Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Eightbitmage 03-27-07, 10:02 AM	I am going to be stealing an NPC from an article I read a while ago at http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dd/20051104a Specific section: Tauroc understood the value of humor, and he knew the basic form and structure of a joke. But he wasn't actually funny. His "jokes" were just expressions of his grim, take-no-prisoners attitude. Some sample Tauroc jokes: "Two goblins walked into a bar… and once they were inside, we drove metal spikes into both the front and rear doors. Then we set the bar on fire, covering the windows with crossbows in case the goblins made a break for it." "Why did the goblin cross the road? Because he was fleeing from a dwarven hammer of justice! He didn't cross the road, actually. We dropped him when he was about halfway across." "What do you get when you cross a goblin with a mind flayer? An abomination that should be put to the torch, not suffered to live!" "How many goblins does it take to light a torch? As many as possible, because we'll slaughter everyone within the light radius of the torch, and an additional 60 feet beyond it! In all directions! Such is the might of the dwarves!" "Knock, knock." "Who's there? "Goblin." "Die, goblin, die! [Cue sound of door being smashed to splinters.]" I need more jokes that a racist dwarf would make about goblins, preferably in this style. Does anyone have any? While sticking with the non-humor idea would be fun I am not afraid to throw some genuinely funny ones in once in a while.
tankschmidt 03-27-07, 12:23 PM	Take any dead baby joke you can think of and replace "dead baby" with "goblin." You may also need to replace "blender" with "blade barrier" or "site of rare razor boar mating ritual."
mcnoo 03-27-07, 02:50 PM	What has one leg and bleeds? Half a goblin.
High Octane 03-27-07, 03:18 PM	Dwarf: "Question: 2 Boulders are thrown from the top of a hundred story tower, 1 has a goblin strapped to it. Which one hits the ground first? Answer: WHO CARES?"
wrecan 03-27-07, 03:24 PM	Lawyer jokes work well What do you call a thousand goblins at the bottom of the sea? A good start. What do you have when a goblin is buried up to his neck in sand? Not enough sand. A wizard enters Ye Olde Necromantic Spell Component Shoppe. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of brain offerred at this particular shoppe. He questions the proprietor about the cost of these brains. "How much does it cost for elven brain?" "Three gold pieces an ounce." "How much does it cost for dwarven brain?" "Four gold pieces an ounce." "How much for goblin brain?" "One thousand gold pieces an ounce." "Why is goblin brain so much more?" "Do you know how many goblins we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?" What's the problem with goblin jokes? Goblins don't think they're funny, and no one else thinks they're jokes. Where can you find a good goblin? In the cemetery. If you drop a snake and a goblin off a cliff, which one hits first? Who cares? How many goblins does it take to stop the Tarrasque? Never enough. When goblins die, why don't vultures eat them? Even a vulture has taste.
Daydreamer 03-27-07, 03:51 PM	Did you hear the one about the goblin that went to college? -Me neither.
snakeman830 03-27-07, 03:59 PM	Check the part in my sig about different types of ammo and adapt it. (It's in the funnies)
Pippa 03-27-07, 04:38 PM	Goblins? They throw away their babies and keep the placentas. What's the difference between a trampoline and a goblin? In the case of the trampoline, you take your boots off. What's a goblin in a trash can? A gorram egoïst - you can fit three in there! Har har har. You know that one about a bear and a bunnyrabbit taking a crap in the forest? Well the bear looks at the bunny and says, "You ever having any crap sticking to your fur?" "Actually," the bunnyrabbit answers, "No." So the bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his ass with 'm. Sorry but that one was a bit hard to convert. A wizard enters Ye Olde Necromantic Spell Component Shoppe. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of brain offerred at this particular shoppe. He questions the proprietor about the cost of these brains. "How much does it cost for elven brain?" "Three gold pieces an ounce." "How much does it cost for dwarven brain?" "Four gold pieces an ounce." "How much for goblin brain?" "One thousand gold pieces an ounce." "Why is goblin brain so much more?" "Do you know how many goblins we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?" We use to tell that one like so: -"Yeah, but the goblin brain hasn't been used yet." Like yours better, though.
FntsyWlkr 04-02-07, 03:57 PM	How many goblins does it take to screw in a light bulb? - who cares?!!? I hate those little craps! Why did the goblin cross the road? - who cares!?!?! I hate those little craps! Ok, a goblin, a big goblin and a small tiny gobiln walk into a bar. They all order a drinl. The tiny gobiln gets drink, the big goblin gets drink ... but the regular gobling is fine. He orders another round. Finally the batender all curious-like walks up to the small tiny goblin and says, "hey, how come you two got drunk so fast, but this regular goblin is still drinking?" Do you know what he said? - who cares?!?! I hate those little craps! What's the difference between a goblin and a dead, ugly cat with fleas holding a gold piece? - The cat's holding a gold piece. Why don't goblins ride horses? - because the horse already has one *ss. Hey, how do you tell if you've had a goblin in your icebox? - just look for my fat dwarven axe sticking out of it, that's how you can tell. Now get out of my way.
Imatash 04-02-07, 04:20 PM	"Your Mama was an Elf!" Insult both races at once! "What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead goblin on the road? There are wagon skid marks in front of the skunk." Any short jokes. There's an Orc, an Ogre and a Goblin in front of you and you only have two arrows what do you do? Shoot the Goblin twice. Tell the Goblin "Your Daddy could read" Imatash
Prator_the_Legendary 04-02-07, 04:24 PM	Three goblins walk into a bar, which triggers the pressure-sensitive fireball trap! I love that one! How many goblins does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -However many are standing around when the lighning trap goes off. How knobs can a hobgob knob if a hobgob could knob knobs? -None! Because the knobs are coated with contact poison! A goblin dies and goes to heaven. NOT!
Drag0nUL 04-02-07, 04:58 PM	Dwarf 1: 'Why is that goblin running down the street?' Dwarf 2:'Shut up and bring me more bolts/Shut up and reload' Dwarf 1:'How much damage does a goblin do?' Dwarf 2:'Well, it depends on what he is wielding' Dwarf 1:'Not like that. When you pick it up and swing it at your enemies' A goblin walks into a dwarf town...well actually he didn't. He got stuffed with crossbow bolts as soon as he got into firing range. A dwarf ranger and his wolf walk into a bar: 'Do you serve goblins here?' 'Of course' 'Then bing me a beer and a goblin for my wolf' Two dwarven prison guards: 'The goblins are going out!' 'Then hurry up and pour some more oil over them'
swallowyersoul 04-02-07, 05:00 PM	"hey, do you know how to save a goblin from drowning?" "nope" "good"
MightyPotamus 04-02-07, 05:46 PM	What's funnier than a dead goblin? -A dead goblin in a jester's outfit. What's the difference between a wagon load of gravel and a wagon load of goblins? -You can't unload gravel with a pitchfork. :rimshot: {That's twisted} Twisted depends which way you looks at it... Sure, a dead goblin could be twisted. Oh!, you meant the joke? What's red and lies in four corners? -A goblin when a dwarf is done with it. What's the differance between a goblin and an onion? -You don't cry when you cut up a goblin. How do you know when a goblin is dead? -The dog is playing with it.:zzz: How do you make a goblin float? -Take your foot off of it's head. What is red and brown and can't turn around in a corridor? -A goblin with a javelin through its throat. What's harder to do than nailing a goblin to a tree? -Nailing it to a bugbear. How do you save a goblin fron a pit trap? -Stick a longspear though it.:rimshot: Thanks folks, you've been a wonderful audience. don't forget to tip you serving wench.:bravo:
Eightbitmage 04-02-07, 05:56 PM	I declare this thread officially made of win.
Vicki Cadae 04-02-07, 06:40 PM	What's the difference between a goblin and a catfish? One's a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavanger. The other's a fish. Lemmie tell you a story about goblins. Once upon a time, there was a disgusting, pathetic race that was better off dead. The end.
Type6 04-02-07, 08:01 PM	What do you have against Goblins? A longsword. Lightbulbs hmm...:waits: ... in dnd?
Zombayz1 04-02-07, 08:49 PM	I hail this thread.
Cryforge 04-02-07, 08:52 PM	What's better than 10 goblins nailed to a tree? One goblin nailed to 10 trees.:ayyyy!:
poxjedi 04-02-07, 09:24 PM	What's red and green and going at fifty miles per hour? I don't know, but it four seconds ago, just before the dwarf saw it, it was a Goblin standing on the edge of a cliff. What has no legs, six gaping holes, and no sex organs? A goblin after one round of combat. How many goblins does in take to light a lamp? Depends on whether you cover them in oil first. Did you hear about the earthquake that hit the Goblin city and caused 12,000 GP worth of improvements?
Crystal Monk 04-02-07, 09:26 PM	Dwarf 1:'How much damage does a goblin do?' Dwarf 2:'Well, it depends on what he is wielding' Dwarf 1:'Not like that. When you pick it up and swing it at your enemies'in the interest of brevity being the soul of wit: Dwarf 1: "how much damage does a goblin do?" Dwarf 2: "depends - you swinging it by the neck or the ankles?" but yes, this thread is bloody hilarious.
poxjedi 04-02-07, 09:57 PM	Did you hear about the blind Goblin who fell in love with a fart? A Dwarven Cleric of Moradin and a Goblin died and went to heaven on the same day, and St. Peter showed them their rooms. The Goblin's room was first. The Goblin had a lavish King-sized bed with the finest silk sheets. His bedside table was made of pure gold. An attached balcony gave a beautiful view. "Wow", thought the Dwarf. "If a pathetic little Goblin can get all this, think what my room will be like!" St. Peter brought the Cleric down to his room; it was an unfurnished 10 ft by 10 ft cell with only a cot and no windows. The dwarf was a little upset. "St. Peter, I don't mean to be ungrateful, but would you mind if I ask; why did that Goblin get so much a better room than I, who have been a devout worshipper of Moradin all me life?" St. Peter replied: "Well, we've got loads of Dwarven clerics up here, but that was the first Goblin we ever had". How many Goblins does it take to roof a house? Depends how thin you slice 'em. 90 percent of Goblins give the rest a bad name. A goblin is a perfectly reliable worker until the moment you tell it to do something. A dwarf was painting his house, and a poor-as-dirt goblin walked down the road in front of his house. The Goblin asked if there was a way he could make a couple coppers and the Dwarf said, "Hell no! I hate you little craps!" and killed him. What do you call a guy who hangs out in dungeons with dangerous monsters? A goblin. How many Goblin jokes are there? Just one- all the rest are true.
poxjedi 04-02-07, 09:58 PM	very bloody hilarious.
RorixBladewing 04-02-07, 09:59 PM	Best thread ever. How do you fit 10 Goblins into a bowl? Meteor Storm. What do you call a goblin swinging from a 10ft rope? Tetherball. (Does tetherball exist in DnD?) What's the difference between a pile of dead goblins, and a pile of platinum pieces? I don't have a pile of platinum in my portable hole. What's bleeding, screaming, and running around in circles? A goblin with it's foot nailed to the ground. What do you call a goblin with no legs and no arms? A footstool.
Zombayz1 04-03-07, 08:06 PM	What do you call a goblin with 666 stab wounds? Not dead enough. a goblin walk into a bar and asks why everyone's sword is out. They answer him...slowly....
snakeman830 04-03-07, 08:23 PM	What do civilized races call goblins? vermin What does everyone else call them? food What's the worst part about a wagon carrying 10 goblins going over a cliff? You could have fit more goblins on the wagon. Though I'd have to say some of my favorites are off of Magic cards. "I like goblins, they make funny little popping sounds when they die." -Jaya Balard, Task Mage But hey, long live Squee!
poxjedi 04-03-07, 08:48 PM	The Caravan to the Dwarven capital leaves at 1:15 The Caravan to the Elven capital leaves at 2:45. And the Caravan to the Goblin capital leaves when the short hand is on the three and the long hand is on the 6. What do you get when two Goblins mate? I don't know, but it better be in three pieces before it hits the ground. Where do you put a Goblin with a brain 1/2 the size of a human's? In the Gifted and Talented program. Why is a Dwarven brain worth less than a Goblin brain? The Dwarven brain is used. What's the fastest way to a Goblin maiden's heart? Through the chest with a sharp knife. best thread ever
MightyPotamus 04-03-07, 09:13 PM	What has two legs, two arms, and feathers? -A goblin full of arrows. What do you call a legless, armless goblin laying in front of the tavern? -Matt How do you get a goblin to stop running in circles? -Nail it's other foot to the floor. (This one actually heard in gameplay.) How long do goblins live? -About thirty seconds after meeting the party.:P
darkdragonk 04-03-07, 10:25 PM	Best Thread Ever :bow: :ayyyy!: :heehee :bump:
Brian_Link 04-03-07, 11:27 PM	What's the difference between a goblin and a bucket of crap? The bucket Two goblins walk into a bar, a hundred goblin pieces are thrown out.
M1kh43l_P4r4d1s0 04-03-07, 11:54 PM	I once knew a goblin that was an okay guy... Oh wait he was an elf. How do you kill a goblin. Anyway that is most conveinient for you.
Saberus 04-04-07, 12:29 AM	Why don't goblins bury their dead? Because there's never one left alive. /I got nuthin'
Slider33 04-04-07, 12:36 AM	There's an Orc, an Ogre and a Goblin in front of you and you only have two arrows what do you do? Shoot the Goblin twice. Imatash Hehehhe, this one made me laugh out loud :)
poxjedi 04-04-07, 04:35 PM	A party of adventurers is making their way through the dark woods when they come across a lone house in a small clearing. They go inside the house, finding it totally empty. Shortly after they exit, they notice two Goblins entering the house. Moments later, THREE Goblins exit the house. The big dumb fighter says, "Maybe Thokk counted bad". The thoughtful druid says, "Perhaps they reproduced". And the Dwarven cleric says, "Goblins? I hate those little craps!!", and beat them to death with his mace. (original ending: And the logical Wizard says, "Now if one Goblin goes back in, the house will be totally empty!!")
snakeman830 04-04-07, 10:05 PM	Sounds like a Wis of 4 on the wizard This thread is the best one ever found on the DM board. (The players board has "best lines ever")
ted_the_mindflayer 04-05-07, 12:18 AM	A goblin and an orc are in a wagon, who is driving? Cops! 2 goblins are talking one day, one says he must have the smallest arms in the realm the other the smallest dickin the world. They set off to the orcale and the frist goblin says "Yes I have the smallest arms!"the other grunts "I want to know who this (insert PC name) is!" :D
Kbar 04-05-07, 12:50 AM	What do you call a gnome up a elf's dress? A goblin. more of a dirty gnome joke, though. Kbar
PwnageLlama 04-05-07, 01:52 AM	Whats better than one dead goblin? Two dead goblins. Why did the goblin cross the road? Well, actully he flew becuase he was just pounded by a dwarvish mattock.
Banning 04-05-07, 02:49 AM	What do you call a goblin when laying siege upon a heavily fortified position? -Extra ammo. Step1: Find cousin Step2: Set cousin in catapult Step3: Fire catapult Step4: Find another cousin What do you call a goblin on ice? -A hockeypuck
wrecan 04-05-07, 10:44 AM	A dwarf is riding his pony along a road when he sees a priest of Pelor standing by his cart. One of the wheels has broken and the priest needs a ride into town. The dwarf, being a kind-hearted soul, agrees to give the priest a ride. While they're riding towards town, the dwarf sees a goblin up ahead. Instinctively he spurs his horse forward. The priest says "Slow down!" The dwarf is torn between obeying this priest and killing the goblin. As they get closer, he sees the goblin is entirely unarmed. Again, the dwarf spurs his pony forward, and the priest again says, "Slow down!" The dwarf is really sweating now. He doesn't want the priest to condemn him. But that's a goblin. Finally, at the last moment, the dwarf pulls away from the goblin. He turns to the priest and says, "Father, I have a confession to make. i almost trampled that defenseless goblin." The priest says, "It's alright son. I got him with my morningstar. But I would have missed him if you didn't slow down!"
MightyPotamus 04-05-07, 11:03 AM	A dwarf is riding his pony along a road when he sees a priest of Pelor standing by his cart. One of the wheels has broken and the priest needs a ride into town. The dwarf, being a kind-hearted soul, agrees to give the priest a ride. While they're riding towards town, the dwarf sees a goblin up ahead. Instinctively he spurs his horse forward. The priest says "Slow down!" The dwarf is torn between obeying this priest and killing the goblin. As they get closer, he sees the goblin is entirely unarmed. Again, the dwarf spurs his pony forward, and the priest again says, "Slow down!" The dwarf is really sweating now. He doesn't want the priest to condemn him. But that's a goblin. Finally, at the last moment, the dwarf pulls away from the goblin. He turns to the priest and says, "Father, I have a confession to make. i almost trampled that defenseless goblin." The priest says, "It's alright son. I got him with my morningstar. But I would have missed him if you didn't slow down!" WIN!
snakeman830 04-05-07, 11:50 AM	Step1: Find cousin Step2: Set cousin in catapult Step3: Fire catapult Step4: Find another cousin modification of Fodder Cannon's flavor text. (Step 1. Find a cousin Step 2. Get your cousin in the cannon Step 3. Find another cousin) If a tree falls in the forest, and it crushes a goblin, does anyone care?
Singer_of_the_Song 04-05-07, 02:57 PM	What looks good on a goblin's face? - A morningstar.
poxjedi 04-05-07, 08:50 PM	When does a Goblin Maiden look beautiful? -When she has a knife thru the eye.
Pippa 04-07-07, 08:21 AM	Come on, guys. Everybody likes goblins. WITH GUACAMOLE!
terrainmonkey 04-07-07, 08:44 AM	TO ALL WHO HAVE POSTED ON THIS THREAD: I, the Hon. Cooper J. Halfpenny, Esq., have been retained by the NGRA, or National Goblin Rights Association. The above jokes represent a slanderous, vile, and petty attempt on what is known as the "lesser races" of the world to undermine and prolong a stereotype against my clients. consider this a cease and desist order, pursuant to FRG-984/x-417, or "The Negative Propaganda Clause of CY 568." These jokes represent a negative case against my clients, and one that must stop NOW. Should the jokes continue, all who post further will be summoned to court in a class action suit against them by the NGRA. These amusing tales cannot continue. Not all goblins are stupid, some of them even have half a brain. some of them are even kind and decent creatures. They do not smell, they sometimes take baths, and have even worked thier hearts out for me whenever the need arises. To continue these negative slanders against this race is wrong, so consider yourselves warned. the offices of Halfpenny and Assoc. will find you. we have high level divination magic and we will find you, no matter where you goblin hating persons hide. thank you for your attention in this matter. Cooper J. Halfpenny, Gnome lawyer for the NGRA
MightyPotamus 04-07-07, 09:03 AM	NGRA, or National Goblin Rights Association You might be asking yourself, "But what rights does a goblin have?" To this is say that goblins have many rights, such as an arrow through the chest and a dagger in every eye. P.S. Don't discriminate against me because I hate goblins, it's a social disorder and therefore covered under medical conditions.:P I have a note from my doctor if you need to see it.
*Truean* 04-07-07, 11:24 AM	[joking of course] terrainmonkey you bastard.... You were behind the goblin protection act of 2005.... Now the morons are unionized.... Wait... I just realized that they all go to the same place when they organize.... All local goblins in same place at once.... less fuel consumed in the purging fires..... hummm terrainmonkey I love you.... Where's my kerosene...? What do I call goblins organized in one place protesting for their right to exist: an easy target....
wrecan 04-07-07, 11:28 AM	Q. How many goblins does it take to fill a hole? A. How many you got?
dengarbountyhunter 04-07-07, 12:14 PM	How should you call a hole half-filled with goblin heads? A half-EMPTY hole.
Valdaran 04-07-07, 01:41 PM	What do you call a goblin in a lava pit? - A problem What do you call two goblins in a lava pit? - A problem What do you call all the goblins in the world in a lava pit? - Problem Solved Two Goblins jump off a cliff. Who wins? -Society What do you call thirty dead goblins? - A start.
Brian_Link 04-07-07, 01:58 PM	Cooper J. Halfpenny, Gnome lawyer for the NGRA I'm pretty sure Goblin's have one right. The right to remain DEAD silent.
Gwenfloor 04-07-07, 02:51 PM	I find it ironic that this would not be moved to the Mature Boards for mentioning racism towards goblins, yet a thread about a Transvestite Drow would be.
Evil DM Mk3 04-07-07, 06:07 PM	At least we are not saying how we don't like forgotten realms, that gets you closed... What do you call a mushroom with an idea? A goblin. What do you call a goblin with an idea? A genius. What do you call a goblin with two ideas? A gnome.
AnonymousInternets 04-07-07, 06:22 PM	What do you do if you see a goblin giving birth? Get your punting shoes on and start taking bets on yardage.
Soluphobe 04-07-07, 06:49 PM	I know this was submitted to Customer Service once: Q: What is the lifespan of a goblin/kobold? A: About 5 seconds.
Gwenfloor 04-07-07, 08:23 PM	What about Hobgoblins and Bugbears? I think that they are offended that none of you are making any jokes about them! In Celestia: The lovers are Elves The Police are Hobgoblins The Halflings are the cooks And the Dwarves run the government In the Abyss: The lovers are Goblins The Police are Dwarves The Hobgoblins are the cooks And the Elves run the government Q: What do you call a goblin with two brain cells? A: Pregnant. You might be a Goblin if Your family tree does not fork, Your wife's hairdo has never been ruined by a ceiling fan You've ever used lard in bed You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading You think that beef jerky and Human Flesh are two of the major food groups. You think a breastplate is a part of a woman's anatomy. The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road". After making love you ask your date to roll down the window. Your animal companion can't watch you eat without gagging. The term "animal companion" is not platonic. You think that safe sex is when you're the alpha male
LazarusWizardforhire 04-07-07, 08:24 PM	What do you call a horde of goblins running down a hill? A full retreat from a mighty dwarven army! How do you know who the goblin leader is in a tribe? He's the goblin in front, running away as the others follow. How do you tell a goblin adept from a warrior? The adept fights even worse than the warrior! (Since he can't cast spells worth a single copper piece.) What can an ogre do that a goblin can't? Feed himself. What's the difference between an orc cleric and a goblin cleric? Grummush actually gives his followers spells. What's the difference between a kobold army and a goblin army? The kobolds throw ditherbombs, and the goblins throw each other. What's the difference between a kobold army and a goblin army? The kobolds have dragonwroughts, sorcerors, and half-dragons, but all the goblins have are each other. What's the difference between a pit fiend and a goblin? One causes fear and destruction, the other is the dwarven victim of fear and destruction! Kill all goblins! What's the difference between a fleeing kobold and a fleeing goblin? The kobold wastes my crossbow bolts with his natural armor so I actually have to chase him. Joke: A goblin wants to become a mighty warlock. He finds a glabrezu and says, "I will offer you my soul for the might of an eldritch blast!" To which the glabrezu replies, "What soul?"
LazarusWizardforhire 04-07-07, 08:35 PM	What does a dragon call his goblin followers? Snacks.
Radiun 04-07-07, 09:34 PM	Why did the fighter pass the goblin without killing him? It was already dead Why didn't the Necromancer raise the goblin's corpse? The social implications of having a goblin nearby Why did the Dwarf not bash the Goblin? It was a Gnome What do you call a Female Goblin? Larry What do you call a smokin hot goblin? Fireball'd What is there to fear about Kobolds? Traps What is there to fear about Goblins? Fleas A Dire Bear is let loose on a goblin village. Who wins? Noone. The goblins die, the bear gets a bad case of the runs. Yea I got nothing
DarkflameX 04-08-07, 01:21 AM	if you know any dead baby jokes then just change it up with the word goblin. how many goblins does it take to paint a shed - depends how hard you throw them =D
darkhunter2007 04-08-07, 10:20 AM	I hate gobilins and racists!
Sergikins 04-08-07, 10:45 AM	A variant of one above What do you call a wave of goblins running down a hill? Prison break from the elves dungeons (elves are too sissy to kill goblins outright) Light a goblin a fire, hes warm for a day Light a goblin on fire, hes warm for the rest of his life.
Soluphobe 04-08-07, 03:12 PM	A dwarf and a goblin apply for a miner's job. The dwarf has twenty years experience, a history of being a dedicated worker, and a family of good miners. The goblin has no experience, a sheet of paper with a hastilly scrawled 'X' on it, and a pet rock. The interviewer asks a series of questions, which the dwarf answers correctly. The interviewer asks the goblin some questions, but the goblin can only say, 'Uk bluk! Roks hard!' After about an hour, the interviewer takes the dwarf aside. "Sir, we'd really love to hire you, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to sign the goblin up," he says. The dwarf is furious. He picks up his axe, walks across the room, and splits the goblin's skull. He spits on the corpse, then prepares to walk out. The interviewer stops him again. "See! That's why I've got to hire goblins! They're a minority now!"
snakeman830 04-12-07, 10:14 PM	:bump:
TwiddleStootch 07-10-07, 02:04 PM	... A Dire Bear is let loose on a goblin village. Who wins? Noone. The goblins die, the bear gets a bad case of the runs. ... Actually.... A Dire Bear is let loose on a goblin village. Who wins? Everyone else. The goblins get eaten by the bear, and the bear dies from food poisoning. :devil:
True Cavalier 07-10-07, 06:21 PM	Q: What do you do when you see a wounded goblin limping? A: Reload the crossbow, and aim better next time. Q: What's the difference between a goblin cleric, and a goblin warrior? A: About 50 experience points. Q: What's the difference between a goblin and an earthworm? A: People might feel sorry for the worm if they accidentally step on it.
Ack 07-10-07, 08:39 PM	What do you call a goblin in a boat with a rope tied around him? - The anchor.
Mock26 07-10-07, 08:56 PM	Pretend racism leads to real racism. I am sending a complaint to the GCLU about this thread.
Eightbitmage 07-10-07, 10:13 PM	Pretend racism leads to real racism. I am sending a complaint to the GCLU about this thread. Is this missing a smilie or something? Or is this really serious?
snakeman830 07-10-07, 10:18 PM	Look back on one of the previous pages (I don't remember which one right now). You'll find the beginning of that.
Mock26 07-10-07, 10:32 PM	Is this missing a smilie or something? Or is this really serious? I'll let you, and everyone else, look deep into their own souls and decide if their fantasy racist jokes are based in any way, shape, or form on what they might feel in their own souls about real people. As for the GCLU, that is the Goblin Civil Liberties Union.
Zaver 07-10-07, 10:40 PM	Two goblins are walking through town when one of them collapses. The other runs to the oldest and thus smartest goblin in the town screaming "My friend just collapsed!" The old goblin says that the first thing to do is make sure the other goblin is dead. A moment later the young goblin comes back, blood dripping off his sword and says, "now what?"
BloodSpill 07-11-07, 01:33 AM	I'll let you, and everyone else, look deep into their own souls and decide if their fantasy racist jokes are based in any way, shape, or form on what they might feel in their own souls about real people. :rofl:
EchoXero 07-11-07, 02:50 AM	Did you hear about the blind Goblin who fell in love with a fart? A Dwarven Cleric of Moradin and a Goblin died and went to heaven on the same day, and St. Peter showed them their rooms. The Goblin's room was first. The Goblin had a lavish King-sized bed with the finest silk sheets. His bedside table was made of pure gold. An attached balcony gave a beautiful view. "Wow", thought the Dwarf. "If a pathetic little Goblin can get all this, think what my room will be like!" St. Peter brought the Cleric down to his room; it was an unfurnished 10 ft by 10 ft cell with only a cot and no windows. The dwarf was a little upset. "St. Peter, I don't mean to be ungrateful, but would you mind if I ask; why did that Goblin get so much a better room than I, who have been a devout worshipper of Moradin all me life?" St. Peter replied: "Well, we've got loads of Dwarven clerics up here, but that was the first Goblin we ever had". If there is a cot in the room, it wouldn't be unfurnished. Otherwise, one of my favorite jokes in this thread.
ChimericPhase 07-11-07, 03:41 AM	A goblin and a kobold walk into a bar. The kobold had enough sense to duck. A goblin and a kobold walk into a bar. They both took 1d8 damage and were knocked prone. A goblin and a kobold walk into a bar. And the townsfolk boarded the doors and windows and set it on fire. This thread wins the internet
Aricomus 07-14-07, 10:40 PM	:clap: :clap: BEST...THREAD...EVER:clap: :clap: Oh yeah, and :bump:
Radiun 07-14-07, 11:24 PM	Why did the gods create Goblins? Target Practice How does a Goblin birth start? Lots of screaming, cursing, and threats of violence, then the mother arrives. How does a Goblin birth end? Lots of screaming, cursing, and threats of violence, then the baby stops talking. How does a Goblin death start? A group of adventurers is in the area... How does a Goblin death end? Who cares? One less Goblin in the world.
green_girl 07-15-07, 11:23 AM	Ten green goblins, basking in the sun Out came my hammer, and then there was none. -Dwarven Children's rhyme
Radiun 07-15-07, 12:24 PM	Ten green goblins, basking in the sun Out came my hammer, and then there was none. -Dwarven Children's rhyme Ewwwwww Made me thing of Goblins tanning :( :P If a tree falls on a goblin when no one's around, does anyone care? If a tree falls on a goblin when someone's around, does anyone care?