of them. With his typical luck, he stablilised on -9hp and was rescued when the rest of the group came looking for him. Another time, the party was faced with two giants under the control of a large figure in Full Plate. Everyone was injured to some extent (the Rogue down to half his hp), so he decided to buy the party time by challenging the BBEG to single combat. Despite a lower AC and much lower attack bonus, he damn near won that one. I would like to point out that these acts, while undoubtedly foolish, were totally in character.
metamind 04-18-06, 09:19 AM	I'm linking my version of this thread (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=620707)
Tormsskull 04-18-06, 09:48 AM	25.) (I think) I was DMing a group through an ancient castle complex with multiple levels. The idea is the further down you go, the hoter it gets/takes on more qualities of hell. They find a large chunk of size in a somewhat humanoid shape. I tell them that iit isn't completely solid, and from a ways off they can actuall make out a shape inside the ice. One PC steps forward and peers inside. Failed will save, PC is enamored by the creature inside the ice block and continues to stare inside. Second PC also looks inside. Failed will save, same deal. Third PC says "I melt the ice with my burning hands wand." Needless to say, they release the creature that TPKs them.
Athos 04-18-06, 10:45 AM	the party Human paladin - me half-orc cleric human rouge human monk we entered the cavern and after enough faild spot checks the cleric get an ooze stuck to his leg Cleric "I try to kick it off" DM "no good" Paladin "I throw my lantrin at it" DM "now the cleric has a fliming ooze on his foot" Monk "crap we need water, Create water!" DM "you need something to create the water in" Monk "oh crap" Rouge "Is there anything to loot in the room" DM "no" Monk + Paladin "Wait Cleric Stop drop and roll" Cleric "I stop drop and roll" DM "your enitre body is now coverd in flaimng ooze" Monk "Your helmut" grabs Paladins helmut "I cast create water" DM "you can't your a monk" Monk "oh... cleric cast create water" holds hemlut up to flaming cleric we've been reminicing about this scence for quite sometime since.
Aldarionn 04-18-06, 07:33 PM	This one happened just last night. It requires a bit of explination as to what is going on, so I'll put all of this in a spoiler box so you can skip it if you don't care. Basically, I'm running the Red Hand of Doom module, and the players got to the point in the campaign where they were fighting for the defense of Brindol, now under siege from the Red Hand Hoard. The hoard launches its attack and they are sent on several missions to mess up the Hoard's plans. First they kill a few giants that are trying to knock down the wall with thrown boulders. This results in some wounds, but nothing TOO serious. Once this is done, they barely have time to drink healing potions when a blast of flame inside the city signals the attack of a Red Dragon. Another group of giants had broken through the wall and the Hoard dispatched their Red Dragon ally to start burning the opposite side of the city in hopes of drawing attention away from their breach. The party moves in and kills the Dragon with little difficulty. Next they are called to defend a baracade against marauders int he city trying to reach the temple. This causes them some problems and uses up a lot of resources, but they sucessfully deal with all of the raiders. At this point there is a lull in the battle and they are called back to the temple to regroup, but no sooner is the order given (via Rary's Telepathic Bond) then the communication is cut. An assassin has poisoned the Lord of Brindol and the party has to find and kill him. They locate him after taking a few hits from poisoned arrows themselves, and they manage to kill him after a long, hard fight. Finally they fall bak to the Temple to regroup, but no sooner do they get there than the Guard Captain arrives on horseback with some troops and news that the Red Hand Hoard's general Hravek Kharn is leading a final charge and is not far behind. And this is where the stupidity begins. Now, I should let you know that the battle I just described was broken into two sessions, the first ending with the slaying of the Red Dragon. The party killed him in 2 rounds, and he was probably the toughest guy they have had to face yet. One player took 39 points of damage, and that was all. So, after that fight, I informed them that since they seemed to be dealing with powerful monsters so easily, I would not be pulling any punches at all. So I took a look at Hravek Kharn's stats (if you didn't read the above block, Kharn is the leader of a hoard that the PC's must defeat. They were killing theings easily, so I made him tougher) and meddled with them a bit (All I did was give him a few extra levels in Favored Soul so that he could get 5th level spells and be able to cast Righteous Might). I examined his spell list and determined what buffs would make him the biggest, meanest, baddest bugger around, and came up with a nice set that I had him pre-cast before he arrived at the Temple. Just before his arrival, one of my PC's (Shaavas, a Half Dragon Fighter under the effects of a Permanent Enlarge Person spell) decided that he would like to challenge Kharn to a duel tot he death. Now as I said, I had warned them at the previous session that I was not pulling any punches and that since they had dealt with things so easily thus far I would be making it a bit more difficult for them to handle encoutners. I designed Kharn's tactics and spell preperation to take on the party by himself and dish out a decent ammount of damage, so one Half Dragon Fighter, large or not, was not going to be a problem for him to kill. So here is what happened: Shaavas: I stand out in front of the temple and wait for Kharn to arrive, everyone else get inside the temple! Me: Uhh, ok, are you sure? Shaavas: Yeah, I'm sure I can take him. Me: Alright then, It takes only a few moments before you see four Ogres and two Hill Giants smash through the remaining defenses, and behind them a big Hobgoblin in red plate armor walks arrogantly towards the temple. Shaavas: "Hravek Kharn! I challenge you to a duel!" Kharn: "Are you really that foolish?" Shaavas: "Apparently. Bring it on!" Kharn: "Fine. Challenge accepted, prepair yourself" Shaavas drinks a potion of haste and Kharn casts Divine Power and Righteous Might on himself, giving him one hell of an attack bonus and decent damage. The fact that he is sporting a +1 Wounding Heavy Pick that's had a Greater magic Weapon cast on it didn't help the situation either. Shaavas wins initiative and we place figures on a battlemap. I put Kharn 25 feet away from him. Instead of charging, he decides to breathe fire....on a guy wearing full plate that is aparently MADE FROM A RED DRAGON. Kharn passes his reflex save (not surprisingly) and takes 16 points of fire damage, barely a scratch. He then charges and lands a solid hit for 21 damage and 1 point of Con damage. Shaavas returns the favor with a hit for more than 30, but fails to hit with his second or third attacks. He DOES manage to hit with his bite attack, and brings the total damage dealt up to 52 points. Kharn is still doing alright, and makes a full attack, hitting once for 22, missing with his second, and then crolling a natural 20 on his third attack, confirming with an 18. Now I could have fudged the roll, but I held to my word of "not pulling any punches", so I let him take a crit on a x4 modifier weapon where the bearer had a +10 to Streingth from two spells alone. He took more than 80 points of damage, and fell dead where he stood. Guess he shouldn't have been so dumb. The rest of the party didn't have much trouble killing him off. They would have had a harder time of it if I had thought to have him cast Spell Resistance on himself (the Warlock would have had to roll every time he wanted to do damage), but it didn't matter. The damage was done, and I felt somewhat gratified at having put one of my players in his place for stupidly challenging a boss character to a duel. What did he think was going to happen? Aldarionn
Kensan_Oni 04-18-06, 08:40 PM	This sounds like a good time to bring out "Pole Vault the Dragon" Under 2nd Edition, my father had this encounter set up on top of a platua against one of his 'archvillians', a ancient Blue Dragon. The table was a bit large, so he had hedged it's hit points, and was really doing a lot of damage against the party. At one point, someone had managed a grease spell, and the dragon charged, slipped, and headed towards a player. He asked what he was going to do. The play calmly said he was going to take his spear, and throw the dragon over his head. ... needless to say, this just simply couldn't be done, and my father wouldn't allow it... this broke up into an arguement which eventually ended with the discussion of handing him a staff that my family happened to have had in the car, and having him try to flip the car with the staff as it was heading for him at 30 miles an hour. ... I will never forget that player. He is the source of some of the best dumb stories I've had.
Radijs 04-19-06, 05:53 AM	Well yesterday evening I had a PC who really takes the cake for my DM-ing experience. The party is in posession of this intelligent flying ship and there's a crew thats been so-so willing to follow them in the hope of getting home. The ship jumps to new random material planes every now and then. At any rate the ship has 2 masts, one on the top and one on the bottom for sails and they get caught in a storm and the ship crashes into the treetops. its listing badly to one side and when the storm dies down the crew begins to repair the ship. And here comes Player S for Stupid. He thinks its a good idea for him to help even though he knows nothing about ships in general and completely nothing about flying ships in specific. The bottom mast is entangled in the fir trees and he goes doen to cut it loose. Cutting away ropes and branches until the mast is free. I asked him where he was starting and player S declared. "Well I'm gonna see what I can untie and what I cannot untie is going to get cut." Which is not a smart thing to say. So I roll for it and the dice tell me that he starts on the starboard side and in the end he cuts about all the ropes there leaving the mast unsupported from one side. I take a moment to think about this and then roll to see what happens. The mast breaks and the ship tilts further toppling over and I roll reflex saves for the crew. 17 crewmembers eventually fall to their doom below including the specialist and the only person to hold the crew morale together. But this isn't the only thing he did. Because while all of this was happening he was treating just about everybody with complete disrespect. (A temp NPC cleric was called the equivalent of a "useless git" because he did not yet have the raise dead spell required to revive the crewmembers. The drow wizard (pc) got to suck on 2 arrows because he made rude remarks regarding player S' "brilliant" actions. And so forth and so on. Now my opinion on that character had never been really high but right now I decided that the rest of the crew where thinking "dangerous and volatile psychopath Lets get the F*CK outta here!" But they didn't have to run because player S declares that he is going to look around and see if he can find a place where he can get the specialist raised from the dead. In the far distance he can see the outline of a huge tower. So the party sets off in that direction while leaving instructions for the crew to repair the ship.
Alcari Ambaron 04-19-06, 07:25 AM	I'm guilty of the following: The part was traveling thourgh the underdark. My Favoured soul of Heironeous was in the rear. We knew we were being followed by "A great host of Large, heavy creatures." That's why we would contantly sleep in magical hideouts, be they Stoneshaped, sealed rooms or Wall of Stone etc. One night/day we ran into a small group of people in cloaks, so we couldn't see what they were. Of course, they rogue decided to sneak in and find out. All my character heard was a lot of screaming and shouting after an hour or so, so we concluded the rogue most have been spotted and fighting for his live. We charged in, slaughtering most of the strangers and driving the others away. That's when we saw the rogue, hanging on the wall (Spiderclimb Amulet) completely unharmed. Without having learned anything we continue on only to find out about a rather large and very ****** of warband of wild elves, who's scouts we've just killed. We decide to turn back. Never thinking about the creatures following us, we double time it away from the elves and after two days we run right into an umberhulk ambush. A fight begins and the wizard bites the dust after round two. The Dwarven Defender opts to delay them while I buff up the party in a small hallway. Then the Dwarf dies, so i jump in and tell the rest of the party to run for it. After I valiantly died after a single blow the rest of the party find a dead end and gets slaugtered. The moral: DO NOT stab first, ask questions later.
Zombie Carl 04-19-06, 09:41 AM	High Priestess: "Go kill the dire lion being held by the circus in the government district." Party go to government district. Bard approaches a guardsman. "Hi there, we have just been ordered to kill that dire lion, do you mind?" "Well, as that dire lion is actually someone elses property, and they are operating completely within the law, yes i do." Cue a quick trip to jail.
Shin 04-19-06, 10:28 AM	In the first ever campain I ever ran (about 4 months ago) I had a low level party exploring an abandoned monestary, and the wizard is being strangled to death by an animated candlestick causing the paladin to say "I attack the candlestick with my greatsword" *Rolls a 1* Needless to say the wizards head comes clean off
dragor_shadowfury 04-20-06, 09:15 AM	my PC's where had just sneaked into an enemy camp, and was standing outside one of the three biggest tents. then the minotaur monk enters, gets attacked from behind by the chocker rouge who waits for them, he gets grappled. then the rouge sneaks close and ask what he sees. he sees a figure standing in the darkness to one of the sides, with the back turned to the rouge. it's large and to things comes out of its head, like if its wearing a horned helmet or something. the rouge sneak attacks and crits, and then the chocker is trying to chocke a dead minotaur monk with a reaper driven trough the cheast. afterwards, when the rest of the PC's had deafeated the chocker, they execute the rouge for betrayal :banghead:
Thurbane 04-22-06, 09:06 PM	I used to game with a player who had a fetish for gravedigging. Apparently in a module he played once, there was some kickass treasure hidden in a coffin or somesuch. So now EVERY TIME he passes a grave, he stops to dig it up and look for treasure. And I mean every time, even when the group was fleeing from the BBEG. And he would dig whether he had tools or not. He ended up earning the nickname "Edward Shovelhands"...
Winternova 04-23-06, 12:54 AM	Tryin' to think here... DM (that's me, by the way): As you delve deeper into the forest, you come across a blackness on the forest floor that spreads slowly, consuming everything it touches. Player: ...I toss my sword into it. (This was one of a matching pair.) DM: The sword disappears into the void, as the blackness spreads. Player: I... Toss my other sword into it (yup, the other one.) DM: That sword, like before, is absorbed into the inky black expanse. Player (several minutes later): You took my swords! Later, in d20m, a character strode into a room laden with gas fumes which housed large fuel tanks, and gleefully shot his pistol at a couple zombies.