Argueing at the table [Archive] - Wizards Community

Argueing at the table [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
DMDaddy
06-04-06, 01:06 PM Two of my players cannot get along. The older player (57) is the grandmother of the other player (14). I need an in game way for them to deal with their disagreements. Right now, they are calling each other names.

Player (14) wanted to make sure the monster didn't come back, so he went to guard the entrance 60' away. Player (57) wanted to break down an iron door to rescue an NPC but she needed player (14) to do it. So, player (57) started argueing with player (14). They started verbally attacking each other. "you're little a**hole". "you're an old prune who can't decide which is better: picking your nose or picking your butt." Player (57) threatened to leave the game.

This is actually common in our weekly game with the same two people. Personality conflict. I told both players to concentrate on what their characters could do and not on each others character's actions. I ended the battle as quick as possible and thank the gods the session was at an end. Usually I remain nuetral to the arguements by advocating both characters' actions. I place the focus on "what are the characters' thinking." Then I tell them to resolve it in game according to their characters' profiles and attitudes.

Yes, player (57) was in the wrong. But both were verbaly antagonizing each other.
Atirakis
06-04-06, 01:18 PM Im sorry but simply the 57 PC (your mom?) is sinking to the level of the 14 year old and is wrong to do so. Who cares if a 14 year old verbally antagonizes you? Have your 57! years on this planet taught you nothing about how to deal with teenagers and people in general? I am 30 years her junior and have found many fine ways of handeling people and situations that arent to my liking that dont include name calling and cussing out MY OWN GRANDSON. If that is the maturity level that she brings to the table then let her leave. She is probably making the game less fun for (your son?) who is younger and has many fine years of D&D ahead of him. She on the other hand has obviously learned nothing from her assumably many many years of D&D and needs to learn those LIFE LESSONS quickly or walk away from it all for everyones good.
EDIT: The next time they want to argue at the table then end the session right then and there and give their characters 0 XP for the adventure.
hmmmm
06-04-06, 01:26 PM Wow what a messed up grandma, I would say let them both leave. If that can't happen then let the more disruptive one leave, or force them to leave it dosen't matter.
The_Unfan
06-04-06, 02:32 PM The only thing I can say is LOL! That old lady kicks ass, seriously.
hmmmm
06-04-06, 02:36 PM The only thing I can say is LOL! That old lady kicks ass, seriously.
I have to agree to that as well.
Atirakis
06-04-06, 02:51 PM yeah ok... are you guys being sarcastic or are you that juvenile?
The_Unfan
06-04-06, 03:04 PM Both?
hmmmm
06-04-06, 03:06 PM Both, probally.
Bulletproof_Condom
06-04-06, 03:06 PM I'd kick 'em both out and make the old lady drive the little [hand-and-a-half] home.

D&D is a game. If it's not fun, stop doing it.
hmmmm
06-04-06, 03:07 PM D&D is a game. If it's not fun, stop doing it.
I have seen that quote in many different threads.
Atirakis
06-04-06, 03:09 PM because its true, would you keep playing poker if it wasnt fun anymore? what about WoW or San Andreas? A game is a game it doesnt matter what KIND of game it is, if it isnt fun then dont play
Drachasor
06-04-06, 03:13 PM This is actually common in our weekly game with the same two people. Personality conflict. I told both players to concentrate on what their characters could do and not on each others character's actions. I ended the battle as quick as possible and thank the gods the session was at an end. Usually I remain nuetral to the arguements by advocating both characters' actions. I place the focus on "what are the characters' thinking." Then I tell them to resolve it in game according to their characters' profiles and attitudes.

IMHO, this is the wrong approach. The problem is very real and is about the players, so it isn't something that can be brushed under the rug. They'll just make characters that are inherently disagreeable so they can be disagreeable when they want. You need to get them to talk it over with each other and resolve the matter in some way. Agree to disagree or whatever. It sounds like at least one of them has trouble compromising, and he/she needs to learn the value of it (the other one has trouble dealing with the lack of compromise). Do these people live together? Perhaps some disagreement at home or otherwise outside of the game is causing them to antagonize each other in the game.

Perhaps you should have them sit down together with you out of the game and have them express what they are thinking/feeling without cursing each other.

In any case you should tell them this problem needs to be worked out and they need to learn to get along or they'll both have to leave the group.

-Drachasor
hmmmm
06-04-06, 03:16 PM because its true, would you keep playing poker if it wasnt fun anymore? what about WoW or San Andreas? A game is a game it doesnt matter what KIND of game it is, if it isnt fun then dont play

I don't play any of those games that you mentioned as I don't find them fun. Yes I would still play Dungeons and Dragons just I would play it with different people.
Escef
06-04-06, 03:18 PM Honestly, I like the 14 year old's tactical sense better, heck, the NPC locked in the room is safer than they are if there is still a monster lingering about. As for the grandma, she actually unloaded the curse words first? Tsk, tsk. This is just a stupid fiasco here. Honestly, the grandma might just be expecting obedience from the boy and be getting frustrated at not being given it. This strikes me as a bad situation for these two to be in. If she isn't willing to talk sense to the boy, and he not to her, than this is going to go nowhere. You'd be best off booting one or the other, though I'd say both for the sake of their family relationship. If one goes so to must the other. If you tell them that it might just shock some sense into them.
The_Unfan
06-04-06, 03:29 PM because its true, would you keep playing poker if it wasnt fun anymore?
Depends how much I was making from it. So under certain circumstances, yes.
Atirakis
06-04-06, 03:58 PM hey I play alot of poker and trust me if you are winning money then it is FUN FUN FUN
Operu
06-04-06, 04:18 PM Honestly, the grandma might just be expecting obedience from the boy and be getting frustrated at not being given it.

This might be part of the problem. And if it is, the grandma needs to learn that this is called Role-Playing for a reason. More than likely the 14 yr old player is not role-playing the grandchild of the grandmother's PC. So they aren't in a grandparent/grandchild relationship in game at all. So she should stop treating him like they might treat each other in real life. I absolutely see the grandmother as the one at fault here, and if it were my game she wouldn't be in it much longer.

Unless of course Wizards of the Coast decides to release a Jerry Springer sourcebook. In that case, game on!
zodiki
06-04-06, 04:36 PM ...
They started verbally attacking each other. "you're little a**hole". "you're an old prune who can't decide which is better: picking your nose or picking your butt." ...

:rofl:
DMDaddy
06-05-06, 03:19 PM Quote:
Originally Posted by Escef
Honestly, the grandma might just be expecting obedience from the boy and be getting frustrated at not being given it.!

This might be part of the problem. And if it is, the grandma needs to learn that this is called Role-Playing for a reason. More than likely the 14 yr old player is not role-playing the grandchild of the grandmother's PC. So they aren't in a grandparent/grandchild relationship in game at all. So she should stop treating him like they might treat each other in real life. I absolutely see the grandmother as the one at fault here, and if it were my game she wouldn't be in it much longer.

Unless of course Wizards of the Coast decides to release a Jerry Springer sourcebook. In that case, game on!

I think these two quotes hit the nail on the head. Although there is a slew of other problems I can include.
DMDaddy
06-05-06, 03:33 PM The next time they want to argue at the table then end the session right then and there and give their characters 0 XP for the adventure.

I think I will offer this solution as a choice. "Resolve your arguements or we quit this session with no xps."

The only thing I can say is LOL! That old lady kicks ass, seriously.

Regardless of the situation, I have to agree. She's almost a natural, but she has to many debilitating conditions which I had to overcome. Bad eyes, bad memory for the rules of the game, and very simple minded. But, her character always seems to save the day. As a side note, her character is also a ****8** type and uses sexual conotations in most social situations. She roleplays her character very well.
hmmmm
06-05-06, 03:46 PM hey I play alot of poker and trust me if you are winning money then it is FUN FUN FUN

And if you are not then its terrible.
Dippiey
06-05-06, 03:59 PM I think these two need real counseling. That is just a bad relationship. Does he live with her?
hmmmm
06-05-06, 04:04 PM I think these two need real counseling. That is just a bad relationship. Does he live with her?
Lets hope not. Or we might see it on the news sometime.
Board_Rider
06-05-06, 04:11 PM But, her character always seems to save the day. As a side note, her character is also a ****8** type and uses sexual conotations in most social situations. She roleplays her character very well.
You know, and I cannot explain it, but I feel dirty now.

Where did the days go when grandmas baked cookies?
hmmmm
06-05-06, 04:13 PM I wish I knew.
DMDaddy
06-05-06, 06:57 PM You know, and I cannot explain it, but I feel dirty now.

Where did the days go when grandmas baked cookies?

She's tried to make several NPCs do dirty things for money and other favors. She can't cook or bake anything. So she has to do something to fill in the emptiness.
HeartbreakerHabberdasher
06-06-06, 01:19 AM She sounds a little crazy considering that she is 57 years old. Honestly...that's what the 14 year old is expected to do.
stembolt
06-06-06, 01:43 AM Usually I hate having players where one person has any sort of real world authority over any other person in the group.

I ended the battle as quick as possible and thank the gods the session was at an end. Usually I remain nuetral to the arguements by advocating both characters' actions. I place the focus on "what are the characters' thinking." Then I tell them to resolve it in game according to their characters' profiles and attitudes.

Wrong stance to take. You should, as DM, handle the situation. Now, I have never had a grandmother arguing with a young teen, but the result is the same as GF/BF or roommates or whatever.
hmmmm
06-06-06, 02:45 AM I think that there are both acting out of there age groups.
The_Unfan
06-06-06, 03:31 AM But, her character always seems to save the day. As a side note, her character is also a ****8** type and uses sexual conotations in most social situations. She roleplays her character very well.
That's kinda hawt.
hmmmm
06-06-06, 03:41 AM That's kinda hawt.
In a sick and odd way.
Atirakis
06-06-06, 03:45 AM Bottom line your son needs to have more respect for his father and grandmother and your mom needs to act like a mother and grandmother so that your son has no excuse for disrespecting her. You need to as DM and more importantly DAD put your footdown and tell them that you dont want to play if they arent going to play like a nice civilized family.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
DMDaddy 06-04-06, 01:06 PM	Two of my players cannot get along. The older player (57) is the grandmother of the other player (14). I need an in game way for them to deal with their disagreements. Right now, they are calling each other names. Player (14) wanted to make sure the monster didn't come back, so he went to guard the entrance 60' away. Player (57) wanted to break down an iron door to rescue an NPC but she needed player (14) to do it. So, player (57) started argueing with player (14). They started verbally attacking each other. "you're little a**hole". "you're an old prune who can't decide which is better: picking your nose or picking your butt." Player (57) threatened to leave the game. This is actually common in our weekly game with the same two people. Personality conflict. I told both players to concentrate on what their characters could do and not on each others character's actions. I ended the battle as quick as possible and thank the gods the session was at an end. Usually I remain nuetral to the arguements by advocating both characters' actions. I place the focus on "what are the characters' thinking." Then I tell them to resolve it in game according to their characters' profiles and attitudes. Yes, player (57) was in the wrong. But both were verbaly antagonizing each other.
Atirakis 06-04-06, 01:18 PM	Im sorry but simply the 57 PC (your mom?) is sinking to the level of the 14 year old and is wrong to do so. Who cares if a 14 year old verbally antagonizes you? Have your 57! years on this planet taught you nothing about how to deal with teenagers and people in general? I am 30 years her junior and have found many fine ways of handeling people and situations that arent to my liking that dont include name calling and cussing out MY OWN GRANDSON. If that is the maturity level that she brings to the table then let her leave. She is probably making the game less fun for (your son?) who is younger and has many fine years of D&D ahead of him. She on the other hand has obviously learned nothing from her assumably many many years of D&D and needs to learn those LIFE LESSONS quickly or walk away from it all for everyones good. EDIT: The next time they want to argue at the table then end the session right then and there and give their characters 0 XP for the adventure.
hmmmm 06-04-06, 01:26 PM	Wow what a messed up grandma, I would say let them both leave. If that can't happen then let the more disruptive one leave, or force them to leave it dosen't matter.
The_Unfan 06-04-06, 02:32 PM	The only thing I can say is LOL! That old lady kicks ass, seriously.
hmmmm 06-04-06, 02:36 PM	The only thing I can say is LOL! That old lady kicks ass, seriously. I have to agree to that as well.
Atirakis 06-04-06, 02:51 PM	yeah ok... are you guys being sarcastic or are you that juvenile?
The_Unfan 06-04-06, 03:04 PM	Both?
hmmmm 06-04-06, 03:06 PM	Both, probally.
Bulletproof_Condom 06-04-06, 03:06 PM	I'd kick 'em both out and make the old lady drive the little [hand-and-a-half] home. D&D is a game. If it's not fun, stop doing it.
hmmmm 06-04-06, 03:07 PM	D&D is a game. If it's not fun, stop doing it. I have seen that quote in many different threads.
Atirakis 06-04-06, 03:09 PM	because its true, would you keep playing poker if it wasnt fun anymore? what about WoW or San Andreas? A game is a game it doesnt matter what KIND of game it is, if it isnt fun then dont play
Drachasor 06-04-06, 03:13 PM	This is actually common in our weekly game with the same two people. Personality conflict. I told both players to concentrate on what their characters could do and not on each others character's actions. I ended the battle as quick as possible and thank the gods the session was at an end. Usually I remain nuetral to the arguements by advocating both characters' actions. I place the focus on "what are the characters' thinking." Then I tell them to resolve it in game according to their characters' profiles and attitudes. IMHO, this is the wrong approach. The problem is very real and is about the players, so it isn't something that can be brushed under the rug. They'll just make characters that are inherently disagreeable so they can be disagreeable when they want. You need to get them to talk it over with each other and resolve the matter in some way. Agree to disagree or whatever. It sounds like at least one of them has trouble compromising, and he/she needs to learn the value of it (the other one has trouble dealing with the lack of compromise). Do these people live together? Perhaps some disagreement at home or otherwise outside of the game is causing them to antagonize each other in the game. Perhaps you should have them sit down together with you out of the game and have them express what they are thinking/feeling without cursing each other. In any case you should tell them this problem needs to be worked out and they need to learn to get along or they'll both have to leave the group. -Drachasor
hmmmm 06-04-06, 03:16 PM	because its true, would you keep playing poker if it wasnt fun anymore? what about WoW or San Andreas? A game is a game it doesnt matter what KIND of game it is, if it isnt fun then dont play I don't play any of those games that you mentioned as I don't find them fun. Yes I would still play Dungeons and Dragons just I would play it with different people.
Escef 06-04-06, 03:18 PM	Honestly, I like the 14 year old's tactical sense better, heck, the NPC locked in the room is safer than they are if there is still a monster lingering about. As for the grandma, she actually unloaded the curse words first? Tsk, tsk. This is just a stupid fiasco here. Honestly, the grandma might just be expecting obedience from the boy and be getting frustrated at not being given it. This strikes me as a bad situation for these two to be in. If she isn't willing to talk sense to the boy, and he not to her, than this is going to go nowhere. You'd be best off booting one or the other, though I'd say both for the sake of their family relationship. If one goes so to must the other. If you tell them that it might just shock some sense into them.
The_Unfan 06-04-06, 03:29 PM	because its true, would you keep playing poker if it wasnt fun anymore? Depends how much I was making from it. So under certain circumstances, yes.
Atirakis 06-04-06, 03:58 PM	hey I play alot of poker and trust me if you are winning money then it is FUN FUN FUN
Operu 06-04-06, 04:18 PM	Honestly, the grandma might just be expecting obedience from the boy and be getting frustrated at not being given it. This might be part of the problem. And if it is, the grandma needs to learn that this is called Role-Playing for a reason. More than likely the 14 yr old player is not role-playing the grandchild of the grandmother's PC. So they aren't in a grandparent/grandchild relationship in game at all. So she should stop treating him like they might treat each other in real life. I absolutely see the grandmother as the one at fault here, and if it were my game she wouldn't be in it much longer. Unless of course Wizards of the Coast decides to release a Jerry Springer sourcebook. In that case, game on!
zodiki 06-04-06, 04:36 PM	... They started verbally attacking each other. "you're little a**hole". "you're an old prune who can't decide which is better: picking your nose or picking your butt." ... :rofl:
DMDaddy 06-05-06, 03:19 PM	Quote: Originally Posted by Escef Honestly, the grandma might just be expecting obedience from the boy and be getting frustrated at not being given it.! This might be part of the problem. And if it is, the grandma needs to learn that this is called Role-Playing for a reason. More than likely the 14 yr old player is not role-playing the grandchild of the grandmother's PC. So they aren't in a grandparent/grandchild relationship in game at all. So she should stop treating him like they might treat each other in real life. I absolutely see the grandmother as the one at fault here, and if it were my game she wouldn't be in it much longer. Unless of course Wizards of the Coast decides to release a Jerry Springer sourcebook. In that case, game on! I think these two quotes hit the nail on the head. Although there is a slew of other problems I can include.
DMDaddy 06-05-06, 03:33 PM	The next time they want to argue at the table then end the session right then and there and give their characters 0 XP for the adventure. I think I will offer this solution as a choice. "Resolve your arguements or we quit this session with no xps." The only thing I can say is LOL! That old lady kicks ass, seriously. Regardless of the situation, I have to agree. She's almost a natural, but she has to many debilitating conditions which I had to overcome. Bad eyes, bad memory for the rules of the game, and very simple minded. But, her character always seems to save the day. As a side note, her character is also a **8 type and uses sexual conotations in most social situations. She roleplays her character very well.
hmmmm 06-05-06, 03:46 PM	hey I play alot of poker and trust me if you are winning money then it is FUN FUN FUN And if you are not then its terrible.
Dippiey 06-05-06, 03:59 PM	I think these two need real counseling. That is just a bad relationship. Does he live with her?
hmmmm 06-05-06, 04:04 PM	I think these two need real counseling. That is just a bad relationship. Does he live with her? Lets hope not. Or we might see it on the news sometime.
Board_Rider 06-05-06, 04:11 PM	But, her character always seems to save the day. As a side note, her character is also a **8 type and uses sexual conotations in most social situations. She roleplays her character very well. You know, and I cannot explain it, but I feel dirty now. Where did the days go when grandmas baked cookies?
hmmmm 06-05-06, 04:13 PM	I wish I knew.
DMDaddy 06-05-06, 06:57 PM	You know, and I cannot explain it, but I feel dirty now. Where did the days go when grandmas baked cookies? She's tried to make several NPCs do dirty things for money and other favors. She can't cook or bake anything. So she has to do something to fill in the emptiness.
HeartbreakerHabberdasher 06-06-06, 01:19 AM	She sounds a little crazy considering that she is 57 years old. Honestly...that's what the 14 year old is expected to do.
stembolt 06-06-06, 01:43 AM	Usually I hate having players where one person has any sort of real world authority over any other person in the group. I ended the battle as quick as possible and thank the gods the session was at an end. Usually I remain nuetral to the arguements by advocating both characters' actions. I place the focus on "what are the characters' thinking." Then I tell them to resolve it in game according to their characters' profiles and attitudes. Wrong stance to take. You should, as DM, handle the situation. Now, I have never had a grandmother arguing with a young teen, but the result is the same as GF/BF or roommates or whatever.
hmmmm 06-06-06, 02:45 AM	I think that there are both acting out of there age groups.
The_Unfan 06-06-06, 03:31 AM	But, her character always seems to save the day. As a side note, her character is also a **8 type and uses sexual conotations in most social situations. She roleplays her character very well. That's kinda hawt.
hmmmm 06-06-06, 03:41 AM	That's kinda hawt. In a sick and odd way.
Atirakis 06-06-06, 03:45 AM	Bottom line your son needs to have more respect for his father and grandmother and your mom needs to act like a mother and grandmother so that your son has no excuse for disrespecting her. You need to as DM and more importantly DAD put your footdown and tell them that you dont want to play if they arent going to play like a nice civilized family.