Post/Author/DateTime	Post
orcslayer 07-06-04, 05:24 PM	1. You have an NPC wizard use the wish spell to turn a PC into a chicken (this happened once and the other PCs killed him and ate him) 2. Your PCs get captured by cannabals. 3. The partys palidin gets "accidently" transported to abyss by a wizard and is then captured by demons and spends the rest of his life as a slave.
bahamut_0 07-06-04, 05:28 PM	4. An Ancient Red Wyrm falls from the sky, causing a tpk Wasn't there already a thread like this? I lose track of the 1001 ways to.... threads.
Athenna 07-06-04, 06:05 PM	5. You laugh evilly whenever your PC's learn something that sounds innocent enough. 6. Every door in your dungeon is trapped, and not just by small simple traps, but by super DC30 traps. 7. You start writing out your BBEG after the first session, and plan to add onto them until the final meeting :smirk:
Astanphaeus 07-06-04, 06:44 PM	8. When the PCs are dealing with fire elementals, you turn up the thermostat by 20 degrees, and consider it to be "adding atmosphere". 9. When you say "it's a bright, beautiful, sunny day" the PCs ready their weapons and warily look off into the distance. 10. When you smile, everyone else at the table frowns. 11. Your villains use a d30. 12. You keep a strip of leather on your DM screen and call it your Belt of Death. When a PC dies, you notch it. 13. You have to get a new strip of leather, because you've "maxed out " the old one.
Shane the Elven Summoner 07-06-04, 07:08 PM	14. You have your PC's go up aganst 3 Red dragons right after they start 15. You have bands of 50 kobolds(or any other nasty creatures) waiting to ambush your PC's
bahamut_0 07-06-04, 07:21 PM	16. The Commoners in each town are armed with Vorpal Weapons, in case the PCs get out of line.
Daavid Muhameed 07-06-04, 07:26 PM	17) ...when 2 party members emerge from the portal chamber, and a guarding battalion stares back. the first 20 *goblins* roll initiative. the plate wearing, spear weilding, fighter level 10'd goblins. :D
gleep 07-06-04, 08:07 PM	18) One of your house rules for character generation is that players can just write down the stats they want... even all 18s. And no one takes advantage of it. 19) You point out that it's "you're" 20) You kick the butts of 3rd-level PCs with rabid prairie dogs. 21) They become terrified of rain. 22) They flee from trees 23) You consider the BOVD to be insipid, amateurish drivil. 24) Your smile strikes fear into the hearts of men. :D --gleep
Shane the Elven Summoner 07-06-04, 10:39 PM	25. Everyone in the city is a mage-hunter and the PC's have a mage in their party. 26. If, when you ask a question twice, they automatically change their answer because they think it's a trap. 27. Everyone in the city is a Lycanthrope, Vampire, or is infected by Entomanothropy
hfolkense 07-06-04, 11:07 PM	28.- Every word spoken in the session is either a description, an ask from the Dm for food, or In Character speech... even going to the bathroom at the middle of a combat: PC: wait i will go to the bathroom DM: very good you provoke an AoO from the troll, you die, see you PC: But DM: Shhhh you are dead. 29.-You roll dice... just for the fun of it... not that you care about the results.:smirk: 30.-You get all the food, because "he who does't share gets his portion twice in unfortunate consequences" 31.-When you hear your players shaking when you turn to your adventure notebook and start writing stuff and don't look at their eyes.
striderII 07-07-04, 12:08 AM	23) You consider the BOVD to be insipid, amateurish drivil I find that absolutely hilarious. Oh, and it's "drivel". :) 32. Any time you write anything down, roll dice, or look something up, at least two of your players ready weapons. Yes - players. Not characters - PLAYERS ready weapons. 33. Any time you start laughing evilly, somebody starts making up a new character reflexively. 34. Your players come to your game with backup characters pre-made.
Drasche 07-07-04, 12:38 AM	Originally posted by striderII 33. Any time you start laughing evilly, somebody starts making up a new character reflexively. 34. Your players come to your game with backup characters pre-made. :rofl: 35. As soon as the player characters obtain a new weapon/artifact/item every enemy they come in contact with tries to sunder it. 36. And succeeds with uncanny accuracy. 37. You send the 1st level party into Sigil for a "training exercise".
roll8dn 07-07-04, 01:43 AM	38.) Your idea of a "good time" for the party members is sending the Tarrasque after them at third level. 39.) The phrase "You don't think there is anything down there" causes the players to ready slaying spells. 40.) Your players tend to keep their armor on in a tavern, because "You never know what might happen..." 41.) Your players, at level one, start looking for local high-level clerics, to "Plan ahead". 42.) The diabolical nature of your ideas cause your players to invent spells like "Make it didn't happen" :D
Mr. Wilson 07-07-04, 03:18 AM	Originally posted by Athenna 7. You start writing out your BBEG after the first session, and plan to add onto them until the final meeting :smirk: Wait, you're not suppossed to do that? :schemes: 43. When you run out of places to put the skull and crossbones on your DM shield (KODT reference there). 44. Your party is 10th level, but they still only have at best +1 armor and masterwork weapons. 45. Every treasure you give the characters comes with some drastic catch, usually involving one character dying. 46. You aren't happy unless you achieve a TPK at least once every other session. 47. You have a simple, easy adventure planned out, but your players, knowing how evil you are, come up with a plot 10 ten times better than yours, and you naturally change the plot to confirm their worst fears just to see the look on the faces when the villager one party member insulted turns out to be an Ancient Dragon (as they suggested).
Zolgar 07-07-04, 03:45 AM	48. You randomly change save DCs.. Just because you know that the rules lawyer(s) in your group, know them by heart. 49. The words "wait, I didn't mean that IC!" mean nothing to you. 50. That Really super powered NPC they fight and barely squeak out of alive (.. knew I should have made it tougher..) has the most awesome equipment, saddly, on his death, his body and his belongings vanish. 51. When the session is over, you tally the XP and see that it would level the party.. so you give them one less than is needed to level up. 52. When the players then seek out a few goblins to kill for said 1 xp. It turns out to be a group of level 20 goblin monks. 53. You find it greatly amusing to kill a party of higher level PCs, with CR 5 demons.. Jovocs, to be exact.. Aura of Retribution is fun. 54. You purchase every monster book you can afford, just because you got bored of everything in the core books. 55. When a player rolls a natural 20 on a very crucial roll, you say "That looks cocked, re roll it."
EssenceSpellbinder 07-07-04, 08:21 AM	*jots down notes on how to be evil because he really hates his players* ((an these are the people i'm saposed to look up to as a new DM))
gleep 07-07-04, 11:15 AM	Originally posted by striderII I find that absolutely hilarious. Oh, and it's "drivel". Or "drevil" :) 56. You leave items like Staff of the Magi or Wands of Empowered Fireballs in treasure hoards. But only give them one charge. 56. The other 10-20 charges were used on the PCs when they fought the owner of the treasure. 57. Your players politely ask you to stop describing what the allied NPC and local sage likes to do with Polymorph Any Object for her amusement. 58. After building up for 3 sessions the "River of Golden Light" that the PCs must somehow manage to cross they discover it is nothing more than a 6' high wall the light from the setting sun reflects from. 59. Biff the Beholder (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=260181) is running (errr... flying) around in your campaign. 60. You send characters on a mission into Hell. When they're under 5th level. 61. You console a player that is upset with his favorite character being turned to stone with "hey, he's only stone. That's a lot better than being dead! You can change him back any time!" 62. You let your players be their own worst enemy. 63. You mention to the wizard wanting to create a stone golem, "you know, there's a really nice statue just a couple days away..." --gleep
Twisted Puppy 07-07-04, 11:34 AM	64. You tell one of your PCs, "You wake up in the morning with your wife's arm draped across your chest." PC: "Is it still attached to the rest of her?" 65. The BoVD is your bathroom reading material. (Terribly embarrassing when the pastor's wife comes over and needs to use the facilities, and sees said BoVD sitting prettily on top of the hamper...)
gleep 07-07-04, 11:47 AM	66. You walk over to another table of gamers to return a miniture that was being used for a PC and are asked, "Holy crap... you killed another one?" 67. Your players are starting to wonder if adventuring if an old-fashioned dungeon crawl wouold be safer. 68. You remove Mage's Disjunction, the only counter for anti-magic field, from the game. Then nail the party's spellcasters with AMF. ;) 69. You sometimes give the players what they wish. --gleep
Kingofkong 07-07-04, 12:32 PM	(70 You say that a tresure lays deep in hell so the party goes to hell only to find out that it was a scam for a tpk. (71 YOU PS'S WONDER IF HELL WOULD BE EASIER THAN WHAT YOU GIVE THEM!!
bahamut_0 07-07-04, 12:51 PM	72. You insist your players roll their stats as in Call of Cthulhu. Then throw a Balor at them.
DeathMagus 07-07-04, 12:57 PM	72. You raid Monopoly, Yahtzee, Clue, and your other board games, but you still don't have enough d6s for your NPC villains' weapons. 73. Your PCs all take max points in escape artist and pick lock, because they ALWAYS end up in jail. 74. Your PCs are constantly attacked by Lycanthrope or Vampric rabbits, chipmunks, and squirrels. 75. Number 74 ALWAYS occurs during the night, disrupting the sleep cycle, which causes you to invoke nasty "Sleepyness" penalties on the entire party. 76. Every NPC you create has a couple secret levels in a class that makes them much more nasty. 77. If your Players have characters with high CHA, they are constantly being hit up on, asked for dates, whistled at, etc... ALL THE TIME 78. You never leave a back door to your taverns. 79. All of your PCs have been raped IC...numerous times. 80. As a result, all the females of 79 are pregnant.
lekpic 07-07-04, 04:31 PM	81. DM: Your party rounds the corner to see 5 ancient red dragons playing cards, one of them is complaining that another one forgot the snacks.
danielinthewolvesden 07-07-04, 05:34 PM	You begin the game, and look over the table at your players... and realize that there aren't any.:sad:
PenderGrass 07-07-04, 05:54 PM	83. Your Players pee themselves with fear when you call for everyone to roll eenish 84. Dragon Breath Weapons always do MAX DAMAGE (as well they should) 85. You own the EZ-Bake Oven of Death 86. You look in the mirror and realize you ARE PenderGrass :behold:
Stardrake 07-07-04, 09:49 PM	87) Each of your players tends to bring blank character sheets to your game--a REAM of blank character sheets... 88) And use them up....
roll8dn 07-07-04, 10:52 PM	89.) The difference between "bad" and "worse" is simply how many times your PCs have to re-roll new characters. 90.) You throw the Lord of the Sixth at your PCs and all they do is ask, "What is the save DC to leave the table?" 91.) The "Tavern of Doom" is your PC's home base. 92.) The only way to survive in your campaign is to have a Ring of Greater Invisibility, a Ring of Mind Blank, Gloves of Dexterity +6, Amulet of Health +6, Helm of Wisdom +6, and Armor of Greater Silent Moves, and to maximize all ranks in Move Silently, Hide, and Kill DM.
striderII 07-07-04, 11:53 PM	93. Your DM theme song is "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" by Drowning Pool. 94. You have a Pool of Drowning (no save allowed) in a dungeon, just to fit with the artist of the aforementioned theme song. 95. Player whining and griping means nothing to you, as they are beneath your notice. 96. You continue posting to this list, even though some posters that I won't mention don't get the gist of it. 97. You and a friend founded the Evil Mentoring Program. 98. You outlawed Psionics in any game you ever ran because of a mistake you made, but you blamed the players anyway, 'cuz it's fun. 99. If you say the PC's shouldn't fight something, and they do anyway, then you firmly believe they deserve the butt-whupping they get. 100. You use up the #100 spot for no good reason. :) strider
Shane the Elven Summoner 07-08-04, 12:03 AM	101. The doors in your dungeons are trapped with shrinking potions with level 20 creatures in the room. 102. Your name is striderII and you take up the hundredth spot for no good reason. 103. Your PC's always go the other way then what you want them too because they know there's something evil that way. 104. They always end up going that way anyway...? :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Zilred 07-08-04, 02:03 AM	105. The BBEG Human Sorcerer has 22 CON 106. 105's CON is his lowest score :eek: 107. His cohort is a Hill Giant Barbarian/Frenzied Berserker 108. Said cohort wields a Huge +5 Warmace (Huge Greataxe damage with only -3 to hit, and you can still have a shield) 109. The players are trained to say, "Thank you sir. May I have another?" 110. "The DM is God", and you demand sacrifice!
Athenna 07-08-04, 03:30 AM	Originally posted by Zilred 105. The BBEG Human Sorcerer has 22 CON 106. 105's CON is his lowest score :eek: You mean i'm not supposed to do that? :D :angel:
Ghostie Ghost 07-08-04, 03:32 PM	111:The PCs NEVER have there equipment unsheathed 112:The PCs never rest oustside an inn, they take turns at guarding the room. 113:The PCs don't let any strangers within 20 feet of them. 114:They always get True sight spells if possible i must be doing something special to make them react like this:schemes:
Eagle Vision 07-09-04, 06:05 AM	115. You spend 5 hours making an adventure up just to see the look on they're faces when they get roasted by their own fireball 116. Your players stay so far away from squirrels that they fall of cliffs regularly. 117. Your players have a deep fear of gazebos;) 118. A PC dies. On the first adventure. by drowning. in a 1ft deep pool. 119. BBEG always casts Blade barrier on the slowest PC. 120. aforementioned BBEG always casts wall of stone as a dome over a PCs head, the one with the highest con so suffocating takes longer. 121. all your dungeons have a precious magical item in it ( even the lvl 1 ones) that, when removed causes a self destruction effect similar to having a google fireballs cast in a enclosed space containing oil. E.g drowning PC in oil before having the item lifted up by said oil.
Zolgar 07-10-04, 06:32 AM	122: You decide that you're going to wrap the cmapaign up early, and the the BBEG is too tough for them.. The new one turns out to be tougher. 123: You create a third.. The players would rather fight the second. 124: A BBEG isn't complete if he doesn't either have big boomy party killing spells, or 5+ attacks per round. 125: you make a special item for the BBEG, it casts haste on him, all the time. 126: You think feral, half dragon and half fiend go together really well for a BBEG. 127: you put them on an anthro giant croc. (+24 str, +6 dex, +8 con...) 128: you give every goblin the party encounters a name and a backstory. And make sure the players know the Squiggybo had a wife and kids back home that are going to starve to death because their father couldn't bring back food for them. Their mother will have to sell herself in to prostitution just because the adventurerers wanted alittlebit more XP. 129: The players go to kill the gobbo family from 128 and it turns out that ma is a 20th level rogue.
Selkie_Guardian 07-11-04, 12:14 PM	Originally posted by Zilred 105. The BBEG Human Sorcerer has 22 CON 106. 105's CON is his lowest score :eek: The Sad thing is I did that, Against level 6 PCs. 130: Every BBEG has a Belt Of Magnificence +6 131: You spend 3 sessions on the most GRUELING dungion you can make, to tell the PCs that the reason they wen on it was a bad pun. (I do 130 and my Dad has done 131)
Bedevere 07-11-04, 12:52 PM	To win any argument, or to shut the players up when they are being annoying, you count down to zero. Starting from their level. :smirk:
madoule 07-11-04, 06:30 PM	132: Your plots involve killer tomatoes from outerspace 133: Your plots also involve said tomatoes with a hybrid of alieness to them.. thus creating tomatoe bursters tomatoes with two moths that like to chop on peoples heads and tomatoe face huggers. Lets not mention the tomatoe queen, shale we? 134: All plots are somehow conected to reall bad b-movies 135: Players nod in acknowlegement that their pc is next to be eaten. 136: Youve just stayed at a holiday in....
Thanqol 07-12-04, 05:31 AM	137: PCs go out into the street and invite random people to play just so they can have extra healers/trap decectors. 138: If a player walks past a beggar without tossing him a coin, the beggar gets up, becomes a 25th level fighter and proceeds to beat the tar out of the PC, and then takes his wallet. 139: PC's superglue their weapons to their hands. 140: The PC's always get teleported to the other side of the world just before they get their treasure.
Kaya Kenobi 07-12-04, 06:11 AM	I feel the BoVD is Drivel... ;) It's child's play compared to what I can think up. 141. You always go by status quo and even the old man could be a balor in disguise. 142. When the PCs refuse to give money to the beggar on the streets he curses them to die in 7 days. 143. The only way to lift the curse is to kill Orcus :devil: 144: After killing Orcus, the druids demand you to restore balance by killing a LG demigod. 145: If they manage to kill the LG demigod, they're cursed to become slime for all of eternity. :D
Amaron Blackthorn 07-12-04, 02:36 PM	some of you dms is just nasty evil and always doin wrong to people! Me likes!
Soulman1990 07-12-04, 03:42 PM	146: A big pit opens in the ground and all the party falls to there death, just because Bob didn't bring coffee.
Kiirnodel 07-12-04, 06:24 PM	147. Shadow dragons are your trademark 148. You create a monster that always has displacement on, greater teleport (with quicken spell-like ability) ,power word blind and stun, Deeper Darkness, Unholy blight and bet them they cant kill it in 20 rounds (it took 37). Despite all of these illusions he can see through all of them because he has blindsight. He is immune to deafening. 149. Deities with Divine Rank 19 are good BBEG's for 24th level characters 150. Turns out running doesnt do much. 151. All artifacts the PC's find have the evil descriptor, giving them 25 negative levels. 152. You buy the Draconomicon just to get sample Dragons on the spot and rules for advancing beyond Great Wyrm 153. Adamantine Warforged Juggernaughts are good fights for 4th level rogues.
Kaya Kenobi 07-13-04, 09:58 AM	Originally posted by Astanphaeus 8. When the PCs are dealing with fire elementals, you turn up the thermostat by 20 degrees, and consider it to be "adding atmosphere". How bout this one? :D 154. You set of the fire alarm whenever a player fails a save against a sonic attack. ;)
lekpic 07-13-04, 10:19 AM	155. Your DM pulls out his old 2e Magical items cards and finds the Bureaucratic Ring of Wizardry and your wizard tries to cast a Fireball to save the party's life and he is hit with a stack of papers to complete in triplicate before he is able to use the spell. Questions on the papers include... - Why do you want to cast the spell? - Does that impose on your alignment? - How powerful do you want it to be? - Who are you trying to effect with this spell? Only way to remove the ring is with a WISH!
DeathMagus 07-13-04, 10:27 AM	156. You've rigged the room so that, whenever a player's character needs to make a reflex save, the player is randomly hit in the back with a hard, flying object. The idea is that they have to "save" verses the object (dodge, grab, hit) in order to succeed on the in-game save. 157. For fortitude saves, you run the player through 1 minute of torture, and see if they don't scream. 158. For will saves, you see how long you have to do 156 and 157 before your players break down crying. edit: Or breaks down cursing, fighting, raging, etc...crying just isn't in some people. Happy Gaming!
the_best_sarek 07-13-04, 10:39 AM	159. You make a tpk with a trap in the first session of a new campain. Did this once, players all rolled nasty reflex save and I rolled max damage. It was so funny to look at their face that I let them died :cool:
chris7476 07-13-04, 10:44 AM	160. You don't know how to use "your" and "you're" properly.
lekpic 07-13-04, 10:44 AM	161. You let your players equip their charecters any way they would like before your campaign begins, only for them to find out they wake up in a slave train without any gear at all on their person. PC: "I reach for my +3 warhammer!" DM: "You're in a slave train, you think they'd let you keep your weapon?"
Amaron Blackthorn 07-13-04, 11:54 AM	Take your party through VECNA LIVES!
Formerly Wu 07-13-04, 12:16 PM	162) You make Int 3 characters roll to breathe. 163) As soon as you begin describing anything, your players scream "IT'S A TRAP!!" in their best Ackbar voices.
Amaron Blackthorn 07-13-04, 12:31 PM	everytime one of your players says something get the whole group, yourself included, to smile and nod your head up and down. People dont like that at all! :):smirk:
HillGiant 07-13-04, 01:13 PM	Originally posted by Zilred 110. "The DM is God", and you demand sacrifice! Haha, I actually do that almost every session.
HillGiant 07-13-04, 01:14 PM	Originally posted by Amaron Blackthorn Take your party through VECNA LIVES! Did that to. And they where level 5. :smirk:
Amaron Blackthorn 07-13-04, 01:19 PM	Oh Hillgiant, the hand slap of shame has been earned by you!:angel:
lekpic 07-22-04, 01:41 PM	:bump: We are barely 1/10th of the way there... don't stop!!!
Amaron Blackthorn 07-22-04, 03:22 PM	The Speaker in Dreams and using a deck of many things with all of the beneficial cards taken out (Pick a card, any card) Tee hee.
Razaiel 07-22-04, 03:55 PM	164) Your BBEG convinces the peaseants of a village that the paladin in the party is acually the cause of the plague that has stricken the land. As the peasant revolt closes in on the unsuspecting do gooder, he is reminded by the DM that these are unarmed villagers and don't stand a chance against his might; and since they were duped by the BBEG they are not evil in any way. Thus killing any of them may lead to losing paladin abilities. Run in fear and loathing.
gleep 07-22-04, 04:45 PM	165) You tell your players the only way to remove a curse is to find and use an artifact. And it's the Head of Vecna. 166) You start out a new campaign with mid-level characters with the phrase "You realize that burning down the ancient temple after you cleared it out was probably a bad idea." 167) Your players would rather fight Sauron than use a Wish. 168) Even the 20th-level barbarian in your party speaks politely to the random kobold they meet on the trail. 169) There is not a single character in the party that has had a full night's sleep since they started adventuring. 170) You offer to let the party find some more powerful magic items in the next hoard but they politely decline. 171) Your players beg to be 1st level characters again. 172) After buying your body, your players dig it up again to cut off the head, steak the heart (with a T-bone), and cover the body in rosemary, sage, and wolvesbane. Just in case. 173) The players still show up at the next scheduled session expecting a game. 174) Players call your wife the night before the game and bribe her to make sure you're in a good mood the next day. 175) Your players offer to wash your car. 176) You ban the BoED because your fingers are scalded every time you try to pick it up. 177) You think that Vow of Poverty thing everyone keeps mentioning isn't complete while the character still owns his organs. 178) You deliberately skip a bunch of entries in the list because they weren't numbered. 179) Every time you DM, God kills a kitten. :D --gleep
Tusz 07-22-04, 04:55 PM	167) Your players would rather fight Sauron than use a Wish. 167b) These ususally amount to the same thing.
BladeBoy 07-22-04, 04:57 PM	168) At the end of the first session, while resting, they are interrupted by at least 20 Balors and Pit Fiends waging part of the Blood War on the surface, which is centered on the Inn the PCs chose.
jasper 07-22-04, 05:17 PM	169) THE new guy wants 60 pt character buy and has loaded dice and you let him play. The other players are thankful some one else is going first. 170) Half you players have mental problems due to your sessions. The other half wish they were that lucky. 171.)Oh god, my god etc are consider god calls. And the gods are crazy and angry. 172.) It is a good day when the horses escape. Hey some of the party live. 173.) You give every 1 d100 of clones. And still it is not enough.
Oakraven 07-23-04, 12:19 AM	Originally posted by Twisted Puppy 65. The BoVD is your bathroom reading material. (Terribly embarrassing when the pastor's wife comes over and needs to use the facilities, and sees said BoVD sitting prettily on top of the hamper...) Actualy mine would not think twice about it, but then he plays a Wizard in our game. You anounce that your going to start using Ghostwalk rules to allow PC Ghosts in your campain and they imediatly roll backup charaters . . . you anounce that your going to use Vitality points and Everyone imediatly rolles up a backup charater when each member of the party gets a Ring of 9 lives (casts a Modified True Resurection spell that lands your freshly resurected self in the nearest freindly temple of Bashiba, Members of said temple are automaticaly allied to you since you clearly are the recepient of Bashibas grace whether you woship her or not)the round after you die a total of 9 times) each player rolles up a backup charater to save time. . .
Oakraven 07-23-04, 12:47 AM	you "Beef up" the Temple Of Elimental Evil by adding at least one Psionic NPC or monter to Every encounter that is one level higher than highest NPC/monter/criter in that encounter you then added All of the NPCs in the original ToEE (Updated to 3.X naturaly) to the temple and have it completly uncovered, and the Fungus of honor is the pet of the people trying to set it free then you halve the treasure becuase you dont want it to turn into monty haul
Oakraven 07-23-04, 12:49 AM	and you make the moat house the level newly minted all 1st level groups FIRST encounter
Arcen 07-23-04, 03:26 AM	181) You Pause dramatically everytime you give any type of info. 182) You manage to convince everyone the parties cleric did it. 183) The PC gets a birthday present. Present kills 90% of the worlds population.
jasper 07-23-04, 10:21 AM	184) Even the goldfish hisses when the Dm enters the room.
crazysamaritan 07-23-04, 06:08 PM	185) you send this (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=274509) after your players
Dea ex Machina 07-23-04, 08:25 PM	186) You teleport the party onto the Demiplane of Blah Lord of the Dire Sheep. 187) You created a deity named Blah who is the Lord of the Dire Sheep. 188) The alignment of all your party shifted from Lawful Good to Chaotic Evil because they are killing every kitten in the world in fear of meeting another Kitten of Doom. 189) You say that circles, spheres, and rings do not exist on this plane of existence to prevent a player from using his magical ring. Yes, the sun and the Earth are flat. 190) The players have nicknamed your two favorite d20s "Devil Dice".
Raymond_Luxury_Yacht 07-23-04, 10:44 PM	191) When you use the Hulking Hurler build against your PCs, they are relieved that you are going so easy on them.
Arcen 07-23-04, 10:55 PM	192) Your PCs use the phrase "It's ONLY a dragon" when facing an acient Red.
Zolgar 07-24-04, 12:07 AM	Originally posted by Arcen 192) Your PCs use the phrase "It's ONLY a dragon" when facing an acient Red. 193: And then you mock them, because it's also got the manifestation compacity of a 34th level egoist psion.
Drasche 07-24-04, 01:26 PM	194. You start creating monsters from Magic: The Gathering cards. (I've actually started to do this: Avatar of Woe is a CR 28)
gleep 07-24-04, 05:19 PM	195. With your trusty sidekick Tusz you derail the count. 196. And don't tell what the number should be. :D --gleep
The GOP Dragon 07-24-04, 07:53 PM	Actualy, we are at number 209. It got messed up around page 2. Anyway: 209) Your players always come to a game with a white flag in their hands.
Evandar_TAybara 07-24-04, 08:37 PM	93. Your DM theme song is "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" by Drowning Pool.That's always been the first track that goes on when combat starts in our games so I guess my players are right about my evil DMiness :)116. Your players stay so far away from squirrels that they fall of cliffs regularly. 188) The alignment of all your party shifted from Lawful Good to Chaotic Evil because they are killing every kitten in the world in fear of meeting another Kitten of Doom. These both made me laugh so much that I choked on my mocha. The following are from my current campaign: 210. The first encounter your group of 1st level characters have is with a small army of trolls (they learnt very quickly that running away is a very good tactic in some cases). 211. You make the players roll all the dice. The look on a player's face when he crits himself for max damage is unmissable. :devil: 212. You allow one of the players to take the Frenzied Berserker PrC knowing full well they have missed the bit about "auto-frenzying when damaged" in the description of the class. 213. You let certain players know that there is a traitor in their midst and then take each other player aside for a "quick chat".
Sphyre 07-24-04, 08:57 PM	Originally posted by Mr. Wilson 44. Your party is 10th level, but they still only have at best +1 armor and masterwork weapons. 44b. When your players have twice the wealth for the level they are - and it still doesn't save them :D I'm Guilty :schemes: Originally posted by Mr. Wilson 46. You aren't happy unless you achieve a TPK at least once every other session. 46b. Or.... 3 TPKs in one session, 2 of which are within 5 minutes of each other. :schemes: guilty again! 214. They hesitate to roll any dice. Period. "The GM would like you to know that your next saving throw may very well be your last." - R. Dominelli, GM Hold Music Vol. 1
Cymraegmorgan 07-24-04, 10:29 PM	215. One player thinks that if she hides your cigars, the BBEG will be weakened. 216. Other players are convinced if they bring you cigars the BBEG will be weakened.
The GOP Dragon 07-24-04, 10:46 PM	Sorry 'bout the ignorance, but what is a TPK? 217) Your players break down i tears when you ask tehm to come over to play D&D. 218) Or your players go into frenzied fitss of utter madness for a period. 219) Or both. 220) You come out of a playing session with more bribe money than a kid gets at his Bar-Mitzvah. 221) And the PCs still die numerus times.
Drasche 07-24-04, 10:54 PM	Originally posted by Evandar_TAybara 212. You allow one of the players to take the Frenzied Berserker PrC knowing full well they have missed the bit about "auto-frenzying when damaged" in the description of the class. Dear God, I missed that! Originally posted by The GOP Dragon Sorry 'bout the ignorance, but what is a TPK? Total Party Kill. 222. The party wizard blasts down every door because the rogue is deathly afraid of them. 223. You conform the Frenzied Berserker PrC to a Template for the Terrasque.
Evandar_TAybara 07-24-04, 11:05 PM	224. The NPCs are too scared to go into your dungeons.
The GOP Dragon 07-24-04, 11:11 PM	225) Instead of PCs coming over, you are mailed their spare character sheets and and audio recordings of their descriptions. P.S. Thanks for the information on TPK's.
DeathMagus 07-24-04, 11:43 PM	226) You let your players meta-game all they want...it makes absolutely no difference at all. 227) At least ONE person from your group is "conveniently" on vacation at any given time (this has actually happened to me) 228) Your players are thinking up a new genre for your sessions, because neither "role-playing" nor "game" seem to apply. 229) Casting a "cure" spell instantly gets every "Death" Inevitable within a five-mile radius on your character's case, each one thoroughly convinced that the character is trying to "cheat death" 230) If your characters learn that the man they've been helping is evil, and try to back out of their deal, every "Contract" Invevitable gets on their tail. (I'm actually doing this one, except the NPC who the PC is betraying is actually good, the player just wanted a "change of pace.") I feel justified. :angel: 231) If your characters are framed for a horrendous crime and sentenced to death, resisting will result in dozens of "Justice" Inevitables getting on their case.
khyron1144 07-24-04, 11:53 PM	232) Older editions only: The Very Rare slots on your random encounter tables are: Asmodeus Demogorgon Orcus and Tiamat 232a) You decide that since they aren't quite as powerful as the above monsters, Pit Fiends, Balors, Liches, Beholders, and Huge Ancient Red Dragons ought to be common. 232b) Due to such practices, you've heard the phrase: "Well thank the Gods it's only Tiamat," at one of your games. 232c) In a spirit of, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em more than one PC has converted to Demogorgon worship. 232d) In a spirit of, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em more than one player has converted to Demogorgon worship.
The GOP Dragon 07-25-04, 11:03 AM	Originally posted by khyron1144 232) Older editions only: The Very Rare slots on your random encounter tables are: Asmodeus Demogorgon Orcus and Tiamat What about Sauron? 233) You notice that all of your players have obtained liscences to carry concealed weapons.
Drake Dragonslayer 07-25-04, 02:41 PM	Originally posted by crazysamaritan 185) you send this (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=274509) after your players My baby :schemes:... 234) You use a crit chart that includes "Disembowel" and "sever and cauterize genitals with flaming axe". 235) You use a fumble chart than includes "The gods of war are angry at your failure, get smote for 1d1000 damage" 236) You own a d1000 (Not yet.....)
The GOP Dragon 07-25-04, 02:50 PM	That would be either really big or really tiny. I hate to try and roll it so; 237) You have your players roll it for you.
Drake Dragonslayer 07-25-04, 02:54 PM	Size of a bowling ball I've heard. So. 238) You have a d1000 made out of steel and make your players carry it.
The GOP Dragon 07-25-04, 03:11 PM	Originally posted by Drake Dragonslayer Size of a bowling ball I've heard. So. 238) You have a d1000 made out of steel and make your players carry it. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
madoule 07-25-04, 03:18 PM	239: players ask when the game will be rotated to the next gm on the list 240: the player next on the list takes a "vacation" so skips his turn in fear of returbution 241: Spongebob square devil is your most evil creation 242: Players actually get up from the table and sscream in terror when you go for the monster manual 243: You dont have a monster manual, instead you care a thick tomb that looks like a giant mouth with teeth and eyes ala harry potter and you dont even need to rub its spine to open it... 244: Going for said tomb, a player passes out 245: You call the said tomb mrs bottomsworth. Quite smashing! 246: You read the description of the monster and reel back in terror from the description, then smile evily to the players in realization that, yes you did make that *thing* 247: Players suddenly ill become from "food poisioning" or some other malady whenever you bring over your miniature case 248: You miniature case needs to be hauled in with a reneforced dolly 249: You dont make space inbetween evil ideas... 250: All of it was a ploy to take control of the 250 spot... bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ha ha ha ha... ha .... (poot) -what?-
The GOP Dragon 07-25-04, 03:36 PM	:uh-huh: that last one only counts because we are trying to reach 1001. 251) Your players scream out in terror at the mere mention of your name, D&D, or anything protaining to those subjscts. 252) Said players have over-imaginative nightmares about what will happen in your next game with them. 253) Said nightmares are never far off the mark.
gleep 07-25-04, 05:25 PM	254) You consider said nightmares to be insipid drivel. :D --gleep
The GOP Dragon 07-25-04, 05:44 PM	Originally posted by gleep 254) You consider said nightmares to be insipid drivel. :D --gleep :bounce: Nice. Let's see, 255) Many of your players are put in asylums for skitsophranics because they complain of hearing your voice inside their heads screaming, "YOU DIE!! AGAIN!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!" and so on and so forth.
A R Dragon 07-25-04, 06:48 PM	256) You give your players a "special" D20 - weighted to come up as a natural 1. 257) You give your players a "special" D20 - weighted to come up as a natural 20 - and they still die. 258) You allow each person in your 6 person group to play 3 characters at once - it might give them a chance, and combats never seem to last beyond the monster's first turn anyway.
Slayen 07-26-04, 01:38 AM	259) Your dice contain the traped souls of past players. 260) You consider the Necronomicon to be a wonderful childrens book. 261) Your players sigh in relief when faced with a Tarresque.
Kiirnodel 07-26-04, 01:49 AM	262) You, as a DM, doesn't even know CR means..but you know the higher the better (right?) 263) Illithids are your trademark..and your PC with the highest Will save is...=3 I think. ( I completely forgot werescorpions are immune to mind affecting crap) 264) Dragosn are yur trademark...you have a folder of spare dragons including treasure hoards if you ever need one (from Dribble the White Dragon CR 4 to Fangrothian Del Darius Tyraen Divine Rank 10) 265) Your PC's spent a year getting out of the Underdark and NEVER managed to bathe during that time. The Skycoach refused to allow them back in until they were washed. 266) You have a maze with multiple teleporters, doors that lead to nowhere and the 12 way in the center leads to random directions anyway...One character gets killed in the process, by the maze (which is intelligent) vreating illusions of the party members and when they see an actual one crit the man wit ha throwing greatsword. 267) Your advanced blue dragon has the Heal spell with greater teleport and they ahve to kill him SEVERAL times 268) The afformentioned Blue dragon has Violate breathe weapon. 269) someone posts while you are typing this and you have to go back and change all of the numbers
Thanqol 07-26-04, 06:19 AM	270: You carry a little notebook everywhere you go. Whenever someone says, "It'd be mean if...", or any other cruel/evil statement, you make a note of it. 271: You somehow manage to include every single one of your completely full notebook's notes into one campaign. 272: If the players kill the dragon, the dragon automatically positions it's dying body so it lands on the players. 273: The party come up facing a Greater Demon of Hell, with an evil wizard which casts a spell on it making it permamently invisible (Invisible Greater Demon! Mwhahahah!) 274: The Castle of Evil (and everything in it) turns out to be a big illusion to guide your characters into the Pit of Dispair. 275: The only way out of the Pit of Dispair is to eat your own left arm.
The GOP Dragon 07-26-04, 07:24 AM	276) You read every single one of these with utmost seriousness (sp??) 277) You carry out every single one of these. 278) Twice. 279) You enjoy it. 180) You make Baleful Polymorph a 1st level spell and allow only NPC's who are opposed to the party's alignment to have. 181) You put every template possible on the Tarrasque. 281) And you still find it. 282) And your players find said Tarrasgue a relief. 283) Said tarrasque has an army of advanced Collosal+ Great Red Wyrms. 283) Yet you find said army drivel. 284) The party'ss first BBEG finds out how to clone the Tarrasque. 285) And sicks his new pets on the PCs at first level. 286) You think the BoED is the work of charlatans.
von Szass 07-26-04, 10:00 AM	277: Learning your players the hard way not to attack everything (undead) by confronting them with a level 7 undead (party level 3). (Yup, happened once, my fist adventure as DM. 15HP wiz vs 69 damage spell)
The GOP Dragon 07-26-04, 11:59 AM	Heh heh heh. I love it.
BladeBoy 07-26-04, 02:43 PM	278) You consider this thread gospel, pure and simple. 279) You have managed to get a actual, working Aura of 'Make-All-PCs-wet-themselves" to be placed on your entire house, for kicks.
BladeBoy 07-26-04, 02:44 PM	278) You consider this thread gospel, pure and simple. 279) You have managed to get a actual, working Aura of 'Make-All-PCs-wet-themselves" to be placed on your entire house, for kicks.
Saurenda 07-26-04, 03:49 PM	280) You make up feats for NPC's Like: Uncanny Counterspelling or, Epic level Vow of Poverty combined with a treasure room of undreamed of wealth. 280) The Epic level monk (w/Epic VoP) is guarding the treasure room and will stop at nothing to convince you the treasure is not worth taking, and contunally subduals the characters unconcious until they get the idea they will get absolutely no treasure. 281) NPCs are more cultured and respected in your world than the PCs, and the PCs can never hope to live up to your NPCs expectations which are always rising. 282) NPCs are more fun to run for than PCs. 283) You have become so good at Dming you do not need players anymore and simply set aside a day where you play with your NPCs and eat a ton of food as your friends constantly call you every few hours asking how thier characters are doing.
Amaron Blackthorn 07-26-04, 06:11 PM	Is it evil if your players are just iggnunt and get themselves killed?
Evandar_TAybara 07-26-04, 07:01 PM	4,721) Erm.. I mean... 297) You continually disrupt the count of the thread. Now stop it. Really.
Evandar_TAybara 07-26-04, 07:02 PM	298) You think a rolling boulder trap in a narrow corridor (ala Indiana Jones) is boring, so fill said corridor with invisible caltrops to "spice things up a bit".
Magnus029 07-26-04, 07:37 PM	Originally posted by Evandar_TAybara 298) You think a rolling boulder trap in a narrow corridor (ala Indiana Jones) is boring, so fill said corridor with invisible caltrops to "spice things up a bit". Hmmm, I might have to steal this Idea...but the caltrops drop after the trap is sprung from holes in the dark ceiling. The PC's get a spot check to see the holes in the ceiling and a listen check (very high as the boulder is now moving) to hear them fall...I like this, what would the CR on this trap be??? Also how about a pit at the end of the trap the PC's have to jump over (they would know it's there as they would see it on the way in) 30 ft deep with spikes at the bottom and some type of encounter on the other side. Also what would the speed of the boulder be?
gleep 07-26-04, 07:40 PM	298) You set the CR on the above trap to 1. :D --gleep
Evandar_TAybara 07-26-04, 08:00 PM	Well typically, the speed of the boulder would have to be anywhere between 20 ft. and 40 ft. per round (possibly more). This way the PCs are fooled into thinking that they can easily outrun it, but as soon as they are reduced to half movement speed they realise they'll get squished. It depends on the speed of the fastest member of the party. For extra evilness (and squish factor), push this speed up to the maximum speed that the slowest member of the party can run at. Evan.
Evandar_TAybara 07-26-04, 08:06 PM	Actually, a rolling rock trap is CR1. Gosh. Do caltrops have a CR? Evan.
Arcuna 07-26-04, 09:23 PM	299) You disrupt the thread after you yourself tell others not to. 300) Just to be hypocritical: WOO! # 300!
The_other 07-26-04, 10:50 PM	301. Your BBEG's name is "Lord Sunder" 302. Your BBEG's name is "The Tripper" 303. They are brothers. 304. You creat a level 20monk/10illithid savant as your BBEG 305. Imps and Quasits follow your DM everywhere 306. Asmodeus answers your door asking is DM lord of Hell is home
Selkie_Guardian 07-27-04, 08:39 AM	307. You consider everything on this thred to be Drivel. 308. When you bump into Bane on the street, HE apologises profusely.
The GOP Dragon 07-27-04, 09:06 AM	Originally posted by Saurenda 280) You make up feats for NPC's Like: Uncanny Counterspelling or, Epic level Vow of Poverty combined with a treasure room of undreamed of wealth. 280) The Epic level monk (w/Epic VoP) is guarding the treasure room and will stop at nothing to convince you the treasure is not worth taking, and contunally subduals the characters unconcious until they get the idea they will get absolutely no treasure. 281) NPCs are more cultured and respected in your world than the PCs, and the PCs can never hope to live up to your NPCs expectations which are always rising. 282) NPCs are more fun to run for than PCs. 283) You have become so good at Dming you do not need players anymore and simply set aside a day where you play with your NPCs and eat a ton of food as your friends constantly call you every few hours asking how thier characters are doing. Originally posted by Evandar_TAybara 4,721) Erm.. I mean... 297) You continually disrupt the count of the thread. Now stop it. Really. Originally posted by Evandar_TAybara 298) You think a rolling boulder trap in a narrow corridor (ala Indiana Jones) is boring, so fill said corridor with invisible caltrops to "spice things up a bit". We kinda got off track again. It looks like we are 16 ahead of ourselves, so I think we are at 292.
Amaron Blackthorn 07-27-04, 12:35 PM	Are we there yet?
Kiirnodel 07-27-04, 01:18 PM	If you noticed someone screwed up earlier...we are the right place The person who "jumped ahead" is realigning it.
Sphyre 07-28-04, 07:40 AM	Signature of Evandar_TAybara "Does a 2 save?" 308. Make a DC 3 fort/reflx/will save effect (such as poison or some other ability that can go lower than 10) to make quoted player cry.
roll8dn 07-28-04, 11:13 AM	309.)You run an evil campaign and then make your BBGG (BIg Bad Good Guy!) an Epic Paladin/Monk with VOP and the Saint template...
Amaron Blackthorn 07-28-04, 12:20 PM	That last one is just mean!
Sir_Darien 07-28-04, 12:57 PM	310 - Two words: Vampiric Tarrasque 311 - Zombies coated in Black Lotus extract, and your party consists of 3 monks. 312 - At the end of the caltrops/rolling boulder trap mentioned above, you place an invisible wall of force. 313 - Healing magic is broken. Out it goes. 314 - Your 20th level cleric BBEG has all of his spell slots from 7th to 8th level filled with Destruction, and his 9th level ones with Implosion. 315 - You look through the mosters section of your ELHB and say, "What is this pansy s***?!?". 316 - The BBEG makes your PCs fight each other to the death or else he'll execute the 100 small children the PCs were sent to rescue. (Actually happened to us. I killed everone else. Woohoo!)
Kobold Horde 07-28-04, 01:08 PM	317: You have only 783,693 great gold wyrms.
DeathMagus 07-28-04, 07:02 PM	310. Little rainclouds raining iron golems hover directly over your PCs at all times
Sword soul 07-28-04, 07:12 PM	311. all clerics give one free resurection...it's the second session and their paladin is permanently dead
The GOP Dragon 07-28-04, 08:58 PM	312) You put your PCs in a stone age game. For them at least. All of the NPcs have futuristic weapons which disintigrate if the NPC owning them is killed.
Athenna 07-29-04, 02:01 AM	313) (building off of 311) All clerics have 1 free resurrection. It isn't even 5 minutes into the first session and the paladin is permamently dead.
Saurenda 07-29-04, 02:31 AM	314)Your party's Cleric worships the DM, who two Domains are Destruction and Trickery. He tell you you cleric has the highest rate of sruvival to epic levels.
Evandar_TAybara 07-29-04, 06:38 PM	315. You deliberately make life harder for the character of the player who's brought you the least Jaffa Cakes* over the course of the current campaign. Evan. *A small sponge cake with a tangy orange centre, coated in thick chocolate - :drool: (just in case these things only exist here in Blighty:))
Sphyre 07-30-04, 04:42 AM	Originally posted by Athenna 313) (building off of 311) All clerics have 1 free resurrection. It isn't even 5 minutes into the first session and the paladin is permamently dead. Take a look at 214. and the one's above it (46b)... :) Much worse than killing a paladin twice in 5 minutes :)
Platinum Mongoose 07-30-04, 04:18 PM	316. Due to bad experiences caused by you in the past, your players involuntarily flinch at the word "Goblins." 317. Every bartender keeps a +5 flaming burst, humanoid (all) bane crossbow behind the counter. 318. The bad experience from 316 went like so: GM: In the room stands a goblin. Players: Well, we're 3rd level. We can take one little goblin. GM: You attack the 15th level goblin monk. Roll initiative. 319. You encounter a Great Wyrm Black Dragon. When there's only 2 party members. At 1st level. (This actually happened to me.) 320. The Black Dragon turns out to be a Brass Dragon in disguise. (This too.) 321. Who eats you anyway. (And this.)
Phrennzy 07-30-04, 04:54 PM	322) Your player's spend half the night rolling up characters, giving them detailed backgrounds and equipping, and then hand the sheets over to you for shredding.
Stephen 07-30-04, 11:19 PM	323) (Don't remember if this has been said) Whenever you mention there is a raven flying overhead your party goes nuts trying to kill whoever is spying on them. 324) BBEG in your campaign stands for Big Bad Evil God. 325) You use your old broken characters from when other players DMed as Dieties to plague them with in your own campaigns. 326) Your players go buy you modules with treasure they hope to have in them since you're too tight to ever give it to them otherwise. 327) You let your players make a character with all 25s and then they end up being killed by cats.
Thanqol 07-31-04, 06:02 AM	328: Without warning, inanimate objects (trees, boulders, houses, waterfalls) explode into 4d6 fireballs. No explination is given. 329: Without warning, Orcish Paratroopers drop from the sky. 330: Without warning, the NPC in front of the PC's suddenly gets his throat torn out. No source for the throat tearing is found. No further repititions of this incident ever occur again.
Saurenda 07-31-04, 10:18 AM	331) Every scrap of paper has illusionary script: target the party, Sephia snake sigil underneath, and exploding runes cast upon it. For addeed evil, cast unseen servant as a delivery service.
RyanRyanRyan 07-31-04, 02:23 PM	332. The PCs have fought the Tarrasque in the current dungeon. 6 times.
Mike the DM 08-01-04, 01:42 PM	333. Your name is Mike. :devil:
BladeBoy 08-01-04, 01:49 PM	334) You are -still- coming to this thread for the sole purpose of making sure no OTHER DMs are more evil than you, and by the looks of it, they aren't.
Athenna 08-01-04, 03:21 PM	335) (sorry if it's been said) You think that CR150 is too easy. 336) ...For a 1st level party :devil:
Veton 08-01-04, 08:41 PM	337) After the PCs have become used to using a certain spell, item, or method to defeat their foes, you rule that it's an act that will make them become Evil. 338) You make then roll to see if they can breath. 339) And 1s are failures. 340) Critical failures.
Thanqol 08-01-04, 10:37 PM	341: Tell all players that their core statistics are now Beef, Twitchiness, Thumpability, Cranialness, Other Cranialness, and Sexiness. Warn them that if they refer to their stats using the wrong terms, they get a permanent -1 to that stat. Enforce it.
Selkie_Guardian 08-02-04, 09:14 AM	Originally posted by Thanqol 329: Without warning, Orcish Paratroopers drop from the sky. 342: Without Warning, The Orcish Panthion drops form the sky. No explenation guiven. 343: Wandering Monsters Tables are for sissys, YOU use a Wandering Gods table.
Platinum Mongoose 08-02-04, 06:24 PM	Originally posted by Thanqol 341: Tell all players that their core statistics are now Beef, Twitchiness, Thumpability, Cranialness, Other Cranialness, and Sexiness. Warn them that if they refer to their stats using the wrong terms, they get a permanent -1 to that stat. Enforce it. Wow. I'm doing this. Originally posted by RyanRyanRyan 332. The PCs have fought the Tarrasque in the current dungeon. 6 times. 344. Your PCs have fought the vampiric, fiendish, half-red dragon, ghost Tarrasque Monk 15 in the current dungeon. 6 times. 345. The recycling company complains about the number of thrown away character sheets. 346. The PC's latest quest takes them to a city of Kender. 347. If you've ever said "Oh, come on guys! The DC is only 46." 348. Your campaign's planet is invaded by the Irkens in a DnD/Invader Zim crossover. 349. The players burst in on the BBEG's dinner party. Guests happen to include Vecna, Nerull, and Tiamat. 350. (This is a true one. Not me, but another GM in my group.) Trolls regenerate. So troll arms grow new trolls and the troll will grow a new arm. Using this logic, troll powder when sprinkled on to a city, will cause an outbreak of trolls, one from each speck of powder. :eek: (Woo! 350!)
Thanqol 08-03-04, 05:47 AM	351: Whenever there's a pause in play, you tell the players long and evil stories about how you killed some character in an extremely cruel&unusual way (e.g., it turns out when they were captured and disarmed, the Wizard cursed all their weapons, so when they break out and find their stuff, it blows up in their faces). Laugh like it was a huge joke. Say it was so fun that you might try it again.
Gemmalah 08-03-04, 07:04 AM	:D Somethings i do for fun 352: If the players figure out your cunning puzzles too quickly then you quickly decide on a different and completely irrelivant answer instead. 353: Your players do not pick up any item or gold pieces in case they are cursed. 354: Even flowers are deadly. 355: You trap a player in a long corridor with only one exit. Then the square infront of the exit contains an everlasting teleporation spell to teleport charctors to the back of the room. 356: The teleportation spell also brings some ogres into the room until there is no space to move. 357: In a transformation spell, you turn charators into cats, rats and chickens, then bring out costumes from your local party shop for players to wear. 358: Any player wearing a cloak of invisibility must spend the rest of the game under a duvet. with no eye holes.
John Bezo 08-03-04, 11:21 AM	359: You cross-breed a Beholder, a Kracken, and an ancient linworm Sea dragon, then wonder why the PC's run away. J.
Makuya 08-03-04, 12:42 PM	360. Vicky the Babysitter (From Fairly Odd-Parents) worships you in secret.
Jharviss 08-03-04, 03:34 PM	These are great... and I've done a lot of em. 361) The PCs are highly paranoid of employers because they have not yet met one who’s ‘good’ motive stayed the same from session to session. 362) You’ve stopped bringing dice to the session because you just figure your villains always hit. 363) Your players invest all of their coins into detection items, truth telling items, and true seeing items. 364) The first session of a campaign involves running from several epic level characters. In fact, most of the following sessions also revolve around this as well. 365) You are very giving with experience and high powered magic items based on the idea that they’ll need them later. 366) You enjoy running a mixed alignment group, and oddly enough find yourself favoring the evil characters. 367) You taught your kids to read… a true miracle… using the BOVD. 368) All artifacts possessed by enemies have the ability to resurrect their wielder. Unlimited uses. 369) Nobody in your group ever plays clerics anymore – they know that the cleric is the monsters’ first target. 370) Your players beg you to do an evil campaign on the basis that they know you don’t know how to be diabolically good. 371) Your favorite BBEG is a house cat who can polymorph creatures into balls of yarn or rodents at will. 372) Your group now fears chickens, for the last one their met was the worst foul they could ever imagine. 373) You have decided to do a spin off of survivor: send a group of commoners into the last layer of hell and see who lives the longest. 374) You have come to the conclusion that the best villain isn’t the great necromancer, but the great necromantic enchanter who takes control of a player, sends that player to attack the group, then makes that player’s corpse undead after the group kills him. 375) Your players have learned that smiling at the game table is very dangerous. Laughing is lethal. 376) Your evil wizard’s familiar is a half-dragon, fiendish tarrasque. 377) You create a puzzle trap that takes the group several hours (and more casualties) to get through, and then decide the best reward for passing this trap is part two of the same trap. 378) You use the Texas Chainsaw Massacre as a basis for your adventures. 379) Your players have made a required book list for the session: the PHb and BoED. 380) Your group is actively looking for virgin sacrifices to appease you. 381) Your group’s motto: “Run first, ask questions later.”
Thanqol 08-04-04, 06:37 AM	382: You make a evil wizard cast a modified curse spell over a PC's sword, before teleporting away. Then, when the characters are asleep, the sword pulls itself out of it's scabbard, cuts the throat of it's weilder while he sleeps, then sheaths itself. Then, when the party wakes up the next morning: PC1: "****. Someone killed the fighter while he was asleep!" PC2: "Those villagers were talking about brigands in this area. Maybe it was them!" PC3: "Nah, guys, we all know this was the Assassin's fault!" PC4: "What?" PC1: "Yeah... the DM's given you that contract killing in secret. Trator! I cast fireball on him." And so on it goes. I had to excuse myself, as I went out of the room, laughed my lungs out, went back, and conducted the combat (The assassin killed the mage, injured the priest then got killed himself). 383: And then the brigands refered to above come and finish off the crippled party.
BladeBoy 08-09-04, 02:03 AM	384) Ever had a goldfish actually be Ao in disguise and kill the PCs by beating them with a tiny tail that did over 40d6 damage? Man, they were so confused..it's great.
Jharviss 08-09-04, 11:08 AM	That thing's got some tail muscles :uh-huh:
BladeBoy 08-09-04, 01:45 PM	*nods* Must do Tae Bo or something.
Devourer of Dreams 08-09-04, 05:55 PM	385): You bring in a battalion of monks to take out a warforged just because he can't eat the poisoned food that knocked out the rest of the party.(Did this) 386): Stick said characters in prison, and have their fate dependent on how the character with 5 Cha does in a trial against BBEG with 28 Cha. (My PC had 16 Cha, BBEG 8 Cha) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Et tu, DM? ________________________________________ ____________ I am the Sorx. Put me in your sig to keep it from being assimilated by the Sorg. ________________________________________ ____________
FriendoftheDork 08-11-04, 12:21 AM	387): when wizard who tried to parley with the yuan ti abomination got back to the other PCs, they unwittingly made him their snake pet. 387): Your need to make your evil organizations seem small and innefficent or the PCs will refuse to confront them 388): The whole party is brought on trial for murder... and the judge is the BBEG who framed them! (note - all these happened in my campaigns)
FriendoftheDork 08-11-04, 12:21 AM	387): when wizard who tried to parley with the yuan ti abomination got back to the other PCs, they unwittingly made him their snake pet. 387): Your need to make your evil organizations seem small and innefficent or the PCs will refuse to confront them 388): The whole party is brought on trial for murder... and the judge is the BBEG who framed them! (note - all these happened in my campaigns)
enailis 08-11-04, 01:08 AM	389)you make a spell that makes the player forget one of his lanuges 390) you make an epic spell that erases one laguge. 391) you use 391 on common
cypherx 08-11-04, 01:01 PM	15. You have bands of 50 kobolds(or any other nasty creatures) waiting to ambush your PC's i did a campaign where the pc met a kobold who said the mean lizards killed his tribe. turned out the lizardman had smoked the kobolds out and the kobolds wanted back the cave. the pc dropped the lizardmans number from 20 to 7 before he figgered it out. ironically enough, there were 50 kobolds in the tribe. poor pc. (F.Y.I., he was first level and this was his first adventure in my world) just so i'm on topic, 392. you have a real life replica of your favorite NPCs tribal staff and every time a pc dies, SCREECH! One more tally.
roll8dn 08-11-04, 02:10 PM	393.) Your favorite BBEG of all time is the half-tarrasque, half paragon illithid with the permanent polymorph spell into a "cute wight bunny wabbit". 394.) The above BBEG does nothing for the first three sessions but look cute. 395.) The above BBEG then decides that its had enough of this "looking cute" crap and kills the entire continent upon which your characters are adventuring.
Jharviss 08-11-04, 10:54 PM	"390) you make an epic spell that erases one laguge." God, this is really really evil... I wanna do it! Imagine the chaos of erasing the common language from the world! 396) The PC's are more afraid of each other than the enemies... they keep turning on each other everytime a mage is in the area.
BladeBoy 08-11-04, 11:31 PM	Originally posted by Jharviss 396) The PC's are more afraid of each other than the enemies... they keep turning on each other everytime a mage is in the area. 397) Out of fear and nothing but. No Mind-affecting spells at work there! Bwahaha All too easy..
Eclipse Lutgehr 08-12-04, 03:08 AM	398) Your campaigns include two tiny artifact constructs, a squirrel and a rabbit. 399) Said squirrel and rabbit have Vorpal teeth and ALWAYS roll 20 on attack rolls, no matter what the dice say. 400) (Relates to the above two) 1st level party on their first campsite: DM: "Okay, roll listen checks." PCs: "19!, 17!, 12!, 15!" DM: "You hear the soft pattering of what sounds like padded feet above you in the trees, and a tiny squeaking noise, much like a mouse." PCs, in unison mind you: :uh-huh:"OH ****! RUN!" 401) If stated rabbit or squirrel is EVER destroyed or damaged in any way, Cuthulu :88E: (sp?) appears and cries, "My son's toys! What have you done mortals?!" And thus turns the party into a pile of gibbering goo. :schemes: Guilty of all. And just another for filler. 402) Two Words: Paragon Misquitos (sp?)
Bedevere 08-12-04, 04:12 AM	403) You are a DM. Lets face it, anything that is a true DM is evil. Anything that isnt truly evil might be sat behind the DM screen, but it is no DM, and should be put out of its misery ASAP. :devil:
Gemmalah 08-12-04, 04:52 AM	404: You give the pcs cursed potions of cure wounds 405: ALL healing artifacts are cursed, to kill you instantly. 406: You get taps shoes of ottos irrisistable dance, which alert every monster inthe area to your presence. 407: You laugh everytime the players roll a dice, then when they ask why you laugh some more 408: Use all the riddles from the riddle thread as the only way to open doors, chests, kill monsters, move a space foreward or sleep. 409: All riddles have no answer. 410: For no explainable reason you find a sage in the cave meditating in the middle of a monters nest. He offers you one of three scrolls, if you do a quest. The scroll has nothing writen on it. He didn't specifically say there was a spell on it. mhahahaha 411: :eek: Pcs find treasure, but don't take it cos everyother bit they've come across has been trapped or cursed. 412: They sopend their roleplaying time sitting round a campfire singing scout songs because it's much safer than going into the dungeon you planned. 413: You make them do singing checks
Athenna 08-12-04, 06:00 AM	I removed it due to not being comfortable with it being displayed. Pushes the limit.
+10 holy club 08-12-04, 12:18 PM	414 (i think) -Squirrels with vopral teeth. 415- To "increase realism" have PCs and you (as Dm) act out all actions, attacks, etc.. this means (since you will be using "Great Hellfire wyrms") you get to use real flame throwings, while to PCs have to throw gold/money at you because the Great Hellfire wyrm sundered all the PC's weapons. :b: :D :smirk: :b: 416-Have Pcs address you "the most glorius God of gods, we pitifly beg to cower at your feet and sacrifice only the best of our crappy belongings to you".
Eclipse Lutgehr 08-12-04, 04:56 PM	Originally posted by Gemmalah 408: Use all the riddles from the riddle thread as the only way to open doors, chests, kill monsters, move a space foreward or sleep. Now that one sounds fun. Anybody have a link to that thread?
Athenna 08-12-04, 06:25 PM	http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=45163
Jharviss 08-12-04, 10:35 PM	417) The PC's walk into a large room full of goblins, and shrug. After that, the PC's walk into a small room with a single key on a pedestal, and all start cussing profusely, the rogue trying to sneak away. 418) You've found a more time efficient way of having your BBEG fight your PC's. You roll a 1d4, and the amount that comes up dies that round.
Athenna 08-13-04, 12:53 AM	419) You find doing the above items much more fun in a live action DnD game. Just make sure you have a legally-binding waiver before each game disolving you of all fault :devil: :devil: :devil: :devil:
The GOP Dragon 08-13-04, 01:23 AM	Originally posted by Zilred 105. The BBEG Human Sorcerer has 22 CON 106. 105's CON is his lowest score :eek: 107. His cohort is a Hill Giant Barbarian/Frenzied Berserker 108. Said cohort wields a Huge +5 Warmace (Huge Greataxe damage with only -3 to hit, and you can still have a shield) 420) And he turns out to be the lowest lackey on an ever-rising chain of henchmen. 421) Which consists of 1,000 of them. 422) The PCs must fight them all at once.
enailis 08-13-04, 01:27 AM	Originally posted by The GOP Dragon 420) And he turns out to be the lowest lackey on an ever-rising chain of henchmen. 421) Which consists of 1,000 of them. 422) The PCs must fight them all at once. 423)Airal troops for such an army are colones of taimat
Vix Damnul 08-13-04, 01:31 AM	424) You can take a low CR monster, change the appearance, take off most of its abilities, and throw it at an appropriate level party... and they barely crawl away with most of their limbs. 425) Your players know and fear the fact that when you say "you're gonna roll a three", they literally roll a three.
enailis 08-13-04, 01:38 AM	226) you're fixxxer ;) EDIT: I think every one knows what I fixed Are we all happy now!!!!!!
Jharviss 08-13-04, 09:16 PM	427) Your players no longer allow breaks of any kind as it gives you more time to 'plan'.
BladeBoy 08-14-04, 01:17 AM	Originally posted by enailis 226) your fixxxer ;) My fixxxer? Odd...
Ricochet 08-14-04, 10:27 AM	428) You almost kill a player with a coconut crab. Nothing MAGICAL at all about it
enailis 08-14-04, 11:21 AM	Originally posted by BladeBoy My fixxxer? Odd... what? err.... I ment Fixxxer the mind flayer
Savras 08-14-04, 01:29 PM	Originally posted by enailis what? err.... I ment Fixxxer the mind flayer He meant "your" is the possesive, while "you're" is you are. Savras
BobtheMighty 08-14-04, 01:41 PM	I don't think this one has been stated yet... 429) Every time a PC dies, you stop the session to smoke a big, fat cigar. 430) You keep a camera on hand to capture the facial expressions of players as their characters die. 431) You have scrapbooks filled with these pictures. 432) You have bookshelves filled with these scrapbooks.
Jharviss 08-14-04, 01:55 PM	433) You're favorite passtime is trying to find new ways to be evil... like reading 1001 ways to tell that you're an evil DM.
enailis 08-14-04, 03:50 PM	Originally posted by Savras He meant "your" is the possesive, while "you're" is you are. Savras ohhhh........ I not smart with fancey talk me talk simple
Thanqol 08-17-04, 06:12 AM	434: When they have screwed up to the point of dying, you dont kill them. The monsters subdue them, cut of their arms, legs, eyes, tounge, and genetalia, take all their stuff, caterize their wounds, and put them in a street to beg for crumbs. You let them play on even though they have nothing. DM: Its a new day. You awake to mind numbing pain and annoyance to everything living. Player: Are we ever going to get healed? DM: Errrrrrrrrm, an Epic level cleric walks past. Player: I yell out for him to heal us! DM: As you have no tounge, you make no sound. He knocks over the Dwarf's torso as he walks past. Players: *****!
Gemmalah 08-17-04, 09:30 AM	435: make them all paranoid, write small messages of pieces of paper and pass them to players every now and again. They are not allowed to share the messages. they should say creapy stuff like, Are you scared? or Do you want to die? then give them a command like Attack your friends! make them do a will saving throw to resist this if not they must do as the note says. Causes fights as nobody knows why people are attacking each other.
Evandar_TAybara 08-17-04, 06:20 PM	436) http://www.geocities.com/evandar_taybara/Pictures/CthulhuMob.txt
Blackrazorblade 08-17-04, 10:28 PM	437)your PCs think this thread is drivel compared to what you cook up and wish you would use it instead
Iyestorm 09-02-04, 09:50 PM	Whenever a bard plays, you play the macarena on your... music thingy in RL. Macarena can be replaced with many other things, obviously. that was just the first thing to pop into me mind.
Sphyre 09-03-04, 03:00 AM	heh, someone revived the thread ;) 438) You create a template called "The Chosen" which only you can apply on any creature. It works as if the creature has a continual Change Fate (http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/psm/20040827e) effective - as an extraordinary ability (No Anti-magic for you!) (heh... that's just abusing your spot as a DM - but here's a legal on: 439) Lord "Whip your ass" specializes in Twinned Empowered and uses said Change Fate (http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/psm/20040827e) everytime he can. 440) you abuse Change Fate (http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/psm/20040827e) even more by having cerebremancers that have weapons of coup de grace and vorpal swords and when one of their allies falls they mordenkainen's disjuction the sword so the PCs can't get them. of course, NPCs have infinite EXP of course :D
Iyestorm 09-04-04, 03:49 PM	hey, cool, I have the power to revive threads :eek: 441) You make a wager with the players... with real money... that you can defeat them... I really hope that nobody has to put up with players that are dumb enough to fall for the above, but everybody knows they exist, so... :D
Aki Warren 09-04-04, 06:10 PM	442) Make the PC's slaves...to elves. Domantrix elves with rods of pain
Stephen 09-07-04, 09:52 AM	443) You pull the little purple plastic dragon out of your box o' monsters and hear "That thing has kicked the crap out of us more times than I can count."
Saurenda 09-07-04, 10:39 AM	443) You pull the little purple plastic dragon out of your box o' monsters and hear "That thing has kicked the crap out of us more times than I can count." Usually at that point I leave or tell the GM to put his little pruple dragon back into his box o monsters, or preferably back into his pants. Anyho, you know your an evil DM when you make an undead zombie monk that can still fight despite the fact it split in half by the swordsman of the group. It also has DR the tone thing the group doesn't have, and most of all it has a AC so high and DR 3/Group does not have item which can harm my monster.
Strange Charm 09-07-04, 01:56 PM	I shall count the above as #444. #445) You become giddy with excitement when a player creates a loner PC with a “mysterious past” - so . . . many . . . options.
flamefist drunkenmonk 09-07-04, 05:40 PM	your players can rattle off what traps do without looking at the dmg because they are hit with so many :D
Devourer of Dreams 09-07-04, 08:54 PM	447) You send a mind flayer against the team that contains a half-copper dragon/half-ogre with STR 34 and lousy will saves. Suggestion, anyone? 448) You have half the team kidnapped and sent to the plane of the devils, and the other half captured and sold as slaves when they follow the devils through the portal to rescue them. One to the pit fiend ruler of the city and the other to the cornugon who wants to overthrow him. 449) If it's a CR that's 2 above the team's level, you consider it a good match. 450) Above half-dragon (sold to above pit fiend) is tortured for an hour for talking to another slave. (Sonic blast trap that damages him 'til he's unconscious, then heals him, then sonic blast, then healing, then...)
Iyestorm 09-07-04, 09:23 PM	only 2?
flamefist drunkenmonk 09-07-04, 10:13 PM	wait... a good match isnt supposed to be 2 more (im serious) ::looks at DM::
Kiirnodel 09-07-04, 10:22 PM	451) You have the party get ambushed by Dragon barbarians in OPEN AIR (Ohhhh dragons love mobility 452) The whatver age category Red Dragon has the Heal spell known along with Greater Teleport...(That get's REALLY annoying :devil") 453) You have an evil NPC tell them Astral Projection is the best way to get to a certain plane... 454) The Evil NPC aforementioned is a Githyanki Captain (HAHAHAHA) 455) You make the Paladin choose between a Chaotic Good act or a Lawful Evil act..
JabberWocky 09-07-04, 10:44 PM	456) You've ever uttered the phrase, "I love watching halflings bounce."
Kobold Horde 09-07-04, 11:33 PM	457:After a long hard battle in front of the store you are to buy trying to buy from, you finally get in.The shopkeeper says "Oh, sorry. I sold my last item to the guy that, when you leave, will kill you with 4 critical hits while you all start hitting eachother because of his friendly level 200 wizard. Oh did I mention that the other guy is a level 200 ranger with you as his favored enemies?". And, sure enough, what the shopkeeper said was correct, and he also attacks, being a level 200 monk. Oh, and the party in question is level 1. 458:All characters are forced to be the pesant class in your campaign. 459:All NPCs have +1000 Daggers, one in each hand. Keword here;all! Including encounters. DM: (rolls dice)you're dead in 1 hit.(rolls again)oh, you are dead too. Player1: :weep: Player2: :weep: DM: ok wizard, all viable options except full defence cause attack of opertunity. Player3: :weep: i full defence DM:OK.(rolls for damage) OHCRITICAL HIT! Player3: :weep: DM: (rolls for damage) over all, you just took 1012 damage! Player3:(does some math) i died 202 times. :weep: DM:Ok, time to roll up some MORE characters! :D
Gemstone 09-08-04, 03:07 AM	Wait, you're not suppossed to do that? :schemes: 44. Your party is 10th level, but they still only have at best +1 armor and masterwork weapons. ...I've actually done that :D
SearcherOmega 09-08-04, 08:52 AM	460: You throw the party into a war between two deities -- and everyone thinks they're on the other guy's side. 461: You force them to balance on a vaseline-coated rope over a pit of half-orc hookers. 462: ... while winds of at least 50 MPH blow from either side... 463: ... and there's an invisible wall of force on the other end.
deadDMwalking 09-08-04, 12:28 PM	464) Players beg that this time, just this time, you'll please just kill the character. 465) You still don't. Every torture that can be visited upon your character is. Like having a ring of regeneration and having all of your organs being pulled out of your body.....Slowly 466) You won't let players make a new character until their last one dies. 467) You do this as part of the character's backstory before the game even starts.
Kalanth 09-08-04, 12:29 PM	468) I actually posted on these boards a request for descrete ways to kill of a PC.
Kelliach 09-08-04, 01:01 PM	469. You make the PCs roll for every mundane task, such as crossing the street or hailing a cab, in hopes that they fumble. 470. You constantly ask for their marching order, EXCEPT when the Breath-Weapon Monster attacks. 471. You grab their character sheets, roll a few dice and hand them back, while marking something on your notepad. All this, just to make the PCs feel nervous.
Aki Warren 09-08-04, 01:39 PM	472) You roll a d20 randomly during the game. When asked what that was for, you just smile 473) When a character says "Oh no, I forgot to check for enemies in the room!" you randomly put enemies in there, just to teach them a lesson
Jaxom 09-08-04, 02:34 PM	474) you have a tribe of ape people capture the paldin and in order for him to prove his worth to the tribes people, they make him fight their 4 armed giant ape/gorilla (girrallon) with only a gauntlet while standing on thin platforms over a pit of raptors. Note: Actually happened in a game we played in and is constantly brought up to the paladin to this day even years after that adventure... might have been an evil DM, but the story is told years later :)
flamefist drunkenmonk 09-08-04, 04:39 PM	you have posted more times than anyone else on this thread :D
Drake Dragonslayer 09-09-04, 11:27 AM	476) You plan to take your level 50 PCs, send them through the far plane, then strip them naked, drop them to level 5 and dump them in Ravenloft.
JabberWocky 09-09-04, 11:46 AM	477) "There is no DM, only Zuul!"
Drake Dragonslayer 09-09-04, 11:48 AM	478) Stay-Puft Marshmallow Golems.
Magnus029 09-09-04, 01:57 PM	Is it just me or did these post quit being evil along time ago and just went to being lame?
Board_Rider 09-09-04, 02:27 PM	Please Magnus...if you have nothing to add please don't reply. ??? - When you sit down to play, namely DM, you're essentially talking to yourself because noone is at the table, and there hasn't been for awhile. So lonely..... I dare you to say thats lame Magnus!!!!
Drake Dragonslayer 09-09-04, 02:32 PM	thats lame Magnus!!!! 488) Your players ask you "Stop smiling, your scaring me) Actually happened last night.
Magnus029 09-09-04, 02:53 PM	478) Stay-Puft Marshmallow Golems. You see this is the kind of stereotypical garbage I am talking about not evil, Stupid, this is the guy that gives all gamers a bad name (or at least one of them.)
Kiirnodel 09-09-04, 02:58 PM	Hey, they were kind of evil the first couple hundred...
Strange Charm 09-09-04, 02:59 PM	481) You manage to terrify one of your PCs, in game, with a relatively harmless animated chocolate rabbit that stares blankly with its "pale yellow, dimly glowing" eyes. One of my players actually freaked out against this. The choco-bunny was being used as a scrying device by the BBEG.
Magnus029 09-09-04, 03:24 PM	Hey, they were kind of evil the first couple hundred... I agree alot of them in the begining were pretty good, and then most of them would belong on the players board for 1001 lamest ideas your DM had.
Drake Dragonslayer 09-09-04, 03:37 PM	You see this is the kind of stereotypical garbage I am talking about not evil, Stupid, this is the guy that gives all gamers a bad name (or at least one of them.) There's no need for insults. All I was doing was referencing the previous poster and making a joke. You know what one of those is don't you? It's one of those things normal people with a sense of humour make. ;)
Magnus029 09-09-04, 03:59 PM	thats lame Magnus!!!! 488) Your players ask you "Stop smiling, your scaring me) Actually happened last night. Of course I have a sense of humor and that was pretty good and definitly fitting to the thread. About the above crack how is that relevant? You are certainly not me and the dare was not intended for you in any way. Board Rider happened to actually find one of the few good posts relevant to this thread and I can't call that post lame.
Drake Dragonslayer 09-09-04, 05:41 PM	If you mean my "That's lame Magnus" line. It's another joke based on the fact he said "I dare you to say thats lame Magnus!!!!" so I did say "That's lame magnus". Even though I knew exactly what he meant, he wasn't specific so I used it as a springboard for me to have another laugh. anyway. Let's all stop derailing the thread and have a nice group hug *HUG*. ;)
flamefist drunkenmonk 09-09-04, 06:19 PM	::hug:: (whatever number is next) = natural 20's dont usually make the save
king_of_evil007 09-09-04, 06:33 PM	490: Throw a Hulking Hurler build from the Optimization board at the PCs.
Magnus029 09-09-04, 06:36 PM	If you mean my "That's lame Magnus" line. It's another joke based on the fact he said "I dare you to say thats lame Magnus!!!!" so I did say "That's lame magnus". Even though I knew exactly what he meant, he wasn't specific so I used it as a springboard for me to have another laugh. anyway. Let's all stop derailing the thread and have a nice group hug *HUG*. ;) Its all good, has given me something to do this day while at work.
Eryad 09-12-04, 06:35 PM	491. You effectively kill PCs with encounter CRs 4 levels lower than the party level. 492. You don't let them die but instead lock them inside a mad mage's research facility (yes, cliché) to replace the experimental undead beings they killed. 493. You let the mage read dark gothic poems to torture the PCs. 494. ... All this after 6 days of starvation.
REvil74 09-13-04, 05:52 AM	495. The communist country with the exceptionally cheap priced +5 weapons that your players have been looking for turns out to be a full kender metropolis. 496. Nothing is for sale.
Devourer of Dreams 09-25-04, 10:33 PM	497:The PC's are walking through a forest. They step on an ettercap-web, which is then flung 20 feet into the air by a tree, then a blade cuts the top of the net, plunging the PCs 20 ft. down into the 20 ft. deep pit that opens up beneath them, then closes up on them. Then a poisoned dart hits each of them in the back.
White rabbit 09-26-04, 01:19 AM	498) You take your PCs through the Labyrinth of Madness module. 499) Your PCs sleep in their armor. Their PLATE armor. 500) Even the mages are willing to chance the aftereffects of 499. 501) The PCs flee to White Plume Mountain "for safety". (actually happened to our group.) 502)You can't be bothered to reach the 2 feet for the MM and decide to "wing it". 503) The PCs shudder each time 502 happens. 504) You consider die rolling a mere formality. 505) Half the group is captured by devils and the other half by demons, and are then used in the Blood War. 506) You roll dice for no reason and then when they ask what you're doing, you just say "Hidden movement. Nothing for you to worry about."
JabberWocky 09-26-04, 01:56 AM	507) Vogon poetry (aka, a half-orc bard NPC with a Charisma of 6 and no ranks in Perform [poetry])
VaultMoe 09-26-04, 03:59 AM	508) Your players' characters refuse to pick up treasure for fear of being cursed. 509) They're already wearing at least 3 cursed items each. 510) They don't know it yet. :devil: 511) You feel all good encounters should start with quickened, maximized, empowered time stop followed by a barrage of instant death spells. (cast of course by a 1st level Gnoll Warrior for flavor) 512) You (the DM) can't survive an encounter with the creature you just threw at the players in their first session.
Gemstone 09-26-04, 05:39 AM	508) Your players' characters refuse to pick up treasure for fear of being cursed. 509) They're already wearing at least 3 cursed items each. 510) They don't know it yet. :devil: 511) You feel all good encounters should start with quickened, maximized, empowered time stop followed by a barrage of instant death spells. (cast of course by a 1st level Gnoll Warrior for flavor) 512) You (the DM) can't survive an encounter with the creature you just threw at the players in their first session. :OMG! :mymy: :rofl: :bounce: :heehee
Norseman 09-26-04, 05:56 AM	513: Your PC's never buy anything more than 5 gp for fear of being pick pocketed by epic level thieves. 514: Before a campaign begins, your players plead to have their curses removed. 515: You believe the ideal challenge for a party of 4 level one characters is 3,000 Ancient Red Dragons. Afterall, it is Dungeons and Dragons is it not? 516: You feel no pity when your level 20 Wizard kills the entire first-level party with one casting of Wail of the Banshee. 517: You tell the players the monsters rolled natural 20s every other roll (despite your dice saying otherwise). 518: Your favorite book is the BoVD because it has so many neat ways to torture the PC's. 519: You've never DMed a game without the entire party dying.
VaultMoe 09-26-04, 01:41 PM	520) Characters in your campaign never die, they just become a group of cursed, level drained, fatigued, insane epics. (Based on an adventure where my 15th level paladin was dropped to a strength of 1, had light cast upon him and then used as a torch by the barbarian) 521) You penalize your players for forgetting the hundreds of names, places and other minor details you threw at them in the very first session 4 months ago. 522) They have a tome of notes detailing your every word because you're known for 521.
Darkstealth 09-26-04, 01:58 PM	533. They have just gained land, power, and money. Now a Kobold comes when they're sleeping and calls over an army of Beholders who destroy the place they have gained land... and they lose all levels except for one if they gain power and don't defend it.
Klaus van der Kroft 09-26-04, 03:13 PM	509.- When your players become afraid of using your own dices. 510.- When your players avoid spending their resources in a battle, suspecting, with a good degree of success, that something way bigger is waiting for them after that. 511.- When you leave a character without any extremity. 512.- While your players advance, you happily go through the pages of your numerous monster books, muttering "Let's see, let's see..." 513.- When the chair used by the players *accidentaly* happens to be an undead, level-draining piece of furniture with very bad temper.
John Bezo 09-26-04, 10:09 PM	507) Vogon poetry (aka, a half-orc bard NPC with a Charisma of 6 and no ranks in Perform [poetry]) :heehee :bounce: :ayyyy!: 15 Pan Galaxtic Gaggle Blasters for you. Cheers.
Devourer of Dreams 09-27-04, 09:02 PM	528) You players all have either 0 STR or are unconsious after the first encounter. 529) It takes 2 PC's three rounds to CDG an unconsious small monstrous spider.
flowerew 09-27-04, 09:16 PM	530: you enjoy making undetectable traps for the PCs' which usually result in campaign doom. 531: you have commoners that randomly become Purple Worms and destroy villages. usually with the PC's in them.
White rabbit 09-27-04, 09:21 PM	531: you have commoners that randomly become Purple Worms and destroy villages. usually with the PC's in them. In the village, or in the worm? :D
BlueLion 09-27-04, 10:25 PM	532. Your PC's automatically cast Mage Armor, Stoneskin, Protection from Evil and anything else they can think of at the beginning of every session. 533. When a player finally commits to a course of action, you ask "Are you SURE you want to do that?" and then don't give them a chance to change it. 534. Blood and gore frequently enters your descriptions of commonplace things. Example: "The town is peaceful and sunny. You see a farmer butchering chickens and squashing their heads under his boot."
catowar 09-27-04, 11:57 PM	535.Kittens can cast wail of the banshee at will as a spell like ability (DC 54) and do... a LOT :D
seker 09-30-04, 12:20 PM	Well I will list some by what I have done to different characters. Keith: (character, pragmatic) 536. had his mother slaughtered in front of him by a half fiend at the begining of the game. 537. in a fight with a hag, had his left arm dislocated when the hag grabbed his shield 538. seconds after 537 the NPC love interest of the other player turns werewolf, kills the hag, then turns on keith and rips his right arm off and starts gnawing on it. 539. Had his ripped off arm replaced by a demonic construct (which he did not fully control) 540. gave him the choice of willingly becoming a half fiend (with massive penalties) to save his friends (they were going to save his friends mother) or they would all die. 541. Had him charmed into being highly faithfull to a good aligned church while a half demon. 542. while on another plane interogated/tortured by a demon and sent out against the rest of the party. 543. Traveled back in time and was imprisonned for 75,000 years during which time he became the father of the demon race that caused issues all issues prior. (it is all his own fault on what happened to everyone.) 544. Made him interested in having a child, so due to a occult ritual had him turned into a woman and made a mother by one of the BBEG's (the ritual made possible by a book that talks to him in his head) 545. current status of player, taking hiatus from my game due to mental health issues that started after the game, and chronic insomnia. Jasmine: (character, really nice person.... hates to hurt anyone) 546. had her witness her mother almost being sacrificed by a group of lizardmen, she only saved her by sheer luck. 547. found the man of her dreams..... only to find out he is a werewolf who promptly rips the arm off her best friend 548. another party member is taken from the inn, by a monster. When she goes out with her love (the werewolf) to rescue him in the dark night, finds out the monster is really her cousin John 549. First thing John does is stab her love in the back with a silver knife and then taunts her 560. she gets the other two people back to the inn barely alive. Only to have the doctor put in an empty room...... which happens to be Johns room and he evisceriates the doctor and leaves a note saying stay out of my room. 561. John then evisceriates the innkeeper in front of the party. 562. They hide out in their room untill morning, when they find out John had killed the rest of the inn. 563. he has also decapitated the horses from their coach. 564. Next time they meet john he is disembowling a unicorn 565. they run into john again.... only to see he is actually working for her dad 566. her dad is the werewolf that infected her love with lycanthropy 567. she is a werewolf too but cannot control it 568. Her mom is kidnapped by demons and they have to go to the demon world to rescue her. 569. have her love interest almost always on the edge of death, making her stop what she is doing to go save him..... constantly 570. John slaughters a boy and frames them for the crime. (using the head as a taunt) 571. made her think her father was a victim in the whole issue, then have him hunted by the villians and she cannot contact him 572. make her go into werewolf form to stop keith from killing innocents when he was influenced by the demons...... and have the taste of his blood make her lose control..... at which point she kills and eats one of the other PC's because they tried to run. 573. after they kill john..... made them kill his entire family (including children) as they are monsters that are a threat to everything..... after she kills johns father in front of the children. Johns father had been secretly with the party for weeks without them knowing it was him. (and was even sleeping with one of the other pc's) 574. When he died, john left everything too her including his houses and she is finding the horrible things he actually did.... and trying to clean the houses. 575. in one of the houses found that john had clones of her entire family that he was feeding to abominations he was creating. 576. John returns to talk to her..... she finds out she killed a decoy of him 577. same with the rest of his family..... 578. and he is tougher than they ever imagined 579. and that HER family is responsible for John and his family..... they sold johns families souls for power, so now she is working to get johns soul back. 580. Current status of Jasmines player...... having reoccurring nightmares about john, but still will not miss a game. I think that is enough for now...... note these are just some of the things I have done to only 2 of my players in the current game....... there is much worse I have done to the others..... some of which I would have to post on the mature boards. <evil grin> the worst part is they have even created a website dedicated to John and one of the polls on it was how can we kill john permanently..... and the option that was chosen most frequently was to kill the GM in his sleep. I am starting to think my players are masochists....... As they seem to really like it when I do evil things to their PC's. (oh btw so far in the campaign we have had 5 pc deaths....... in a 2 month period)
Jasmine 10-01-04, 04:38 AM	560. she gets the other two people back to the inn barely alive. Only to have the doctor put in an empty room...... which happens to be Johns room and he evisceriates the doctor and leaves a note saying stay out of my room. Ok seker... I am guessing the board guidelines are the reason you didn't mention exactly HOW John left that note ... :: shudders violently :: That really was the worst part ... it being across the wall in a personal kind of ink... I see you only mentioned what happened to Keith and Jasmine and not even what you have done to the rest of them, but I have one question. Isn't this supposed to be about the EVIL things you have done to us? Most of that is the day to day of our lives anymore. Just thinking about the last adventure brings to mind ... 581. Monster A is being attacked by Monster group B with the poor PCs stuck in the middle. Monster A grabs Keith (who has those nice wings after all) and uses him as a handy expandable shield against Monster group B. 582. Vix (the crimes committed against Vix have not yet been mentioned) climbs a chain to try to help Keith (the shield) and finds that Monster group B can animate the chains. The chain wraps around her and Monster group B uses the chain wrapped Vix to beat Monster A. 583. Monster A uses Keith to block the blows made by the chain wrapped Vix club. I would stay to write more, but it is very late, and I have to get sleep. I hope the dreams don't come back. No more John. Please no John. :: begins shaking nonstop :: undefined
Saurenda 10-01-04, 05:14 AM	535.Kittens can cast wail of the banshee at will as a spell like ability (DC 54) and do... a LOT :D That is awesome. 584: Rakshasa have exalted feats: Vow of Everything, including the one that requires a sunder check for all weapons used agianst them. Take that cross bow bolts. 585: There is an entire town of Rakshasa that was the starting town, you return home to find you were adopted. 586: People can't stop staring at you because all your magical equipment gradually turns you into a monster of the DMs desgin. Serves you right for plundering those tombs and demonic hoards.
Thanqol 10-01-04, 05:28 AM	587: The PC's mercinary underlings lag out of the game.
seker 10-01-04, 08:27 AM	Hey Jasmine, glad you decided to post about the "interesting" things I am doing to the group. And yes I was worried about the younger viewers, and that is why I did not mention what John used to write on the walls of the inn. (or many of the other truely despicable things he does.) You are also right, I have not mentioned what I have done to poor little vix, because I have just been mean to her :) I also have been just mentioning the stuff I have caused for the players.... not the stff I was just doing in response to you...... otherwise the level of truely evil stuff would grow far beyond 1001. but if we want to mention player caused evil that I just had to go by....... there was always this one. 588 Souixie/Vix says she wishes her current boyfriend were more like John (note John had killed her boyfriends son) while he is within hearing, causing him to leave the inn in the middle of the night upset....... he is promptly kidnapped by John. 589 this causes Jasmine to kick Souixie/Vix out, and the psychic in the group starts getting visions of John following Souixie/Vix with the intent to do something truely evil...... 590 said psychic is linked to John so she gets to see through his eyes...... especially when he is committing attrocities. 591. John knows she can see him do this .... so he puts on shows for her..... and knows her by name..... 592. the rest of the party goes after Souixie/Vix and after everyone has left, just when the psychic realizes she is all alone..... she gets a vision of John coming back to the Inn where she is...... 593 John tosses Souixie/Vix boyfriends dismembered hand back through a shadow door as a taunt to the party again this is just the tame stuff.......
obrysii 10-23-04, 02:41 PM	594. You send this (http://boards.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=321765) after them. And they're only level 12.
Devourer of Dreams 11-05-04, 05:44 PM	595. You revive this thread. *Dodges horde of fireballs*
Mizik 11-05-04, 11:36 PM	596. You don't consider elves and other non humans " Core" enuf for you so you limit all players to humans. 597. You don't consider any non fighter class a "Core" enuf for you so you allow only fighters 598. Make every one play as a human fighter
TemporalEnergon 11-06-04, 03:37 AM	#599 you give all NPCs special "salt burst" (ie painful) weapons to use against the PCs while they are being grappled by a fire elemental and tickled by a gnome.... infected while an incurrable plague. #600 you do to them what I did to that guy who said hi to me..... :devil: #601 make a clown BBEG. thats right. a clown.
Gemstone 11-06-04, 06:40 AM	596. You don't consider elves and other non humans " Core" enuf for you so you limit all players to humans. I've done this, and my players finds it rather okay...
Aricandor 11-06-04, 09:40 AM	602. Every night you're not the DM the players sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight". But instead of lion they sing "DM".
Jakal Ramaras 11-08-04, 10:01 AM	603) trapping the partys fighter in a dimension with a Gay cat guy just because you thought it would be funny (poor sod never stood a chance!) 604) come up with a table of "favours" for said cat guy and Fighter :D
Jharviss 11-23-04, 09:05 AM	605) Start the session with 12 players... end the session with 1 (the one that has to tell the rest of the world the nightmares he experienced). So that you know, this is my plan at the next session :schemes:
hobbit_killer 11-23-04, 09:18 AM	606) You make all your players roll for hitpoints when they level in front of you and the whole group. You videotape the process so you can watch the anguished looks on those who rolled a '1' over and over again.
Jakal Ramaras 12-09-04, 05:18 AM	never let it die!! :bump:
penchant 12-09-04, 05:37 AM	The post rises again... ummm..607) Players fear corn fields. Bad things ALWAYS happens in corn fields. 608) Players stop bothering to pick magic items from treasure because its just safer that way. 609) Players start getting Resurrection scrolls prescribed by their therapist... and the Walgreens fills it!
mastroyo 12-09-04, 10:22 AM	608) The Druid turns into a hawk and flies away every time you roll a dice in secret... 609) The BBEG is a copy of Hitler/ Stalin/ Nero/ Mao/ Cortéz/ Pizzarro/ Dr.Kevorkian /Michael Jackson :D /...GW Bush (YES; THAT STUPID!!!) :D 610) Bury one player alive, while the rest hear her (yes, her) screaming but can't do ****... (Actually i've done this... :devil: ) 611) When players get a glimpse at your notes they see a thousand machinewrittten pages go "All work and no play makes <insert name of DM> a dull boy"
rwarner3701 12-09-04, 01:44 PM	612)revenge can last forevr, no matter how many times they kill it 613)Every game has a low CR creature 614)it has information essential to the plot 615)its a polymorphed (insert high level creature) 616)the rules only matter when they are helping you hurt the PC's
SearcherOmega 12-09-04, 09:57 PM	617) You let your players make characters of any level, stats, skills, classes that they want, and they get to pick out a few reeally nice magic items as well. But then first adventure they become possessed and are now the vessels of evil gods, and they have to roll up new characters to stop them. 618) And they start as level 1 characters using 22 point buy, core only. :D
Chosen of the Dark Sun 12-09-04, 11:43 PM	619. You had a TPK from a Smurf with a shotgun. 620. If the NPC says "I have a job for you", the PCs kill him.
screwup907 12-14-04, 04:00 PM	621. Everytime the PC's find a small child, the PC's run for their lives. this is an interesting story involving a ancient red dragon that had polymorphed into a little girl. The PC's ****** it off and the result was a tpk. I nearly died laughing with that one.
Kyy'Dakh 12-14-04, 04:38 PM	620. If the NPC says "I have a job for you", the PCs kill him. Reminds me of Armored Core (giant robot game): Whenever you got a mission request from a fellow Raven (mercenary pilot), it always turns out he's been hired to kill you.
Magic_Mario 12-14-04, 10:48 PM	622: You make it a house rule that everyone has to roll a d20 the begining of play to see if they have to rollup new characters.
Melpomene 12-14-04, 10:53 PM	The post rises again... ummm..607) Players fear corn fields. Bad things ALWAYS happens in corn fields. There's an X-Men quote which goes, "Oh, no! We're in coniferous woodlands! With snow! That means Sabretooth's nearby."
Chosen of the Dark Sun 12-20-04, 10:02 PM	623: You lost your dice early last year, so you've been wingin' it since then. 624: You insist on LARPing illithids if you're hungry. 625: Your motto is "Smite the player, not the character". 626: Your BBEG was the Chihuaha Lord of the Damned. His main attack was an annoying yipping noise that turned the PC's into chew toys.
Deekin, Kobold Bard 12-20-04, 10:26 PM	624: You give one of them an adapted Bag of Devouring that looks like a helmit.
Jharviss 12-20-04, 10:43 PM	625: In your world, adventuring in heaven is hell.
Jharviss 12-20-04, 10:48 PM	626: Whenever trying to make an adaquete challenge for your group, you take the challenge rating of a monster, add all numbers in the CR of it together and then you have the correct challenge rating. For example, a great wyrm gold dragon, CR 26 translates to CR 8. Therefore, one must presume, that this gold dragon is an easy encounter for your group of level 10 adventurers. The interesting thing is, however, if you're this evil, how did your adventurers make it to level 10?
Kldran Achran 12-21-04, 01:46 AM	627: The party has aquired more loot from the death of PCs than from the adventure. 628: The Party's average level hasn't risen in months because they die before they can level.
happycows 12-21-04, 02:11 AM	627: The party has aquired more loot from the death of PCs than from the adventure. If you let pcs loot other pcs... you're not really evil. 628: get rigged d20 dice and roll triple twenties on a player in front of their face... than say, "oh well sorry man... make a new character."
Chosen of the Dark Sun 12-21-04, 02:32 PM	1362: You disrupt the flow of this thread yet again. Come on people, we're supposed to be on 631, but you all keep overlapping your numbers!
Jharviss 12-21-04, 02:37 PM	So you're right, sorry he who is chosen by the sun which is dark.
Chosen of the Dark Sun 12-21-04, 03:29 PM	So you're right, sorry he who is chosen by the sun which is dark. Yes, bow before the wicked might of the powers of my mind! Either that or you could just walk away.
Devourer of Dreams 12-21-04, 06:53 PM	Or I could cast an antipsionic field.
TemporalEnergon 12-22-04, 11:06 PM	#631-Every blade of grass in your campaign IS a BLADE of grass. #632-The blades in 631 are +6 Vorpal Fullblades that always hit for max damage. #633-Random fauna have the ability to cast phantasmal killer hightened to level 200 at will.
Dragoon 01-12-05, 12:36 AM	Note sure if used, but oh well #634 You never have to plan your campaign past the first town. The players give up or have run through all their Char. Sheets by then and have to re-stock, next week
Steel Cobra 01-15-05, 10:09 AM	635: PCs always have a wepon ready at all times 636: the PC wakes up with a head of a kitten 637: your 20 lv PCs get bombarded with huge gangs of rabid cows one after another
dungeonman3 01-15-05, 01:15 PM	111)whenever u stare at someone they wet there pants :D
dungeonman3 01-15-05, 01:16 PM	missed some posts :confused:
Black Warlock 01-15-05, 10:13 PM	Some of these are great! Just a few more: #638- When a PC says they are going to open a door, you say "With which hand?" :schemes: #639- You do #638 just to see them sweat. #640- Rolling dice behind the screen, wincing, and stealing glances at a random player for the same reasons as #639 #641- When a Player states some action they want to do, act shocked, then carry on with the results as the other Players are trying to talk the bozo out of his dumb idea. I love that.
RPGfish 01-15-05, 10:37 PM	642- You chant "t.....p....k....t..p..k..TPK" Every time they enter a battle. 643- Ask for specific details every single time that they try to move. 644- You chant #642 after doing #643 645- You do #1-#1001 frequently. 646- You stare at the players. A lot. Freak em' out. 647- Every time that they take damage, you give extremely specific details. 648- #647 but in a gory and evil way. 649- Every time that they ask you a question, you look through the rules thoroughly (even if you know it) 650- Dont talk during one of your adventures and only make odd hand movements. 651- Make your players show their damage calculations. 652- :bow: the whole session. 653- Dont allow your players to do anything beyond move and attack. 654- Rant, rave, and do the equivilant of flaming during a whole session. :rant:
speeblefreak 01-15-05, 11:55 PM	655. You are making the 4th-level party try to stop a 49th-level lich necromancer from becoming a god. My DM is actually doing this to us. HELP! :bigeyes: :help: :OMG!
Bobofjoe 01-16-05, 01:33 AM	656: Everything in your campain is Arcane Locked, Symbol of Insanityed, Symbol of Pained, and locked.
Raymond_Luxury_Yacht 01-16-05, 03:48 AM	I just went back and counted, and I found out that we're 16 numbers ahead. So, my contribution will take that into account. 641. You think that Grimtooth's Tricks and Traps is tame.
Tevish Szat 01-16-05, 01:02 PM	642: You give a PC The One Ring... and do its effects on the party flawlessly 643: you have a cape made from character sheets of PCs you've killed, laminated and sewn together. 644: You wear said cape to all games. 645: Your character sheet cape nas gained full huge sleeves and a 15-foot train. 646: You still have more dead character sheets thanyou know what to do with, so you go about making some armor to go with your cape. 647: When you use up all the character sheets on said armor, it is equivilent to full plate. 648: after one or two more sessions, it becomes equivilent to mechanus gear (heavier armor than full plate) 649: you STILL have more character sheets of dead PCs, so you wallpaper your house with them. 650: or, alternativly, you build a whole new house out of them. 651: though character sheets can have their uses in clothing and construction, you take those with the most embarrising or horrid deaths and put them on pikes in your "killing field" (back yard). 652: Your "Killing field" is the size of a football field. 653: And you are still running out of space for more pikes with character sheets. 654: And that's with several sheets per pike 655: Where you DM for any length of time, the dead begin to walk and the trees weep blood. 656: You have begun a quest for the REAL Book of Vile Darkness because the WotC made one is just plain lousy. 657: You find the real BoVD... and find it to be insipid and weak. 658: You procede to edit it with your DMing techniques. 659: The resulting work chills the blood of even Baernaloths, archdevils, and demon princes 660: And you were holding back your best stuff for your own publication. 661: You lead a campagin against the BoED, as being in the same room with it gives you hives. 662: Holy water would cause you to melt like hte Wicked Witch of the West. 663: You own a d20 with '20' on every side and use it for all your rolls. 664: You let the players use it for their rolls and they still die. 665: You learned to DM from a powerful archfiend and then improved on his methods. 666: Your DMing crushes your players souls utterly and completly, after gaming with you and escaping they can only bring themselves to play "Yhatzee" ever again.
rhoan_01 01-16-05, 03:11 PM	The above post had to be the most disturbing thing I've read. The only other thing that could be more disturbing is the realization that someone, somewhere, has done that. The cape thing; not the whole hives and Exalted Deeds thing, that's just too weird. #667 - You let a member of the party play a dromite (Small psionic bug-man), and when they meet the dragon on their third session it ignores the entire party just to squish the bug; and then scrapes it off with the paladin. #668 - You give your party one of the Orbs of Dragonkind at 3rd level, and plan to do nothing about it. The players will go home, broken and paranoid, ready to die when the something that will surely come looking for it finally kills them. #669 - You let the players carry guns; Colt revolvers from the wild west, hard calibers with sandalwood grips from Steven King, you let them have their pistols: and give everyone else lasers. #670 - In Sharn, they are forced to stay in room 666 of the local hotel, rumored to be haunted by spirits and dreams of the daelkyr (most awful creatures I've ever heard of, barring absolutely NO demons). Then you turn out the lights. #671 - Turns out, the PCs are actually SHARING the room with the daelkyr; he just laughs at them as they try to sleep, effortlessly stopping their attacks and driving them insane. By morning, the PCs are physically healthy with Wisdom scores of 0, and the DM takes their character sheets. #672 - A year later, another party played by the same players fights their own characters that had been driven insane.
seagreenwitch 01-16-05, 08:25 PM	#673 your player's don't want you to hand out magic items #674 your players quake in fear and visably shiver at the thought of an intellengent magic item
Shadow DM 01-17-05, 01:52 AM	675. When you role a die, everyone at the table goes quiet. 676. You put a book in your dungeon called "Prelude to Carelessness."
Tevish Szat 01-17-05, 03:22 AM	The above post had to be the most disturbing thing I've read. The only other thing that could be more disturbing is the realization that someone, somewhere, has done that. The cape thing; not the whole hives and Exalted Deeds thing, that's just too weird. I shall take that as a compliment. 677: you announce an all-paladin campagin, starting at (insert high number here) level. The first encounter of the first session is an 'impossible choice'. no matter what they do, they lose their powers.
seagreenwitch 01-17-05, 03:42 AM	#678 The PC's have kept count of the BBEO(big bad evil organization) members they have killed they number more than 100 and they are still afraid of it. #679 They find out the BBEO is juststarting to pay attention to them. #680 Yaunti and other Reptiles are your trademark creatures. #681 You have a player tell you they are having nightmares about your trademark creature #682 You think ok I'll change to Wight Harpys :D
sardinarian 01-30-05, 05:16 PM	#683 The pcs run screaming from 'common house spiders' #684 PC: "Can I play an evil halfling outrider?" GM: "Sure, you can play an evil halfling outrider." PC: "Nevermind, I quit." #685 The pcs always take the '10 foot pole' in their starting gear. #686 We all sit down to game, the first book I reach for the BoVD. They stand up and say "Good game. See you next week?" #687 When describing a particularly creepy, spooky dungeon; complete with distant water dripping, the sound of rustling, moaning wind and the 'ticktick' of a hard material against another, the wind kicks up and whistles around the house and the pcs call it a night.
sardinarian 01-30-05, 07:00 PM	#688 Ressurect dead pcs, make them npcs, complete with their once highly prized weapon, armor, items, etc.
Ze_Mighty_Vegetable 01-30-05, 11:39 PM	#688 Ressurect dead pcs, make them npcs, complete with their once highly prized weapon, armor, items, etc. #688b: Offer player of defeated PC to play an evil infiltrator with the same exact appearance as their previous PC. Tell the other players you're allowing him an extra chance because of such'n'such circumstances. Even have the player complain a bit about a supposed penality his character got as a result of said escape. The final betrayal make for a priceless and memorable game. You know you've touched your players when most of them are contempling murdering each others in real life...
Saurenda 01-30-05, 11:55 PM	689: Present then with a cadre of useless items worth varying amounts of money throughout the campagin. Have the BBEG send supporters to buy products from the PCs allowing them to buy better gear with the money they make from the sales. As the adventuers continue in the story have the BBEG assemble those pieces into the ultimate weapon. Have BBEG gloat he couldn't have done it without the PC's help. Watch in glee as thier +5 vorpral keen huge longswords have no use.
rhoan_01 01-31-05, 12:29 AM	#688b: Offer player of defeated PC to play an evil infiltrator with the same exact appearance as their previous PC. Tell the other players you're allowing him an extra chance because of such'n'such circumstances. Even have the player complain a bit about a supposed penality his character got as a result of said escape. The final betrayal make for a priceless and memorable game. You know you've touched your players when most of them are contempling murdering each others in real life... This actually happened. True story; our entire party got taken over by a doppelganger criminal organization. Everyone was killed (except the changeling that sold us out) and replaced by doppelgangers except my warlock; the DM ruled that since I could speak the Dark Speech (BoVD), anytime a doppelganger scanned through the part of my brain that dealt with it, they died because they couldn't handle it. They ended up resurrecting me because I was "too valuable to pass up". #690: A dungeon full of drowning-room traps; in the middle of the desert. #691: The random treasure is almost always potions of water breathing ...in your desert dungeons. #692: The PCs find a cache full of food in the middle of the desert...and it's all dehydrated.
Arae'Kol Da'Ato 02-19-05, 11:22 PM	60. You send characters on a mission into Hell. When they're under 5th level. Dude my DM made that happen once. WHEN WE WERE FREAKIN' FIRST LEVEL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We were pressed into the service of a Pit Fiend and later when we're like 8th level we're gonna have to help him. But our Dwarven Ceric rebelled nd he got struck by lightning. And then by some weird coincedence he got revived. Then the DM killed and revived him again. So way 693 is: The DM smites you then brings you back to life. Repeatedly. Over 50 times per session.
Magic_Mario 02-20-05, 01:29 PM	694: The mayor of the PC's starting town can cast a Quickened, Maximised Vengeful Gaze of God in case the PC's don't do as they are told.
General_Ridley 02-20-05, 03:53 PM	695. You have them killed by members of thewir own race for the stupidest of charges.
Dark_Tide 02-20-05, 06:10 PM	396. When the DM says to the level one PCs... "The Half Demon / Half Dragon Archmage stands before you... but there's a twist."
mcnoo 02-21-05, 04:31 AM	one that my players have recently done 697: The party looks into a room, sees nothing in the room but a table with a normal seeming dagger stuck in it. They then all use various abilities to teleport across the room, not trusting the way it looks after eventually learning that NOTHING is as it seems in one of my games.
Grim Aramis 02-21-05, 06:01 AM	Similar to the one above.. :) 698: Group out walking down well-traversed road. A golden coin catches their eye there it lies in the middle of the road. After 1/2 hour Real Time and almost exhausting their reportoir of Detect-spells, poking it with a stick, searching the area around for interesting tracks, and doing almost everything imaginable to identify anything suspicious with the coin without actually touching it - they decide its not worth any trouble and move along.. The coin just a regular golden coin, dropped from the pouch of a wealthy merchant... hehe =)
Nightshade22 02-21-05, 10:15 AM	699: You give a "scroll of tarassque summon" to a charachter with explicit instructions to kill another. 700: A dragon god that has stolen all divine power falls inexplanedly from the sky, crushing the fighter and turning him into a nymph. 701: When fighting a giant dragon, the dragon grabs the aforementioned fighter (now cured), drops 90,000,000 feet, pulling up right before hitting the flying chunk of earth, and throws him down, slamming him into "ground". 702: You make a group of first-level charachters batlle a hellfire wyrm. 703: You crush the same group with a 90 foot radius sphere of lead created by polymorph any object around a kobold sorcerer, and make the players calculate the damage themselves. 704: You use a dragon with a healing breath weapon to "Help" the party against the aforementioned kobold. Yes, I did all of these :D
Thracos 02-23-05, 02:35 PM	705) if you have ever sent a squad of \/these \/ after you PC's Fendish Monster of Legend Kobalds: (level 8 Warrior) small humanoid (reptilian), (extraplanar) hit dice: 8d8+40 initiative: +8 speed: 30ft(60ft hasted) AC: 25 (+1 size, +4 dex, +6 natural, +4 chain shirt) or hasted 26 base attack/grapple:8/-4 attack: +12 shortsword (1d4+4) or hasted +13 shortsword (1d4+4) full attack:+10/+5 shortsword (1d4+4) and +10/+5 shortsword (1d4+4), or hasted +13 shortsword (1d4+4) and +10/+5 shortsword (1d4+4) and +10/+5 shortsword (1d4+4) space/reach: 5/5 SA: smite good, spells as a 5th level cleric SQ: darkvision 60', light sensitivity, SR 13, DR 5/magic, cold resistance 10, fire resistance 10, haste, immune: electrical, immune: acid saves:fort+13, ref+9, will+6 abilities: str 19, dex 19, con 20, int 12, wis 13, cha 12 skills: assign as you like feats: two-weapon fighting, improved initiative, multiattack, two-weapon defense, improved two-weapon fightting cr: 9 possetions: 2 small masterwork short swords, chain shirt, wooden holy symbel spells: 5/4/2/1 (includes bounus spell, no domains as thay arn't really clerics)
Gemstone 02-23-05, 03:07 PM	705) The epic wizard researches a spell for summoning, dominating and multiplying a a FLIGHT of great wyrm gold dragons 706) The epic Dragon disciple has more DvR than Bahamut (okay, this one's a bit fuzzy) 707) The epic dragon takes a few levels of the Hoardstealer class just for testing his own defenses, after summoning a time duplicate of himself, to defend his lair. 708) The epic rogue's sleight of hand is so good, that no one bothers owning anything 709) Said rogue has so many levels of Arcane trickster that he can pick his own pockets, from the back, by only reaching forward...
Thracos 02-23-05, 03:55 PM	705 got repeated so: 711) if you have ever min/maxxed goblins, kobalds, or orcs to show your players that you can min/max too :) guilty :) 712) if you have ever had a werewolf appear out of nowhere because someone(ECL 10) was complaining that thay wanted a random encounter :) guilty :) 713) if you have ever had a vampire appear out of nowhere the next night because someone(same ECL 10) was complaining that thay wanted any random encounter except 712 :) guilty :) 714) if you have ever had an army of 100 goblins appear out of nowhere the next night because someone(same ECL 10) was complaining that thay wanted any random encounter except 712 or 713 :) guilty :) he finaly got the hint....let the dice decide random encounters NEVER ask for them :)
Aurum 02-23-05, 04:03 PM	710) PCs don't bother reading the rules for advancement, and try to read the monster manual at the table... so you let them fight 5th level Kobold Evokers. 711) You've never run an encounter equal to or below the appropriate CR for the party. 712) You've ever used a Spellgaunt. In a wild magic zone. 713) The average spell resistance in your next CR 15 encounter is 35. 714) They complain their enemies don't have enough treasure, so you give your Hill Giants some Potions of Haste. 715) You have PC deaths that include the phrases 'chipmunk', 'terminal velocity', and 'anvil'. 716) You have ever used Vorpal weapons in a swinging blade trap. 717) PCs complain of a lack of 'flavor' in the campaign world, so your next adventure involves a pack of ravenous ghouls... 718) You never forget to power attack the wizard.
drift150 02-23-05, 05:03 PM	719) As soon as one of the PCs gets a chance with a sexy elvish maid you decide that he's impotent 720) You ask the players if they have 16 spare d6 when its the monster's turn. 721) You only roll for the monster's attacks to see if they get a natural 1. If they do get one, they still hit. 722) The party's wizard just escaped from a burning building. The only thing that got burned in the fire: his spellbook. 721) You destroy the only magic shop that had EVERY magic item in stock. 722) When the PC from 719) finally managed to go to bed with the elf-chick, you tell him he has siphilis (or any other STD)
Gemstone 02-23-05, 05:44 PM	705) The epic wizard researches a spell for summoning, dominating and multiplying a a FLIGHT of great wyrm gold dragons 706) The epic Dragon disciple has more DvR than Bahamut (okay, this one's a bit fuzzy) 707) The epic dragon takes a few levels of the Hoardstealer class just for testing his own defenses, after summoning a time duplicate of himself, to defend his lair. 708) The epic rogue's sleight of hand is so good, that no one bothers owning anything 709) Said rogue has so many levels of Arcane trickster that he can pick his own pockets, from the back, by only reaching forward... Shes wrong thread... sorry guys!
Drake Dragonslayer 02-24-05, 12:19 PM	723) You sit behind the screen and your book pile contains: MM, MM2, MM3, Fiend Folio, BoVD and Sun Tzu's the art of war. 724) Kobolds with Commando Tactics 725) Kobold commandos using tactics fro Sun Tzu's the art of war
John Bezo 02-24-05, 12:39 PM	723) You sit behind the screen and your book pile contains: MM, MM2, MM3, Fiend Folio, BoVD and Sun Tzu's the art of war. 724) Kobolds with Commando Tactics 725) Kobold commandos using tactics fro Sun Tzu's the art of war I am guilty of all 3 of these. And I mean exactly guilty, I even have "the art of war" piled in with my game books. 726) Ninja bears: recently, just to change things up, I have been using Orogs from 2e, fighter-7/thief-10 for my "commandos" my players have no clue what they are and have started to refer to them as "ninja bears" J.
foxtrothacker 04-06-05, 06:21 PM	727) Your DM asks you to roll a D20 twice. You roll a 17 and a 16. Your DM tells you you just rolled the attack rolls for cannon balls firing at you. You die. This happened to me today!!! :raincloud :surrender
urial angel of death 04-06-05, 11:48 PM	723) every enemy wizard has vengeful gaze of God(highest epic spell 300d6 damage divine 724) make the players roll each die for 723 and keep track of the numbers 725) number 724 but decide after the character rolled all the dice he has to roll the wizard's back lash damage too 200d6
Tomovasky 04-07-05, 01:26 PM	726 When a new player enters the game…. DM: Ok guys this is Tim he will be playing with us tonight New guy: Hey all Old players: (just star blankly) DM: don’t be rude guys what do you say? Old players: (all tern there heads at the same time looking a Tim, there face have gone white) BE AFRAID, BE VERY, VERY AFRAID. 736.Every time you reach for a book the PC jump you and take it from you. (This sadly happens a lot in my game)
LordofIllusions 04-07-05, 01:48 PM	737. You get together with your friends and make a thread called: 1001 Spoiled & Simple-Minded Player Types (http://rlcampaign.proboards23.com/index.cgi?board=DungeonMaster&action=display&num=1112889382&start=0) With which you proceed to slay bad players mercilessly. ~~~
BobtheMighty 04-07-05, 04:12 PM	If you subtract Gemstone's accidental post, and take care of the repeated numbers since 720 on, I believe that puts us at 734) You end the session, and your players are too afraid to drive home. . . 735) . . .But they're too afraid too stay.
Laranis Callirr 04-07-05, 05:20 PM	736) You have the same Beholder hit the cleric three times with his disintegrate ray. He passes all three saves, but on the last one, you roll a helluva lot of dices and pretend to add, then look up and say "Oh, you passed." 737) When you dominate the party's Battlerager and tell him to kill his friends. And the wizard is right next to him. And he does a critical hit. "I deal 34..." "Hey, I'm alive!" "... plus 116." "Oh." 738) When you snatch a PC with a dragon, hit him with the dragon's breath weapon, and drop him from a height of 90 feet. In the same round.
Dan Hemmens 04-07-05, 07:01 PM	739) You find yourself unable to come within 5 feet of a player whose character has a Magic Circile Against Evil active.
Geth's Head 04-07-05, 07:49 PM	So far my Dm covers all of the above points.
MasterRookie 04-07-05, 07:52 PM	740. When you pick up dice your players recoil in fear 741. Whenever you ask for them to pass the cheetos they reply "Okay I don't wwwant aaany trouble," 742. You use D4s for saving throws. 743. There are people outside your house protesting how many tree's you've killed for character sheets.
Need_A_Life 04-24-05, 05:56 AM	:embarrass : ookay as you enter the room the magic userrr dies. :eek: : Wait what'd you mean my mage dies :embarrass : He just sorta chokes annd dies :( : don't I get a saving throw :embarrass : nope :( : couldn't I cast a spell :embarrass : nope :mad: : wait a minute does this have to do with that five bucks I ow you. This says it all. 745. When you make threatening phonecalls to your players for betraying your secrets in this thread.
Zyfax 04-24-05, 03:54 PM	746: you ask another player to take over the dm:ing while you go shopping or something, with the explicit orders of: throw red dragons at them until i come back. 747: same dm also considers 4hdmonsters, 1 for each party member, an adequate cr1 encounter. I know that guy.....
pzykotikjp 04-24-05, 04:08 PM	748: Your BBEG is a level 30 Lich Wizard with: 1. Spell Focus in Necro 2. Greater Spell Focus in Necro 3. Epic Spell Focus in Necro 4. Time Stop 5. Wail of Banshee
Temrek 04-24-05, 05:26 PM	749: One of the PCs throw himself from a tower or other high place and activated an item that grants him featherfalling and you say: You know it dosent work 100% of the time.
Sorrowmoon 04-24-05, 06:59 PM	#750 Take your dice and put them all in a cup. Chant over the cup. Take a knife. Cut your hand. Fill the cup. Shake the dice in the blood. Drink the blood but don't swallow the dice. Declare the room unhallowed and your dice ready to punish the players. :)
DM Ront 04-24-05, 07:10 PM	#751: Your players encounter a CR 2 Skum... and end up in a shouting contest about who retreats first... at level 8. :banghead:
Lennart 04-30-05, 06:55 PM	Like me 702 you memorized and live by 1001 Ways to tell that your an evil DM 703 you did all 1001 Evil Things You've Done to Your Players at least every sesion up to this moment 704 can dream and aim to copy 1001 times you killed your PCs) and 1001 (2001) times you killed your 705 you think 1001 Truly Evil Acts makes you say What? Thats it? :bored: 706 if you say1001 ways to get a TPK suld be the guid line for olympic TPK events :cheer: 707 if you think 1001 Ways to (kill) your Pcs is highly over rated 708 if you do all the things in 1001 Ways to kill your Uber Players as a warm up 709 if you keep a recent updated version of 1001 Ways to tell that your an evil DM in your DMG for insperation 710 you give all you players rings of 9 million wishes so you cuz you love 1001 Wish twisting, 101 evil alternatives 711 you use 1001 Ways to scare your PCs as a DM guide line 712 let your players find 1001 Most Hilarious and Cruel Cursed Items and make em beleve it ar the 1001 COOL ITEMS (again!) (and again and again!!) 713 you have1001 Famous last words hanging over you bed for pleasant dreams :cloud9: 714 Have all the above lists “casualy” lying around the table wile you play. 715 Get 90% of you insperation from Steven King, Silent hill, Devil may cry,gothic books ,www.rotten.com and the nightmares you have every night. 716 Have you players put 1 drop of thear blood in a bucket for every PC they lose. 717 Do 716 and your players go home verry verry paile every sesion 718 Your players don’t stop playing D&D bechouse they are to scared 719 You players are to scared to go to the police 720 You hount all you players nightmares every night. 721 You players have (in char as well as out) all learn theme selves to sleep with thear eyes open :bigeyes: 722 You have a giant tredmill and force you players to roal play the 10 year journey in it whene they travel 723 All your players show up in armors and with swords and not to make the game feel more realistic.:fight!: :fight!: :fight!: :fight!: :fight!: 724 You aim to have all your players wet them selves at least once a sesion 725 Use bad typing on this forum bechouse your from holland and spelling check in word doesent work and dont apologise :D 726 You made Murry the monster to eat smiles and Slay Bunny 727 you neghbors keep caling the police bechouse they think you are trowing a Gothic Blood orgy every time you play D&D (wich isent far from the truth) 728 every time one of your player’s PC’s get hit with a crit you kick him in the nuts for realistic roal play (well thats what you tell em) :weep: 729 if you have house rules like “if your player loses a limb so do you” 730 if you have the above house rule and have a TPK evert 2 hours max. 731 Whene you hoast a game in a store to do the store player a favor the day ends up with him selling the place to you for $2.95 bechouse now it holds to much painful memories :surrender 732 U can tell 32 true stories right here and every body on this forum reading it will think you exegerate just for fun. :plotting: 733 you players keep Hiding "help us" notes in peoples stuf :help:
Sarella Starshine 05-01-05, 12:51 AM	734) (for girl DMs) your players are trained to fall to thier knees and worship you when you show up in your domamatrix outfit. 735) said outfit also has proper props (whips, etc) 736) said players are more scared when you wear regular clothing
Lennart 05-01-05, 05:48 AM	734) (for girl DMs) your players are trained to fall to thier knees and worship you when you show up in your domamatrix outfit. you are making me all warm and tingely inside. :love:
silverhawk 05-01-05, 06:20 AM	737) When you pull out 20 Mins when the encounter only calls for 5 and set them to the side to scare the player(s)
Nordman 05-01-05, 12:18 PM	738: In a campaign where there is a puzzle/decetive work you thinks out a way to solve it, Even if the RP is close but suddently turns around again thinking its useless you dont give them a clue. There is only one way to solve it you think and you wont bend it to help the players 739: You suddently in the middle of the game says your tired and goes of for the computer and starts to play World of Warcraft 740: You see your monster die and you think "hmm next time I sen two" even if you know that it could kill the players easy or that the players just had look with a critical hit with a great axe. 741: You suddently decect a new skill and its at will and you use it like a demon 742: With slaads you always uses hold, hold, hold, hold. On the fighters because its atwill! 743: You make the players find a Drow city when they are closed in a cave, siting in a boat at a underdark harbour outside the drow gates. And yes, my high elf was in the boat and he got shut down All of these have happended our wouldnt chock me if they happended.
Papapeperoni 11-14-05, 01:41 PM	Uber bump. :D 739: Ao is the weakest god in your campaign :devil: . 740: Said Ao kills the first four parties your players make just to let them now they aren't the strongest ones around :D Well, let's make this one finally as it says: 1001 ways! --Papapeperoni, God of Pizza's
Gemstone 11-14-05, 01:52 PM	741. You throw an encounter on your PC's that are roughly twice their ECL... and they're epic... 742. You let your PC's gain DvR 1, just to get the entire faerûnian pantheon trying to kill them, strangely enough allying Shar and Lathander... 743. Said gods has hunted said PC's from level 1... 744. the enemy keeps coming back, no matter what the PC's do. JUst killed that undead necromancer? Then make him ununundead!
gleep 11-14-05, 02:24 PM	745. Your players feel oddly disappointed when the session ends and every character survived.
sans 11-14-05, 03:10 PM	746. You're entire party runs up a tree when there's a deer nearby. 747. When you see a little girl, you immediatly think of epic level Mindflayers.
NEFARIOC 11-14-05, 03:40 PM	748. You have a spell called 'Good Looorrrddd!' Which has the damage of the amount of dice within your dice bag. 749. You have an NPC named Lord Howard Hurtz who repeatedly tortures the PCs, demanding them to scream his name.
WhiteRaven810 11-14-05, 04:13 PM	750: When rolling for starting Gold, Players demand a few extra gold coins to cover the cost of their coffins. 751: Players must bring extra Character Sheets each session because they used up their folder full last time.
Black Kitten 11-14-05, 04:16 PM	748. You have a spell called 'Good Looorrrddd!' Which has the damage of the amount of dice within your dice bag. ... Maximised (748A) 751 - Every character invests solely in defensive feats, take classes that grant a lot of HP and so on.
WCH 11-14-05, 04:19 PM	753 -- You say that the artifact they seek is connected with a quiet farming community in the northern part of the forest, and one of your players blurts out "It's Innsmouth, isn't it? :weep: " (actually happened. He and I had been playing Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the Earth on his XBox the previous week) 754 -- He's wrong. In fact, it's probably the most likable town ever, with over 30 named and personality'd NPCs who will befriend the PCs and develop strong social ties with them. Then, when they least expect it, the entire village gets murdered to aid in a plot hook you're planning. :eek: (is actually happening. Yes, I'm evil)
Jesper 11-14-05, 04:33 PM	Have the treasure room cursed with a sign saying "greed is sinful" after the pcs have just killed the evil prist of relgion xyz they take the loot only to find that they can't leave unless they leave ALL their loot back in the room. Really happened harsh really harsh I know that 2399000000 pp plus magic items was too good to be true for a level 9 camapin.
Aeolus91 11-14-05, 04:34 PM	755. You bought just ONE Underdark pack and lo and behold! It had an Epic Balor in it! So you sit there fiddling with it the entire time you DM, just to keep the players on their toes... 756. Then at the end of the session, you stick the mini on the table and say "Roll initiative everybody...." and when everybody points out that you're throwing a balor at a 5th level party, tell them that it was a chicken, and you didnt have another mini to use. 757. Then tell them that it really IS a balor, and use it to brutally TPK the party.
Corpus Krusty 11-14-05, 04:41 PM	758- Your BBEG is Pun-pun (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=491801)
revnk 11-14-05, 04:42 PM	753 -- You say that the artifact they seek is connected with a quiet farming community in the northern part of the forest, and one of your players blurts out "It's Innsmouth, isn't it? :weep: " 753(a): You correct him, pointing out, "Oh no, Innsmouth is on the coast... this town is Dunwich...." :coolcthul I'm not sure if I'm an evil DM or not: in my current dungeon crawl, the players are routinely refusing to open doors or go into any of the rooms. I've heard a whole lot of, "This room looks scary... we shut the door and move on...." :chicken:
Caemin Pah 11-14-05, 10:10 PM	When you create The most fearsome, diabolical, evil creature to ever grace the pages of any book EVER written..... THE DIRE RHEA !!!!!! Then let it loose on your epic PCs, just to see their faces before you sic the army of Elder Beholders on them. well, the army of 100,000 female beholders who are retaining water and VERY grumpy.
ravenspawn 11-15-05, 12:14 AM	759) When the evil spellcasters regularly manage to trap the PC's in their combo: Solid Fog / Evards Black Tentacles. 760) When the evil spellcasters regularly manage to trap the PC's in their combo: Acid Fog / Bladebarrier. 761) When the kobold or goblins regularly manage to ambush the PC's with tanglefoot bags that have silence cast on them. 762) When you (the DM) says, the BBEG hits, you look over at the entire gaming table & say "I'm going to need more dice for the damage"
Ridureyu 11-15-05, 02:42 AM	763) Your players don't need to break any laws for Inevitables to come after them. 764) You see nothing wrong with having a Gray Render attack the heroes at first level. 765) Rust monsters are your friend. 766) If your PCs manage to survive your intended TPK, you declare Rule 0 and have htem die anyway.
Silais 11-15-05, 05:34 AM	767)Every BoED within a 10-km radius spontainiusly combusts everytime you remember that such things exist. 768)Every time you go get your fourtune read, all you ever get as a result is "THE END IS IMMENENT!!!" 769)You keep a cloak, two daggers and a jug of fake(sure, it's fake...) blood in your room. Such that when a door to door salesman comes calling you can quickly dawn the cloak, cover your self and the dagger in the fake blood. Then awnser the door and say, "Sorry, I realy would like to talk to you, but I'm a bit busy. Can you come back in five minutes?" 770)You install a warming blanket with faulty wireing into the seat of one of your players. Then you attach the power plug to a remote controll. Tape the remote control to the underside of your table. When you strike that player with a blue dragon's electric breath, press the button on the remote. Deliver painful but survivable shock to said player. 771)Immediently after #770, stare evily at the massive gas can situated behind annother player when the red dragon's turn starts... 772)When your driving a player home after a game, she asks why it's possible to have a critical failure on any check. Your response is to demonstrate a critical faliure on your drive check to clear the approaching intersection. 773)While your on the target range, the same player states that she thinks that the "stricking the cover" rules are dumb. You respond with: "You know, your right. In fact I can prove it. See that target over there? Good. Go provide cover for it." 774)When one of your players critizes your BBEG, saying: "What kind of weirdo thinks keeping bloody fish heads in his kitchen is funny?" Guess what was in my fridge in the next game?
avatar6v7 11-15-05, 12:54 PM	775) sais roleplaying XP is for wussies after players manage to convince a balor to become a cleric of pelor 776) buys huge number of supplements and only lets his monsters use them 777) claims he wasnt looking whenever players roll a natural 20
FireJewel 11-15-05, 02:44 PM	778.) Your characters are even terrified of tiny Puppies. After some heated challenges in the swamp lands... vipers, crocs, lizard people, etc... the PC's are keeping watch and come across a puppy. P1: I'm looking around for it's master Me: You don't find anyone P1: I am waking up the entire party. What's the puppy doing? Me: The puppy looks at you wide-eyed, starts wagging it's tail, and tries to lick you. P1: OMG! I'm going to kick it. Me: WHAT?! P1: How do I know it's really a puppy? it could have been trying to eat me. Ugh! It took them 10 minutes to believe the puppy just a puppy. Paranoid much? Haha! :angelhide
Silais 11-15-05, 06:03 PM	779)You realize that all the evil stuff you do to your players is simply a way for you to compensate for your insecurities, and are just a feeble means of boosting your ego... And you don't care. 780)Every time your drama queen player goes through a bad break up, you name a major NPC after her ex-girlfriend. 781)The alignment system doesn’t make sense to you anymore. Not because it “inhibits roleplaying” but because it would require you to understand the concept that other people deserve the right to exist. 782)You can’t say the sentence “I am not Evil” with out breaking out in laughter.
Dex 11-16-05, 12:06 AM	783) you demmand pop quizes on you BBEG's gloating speeches so the PCs won't interrupt next time. 784) You contribute to this message thread
avatar6v7 11-16-05, 11:37 AM	785) when your players lose a PC you write LOSER in bright red pen on their charchter sheet, then burn it publically. 786) you claim that the constant TPK's are a way to encourage realism 'hey youre pathetic failures in real life, so why not roleplay it' 787) when youre PC's are about to claim a load of treesure you go to the bathroom and you 'accidentally' leave a piece of paper with the stats for a CR 45 monster on the table, when you return your players will stat they are running fast in the other direction 788) you actully use the CR 45 monster
Conshey 11-16-05, 12:15 PM	702: when fighting the Red Great Wyrm Dragon use a flamethrower to simulate the breathe weapon, everytime it uses it. 703: Make the plot line so secretive and simple that they'll be guessing whats going on the entire time 704: Give the BBEG a hat of disguise and use it as an active NPC involved with the party
orcslayer 11-16-05, 03:06 PM	The apocalypse happens in your game. I like toast yeah toast.
Darkstealth 11-16-05, 03:18 PM	706) You work at Wizards of the Coast.
WCH 11-16-05, 04:09 PM	Gorram it, people! Look at the numbers behind you! 793 -- you use phrases directly out of Lovecraft to describe innocent surroundings, just to set your players on edge.
Jesper 11-16-05, 04:26 PM	794- you book the tv room in your college for your games on hockey game nights and no one dares to question you about your decision 795 everyone at your school (college university ect) calls you by your curent bbeg's name or god 796 you give bonus or antibonus for good or bad social actions out side of game. 797 you have so many of the students playing in your campains that they don't care 798 your profs have offered to do your homework\test\exams for you so you can figure out some way to get (insert semigood magic item here) in to the campain
Gemstone 11-16-05, 05:24 PM	794- you book the tv room in your college for your games on hockey game nights and no one dares to question you about your decision Thats the single most evil intention yet :eek: It gives me the creeps...
NecromancerElf 11-16-05, 06:16 PM	799: Whenever you enter the game room your players have the "Imperial March" played for you
DragonMage(xxx)>>>>> 11-16-05, 08:25 PM	800. (woot) your players automatically deal critcal damage to themselves whenever they roll a 1 801. you randomly roll dice when you look at your players with a big grin 802. you raise the magor evil NPCs giving them the undead template, the lich template, the dry lich template, and making them automatically reclaim the items they lost. 803. whenever you have an encounter you pick the biggest miniatues you can find and use them 804. behind every door there is an illithid just waiting for a PC to poke his head out
fuzzeymonk 11-17-05, 08:46 AM	805. you waste three days of school reading this thread and writning down the best ones to use. :plotting:
avatar6v7 11-17-05, 12:52 PM	806) you have a castle in your world made entirely out of the bones of your PC's former adventureing parties :eek: 807) you give the party a whole mound of powerful wooden items, then send them to the plane of fire 808) your PC's call your random encounter tables the lottery of death 809) you make your PC's spend hours on charchter backrounds, then have their charchteres killed in a freak accident 810) you have a shredder in your room, and evreay time a player asks you to ispect their charchter sheet, you put their sheet in the shreeder and spit on them
Gemmalah 11-17-05, 02:13 PM	811) the only room you will play in is one with a fireplace (for ease of charator sheet disposal) 812) I think I'm an evil DM because sometimes when not playing just chatting with players I sit there and laugh to myself. when they ask what is funny i tell them 'I'm so EVIL just wait until the next game' they quake in their boots all week. 813) Demons are a girls best friend! (as only female DM I have met in person i like to use this theory) 814) You take a notebook with you eveywhere just in case you think up something evil while out and about. (I take mine to the pub) 815) you take a dictaphone with you and record sound effects for you next adventure (usually screams of pain from people playfighting) 816) You can think of more than one thing to type in this board.
avatar6v7 11-17-05, 02:42 PM	817) you dont listen to the voice saying 'theyre all against you, kill them all...kill...kill'.... you are that voice!!! 818) you continually send beholders against your PC's because they "have a speacil place in your heart" 819) you reward your players just enough so they dont numb to the pain of defeat 820) single out a PC that you dont like, or at least isnt so much fun to tuant; allow him loads of NPC companions then have them stab him in the back, then send a netral good commoner that wants to help the PC's when they save his farm, act horrified when the PC youve singled out kills him, and kick him out for not roleplaying... 821) make the paladin fall evreay time he puts so much as a foot out of line 822) when posting use this :plotting: smilie as much as possible incase there are any of your players around to be scared 823) incase my players are watching: :plotting: :plotting: :plotting: :plotting: :plotting: ive got hell for you :evillaugh
Kearif 11-18-05, 03:37 PM	824) all PC's are illergic to chocolate it may already be there if it is i'll change this one
Corpus Krusty 11-20-05, 12:52 PM	825) If your Players complain of nightmares after each session :evillaugh
pinky_si 11-20-05, 05:24 PM	38.) Your idea of a "good time" for the party members is sending the Tarrasque after them at third level. :devil: I actually did this, dut sent said 3rd level PC's into the Mournland (Eberron) first, so that they were already thinking "what else can this B@stard throw at us - can't heal, gonna die"... Mr T answered their question nicely I thought. :D
hammer_hand 11-20-05, 05:47 PM	826)The players all shiver when you look up 827)Having four 21 year old players that just started wetting the bed again 828)Your players refusing to eat or drink anything you give them OOC incase its poisoned
Golem_Lord 11-21-05, 07:53 PM	829- The ragged old man who lives in a shack is acualy a leval 20 black guard 830- Players cry when they see a door 831- a adventurer opens the door from 830, and gets eaten by a Wraith racoon 832- When a charicter does something annoying, he falls in a pit of leachs 833- The town is run by a lich, and the Chars are slaves 834- The lich somethimes comes along to see what they will do when a black dragon of legend flies overhead
FireJewel 11-21-05, 07:57 PM	833- The town is run by a lich, and the Chars are slaves 834- The lich somethimes comes along to see what they will do when a black dragon of legend flies overhead Oh my god! You're playing my campaign! Stop that! ;)
Rocketboy13 11-21-05, 08:03 PM	835- Inappropriate content removed by WizO_TheCheat 836- He produces a fully functional Necronomicron prop, complete with real human skin cover. :uh-huh: 837- He has a bronze statue of Anton LeVay that he references as looking like the leader of the good kingdom you all are working for. :devil: 838- He plays the best of Duran Duran as ambiant music for the adventure. :eek:
PoeticJustice 11-21-05, 11:34 PM	839) Not only due you kill the character, you kill him so bad that his almost totally unaffected party members go mad with grief and fear and stop adventuring.
Khan2000 11-22-05, 03:40 AM	799: Whenever you enter the game room your players have the "Imperial March" played for you Ummmm........This has been done.........to me.
Gemmalah 11-22-05, 07:14 AM	840) You never roll the dice for monster stats, just add it all up as if you had rolled max HP. he he 841) You have a D20 weighted towards 1, give it to a player as a birthday present. Then get offended if they don't use the special dice you lovelingly picked... :D 842) Have you ever told them... 'Sorry the princess is in another castle'? 842a) Just for the sake of using a mario quote you make them slog through a ultra hard castle to find said princess has just popped out and is currently in the outhouse they passed on the way in. Mhahahaha 843) None of the NPCs speak common or any other language the PCs know if they try to learn it the NPC stop speaking it. They will spend their whole time thinking they are tourists.
Khan2000 11-22-05, 02:06 PM	844) A paragon rakshasa with 11 lvls of sorcerer, 15 lvls of swashbuckler, 9 lvls of fighter, and a full archmage (5 lvls) as the mastermind of a slavery ring. 845) And make the players fight him in an arena. 846) Repeatedly.
Blackrazorblade 11-22-05, 07:42 PM	844) A paragon rakshasa with 11 lvls of sorcerer, 15 lvls of swashbuckler, 9 lvls of fighter, and a full archmage (5 lvls) as the mastermind of a slavery ring. 845) And make the players fight him in an arena. 846) Repeatedly. You know that last one is the clincher 847: You think any monster with less than 2 templates is "too weak" 848: Dues Ex Machina is the ONLY way your PCs survive an easy encounter
MistWolf 11-22-05, 10:23 PM	Posted by mistake. Please delete
MistWolf 11-22-05, 10:28 PM	The players give you a button that reads: "WARNING! Anything you say can and will be disseminated, twisted, distorted, altered beyond recognition and used against you by the DM." As a birthday present You run a straight forward fast paced story line and when it's over, the players won't stop playing because "your plots are never that simple!" You come home from work and your players waiting for you at your door. "Please, we have to play tonight! We have to know what happens!"
hmmmm 11-23-05, 04:15 AM	847: a player talks to a kid and his dad comes out and beats the grey matter out of the PC's head. 848: if they ask a question you take away all of there inteligence points and put them in a room with wizards who hate idiots. (there level 65)
yellowdingo 11-23-05, 09:56 AM	849:You decided that only Bahamut could have paladins and they must spend their life tracking down the Orb of Bahamut Summoning and Activate it in the Heartland of Some evil empire. The Adventure ends as Bahamut swings around from behind the Moon and breathweapons a couple mile radius of Citadel for a non savingthrow breath damage of 120hp. Player realizes why he has the highest level Paladin in the Campaign setting. Player Screams.
Secrets Untold 11-23-05, 10:46 AM	850: You skip #851 for no good reason 852: You create a place called the Field of Happiness and Love 853: Every creature from the BoVD and Heroes of Horror lives on said Field
Gemstone 11-23-05, 03:59 PM	849:You decided that only Bahamut could have paladins and they must spend their life tracking down the Orb of Bahamut Summoning and Activate it in the Heartland of Some evil empire. The Adventure ends as Bahamut swings around from behind the Moon and breathweapons a couple mile radius of Citadel for a non savingthrow breath damage of 120hp. Player realizes why he has the highest level Paladin in the Campaign setting. Player Screams. I didn't get that one...
orcslayer 11-23-05, 09:06 PM	852: The elf wizard gets butt raped by a centaur.
tharivol266 11-23-05, 10:10 PM	pay attention ppl 859 during the week you tell your players that they'll hate you and at the next session the all show up with 3 new characters 860: you throw away all of their back ups
Sssargoth 11-23-05, 11:24 PM	861) Let them reach epic level, then take a normal, completely unmodified wyrmling from the MM, and kick their ass with it. :dragon: 862) Let them think it was a pigmy great wyrm, with 20 levels of Rogue for the next 6 months, because nothing can hide that well and not be a Rogue. :evillaugh There is a reason my group wont let me be DM.
LugWrench 11-24-05, 02:17 AM	863. Curse one PC with the Anti-Midas Touch. Every coin he touches turns into a copper piece.
DragonDeadite 11-24-05, 12:06 PM	864: Give each character the chance to come back from death three times, and the players still show up with extra characters. (My DM is like that!) 865: You go out and buy a box of 30 D6s for your player who's a mage and starting to get into the Big Damage spells and tell her "I'll need to borrow those next game." 866: You borrow them, and ask if anyone else has some more. 867: You roll them all... twice. 868: You force them to watch The Gamers because you think it's very fitting that the PCs get to kill the players. 869: When you plan on the session being difficult you put a red cloth under the battle mat. When the players see the red cloth they turn around and walk back out. (I've had it happen!) 870: You buy up all of the McFarlane dragons you can find and put them on shelves around where you sit and from time to time flip through your notes, then look behind you at the dragons, sighing and saying "Almost time my pretties... almost time!" (Anyone who hasn't seen them needs to see them! www.Spawn.com, looks for his dragons! They're just awesome!)
Tuah 11-24-05, 12:12 PM	871: Pun-pun.
Spike_Fightwicky 11-24-05, 02:14 PM	872) All your assassins use the same homebrew contact poison against the PCs=> DC 30, if you make your save, your character dies and can't be resurrected by any force in the universe. If you fail, you can no longer play a WotC product again. 873) You make it so that all the loot your evil NPCs have detonate as soon as those NPCs are defeated.
Xeio 11-24-05, 03:49 PM	874: Your new monster does 'once dicebag' damage. 875: Said dicebag has at least 6 sets of dice in it. 876: The BBEG is the NPC the party has befriended since level 1. 877: The BBEG fills his pit traps with spheres of annihilation. 878: You give out treasure in copper pieces, only copper pieces, and make sure to keep track of the weight of said copper pieces. 879: Said copper pieces cannot be teleported, and wont go into extradimensional space. 880: You have used over 30 items on this list. 881: Cursed items in your campaign require a wish or miracle spell to remove.
tharivol266 11-24-05, 04:21 PM	876: The BBEG is the NPC the party has befriended since level 1. 877: The BBEG fills his pit traps with spheres of annihilation. dont tell my group. the first two npcs they met are in cahoots with ea. other
avatar6v7 11-24-05, 05:15 PM	882: your players have been transformed from happy, fuffiled and excitable people, into bitter cynics, then into terrrified quivering mounds of gibbering fear and madness, hopelessly addicted to the campaign thats ruining them 883: adjust your players charchter stats to match, in your opinion, the stats of the player in real life. Make all the int and cha scores 3's 884: wear a smug grin, a mask of dreadful authority, an evil laugh or a bestial snarl whenever you DM.
Gemstone 11-24-05, 05:18 PM	882: your players have been transformed from happy, fuffiled and excitable people, into bitter cynics, then into terrrified quivering mounds of gibbering fear and madness, hopelessly addicted to the campaign thats ruining them Guilty to that one :weep: I've created an RPG that basicly brought two people in to addiction... :eek:
killbob75 11-24-05, 05:48 PM	885: You make sure that most of the #'s overlap so that no-one can reach the end 886: Just as your hero's manage to kill the final monster, the entire dungeon respawns. And is double the difficulty for _everything_
High Octane 11-24-05, 05:54 PM	848: Dues Ex Machina is the ONLY way your PCs survive an easy encounter My DM is so guilty of this.
Aeolus91 11-24-05, 06:17 PM	876: The BBEG is the NPC the party has befriended since level 1. Don't tell my party either..... Oh and by the way, if Acheron reads this, his character will officially be dropped into the tank of Anthropomorphic Fiendish Dire Piranhas of Legend Sor20s. Flying Anthropomorphic Fiendish Dire Pirhanas of Legend Sor20s. 887. Flying Anthropomorphic Fiendish Dire Pirhanas of Legend Sor20s appear regularly in your campaigns. (Guilty of this one... tee hee.)
General_Ridley 11-24-05, 07:43 PM	882. Fiendish spellwarped Elder Brain demilich Wiz (Necro) 5/Geometer 5/Mage of the Arcane Order 10/Cerebremancer 10.
LugWrench 11-24-05, 07:52 PM	883. Whenever your players try to break down a door, the door changes to a Planar Gate and sucks them in. (Very useful against 1st level heroses) 884. Your favorite PC game is Dungeon Keeper.
angelshelper81 11-24-05, 10:40 PM	885 The most active diety in your pantheon is Dungeon Masterious, the god of torturing with PCs. 886 Every time one of the PCs gains a level he gains a divine rank.
Jesper 11-25-05, 07:36 AM	885 The most active diety in your pantheon is Dungeon Masterious, the god of torturing with PCs. 886 Every time one of the PCs gains a level he gains a divine rank. why is giving the pcs divine rank evil? that sounds more like a good thing then a bad one
Gemstone 11-25-05, 08:48 AM	why is giving the pcs divine rank evil? that sounds more like a good thing then a bad one He meant that the evil deity (Dungeon Masterius) gains a DvR every time the PC's gains a level :D
Pellanor 11-25-05, 01:16 PM	887. You have the BBEG move in next door to the PC's while they're off adventuring. Have him use his funds to do things like build schools, feed the needy, and other such things to win him the favour of the townsfolk. Then laugh at the lawful PCs as they can't come up with a reason to get the BBEG kicked out, so they have to put up with him as a neighbor. That one's a variant of what I'm doing in my current game. hmmm... the problem with having a Player who reads these boards is that I can't post anything that they don't already know about... 888. Never have a single encounter equal to or above the above the average party level. And still get TPKs.
Silais 11-25-05, 06:04 PM	889. All encounters are below the average party level, thus making leveling up take forever.
walker on the horizon 11-30-05, 05:35 PM	844.) The DM usess a d% to tell how meny TPK there are going to be this time. I dont count the tpk eney more. :evillaugh DM:I will tack your souls. PC:Wha??? DM:U all die I now own your soul!!! PC: :OMG! 845.) Wershup the DM he is god AND hes angery. :evillaugh Do the kirbe <(^.^)>Q(^.^)-o poor high kirbe (>@.o)>
metamind 11-30-05, 05:47 PM	846. you have gotten more tpks in one session than points on your SAT score :invasion:
blahblahblah5038 11-30-05, 07:21 PM	889. All encounters are below the average party level, thus making leveling up take forever. 890) you laugh and the players cringe. 891) you sometimes laugh for no reason other than seeing them cringe, you aren't doing anything evil and it entertains you none the less.
Chosen of the Dark Sun 11-30-05, 07:47 PM	846. you have gotten more tpks in one session than points on your SAT score :invasion: Wow, thats weird timing, I just saw mine like five minutes ago...almost perfect scores... :cool: 892. The 5th level PCs get captured by the BBEG (a half-fiend vampire Sor 20/ Wiz 10 (nec)), who take their equipment, and sends them to her demi-planar prison. The prison is just a bunch of deep canyons with whistling wind that drives the occupents insane (think Pandemonium), and you can't die except by being killed by the other insane occupents (and often subsequently eaten). When the PCs finally escape a after a furious fight with a draegloth when the are weaponless and naked, they find themselves back in their home city, which is now a burned and charred ruin with few survivors and is under seige by an army of undead led by the BBEG. And then they find out forty years have passed... And, yes, I actually did this to my PCs. :devil: That was a fun campaign.
shadowmimiiru 11-30-05, 08:37 PM	893) You have your Pc's fight a lvl 20 Vamp Wizard in a room lined with enchanted chains (Reflex save of 18 to not get hit every round for 1d6) and a floor made out of nightstone (1d6 damage every round). Also the vamp can only be killed permently by staking him through the heart once he reaches 0 Hp, and if not he gets back up at full heal in 1d10 minutes. later shadow
Jharviss 11-30-05, 10:44 PM	894) You promise that you'll kill your player's character (and their significant others) if they are unable to become the president of the Brittney Spears' Fanclub of your choice. Then you kill their character for being the creation of the biggest fan of such a skank.
Jharviss 11-30-05, 10:52 PM	826)The players all shiver when you look up For some odd reason, this really struck me. Someday, I'll make it happen.
Silais 12-01-05, 04:27 AM	As far as I can tell we're up to 896, so... 896. You honestly want this list to make it to 1001, so that you can have faith that the world has enough evil DMs. 897. When your watching the fourth harry potter movie and lord voldmort is launching into his evil speach, your best friend (who is a player) turns to you and says "NO. BAD DM". This actualy happened to me a couple of days ago. 898. You've managed to nearly TPK the party with a well powergamed NPC at -2 average party level. 899. You've got 30+ different remix versions of the jenova theme from FF VII. 890. You play said music for an ENTIRE session (wana drive them nuts when the characters are in pandamonium?)
roaming_gnome93 12-01-05, 05:30 PM	891. players cant do anything right PC- I pick up a rock DM-the rock says"you fool! you picked me up! now I can rule the world!" the world ends
walker on the horizon 12-01-05, 07:27 PM	am a Evil DM but my DM is just a basterd not evil just a big basterd This is what he did 892.) Clerics cant get Metamagic Feats. 893.) Clerics cant spontanisly chast heals spells. 894.) A player terns you into a vampire slave his alinment dosnt go down his is LN. Man im evil but not letting clerics have serten feats if they qulify is just rung. Im not good at English.
LugWrench 12-01-05, 11:05 PM	895. After anouncing how many bad guys the party encounters, they start arguing as to who will be offered to the bad guys to spare the rest of the party. 896. You have your party abosolutely terrified of armless, legless kobolds. 897. You play Briteny Spears, Christina Agulara, and Jessica Simpson songs whenever a PC is being interrogated.
jade_jester 12-02-05, 05:24 AM	896. You honestly want this list to make it to 1001, so that you can have faith that the world has enough evil DMs. Not far now. 898. You fail to mention that the monk they picked up in town is actually an ogre magi that's out for the bounty on one of the p.c.'s heads. They just didn't ask. 899 One of the vampires in your VTM game gets so ****** off he decides to walk east until sunrise. 900. You change a player's alignment from N/G to C/E for a coup de grace on a guard he cast sleep on. 901 Vol turns all their NPC friends and family into undead minions. I've got a player in a game right now that doesn't yet know that his father through great grandfather is under her control. 902 You tell them they don't have any gold because they didn't say they were taking the treasure. 903 You never give them treasure.....ever. 904 You let a person write up a character with no intention of letting them play and then run around playing behind their back. 905 You place your players in a mountain filled with a magical fog that negates one character's shadowstride ability and allows the spellfire weilder to have access to an infinite supplie of magic. Then you hit them with a psionicist that's 9 lvls higer than them just because you wanted to see what they could do. 906 Your player takes the dragonrider prestige class and you never give them their dragon 907 You and a player switch places for a game and when he uses his character as a plot hook you dismiss his abscence with "he disappears sometimes, he just does that." 908 You've killed numerous characters, but they were all played by the same person.
Jesper 12-02-05, 10:36 AM	909 you tell your players that a certan (bad ) spell is really good 910 you tell your players that a certan (bad) skill is good 911 you tell your players taht a certan (bad) feat is good 912 you convice the players from 909 and 910 to take said skills spells and feats and never let the use them in the game
avatar6v7 12-02-05, 01:45 PM	913: your players repeatedly get horrible things happen to them in relation with the number 13, the 13th kobold wasnt a commoner, he was a 13th level socerer(who knew?), the LG cleric who gives them access to the tresury 'forgot' to undo the trap on the 13th chest, and the 13th room collapsed just as they where heading to the final bbeg battle(come on guys, i used a d%). All your players will retire their charchter levels just before level 13, now why would that be :confused:
revnk 12-02-05, 01:57 PM	914. You come to these boards and lurk the alignment threads as a way of brainstorming new encounters for your players.
avatar6v7 12-02-05, 02:13 PM	915: design your camppaigns for people of the opposite alignment of your PC's, if they dont play it like that, give them XP penaltys for hinderig the plot, and if they play it correctly then give them XP pentaltys for not roleplaying their alignment 916: get a huge DM screen and TPK your players if they peak behind the screen, once theyve learnt their lesson, get a recording of some small annoying noise, and put it on loop behind your DM screen, then leave for the greater part of the session.
Papapeperoni 12-02-05, 02:32 PM	917: Bring a bodybag to all of your D&D sessions.
metamind 12-02-05, 04:23 PM	891. players cant do anything right PC- I pick up a rock DM-the rock says"you fool! you picked me up! now I can rule the world!" the world ends you stole that from me at the last session! ah who cares this is better: 918. you see an old man who offers you 10 times your weight in gold to give him something. u give it 2 him, and NOT only do u NOT get the gold, but this happens: 1. the old man goes to the plane of shadow 2. he summons up an army of dragons and undead which plague the multiverse 3. you whatch helplessly as ur turned into a muffin, and your equipment is stolen by a halfling who lives in an anti magic field 4. the anti magic halfling breaks ur weapons in half 5. the halfling summons tiamat with unlimited HP 6. tiamat burns down the town 7. Commoners all love tiamat but hate u 7b. Commoners also have unlimited HP 8. ur walking and get knocked unconcius every other round, each time waking up n front of tiamat Most of these events happend to me and roaming gnome thanks to a certain DM. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! CHRIS!
Silais 12-02-05, 06:12 PM	914. You come to these boards and lurk the alignment threads as a way of brainstorming new encounters for your players. Now how is that evil thats just fun... Oh right, anything a DM thinks is fun is probably evil... 919. You base your BBEG off of black mage from 8-bit theater (I used the prestige class brain wrote and everything.) 920. You quote 8-Bit theater and Order of the stick nearly every game. 921. You have a specific music track for TPKs that you only play when your about to try to kill them. 922. Said music has a higher play count than any of the other D&D tracks.
Drasche 12-03-05, 11:51 PM	914. You come to these boards and lurk the alignment threads as a way of brainstorming new encounters for your players. Guilty. 923. Your nightmarish sessions have driven your players to drinking heavily. During the sessions. 924. The party paladin hasn't slept since his run-in with "Sha-loth, Ogress of love". 925. Neither has the bard. 926. The party's miniatures are coated red with painted wound marks. 927. Your players wish you'd find another, less sadistic hobby. Like kicking puppies.
zero_cool 12-04-05, 02:07 AM	928- Your players suspect that something is wrong when they are given by the local clerig a Staff of True Instant Resurrection with 10 charges... for free. (this really happens in my campaign and we have only 5 left) 929- your players are tired of fighting their ex-recently-just-turn-zto-zombies character every now and then.
Always-Late 12-04-05, 02:09 AM	928- Your players suspect that something is wrong when they are given by the local clerig a Staff of True Instant Resurrection with 10 charges... for free. (this really happens in my campaign and we have only 5 left)And your character wouldn't think something was wrong?
zero_cool 12-04-05, 02:30 AM	No, we are used to this situations. we never left home without our Staff of True Instant Resurrection (that can be recharged by the local clerig) 929 - The session begins with the DM saying: let´s see... who will die today? 930 . You use the Above phase to make them believe that only one character will be killed
Druidsrule 12-04-05, 03:23 PM	931 - You teach your Players that the Tarrasque breeds asexually. The hard way.
MrPlatos 12-04-05, 08:08 PM	Your BBEG Outsider has the quicken spell like abilities dimension door, and greater teleport, and he ALWAYS gets away. One of your players cries, not because of anything that happens to their characters, but because of your descriptions. (Happened last night, seriously) Once in a while your players EXPECT you to jump on your chair and wiggle your fingers as if with marrionettes, screaming "DANCE FOR ME MY PUPPETS! DANCE!", and they don't blame you. You're one of those DMs who makes limb loss eye burning outs possible and permament, and the players know it. Your players write down readied actions, and don't show you untill your NPC has acted. one word:Tactics. every once in a while you get stuck when your players fall victim to your brilliant battle strategy, during a random encounter. You don't wanna TPK on a random encounter, that's what BBEG is for, so what do you do? :schemes:
WandererTheLost 12-04-05, 08:15 PM	939: You keep track of the worlds population and the players are running out of people to play as.
Blackrazorblade 12-04-05, 08:28 PM	939: You keep track of the worlds population and the players are running out of people to play as. Bravo. thats a good one. 940: PC's have stopped asking why you do't bring a MM, because everytime they asked you'd calmly hold up the epic level book and grin.
Gemmalah 12-05-05, 08:00 AM	923. Your nightmarish sessions have driven your players to drinking heavily. During the sessions. 941: You are the DM and drink heavily during games. Therefore all NPCS everywhere are drunk. Players cannot get a good clue, hint, or any help at all. Even shopkeepers appear to be merry on the job! 942. Players take to drinking as much coffee and high cafeene drinks as possible, they just need to be alert just in case they miss something. Even blinking at the wrong time = death! :eek:
walker on the horizon 12-05-05, 11:33 PM	942.) your players suffer night mares from your DMing. 943.)One of your tourcher for the PCs is Dumping multen hot lead down one of the PC in an interigashon. 944.) You also put other nasty thangs down there a weel. 945.) the horrible turchers you come up with give your PC night mares. 946.) your PC wounder why the hell you arnt rualing Hell. 947.) My reply is I do and your in hell and I own your souls. 948.) You PC think that when I die al have this conversashon. Demon: your name? DM: so and so Demon:Weve heird of you. Demon: we have a speshal place for you Mr. So and So Demon: step this way Mr. Sa and So your in the VIP sechon. 949.) When you die your PC dig me up cut my head off, cremat me, dump me in holy water, then send me off to the five courners of the world. 950.) An achul conversashon PC:Take this. DM: It burns us! PC: Its Holy water ya Bas :censored: DM: you are so dead. Pc runs creyming in terre.
Gemstone 12-06-05, 04:21 AM	DM: It burns us! That's a good one :)
Gemmalah 12-06-05, 08:37 AM	951. I am evil because I love oozes my favourite is the gelatinous Cube. It has its own theme song in my games. When i sing it out of game my players flinch. 952. Ok so the song for the cubes isn't a song more of a repetitive chant about them. DM: I love gelatinous cubes, they are so great, better than OXO cubes. split them in half you have two, I love gelantinous cubes. PC: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH PC2: Oh my god there are so many! (insert girly scream here) PC3: I'm a bard you go fight them while I sing some encouragement. (ends up singing the cube song as i have repeated it so much it sticks, and I like bards to roleplay the singing) DM: -3 penalty on morale (Roll to hit i think?) because the bard isn't being very encouraging. PC: :surrender YAY i love gelatinous cubes. I don't have to give them a motive and they are so big they can block the path to treasure, or possibly dissolve it. :plotting: :clap:
Gemstone 12-06-05, 09:39 AM	953. Every time you roll a dice, your players invoke the name of some ancient unholy god for protection, because its evil is nearly on pair with you 954. Said unholy god can't come back to earth as long as you DM 955. You've more than once been forced to deal with a holy order dedicated to stop you from DMing 956. Everytime the Partys paladin cast detect Evil, the world shines brigthly enough to burn his eyes out. 957. Not only deities are untouchable in your games. It goes for BBEGs to! 958. You can recite every entre on this thread, without looking and without even need to se it... once... 959. When you roll more than one dice, the unholy god from #954 is banished even deeper into the abyss were he's caught...
Radijs 12-06-05, 10:26 AM	#960: You can sing all the songs on "a very scary solstice" and "Cthulhu the musical" with all voices at the same time, alone and preferably without hearing or seeing the music beforehand.
Silais 12-06-05, 04:39 PM	961. Your converting this list into a massive check list to post behind your DMs chair.
Golem_Lord 12-10-05, 11:33 AM	962: When you say "Rat" the parties cleric and palliden cast all evil-smiting things on it 963: You have a Wall with all the dead Charicters on it 964: there were to many, so you put them on the great wall of china 965: There wasent enough space for all the sheets 967:you'r so sinister, you play with peoples minds 968: you'r so sinister, you skipped a number, and most of the people didnt notice 969:You decided playing with peoples mind is boring 970: So you got a Mindflayer to eat them 971: Said mindflayer dies because the corrupted minds killed it 972: the leftover charicter sheets from 965 were used to make another great wall 973: you'r so evil, you noticed that your fly is open. . . 974: . . .and your not even wearing any pants(:confused: ) 975: Your Players had to sell there souls to the devil. . . 976: . . .to beat a Rabbit 977: Then your players all go to hell and you need to get more players
Ajehy 12-11-05, 01:28 PM	977) You noticed that someone skipped a number and then stuck to the real count in order to force one more suggestion out of everyone 978) Impose "loss of familliar" penalties on anyone who loses an animal companion, cohort, mount or pet bunny. 979) Raise said pet bunny as a zombie and impose the penalties again once the PCs kill it. 980) Put the Orlando-bloom crazy player in the position of party leader, then... 981) Force her to kill Legolas. Repeatedly. (I am guilty of the last two :D)
GrumpyWizard 12-13-05, 02:18 PM	982. Your players only agree to play with you if you promise to stay in the next room the entire session. 983. Somehow you never seem to run out of crisps and snacks, while your players leave starved. They have all volunteered to give them to you...
Black Kitten 12-13-05, 03:50 PM	983. Somehow you never seem to run out of crisps and snacks, while your players leave starved. They have all volunteered to give them to you... Says the DM who is glad to be back to playing since he's generally leaving starved. :D
GrumpyWizard 12-13-05, 04:01 PM	Says the DM who is glad to be back to playing since he's generally leaving starved. :D *sigh* I guess I will never be evil... :allalone:
Jesper 12-13-05, 05:17 PM	961. Your converting this list into a massive check list to post behind your DMs chair. guilty 984 your players start to think that every week you and the all the evil gods in the world have lessions on how to be more evil and they have asked you how much you charge them!
+10 holy club 12-16-05, 10:08 AM	983. Somehow you never seem to run out of crisps and snacks, while your players leave starved. They have all volunteered to give them to you... "volunteered", eh?
orcslayer 12-16-05, 11:02 AM	985. You make them slaves of balor at lvl. 1.
Gemstone 12-16-05, 11:55 AM	986. All opponents have 10 levels of their favored class as their racial hit die 987. Your players consecrate your dice before letting you roll with them and they still come up as worse as ever 988. The dragons of your campaign spend all their time trying to figure out eloborate plots to destroy your PC's, no matter what number of incarnation they are currently playing as 989. You frequent the Character Optimization board to "Reduce the weaknessess" of your monsters 990. Monsters never have Racial Hit die, but always has class levels instead... and remain the same CR. 991. You proclaim that half-orcs are overpowered and that your going to adjust all other races to make them more balanced. 992. Even if your characters has an ECL of 21 they still believe that house mice can kill them. 993. Your plots always ends up with the PC's destroying themselves 994. You wrote a better list than this yesterday 995. Each death in your campaign means that all other characters lose a level 996. You've mathematicly proved that monsters does more than twice as many criticals on your PC's than normal probability allows 997. Your players starts each session with "The power of Christ compels you" and spreads various holy symbols all over the gaming table just to keep you in your... "Mortal" form 998. Whenever touching the BoED, you get serious burns, that heals instanltly when you touch your BoVD 999. You own two copies of the BoVD 1000. All copies of the BoED crumbles to dust when they come into your presence 1001. Your PC's has stopped gaming with you so they can return to their once sane lives of fear of what is beyond death, but can't since they've been through hell and back since starting to play with you. 1001 ways complete!
Golem_Lord 12-16-05, 06:02 PM	1002-Your Players come with enough charicter sheets to last a millenium 1003- and by the end of the sesion they need more
MrGod 12-16-05, 09:49 PM	1004-Your PC's are ambushed by twenty Frost Giants (in the desert!) ,while the PCs are at level 1, at their campsite before they even set camp! LOL
Drasche 12-16-05, 10:14 PM	1001. Your PC's has stopped gaming with you so they can return to their once sane lives of fear of what is beyond death, but can't since they've been through hell and back since starting to play with you. That is awesome. 1005. Your players routinely fail their Sense Motive checks against the BBEG, and are forever convinced that he's just a gentle agrarian homesteader, rather than a genocidal egomaniac who ate their parents. 1006. Your players have been Mindraped so many times they have forgotten how to remember things.
Golem_Lord 12-17-05, 06:52 PM	1007) You allowed the Pc's to have a minion of any race when they were level 1. . . 1008)But little do they know, There all evil/good. . . (one was a chaotic evil drow)
zzap1990 12-22-05, 07:20 PM	1009) the party meets a swarm of what looks like flies but is really a swarm of micro half-Tarrasque half-Dragon dire fiendish Beholders able to do 10 death rays a turn and a breath weapon that is a swirling sphere (because all the criters are firing outward) of ice and fire going 30 feet outward doing 5d6 fire and 5d6 ice damage once every 2d4 turns
Dichotomic 12-23-05, 01:16 AM	1010) Your recap of the previous session starts: "Elemental Plane of Air, Day 205: You are still falling." 1011) Your pc's would now pay to not be ressurrected. 1012) Azathoth isn't tough enough. That's why you added the paragon template. 1013) The pc's are the only characters in the world that don't have the paragon template.
The_EvilDungeon_Master 12-23-05, 01:30 AM	1014) Due to an unfortunate incident involving an Apple, A Sharp Stick, And the death of a level 20 Paladin, all of your PC's have been kicked out of every major city.
moonwolf 12-28-05, 11:03 AM	you ressurect a level 1 pc who rolled double 1, yust so you can kill him yourself.
hammer_hand 12-28-05, 11:32 AM	1016)You cried with happieness when this thread broke the 1001 barrier 1017)You post on this so it wil never... 1018)ever... 1019)ever... 1020)end in your life time!
Loki_God'o'Chaos 12-28-05, 02:42 PM	1021 : Your first level party shows up, and sees you reading through Dracomicon and the book of vile darkness. They start laughing and say, "I see we are taking it easy this week." (note, I have this happen once every several months)
KublaiKhan 12-31-05, 03:01 PM	1022: You invent a custom spell, "Mass Broadway Musical" 1023: Which is the signature spell of the campaign 1024: And involves mind-controlling the characters into singing and dancing according to said musicals. 1025: And you trap a pipe organ with it. 1026: And as a result, one of your players has declared a vendetta on pipe organs. [ Guilty on all counts. ]
Jodjod 12-31-05, 03:19 PM	1027: You declare that players MUST be half-elf barbarians. And masterwork and magical weapons are not allowed. Ever.
DMaster42 12-31-05, 03:38 PM	x) You kill 3 characters during the first adventure. Two characters of the same player!
Morotis 12-31-05, 03:40 PM	1028: You don't allow your PCs to use magic of any sorts (but enemies can!) and Rogue, Ranger, Fighter, And Barbarian Classes are not allowed (My DM did this once... :ahem: )
Blackrazorblade 12-31-05, 08:46 PM	1028: You don't allow your PCs to use magic of any sorts (but enemies can!) and Rogue, Ranger, Fighter, And Barbarian Classes are not allowed (My DM did this once... :ahem: ) What the.....?????? 1029: You only let the players use the base classess from the complete books but no other non-core material. 1030: All of the lichs in your campaigns have split their phylactery into a million different ones via the epic spell. As such the PCs can never truly defeat the lich
High Octane 12-31-05, 10:08 PM	1029: You only let the players use the base classess from the complete books but no other non-core material. I do this. Why is that bad?
Bob the Great 12-31-05, 11:06 PM	1031: You decide that natural 20's no longer auto-succeed on saving throws. 1032: This affects gameplay. 1033: After seeing the saturday 24th issue of Goblins (http://thunt.comicgen.com/) you decide that you need a critical fumble table like that. 1034: The second your PC's say "They're only XYZs", the monsters gain 10 levels in fighter. 1035: Your players never trigger 1034 anymore. 1036: It's only been around since last session. 1037: You've ever killed a PC for using a wish to get less than 1000 GP worth of stuff. 1038: You've decided that time stop can be affected by extend, but haven't told the PCs. 1039: PCs who kill your BBEGs have a mysterious way of critically fumbling themselves to death. 1040: Within 1 round of the kill. 1041: On a natural 20. 1042: You've ever had such massive quantities of involuntary time travel that your PCs are now 32 times older than the universe itself. 1043: They're still only level 1 though. Shamelessly guilty of 1033, 1034, 1037. Cookie to whoever gets the reference in 1042.
Eric3_14159 12-31-05, 11:19 PM	Cookie to whoever gets the reference in 1042. Marvin the Paranoind Android, in So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish. I notice the number you chose for that, as well.
avatar6v7 01-01-06, 09:44 AM	1044: players buff themselves and ready their most powerful spells and abillities before going to a tea party 1045: you have a fake wall in your room that swings aside to reveal a supercomputer dedicated to serfing the internet and scanning up d&d books to design the most fiendish adventures 1046: your players copy their charchter sheets several hundred times in preparation for your session 1047: to keep your players playing despite the horrendous conditions, you provide them with nicotine laced snacks 1048: your average campaign has a higher suicide rate thann any three mental institutions(other than the wizards of the coast d&d rehabillitation home)
Loki_God'o'Chaos 01-01-06, 01:00 PM	1049- You create a D100 list entitled the List of Doom, and whenever a player does something stupid, you role a D100 and tell them what is happening to them 1050- Number 64 on said list is Godsmack - Anytime you do something agianst your gods ideals, you get a roll on the List of Doom, if you have no good, its anytime you do something evil. 1051- You need to make said table over agian, because 2 people in your party used up everything on the original 1052- In one session, mainly because they were wincing too much (I played in a game where this happened)
Khelvaster 01-01-06, 06:54 PM	53. You find it greatly amusing to kill a party of higher level PCs, with CR 5 demons.. Jovocs, to be exact.. Aura of Retribution is fun. I never knew this was bad... I have two TPKs under my belt from jovocs, plus one almost-TPK where I let them win to avoid being hit by +5 dice of DM slaying. :devil:
WizardlyFriend 01-01-06, 07:09 PM	1053 - on the list of doom (mentioned by loki) #100 is choose any number, or make up something. this is the best number. 1054 - your PCs take hours to go through a hallway, as they must search every inch hundreds of times to make sure it's not trapped. 1055 - you are frequently accused of powergaming and munchkining. the PCs often cry when they see you blatantly exploit a weak point in the rules. 1056 - the only time the good guys win in your campaign is when the PCs play evil characters
High Octane 01-01-06, 07:38 PM	1057- Your NPCs have somehow prepared for every contingincy. PC: I cast "charm person" DM: It fails. PC: But you didn't roll! DM: He has a ring of "Mind blank". PC: Thats like a 55,000 gp item! DM: So? PC: ITS A KOBOLD! And we are level 1! (and of course, the ring disintegrates when the original owner dies) 1058- You have ever ended a battle when a PC dies with "Wow, I really thought more of you were going to die." (My DM had the gall to say this to us. It was my PC by the way.) 1059- You realize your players are beginning to become less attached to their characters because they expect death, so you ease up and decrease the death count..... for about 3 months until the party starts loving their characters again, then use 10-12 random items from #s 1-1058 on this list to make sure they all of a sudden die a slow agonizing death. 1060- Approximately 55% of every session is spent scrounging up gold for resurrections.
Zinegata 01-01-06, 07:51 PM	1061 - You welcome new players by saying "Excellent, more victims." ^_^
ConclaveKing 01-01-06, 07:53 PM	1062: When you teach new players by pitting them against three full grown black dragons.
Loki_God'o'Chaos 01-01-06, 09:34 PM	Hey, I think Im actually a very nice and kind DM, so thusly, I detest 1058 onward, because I do all of those...............regularly
Blackrazorblade 01-02-06, 04:59 PM	I do this. Why is that bad? I think i was unclear, i meant ONLY the base classess from the complete books, so no fighters, rogues celrics etc.....
tragedy 01-02-06, 07:46 PM	1063)Whenever you say "It's only a small monster." the PCs scream and start praying to their deities. 1064)You pit a 50th level NPC warforged barbarian against a 1st level party. 1065)A tetramorph just happens to attack the 2nd level party,followed by three white sladdi and Aumvor the Undying.
TheLittleTailor 01-03-06, 12:58 AM	1066) Everytime you talk about the most evil wizard in your game, your players suggest something that you hadn't thought of, and so you liberally apply it to him... and all his kin.
ressurrector 01-03-06, 01:24 AM	these are all things a DM of mine has done to either me or other players: 1067) you have made your players loose all their gear so many times, they're reading over the monk class very closely.... 1068) one of your PCs gets married and has children, you immediately kidnap his wife+kids and he dosen't see them for 15 years in game. 1069) and when he does his wife was ******ed up so much by the bad guys she thinks she's an animal... (seriously, no longer sentient) 1070) you have ever had an NPC with sadistic sexual tendancies go wild with a captured PC (either male or female) 1071) the above, but with acid and electricity. 1072) you think the above are great ideas :weep: I did stay with that DM untill we all left highschool and went our seporate ways. He may have sucked as a DM, but DANG did his stories/NPCs etc... kick a**, he was also very recalcitrant to kill the players, so it turned into mostly roleplaying the horrible things that happened to us, and occasionally taking out our anger on the BBEG's mooks. Not that bad honestly, and we were allways wondering what happens next, now if only he had a grasp of the game mechanics.
High Octane 01-03-06, 05:40 AM	I think i was unclear, i meant ONLY the base classess from the complete books, so no fighters, rogues celrics etc..... Interesting, and yes pretty bad.
tragedy 01-03-06, 10:50 AM	1073)The DM forces you to write a binding contract with one of the Lords of the Nine and gives you no way to redeem yourself (AKA:NOT getting your soul dragged into hell) 1074)You encounter a soul-locked (unofficial template from Heroes of Horror) demilich with more phylacteries (through usage of "Aumvor's fragmented phylactery"?) than the total population of the Abyss (damned souls included) and Baator (same thing applies).
Asmodeous_IX 01-03-06, 01:24 PM	Give them out of game advice "why dont you go through the archway the skeleton is pointing at" (tomb of horrors)
Asmodeous_IX 01-03-06, 01:27 PM	Run any of the original adventures penned by gygax
tragedy 01-08-06, 02:53 PM	1075)force your PCs to eat green slime in a attempt to escape from a rampaging Tarrasque.
orcslayer 01-08-06, 06:43 PM	Wow we got past 1001. Sweeeeeet! :cool:
LurkeroftheUnderworld 01-08-06, 07:34 PM	1076. You always hit good-aligned PC's with no-win situations (especially paladins) Example: DM: Everything will die, unless you kill that entire room full of virgins. PC: :censored: ! Can I make a 'What is evil' thread on the forums to check with my peers? DM: Take your time... :devil:
metamind 01-10-06, 04:49 PM	1077) you make a fake post just to see this thread return to recent threads. pure evel. :cool:
metamind 01-10-06, 04:50 PM	1077) you make a fake post just to see this thread return to recent threads. pure evil. :cool:
metamind 01-10-06, 04:54 PM	1077) you make a fake post just to see this thread return to recent threads. pure evil. :cool: YES!! I did it! I saved this thread! say thank you.
tragedy 01-28-06, 10:25 AM	1078)You strand your group on a dead magic plane with a constant psionic dimensional anchor effect on it.
speeblefreak 01-28-06, 12:46 PM	1079. You give your level 3 PCs a dagger that holds a balrog. 1080. You attack your same PCs with a scythe-weilding skeleton. As soon as they pick up the scythe an army of skeletons led by a demon lord shows up. 1081. The same PCs are then improsoned in an extraplanar gladitorial arena. 1082. As as result, your PCs never again accept a weapon you give them. Guilty of all 4. :devil:
LordBritish2 01-28-06, 03:13 PM	1083. You consider running an Eberron Campaign just so you can throw the worst party in Eberron against your PCs. :devil: :evillaugh
artemis the hunter 01-29-06, 10:38 PM	1084. You think symbols of death make great dungeon decorations 1085. you include at least 5 symbols of death in any given encounter 1086. As a result, your PC's are afraid to even move 1087. You have a symbol of death that goes off if the PC's stand still for too long
High Octane 01-30-06, 12:43 AM	Run any of the original adventures penned by gygax I agree. Deathtraps. First edition is EVIL!
Silais 01-30-06, 02:03 PM	But is first edition Lawful evil, Neutral evil, or chaotic evil?
orcslayer 01-30-06, 03:49 PM	1077) you make a fake post just to see this thread return to recent threads. pure evil. :cool: Pure anarchy!!!!!!
Blackavar 01-30-06, 06:42 PM	This isn't my story, and it wasn't even the DM who was responsible, but it does a really good job of being evil. First, the background information. There's a group of 4 PC's: a 10th level paladin, his wife (a 7th level bard), and two 7th or 8th level brothers, one ranger and one something else. The DM is not unusually evil, but this game has an unusual twist: The BBEG (half-demon vampire wiz17somethingelse3blackgaurd10, maybe some other template I've forgotten) was played, not by the DM, but by a 5th player, so there were 6 people altogether. This player knew how to be brilliantly evil, and decided to make the paladin suffer for personal entertainment. It is from his account that I heard this story. I'll do my best to repeat it accurately. 1088: The 4 regular PC's already knew about the BBEG and wanted to destroy him. The BBEG sent the paladin a letter saying something like "I've got your family hostage, come to their house to save them, if you have the courage." or something like that. As you might expect, the paladin (and the rest of the party) came rushing to rescue his family. His family consisted of his parents and his teenage sister who was on the verge of becoming a preist at a prominent church. The godess this church was devoted to preached kindness, mercy, forgiveness, etc. Think "image of purity" here. So, the paladin and his friends get to his parents house, and his parents are dead. Written on the wall in blood (guess whose) was some message calling him a fool. You might have noticed that I didn't say his sister was dead. She wasn't. The BBEG had made her into a vampire, and she was the one who killed her parents. To torture the paladin even more, the BBEG had provided her with some magic item that allowed her to stop the entire group except the paladin from fighting (hold person, I think, or something like that). So, the paladin was forced to destroy his own sister. With his own sword. Yes, he had to personally hack his own sister apart. 1089: Just to reiterate, the BBEG was not controlled by the DM. The DM still provided adventures, though. I describe this session described from the paladins's perspective. In this gaming session, only the DM and the 4 regular players were present. The PC's were in a town, and for several days there had been zombies and skeletons seen in the graveyard, so they decided to stay and protect the town. Then, a messenger arrives and informs the two brothers that their wealthy parents died recently. They had to go handle some legal issues, but the paladin assured them that he could defend the town himself. So, the brothers left, while the paladin and his wife stayed to defend the town. Soon after they left, the paladin was staying up all night on watch (18 CON, so he could skip sleep). About an hour before dawn the attack began. Leading the undead was the bouncer from the local tavern (wiz3somethingelse2), who had disappeared the day before, and had been suspected of being behind the rising undead by many people in the town (they didn't know he was only level 5). The bouncer had now become a vampire. Armed with his holy avenger, the paladin charged out to meet the undead, and started winning, easily. Then, he heard screams from the town behind him. He looked back and saw the town in flames. Running back to the town, he found everyone there slaughtered, and in the center of the town, leading the dozen ghouls who had massacred the town, was his wife. She was a vampire. It was at this moment that the person who told me this story, the person who played the BBEG, emerged from the back room where he had been hiding this whole time. Everyone knew who was behind this. So, the paladin fought and destroyed his wife. He had failed to protect the town, and he had now personally destroyed both his sister and his wife. He no longer wanted to destroy the BBEG so the world would be rid of the terrible evil. Now, his motive was revenge. hatred. vengence. He swore to personally kill the one responsible for his suffering. And thus he lost his paladinhood. 1090: An hour later, as the sun was rising, the two brothers returned. They had discovered that their parents were not dead, realized the BBEG was behind it, and come back at top speed. They came upon the ruins of the town, everyone dead, everything destroyed, and in the middle of it all stood the ex-paladin. When they asked him what happened, he told them the story briefly, that the BBEG was responsible, that he was going to personally hunt the BBEG, and that they were not to follow him. He got on his horse (now just an ordinary warhorse) and rode off. The brothers tried to come with him, but he refused to let the join him. The two brothers knew where he was headed: a town of no great significance except for its location. It was very close to a castle that they had suspected was the BBEG’s fortress (actually, they thought this because the BBEG had intentionally made this seem to be true. His real fortress was in Hell). Using a shortcut, they arrived a day before the ex-paladin. When the paladin arrived, he found the town in ruins and the brothers dead, with the BBEG's personal mark in their bodies. The ex-paladin blamed himself for their deaths, because he had refused to let them come. He threw away his holy avenger, knelt, and swore loyalty to the god of hatred and vengence (who, by the way, was the one who made the BBEG a vampire in the first place) if he would give him the power to destroy the BBEG. At this moment, the BBEG, who was watching, used a gate to summon a servant of this god, who gave the ex-paladin a sword with a history like that of the sword of kas. The 10th level ex-paladin then became a 10th level blackgaurd. He went to the BBEG's castle, fought his way past the gaurds (who, as per the BBEG design, were weak enough for him to beat), and, at last, reached his greatest nemesis. It was to be his final battle. He didn't care if he lived or died, all he wanted was to give all he had into this one, final, attack. The BBEG stood before him, said "You're not worth my time", knocked the blackgaurd unconscious with a single spell, and left. 1091: The other three players made new characters, and, a few days later (game time), joined the blackgaurd. The player who had previously played the fallen paladin's wife now played a priest of the same godess of kindness, mercy, and forgiveness that the fallen paladin's sister had followed. She learned what had happened to him, and, though some superb roleplaying from both her and the blackgaurd, she finally began to bring the blackgaurd, slowly but steadily, back towards the path of good. So the BBEG decided to change that. He appeared in front of them, and, using a home-made spell, punched into the preist's chest, ripped out her heart, placed it in the blackgaurd's hands, and teleported away 1092: At this point, the DM intervened. Moments after her death, she appeared before him, now an astral deva, and said that she had been sent back to complete her task and bring him back to the path of good. A gate to Hell opened directly behind her, the BBEG reached out and grabbed her, and took her to his fortress. There, he tortured her mercilessly until she bacame, at last, a fallen angel. She became his second-in-command 1093: Eventually, the blackgaurd managed to gain enough power to face the BBEG (along with the other PC's, who had become hard to kill). In the long battle that reduced the BBEG's fortress to rubble, they were at last victorious. But this blackgaurd had fallen so far into darkness that he was not satisfied. Not only did he see to it that the BBEG's soul was utterly and completely destroyed, but he also went on to destroy and replace the ruler of that layer of Hell. As the lord of a layer of hell, he became an even greater evil than the BBEG ever was. (The BBEG's player is DMing me now)
Zeppelin_129 01-30-06, 07:08 PM	1094) Telling your girlfriend's mother that her daughter will not be playing D&D at your house (a lie) because she doesn't want her daughter to practice witchcraft and devil worship *cough* *load of crap* *cough*
artemis the hunter 01-30-06, 08:12 PM	some people are just sick. Were they playing Ravenloft or something?
Grushvak 01-30-06, 09:03 PM	128: you give every goblin the party encounters a name and a backstory. And make sure the players know the Squiggybo had a wife and kids back home that are going to starve to death because their father couldn't bring back food for them. Their mother will have to sell herself in to prostitution just because the adventurerers wanted alittlebit more XP. Uh... I did that in the last game. No, really, I'm serious. Well what can I say, I like goblins. 1095: You roll treasure for your 3rd level party after a tough fight and divide the amount of gold pieces by 10... and then turn them into silver pieces. 1096: You force your PCs to haggle for everything. Think Monty Python's Life of Brian. 1097: You make all inn stays ridiculously expensive, so much that even after haggling for a good five minutes, they can't afford the lousiest room with 1095's loot and end up sleeping outside. 1098: Sleeping outside usually means getting raped by dire animals and/or ogres. 1099: You ask your players to do spot or listen check for no reason, whenever, wherever. 1100: You start shuffling through the pages of the monster manual whenever the players are badly wounded and trying to rest, even though you're not even planning on making a random encounter. 1101: When you do decide to place a random encounter, you don't ask for any spot or listen check. "They sneaked on you. Oh snap, you dead." 1102: You mess around trying to build the most powerful and yet most weak-looking NPC ever, ending up with a Monk 10/Forsaker 10 with Vow of Poverty dressed as a peasant. You then throw it at your level 4 group as a random encounter. Peasant: Good day t'ye m'lords. Nay be me intention tah be a burden on ye, but could I be, ah... so darin' as to ask if'n ye'd be as kind as to give me all ye evil magic trinkets so that I be proper disposin' of 'em? 1103: 1102's NPC just happened to have a short temper. 1104: After a while, all your players are terrified by anything you describe as "looking weak and defenseless". Nothing to do with 1102, really.
MikeTheAmazingMuskrat 01-30-06, 09:46 PM	1105) Your players are delighted to discover that their 9th level characters have acquired a whole 50 silver. -mike the amazing muskrat
DM Dave 01-30-06, 10:54 PM	1106: Your players cringe whenever you use the phrase "it appears" in a sentence. EX: It appears that the door in not trapped. :devil: 1106: You PCs state that they are "looking up" every time they enter a new room or corridor. 1107: A new player tries to "munchkin" the rules and the other players quickly state that they're characters are nowhere near his character.
Silais 01-30-06, 11:23 PM	1106: Your players cringe whenever you use the phrase "it appears" in a sentence. EX: It appears that the door in not trapped. :devil: 1106: You PCs state that they are "looking up" every time they enter a new room or corridor. 1107: A new player tries to "munchkin" the rules and the other players quickly state that they're characters are nowhere near his character. That's happened to me before. I didn't think so... Player1: Ha, feel the might of my character. Look how strong he is for his level! Bow before his might (not a direct transcript, but he said something to this effect.) *I start reaching for my red folder... The one marked the "Heavy Guns"... Player2: HOLY CRAP! He's getting the folder! On my next action, I'm running as far as I can from Player1 Player3: I cast teleport on myself, I don't care where I go, just not here! Player1: Wait? what's going on? ME: As your allies flee your imedent vincinity, you look up to notice the sky getting dark... A bright flash echos and entity completly covered in darkness falls from the sky. Player1: I attack it! *Well, the battle insued and he died. The NPC was technacaly his CR, but was so heavily munchkined that he died within 5 rounds. The lesson here is that the DM literaly has the world at his command to bring your ubber character down. If the DM losses one attempt, he can try again, and again, and again, and again... You only need to lose once. It doesn't take long for my players to fear the folder, I only bring it out when I'm ******, or when I'm using a BBEG. So I guess that makes this 1108. You have a folder marked "Heavy Guns". 1109. You can't remeber if you've already added an item to this list, so you add it, just to be safe.
artemis the hunter 01-30-06, 11:52 PM	I may be a N00b but I have to ask. What exactly does "Munchkined" mean???
lostone 01-31-06, 10:11 AM	1106: Your players cringe whenever you use the phrase "it appears" in a sentence. EX: It appears that the door in not trapped. :devil: :bigeyes: I went through an entire call of cthulu game like that. The DM described everything as "it appears to be...". By the end of the game had devolved into a bad "B" action movie. We were destroying everything in sight, just in case. DM: It appears to be a doorknob Paranoid PC: I shoot it. DM: A car is driving past you on the street. Paranoid PC: I throw a grenade at it. 1110: Your group wants to play a Call of Cthulu game. When a player asks what it is because they are not familiar with it the general response is "It's a game where your goal is to survive long enough to go insane." 1111: Your DM takes that to heart.
Rokugatsu_chan 01-31-06, 10:28 AM	When your mother actually believes that you've gotten "mind powers" from running games. (sorry, most people won't get that) When your characters sigh, look at their characters and tear up. When you have an established ritual for character funeral rites. When your characters 'proteges' have become heartless ruthless killers instead of good or neutral aligned characters. when your new character has the exact same stats as your other character and has a slightly different name and you call it a protege.
DM Dave 01-31-06, 01:28 PM	I may be a N00b but I have to ask. What exactly does "Munchkined" mean??? When a player's character choices are not only min/maxed, but so far out of the realm of possiblity that any single character would have this skill/ feat set you might say the player is a munchkin. Munchkin is a derogatory term originally applied to the irritating little kids(i.e. "Munchkins") that play CCGs, and RPGs who min/max/ cheat and then lord it over the other players generally spoiling the fun for everyone. At this point the term as evolved so that it applies to just about anyone, regardless of age, who embodies those characteristics.
Tamlyn 02-15-06, 02:11 AM	Let us not forget: 1116) Letting them play that munchkined badboy and wonder why all the charaters who's players have been in your games before are scared to stand near him. 1117)...and make him deal with the impossble role playing mess that said charater would need to justify his existance. You might be an evil DM if: 1118) Your epic level charater have a very rational fear of kolbolds. 1119) Every player sooner or later asks you why you couldn't have just been mercyful and let their poor PC die. 1120)Your BBEG isn't the one you planned out but that random encounter, not meant to even be a fight that when so baddly for them in the beginning of the first game of the campaine. 1121)It took the players almost a year of bi-weekly games to suspect that the serial killer is in fact the party leader and the two of you have been playing with them. (also see someones post above about "You made them think it was the cleric..) 1122) They can't figure out how they could take him down and think he's starting to suspect they know. 1123) The charaters never make it back home. The dungeon crawl is followed by the Oddessy. (That wasn't my game. I was the player in that one--the guy who was playing the party leader in the odd week games ran that one.) 1124) You figure out what the damn thing is themselves, from the discription. 1125) "Who ever said that fire works on trolls in this campain. It's something different. How would you know what it is? I'm not going to tell you find a sage...when the troll loses your scent I mean." 1126) "Why would you know what that Will save was for?" 1127) "Don't tell each other what you roled--Just read these notes I've got in my Private-Notes-to-Players folder. 1128) "Know Location" is winner for Party's Most Valuble Psionics or Spell. 1129) The wild talent who has "Know Location" is so bad at it she's lucky if she knows what plane she's on. Still more valuble to the partys survival than the healing spells she's constantly having to cast. (Hey Wizard you wouldn't happen to speak sallad would you?") 1130)You let them make stupid mistakes and give them no mersy. ("Ok, you dive after him. With a splash the rest of you see his full plate covered form gracefuly dive in and disapears beneath the waves." 1131) Players are actualy releaved when nasty fights break out between PCs. 1132) Until they realise that they've been surrounded by kolbolds while watching the fighter try to lower the bards charisma. 1133) The cleric's prayers usualy include the words "aren't I good person?" 1134) Partys most valued possesions are silver plated mannicles and a band of denyal. They don't use them on the bad guys but need them for those "bad times of the month." 1135) I'ts very hard to figure out when those times of the month will be when you no backround knowlage of the planes and crystal spheres. ("Two moons are bad enough but the guy in the black ropes says they got THREE here.") 1136)Coins are just trade goods if nobodys heard of the king on them but tossing a copper to a begger on Athas is sure to make for a interesting evening. 1137) If you don't know the local langages and races you might accedentaly kill acouple people for food--your god frowns on this kind of thing, but is willing to offer you approprate attonement. 1138)All the charaters have constant nightmares about the things they've seen and done--the players don't challenge this because they have regular nightmares about the things their charaters have seen and done. 1139)After what just happened to him, no one blames or even tries to stop the diviner when he dose that to the "kender" thing the party picked upon the plane with three moons. What ever happens at least he'll never pick a pocket again. That the party's "handler" not get them killed is more importaint than if he has hands. That bag got rid of the creapy "Veccna" hand the diviner was wearing and the somatic component problem was worth the trade. but my favorate of all time was when a party member(on that same plane lost group) said 1140) Oh good I know exactly where we are now. We're back somewhere in world with castle Ravensloft that we couldn't escape from.
monkofpassion 02-15-06, 03:02 PM	1141. Everytime the party bard uses a perform skill, you make the player sing, dance, or play an instrument respectivly. 1142. If he sucks, you immediatly send a great wyrm dragon to kill him, and use your +5 greatsword of lorser bane to kill the player. 1143. You make the party wizard act out his spell casting. 1144. The police come to your house more than 4 times a night and you can't figure out why.
artemis the hunter 02-15-06, 05:54 PM	double post.
artemis the hunter 02-15-06, 06:01 PM	1145: whenever a character dies you kill their player 1146: You don't use dice, if the player can't do something, their character can't either 1147: the above includes using spells 1148: you have treadmills and wieghted backpacks to simulate overland movement, to the inch. 1149: the players are scared of you 1150: you have darkvision 60 and outsider traits 1151: you make a dungeon populated entirely by kobolds and traps. 1152: you give the above kobalds each lvl 20 (at least) of artificer, and put all the skill points from said 20 lvls into craft (trapmaking) and listen 1153: you make every 2nd kobald a lvl 20 sorcerer with time stop, so he can make more traps if he hears the PC's coming (not hard with all those ranks in listen)
b5201 02-16-06, 02:20 PM	so technicaly the thread needs a name change :P
tragedy 02-16-06, 09:14 PM	1154)You give ALL of your BBEGs the ability to cast unpervertable wishes AT WILL. 1155)As soon as the party faces down a spell turret,it starts casting 10 fireballs a round. 1156)All of the NPCs have that "so beautiful that if you look at him/her,you make a save or die" ability.And its an extraordinary one. 1157)Every other day,the Tarrasque just happens to find the PCs camp and razes it. 1158)The PCs are abused (in EVERY kind of way) every 2 sessions.
b5201 02-16-06, 10:14 PM	1158)The PCs are abused (in EVERY kind of way) every 2 sessions. :OMG! :eek: :twitch: :mymy:
tragedy 02-19-06, 04:31 PM	And the funny thing is that I'm guilty of ALL that stuff that I listed in that earlier post.
WandererTheLost 02-22-06, 12:59 PM	1159) You make up enemies based on magic cards. The first thing they will be fighting is an avatar of woe. Next week its a blazing archon. The BBEG of course is a platnium angel.
Derys_the_Blade 02-22-06, 02:18 PM	1160) You play Night Ranger albums in the background to help your characters feel the mounting tension in the dungeon.
artemis the hunter 02-26-06, 02:42 AM	1161: you design an adventure in a mine that collapses frequently and without warning. 1162: one such collapse cuts the PC's off from the only known exit 1163: the entirety of the treasure consists of uncut gems strewn randomly about the many mineshafts. When the PC's complain about lack of treasure you point out that uncut gems look exactly like rocks and then laugh evilly as the spend most of their remaning air supply trying to appraise the rocks in the section they're in right now which, conveniently, is the only one without gems in it.
speeblefreak 02-26-06, 12:24 PM	1164. Your diet consists solely of the sheets of dead characters. 1165. When your players hear the phrase, "pass me all your dice" at 3rd level. 1166. And at second level. (1165 and 1166 are true) 1167. When you bring the BoVD to the table for the sheer joy of seeing your players freak out (would've happened if I remembered).
artemis the hunter 02-26-06, 05:33 PM	1168: the PC's are afraid of regular mice, because they might be shapeshifting dragons 1169: the PC's are afraid of windmills, because they might be giants 1170: the PC's are afraid of sleeping at an inn, because the beds might be mimics 1171: the sleeping bags are mimics instead.
lostone 03-01-06, 01:07 PM	1172. when the PCs are happy you have canceled this weeks game because it means their characters will survive for another week. 1173. when you enter the room to begin that nights game and the first thing the PCs say is, "we're sorry for anything we've done to upset you." 1174. when the players set up a little altar by your chair and try to appease you buy serving all the food and drinks you could want during gaming sessions on the altar.
rockondon 03-02-06, 01:49 AM	1175. Your PC's sleep in full plate armor. "Yes I know I get chaffed and fatigued...it's worth it" 1176. When your pc's come across one of your beefed up encounters they start backstabbing each other just to let the monsters know who's side they're on
pheonixfrostmourn 03-02-06, 03:50 AM	1177) you hand out decks of many things (yes plural) as starting gear. 1178) the PC's are transported to RIFTS where their +6 keen vorpal greataxe of doom doesn't do jack against mega-damage armor. 1179) the PC's kill a wyrmling dragon and you Intentionally hand out the treasure from a great wyrm instead - 'cuz they're gonna need it. 1180) after equiping their 3rd lvl characters with the 20th lvl treasure from #1179, the PC's step thru a portal and...see #1178 above. 1181) turns out the tarrasque isn't as unique as originally believed. 1182) vorpal bunnies...with big nasty sharp pointed teeth. 1183) stop. who crosseth the bridge of death shall answer me these questions three er the other side he see. 1184) the NPC sorcerer just learned GLOBAL THERMO-NUCLEAR ATOMIC HELLSTORM. 1185) NPC's and monsters get 1 template for free with no LA.
Silais 03-02-06, 04:04 AM	1186) You post to a living thread thats well over a year old. 1187) You will endever to keep this thread alive to see it's second birth day.
Joren 03-02-06, 11:03 AM	1188: All impressive, mighty looking collossal dragons in your campaign world actually have 1's in all their stats and a severe wasting disease. 1189: Conversely, all the normal looking kobolds/goblins in your game world possess at least 20 class levels and the Paragon template.
Bodominjarvi 03-02-06, 12:13 PM	1190. City gaurds collect safety tax (NvwNi) 1191. Play at players house and make them bribe you 1192. Monsters have D20 Future artilliry
the_great_mighty_nerd 03-02-06, 12:47 PM	1193. send the first level scion against a third level wizard alone. 1194. make the scion split the experience four ways to "keep the party even". 1195. send the same scion against twenty or so guards while he has to "stay stealthy". 1197. send the lone first level paladin against four duergar with sneak attack and flanking. 1197. be my dungeon master.
sneak_Blast 03-02-06, 01:06 PM	1194. You require that players bring 3 additional character sheets to each session, so WHEN the PCs die, they don't have to waste time writing up new ones. 1195. Whenever a smile goes on your face, the PCs pull out their next character sheet. 1196. The PC rogues always take 20s on search checks. 1197. Even after #1196, the rogues end up pulling out another character sheet. 1198. PCs write up new character sheets in addition to #1194 in their free time because they KNOW they will need them. 1199. One PC sleeps at a time. The PCs know that if they do not do this, each night is a death sentence. 1200. You require tribute daily in the form of food, money, and character sheets of deceased PCs. (not that the PCs are in any short supply of them) 1201. The online wizards dice roller cannot roll enough d6s at once to account for the damage from the BBEG's spells. 1202. One of your mottos is: "Only lame DMs allow saves." 1203. The PCs always blast each monster with everything they got. 1204. No where is save in your campaign. 1205. A roll of a natural 20 has you saying: "Pull out your next two character sheets."
sneak_Blast 03-02-06, 01:07 PM	1194. You require that players bring 3 additional character sheets to each session, so WHEN the PCs die, they don't have to waste time writing up new ones. 1195. Whenever a smile goes on your face, the PCs pull out their next character sheet. 1196. The PC rogues always take 20s on search checks. 1197. Even after #1196, the rogues end up pulling out another character sheet. 1198. PCs write up new character sheets in addition to #1194 in their free time because they KNOW they will need them. 1199. One PC sleeps at a time. The PCs know that if they do not do this, each night is a death sentence. 1200. You require tribute daily in the form of food, money, and character sheets of deceased PCs. (not that the PCs are in any short supply of them) 1201. The online wizards dice roller cannot roll enough d6s at once to account for the damage from the BBEG's spells. 1202. One of your mottos is: "Only lame DMs allow saves." 1203. The PCs always blast each monster with everything they got. 1204. No where is save in your campaign. 1205. A roll of a natural 20 has you saying: "Pull out your next two character sheets." 1206. If a PC rolls a natural 1, you say: "Start writing some more characters sheets. You don't have enough spare ones right now." (keeping in mind rule 1194 and 1198)
lostone 03-05-06, 10:08 AM	1207. When looking over your notes you cackle and mumble to yourself. Your players get really nervous. (I've noticed I do this sometimes, I also do little homer simpson-like "woo-hoo!" noises, they get really fidgety while waiting for me sometimes). 1208. The NPC is a bumbling wizard who only knows one spell...Fireball! 1209. When a player brings a new character to the table (because it is a new game or their last character died) you don't bother looking it over. It won't matter if they figured something wrong or fudged a few rolls...
speeblefreak 03-05-06, 03:44 PM	1210. When you have eaten so many character sheets (see 1164) that you are technically a half-paper golem. 1211. When the paladins slaughters everything in sight because he "needs the xp to survive." 1212. When you let him get away with it for the same reason. 1213. When you roll so much damage that the character sheets spontaneously combust. 1214. When you bolt the character sheets to the table because otherwise they try to escape. 1215. When the rogue checks every individual gp for traps. 1216. When the party rogue regularly checks himself for traps. 1217. When the local OfficeMax sets up an aisle labeled, "Replacement character sheets for the evil DM's PCs." 1218. The replacement character sheets are also trapped. 1219. The campaign begins when the PCs are still in their mothers' wombs. 1220. The wombs are also trapped.
Koverchenko 03-05-06, 04:14 PM	1221: Every single guard and passer-by has an intense interest in the character's activities past present and future, and immediately activates Discern Lies AND Zone of Truth at the beginning of the conversation. Even when their questions are answered respectfully and satisfactorily, they linger in the background, watching watching watching... 1222: Every time the party comes across a teary-eyed little girl who is begging for help, they immediately slit her throat for fear that she is secretly an evil creature that wants to eat their brains and imprison their souls forever in the fires of Hell and Damnation. 1223: The player's are statistically justified for acting as described in # 1222, having lost multiple sets of characters to teary-eyed little girls begging for help who were secretly evil creatures that DID eat their brains and imprison their souls forever in the fires of Hell and Damnation.
cypherx 03-05-06, 04:49 PM	1224: you hire a wizard to help you take on a great wyrm blue dragon the wizard is the great wyrm blue dragon in disquise, and he slits your throat in your sleep.
tragedy 03-05-06, 07:05 PM	1225)Whenever the PCs get treasure,they store it in a separate demiplane in fear of it coming to life and killing them in their sleep. 1226)Everytime the group is in trouble,they call upon the villagers.Why?Because the villagers are actually 1250 (rule-breaking,I know) levels above most gods. 1227)With that in mind,the PCs make sure the attitude towards them is never lower than helpful.
tragedy 03-05-06, 07:11 PM	1228)The PCs make sure to donate generously to all the local churches (useful for when they die). 1229)The BBEGs never have anything lower than a +10 enchantment on their weapons. 1230)Apocalypses are more common than rainstorms.
lostone 03-06-06, 07:29 AM	1211. When the paladins slaughters everything in sight because he "needs the xp to survive." 1212. When you let him get away with it for the same reason.A truly evil DM would enforce the paladin's code of honor while throwing all sorts of impossible moral conflicts at him that are guaranteed to make him fall. When the only choices open to the paladin are all evil actions, what is he going to do? If you're letting them "get away with it" then you're being too easy on him. :devil: (No one plays paladins in my games, they know they'll fall, mostly because all of them are lacking certain morals in real life and are incapable of thinking like a paladin even for a game)
MartialFighter 03-13-06, 01:07 AM	1231. You send your PCs this: The Ten commandments of the sadistic DM, are undeniable (should anyone deny them, refer to number 6) and holy truths that every DM should instill (or force) into the players, so that the roleplaying experience be enhanced and become more enjoyable to the game's most important person, the DM (Should ANY player think otherwise, refer to number 6). I.- "Thy players shall have no other DMs before thee" (Should they defy you, refer to number 6) II.- "Thy players shall make for themselves a carved image in the likeness of the DM, and they shall bow down to him and serve him" (if they refuse, refer to number 6) III.- "Thy players shall not take the name of the Lord the DM in vain" (if they refuse, refer to number 6) IV.- "Remember the Role-playing Day, and keep it holy" (otherwise refer to number 6) V.- "Thy PLAYERS shall honor the official playing rules, thou shall not honor them, for ye shall twist them on thy favor" (if thy players refuse or complain, or if ye believe they are thinking of it, refer to number 6) VI.- "Thou shall kill thy player's characters whenever they question thy judgement" (And if thy monster is defeated, refer to number 5) VII.- "Thou shall forget any and all information that might give the player characters an opportunity" (and should they complain, refer to number 6) VIII.- "Thou shall steal thy player characters favourite magic items whenever you feel they have an advantage over thy monsters" (Should they be smart or lucky, refer to number 5, and if still you fail, refer to number 6) IX.- "Thy Non player characters shall not bear false witness against your player characters, unless it suits thy needs" (such needs shall always attain to number 6) X.- "Thy players shall not covet the DM's dice (loaded is holy), they shall not covet the DM's position, nor anything that is the DM's" (Should they covet thy blood in vengeance for what they believe is abusing your power, refer to number 911) Finally, any confrontation or complaint (real or imagined) that is not covered by these ten holy principles shall be dealt with... well, by referring to number 6.
big_bluto 03-13-06, 05:44 AM	1232. When you're running a campaign, and they think they're working for the forces of good. :D You just haven't told them everything yet. Ten weeks into the campaign.........
GreatWyrm 03-13-06, 07:43 AM	1233. Years later, after you've passed from the group, whenever resting in a dungeon, PCs either leave watch, ropetrick to saftey, or make sure the current DM promises there are no cave trolls this time.
lostone 03-13-06, 10:22 AM	This one really happened to me (and the rest of the group, probably 10 years ago now). The DM was a very big guy...I would never have guessed he was capable of such speeds when running away... 1234. The game begins with the group stuck in a crazed alchemists lab being experimented on. It takes some time and clever tricks, but the group manages to escape. They continue on their adventures for years, having nightmares about that lab and the gruesome architecture, the distinct alchemist's features (missing an eye, side of his face looks melted with acid), etc. Only to defeat the BBEG after a five year quest. The next morning the DM says, "Ok, you all wake up and are not where you fell asleep. You look around and see you are in..." and proceeds to describe the alchemists lab, the alchemist. The alchemist walks up to you and says, "So, my little concoction didn't kill you after all, just put you in a coma for five years. Tell me, what were your dreams like?" The entire campaign was an alchemically induced lucid dream!
lostone 03-15-06, 01:52 PM	(This is one my half-orc barbarian character used to do, made for interesting first impressions to new PCs and when he was in new towns) 1235. A barbarian talking to the group will suddenly stop and point at an animal with the group (familiar, animal companion, paladin's mount, or just a treasured mount/pet) and ask, "Are you going to eat that?" Usually the response is a shocked/offended, "No." After which the barbarian will draw their weapon and do their best to kill the critter until the misunderstanding is worked out. :D
metamind 03-15-06, 03:36 PM	(This is one my half-orc barbarian character used to do, made for interesting first impressions to new PCs and when he was in new towns) 1235. A barbarian talking to the group will suddenly stop and point at an animal with the group (familiar, animal companion, paladin's mount, or just a treasured mount/pet) and ask, "Are you going to eat that?" Usually the response is a shocked/offended, "No." After which the barbarian will draw their weapon and do their best to kill the critter until the misunderstanding is worked out. :D :rofl: Thank god this thread is back!
Silais 03-15-06, 03:50 PM	:rofl: Thank god this thread is back! And may it NEVER die!
metamind 03-15-06, 04:03 PM	I still have some left in me... 1,236(OMFG): Use no battlegrids. Ever. 1,237: laugh as the PCs try to figue out the combat situation. 1,238: They provoke AoOs if they can not figue it out. 1,239: They provoke AoOs for going to the bath room. 1,240: They provoke AoOs for making new characters.
Evengar 03-15-06, 05:49 PM	1241) Your players' characters soil themselves if they don't take bathroom brakes
lostone 03-16-06, 07:36 AM	Pulled this one on my group last night. :devil: 1242. Put the group in a seemingly impossible puzzle scenario, the only way to solve the puzzle is to sacrifice one of the PCs (a death is required and no other sacrificial options are available). Some of the group figured it out and tricked another PC into going along with "the plan" which they told him was to knock him unconscious. Then when he was unconscious they killed him... :smirk: The player of the PC didn't even see it coming. (He was true res'd later)
Silais 03-21-06, 05:49 AM	1243. You spend more time reading the character op boards then your players.
CriminalTruth 03-21-06, 08:46 AM	1244. you have a goblin alchemist give the PC's potions of healing and Posion. Of course.. you don't tell them that the goblins are fighting undead and that the names of the potions corrispond to what the potions do to the undead. Potion of healing ='s Harm Spell Potion of Posion ='s Heal spell SOooooo of course the PC's coat the weapons with the "posion" and every time they hit an opponent they are completely healed and of course.. when they drink a potion to save their lives...they drop dead <3 this turned into a TPK i never did really understand why each and every Char. thought that the next potion would " heal " them ....
Wolfpack 04-28-06, 12:33 AM	1245. you use this (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=9045456#post9045456) list, for any reason you want.
Dampe 05-27-06, 02:20 PM	47. You have a simple, easy adventure planned out, but your players, knowing how evil you are, come up with a plot 10 ten times better than yours, and you naturally change the plot to confirm their worst fears just to see the look on the faces when the villager one party member insulted turns out to be an Ancient Dragon (as they suggested). This turns out to work incredibly well. All you need to do is have good twisted ideas the first time you play, after that the players come with alot of ideas themselves. Also it makes them proud when they exclaim "I knew it!". Makes them think they are clever... Also surprisingly many of those things happen around me, usually the backup characters and "you think nothing is there" = players shiver :D
lostone 05-28-06, 08:05 AM	This turns out to work incredibly well. All you need to do is have good twisted ideas the first time you play, after that the players come with alot of ideas themselves. Also it makes them proud when they exclaim "I knew it!". Makes them think they are clever... My players learned long ago that they should not give the DM ideas...they call things they say without thinking "self-fulfilling prophecies"...
PirateJesus 06-15-06, 06:51 PM	1246) You alone have the power to call a "EvilDMMoot" Which is very similar to a Giantmoot, in that all the evil DM's in the world converge in your basement to plot evilly with mountain dew and callgirls. 1247) You invite your own players to this EvilDMMoot, and force them to serve mountain dew, food, (And to serve AS the callgirls.) 1248) You go to great lengths, at this EvilDMMoot, to go through every horrible decision the party has made, and especially your punishments for them, within earshot of the party. 1249) Cthulu himself arrives at the EvilDMMoot, but still concedes to pay the $5 cover charge like everyone else. The party possibly goes insane when they see him bowing in reverence to you. 1250) The party are actually relieved when this once-a-year activity occurs : their characters get to live this week. 1251) This year, you ruin their fun by having the main entertainment of the night be an improptu play session. Despite the number of DM's in the room, there still aren't enough Character Sheets available. Not to mention you killed one of the Players while rolling 1000d100's to determine how much damage they took from an Uber Magic-Missile.
shiyongseng 07-15-06, 03:18 PM	1252: You findout that no one ordered Chinese food and say, "Aw, dang it- looks like someone's gonna have to die an early death for this unforgivable lapse. Ooorrr, they can hop-to-it to see if they get a magical prize. And don't forget the hot mustard!". Everyone scrambles to the door to make said purchase. 1253: The magical prize was a lovely cursed ring that made the player eternally hungry for Asian cuisine, and killed anyone for it. 1254: Item was doubly cursed by having a wicked intelligence, and always wispered to the player, "The fighter is hiding pot-stickers on his person and not willing to give them up." 1255: The hot mustard was forgotten! (Dramatic music score with a choir singing, "Save US!")
Drausktanchache 07-15-06, 07:26 PM	I'm easily guilty of at least 100 if not more of these but here's another.... (whatever number here) The undead in your campaing are not so easily killed as nearly everything that dies it instantly turned into undead...(dare i say *population growth*)? (number after the earlier one) Your idea of fun is watching the unwary pcs walk into a small compact dungeon just to find out it is actually the enterance to a rather large necro/undead metropolis....
Eled_the_Worm_Tamer 08-12-06, 07:55 AM	1256: Just telling your players that you have orderd the folowing books let alone have them, causes them to wet themselves in fear. 'Draconomicon' 'Libris Mortis' and last but not least 'The Book of Madness' :plotting: :evillaugh :devil: :schemes:
metamind 08-12-06, 10:30 AM	1,257: You kill players instead of characters.
The_Black_Dragon 08-12-06, 12:55 PM	1,257: You kill players instead of characters. Wait, you're not supposed to do this? Uh-oh. That explains the SWAT team outside of my house saying, "where did you hide the bodies?" Anyways... 1258) Whenever a PC fails a suicide check, they accidentally stab the assassin that was sneaking up behind them. 1259) A balanced encounter for one of your 1st-level parties is every monster in the Monster Manual. 1260) You laugh evilly, and when the PCs ask why you were laughing, you look very seriously at them and explain that the following may only be funny to you, not them.
lostone 08-13-06, 01:26 PM	1260) You laugh evilly, and when the PCs ask why you were laughing, you look very seriously at them and explain that the following may only be funny to you, not them.I actually do that quite often. Another thing I do on occasion: 1261) Your players cringe/flinch/twitch when you are looking at your notes for the night and cackle evilly and/or excitedly exclaim "I forgot all about that part! This may be too powerful...oh well...I don't have anything else prepared." This usually results in about half the party dead. Sometimes if they really do something impressive, they'll all live. Those "really impressive" times usually end up being the stories they love to reminisce on the most.
ressurrector 08-13-06, 02:14 PM	One which has been much abused on my part recently: 1261: Make a spot check (It fails, nobody has a good spot) Ok, who's in the front? Something lands on your head, it has tentacles. (They're tentacle spiders from the Xen'Drik book) This has resulted in the Warforged leading the group through all doorways, and bashing his head against the walls on repeat occasions. 1262: You throw shades at your 3rd/4th level party....which has no magic weapons.
Durin413 08-15-06, 09:20 PM	1263: When you make the players fight their old charaters from the last campaign, regardless of alignment or reason (were talking paldin on paladin action here ;) ) At the start of the new campaign of course. The previous campaign was into epic levels.
MaximumPain 08-15-06, 10:58 PM	1263) Players don’t even try to start with equipment because all your campaigns start as “loincloth and dagger” 1264) The guards of the prison/ slave ship ect… find and take the players daggers as the first event 1265) casters are beaten by the guards to ensure they cannot ready spells 1266) Next the players lose their loincloths 1267) Then they have to swim in the piranha infested waters. ( many of my games do start as #1263) 1268) Monks become the most popular characters in your games
Aterum 08-15-06, 11:11 PM	1269: You have all of the players arrive at your house. You set the mood with music, arrange all the maps, dice, minis and snacks. Then you have everyone settle down, but just before you start game you say, "Guys, I just can't get into this. I'm not in the mood." And then you cancel game, telling everyone you need to go to sleep.
Durin413 08-19-06, 03:28 AM	Hey, guy below my previous post, you messed up the count, we should be on 1270 right now, with next being 1271
Scraelig277 10-23-06, 07:00 PM	1271: Your PCs never attempt to solve riddles you give them and instead attempt to kill any sphinxes they chance to encounter. 1272: All sphinxes are epic level monk/sorcerers.
Type2Demon 10-23-06, 08:51 PM	1273 You hit the party with a squad of Rust Monsters.....with Monk levels added. (Think Flurry of blows) 1274 The BIG treasure of the dungeon is a Deck of Many Things with all of the good cards removed. ("So, how many cards do you want to pull?"). 1275 Your BBEG has Exotic weapon proficiencies with Sphere of Anihilation.
grok_grok 10-23-06, 09:37 PM	1276 - You have a small bell or buzzer, each time there char. does something that you dont like, you ring the bell or buzzer and send some insane challenge rating after thing. After a few games of doing this, you can just look at the bell or buzzer and it will cause the players to change there actions, of course once they do this, ring the bell or buzzer again and proclaim that they should have followed through with their plan.
tharivol266 10-23-06, 10:15 PM	1277- the players have to re-write their sheets everyday because of all the spots from the tears.
Phantem2 10-24-06, 01:46 PM	1278. you tell your players that there going to play a difficult epic campaign and to make 20 lvl charachters for next time. They spent a week perfectly coordinating there charachters and making them as powerplayed as possibled. you kill them in the first 5 minutes and have them make 1st lvl core charachters, but there still going through the same adventure....
Tevish Szat 10-24-06, 03:38 PM	1279: All your player charaters are pun-pun, and they still die in about 5 minutes.
Phantem2 10-25-06, 12:19 AM	1280. you make them fight a paragonic ithilid that has eaten the brain of a bunch of high lvl characters of all different classes. as well as a few gods for good measure. 1281. your players have there charachter sheet eched in a piece of steel because your bosses stats simply said: if players try to fight it, take thier charachter sheets and tear them up.
lostone 10-25-06, 02:50 PM	1282. You tell your players that you will be starting a new game in a few weeks for a game that will be combat-oriented. Characters will be (2 levels higher than current). The group spends their freetime making optimized powerful characters. When they show up for that game the GM asks to see the character sheets, looks them over and holds onto them. The game the group has been playing continues and at the right time the GM pulls out the new character sheets and uses them for badguys.
Acetylcholine 11-06-06, 02:44 PM	I have run this entire campaign at least 10 times: #1283 The room fills with lava. You all die. Maximum survival time was 10 rounds.
DDdreamer 11-07-06, 03:54 AM	#1284 your dungeons consist to 90% of traps.:devil:
Leo 11-07-06, 05:28 PM	(from my DM) 1285-Your world has a uber complicated political system where you need to be very very carefull with your words to ayone 1286-Whenever your players fail to make a clear speecj you interpret it as whatever you think it will be more fun(for you). 1287-The monster always attack first the characters with least life. 1288-If the monster is big enough to swallow, it will instead attack the guy with more equipment(or mule...In one session we were all happy that we had just got a great amount of loot just to see some kind of giant bug appear from the ground, grab the horse wic was carrying most of it, and disappear below heart before we culd kill it). 1289-If at the end of the day everybody is alive the party is happy. Even if they stayed in the little town all day long. Especially if thy spent all the day in the little town. 1290-You still don't know what CR stands for. But that ooze surely looks a good oponent for the lv4 party... 1291-Especially when they outnumber the PCs. 1292-Your PC prefer to eat the monsters they kill than regular food(at least the monsters were healthy). 1293-Your monsters always act as elite trained soldiers.
GloomoftheNight 11-07-06, 05:37 PM	1294 - The told wealth of your entire 5-player 6th level party amounts to a watered-down beer at a dive tavern, a loaf of stale bread, and 20GP.
Eled_the_Worm_Tamer 11-07-06, 06:15 PM	1295: you give a Hectionare 10 levels in Dervish for 200 attacks.
Zinegata 11-07-06, 08:41 PM	1296: You send them to a lair that the locals say have 60 chromatic dragons in it. When they actually get there they find out that somebody grossly underestimated the number of dragons in the lair - 60 was just the number of gargantuan dragons or larger. :D
artemis the hunter 11-08-06, 01:42 AM	#1284 your dungeons consist to 90% of traps.:devil: I did that! Well, once. And the party rogue was absent that game... 1297: You give your BBEG several maxed out legacy items. Without telling the party that you own that book. Sucks to be them when they figure out the +5 sword of PC killing is only +1 sword of wimpyness whenever someone other than the BBEG uses it.
RobbyPants 11-08-06, 09:56 AM	1298) You allow your NPC wizards and druids to cast Summon Monster / Nature's Ally spells in ways explicitly forbbiden by the rules, such as summoning a whale over top of the PCs so it crushes them.
GloomoftheNight 11-08-06, 10:31 AM	1299) In your thieves campaign you encourage the players to start with 1000 extra gold than their 2nd-level characters normally start with. In the very first game you place them on a boat that explodes in the middle of the ocean. Sadly, no one took swimming, and dex doesn't cut it for staying afloat. 3 of the 5 wash up on shore, near-death and equipment-less. /did it. :evillaugh 1300) You ask your player what happened to his last player. He reminds you he was beheaded. You have a good laugh and continue the conversation.
inkomaniac 12-11-06, 01:05 AM	1301) You make characters role Fortitude saves to determine if they require a bowel movement or bladder relief before moving on. 1302)...you do this in the middle of combat. 1303) If successful, the character does not need to use the restroom, but if the check is failed, said character must then make a Dexterity check to avoid defecating/urinating him or herself.
Aloki 12-11-06, 02:54 AM	1304. You have gattling guns exist in your campaign. Every monster with a strength over 5 has one 1305. Every time one of your PCs attacks, you have them make a fortitude check to make sure they didn't break their arm when hitting the guy.
lostone 12-11-06, 08:00 AM	1303) If successful, the character does not need to use the restroom, but if the check is failed, said character must then make a Dexterity check to avoid defecating/urinating him or herself. That seems more like a will save, there isn't any dexterity involved in defecating. Urinating and hitting the target, maybe (but that's more of a ranged attack). :D 1306. When one of your players begs for a magic item, explain that nothing is free. Then explain that the next encounter will have one. Kill the player with the +5 sword.
Dirtysleevezen 12-11-06, 01:39 PM	720) You ask the players if they have 16 spare d6 when its the monster's turn. Guilty. So guilty it's not even funny. I mean, I bring about 48d6 to the table and sometimes I still need the extra 16. Simultaneous fireballs, I wish I could quit you. :) 1301) You make characters role Fortitude saves to determine if they require a bowel movement or bladder relief before moving on. 1302)...you do this in the middle of combat. 1303) If successful, the character does not need to use the restroom, but if the check is failed, said character must then make a Dexterity check to avoid defecating/urinating him or herself. Reminds me of the cheapest ever way to blind monsters. God, I loved being a druid. :D
Gemmalah 12-12-06, 05:49 AM	1303) If successful, the character does not need to use the restroom, but if the check is failed, said character must then make a Dexterity check to avoid defecating/urinating him or herself. 1307) after the events of 1303 all other characters must make an additional fortitude save because of the smell or be nausiated. 1307 a) after the check from 1307 is failed you could have the character unable to battle bacause he/she is too buzy hopping from foot to foot looking for a nice bush to do thier busness behind! 1308) you have been subscribed to this thread since it started. (i'm so guilty of that, i can't wait for evil updates) :schemes: 1309) My players think i am evil because i regularly get good dice rolls, my dice are bright red and known as DMs dice of doom! I like to roll them and snigger from time to time even if it means nothing, it just freaks players out somewhat.
Dirtysleevezen 12-12-06, 01:26 PM	1310. When a player asks you a question, and you smile, another player says "Oh, s---". (Happens often.) 1311. When you join a forum adminned by one of your players, your custom title on the forum magically changes to 'Evil DM' after about your twelfth post. And it stays that way for well over fourteen months. (True story.) 1312. You print out blank tickets from VLTs with "Problem Gaming Helpline" ads displayed prominently at the top, and use them for passing innocuous notes to the players. (Also true.) ...my dice are bright red and known as DMs dice of doom... I play with black dice, one poker die, and a set of red dice. I, too, use the red dice when I'm feeling particularly... apocalyptic. :evillaugh
Kitaki 12-12-06, 01:33 PM	32. Any time you write anything down, roll dice, or look something up, at least two of your players ready weapons. Yes - players. Not characters - PLAYERS ready weapons. Kinda late to the party, but i'm guilty of that one, be it knife, pen, ninjato, cat (I have thrown my friend's cat as a weapon), throwing spoon.
No_Lynch 12-12-06, 09:19 PM	44. Your party is 10th level, but they still only have at best +1 armor and masterwork weapons. I know a guy that when he DMs, and appropriate thing to say after this would be "Those guys sure are lucky!"
speeblefreak 12-12-06, 09:44 PM	1313: When you cram all of The Wurst of Grimtooth's Traps into one room. 1314. When your Star Wars d20 game begins like this: "You are cowering with a group of other children (Did I mention you're children? No? Well, you are.) in a room. A man in a robe enters the room, and the kid next to you says, "Master Skywalker, there are too many of them! What are we going to do?" 1315. When you have gamed with everyone in the Creepiest Gamers Thread, and that which does not kill you only makes you stronger. 1316. When a baby keels over and dies every time you smile. 1317. When you make your players sit on giant d4s instead of chairs. 1318. When the player who missed the last session only wants to know one thing: "Did I die?" [happened] 1319. When the table has a roulette wheel with its numbers replaced by such phrases as, "Rocks fall, everyone dies." "The gods smite you." "An arrow hits you in the neck." "Demons eat your soul." 1320. When players dare not say your name three times.
grok_grok 12-12-06, 10:49 PM	1321 - Your DM's goblins can kill Titans 1322 - Only a ride/handle animal DC 30 will prevent your mount/animal/house cat from goring/trampling/mualing you to death. 1323 - Your characters always seem to be infected with some kind of poison that if they stop moving they will die. 1324 - Having the last Mountain Dew is punishable by death
EvilVegan 12-13-06, 09:16 PM	1325 - at 20th level the party sees a naked goblin with a spear. . . and run.
Cryforge 12-13-06, 09:39 PM	1326) Your campaign setting has Renassaince firearms. However, you've told the PCs that they are new and very rare, thus causing them to cost far too much for the PCs to afford at their current level (3rd in the actual case ;)). Then you arm the horde of 1st-level goblin warriors with them. (I'm guilty of this, though I wasn't overly evil. The PCs were able to get the pistols as treasure...it was just finding bullets that presented them with trouble. :P)
Mock26 12-13-06, 09:54 PM	Bah! This thread is useless! DM = Evil. Everyone knows that! :D
Gemmalah 12-14-06, 10:27 AM	1327) after 1326 and the goblins get defeated and the PCs take the new pistols as treasure the pistols have no bullets. 1328) The pistols have lots of gunpowder sacks however, but it is so volitile it can go off in a characters hand, pocket, backpack, for any reason because you looked it up on the web and found EVERY SINGLE THING that could set it off! 1329) a character has gunpowder in their backpack and a wizard casts acid splash on them, during the game you look up what happens when you mix acid and gunpowder then dance with glee when you find its really bad! (this happened it was looked up on the internet using a phone!) 1330) Useful powders such as the one that makes invisible things visable all suddenly look like gunpowder!
ClimbingEast 04-04-07, 12:13 AM	1331: Your party's last mission involved cleaning a rowdy bunch of mephits out of a caltrop warehouse.
Gemmalah 04-04-07, 06:47 AM	are we running out of ways to be evil! bah thought this thread would get to the 10,000 mark cos we all know DMs find some pretty mean things to do to players 1332: the characters are epic level and still have to sing songs is seedy taverns to gain enough money for masterwork weapons! (they have more ranks in perform than anything else and they are not bards) 1333: the random trasure table seems to only roll +1 daggers. you leave them in... all of them and replace none of them with something a little more useful! (this happened we had so many we didn't know what to do with them could have opened +1 dagger store!)
StalkerEntreri 04-04-07, 07:07 AM	51. When the session is over, you tally the XP and see that it would level the party.. so you give them one less than is needed to level up. That's just being an ass
Mulkr 04-05-07, 02:25 PM	Your A DMPCer who has a character at at least double the level of the rest of your party, who is using the hand and Eye of Vecna, carrying the Sword of kas, who owns not only the BoVD, but volumes 1-75 of the BoVD. He has them memorized, and recites to himself for hours on end. Said Character has never died. The rest of the PC's have died many times... ...To him! :evillaugh: Also, this has happened in Every Campaing!:evillaugh:
aceland 04-05-07, 05:57 PM	1334 your players give you a plaque (wooden with brass names with dead characters from one adventure) I was running undermoutian.
aceland 04-05-07, 05:57 PM	1335 you have plaque hanging next to the gaming table.
tennyocelestia 04-05-07, 07:32 PM	I call this The Will Check Trio 1336. Your players whimper when you ask them to roll Will checks for no appearent reason. 1337. (I'm sorry, I have to... LOLZ ITZ 1337!!) You make a habit of having them roll Will checks for no appearent reason just to freak them out. 1338. You have them roll a Will check, and no matter what their result (aside from nat. 20), you tell them something like: "You are suddenly overcome by the sensation that you've forgotten something..." or "A sharp pain seems to be developing in your temples..." Have it this carry on for varying lengths of time, but mean absolutely nothing.
ressurrector 04-05-07, 10:59 PM	I call this The Will Check Trio 1336. Your players whimper when you ask them to roll Will checks for no appearent reason. 1337. (I'm sorry, I have to... LOLZ ITZ 1337!!) You make a habit of having them roll Will checks for no appearent reason just to freak them out. 1338. You have them roll a Will check, and no matter what their result (aside from nat. 20), you tell them something like: "You are suddenly overcome by the sensation that you've forgotten something..." or "A sharp pain seems to be developing in your temples..." Have it this carry on for varying lengths of time, but mean absolutely nothing. Guilty...for all 3 saves, and spot/listen as well.
niikeb 11-18-07, 07:00 PM	1339. After last round, your players decide to invest their skill points in Knowledge (accounting) and Knowledge (cooking). After which they immediately run to the nearest large low crime city where they dump their starting gold into life insurance and take up careers as accountants and cooks.
Saiato 12-18-07, 07:40 AM	To win any argument, or to shut the players up when they are being annoying, you count down to zero. Starting from their level. :smirk: 1440: You find this does not work because the characters don't have any levels 1441: You bring metal detectors to your secession (and use them several time on your PC). 1442: You play in a rubber room with miniatures that are harm less if used as weapons, and the books are sovereign glued to the floor. 1443: DM: You find a gold ring with three red stones in the center. PC: A ring of three wishes. DM: Yes. PC: I wish for a =1 longsword DM: The sword appearers above your head killing you. PC2: Ummm... I wish I was out of this dungeon. DM: Your are teleported out of the dungeon without the ring, you appear above a 1000ft drop and die. PC3: I wish this wish won't kill me. DM: You are trying to unnaturally extend your life, an army of 100 inevitables come and kill you. DM:
Khan2000 12-18-07, 06:57 PM	1444: You start the group in a room without any kind of equipment. In order to get out, they must answer a green dragon's questions to his satisfaction.