Post/Author/DateTime	Post
LichKnight 08-14-05, 12:03 AM	I'v always heard of stupid player requests all over the boards. Hears mine to start out with: My brother once had a player ask to wield a spatula (no joke). My brother made it out of stone, gave it the power of a warhammer, and the player took weapon focus and everything, it was appereantly hilarious, because of the weapo itself and because he did some searous damage with it.
Arcen 08-14-05, 12:15 AM	"Can I be a CG Drow Ranger?" :rolleyes: or 1st lvl PC - "Can I wield spellfire?"
Thomar_of_Uointer 08-14-05, 12:23 AM	"I wanna be a ninja." "Okay, here's the Rogue." "No, the Rogue is too sneak-focused and not combat-oriented enough." And then I show him Complete Adventurer. "Too generic." :confused:
FlameLover 08-14-05, 01:35 AM	A level-1 character asking me, the DM, for a flaming vorpal holy longsword +5 :P
Unca_Laguna 08-14-05, 01:57 AM	Player: can I enchant my weapon so it always crits? Me: *thinks for a minute* yes, but it must be a short sword, you must wield it using two hands, and you can't use your STR bonus for damage. Player: that sounds cool, how much would it cost? Me: *sigh* what I just described to you is essentially a greatsword that never crits. Player: I hate you.
Siduakal 08-14-05, 02:16 AM	My Request to play a Silver Dragon o.o (They're shiny, dammit!)...simply because it's shiny.
TheChilliGod 08-14-05, 02:17 AM	Player: "Can I multiclass to Samurai?" DM: "You're a Chaotic Good cleric of Kord. Become lawful to become a samurai and you will lose favor with your deity, denying you access to cleric spells. And you can't take samurai unless you're lawful. What's more, you really couldn't keep a code of honor for an hour of game time. And I've said my game's non-oriental." Player: "But it'd be SOOOO COOL!" I've also had multiclassing requests from this guy for an abundance of classes, both prestige and non-prestige. The craziest character strategies I've ever heard also come from him. He's focusing on being a one-man weapon rack right now, with a greatsword, greataxe, 4 small shortspears, 4 shortswords, a longsword, a warhammer and a crossbow on his person alone, at 2nd lvl. He also wants to throw his shortswords like daggers later on. :rolleyes:
Siduakal 08-14-05, 02:19 AM	Chilli.. how the hell does he carry all that logically? o.O btw: For throwing short swords.. CW "Throw Anything" feat can let you do that.
TheChilliGod 08-14-05, 02:43 AM	Siduakal, Shortspears in backpack, All swords in so many sheaths belted around his body it's almost extra armor, greataxe hitched to his backpack, warhammer and crossbow with bolt-pack hitched to his waist-belt. And he's still going on a medium load! Also, I know about that Throw Anything feat, (he wasn't aware of the feat before I told him, tho) and he ain't nowhere near the prerequisites for it. Oh dear, but it's only a matter of time... :weep:
Antioch 08-14-05, 03:04 AM	Friend calls me up at 4am and wants me to help him mad a bad*** chaotic evil awakened dire rooster monk, planning one eventually becoming a disciple of Dispater so he can use "rusting peck".
Eliza_Stormwhisper 08-14-05, 03:56 AM	Player: can I enchant my weapon so it always crits? Me: *thinks for a minute* yes, but it must be a short sword, you must wield it using two hands, and you can't use your STR bonus for damage. Player: that sounds cool, how much would it cost? Me: *sigh* what I just described to you is essentially a greatsword that never crits. Player: I hate you. That was hilarious. I'm telling that to my powergamer friend. "Hey Sal! Did you know that if you wield a shortsword in two hands it always crits!" "Really?" "Yep, exact same as a greatsword that never crits!"
Chosen of the Dark Sun 08-14-05, 04:26 AM	Can I have a Rogue Blade? :rant: Most... unbalanced... weapon... ever... :headexplo
ishpu 08-14-05, 04:56 AM	rogue blade, whats that?
Chosen of the Dark Sun 08-14-05, 05:12 AM	rogue blade, whats that? Can't remember what book it's from, I think it's third edition, but it's a rapier that makes all attacks with it count as if the opponent was flat-footed. Now, for most classes, this merely means that the opponents dexterity modifier to AC is nullified, a good ability by itself, but it means rogues do full sneak attack damage all the frigging time.
VirgilCaine 08-14-05, 02:04 PM	Friend calls me up at 4am and wants me to help him mad a bad*** chaotic evil awakened dire rooster monk, planning one eventually becoming a disciple of Dispater so he can use "rusting peck". :D Shin-seeking peck of DOOOOOM!!!
Antioch 08-14-05, 02:17 PM	Crazy stuff, I tell ya. :embarrass
bloodninja 08-14-05, 02:38 PM	could someone explain the greatsword thing i dont get it...
CaoSlayer 08-14-05, 02:39 PM	Can't remember what book it's from, I think it's third edition, but it's a rapier that makes all attacks with it count as if the opponent was flat-footed. Now, for most classes, this merely means that the opponents dexterity modifier to AC is nullified, a good ability by itself, but it means rogues do full sneak attack damage all the frigging time. It is on Savage Species and it is really a sword of permanent blink, so you get also a 50% miss chance and half damage on area spells.
Unca_Laguna 08-14-05, 02:45 PM	could someone explain the greatsword thing i dont get it... a short sword does 1d6 damage. a greatsword does 2d6 damage. therefore a shortsword that always crits does 1d6 x2 damage. therefore, a shortsword that always crits is like a greatsword that never crits.
roguken 08-14-05, 02:47 PM	could someone explain the greatsword thing i dont get it... The greatsword thing is simply that a greatsword deals 2d6 dammage. A short sword deals 1d6. So, if a shortsword always critted, it would always deal 2d6 dammage. Edit: Wow, two posts at the same time...
shadowfox628 08-14-05, 03:01 PM	"Can I have a Dragon as a mount?" Really..... I can't believe he had the nerve to ask me that.
cmrscorpio 08-14-05, 03:09 PM	"Can I have a Dragon as a mount?" Really..... I can't believe he had the nerve to ask me that. ha! I can one-up that. Back when we first started playing D&D (back in 2e days), one of the PCs wanted a dragon as a *pack animal*.
Tevish Szat 08-14-05, 03:10 PM	this one i granted, but was just silly... A portable portal, allowing access to an unlimited amount of clothes. the clothes are of absolutly no value, and the only thign you cna do with the portal is pull clothes out or put them in. it jsut means you;ll always have clothes... i blinked repeatedly at that, asked a coupel times to confirm "But yourealize ytou can;t sell anythign to pull out" and similar effects, to which i was answered yes. so i granted it. Portable wardrobe :uh-huh:
Abalux 08-14-05, 03:13 PM	ha! I can one-up that. Back when we first started playing D&D (back in 2e days), one of the PCs wanted a dragon as a *pack animal*. Please tell me you had the dragon incinerate him when he asked it to be his donkey. :hoppingma
LugWrench 08-14-05, 03:28 PM	"Can I have a Deck of Many Things, a Luckblade, a Ring of Three Wishes, a Staff of Power, and a Sphere of Annihilation? I want my 1st level bard to really kick ass." -- actual request upon making the character. (who died, deservedly, an hour into the game)
kaeso 08-14-05, 09:13 PM	one night at summer camp my friends and i were playing a rule-less version of D&D (basically, the DM randomly chose what happened to us. EX. 'I attack the gnoll... do i hit?' *DM thinks for a second* 'sure') and everyone but the DM (including me) was a complete noob, so we were in a dungeon inhabited by gnolls and the wizard decided to use 'locate creature' and my DM was like 'ok... who are you going to locate?...' and he smiled and said 'GNOLL PROSTITUTES' We laughed so hard... I just realized, his character would have to be familiar with them to find them... oh my, waaaaaaaaaay BoVD
Tyler Do'Urden 08-14-05, 09:19 PM	"You wanna play a half-celestial 11th-level monk/5th-level cleric of Yondalla?" "Yeah." "...why?" "'Cause halflings are so cute." "Nobody worships something because it's cute." "What about Pokémon?" ::sigh::
evilgenius 08-14-05, 11:18 PM	Dumbest request I ever got wasn't really a request, but an assumption. Player: "OK, well since we're in Waterdeep, I know a guy who runs a secret weapon store where I can buy poison and other stuff" DM: (thinking that who sold what was MY decision, not the players) "Ummm - ok, lets see. I'll let you roll your Knowledge local: Waterdeep to see if you know of a place like that." Player: "Well, I don't have that skill. I don't need it, my character is from waterdeep and he's a rogue, so he would know that stuff" DM: "really? Obviously your rogue from waterdeep has no contacts in the underground here since you have no ranks in the appropriate skill" Player: "What do you mean?!?! I don't need that skill, my guy grew up here!" DM: "Then you should have bought that skill you twit! Roll your gather information skill and we'll see if you can track something down" Player: "I don't have that skill, but I should get some sort of bonus because I know everybody in this town!" DM: "No, you don't. With no knowledge local you don't know ANYBODY in this town really... You figure you could probably find the main market and buy a horseshoe or a dried fish, but there's no way you're going to find exotic poisons here. I'll let you roll your charisma for a Gather Information check... DC 30 to find secret, illegal black market stuff like that." :ahem: This is the same player who tried to give his character free feats just because it fit his character description... Player: "well, my guy is athletic and stealthy, so I gave him the Athletic and Stealthy feats (above and beyond all other feats taken)" DM: "Here's a newspaper. Please roll it up and smack yourself across the face".
DmMagnus 08-15-05, 05:11 AM	Siduakal, All swords in so many sheaths belted around his body it's almost extra armor, warhammer and crossbow with bolt-pack hitched to his waist-belt. Dosn`t all those things make him lose his pants? :P
Earthcrosser599 08-15-05, 05:21 AM	"Can I be a pillar in one of the dungeons?"
DarthLoser 08-15-05, 08:56 AM	"Can I be a pillar in one of the dungeons?" WTF? :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:
babysamurai 08-15-05, 09:16 AM	One of my players asked if he could be a Grell Paladin, with Multi-Weapon Fighting, and a long sword wielded in each tentacle. I'm still trying to figure out what calibre gun I should shoot him with.
A Bigmouth Bard 08-16-05, 10:33 AM	"Can I be a pillar in one of the dungeons?" Why the hell would he want to be a pillar? :eek:
Orcmonk89 08-16-05, 10:43 AM	My Brother: Can I be a Weretortoise? Me: Were's should be more useful in battle. My Brother:: OK.... Wererabbit
Ravenseye 08-16-05, 10:54 AM	A while back when I was playing in a game with some friends I continually asked the DM if I could have a Pegasus as a mount, from like 3rd level on. Mostly to annoy him, but it was still a stupid request.
Szatany 08-16-05, 11:21 AM	One of my players: "I'm gonna play gelatinous feral anthropomorphic crocodile wizard." :eek:
Unca_Laguna 08-16-05, 11:22 AM	I have one player who is trying to rear an army of animals to do his bidding using the handle animal skill. I'm desparatly trying to curb this so it dosn't imbalance the game but I'm still struggling to understand how the skill is supposed to work. EDIT: i should note, this is the same guy who wanted the sword that always crits. he intentionally models his character after red mage from 8-bit theatre.
Fanged Fremont 08-16-05, 11:43 AM	Friend: Could I be a saint? (after looking through BoED) Me: Why do you want to be a saint? Friend: Dude, look at their stats! Me: Then no, you munchiny SOB.
Unca_Laguna 08-17-05, 12:11 PM	I see one of my players (same one from my previous posts on this thread) sitting in front of his character sheet with a pencil. DM (me): what are you doing? player: I'm tweaking my skills a little. DM: 0.o you're doing what? player: I'm changing around some of my skills, intimidate is useless. DM: PUT DOWN THE PENCIL, AND STEP AWAY FROM THE CHARACTER SHEET. I wish a had had a bullhorn handy for that last part. :P
Fanged Fremont 08-20-05, 01:41 AM	We're going to start up a campaign with a new DM soon. When we roll up characters I'm going to ask him if I could be a kobolb bard who plays special bagpipes that double as a blowgun.
The_EvilDungeon_Master 08-20-05, 01:54 AM	"Hey DM, can I use this character class that I just made?" Ok, no offense to those who actually make classes that work... but this just ticks me off. Why? I used to have this player, we shall refer to him as "S" now. S loved to make his own character classes. Not only did he make about 5 before each session and insisted on showing them to me and playing them, but he got kinda pissy when I would let him use them. For example, the "Familiar Master" A wizard who gets no spells, but gets the abilities to summon lots of familiars. Yes, you heard right. A Spell-less wizard. I won't even dignify the rest with posting them, it causes me too much pain just to remember... :weep:
A Bigmouth Bard 08-30-05, 08:05 AM	For example, the "Familiar Master" A wizard who gets no spells, but gets the abilities to summon lots of familiars. Yes, you heard right. A Spell-less wizard. I won't even dignify the rest with posting them, it causes me too much pain just to remember... :weep: What else did he make, a Druidic Fighter who can't wield swords? :smirk:
UndeadMouse 08-30-05, 09:31 AM	#1: dire chickens. one player wanted to be one. another wanted one as a familiar. 2: one of my players, the same one that wanted to be a dire chicken, traded 5 levels of sorcerer to be a mindflayer. turns out he only wanted to extract brains, not mind blast anyone. 3: same player wanted a demon cat (super-advanced fiendish panther) as a pet. i let him have it, simply because kitty clawed his face off after 2 minutes.
Bruunwald 08-30-05, 12:17 PM	Friend calls me up at 4am and wants me to help him mad a bad*** chaotic evil awakened dire rooster monk, planning one eventually becoming a disciple of Dispater so he can use "rusting peck". LOL! That's hilarious. You know, that's so creative I might have written up a small side-campaign just to accommodate that. As for stupid requests, I had a munchkinning, over-powered half-ogre barbarian in our game. He was cheating and he knew I knew he was up to no good, and he also knew I was trying to bust him for being too powerful and for messing with his stats, etc. One day on a non-D&D visit, he snatches up the DMG and starts pointing to Dragon Disciple, or whichever prestige class it is that gives you natural armor and wings, etc., and he starts begging me to let him take it. I can just imagine his character with even more natural armor and a breath weapon! Flying, no less. I point at the prerequisites and I remind him that the class requires spell use. Then I remind him (kindly) that this is the sort of thing I told him at the very beginning of this campaign, that we would be avoiding: super multiclass powergame combinations. I don't mind min/maxing, but for crying out loud, the guy has already smudged his character into nearly epic power. He slinks away all dejected-like. It's his whining about supposedly being powerless that really made me finally get rid of him. Cheating sucks. Munchkinning sucks. But then he has the audacity to cry and moan that he is under-powered? He could kill a hill giant with a toothpick.
SwitchUK 08-30-05, 01:41 PM	Not D&D, but LoTR, from my cousin's game... one of her players is a Loremaster with ranks in "Ranged Combat (Heads)" Interestingly, when I sat in on a session this weekend as a one-shot character, I saw how totally useful that is - with four ranks in "Ranged Combat (Heads)" the dude just decapitates a fallen enemy, and then hurls the severed head at people. In this case, he scored a heroic success, and knocked the BBEG off the cliff he was ambushing the party from, leading to his defeat. D6 damage, plus a psychological effect (what my cousin calls the "Mommy?" factor...) Stupidest request I've ever encountered personally... the dude who basically wants to play a Final Fantasy dragoon - spiked full plate armour, a longspear, and the ability to leap fifty feet in the air and come down on bad guys, sharp end first. He also wants a "dragon of epic proportions" as a companion.
DraconsNighthawk 08-30-05, 01:56 PM	Eh, Dragoon could be a PrC for epic levels. Need like.... 40 ranks in jump and tumble though. Some special abilites would be improved armor wearing (Makes heavy armor medium) charge attacks when you come from above, but takes 3 full rounds or something. Not that hard to accompy the dragoon class. EDIT: Had one player that wanted to be the god of farts. I gave him some minor powers, and he went around making everyone fart or poop their pants. Needless to say, some uber god of trickier wanted that profio, and thus sent many assassins to kill said mini-god to get its profio.
SwitchUK 08-30-05, 02:04 PM	Yeah, but this dude wants all the uber-jumping and heavy armour and stuff at level 1.
Illion the Red 08-30-05, 02:16 PM	Yeah, but this dude wants all the uber-jumping and heavy armour and stuff at level 1. Two words for him: "Go Away."
SwitchUK 08-30-05, 02:21 PM	If only ithe dude was trying it in MY game instead of somebody else's...
Karelzarath 08-30-05, 03:03 PM	this one i granted, but was just silly... A portable portal, allowing access to an unlimited amount of clothes. the clothes are of absolutly no value, and the only thign you cna do with the portal is pull clothes out or put them in. it jsut means you;ll always have clothes... i blinked repeatedly at that, asked a coupel times to confirm "But yourealize ytou can;t sell anythign to pull out" and similar effects, to which i was answered yes. so i granted it. Portable wardrobe :uh-huh: I have a wizard in my campaign that would kill for that. Always being in fashion for court and fancy dinners would be worth quite a lot to her.
Jancarius 08-30-05, 03:39 PM	Friend calls me up at 4am and wants me to help him mad a bad*** chaotic evil awakened dire rooster monk, planning one eventually becoming a disciple of Dispater so he can use "rusting peck". :rofl: "Can I have a Dragon as a mount?" Really..... I can't believe he had the nerve to ask me that. "Sure. At L14, you can have a wrymling of your alignment, given to you by your god to raise." A while back when I was playing in a game with some friends I continually asked the DM if I could have a Pegasus as a mount, from like 3rd level on. Mostly to annoy him, but it was still a stupid request.I'm starting to think that I may be the only DM in the business of handing Paladins Celestial Pegasai on a regular basis... (for higher level Paladin mounts)
Christman 08-30-05, 04:22 PM	These are all from the v3.5 campagin I started recetly. "Can we use Book of Vile Darkness?" "I know we're ECL 1 starting, but can I play a Chaotic Good, TWF Drow Ranger?" And the comment that takes the cake thus far... "So, I'm a Redeemed Villan Lawful Good Tan'ari...I can make Corrupt Divine spells right?" Note, this is all from one person...
Radijs 08-30-05, 04:34 PM	He can make corrupt divine spells. Its the shortest route to losing your alignment but he can actually. I did have a player who wasn't really all there though hes no where near as bad as the ones you've all mentioned. I'm gonna play a dragon themed sorceror. I want sudden maximize does this draconic heritage feat count as a metamagic feat? When his character died: Can I be a samurai? Can I be a Ninja from CA? *sighs*
ytookay 08-30-05, 04:38 PM	'What's my scribe scroll modifier?'
Chosen of the Dark Sun 08-30-05, 04:45 PM	It is on Savage Species and it is really a sword of permanent blink, so you get also a 50% miss chance and half damage on area spells. Hmmm, maybe its not the rogue blade I'm thinking of...?
Abulafia 08-30-05, 05:32 PM	Dumbest request I ever got wasn't really a request, but an assumption. Player: "OK, well since we're in Waterdeep, I know a guy who runs a secret weapon store where I can buy poison and other stuff" My brother's ex-girlfriend played like that all the time. (Playing Call of Cthulhu): "Well, my character's a secret agent, therefore she should know how to hack into a computer network" despite a total lack of computer skills (Playing Cyberpunk): "My character is wealthy, therefore she should know how to fly a plane" despite lack of piloting skill (Playing D&D): "My character is a wizard, therefore he should be able to read Infernal" despite (you guessed it) lack of Infernal Thankfully he dumped her. Unfortunately, they are still friends.
Abulafia 08-30-05, 05:39 PM	EDIT: Had one player that wanted to be the god of farts. I gave him some minor powers, and he went around making everyone fart or poop their pants. No, Beavis, you may not be the god of farts. Now go watch TV and stop bothering us.
AlphaSquirell 08-30-05, 05:55 PM	If only ithe dude was trying it in MY game instead of somebody else's... Yeah, it's the Dragoon class of of Community3E, I think. We had a guy play one of these in our last game. (we got to about level 7, and our powergaming got WAY out of hand, so we recently decided to start over) He was playing a half-dragon (his dragon was silver, I think) other half was harrasaf. (or something like that, from Sandstorm book, I think) So weakness as a silver dragon was cancled out by his race. And yes, the jumping is severely overpowerd. (except for the time we fought an Arcane Archer, and I cast "Web" so the Archer wouldn't be able to see those of us who were farther away, and then Uber-Dragoon man couldn't jump into the fray, cause he couldn't see where the Arcance Archer was...) Yes, that class is overpowerd, unless you really want to powergame, do NOT let him do it, under ANY means! Then again, it's not YOUR game, is it? Well, pass the word along, that class is UNBALANCED!! I think our biggest "stupid request" was when we played "arena" with a new DM. The DM was the Druid of our group (he owns most of the books we have, and our DM wasn't there). We played in an arena to earn Exp and gold. (note: we were so overpowerd that I managed to help a friend kill a blue dragon by using Magic Missle, and the dragon was dead before his turn came up...) So, he was going to give us a "prize" from the king (turned out to be a demiplane in a box!) and a minor magic item each. Well, the Druid-DM gave us each a MAJOR magic item. One guy got some Wishes. (don't know what item he got), and he ended up giving the Hex-Blade (soon to be Hex-Blade/Monk/Drunken Master) an additional 100 hp, turned our Demi-plane into a full blown plane of its own, was going to give my "cloak of many things" an unlimited uses (I decided I didn't want the cloak later, before I actually picked MY item), and a few other things, and he STILL had a wish left... It ended up, the Druid-DM and the Wish guy were writing up rules for massive battles (and training the armies our party would soon control on our own plane....) That's when the Rogue and I (our group of 9's ONLY primary spellcaster...) decided to go to bed. I then chose my Major item. (a ring of wishes) I created a Fort of "You're not invited" for me and the Rogue, wished that I had the "Wish Guy's" last wish, and then that all of his wishes were undone. (This was JUST to show the Druid-DM how far he had gone over the line) So now, a few weeks later. (just under 2 weeks later) We're rewriting new characters, at level 1, NO internet classes, and no races above level adjustment +1. (think about it, I was a Rakshasa sorcerer with an effective caster level of 14...) I'm the new DM for this round, and we're starting with The Sunless Citadel to start us off. (and we're not playing a party of 9 this time, it'll only be a party of 4) Then again, I think the Druid-DM (now a level 1 Necromancer...) requested a +2 vorpal quarterstaff at some point in the future. (a vorpal QUARTERSTAFF)...
Sapp 08-30-05, 06:01 PM	Player: can I enchant my weapon so it always crits? Me: *thinks for a minute* yes, but it must be a short sword, you must wield it using two hands, and you can't use your STR bonus for damage. Player: that sounds cool, how much would it cost? Me: *sigh* what I just described to you is essentially a greatsword that never crits. Player: I hate you. That's not such a bad weapon early on. Much better than an average greatsword. If it always crits, it never misses.
Bruunwald 08-30-05, 07:49 PM	Reading over this thread reminds me that there are people out there in the world playing bizzaro gonzo games using the D&D rules. I remember two bizarre requests, but I don't consider them "dumb" because the players in question simply had never seen a "serious" game and didn't know better. One was from a girlfriend of mine a number of years back who wanted to recreate her sentient flying toaster character from some other game. The other was a female friend, who when she first joined, asked to import her own female giant lizard creature who fed on the hearts of wizards. Neither made it in, but a little tweaking made one of them happy enough (basically allowed lizard girl to play a toned-down but friendly-enough lizardfolk-type fighter). But the interesting thing is that neither had ever even seen a regular game. They had no idea that it could be played with elves and gnomes and such. Made me wonder who they had been playing with. It's weird, because I know people who have played in these games, but have never met the DMs running them. It's like they're underground, fleeing from the rules lawyers, or something. I mean, fun is fun and we've had our share of fun, but you have to draw a line somewhere.
Masked Thespian 08-30-05, 07:50 PM	Why the hell would he want to be a pillar? :eek: As an inanimate object, he'd be immune to Critical Hits... :D
A Bigmouth Bard 08-30-05, 08:38 PM	As an inanimate object, he'd be immune to Critical Hits... :D That makes sense. Well, the Druid-DM gave us each a MAJOR magic item. One guy got some Wishes. (don't know what item he got), and he ended up giving the Hex-Blade (soon to be Hex-Blade/Monk/Drunken Master) an additional 100 hp... Was it a luck blade? Those things are not only powerful but they give you 0-3 wishes. I was making my brother a higher then lvl1 char. and I almost gave him a luck blade! Good thing I noticed that Sylvan Scimitar :evillaugh (he was a Druid). Talk about disaster!
hollow_ghost 08-30-05, 08:51 PM	Druid: ''I'll take a shark animal companion. That way, when I sleep, my companion can guard my treasure that it will hold.'' Player: can I enchant my weapon so it always crits? Me: *thinks for a minute* yes, but it must be a short sword, you must wield it using two hands, and you can't use your STR bonus for damage. Player: that sounds cool, how much would it cost? Me: *sigh* what I just described to you is essentially a greatsword that never crits. Player: I hate you. This only works if you don't use a critical table in addition to the double. And yeah, it never misses as mentionned above.
Tevish Szat 08-30-05, 10:57 PM	I have a wizard in my campaign that would kill for that. Always being in fashion for court and fancy dinners would be worth quite a lot to her. that's basically what the character who asked wanted it for. I'll admit, it cna be useful. still strange.
kuhTHOOloo 08-31-05, 12:21 AM	that's basically what the character who asked wanted it for. I'll admit, it cna be useful. still strange. Why would it be strange? In a world full of magic, I'd imagine many wizards would have things that make life easier along with their spells of mass destruction. I mean, if you're an evil lich necromancer raising an infernal army of the undead, why not raise a few measly skeletons to clean around the house while you're at it?
Tomovasky 08-31-05, 04:33 AM	Some classic ones from my game Player: Can I have a Family of supper rouges that no longer has adventure so they gave me all the magic itemed (2 page list) all this gear and I can barrow money from them because we are family. Also have +2 on all skill a rough needs because I was doing it from birth. LV.1 PC Player: can I have the sword of Kass Player: can I have a flying dwarf. Player: can I have a wand of god Bolt. (God bolt= all dice on table are rolled X 1d100) Well that’s all for now but there will be more… There is always more.
ShadowDragon8685 08-31-05, 05:05 AM	This game never took up, mainly because of these two clowns. Players 1 & 2:"So, what can we use?" Me: "Core stuff, WotC stuff is by approval. Nothing that dosen't fit the feel of the game, which is big-time high fantasy. No samurai, no psions." Player 1: "So I can be a Ninja?" Me: "No. I just said no Samurai! No Oriental Adventures." Player 1: "So I can be a Ninja then? Because it's in the Complete Adventurer, you see?" Me: :twitch: "No." Player 2: "Can I play a wilder?" :ayyyy!: Me: :twitch: "No! What part of "Fit the feel of the game" and, specifically, "No Psions", did you not get? Player 2: "I want to be a Wilder. Look, they're really cool, y'know?" :w00t: Me: :nonono: Player 2: "So, I can be a Wilder?" :mage: Me: "No! What part of no psionics don't you get?!" :uh-huh: Player 2: "But, but I just downloaded the XPH, and Wilder looks so 1337!" :dancin: (Yes folks, he actually said "1337".) Me: "For the love of... No!! No psionics, nothing that was even mentioned in any cartoon that ever came out in the 1980s!" :rant: Player 1: "So, I can use my Complete Warrior, then?" Me: "Fine! Good, something normal at last! Sure, you can use the CW." Player 2: "Awww, cool! 'Kay, so I'm gonna make this Barb, and go into Frenzied Berzerker!" :dancin: :fight!: Player 1: "Saweeet! I can be a Samurai, then!" :pint: :fight!: Me: :banghead: "No! No freaking Samurai, and definately no frigging Frenzied Berzerkers!" Players 1 & 2: "B-But!... You said we could use the Complete Warrior!" :bigeyes: Me: *packs up books and leaves.* And people ask me why I no longer DM games.
Burrie 08-31-05, 08:36 AM	Now this is why I prefer to DM in NWN... no ridiculous requests for ridiculous classes :D
Limit 08-31-05, 11:30 AM	One of my players has a cohort that is a Warforged Scout with permanent Reduce Person cast on him, making him a Tiny creature. Out of no where, the player goes "Can I attach my cohort to my arm and use him like an arm cannon? You know, like Megaman? I'll take a feat for it!" He's lucky he asked outside of a game session or I think he would have had a very ****** off little cohort on his hands.
On_the_wings_of_TPK 08-31-05, 12:25 PM	Player: "Can I have a battle mech?" Me: "not a :censored: chance." Player: "then, Can I play the guy that invents battle mechs?" Me: :bigeyes: :ahem: :uh-huh: This was in a regular D&D medevil fantasy game.
Illion the Red 08-31-05, 12:37 PM	Player: "Can I have a battle mech?" Me: "not a :censored: chance." Player: "then, Can I play the guy that invents battle mechs?" Me: :bigeyes: :ahem: :uh-huh: This was in a regular D&D medevil fantasy game. Me: "Sure thing. Roll up a new character. This one's in stasis for the next 3,000 years. We'll get back to him once the campaign catches up."
Bane 08-31-05, 02:04 PM	New player decides to attack the rest of the party at level 1. They give him every possible chance, even attacking for subdual until he hit them for lethal. The rogue passes me a note. I say, alright, the rogue pulls out a vial of some murky liquid, and pours it over his rapier. New guy doesn't have a clue that it could be poison. (It wasn't.) The cleric wanders over and uses his death domain ability, pokes the new guy, and rolls the maximum. New guy dies. His first words: "How long does it take for me to respawn?" This is after an hour and a half of teaching him the basics, which includes making sure he understands that this isn't Diablo II. We gave up on him.
fish_heads 08-31-05, 03:20 PM	After a lengthy session in which a major quest was completed, all the players were awarded a single Wish spell, following normal limitations. Most players asked for ability score enhancement, but one player... ...well, he wanted to be granted the permanent ability to cast some spells as though they were on his list, and such, and then listed off about six 9th level wizard and cleric spells (he was a 12th level druid). of course, that's one of many ridiculous requests made by this player, but needless to say, it was aggravating to have to constantly explain to him that his requests were foolish.
cat o nine mice 08-31-05, 03:30 PM	The Cat sez.... We have all heard of stupid p.c. tricks, from bringing an actual Abrahms tank fully loaded to a L.A.W. rocket into AD&D. It is up to the D.M. to "just say no". No to dopes!
UltimateReality 08-31-05, 03:31 PM	I'm starting to think that I may be the only DM in the business of handing Paladins Celestial Pegasai on a regular basis... (for higher level Paladin mounts)I had a DM give me a unicorn of some celestial quality (can't find character sheet atm, but now going digging to check) the one and only time I played a paladin...man I miss Jewel Uvapeon...(started out as an NPC cohort, got upgraded to my PC when Sushi girl (don't remember her real name, wielded a double-bladed sword though) died.) Our current group's roleplaying ability kinda hampers any paladins, exalted good, or really lawful characters though. *sigh* Though I get to be the DM now. :evillaugh So I guess it doesn't matter for awhile. Gives me more time to plan.... :plotting:
Ilium 08-31-05, 03:35 PM	After a lengthy session in which a major quest was completed, all the players were awarded a single Wish spell, following normal limitations. Most players asked for ability score enhancement, but one player... ...well, he wanted to be granted the permanent ability to cast some spells as though they were on his list, and such, and then listed off about six 9th level wizard and cleric spells (he was a 12th level druid). of course, that's one of many ridiculous requests made by this player, but needless to say, it was aggravating to have to constantly explain to him that his requests were foolish. Actually that doesn't seem too broken to me. If the 9th-level spells are added to his list, he can prepare and cast them...when he gets to 17th level. If it doesn't give him any extra slots (and depending on the specific spells of course) I don't think it's too out of line. I might limit it to, say, 2 spells instead of six, though. Or did he want to be able to cast them at 12th level?
Calibron 08-31-05, 04:26 PM	I agree with Illium, as written, that request doesn't seem so bad.
fish_heads 08-31-05, 04:30 PM	Or did he want to be able to cast them at 12th level? of course he did :) Also, in reply to The cat...well, see my sig, I suppose it speaks for itself :thumbsup:
MasterRookie 08-31-05, 04:45 PM	"Can I be a CG Drow Ranger?" :rolleyes: I'd alow that if he could make a good background. It says usually neutral evil.
MasterRookie 08-31-05, 05:10 PM	Player: "Can I have a battle mech?" Me: "not a :censored: chance." Player: "then, Can I play the guy that invents battle mechs?" Me: :bigeyes: :ahem: :uh-huh: This was in a regular D&D medevil fantasy game. He could create an iron golem and fit it with magic items wich cast missile type spells.
ShadowDragon8685 08-31-05, 05:37 PM	If it was an Iron Kingdoms (http://privateerpress.com/ironkingdoms/default.php) game, I could see him being the guy who makes piloted warjacks. They're called Arcane Mechaniks. Since it was ordinary D&D, I'd have to say you did right in jacking him up.
Muddball 08-31-05, 07:21 PM	i have one, EBUL player, who allways pulls out the oddest, most VILE requests imaginable. and none of them are impossable. here's an example one of the party members (actualy, the druid in my sig) had just died, and they went hunting for the body. they found it under the tree, and as soon as they looted him, the guy turns to me and asks, "can i cut him up as a bag of elf meat?" :eek: i say "sure." he begins feeding his mount (a rideing dog) doggy treats out of the bag. a little while later, back in town, he asks me if he can find (rolling a knowlage: local check) a wizard that would be willing to create an endless elven/DWARVEN (he had added the dead DWARF to his bag now) bag of meat. yes, and endless bag of doggie treats, made out of his dead compainions.
whiteraven 08-31-05, 11:33 PM	1st level ranger with no jump skill wanting to jump right up into a tree 25 ft above the ground to shot arrow at an enemy the tree was in full bloom. he ending up climing and got mad when i gave coneclment to his targets.
Duke 09-01-05, 12:14 AM	A player wanted to take the planar champion PrC, but wanted to do it from wizard, not from fighter. So, he designs another PrC that he would take as a lead in to planar champion. His prereqs were simple and martial weapon prof., ability to cast 1st level spells, and 4 ranks in spellcraft (read: a ftr1/wiz1 can qualify). In 4 levels of this class he would have been able to meet all the prereqs for planar champion (his PrC got Weapon Spec, and whatever other feat requirements p.c. has as class abilities). All this contrived nonsense simply because he wanted to be able to strike incorporeal beings. :nonono:
Arch4ngel 09-01-05, 12:48 AM	A sword or a quaterstaff of etheralness would have been enough... no way to create a new class for that lol :noway: :ghosted:
Ty-No-Mite 09-01-05, 02:10 AM	PC: "Can I be a Half-Copper Dragon/Half-Fiend/Half-Elemental?" DM: "Count those halves and get back to me..." :doh:
Kadasbrass 09-01-05, 03:38 AM	I asked the DM once if I took Leadership as a feat if could have a permanently Insane Kobold Cohort. My last character was a Kobold and got hit by a Symbol of Insanity a few times (all from same magic shop I was trying to rob), I spent a lot of time during the session in a barracks with a jesters outfit on, trying to attack random people and shouting random made up words and mumbling to myself and dancing about (looked like I was dancing, but was trying to attack people 10 ft away since I was on a chain leash). Was a big laugh and decided I needed one as a cohort. Of course the DM had a laugh and said yes :evillaugh Just haven't been back yet to make the character
AcidAngel 09-01-05, 04:14 AM	Bard/Druid: Can I take the Leadership feat and have a school of bards follow me around? :uh-huh: DM: Why? Bard/Druid: So they can boost the fighter. DM: All of them? Bard/Druid: Yes. DM: :looloo: :doh: :ghosted: This actualy happened in the last session.
MarkB 09-01-05, 05:03 AM	Bard/Druid: Can I take the Leadership feat and have a school of bards follow me around? :uh-huh: DM: Why? Bard/Druid: So they can boost the fighter. DM: All of them? Bard/Druid: Yes. DM: :looloo: :doh: :ghosted: This actualy happened in the last session. I'd be tempted to let him do it, have him gather together all his backng singers, get them all singing - and then explain to him how bonuses of the same name don't stack with each other.
AcidAngel 09-01-05, 07:12 AM	I'd be tempted to let him do it, have him gather together all his backng singers, get them all singing - and then explain to him how bonuses of the same name don't stack with each other.I think i will even have him roll up and create the NPC character sheets.... for all of them. :lightbulb :plotting: :evillaugh :smirk: Honestly he is the worst mega/min/max/munchckin/powergmer(yes it is possible) I know, with the fuzziest logic in the world. :doh:
Silais 09-01-05, 07:22 AM	I got a weird one from supposidly LN Wizard. Wizard: "If I kill my familair can I still use it's "deliver touch spells" ability on it?" DM(me): "What? Why?" Wizard: "Well I want to be able to cast burning hands, and then throw it at my enemys..." DM:hmmmm, no. And she gets mad at me when I come up with sadistic ideas. Players: "Can we have your garentee that you won't use an insanely min-maxed dungeon and NPCs that are all technicaly approprate CRs for us but that you spent 6 hours last night making specificly with the goal of killing us?" DM: "sure... :plotting:... And she got mad at me after that one... I didn't technicaly "kill" them...
Ty-No-Mite 09-01-05, 07:53 AM	I almost forgot one of my personal favourite. A wizard wanted to cast Enlarge and Stoneskin on his cat familiar and then use it like a flail...
JakeQuistis 09-01-05, 09:53 AM	I might allow that last one... Unfortunately, the cat would take damage with each hit... And I doubt he would have a pleasant time after that, with all of those scratch wounds across his body.
Hochiu 09-01-05, 10:36 AM	I have made (to date and knowingly) one stupid request as a player to a friend of mine who was DMing. It was for a one shot game session and I wanted to have a little bit of fun. And since I couldn't find anything to the contrary, I asked if I could play this character: A level 5 Dwarven Werebear/Half Gold dragon monk. ...With the Vow of Poverty feat. :devil: And yes, I know this screams of munchkin. That's the reason why. The whole effort (even making the character) was an attempt just to see if I could. In the end, I settled on a level 1 paladin to play as and thoroughly unenjoyed the campaign setting due to his DMing style. It's not so much a roleplaying game as a STORY game, where the players have little to no choice in the matter and had little to no free will.
bshugg 09-01-05, 11:04 AM	2nd edition campaign I had a player obsessed with casting multiple enlarge and permanancy spells on a chicken in order to create a 40 foot war chicken. He planned on charming it to obey his orders and covering it in armor. Very elaborate plan actually. When I asked him how he planned to make a domestic chicken (even a big one) attack his foes. His reply: "I will put a bunch of longswords on his beak, and then throw down enlarged chicken feed on the enemies. He will peck them to death. Another time the party monk was running from a TPK, in an ogres lair. He stopped by their food reserves and said: "I will open the barrels and disease it up!" planning to poison their food supply. We got a good laugh at trying to invision how exactly a monk goes about diseasing up barrels of dead fish. We ended up deciding we didn't want to know. And the final one was when the mage was trampled by a griffon and was laying prone behind it. He attack from behind shouting. "I cram my staff up the griffons [rear end]!" Of course he rolls a natural 20 on the attack and a 20 to confirm. The griffin felt very, very violated.
green_yawgmoth 09-01-05, 11:21 AM	Players: "Can we have your garentee that you won't use an insanely min-maxed dungeon and NPCs that are all technicaly approprate CRs for us but that you spent 6 hours last night making specificly with the goal of killing us?" I have made no such guarantee to my players, and have in fact told them that any TPKs are going to be strictly their fault. :smirk: http://photobucket.com/albums/v91/yawgmoth/kittyjig.gif
digoraccoon 09-01-05, 03:37 PM	A couple years back, I ran a difficult campaign and the players were in deep trouble with the BBEG. Now I'm not above fluffing things to give the players a little help to catch up (if it promotes fun for everyone, then sure), but one player thought it would be a good idea to dictate the nature of the "help": Player: "I have a great idea to save us. Well, me mostly!" :dancin: Me: "Er... Do I want to know?" :shifty: Player: "See, a Federation starship from an alternate dimension comes on an exploration mission. The ship's crew is made up of a lot of different races, like vulcans, dwarves, klingons, and a freed borg." Me: "..." :twitch: Player: "And the captain is this kompasaur, very intelligent. And they'll see that I'm suffering and they'll want to come rescue me on their ship to take me home." Me: "..." :twitch: Player: "But they'll not bother with the other players, you can have fun with them all you want since you know you like torturing them." :D Me: "... you have this all written down somewhere, don't you?" :bored: Player: "Yeah, here's a 4 page sheet on the ship's design and the crew's stats. They're all at least 8th level and-" Me: **Grabs sheet and dumps it into shredder** Shredder: **Burp** Player: :mymy: Me: "Next." :waits:
floaterbo 09-01-05, 03:58 PM	When I was a ridiculous 12 year old NOOB, I asked if I could use a sausage as an improvised weapon. I was told yes, but it was weak as hell. I sneakattacked and killed 2 hobgoblins. It was Frickin Awesome! :doh:
SodaGuy 09-01-05, 04:15 PM	Sneak Attack: Making Sausage Weapons Possible
UltimateReality 09-01-05, 04:21 PM	Sneak Attack: Making Sausage Weapons Possible I'd rule a sausage as a d2-1 + 1/2 Str nonlethal damage...don't wanna know what you'd have to do with it to get a crit. *wince*
Guroth the Forsaken 09-01-05, 05:24 PM	...Then again, I think the Druid-DM (now a level 1 Necromancer...) requested a +2 vorpal quarterstaff at some point in the future. (a vorpal QUARTERSTAFF)... You think that's bad? I once had a kobold Rogue who wanted to weild a vorpal Picnic Table. :confused: :uh-huh:
hollow_ghost 09-01-05, 05:46 PM	I'd alow that if he could make a good background. It says usually neutral evil. I think he meant wanting to copy Drizzt Do'Urden, therefore the question for spellfire.
hollow_ghost 09-01-05, 05:51 PM	PC: "Can I be a Half-Copper Dragon/Half-Fiend/Half-Elemental?" DM: "Count those halves and get back to me..." :doh: Actually, these halves are templates added to a base creature. One can have an infinite amount of templates as long as they respect each other. Therefore, he could be all that BUT a half copper dragon needs to be good and the half-fiend can not be added to good creatures. He could go around this and PrC himself into dragon disciple after becoming good (would need a heck of a background tough). I don't know anything about half-elemental so I can't say anything about it.
hollow_ghost 09-01-05, 05:53 PM	I got a weird one from supposidly LN Wizard. Wizard: "If I kill my familair can I still use it's "deliver touch spells" ability on it?" DM(me): "What? Why?" Wizard: "Well I want to be able to cast burning hands, and then throw it at my enemys..." DM:hmmmm, no. And she gets mad at me when I come up with sadistic ideas. Players: "Can we have your garentee that you won't use an insanely min-maxed dungeon and NPCs that are all technicaly approprate CRs for us but that you spent 6 hours last night making specificly with the goal of killing us?" DM: "sure... :plotting:... And she got mad at me after that one... I didn't technicaly "kill" them... Burning Hand isn't a touch spell. EDIT: And the wizard would lose experience. And if she wants a touch spell delivered by the familiar, why does she have to kill it first again? :confused:
feartheinvinceblehamster 09-01-05, 06:31 PM	Friend: Could I be a saint? (after looking through BoED) Me: Why do you want to be a saint? Friend: Dude, look at their stats! Me: Then no, you munchiny SOB. i played a saint once. god it is the most tiring roleplaying experience you will ever have. though the big DR was fun
Jancarius 09-03-05, 08:18 AM	So where can I find stats for a Dire Rooster, anyway?
Ulrich Valdemont 09-03-05, 10:26 AM	#1: dire chickens. one player wanted to be one. another wanted one as a familiar. LOL Might work out great!!!
feartheinvinceblehamster 09-03-05, 10:54 AM	oh my god! not the beak!
Antioch 09-03-05, 02:52 PM	So where can I find stats for a Dire Rooster, anyway? [Kung Pow]Right here in my hand...[/Kung Pow] Dire Chicken Large Animal Hit Dice: 5d8+10 (33 hp) Initiative: +4 Speed: 30 ft. Armor Class: 15 (+6 natural, -1 size) Base Attack/Grapple: +3/+9 Attack: Bite +6 (1d8+4) Full Attack: Bite +6 (1d8+4) Space/Reach: 10 ft./10 ft. Special Attacks: None Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., flap Saves: Fort +6, Ref +4, Will +2 Abilities: Str 18, Dex 11, Con 15, Int 1, Wis 14, Cha 6 Skills: Listen +5, Spot +5 Feats: Cleave, Improved Initiative Environment: Any forest, hills, and plains Organization: Flock (4-10) Challenge Rating: 2 Treasure: None Alignment: Always neutral Advancement: 6-14 HD (Large); 15-23 HD (Huge) Dire chickens are similar in appearance to normal chickens, although their faces are crested with horny protrusions, thick scales, and coarse feathers. They are hunted by other species as good sources of healthy, tasty meat. Combat Dire chickens aren’t nearly as shy as their smaller cousins, but still eschew combat whenever possible. If provoked they will attack with their powerful beaks. Flap (Ex): A dire chicken can flap its wings wildly when falling or leaping. When falling, a flapping dire chicken has the distance reduced by 30 feet. When leaping the dire chicken adds a +8 racial bonus on Jump checks and the distance it can jump is not limited by its height.
UltimateReality 09-03-05, 05:01 PM	I was going to do a Faerun campaign, and one player wanted to play a paladin to Mystra, while the other wanted to be a gnome shadow weave user (going into Shadowcraft Mage). In order to justify their being in the same party together, the gnome offered up: "Well, I like Mystra better now and want to overthrow Shar and let Mystra run the Shadow Weave as She sees fit...but I want to keep using the Shadow Weave!" (He wanted to keep his Illusion DCs.) There was nothing in the RAW technically against this, but I explained to him that Mystra's idea of properly running the Shadow Weave was to destroy it, and that Shar and Her clerics didn't take lightly to people messing with Her magic. I let him know that the church of Mystra would be nonplussed with his refusal to give up the Shadow Weave, and sooner or later he would probably lose access to it because of Shar. He decided to change his concept.
hollow_ghost 09-03-05, 10:33 PM	As for the two above replies, the base attack bonus for the chicken is off. +1 for a 5 HD is like very impossible. A paladin of Mystra might well work with a shadow weave user. Nothing says that the shadow weave user has to be evil, and this could have been a plot, to help the paladin present the second weave to his church and research it. The shadow user would have separated from the weave for so long that he can't return to it, but will therefore help the paladin's cause.
Kor'Valesh 09-03-05, 11:03 PM	Two things which were said by at dinner today: Player 1: Im gonna make a new class, the 'Gourmand' and once he gets to 20th level he gets the ability to swallow a collossal creature whole causing....INSTANT DEATH mwahahahahahaha Player 2: Oh yeah that reminds me, when I play my insanly obese dwarf can I allow him to unhinge his jaw so he can swallow children whole!!! Me: So how is your CE child eating dwarf going to team up with his LG Dwarven fighter... Player 1: Well when you think about it, just cos he eats children doesnt make him chaotic...everyones gotta eat me: :nonono: Im sorry...but both your characters have to die.
Jancarius 09-04-05, 04:42 AM	And should it really be a Large animal? I mean, a chicken bigger than I am is almost Legendary or Horrid in nature.
Big_Fau 09-04-05, 04:46 AM	Stupidest request I've ever encountered personally... the dude who basically wants to play a Final Fantasy dragoon - spiked full plate armour, a longspear, and the ability to leap fifty feet in the air and come down on bad guys, sharp end first. He also wants a "dragon of epic proportions" as a companion. Exact same thing happened to me. ONe of my most knowledgable(dangerous) players asked to be a entropic half-fey tiefling assasin (which at first level he could be because of that mix.)
Darklord Greywolff 09-04-05, 05:36 AM	In a current campaign I requested an "everfull bag of marshmellows." And I got it too! It fit in well with my character, a CN kinetisist (sp?) with cooking skills. I plan to make it a completely broken item later. As soon as I find a wizard with the right powers I'm getting it enchanted so I can cast "Summon StayPuff Golem" once a day. :schemes:
Crystal Monk 09-04-05, 09:30 AM	In a current campaign I requested an "everfull bag of marshmellows." And I got it too! It fit in well with my character, a CN kinetisist (sp?) with cooking skills. I plan to make it a completely broken item later. As soon as I find a wizard with the right powers I'm getting it enchanted so I can cast "Summon StayPuff Golem" once a day. :schemes: y'know, the netbook "Portable Hole Full of Beer" actually has stats for a Marshmallow Golem. you can download it here (http://www.rpgnow.com/product_info.php?products_id=1633&src=Campaign), though I think you have to register at the site. it's worth it, though. :D :D :D
adimeadozen 09-04-05, 10:18 AM	::
Antioch 09-04-05, 04:52 PM	Player 1: Im gonna make a new class, the 'Gourmand' and once he gets to 20th level he gets the ability to swallow a collossal creature whole causing....INSTANT DEATH mwahahahahahaha In Regdar's Repository my Fooding up article has a chef prestige class. Unfortunately, they seemed to post it without all the extensive formatting I originally gave it. >_<
Antioch 09-04-05, 04:54 PM	As for the two above replies, the base attack bonus for the chicken is off. +1 for a 5 HD is like very impossible. Whoops. The explanation for that is that I originally was just gonna write up stats for a chicken, then went overboard, making gelatnious, bone, insectile, and more versions of it. I simply copied the original stat block and kept going so...I'll correct it now. :-P
Antioch 09-04-05, 05:00 PM	And should it really be a Large animal? I mean, a chicken bigger than I am is almost Legendary or Horrid in nature. Originally a kind of gag beast (akin to my mexican jumping bean construct), I simply wanted a big chicken that could molest players. This was originally made about 2 or so years ago, before the advent of Horrid creatures (and if Masters of the Wild was out, I didnt have access to it, thougha Legendary beast is probably above and beyond what I wanted). To be a technically true dire animal, the size would indeed not scale so high from Tiny. Small would be more accurate, and you are free to build one based around that size category and simply consider this one to be an advanced version.
Kadasbrass 09-04-05, 10:46 PM	y'know, the netbook "Portable Hole Full of Beer" actually has stats for a Marshmallow Golem. you can download it here (http://www.rpgnow.com/product_info.php?products_id=1633&src=Campaign), though I think you have to register at the site. it's worth it, though. :D :D :D Don't tell him that! I'm the DM who gave him a everful bag of Marshmallows! :P
Darklord Greywolff 09-04-05, 11:07 PM	Don't tell him that! I'm the DM who gave him a everful bag of Marshmallows! :P too late hehehehehehehe :evillaugh:
MasterRookie 09-04-05, 11:18 PM	Dumbest request I ever got wasn't really a request, but an assumption. Player: "OK, well since we're in Waterdeep, I know a guy who runs a secret weapon store where I can buy poison and other stuff" DM: (thinking that who sold what was MY decision, not the players) "Ummm - ok, lets see. I'll let you roll your Knowledge local: Waterdeep to see if you know of a place like that." Player: "Well, I don't have that skill. I don't need it, my character is from waterdeep and he's a rogue, so he would know that stuff" DM: "really? Obviously your rogue from waterdeep has no contacts in the underground here since you have no ranks in the appropriate skill" Player: "What do you mean?!?! I don't need that skill, my guy grew up here!" DM: "Then you should have bought that skill you twit! Roll your gather information skill and we'll see if you can track something down" Player: "I don't have that skill, but I should get some sort of bonus because I know everybody in this town!" DM: "No, you don't. With no knowledge local you don't know ANYBODY in this town really... You figure you could probably find the main market and buy a horseshoe or a dried fish, but there's no way you're going to find exotic poisons here. I'll let you roll your charisma for a Gather Information check... DC 30 to find secret, illegal black market stuff like that." . Umm if it was my player I would have given him the skill for free. Its ridiculus that someone should know nothing about their home town just because they didn't think to get the skill. Don't blame you player for wanting to Roleplay instead of Rollplay
Always-Late 09-04-05, 11:34 PM	That ain't roleplay. "Hey, I'm not a bard, nor am I a loremaster, or a cloistered cleric, but I'm a merchant and I travel, so I should get bardic knowledge checks." "Well, my character is a ranger, so he should be stealthy and agile, so I gave him the stealthy and agile feats for free." What's the guy who actually took ranks in knowledge (local) going to do? You gave them to the rogue for free. This is black market stuff. I live in my town, but I don't know where to buy crack cocaine, assault rifles, or cyanide.
green_yawgmoth 09-04-05, 11:41 PM	Umm if it was my player I would have given him the skill for free. Its ridiculus that someone should know nothing about their home town just because they didn't think to get the skill. Don't blame you player for wanting to Roleplay instead of Rollplay He didn't just want to know about his hometown, he wanted to have underground contacts to buy illegal goods without having cleared anything of the sort with his DM beforehand. A good DM doesn't just lay down and let his players do anything they want to. And another thing: "roleplay instead of rollplay" gets you a spot on my blocked list, since you obviously have no concept of "civil discussion". :rolleyes: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v91/yawgmoth/kittyjig.gif
MasterRookie 09-04-05, 11:49 PM	Jeese when did Roleplay not rollplay become such a put off. I'm just saying that the player should have a couple points of knowledge about his own town. Maybe not free. but each player should have some knowledge local about places they've lived depending on how long they lived there. If the player had been a rogue in that town for five year's he'd pick up some contacts about the black market. Its only logical that a long time local of a town would know a little more about it then just where to buy fish. He should atleast know that shady characters hang around the horse head in or what nah. Like the DM said he should have picked up some ranks in the skill. So when his character was created the DM should have looked at it and mentioned that with the background involving X years in some town he'd pick up some knowledge local and put some points into it.
MasterRookie 09-04-05, 11:57 PM	And another thing: "roleplay instead of rollplay" gets you a spot on my blocked list, since you obviously have no concept of "civil discussion". :rolleyes: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v91/yawgmoth/kittyjig.gif Civil discussion: Sounds like your rollplaying not roleplaying Uncivil discussion: YOU TARD YOUR SUCH AN IDIOT WHY WOULD A PERSON NOT KNOW ABOUT HIS OWN Masking is a CoC violation TOWN, THATS JUST And it it still is. I belive you stand corrected.
MasterRookie 09-05-05, 12:02 AM	That ain't roleplay. "Hey, I'm not a bard, nor am I a loremaster, or a cloistered cleric, but I'm a merchant and I travel, so I should get bardic knowledge checks." "Well, my character is a ranger, so he should be stealthy and agile, so I gave him the stealthy and agile feats for free." What's the guy who actually took ranks in knowledge (local) going to do? You gave them to the rogue for free. This is black market stuff. I live in my town, but I don't know where to buy crack cocaine, assault rifles, or cyanide. Thats your perspective on it. Mine is this. "Well you don't have knowledge local which you should if you've lived here so long, naturally as a rogue you'd have learned something living here for five years. Oh well too late to change take a DC 20 search check to see if you can find a tavern."
Always-Late 09-05-05, 12:21 AM	Thats your perspective on it. Mine is this. "Well you don't have knowledge local which you should if you've lived here so long, naturally as a rogue you'd have learned something living here for five years. Oh well too late to change take a DC 20 search check to see if you can find a tavern."Unfortunately for you, I can find an motel 6 and a restaurant in my town. However, as I said, I cannot find assault rifles or crack cocaine. I have a search check and gather information check of zero, a wisdom of 10 or lower, and I can still find a restaurant, whether I'm in Dallas, NYC, or Tokyo. Remember, he's a level 1 rogue. The average person in a town doesn't just randomly find drug dealers, they have to go out and find them. They have to work to find them. Thus, they put skills in knowledge (local) in order to find them.
Warboss Morgrum 09-05-05, 02:05 AM	In a Epic game I ran for about a week, I let a guy play a Half Silver Dragon/Half Fire Elemental/Troll Monk. It was painfull just thinking about his heritage. Then again, I just spent 20min. trying to get another of my players to play a Awakened five-headed Hydra Druid...... ;) As to the Knowledge Local bit, I think it's reasonable to expect some ranks to find things like black market dealers. A total lack of ranks in it would indicate to me that the character a) doesn't go out much or b) couldn't care less about "those simpletons" (the opinion of my NE Alienist, who has ranks in almost every Knowledge skill except Local).
VirgilCaine 09-05-05, 10:25 AM	Umm if it was my player I would have given him the skill for free. Its ridiculus that someone should know nothing about their home town just because they didn't think to get the skill. Don't blame you player for wanting to Roleplay instead of Rollplay No, that's the same thing as the Int 6 Wis 8 Cha 8 Half Orc Barbarian coming up with grand battle plans and explaining them eloquently to the party IC. The player is trying to get around the limits of their character.
UndeadMouse 09-05-05, 10:39 AM	here's a quartet of can I requests: "can I lick this rock?" "can I pick the nose of this statue?" "can I buy a rotten apple?" "can I eat a rotten apple?" here is some Wish requests: I wish for 38gp (the PC needed 38 gold to buy a bag of holding) I wish that all my hit points were back (the next PC wished for FH 5) I wish for 100 masterwork battleaxes (this was a gnome wizard with a strength of 10. even if he could carry them, the party was in the middle of Chult, a tenday's travel from the nearest village) I wish I could turn invisible, and that it would affect anything I touched (not really bad, but the wish came from a genie that had repeatedly proven that you have to be complete to get anything good. and the player was a monk. his third wish was that his first wish was undone, about 50 invisible orcs later)
MasterRookie 09-05-05, 11:04 AM	Unfortunately for you, I can find an motel 6 and a restaurant in my town. However, as I said, I cannot find assault rifles or crack cocaine. I have a search check and gather information check of zero, a wisdom of 10 or lower, and I can still find a restaurant, whether I'm in Dallas, NYC, or Tokyo. Remember, he's a level 1 rogue. The average person in a town doesn't just randomly find drug dealers, they have to go out and find them. They have to work to find them. Thus, they put skills in knowledge (local) in order to find them. well he should have atleast one rank it fits his character. A rogue would logically want to find out about this stuff. Now that I know he was created at level one I agree he shouldn't have adept knowledge about his towns black market, but he should no more then an outsider perhaps atleast something like, his mother told him never to go near the peer after dark or he once went into the Horse Head tavern and saw lots of strange people before he was booted out.. So he deserves the skill atleast maybe with no ranks. Knowledge local is an easy thing to overlook.
MasterRookie 09-05-05, 11:05 AM	No, that's the same thing as the Int 6 Wis 8 Cha 8 Half Orc Barbarian coming up with grand battle plans and explaining them eloquently to the party IC. The player is trying to get around the limits of their character. I'm saying the limits don't make sense.
Hochiu 09-05-05, 11:26 AM	Civil discussion: Sounds like your rollplaying not roleplaying Uncivil discussion: YOU TARD YOUR SUCH AN IDIOT WHY WOULD A PERSON NOT KNOW ABOUT HIS OWN F*CKING TOWN, THATS JUST F*CKING GAY! I belive you stand corrected. The term "gay" used in such a context is both offensive and proves beyond a shadow of a doubt the severe lack of intelligence that you have.
MasterRookie 09-05-05, 11:32 AM	The term "gay" used in such a context is both offensive and proves beyond a shadow of a doubt the severe lack of intelligence that you have. You must be joking. This is seriously just ridiculus for you to say. If your so interested in context perhaps you'll notice the context that was in. I was showing an example of uncivil discussion exactly the kind of discussion you just turned this into. Your coment is as spiteful as it is ignourant. And thus proving beyone a shadow of a doubt my above average restraint and personal strength for not cussing you out for calling me stupid for no reason. Instead I'll say that I mean no offense to anyone with that comment it was merely a reprisentation of uncivil discussion. I'll admit it was a bit inacurate of the uncivil discussion found on this board. For an example of uncivil discussion simply read Hochiu's post.
Muddball 09-05-05, 11:35 AM	*shrugs and puts "the man who lives up to his login" to his ignore list*
MasterRookie 09-05-05, 11:37 AM	Sheesh everyones so touchy. I just wanted some health talk about skills and everyone starts tearing my head off. For a little understanding by debating I mean no one any offense and am not seeking to start trouble. One of the ways I learn best is through argument. If I don't argue about skills I wont be able to decide the skill setup best for my game.
Gurthoron 09-05-05, 01:46 PM	I suggest you just drop it MasterRookie, and the same to the others. Lets get that conversation back on track, shall we? (Note: I'm not trying to be insulting, its just annoying to everyone participating when people go off on tangents like that on the posts. Please just set it aside and we can go back to the topic at hand.) Alright, the more immediate discourse concerned knowledge skill ranks and how they affected what the character knew, specifically on a local level. Now, I think we can agree that poisons in D&D would be of comparable legality to illegal assault rifles today. I think we can agree the average person, despite having lived in the place all their life, will not know how to get illegal firearms. They may know restaurants, stores, etc., but not have underworld contacts. But here is were the knowledge skill falls flat. You must be trained to be able to use it at all. This is why I allow knowledge checks for information DC 15 or lower for untrained persons. Otherwise, your average person cannot even recall where the restaurant that they went to last night it. Its illogical in that regard. However, that type of use would be for easily found, commercial establishments. In this case we are talking illegal substances. Now with no ranks in know(local) on that rogue, he may be able to find a tavern or inn, but not illegal poisons. But by using one little skill point in it, he now can make knowledge checks on everything relating to his hometown. His success rate may not be excellent, but it is better by the RAW and makes more sense. End result: Tell the guy to put ranks into know(local). Or to put some in Gather Information and find out that way. Illegal items are beyond the perview of common knowledge, and thus beyond someone untrained in local knowledge to locate.
Sergikins 09-05-05, 02:08 PM	Yeah. back on track. BTW, at the LARP I go to, there was a giant chicken that attacked the town of Travance during Sunday mod. A witch hunter killed the chicken, and found five shards of crystal, and he wants me to make a crystal sword. When I asked him where he got the crystal, he told me, very embarrased. Anyway, stupidest request? "Can I pretige class as a shadowdance without meeting the prereqs so I can be a shadow dancer at first level," or, stupidest one ever (I actually let it through) Can I wield ladles. ugh 1d2 + poison.
Antioch 09-05-05, 02:17 PM	You can live in a town for a very long time and not know where certain things are, especially if you have no interest or just really dont care (or, dont get out of the house much). I lived in Portland for two years and still didnt know where the local Barnes & Nobles was (pretty much because I didnt walk in that particular direction...ever...for any reason). The limitations of a Knowledge skill are that if you dont have it, you dont know about that subject. Its a trained-only skill that represents active know-how on that topic. You can make up all the theories you want on how you think that planes work, but you dont actually know anything without a rank in it. If it makes sense for you background, spend a point on it. You dont HAVE to have only maxed out class skills your whole career. My current wizard has four ranks in Survival because she grew up in the desert with a dwarven ranger, and picked up a trick or two.
ramzafft1 09-05-05, 02:43 PM	Player 1: "I look over the cliff to see how deep it is." DM (Me): "Okay, what's your AC?" Player 1: "15." DM: "You get hit with a crossbow bolt. You feel the poison infecting you." After some fortitude saves... Player 2: "Hmmm... Can I look over the cliff to see how deep it is?" Everyone: :uh-huh: DM: "Yeah..." Player 2: "Cool! I do!" DM: "*roll* You get hit too. Dumb*****." "Can I take some money from the party fund to add on to my Greatsword's magic modifiers?" "Can I combine the funds from my two characters?" Note to self: The next time someone asks for another character, smite the old one and say, "Sure, now you can." :schemes:
TheChilliGod 09-05-05, 03:25 PM	Well, it's stupid, but I had no reason not to allow it. The Half-Orc barbarian in the party now has two barrels of ale tied to his back. And a straw. It was almost like the world's first beer hat!
Lord_Sephiroth 09-05-05, 06:54 PM	I've just started a new D&D campaign and I already have about a dozen stupid questions thrown at me!! For example, I have one player that thinks we are playing in Magic:The Gathering, not the D&D world. He asks: "Can I be a rat shaman?" "How much mana does magic missile cost?" :uh-huh: Then, as the party was walking through a burned-out valley, he asked "What color of mana is this land, white/black or red/black" :nonono: This is the same person that asked,"Can I be a nezumi/samurai?". Then he said, "How about a regular samurai?" I told him that would be fine. He asked if I could get the information for him and so I did. It took me a couple of days, but I got it for him. When I arrived to hand him his ifo, he told me, "I think I'll just go ahead and become a Daimyo instead. :ayyyy!: :fight!: It will be more fun to be him than a samurai!" :mage: My response..... :banghead: :hoppingma :banghead: :censored: After all the work I had done.......Then during the first night is when he kept referring to Magic. I do not know how long his character will live(probably till the middle of the next session :schemes: !!) BTW, this is the same group that has a tiny pixie that is thinking of taking levels in psionics :OMG! (God help the Party).
MasterRookie 09-05-05, 08:56 PM	Okay dropping the subject. Well there's not much I can think of but... PC Pirate: What do you mean I'm not the captain two weeks later PC Pirate: I thought I was the captain he was joking but it was still funny There was also the time he got a cursed Amulet of Rudness which severly lowered his charisma and made him a jerk. He proceded to buy items and tried to haggle for lower prices with the shopkeeps who hated his guts. Thats sort of a request.
VirgilCaine 09-05-05, 09:09 PM	I've just started a new D&D campaign and I already have about a dozen stupid questions thrown at me!! For example, I have one player that thinks we are playing in Magic:The Gathering, not the D&D world. He asks: ... After all the work I had done.......Then during the first night is when he kept referring to Magic. I do not know how long his character will live(probably till the middle of the next session :schemes: !!) Maybe these guys should stick to the Player's Handbook only? And maybe read it?
ChimericalWolf 09-06-05, 04:26 AM	From a good friend of my group who's since moved. All in jest. "Can I be a Wookie?" "Can I be a Swarm?" "Can I be a Wookie Swarm?" "How about a Gelatinous Wookie Ninja Swarm?" And it continues like this, Ad nauseum.
Tiran 09-06-05, 05:08 AM	A friend was willing to give up like 6-8 stat points and some XP to let his character become blind, with an item (that would be well beyond his wealth means as a 1st level character) to get blind sense on it.
Solik 09-06-05, 10:07 AM	Just restarted the group I DM, and one player wanted to be a goliath samurai with monkey grip and oversized two-weapon fighting wielding a huge mwk bastard sword and a huge mwk short sword for only a grand penalty total of -4 on each attack. And he wanted both weapons to be given to him free at level 1, as per the samurai description. He's now playing a goliath ranger with a large double-bladed sword :p
MidnightLightning 09-06-05, 02:27 PM	My contributions may not be dumb, but they were funny (at least at the time). I was playing an elvish rogue in a homebrewed campaign and had two noteable issues of intentional-DM-mangling. The first was upon entering a town the party chanced across a mage with a talking hat. The mage was dunk and inept, but the hat kept him going. After 15 seconds of dialog it was clear that we were supposed to do a quest for this fool. I decided not to and announced I was going to steal the hat. The mage didn't notice, but the Paladin of the party did, and commanded the half-orc barbarian to hold me still, so I couldn't steal it, and he could hear the rest of the quest description. Well, I got bored so I tried to cut off the half-orc's leg armor without him noticing. He noticed and got annoyed. "How far can I throw him?" He asked the DM. "What?" asked the DM. "The rogue. I'm going to rage up and throw him as far as I can down the street." Well, since I was an elf and a rogue, not wearing much armor, the answer was "pretty darn far". So, the orc wound up and threw me. Now the Paladin decided that this was a bit too much, so decided to attempt to catch me as I flew by and told the DM so. He rolled for it and made a successful touch attack on me as I went by; the DM ruled he grabbed my belt. Unfortunately, the DM rolled for my belt's Fort. and lost, so the belt broke in the Paladin's hand. The end result was I was now flying toward the center of town (where there happened to be a large clocktower), without my pants. The Paladin was left looking very startled, with my pants as I flew overhead. By several miracles, I didn't kill myself landing, but was now several blocks away, and nude from the waist down, aside for my boots. I rushed into the nearest shop, pulled a peter-pan-esqe hands-on-hips move and demanded that the shopkeep give me pants. He did. I then rushed back to my party and rejoined the quest. The second truly random thing that rogue did that campaign was when the party found an ancient god slumbering and the quest called to wake him up. We had learned the god's name and knew we just had to yell it in his ear. Unfortunately, the rogue was the only one with the climb skill to get up the colossal god's body to his head. So I yelled the name and woke him up. He did the whole dramatic thing of roaring and stretching and grabbing me and roaring some more. And my first words to this ancient god who now has me in his fist? They were "Whew... Tic-Tak?" That really threw the GM off his stride :) Though perhaps my favorite bit of fun in a D&D session was the DM giving a gold dragon a sense of humor. The same campaign as above, the party found a deep shaft in an underground tunnel they were exploring. Once again, the rogue was the only one with enough "Climb" to get down it confidently. Well, it went down 150' and then ended in a great cavern (I jumped 30' to the bottom), which was filled with gold. Under the gold was a old Gold Dragon (side note: never send a rogue as a diplomat to a dragon). Well, finding out the dragon was friendly, I called the rest of the party down. Most climbed, but the Paladin in full plate was having second thoughts about climbing down successfully. The gold dragon called up to him saying "Jump; I'll catch you". So, the Paladin shrugged and did a cannonball into the shaft. The dragon did nothing to stop the fall of the Paladin, who took falling damage for 180' down the shaft. He died instantly. The player just gaped at the DM for a moment, then the DM says that the dragon laughs for a moment, then casts Ressurection on the Paladin. We had to visit that dragon three times in the campaign, and the following times, nobody took their climb check, we all just nose dived down the shaft into the gold (luckily the dragon did nothing but memorize Ressurection every day).
Brain Picker 09-13-05, 04:48 PM	Player: You know those Savage Spicies monster progressions?" Dm: "Yeah....." Player: " Is there one for the tarrasque?" DM:"Noooo............" Player: "Could you make one?" Dm: "NO!" Player: Can I play one anyway?" DM: Not now, not ever!" Player: "Why not? :bigeyes:"
Gurthoron 09-13-05, 05:01 PM	I dunno, I'd allow the Tarrasque. You would probably be something like small size and a -8 to int at first level, and you wouldn't be a full Tarrasque until level 48. If a player wants to be that dumb, I'd let them. Then when they realize how pathetic their character is, kill it in a gruesome way and let them roll up a new character with only core stuff. I don't mind allowing player stupidity, as long as it obviously makes them weak.
SwitchUK 09-13-05, 06:48 PM	DumbPlayer1: "I want to invent a spell! I'll call it "Firaga"." (Fire3 if you're after that retro vibe) Me: "Take my advice, dude... just cast a maximised fireball." DumbPlayer2: "I lost my campaign notes. Can I look at yours?" Me: "Uh... no." DumbPlayer3 didn't actually SAY anything dumb, but he created an epic spell that would reverse time by one round to stave off death (think Prince of Persia). Thing was, to bring the Spellcraft DC down, he gave it a ten minute casting time... I decided not to point out the logic flaw. He then fell into a deep pit, and instead of casting "featherfall", he tried out his new spell. It would have been funnier to say something like: "Okay, you begin to cast the spell, but despite the extreme depth of the hole, you still hit the bottom with seven minutes to go before it's ready... Millennia later, a team of dwarf miners find an interesting mineral deposit that marks your last resting place. Roll up a new character, please, because this one's so dead that even "True Resurrection" can't help you." In the event, though, I just sort of explained why a reconsideration, and maybe a "flight" spell, might be more appropriate.
Kohdok 09-13-05, 10:02 PM	Me: Can I have a "Sack of infinate mandolins?"
Ridureyu 09-13-05, 11:11 PM	Player: "Can I sing my Bard's songs when he performs them?" Me: "uhhhh..." Player: Buddy you’re a boy make a big noise Playin’ in the street gonna be a big man some day You got mud on yo’ face You big disgrace Kickin’ your can all over the place We will we will rock you We will we will rock you Buddy you’re a young man hard man Shoutin’ in the street gonna take on the world some day You got blood on yo’ face You big disgrace Wavin’ your banner all over the place We will we will rock you We will we will rock you Buddy you’re an old man poor man Pleadin’ with your eyes gonna make you some peace some day You got mud on your face You big disgrace Somebody better put you back in your place We will we will rock you We will we will rock you
DInDenver 09-14-05, 12:35 AM	Exploding arrows from Rambo
Ridureyu 09-14-05, 01:18 AM	Unfortunately, there's a part two: Player: "My sorceror recites an ancient incantation poem!" Me: "What are you talking about?" Player: Buddy you’re a boy make a big noise Playin’ in the street gonna be a big man some day You got mud on yo’ face You big disgrace Kickin’ your can all over the place We will we will rock you We will we will rock you Buddy you’re a young man hard man Shoutin’ in the street gonna take on the world some day You got blood on yo’ face You big disgrace Wavin’ your banner all over the place We will we will rock you We will we will rock you Buddy you’re an old man poor man Pleadin’ with your eyes gonna make you some peace some day You got mud on your face You big disgrace Somebody better put you back in your place We will we will rock you We will we will rock you And then there's part three. Player: "My Barbarian celebrates the kill with an ancient tribal religious ceremony!" Me: "No..." Player: Buddy you’re a boy make a big noise Playin’ in the street gonna be a big man some day You got mud on yo’ face You big disgrace Kickin’ your can all over the place etc. etc.... *** Me: "You can't enter the thieve's guild if you don't know the password." Player: "I know the password! It's: Buddy you’re a boy make a big noise etc. etc. etc.... How does a rule for all-mute PCs sound?
UltimateReality 09-14-05, 02:02 AM	cannot find assault rifles or crack cocaine. I have a search check and gather information check of zero, a wisdom of 10 or lower, <...snip...> The average person in a town doesn't just randomly find drug dealers, they have to go out and find them. They have to work to find them. Thus, they put skills in knowledge (local) in order to find them.Technically it's a Gather Info to find a contact, a Diplomacy to convince them they want to help you, a Sense Motive to determine you're not about to be jumped, and an Appraise check to make sure you're not getting ripped off of whatever goods you're buying. At least that's how I'd figure it'd go. *shrug* I haven't tried to buy assault rifles or crack lately. :P pixie that is thinking of taking levels in psionicAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMGWTF LOL ROFLMAO. *pauses to take a breath* I am so stealing that idea! (NPC or PC though, hmmmmm...) A friend was willing to give up like 6-8 stat points and some XP to let his character become blindYou know, I was thinking about this, and you get quite a lot of benefits from it. Blind fight is easy enough to pick up, spells will give you blind sense, and now you're immune to gaze attacks! Just make sure you stick to melee-ish roles and you'll be fine.
digoraccoon 09-14-05, 08:37 AM	From a space pirate game, the PC was trying to figure out where to hide his recently stolen booty and his illegally modified ship. Joe: "Hmm... hey! Can I land on the sun?" :dancin: GM: :confused: 2 minutes later we were all rolling up new characters.
Andorxor 04-18-06, 02:49 PM	Me: "For the love of... No!! No psionics, nothing that was even mentioned in any cartoon that ever came out in the 1980s!" :rant: The D&D cartoon is from the 80s.
Pegasos989 04-19-06, 06:54 AM	A PC came out of the inn and was ambushed by rogue shooting at him from the roof. "Can I pull him down with this amulet of mage hand." That spell has like STR 1 or what? Anyways, he told me that he knew but wanted to try anyways. Needless to say, as he rolled evry check he could think of (trip, grapple, damn bullrush...) the rogue pretty much violated him. The PC couldhave just went 15 feet back to in and call for his party, but no...
Brand_X 04-19-06, 12:31 PM	Not too long ago I had a 1/2 Drow Bard. That in itself is a long story but picture a College Student who had no clue what he wanted to be and you have an idea of my PrCs. Anyways. One day while strolling through the planes of existence - Cubic Gate and other fun gate items - I ended up in front of Lucifer. Well I was the one who got control of the Ship that sailed the planes. Not sure the Dungeon/Module it was from but I sold it to another denizen of Hell and Lucifer was a bit annoyed. He told me something to the extent that he did not think I made a good choice or such. I looked at him and said I thought he didnt do things too well either and used the Cubic gate to leave and go back to Waterdeep. DM made me roll Initiative. - At the time I had a +18 and rolled a nat 20. Next thing we know a 20 hour maelstorm was pounding Waterdeep. Lucifer had hired some very elite assassins to pay me back for the insult. Brand X Generic GM
3Man20 04-19-06, 04:10 PM	Most of the silliest requests I've ever gotten come when rolling characters. For instance: I had a player roll up a Druid. Scimitars being the favored weapon of Druids, he naturally wanted to be proficient in two weapon style, ambidexterity and a anything else that made him "..as badass as Drizz't.."...*groan* We had a guy that always played big, dumb fighter-types, but he moved away. He was in town for a while and wanted to sit in on our session, so we whipped up the biggest, dumbest guy I could come up with...a half-Ogre. But, he wanted to have his Viking-horned helmet permanently attached to his head, so he could head-butt for massive damage...*groan* I had a female newby player once who started out playing a Gnome Thief, with a pet pig. O-kay...so as the party is walking through the woods they come upon a group of very large spiders...who of course eyeball sweet, succulent pork with very hungy eyes. When I mentioned this to the player, she said, "My pig is invisible". O-kay...*groan* The list is endless...*groan*
Slider33 04-19-06, 04:23 PM	Stupidest player request ever? Asking me if they could roll up their stats on their own using the 4d6 method and sending me their char sheets before the game. Stupidest DM ever (me) said "uh....ok!" and then collectively recieved their char sheets none of which had less than 3 stats at 18. We use point-buy now.
Radijs 04-19-06, 06:08 PM	Why the hell would he want to be a pillar? :eek: He was going for the party support role.:rimshot:
Hariman 04-19-06, 07:41 PM	My Request to play a Silver Dragon o.o (They're shiny, dammit!)...simply because it's shiny. Buy Dragon 320. Silver Dragon 20 level progression. Playable from level 1. I actually made the same request. Now one I made. I'd like to play 3 sisters: One Lawful Good, One Lawful Neutral, and One Lawful Evil. They'll all get along because they're all lawful. I'm a guy. AND MY DM LET ME PLAY THE 3 SISTERS!!!!! (Admittedly, I was the only player at the time. But still.) Or maybe: I'd like to play a warlock that made a deal with Velsharoon (AKA: The Forgotten Realms Nerull) I'm actually having fun playing the warlock.
sir_dwar 04-19-06, 09:24 PM	My sister, requesting to play as a slice of cheese.... I think that tops everything.... I AM DEAD SERIOUS!
Steel Cobra 04-19-06, 09:24 PM	One of my players once asked to play a half-fiend, half-dragon, half-lizardfolk mindflayer where we all started at level 1. if you have problems adding that's 2 1/2 pices of a monster.
Hariman 04-19-06, 09:41 PM	My sister, requesting to play as a slice of cheese.... I think that tops everything.... I AM DEAD SERIOUS! There is a post floating around that is a method that lets a character become a sandwich. "I'd like to play a chameleon" is one I'd heard. "Can I research the spell Summon City Bus?" is another.
sir_dwar 04-19-06, 09:49 PM	There is a post floating around that is a method that lets a character become a sandwich. "I'd like to play a chameleon" is one I'd heard. "Can I research the spell Summon City Bus?" is another. I read the sandwhich one, actually... Sure he wasn't taking about the chamelon PRC? Summon city bus... Is that like the summon cow spell received through cheat codes in Balder's gate (the ORIGONAL video game) Basiclly, It drops a cow on somebody... It can kill an ankehg in two hits (And ankehgs are some of the biggest, baddest monsters in the game) easy. It is also a second level spell for the purpose of writing it in your spellbook...
Sikyanakotik 04-19-06, 10:06 PM	How does a rule for all-mute PCs sound? Nah, you should have just had them arrested for impersonating the Queen. :P Actually, when I last tried my hand at DMing, I was stuck with a bunch of 15-year-olds for players, including two girls who delighted in nothing less than watching me squirm as they tried to pull off all manner of idiocy. I can't remember all they did right away (call it repressed memory :bigeyes:) but I do remember some of the things they tried. - Sending Meepo (who was travelling with the group after the failed Sunless Citadel attempt this grew out of) out for beer. In the middle of a temple of Pelor. - Deliberately withholding their reason for entry from the city guard so they could get strip searched. - Commiting suicide just so they could haunt the rest of the party. (Though this one is still a little hazy.) I would have kicked them out, but most of the players stopped coming soon afterwards anyways. It's likely going to be quite a while before I DM again. :surrender
Hariman 04-19-06, 10:28 PM	I read the sandwhich one, actually... Sure he wasn't taking about the chamelon PRC? Summon city bus... Is that like the summon cow spell received through cheat codes in Balder's gate (the ORIGONAL video game) Basiclly, It drops a cow on somebody... It can kill an ankehg in two hits (And ankehgs are some of the biggest, baddest monsters in the game) easy. It is also a second level spell for the purpose of writing it in your spellbook... Chameleon PRC is correct. The DM said NO. (His Emphasis.)
BRJN 04-21-06, 10:29 PM	In my upcoming Testament campaign, if anybody takes Profession(cook), I'm going to let them have a free Club+1 which happens to be a big bronze frying pan. Watch the scene in LotR where the Fellowship is fighting in Moria, by the tomb - Sam says, "I think I'm getting the hang of this sort of thing." He is not using a sword. ;)
bhu 04-21-06, 11:12 PM	I think the worst requests i got all came from one kid when i first ran my silly campaign. Him: Can I be a 14th level Were Panda Monk :w00t: Me: Uhh...the party is all 4th level... Him: Okay can I be a Dwarven Barbarian who uses his trained attack sheep mount as a club in battle while raging? :dancin: Me: Wait...what? :confused: Him: Can I play an awakened cat ninja? All cats are ninjas! :cheer: ME: I do luv the cats, but how... :rolleye2: Him: Can I play a professional pet rapist? :blush: ME: WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM!! :rant: Him: i'da know :confused: Me: NO!! A THOUSAND TIMES NO!! Him: A Mindflayer paladin who raises orphans? :twitch: Me: Leave my table..... :uh-huh: Everyone else was okay till we got to equipment "Can I have a Ring of Invisibility and a Bag of Holding? I'll need them for my secret plan to murder the other party members." (Said out loud in front of said party...twice).
Sergikins 04-21-06, 11:39 PM	LMAO, i always take profession cook
Delfedd 04-22-06, 12:48 AM	So I tell my friend about the warforged... "Can I play a bucket?"
Archangel62 04-22-06, 02:48 AM	"Why can't I order the elemental to create a hurricane over the boat...that we're all on....whoops :eek: " Luckily they usually realize when they screw up.
Coren 04-22-06, 03:55 AM	This player made constantly....unusual....characters. Him-Hey. I just thought up a great idea for a character. Me-OK. What is it? Him-I want to play an awakened raptor who duel wields greatswords!!! :ayyyy!: Me- :confused: You mean the dino or a bird? Him- Wow, you mean there is such thing as a flying velasoraptor? Me- :twitch: Same guy has either made or tried to make a dwarven druid who would never take off his full plate (metal full plate), a human who was raised by dwarves and trained by them to become a master thief, and a fire genaisi (sp?) who could never remember that he wasn't immune to fire.
Nomad16 04-22-06, 05:04 AM	One of my players once asked "May i sew a bag of holding into my hand so that i can suck in my enemies whilst fighting?" He also gave me this one... PC- "If i create a race can you approve it for play real fast?" Me- "Sure, we might have to horsetrade it so thats its not uber buff" PC- "Thats cool, here" *hands me paper* Me- "You want to play a halfling sized fox with above human int that is sucept to fire? And you want the vampire template?...Why?" These requests are from some cartoon that i dont watch, but in the D&D world they struck me as very funny. Its important to note that the Fox was supposed to have stats identical to the Strongheart Halfling, except the sucept fire addition and favored class wizard (but the character was going to be a rogue).
Vaalingrade Ashland 04-22-06, 02:37 PM	That'd be Miroku and Shippo from Inu Yasha, but where the hell did the vampire template come from?
Nomad16 04-23-06, 04:43 AM	Not a clue if its not from the cartoon. I know its the only thing he ever read on his own. Everything else we had to tell him to read. I guess he just decided that it would be cool to play a vampire. I actually have the Char sheet around here, i think his name was actually "Shippo Foxx". Shrug, any wonder why he isnt in my game anymore?
Elemental 04-23-06, 03:16 PM	Him: "All right, so I'll play this fighter / wizard type. Now, he'll be a Sun Elf for the INT bonus." Me: "There are no sun elves. This is Eberron and besides, I can't stand the zillion and one elf subraces." Him: "Hmmm. How about drow?" Me: "I guess. In the Eberron setting, they're like this...." Him: "Yeah, yeah. I'm going to use the Savage Progressions (WotC website) advancement for drow. They get an INT bonus right off the bat, so then I'll just never take any more levels of Drow. That gets me my INT bonus!" Me: "...."
Forgember 05-05-06, 11:41 PM	I once asked my DM if I could have a bayanet attached to my Crossbow, he then laughed at how stupid that was. Still think that was a perfectly reasonable request. Also back in 2nd E I played a Minotaur Wizard who spelljamed over to Fearun from Krynn. He was intensily curuious about other races anatomy so he came up with a spell called Morakanthi's Magic Moths which sent a huge swarm of Moths in a cone shaped area that ate away the non living organic materials in the area. I recently asked if I could find or eventually buy a block of Mythral so I could make armor sence the DM would never let me find Mythral Armor, I was once again laughed at and told I was stupid becuase it takes to long to make armor. Pretty sure my DMs are jackasses. :(
Auburn 05-06-06, 12:36 AM	Actually, these halves are templates added to a base creature. One can have an infinite amount of templates as long as they respect each other. Therefore, he could be all that BUT a half copper dragon needs to be good and the half-fiend can not be added to good creatures. He could go around this and PrC himself into dragon disciple after becoming good (would need a heck of a background tough). I don't know anything about half-elemental so I can't say anything about it. It's ManBearPig! He's half man, half bear, and half pig! No he's not. He's half man and half bear pig. The other one doesn't make any sense.
vorpal foot 05-07-06, 12:43 PM	Like Quezovercoatl from the Discworld who was half-man, half-chicken, half-jaguar, half-serpent, half-scorpion and half-mad
Witch 05-07-06, 12:47 PM	It's ManBearPig! He's half man, half bear, and half pig! No he's not. He's half man and half bear pig. The other one doesn't make any sense. I'd say ManBearPig would be Half-Man and Half-Annoying.
Pegasos989 05-07-06, 03:03 PM	Player: can I enchant my weapon so it always crits? Me: *thinks for a minute* yes, but it must be a short sword, you must wield it using two hands, and you can't use your STR bonus for damage. Player: that sounds cool, how much would it cost? Me: *sigh* what I just described to you is essentially a greatsword that never crits. Player: I hate you. Now as the PHB II has feats that makes sneak attacks etc. multiply with criticals, that weapon would be SO awesome
ressurrector 05-07-06, 04:04 PM	Now as the PHB II has feats that makes sneak attacks etc. multiply with criticals, that weapon would be SO awesome it does? Heloooo kukris!
BeerMan5000 05-07-06, 04:31 PM	I remember a guy that attempted to toss in a 100th lvl homebrewed deathknight that tossed 100 d6 fireballs, had a +20 vorpal undead slaying sword that cut off any creatures head or killed it instantly on any hit, supposedly controlled about a hundred layers of the abyss, all of which he wanted to use in my 14th lvl game. where upon he looked at me incredulously when i told him that he couldn't use it. then he offered to tone all of his powers down to only 14d6 fireballs per attack and a +7 vorpal undead slaying sword as long as he was allowed to keep his artifact armor that would automatically teleport him to his home dimension and resurrect him immediately if he died. of course, he claimed that he earned all of it legitimately.
DarthMarasmus 05-07-06, 05:05 PM	I remember a guy that attempted to toss in a 100th lvl homebrewed deathknight that tossed 100 d6 fireballs, had a +20 vorpal undead slaying sword that cut off any creatures head or killed it instantly on any hit, supposedly controlled about a hundred layers of the abyss, all of which he wanted to use in my 14th lvl game. where upon he looked at me incredulously when i told him that he couldn't use it. then he offered to tone all of his powers down to only 14d6 fireballs per attack and a +7 vorpal undead slaying sword as long as he was allowed to keep his artifact armor that would automatically teleport him to his home dimension and resurrect him immediately if he died. of course, he claimed that he earned all of it legitimately. What was this guy on? No DM, in his right mind or not, would EVER allow that!
Caemin Pah 05-07-06, 10:38 PM	Nearly six months after playing 3.0 (before 3.5 was bought), had one player ask if we could use Skills & Powers to get extra skill points... ....sigh......
metamind 05-08-06, 05:18 PM	Recently, one of my retarded friends told me (not asked, but told me) that he is using a made up school of magic. After thinking to myself how redidulus that sounded (because the real schools of magic pretty much cover everything). He said it was the Inferno School, which specialized in fire spells. After a painful explanation of what a school of magic was, I decided to ask him what spells it contained. One was pretty much the same as fireball (dealing lots of fire damage) I said it was Evocation, and I was right. Next he said that another spell did somethng like turn objects into fire (obviously Transmutation). After that I said to him: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, BUY THE PHB!
feartheinvinceblehamster 05-08-06, 07:59 PM	I i should note, this is the same guy who wanted the sword that always crits. he intentionally models his character after red mage from 8-bit theatre. I'm somewhat known in one RPG group for several things, some of which aren't remembered as well as others(I UNintentionally modeled him after black mage) this is in Dark Ages: Vampire. I wasn't being serious, but they fall under stupid player requests, and actions -Not very well remembered(because it was more of a spin-off group, one other player there): Can I make swordchucks? Other guy: Is etiquette for hitting people with swordchucks?(He was dead serious) -Kinda well remembered: Player(etiquette-boy): Can I pick his pocket? Storyteller: Okay, *rolls* you fail. He turns around and looks at you. Player1: Okay, I tell him I wasn't doing anything Storyteller: *rolls* :eek: He hands you his wallet. It's empty, but it's nice so it could be worth something Me: I pickpocket player1 Storyteller:...fine *rolls* you succeed. Player1: ARRRGGHHH! I was later killed by Player2, who didn't appreciate team hindering. He didn't see me take it, so he was metagaming, and he didn't seem to mind hindering his team in the middle of a fight by killing one of their members. :rolleyes: NEXT session I come with a new character, the one unintentionally(for a while, then it was intentional) based on black mage. So I come, and we are at an inn. A new player's come, this is his first session of playing. His first action? "I use charm on feartheinvinceblehamster. I WAS Hypnotized the entire session, and he made me burn down the inn, injuring several party members. Me and 2 other people(including the guy who killed my previous character, but he's usually not that bad) orchestrate a plan to kill him off. Storyteller refuses to allow us to do it, but the guy never comes back, we didn't even have to attempt to kill him. Fun Fact: One week after the guy forced my character to burn down the inn, that paticular building was targeted by an arson. Weird. Other great times: Not well remembered(I think): I have a holy hand grenade of antiok, says so on my character sheet. Well remembered: bringing about the destruction of the party if it wasn't for Storyteller intervention. Me: I go hunting in the woods. Storyteller: *rolls* You're lost(there's another person with me) Me: Only one way to get out now Other person: How? Me: BURN OUR WAY OUT! *uses thamatuargy to start a fire the size of an INN in the forest* Storyteller and Other Person: Wha...? Storyteller: Okay, you take some damage. Me: I'm incapicitated then. Storyteller: And other person, you take some damage too. *other person stumbles out of the forest* Other people in party start running like heck! One botched, ran into the fire, and tripped over my body. All of a sudden a surge of carbon dioxide dissapated all oxygen in the area and the fire was put out. Or something like that. :D Sorry, that should be on the best lines ever thread, but a few of them are stupid requests.
RavenAzriim 05-08-06, 09:49 PM	Player: Dm can I get a town at first level DM: I will not allow a level 1 player to own his own town Later just to spite the DM we reached level 2 after we cleared a cave full of monsters. Player: Ok this cave is now our town named New York DM: But.....wait.....****....if i were a evil god i would smite you now.
Arquinsiel 05-10-06, 09:51 AM	Player: can I enchant my weapon so it always crits? Me: *thinks for a minute* yes, but it must be a short sword, you must wield it using two hands, and you can't use your STR bonus for damage. Player: that sounds cool, how much would it cost? Me: *sigh* what I just described to you is essentially a greatsword that never crits. Player: I hate you. You just know he wanted to stick vorpal and a burst ability on it at some point......
Werebat troll paladin 05-10-06, 01:08 PM	Or give him a one handed, bludgeoning melee weapon that deals 1d10 20 x1. The flaming burst might be a problem...
xver 05-10-06, 04:27 PM	Some of these requests are pretty silly, but some of them are fairly reasonable. The giant spatula is an anime weapon and great fun in a light game. Playing a non standard alignment for one's race would be ok, if it weren't for the intention to rip off another character. A wyrmlimg silver dragon is a 7 HD creature with a +4 level adjustment, which makes it an ELC 11 creature. If requested at first level, this is unreasonble, but at high levels, it is acceptable. On the other hand, any PC looking for a weapon that always crits should get a cursed weapon that kills them and eats their soul.
kelvinaw273 05-10-06, 05:19 PM	Conversation between my (now ex-) wife and myself (DM): Wife: I like the idea of the new campaign you want to run, but, well, I'm really not sure I want to play in something at the moment ... unless I can play a dragon or something like that (laughs). Me (reaching for savage species): You know, I think we could work that in quite nicely ... any particular sort of Dragon? Wife: :mymy: Seriously? Me: Yeah, it would be a bit complicated, you'd start as a young dragon and at some points you wouldn't be able to grow any more and would have to level up as a PC but yeah, I think we could do it .... Wife: :cheer: The character worked out quite well, a bronze dragon with enough wild elf to turn into one when Very Young. So of course she met the party as a wild-elf ... when they found out, the intimidate factor they could pull out was awesome :D The best part was when she found another dragon's hoard (they had killed the other dragon) and started rolling in it giggling "Pretty! Mine! All mine! Pretty!" while the rest of the party looked on, each unwilling to make the first move. She did let them have their shares. Eventually.
Exiled 05-10-06, 07:04 PM	Robert - "I want a magical hat of being magical" DM - and that does? Robert - "welll it radiates magic and glows in the dark" DM - okay? Robert - "and its pointy with wierd symbols" DM - Like a wizards hat? Robert - "But more magical" DM - But your the party fighter?
Hariman 05-15-06, 01:38 AM	This request was made via Email. Player: OK DM, I'll take you up on the offer to let my hexblade trade his familiar for a Dark Companion. (PHB2.) But he's not going to make any deals with evil to get it. I'm sorely tempted to ask to have my hexblade changed to a duskblade, as a duskblade makes a better gish than a hexblade. And playing a gish is what I wanted to do in the first place. But I have a feeling that that might be asking too much. Actually, I will ask. Can a change my hexblade to a duskblade? Or can I change characters?
Fend 05-15-06, 03:42 AM	Definantly my freind asking me if while enlarged he could Monkey Grip 2 Fullblades... -_- NO!!!
Virit 05-15-06, 08:41 AM	That'd be Miroku and Shippo from Inu Yasha, but where the hell did the vampire template come from? Shippo's ultimate attack is the Heart Scar/Kokoro no Kizu, a bite that dissipates the targets energy (as far as I know he only pulled it off once). I'm guessing the template refered to that... now I want to play Shippo ^_^.
Witch 05-15-06, 08:43 AM	Mine wanted to ride a dragon at level 4. He's a halfling bard.
Drone23 05-15-06, 11:21 AM	"Can I take Monkey Grip and Two-weapon Fighting and wield two cabers?" Cabers are basically small telephone poles that are thrown. Anyone asking for a Drizzt, Sephiroth, Cloud Strife, or Blade clone. As for the Blade clone, of course, the PC is good. But the player will balance out all the goodies a vampire gets (DR, fast healing, blood drain, immunities, etc) with "good roleplaying." Anything from anime.
Krusk 05-15-06, 11:39 AM	I had a player fall into a hole. he then began attempting to dig his way out. insisting it was the best option as he had no ranks in climb. eventually someone else helped him out.
Lyranis 05-15-06, 04:34 PM	Player 1: Can I be a Kender Artificer with Craft: Explosives. My DM: HELL NO. NO. NO. NEVER EVER. (he doesn't like Kenders to begin with) -------- We were starting a monster campain. Same Player: Can I be (insert outrageous monster). DM: Um. No. Me: Can I be a Pixie Ranger? DM: Sure. -------- Level 9/10th campain starting out because one of the players had a character but all the other players from the former campain were not in group anymore. I made my character with the DM and no other players knew about it. Me: Can I be a Drow Bard/Fighter? DM: Sure. Me: Okay. I rolled up my stats. Can I Lower my Intelligence and Wisdom to 8? Dm(Laughing): Yeah. When Player 1 from above found out I was being a drow. Player1: Can I play your sister? Me: Um. No. Player1: Brother? Me: Um. No. .o0 (STOP TRYING TO COPY MY IDEAS)
tharivol266 05-15-06, 05:59 PM	Me: Okay. I rolled up my stats. Can I Lower my Intelligence and Wisdom to 8? ? error! does not compute ! why would you want to lower your stats?
Lyranis 05-15-06, 06:40 PM	Why would I lower my stats? To be silly. Just think about it.. Imagine the fun you can have and the trouble you can get your group members into. I really didn't expect this Bard/Fighter to live long anyhow, but I'm not going to be playing her for a long time anyhow. First think I did in character was trip a Quickling carrying drinks in an inn... SHE's A FREAKING nut job with no common sense!! That likes to play tricks on people that are not very smart ones. :) It's great. (I did it mostly to screw with the Main character we were building the campain around. He's played by an 18 year old guy who is rather funny and we're always doing one thing or another to screw with him because he has a great sense of humor.) Now.. I was going to post something about that Frying pan thing. Are you kidding? Every one of my characters that can carries around a frying pan... Me: Can I have an elephant to pull our caravansary wagon?
elonin 08-06-06, 07:41 AM	It is on Savage Species and it is really a sword of permanent blink, so you get also a 50% miss chance and half damage on area spells. Remeber that a sword with blink also gives the wearer a 20% auto miss chance. In second edition my brother played a hobbit fighter like it was a barbarian and wanted to have the "thundarr sword" in order to shut him up the dm let him find a sword hilt and advised him to find the right lake of lava to put it into. He also wanted to use a human size claymore (which weighed more than he did). The dm ruled that he could do it at massive penalties, but that it took 3 rounds for him to unsheath his sword. Of course he never got hit since everyone was rolling over laughing. I also remeber someone commenting about a pc trying to become a living weapons rack. I'd let him do it but would give penalties for ac and to any roll due to general bulkiness.
Aterum 08-06-06, 08:26 AM	I asked for a lightsaber in D&D... :embarrass Everyone - even my closes friends in the group - said it was pretty ridiculous. But it actually comes in handy now since I am a agent for a secret demon hunting guild. The members always carry tons of weapons around, many of them are concealed.
Secrets Untold 08-06-06, 10:18 AM	*One of my players opens his mouth to ask something* Me: Avery, all the elves are . You can't be an elf. Avery: Wh-- Me: Gnomes. The gnomes did it. Av: Gno-- Me: Yes. Gnomish genocide. Av: Ho-- Me: Nukes. Magic Nukes. Av: Can I-- Me: NO ELVES!!! This was the 10th time we had the conversation. We've been talking for ~10 minutes. The gnomes really did kill the elves. Its for the good of the world.
Secrets Untold 08-06-06, 10:44 AM	I am the kind of person that says odd things. I was talking to a player who was going to play a cleric, but didn't understand a mace. I said, "Most everything can be solved by smacking it with a blunt object, like a mace, this chair, or the pope. The pope is very blunt." He then asked me if he could weild a pope. A VORPAL pope.
Tillie_the_Pirate 08-06-06, 12:18 PM	"Can I be a CG Drow Ranger?" :rolleyes: One of my players is a half-drow, raised by elves, and is Chaotic Good. He still gets a really hard time from NPCs about being a drow, but the biggest problem is him struggling to roleplay a good character. He's learning. Stupidest thing ever: "Can I use the Paragon template on my lvl 1 character?" Stupidest thing player has done without requesting it: Used ELHB on lvl 1 character and thought it was OK.
Iddig Ap Nil 08-06-06, 12:53 PM	And should it really be a Large animal? I mean, a chicken bigger than I am is almost Legendary or Horrid in nature. Originally a kind of gag beast (akin to my mexican jumping bean construct), I simply wanted a big chicken that could molest players. This was originally made about 2 or so years ago, before the advent of Horrid creatures (and if Masters of the Wild was out, I didnt have access to it, thougha Legendary beast is probably above and beyond what I wanted). To be a technically true dire animal, the size would indeed not scale so high from Tiny. Small would be more accurate, and you are free to build one based around that size category and simply consider this one to be an advanced version.You forgot the Rooster's spurs...those would be at the very minimum 1d4 in damage, and trust me, they use them to great effect...Been on the business end a few too many times...
DarkLiChNeaZur 08-06-06, 01:04 PM	the first one was early back when we started playing, we were noobs and were horrible, i was running a game in school on a table right after sixth grade graduation, these werent my usual players but some newcomers, some of the kids were pretty stupid too,here they go Dm:an small iron portucullis blocks the hiddin entrance into the dungeon, there is a lever on the other side of the door, and a small out of place brick near the door. and a sign that says 13g fee. Donald: i hit the door with my quarterstaff. dm: your staff breaks and your hands now hurt. donald: can i burn the door down with my torch dm: nope donald: ok i bodyslam it dm:you hurt yourself take 1 dmg donald: why? dm: because the door is METAL! donald: so dm: (shakes head) donald: i ask it to open politely dm:roll persuasion (it was a sentient door but this gets dumber) donald: i roll a 2 plus my 1 modifier. dm: the door curses at you and tells you to **** off donald: can i bribe it? dm: roll persuasion donald: i rolled a 16 dm: how much do you offer up? donald: all of my gold all 136 of it dm: did you read the sign? donald: what sign? dm: the door opens. (shakes head) sorry that was so long i have more that ill do on other posts lol
DarkLiChNeaZur 08-06-06, 01:14 PM	once got asked by the most uncreative player ever if his ogre named shrek could get a fiona companion who preformed..... things with her mouth to heal him up... once was asked if he could play as an italian plumber....(think about an OLD video game with mustaches, and mushrooms) also got asked if i could make the girl who plays with us one characters sex slave in game..... i told him he could ask her, his face had a hand mark in it..... (mind that most of the party is 14-15... one 16 and im 13 and a 12 year old who got kicked (the shrek kid), but it wasent for that) someone who asked if he could play as a warbot from the future with missle pods on their shoulders. i flatly said.... :confused: why, there is a spell called magic missle, when its like 9th level about 5 of em cast at a time..... also was asked by the shrek kid if he could cheat a boost his INT modifier by 3 so he could have a int modifier of 2 and be able to craft.....yep he seriously asked me if he could cheat :embarrass had some pretty stupid ones too just.. where too discusting to put on a forum
green_yawgmoth 08-06-06, 01:15 PM	*One of my players opens his mouth to ask something* Me: Avery, all the elves are . You can't be an elf. Avery: Wh-- Me: Gnomes. The gnomes did it. Av: Gno-- Me: Yes. Gnomish genocide. Av: Ho-- Me: Nukes. Magic Nukes. Av: Can I-- Me: NO ELVES!!! This was the 10th time we had the conversation. We've been talking for ~10 minutes. The gnomes really did kill the elves. Its for the good of the world. I remember this guy from WaPTD. I would have told him that he isn't even allowed to say "elf" of "elves" while playing, and if his character so much as thinks about elves, god lightning splits him in half. Fanboys. :rolleyes: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v91/yawgmoth/kittyjig.gif
Trashguy 08-06-06, 02:04 PM	Me (DM):You succesfully defeat the Kobolds Player (Level 1 Dwarf fighter): Can I skin them, put the trogdolyte blood I collected earlier in the skin sacks, and tie the sack with a rope to make an explosive splash weapon? Me: :eek:
Sergikins 08-06-06, 02:22 PM	inspired by one of the threads on this fourm, one of my players asked for a collasal uranium katana. obviously as a joke, but.... if anyone asks for a level 40 maid wizard, they die ingame. and possibly out of game as i attempt to strangle them
TheBigBadBear 08-06-06, 03:53 PM	Here's one for you guys: I'm a level 13 elf sorc right now with the dragon familiar feat, and there is a dracolyte in the group as well. My sorc has a copper wyrmling cause it sits on my shoulder and the draco has a gold wyrmling, my friend who is a straight up fighter decides that he's gonna give his char a dragon "large enough for me to ride". When I ask what feat is gonna let him get it..."no feat I'm just gonna be friends with it". Now I'm getting a headache but I keep asking anyways, so your gonna give it like 75% of your gold, cause thats what a dragon would DEMAND...."no he's not intereste in treasure." Good thing hw just went on vacation and far away from me cause I would have beat him into the ground when he tried to ride up to the rest of the group on a dragon.
ressurrector 08-07-06, 03:24 AM	Tell him to take the Leadership feat, fork over the gold, or have him eaten by the dragon some night (cause if it didn't want gold, what DID it want?)
1337Ninja 08-07-06, 05:16 AM	Urgh... So many... Let's see... Can I become a god? Can I have a lion as my familiar? Can I have an animal companion? (Said by the sorceror) Can I be a paragon? (ECL 1) Can you make a sort of side quest for me so that I can gain XP and money, but make sure that I don't miss out on any adventuring because of it? Can I have a special weapon that lets me do a strength check, then a dexterity check, then another strength check after hit to rip out my enemy's heart and instantly kill them? Can my orc wield a special greatsword that deals +30 damage on a critical hit, but costs the same as a normal greatsword? It isn't broken, because you need Strength 20 to use it. (His character had Strength 22) Can I crush the skeletons into skeleton dust? Can I sell the skeleton dust? Can I make a weapon out of the skeleton dust? Can I eat the skeleton dust? Seriously, the skeleton dust thing went on for AT LEAST an hour. There are a LOT more, I just can't be bothered typing them all up.
TheBigBadBear 08-07-06, 04:24 PM	Tell him to take the Leadership feat, fork over the gold, or have him eaten by the dragon some night (cause if it didn't want gold, what DID it want?) Thats exactly what i told him, then he was like "But if I take those feats it'll weaken my fighter later on, so no I'm not going to." And BTW his char has a CHA of like 6 I think i should increase the gold thing to like 90%. But I like the eating him idea.
Daine_Salmalin 08-07-06, 05:10 PM	Keep in mind the game I'm DMing at the moment is Harry Potter - based. My brother "Can I be Jack Sparrow??" My sister "Can I have my character be a penguin?" They're 15 and 16. Go figure.
Archmage_Vall 08-07-06, 05:23 PM	Player: "Can I play the wizard's familiar?" DM: :rolleyes: "I gotta hear this. Why do you want to play the wizard's familiar?" Player: "Cause I could sneak around and bite people to deliver touch spells, and he could share spells with me." DM: "......no." Player: " :weep: why?" DM: "You could play a rogue and do that stuff anyway." Wizard's Player: "I could have a rogue for a familiar?" DM: "Why me?" :raincloud
Daine_Salmalin 08-07-06, 05:49 PM	oh, this is from a game my brother was -attempting- to DM for my two sisters. (I was watching, trying not to laugh) DM: Okay. So you meet this guy who wants to buy stuff from you and sell to you. Me (thinking): Geez, I know he didnt learn his vocabulary from me... Player 1: Cool, I ask him how much he'll buy my rusty dagger for. DM: He says 100gp. Player 2: Would he buy it for 200gp? DM: Yep. -The price continues to raise until its up to 3000 gp- Player 1: He'll seriously buy my rusty dagger for 3000 gp??!?! DM: Yep.. wait... NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Me: *cracks up laughing*
thaylok 08-07-06, 07:15 PM	Player: Can I substitute one of the feats out of "Hordes of the Abyss" for my ability to have a familiar, which I don't use anyway? DM: Not just no, but #&!! no! 1) Not gonna happen, 2) I've not finished reading Hordes, so i'll not allow anything for 2 sessions at least. [EDIT] This is the PURE hack-n-slasher in the group who wants to use Flaws, and refuses to RP even a simple act of passing gas.....
Ralvuimego 08-07-06, 08:46 PM	I asked for a lightsaber in D&D... :embarrass Everyone - even my closes friends in the group - said it was pretty ridiculous. But it actually comes in handy now since I am a agent for a secret demon hunting guild. The members always carry tons of weapons around, many of them are concealed. What you SHOULD have said was... "Can I have a wand of Flame Blade?" I once asked my DM if I could have a bayanet attached to my Crossbow, he then laughed at how stupid that was. Still think that was a perfectly reasonable request. I honestly would have allowed it. It's pretty much just giving a crossbow the ability to make a melee attack that deals 1d4 points of damage. (At least it's something a crossbow user has to look foreward to.) And it's spelled bayonette. :P I've only had two requests that could be considered dumb, and they're not that dumb. (They weren't dumb enough to warrent the DM saying no, anyway.) First, I wanted to play a goblin rogue/wizard who's ultimate goal was to gather all the necessary items to construct a Steam Dragon. (Pretty much a steam powered dragonlike tank) Second, I wanted to have a Gnome Spellthief who believed he was the physical incarnation of a long-sleeping god, whose powers were slowly returning to him. (Thought himself better than everyone else and quite often got the entire party in a LOT of trouble, They got me back for it, of course) Then there's what my players have done... and there's a lot of stuff they've done. Player: Can I cut the face off of the cultist's corpse? Me: Sure. Later... Me: The mage looks at you intently. "What business do you have in my home?" Same Player: "Want a face?" ------------------- Different Player: I ask the blacksmith if he can pierce my nose. I'm willing to pay him. Me: Ooookay... He looks at you for a moment, slightly confused. "Alright, I suppose, It's your money after all." (The player then proceeds to get his nose pierced... with the front door knocker of the blacksmith shop for a ring.) (I don't say no to things much, I just give them concequences. 1d4 piercing damage for the initial injury, 1d4 fire damage from the superheated ring being put in, 1d6 bludgeoning damage for the blacksmith hammering the ring back together. It almost killed him!)
Encard 08-11-06, 07:05 PM	Now as the PHB II has feats that makes sneak attacks etc. multiply with criticals, that weapon would be SO awesome No, it just lets you make a sneak attack whenever you crit. Figured that needed correcting.
Karma 08-11-06, 07:27 PM	Can I have a Rogue Blade? :rant: Most... unbalanced... weapon... ever... :headexplo I gave that to a rogue once. It was a gift from a very greatfull merchant (also a founding member of the local theives guild)... the joke was that this party was about to face off against an obscene number of undead. The rogue was a new player and didn't get why the zombies weren't dropping like flies. It didn't make me very popular at the time but we laugh about it now.
kicheria 08-11-06, 09:37 PM	i did this: we were traped in a jail me: can i ask the gaurd to let me go to the bath room? dm: yes me asking guard:can i go to the bathroom. guard:yes i guess so other party member:can i go to the bathroom too? gaurd: no your a guy pee in the hole,shes a girl.
General_Ridley 08-11-06, 09:52 PM	After a lengthy session in which a major quest was completed, all the players were awarded a single Wish spell, following normal limitations. Most players asked for ability score enhancement, but one player... ...well, he wanted to be granted the permanent ability to cast some spells as though they were on his list, and such, and then listed off about six 9th level wizard and cleric spells (he was a 12th level druid). of course, that's one of many ridiculous requests made by this player, but needless to say, it was aggravating to have to constantly explain to him that his requests were foolish. I would have granted that wish... by putting those spells as his only 9th level spells, and removing the 9th levels he'd normally have as a druid.
Aterum 08-11-06, 09:56 PM	http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=683860 :D
kicheria 08-11-06, 10:36 PM	http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=683860 :D you know it was stupid but it was a good idea! i still want them to pay in pancakes! :bounce: :pile: :heehee :heehee :invasion: :OMG!
Pangeon 08-11-06, 11:09 PM	I had a friend who asked the DM to play a Soulknife / Barbarian... monkey. It wasn't even awakened, for God's sake, it was just a monkey. Monkeys have crappy stat mods, BTW.
cancerousmango 08-11-06, 11:35 PM	My player was being a dick, so he said he wanted to be a "half-giraffe/half-toaster math teacher 12." He was making fun of the plethora of templates in 3.5.
WhiteRaven810 08-11-06, 11:47 PM	Hmmm, stupid requests. . . After watching the Russle Crow episode of South Park, a boat named Tugg'r. <Granted of course>. Soul Edge (from the Soul Calibur games). Granted he didn't ask for it at the first level, but he eventually wanted a mini-adventure to go track it down. <Would of granted if he ever got to a high enough level>. To be a Painted Elf Ranger named Extreme Bucket Man. <Also granted> Oh yea, all these are from the same kid.
Gold Medal Jedi 08-12-06, 01:41 AM	I want to name my character Phat Rhapsody... I couldnt in good concience allow this... I could never take a thing he said seriously if i did.
Xarien 08-12-06, 01:59 AM	player: "can i have a very well made small silver bell that is a perfect e tone?" DM: "no" player: "it's not magical, all it does is ring when someone rings it." DM: "that's all it does?" player: "yea" DM: "no" player: "While i'm in town for the week I'd like to stop by and purchase a crossbow, any kind" DM: "ok, you find the crossbow store" (dont ask .. everything had it's own store .. you could not buy arrows and bows at the same place) player: "ok, i go in and buy a crossbow" DM: "he wont sell it to you." player: "umm, why?" DM: "He explains that the High priest of St. Cuthbert has forbade anyone in the world from selling you a crossbow." btw .. i was the player, but it felt it appropriate to give the opposite side from some of these requests. for the bell, this was a replacement bell. the first had been used by myself and another player as a tool of ridiculous jokes. her character rang the bell at the formal ball in honor of the monarch. my character went into a rage, broke a table, did a pirouette, and went to sleep on the dance floor. as for the crossbow, well i had made bolts that were ridiculous .. bolt of firestorm, bolt of earthquake .. long story short, the DM put us through d20 modern and i shot down fighter jets with one bolt. then we went back in time (actually forward to the next age), but with our knowledge, and i was banned from owning a crossbow by the high priest who watched me shoot down planes with the crossbow, and was about 11000 years old.
WhiteRaven810 08-12-06, 02:53 AM	player: "While i'm in town for the week I'd like to stop by and purchase a crossbow, any kind" DM: "ok, you find the crossbow store" (dont ask .. everything had it's own store .. you could not buy arrows and bows at the same place) player: "ok, i go in and buy a crossbow" DM: "he wont sell it to you." player: "umm, why?" DM: "He explains that the High priest of St. Cuthbert has forbade anyone in the world from selling you a crossbow." as for the crossbow, well i had made bolts that were ridiculous .. bolt of firestorm, bolt of earthquake .. long story short, the DM put us through d20 modern and i shot down fighter jets with one bolt. then we went back in time (actually forward to the next age), but with our knowledge, and i was banned from owning a crossbow by the high priest who watched me shoot down planes with the crossbow, and was about 11000 years old. Funny you should mention a church outlawing the crossbow. In olde Europe, the Catholic church had authority as many of us know. This authority spawrled over into warfare of course, such as the first through -tries to remember- seventh Crusades. Anyways, for it's ease of use, deadly accuracy, and level of power, the Church had actually outlawed use of the crossbow for a good number of years.
OPECOILER 08-15-06, 09:35 AM	Funny you should mention a church outlawing the crossbow. In olde Europe, the Catholic church had authority as many of us know. This authority spawrled over into warfare of course, such as the first through -tries to remember- seventh Crusades. Anyways, for it's ease of use, deadly accuracy, and level of power, the Church had actually outlawed use of the crossbow for a good number of years. I'm sure you already know this, but that wasn't about banning all crossbows, it was about forbidding the sale of crossbows to one person who had made extra powerful bolts for them. It would be like forbidding the sale of wiring to someone who they had already seen make explosives with said wiring. Anyway, I was in a game where a person asked if a blacksmith could build him an M16 and a dozen LAW rockets.
penguinsrule 08-20-06, 04:39 PM	this was in a game I played with a monk/drunken master "Can I have a +1 Frosty Beer Mug" later that day........ (different person) "I use all my gold to make the beer mug vorpal"
MistWolf 08-20-06, 04:58 PM	One of my players asked if he could be a Grell Paladin, with Multi-Weapon Fighting, and a long sword wielded in each tentacle. I'm still trying to figure out what calibre gun I should shoot him with.Easy- a 9 Wimpameter
MistWolf 08-20-06, 05:01 PM	My Brother: Can I be a Weretortoise? Me: Sorry, the Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles have arleady been done :D
zvbxrpl 08-20-06, 06:14 PM	In a Epic game I ran for about a week, I let a guy play a Half Silver Dragon/Half Fire Elemental/Troll Monk. Isnt that three halves? :confused:
AlphaSquirell 08-20-06, 07:32 PM	My sister, requesting to play as a slice of cheese.... I think that tops everything.... I AM DEAD SERIOUS! You know, now that my Cleric knows True Ressurection, death isn't that serious anymore...
Ragix 08-20-06, 09:27 PM	A guy who used to be in our D&D group (this is one of the main reasons why we booted him) asked several dumb questions. We were using a prefab camapaign, we were going down the tunnel in the cave in the dwarven mine like 500 ft underground when he askes: "can I buy a warhorse?" We just looked at him and stared, then laughed at him. Other guy in party: "Where are u gonna buy them from, the Goblin Telemarketers?" At a later session, he asked/just changed his character sheet to become a centaur. Then he asked for an uber-magic composite longbow. He then asked like 2 sessions later to become a highly underpowered Solar and eventually regain power. We responded to all these requests with a hearty HECK NO! Good times. :dragon:
AlphaSquirell 08-20-06, 09:50 PM	Sat down to play a few weeks ago.... First off, we had no dice. Second, we were missing 3 character sheets (6 players), one was mine (it was a PC who became a DMPC because we stopped rotating DM's, but didn't want to just drop my PC), and then there was the Scout and the Monk. Well, the Scout can easily be recreated, because he remembered his feat(s). (only level 2, Stats follow a balanced "set" for the PCs, he's going to be an archer, started with Improved Initiative, easy stuff) Monk can't remember what his character his. I mean, he's a Human, LG Monk. That's ALL he remembers. (that, and consistantly using flurry of blows, and getting extra attacks, but he never noticed that he hit the same as everyone else, he just got more chances to do so) He wants to re-create his character. (not hard, if there are some "minor" differences, no one will really care) He wants to be a "Planet Ouched". Not a "Plane Touched", but a "Planet Ouched". (when spelled "planetouched", I can see the problem, but our "D&D Illiterate" people still knew it was plane touched) Simply put, "Doh". (I'm going to recreate his character for him, because it will take longer if he tries to start from scratch than if I go from my memory and notes of his character; that, and the party decided I should recreate his character... :) ) Only other unreasonable request is from my Warmage, who keeps requesting things levels before he's ready for them. (ie simple items a 7th level character would be expected to have, he wants at 2nd level, not waiting in between; he's the one in the group who uses cheat codes in games without TRYING the game first....) Then the Warmage wanted to be an intelligent item.... (nevermind the fact that the ONLY D&D stuff we did that night was plan to meet at a friend's house in a few weeks, and to recreate the Scout and Monk and to find the Cleric between those dates; the Warmage took his oppourtunity to ask for stuff he didn't need)
varashiel 08-20-06, 11:17 PM	This happened 4 years ago while we were questing to return the Axe of the Dwarvish Lords to the dwarf lord (go figure). The DM had an efreet guarding the first waystation in the Black Lands....... After a brief fight where my Elven Ranger used saps. We were granted 1 wish each. I wished for the Axe of the Dwarvish Lords (and only the axe) to teleport immediately into my backpack. Then we went home. We bypassed about 6 adventures and a month of DM work. :D The expression...was...priceless. The DM killed my elf the next session. He claimed it was "accidental". The elf was ressurected by the Dwarven king who had benifited greatly form my wish. The DM killed my elf the next time we played, and the time after that he was disintigrated. Then I played the Psychic Warrior with the claws... He apoligized the next session but I liked the PSI. :D
Khan2000 08-21-06, 01:45 AM	I had a couple of players who kept asking for squirrels as pets.....I constantly said no. Until a gnome illusionist decided to make an illusory Tarrasque.
myusernameis 08-21-06, 02:06 AM	That was hilarious. I'm telling that to my powergamer friend. "Hey Sal! Did you know that if you wield a shortsword in two hands it always crits!" "Really?" "Yep, exact same as a greatsword that never crits!"WOOHOO! Multiplied Weapon Specialization, Insightful Strike, Enhancement Bonus, and any other bonuse beside strength that isn't represented as extra dice!
Link182 08-21-06, 04:08 AM	One of my players wanted to create a drow samuri as his next character.
pyropetey9 08-21-06, 04:49 AM	around level 7, my party defeated a naga that dabbled in alchemy, and had developed many nasty tumors in its body. alchemy was the cause of the tumors and the reason it stayed alive. once the thing was dead, my character harvested the tumors and put them (there are 101) in a sack. we're now level 10, and have recently obliterated a vampire. the dust was added to the tumors. shortly thereafter, we were ambushed by a covey of sea hags occupying a large pool of stagnant water. we boiled off all the water, then incinerated the hags, and added powdered hag to the sack. i don't know what we're going to do with this stuff, but it will not be pretty.
thaylok 08-29-06, 01:37 PM	around level 7, my party defeated a naga that dabbled in alchemy, and had developed many nasty tumors in its body. alchemy was the cause of the tumors and the reason it stayed alive. once the thing was dead, my character harvested the tumors and put them (there are 101) in a sack. we're now level 10, and have recently obliterated a vampire. the dust was added to the tumors. shortly thereafter, we were ambushed by a covey of sea hags occupying a large pool of stagnant water. we boiled off all the water, then incinerated the hags, and added powdered hag to the sack. i don't know what we're going to do with this stuff, but it will not be pretty. Oh.. looks like the wrong spell (resurrection) would be one very evil thing to do to some of the things (that are able to be raised as such)... But could be a nasty new monster forming due to the alchemy tumors... kinda like a bag of tricks. Who knows what the new monsters will do eventually.... just run away to "breed" and come back with new species of nasties.
Stolide 08-29-06, 03:28 PM	I had a player ask me if he could be a psionic blackgaurd (he wanted to make a homebrew class) That also happened to be a wereflea and start with the abilitys of a 3rd level assain. (his background said he also was an assain guildmaster) he also wanted to be a balor and thus start out with a +5 vorpal sword and flaming whip.