Post/Author/DateTime	Post
metamind 04-12-06, 07:46 PM	I have a feeling this has been done, but what the hell. Have your PCs ever said or done anything in a campaign that was humerously stupid? post them here!
Trarth 04-12-06, 08:03 PM	"That dragon isn't so big" - Me "It probobly isn't poison"- Me "Cool, an amulet of strangulation, I'll try it on"- me, again -.- "I fart in the face of the arch-duke"-not me, for once. "I cut the rock in half with my katana"-could never happen unless the gods gifted that blade to not suck. These may be stupid, but you asked for stupid quotes. and to all of you who don't know, a Katana, atleast the nonmagical ones, have problems cutting through a lot of things, especially rocks. Also, I am a horrible grammar person, So please don't kill me so bad.
metamind 04-12-06, 08:17 PM	Please remember to number your posts, we had five You can also include any stories, not just quotes
NeoRaven01 04-12-06, 08:41 PM	6) "I raise my greatsword!"
Steel Cobra 04-12-06, 08:51 PM	Well a little background is needed, I have a boneclaw mini from MM3 if you don't know what it looks like google it. Now one of my players has found this guy scary as I have threatened it once or more times. Now ever now and again he takes the mini and goes "SPOOKY" as he drags it around my his player. It's grown into a full out joke that we have brought into real life and all. I think it's funny.
ElanaYama 04-12-06, 09:04 PM	8. just today the players had just got done battleing a king. after they conceded one decided to kneel in front of him and say some rude things. well the king raised his great sword and then walked away. the player then says man I thought I was going to get knighted.
Johnny Cache 04-12-06, 11:00 PM	9. "Yeah, yeah, whatever, boney-butt." This from a mid-level Rogue/Sorceress to an epic Dracolich. While we were on a diplomatic mission. Amazingly, we weren't roasted where we stood.
Super_Squirrels 04-12-06, 11:11 PM	10. "My bonus language is giant"
lunacy05 04-12-06, 11:13 PM	11: "I use my magnifying glass to see the pixie on the roof!" said the elven ranger, outside of a shop...in broad day light...where the sun shines towards him.
PossiblyInsane 04-12-06, 11:26 PM	12-"Leeroyyyyyy Jjjjjjjjjejeeeeeeeennnnnnnnkkkiiiinnnnns ssssssssss"
Dochenor 04-13-06, 12:33 AM	When asked to solve a riddle dealing with an ancient elven quote, the Dwarf fighter/Rogue said... #13 "All the answers are wrong. Elves are just ****ing stupid." ...in the throne room of a NE Elven Queen!
Keledin 04-13-06, 12:37 AM	#14 - "I'm just a psycho with a sword!" - LG Paladin
CowMasterTrojan 04-13-06, 01:05 AM	#15- A player with a level 1 cleric decided to say "I can't be killed". Needless to say, the DM took that as a challenge. For the record, a level 1 cleric can't take a spectre. Especially when her comrades are running like hell.
SuperTKO 04-13-06, 02:27 AM	#16 - In a d20 Modern game, someone was being held hostage. So, one of our players, instead of saying something like "Hold your fire" or "Don't shoot, he said, and I quote. "Guys, quit shooting bullets out of your guns!" :nonono:
Khan2000 04-13-06, 02:52 AM	A PC monk in a tree being chased by dogs with handlers...(I think) 17) I **** on him.
Dark_Druid 04-13-06, 04:21 AM	18 - I was playing RIFTS as a Robotech Cyclone rider. We had just finished defeating a dragon in the ancient ruins of downtown Pittsburgh. 15 Miles (2 min drive) outside New Erie (our home city) a gang of missle toting bikers fire upon us. I'm struck by three volleys of 6 short range missles (18 total, for total 36d6x10 MDC). My cyclone has round 250 MDC. I'm ashed. Instantly. I was reading another gamebook when all this happened so I wasn't paying any attention and when I heard the next round go by, after my gf's turn I call out my actions. "I'll fire all 16 of my mini missles at the closest motorbike. They're plasma, so that's...*roll*...I got 20, crit!...*rolls* that's 16d4x10 MDC x2..." "Chad, what are you doing? You were incinerated last round." o_o
mojorooks 04-13-06, 07:39 AM	19) 'It's orgres guys' - said by a player as he looked over the DM screen before the DM could anounce it. We ended up fighting frost giants. 20) 'this path isn't very long, but it sure is wide' - said concerning a ranger who continually failed his pathfinding skill check.
Balor von Balorvitch 04-13-06, 07:57 AM	19) 'It's orgres guys' - said by a player as he looked over the DM screen before the DM could anounce it. We ended up fighting frost giants. Lol i know the feeling 21)back in 2nd I looked over the DMs screen to see the page open to Wolfwere, i did not want to sound like i was cheating so i took in all the clues (full moon, cloaked figure, forset setting.) and said "Quick its a werwolf, ready some cold iron!"
Granpa_Weatherwax 04-13-06, 08:24 AM	one of the players in my group was deciding whether or not to do something that was not the smartest thing. Actually it was quite stupid. Anyway, one of the other players nudges him and says: " Go for it! He [the DM] won't kill your character!"
Need_A_Life 04-13-06, 08:31 AM	22) DM (reintroduces the groups druid): "So a large eagle flies in circles over your heads" DM(OOC): "Can you speak in animal form?" Druid(OOC): "Yes" DM: "The eagle says: "Hello my friends," and lands in a tree" Rogue: "Can you see a city from up there" Monk(OOC): "Dude, when a huge eagle says "hi" the first thing that pops into your head shouldn't be "I wonder if he's can see a city from up there" now is it? What's your intelligence?" Rogue(OOC): "24. We're looking for a city, I simply asked him if he could see one..." Monk: Full attack on the rogue, nonlethal. Following up with a Touch of Idiocy. DM: "Shall we start over?" Fourth time we actually got him properly introduced, but we had to tell the rogues player to shut up. P.S. Not a DM, I am in fact a player (the monk FYI).
Suzaku455 04-13-06, 08:42 AM	22) DM (reintroduces the groups druid): "So a large eagle flies in circles over your heads" DM(OOC): "Can you speak in animal form?" Druid(OOC): "Yes" DM: "The eagle says: "Hello my friends," and lands in a tree" Rogue: "Can you see a city from up there" Monk(OOC): "Dude, when a huge eagle says "hi" the first thing that pops into your head shouldn't be "I wonder if he's can see a city from up there" now is it? What's your intelligence?" Rogue(OOC): "24. We're looking for a city, I simply asked him if he could see one..." Monk: Full attack on the rogue, nonlethal. Following up with a Touch of Idiocy. DM: "Shall we start over?" Fourth time we actually got him properly introduced, but we had to tell the rogues player to shut up. P.S. Not a DM, I am in fact a player (the monk FYI). Btw Druids can't talk in wildshape.
Norgoth_Deamon 04-13-06, 08:47 AM	23) Player: I examine the outside of the cave. Dm: Its a cave. Its very cavelike, if you were looking for a good example of a cave, this whould be it.
Tormsskull 04-13-06, 08:56 AM	24.) Player: "I want to just wander far off to the east and find a new city....." DM: "Ok, you find a new city, there's a big sign that says Nondescript. Player: What type of city is it?
oxybe 04-13-06, 09:27 AM	25) Monk PC: "I jump on the [green] dragon's back, you know, to punch it!" DM (me): ok... jump check [gets a high number, high 20-low 30's]... balance so the dragon don't throw you offa him [same deal, high number]... ok, you somehow actually managed to jump on the flailing green dragon's back. :clap: :clap: :clap: Monk PC: "Now I punch it" ... rolls a crit miss Me: wow... just... wow. 26) Trust me! (the evil rogue to the paladin) 27) It'll be easy (before fighting a major NPC) 28) don't worry, you can be rez'ed easily. there has to be a high level cleric somewhere, right? (in eberron...) 29)DM(Me again): ok, you enter the tomb and find the multi-headed beholder (ok, it was late at night and i had fun with Savage Species the day before).
Illion the Red 04-13-06, 10:18 AM	26) This was back in 1st edition - in the first room of a dungeon. Player 1: I search for traps. DM: You find no traps. Player 2: I search for traps. DM: You find no traps. Player 3: I search for traps. DM: You find no traps. Player 1: I search for concealed doors. DM: You find no concealed doors. Player 2: I search for concealed doors. DM: You find no concealed doors. Player 3: I search for concealed doors. DM: You find no concealed doors. Player 1: I search for secret doors. DM: You find no concealed doors. Player 2: I search for secret doors. DM: You find no concealed doors. Player 3: I search for secret doors. DM: You find no concealed doors. Player 1: I search for wall. DM: WALL HAS BEEN FOUND!!!!
Asmodeous_IX 04-13-06, 11:39 AM	Okay my D.M. at the time used the rule where if you detect evil on something that is pure evil (such as an evil god or archfiend) you pass out, your brain not being able to handle such perversion. In grazzit's presence the paladin of my party faced the archfiend alone (he did not know who it was, I did however) 26:"Detect Evil on him!" (Me) 27:"I Detect Evil" - *thud* (Paladin)
Aegeu 04-13-06, 02:09 PM	26) This was back in 1st edition - in the first room of a dungeon. <snickersnack> Player 1: I search for wall. DM: WALL HAS BEEN FOUND!!!! :heehee This is why taking 20 was invented.
metamind 04-14-06, 01:44 PM	:bump:
Drone23 04-14-06, 02:45 PM	27) After picking up the intelligent, evil sword the party just found, I handed the player a note about a voice in his head. He read the note ALOUD!!! "I am Silvertongue. You WILL conquer in my name!" He blamed the cold medicine he had taken.
wolfie-kun 04-14-06, 03:06 PM	6) "I raise my greatsword!" Why is that a stupid quote? *neglects to mention the fact it was probably his character and more than likely the party was facing something that would've killed us*
Johnny Cache 04-14-06, 03:43 PM	29)DM(Me again): ok, you enter the tomb and find the multi-headed beholder (ok, it was late at night and i had fun with Savage Species the day before).Did the thing float around saying "Wheezing..."? :P 31) Here's one from an olde game called Fringeworthy. I had just come close to frying my brain with alien tech, so I wobbled over to an NPC and asked "Which way did they go, George? "Which way did they go?" George pointed two ways at once and said "Mm, they went that way!". I grabbed his hand and shook it saying "Duh, thanks a lot, George! Thanks a lot!" Here's the stupid part: I then looked the GM in the eye and said "I go that way." He rolled some dice and told me I succeded... :OMG! 31) Also from Fringeworthy: George (who said he was a balrog, btw) and I were exploring and found a world inhabited by plant creatures. After a bit of initial confusion, a young female named Ivy asked for our help with a certain naughty pine who wanted to *ahem* cross-polinate with her. When said pine and his friends came into view, I drew my flaming sword and told Ivy: "You climb the balrog, and I'll bash the tree." :rimshot:
Turelus Valentine 04-14-06, 07:32 PM	This was long ago when I first started playing with my mates (I was DM) the players entered a room in a wizards dungeon and this followed. DM: You enter the room its is about 30 ft. squared and you can't see any features, its an empty room. Player1: I take a search check DM: You fail to find anything, the room is empty Player2: hmmm maybe he didn't look hard enough; I'll take a search check DM: you fail to find anything, the room is empty Player3: well third time lucky hey? I search the room DM: you fail to find anything, THE ROOM IS EMPTY Player1: maybe we should try again it can't really be empty... I take another search check this time looking for secret doors and stuff. DM: *sigh* you fail to find anything, the room is empty Player2: Damn... well I guess I can try again... DM: you find nothing, THE ROOM IS EMPTY (this time I really add emphasis to the empty part) Player1: Hey guys do you think this room could just be empty? DM: I hate you all...
tharivol266 04-14-06, 10:23 PM	PCs find a flak half full of a green liquid. P1: (rogue) Hey Goon we found something for you to drink P2: (goon druid with detect poison prepared) What is it? P1: I don't know Goon: *makes chugging motion then succeeds to fail 3 of the five fort. save against poison and has both strength and con lowered to 1 (I was going to do it all to con but it woulda killed him and i dont usually do that on stupidity like this)*
NeoRaven01 04-14-06, 10:40 PM	This was in second edition. Thief/Sorceror(me):"I'll ask the beggar in thieves' cant if he knows where the local thieves guild is." Fighter OOC(wolfie-kun):"Why would a beggar know where the thieves' guild is?! He just a homeless guy!" DM:"He tells you to go down the street 2 blocks, take a right, and go down the alley, then knock twice"
Archmage_Vall 04-14-06, 10:41 PM	BBEG: << long-winded monologue detailing our imminent doom >> PC Rogue & Fighter: "What's he saying?" PC Wizard: "He's saying you two should stab him with your swords." << Casts Haste on the fighter, Invisibility on the rogue >>
speeblefreak 04-15-06, 12:17 AM	BBEG: << long-winded monologue detailing our imminent doom >> PC Rogue & Fighter: "What's he saying?" PC Wizard: "He's saying you two should stab him with your swords." << Casts Haste on the fighter, Invisibility on the rogue >> One in the same vein: Party (walks into an arena): So this is the dining hall, is it? :rolleyes: BBEG: No you idiots, this is a combat arena and you shall die. So you thought to assassinate me, did you? Psion: Yes. *Crisis of Life, BBEG survives* BBEG: Ah, so you prefer to get to the point. That is very commendable blah blah blah.... Psion: Is it my turn again yet? DM: Uh...yes. Psion: Crisis of Life. BBEG: *dies*
metamind 04-15-06, 10:53 PM	23) Player: I examine the outside of the cave. Dm: Its a cave. Its very cavelike, if you were looking for a good example of a cave, this whould be it. :heehee This is definitely my favorite so far! 37) DM: You see a nymph Me: I cast my magic missle into her darkness 38) DM: You must prepare your army for war! Me: I teach them the ways of the dork side of the force
Dragon_23_ca 04-16-06, 12:46 AM	We were playing 2nd, and I was playing a halfling, we had to climb a wall and I asked the Gargolye (str 24) to help me over the wall, the gargolye ask how, and I said throw me over, he did. The wall was 20 ft high, need less to say gravity sucks.
mouser27 04-16-06, 04:52 AM	I have a few, they do require some set up though. Ok, first time playing with a new group we were all level 1 chacters, and it was 3.5. We had a Ranger, a Cleric, and a Rogue (myself). So we're going through this cave and after a little bit we come to an area with animal cages. Now it's important to note that our ranger had like 2 ranks in knowledge (nature), and there's only one animal in the cages at the time. Out of game describtion we recognize as a Black Bear cub, however our ranger rolls a 1 on his knowledge check and spent the next 10 minutes saying "hey this is a being from another diminsion", the rest of us (DM allowed Int checks) kept trying to tell him it was a black bear cub. Later on we were hiding in the attic of a house from bad guys we weren't supposed to be fighting yet, and my rogue is near the window watching them. Like an idiot I have him turn back towards the party waving his arms in plain view saying "Hey everyone stay away from the windows" Finally in a group a friend of mine was running, they were being offered some horses to help speed them after the people the were hunting, the half-orc barbarian "horse, why Krunk want horse? Krunk not hungry."
savant_warlord13 04-16-06, 01:43 PM	43. One of my players had butchered a bunch of gnolls that the party had killed, and was trying to sell the meat to a butcher, he said: "What do you mean you will only give me 120 gold pieces? This is 600 pounds of gnoll meat, a fine delicacy! If you do not give me a fair price, I will kill you." He then went on to kill the butcher, and then told the silvery moon guard that the butcher had attacked him. 44. During his arrest, he said: "You can't just cast hold person on me! My character is a dwarf, and he is distrustful of magic! And since when is the captain of the silverymoon guard a wizard? And you never told us he had the arcane focus on him when you described him earlier!" 45. The same player also said: "What do you mean the dwarves don't do anything about my imprisonment? Just becuase you're the DM doesn't mean you can decide what happens to me!" And this is just the funniest of the many stupid things he babbled on about. Needless to say, this player has been banned for continuous disruptive behavior and backseat DMing.
wonderboy06 04-16-06, 04:04 PM	46. While fighting three assassins (going badly) the scorceror/fighter of the group pipes in with this little gem "Who here can cast spells?" 47. Gnome wizard goes to a armor shop thats run by a theives guild and askes to buy a Bondleaf (Arms and Equipmet Guide) they take about a day to bond to the wearer. So he ties the giant leaf around his neck and goes on his way. He didnt realize he got screwed untill the leaf dried up and was lit onfire by a disgrunteled wizard. 48. "Are we still on a boat?" had been off the boat from roughly and hour in real time. 49. DM: You see a necklace. Player: I try it on. DM: You go blind. Player: AWESOME!.....Wait what?!?!
Dag Splintard 04-16-06, 07:32 PM	50: After the psion casts control light and makes it 100% dark he says to the gnome player "All right, now the giant can't see a thing and we can easily defeat him" However the psion neglected to realize that the giant had darkvision and the gnome was blinded and the gnome was promptly clobbered by the giant's club.
cheseboy 04-16-06, 11:15 PM	51. "It's the the burial custom of my homeland." Bluff Check: Natural 20 Some background: He had thrown the dead man on the bridge featured in the adventure on the back of the Eberron campaign setting off the side of the bridge. The city guard shows up and arrests the party. The interrogators determine from another party member that the quotee had thrown the corpse over the bridge. When asked why he did such a thing, that was his response. Sadly, commiting a crime is not condoned just because it is a custom of your native country.
Steel Cobra 04-17-06, 03:38 PM	One more from me Cleric-"Why don't we just kill a few gnolls? They are easy." Well needless to say I whipped out a gnoll level 4 barbarian fiend I had made earlier (not planning to use, just bored) and set it out on the level 2 party. Yeah I pulled it away after the cleric, fighter, and wizard almost died. Oh and I played him to the best of my ability, jumping out from darkness, climbing in the woods, you know all that stuff.
metamind 04-18-06, 08:44 PM	:bump:
Ferox 04-18-06, 09:08 PM	"You guys distract him, I'll grab the pants" To explain this, the rogue was actually trying to steal some pants from the merchant.