Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Ragix 01-04-07, 05:58 PM	This column is very self-explanatory. I want to hear some things that you absolutely do not want your DM to say. Here's the first one: 1. Make a will save.
Tobek 01-04-07, 05:59 PM	2. How many hit points do you have again?
RorixBladewing 01-04-07, 06:10 PM	3. So, which one of you is in the back? 4. Man, this Grimtooth guy is a genius... 5. Everyone make Spot and Listen checks 6. You remember that day a few weeks back, when you accidently broke my window? About that... 7. Just out of curiosity, what's everybodys' grapple checks? 8. You say what to the guard? 9. Do any of you have any ranks in Knowledge(Planes)? 10. Nobody has a Detect Evil spell up, right?
Morwen 01-04-07, 06:12 PM	11. Ooh, that's a neat ability! :devil: (while reading the MM-entry for the monster the party is about to face).
TalonofTiamat 01-04-07, 06:20 PM	12. Bwahahaha! 13. Anybody got more d6's? (While holding both hands already full). 14. You guys can afford to True Res everbody right? 15. Hmm... I've never rolled this many 20s before (I actually said this a few weeks ago).
Abulafia 01-04-07, 06:30 PM	16. "Roll . . . actually, it doesn't matter." 17. "Don't write down your possessions in ink." 18. "Well, I guess you could TRY using Wish to do that . . ." 19. "Oh, this? This is just a character I made to tag along with your party." 20. "In MY game, that rule works differently."
revnk 01-04-07, 06:38 PM	21. I prefer DMing without pants. Is there somewhere I can hang these up or should I just throw them over the back of my chair? 22. Okay, this toenail clipping is an orc, and this one represents the rust monster.... 23. Flumphs are a perfectly acceptable playable race in my games. 24. Okay, so my DMPC is named Vegeta and I came up with stats for the super-Saiyans in my campaign and... what's that look for? 25. Oh, dude, sorry about your dice and your Player's Handbook and rug--I've been doing that since I ate those shellfish for dinner at that hole-in-the-wall last nigh--urk-- 26. You know, now that my pants are off, I can't help noticing how itchy this shirt is. Hang on a second--
Captain_Tork 01-04-07, 06:57 PM	27. :devil:
Ryusage 01-04-07, 07:08 PM	28. I hope you have a back-up character.
Dei 01-04-07, 07:13 PM	29. So who takes first watch? 30. The first watch passes un-eventfully. Whose turn is it next?
SirCaran 01-04-07, 07:15 PM	31. oops
Grod_The_Giant 01-04-07, 07:25 PM	wasn't there another one of these threads a while ago? anyway... 32. *smiles* 33. oh wait! that's a 7, not a 1!
Messer 01-04-07, 07:25 PM	33. Are you sure you want to do that? (I say this all the time) 34. "You're in very serious trouble" says the sound track, Dice hit the table and Ron smiles... (hard to describe) 35. Yes, you can do subdual damage to a Skeleton.
leather_book_wizard 01-04-07, 07:29 PM	36) It's peanut-butter jelly time.
Pajaul 01-04-07, 07:32 PM	37: Let me see your character sheet for a second.
Kurikin 01-04-07, 07:41 PM	38. You can do that, WEEEE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS!
Morwen 01-04-07, 07:42 PM	38: *Rolls a 2 on the to-hit roll vs the party tank* Okay then, that's a hit!
Mock26 01-04-07, 07:43 PM	39. How much damage would a falling mountain cause? 40. What was your to hit roll? 185? That's a miss. PS Wouldn't this be better over in the Player's Advice section?
sanzo the space worm 01-04-07, 07:55 PM	41. Okay team! (lvl1 group) here's your first battle, roll spot checks. Good you all fail... Oh and Matt, what was your armor class again? *rolls dice* Well, it doesnt matter now!
RamzaStromblade 01-04-07, 08:17 PM	42: Oh sorry mage, looks like your famailar died of small pox 43: Sorry Cleric your god was asleep when you tried to get spells this morning 44: *rolls* Can anyone raise/afford to raise the cleric/mage
Mock26 01-04-07, 08:20 PM	45. Why would I need to know your character's Armor Class?
Tiberia 01-04-07, 08:35 PM	46 the Ravenous bug blatter beast of Traal 47 Pass me your character sheet please. (DM crosses out equipment that was stolen by a Rogue in an invisibility cloak.)
E. Ravenwood 01-04-07, 08:36 PM	46. (While reading the MM) Damn! 47. Opps, I didn't add in the weapon bonus, does a 32 hit you? 48. add the three...carry the one...O'kay, who's in the 100 foot radius? 49. Roll a fort save. Against massive damage, that's why? 50. (Still looking at the MM) Whoa, this thing can fly too!
Mock26 01-04-07, 08:42 PM	51. You see an R. O. U. S.
Artector 01-04-07, 08:54 PM	52. Everyone but the halfling roll your saves. [In combat] 53. Give me $5 and I'll let you wield a katana.... 54. Darth Vader isn't pleased. 55. So, you entered the inn. That was your first mistake.... 56. *Mage fire fireball into group of kobolds* They all stand there waiting for you to actually do something. 57. What's one step up from a D20? I need something with more punch.
Rusher 01-04-07, 09:07 PM	58 - Remember that shifty looking fellow you all kicked out of the bar? 59 - (at the beginning of a game night) Yes, you all sure trashed the monsters last week. I figure you all are pretty much invincible now.
revnk 01-04-07, 09:09 PM	60. What do you mean what are we doing this week? I thought you were the DM. 61. So, I was looking at my old copy of Arms Law, and I thought....
Mock26 01-04-07, 09:13 PM	62. Let me introduce the newest member of the group, revnk 63. They've just released version 4.0, and we're switching over!
Roflwolf 01-04-07, 09:29 PM	64. Pass the box, I need more dice. 65. You're pretty sure it's about two in the morning, yet there's a faint red glow coming from the far south. 66. Sure, you can turn into an Efreeti at the appropriate level. 67. Sure, you can turn into a Prismatic Golem when you can. Ok, so the last two aren't so scary for me since I'm the one he's talking to. :B
seldom_seen 01-04-07, 10:46 PM	We used to play with a battle grid of 1 inch squares, using minis. I used to get a kick out of telling my players " okay, everybody place your minis EXACTLY where your character is in relation to my BBEG." "Everybody roll for initiative...... nope, roll again......."
CryoSilver 01-04-07, 10:47 PM	69: "Oh man guys, I am so drunk."
Mock26 01-04-07, 10:50 PM	70. "No. You cannot do that." To me that is the worst thing that a DM can ever say to a player.
EvilSqueegee 01-05-07, 12:13 AM	71. "Do you actually touch the [item name]?" 72. "Does anyone remember how much HP [monster] had?" 73. "You can't cast [defensive spell name], can you?"
Always-Late 01-05-07, 12:25 AM	70. "No. You cannot do that." To me that is the worst thing that a DM can ever say to a player."Okay, so then I take the corpse and take off it's..." "No. You cannot do that." Okay, on topic time. 74. "Rocks fall, everybody dies."
SirCaran 01-05-07, 12:40 AM	75. ...and Jesus take half damage
the_rooster 01-05-07, 12:50 AM	76. Go ahead and roll to hit, you might get a 20. (actually happened to me tonight) 77. Let me roll 4 times real quick for the monster...he might get a 1. (same battle) 78. I need to start bringing yahtzee dice for the NPC rogue.
revnk 01-05-07, 12:52 AM	62. Let me introduce the newest member of the group, revnk Hey, that would even scare the pants off me--oh wait, they're already hanging on that chair; never mind.:D
Greyman 01-05-07, 01:07 AM	80. That's it for the night. By the way, I was wondering when you'd notice you've been making your attack rolls with a d12.
Dracon_Ian 01-05-07, 01:14 AM	81. House rule: "Players must dress acording to character" 82. By the way guys, I didn't plan any further than this. 83. So how many HP did you have? 84. Best to change that to -10. 85. I'm telling you that thing is CR1. 86. Sorry, i can't find the page for True Res you'll have to live without your partys only fighter until next time.
Mock26 01-05-07, 02:04 AM	86. Hey, that would even scare the pants off me--oh wait, they're already hanging on that chair; never mind.:D
Dochenor 01-05-07, 02:06 AM	68. "You wake up naked. Chain to a wall. Several dire rats are sniffing your feet." things went downhill fast at that point. 69. "it's a good thing you spell reistance...oh, you don't have spell reistance? Oh, well. Grab some dice."
Salla 01-05-07, 02:08 AM	70. "No. You cannot do that." To me that is the worst thing that a DM can ever say to a player. Depends on the context. "Can I turn undead?" "Are you a cleric?" "No." "No, you cannot do that." "Can my fighter use the Staff of the Magus?" "Did you take ranks in Use Magic Device?" "No." "No, you cannot do that." Anyway, things my players hate to hear me say is, "(Name of NPC or Monster) starts casting a spell ..." That's NEVER good for my group. :)
DarthMarasmus 01-05-07, 02:55 AM	90) (Some of you should learn to count ;) ) You wake up naked, in a room in the inn. You don't remember anything that happened last night, but all of your equipment is in a nice neat pile by the door and there's 2 silver on the dresser.
vader_rocks 01-05-07, 03:06 AM	91) *Rolls some dice* Ho, boy, are you guys in trouble!
PsionDoodler 01-05-07, 04:18 AM	92. Oh wait, i forgot this NPC has action points. (why do i always forget that?)
Mock26 01-05-07, 04:59 AM	Depends on the context. "Can I turn undead?" "Are you a cleric?" "No." "No, you cannot do that." "Can my fighter use the Staff of the Magus?" "Did you take ranks in Use Magic Device?" "No." "No, you cannot do that." I'd never say no. "Can I turn undead?" "Are you a cleric?" "No." "Well, it won't have any affect but you can try. How exactly do you plan on trying this?" "Can my figher use the Staff of the Magus?" "Did you take ranks in Use Magic Device?" "No." "It makes nicely balanced quarterstaff, so you can use it as a melee weapon." 93. Um, I forgot my wallet again. Can someone pay for my pizza, please?
Roflwolf 01-05-07, 08:26 AM	I'd never say no. Seriously. :P Should be number one, the whole "no" part. 94. Ok, this coffee mug is the boss and you guys are the penny. Yea, it's pretty much to scale. 95. Huh... where are my pants again? 96. Alright guys, game's over for the night. 97. Great, you finished the game. Thanks for coming everyone!
xaqariah 01-05-07, 09:01 AM	98. The trip will take a week. You have an uneventful six days... :angelhide
Mock26 01-05-07, 03:14 PM	99. My precious.
Roflwolf 01-05-07, 03:33 PM	100. We're going to have to nerf that. 101. You see a five foot chicken standing where the guards used to be. The guards are now smears and stains on the wall. 102. You miss. "I got a Nat 20, plus 24!" You miss. 103. Ok, roll for attack. Each attack you make, he stops the blade with his index finger. 104. I'm glad you guys have learned to run away. (This is after 80% of our battles were none-life threatening and the other 20% were nothing but life threatening with no chance of escape) Ook. So this time I was using experiences of a bad DM. They're still things I don't want to hear.
revnk 01-05-07, 03:36 PM	105. Okay, first 15 minutes of DMing are free, after that it's 15 cents a minute. If you have a magic item, it's pay to play: one dollar per +1 enhancement bonus or spell level whenever the item is used. Also, it costs.... 106. And the final boss is... ME! To complete the adventure, you must defeat me in the Dread Arena Of Jello in the basement! Mwahhaha!
sedai 01-05-07, 03:58 PM	107 : with WHICH hand do you open the door? 108 : oooh, i just had an evilgasm...
revnk 01-05-07, 04:01 PM	109. What do you mean you don't have Sanity scores? Well, there's no point in figuring out what they would have been now....
Yodaman23 01-05-07, 04:10 PM	110. "Are you familier with the works of Shan Yu? 110. " I was watching Saw and got the greatest idea." 111. "You're pubic area itches." 112. "Remember that dwarven wizard you killed? He's right there." 113. "Those 300 kolbolds look pis3ed." (Can't type that for some reason.) 114. "As your friend wakes up, he looks at you with orange eyes and exclaims, HERES FREDDY!"
Yodaman23 01-05-07, 04:13 PM	69: "Oh man guys, I am so drunk." I remember being at a convention and it was 1 in the morning. Our DM sits down and says, I'm exhausted, and slightly tipsy, lets get this game on.
TheDarkLord 01-05-07, 04:13 PM	115. Uh-oh... 116. What was I thinking when I put That in there, good-luck 117. Aw $hite... 118. Ahem, it's big, it's red, and it knows your there...
revnk 01-05-07, 05:16 PM	111. "You're pubic area itches." In this case, the apparent typo makes it worse and even more insulting: "You are pubic area itches!" Is it a hideous metaphor-veiled insult, or have the PCs become victims of the worst Polymorph ever?
Roflwolf 01-05-07, 05:20 PM	In this case, the apparent typo makes it worse and even more insulting: "You are pubic area itches!" Is it a hideous metaphor-veiled insult, or have the PCs become victims of the worst Polymorph ever? You are pubic! Area itches! "OH GOD NOES!!!!!!!!!"
Always-Late 01-05-07, 05:21 PM	119: Okay, need to find a random encounter... *rolls dice* Well, how about that. *rolls dice* Uh... *rolls dice* *turns page* *rolls dice* *rolls dice* *rolls dice* *turns page* "I think you're all dead."
Multisync 01-05-07, 05:42 PM	"The dragon makes a full attack against you"
weepingminotaur 01-05-07, 05:44 PM	"Yikes." (just after making some rolls behind the screen) "As you step forward..." "Before you can make sense of what's happening..."
Maghwi 01-05-07, 05:54 PM	124. ...It's over there, in that clearing filled with rust monsters... 125. So, you were all flying, right? Both said by my DM the same night.
Dan Hemmens 01-05-07, 05:55 PM	123. "For a change of pace this evening, I've downloaded this new game called F.A.T.A.L"
Abulafia 01-05-07, 06:15 PM	124. "You [the fighter] roll a will save, you [the cleric] roll a ref save, and you two [wizard & rogue] roll fort saves." 125. "The cavern smells like dragon." 126. "So, you guys must be feeling pretty pleased with your characters after that last battle, huh?" 127. "I need you to step out of the room for a minute while I talk to the other players." 128. "Just out of curiosity, with every available buffing effect and advantageous circumstance, what's the highest your AC can get to?" 129. "Hey, tonight I want to try out some new house rules . . ." 130. "Now what, exactly, do you say to the barkeep? Remember: in this campaign world, Bel-Shabarak the Destroyer, God of Pointless Violence over Perceived Insults, can take many forms."
revnk 01-05-07, 06:24 PM	123. "For a change of pace this evening, I've downloaded this new game called F.A.T.A.L" It's not so much that I don't want to hear the DM say that; it's more that he doesn't want that combination of words to come out of his mouth, since it will trigger a beating.
revnk 01-05-07, 06:26 PM	131. Oh, man--you guys just got to the good part, but those wings really ripped through me. Alright, I know what we can do. I'll take all my notes and books into the bathroom. After you guys get the table set up outside the door, we can keep playing!
aotrscommander 01-05-07, 06:47 PM	It's not so much that I don't want to hear the DM say that; it's more that he doesn't want that combination of words to come out of his mouth, since it will trigger a beating. I hear you. (Though in my case it would likely be the new Extended Maximised Disintegrate variant I've been toyng with; all the certain death of Maximised Disintegrate but very slowly.) 132: You enter a room. Sauron, Emporer Palpatine, the Balrog, four Tarrasques and Pun-Pun are inside. Sauron is carrying a howitzer.They are all discussing an abusive note they have each been sent. In your handwriting. With a picture of you on it. 133: Aaaaaargh!!! 134: I'm afraid I shall have to kill you now. No, I don't mean your characters. 135: You enter a room. You see Wolverine. Wearing a summer dress and ballet shoes. 135: You remember how you picked that flaw, 'Deathly Afraid of Fish?' 136: Where's my random insanity table! 137: The BBEG Healer has a Unicron companion.
Mock26 01-05-07, 07:08 PM	138. Whew! That one really stinks! Excuse me.
Joggernutt 01-05-07, 07:31 PM	139. (After the players roll real good spots and listens)...."Okay you guys dont see anything"
itwasntme 01-05-07, 07:38 PM	Note: Some of these things i look at and go "Uh ... who cares if my DM says that they say that all the time try being in some of MY games ..." Note: Some of these are acouly something i said TO my DM 139) Yes the kobolt house you just burned down name is pun pun ... 140) Yes im level 10 and my AC is 40 ... and yes it is all Legit (Explanes it fully) Yes it is all legit and it could be MUCH higher ... oh my race/class? Human Fighter oh ya im useing mostly Core things to ... oh ya you guys are going to fight this guy next week probly ... 141) Ya so what? ok i took 100 damage ... i have more then 600hp dude ... we are monster Races after all and no higher then a CR 16 dude ... which we all are CR 16 yes i know im a level 2 fighter so what? oh ya his worst Save? Its Ref of 31 ... ya im useing this guy as one of my BEEG in my other game ... ya hes legit orcording to the rules ... Note : In my games MANY things can go terribly broken and horrbile even in Legit Core where just ... to ... powerfull we retrict a LOT of things ... as you can probly guess 142) The worlds largest dungion? ah who cares ... k IM Dming tho ^^ last one was my personol fav
itwasntme 01-05-07, 07:43 PM	139. (After the players roll real good spots and listens)...."Okay you guys dont see anything" hmm that reminds me 144?) ok so you got a nat 20 on your disable device? and you have what modifier? ... nope the trap still is sprunged ... rouge you lose 6 con ...
CryoSilver 01-05-07, 07:45 PM	I remember being at a convention and it was 1 in the morning. Our DM sits down and says, I'm exhausted, and slightly tipsy, lets get this game on. I have been forbidden from having more than 3 drinks after one session where I chugged a quarter bottle of Jack Daniels half an hour before the game as part of a bet.
itwasntme 01-05-07, 07:49 PM	131. Oh, man--you guys just got to the good part, but those wings really ripped through me. Alright, I know what we can do. I'll take all my notes and books into the bathroom. After you guys get the table set up outside the door, we can keep playing! :heehee
Shan_TheBabau_Burke 01-05-07, 07:49 PM	145) Ohhh ho ho my GOD!! I didn't realize it could DO that much damage!!!
pierow37 01-05-07, 08:54 PM	My DM had us meet a druid in the woods named Dopple. For some strange reason I forgot that "dopple" is the first letters to Doppleganger. Man that didn't turn out well........ A lvl one party turns around because they hear from the back corridor "I vant to suck vour blood!" Are you immune to critical hits? I forgot...
Mock26 01-06-07, 03:03 PM	146. Hi, my name is revnk! :D
Fatalis_902 01-06-07, 05:55 PM	hmm that reminds me 144?) ok so you got a nat 20 on your disable device? and you have what modifier? ... nope the trap still is sprunged ... rouge you lose 6 con ... I didn't realise that the color red had a con score.
Wopple 01-06-07, 06:09 PM	My DM had us meet a druid in the woods named Dopple. For some strange reason I forgot that "dopple" is the first letters to Doppleganger. Man that didn't turn out well........ He's my cousin, lay off....
Wopple 01-06-07, 06:11 PM	147. You see a strange figure in an odd helmet and cape in front of you. The guy inside the suit kinds reminds you of the old badguy from The DaVinci Code..... (actualy doing this to my players soon...)
darqmage1 01-06-07, 06:14 PM	145) Ohhh ho ho my GOD!! I didn't realize it could DO that much damage!!! sadly... I've heard that before... Thankfully I was just watching that game. lol :rolleyes: 148. you enter the door, The room is full of Dire fleas! 149. Critical hit. Your head is bitten of by the dire flea and thrown across the room. 150. OH PINEAPPLES! * That's one I coined... Picture a 250 pound man screaming that when he's ******... It's not a pretty site...*
Shan_TheBabau_Burke 01-06-07, 07:37 PM	151) So I was looking at this thread the other day, it's called 1001 Things You Don't Want to Hear Your DM Say. I got some great ideas! Dire fleas? Haaah haaaah haaah! I LOVE it!
Croix Ragnan 01-06-07, 07:53 PM	152) I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that the green wyrm that inhabited this cave is dead in front of you. The bad news is that there is probably something nearby that can one-shot a green wyrm (said wyrm was decapitated). 153) You rolled a what again? One, eh? Roll again. You rolled a three, so...(*rolls a d6*). Crap. Half the party is now dead. 154) (*sigh*) (*begins repeatedly rolling d12s*) The first is a paraphrase from one of the campaigns I ran. The second is a story I keep telling (vorpal dagger bayonet). The third was what I did for discipline against a player who decided it would be fun to assault a female elf (archmage).
Knight9910 01-06-07, 07:57 PM	137: The BBEG Healer has a Unicron companion. 155. What? No, "Unicron" wasn't a typo. ((If you're not a Transformers fan you won't get it.))
aotrscommander 01-06-07, 08:21 PM	155. What? No, "Unicron" wasn't a typo. Precisely. ((If you're not a Transformers fan you won't get it.)) And you should either a) go to wikipedia and look it up or b) take yourself somewhere quiet and shoot yourself in the head. 156: You know how you've all got Fighter characters...well, I've just got Tome of Battle and, well, I had to use on for the NPCs... 157: You see five (or more) individuals, each wearing a close-faced helmet with a black visor of some strange material and some sort of one-piece uniform. Each one is a different colour, wielding a different, brightly coloured weapon. Whenever they speak, they wave their arms randomly. They begin somersualting fowards towards you while yelling ai-yar! a lot. You realise now that using enlarge person and disguise self to look like poor imitations of giant terrifying (rubber) monsters may not have been such a good idea after all...
Knight9910 01-06-07, 08:43 PM	158. "I don't want to do the normal stuff tonight. Who's up for a slave RP?" 159. "The drunk you were picking on grabs your fist when you try to punch him. His form begins to change..." 160. "Thanks for coming, guys. There won't be a game tonight and I didn't want to raise my phonebill higher by calling to tell you. Bye!"
darqmage1 01-06-07, 09:40 PM	Dire fleas? Haaah haaaah haaah! I LOVE it! it's a running joke in the gaming club I go to. :D Nothing worse than entering a room with a swarm of Dire Fleas... lol
MyNameForevermore 01-06-07, 10:17 PM	161. I marked the damage you just dealt with a single penstroke. 162. You REALLY want your fortification to work this time... 163. The doppleganger begins to grapple you. 164. Oh, then it's just a critical hit. 165. He feinted you. 166. He drinks a potion. 167. That's a shame. 168. *Insert Final Fantasy reference here* 169. So the guards walk in...
dragonfire8974 01-06-07, 10:38 PM	170) So the largest red dragon you have ever seen charges through your prismatic wall, roll spell resistance. 42? nothing happens. okay the dragon quickens his breathweapon, roll saves? 50 still fails. okay, everyone takes 380 sonic, and 380 electricity damage from a maximized, quickened, admixed, substituted breath weapon. he still has a full attack....
Firestar27 01-06-07, 10:58 PM	171. We will roleplay our battle scenes today in Real Life. Without holding back. You are all playing monk's using unarmed strike. I am playing the BBEG holding a greataxe. Oh yeah, with real weapons.
ShadowDragon8685 01-06-07, 11:27 PM	155. What? No, "Unicron" wasn't a typo. ((If you're not a Transformers fan you won't get it.)) Drat, beaten to it.
Volafor 01-07-07, 01:27 AM	You are pubic! Area itches! "OH GOD NOES!!!!!!!!!" :rofl: ---------------------------------- 1. What's the password? 2. Wow...that's hilarious! 3. Though you can hear it giggling, you don't see it anywhere. 4. Suddenly, something heavy hits you in the back. 5. I think we'd better take a quick break first....
TheCrawlingSpleen 01-08-07, 07:22 PM	This one sort of comes from the "101 Stupid Campaign Ideas" thread. 172. "As you come under attack, you realize that, somehow, hundreds of venomous snakes are loose aboard the airship!" :eek: 173 (from behind the DM Screen). "You walk into the seemingly empty passageway and-" *sound of dice being rolled* "Oh ho ho, this is going to be good."
Dirtysleevezen 01-08-07, 07:34 PM	I have been guilty of #1-2 more often than I can count. 174. "You can see a giant tooth, beyond which there might be more. You can't quite tell from where you're standing."
Nautilus 01-08-07, 08:03 PM	175. He hefts his Greataxe of Doom, looks around, and decides to attack ... (rolls dice) ... YOU 176. Wouldn't have done that myself - ok, here's what happens... 177. (While in single file in a 5' wide corridor) You hear a rumbling noise from ahead, getting louder. 178. Yes, that indescribably horrible thing you see is real. Make a Fort save... 179. OK, let's see what you get reincarnated as ... Oh, one of those! 180. She sizes you up, and yes - she'll take fifteen points of Power Attack.
tharivol266 01-08-07, 10:39 PM	181) you sure? 182) Big T makes a whirlwind attack 183) hey guys your opponent for today is a wizard. i had him research i new spell. its alot like fire ball except with a bigger blast area, oh and it is force, oh and there is no save or spell resistance....oh yea one other thing. it deals 20d20 points of damage
darqmage1 01-08-07, 10:45 PM	183) hey guys your opponent for today is a wizard. i had him research i new spell. its alot like fire ball except with a bigger blast area, oh and it is force, oh and there is no save or spell resistance....oh yea one other thing. it deals 20d20 points of damage O_O 184) Pick a card... any card... *player draws a card* *Dm squirts mountain dew out his nose, laughing* 185) It's just a door... an ordinary door... do a spot check NOW
ShinoAburame 01-09-07, 12:56 AM	186) "Roll sanity check" "We don't have sanity checks" "Exactly"
jagggar 01-09-07, 11:01 AM	187. The theif, Black Leaf, did not find the poison trap, and I declare her dead.
Arganis 01-09-07, 11:17 AM	182) Big T makes a whirlwind attack Werd! 188. "Look guys I know this has nothing to do with the game but I just killed your mothers. Here are their heads" -thump, thump- Yeah. Tell me that wouldn't suck.
Saragon42 01-09-07, 11:18 AM	188. "You see a duck swimming happily amidst the aboleths, untouched." 189. "So, who actually ate/drank at the inn?" 190. "So none of you has read Unearthed Arcana? Perfect!" 191. "Get the cat up on the table, would you? I need something to scale." (Actual quote) 192. "Hold on, this is going to take a bit to calculate."
Sockslayer 01-09-07, 11:58 AM	193: "mmm'kay" I apparently say that a lot as a DM and my players now constantly mmm'kay me after most sentences :rolleyes: So I don't want to hear the DM(me) say that again, it is affecting my sanity... 194: "The little girl asks you if you want to go with her..." *Rolls dice*
Solik 01-09-07, 01:01 PM	(series) 196. Roll initiative. 197. Actually... no, nevermind. Just roll your saves. 198. Yes, all of them. 199. Well, you might roll a twenty. Three times.
TheCrawlingSpleen 01-09-07, 02:49 PM	188. "You see a duck swimming happily amidst the aboleths, untouched." :heehee The single baddest duck in the multiverse...
darqmage1 01-09-07, 06:34 PM	:heehee The single baddest duck in the multiverse... No **** O_O At any rate... 200. You walk into the room, It looks like a bathouse. *failed check* The door locks behind you. You see a white doll on some type of machine. He's holding a note in his hand. It reads "hello Hero's, I wanna play a game... *pc's throw trash at the dm before he can finish* LOL
Mock26 01-09-07, 07:07 PM	Hey, even Aboleths know not to touch a duck in a dungeon!
V1zharan 01-09-07, 07:42 PM	201.*on the first day of the campaign* 10 zombies approach you, 9 fade into the ground. 202. The 9 come back up, look at the dead one, go underground again,and come up again underneath the dead zombieas a 100 ft mutant zombie. 203.He makes a swipe attack...what's all of your AC again? haha, 203, the zombie made a swipe attack, i was the only one not in range cause I am a wizard who was 100 ft away, my DM had to make a distraction for the zombie because the zombie would have killed everyone in the group but me with 1 hit ~V1zharan~
LiefKarakse 01-09-07, 07:44 PM	you guys know what rust monsters are right?
Durin413 01-09-07, 07:44 PM	106. And the final boss is... ME! To complete the adventure, you must defeat me in the Dread Arena Of Jello in the basement! Mwahhaha![/QUOTE] Single scariest thing I've read on the boards, and double scary if I'm DM, since I'm actually a wrestler. :devil:
revnk 01-09-07, 08:28 PM	187. The theif, Black Leaf, did not find the poison trap, and I declare her dead. NO, NOT BLACK LEAF! NO, NO! I'M GOING TO DIE! :D
Knight9910 01-09-07, 09:28 PM	While we're on this particular topic... 204. Debbie, your cleric has risen to the 8th level. I think it's time that you learn how to REALLY cast spells. Next thing you know you'll be casting bondage spells on your father. Which is just wrong. Also, having a DM who really WAS a cult recruiter would be creepy as hell.
MaximumPain 01-09-07, 10:01 PM	205. It hits with its bite, make a grapple check or be swallowed. 206. You can try to cut your way out if you have a light cutting weapon. 207. You fail to disarm the trap. You hear a loud click and the small chamber begins to fill with water. 208. Every one not immune to disease make a fort save 209. Little worms that where hiding in the pile of rubbish are on your arm and begin to burrow into your skin.
TheCrawlingSpleen 01-09-07, 11:40 PM	:heehee The single baddest duck in the multiverse... No **** O_O Hey, even Aboleths know not to touch a duck in a dungeon! Is there some duck-in-a-dungeon reference here that I'm not getting?
Mock26 01-10-07, 12:08 AM	Is there some duck-in-a-dungeon reference here that I'm not getting? It is a reference to the Munchkin card game. If you've ever played it you will probably know of what I speak. If you have never played it, you really should! In fact, TheCrawlingSpleen, if you've never played the game I say that if you pick up the basic Munchkin card game, play five games with your friends, and if you don't like the game, I'll buy the cards off of you! I suggest that you play with a minimum of 4 or 5 people. Here's a link to the card in question: http://washington.uwc.edu/depts/compsci/cps139DEf05/morsj0443/images/pa6/munchcard3.jpg Take care and have a great day.... ciao, john.
ZolDarklock 01-10-07, 02:14 AM	the very first game we ever played my players, all started out in waterdeep at third level, they had found an old magical device of teleportation "a one way trip" to a place that contained great treasures supposedly... they readied, eqipped, and bought supplies the transported themselfs with the device, they found themselfs in a shallow wide cave overlooking a sea of cherry red sand dunes that stretched past the horizon, the temp outside was around 135 degrees F, there were many many long dead adventures scattered out from the cave in a line, none beyound a hundred yards from the entrance, a small sign at the cave entrance said "Welcome to the Raurin, lose all hope for my master will consume the weak, and enslave the powerfull" written in grey brain matter, signed "SETI" as they looked out over the hellish landscape they noticed several bulges in the sand moving something was stirring just below the surface... my players immediately called for a break, quote- "so we can spend some time going over the least painfull ways to commit suicide"... I actually lost it "spit coke out my nose" and hit the floor laughing PS- they survived, found there greatest treasures, and have made the Raurin there home and it only took them in real time - 8 hours a day, 4 days a week, for 6 years straight, and in game time a mere 24 years
ZolDarklock 01-10-07, 02:21 AM	"That nasty crap you are wading thru is officially called Green Slime"
Potato Weasel 01-10-07, 08:28 AM	-I based this monster off a monster in a book -hmm, it attacks, natural 20, ok its powerattacking for full since you appear lightly armored -yeah, a large ice toad can swallow whole two medium creatures. -No, you dont have time to buy magic items after spending the last two game months surviving attacks by random npcs with random treasure that you yourselves find worthless. -I'm sure i can run this encounter off the top of my head. -Yeah, i was looking at the wrong entry, we're gonna have to redo the last few rounds. -What spells are you preparing for today? -well, thats an insult to this obscure character, in this game world i created myself, and though i never actually explained anything about this world to you, i'm gonna punish you for it. sorry, i had issues with a dm.
matrix_king3 01-10-07, 12:50 PM	210) What page is the Tarrasque again? 211) What page is the rule for boosting monster again? 212) All right...so you see nothing...the perfect darkness...when a little light apear and say : « Welcome » 213) You feel something in your ass... 214) Just a coupl of sec...I must find a monster in the Epic Level Handbook...what...you are only lvl 7...thats not my prob dude. 215) Make a Spot check...43!??...ok...you tought you saw something but it was only your in your mind 216) You charge...ok...roll..1!!?...ok you start running and drawing you sword for attacking the Gelly Cube...
darqmage1 01-10-07, 02:13 PM	the very first game we ever played my players, all started out in waterdeep at third level, they had found an old magical device of teleportation "a one way trip" to a place that contained great treasures supposedly... they readied, eqipped, and bought supplies the transported themselfs with the device, they found themselfs in a shallow wide cave overlooking a sea of cherry red sand dunes that stretched past the horizon, the temp outside was around 135 degrees F, there were many many long dead adventures scattered out from the cave in a line, none beyound a hundred yards from the entrance, a small sign at the cave entrance said "Welcome to the Raurin, lose all hope for my master will consume the weak, and enslave the powerfull" written in grey brain matter, signed "SETI" as they looked out over the hellish landscape they noticed several bulges in the sand moving something was stirring just below the surface... my players immediately called for a break, quote- "so we can spend some time going over the least painfull ways to commit suicide"... I actually lost it "spit coke out my nose" and hit the floor laughing PS- they survived, found there greatest treasures, and have made the Raurin there home and it only took them in real time - 8 hours a day, 4 days a week, for 6 years straight, and in game time a mere 24 years Nice! ^_^ *has evil thoughts about what he will do to his PC's lol* 217) The wizard casts the spell mountain dew on his flask full of water. He drinks it and Regains all his HP *i'm not joking abot this, in my friends custom spell book for his char. Black Mage V.2.0 He has the spell Mountain Dew in there! LOL* 218 )I was Watching eragon last night and I thought I'd call everyone over to try my new campaign! 219) you jump into the rapids? roll? nat 20? ok, you start to swim upstream. You then feal a nibbling on your legs. Nice going genius. It's DIRE SALMON!!! LOL *another reject Dire Monster ;)* 220) IT seems the tresure you fought so hard for was just fools gold. APRIL FOOLS!!! *players throw dice and books at the DM*
TheCrawlingSpleen 01-18-07, 07:46 PM	221.) DM: "Okay, make your Open Lock check." PC: *natural 1* DM: "The treasure chest explodes" 222.) "And the BBEG is...Chuck Norris." :evillaugh
LiefKarakse 01-20-07, 11:45 PM	221.) DM: "Okay, make your Open Lock check." PC: *natural 1* DM: "The treasure chest explodes" nice
Dm_Farble 01-21-07, 12:36 AM	DM- This is going to take a while to calculate *pulls out a calculus book* DM- I guess at this point your armor class is sort of obsolete... DM- Thats odd... I didnt know aboleth mages and illithids got along that well... DM- The unusual magic item you swiped off the dead Illithid has which following magic qualities... *rolls random magic item qualities and starts laughing* Ok, change your gender.
Rotfl_and_Lol 01-21-07, 03:07 PM	227 - Advanced, buffed rust monster with abb focus (rust touch) touches your vorpal, flaming burst, keen, thundering, holy, anxious, freezing, chaotic, unholy, spell storing, throwing +25 long sword. 228 - No, nothing... Really... Ur safe... *grin* 229 - You enter city of... make knowledge (dungeons) check... flumphs... 230 - By RAW theres nothing that prevents incarnated, half-dragon, effigy, incarnated, half-dragon, effigy, incarnated, half-dragon, effigy, incarnated, half-dragon, effigy ... so shut up and roll initiative. PS. Keep proper counting! not just "another one"...
ericSHINRA 01-21-07, 06:24 PM	Hmm... 231. Player: What else in the factory is explosive? DM: ...Everything. Following a NE Red Half-Dragon Fighter's use of his Breath Weapon next to a Dwarven Explosives Factory. 232. And the TWF Fighter draws his Large Twin Greatswords of Truestrike...
aramilcaelvan 01-21-07, 07:01 PM	233. You now have a large metal spike protruding from your chest. I actually heard this at my gamestore once.
Sajek 01-21-07, 07:34 PM	234. *rolls some dice with no explanation* *looks startled* You have how many HP? *rolls more* *takes out a calculator* 235. So no one is on watch, right? 236. He speaks some unintelligible words... 237. Oh my god! 238. *after lots of rolling* So, that's...oh wait, you're flat-footed! *starts rolling more.* 239. Just out of curiosity, what is your Reflex bonus? 240. Silly me, I forgot about his deflection bonus! 241. I haven't rolled for a random encounter for a while, so I'll just add all the percentages up...
Jaisin 01-21-07, 07:56 PM	242. "I know its here somewhere. I think the soundtrack is the one between "holy crap!" and "TPK" - you should all know the "TPK" track. No? Oh well, you'll hear it in a minute."
johnkretzer 01-21-07, 08:31 PM	243: "What is your AC?...25....ok the monster puts 8 into power attack" 244: Just before a start of a combat,"I want to start a new game." 245:"I have the most TPKs in the U.S. I want the world record though." 246: Player:"What is the DC to disarm the trap?" DM:"What is your total Disable Device asset?" Player:"15" DM: "You need a 35" 247:"Characters are soo much more powerful at 1st level then they were in 2nd edition" 248:"Gary Gygax is my role model on how to run D&D." 249:" It doesn't matter if you guys fail saving the world because uber powerful NPC X will save the day." 250:"Animal companions, familars, mounts are soft kills"
ratslinky 01-21-07, 08:58 PM	One I read on another thread 251: (for a female character) Okay lets see *rolls some dice* well when you where camping you got kidnapped from under your parties nose. You wake up in a big bed somewhere you have never been
Durin413 01-21-07, 09:02 PM	251. (after something horrible) Now that why you don't bring 4 level 7s to a 40 man level 60 dungeon (sorry for WoW reference) 252. From now on, everything you say in IC, even if were not currently having a session.
gamerlamer666 01-21-07, 09:47 PM	107 : with WHICH hand do you open the door? 108 : oooh, i just had an evilgasm... O O O O, I know this one its ummm uhhh dont tell me uhhh order of the stick right?
TheCrawlingSpleen 01-21-07, 11:02 PM	243: "What is your AC?...25....ok the monster puts 8 into power attack" 246: Player:"What is the DC to disarm the trap?" DM:"What is your total Disable Device asset?" Player:"15" DM: "You need a 35" 249:" It doesn't matter if you guys fail saving the world because uber powerful NPC X will save the day." I could swear I've heard those before. Have you posted them on the "Bad DM's" thread on the player boards?
johnkretzer 01-22-07, 03:14 AM	I could swear I've heard those before. Have you posted them on the "Bad DM's" thread on the player boards? Yes the first two appeared there...though I don't think I posted the third one there either. Hey I definitly don't want to hear these from any GM I play with.
devilin_west 01-22-07, 09:32 AM	253: To a level 5 party: "So the mayor asks you all if you can help with the red dragon problem the towns been having"
Tektonik 01-22-07, 11:44 AM	254. So I realized that the BBEG was no match for you guys so I went over to the CO boards and boy I found this great build by LordofProcrastination. (I did this as a joke and I got hit in the head with a book for showing them the nasty gentleman.) 255. Well I already used all of the traps in the Book of Challenges but I found this thread in What's a DM to Do? forums... 256. You what? (I did this for some newer players and they caught on that when I said this they better think of something else or their character might not make it. 257. DM: You recognize the spell as Cloudkill Players: Thats a 5th level spell DM: yeah Players: We are 3rd level. DM: heh wow time for a new campaign then.
TheCrawlingSpleen 01-25-07, 07:23 PM	258. "I've decided that you should roleplay your characters' actions in real life. Now sing, Bard, SING!"
Richmud 01-25-07, 07:56 PM	258. "I've decided that you should roleplay your characters' actions in real life. Now sing, Bard, SING!" http://nodwick.humor.gamespy.com/ffn/index.php?date=2007-01-24
golddore68 01-25-07, 08:23 PM	259. "I've been playing Doom 3 on my computer, and I got some great ideas from that game ... does anyone know what a cyberdemon is? You guys will know soon enough ..." 260. "Oh, you rolled a 20? You say you got a critical hit? Oh wait -- this monster is immune to critical hits ... Well tough luck ..."
Ramses III 01-25-07, 08:53 PM	261) Ok, the dragon makes a full attack on the rogue... 262) Wow, I can't believe this vampiric level 10 weapon master just got 2 crits in a row on your tank with his mercurial greatsword! 263) Oh, the monster you're fighting is one of my old characters -- my silver half-dragon monk, who's now undead and thus immune to sneak attacks JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN THIS DUNGEON. (That one was a real pain, since I was playing a rogue/assassin) 264) You enter the abandoned warehouse... it smells like an abbatoir, and is full of chains with hooks on the ends hanging from all over the ceiling 265) The chains start to move. 266) You recognize the weapon the rider is wielding as the Demon Sword Mandragora. As he unsheathes it, he's cloaked in an aura of red light and his hair and cloak are swept back as by a strong wind... no, the air where you are standing is perfectly still. 267) Ok, exactly how are you taking the gold out of the chest? 268) A blade scythes out and cuts the rogue's hand off. Yeah, you checked the chest for traps, but you never checked inside the chest!
snakeman830 01-25-07, 08:56 PM	269: The long-silver-haired guy with a freakishly long sword laughs before teleporting away, leaving you to fight the two Hasted Tarrasques. This is going to happen in my campaign. The Tarrasques are both Siriculums. Now to make things more interesting... 270: As you are fighting the bigest members of overeaters annonomys, you hear a roar that you've been hearing a lot lately... A third Tarrasque moves into they fray. Yep. That's the real one. If anyone caught on to the FFVII refrence, yes, Sephy's the final boss for the campaign. Both normal and Sepher (The one with too many wings at the end)
Amon_WinterfallIV 01-25-07, 09:39 PM	271: The Orc Confirms a Double Crit!! 272: ...But we didn't come here to discuss your plans to run an operation in another country. We came here to negotate over your lives. 273: I guess it's irrelevant to roll a saving throw against massive damage here? 274: Erm--are you sure that you are doing that?
Artector 01-25-07, 10:03 PM	275. "Hey guys, what's the damage on a longsword." --yes, the knowledgeless clueless DM. 276. *insert Final Fantasy Reference here* --Just not my cup of tea 277. "Ok guys, this next campaign is going to be based on The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Doctor Who, Batman, and Dogma."
Darkz0r 01-25-07, 10:58 PM	Rofl, these are great. 278. "*DM points to a miniature on the grid surrounded by plenty of monsters* Ok, so this is you right ? (to the party rogue with LA and REALLY low HP)" 279. "*DM is rolling dice* Twenty....omg another 20, one more and say goodbye to the barbarian...*drums* bah, 17 !" 280. "*HIGHLY suspicious character appears and ask the PCs to enter a house, no one wants to* Ok, roll will saves...hmm...suddenly you realize its a great idea to enter, he looks like a friendly person !"
Meshakhad 01-26-07, 02:30 AM	281. OK, to give you some background, this was our climactic finale to a great campaign. The BBEG - a black dragon, according to our divinations - was coming to a temple in Waterdeep where, if he sacrificed a metallic dragon, he would unleash Tiamat's Horde - which would be BAD. However, we knew WHERE this temple was, and we had a week to prepare. We decided to try some kind of trap. Originally, such traps would just weaken him a little before we got to work. Then, I had the idea to get a couple kegs of smokepowder (my character was a Lantanese musketeer). We then added some shrapnel, and a super-nasty poison the assassin got his hands on. Our trap was now the centerpiece of our defense. Chances were that the dragon wouldn't even survive it. We rigged the whole thing up inside the altar, activated by a pressure plate in front of the altar, so that even if the dragon lived, the altar would be blown up. One in-game week, probably a real-life hour and several hundred gp later, the dragon arrived. We hid in a rope trick, to avoid being hit by the shrapnel. DM: The dragon approaches the altar. Assassin: OK, he has to make about ten Fort saves. Me: And I start rolling for fire damage. DM: Yeah, about that - I didn't make this up just now - the dragon's a half-fiend. He's immune to fire and poison. Me: ****! DM: On the bright side, the altar and metallic dragon are toast. Other PC: Well, at least HIS plans are ruined for now. We actually managed to kill the dragon, though we nearly had a TPK. Nevertheless, it was a great conclusion to a fun campaign.
Pandaemoni 01-26-07, 02:43 AM	282) Man, I was so high when I wrote this next adventure. 283) My next world will feature a D&D/Flinstones crossover. Your familiar is a quasit named "The Great Gazoo" who'll never listen to you or do what you want him to. 284) No, you can't take that [feat/magic item/PrC] because it's overpowered. In my games that's for NPCs only.
Real_iceman 01-26-07, 11:19 AM	285. (player ) : What do you mean there wont be any session this weekend ?!!!!!!
zzakk2to2 01-26-07, 11:43 AM	286) overpowered underpowered whats the difference with the monsters i use it wont make a difference
golddore68 01-26-07, 01:06 PM	287. (While reading the information in the boxed text from a module to the party) "You have just entered a room which appears to have a huge hoard of treasure in it. Gold and platinum pieces spill over the floor and you see jewelry and gems in abundance, surrounding a chest which appears to be locked ... The chest is actually a mimic, the treasure horde is an illusion ... Ooops, sorry, I wasn't supposed to read that part to you ... Just pretend like I didn't read that last part."
Sajek 01-26-07, 01:07 PM	287. Ok, your BBEG is a half dragon spellstitched half golem paragon... 289. Ok, a saw blade springs from the doorway as you open it, cutting you in half. I don't care that you took twenty searching for traps, this one was REALLY well hidden. 290. ...pseudonatural spectral feral half fiend... 291. Sorry, I'm totally drunk, what did you roll? 292. ...reptilian half troll mind flayer lich who is a level 12 ninja/6 assasin/5... 293. Wait, you have a ghost touch weapon? *begins furiously scribbling, erasing, and rolling* 294. .../9 cleric who is also paired up with a fiendish ghost aquatic minotaur who is a 13 fighter/4...
Kardanok 01-26-07, 01:36 PM	295) So, what was that Kobold's AC again?
KendallDM 01-26-07, 04:15 PM	296) Are you SURE you want to do that?? Alright then... 297) Oops. 298) There is no save.
snakeman830 01-26-07, 08:02 PM	299. Sure you can make a reflex save to catch the edge, if you have ten-foot arms. 300. You are soaked with oil, surrounded by barrels of oil and kegs of rum, krieg, alchemists fire, you've just detonated a delayed blast fireball. Sure you can make a reflex save for half damage. Too bad evasion isn't going to apply. 301. You say your weapon is a +6. 302. If you can have stuff like that, why can't the Balor?
Merloth 01-26-07, 10:12 PM	303. "What am i doing with a dild0 up my arse?" 304. "The sorceror casts a spell...and... you are now gay. That's what gayass(geas) do, right?" 305. "You can't remember anything from last night, and you wake up inside a dwarven arse..." edit: Sorry guys... I was drunk when I wrote this. I laughed so hard... It's not that funny when I look at it now, though. Still, I don't want my DM to say those things.
TheCrawlingSpleen 01-27-07, 12:12 AM	303. "What am i doing with a dild0 up my arse?" 304. "The sorceror casts a spell...and... you are now gay. That's what gayass(geas) do, right?" 305. "You can't remember anything from last night, and you wake up inside a dwarven arse..." I'm certain there's a joke to be made here, but I just don't have it.
TheDarkLord 01-27-07, 12:15 AM	I think his DM is dropping some Hints? :D
khyron1144 01-27-07, 02:44 PM	248:"Gary Gygax is my role model on how to run D&D." Personally, I'd love to hear this. He is one of the first and he is one of the best. Have you ever actually read Tomb of Horrors or Temple of Elemental Evil? He, much like life itself, punishes the stupid and gives the intelligent a decent chance. Tell me what's bad about that. 277. "Ok guys, this next campaign is going to be based on The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Doctor Who, Batman, and Dogma." That actually sounds like fun. I once ran Ford Prefect as an NPC in one of my earliest games. And for an actual contribution to the list: 306. You believe the inscription says great power. (It's from an old issue of White Wolf magazine, back when it was kind of the off-brand Dragon. They ran a traps contest. One of the finalists was a pair of pillars with hand-shaped impressions in them and an inscription reading great power. It sounds like some sort of buffing-magic-statue or similar of the sort that they ahve in dungeons all the time, but the great power is electrical and having your PC put his hands into the imprints completes a circuit, electrocuting the PC).
Artector 01-27-07, 04:37 PM	That actually sounds like fun. I once ran Ford Prefect as an NPC in one of my earliest games. 3/4s of those things would make a decent game. All of them together would be an unholy union.
OmNefarious 02-01-07, 05:59 PM	307. Wizard: Ok I am a little hurt I am going to drink that potion we found about an hour ago. **drinks it and has a strange look on his face** DM: Oh yeah about that. It wasnt a potion. It was Soveirgn's Glue. And no one has any solvent. Oh yeah arent most of your spells verbal? 308. (Background: I found this weird jeweled dagger that when I did crit dmg with it, it would release this bright golden beam of light that would dmg anything in its path) DM: Ok you know that dagger you have been using for the past week? Me: Yeah? DM: Well it turns out that you never identified it and never found out it is a summoning dagger. Me: OK. Well I am still going to use it **stab goblin** DM: I tried to warn you. The beam shoots out about 100 yds and stops and where it stops a circle forms. The circle grows bigger and bigger until it is 100 of feet in circumfrence. All of a sudden you feel this uneasy feeling come across you. And out of the circle a colossul red dragon head appears, as does a green, black, blue and white. You see that they are all connected to one body. Congratulations you have summoned Tiamat. **everyone else has run in fear, I am there in wet pants** Tiamat: (In draconic, which I can speak) Who dares summone the mother of all dragons? Me: Me.....I had no idea that I would summon you. It was an accident...... Lets just say there wasnt enough dice for the damage done to me. I barely had enough ash left of my body to fill a vial.
graddlin 02-01-07, 06:46 PM	"Okay, here's the deal..." "Umm....why did you do that, exactly?" "Are you absolutely sure?" "By the way, you need to make a Reflex save."
tharivol266 02-01-07, 07:03 PM	310: "okay that will be three jump checks, four balance checks, two tumble checks and a climb check" i actually had to say that and the player fail on like the third check. he was running from guards and tried to jump on the table, roll across, jump to another characters head, jump up to a window on the wall behind, climb up then make a face at the guards from the window sill.
Ramses III 02-02-07, 02:08 AM	The party rogue found a locked iron box in a drider's lair. Rogue: I take the box and put it in my bag of holding. DM (me): You WHAT??? Um, ok.... (Starts flipping through pages in the DMG) Rogue: Oh, ****! The box contained a Heward's Handy Haversack -- the rogue dodged that bullet, as the RAW describes interactions between portable holes and bags of holding when one is put inside the other, but the haversack apparently has no such issues. :P
Xandria 02-02-07, 11:32 AM	312: Shujenja-"I would like to trip the Lord of the Shadows." DM-"I'm sorry, what?" pause "The Lord of Shadows critically missed, and falls on his face. He looks angry."
Xavorin 02-04-07, 11:58 AM	DM:*Rolls 8d6 for the fireball that was just cast on the party tank.* Ok, can I have a Fortitude save? DM: Ok, there's a reason I picked up these ten d6s. (When the party are all 3rd levelish.
Knight9910 02-04-07, 12:54 PM	Snakeman830, remind me to never be in one of your campaigns.
Necrosis 02-04-07, 03:16 PM	313: Sorry you are still asleep, you don't get to make a reflex save against its breath weapon, you wake up on fire, as you sit up you see no there isn't jus 1 fire breathing half dragon-theres a second who's jsut halfway through unleashing another wall of firey death. (Last week) 314: You wake up smelling smoke (Next week).
LordThavian 02-04-07, 03:42 PM	315. "What!" (DM looks at player with a grin) "What do you mean your dead? Minus 22 eh, heh heh ooops!" 316. The DM picks up his trusty D20 and begins an eerie chant while looking at each of his players... "eeny meeny miney mo!" then looks right at you with a smile! :D 317. "Ok i need more D6's. Can anyone spare any, I need another 10!"
calronmoonflower 02-04-07, 04:58 PM	318. The local theives guild has caught onto to phlandering (sp) and decided to make an example of you. This happened to me in 2nd ed. after I pifered a party held in honor of my parties success.
tharivol266 02-04-07, 05:59 PM	DM:*Rolls 8d6 for the fireball that was just cast on the party tank.* Ok, can I have a Fortitude save? i hope the joke was that the dm doesnt know how to do massive damage...or that it dropped him to needing to stablize 8*6=48 which is not mass damage
Cryforge 02-04-07, 10:09 PM	319. Oh there most definitely is a way I'll spare your character. You'll just have to come with me to this dark closet... 320. What is the velocity of an unladen swallow? 321. I decided that using d30s for my BBEG's hit dice, weapon damage dice, and fireball damage dice would be appropriate for his power level. 322. The BBEG whistles a merry tune as he lets go of Pelor's throat. The deity falls to the ground...dead. 323. The BBEG then looks up at you, smiles, and says, "You're next!"
soulnova 02-05-07, 03:16 AM	324. Do you remeber the woman you slept with in the tabern when you were getting drunk....well, it was NOT a woman. 325. Oh, no, you dont. 326. You say the words to summon the God of light as the legend says, but the sky is turning red. 327. The slender, pale, and elegant man invites you a drink. 328. The BBEG says "I AM YOUR FATHER" 329. *rolls* yep... The princess is pregnant. Then the King comes in the chamber with several guards. 340. Yep, is your son. 341. How much damage can you do with all your spell at max? *while looking at the MM*
dragonrage 02-10-07, 10:54 AM	342. All of you spell casters have maxmize spell on all your spells....you are gonna need it... 343. wow thats a cool abilty :) hehehehhe
Xandria 02-10-07, 12:35 PM	344-DM: "You see the monk running around the forest naked with a bird on his head."
Olav 02-10-07, 04:53 PM	345 (DM looks at MM after killing a party member) OH! That was all suposed to be Subual damage! My bad. You're alive again.
revnk 02-10-07, 05:20 PM	345 (DM looks at MM after killing a party member) OH! That was all suposed to be Subual damage! My bad. You're alive again. That sounds like something you'd want a DM to say. What you wouldn't want him to say would be something like: 345(a): Oh! That was nonlethal damage and you're still alive? Fine. The monster steps on your head as you lie unconscious on the ground and begins grinding it's heel like it's putting out a cigarette on the sidewalk. Your eyeballs pop out, your skull splits open, and your brains splorch out like in that scene in Dead Man. Great movie. Make your Fort save. Oh. Well, he's still grinding your head into the ground. Make another. Make another....
BalobianKnight 02-11-07, 12:42 AM	Actually heard these in my first game (2nd encounter) #346 DM: Anyone have a Ranged weapon? Just the rogue? ok (i was the rogue) #347 (same encounter) DM: ok there are ten goblins at the base of the tower and 168 marching forward from the forrest *rolls dice* ten rounds before they are within firing range all have long bows #348 (after that fight yes we all survived) DM you are standing in the temple court yard roll listen checks. Just the rogue? You hear the sound of metal striking stone coming from the well.
Knight9910 02-11-07, 11:46 AM	349: "Whenever I DM I like to carry a loaded shotgun and when I roll the dice I like to bounce them off the barrel." 350: "Alright, you will all be playing oridinary level 1 human commoners with no special abilities. I'll be playing my DMPC: a half-dragon, half-iron-golem, winged werebear of legend samurai 10/warlock 10 who dual-weilds +5 katanas. Hey! Stop throwing dice at me!" 351: "He says he'll make you all gods." When the PCs become gods is when a campaign either becomes really awesome or really, REALLY bad. 352: "I was reading the DnD message boards and I found this thread called '1001 things you do NOT want to hear your DM say' and...well, long story short I got some wicked awesome ideas." 353: "I based this campaign somewhat on the movie Deliverance." 354: "You do what?" *glare, eye twitch* 356: *horrified look on his face* "No. No, everything's alright. Really."
TheDarkLord 02-12-07, 12:56 AM	353: "I based this campaign somewhat on the movie Deliverance." Hey, I happen to like deliverance...:mad:
BalobianKnight 02-12-07, 01:46 AM	#357 DM: you guys all have full HP right #358 DM: you wake up as the sun rises in the west (this was followed by the death of a demi-god that nearly killed the whole party) #359 DM: I had this really wiered dream lastnight and i got up and wrote down two words "robot nazis" (this one happened to the girl that taught me how to play) #360 DM: roll listen checks (everyone rolls really high) you hear nothing.... no seriously not even the sound of birds
Magrus 02-12-07, 10:40 AM	Some things I've ended up using... #361: Wait, ok, did you ALL take a step forward? Yes? *winces* #362: How tall is the ridiculously huge scorpian with black bat wings? Well, the top point of the curve of it's tail is about 30 feet off of the ground. #363: Your sword doesn't seem to be doing anything. It seems irritated, make a fort save. Ok, now roll 1d10, and ok. Knock 40 HP off your current total for the moment, I'll get RIGHT back to you after I finish something with this one. #364: You said what to the big blue dragon? Oh, no, yeah you can say that if you want. *snickers* #365: *murmering to self* I love fly-by attack. It's awe- oh man I'm talking out loud! #366: You hear something like leather creaking from behind you as a huge gust of wind blows at your cloaks. Erm, make climb checks for me, and let me see your D10s. Ok, so, the halfling falls off the mountain, and the red dragon breathes fire...
scarletice 02-13-07, 02:29 PM	#367 You step on a floor tile and it depresses into the ground. Nothing appears to happen. I actually plan on doing this one. It'll freak them out and make them think they activated something but in reality it does absolutely nothing other then make them paranoid. lol
Aberlonian 02-13-07, 05:52 PM	"Ok, you put your unconscious friend in the portable hole until you can find a cleric. Wait a minute, didn't he have a bag of holding?"
JulesCARV 02-13-07, 06:28 PM	369. "Well, looks like no one here has compatible scheduling with me for the forseeable future, so I suppose I'll have to put this game on hiatus indefinitely. Sorry guys."
BalobianKnight 02-13-07, 07:33 PM	ouch jules that is a bad one #370 "hmm 1001 nasty traps for the bored DM"
Herald@Large 02-13-07, 07:39 PM	371. "Hey guys, I just signed up for World of Warcraft!" 372. "Hate to tell you this, gang, but I'm moving to " 373. "*hic* Oh, I am [I]soooooo drunk ..."
ravenshrike 02-13-07, 08:47 PM	222.) "And the BBEG is...Chuck Norris." :evillaugh Pffft, the obvious answer is to Gate in Vin Diesel and watch him pwn face. #374 - A man covered an sparkling gold-washed adamantine full plate steps toward you and says "I need some adventurers to act as a distraction, your families will be paid handsomely."
Eruk_the_Bold 02-13-07, 09:10 PM	The Fighter in the party dies DM looks at you and says #375) your next #376) whats your AC #378) o thats a natural 20
Thubby 02-13-07, 10:46 PM	i havent read, so i hope noone said this already. "hey guys, look, i just got the new monster manual (insert number here)" oh, the horror!:weep:
Knight9910 02-13-07, 11:35 PM	Hey, I happen to like deliverance...:mad: Maybe. But would you like it to actually happen to you? 371. "Hey guys, I just signed up for World of Warcraft!" Seconded. Every time one of our players has picked up World of Warcraft they've been gone forever. (Well, not entirely. We talked one into giving it up for us instead of the other way around.) WoW is an evil beast which must be stopped.
Thubby 02-13-07, 11:39 PM	Seconded. Every time one of our players has picked up World of Warcraft they've been gone forever. (Well, not entirely. We talked one into giving it up for us instead of the other way around.) WoW is an evil beast which must be stopped. i dont know about that. i play wow, it has its own charm, and i find better for mindless level grinding (admit it, you know its fun at least some times). the problem is when people play wow instead of dnd rather than in addition to.
megageek12 02-14-07, 01:41 AM	"Hey I just thought up this cool new name for a bbeg...How does pun-pun sound to you?"
Bengal 02-14-07, 02:08 AM	71. "Do you actually touch the [item name]?" Totally priceless! I hear this one all the time. 381: "So I saw your post on the CharOp boards last night."
Kassil 02-14-07, 02:19 AM	Seconded. Every time one of our players has picked up World of Warcraft they've been gone forever. (Well, not entirely. We talked one into giving it up for us instead of the other way around.) WoW is an evil beast which must be stopped. I'm a former WoW junkie. I'm also a former EQ, EQII, SWG, Planetside, DAoC, Anarchy Online, FFXI, UO, and probably a few others I'm forgetting junkie. I still play EVE Online. The thing that bring me back to the table, though, is that I can do things like take an insane leap off one of the bridges of Sharn to escape my party's psychotic cleric, or engage in empire-building in some homebrew world, or open up a shop and make my name known as a master craftsman. Freedom you won't find in WoW, or EQ, or any of the others - except, maybe, EVE, but it's a different kind of game entirely.
TheCrawlingSpleen 02-14-07, 02:36 AM	222.) "And the BBEG is...Chuck Norris." Pffft, the obvious answer is to Gate in Vin Diesel and watch him pwn face. Now that would be a battle to see.
Knight9910 02-14-07, 09:16 AM	To be honest with you I never much cared for the endless levelling of MMORPGs. Sure it's fun for a while but it doesn't take very long until it just starts feeling like work. Also, I'm too cheap to go for the pay-to-play MMOs. I only play the free ones which are usually innately shoddy, so I could be biased. But nonetheless I find it hard to believe that hours of mindless levelling in World of Warcraft could be any less mind-numbingly exhausting then hours of mindless levelling in Runescape. But I'm getting (gotten?) off topic. 382: "You wake up and realize that Mike's character is no longer with the party. Your attempts to scry his location all fail. No, Mike, you may not make another character." 383: "I brought a welding torch to add realism to the game. Whenever your sorceror casts a fireball spell I'll crank up the torch and melt the miniatures representing the monsters he kills. It'll be fun. On a related topic, Bill, thanks for letting me borrow your super-rare miniatures tonight."
Utumno 02-14-07, 10:29 AM	Just did this one in my last session Sorry there are no more D12s left I needed them to roll my monster's hit dice
Alcari Ambaron 02-14-07, 01:14 PM	385) Are you wearing gloves while opening the door? 386) I just noticed this thread about 1001 clever traps and... 387) Is that REALLY what you want to do 388) I need something bigger to represent this monster 389) hmmmm *talking to himself* yes, that would work...yes...oh and if I add....they'll never get out of....HUH? wha...oh nothing important 390) can someone hand me a calculator to add this up? 391) No, you don't see anything.... 392) Well, it seems you just barely made it and...oh..wait a second...this monster has Death throes 393) What, why can't the dungeon be made out of very dry, very flammable wood? 394) And for tomorrow, please read up on underwater combat 395) And for tomorrow, please read up on zero-g combat
tharivol266 02-14-07, 06:13 PM	372. "Hate to tell you this, gang, but I'm moving to [insert place at least 500 miles away]" :( six months ago i moved from the middle of Ohio to north west connecticut. somewhere around 600 miles. and i was the dm...i actually think that that is how i broke the news too.
TheGoatFish 07-29-07, 03:36 AM	386) (on a boat in the middle of the ocean) Ok, where were we last time? oh yeah, X had thrown an alchemist's fire, got lucky and didnt set the boat on fire. Next turn, he didnt want to burn the boat down, so he threw.... an alchemist's lightning ..? 387) X's player cast darkness on the fire, int he middle of the cave, in the boss fight resulting in a TPK because all the enemies have dark vision. Is that a TPK for me or him? (yes, X was the same one from 386) 388) (on an airship, fighting off pirates from another ship) DM:Ok, so last turn you guys set the other airship on fire. what do you do now? bard: Pyrotechnics on the fire of the other airship. DM: the pilot is blinded. the other airship curves in its flight and starts flying directly at you... (resulted in a cataclysmic crash, and 50d6 of damage to all but three of the 7 man[yes, way too big] party) 389) Ok, lets say his hands are still gripped to the swords you grabbed when you ran away, they should be enough to raise him. 390) so, he criticaled twice, and hit with the other two claw attacks too. you dropped yet? /looks at MM again Oh, crap! this thing has rend!
Antar000 07-29-07, 07:08 AM	this one was all me...the setup was that the party (in a future campaign) was fighting horrid aliens that looked like greys, but were rather superstrong and psychic and all that. 400(?): (PC is reduced to -9 hp, party has medstims at the ready) ...Uh, guys...I forgot something...Its attacks do energy damage! 401: You shoot it in the head. The shot rips through its forehead, and you can see through the hole to the wall behind it. It keeps coming at you.
DragosteaChiroptera 07-29-07, 07:22 AM	In a similar vein, I was DMing when I heard a player of mine make a boast to the others: "Dude, I can't die." my thought: "Oh really?"
Feredenil 07-29-07, 09:37 AM	I'm positive that noone would want to hear 'this' from his/her DM, even though I'm sure most of us have experienced it on 'some' level... 403) ...Ok. so your character got scared and so he made a move like this...(cowers away), he feels so vulnerable and weak and so he decides to rest here. Then, your character decides to stand up and take a leak so he goes over to a bush nearby, only to discover that the bush has poisonous needles that pinched him for being so careless. Then, your character feels even weaker from all that poison and so he drops down unable to perform 'any' actions. So he couldn't resist to the hiding nightwalker's attack to grab and smash your 'Vorpal-greataxe +5'. Then, your character... etc.etc.etc.
Passivearmada 07-29-07, 10:23 AM	404) "ok. you walk into the main room of the master assassin bandit fortress, and...it looks empty, but very shadowy. oh, and no need for initiative rolls." 405) "um...uh, yeah...and uh.....well...it's arguable...could you pass me the....wait nevermind....you, uh...how many hit points did you lose in that last attack....wait, these are dire animals, right....well, i suppose it could happen....but, wait...um...ok...i, uh... i didnt prepare for this." 406) "so it appears that you are all in chains, and your rogue escapes and is about to get busy freeing you guys, when...*a few dice rolls*... 4 ogre guards walk into the room, and mr. rogue, i am afraid that there are no shadows, and your weapons appear to have been confiscated." 407) "you know what? you go ahead and start rolling up a new character- it's the dragon family's turn." 408) says "are you guys ready? you walk into the room and find..." as he fishes through his miniatures and brings out the monster manual. 409)"ready your pencils"
Vastiel 07-30-07, 04:58 AM	410. Roll *another* Will Save. 411. When you make the white blade touch the black dripping dagger they both shatter. (Happened a session ago, one of the players was curious about what would happen and tried it... now he has a jar in in inventory containing the "essence of good and evil") 412. Uhh yeah, you hooked up with that evil cleric. Roll a Fortitude save. 413. You rolled a critical? Yeah, its immune.
PhantomTrain 07-30-07, 09:41 AM	414: So your total attack this turn dealt 205 HP in damage...::Mumbles for a moment, doing math in his head:: Ok. Now on his initiative... 415: It's not really a matter of what kind of damage overcomes his DR, it's more a question of where are you going find the anti-matter. 416: Can I see that for a second? ::Takes character sheets. Giggles, handing them back. Glances at her watch:: Looks like we'll be able to make it an early evening after all.
rubermavors 08-02-07, 04:01 PM	417 i found some stuff from a guy named ravenwood on the traps thread i would like to try. 418 ok, the kobold just took 48 dmg from your sword on top of the maxed fireball. he sets down his tea before standing and facing you.
Mock26 08-02-07, 04:55 PM	419. We're switching to 3.x.
TiwazTyrsfist 08-02-07, 05:38 PM	420> Makes a dice roll. Makes another dice roll. "What's your Fort save bonus?" Makes another dice roll. Suddenly sucks in a deep breath through his teeth.
Xandria 08-02-07, 05:39 PM	417 i found some stuff from a guy named ravenwood on the traps thread i would like to try. Yeah, I'd start to cry when you said Ravenwood. 421: "You explode."---I'm not even kidding guys; my character exploded.
EvanFrostheart 08-02-07, 06:26 PM	"Ok, you put your unconscious friend in the portable hole until you can find a cleric. Wait a minute, didn't he have a bag of holding?" If he was unconscious and put in a portable hole, he'd die wouldn't he? I mean, he's still breathing!:eek:
TiwazTyrsfist 08-02-07, 06:47 PM	422> "Okay, as you walk out of the passage into the cave, you see a large dragon. Roll Knowledge-Arcana." *Rolls* "The dragon looks slightly odd to you, but you're not sure why. Oh hold on, I need a couple of my other books" DM Leaves the room, comes back carrying the Draconomicon and Lords of Madness.
Lunar_Shadow 08-02-07, 08:22 PM	423 *reads then starts laughing* Oh...my..... god (this tends to be very good for us or very horrible) 424 Oh **** (he doesn't usually swear
Disciple_of_Salsa 08-03-07, 01:45 AM	425: The Thirty-Headed Tarrasque full attacks you. 426: Chuck Norris round house kicks you.
matrix_king3 08-03-07, 09:09 AM	427 : At what page the monsters starts from the epic-handbook again? 428 : Its not MY fault if you are not trap-paranoiacs...'cause I AM a trap freak!! mmm...hahahaha..HAHAHAHAHA! (evil laugh) 429 : Whats the Fort Save DC for an assassins Death Attack again?
StSteven 08-03-07, 07:19 PM	430: Alright. We haven't been getting much done during our sessions because of all the interruptions, so if you'll all pitch in to pay for this box of depends, that should help out a lot.
s4ndm4n 08-06-07, 07:12 AM	431.You smell Ozon and dry sand. 432.The smell originates from.....just under your feet. 433.A line of lighting hits you, dealing...hmm..*that* much of damage, roll a reflex save. (Meanwhile:I think a great wyrm Blue Dragon is too much for us,three characters are dead, we didn't even roll for inititive checks) 434.Who said anything about a great wyrm Blue Dragon?Two Ancient Blue Dragons appear from ....just under your feet, and I'm still playing for the surprise round..... 435. WHAT? Isn't that the Epic party? You're 4 lvl? SH*T, I messed up, sry guys.You still have to raise the other players, though.
DarkLord93 08-06-07, 07:59 AM	MAAAAAAAN!!!!!!! This is sooooooooo fun! This is crazy, this post is. :D Hahahahahahahaahah... I had such a good laugh.
annoyinglizardvoice 08-06-07, 08:28 AM	436. "Sorry but I've had a bit to drink." This was after the DM got too drunk to remeber the plot.
Buron 08-06-07, 08:39 AM	437. "We have to do something with that overpowered ability of yours..." 438. "How many HP do you have left? *pause*. Here, take this eraser"
matrix_king3 08-06-07, 11:09 AM	439 : So you drink eh? Allright make a fort save. Cool! Make another one...yeah the first one was for the beer and the other one was for the drug in it. So you wake up in the morning with a Orc beside you...
Tuah 08-06-07, 11:16 AM	440: "You remember that contest online where the prize was a carrying case, and all the d20's they could fit inside it? I was the winner... ... By the way, you take damage."
tristin1985 08-06-07, 11:19 AM	441: So, I threw this dungeon together last night...
Drausktanchache 08-08-07, 03:36 PM	442: This will be fun!
Passivearmada 08-09-07, 09:49 AM	443) "You know that elven haven that you guys stay at to heal up? And how it's the only place that the allied balor and pit fiend and their legions can't get to you? Well, I've always wanted to hear an NPC say "the last safe place is no longer safe." You feel the earth shake beneath you." :P 445) "Hey, Steve, remember how you said that you could take on a thousand kobolds singlehandedly at the beginning of the campaign? Well, we'll see about that, hehehe"
Grogmir 08-09-07, 10:47 AM	What happened to 444? 444) So which one of you is playing a female character?
Passivearmada 08-10-07, 09:48 AM	Oh, sorry- just a typo. 446) "Um, did you happen to bring those extra character sheets by chance?"
Bozwevial 08-10-07, 10:48 AM	447. Let's see...random NPC generator comes up with...a paragon umbral blot gestalt wizard 20/warblade 20...hmm...with a vorpal greataxe...and a wand of meteor swarm...This should be interesting. 448. The blackball attacks you with his quarterstaff. To clarify: his +10 flaming, brilliant energy, wounding, speed, impact, spell-storing, vorpal quarterstaff. 449. ...But before that, he casts Power Word: Kill into the staff. 450. ...And casts a quickened True Strike. 451. ...And puts on his Ring of Rolling Natural 20s. 452. ...And, somehow, he knows Whirlwind Attack. 453. Hey, don't blame me, you guys said just last week, "I'd rather fight a black hole with a piece of swiss cheese than fight the tarrasque." 454. Oh yeah, that reminds me. He also casts Polymorph any Object on your beloved longsword. Type of cheese...*roll*...Gouda. Close enough. 455. Okay, fine. The blackball vanishes, to be replaced by Chuck Norris. 456. What's that? You want the blackball back? Fickle, aren't we?
WizardsSon 08-10-07, 12:43 PM	457. I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention...were you saying something about Chuck Norris?
Pegasos989 08-10-07, 12:56 PM	35. Yes, you can do subdual damage to a Skeleton. Nope, you can't. Undead are not subject to non-lethal damage.
Suavo 08-10-07, 08:24 PM	no no no not rock golem R O T rot golem as in colosal and made of corpses! Anyone remember what page the Tarrasque was on? flip flip flip ...Ah here it is sphere of anihilation!
MeinVT 08-10-07, 09:57 PM	A few I've said: 458. So, lets see, with the Spirited Charge on warhorse with lance, ooh, he gets a 20, and yes, confirms the crit. He's the leader, so he has a bigger strength bonus. 459. So, that's the most damage you can do? Nope, still doesn't effect it. Good roll though. 460. Nope, it's immune to criticals. 461. Good point, I guess that does mean no one in the party can actually damage it. Ok, my turn, it flails out at you again. 462. Roll a spot check. *hmm* Ok, you are stuck in a large web. 463. Ok, so, on the count of three you all charge into the room. Nothing happens for about five seconds. Suddenly a magic missiles fly at each of you from each of the crystals. So that's a total of ... 24 magic missiles. Yes I know you're all second level. 464. Well it looks like you may not get help soon. Roll to stabilize. 465. Anyone know where the coup des gras rules are again?
YourInnerDarkness 08-11-07, 01:14 AM	"84. Best to change that to -10." In 2nd Edition if thats your Ac thats a good thing.
PinkVishnu 08-13-07, 02:18 AM	466. Ooh... I thought you had more hit points left than that.
StarFyre 08-13-07, 08:45 AM	467. This will be...interesting... (my players all freak out whenever I say, "interesting") Sanjay
TrashCrap 08-13-07, 01:07 PM	468. Are you sure you want to do that?
Ultima0071 08-13-07, 01:11 PM	121: Sure, you can TRY to do that :evillaugh
Sunflash 08-20-07, 09:49 PM	479 hehe 448 die 449 oh my god 450 Hes sniffing a white powder 451 yawn
Tunllaw 08-21-07, 02:15 AM	452. You guys ready for my new Ghost rider / War of the worlds / Inuyasha hybrid campaign?
Gryllmyre 08-21-07, 02:30 AM	(469 nice redirect there, bub). I'm not sure which aspect to use, so hopefully this will be ok...
Unluckylukey 08-21-07, 09:58 AM	470 Make a saving throw for your weapon
Passivearmada 08-21-07, 10:39 AM	471) Grapple.
Aberlonian 08-21-07, 10:45 AM	472: (after carrying all of the treasure out of the dungeon) Ok, who actually touched item x? 473: Can you please draw your exact position in the room on the grid?
Unluckylukey 08-21-07, 11:39 AM	476) So.... this is what a TPK feels like
Necrosis 08-21-07, 06:28 PM	477) You outa travel spells...shame that.
Hagroth 08-21-07, 06:39 PM	478. It appears that it's dead. 479. It appears that the trap is disabled. 480. Oh, so you're not all in the room? 481. You mean you didn't bring the [insert necessary magic item] with you? 482. You do realize that [insert PC name] is at negative hit points, right? 483. Really? I could swear that [insert monster] had that ability. Oh, well - this one can do that.
RazorSharp 08-21-07, 07:37 PM	484 - You don't THINK that the door is trapped (after rouge rolls a nat 20 searching for traps) 485 - (DM rolls dice behind screen, then beats fist on table) Damn! 486 - How many Hit Points do you have? Really? My total is less than half of that... 487 - Where are my weighted dice? You punks are too clever! 488 - You kill the main boss's mount (Nightmare) with one massive critical hit, I am NOT amused! 489 - Your God is being blocked by MY God - ME!
Dalavex 08-21-07, 07:42 PM	490. So which one of you had soulstone up? 491. I've never played D&D before, how does this work? 492. You actually enter the room?
TheDragonmaster 08-22-07, 08:21 AM	The only thing I can think of that is worse than: Are you sure you do that? is: 493. Are you sure you don't do that?
Papapop 08-22-07, 02:16 PM	494: Wow... can i borrow some of your guys' dice?
Papapop 08-22-07, 02:21 PM	woops double post
E. Ravenwood 08-22-07, 03:55 PM	495. Hey, don't blame me, it was in the DMG. 496. Yes, the pants are optional. 497. No! (usually proceeded by #498) 498. Are you on Crack? 499. Hey, what's the crit multiplier on a Full Blade? 500. Cus' I'm the DM, that's why!
Kaladon7779 08-22-07, 04:24 PM	501. "Alright guys, new campaign, everybody roll up new charactes starting level is 1." 502. "Soooo what are you guys going to do?" 503. (walking through the woods)DM "ok guys roll initiatives" Players "don't we get to roll spot or listen" DM "No you were suprised, they were waiting for you" 504. "Can you even do that?" 505. "Somebody check hypertext on that please" 506. "Is there a save for that?" 507. "Wow that's powerfull, how did I allow you to have or play that" 508. "The DM overwrites all rulings, no matter what the PHB says."
ToxicWiz 08-22-07, 05:25 PM	63. They've just released version 4.0, and we're switching over! seems ironic now. 509. Oh, sorry guys, I knew that last one was a bad idea... this chair wasn't important was it? 510. oh dang, that was YOUR book?
Tsochar 08-22-07, 09:02 PM	511. (to a new female player) We play a variant that I like to call 'strip D&D.'" 512. "It'll take a while for me to roll breath weapon damage. There's a director's cut DVD of ROTK in the other room." 513. "No, see, I advanced it such that its size is now 'colossal +3.'" 514. "An extremely muscular man appears before you, clad entirely in rubber, and asks, 'which one of you stole the DM's last mountain dew?'" *leafs through the Book of Vile Darkness, grinning.* "You feel dizzy and fall over prone, face-down." 515 (continuation of 514). DM (to self): "Touch attack, unarmed strike, nonproficiency for using an unusual body part, and automatic critical since it's definitely a weak point there...." "Those 300 kolbolds look pis3ed." 516. "You ready your weapons, and the kobold leader shouts 'KOBOLDS! TONIGHT, WE DINE IN BAATOR!' Yeah, I know kobolds are usually cowards, but these guys are different. By the way, just curious, has anyone here heard of pun-pun? No?" *giggles*
Khan2000 08-23-07, 08:25 PM	517) You see an elderly man who is still looks healthy despite his apparent old age--around 80 yrs old--and apparently wealthy, sitting in a gazebo. Roll initiative. 518) Hee hee!! I didn't think you'd actually do that. Roll initiative.
Necrosis 08-23-07, 09:39 PM	519) Your friend jumps through the magicla portoll, You hear a despairing 'arhhhhhhhhhhhhhh' dopplaring away from you in the distance.
Talisman 08-24-07, 12:28 AM	#520: It has damage reduction out the wazoo. #521: It has incredible spell resistance #523: That's was an impressive fireball. Let's see...it takes 3 damage, and... #524: No you have to do all the damage with fire or acid to kill a troll. I've been keeping track. #525: I got this great idea from the D&D message boards... #526: So we'll be using these books (whips out a pile of Mongoose Publishing splatbooks) #527: You want to do what? Okay; go ahead. #528: That's fine; I'll allow that variant ability. Just remember: if you've got it, they've got it. #529: The guy in full plate armor casts meteor swarm. #530: Roll a Heal check...okay, you recognize this as "vile" damage. #531: The zombies break into a run... #532: (after the rogue rolls crap on a Search check) You don't find any traps :D #532: You remember that trick you pulled last time that wrecked my final battle? Funny, that... #533: The monk uses abundant step to appear next to your wizard. He brings the orc barbarian along...yes, they can do that. Oh look; it's the barbarian's turn. I can't believe these haven't been mentioned yet... #534: You find a deck of many things... #535: Grab your character sheet and a d20 and step into the next room for a minute...
Waldo_di 08-24-07, 01:12 AM	#536: so does anyone know how to multiply 12 eight digit # in there head. #537: Nevermind I found a calculator that goes past one hundred trillion. #538: So for damage you take your current HP and add 10 to that, that is how much damage you take. #539: Sorry no diamonds exist in my world you can't acctually be raised from the dead. #540: Hey any of you guys happen to be undead?
Khan2000 08-24-07, 07:27 PM	541) Are you sure you want to do that? 542) The apparently wealthy elderly man, who HAD bodyguards, is still standing after the explosion, and he looks kind of ******. 543) And it looks as if he's casting a spell and drawing a rapier. 544) He's looking straight at you. What do you do?
A_Wizard_for_Breakfast 08-25-07, 01:08 AM	545) You rolled a what on that save? 545a) Join me in the next room. 545b) Here's 4d6. You know what to do.
Riversand 08-25-07, 01:21 AM	546. Player: Where are the dice? DM: OH! that's what i sat on? not gona see those for a while... Players: :OMG! :OMG! :OMG! :OMG! Sorry for the sick tiwstedness, but been mind-flayed too many times.
DMs_Favourite 08-25-07, 01:22 AM	546) Okay, Joe* can you come with me to the other room. 547) Oh and don't forget to bring your dice. 548) While Joe is still out DM returns, "So what are you guys doing?" *Replace Joe with players actual name.
E. Ravenwood 08-31-07, 06:27 PM	549. I'm gonna make a ruling... 550. heh heh...heh heh heh! Ha HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Holy crap...okay, what did you roll again?
Khan2000 08-31-07, 07:25 PM	551) Give me your character sheet. 552) Roll spot and/or listen. Nevermind....it's doesn't matter what you roll; you see and/or hear (fill in encounter/monster/BBEG). 553) You sure you want to go that way? Heh, heh...okay...roll spot and/or listen.
DanteApollyon 08-31-07, 07:53 PM	554. Yes that Kobold has a breath weapon 556. OH look a nat 20 now to conferm the hit 556. NICE another Nat 20 just for giggles lets see if i do it again. (you see we have a rule that if you roll three 20s in a row the PC or Monster or what ever dies instantly.) 557. ....Your dead, the goblin with a stick that had a nail threw it killed you in one hit, he is taken back to his camp and praised a king for killing you in such an explosive showing of forceful forceness.
Kazuhiro 08-31-07, 08:00 PM	557. No, I say that's an Evil act. 558. [in the dungeon] You hear a loud click.
teruck 09-02-07, 06:49 AM	558. DM: Okay, he's already rolled two 20's, probability states he probably wont do it a third time... 559: DM: Another 20! he decapitates both of you with his belt buckle! Players: :uh-huh: :OMG! :OMG! :twitch: the ones dropping their jaws are the ones affected by this ruling
Orion__ 09-02-07, 07:18 AM	560. hahahah... (trying to hold laughter, showing something written on his papers to a spectator of the session; usually as a response to something we say/do... a very cruel kind of "metagamed" suspense). Oh god, I hate when that happens....
Prince_of_Parkness 09-02-07, 09:19 AM	561. "Roll a spot check. 23? K, let me just check this creatures hide mod," (takes out book of vile darkness and turns to lords of evil, the chuckles), "hmm, +41, nope you dont see anything" 562. The BBEH is a 1st level human fighter. No im not kidding, he doesnt have anyother levels, just a template i invented all by myself. (My PCs would rather fight a 10 level deset giant fighter with 5 core templates and 10 splat ones than soo much as look at something with one of my very own templates)
RedRory 09-02-07, 02:05 PM	563. (looking at the Monster Manual after an attack roll): Wow. It does that much damage?
Sol_Aedh_Avoth 09-02-07, 02:15 PM	The Wizard casts Leomund's Safe Refuge (don't know if it's the correct English Name) and asks his fellows for money if they want to enter to sleep... After a long discussion, I (the DM) involountairly say: 564) "So, who the Hell remains outside to die... I mean, to sleep?" I'll always remember their terrorized eyes... they immediately paid the Wizard and entered the refuge... I swear, that mistake came natural...
supersod 09-02-07, 07:48 PM	565. you are violated with an immovable rod, (i was a bard in 2nd edition :( )
CheesieM0nkeys 09-03-07, 12:14 PM	566. What do you want to do while I add up the damage you took? 567. Yea, he's dual-weilding anvils 568. Your sure the door has no traps 569. Make 30 reflex saves 570. You see a spell gaunt eyeing your artifact 571. Wow - the organization says 50-100 of these 572. Your scythe's power attack crit does not overcome it's damage reduction 573. It casts heal on itself 574. On a scale of one - twenty and you guys are a 10 - i'd say about 35 575. Theres a fat Paladin falling out of the sky 576. No, you may not make a save 578. He's got you locked on 579. I made some NPC's with online classes for you guys today The homing fat paladin actually happened
damixmastermike 09-03-07, 12:40 PM	566. What do you want to do while I add up the damage you took? 567. Yea, he's dual-weilding anvils 568. Your sure the door has no traps 569. Make 30 reflex saves 570. You see a spell gaunt eyeing your artifact 571. Wow - the organization says 50-100 of these 572. Your scythe's power attack crit does not overcome it's damage reduction 573. It casts heal on itself 574. On a scale of one - twenty and you guys are a 10 - i'd say about 35 575. Theres a fat Paladin falling out of the sky 576. No, you may not make a save 578. He's got you locked on 579. I made some NPC's with online classes for you guys today The homing fat paladin actually happened This literally made my day, I cried laughing (haven't done that in some time). dual-wielding anvils, yeesh 580. "Nah, I seriously doubt that Great Restoration will cure what's about to happen to you." 581: "No, really sorry, I drank all the beer you left here last week."
Fsi-Dib 09-03-07, 12:59 PM	582. "I can't stand you guys, I need a beer." (actually I say this when I'm the DM, and I don't like it when I say it. :P )
Sol_Aedh_Avoth 09-03-07, 01:56 PM	583) You see a mountain, literally, of Gold pieces and Magic weapons, Armors and item... the Dragon is Dead, with a Bloody hole in his chest, your 20 Wizard followers just arrived to help you carry all the loot to your Crystal castle by Teleport, and they brought along the seven Beautiful Daughters of the King of Tranodheim who are willing to cover you with kisses... Then you awaken, all wet... all wet...
ranewen 09-03-07, 09:40 PM	584. first session.. after 8 hrs of game play... "Okay everyone, you're now 1st level characters!" *breath* "Same time next week right?"
Khan2000 09-03-07, 10:45 PM	585) Thank you for not sharing the alcohol, you drunk. 586) Pass me the Jack and Coke. 587) Damn. I guess I didn't make that hard enough. 588) (after dropping a major piece of information the PCs need) All right. Good session. Did we all have fun? See ya next time.
Mock26 09-04-07, 03:58 AM	589. We're switching to version 4.0.
Fsi-Dib 09-04-07, 06:21 AM	590. I hope you all won't die. 591. "Roll a fortitude save." "24!" "You suffer 12 points of Strength damage." 592. I didn't sleep much last night.
CheesieM0nkeys 09-04-07, 07:13 AM	593. I wonder what would happen if... 594. My Bad 595. I've been having a bad day 596. You see Nerull loading a 2-barrel shotgun 597. Do gods ever forget to grant spells? 598. You see a goblin. It's a gargantuan 599. Yes, this hole in the ground is where the map says "Restaurant" 600. Hehe, With all those 20's I forgot this guy had greatcleave! 601. Oh wait he's invisible - never mind about all that damage you guys dealt 602. The 4 breadcrumbs are you guys and this reeeeaaaally fat cat is the creature you see 603. Could the Tarrasque take proficiencies? 604. The Tarraque loads 10 arrows at once and then ducks behind a mountain 605. You see a Wear-Tarrasque - The animal part is leviathan
CheesieM0nkeys 09-04-07, 08:40 PM	606. What's your flat footed AC?
Khan2000 09-06-07, 06:23 PM	607) Give me your character sheet.
Sol_Aedh_Avoth 09-06-07, 07:38 PM	608) A. Did you already add the Acid damage of its stomach? B. Oh, you did? And you're still alive? C. Then add 12 damage due to your Broad Axe hitting yourself inside of the stomach because of muscular contractions... D. YOU ARE STILL ALIVE? E. The Tarrasque you are in decides to drink a fresh cocktail of Burning Magma... 15 damage per round and begin suffocating... F. YOU'RE STILL ALIVE AND YOU ARE AN AIR PLANETOUCHED WHO DOESN'T NEED TO BREATHE? G. The Tarrasque decides to take a bath in the Magma... NOW TRY ESCAPING FROM ITS STOMACH!
damixmastermike 09-06-07, 09:56 PM	608) A. Did you already add the Acid damage of its stomach? B. Oh, you did? And you're still alive? C. Then add 12 damage due to your Broad Axe hitting yourself inside of the stomach because of muscular contractions... D. YOU ARE STILL ALIVE? E. The Tarrasque you are in decides to drink a fresh cocktail of Burning Magma... 15 damage per round and begin suffocating... F. YOU'RE STILL ALIVE AND YOU ARE AN AIR PLANETOUCHED WHO DOESN'T NEED TO BREATHE? G. The Tarrasque decides to take a bath in the Magma... NOW TRY ESCAPING FROM ITS STOMACH! I'm curious what this PC did to get you so p/o'ed. When I get this angry it rains pianos and random NPC's stab kittens.
Sol_Aedh_Avoth 09-07-07, 06:43 AM	I'm curious what this PC did to get you so p/o'ed. It's "things you do NOT want to hear your DM say", not things that happened... :P
RollaD20 09-08-07, 09:07 AM	609.)Now with all your wisdom drained you are just a twitching body on the floor. [1 round l8r] With all your wisdom drained you get no save, you suffer full damage from that spell he did to you 5 rounds ago {138 damage} you are now at -54 hp. [1 more round l8r] *Our wizard activates 13 delayed blast fire balls from previous to NEAR kill the artificer* DM: and...hes still standing! Also [speaking to me now] your characters corpse was insinarated in the blast, good luck buying a true res for that in this small town. {this actually happened to me in my last campaign, all in all i died in 3 diff ways lol. i did get true res in the end.} -end of campaign-
Whitegravity 09-08-07, 03:50 PM	700. I don't like you... 701. ...I don't like your character... 702. ...and this next roll is going to reflect this. 703. So I was in the Mature forums at Wizards...
supersod 09-09-07, 07:37 AM	705. as you failed your jump check, the force of the movement has pressed button 4 on your rod of lordly might, and impaled you from your backpack.
nimblewright93 09-10-07, 06:11 PM	707: Uhhhh just out of curiosity does any one have a immunity to umm i don't know .... a realy strong poision 708:*rolls* um 20 *rolls* um 20 *rolls* umm guys by any chance are you immune to instint kill? 709: hmm well that would mean the umber hulk gets an attack of oppertunity and so does the water elemental. 710: you got a one on your balance, * gets out a 1D100* *player: umm whats that for?* ohh this this is for succubus1's Coup-De-Grace
Kazuhiro 09-10-07, 09:51 PM	711: One one thousand... Two one thousand... Three one thousand...
TheWildKing 09-10-07, 11:34 PM	Didn't read them all, so I apologize in advance if some of these are repeats 712. "Would a Stone Giant's erection count as a huge greatclub?" 713. "In that case, you take 2d8+10 damage" 714. "Well, I just picked up Book of Erotic Fantasy and it gave me some pretty cool ideas on our next session... 715. "Alright, in order for the campaign to continue, you all must draw 5 cards from the Deck of Many Things" These actually happened, and in case you were wondering, I ended up imprisoned, having my soul wrenched from my body and hid somewhere else, losing 10k XP, and enmity between myself and an evil outsider from that damn deck. But on the bright side, i gained the service of a 4th lvl fighter :rolleyes:
Unluckylukey 09-11-07, 03:01 AM	There is a 99% chance I am going to kill you all in your sleep tonight. Now lets play DnD.
TheDarkLord 09-11-07, 04:58 PM	Didn't read them all, so I apologize in advance if some of these are repeats 712. "Would a Stone Giant's erection count as a huge greatclub?" 713. "In that case, you take 2d8+10 damage" 714. "Well, I just picked up Book of Erotic Fantasy and it gave me some pretty cool ideas on our next session... 715. "Alright, in order for the campaign to continue, you all must draw 5 cards from the Deck of Many Things" Wait... so 712 came before 714?? Do your games display an "Adult" Tag by chance?
VulcanStormwrath 09-11-07, 05:15 PM	So the orcs capture you. How many of you are female again? Roll a fort save. *fails* You vomit up breakfast. He falls to the ground dead as all his Contingent Spells trigger at once. This'll be quicker if I just see all your base saves.
TheWildKing 09-11-07, 08:14 PM	Wait... so 712 came before 714?? Do your games display an "Adult" Tag by chance? Heh, no, we all think our dm was drunk/high that night, b/c he really didnt want to talk about it much the next day. btw, he mentioned the BoEF around the end of the session, so the whole "erection" thing kinda caught us off guard
Xandria 09-11-07, 08:30 PM	714. "Well, I just picked up Book of Erotic Fantasy and it gave me some pretty cool ideas on our next session... Is that an actual book? What?
TheWildKing 09-11-07, 08:33 PM	yes, its a real book no, don't bother to get it
IrishRover 09-12-07, 12:18 AM	You've blasted your way into the French mage's kitchen with rifles and blown the place to shambles with grenades...the kitchen is blown to bits. Now you face the greatest of French generals...Linoleum Blown apart...
Prince_of_Parkness 09-12-07, 11:25 AM	Is that an actual book? What? Yes, 195 pages of how to incorporate sex in your games. Includes classes spells and feats. I second TheWildKing's opinion on not bothering to buy it
CheesieM0nkeys 09-12-07, 12:46 PM	719. (I think) You one hit kill my favorite BBEG. Just out of curiosity, where do you live and what does a chainsaw cost?
Sathery 09-12-07, 05:59 PM	When I get this angry it rains pianos and random NPC's stab kittens. Good lord that's funny. Rains pianos and NPCs stab kittens. :rofl: Backstory: One session, after buying myself a new d20 (and some others), I critically hit* all six players in four rounds of combat once each. One PC died. After the session, without noticing, one of them took my PC killing dice. *(We have a house rule of not rolling another 20 and then another 20 after that for instant kill. There is no instant kill. Only a critical hit. Vice versa for them and the monsters, so it works out.) # 720. "So guys, I found my PC Killing Die that one of you stole." # 721. "Now let's see where the flaming torch hits you...Hm...The eyes. Suck." # 722. "I was looking online and found some Critical Miss Tables you...I...might enjoy." # 723. PC ":confused: You skipped my turn!" Me "I didn't. And I'll get back to you about it. :D " PC ":weep:"
Crisilac 09-23-07, 12:38 AM	724 Whoops, forgot their poison. Okay, they hit you about three times a round... make... 18 fort saves:D
calronmoonflower 09-23-07, 01:41 AM	725). I don't care what the Player's Handbook says. I say that act is evil and therefor you fall.
damixmastermike 09-27-07, 10:23 PM	726) "She left her bra bra here last night" after being asked by a PC why his sister was in my apartment
Azekial_Archangel 09-27-07, 10:54 PM	727) You have nothing to worry about. Except that. 728) So you grab a handfull of Gold Pieces, eh? 729) In that case... 730) Don't worry about it. 731) You don't want to know.
Khan2000 09-28-07, 07:32 PM	728) He's still standing. {after PC tries to throw gnomish explosives at BBEG and his guards--the guards, of course, die from the resultant explosion}
QZip 09-29-07, 01:16 AM	729) "Bam, you're a dude; problem solved!" 730) "My favorite part is that the bad guy still has full hit points." 731) "When do I get to win?" 732) "Do you have anything larger than this book? It's not quite the right size for this monster. In fact, just hand me that Bible." 733) "You wake up in the middle of the night to a suspicious sound..." 734) "That reminds me, this combat takes place in an anti-magic field." 735) *looks hopefully* "Did that kill you?" 736) "You guys must've thought that was the last encounter of the day." (I read the first 3 pages or so, then came up with these. Hope you like them and hope their aren't any repeats)
Callix 09-29-07, 07:16 AM	737) "What is it with these dice?" Had that one when an opponent confirmed 4 crits in 2 rounds (don't ask), moving our Swordsage 2 from 20hp to -9. 738) "As you reach towards the goblin lying on the ground, you hear a loud peal, like a bell. Your hands pass cleanly through the goblin. What's your flat-footed AC?" Again, the poor swordsage. Luckily, both goblin javelins missed, one with a 1 which the DM ruled passed cleanly through the illusory goblin, showing the party that they were illusions.
Treantmonklvl20 09-29-07, 08:21 AM	739) I decided the DM gets a character too. I'll show you guys how to optimize (points to large stack of Dragon Magazines). Going to convert some old content - playing a 1E Ninja.
damixmastermike 09-29-07, 01:00 PM	739) I decided the DM gets a character too. I'll show you guys how to optimize (points to large stack of Dragon Magazines). Going to convert some old content - playing a 1E Ninja. I looked through some of my books, can't find 1ed ninja, which book is that out of?
QZip 09-30-07, 05:38 PM	(caught up and came up with some that I'd especially not want my DM to say...) 740) "You see 5 kobolds holding identical wands. Make a spellcraft check... You realize that the wands all contain Magic Missle." 741) "Now you get to fight intelligent enemies!" (he can be remarkably cunning. Making a CR half of what it should be capable of causing us to flee) 742) "So you come across a wizard..." (oh the spells he might choose... I'm not sure I really want to know... Suffice it to say, we would lose the battle.) 743) "That seems easier than you thought it would be." 744) "Pick a door. Any door." (knowing my DM, he might just decide that it doesn't matter which door we pick, the last door will be the one we really need to go through...) 745) "I decided to swap out a couple of his feats cause they were lame..." (this is very prone to happening. It'd probably be along the lines of switching an ogre barbarian's Dodge feat to Monkey Grip then giving it a huge great-axe) 746) "You're so disoriented you don't know which way is up, and you full-attack... uhuh... No, I mean yeah you can do that. It's just... Well, nothing. Go ahead. Roll." Though my DM is a pretty nice guy, he can still be evil. He'd never kill us unless it was an accident, at the very least. Though, he might devise a particularly devious trap sometime...
zzo38 09-30-07, 06:31 PM	(DCCXLVII) Mundane items aren't allowed in this game. Only magic items can be used. (Another note is, a lot of the stuff listed here (but not all of it) I really wouldn't care much if the DM said it, I would still be OK with it. But some stuff I probably would complain about.)
Baddum12 10-01-07, 11:35 PM	747: Wait, you're opening the chest? I need to know which one of you is opening it. It is you? Ho ho! This'll be fun... 748: PC: Don't I get to reflex save that? DM: Yeah but, *laugh*... don't bother.
Treantmonklvl20 10-01-07, 11:49 PM	I looked through some of my books, can't find 1ed ninja, which book is that out of? It was from Dragon Magazine - oh lets say 20 years or so ago. It got a saving throw vs. damage. Yep - save vs. damage!!! It's been referenced since - as the most ridiculus class ever put into print. I used to have all those Dragon editions once upon a time - all got thrown out in a move (Probably out of my parents basement) 15 years or so ago.
Lucien_Sadi 10-02-07, 12:32 AM	749: Character: *opens a rare, valuable book and reads it* DM: *snicker* Character: What? What does it say? DM: It reads, "I prepared Exploding Runes today"...
Docfeegle 10-02-07, 12:39 AM	750: You are suddenly unconscious as the gnome rogue/shadowdancer who was hiding in plain sight jumped up and bit you in the **** with his +3 adamantine teeth getting full sneak attack damage.
damixmastermike 10-02-07, 01:14 PM	750: You are suddenly unconscious as the gnome rogue/shadowdancer who was hiding in plain sight jumped up and bit you in the **** with his +3 adamantine teeth getting full sneak attack damage. EDIT: Vorpral Teeth 751: <after taking someone's character sheet> Does anyone have a fatter eraser?
JulesCARV 10-02-07, 03:02 PM	752. As you sit in the seedy underworld bar, waiting to meet your contact, you see a bard walk in, carrying a lute. You notice that he has an uncanny resemblance to Antonio Banderas. By the way, what was it you guys were saying yesterday about how bards are lame and wimpy?
Valgoth 10-02-07, 04:17 PM	753. Oh yes, she seems VERY interested in you! 754. Would you like to add an action point?
ravenshrike 10-02-07, 11:43 PM	749: Character: *opens a rare, valuable book and reads it* DM: *snicker* Character: What? What does it say? DM: It reads, "I prepared Exploding Runes today"... This is why my characters, when reading notes and other books for the first time, read every other word. Thus not triggering the spell. 756 - DM:"So, the other day I was playing Bioshock and came up with this really cool villain..."
Turin71 10-03-07, 04:25 PM	757 - "You guys had it easy last session. Now comes the hard part" This is after the wizard is out of spells, the cleric is down to 2 cures and the average hit points in the party is 12. 758 - "What do you mean rest?" 759 - DM "You see a masterfully crafted ring that radiates with energy, do you take it?" PC "Umm, sure I take it" DM "Will" 760 - After being uncontious and captured by minions. "You wake up face down in the table with your hands bound and no pants. For some inexplicable reason you feel sharp pain in your ______."
Kazuhiro 10-03-07, 06:49 PM	761. You are too busy arguing to notice the ambush...
Zousha_Omenohu 10-03-07, 06:52 PM	762. "Moo Moo Ha Ha!"