Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Tekklas V' Netherell 01-19-04, 02:16 PM	I have an amusing story to tell. I have a Gnomish cleric in my campaign named Badger. Basically, he likes the whoores. He was staying with a noble as a guard, and all off-the-job expenses are covered by said noble. Basically, for 30 nights in a row, he slept woth 11 women each night. 70% were impregnated. After traveling to 200 years into the future. He had 297 children, 1386 grandchildren, and 12,789 great grandchildren. (i rolled for this all) From then on, i gave his character an official surname. Badger the fertile. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.
hivemind[MVGC] 01-19-04, 03:17 PM	"Roll to see if I'm getting drunk!" :(
tonkounakaki 01-20-04, 10:56 AM	Originally posted by Tekklas V' Netherell Basically, for 30 nights in a row, he slept woth 11 women each night. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight 11 women each night? And this Gnome has a Con of 40, right? 11 times in one night is pretty unreal 11 times in one night thirty nights in a row is impossible. You obviously have no concept of realism. Additionally, this town had 330 female gnomish protitutes who were still fertile? Gnomes are not fertile outside of their own race. There are no half-gnomes.
Tekklas V' Netherell 01-20-04, 12:05 PM	He actually never DID any guarding. He just slept with women. And this is a BIG city. there are enough prostitutes to satisfy these needs. And as for the whole "Gnomes not being fertile outside of the Gnomish race", that's BS. I've never read that rule, and even if it exists, it's a stupid rule. How do you explain half alves, or half orcs? Their bodies have the same physical build as humans, as do GNOMES! (Doy)
Jayan coeurétoile 01-20-04, 02:55 PM	Hello Mr big d!ck !!!! I'm amazed at the narrative and moral quality of your games ! It's not that there are never prostitutes in my games (they do excellent sources of information) but to have a player think and calculate about such things whhoooowwwwww :confused: :eek: :rolleyes: :blush: :cookie:
tonkounakaki 01-20-04, 05:40 PM	And out of those 330 prostitutes, how many venereal diseases did he catch? I'd say at least 33 ;) And that's being generous.
Kinger 01-20-04, 06:45 PM	You have to take the concept of time into this. How long did each... uh... coupling take? How long between couplings? I'm assuming the ladies of the evening aren't just lining up at the doorway... That'd just be wrong. Then you have to take physical exhertion into account... And many other details that are probably too hot for this board.
Zubon 01-20-04, 10:35 PM	Besides the term "refractory period," an important bit of biology to check out is "seminal vesicle." (I hope I spelled those right.) To summarize the biological doubts some are having, a human male is rarely capable of impregnating multiple females in a short period of time because a male's fertility is temporarily lessened after each "attempt," that fertility taking 3-4 days to fully regenerate. Well before "attempt" #330, sperm count approaches 0. I must say, the world is a magical place to have 70% of all women ovulating in the right order on successive days, to say nothing of the difficulties faced by couples that are TRYING to have children.
Kinger 01-20-04, 11:09 PM	Meh. He's a Gnome. A Lady's Gnome.
Tekklas V' Netherell 01-21-04, 04:11 PM	Believe me, i was as stunned as the rest of you when the results came in. The kinds of rolls that were made astounded me how many of them passed. Each "Coupling" took about 30 min, and the time between was sporadic. However, as wrong as it may seem, they WERE lining up at the doorway. 2 reasons. The noble of the keep hires plenty of people that are commonly rotated every day. He likes to keep his guards happy. Also, the other party members spread the word of good money, as they wanted him to.... Run dry, so to speak. Nasty business, yes, but i like to support and calculuate outcomes for all the groups decisions.
Tekklas V' Netherell 01-21-04, 04:20 PM	Plus, being a high-level cleric, he cast spells to cure fatigue & diseases.
PaladinSix 01-21-04, 06:25 PM	The real question is what is the CR for those "encounters" and does the gnome earn XPs?
Tekklas V' Netherell 01-22-04, 01:12 PM	Uhhhmmmm.... no. I figured he was lucky i din't make one of them a shapeshifter and killed him with it. But, next time he starts having continuous "Encounters", i'm doing a gender attack.
Edymnion 01-22-04, 03:03 PM	So thats where all these badgers came from. (http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/)Originally posted by Tekklas V' Netherell Each "Coupling" took about 30 min Wait a minute, 11 women a night, each taking half an hour? Thats six and a half hours. Unless he was sleeping during the day, he would have killed himself from lack of sleep (yes, you can die from not sleeping).
ItsMeAgain 01-22-04, 05:10 PM	This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. A gnome named Badger! Any good gnomish mother gives her child a name composed of at least five sylables of utter nonsense. Badger is far too coherent, pronouncable, and short to be the name of a true gnome!!!:heehee
PSchirf 01-22-04, 06:33 PM	A study by Johns Hopkins Univ. indicates that each prostitute averages 4 customers per night. This means that before the gnome hit town there were roughly 1320 customers being serviced each night. If each of the customers visited a prostitute an average of 3 times per week that means one Gnome did what 3080 other men could not. That's a lot of sterile men.
PepperKids 01-22-04, 07:11 PM	Okay so I never post here, I usually just read over my husbands shoulder and make comments, but this one made me laugh pretty hard. Also made me worry some of you boys needed some basic biology lessons on pregnancy. I am no OB, but I am a woman, I have 4 kids, am pregnant with a 5th and had one pregnancy that I miscarried at about 2 months along, so I think that makes me somewhat qualified to say something on getting pregnant. I am a VERY fertile person... If you could not tell by reading the last sentence. Until the 20th century for most women remember it was abstenance or the rhythm method for the most part. Most women who have sex for most of the month do not get pregnant. Most women who consistently try can get pregnant within 2 years. A man can be the most fertile guy in the universe, but that does not guarantee a pregnancy. Some basic biology that I know you all know... once sperm hits the egg, it has nothing to do with him anymore. So lets start with those women. I can find a study if I have to, but most women who know about pregnancy know that only 1/4 times that the little sperm gets into the egg that it will go to term. See the egg has a LOT of challenges facing it. And in a world where there is no prenatal health care those challenges will only get worse. First of all, the uterus has to accept the egg. This is where most of those fertilized eggs end their days... never attaching, or not attaching properly, and the woman never knows about that little egg having been fertilized. I can post more about all the future problems any eggs that do succeed in attaching may have... but I will start boring you and probably grossing a lot of you out. Let's just say, no matter how much of a super fertile gnome Badger is, the only thing those healthy sperm do is swim to an egg. From there it is up to the womans biology, her diet, her care for the pregnancy (which most prostitutes are not well known for), and a lot of luck. Oh and to say all the babies lived? You need to do some research on what it takes to deliver the babies and mortality rates prior to the 20th century. Oh and smart prostitues would be seeing an alchemist and would not have any eggs floating around to get fertilized by Macho Gnome.
PSchirf 01-22-04, 07:11 PM	We've already heard the arguements against the Gnome being able to pull this off. Let's assume, for a minute, that your gnome was able to do his part, which is in and of itself pretty ridiculous. > "i like to support and calculuate outcomes for all the groups decisions." 70% were impregnated? Do you have ANY understanding of female biology? Nevermind, we know the answer to that one already. The "We rolled for it" is silly. You were obviously not using percentages that make any sense. I'd recommend a short check of the real-world chances and adjust your figures. In the real world the chance CAN get to about 25% during the most fertile days, and that's for a healthy female, which most prostitutes are not. You're not getting pregnant when there is no egg so if all other factors are taken into account, such as the less fertile time period, the chance is less than 7% per sexual encounter that the egg will even be fertilized, not 70% that a pregnancy will result in a live birth. Where did the 70% number come from? Where did any of your percentages come from? Let's suppose you used a 5% chance per female, which is itself high. To get a 70% pregnancy rate you'd need to roll 231 natural 20s out of 330 rolls of a 20 sided die. Please tell me that's what happened. We need more to laugh about on this thread. -+- I just saw that the gnome is a cleric. What deity had no problem with his priest having relations with 330 Dublin Judys?
LordofChaos 01-22-04, 07:39 PM	ok two things: 1. Get something better to do than calculate things like this 2. somewhat off topic: 231 natural 20s out of 330? I'm sure that you are all extremely skeptical that thats logically possible with ANY sort of frequency, and while it isn't usual for me, there is one gaming session where i actually got MORE than that....wow anyway, that was random
magic wyrm 01-22-04, 07:49 PM	i dont know if Olidammara would have a lot of concern with it, as long as he got some action as well.....:angel:
PSchirf 01-22-04, 08:01 PM	> Get something better to do than calculate things like this I work for a marketing demographics firm where running numbers like this results in my paycheck. We need things to laugh about in the office. This thread will have my co-workers in stiches. > 2. somewhat off topic: 231 natural 20s out of 330? I'm sure that you are all extremely skeptical that thats logically possible with ANY sort of frequency, and while it isn't usual for me, there is one gaming session where i actually got MORE than that....wow A good (Jr/Sr college with a few calc pre-reqs) statistics course will make you understand that if you claim to get results like this you need to either get new dice or learn to tell the truth. > anyway, that was random There is a neat little formula that allows you to test your dice. A die that rolls 231 natural 20s out of 330 is weighted. I'd bet my life on it. How can I be so sure? Because I understand the math. I have a higher chance of being hit by lightning on my way into work tomorrow than that die being true.
PepperKids 01-22-04, 08:03 PM	i dont know if Olidammara would have a lot of concern with it, as long as he got some action as well..... Remember, dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. Olidammara won't be getting a lot of action if he is not petting sweaty things.
DreamWeaver 01-22-04, 08:06 PM	Ah, and MOST importantly... Ha ha. Funny story Tek. A bit off the wall, but I do think that would be hilarious for an in character laugh to have done something like that, shortly there after be transported to the future, and then find out you had a ton of new relatives all due to your "activities" in the past. So the numbers are whacked? The point is the story is funny (obviously in technical aspects as well as non-technical to some of you). Weird that so many people want to jump immediately on the "unrealistic" aspects of the story. Yeah, because it is completely realistic to "jump" 200 years into the future. Uh...fantasy game...ever hear of the concept? So in this fantasy setting, gnomish clerics use/have an ability to procreate with amazingly high percentages, regardless of the pairings involved. Still funny. Oh, and the surname is obviously appropriate if this was a special case, hehe. Badger the fertile...*sigh*, almost sprayed diet coke out of my nose as I read that. :D
magic wyrm 01-22-04, 08:07 PM	olidammara probably has celestials serving to his every "whim" or spirits, i doubt spirits sweat, celestials might, but hey, he's a god, he could solve that
Tekklas V' Netherell 01-22-04, 08:30 PM	Thank you, Dream Weaver. All i wanted to do was share a humorous story. If you REALLY wanna get techincal, guys, how's this? GNOMES DON'T EXIST!!! And also, another amusing fact, turns out that 80% of the children he had hated his guts, and wanted to physically harm him. That's a Loooooooot of angry gnomes on your hands. I made THAT his punishment.
Edymnion 01-22-04, 09:55 PM	Originally posted by Tekklas V' Netherell Thank you, Dream Weaver. All i wanted to do was share a humorous story. Too many people try to use the boards to tell us how many hookers their chaotic evil necromancer got in the last session, then killed and raised as zombies, then... well... nevermind about what happened after that. Aka, sex stories are rarely seen as funny around here, as there are way too many 14 year olds trying to sound like they're all cool and grown up by telling everybody how their character boinked XdY number of tavern wenches. Its about as funny as a fart joke that we've all heard a hundred times. Sorry man, maybe next time. :)
LordofChaos 01-22-04, 09:55 PM	Ok, PSchirf, i know the probability of me rolling that many 20s is nigh impossible unless the die were weighted. However, i doubt that every die i rolled that night was weighted, i doubt that even one of them is, and i used lots of dice, not just my own. Also, why the calc pre-requisites? Is it really that complicated? I could understand for testing the dice but i doubt all that is really neccessary just to get the probability of this to happen. That was random was meant to refer to my post, not so much the dice rolls, but...yeah Doubt as you will, but this has really happened, obviously not the exact numbers but pretty close. Mathematically it may be impossible, but since when does math truly apply directly and perfectly to the real world?
arcady 01-23-04, 12:30 AM	-shrug- This is what happens when juvenile males who've never had sex play DnD... And I'd love to see what "rules" you used to "roll all of this"...:rolleyes:
Arakano 01-23-04, 06:00 AM	Well, first about: I know many juvenile males who never had sex and play DnD without such ridiculous events happening - although I have to admit that those players are more likely to play some romantic/sexual "encounters" once in a while. So what? One reason for playing DnD is to do things you are not able to do in reality. When one of my shy, not-so-good-looking friends wants to play a cleric with really high charisma, it would be strange to say: "Well, the ladies don´t like you!". Sorry for this rant, I just think it´s a show of sexcism to make such a judgement about all "juvenile males who´ve never had sex". And btw: Not only badger himself is VERY fertile. Each of his grandchildren has nearly 10 children... on average! :eek:
Lord Darkblade 01-23-04, 11:59 AM	There is the D20 Guide to sex... about 60 pages or so dedicated to roleplaying and rollplaying sex, some of it is really funny...
magic wyrm 01-23-04, 04:19 PM	Originally posted by Edymnion Too many people try to use the boards to tell us how many hookers their chaotic evil necromancer got in the last session, then killed and raised as zombies, then... well... nevermind about what happened after that. Aka, sex stories are rarely seen as funny around here, as there are way too many 14 year olds trying to sound like they're all cool and grown up by telling everybody how their character boinked XdY number of tavern wenches. Its about as funny as a fart joke that we've all heard a hundred times. Sorry man, maybe next time. :) i find that INCREDIBLY offensive.......i'm FIFteen..........heh.......fart.......
Nightshade22 01-23-04, 04:34 PM	Originally posted by Lord Darkblade There is the D20 Guide to sex... about 60 pages or so dedicated to roleplaying and rollplaying sex, some of it is really funny... Uhhh... Where is this? :confused: :confused: :OMG!
Lord Darkblade 01-23-04, 04:40 PM	Ok I just checked the copyright on the file, it is allowed to be reproduced so here it isn't: [removed due to possible COC breach] Anyone who would like the file it is still stored so email me or PM me and I can send it to you without breaching the COC. NB: This is a humorous and semi realistic look at sex and pregnancy within the Gaming worlds, any one offended by such (or even the idea) should not attempt to request this.
Willie the Duck 01-23-04, 08:53 PM	That is so outside the code of conduct, disclaimer or otherwise. Either way, the only thing that really needs to be said is: Tekklas, it wasn't a humorous story, it was stupid. I understand that you're not a mature individual and holding you to an adult standard would be ridicullous. That said, this board is at least 50% adults, and they shouldn't be subjected to your sophomorism. When you're in your own home, feel free to be a geeky 14-year old virgin, but here you really need to GROW UP!
Kalrin 01-23-04, 09:41 PM	Originally posted by LordofChaos Mathematically it may be impossible, but since when does math truly apply directly and perfectly to the real world? YEEAAAARRRGGGHHHH... Calculus --> Physics Linear Algebra --> Computer Science Graph Theory --> 7 degrees of Seperation Probability --> 'Fair' Games, Lotteries ect. Numerical Analysis --> Approximations --> More Physics Others can probably go farther on..... Sorry for being off topic
Lord Darkblade 01-24-04, 05:36 AM	Outside the code of conduct? There is actually nothing in it that won't be found in a school textbook (at least of the bits I read). Is there a mod who can say this for sure as I cannot find a link to the COC so cannot check this out. It is D&D related and it is copyrighted but redistributable. If it is outside the COC, I apologise and will take it down ASAP. EDIT: Thats the link taken out JIC it does break the COC.
Ulorian 01-24-04, 07:29 AM	Originally posted by LordofChaos Doubt as you will, but this has really happened, obviously not the exact numbers but pretty close. Mathematically it may be impossible, but since when does math truly apply directly and perfectly to the real world? Uh.. always? That's one of the weakest arguments I've ever heard. Chummer.. the odds of rolling a 20 five times in a row are 1 in 3.2 million . The odds of rolling 231 20s out of 330 are roughly equivalent to buying sixteen consecutive jackpot-winning PowerBall lottery tickets (or eighteen 6/49 tickets for you fellow Canadians). So please.. Sorry.. lying really sets me off. And as to the original post.. I'm sure I would have thought that story was mildly amusing when I was twelve (and even then..). Wow.. this is the angriest post I've ever written! p.s. I know a lot of people on these boards like to double-check any math posted.. please feel free to double-check mine (my last Probability and Statistics course was at least twelve years ago).
olshanski_home 01-24-04, 09:55 AM	I have an amusing story to tell. My character is an elven Wizard named "Bowie". He is manly, yet has a certain androgenous charm. Basically, he likes the 'johns'. He was staying in a house of ill repute, using his stockpile of "Alter Self" scrolls to pretend to be an ovulating female gnome "lady of the evening". Basically, for 30 nights in a row, he pretended to be 11 different gnome "ladies" each night, and each time he slept with the same gnome cleric named "Badger". 70% of the time he was impregnated, but when the alter self wore off, so did the short-lived pregnancy. My elf wizard fell in love badger (how could he resist), but he knew that conventional wooing techniques would not work. Over the next 200 years, my elf wizard became 20th level, and used several wish spells to wish that his short-lived pregnancies from his trysts with Badger would have resulted in actual children... those children were fruitful and multiplied. Now badger has 1386 grandchildren, and 12,789 great grandchildren. (There were actually 1,387 grandchildren, but one died of tuberculosis.) Oh, Badger, where are you! shouldn't we get married so that all of our offspring are "legit"! If not, I need 10 gp per month for child support for all of our many offspring. 297 children * 12 months*18 years:=64,152 months of child support plus 1386 grandchildren*12 months*18 years=299,376 months of child support plus 12789 great grandchildren*12 months*18 years=2,762,424 months of child support. Badger owes me 31,259,520 gp! He better marry me or pay or there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth. PS: Will a moderator please lock this board. Or else encourage Tekklas to post in the "mature" boards, which is where dredge like this belongs. {Edit, apparently the correct spelling of the word Tekklas used for "lady of the night" gets censored. I guess there is an advantage to not spelling correctly.}
Ulorian 01-24-04, 11:14 AM	Originally posted by olshanski_home I have an amusing story to tell. <snip> Now THAT'S an amusing story!
HomestarRRunner 01-24-04, 12:16 PM	This is what happens when juvenile males who've never had sex play DnD... "Juvinile males who've never had sex"... Doesn't that mean DND players, and so, aren't you just repeating yourself?
Tekklas V' Netherell 01-24-04, 05:02 PM	All right, guys, i'll tell ya what. I just wanted to tell a humorous story about one of my campaigns. if you're all gonna be such jerks about it, then fine. You don't have to be insulting. But ya know what's sad? that most of you are adults that have no life. At least I'm 15 and have a chance to NOT be a waste of space, and do something with my life. Some of you people post every single day. I'M 15. I'M allowed to be immature. It's you guys who need to grow up. Don't expect me to continue to post on this thread anymore.
Ulorian 01-24-04, 07:10 PM	Originally posted by Tekklas V' Netherell All right, guys, i'll tell ya what. I just wanted to tell a humorous story about one of my campaigns. if you're all gonna be such jerks about it, then fine. You don't have to be insulting. But ya know what's sad? that most of you are adults that have no life. At least I'm 15 and have a chance to NOT be a waste of space, and do something with my life. Some of you people post every single day. I'M 15. I'M allowed to be immature. It's you guys who need to grow up. Don't expect me to continue to post on this thread anymore. Ah.. the classic 'I know you are but what am I?' response. Tekklas.. don't get all bent out of shape. You posted something that was incredibly immature and you got called on it. Deal with it. If you're old enough to post here, you're old enough to be responsible for what you write.
Cayrin Sehkol 01-25-04, 04:06 AM	I find my self once again having to deal with a bunch of losers, who like to shoot people down. I have a little piece of reality for the people who posted harsh comments, u got anylytical and thought your self clever for doing it, you told tehklas not to get bent out of shape, and that he had been called on being immature, but i ask you, how mature is this game in the first place. gnomes don't exist neither do elves, orcs, goblins, etc. And no i am not Badger. but tehklas is my Dm and a damn good one too, this is his first try at being a DM, and yes he added a little immiturity to the game, it was to make people laugh, it was not facts, just like most of the game is not factual, so this time i think you have been called on being immature. i leave you people with a few pieces of advice #1 get a life, move out of your mothers basement, #2 don't post on here if your not going to give positive feed back. #3stop deluding yourselves, the game is not real, nor does it have to be taken seriously. signed Diplomacy Through A Knife:smirk:
olshanski_home 01-25-04, 11:03 AM	reported (Subject line above).
chemadam2 01-25-04, 02:01 PM	I must say that this game attracts a wide variety of personalities: the hormone ravaged, the indignant prudes, They who Have Far too much Time on Their Hands, and pretty much any combination of the above. I would personally like to thank Tekklas for demonstrating who happens fall into the prude w/ too much time category, so I know who to expect when I unveil my latest thread: "443 Horny Wenches, 10 days, and I: The Official Chronicles" I firmly believe that we spend far too much time biting the heads off of fellow D&D players, and not focusing on the true enemy spawned within Wizards: Pokemon card traders.
WizO_Pony 01-28-04, 12:43 AM	This thread has become overrun with flaming and vulgarity. And even before that, this kind of topic really belongs on the Mature forums.