Post/Author/DateTime	Post
HomestarRRunner 01-09-04, 10:53 PM	Okay, we're always seeing what annoys people about Players, what about game masters? 1) THE ANTI-CINAMATIC GAMEMASTER The game master will see what your doing, and tromp on it because he doesn't want you to do something he doesn't expect. Example: It was my first time in this particular "Forgotten Realms" group. I came up with a halfling pickpocket/thief, and was 1st Level, playing with 4th Level PCs. He sends a DRAGON after us, and I'm effectively useless. I try shooting it with my bow, doing nothing, so I pull out my grappling hook. I was planning on tossing it around the dragon's neck or something, knowing it would be useless, but would be cool for the story if the dragon were to keep fighting with me tied around his neck. The DM sees I'm doing this, so has his dragon fly 10 feet above the maximum length of my rope. I was the newbie. You're supposed to have encounters that will encourage them back. I was useless against the dragon, and the DM shot down my attempt to do something new and innovative. I didn't go back.
Luminous Crayon 01-09-04, 11:02 PM	Heh, I'll bite. 2.) The "Leads-the-group-around-by-the-nose" DM! Usually a grand and extravagant storyteller, but if the Party doesn't travel to the Grand City of Dunfoolin to claim the Crystal Claymore and slay the Evil Dragon that's laying waste to the land, he throws a fit. Inexplicable catastropes start happening until the party gets their butt in gear towards the destination the DM has in mind, and the PCs get used to dealing with the effects of a Geas/Quest spell (even if there's not one in effect, there might as well be.)
Ssussunriyh 01-09-04, 11:44 PM	3: the Control-Freak This is a DM with ego issues. He sets you on a seemingly impossible quest, which you cannot complete without help from his various NPCs. He tries to make the party grovel and kiss up to every single one, even the local commoner merchant who they buy a coil of rope from. In his campaign, evil is monolithic; all evil creatures are in league, and seem to know precisely what the PCs are up to at any given moment. Their intelligence network makes the CIA look like the Keystone Cops. When the PCs seem to be making progress on the quest, the BBEG appears out of nowhere, kicks their collective butt, sets them back at square one, and vanishes before they can fight back. Which means they have to go bootlick yet another bunch of NPCs. Arrrrgh!!! Urge... To... Kill... Rising...!!!
The_Dark_One 01-09-04, 11:51 PM	#4 The houserule addict: This guy doesn't like how the basic game is played, so he changes it. He ends up with a book so full of rules that you start thinking of it as 4th edition. No sneak attack with large weapons, no arcane sneak attack, etc.
Wizard 01-09-04, 11:57 PM	5. The LotR Thief. "So, um, you're in the Mire, and a guy named Sandalf comes to talk to you. What do you do?"
pookha 01-10-04, 12:12 AM	#6 The unprepared. Flips pages constantly in MM, "UMMMM, you see some ogres... with greatclubs." #7 The overprepared. Eighty billion sheets of cross-indexed papers that you are expected to memorize by the next session.
Kojiro James 01-10-04, 01:00 AM	#8: The mapless. He came prepared with his notes, but he didn't bother drawing a dungeon grid so you wind up with tunnels crossing with other tunnels and chambers overlapping other chambers. Chaos ensues. (Yes, I actually had a DM that was guilty of this.)
fruits and vegetables 01-10-04, 04:13 AM	Originally posted by Luminous Crayon 2.) The "Leads-the-group-around-by-the-nose" DM! this is also known as the "railroad DM" one who leads you down the track with no way of getting off of it.
True Balance 01-10-04, 04:24 AM	#9 this is from another thread but switched. the "girlfriends DM". you are in a game with the girlfriend of the DM. need i say more? i will. nothing bad happens to the girlfriends character, the girlfriends character somehow makes decisions for the group, girlfriends decisions are never bad ones, if the girlfriend doesnt game then there is no game, girlfriend has the most powerful character, girlfriend has the best loot and items. #10 almost like "girlfriends DM" is "best friends DM". same as above but is the DMs best friend. they are only second to the DMs girlfriend. #11 almost like "girlfriends DM" and "best friends DM" is the "crush on a player DM" same as above but magnified. NOTHING this player does is EVER wrong but EXACTLY what needed to be done. the focus of the campaigne is in the balance of this player and what they might decide. either way this players character is the savior. P.S. i had more i will break them up so this post isnt too long.
NorthSaber 01-10-04, 04:52 AM	(I'm surprised this hasn't been mentioned yet - IMO this is the most annoying type of DM) #12 Favorite-NPC-DM The DM runs an NPC that is either temporarily with the group for story reasons (a guide to someplace for example), or as a permanent member of the group. What's wrong with this? The NPC is about ten levels more powerful than the PCs, hogs all the action and all the glory, shows off with uber-spells and equipment, mocks and annoys the PCs and then challenges them to a duel. He is likely to have all stats at 20+ (or higher if any PC has a stat higher than that), crits about 50% of the time, and never gets hit. Sound familiar?
Nei 01-10-04, 08:00 AM	#13 The King-For-A-Day This is a player who DMs for one time only, because the DM can't make it that week and the rest of the group really wants to play. The player is given explicit instruction to not do anything big, like messing with the campaign world. Of course, when the DM comes back the next week, several kingdoms are at war with eachother, plot NPCs have been assassinated, the Tarrasque is on a rampage, the PCs have found a rare artifact, etc, etc, ... #14 The Paedophile This guy is about 30 years old, and runs one-on-one sessions with a 15-year old boy, and the entire session comes down to the PC and the DM's PC having sex in all sorts of ways and all sorts of places. #15 The Minimalist This DM runs low-magic (read no-magic) campaigns, barely gives out treasure, and leveling up takes ages. #16 The Monty-Hauler "You find a Vorpal Sword that you may use to make a critical at will, A Ring of Unlimited Wishes, and a Spell of World-Destroying." Nei
Salla 01-10-04, 08:10 AM	14. The Pushover 15th level characters that fight level-less orcs. If you ever look like you might take a few hit-points of damage, an NPC bails you out. When you finally run into the BBEG, he rolls over, LETS you kill him and take his stuff after spilling his guts of his own free will about whatever may be going on. 15. Arbitrary Man The same to-hit number never hits the same monster twice, even in the same attack sequence, because the DM has no stats, whatsoever, either written down or in mind. The monster goes down when the DM decides the monster goes down, Hit Points or Armor Class be damned. 16. The Gallant The female player's character never gets attacked. Period.
Nightshade22 01-10-04, 09:24 AM	Originally posted by Kojiro James #8: The mapless. He came prepared with his notes, but he didn't bother drawing a dungeon grid so you wind up with tunnels crossing with other tunnels and chambers overlapping other chambers. Chaos ensues. (Yes, I actually had a DM that was guilty of this.) Ya know what, I actually used to do this in my first campaign to relise(sp?) the players strategeis(sp?) and abilitites. I usually had a basic map, but the rooms all said stuff like "Celestials be here". Great fun! :D ;) and, No. 17 the newbie. looks around for coll stuff in the MM or MMII, makes up the plot, haves the (1st level) pcs fight a wyrm amythist dragon, then when the Pcs start crying, he teleports in a group of 20th level drow. He ends the session by having the pcs fight, with about 200 helpers, a GREAT wyrm amythist dragon! I am guilty of all the above. however; 1, 1st game EVER; 2, I didn't own the DMG or normal MM, so we only had the MMII I'm much better now :D so sue me
True Balance 01-10-04, 10:28 AM	#21 (actual number, others need renumbering btw) another all too familiar, the "non-descriptive DM". examples are.... you're in a bar you're in a dungeon you're in a room this one below is very similar and most times associated with #12 favorite NPC DM. #22 the "plays his old character DM". this is always as a show of bravado. the DM has the need to pull out their old characters from games they played in. they also might have copies of other players characters from those games. always higher level than the party. always will not hesitate to slap the party around for the smallest mistake. this problem can be minimized. you can develop a sense when you encounter a DMs former character. if they are also the "non-descript DM" its easy because they will go into great detail about this particular NPC. otherwise one can recognize this NPC by a general focus on this NPC, very speicific in characterizing, how other NPCs act toward this NPC, a more serious tone in the DM almost as if daring the party to do something, the NPC may go to some lengths to mock the party for a reaction. to minimize this problem is to simply let the NPC do what they want. let the DM slap you to the ground once or twice. dont over-react, its just a DM ego trip. they usually wont kill you if you show their old characters respect. on the other end of #17(actually #20) the newbie is #23 the newbie killer DM views newbies as rookies in a sport. pulls out all the tricks on the newbie. newbie can never make a good decision. newbie is sometimes mocked and laughed at for his choices(ok, this one can be a little cool). the newbie can be saved of this if it happens to be the DM's girlfriend(#9) or the DMs crush(#11). the DMs best friend(#10) is not safe from this.
underpantsgnome 01-10-04, 10:53 AM	#21 (actual number, others need renumbering btw) another all too familiar, the "non-descriptive DM". #23. The opposite... A DM so obsessed with detail that nothing goes unnoticed to PCs eyes; whether its the smell of mildew in a dungeon, the prices of every drink in a bar, the 5 o'clock shadow on the BBEG, the color of the dragons eyes... oh, sorry... It's the over descriptive DM!
Linthar 01-10-04, 03:46 PM	24: The I have no restrictions NOT Gm This gm will claim to have no restrictions on character creation but will kill any character that doesn't fit into his unwritten, unspoken, acceptable character guidelines Example: Before game he says all alignments allowed. Then the following exchange will occur DM: Player 1 what alignment are you Player 1: Neutral Evil why? DM: You take Sound of dice rolling 123 damage from the gods smiting you. Player 1: That kills me. I was level 1, How did I attract the attention of the gods. DM: You were evil. Luckily I've never played under such a DM.
Vaarkheef 01-10-04, 04:18 PM	#25 The #22 variant DM This one plays his old PCs as NPCs, as well as his old brother's, friend's, etc. They are all epic, of course. They all hunt great red wyrm for a hobby, they're all 150 yrs old but they mysteriously all look like 45 yrs old ppl and they would all "kick your arse anytime" even if you were lvl 60 (and the DM feels the need to mention this almost every session). My actual DM has the tendency of placing his dear old PCs on a pedestal everytime he feels like it... and by God do we all want to kill em. As a DM, the last thing I'd do would be to bring back old PCs in my campaign and brag about how good they are... I mean come on. If you bring old PCs in your campaign to make fun of your players, laugh at how miserably weak they are... well you need to get shot in both feet on the public place, then hung by the thumbs for a week while you're being fed intravenously, then getting your balls eaten by wild male boars, then getting fed to the lions in the middle of Rome's Coliseum. Seriously. Peace.
thalious 01-10-04, 06:01 PM	#26 The No High Levels DM. They might be a good DM and be fun, but as soon as the PCs get around 15th level or so, they just stop planning for those PCs and try to get everyone to start another campaign at level 1 or 2.
ElFenrir 01-10-04, 06:50 PM	#27. The Schoolteacher: No jokes at all. No talking. No fidgeting. No eating at the table. No putting your head down. Sit up straight. If you miss something the first time around, tough. You "fail." Must be there 15 minutes early and have a labeled 5 subject notebook clearly stating every not and detail(that they want to see). Talking out of character, AT ALL, lands you an XP penalty, XP deduction, or worse, a level deduction or "suspension" from the game. It's not a 'game' anymore under this guy, aka the "Nazi DM."
Pongolyn 01-10-04, 09:31 PM	#28. The "I Rolled For it, Honestly!" DM. This is the DM that wakes the PCs up one morning with the news that their inn has been hit by a meteorite, killing them all (no save). When the shouts of protests from the players die down, the DM reveals that since the beginning of the campaign, there has been a 0.000001% chance every night of a meteorite leveling the building, and he rolled for it, and that's what happened. "Hey man, I'm just telling you what the dice say! I didn't do it on purpose!" I used to have a DM who would "randomly roll" for certain females in his campaign to become pregnant. He claimed there was only a 1 in 10000 chance (d% 00 twice in a row), but it certainly SEEMED to happen a lot more than that...
Vaalingrade Ashland 01-10-04, 10:12 PM	#29: The theme DM. This DM has found a favorite monster/template/spell and everything in the entire world somehow has something to deal with it. How do you know? If you travel with a half orc NPC who has an orc dobule axe, to the Orclands in search of the temple of the Orc god to get the blade of all orcs to help stop the Orc overlord from unleashing the orc hordes. And to top it off, that morning, you had some orc bread washed down with an orcen sniffter of orc brandy and afterward smoked some orc tabbcco from you orc pipe. This orc hugger (along with a celestial obsessive and a kobold maniac) are the reason I only DM at cons now.
BITING-GNOME 01-10-04, 10:26 PM	#30 The new campaign DM I don't know about other people, but the group I play with never can stick to one campaign. One night we will start at lvl 1, but the next time however, the DM either has lost his campaign or decides ," I have a really cool idea I've been pondering. Everyone, throw out your characters and make lvl 15's"
Kojiro James 01-10-04, 10:30 PM	#31: Schindler's Lich Straight from a popular horror story of a D&D session (I assume some of you read it). Runs a Hellraiser-esque campaign and demands a roll for everything. Shockingly involves Hitler in the plot. Excerpt: Psycho Dave: "The Wizard Shickelgruber leads you through a portal and you find yourselves on a wasted landscape. Tall dark chimneys belch ashes into the sky. The air is filled with the stench of burning flesh." Cheating Bastard: "You sure we're not smelling the ninja's ass?" El Disgusto (Waving the Stick of Pain): "Don't make me use this!" Psycho Dave: "All around you strange devices and men in dark uniforms are walking around doing stuff. The wizard explains that he needs your help to get the Wand of Orcus." Weasely Crusher: "Why?" Psycho Dave: "To explain the wizard leads you through a metal gate with the words WORK LIBERATES engraved into it. He takes you to this huge pit filled with emaciated bodies. He explains to you that he needs to use the Wand to turn these bodies into undead so he can beat back the armies invading his land." Me (My high school education kicked in right about then): "Wait just a :censored::censored::censored::censored: :censored::censored::censored: minute here-" Psycho Dave: "The wizard pulls back his cloak revealing his piercing blue eyes and small dark moustache." Me: "We're in a concentration camp? So we can help Hitler win the war?" Deviant Boy: "What's he paying us?" Psycho Dave: "Gold teeth." Me: "You're kidding right? You can't be serious." Cheating Bastard: "This is cool, kind of a 'Schindler's Lich'" Me: "This is unbelievable! I wasted six hours of my life for this?" Psycho Dave: "Yes it is unbelievable but we're here to play a game not debate the so-called Holocaust." Weasely Crusher: "How many gold teeth does it take to make a gold piece anyway?"
Dungeon_Master 01-10-04, 11:58 PM	The DBZ DM: This would be the result of us letting Joe DM (I've discussed Joe on several other threads). This DM gives the players +5 frostbrand swords at lvl 1, and makes them his DMPCs lackeys, giving DMPCs an undeserved bad name. He also makes the DMPC a really important charismatic perfect hero.
Felonious Monk 01-11-04, 02:30 AM	#33 The CR? We don't need no stinking CR! Kills you. All of you. At least once, each, per session. Life expectancy of a PC is about three days game time or 45 minutes real time, to the point where about 50% of all gaming time is occupied by making new PCs. Tends to send 2 ogres, minimum, at party of 4 1st level PCs. Running is somehow impossible. Alternately, sends 24 or more dire rats, kobolds, or other defeatable enemy - PCs get 8 kills before dying themselves. Will occasionally (but infrequently) hide behind the "this-is-what-the-CR-is-in-this-part-of-the-world" doctrine, as if this makes up for never seeing 2nd level, or even 3-digit XP totals. The particular DM that I'm thinking of also was a Monty Hauler who would nerf the abilities of the players' magic items when it became possible that the PCs might survive an encounter. DM #33 is often also: #34 DM vs. Player Tries to 'win' encounters, by killing or especially humiliating PCs. Fond of sending overpowered encounters, knocking players unconscious, and then having them wake up in a dungeon/jail/mine with their stuff taken.
green_yawgmoth 01-11-04, 02:46 AM	Originally posted by Nei #13 The King-For-A-Day This is a player who DMs for one time only, because the DM can't make it that week and the rest of the group really wants to play. The player is given explicit instruction to not do anything big, like messing with the campaign world. Of course, when the DM comes back the next week, several kingdoms are at war with eachother, plot NPCs have been assassinated, the Tarrasque is on a rampage, the PCs have found a rare artifact, etc, etc, ... Been there twice. I got the zerg (formian) rush that session, simply because I got to use the Book of Vile Darkness when I made my character and nobody else did. Consequently, I had a pretty good time killing an entire cave full of formians that night. Dance of ruin is the cool.
Goblinhorde 01-11-04, 02:55 AM	#35 The "Ignorer of Rules" DM This DM sends swarms of monsters that he made up with nothing but attack bonuses, and hitpoints. He lets you prepare spells that he'll never let you cast. He lets you get feats without any intention of ever letting you use them. He doesn't let wizards get their free two spells when they level unless they go to town first. Problem is, you haven't seen a town in five levels. He never gives you an expierence amount, he just tells you, you leveled up every so often.
FNFAL Ninja 01-11-04, 03:03 AM	Originally posted by green_yawgmoth Dance of ruin is the cool. MMMHmmm. Especially when your party consists of a Fey'ri a Half Demon and a tiefling (DM ruled that they count as demons for the effects of the spell...). #36 The "Min/Max or DIE!" DM This DM presents you with such impossible creatures that if you even THINK about building a character balanced and for anything other than combat, that PC is doomed to a certain death. When you create that level 1 character you should have full class/PrC/feat/skill progression in mind, because otherwise, if you try to build a "fluffy" character, she's dead. (really doesn't help when he uses loaded D20's. I've played with him as a PC and he has never once crit failed on an attack roll in 4 months.)
green_yawgmoth 01-11-04, 03:06 AM	Originally posted by Dungeon_Master The DBZ DM: This would be the result of us letting Joe DM (I've discussed Joe on several other threads). In the name of god and all that is holy, WHY WHY WHY would you let joe DM? Last night I was so sick I thought I was James Bond and I was hearing thing that would be a CoC violation to post, and I was STILL more sane than that kid.
green_yawgmoth 01-11-04, 03:16 AM	Originally posted by FNFAL Ninja MMMHmmm. Especially when your party consists of a Fey'ri a Half Demon and a tiefling (DM ruled that they count as demons for the effects of the spell...). Oooooh, that would be nice for my group. They just have to either take the shot or stay far, far away. currently my DoR has an 85 ft radius reach. It's now somewhat of a wrath of god spell now, since I could maximize+empower it to 1d20+40 damage; in 2 levels I'll be able to intensify it to 80 damage.
Tevish Szat 01-11-04, 03:45 AM	37: The Talker In depth role play is all that happens. you spend countless hours talking to random NPCs, walk without incident, and haven't even rolled a d20 in your last 18 sessions. the stats are meaningless, you never use them. the fact is, the DM is telling a story that cna be mildly altered by your diplomatic tact. Which you have to have, not roll for. This is all fine well and good for a little while, but after long enough you start wishing there'd be an MM orc or kobold try to pillage that you can just kill. PLEASE let us FIGHT the red dragon and not BARGAIN! he wants to parley... *begins dragon salutations* 38: The "What spell limits?" DM And you thought arcane casters wer powerful before. this DM dosn't keep track of prepared spells or even sorcerer spells known. if you wnat it, and its within reason, you can cast it. While this sort of magic can have quite a bit of flavor with 'talents' and such, the wizard should not lob fireball at will at 5th level. really. it breaks things. 39: Youarethesmallestfish! DM The bartender has ten levels of barbarian and five of fighter HE WILL MOP THE FLOOR WITH YOU! the farmer is a retired level 12 ranger. you are level 1. don't make the farmer mad... erm, that little charm peddeler you just a charlitain is an epic wizard, save against Hellball... the parish preist is a Cleric 10, Divine agent 5, hierophant 5, divine emmisary.... If it is not a monster, it has more class levels than you. (no first hand expierence here) 40: DM from the Far Realms "We seee what?!" "An Ubbsdkhiwesdnirghsdosdglskjdhgljo. it is mimsy and seems in a frumptious mood as it gryes past the hsdlgjhoruhuos. It cannot seem to be outgrabe-d. Roll for initative." later... "Okay, the bard is telling a tale" "*Recites The Jabberwocky* and then fughads you that there is a bandersnatch just a hyslef gretojulkward of the kiiikyt grove in the local fgiotgd" Don't try to understand them. It's not possible. (no first hand expierence here)
Faeryl Zauvirr 01-11-04, 07:26 AM	# The Borderline Alcoholic or Drug Abuser "Man has anyone even seen this guy not bent?" This DM is usually drunk or reeks of burnt grass whenever he DMs. He can't manage the combat scenes, roleplays like a corpse, and you are sure that he thinks he is at some party and not sitting at a table playing D&D. I have one question for all these DMs, do you really know you are playing D&D, or are so far away from reality that you actually believe that a green dragon is attacking your fellow associates?
Drugo 01-11-04, 08:00 AM	#42: The Actor The absolute opposite of the undescriber, this kind of DM (and also of player) will act every move, every blow, everything in the game. One of my friend is like that. That's okay, but when he's the DM, we play in an empty room, sat on the floor. Not around a table. #43: I discover the campain at the same time as my players Just think of a (or some) BBEG and a general plot-line. The rest of the game lie on improvisation. Hum, in my case, it's the same guy as in #42. It's okay the must of the time (he reads the book in haste while we roleplay) but when we ran in 6 evil clerics of Nerull with his home-brand prestige class (no pre-made stats), it was... painfull... #44: The surprise box You're in a dungeon, for a reason or another. You run into a mind flayer. You're not sure WHY the mind flayer is here... but anyway. Two or three doors later, you meet a glabrizu (sp?). Why? Anyway... The advantage: It's like a chocolate box... What about slaying a vampire nymph?
Aegeri 01-11-04, 09:05 AM	# 45 The lets kill your character while you go to the toilet DM. He chooses his moment wisely, eventually that coffee and treats that everyone needs to keep soldiering through a session get to someone. When they leave for the toilet he strikes, rolling some completely evil critical and killing their character instantly. Upon their return he (she?) revels in delight at telling them their character had just be slaughtered and they missed the entire affair. BAD DM BAD!! [Yes, I do have personal, and very bitter, experience with this DM. It is why I never play DnD, but DM it]
Untamed_Soul 01-11-04, 09:24 AM	This is a hell of a good thread lol ... here's a few of my installations of obnoxious DMs..... The Jimmy Cricket DM He talks like he's your character's inner voice, he rarely lets you take risks and for some reasons advises you on how best to to tackle the situation rather than letting you figure it out yourself or perhaps fail. Player: "I rush the twenty goblins with my shortspear!" DM: "Wouldn't you rather throw it and then back through the doorway where you can take one at a time?' Player: "uh... no." Over compulsive obsessive Trapper DM Every step you take throughout a dungeon should then be followed with a search for traps check because it doesn't matter if your picking up a dusty scroll or opening a door, chances are it is trapped. Not even the items you have on you are safe, trust no object and nothing is as it seems. Player: "I check for traps around the door...uh I rolled a 20" DM: "No traps found do you open the door?" Player: "Yes I pull the door open." DM: "Suddenly five flasks of oil hurtle towards you from the mini-catapault from across the room towards you followed by a flaming arrow.... make a reflex save DC30" Player: "I'd like to play a thief for my next character k? *rolls* Paranoid Schizoprhenic DM Trust no one, always have at least two on each watch during camping and never light a campfire unless you want twenty hill giants following the smoke trail from a mile away. Cover your tracks and never tell anyone of your business, in fact lie to them and kill them when they sleep. Even your family members can not be trusted, all NPCs will turn on you and mass together hordes of dark creatures to hunt you down. Player: "I tip the stableboy five copper pieces." DM: "The stableboy pockets the coins and narrows his eyes at you, you suddenly realize they are glowing red, in a demonic voice he mouths, "You killed my half brother Gibblin the goblin...now you die" Player: "....*blink*...."
Mister Mayhem 01-11-04, 10:03 AM	The Pedant "I'm going to attack the orc." "Ok, it gets an attack of opportunity." "Eh? Why?" "Unarmed attack, of course." "But I've got a sword in my hand!" "Ahhhh, but you never said you were using it!" Under the same DM, searching a room thoroughly will not reveal anything you were not specifically looking for. You could look in every crevice of the stone floor, but because you were looking for traps, you wouldn't see the blood on the floor, the scraps of paper with teh cryptic message, the gold coins, or, in extreme cases, the orc standing in the middle of it. You Never Asked! You can try to jump a pit, only to fall in because the distance is far too far. You can enter a room and be attacked by the orcs you didn't know were there - even though they were not hiding. The absolutely mundane may be missing (the tavern has no ceiling), the absolutely bizarre may be present (the tavern has Great Cthulu serving behind the bar) but the the DM won't tell you untill it is too late - "I go to the bar." "Cthulu eats you." "Where did he come from?" "He was there all the time." "Why didn't you mention it? because you never asked.
True Balance 01-11-04, 10:24 AM	#51 the "useless class DM". this is a DM that through shortsight has'nt taken into account a classes abilities or through fear of a classes abilities made encounters that negate its usefullness. two examples, example one is a character playing a rogue but never needing to search or disarm traps. example two is setting up encounters that render magic users uselss by making the encounters immune to all affects by having at will activated items or countless constant effect items. the only way to have fun is to use fighter classes and have an item that renders your character immune to most spells. #52 similar to #51 is the "cleric cant heal you DM". the DM judges that healing spells by the party cleric will not work unless the other characters share the same alignement as the cleric. usually fixed by showing that clerics dont need to have the same alignment as their god or by simply not worshipping a god. this can still be a hastle as the DM may feel the need to revisit this subject when the players are in the most need of healing spells. #53 the "never dying NPC DM". usually grouped with "#12 favorite NPC, #22 plays his old character, and #25 the variant #22. characterized mainly by having the main villain in the campainge never die so they can pull him out years later in another campaigne to further brag how he never got killed. Originally posted by Goblinhorde #35 The "Ignorer of Rules" DM similar to #35 and #4 #54 the "doesnt play the same game DM" similar to "#4 houserule addict" and #35 "rules ignorer" but worse. this DM decides to make up rules on the fly that might contradict another rule they make up in the same game. makes up monsters with only one obscure way to kill it that is not revealed until the party runs away from the encounter to never face it again (unless you are "#23" a newbie at which point they will pull them back out). will use rules to their benefit but use half-logic to rule them out if in the partys favor. #55 the "DMs as an excuse to hang out". wants to just hang out with everyone. plans a game for everyone to come to. the game never really happens. #56 the "Dms for the stuff" this DM doesnt buy much material outside the DMG, PHB, and MM1. will only allow material out of other books if someone buys him the book so he will have the resource.
The_Fan 01-11-04, 10:24 AM	Screw the fighters! This is fantasy! Fighters automatically suck. After all, anyone with half a brain would be a wizard or cleric. This DM regularly makes up house rules that say stuff like slashing weapons only do half damage to golems (then putting your character who specializes in the falchion against nothing but golems), while simultaneously saying that a single spell the wizard just happens to have prepared can kill it in one blow. Monsters will go after the fighter first because he looks the toughest. Fighters are stupid, so they can't come up with good ideas. Often plays in Forgotten Realms and deliberately ignores well-known and powerful warriors like Drizzit. Metagaming! It's metagaming to know that you need a magical weapon to hurt the creature, even after you've been hitting it for ten minutes to no effect. It's metagaming to know who the movers and shakers in your published campaign world are. It's metagaming to even attempt to guess if the person standing before you is more than just a commoner. It's metagaming to guesstimate how powerful a wizard is by how long his spell lasts. etc.
Vaarkheef 01-11-04, 12:14 PM	#59 "Well you were the most powerful PC of your party" DM brings in a dragon, dragon solely attacks the wizard, wizard falls dying after 2 rounds (the breath weapon of a red mature adult does hurt). Afterwards, DM tells you that "you were the highest level of your party so it's logical he attacked you first". MetaDMing anyone? What, you're telling me I had a big neon sign flashing a huge "LEVEL 17" on my forehead? darn, forgot to turn it off... I mean, come on. If you want personal vendetta just tell me upstraight you don't like me/my character and I'll have it commit suicide (and I'll be spending following Saturday nights playing pool with friends, watching movies, or RUNNING MY OWN CAMPAIGN). Weird thing, any time there's an encounter monsters attack the wizard because "he has a quarterstaff dude, they know what magic is and they know he can at the very least cast this and this and this". MetaDMing at its finest... BAD DM BAD!!!! Peace. [Edit: typos]
Vaarkheef 01-11-04, 12:48 PM	#60 "It doesn't work, you don't know why" This DM doesn't like being caught by surprise. DM: You see a dozen gnoll fighters charging in your direction, about 100-ft away. Me: I cast grease on the floor in front of us. (Sound of DM not rolling any dice whatsoever.) DM: Okay... the first 3 gnolls attack you, the wizard. Me: Wait wait, they made it past the grease without anything special happening? DM: Exactly, cause I did'nt want it to work errr it didn't work, you wonder why. Me: Okay... DM: Since they charged together, they're getting a circumstancial bonus to hit and to damage... does 38 hit? Me: Yeah. DM: Rolls enough d8 to make you want your next PC be a fighter...
Dungeon_Master 01-11-04, 01:11 PM	Originally posted by green_yawgmoth In the name of god and all that is holy, WHY WHY WHY would you let joe DM? Last night I was so sick I thought I was James Bond and I was hearing thing that would be a CoC violation to post, and I was STILL more sane than that kid. I REALLY have no freaking clue why we did. It was right after we let him join, though, before we decided he was a psycho. That might be why.
Hard John 01-11-04, 08:57 PM	#61 ”Doesn’t know the rules” DM The Gnoll attacks you with a longsword. Make a reflex save to see if it hits you. #62 “What exactly are we supposed to do?” DM The only preparation this DM will make is a villain, and the villain’s plans for world domination. No plot line. No encounters. No clues or hint. No idea how the players can stop him. This isn’t too bad in D&D but in vampire, COC or any other investigation based game it really sucks.
Bacon and Eggs 01-11-04, 09:04 PM	#63 "The DM who likes to do accents for NPC's but can't really" Nothing gives me the same feeling like a rusty nail on a chalkboard as much as this person does when they attempt something with a bit of scottish flare. :rolleyes: Then everything eventually becomes one blurred giant accent.
green_yawgmoth 01-11-04, 09:31 PM	64. "Roll a check" This DM doesn't know the first thing about normal physical senses or storytelling, let alone DMing; thus, if you want to know anything about anything, he'll make you roll a check to determine how much he needs to improv. PC: Do I see anything in front of me? DM: Roll a spot check. PC: ....Ok, I got a 25. DM: You see 3 formians about 20 ft away. PC: O_o; Dude, I could have seen that without a spot check. We're on level terrain, and there's no conflicting weather. DM: Well, looking was your action for the round. PC: I will destroy you. ^^^^^ Personal XP. He was only "king for a day", but he was seriously bad. I think he flubbed half of the rules that session, and all we did was one combat (broken into 3 moderate combats). On the plus side, since we get bonus gold for doing "cool things", exploding about a dozen formians with Dance of Ruin got me about 1000gp.
StormKnight 01-12-04, 12:37 PM	#65. If somethings worth doing, its worth forcing the PCs to do. Your characters must be forcibly shoved into every plot in the most obnoxious means possible. It doesn't matter that you would have been perfectly willing to go along anyway, you must be captured and beaten into it. With this sort of GM, your party of a Paladin, a Skullhunter, and a Ranger with a favored enemy of undead would be captured and beaten by a group of commoners who then demand that the party go kill the evil undead hordes to save them. Please understand that this would NOT be done to make an interesting ethical dilemna of disliking people you are supposed to help, they just think its the best way of getting you into the scenario.
HomestarRRunner 01-12-04, 02:04 PM	"The DM who likes to do accents for NPC's but can't really" I know this guy! But the problem is, he does it in real life, too. He has these fakey accents all the time, and they always change from one sentence to the next. AND you can never make out which accent he's got! If you tell him to knock it off, he'll say "what accent". If him and the "has a crush on a Player" DM that I used to play with, got together and mated (I don't know how they would, maybe genetic engineering), that would be a terrible combination.
Taran Alvein 01-12-04, 02:17 PM	#66) The "You have to train" DM This DM will NOT let you level up. You can get all the EXP you want, but he rules that you have to spend weeks training before you level up. What's more, he usually won't tell you how much EXP you earn, but will keep track on a separate database. I played under such a DM, but fortunately, my group only played under him for a few weeks, so we never noticed. My friend, however, was not so lucky. From my friend's experiences, as well as my own, I've noticed that that particular DM seemed to like LVL 3, for some reason. Every group, you started at LVL 3. You could start lower than 3, and level up to it, but you could never go higher than 3. My friend's party had to fight a T-Rex at LVL 3. They beat it, but I'm sure there was much loss of life. I think that he possibly only let characters level up when he wanted them to live through something he was about to do to them. I remember getting pretty annoyed when the Party Wizard (who, back in 2nd, needed the most EXP to level up), was the only person in the group to level up, to LVL 4.
Goblin-Crunch Cerial 01-15-04, 08:43 AM	67: Free-actions-are-not-free-DM This DM absolutely HATEs to give the players a break on any and all free actions… (we get ambushed by twenty Nomad rangers high in the cliffs) ME: IC> Oh crap… Flee! Get behind the rocks, hurry! I’ll cast Wind Wall to protect us so we can escape… OC: Alright I ready my spell and take a half movement. DM: Sorry you can’t. Me: What? Am I surprised? DM: No you talked too much that’s your action. ME: What??? I thought talking was a free action… DM: Nope you can only say about three words… ME: No problem, my next turn a shout: “Kiss MY :censored:“ to the gods and run for cover. 68: The-what’s-his-name-DM This DM can NEVER keep track of his NPC’s names. No matter how well organized he is. DM: Okay the king… Players: King Dram! DM: Right you have to rescue his daughter…. Players: The princess Gwennara! DM: Right! And you need to find the wizard… Players: Trod the Grey! DM: Right he’ll give you the staff of power to get you through the lava walls to fight the great Wyrm… Players: STINKY! DM: The Great Wyrm- Stinky… Hey what the , the dragon’s name not Stinky, haven’t you guys been paying attention. I work really hard to make these Adventures… 69: The-who’s-initiative-is-it-anyway-DM Your playing a good game and then combat erupts. Normally your DM mind’s like a trap, keeping track of all things like the cost of a meal, how many hit points you have left, and all the spells your cleric has memorized… That is until you roll for initiative. DM: Roll init… Players: I got 18, I got 28, I got 12, I got a 1 (that’s me). DM: Okay let me right that down… 38- the monsters attack… Next um 30… Next um… Next… Player 28 that’s me I attack! DM Okay next 13… Next 12… Player: I attack… Player: What about 18 you forgot me… DM Sorry, go ahead and attack… lets see 10, 9, 8… Okay dude you can go now everyone else is done… Player (me): Grumble…stupid dice… I cast bless…
zifnab2525 01-15-04, 09:43 AM	#70) The "This game was stupid anyway" DM Starts a game. Creates a long, involved plot. Demands mucho backstory from players. Begins the game with riviting twenty-minute introduction. Enters first combat. Players kill major/minor/unexpected NPC villian. DM throws up hands and says the game is over, he can't go on. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. New game next week. #71) Encore DM I'm guilty of this myself, but I'm far from the only one. After playing a quick three hour session, it's only 9:00 in the evening and nobody has any other plans. Rather than breaking for food or video games, the players demand more storyline from the DM - of which he's failed to write. Not wanting to make the players think he's unprepared, the DM continues the storyline completely on the fly. This can lead to a variety of things - temporal paradoxes due to the desire to reuse old villians because writting new ones would take too much time. Random encounters that until five minutes ago had no impact on the plot but now become nexus points of backstory and NPC involvement. Quests with no logical ties to anything other than keeping the game going for another hour. Startling revolation a DM clearly didn't think through before announcing. Followed by startling denals of ever mentioning anything at all and desperate pleas to ignore everything that last (clearly near drunk and clearly delusional) NPC just said.
PSchirf 01-15-04, 11:08 AM	I didn’t see this one covered… 72) The Hybrid System DM. “Ok, create your characters using GURPS. We’ll be using AD&D spells and combat, except for Bards, who will use Mythus Magic Spellsongs. The setting is I.C.E.’s but the adventure is Traveller’s Twilight’s Peak… sort’a.”
Fanatic-Templar 01-15-04, 04:02 PM	#73: The Mind Reading DM If you're player has a dark secret that he has never told the other PCs or NPCs, if he's a Wizard who's secret name must remain hidden, not only does the local village beggar and every other NPC know it, but they are very obvious about it- Lord Krovax: You really should take this quest, it would make amends for slaughtering your family when you were a kid... PC Paladin looks at you ( At least other PCs can't mind read ) or Doma, the Village Idiot : Hiya Strundulus the Fallen, how've you been ? Firewings the Mage : What the ? Who the hell are you ? I'm Firewings ! Firewings !, get lost and forget about that... Gurby the Innkeeper : We don't like strangers around here. Especially not ones who call themselves Strundulus the Fallen... Firewings' Player : Hey, DM... DM : Yes ? Firewings' Player : I hope you don't mind about being slashed open and hung from my window by your intestines ? This is real-life experience. fortunately, he gained some experience.
Talonos 01-15-04, 05:18 PM	The "Do something."/"Why do you do weird things?" DM Maybe didn't prepare. Maybe he thinks freeform gaming is the best. Maybe he is just not good at communicating. This DM can DM for hours without there being anything remotely resembleing a plot line, or a plot hook, even. Basically, nothing happens. DM: We'll start now. Player: Okay. DM: <looks at me expectandly> Player: ... DM: <looks at me expectandly> Player: Figets slightly. DM: <looks at me expectandly> Player: Uh, I go to the tavern? DM: You are now in a tavern. Player: ... DM: <looks at me expectandly> Player: Uh, I ask if there are any rumors. DM: There are none. Player: Okay... This kind of thing keeps on. Eventually, for lack of anything else to do, the player goes off to look in an alleyway for any sort of trouble (there is none) talks to random people for information (who look at you oddly and walk away) and even try reverting to Chaotic stupid just to try and get some action going. Player: I try to raid the treasury of the king. Player: I search an empty house to see if there is any signs of illegal activity Player: I take 20 on a gather information check in one tavern. Nothing there? I do it again in a different tavern. I have had this DM in personal experience, but not quite that badly. Now for one that I am guilty of: The weird morals DM: He thinks that the weirdest things are evil. And the weirdest things are good. His definitions of good and evil are so confounded and twisted up that you need a lawyer to tell you if the way you are tying your shoes is evil. He seemingly slaps spells with the "Good" and "Evil" descriptors at random. At times it makes you want to throw up your hands and say "Fine! I'll be chaotic neutural so I can just do whatever!"
Aegeri 01-17-04, 08:15 AM	The mime DM Player 1: Whats up with the DM? Player 2: He can't get out of that damn box...
Tevish Szat 01-17-04, 01:05 PM	Gemini: Gemini is two co-DMs running a single campagin. Usually there is no better reason than they both wanted to DM, and their different rulings may contradict each other, leaving the players in the dark about what's really going on until they get in a shouting match and decide to reinact the great schism. (Guilty to some extent. in my current campagin, which has just started, one of the players is also sort of an assistant. I make all the rulings, but i have their help in two things: World building and an NPC. Said NPC would be a DMPC if i was running the character, and to avoid that i gave them the character and the plot hook imbeded within. Why with world building? my 'assistant DM' was origionally my DM. i decided to run this campagin in the same world as one i and the rest of the group originally played in, though advancing the timeline a couple hundred years. I still need help on some basics of the world.) "What challenge rating?" DM: An ambush is sprung. you find yourselves surrounded as sixty five orcs leap out of the bushes all around you. PC: SIXTY FIVE!!!! DM: They're only orcs. straight from the MM as well. PC: But we're only level five... DM: So? They're just orcs...
Zilred 01-17-04, 05:57 PM	Never run with a DM who's younger than you, otherwise you may encounter The Disgusting DM: As you walk about town you need to make reflex saves against chamber pot contents. Somehow your plate mail is a turn on for the Formian that just showed up. Walking into an inn bedroom often disrupts someone 'on the job'. The minion seems to enjoy tormenting prisoners' lower regions with pointy objects. You need to make will saves to avoid drooling over the High Elf Druid, who will probably Heat Metal your codpiece if you fail the save. Basically, avoid DM's just out of middle school, especailly if they have little self-control.
Teh Lurv 01-17-04, 07:43 PM	I guess we are on #79 now, which I present: "The Anti-Hero" DM or "The Dungeons & Dayjobs" DM: This DM insists that the party be ordinary people thrust into extra-ordinary situations. Every player must be a NPC classed farmer, or blacksmith, or tailor because being a questing Paladin or Wizard would somehow break the feel of the campaign. The biggest challenge your player faces is clearing out a nearby dungeon and having enough time left over to finish horse-shoeing the mayor's pony.
maxvan68 01-18-04, 10:06 PM	I had a DM once who, no matter what you did, no matter which monster you encountered, it was always the same reaction. It got really old. DM: "You enter the room ... and you come face-to-face with a couple of dozen orcs!" PC: "I pull out my sword and take a swing at one of them!" DM: "He curses at you, spits at you, and calls you the son of a diseased lich! Then he attacks!" THE NEXT BATTLE: DM: "You enter the room ... and you come face-to-face with a red dragon!" PC: "I try to back away and hope he didn't see me ..." DM: "He curses at you, spits at you, and calls you the son of a diseased lich! Then he attacks!" THE NEXT BATTLE: DM: "You enter the room ... and see a huge floating mass of eyestalks!" PC: "Crap! A beholder! I'd better try to evade it!" DM: "He curses at you, spits at you, and calls you the son of a diseased lich! Then he attacks!" PC: "Um ... do any of the monsters in this dungeon have any originality? Why do they all do the same things every time?" DM: "How dare you question the DM? That will cost you!!!"
Kernith Hastings 01-18-04, 11:48 PM	#81 (I think) The anti-initiative DM DM: Ok, im gonna roll a d6. Blazetoss is a 1, Grumda is a 2, Agelos is a 3, and the rogue is a 4. The kobolds are 5 and the troll is a 6 Player: What is this? DM: this is for who goes first. Rogue: what about initiative? I've got improved initiative, doesn't that help any? DM: ahhhhh... *rolls the d6* DM: The troll goes first
Athenna 01-19-04, 12:10 AM	I'll add to the list, so onward! #82 - The 'Level 0' DM While this might not be true, since 2e might allow this (does it), this is very annoying. You create a character at level 0. Fine, they can't do anything. sessions pass, you get anxious to go up to atleast level 1. Me: How do I get to level 1? DM: You have to train Me: Fine. How do I train? DM: You have to find someone who is atleast 2 levels higher than you and pay them to train you. Me: Where can I find someone to train a rogue. DM: There's no one in this town that can train you. Me: ... To make matters worse this is the only town I've seen in this land. I've played in this group since about June. I have *yet* to get a level in rogue. I finally jumped at the chance to multiclass directly to a level 1 warrior to make it atleast a bit better, but when you have enough XP in BOTH classes to be atleast level 2 in both and no way to, you get quite annoyed. #83 - The "focusing" DM The DM focuses 99% of the game time on a small number of characters while pushing the rest of the PC's into the background. Gaming sessions like this usually include sitting down and talking with others who aren't being focused on, then going and doing something else for half an hour, coming back to find nothing has changed. All you really get to do is say "I'm at the bar" or "I'm at the barracks sleeping" before being pushed aside again. Rince and repeat. #84 - The "punishing" DM Similar to the "railroading" DM, but worse. While the "railroading" DM might only have big events happen to try and push the players to where he wants them, the "punishing" DM will make it worse on the players, often by changing their character to make sure it doesn't happen again. Example: 3 of us decide to run off (we were extremely bored in the same 2e campaign) to try and liven things up. So we do that and half way through our little jaunt we end the evening, mostly because, as a result of our actions, the DM decides that his NPC's (who we used to spicen things up) have a very long, drawn out battle with their gods. We come back and the DM focuses on us, and he used the break to prepare a way to get us back. Now that I think about it, it seems they had a few sessions with us absent to get the story down. Anyway, he used a horde of skeletons to push us towards one of his NPC's, who saved us and ended up delivering us back to the same town we left, only with one twist. We had to drink potions and as a result we handed over our character sheets. He had changed our alignment to Neutral Good, changed our god, and made us loyal to one other PC. Not only does Neutral Good and the loyalty thing conflict (I believe), until I exploit that loophole we have been successfully thwarted from ever running off again. I'll try and think of some more. (Sorry for any doubles) [edited for numbering]
was_fired 01-19-04, 01:00 AM	85. Would be wise man DM: "The old man laughs at you and says your fate is written in stone and there is nothing you can do about it for I can see the future!" Player: "Huh that sucks so we can't save the world. Anyone want to open up a bar or something?" DM: "Umm your character doesn't believe him keep adventuring." Player: "No I am fairly sure I do believe him. You win I give up." DM: "But... but the item crushing monster is right after this. I need to umm give you stuff... like the +5 Holy Umber Doodad Sword!" Player: "Fine... I will keep playing." 86. The item destroyer DM, "You see a huge humanoid figure made out of solid darkness approching you." Player: "I attack it with my +5 Holy Umber Doodad Sword" DM, "He grabs it and crushs it in his hand. Then does the same to your shield." Player: "Don't I get a save or something... a disarm check maybe..." DM: "BWHAHAHAHAHA I WIN!"
Kaya Kenobi 01-19-04, 01:18 AM	Originally posted by ElFenrir #27. The Schoolteacher: No jokes at all. No talking. No fidgeting. No eating at the table. No putting your head down. Sit up straight. If you miss something the first time around, tough. You "fail." Must be there 15 minutes early and have a labeled 5 subject notebook clearly stating every not and detail(that they want to see). Talking out of character, AT ALL, lands you an XP penalty, XP deduction, or worse, a level deduction or "suspension" from the game. It's not a 'game' anymore under this guy, aka the "Nazi DM." Luckilly I have never had such a DM. And I feel sad for players that do.
Kaya Kenobi 01-19-04, 01:48 AM	87. The DM who gives PCs stuff just to steal it later.. This is the DM I played under a long time ago. I became 5th level, and I finally got a cool +1 longsword, my first magic item. Within the next few sessions, a 1st level rogue stole it right off my back and I didn't notic until I was drawing my sword that wasn't there against a bunch of ogres.. Sad day..
Kolo 01-19-04, 04:39 AM	The I'm Still Adjusting To 3E DM. 'Okay everyone, what's your THACO at?' and: 'Right, now I remember this spell from 2ndE, and I can't be bothered to look it up in the new rules. And just what the heck is a 0-level spell anyway?' They just won't even try. It's kinda sad, especially when they insist that the new rules are better. the 'Whoops, I Don't Know What That Does' DM. It's not the fact that he doesn't know, it's more the fact that he doesn't look it up at all and simply makes it up as he goes along. Common occurances are spell functions and skills. Also, as a sub-class, they may also change spell effects because they think it's too easy to resist/too hard to counter when in fact it's hard/easy as heck. My current DM BANNED the Knock spell because he thought (and still thinks) that there is no counter to it. Jeez, dude, read the PhB for once! Me. ;) Only when they annoy me. :smirk:
Goblin-Crunch Cerial 01-22-04, 11:43 AM	90 The-O-$^&*-The-players-are-about-to-catch-my-BBEG Alright... This is more an rant than anything. BUT nothing is more sad than a DM who basically renders reality JUST so the players cannot Kill,Catch,Interrogate the BBEG. I absoluetly hate that. Repeat after me: there is nothing wrong with a crit hit taking down your BBEG. I know you put 80+ hours into making him but golly...That sucker crit just finished him off real quick. Let me do my inzone dance and reccycle the dude for another adventure... PLZ
smoonsilver 01-22-04, 02:01 PM	91 "The thinks he oh-so-funny" dm His campaigns seemed cracked out because everything has to be a joke, nothing serious can ever happen. For instance, in once campaign we went to the island of Ohio, to the city of Cleveland. We had to take the down the evil "rent-a-mage" hut. Another time we went to the castle of an insane baron who decorated in polka dots and kept sock golems...The big problem being he took over to that point what had been a fairly serious campaign.
ashera 01-22-04, 05:44 PM	92. The Fan This DM has seen a movie or read a book and absolutely loved the characters. One of my first games was MERP (Middle Earth Roleplaying game) and everybody was somehow related to the characters in the Lord of the Rings. The DM made backgrounds for us. I was an elven archer, who tried to become the equal of my cousin Legolas. The Rohan fighter was the son of the king of Rohan (no matter how much we tried to get in trouble a large group of rohirrim would rescue us, really annoying). And so it continued. To make matters worse, whereever we went we would meet the rest of the characters in the books. After meeting Frodo three times on random roads without any story hooks, the party decided to kill him the next time, steal the ring, and take over the world. Sadly the DM ended the campaign just after we made this decision.
Deekin 01-22-04, 08:29 PM	93. The Neverwinter nights DM This Dms only rollplaying experiance come from playing neverwinter nights. Nuff said
Greldinard 01-23-04, 03:23 AM	94. Making fun of your character. You create a cool and serious character, but the DM makes stupid jokes about him and silly things happen to him all the time.
Goblin-Crunch Cerial 01-23-04, 08:17 AM	95. DM-Shaft Warning this DM does take a squirt of crap. Anytime he thinks you're even thinking of munching he will smite you repeatedly... (Back in the day of 1E where you rolled a d6 for initative) DM: You see a pack of orcs getting thier weapons ready. You've been spotted. Roll group init... Elf Player: I roll a Six DM: (Roll) SO did they, roll again. Elf Player:(reroll) I rolled a six DM: (Roll) so did they... Me and the Dwarf Player: (SWEATING!!!) err... Elf Player: (Rolling again) Hey I rolled a six DM (Obviously not rolling) SO did they... Elf Player: (Rolling) Hey! look another six... ME and The Dwarf Player: Pss dude we are sooo dead... Yeah I know how many healing potions do you have left... I have three... DM (Still not rolling): The orcs get a six Elf Plyer (Gets a #$^&*( clue): Oh this time I got a five... DM: Orcs get a six they go first. Three unleash their bows and the other six plant their spears... Dwarf: I an't charging... Me: No kidding screw bless- I'm hiding behind the elf... Elf: Come on guys we can take em... I cast sleep....
The_Fan 01-23-04, 01:05 PM	96. The Next Big Thing! This DM is often actually a very good DM. He is enthusiastic, fair to the players, and crafts an interesting and fun story. The only problem is, he abandons it after a few sessions. See, he just got this book for this other system you've never heard of, and it's sooooo good. We can get back to that other game another time, let's just play this one for a while. C'mon guys, it's great!
ashera 01-23-04, 01:08 PM	I play with # 96. When our Greyhawk characters died just before Dragonlance came out (we were level 4) we did not care, because we knew we were going to change setting. We have in ten years of playing only had one party that managed to reach 11 levels
The_EvilDungeon_Master 01-23-04, 07:00 PM	Uh... because it is If you contradict his dm'ing/campaign at all, and try to do something he didn't plan out. "You can't." "Why?" "Because you can't, I said so"
Kaya Kenobi 01-23-04, 10:57 PM	Originally posted by The_Fan 96. The Next Big Thing! This DM is often actually a very good DM. He is enthusiastic, fair to the players, and crafts an interesting and fun story. The only problem is, he abandons it after a few sessions. See, he just got this book for this other system you've never heard of, and it's sooooo good. We can get back to that other game another time, let's just play this one for a while. C'mon guys, it's great! I have done that, and ended up DMing a 3e campaign, a Munchkin campaign, a 2e campaign, and even a Werewolf campaign.. And that's a lot of work!
Darth K'Trava 01-25-04, 03:41 PM	Originally posted by NorthSaber (I'm surprised this hasn't been mentioned yet - IMO this is the most annoying type of DM) #12 Favorite-NPC-DM The DM runs an NPC that is either temporarily with the group for story reasons (a guide to someplace for example), or as a permanent member of the group. What's wrong with this? The NPC is about ten levels more powerful than the PCs, hogs all the action and all the glory, shows off with uber-spells and equipment, mocks and annoys the PCs and then challenges them to a duel. He is likely to have all stats at 20+ (or higher if any PC has a stat higher than that), crits about 50% of the time, and never gets hit. Sound familiar? Yep. We have one of those in one game. Destined to be grabbed by an evil goddess in her plans to take over the world. Displays superpowers when provoked, but acts quite the timid child she looks otherwise. :nonono: (spellfire weilder)
red pill 01-25-04, 04:52 PM	98: the noob this dued has a basic idea how to work the game, but, as with the rest of the group, hasnt achuly played befor...and...bugger, you need to role extras for crits and...one sec, how the hell do i bull rush this dued is genral new to the game with the rest of the group, so no one realy noteses, but almost serntly makes things to easy im gilty of the above, and i persnal didnt know crits needed 2 roles untill after our first sestion, and then forgot for our second and 3rd sestions -_-;; im not the best dm... and only 3 more to go i think.
BrazilRascal 01-25-04, 10:11 PM	#99 The Philosophical-subjective reality DM Due to a college degree in Philosophy or the firm belief that only _he_ understood Nietszche when he read it as a teenager, or an attempt to duplicate the workings of Sandman comics in his games, this DM turns any story attempt at a coherent game into a bad acid trip. DM: "You enter the inn, which has a pungent reality like bitter almonds. The inkeeper pierces you with his stare, looking past your Id into your superego. Two butterflies fly in through an open window and circle you in a celebration of mortality and its failings." PC: "I, uhm, ask the innkeeper how much is costs to stay the night, and if there is any place that sells magic scrolls in this town." DM: "The man's voice flows into your consciousness like a broken dream as he whispers 'Fee? There is no fee but that of life, and that is not mine to collect. For when reality is dust and accomplishment is delusion, only dust is real. We. are. dust.' *pause, then hisses* Dussssssst....." PC: "Ok, two gold pieces a night, then." #100 The Bugger Every male NPC in the world has but one driving goal: to get into the pants of your male PCs, preferably by force. This DM believes that the scene from "Pulp Fiction" in which Bruce Willis is hog-tied in the basement of the pawn shop is the single most awesome moment in the history of motion pictures. His bad guys make a lot of prisoners. A _lot_. Not that they would mind having their way with your corpse, but the DM likes to watch the player squirm. Makes PCs consider carrying poison capsules to eat if things start looking grim. Needs therapy. Bad. DM: "The ghouls hiss maniacally as they swarm you, tossing you on top of a table and ripping off your pants." PC: "I rip out my own throat with my short sword!!" DM: "they promptly knock it out of your hands, and you see them retrieving a ball gag from a nearby crypt." PC: "I gnaw at my wrists, trying to sever an artery!!" DM: "Bwahahaha! You're so queer!" #101 The Video Game appropriator Why spend time and brainpower actually coming up with a plot, or NPC, when someone already did so for a videogame? It doesn't even need to be an RPG video game. Prepare to face Blanka and Chun-Li, clerics of Pelor! DM: "You walk through the evening streets of the city of Waterdeep, answering to the summons of your friend Khelben Blackstaff. As you reach his study, he looks at your party with a haunted gaze, whispering: 'I am troubled, my friend. A great evil is brewing in the Darkmoon Temple...'" PC: "Been there." DM: "I mean, you're stopping at a tavern for a mug of ale before returning to your distant village of Coorhagen. The tavern keeper, though, sends you on your way and into the cold, bitter road, saying that 'The night brings things that no sane man would welcome'. As you step out, you are ambushed and slain by bandits, but as you burn in Hell, a necromancer offers you a chance for revenge if you return to life as a vampire. Oh, and he renames you 'Kain'." PC: "Done that." DM: "Er...ok, I got it; you're working as a plumber in the Mushroom Kingdom when a messenger arrives to tell you that the princess has been kidnapped by Bowser (or Koopa, as some call him). He asks you to go to the nearby castle and rescue her. Mind, though, that she may not actually be at this particular castle, and you may just find a mushroom-headed serf there telling you to go to another one. And another one." PC: *wistfully* "To think I cold be having a root cannal treatment instead of being here...." And yes, I've played under all those kinds of DMs. Pity me.
fruits and vegetables 01-25-04, 11:57 PM	Originally posted by BrazilRascal #101 The Video Game appropriator.... DM: "I mean, you're stopping at a tavern for a mug of ale before returning to your distant village of Coorhagen. The tavern keeper, though, sends you on your way and into the cold, bitter road, saying that 'The night brings things that no sane man would welcome'. As you step out, you are ambushed and slain by bandits, but as you burn in Hell, a necromancer offers you a chance for revenge if you return to life as a vampire. Oh, and he renames you 'Kain'." PC: "Done that." HEY!!!! do not hate on Kain! just kidding. love the games, do not think i could tolerate that much of a rip off. it would be awesome for a d20 nosgoth to come out.
green_yawgmoth 01-26-04, 12:50 AM	Originally posted by BrazilRascal #100 The Bugger Every male NPC in the world has but one driving goal: to get into the pants of your male PCs, preferably by force. This DM believes that the scene from "Pulp Fiction" in which Bruce Willis is hog-tied in the basement of the pawn shop is the single most awesome moment in the history of motion pictures. His bad guys make a lot of prisoners. A _lot_. Not that they would mind having their way with your corpse, but the DM likes to watch the player squirm. Makes PCs consider carrying poison capsules to eat if things start looking grim. Needs therapy. Bad. DM: "The ghouls hiss maniacally as they swarm you, tossing you on top of a table and ripping off your pants." PC: "I rip out my own throat with my short sword!!" DM: "they promptly knock it out of your hands, and you see them retrieving a ball gag from a nearby crypt." PC: "I gnaw at my wrists, trying to sever an artery!!" DM: "Bwahahaha! You're so queer!" The correct response to this DM is "F*** you dude. If you get your jollies by RP-raping my characters, you can have fun by yourself. Freak. Don't call me or I'll have you arrested for stalking. " It doesn't matter if you will or not, the threat should be enough to show that you are MAJORLY **ss** at him. Edit: Seriously, who's idea was it to put a smiley in for each letter of a censored word? It leads to so much clutter...
Nifft 01-26-04, 01:22 AM	#102 -- Can't Improvise: DM: "Okay, you talk to the maid -- someone gimmie a French name!" PC: "Dude, you're quashing my verisimilitude..." (This DM is me... worse yet, I try to do accents!) -- N
BrazilRascal 01-26-04, 11:29 AM	Yes, I love the Kain & Raziel series as well, which is why it pains me to see it taken in vain. Thankfully, the DM that used to commit most of those crimes I posted is no longer in my group. Still, I'm the only DM in my group that manages to run long-term campaigns (the Greyhawk one I just concluded ended with everyone at level 23, and several other systems I STed also had satisfactory story lengths). When my friends DM, I count myself happy if I get to level 9, or get to spend 30 karma point, or otherwise reach middle-of-the-road character development. Pity me. Once more.:sad: "This is where history and destiny collide." Kain, SR2
fruits and vegetables 01-30-04, 03:15 PM	103. the hypocritical DM. this can be a house ruling DM too. this DM makes rules up to add "flavor" to the game. he may not like the way his group plays their characters in some fasion and often may question the group if they would really do that option in real life. now regardless of this his NPCs often do not follow these same rules. mind you it is not on purpose by the DM, it is just an oversight that the DM fails to see most times. this reslutls in the NPCs having many advantages vs the players. players should be alert and realize this dissadvantage. the players can often agree to these rules and not fully understand the dissadvantage they are in. Source: thread that had a DM giving the party 3 lives before final death. :)
rogue_lettuce 01-30-04, 04:53 PM	Originally posted by Salla #15. Arbitrary Man The same to-hit number never hits the same monster twice, even in the same attack sequence, because the DM has no stats, whatsoever, either written down or in mind. The monster goes down when the DM decides the monster goes down, Hit Points or Armor Class be damned. As it should be, the DM is god:cloud9: , and he decides if you hit or not, he decides if the Orc can dodge you, etc. This could actually make a much more fun game, IMO!:fight!: Originally posted by thalious #26 The No High Levels DM. They might be a good DM and be fun, but as soon as the PCs get around 15th level or so, they just stop planning for those PCs and try to get everyone to start another campaign at level 1 or 2 Hey, it's hard to think up plotlines for players beyond 15th! :D Originally posted by Zilred Basically, avoid DM's just out of middle school, especailly if they have little self-control. Hey, I'm only 14, but I don't do that, never have done, and hopefully never will. Only SOME of us are like that (ie. all my players wish i was that DM):eek: :rolleyes: Originally posted by The_Fan96. The Next Big Thing! This DM is often actually a very good DM. He is enthusiastic, fair to the players, and crafts an interesting and fun story. The only problem is, he abandons it after a few sessions. See, he just got this book for this other system you've never heard of, and it's sooooo good. We can get back to that other game another time, let's just play this one for a while. C'mon guys, it's great! Guilty as charged! :D