As a DM, do you find this rude? [Archive] - Wizards Community

As a DM, do you find this rude? [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
Bluto
10-19-07, 04:37 PM I've been playing D&D, and other various RPGs for 15+ years. I took over DMing 4-5 sessions into my first game, and have been at it almost exclusively since.

I have maybe played in 3-4 short campaigns in that time, and 1 more extended one. As a whole, I find DMing more challenging, and more rewarding. That said, I do like to get on the other side of the screen every now and again. However, after being the centre of attention for that long, and being the "leader" of the group so much, I certainly don't want to take much of the spot light, or party leadership when I game. I'd rather leave that to the other players. I tend to play characters that are either mentally slow, extremely quiet, or party support types.

The problem is: That's not me! I am used to having three different questions being asked of me at all times, running multiple characters in a fight, and generally keeping order.

So, I've taken to bringing a project to games - painting a miniature, prepping a future adventure for my campaign, etc. It keeps me occupied, lets the other players take the spotlight. So far, I haven't had any problems, but starting with a new GM, I don't want to offend him either.

Yes, of course I will discuss it with him, but I wanted to hear what other DMs would think?
Dog_O_War
10-19-07, 04:43 PM Man, everyone needs more players like you. While I would consider it rude to just go ahead and do this while I was running, explaining the situation to the DM would aleviate any harsh feelings he would have towards you if you did this.

Also, why wouldn't you take charge?! it is usually hard to find a good party leader; one that the other players would rally under, and one that wouldn't be totally selfish. BE this guy.
Archon-John
10-19-07, 04:47 PM Oops, double post...
raevyn001
10-19-07, 04:50 PM I've been playing D&D, and other various RPGs for 15+ years. I took over DMing 4-5 sessions into my first game, and have been at it almost exclusively since.

I have maybe played in 3-4 short campaigns in that time, and 1 more extended one. As a whole, I find DMing more challenging, and more rewarding. That said, I do like to get on the other side of the screen every now and again. However, after being the centre of attention for that long, and being the "leader" of the group so much, I certainly don't want to take much of the spot light, or party leadership when I game. I'd rather leave that to the other players. I tend to play characters that are either mentally slow, extremely quiet, or party support types.

The problem is: That's not me! I am used to having three different questions being asked of me at all times, running multiple characters in a fight, and generally keeping order.

So, I've taken to bringing a project to games - painting a miniature, prepping a future adventure for my campaign, etc. It keeps me occupied, lets the other players take the spotlight. So far, I haven't had any problems, but starting with a new GM, I don't want to offend him either.

Yes, of course I will discuss it with him, but I wanted to hear what other DMs would think?

This could be taken as rude, but if it's okay with the DM, then it should be all good.

But...
Why not play a character that is you? I'm sure you can find a way to not be "The Spotlight Guy" and still play a complete and rewarding role in the party. Why not play a wizard who can be VERY obnoxious, but also knows when not to be? Or an evangelistic cleric who always has a comment about how much better someone's life would be if they knew the glories of [insert deity here]? Or anything else that is fun and a "Full-fledged" member of the group. You're a DM, master of RP, and can totally find a way! (We have faith in you!)

I know that anytime I get the chance to not have to run the whole world, I jump at it! It's nice to just one thing to concern myself with sometimes, and I treasure those opportunities. Also, it gives you a chance to show the rest of the players how to be a good Player.

Just a couple thoughts...

Be well in all things,
Rave
Archon-John
10-19-07, 04:54 PM I have to say that I'm impressed with your unwillingness to be rude to other people.

I like to think that I'm not very rude, well, unless you're rude to me... but I would have probably brought the minis with me if I had the ability to game and paint at once. (Curently the only multitasking ability I possess is the ability to roleplay while drunk - which is quite a feat)

Oh, and underage drinking is bad - so don't do it.

Kudos to you, sir.
Suzu
10-19-07, 05:19 PM Archon-John, you've made my day :D

Hooray for double posting...

To the OP: I'm sure if you ask you're DM in advance he won't mind. If you as a DM wouldn't be annoyed by this kind of behaviour, why would it annoy others? As long as you can still focus on the game (i.e. when someon asks you a question you don't say "What?" and look confused) then I expect your new DM will be cool about it.
Dragonsblood
10-19-07, 05:19 PM I would consider it rude if you brought something else to do during the game. Painting minis, reading books, watching TV, playing the computer, they're all the same. Wouldn't it offend you?
Aryxbez
10-19-07, 09:43 PM I agree, when the DM is doing his whole narrating thing, one should put the books down, and other distractions. Electronic devices shouldn't even exist at the table, exception I guess is laptops everyone seems to like ever so.

Sadly, to me, I would find this rude, however you do sound like a nifty player to have. I mean even if you told me this, I would have to suggest against these distractions, as rememeber, the sessions are about playing D&D with some buds.

I would say just learn to not to get bored so easily, or ask the DM to be more action esque.
Bluto
10-20-07, 12:16 AM Firstly, thanks to all for the comments and advice. I'm glad to get a few different viewpoints, it really was what I was looking for.

Dragonsblood - No, someone doing this for a good reason would certainly not offend me. Someone paying NO attention certainly would.

That said, I can certainly see why this might not go over well with everyone, thus why I asked.

I think I'll avoid the idea altogether, at least for the first few sessions. I don't know the game style yet, maybe I won't find that much downtime. I certainly don't want to show up expecting to be bored!
Necroramo
10-20-07, 12:50 AM I don't think it's asking too much to pay attention
Krusk
10-20-07, 01:43 AM I probably wouldn't find it rude of you to be painting mini's at a session, so long as you let us use your nicely painted minis in the game. As to bringing other things to work on, reading and writing tend to distract a lot more from whats happening at the table than painting does. -im gonna guess- When I DM I would prefer someone not do things like write or read while the session is going on. But honestly I probably wouldnt stop you so long as we never had to wait on you for an encounter.
metalmayhem80110
10-20-07, 04:36 AM If you explained this I probably wouldn't mind. As long as when it came to your turn you didn't stall the game at all.

I use to be like you, but now I like to take the spotlight without being the leader :D Try to do that one time, you have to be creative, smart, and somewhat dastardly depending on how you do it. I find that to be quite entertaining :D
Greykit
10-20-07, 10:45 AM The one concern I would have as a DM wouldn't be the affect that you painting at the table has on you but what it would do to the other players. Once one person starts doing something else visibly at the table other players may choose to do the same thing. While you may be good enough at multitasking to both paint and play it doesn't follow that your follow players are. In college one of the campaigns descended into the speed of jelly because once one person brought a hobby to do one the side everyone felt they could and did too. I'd recommend if you do this with your DM's permission to try and keep it as discrete as possible, ie brainstorming on a piece of paper for your next session instead of painting minis.
Anguish2
10-20-07, 12:41 PM It's not rude under any circumstances if you discuss it with the GM. If he says he wants you not to (do other things) and you still do, that's rude.

Perception of rudeness would come from an impression that you're not interested in the GM's game. If you explain that you are interested, but that you find it relaxing to be mellow when playing, as a compensation for how frenetic things are when you GM, it changes the GM's perception of your actions. You're not "that jerk in the back who doesn't give a crap and should just get lost", but rather "the guy who's actually willing to play the healer/bard/support-character and wants to be with us as a stress-relief". Totally different thing.

One thing that I would do, as a note of appreciation to the DM, is make damned sure I was still paying attention, and make damned sure that my character pipes up and fills the gap when nobody else can/does. It's fine to sit there quietly painting minis, but when your party is staring at a puzzle-lock or something and can't figure it out, if your character can mumble "blue, press the blue lever" you'll make EVERYONE at the table think you're really cool. Point is, it's okay to not participate 99% of the time, verbally, but you've got to demonstrate you're still part of the game.
CCS
10-20-07, 12:48 PM Yeah, I'd find that pretty rude. I don't think you'd have much down time though as I run a fairly "busy" game.
But my other players would express (far) stronger opinions than I were you to do this during a game. You should see the reaction responding to a text/cell call recieves....
In short I wouldn't have to say or do anything. Regardless of your reasons, the other players would tear into you. And then I'd hear requests throughout the week to drop you from the game.
wizarddog
10-20-07, 12:51 PM All of those activities would bug me as player and as a DM. It's analogous of a player who pays attention only when his turn comes around. Not saying there are people who don't mind--I just would. :(
FawBoo
10-20-07, 12:52 PM Firstly, thanks to all for the comments and advice. I'm glad to get a few different viewpoints, it really was what I was looking for.

Dragonsblood - No, someone doing this for a good reason would certainly not offend me. Someone paying NO attention certainly would.

That said, I can certainly see why this might not go over well with everyone, thus why I asked.

I think I'll avoid the idea altogether, at least for the first few sessions. I don't know the game style yet, maybe I won't find that much downtime. I certainly don't want to show up expecting to be bored!

As someone who brings busy work to game (I crochet), I have no problems paying attention, rolling dice when I need to, looking up rules for other people, interacting with the other PCs and NPCs and generally playing the game. However, if I did find it distracting, then I probably wouldn't have brought it to begin with.

This really is an "on an individual basis' kind of situation.
Thevail
10-21-07, 11:52 PM Hurray for politeness!

I'd talk tot he DM about it, but also think about the effect on other players, and the mood of the game.

Another interesting thing to do that wouldn't be nearly so obviouse or rude, but would take advantage of your awesome ability to multitask would be to "take notes".

As a DM you're used to noticing what the players find interesting or amusing, so take notes for a future campaign. What works, what doesn't seem to, and why. If you're anything like me as a DM you'll be completely unable to stop thinking "I'd have done that this way it would be soo cool." At least I always have that little niggly DM voice going on no matter what else I'm doing.

Just my :twocents:
Mock26
10-21-07, 11:59 PM I would suggest that you NOT paint a miniature while playing D&D. Even if the DM says it isn't rude, it really is. How about keeping an official log of the session? You could keep an in-character diary of each session. Then, between sessions, you could type it up and e-mail copies to everyone in the group. I'm sure that they'd appreciate it quite a bit. And, if you need to jot down ideas for your game, just quickly flip to the back and write some notes. All in all, though, I'd suggest that you do your best to focus only on the game at hand.

Also, if you play a bard, you could even write up some songs while gaming and then sing them for the group!
TarlSS
10-22-07, 12:22 AM It's not rude unless the other DM actually thinks it is. As long as you're capable of doing both at the same time, I don't see a problem with it.
Bluto
10-22-07, 02:19 AM I am capable of doing many things at once, but there has been so many good suggestions in this thread alone, I don't think I'll need to worry doing many that are distracting to others.

Mock26 - I like the idea of an in character journal, since I'm sure I would have loved a player in my game doing the same.

Krusk - My minis are always up for use, whether painted during a game or not!

Again, thanks to all who have replied. Your honesty and suggestions have been very helpful.
Genevieve_Evernight
10-22-07, 02:29 AM I'd like to second the journal idea.

My group and I have made a habit of having journals for our characters. It helps keep important details straight and gives you something to do while other PCs are RPing with the DM and your character is just listening. We all keep journals for our campaigns and take notes. I tend to be the one considered the "scribe" since I take copious notes, but it's also my journal that gets borrowed when someone needs to find an important detail from 6 sessions ago.

--It'll give you something to do
--It can't be considered rude b/c you HAVE to pay attention to write the info
--It'll help later in the campaign(esp if your DM likes to list lots of details that seem unimportant but turn out to be vital....my DMs ALWAYS do this:P )
Kouk
10-22-07, 02:32 AM If I was a player or DM, I would be pretty bothered by someone painting at the table.

Not so much because he isn't paying attention, but because I don't want to smell paint :ayyyy!:
Marcus Majarra
10-22-07, 03:52 AM Personally speaking, it's not as much a matter of being rude as it is a matter of participating adequately. You see, the thing to keep in mind is that everyone's attention should be on the game whether their character is enjoying the spotlight or not. There are many reasons for this:

1) If the only participating player is the one in the spotlight, it's not as much a group activitity as it is a sequence of individual activities. D&D is a group activity.

2) Paying active attention when it's not your turn to shine means that you won't have the DM repeat any details you might have missed while your attention was elsewhere.

3) It's a sign of respect to the other players, moreso than towards the DM. Personally speaking, I feel it's rude to just ignore what the other players are doing when they take the spotlight; this is not something I would like done onto myself.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Bluto 10-19-07, 04:37 PM	I've been playing D&D, and other various RPGs for 15+ years. I took over DMing 4-5 sessions into my first game, and have been at it almost exclusively since. I have maybe played in 3-4 short campaigns in that time, and 1 more extended one. As a whole, I find DMing more challenging, and more rewarding. That said, I do like to get on the other side of the screen every now and again. However, after being the centre of attention for that long, and being the "leader" of the group so much, I certainly don't want to take much of the spot light, or party leadership when I game. I'd rather leave that to the other players. I tend to play characters that are either mentally slow, extremely quiet, or party support types. The problem is: That's not me! I am used to having three different questions being asked of me at all times, running multiple characters in a fight, and generally keeping order. So, I've taken to bringing a project to games - painting a miniature, prepping a future adventure for my campaign, etc. It keeps me occupied, lets the other players take the spotlight. So far, I haven't had any problems, but starting with a new GM, I don't want to offend him either. Yes, of course I will discuss it with him, but I wanted to hear what other DMs would think?
Dog_O_War 10-19-07, 04:43 PM	Man, everyone needs more players like you. While I would consider it rude to just go ahead and do this while I was running, explaining the situation to the DM would aleviate any harsh feelings he would have towards you if you did this. Also, why wouldn't you take charge?! it is usually hard to find a good party leader; one that the other players would rally under, and one that wouldn't be totally selfish. BE this guy.
Archon-John 10-19-07, 04:47 PM	Oops, double post...
raevyn001 10-19-07, 04:50 PM	I've been playing D&D, and other various RPGs for 15+ years. I took over DMing 4-5 sessions into my first game, and have been at it almost exclusively since. I have maybe played in 3-4 short campaigns in that time, and 1 more extended one. As a whole, I find DMing more challenging, and more rewarding. That said, I do like to get on the other side of the screen every now and again. However, after being the centre of attention for that long, and being the "leader" of the group so much, I certainly don't want to take much of the spot light, or party leadership when I game. I'd rather leave that to the other players. I tend to play characters that are either mentally slow, extremely quiet, or party support types. The problem is: That's not me! I am used to having three different questions being asked of me at all times, running multiple characters in a fight, and generally keeping order. So, I've taken to bringing a project to games - painting a miniature, prepping a future adventure for my campaign, etc. It keeps me occupied, lets the other players take the spotlight. So far, I haven't had any problems, but starting with a new GM, I don't want to offend him either. Yes, of course I will discuss it with him, but I wanted to hear what other DMs would think? This could be taken as rude, but if it's okay with the DM, then it should be all good. But... Why not play a character that is you? I'm sure you can find a way to not be "The Spotlight Guy" and still play a complete and rewarding role in the party. Why not play a wizard who can be VERY obnoxious, but also knows when not to be? Or an evangelistic cleric who always has a comment about how much better someone's life would be if they knew the glories of [insert deity here]? Or anything else that is fun and a "Full-fledged" member of the group. You're a DM, master of RP, and can totally find a way! (We have faith in you!) I know that anytime I get the chance to not have to run the whole world, I jump at it! It's nice to just one thing to concern myself with sometimes, and I treasure those opportunities. Also, it gives you a chance to show the rest of the players how to be a good Player. Just a couple thoughts... Be well in all things, Rave
Archon-John 10-19-07, 04:54 PM	I have to say that I'm impressed with your unwillingness to be rude to other people. I like to think that I'm not very rude, well, unless you're rude to me... but I would have probably brought the minis with me if I had the ability to game and paint at once. (Curently the only multitasking ability I possess is the ability to roleplay while drunk - which is quite a feat) Oh, and underage drinking is bad - so don't do it. Kudos to you, sir.
Suzu 10-19-07, 05:19 PM	Archon-John, you've made my day :D Hooray for double posting... To the OP: I'm sure if you ask you're DM in advance he won't mind. If you as a DM wouldn't be annoyed by this kind of behaviour, why would it annoy others? As long as you can still focus on the game (i.e. when someon asks you a question you don't say "What?" and look confused) then I expect your new DM will be cool about it.
Dragonsblood 10-19-07, 05:19 PM	I would consider it rude if you brought something else to do during the game. Painting minis, reading books, watching TV, playing the computer, they're all the same. Wouldn't it offend you?
Aryxbez 10-19-07, 09:43 PM	I agree, when the DM is doing his whole narrating thing, one should put the books down, and other distractions. Electronic devices shouldn't even exist at the table, exception I guess is laptops everyone seems to like ever so. Sadly, to me, I would find this rude, however you do sound like a nifty player to have. I mean even if you told me this, I would have to suggest against these distractions, as rememeber, the sessions are about playing D&D with some buds. I would say just learn to not to get bored so easily, or ask the DM to be more action esque.
Bluto 10-20-07, 12:16 AM	Firstly, thanks to all for the comments and advice. I'm glad to get a few different viewpoints, it really was what I was looking for. Dragonsblood - No, someone doing this for a good reason would certainly not offend me. Someone paying NO attention certainly would. That said, I can certainly see why this might not go over well with everyone, thus why I asked. I think I'll avoid the idea altogether, at least for the first few sessions. I don't know the game style yet, maybe I won't find that much downtime. I certainly don't want to show up expecting to be bored!
Necroramo 10-20-07, 12:50 AM	I don't think it's asking too much to pay attention
Krusk 10-20-07, 01:43 AM	I probably wouldn't find it rude of you to be painting mini's at a session, so long as you let us use your nicely painted minis in the game. As to bringing other things to work on, reading and writing tend to distract a lot more from whats happening at the table than painting does. -im gonna guess- When I DM I would prefer someone not do things like write or read while the session is going on. But honestly I probably wouldnt stop you so long as we never had to wait on you for an encounter.
metalmayhem80110 10-20-07, 04:36 AM	If you explained this I probably wouldn't mind. As long as when it came to your turn you didn't stall the game at all. I use to be like you, but now I like to take the spotlight without being the leader :D Try to do that one time, you have to be creative, smart, and somewhat dastardly depending on how you do it. I find that to be quite entertaining :D
Greykit 10-20-07, 10:45 AM	The one concern I would have as a DM wouldn't be the affect that you painting at the table has on you but what it would do to the other players. Once one person starts doing something else visibly at the table other players may choose to do the same thing. While you may be good enough at multitasking to both paint and play it doesn't follow that your follow players are. In college one of the campaigns descended into the speed of jelly because once one person brought a hobby to do one the side everyone felt they could and did too. I'd recommend if you do this with your DM's permission to try and keep it as discrete as possible, ie brainstorming on a piece of paper for your next session instead of painting minis.
Anguish2 10-20-07, 12:41 PM	It's not rude under any circumstances if you discuss it with the GM. If he says he wants you not to (do other things) and you still do, that's rude. Perception of rudeness would come from an impression that you're not interested in the GM's game. If you explain that you are interested, but that you find it relaxing to be mellow when playing, as a compensation for how frenetic things are when you GM, it changes the GM's perception of your actions. You're not "that jerk in the back who doesn't give a crap and should just get lost", but rather "the guy who's actually willing to play the healer/bard/support-character and wants to be with us as a stress-relief". Totally different thing. One thing that I would do, as a note of appreciation to the DM, is make damned sure I was still paying attention, and make damned sure that my character pipes up and fills the gap when nobody else can/does. It's fine to sit there quietly painting minis, but when your party is staring at a puzzle-lock or something and can't figure it out, if your character can mumble "blue, press the blue lever" you'll make EVERYONE at the table think you're really cool. Point is, it's okay to not participate 99% of the time, verbally, but you've got to demonstrate you're still part of the game.
CCS 10-20-07, 12:48 PM	Yeah, I'd find that pretty rude. I don't think you'd have much down time though as I run a fairly "busy" game. But my other players would express (far) stronger opinions than I were you to do this during a game. You should see the reaction responding to a text/cell call recieves.... In short I wouldn't have to say or do anything. Regardless of your reasons, the other players would tear into you. And then I'd hear requests throughout the week to drop you from the game.
wizarddog 10-20-07, 12:51 PM	All of those activities would bug me as player and as a DM. It's analogous of a player who pays attention only when his turn comes around. Not saying there are people who don't mind--I just would. :(
FawBoo 10-20-07, 12:52 PM	Firstly, thanks to all for the comments and advice. I'm glad to get a few different viewpoints, it really was what I was looking for. Dragonsblood - No, someone doing this for a good reason would certainly not offend me. Someone paying NO attention certainly would. That said, I can certainly see why this might not go over well with everyone, thus why I asked. I think I'll avoid the idea altogether, at least for the first few sessions. I don't know the game style yet, maybe I won't find that much downtime. I certainly don't want to show up expecting to be bored! As someone who brings busy work to game (I crochet), I have no problems paying attention, rolling dice when I need to, looking up rules for other people, interacting with the other PCs and NPCs and generally playing the game. However, if I did find it distracting, then I probably wouldn't have brought it to begin with. This really is an "on an individual basis' kind of situation.
Thevail 10-21-07, 11:52 PM	Hurray for politeness! I'd talk tot he DM about it, but also think about the effect on other players, and the mood of the game. Another interesting thing to do that wouldn't be nearly so obviouse or rude, but would take advantage of your awesome ability to multitask would be to "take notes". As a DM you're used to noticing what the players find interesting or amusing, so take notes for a future campaign. What works, what doesn't seem to, and why. If you're anything like me as a DM you'll be completely unable to stop thinking "I'd have done that this way it would be soo cool." At least I always have that little niggly DM voice going on no matter what else I'm doing. Just my :twocents:
Mock26 10-21-07, 11:59 PM	I would suggest that you NOT paint a miniature while playing D&D. Even if the DM says it isn't rude, it really is. How about keeping an official log of the session? You could keep an in-character diary of each session. Then, between sessions, you could type it up and e-mail copies to everyone in the group. I'm sure that they'd appreciate it quite a bit. And, if you need to jot down ideas for your game, just quickly flip to the back and write some notes. All in all, though, I'd suggest that you do your best to focus only on the game at hand. Also, if you play a bard, you could even write up some songs while gaming and then sing them for the group!
TarlSS 10-22-07, 12:22 AM	It's not rude unless the other DM actually thinks it is. As long as you're capable of doing both at the same time, I don't see a problem with it.
Bluto 10-22-07, 02:19 AM	I am capable of doing many things at once, but there has been so many good suggestions in this thread alone, I don't think I'll need to worry doing many that are distracting to others. Mock26 - I like the idea of an in character journal, since I'm sure I would have loved a player in my game doing the same. Krusk - My minis are always up for use, whether painted during a game or not! Again, thanks to all who have replied. Your honesty and suggestions have been very helpful.
Genevieve_Evernight 10-22-07, 02:29 AM	I'd like to second the journal idea. My group and I have made a habit of having journals for our characters. It helps keep important details straight and gives you something to do while other PCs are RPing with the DM and your character is just listening. We all keep journals for our campaigns and take notes. I tend to be the one considered the "scribe" since I take copious notes, but it's also my journal that gets borrowed when someone needs to find an important detail from 6 sessions ago. --It'll give you something to do --It can't be considered rude b/c you HAVE to pay attention to write the info --It'll help later in the campaign(esp if your DM likes to list lots of details that seem unimportant but turn out to be vital....my DMs ALWAYS do this:P )
Kouk 10-22-07, 02:32 AM	If I was a player or DM, I would be pretty bothered by someone painting at the table. Not so much because he isn't paying attention, but because I don't want to smell paint :ayyyy!:
Marcus Majarra 10-22-07, 03:52 AM	Personally speaking, it's not as much a matter of being rude as it is a matter of participating adequately. You see, the thing to keep in mind is that everyone's attention should be on the game whether their character is enjoying the spotlight or not. There are many reasons for this: 1) If the only participating player is the one in the spotlight, it's not as much a group activitity as it is a sequence of individual activities. D&D is a group activity. 2) Paying active attention when it's not your turn to shine means that you won't have the DM repeat any details you might have missed while your attention was elsewhere. 3) It's a sign of respect to the other players, moreso than towards the DM. Personally speaking, I feel it's rude to just ignore what the other players are doing when they take the spotlight; this is not something I would like done onto myself.