Post/Author/DateTime	Post
BuddhaNature 08-28-06, 09:59 AM	One of my players rolled an elven ranger with a strength of 17 and he wants to use a great sword as his primary weapon. Is this two handed sword too big for an elf to wield?
olshanski_home 08-28-06, 10:02 AM	If it is a normal greatsword that a human could use, than an elf can use it also. If it is a large greatsword, sized for a giant, (like a troll, ogre, or hill giant), then the elf could not use it, but neither could a human.
Shaggy_Shaggs 08-28-06, 10:03 AM	Elves are size Medium, same as humans, half-orcs, half-elves, and dwarves (and lots of other things, but just those from the PHB). They use the same gear as the others do.
Brotha_T 08-28-06, 10:04 AM	There's no reason he can't, and it would be a real jerk move to nerf it.
Regwon 08-28-06, 10:05 AM	although they have a slight build elves are still medium. an elf with strength 17 is particulaly muscley and is able to wield a greatsword just as well as any other race. even one with Str 10 is able. they would only take some pretty horriffc penalties if they were small, like halflings or gnomes. having said that a halfling barbarian with monkey grip and a greatsword was lots of fun to play.
BuddhaNature 08-28-06, 10:27 AM	Thanks guys.
Sulaco 08-28-06, 10:35 AM	Is this two handed sword too big for an elf to wield? No. Next question.
zae 08-28-06, 11:09 AM	Unless by primary weapon you mean "His on-hand weapon, because he's dual-wielding". He can wield it two-handed, as everyone above says. He cannot wield it in only one hand, at least not without penalties.
Draco Strang 08-28-06, 12:52 PM	Definitely not. Why would elves ever use greatswords? Everyone knows that elves are limited to the longsword, longbow, fairy-ass dance moves and ultra-sissy poetry.* *This message funded and supported by the Dwarven Coalition of Elf-Haters
oxybe 08-28-06, 12:56 PM	Man good with greatsword Half-Orc puny but still very good with greatsword Orc very very good with greatsword Ogre makes lots of things fall down with greatsword Elf only good with oignon & leek* *this message paid for by 12 hungry orcs and an ogre
Draco Strang 08-28-06, 03:28 PM	Oxbye....I believe we might have the start of a running gag? :D
Moon-Lancer 08-28-06, 03:48 PM	this thread is a joke right? No one for a moment thought that a elf couldent use a great sword... right?
Kimokeo 08-28-06, 04:10 PM	My elf uses a broadsword instead of a greatsword. You see, orcs are dumb. They just like it because it's great. Me, I'm more accustomed to handling broadswords. If I had to choose between handling a great compared to handling a broad, the choice is easy. Give me the broad. I like to use broads. There is nothing like holding a broad with two hands. Gotta be careful though. Broads are dangerous if you don't know how to handle them. I find them precious. I always make sure I keep them in their proper place. A proper sheath is all you need. Always keep your broad secured to your person with a proper cord. Dont' want to lose 'em to some orcfiend with a great one.
Draco Strang 08-28-06, 04:40 PM	I like to use broads. There is nothing like holding a broad with two hands. Gotta be careful though. Broads are dangerous if you don't know how to handle them. I find them precious. I always make sure I keep them in their proper place. A proper sheath is all you need. Always keep your broad secured to your person with a proper cord. Dont' want to lose 'em to some orcfiend with a great one. God....can you handle a broad as well as you sling innuendo? I'm still laughing.
PhaedrusXY 08-28-06, 04:44 PM	this thread is a joke right? No one for a moment thought that a elf couldent use a great sword... right?Sadly, it's probably not a joke. Or at least it wasn't before these hucksters got ahold of it. :D
oxybe 08-28-06, 05:24 PM	bah! silly elf! Thork knows swords. Thork make his life making things stop moving with sword. Thork knows only 3 kind of sword exist:good sword, greatsword & elfsword. Good sword is either really small or can be used with one hand. is ok every now and then. why you would use good sword though, Thork dunno... you have empty hand... maybe so youse can fight and eat? Greatsword is Orc sword! Greatsword can be firmly gripped with both hands and thrust strongly in soft pink flesh! Big greatsword lets orc put all of orc muscle behind every blow. After a few good thrusts & blows, it satisfying to hear screams then watching the last spasm before silence. then on to next target! why want small dinky sword, when a big one much better! Elf sword is big needle. elf sword is annoying, very pokey pokey. Orc think elf sword is not sword, but elf shish-kabob stick. Grodo the Ogre thought this to Thork: when roasing elf on fire, turn just fast enough for horse butter to melt and make soft, smooth elf meat even smoother. as yummy halfling would say: it melt in mouth! Thork find elf sword make good substitute for shish-kabobby stick.
Aliquid 08-28-06, 05:36 PM	this thread is a joke right? No one for a moment thought that a elf couldent use a great sword... right?It depends on what you think of when someone says "elf". Many people know elves from traditional fantasy, where elves are typically much shorter than a human. I can imagine someone playing D&D, and not bothering to properly read the height and weight statistics for an elf... and having a pre-conceived notion of elves being "little people". It's all Tolkien's fault ;) He's the one that confused things by making his elves taller than humans.
olshanski_home 08-28-06, 05:38 PM	If the ogre is grappling, then he cannot attack outside the grapple. If the ogre had improved grab and was taking -20 on his grapple checks, then he could hold the character but not be considered grappling himself. In this case, his hand that is holding the character cannot be used but the other one can. The idea sounds cinematic, but cannot be done using the rules.
Seraphine_Harmonium 08-28-06, 06:24 PM	If the ogre is grappling, then he cannot attack outside the grapple. If the ogre had improved grab and was taking -20 on his grapple checks, then he could hold the character but not be considered grappling himself. In this case, his hand that is holding the character cannot be used but the other one can. The idea sounds cinematic, but cannot be done using the rules. Wrong Thread dude.
Kojiro James 08-28-06, 06:34 PM	Down in the deep Exiled in darkness they sent us Elves of the light will pay Our heart beats with dark rage and hate The elves above will meet our greatswords We'll cleave their skulls Send them to deep dark oblivion Those damn elven conformists Spyders are kewl* *This poetic message paid for the Gothic Drow Community
CPAtheFat 08-28-06, 07:19 PM	What would an elf even need a greatsword for? It wouldn't even fit inside the tree, and it would be near impossible to properly cut the cookie dough.
oxybe 08-28-06, 07:29 PM	how much cookie dough are we talking about? i have seen vasts amounts of cookie dough a regular cookie cutter would never have worked with. maybe a vorpal cookie cutter, but never a WalMart cookie cutter. no siree. at that time i said to myself, i said: Oxybe, why oh why didn't you buy that greatsword in Moncton?
Draco Strang 08-28-06, 08:03 PM	Pssssssh. You guys are lame. I bought a Cookie Cutter of Speed, and I haste myself while using it. That's TWO extra cookie dough cutting actions per round!* *This message funded by the 3.0 Pampered Chef
Master of the Daemon Tide 08-28-06, 09:53 PM	Aroooooooo Ruff, ruff, ruff! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr* *This message paid for by the animals of the forest (Translation: Sure, why not? Give me some cookie dough or I'll maul you).
sneak_Blast 08-28-06, 10:28 PM	Sure. Why not? For every size category of difference a creature has from the weapon, he takes a -2 penalty. If the creature is not proficient with the weapon, he takes a -4 penalty as well. These penalties stack with each other.
Thanqol 08-28-06, 10:48 PM	Only if they're Great Elves (subrace).
MagnaSecuris 08-28-06, 11:06 PM	Excuuuuuse me. But the Elf's favored race is clearly listed as "Wizzard" and not "Fightgar" or "Ragerian". Therefore, all elves must play as Wizzards. Unless you have DM approval to be a Legolas clone. PHB pg 22. RAW.
Always-Late 08-29-06, 12:53 AM	PHB pg 22. RAW.I can't find it. Are you sure you got the page right?
SodaGuy 08-29-06, 01:09 AM	Funny thread. :)
Seraphine_Harmonium 08-29-06, 01:21 AM	This thread has turned into an elf-bashing convention. Personally, elves are my favorite race. There is nothing in the rules that says that elves cannot use greatswords, anywhere. They jsut choose not to because elves favor mind over matter. They choose to lowly bleed their opponents to death with rapier thrust after rapier thrust dodging every clumsily executed swing by the orcs with their greatswords. Sure, the greatsword deals twice as much damage per hit, but what good does that do you if you can't hit in the first place? Why fight harder when you can fight smarter? Play an elf, don't get hit, live to 700. For more elven goodness, visit Avayevnon.
Always-Late 08-29-06, 01:24 AM	They choose to lowly bleed their opponents to death with rapier thrust after rapier thrust dodging every clumsily executed swing by the orcs with their greatswords.Sure, the greatsword deals twice as much damage per hit, but what good does that do you if you can't hit in the first place? Why fight harder when you can fight smarter? Play an elf, don't get hit, live to 700. For more elven goodness, visit Avayevnon.Elf: Touche! Orc: RRARRGH! (Miss.) Elf: Poke. Orc: RRARRGH! (Miss.) Elf: Too slow! Orc: RRARRGH! (Miss.) Elf: You can't seriously hit anyone with something that big, you know. Orc: RRARRGH! (Miss.) Elf: Come on, what you got! Orc: RRARRGH! (Miss.) Elf: Dude, I've hit you five times, and you've hit me no times. Orc: RRARRGH! (Miss.) Elf: This is seriously getting dull. Orc: Natural 20! That's 2d12 + 23523852 damage!
Archangel62 08-29-06, 01:27 AM	Elf: Touche! Orc: RRARRGH! (Miss.) Elf: Poke. Orc: RRARRGH! (Miss.) Elf: Too slow! Orc: RRARRGH! (Miss.) Elf: You can't seriously hit anyone with something that big, you know. Orc: RRARRGH! (Miss.) Elf: Come on, what you got! Orc: RRARRGH! (Miss.) Elf: Dude, I've hit you five times, and you've hit me no times. Orc: RRARRGH! (Miss.) Elf: This is seriously getting dull. Orc: Natural 20! That's 2d12 + 23523852 damage! I really hope he rolls 1s on those.
Seraphine_Harmonium 08-29-06, 01:27 AM	It's just a flesh wound!
Killermiller 08-29-06, 01:43 AM	Your arm is off :D
Aeromus 08-29-06, 01:45 AM	I still have the other one though!
Archangel62 08-29-06, 01:45 AM	But wait, the elf is using the sneaky bastard sword which sneaks up behind the Orc and tells him that his buddy Ogra, and his wife Unga are....well you know, back at his tent. He breaks off the fight to likely assault them both while the elf gets up, brushes himself off, puts his arm back on, and declares victory. (And before anyone else can say it: One more such victory and I'm ruined)
Seraphine_Harmonium 08-29-06, 01:54 AM	The Black Knight always triumphs!
Archangel62 08-29-06, 02:02 AM	Then the sneaky bastard sword laughs again, de-limbs said elf, and hops off while the elf screams "Get Back here you ninny, I'll bite your hilt off!"
coldfire_x 08-29-06, 02:29 AM	cheek the rengers "weapon and armor" althrough the elf can use greatsword in a medium size becouse the size of the elf is M. so weapons e use can be used by human are used by elf
tsuyoshikentsu 08-29-06, 02:30 AM	Well, better an elf than a halfling. Elves are automatically proficient with their longswords while halfing swords are... short.
Salla 08-29-06, 02:43 AM	Well, better an elf than a halfling. Elves are automatically proficient with their longswords while halfing swords are... short. Which is good news for clerics and bards. Sadly, I've seen too many elven wizards or sorcerers decide that Martial Weapons Proficiency=Melee Prowess and get themselves whacked.
Fion81 08-29-06, 02:47 AM	an elf would with a 17 str score, would according to the rules have the same lifting capacity in every facet as a human. So yes he could easily use such a sword. Though rangers have a class ability to use two weapons (or become an archer) so this may not be a mechanically wise choice for him. But as for capacity? yes he certainly can.
Sapp 08-29-06, 02:51 AM	Good try, Fion81, but no. The OP obviously meant to ask, "Can an elf wield a Neutronium Greatsword?" To which the answer would be: No. Not even an elf with a strength score of 17 could wield a Neutronium Greatsword. (Uranium sword? Maybe.)
1337Ninja 08-29-06, 03:00 AM	No, an elf cannot wield a greatsword. God, why is it that no-one reads the friggin' rules? Look, I'll even point it out for you. Elves Also see the Elf monster listing. * +2 Dexterity, -2 Constitution. * Elves are a bunch of whiny crybabies and sissies, and as such cannot wield any weapon that deals more than 1d6 damage. Jeez, FIRST RULE AFTER THE ABILITY SCORE ADJUSTMENTS and people STILL can't see it! What are you, blind?!
Sapp 08-29-06, 03:06 AM	* Elves are a bunch of whiny crybabies and sissies, and as such cannot wield any weapon that deals more than 1d6 damage. Right, but that rule doesn't imply that elves can't wield greatswords. It just means they can't wield weapons that deal more than 1d6 damage. For all we know, they can still wield a Diminutive-sized or Fine-sized Greatsword.
zae 08-29-06, 03:19 AM	This thread is made of awesome and win.
Moon-Lancer 08-29-06, 05:09 AM	What kind of world do we live in where beer and bad manors and belching are cooler then tact and bravado. I blame America... and your Decider :help:
rogue_lettuce 08-29-06, 05:31 AM	A FINE SIZED GREATSWORD!? What's that, a very sharp letter-opener?
1337Ninja 08-29-06, 05:52 AM	Right, but that rule doesn't imply that elves can't wield greatswords. It just means they can't wield weapons that deal more than 1d6 damage. For all we know, they can still wield a Diminutive-sized or Fine-sized Greatsword. I cannot BELIEVE I missed that. All this time, I thought elves couldn't use greatswords, because they're such big wusses. I sure hope this gets errata'd, because that is one MAJOR inconsistancy. Still, the number of elves who think they can use medium longswords and longbows just because they get free proficiency with them is apalling. It seems that they can't read anything that supports the classical elf, and indeed the one used in D&D, rather than their 'SO totally UBER!!!11' elves. On a more serious note, I DO find elf fanboys INCREDIBLY annoying. One of my friends ALWAYS plays elves. You're starting to collect Warhammer? I'll play elves! You got into D&D? I'll play an elf! You bought Morrowind? I'll play an elf! You're making another D&D character? Let's see... Elf! You don't like him? What race is the replacement going to be? Elf! You don't like him either? Are you playing another elf? Hell yes!
Gilganarz_the_reporter 08-29-06, 06:03 AM	It's quite obvious that elves cannot wield greatswords, as melee weapons of any kind may cause them to muss up their hair and ruin their pretty dresses. Oh, you mean female elves? Sorry, they can't either.
Kimokeo 08-29-06, 09:01 AM	I'm the Elf with the Broadsword. When I'm holding my broad in two hands, I get an automatic +2 circumstance bonus because of the distraction it causes my opponents. I've learned that I choose to use my broad from either end. Equally responsive. Taking care of your broad: I suggest taking a very, soft cloth and some oil of slipperiness and gently apply it along your broad's entire length. Be sure not to miss any spots. Multiple applications sometimes improves performance. What does not work: TWF with broads. Although, this can be achieved in some cases, I have found that they don't always work in unison. When faced with such a situation, let go of your two broads and back away. Note, this is a free action. I suggest a swift action backing away - this is your move action. With a standard action remaining, I recommend, well, your standard action is such a predicament.
metamind 08-29-06, 10:11 AM	:rofl: Q: Can elves use greatswords? A: No. Everyone knows that elves are lazy, arrogent bastards, and are completely imcompetent with anything weighing over five pounds. That's why they prefer the roles of bards and wizards who sit in the sidelines and cheer on the real warriors. And by real warriors, I mean the dwarves, humans, and of course, the half-orcs. Now they are the ones using the greatswords, while the elves play their sissy music, and lob an occasional magic missle from a hundred feet away. Hmph, to scared to get thier hands dirty.* *This message paid for by the mystical and ancient league of ultra-badass tanks
Kimokeo 08-29-06, 11:22 AM	Metamind. My elf doesn't agree with you. I have no problem taking mine into a mud pit. Getting dirty just means your doing something right.
Morka 08-29-06, 11:57 AM	One of my players rolled an elven ranger with a strength of 17 and he wants to use a great sword as his primary weapon. Is this two handed sword too big for an elf to wield? Yeah, the elf can wield it. But only from the weapon rack to my hand. Hurry up, squire!
WingedFairyWolf 08-29-06, 12:03 PM	If you are uncomfortable with an Elf wielding a Great Sword maybe you could talk your player into using an Elven Court Blade?
oxybe 08-29-06, 12:21 PM	Metamind. My elf doesn't agree with you. I have no problem taking mine into a mud pit. Getting dirty just means your doing something right. the only time an elf gets dirty, goes into a mud pit AND is doing something right is for the enjoyment of young human males. and even then, it's only female elves. why else do you think so many useless half-elves are running around?
Vestigial_Thumb 09-01-06, 11:49 AM	A FINE SIZED GREATSWORD!? What's that, a very sharp letter-opener? No, it's the swords cockroaches wield. If you look closely at an angry cockroach, you can see tiny-but-awesome blade that will wrack you with pain... or would if you were 2 inches tall.
Seraphine_Harmonium 09-01-06, 02:59 PM	WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ELVES???????????? What do you have against them? They are fragile and so rather than charge headlong into everything, they choose to fight in a way that they won't just get killed. What's wrong with that? It doesn't make them sissies, it just makes them sane. They aren't suicidal. That said, any elf that wanted to could use a greatsword. And of the normal size. If they aren't proficient, they take -4 to hit, but they can still use a greatsword if they want to. I really don't know why I keep coming back here, I just get p%$$*# off.
TwiddleStootch 09-01-06, 03:09 PM	WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ELVES???????????? Because their snobs with pointy ears and they think they own everyone else :D* *THIS message paid for(I dunno where all this money is coming from) by the Sarcastic Human Club.
Vestigial_Thumb 09-01-06, 03:10 PM	WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ELVES???????????? Because of what you said in the following sentences about them being frail. Sane schmane. If they want to be tough, they better charge the damn orcs and take the heat. Grrrrr!* *This message paid for by the bear that follows V_T and does his bidding. The payment (pic-a-nic baskets and a smaller bear) was accepted for fear of being mauled.
Seraphine_Harmonium 09-01-06, 03:49 PM	Because of what you said in the following sentences about them being frail. Sane schmane. If they want to be tough, they better charge the damn orcs and take the heat. Grrrrr!* *This message paid for by the bear that follows V_T and does his bidding. The payment (pic-a-nic baskets and a smaller bear) was accepted for fear of being mauled. So are you of the opinion that one has to be the biggest buy out there with the biggest weapon out there to be the coolest one out there? Anyone seen LOTR? Legoloas kicked *** way more than Aragorn or Gimli. Shooting 3 arrows at once, stabbing an orc with an arrow and firing that same arrow at another orc, shootin orcs while riding down stairs on a shield, climbing up arrows in the hide of a Mumach, and surfing down it's trunk as it died? Come on. Elves rock.
metamind 09-01-06, 03:53 PM	Metamind. My elf doesn't agree with you. I have no problem taking mine into a mud pit. Getting dirty just means your doing something right. For Great Justice! http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c119/alexmm/o_rly_owl.jpg
Vestigial_Thumb 09-01-06, 04:00 PM	So are you of the opinion that one has to be the biggest buy out there with the biggest weapon out there to be the coolest one out there? Yes. Anyone seen LOTR? Yes. Legoloas kicked *** way more than Aragorn or Gimli. But only because Peter Jackson is an elf fanboy. I also have a sneaking suspicion that Orlando Bloom went down on Jackson to get all those cool stunts. Shooting 3 arrows at once, stabbing an orc with an arrow and firing that same arrow at another orc, shootin orcs while riding down stairs on a shield, climbing up arrows in the hide of a Mumach, and surfing down it's trunk as it died? All of them due to sexual favors. Come on. Elves rock. No. Elves are silly hippies.
Sapp 09-01-06, 04:00 PM	So are you of the opinion that one has to be the biggest buy out there with the biggest weapon out there to be the coolest one out there? Anyone seen LOTR? Legoloas kicked *** way more than Aragorn or Gimli. Shooting 3 arrows at once, stabbing an orc with an arrow and firing that same arrow at another orc, shootin orcs while riding down stairs on a shield, climbing up arrows in the hide of a Mumach, and surfing down it's trunk as it died? Come on. Elves rock. Notice how Legolas's greatsword was too small to see? That's right. It was a Fine-sized greatsword. (Great for cookie-cutting.) Also, he NEEDS to shoot 3 arrows at once, since none of them are doing more than 1d6 worth of damage.
metamind 09-01-06, 04:03 PM	So are you of the opinion that one has to be the biggest buy out there with the biggest weapon out there to be the coolest one out there? Anyone seen LOTR? Legoloas kicked *** way more than Aragorn or Gimli. Shooting 3 arrows at once, stabbing an orc with an arrow and firing that same arrow at another orc, shootin orcs while riding down stairs on a shield, climbing up arrows in the hide of a Mumach, and surfing down it's trunk as it died? Come on. Elves rock. Please see post #62
Rickiel 09-01-06, 04:25 PM	And now, for the Razilicious explanations on elves. Ahem... Elf Type 1: Fanboy. This is the elf every teen girl dreams of. Wavy locks of golden hair that never gets out of place, archery of such skill that any modern machine gun pales in comparison, ninja moves that can take down an oliphant, and let us not forget the word: Pansy speech. Elf Type 2: Feti Drow. This is the elf with all the leather, angst, we-hate-ye for ye does not like spiders! Has issues concerning parents, friends, and lovers. Domestic abuse is the social norm, as is the color black. Again, wavy locks of hair though this time hair as fine and white as spider silk. Elf Type 3: Drizzt Fan. Has inferiority issues since they are, and despite being rangers with two-weapon fighting and two scimitars, in fact not Drizzt. Always Chaotic Good and generally follow the methods of Elf Type 1. Elf Type 4: Vaarsuvias. An elf that probably has the most rights out of all of the currently listed elf types of having the infamous elven superiority issues. These elves are more than willing to disintegrate every annoying lesser being in their path, along with flinging maximized-fireballs everywhere to go with the sonic-substituded lightning bolts. Beware Type 4...beware... Personally, whenever I play an elf, I make sure it's not your typical run-of-the-mill kind. But that maybe just me. And no, I don't always play an elf, or half-elf. I also like playing humans, half-orcs, and the occasional gnome.
Cifer 09-01-06, 04:35 PM	What do you have against them? Well... swords, javelins, mauls, crossbows, thermonuclear missiles,... So much comes to mind...
Vestigial_Thumb 09-01-06, 04:56 PM	I'd stop bashing elves, but they cave so easily. It's too fun.
Seraphine_Harmonium 09-01-06, 04:58 PM	I liked Legolas because he did awesome stuff. I care nothing for "locks of golden hair that is never out of place." I have not particularly liked anything else Orlando Bloom has done. I also consider myself a fan of Drizzt, though not to the point that I'd ever make a character to mimic him. I play an elven swashbuckler, with a rapier. I admit, it does only do 1d6 damage but when I hit 8th/9th level and take improved crit (rapier) and that rapier is keen, you'll be crying when I can crit you on a 12.
Vestigial_Thumb 09-01-06, 05:03 PM	I have not particularly liked anything else Orlando Bloom has done. You've got to admit, though, that he's pretty good in the Pirates of the Caribbean series. I think it's that Leonardo diCaprio syndrome again. You know, where everybody hates said actor until he proves himself in some awesome role (I don't remember which one Leonardo proved himself in, though). I play an elven swashbuckler, with a rapier. I admit, it does only do 1d6 damage but when I hit 8th/9th level and take improved crit (rapier) and that rapier is keen, you'll be crying when I can crit you on a 12. Well, at least you're following the rules with the weapon choice.
sagaman 09-01-06, 05:13 PM	I play an elven swashbuckler, with a rapier. I admit, it does only do 1d6 damage but when I hit 8th/9th level and take improved crit (rapier) and that rapier is keen, you'll be crying when I can crit you on a 12. Improved Crit and Keen don't stack in 3.5. Sorry. Elves still rock, though. And there's nothing to say they can't wear full plate and tank around with greatswords, smiting stubby, little dwarves. :D
Cifer 09-01-06, 05:19 PM	(I don't remember which one Leonardo proved himself in, though). He did? I still can't stand the guy...
Vestigial_Thumb 09-01-06, 05:39 PM	He did? I still can't stand the guy... I think it was probably Catch Me If You Can. I didn't like him once. Then I saw that he's a guy.
Balseraph 09-01-06, 06:02 PM	Do remember though, in Legolas' case, he's not playing in d20 rules. He's probably playing the new LOTR Decipher system. As for elves being effeminate and frail? Only if you want them to be. I can very easily see a spooky guerrilla type being played by an elf. Please also remember that they only have a negative to constitution, not strength. No reason at all that an elf can't hand you back chunks of your own anatomy after removing them with a very big weapon.
Seraphine_Harmonium 09-01-06, 06:13 PM	Improved Crit and Keen don't stack in 3.5. Sorry. Elves still rock, though. And there's nothing to say they can't wear full plate and tank around with greatswords, smiting stubby, little dwarves. :D I don't use 3.5, so as far as I'm concerned, they do. Although I have no problem allowing the 3.5 keen-applies-to-slashing-and-piercing rule. I always thought it should anyway. I also intend to switch to the Elven thinblade, which does 1d8, which according to you guys, is outside he legal damage range.:eek: I liked Orlando in the first Pirates, until the haze of Legolas dissapated. What is kind of annoying is that he's always kind of the same in all his movies. Both Pirates of the Caribbean movies were very good, there just wasn't anything special as far as Orlando is concerned. I have never liked Leonardo DeCaprio, though.
Archmage_Vall 09-01-06, 06:55 PM	Unless it's a Greatsword of Elf Slaying or Elf Bane or something, there shouldn't be any reason why an Elf couldn't use it.
Vestigial_Thumb 09-01-06, 07:02 PM	I have never liked Leonardo DeCaprio, though. Why? He sort of looks like an elf. I seriously have to stop busting your balls, don't I?
Kaligrad 09-01-06, 07:20 PM	I don't use 3.5, so as far as I'm concerned, they do. Although I have no problem allowing the 3.5 keen-applies-to-slashing-and-piercing rule. I always thought it should anyway. Fair weather 3.5 fan? This thread has turned into an elf-bashing convention. Personally, elves are my favorite race. There is nothing in the rules that says that elves cannot use greatswords, anywhere. They jsut choose not to because elves favor mind over matter. They choose to lowly bleed their opponents to death with rapier thrust after rapier thrust dodging every clumsily executed swing by the orcs with their greatswords. Sure, the greatsword deals twice as much damage per hit, but what good does that do you if you can't hit in the first place? Why fight harder when you can fight smarter? Play an elf, don't get hit, live to 700. For more elven goodness, visit Avayevnon. It's not how big it is, it's how you use it!* *This double entendre/reference paid for by the People for Entendres that are Nearly Indiscernible and Strange.
Salla 09-01-06, 07:22 PM	Unless it's a Greatsword of Elf Slaying or Elf Bane or something, there shouldn't be any reason why an Elf couldn't use it. For that matter, there's no reason an elf couldn't use one of those either. Drow are elves, after all (and besides, who said every elf liked one another)? Eh. Gimme some scimitar-swingin' Valenar elves any day. :)
Archangel62 09-01-06, 08:11 PM	I'm going to guess that most of the anti-elf sentiment is from 1) Too damn many Drizz't clones: To quote Goblins "I think the renegade drow are starting to outnumber the regular ones." 2) The Elf Fanboys: Annoying...but workable, I just remind them that no matter how great the elves are they do have limits and the fact that they have trouble actively committing to anything unless it's a major threat is a big one, so no elven empires in my games. 3) Some of it might also be jealousy from some people, sublimated rage, things like that. Me, I like dwarves.
Sergikins 09-01-06, 08:43 PM	I liked Legolas because he did awesome stuff. I care nothing for "locks of golden hair that is never out of place." I have not particularly liked anything else Orlando Bloom has done. I also consider myself a fan of Drizzt, though not to the point that I'd ever make a character to mimic him. I play an elven swashbuckler, with a rapier. I admit, it does only do 1d6 damage but when I hit 8th/9th level and take improved crit (rapier) and that rapier is keen, you'll be crying when I can crit you on a 12. http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y288/tipomastr/legolaswhatdoyourelfeyessee.jpg
Archangel62 09-01-06, 08:47 PM	Image Please pass the brainbleach
Seraphine_Harmonium 09-01-06, 08:48 PM	Sergikins, I sincerely hope you did not take the time to make that on my account. If so, you need to get a life.
Sergikins 09-01-06, 08:50 PM	of course i did..... no.
Seraphine_Harmonium 09-01-06, 08:58 PM	I'm going to guess that most of the anti-elf sentiment is from 1) Too damn many Drizz't clones: To quote Goblins "I think the renegade drow are starting to outnumber the regular ones." 2) The Elf Fanboys: Annoying...but workable, I just remind them that no matter how great the elves are they do have limits and the fact that they have trouble actively committing to anything unless it's a major threat is a big one, so no elven empires in my games. 3) Some of it might also be jealousy from some people, sublimated rage, things like that. Me, I like dwarves. Hey, dwarves are cool. I prefer elves. As I said, I like Drizzt, but I wouldn't make a clone of him, and I do not support the making of Drizzt clones. In fact, I believe that the drow are over-used both as heroes and villains. On the whole, I just dislike the whole subrace. Drizzt is my exception, his clones are not. I must say, though, that I loved the armor-turns-into-spiders trick the drow priestess pulled on Obould in The Two Swords. Devious!
Archangel62 09-01-06, 09:06 PM	I don't use Drow heavily but I have played one, evil wizard who realized that if he went to the surface with what he had and was properly prepared he'd be a big fish in a small pond (Elminster Notwithstanding, he figured Elminster was a myth to keep drow mages from leaving for the surface)
aotrscommander 09-01-06, 09:25 PM	Actaully, I suspect that most of the anti-Elf sentiment is because it's just fun to pick on one or more or all of the much-maligned steriotypes of the races and mock them: Elves: Pointy-eared, arrogant, androgynus, wussy, tree-hugging, smug poncy fops. Drow Elves: Pointy-eared, arrogant, spider-hugging, smug angst machines. Dwarves: Short, bearded, drunken, omnicidal manics with a gold/axe obesssion and bearded females. Half-Orcs: Stupid, thugs who would fail to beat an animated Zombie in a battle of wits. Halflings: Short, fat, greedy craven, untrustworthy gits. Gnomes: Large nosed, silly, Dwarf-rip-offs. Humans: ... Actually, I don't think I could find enough words to define all the negative steriotypical human traits, with perhaps one exception...xenophobia... Vampires: Moping, Gothy Emos with bad accents, who are under the erroneous impression they are superior to Liches. In all cases these traits are undeserved. (Well except for Vampires, anyway. Better than Liches indeed! 'Lords of the Undead'. Hah!) It's still damn fun though. I love Elves (Legolas was always my favourite, even before the moves that gave him the credit he justly deserved!), but I still find extracting the urine to be most enjoyable. To that end: No, an Elf can't use a greatsword, as they are too busy skipping through the trees, composing bad poetry and/or songs about other Elves and fluffy bunnies that no-one else could possibly love or even endure and would make the possibility of Vogan poetry actually seem bearable, manicuring their nails and choosing which fletchings match their outfits. And that's just the males. As a side note, and to be awkward as is my wont, our group has a different standing joke about Elves. Owing to the fact we know that English Longbowmen were actually deformed due to the obcene strength of their firing arm, it occured to us that as all Elves use Longbows, it stood to reason that all Elves are in fact really strong. So the only reason that Elf is hugging a tree is because he's about to hit you over the head with it!
Archangel62 09-01-06, 09:28 PM	Owing to the fact we know that English Longbowmen were actually deformed due to the obcene strength of their firing arm, it occured to us that as all Elves use Longbows, it stood to reason that all Elves are in fact really strong. So the only reason that Elf is hugging a tree is because he's about to hit you over the head with it! I am greatly amused :clap:
Vestigial_Thumb 09-01-06, 09:31 PM	Dwarves: Short, bearded, drunken, omnicidal manics with a gold/axe obesssion and bearded females. Dwarves should really stop operating heavy weaponry if they're drunk. Maybe the 1d6 weapon damage rule should apply to them too.
Archangel62 09-01-06, 09:33 PM	Dwarves should really stop operating heavy weaponry if they're drunk. Maybe the 1d6 weapon damage rule should apply to them too. No, no, no lad, we dwarves do the most damage when we're drunk. How do you think the battlerager corps got started?
Moon-Lancer 09-01-06, 09:39 PM	Characters with out frailties never make good characters. Any *good* writer will tell you that. Thus all elves ARE good characters. Eat that bearded fat man!!!! .... maybe everyone hates elves because most gamers are overweight with major charisma damage and thus feel a kinship with dwarves. Heheh .... man... touchie
Archangel62 09-01-06, 09:48 PM	Characters with out frailties never make good characters. Any *good* writer will tell you that. Thus all elves ARE good characters. Eat that bearded fat man!!!! .... maybe everyone hates elves because most gamers are overweight with major charisma damage and thus feel a kinship with dwarves. Heheh .... man... touchie Nah, never hated elves, just got sick of Drizz't character clones and people who complained that there weren't elven empires in my settings. I like dwarves becauase I like the idea of a strong community that looks after each other, and yeah, I'm overweight. No beard though, my face is the wrong shape for it my girlfriend isn't fond of facial hair.
aotrscommander 09-01-06, 09:54 PM	.... maybe everyone hates elves because most gamers are overweight with major charisma damage and thus feel a kinship with dwarves. Dwarf? DWARF!!?? I am NOT a DWARF! I am a LICH, do you hear me!!! LICH!! The true Masters of the Undead!! Dwarf! I've never been so insulted since the time that guy called me a vampire and you don't want know what happened to him...
Vestigial_Thumb 09-01-06, 10:01 PM	No, no, no lad, we dwarves do the most damage when we're drunk. How do you think the battlerager corps got started? But the fact is that you're drunk. You shouldn't drink and drive, and neither should you drink and battle monsters. That's just dangerous. Characters with out frailties never make good characters. Any *good* writer will tell you that. Two words: Chuck. Norris. Eat that bearded fat man!!!! Hey! Don't talk to Santa like that!
wanax 09-01-06, 10:09 PM	I don't think the elf's strength or size would prevent him from wielding a greatsword. The problem is elves' wrists are too frail.
Gold Medal Jedi 09-01-06, 10:14 PM	Two words: Chuck. Norris. I'll one up you.. just one word: Febreeze
Vestigial_Thumb 09-01-06, 10:20 PM	I'll one up you.. just one word: Febreeze Bears. Febreeze can't solve bears.
Gold Medal Jedi 09-01-06, 10:29 PM	Febreeze solves all... including bears... bears wont eat anything that smells dead... febreeze takes all smells away leaving nothing but clean fresh flowery smells... and we all know bears dont eat flowers... so yes ... febreeze wins with a crit. ;)
Archmage_Vall 09-01-06, 10:41 PM	I don't think the elf's strength or size would prevent him from wielding a greatsword. The problem is elves' wrists are too frail. Which explains why they prefer rapiers: their weak wrists can handle an 8 oz. mythril rapier, but anything beyond that and they might break something. The dwarven phrase for rapier: "pixie stick"
Moon-Lancer 09-01-06, 11:05 PM	well im glad my post was taken in jast, as it was ment. your dwarven mama is so fat... *klunk* :b: dead :b:
skogenlives 09-01-06, 11:18 PM	I do have to admit that I am not particularly enamoured of Elves, but not just because Dwarves are, by far, much more amazing. The main reason I dislike Elves in D&D is that, in most cases, Elves seem to be the best at everything, no matter what. Magic? Elves have all the magical cities and items and really powerful spellcasters. Combat? Elves always seem to be invincible, and inable to be hit in combat while able to poke holes in any enemy's defence. Architecture? Always able to create huge, physics-defying structures which somehow blend into any environment. It just always bothered me that Dwarves are stereotyped as meat-shield brainless warriors, Halflings as shifty thief-types, and Gnomes as illusionists, while Elves can do anything, and better than Humans. That's one of the reasons why I like Eberron so much; each race had a unique role they filled in the setting. All of this aside, how can you resist a race based upon a combination of Scottish people, Norse mythology and axes? ~Skogen~
Vestigial_Thumb 09-01-06, 11:19 PM	Febreeze solves all... including bears... bears wont eat anything that smells dead... febreeze takes all smells away leaving nothing but clean fresh flowery smells... and we all know bears dont eat flowers... so yes ... febreeze wins with a crit. ;) That's a filthy lie! *Summons Yogi, that bear from The Edge, and the bears that raised Maggie Simpson in The Call of the Simpsons.*
Moon-Lancer 09-01-06, 11:55 PM	All of this aside, how can you resist a race based upon a combination of Scottish people, Norse mythology and axes? ~Skogen~ because one isle down you have one based off of a magical and immortal undying beautiful race of noble but jolly and musical tricksters that have connections to king Arthur and Stonehenge. just saying... :P I agree though dwarves are awesome, I just don’t have as much fun as playing elves and fey.
Gold Medal Jedi 09-01-06, 11:56 PM	That's a filthy lie! *Summons Yogi, that bear from The Edge, and the bears that raised Maggie Simpson in The Call of the Simpsons.* Febreeze feints yogi and casts scintillating sphere upon him forcing him into a scneezeing fit for 30 rounds. the edge bear attempts a bull rush only to find febreeze's familiar, Oxy clean on the prowl performing an AoO halting his charge and dealing double critical damge mortally wounding him in the process. the simpsons bears are too busy changing maggies diaper to concern themselves with the ongoings of the combat and suffer lethal ignorance damage dropping thier Intelligence to -10 While Sneezing Yogi violently erupts in fits of mucal projections, Febreeze strikes with his breath weapon of Aromatic Explosiveness, dealing 1d1000 damage thus erasing Yogi from effective existence. Yet again Febreeze and his familiar Oxy Clean are triumphant.
Salla 09-02-06, 12:08 AM	Bears. Febreeze can't solve bears. Because, as Stephen "The Man" Colbert says, bears are godless killing machines, and must be stopped.
Gold Medal Jedi 09-02-06, 12:11 AM	they arent as bad as Steve says they are.... one good shot of Febreeze and they are helpless.
ChaoticGood 09-02-06, 01:34 AM	I want to congratulate whoever it was that coined the word, "omnicidal," and thank the poster who applied this wonderful adjective to Dwarves... who are, after all, the true Master Race. :D
Kazeofwinds 09-02-06, 02:20 AM	Dwarves... who are, after all, the true Master Race. :D Lies! Everyone knows the mighty kobold race is superior. All glory to the kobolds!* *This message funded by the friends of kobolds
Norsesmithy 09-02-06, 02:27 AM	Lol Elf fanbois. I took the superiority complex steriotype of elves and made it into the elves had a huge (LE) empire, that covered halfthe globe,until their human slaves rose up and crushed them,with help from hobgoblins, dwarves, and technilogical superiority (including such inovations as heavy armour, greatswords, and evocation magic). The residual Elvish pricipalities range from LN to NE and are situated in a metal poor region of the world, so although they technically could weild a greatsword, the price of steel in elvish lands basically precludes it. Also, I switched their constitution penalty for a strength one.
Seraphine_Harmonium 09-02-06, 02:39 AM	I do have to admit that I am not particularly enamoured of Elves, but not just because Dwarves are, by far, much more amazing. The main reason I dislike Elves in D&D is that, in most cases, Elves seem to be the best at everything, no matter what. Magic? Elves have all the magical cities and items and really powerful spellcasters. Combat? Elves always seem to be invincible, and inable to be hit in combat while able to poke holes in any enemy's defence. Architecture? Always able to create huge, physics-defying structures which somehow blend into any environment. It just always bothered me that Dwarves are stereotyped as meat-shield brainless warriors, Halflings as shifty thief-types, and Gnomes as illusionists, while Elves can do anything, and better than Humans. That's one of the reasons why I like Eberron so much; each race had a unique role they filled in the setting. All of this aside, how can you resist a race based upon a combination of Scottish people, Norse mythology and axes? ~Skogen~ I have already said that I personally like dwarves. I do not think of them as brainless in any sense (with maybe a few exceptions). And I prefer to think of Gnomes as tinkerers and inventors opposed to illusionists. I am curious, though as to why you consider dwarves more amazing than elves. I'm not trying to refute you, I would just like you to elaborate.
Cifer 09-02-06, 06:06 AM	It just always bothered me that Dwarves are stereotyped as meat-shield brainless warriors Well, there's a simple reason for this. Dwarves, unlike the other PHB-thrall-races often dwell away from the terrible sun. Which glorious and superior species too lives there? Right. So all in all, dwarves can be expected to have more brainless specimens than other races.* *This message funded by the illithid race, third elder brain from the left.
aotrscommander 09-02-06, 07:56 AM	I am greatly amused :clap: I want to congratulate whoever it was that coined the word, "omnicidal," and thank the poster who applied this wonderful adjective to Dwarves... who are, after all, the true Master Race. :D Thank you, thank you! We aim to ki-...ah...I mean, please.
rogue_lettuce 09-02-06, 08:44 AM	No, it's the swords cockroaches wield. If you look closely at an angry cockroach, you can see tiny-but-awesome blade that will wrack you with pain... or would if you were 2 inches tall. Oh right, like thoser plastic ones that go in cocktails?
Vestigial_Thumb 09-02-06, 11:05 AM	Febreeze feints yogi and casts scintillating sphere upon him forcing him into a scneezeing fit for 30 rounds. You forget that Yogi is smarter than the average bear. He's seen it all. That's like a +30 Sense Motive modifier right there. And Febreeze can show no emotions, so that has to count for something (something being a penalty to Bluff checks). So, assuming the Feint succeeds, Febreeze gets an attack the next round (it's a standard action to Feint), just enough time for Yogi to plant a pic-a-nic basket on Febreeze. Then, of course, Park Ranger Smith will help Yogi. Boo-Boo joins too. The three of them maul the Febreeze bottle. the edge bear attempts a bull rush only to find febreeze's familiar, Oxy clean on the prowl performing an AoO halting his charge and dealing double critical damge mortally wounding him in the process. But Oxy needs to enter the bear's square (it's from the movie The Edge BTW. You don't kill it that easily) to make the attack. It provokes an AoO from the bear, so the bear gets to kill it by grabbing it and mauling it. the simpsons bears are too busy changing maggies diaper to concern themselves with the ongoings of the combat and suffer lethal ignorance damage dropping thier Intelligence to -10 Maggie's gone back to Springfield, man. Now it's just a pack of wild bears. Take that, Febreeze and Oxy! While Sneezing Yogi violently erupts in fits of mucal projections, Febreeze strikes with his breath weapon of Aromatic Explosiveness, dealing 1d1000 damage thus erasing Yogi from effective existence. Febreeze is already dead, man. :cheer: Yet again the Bears are triumphant. Fixed it. :) Because, as Stephen "The Man" Colbert says, bears are godless killing machines, and must be stopped. Just try. Febreeze failed. Chuck Norris? He wouldn't to that to his own children (dun dun DUN!). Oh right, like thoser plastic ones that go in cocktails? ... Yes :pbbbtt:
fatal error 09-02-06, 12:21 PM	The reason to hate elves, from an unbiased opinion*: Elves have more subraces than any other race in the game, even their subraces have subraces. Why is it that elves need to have a slightly different subrace for every possible environment? We don't have forest dwarves, why do we need mountain elves? Elves have more racial weapons than any other race. Why do they need to have a just plain superior version of any other weapon? Elves get special rules for detecting secret doors. Not because it makes since with the current way they're flavored, but just, "because they're elves". Plus, they probably have the most racial deities attributed to them, though I can't attest to this as I don't have any FR setting books. Finally, why do elves get free proficiency with random weapons? I'm surprised they don't get extra starting skill points for being older too. This message brought to you by the Association for Racial Equivelency and Simplification of Subraces.
skogenlives 09-02-06, 04:13 PM	I have already said that I personally like dwarves. I do not think of them as brainless in any sense (with maybe a few exceptions). And I prefer to think of Gnomes as tinkerers and inventors opposed to illusionists. I am curious, though as to why you consider dwarves more amazing than elves. I'm not trying to refute you, I would just like you to elaborate. I suppose that it has to do with how it seems to me that Elves are arrogant and condescending towards everything non-Elvish, while Dwarves are more willing to give each individual credit where it is due. Elves value things associated with various types of pleasure (such as art and music), while Dwarves find kin and kith more important. In terms of personality, Elves seem more likely to say kind things while inwardly ridiculing a person, while a Dwarf would be cantankerous and gruff, but acknowledge the worth and good of that person. These are just my perceptions. I do not expect anyone to agree with me, nor are my views supported by the game itself, but it is how I view them. ~Skogen~
JamesDruidDM 09-02-06, 04:36 PM	Yeah, the elf can wield it. But only from the weapon rack to my hand. Hurry up, squire! LOL I almost died at this one :D you so get a :cookie:
Chrono Nexus 09-02-06, 04:37 PM	Can an elf weild a greatsword? Of course not... elves can only use Longbows.
Always-Late 09-02-06, 05:11 PM	The only 0-LA race that's greater than elves is kobolds. (Let off the restriction, and dragons blow everything out of the water.) This message paid for by the Dex > Con Foundation.
Momordi 09-02-06, 09:38 PM	One of my players rolled an elven ranger with a strength of 17 and he wants to use a great sword as his primary weapon. Is this two handed sword too big for an elf to wield? Elves are medium sized and superior to all races. They have no need for a greatsword.
Kresalak 09-02-06, 10:01 PM	Elves suck. You know what happens when they get hit with a plague bomb? They fricken' melt. No other race melts. Elves suck. This message brought to you by Phyrexia. Do the dew. Wait...
Vestigial_Thumb 09-08-06, 06:00 PM	Anyone like Billy Idol? Anyways, :bump: This message brought to you by Billy Idol.
MagnaSecuris 09-08-06, 10:50 PM	I'd like to blame Seraphine_Harmonium for making this a serious conversation. For this, you owe me a your IMMORTAL SOUL. Unless you're an elf. In which case your soul is worth nothing, and you cna just go off and put decoarions in your hair. As I already said, it is made quite clear in the rules that elves are prohibited from using greatswords. All elf PCs must be Wizzards or clones of famous characters. It's in the freakin' PHB. And let's not forget which race is most likely to cut and run when the fighting starts. Even halflings are more likely to stay around so they can loot the bodies.
spectralphoenix 09-08-06, 11:37 PM	The reason to hate elves, from an unbiased opinion*: Elves have more subraces than any other race in the game, even their subraces have subraces. Why is it that elves need to have a slightly different subrace for every possible environment? We don't have forest dwarves, why do we need mountain elves? We have hill dwarves, why do we need mountain dwarves? At least most of the elvish subraces represent an environment different from the one the base race hangs out in. I actually posted a possible explanation for the many subraces here (http://boards1.wizards.com/showpost.php?p=9905155&postcount=30). Elves have more racial weapons than any other race. Why do they need to have a just plain superior version of any other weapon? Because dwarves are too conservative to experiment much with weapon styles, humans use the stuff in the PHB, and halflings and gnomes don't bother to invent weapons; they just get kiddie versions of everybody else's. Elves get special rules for detecting secret doors. Not because it makes since with the current way they're flavored, but just, "because they're elves". Admittedly that's a bit of a holdover from when they had "infravision" instead of the more generic "low-light vision." Plus, they probably have the most racial deities attributed to them, though I can't attest to this as I don't have any FR setting books. Humans have the most racial deities. Finally, why do elves get free proficiency with random weapons? I'm surprised they don't get extra starting skill points for being older too. They are 120 years old when they start adventuring. Besides, it's what they learn in elf-school instead of giant-fighting tactics. To be honest, I see some interesting elf characters (once you dig past all the Drizzt clones) but just about every dwarf I've ever come across is the same short gruff bearded guy with an axe and three quarts of grain alcohol.
Vestigial_Thumb 09-08-06, 11:44 PM	Humans have the most racial deities. They have one. Elves have omgazillion. I can use my crackpot infinity theory to mulitply each of their number by infinity, resulting in Humans having 1xinfinity racial deity, and elves having omgazillionxinfinity racial deities. Infinity=infinity, so based on that premise both races have equally many racial deities.
spectralphoenix 09-08-06, 11:51 PM	I always figured that the ones in the PHB were "human" deities that the humans sold some members of the other races on. Besides, how many characters actually worship elven deities besides Lolth and Corellon?
Vestigial_Thumb 09-09-06, 03:59 PM	Besides, how many characters actually worship elven deities besides Lolth and Corellon? Not many, but those other Elven deities still exist, even if everybody ignores them.
metamind 09-09-06, 04:58 PM	They have one. The have Pelor, Heironeus, Hextor, St. Cuthbert, Wee Jas, Fharlanghn, Nerul, Vecna, Zarus, Kord, Boccob, Obad-Hai, Olidimara, Ayailla, Chaav, Estanna, Lastai, Phieran, and a whole lot more.
Archangel62 09-09-06, 05:12 PM	The have Pelor, Heironeus, Hextor, St. Cuthbert, Wee Jas, Fharlanghn, Nerul, Vecna, Zarus, Kord, Boccob, Obad-Hai, Olidimara, Ayailla, Chaav, Estanna, Lastai, Phieran, and a whole lot more. Those aren't racial deities. They do tend to have human followers but they also have followers of many other races too. A racial diety is one that can only have clerics of those of their race (or racial bloodline)
Sapp 09-09-06, 05:22 PM	The have Pelor, Heironeus, Hextor, St. Cuthbert, Wee Jas, Fharlanghn, Nerul, Vecna, Zarus, Kord, Boccob, Obad-Hai, Olidimara, Ayailla, Chaav, Estanna, Lastai, Phieran, and a whole lot more. None of those specifically represent humans as much as they do their alignment, a concept, or an aspect of nature. Corellon is specifically for elves. Lolth is specifically for evil drow. Eilistraee is specifically for good drow. And so on... Sure some pansy-assed human might worship Corellon, but for the most part, humans worship a god representing an alignment, goal, concept, or aspect of nature, etc... They have one. Elves have omgazillion. I can use my crackpot infinity theory to mulitply each of their number by infinity, resulting in Humans having 1xinfinity racial deity, and elves having omgazillionxinfinity racial deities. Infinity=infinity, so based on that premise both races have equally many racial deities. No. Wrong. Between each sub-race of elves exist a continuum of different sub-subraces of elves. Winged ones. Grey ones. Greying ones. Sun ones. Sun-tanned ones. Sun-tanned, winged ones. Sun-tanned, dark ones. Half-sun-tanned, 0.78444...% drow ones... Elves, elves, elves... And each one of them has to have a damned deity representing them. We all know from very basic mathematic concepts that continuums are represented by Aleph-One. The infinite you are referring to for the number of Human deities is Aleph-Null. The set of all deities representing elves has a cardinality of Aleph-One. The set of all deities representing humans has a cardinality of Aleph-Null. So while the number of deities for humans is 1 x Infinity (Aleph-Null), the number of deities for Elves is Infinity (Aleph-Null) x Infinity (Aleph-One). This means that the in the set of all deities representing humans, each human deity can be mapped using a one-to-one function to the set of all deities representing elves. The reverse cannot be true. Similarly, Elven deities onto Human deities. The reverse cannot be true. Thus, the # of Deities representing Elves is greater than the # of Deities representing humans. NOTE: This was not meant to be a PROOF. This was an explanation. The proof ended at "Between each sub-race of elves exist a continuum of different sub-subraces of elves."
metamind 09-09-06, 05:42 PM	Those aren't racial deities. They do tend to have human followers but they also have followers of many other races too. A racial diety is one that can only have clerics of those of their race (or racial bloodline) Whoops, I was thinking about the wrong thing. :blush:
The_One_True_Boris 09-09-06, 06:13 PM	When you cross-breed an elf with a human, you wind up with another race inferior to either original. Elves suck so much they throw the gene pool out of whack. *This message paid for by the United Associates of Trolling Trollage.
oxybe 09-09-06, 08:03 PM	could be worse... if you breeded an elf with a halfling you would get a quarterling... now see, if one were to breed a human with a dwarf, you would get awesomeness. with BEARDS. and axes. hell yeah... bonus feat + the dwarven racial ability - +2 Constitution, –2 Charisma. - Axe Awesomeness: everytime a dwarf swings an axe, he or she impregnates all women within 50 miles with his or her awesomeness (unless it's an elf... no elf could ever survive that much awesomeness. or even any coolosity for that matter).
cog_and_taz 09-10-06, 12:48 AM	Regown, your sig... that was hillarious:D:D
Hydryh 09-10-06, 01:15 AM	One of my players rolled an elven ranger with a strength of 17 and he wants to use a great sword as his primary weapon. Is this two handed sword too big for an elf to wield? No.
Seraphine_Harmonium 09-10-06, 01:37 AM	I'd like to blame Seraphine_Harmonium for making this a serious conversation. For this, you owe me a your IMMORTAL SOUL. Unless you're an elf. In which case your soul is worth nothing, and you cna just go off and put decoarions in your hair. As I already said, it is made quite clear in the rules that elves are prohibited from using greatswords. All elf PCs must be Wizzards or clones of famous characters. It's in the freakin' PHB. And let's not forget which race is most likely to cut and run when the fighting starts. Even halflings are more likely to stay around so they can loot the bodies. Perhaps you could make up a fake place where owing you my immortal soul was a condition of a serious conversation as easily as you can make up a fake rule.
Sapp 09-10-06, 02:18 AM	Woah now, Seraphine. No need to get so defensive over elves. They're just elves after all. Nothing too important. Besides, we know there isn't anything RAW that prevents elves from wielding greatswords. It's just a flavor thing. There's nothing preventing all demons from finding redemption and all becoming paladins, is there? There isn't anything RAW preventing you from making a nation of Chaotic Evil angels, is there? After all, the rules explicitly allow alignment transgressions. It's just an issue with flavor: Weak-ass, pansy elves should not be wielding greatswords. Diminutive and fine sized ones? Maybe. It's not written in words. It's a silent agreement between mature and knowledgeable players and DMs.
Always-Late 09-10-06, 02:25 AM	It's just an issue with flavor: Weak-ass, pansy elves should not be wielding greatswords. Diminutive and fine sized ones? Maybe. It's not written in words. It's a silent agreement between mature and knowledgeable players and DMs.Now I'm confused.
KurenaiYami 09-10-06, 02:32 AM	Now I'm confused. As well you should be. Let the madness soak in. Enjoy it. Because there is no way out of it in this thread.
Seraphine_Harmonium 09-10-06, 03:13 AM	Woah now, Seraphine. No need to get so defensive over elves. They're just elves after all. Nothing too important. Besides, we know there isn't anything RAW that prevents elves from wielding greatswords. It's just a flavor thing. There's nothing preventing all demons from finding redemption and all becoming paladins, is there? There isn't anything RAW preventing you from making a nation of Chaotic Evil angels, is there? After all, the rules explicitly allow alignment transgressions. It's just an issue with flavor: Weak-ass, pansy elves should not be wielding greatswords. Diminutive and fine sized ones? Maybe. It's not written in words. It's a silent agreement between mature and knowledgeable players and DMs. Silent agreement? maybe. Mature? I'm not so sure. Is picking on a race a sign of maturity? I don't think so. True; Weak-ass pansy elves should not use greatswords, but STR 17 elves are perfectly justified using one. Even so, the key to your statement is that weak-ass pansy elves should not use a greatsword. They still can, it's just not wise, as they won't be able to wield it effectively.
aotrscommander 09-10-06, 08:53 AM	Perhaps you could make up a fake place where owing you my immortal soul was a condition of a serious conversation as easily as you can make up a fake rule. At which point, after about post #9, was this a serious conversation? Let's not spoil this entertaining thread with the intrusion of seriousness or intelligence.
metamind 09-10-06, 09:13 AM	Originally Posted by SRD - +2 Constitution, –2 Charisma. - Axe Awesomeness: everytime a dwarf swings an axe, he or she impregnates all women within 50 miles with his or her awesomeness (unless it's an elf... no elf could ever survive that much awesomeness. or even any coolosity for that matter). Don't forget the +10d6 points of badass damage!:D
Seraphine_Harmonium 09-10-06, 12:54 PM	At which point, after about post #9, was this a serious conversation? Let's not spoil this entertaining thread with the intrusion of seriousness or intelligence. Very well, I take my leave of this thread. Have fun with your "entertaining" fantasy racism. Adieu.
Seraphine_Harmonium 09-10-06, 12:54 PM	At which point, after about post #9, was this a serious conversation? Let's not spoil this entertaining thread with the intrusion of seriousness or intelligence. Very well, I take my leave of this thread. Have fun with your "entertaining" fantasy racism. Adieu.
High Octane 09-10-06, 01:08 PM	Yes, but instead the elf would have a greatsword with a tiny different such as a serrated bit on the hilt, or a 1 inch spike coming out of the middle of the blade or an ever so slight curve. Mechanically it would work the same, would require the same proficiency and in every practical manner look and work like a normal greatsword, but it would be called an elven greatsword and thus be considered by them to be infinitely more advanced and better than the greatsword used by the other races.
Always-Late 09-10-06, 01:18 PM	OMG BIG SWORD ELF (http://img.tesco.com/pi/entertainment/MM/MF/681470_GS_M_F.jpg)
Norsesmithy 09-10-06, 01:22 PM	OMG BIG SWORD ELF (http://img.tesco.com/pi/entertainment/MM/MF/681470_GS_M_F.jpg) That is obviously just a scimitar he is holding in two hands, so he can lift it.
Draco Strang 09-10-06, 01:34 PM	Because, as Stephen "The Man" Colbert says, bears are godless killing machines, and must be stopped. Godless killing machines, or the purest and most unadulterated form of natural selection? Let's spray all the elves with meat-scented Febreeze, and put them in with the bears*. *This message supported and funded by Febreeze.
Vestigial_Thumb 09-10-06, 01:35 PM	OMG BIG SWORD ELF (http://img.tesco.com/pi/entertainment/MM/MF/681470_GS_M_F.jpg) Who the hell does that guy think he is!?
The_One_True_Boris 09-10-06, 03:51 PM	Who the hell does that guy think he is!? Uh...Legolas if he were a butch, lesbian elf?
metamind 09-10-06, 05:10 PM	Uh...Legolas if he were a butch, lesbian elf? That would be an improvement.
green_yawgmoth 09-10-06, 05:32 PM	This thread saddens me almost as much as the 'uranium sword' thread, yet makes me remember the "delete me" threads of yore. I miss the good ol' days. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v91/yawgmoth/kittyjig.gif
Gold Medal Jedi 09-11-06, 10:12 PM	You forget that Yogi is smarter than the average bear. He's seen it all. That's like a +30 Sense Motive modifier right there. And Febreeze can show no emotions, so that has to count for something (something being a penalty to Bluff checks). So, assuming the Feint succeeds, Febreeze gets an attack the next round (it's a standard action to Feint), just enough time for Yogi to plant a pic-a-nic basket on Febreeze. Then, of course, Park Ranger Smith will help Yogi. Boo-Boo joins too. The three of them maul the Febreeze bottle. But Oxy needs to enter the bear's square (it's from the movie The Edge BTW. You don't kill it that easily) to make the attack. It provokes an AoO from the bear, so the bear gets to kill it by grabbing it and mauling it. Maggie's gone back to Springfield, man. Now it's just a pack of wild bears. Take that, Febreeze and Oxy! Febreeze is already dead, man. :cheer: Fixed it. :) Just try. Febreeze failed. Chuck Norris? He wouldn't to that to his own children (dun dun DUN!). ... Yes :pbbbtt: Hmmmm ok so febreeze takes the next logical step... he calls his elder brothers .. Amonia and Bleach to his side ... and with their powers combined summon forth Capt. AmoniumCloride Gas with a pleasent hint of Freshness.... Viola.. All bears across the multiverse tremble with fear as their impending doom is wrought upon them by the Mighty and Vengeful Febreeze..... MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Vestigial_Thumb 09-12-06, 06:27 AM	You forget Chuck Norris, the father of bears.
oxybe 09-12-06, 07:49 AM	woah... i just got a major breakthrough in the field of Radicalology... what if Chuck Norris mated with a Dwarf while roundhouse kicking an army of ninjas barechested in a cowboy hat? now THAT could weild a greatsword... or an awesomesword in this particular case...
The_One_True_Boris 09-12-06, 07:02 PM	woah... i just got a major breakthrough in the field of Radicalology... what if Chuck Norris mated with a Dwarf while roundhouse kicking an army of ninjas barechested in a cowboy hat? Actually, I think that's how you get a uranium katana.
metamind 09-12-06, 07:15 PM	This thread consists of a combination of awesome and win.
Vestigial_Thumb 09-12-06, 07:30 PM	Actually, I think that's how you get a uranium katana. And that, my friend, is the weapon that wins!
Vestigial_Thumb 09-12-06, 07:38 PM	This thread consists of a combination of awesome and win. And now for some shameless self-promotion and indulgence of my ego: This thread (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=695175) contains posts made by me. This thread also wins. A case could be made that if I say anything about anything, the medium through which I say it automatically wins. If that premise is true, then these boards automatically win the internet and I'm king of it all! Make sense? No? Then screw it, 'cause I tried. EDIT: If you didn't get it, this post is pure sarcasm.
Gold Medal Jedi 09-13-06, 01:27 AM	You forget Chuck Norris, the father of bears. OK OK OK... you are gonna make me do it arent you??? I didnt want to do this but you leave me no choice.... The granddaddy of febreeze.... the one the only the alpha and the omega... ARM AND HAMMER... Chuck Norris chokes on his own intestines as the sickness envelopes his awesomeness and spits it out. Arm and Hammer laughs in your general direction.... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
oxybe 09-13-06, 07:41 AM	what would would happen if one were to coat a uranium katana with febreeze and roll it in arm and hammer? could you slice a sphere of annihilation into 2 semi-spheres of moderate destruction?
Kimokeo 09-13-06, 08:44 AM	My elven warrior prefers his broadsword over these stupid katanas and greatswords. In his mighty elven hands, the broads are easily handled. I prefer TWF. I certainly don't mind adding oil and other liquids over them entirely. Arm and hammer? Yeah, I've done that with my broads. I have found most opponents are immediately stunned when I bare a broad in each hand. There is something to be said about having a puny katana in your bare hands compared to having a broad in each hands. I guess you could think of the katana as a light broad and the greatsword as a heavy broad. I want my broad to be easy to handle most of the time. Balance is very important if your broad is heavy - otherwise your sword could bend. If your looking for a sword that penetrates as well as dealing punishing blows, it is best if you consider a broad.
babysamurai 09-13-06, 09:04 AM	You forget Chuck Norris, the father of bears. And "Bigfoot" is a piece of Chuck Norris’ beard that has escaped.
Vestigial_Thumb 09-13-06, 11:28 AM	And "Bigfoot" is a piece of Chuck Norris’ beard that has escaped. Oh yeah baby! I can't believe I forgot bigfoot. Bigfoot is the friend of bears and automatically beats arm and hammer with a bigger arm and hammer. Stop dissing the bears! :ahem:
oxybe 09-13-06, 11:49 AM	quick Chuck Norris facts: - Mr.T started saying the phrase : "I pity da fool" after seeing Chuck Norris beat up an army of zombie stormtrooper ninja pirate dinosaurs armed with lasers on their foreheads with a single roundhouse kick. - When he saw Chuck Norris roundhouse kick Godzilla, Abrams knew the answer was 42... Cause that's how many times Godzilla was revived AND killed before he hit the ground. - Elves actually implode, explode and evaporate (in that order) when Chuck Norris looks at them... actually most races do that... except dwarves. they can't implode cause they're already packed as tight as possible... but man... what an explosion!
babysamurai 09-13-06, 12:16 PM	Stop dissing the bears! :ahem: The animal or the American Football team? Didka vs. Chuck?
red_scare87 09-13-06, 12:29 PM	Uh...Legolas if he were a butch, lesbian elf? Wait, Legolas isn't a...Oh, well now I just feel foolish.
Vestigial_Thumb 09-13-06, 12:33 PM	The animal or the American Football team? Neither. Diss the Packers and cheese instead.
Vestigial_Thumb 09-13-06, 03:25 PM	Uh...Legolas if he were a butch, lesbian elf? Leonardo diCaprio?
metamind 09-13-06, 03:39 PM	quick Chuck Norris facts: - Mr.T started saying the phrase : "I pity da fool" after seeing Chuck Norris beat up an army of zombie stormtrooper ninja pirate dinosaurs armed with lasers on their foreheads with a single roundhouse kick. - When he saw Chuck Norris roundhouse kick Godzilla, Abrams knew the answer was 42... Cause that's how many times Godzilla was revived AND killed before he hit the ground. - Elves actually implode, explode and evaporate (in that order) when Chuck Norris looks at them... actually most races do that... except dwarves. they can't implode cause they're already packed as tight as possible... but man... what an explosion! Dont forget that when he does push ups, he isn't pushing himself up, he's pushing the Earth down!
Sorti 09-13-06, 04:12 PM	Even if people doesn't know the rules, elves in fact can wield a greatsword, but it will take some feats - from the Complete Wuss: Manly Fighting [Fighter] You are adept in a type of combat scorned by your people: actually fighting Requirements: Elf, Str 3+ Benefit: Your racial cap to weapon base damage is increased to 1d8 Special: You can select this feat up to three times; the second time your damage cap is increased to 1d10, the third to 2d6 (so you see, an elf can use a greatsword). Nonetheless, you don't add your Strength bonus to weapons above 1d6 base damage. Not that you have a Str bonus, but there're munchkins out there that do.
metamind 09-13-06, 04:14 PM	Even if people doesn't know the rules, elves in fact can wield a greatsword, but it will take some feats - from the Complete Wuss: Manly Fighting [Fighter] You are adept in a type of combat scorned by your people: actually fighting Requirements: Elf, Str 3+ Benefit: Your racial cap to weapon base damage is increased to 1d8 Special: You can select this feat up to three times; the second time your damage cap is increased to 1d10, the third to 2d6 (so you see, an elf can use a greatsword). Nonetheless, you don't add your Strength bonus to weapons above 1d6 base damage. Not that you have a Str bonus, but there're munchkins out there that do. Sorti, you have won the internets.
Sorti 09-13-06, 06:10 PM	Sorti, you have won the internets. Yayy!!!:cool: This is so going in my signature...:D
Gold Medal Jedi 09-13-06, 09:52 PM	Oh yeah baby! I can't believe I forgot bigfoot. Bigfoot is the friend of bears and automatically beats arm and hammer with a bigger arm and hammer. Stop dissing the bears! :ahem: AAAHK!!!.... Everyone knows that bigfoot is a mass halucination concocted by the Canadian government to make everyone believe there actually is something cool about Canadia. So your make believe hominid can no more harm Arm and Hammer than he can cook back bacon and drink Molson. By the way Canadia is the secret less-than-stronghold of the Elves.
The_One_True_Boris 09-13-06, 10:53 PM	By the way Canadia is the secret less-than-stronghold of the Elves. Dude, elves could never play ice hockey, therefore they could never live in Canuckistan.
Gold Medal Jedi 09-13-06, 11:13 PM	Who said they played hockey... thats too rough a sport... badminton is too rough for elves... no the elves only run and live in canadia... they import russian hill giants and claim they are french canadish elves so that they can improve their economic growth and eventually take over the world.
oxybe 09-14-06, 07:07 AM	actually, all canadian hockey players are dwarves from the rockies. to be a canadian citizen you have to have spent a minimum of 700 hours of hockey playtime on the ice within a hockey rink. none of that feild or street crud... real down and dirty ice hockey, with actual checking! you know... the kind of punishment what would snap an elf in two... but then again, those elves do live long, all they have to do is get in one hour's playtime each year, for 700 years... but they would spend the rest of the year recovering in a hospital bed :P
Vestigial_Thumb 09-14-06, 11:27 AM	Dude, elves could never play ice hockey, therefore they could never live in Canuckistan. And now for a massive diss: Elves play golf!
oxybe 09-14-06, 12:15 PM	A golf club is considered a masterwork morningstar... so there is no way an elf could use one of those, even to play golf.. unless it's a putter. that and those horrible golf outfits are simply dreadful!
Vestigial_Thumb 09-14-06, 01:33 PM	A golf club is considered a masterwork morningstar... so there is no way an elf could use one of those, even to play golf.. unless it's a putter. that and those horrible golf outfits are simply dreadful! An Elf can swing a golf club by making a second Elf help him raising it into the air and then both Elves violently throw it back so it hits the ball. This, of course, is a horrible tactic to use in combat so they can't use it as a weapon. The outfit explains itself.
oxybe 09-14-06, 01:56 PM	Elves Also see the Elf monster listing. * +2 Dexterity, -2 Constitution. * Elves are a bunch of whiny crybabies and sissies, and as such cannot wield any weapon that deals more than 1d6 damage. weild. as in hold. it has nothing to do with actually attacking with it... the golf club has the statistics of a masterwork morningstar, so they, no matter how many elves we speak of, could use it. not even an entire clan of those inbred tree dwelling hippies could use a single golf club. it's in the rules! the RUUUUUULLLLLLEEEEESSSS!
Vestigial_Thumb 09-14-06, 02:05 PM	wield tr.v. wield·ed, wield·ing, wields 1. To handle (a weapon or tool, for example) with skill and ease. 2. To exercise (authority or influence, for example) effectively. See Synonyms at handle. *swashbuckly voice* Ha ha! They can hold it and unskillfully, with great difficulty (even for two Elves), swing it towards a small but stationary ball. As was said before, Elves make excellent squires.
The Ubbergeek 09-14-06, 02:13 PM	You all fail. All of you. I find your like of elfing disturbing.
Vestigial_Thumb 09-14-06, 02:59 PM	You all fail. All of you. I find your like of elfing disturbing. I hate Elves. I hate them because they're different.
Norsesmithy 09-14-06, 03:15 PM	Really? I hate them because, despite claiming to be diffent, they are all the same.
Vestigial_Thumb 09-14-06, 03:20 PM	Really? I hate them because, despite claiming to be diffent, they are all the same. Yes, what I meant to say is that they're different from me, and therefore I hate them. Same goes for anyone else, really, but that's beside the point.
Kresalak 09-14-06, 03:25 PM	Elves just take the penalty for using small weapons (small morningstar, 1d6), and coup de grace the ball.
Vestigial_Thumb 09-14-06, 03:31 PM	Elves just take the penalty for using small weapons (small morningstar, 1d6), and coup de grace the ball. Also an acceptable solution. BTW, Kres, new avatar? Nice! :)
Kresalak 09-14-06, 03:51 PM	Yeah, I looked for this one before, and just found it yesterday. On the subject of elven golf, if they could qualify for PA, they'd take it, but we all know they can't get something called POWER attack.
Kimokeo 09-14-06, 04:18 PM	My elven warrior has tried golf. He found a golf club very effective. Now, take a broadsword and a golfclub and do some TWF. This is close to heaven for me. A broad in one hand and my club in the other and there is nothing I can't do!
Gold Medal Jedi 09-14-06, 07:55 PM	And now for a massive diss: Elves play golf! WAIT JUST ONE MINUTE THERE BUB!!!!! Tiger is not an elf... I hate Elves. I hate them because they're different. Hmm i have always liked elves... especially with a nice hollandaise sauce and fresh greens with a splash of vingrette, and for desert some elf pudding made from the freshest of wood elves and to top it off Some Elf Wine brewed from the most aged of moon elf stock.
Gold Medal Jedi 09-14-06, 08:00 PM	My elven warrior has tried golf. He found a golf club very effective. Now, take a broadsword and a golfclub and do some TWF. This is close to heaven for me. A broad in one hand and my club in the other and there is nothing I can't do! Elven warrior... is there such a thing... thats like saying Jumbo Shrimp exist.
metamind 09-14-06, 08:03 PM	Tiger is not an elf... Someone called Tiger an elf? *Grabs +5 holy flame burst vorpal keen elf bane dwarven waraxe of supreme awesomeness* WHERE IS HE?!?
metamind 09-14-06, 08:04 PM	Elven warrior... is there such a thing... thats like saying Jumbo Shrimp exist. QFT.
The Ubbergeek 09-14-06, 08:20 PM	Elves are great at fencing. And before saying it's wussy, try fencing with a master. If elves are wusses, dwarves are bears (the homosexual slang version). Butches. :rolleyes: Elves are cool, dwarves drools. :P
Kresalak 09-14-06, 08:28 PM	Elves aren't great at fencing. They're great at carrying rapiers around because rapiers look frilly. Halfling are great at fencing, since they're much harder to hit and they can hit you easier-remember, you only have to hit once to win. Well, once per round.
The_One_True_Boris 09-14-06, 08:43 PM	Elves are great at fencing. Since when are elves great carpenters?
metamind 09-14-06, 09:22 PM	Elves are great at fencing. In my fencing club, its the short, wide people who win all the bouts. That bieng said, gnomes and dwarves are great fencers.
Kimokeo 09-14-06, 10:34 PM	My elven warrior is 280lbs. Hardly does he ever get called frail or thin. With two broadswords, he's a nasty one to encounter. It doesn't matter how many opponents he encounters. With two broads, there is enough of him to go around. Beware...
The Soul Collector 09-14-06, 10:40 PM	Why not?
Gold Medal Jedi 09-14-06, 10:57 PM	Why not? because elves suck... havent you been reading???
The_One_True_Boris 09-14-06, 10:57 PM	My elven warrior is 280lbs. Elf weight maxes out at 157 lbs.
Gold Medal Jedi 09-14-06, 10:58 PM	Elf weight maxes out at 157 lbs. thyroid problems.. he is on meds.. lucky he isnt 400 lbs.. still picture this... 280...and only 4.5 ft tall... imagine how wide that makes him.:D
The_One_True_Boris 09-14-06, 11:01 PM	Or he's abnormally dense...which isn't too much of a stretch for an elf.
Gold Medal Jedi 09-14-06, 11:04 PM	Or he's abnormally dense...which isn't too much of a stretch for an elf. Fact
Kheldon 09-14-06, 11:28 PM	:P
oxybe 09-15-06, 06:23 AM	Elf weight maxes out at 157 lbs. that's like 50 pounds more then i expected... i mean, one has to keep his girlish figure to fit into the latest from Amil Moonflower, right?
Kimokeo 09-15-06, 07:00 AM	How many humans do you know (not necessarily personally) that weigh more than the amounts in the PHB? Height? The numbers are the normal for the races. So, 280lb elf is not impossible. Kind of like a 700lb human which seems impossible. Actually, magic is impossible and dragons don't exist - this is a game. Rules are guidelines. And, you're just jealous that my elf has two broads that do his every whim:D
babysamurai 09-15-06, 07:04 AM	And, you're just jealous that my elf has two broads that do his every whim:D Well, it there is anything more beautiful than one woman - it’s two of them.
oxybe 09-15-06, 07:12 AM	you should see my thri-kreen with his 4 broads...
Vestigial_Thumb 09-15-06, 11:44 AM	WAIT JUST ONE MINUTE THERE BUB!!!!! Tiger is not an elf... I know. Elves only play golf, but golf is not only played by Elves.
oxybe 09-15-06, 11:47 AM	i dunno... he could be a drow wizard... i always thought he had an evil look in his eyes... no one could be that good... he must be using levitation to move the club and swing it...
zlatko 09-15-06, 12:26 PM	elf wield a greatsword? Only if his int score is higher then the sword's.
metamind 09-15-06, 02:56 PM	How many humans do you know (not necessarily personally) that weigh more than the amounts in the PHB? Height? The numbers are the normal for the races. So, 280lb elf is not impossible. Kind of like a 700lb human which seems impossible. Actually, magic is impossible and dragons don't exist - this is a game. Rules are guidelines. And, you're just jealous that my elf has two broads that do his every whim:D So what you're saying is a 280 pound elf is like a 700 pound human?
The_One_True_Boris 09-15-06, 05:21 PM	No, he's saying his morbidly obese elf is whimsical.
Sulaco 09-15-06, 05:28 PM	Of course they can. They're a bit dull so you really have to swing hard to hope for any decent damage, but all you do is grab them around the ankles and...oh wait, I thought you asked if an elf can be wielded as a greatsword. My bad. ;)
Sulaco 09-15-06, 05:29 PM	And, you're just jealous that my elf has two broads that do his every whim. Is "broads" what he calls his man-boobs?
metamind 09-15-06, 06:05 PM	Is "broads" what he calls his man-boobs? I always thought he was talking about two girls.
Kresalak 09-15-06, 06:15 PM	Is "broads" what he calls his man-boobs? Yes.
Salla 09-15-06, 08:52 PM	Am I permitted to be amazed that nobody's shut this thread down yet? :)
The Ubbergeek 09-15-06, 11:54 PM	Friging fans of those rumpy knee biters. Ughs.
Gold Medal Jedi 09-15-06, 11:56 PM	Am I permitted to be amazed that nobody's shut this thread down yet? :) OH NOOOOEEEESSSSS!!!1111!!!!11!!! Wathcu talkin bout Willis??
Kresalak 09-16-06, 12:16 AM	Am I permitted to be amazed that nobody's shut this thread down yet? :) In all seriousness, this forum needs a thread that's just silly like this. What'chu talkin' bout, foo? Fixed with Mr. T-ness.
MagnaSecuris 09-16-06, 12:30 AM	Mr T never said anything of the sort. "What'choo talkin' 'bout Willis?" is an acknowledged cultural refrence. This thread continues to be awesome. Personally, I find that the LA of Thri-Kreen makes it not worth wielding the exrta broads. You tend to end up with broads that don't fit your level right.
Gold Medal Jedi 09-16-06, 12:56 AM	In all seriousness, this forum needs a thread that's just silly like this. This thread continues to be awesome.(snip) QTF fo sho, fo sho.:thumbsup:
Sapp 09-16-06, 01:10 AM	This thread continues to be awesome. Personally, I find that the LA of Thri-Kreen makes it not worth wielding the exrta broads. You tend to end up with broads that don't fit your level right. Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I see broads all over the place in L.A.
Starman IX 09-16-06, 04:37 AM	What does QFT mean?
The_One_True_Boris 09-16-06, 04:58 AM	QTF fo sho, fo sho Quoted truth for?
zvbxrpl 09-16-06, 11:35 AM	No, an elf would never wield an artless weapon like a greatsword. They would much rather go for a rapier, and do you know why? Because, lets face it, a greatsword has overcompensation written all over it. Elves don't need overcompensation because their virility is increased by each drooling fanboy.* *this message paid for by a blatantly dishonest elf.
DarkThoughts24 09-16-06, 12:23 PM	this topic is fine and great, but of course an elf can't use a greatsword of normal size properly. just think matthew broderick from ladyhawke. frail humans=strong elf, rutger hauer=great man=great sword.
Kresalak 09-16-06, 01:30 PM	Mr T never said anything of the sort. "What'choo talkin' 'bout Willis?" is an acknowledged cultural refrence. I say, old bean! I must express my astonishment at your claim! Is this fact, or a CLEVER RUSE?
Vestigial_Thumb 09-16-06, 01:59 PM	QTF fo sho, fo sho.:thumbsup: 'Chou fo' life? 'Coz I been lookin' fo' a brotha' 'round these boards.
The Soul Collector 09-16-06, 06:13 PM	A very shameless bump.
metamind 09-16-06, 08:03 PM	I say, old bean! I must express my astonishment at your claim! Is this fact, or a CLEVER RUSE? I understand your disbelief, sir, however I must claim that the previous statement is indeed thruthful!
Righter8 09-16-06, 08:18 PM	Is "broads" what he calls his man-boobs? "Elf" boobs, please.:teach: And, yes, Elf boobs do please.:drool: :rimshot:
Kresalak 09-16-06, 09:16 PM	I understand your disbelief, sir, however I must claim that the previous statement is indeed thruthful! Great Scott!
Salla 09-16-06, 09:52 PM	"Elf" boobs, please.:teach: And, yes, Elf boobs do please.:drool: :rimshot: Sadly, they're pointed on top like the ears.
The_One_True_Boris 09-16-06, 10:40 PM	Why do you think Mialee's dress is cut the way it is?
metamind 09-17-06, 09:40 AM	Why do you think Mialee's dress is cut the way it is? [Elf voice] Because revealing dresses are so in! [/elf voice]
Starman IX 09-17-06, 11:01 AM	Why do you think Mialee's dress is cut the way it is?Because the mutant cricket doesn't want you to look above it's neck *shudder*
The_One_True_Boris 09-17-06, 12:35 PM	Back on topic, I don't believe an elf could wield a greatsword. The sheer amount of floral patterns one could engrave on that much surface area is plain silly. Ostentatious even by elf standards.
Sapp 09-17-06, 03:00 PM	Oh, but imagine the amount of power those extra floral patterns would grant that greatsword!
ajdragonfire 09-17-06, 03:43 PM	This is a group of elves from my campaign which defies the stereotype of elven pansiness. They use the Kensai variant fighter class as presented in Dragon issue 310. They are represented by an individual by the name of Vall M'or, a 6th level Kensai (fighter). Vall M'or STR 18 DEX 20 CON 14 INT 15 WIS 16 CHA 15 (He was incredibly lucky when rolling stats) HP: 46 AC: 20 (10 + 5[dex] +5[+2 studded leather]) Init: +5 (DEX) Speed: 30 ft Attack: +2 Bastard Sword +15/+10 melee (+6/+1 + 4 [STR] +1 [Focus] +2 [kensai bonus]) [B]Damage: 1d10 +10 (1d10 + 6 [2 handed STR] + 2 [kensai bonus] +2 [+2 bastard sword]) Ref: +7 Fort: +7 Will: +5 Skills: Balance +14, Jump +13, Swim +13, Tumble +14 Feats: Dodge, Focus: Bastard Sword, Mobility, Spring Attack, Whirlwind Attack Special Features: Kensai receive +1 to attack and damage with their chosen weapon at 1st level in place of a bonus feat. This increases by +1 every five levels thereafter.
metamind 09-17-06, 03:47 PM	Oh, but imagine the amount of power those extra floral patterns would grant that greatsword! [elf voice] Ugh, flowers are like totaly last century! Everyone knows that vines are the new flowers! [/elf voice]
Kresalak 09-17-06, 04:37 PM	This is a group of elves from my campaign which defies the stereotype of elven pansiness. They use the Kensai variant fighter class as presented in Dragon issue 310. They are represented by an individual by the name of Vall M'or, a 6th level Kensai (fighter). Vall M'or STR 18 DEX 20 CON 14 INT 15 WIS 16 CHA 15 (He was incredibly lucky when rolling stats) HP: 46 AC: 20 (10 + 5[dex] +5[+2 studded leather]) Init: +5 (DEX) Speed: 30 ft Attack: +2 Bastard Sword +15/+10 melee (+6/+1 + 4 [STR] +1 [Focus] +2 [kensai bonus]) [B]Damage: 1d10 +10 (1d10 + 6 [2 handed STR] + 2 [kensai bonus] +2 [+2 bastard sword]) Ref: +7 Fort: +7 Will: +5 Skills: Balance +14, Jump +13, Swim +13, Tumble +14 Feats: Dodge, Focus: Bastard Sword, Mobility, Spring Attack, Whirlwind Attack Special Features: Kensai receive +1 to attack and damage with their chosen weapon at 1st level in place of a bonus feat. This increases by +1 every five levels thereafter. You're such a kidder.
Starman IX 09-17-06, 04:40 PM	This is a group of elves from my campaign which defies the stereotype of elven pansiness.You can put a dork in a leather jacket, maybe some people will like him then, but he's still a dork
ajdragonfire 09-17-06, 08:22 PM	You can put a dork in a leather jacket, maybe some people will like him then, but he's still a dork They have a 12 step program for that. It's called Dorks Anonymous. Step 12 is to get a date, a real date. Not a blow up doll. You're such a kidder. Actually no. I had to pull some stings, and use a non-standard fighter class, but it's actually legit. PS "strings" means like, divine intervention
The_One_True_Boris 09-17-06, 08:53 PM	To make elves less like pansies, I had to give them the height, weight, and life expectancy as a human, extreme xenophobic, racist, and militaristic dispositions, and make them the descendents of ancient fey. Not only that, the vast majority of elves superficially respect nature and lead mostly secular lives. They are also at constant war with the neighboring nation of dragon-like humanoids. That's right. To make elves less like pansies, I had to make them related to fey.
ajdragonfire 09-17-06, 10:03 PM	To make elves less like pansies, I had to give them the height, weight, and life expectancy as a human, extreme xenophobic, racist, and militaristic dispositions, and make them the descendents of ancient fey. Not only that, the vast majority of elves superficially respect nature and lead mostly secular lives. They are also at constant war with the neighboring nation of dragon-like humanoids. That's right. To make elves less like pansies, I had to make them related to fey. And I did it without changing them at all. What does that say?:smirk: I'm just givin ya a hard time.
The_One_True_Boris 09-17-06, 10:57 PM	Additionally, "elf" was a human word for their race. In their society, it was completely acceptable to spit on someone who called you an "elf".
oxybe 09-18-06, 12:49 PM	sigh. Vall M'or is a non-elf, he's just representing the party. he's obviously a changeling in disguise. no decent elf would have such a short and unrefined name. it has to be either frilly & pretty or obscenely long and be composed of multiple words or nonsense. like good old Aramileechanopolis Shadowmoonflowersnifferandtreehugger. now that's an elf you can be proud of.
Vestigial_Thumb 09-18-06, 01:11 PM	I remember old What'shisnamilaragilashah Windsongdeathfiredesertstormblade. That was the only elf that was actually cool (compared to the standards of squirrels).
oxybe 09-18-06, 01:15 PM	fudge yes! that guy kicked so much ass! although he had no choice really, he was a fighter, but had no d6 or lower weapons at hand so he took imp.unarmed strike. he was forced to punt every monster he found. boy did he look silly when he finally found a weapon shop that only sold +1 ghost touch, vicious, flaming, corrosive, greatswords of shock, frost, screeching & wounding for 3 cp due to having cloned elminister a half bajillion times. the orc barbarian and the human fighter on the other hand were happy.
The Soul Collector 09-18-06, 01:31 PM	Has this turned into a typical elf hating thread?
Raiden Drake 09-18-06, 01:34 PM	Has this turned into a typical elf hating thread? There's no such thing as a "typical elf hating thread"... all of them are special...
Kresalak 09-18-06, 01:38 PM	Additionally, "elf" was a human word for their race. In their society, it was completely acceptable to stab in the face someone who called you an "elf". Fixed.
The Soul Collector 09-18-06, 01:46 PM	So do elves have a bad wrap because lots of people like them or because they have a very bad press agent?
oxybe 09-18-06, 01:59 PM	elves don't need press agents, they are press agents... for themselves. stupid flighty, arrogant, snooty, foppish, well-groomed sons of a hamster... i hates em i do!
The Soul Collector 09-18-06, 02:15 PM	Could it be that people resent elves since they represent that which people wish they could be?
Starman IX 09-18-06, 02:24 PM	People wish to be fruity pansies? I have more faith in humanity than that!
Vestigial_Thumb 09-18-06, 02:37 PM	Could it be that people resent elves since they represent that which people wish they could be? No.
malignor 09-18-06, 02:44 PM	Can't really find a way to praise an entire species where their males look like your females. It's like The Crying Game, but with a bow and lasting centuries :yuck:.
metamind 09-18-06, 03:13 PM	fudge yes! that guy kicked so much ass! although he had no choice really, he was a fighter, but had no d6 or lower weapons at hand so he took imp.unarmed strike. he was forced to punt every monster he found. boy did he look silly when he finally found a weapon shop that only sold +1 ghost touch, vicious, flaming, corrosive, greatswords of shock, frost, screeching & wounding for 3 cp due to having cloned elminister a half bajillion times. the orc barbarian and the human fighter on the other hand were happy. Unfortunatly for him, he had to settle for the Rapier of Frilly Pansyness. Such a shame. However, I must admit, the floral patterns on that thing were amazing!
The Soul Collector 09-18-06, 03:36 PM	It sounds to me like depending on what your thoughts are when you think "elf" then that will set your love/hatred of them. I think elves as nobel, authoritative, wise, and heroic. What's so bad about that?
Kresalak 09-18-06, 03:39 PM	People wish to be fruity pansies? I have more faith in humanity than that! I find your faith disturbing.
The Soul Collector 09-18-06, 04:06 PM	Aren't elves in a way what artists and writers think of as the best of humanity?
Starman IX 09-18-06, 04:12 PM	Are artists really humanity?
Vestigial_Thumb 09-18-06, 04:18 PM	I think elves as nobel, authoritative, wise, and heroic. Elves are hippies. What's so bad about that? Well, they're hippies.
malignor 09-18-06, 04:18 PM	If not, then I'm a Half-Artist species, thanks to my mom :P
metamind 09-18-06, 04:27 PM	I think elves as nobel, authoritative, wise, and heroic. Young man, explain yourself!
The Soul Collector 09-18-06, 04:39 PM	Ok, what I meant with that is elves speak with the benefit of hundreds of years of experience, giving them somewhat an understandable weight to what they say.
Starman IX 09-18-06, 04:43 PM	"I'm older than you! Listen to me! ... Get off mah lawn!"
metamind 09-18-06, 04:47 PM	Bah, the only good elves are the ones who live in the North Pole, and mindlessly slave away on toys for humans.
aotrscommander 09-18-06, 04:48 PM	I think elves as nobel, authoritative, wise, and heroic. So is Cyclops. And who likes him?
The Soul Collector 09-18-06, 04:52 PM	Isn't that a bit much? Arn't Cyclops, according to legend, brutish, stupid, sadistic, and greedy?
Starman IX 09-18-06, 04:53 PM	Scott Summers, hon.
Kresalak 09-18-06, 04:54 PM	Are artists really humans? No.
The Soul Collector 09-18-06, 04:56 PM	Ahh, sorry, can't believe I didn't get that reference. But hey, on one hand we're dealing with a whole race, then there's just one person.
The Soul Collector 09-18-06, 04:58 PM	Originally Posted by Starman IX Are artists really humans? No. Ouch, that's a bit harsh
aotrscommander 09-18-06, 05:02 PM	Ahh, sorry, can't believe I didn't get that reference. But hey, on one hand we're dealing with a whole race, then there's just one person. Same principle though, I mean there's Cyke, practially on his way to exalted status, paragon of virtue and all that - and everybody just wants to pummel him in the face with a sock full of broken glass and shout 'you're not Wolverine, loser!' Seriously* though, this isn't an Elf-hating thread, it's an Elf-mocking thread. I'm just here because there's nowhere to vent about Vampires, and Elves are the next best thing. *for a given definition of 'serious' We don't all hate Elves, we're just questioning their masculinity.
Starman IX 09-18-06, 05:04 PM	We don't all hate Elves, we're just questioning their masculinity.They have masculinity?
metamind 09-18-06, 05:08 PM	They have masculinity? :eek: I had no idea!
Vestigial_Thumb 09-18-06, 05:21 PM	Are artists really humanity? Like Elves, artists are hippies, and therefore not human.
Vestigial_Thumb 09-18-06, 05:22 PM	They have masculinity? I think he's talking about their theoretical masculinity. EDIT: Or their relative masculinity.
The Soul Collector 09-18-06, 05:59 PM	Beside the longhair what about an elf makes them so girly then??
Celestine_AutumnStar 09-18-06, 06:07 PM	Their non violent ways and gentle speaking voices. Their pretty handwriting and attention to fine dress. That and they pee sitting down.
metamind 09-18-06, 06:19 PM	That and they pee sitting down. And that my friends, is what matters most.
Norsesmithy 09-18-06, 06:24 PM	What makes elves pansies is that I have played human Paladins who could use the elf fighter in full plate as a thrown weapon with a 10 foot range increment. And the worst part is that the Human pali did more damage with the elf that round than the elf did the rest of the battle (like 120). Further, in the campaign setting I am writing/play-testing, the elves were a created race that lorded over the world, enslaving the other (evolved) races for several millennia, but then the evolving races, particularly humans, surpassed and overthrew the elvish masters, and though the elves made a big deal about protecting the wilderness (really it was just an effort to keep the humans out of the woods, where, in the past, the had a habit of overpowering the slavers, and escaping) abandoned their (nature loving) ideals to reclaim their lost dominion, but resorting to demonic pacts, infernal sorcery, and uncontrolled magical experimentation just resulted in ruining the surrounding areas with spell backlash. I traded the elf's constitution penalty for a strength one, it never sat right with me that a race that tops out at 135 lbs could out-lift me (an amature weightlifter), at 220 lbs. The elves are too slow, they were created by their gods culture and all, they didn't earn their society, and so are (mentally and culturally) weaker for it (not having the innovative spirit of the humans, halflings, hobgoblins, or dwarves).
The Soul Collector 09-18-06, 06:33 PM	Keep in mind that what we think of male and female is set by cultural norms. Elves would not view their males as female like, that's just our impression.
Celestine_AutumnStar 09-18-06, 06:35 PM	The question was what makes them so girly. I assumed you meant from our perspective. However even from an Elven perspective, the males and females are extremely similar and that makes Male Elves "girly" because you cant readily distinguish them from Female Elves.
The Soul Collector 09-18-06, 06:37 PM	Can you easily distinguish a female from a male dog or monkey?
Sapp 09-18-06, 07:01 PM	Can you easily distinguish a female from a male dog or monkey? Yes. You look between their legs. We've tried that with elves, and have found no significant difference between the two genders.
Starman IX 09-18-06, 07:12 PM	Yes. You look between their legs. We've tried that with elves, and have found no significant difference between the two genders.:rimshot:
AkumaDaimyo 09-18-06, 08:38 PM	I'm sorry but try actually reading the rules before you ask a question like this. Of course they can. It says how weapon size works right in the PHB. If your asking questions like this then perhaps you don't know the rules well enough to DM?
vsimon 09-18-06, 09:28 PM	Thanks.
Kresalak 09-18-06, 09:45 PM	Bah, the only good elves are the ones who live in the North Pole, and mindlessly slave away on toys for humans. This is what I have to say about that. http://i99.photobucket.com/albums/l284/Cielingcat/iminurnorthpolesnipinurelves.jpg
vsimon 09-18-06, 09:58 PM	:D
oxybe 09-19-06, 08:02 AM	wow... fluffy can do more then just kill Steve the commoner, now he can mow through elves like a flaming greasword through a butter golem... not like fluffy needs a rifle to get the job done by the way. btw, Kresalak... you just won the internet and the pr0n you can eat!
razorboy 09-19-06, 01:32 PM	In the gentle words of WoW community - I lold!!!!!!!! I second Oxybe's motion - you win the internet and pr0n hands down. :D P.S. Everyone who's had a kitten knows that they're not normal cats. They're half-fiend half-vampire celestial dire tigers polymorphed into a small cute cuddly shape with 20 levels of OA ninja and 10 levels of Frenzied Berserker. Clearly a kitten could pwn anything. With a sniper rifle, a kitten automatically gains Divine Rank 2 with portfolios of Trickery, Destruction, Cuteness, Naps, and OMGWHATISTHATSMELL!!!
Vestigial_Thumb 09-19-06, 01:54 PM	http://i99.photobucket.com/albums/l284/Cielingcat/iminurnorthpolesnipinurelves.jpg ...And Fluffy moved to another thread. This thread marks the beginning of a new adventure for Fluffy, and the end of the previous thread. I have the authority to say this because I created the crunchy part of Fluffy (and helped make up her personality).
metamind 09-19-06, 03:06 PM	http://i99.photobucket.com/albums/l284/Cielingcat/iminurnorthpolesnipinurelves.jpg Its always great to hear from another YTMND fan.
Kresalak 09-19-06, 03:42 PM	Not YTMND. 4chan. Also, I've got a million such pics. Probably a few more in the photobucket account, although I've got about 10 MB of em on my computer.
Thurbane 09-20-06, 05:56 AM	I think this one is the most appropriate. http://i10.tinypic.com/2ymhljk.jpg
babysamurai 09-20-06, 06:17 AM	I think this one is the most appropriate. http://i10.tinypic.com/2ymhljk.jpg Brilliant – love it.
Starman IX 09-20-06, 08:13 AM	http://i10.tinypic.com/2ymhljk.jpgI was reading about this yesterday. Did you know, in the fourth book... he saved humanity from being asploded? But elves didn't!
Vestigial_Thumb 09-20-06, 11:30 AM	But elves didn't! Those jerks!
Kresalak 09-20-06, 11:37 AM	But elves didn't! Elves destroyed the world!
Gold Medal Jedi 09-20-06, 02:41 PM	Bah, the only good elves are the ones who live in the North Pole, and mindlessly slave away on toys for humans. Dont forget the keeblers... and there awesomeness at baked goods...Plus they have that wicked phat tree house, talk about pimp'n.
LordMongoose 09-20-06, 05:41 PM	I would like to take a moment to quote one of my very favorite players. In our group's message board, he posted the following: Elves. I hate elves. HATE Elves Okay, let's be fair here. Drow are cool, assuming they aren't stupid, tragic, loner cookie-cutter copies of Drizzt. And one main race of "high" elves is fine, as long as they have some depth and culture beyond "we're cool because we live forever and have pointy ears, and we pity the other races who don't, but we're still Chaotic Good even though we can openly racist." But if I see another sourcebook with another new elven subrace, tailor made to be mysterious, cool, and better at X than any non-elf PC race, I'm going to begin my long promised genocidal campaign against elves. I will start by raising a small army of Orcs, traditional enemies of elves. Then, I will have them attack a small village, far from civilization. This will inevitably attract a party of low-level adventurers, who will barge in, kill a few orcs, and (thinking the threat is over) will precede to loot the obvious and unguarded chest in the middle of the encampment filled with wearable, obviously magical items smeared with slow acting contact poison. As the adventurers writhe in agony hours after putting on the Magic Auraed items, I will claim their belongings for the clan and send their souls to Gruumsh, dark god of orcs and elf-hating, who will grant me the power to raise the adventurers poison-impregnated bodies as horrible, blasphemous zombies. I will repeat this, gaining the wealth and unholy services of dozens of adventurers. After a group of adventurers is smart enough not to put on the poisoned clothes and strong enough to kill the orcs, or at least strong enough to seriously hurt the warband, they will come upon me - wounded (or so it seems), manacled to the wall, and a prisoner of the orcs for days. Never thinking that I could be lying, they will take me with them back to town - and when they at night, halfway to town, I will take the first watch and slit their throats while they sleep. With their undead husks as my new minions and the remains of the orc tribe, I will take and send them away to a safe spot. I will return to the town, boast that I will kill the entire orc tribe my myself, and come back with as many heads as I can carry. The townsfolk will inevitably reward me, and to repay them I will throw a feast with my newfound wealth, complete with spiced mead for all and a heavy dose of poison for seasoning. Then, my undead slaves and the remaining orcs will enter the town and kill anyone that didn't drink the poison while I raise the bodies of the townsfolk as my minions. I will repeat this in as many towns as I need, working my way up to stronger and stronger adventurers with more expensive possessions. When a smart group finally realizes what's going on and confronts me, I will beg for mercy and reveal to them that I only did what I did to save my poor, dying mother and avenge the horrible, twisted wrongs elves committed on me. While they're debating the morality of killing me and before they realize what ******** just came out of my mouth, I will trigger the pit trap / antimagic field/ amazingly sharp spikes combination set up in my inner sanctum and kill them too. By that time it is no longer safe to continue with my present plan. I will then take my current army, put it in cold storage (i.e. bury it - orcs too, no need to have minions that can betray you when zombies never eat, sleep, or have treasonous thought), and join the church of Saint Cuthbert. Beforehand, I will give each of the major clerics a false vision (paying for any services I must buy - from an evil yet lazy and uncreative mage - with former adventurers' gold) that a man much like myself is actually the manifestation of Saint Cuthbert's avatar, come to the material plane in mortal guise to test the faithful and reward them with a great crusade against hidden evil. Naturally, the fools will believe it, and in a few short months I will rise to power in the Church (of course always hiding my alignment with magic, mental exercises, and giving money to orphans). I will then reveal my "true" nature in a blinding flash of light and propose a holy crusade against the vile elves! Yes, elves! With their pointy ears so much like demons' horns and their mysterious ways and their alien culture. They never fight except to defend themselves and for all their claims of goodness they harbor lazy, idle beings in their midst - and idle elves are the tools of devils! I will warn the Cuthbertites to beware false prophets from the gods of the elves and to strike down elves within the Church before sabotage the campaign. My deed done, I will teleport away to "be with St. Cuthbert" as the genocide begins. The Cuthbertites are thorough and will prepare before a holy war, possibly even gaining allies without thinking too much about their morality (Hextor might be interested). Meanwhile, I will take my treasure and send a magical projection to a dragon of moderate age - strong enough that she could kill me, but not so strong she could kill me and my undead horde. I will give this dragon, still young and ambitious, a gift of treasure and then propose a deal: help me raise an army and I will give you a chance to plunder an entire nation. She will inevitably betray me later, but by then I'll be ready. For now, she will agree (or I will find a dragon that will agree) and I will have my first dragon ally. That dragon will convince or bully several other, younger dragons into joining the cause and I will have about half a dozen dragons under my command, none of which will trust the others enough to gang up on me and kill me - and in the event they do I will have a teleportation spell ready at all times and never expose my wondrous, massive, and individually fragile horde of undead to the dragons and their breath weapons. While the dragons murder a few scattered elf villages, I will infiltrate elf society and engineer a war between two major elven nations. If there is only one mother nation from which all elves spring, I will engineer a civil war between the elves. An old slight between two groups of elves, or (even better) a row between the royal families, will be the fodder for a senseless war between two major elven population centers. The elves, being flighty and easily offended, will be goaded easily to fight. Even if their lackadaisical personalities and good alignment prevents actual war, there will be brawls here and there, a few scattered killings and assaults, and general unrest and distrust between the nations. Hopefully, they will gird themselves to fight other elves and ready their armies. Then, I will arrange to have the ruler of one nation assassinated and blame it squarely on the other nation. Not just the monarch will die, though - his immediate family and anything that stands in the way of the best magical yet elf-shaped killer the powers of a dragon and a dark god of elf-hating can create will die in creative, bloody, and horribly painful ways. The king's body will be destroyed by magic and his soul will be captured in a gem and teleported to me when the magical assassin returns, where I will sell it to a demon in exchange for a bit of demonic help in the coming slaughter. If a war hasn't started yet, it will, and if a blatant assassination isn't enough to start a war elves are so lazy I could just stab every elf in the face in broad daylight and no one would stop me. I have the elves fighting among themselves, a horde of undead (which I will fortify with the bodies of the elves in the settlements the dragons raze and enhance with dark magic), a few demons, a wing of dragons (if they are ever wiped out, perhaps by a wing of good dragons or a very well prepared group of adventurers, I can simply recruit more using the same tactics as before), and a crusade against the heathen tree-lovers brewing. Most people would begin the bloodbath now, but that wouldn't be enough. I want to be thorough. So I will invite the drow along to join the war. All I need to do is approach the leading matron (by magical projection - I have gone too far to spend the rest of my live enslaved by drow) and tell her that I'm going to attack the elves while the civil war rages. We will bond over our hatred of elves and love of evil and she will rally the drow that follow her to join in the greatest war against the hated, light-loving faeries - because nothing unites drow and squelches their petty squabbling like a chance to kill elves. I will then call out to Gruumsh, my patron, for help from his children. The orcs will flow to me in record numbers, brutal, stupid, and ready to kill. I will fortify them with magic and stolen adventurer goods and drill them until they are a lethal, ordered army nearly unable to disobey orders, even if it means their death. After I dispatch the adventurers that inevitably discover my plot (hint: by this time, my bodyguards are polymorphed dragons and I have enough magical items to outfit a small army, which I do) and raise them as zombies, it is almost time to begin. I will sacrifice the souls an entire village of elves to my dark god of hatred and prepare the ritual that will empower me with every filthy elven soul that is ripped from its body in glorious battle. I will delay the army of St. Cuthbert with a few well-placed detours (they worship a god of law and blind obedience, they'll follow road signs) so they arrive at dusk. Upon the setting of the sun, my dark glory will begin. The Cuthbertites will join the civil war on neither side, slaying men, women, and children without mercy. With the horrible sun gone the Drow will rise from the Underdark as the Orcs maraud into Elvish towns. My dark army of poisonous undead will only feed their ranks with elven, human, and Orcish dead as the war continues. The green of old forests will be red with fire and blood. Demons will pour forth to lead the charge, dragons will light the night sky with fire, and I will survey the battle from the top of the first dragon that followed me, his reward come at last. As the battle rages on, some of my undead horde - those with rudimentary intelligence yet physically incapable of disobeying - will gather all the elves' enchanted crafts in the middle of a massive ritual circle made from the stinking corpses of dead elves, painted with runes of blood. With each elven death a soul will flow unto me and give me power to control ever more minions and cast even more horrible spells on the battlefield. The trees will fall to ash and the ground will be torn asunder as the slaughter continues. Then the sun will rise, and the horrible true nature of my plan will become obvious. The drow and orcs, exhausted from battle, will recoil from the horrible, burning dawn - but they will be so far into elven lands they cannot escape from the light into the Underdark or their warrens. They will be crushed beneath the hammers of the Cuthbertites and the claws my undead - then the stupid worshippers of a stupider god with die in dragonflame. Each death will empower me due to the boon Gruumsh granted me - and speaking of Gruumsh, even he will realize my betrayal when the worshippers die in their moment of triumph over the elves. It matter not. Each death makes me stronger, and each orc that dies makes Gruumsh weaker. He won't have the power to stop me, nor will anyone once my plan is finished. The dragons will finish off the few survivors. The demons will return to the abyss when the spells that bind them here expire. The elves, Cuthbertites, drow, and orcs are dead, and my army of undead, under my control only by virtue of the souls I have absorbed, is bloated with new recruits. Then I will release control of the undead. The entire army will be berserk. Many will crumble to dust when I let go of my magic, but some will rampage throughout the countryside. Not my problem. I have kept my true power hidden, especially from my patron Gruumsh, by keeping such a huge horde of minions. No longer. I expect to have the power of at least a demigod- more, once I absorb the magic from the enchanted weapons and crafts of an entire species in a ritual fueled with elven flesh and bones. I will take that power and travel to Avrandor and visit Corellon Larethian, who by this time is as weak as a pointy-eared infant from the loss of all his worshippers. I will kill him with my bare hands and absorb his remaining power and the non-elf parts of his portfolio. I will do the same for the rest of the Seldarine, and then raise them as horrible, undead abominations fully under my control. By this point, Gruumsh is worried - as he should be. On my way to the Abyss I will swing by his home, kill the weakened fool, and absorb his portfolio as well. The battle will be hard, but I will be far more powerful than he and it will be trivial to destroy his Orcish minions and resurrect them into twisted mockeries of life. Afterwards, I will visit the weakened Lolth and explain my entire plan in great detail. After she bows before the true master of treachery, thus surrendering that part of her portfolio to a more worthy deity, I will kill her and any other elven gods, which are by now so weak they cannot stop me. I will ascend to greater godhood, a god of death, betrayal, and triumph. With the powers of a god I will use my undead servants to hunt down every last remaining being of more than half elven blood and kill them. Then, I will gather the undead elven gods before me. One by one, I will release them from their bondage and condemn them to the oblivion. I will release Corellon Larethian last, but not before basking in the beautiful irony of it all. As he was the first elf and that hated race's creator, so is he last to truly die, broken, beaten, and enslaved. I have since written him into another campaign of mine as a BBEG.
Starman IX 09-20-06, 06:17 PM	That. Ruled. So. Much. Face. :eek: :bow:
oxybe 09-20-06, 07:38 PM	much agreed with Starman IX, LordMongoose that was some good old fashion boot to the face & hammergun awesome. you win.
Seraphine_Harmonium 09-20-06, 07:59 PM	I must admit, even I was entertained by that.
Gold Medal Jedi 09-22-06, 12:40 AM	Mongoose... Your player rules.. and i humbly bend my knee in respect to his awesomeness. He truly wins in all sense of the word. Oh and yoink... stealing this hunk of gold like an master thief ;)
aotrscommander 09-22-06, 08:47 PM	Well, that killed the thread. I'd make some slanderous comment about Elves, but frankly, it would seem rather insignificant. LordMongoose, does your friend have any idea about dealing with Vampires...?
Gilganarz_the_reporter 09-22-06, 09:22 PM	I think even Pun-Pun was impressed by that one.
MagnaSecuris 09-23-06, 12:01 AM	Remember- as much as we hate them, we have to acknowledge that elves are still the same species as us. Half-elves (offsprings of humans and elves) are fully capable of reproducing. So are Half-Orcs. It's like dogs, we look and act different, but can all make puppies together. Elves are like the small vicious ones that can't really hurt you unless you let them or aren't paying attention. While Orcs are the big, drooly ones that break your bones in their enthusiasm to be friendly.
LordMongoose 09-24-06, 02:37 PM	LordMongoose, does your friend have any idea about dealing with Vampires...? I'll get back to you on that :D
metamind 09-26-06, 05:17 PM	Another very shameless bump.
Kresalak 09-26-06, 07:55 PM	While Orcs are the big, drooly ones that break your bones in their enthusiasm to be friendly. I like orcs a lot more now.
zae 09-27-06, 11:08 PM	I like orcs a lot more now. Same here. The next game I run will see orcs undergoing a significant change.
Prak, the Mad 09-28-06, 01:58 PM	although they have a slight build elves are still medium. an elf with strength 17 is particulaly muscley and is able to wield a greatsword just as well as any other race. even one with Str 10 is able. they would only take some pretty horriffc penalties if they were small, like halflings or gnomes. having said that a halfling barbarian with monkey grip and a greatsword was lots of fun to play. yes, yes it is... *grin* especially an elvish barbarian who slew a minotaur and made a trenchcoat from it and is now wielding a Large Greatsword picked up from an oge mage... "I'm the most hairless barbarian in the city!"~me upon realising elves have no facial or body hair....
Dunamin 09-28-06, 02:37 PM	LordMongoose, I am speechless with awe.
Prak, the Mad 09-28-06, 02:54 PM	Metamind. My elf doesn't agree with you. I have no problem taking mine into a mud pit. Getting dirty just means your doing something right. nor does mine, what do you say to an elf that gets gored by a minotaur, lops the thing's head of with his AoO and then makes a coat and rations out of the damn thing? Because of what you said in the following sentences about them being frail. Sane schmane. If they want to be tough, they better charge the damn orcs and take the heat. Grrrrr!* *This message paid for by the bear that follows V_T and does his bidding. The payment (pic-a-nic baskets and a smaller bear) was accepted for fear of being mauled. lol, mine does, hell, when my elf comes to a room with some authoritorian speech going on in a language he doesn't understand, he cracks open the door, tosses in oil and alchemist's fire, gets back, sits with the dwarven archer to shoot anything that comes out, then pushes his way back to front and chases after the minotaur after being knocked to the back by said minotaur and it running off. my party saw the minotaur run back into the room, me push through them with my greatsword, and chase after it, get flung to the left after entering the room, and then come out holding my sword in one hand and the minotaur's head in the other. To be honest, I see some interesting elf characters (once you dig past all the Drizzt clones) but just about every dwarf I've ever come across is the same short gruff bearded guy with an axe and three quarts of grain alcohol. my elf's actually got them beat... he carries around a gallon of ale...
Gold Medal Jedi 09-28-06, 06:53 PM	Its obvious that your elf is not a true elf... more likely a dragon that has become the victim of a rather dubious sorceror or better yet the nefarious trickster Pink Dragon, and has been placed in a rather comlicated and powerful spell to make him think he is an elf barbarian, this is so because there clearly is no such thing as barabrian elves, hell even the wood elves are more civilized than most other types.
Lord_Varos 09-28-06, 10:21 PM	Elves are so stupid, they hear it's chilly outside and get bowls. Elves are so short, they model for trophies.
celestialkin 09-28-06, 10:56 PM	Only if they're Great Elves (subrace). I'm sorry to ask this from a post dating back to 08/26/06, but as a guy trying to hunt down the material for all the D&D elf races I have to know, are there actually great elves?
gamerd0rk 09-28-06, 11:18 PM	Dont the mods on these forums ever lock threads when they get out of hand like this.
Rickiel 09-28-06, 11:35 PM	Originally Posted by The Soul Collector I think elves as noble, authoritative, wise, and heroic. I don’t! And my favorite elf character to play, Raz, definitely demonstrates this! Originally Posted by Starman IX Are artists really humans? Originally Posted by Vestigial_Thumb Like Elves, artists are hippies, and therefore not human. I am not a hippy! Originally Posted by Celestine_Autumnstar Their non violent ways and gentle speaking voices. Their pretty handwriting and attention to fine dress. That and they pee sitting down. Nonviolent? Gentle speaking voices? Pretty handwriting? Attention to fine dress? (admittedly I have Raz wear actually rather outlandish and strange outfits, but not ‘fine’ dress…except that one time but that was for a disguise!) And Raz has NEVER did his number one business sitting down! Originally Posted by Starman IX They have masculinity? Of course! I shall now show evidence that at least one elf can definitely be masculine! ROLL THE TAPE! Scene 1: Taking a Hit A few arrows are sticking out of Raz. And yet he keeps on moving to get close enough to aid his comrades. Raz: Just five more feet, and I can give this potion of cure light wounds to the tank! And then gets dropped courtesy of a critical miss from said tank. Scene 2: Giants. Raz: I don’t think we should attack this giant. Besides, she’s got nothing worth taking! Others: We must defeat this giant! Raz: WHY?! Others: For GLORY! Raz: No we don’t. Others: Coward! *others begin storming the giant’s place* Raz: Stupid bashers are going to get killed without me. *proceeds to help said bashers* And five rounds into combat, Raz gets squishied by the giant. Scene 3: Drinking Dwarf: And my friend here will have your pansy el- Raz: Strong dwarven ale for me. Dwarf: What? Raz: I said, I want some dwarven ale. The stuff that knocks you out cold in five gulps to be specific. Dwarf: Are you sure? Raz: Of course I’m sure! I know what I like and I want me some fine dwarven ale! What part of I want to get stone-drunk don’t you understand?! Scene 4: Dealing With A Real Woman Wench: Hey there, I hear elves are rather…’talented’. Raz: As a whole, I wouldn’t know, and I just tend to make trouble. Wench: Oh, but I’m sure you can…’handle’ it. Raz: Depends on the trouble. Wench: You know, I rather like the pointy ears, the soft skin, and definitely that beautiful voice that elves get a reputation for. Raz: That’s nice; though personally my ears are overly long, skin’s rather tough and scarred in saint’s knows how many places, and the only thing I can sing well are dwarven drinking songs. Wench: Why don’t you serenade me with one? Raz: I’m trying to finish up this plan for making an automatic siege engine capable of tearing down fifty foot high walls with a single smack. Wench: Do you realize that your friends over there paid me fifteen gold pieces to have me share your bed with you? Raz: That’s odd…there’s plenty of free rooms still available in this inn. Why don’t you just have one of those? Wench: Okay, this is getting tiresome. Would you like to find out where babies come from? Raz: I already know. Figured it out a long time ago. Wench: Well that’s a relief. Raz: Babies are shapeshifters from another world. Wench: :blink:
Maekrix_Waere 09-29-06, 01:05 AM	I've made several Elf fighters that used greatswords. My current one also has Monkey Grip so he can use a Large greatsword. Frankly, I've found my elf fighters to be much easier to use then my human, dwarf, and half-orc fighters for 2 (main) reasons: #1-Save money on armour. (Mithral Chain Shirts cost alot less then Mithral Full Plate.) #2-A Fighter who can specialize in swords, but then switch to a bow (Composite Greatbow:+6 Str Bonus right now.) when needed. Also, just grab an ammy of health to keep yourself from going squish those few times you DO get hit. (Albeit, I [for one] never went squish BEFORE the ammy, but it sure helped the cleric keep an extra cure or two for the Dwarf fighter in our group. [Not dissing him, he took dwarf defender, so he can absord ALOT more punishment then I can{Which is good, cause he gets hit alot more than I do}]) P.S. IF none of you want to believe me, just ask and I'll post the character sheet on this thread.
Gold Medal Jedi 09-29-06, 10:15 PM	Dont the mods on these forums ever lock threads when they get out of hand like this. Silence thy tounge, this thread is the best thing to happen to these boards and is a welcome departure from the rampant caterwalling outside its warm and scrumptious walls of insanity.
Always-Late 09-29-06, 10:27 PM	P.S. IF none of you want to believe me, just ask and I'll post the character sheet on this thread.Please do. I think you're violating the racial damage cap.
Rickiel 09-29-06, 11:41 PM	There's a racial damage cap? I was definately not aware of this. Tell me, does the cap apply to a race using a weapon, or using a race as a weapon? If the latter, I can definately see why elves would't be great as weapons and they only deal 1d6 damage.
Maekrix_Waere 09-30-06, 01:04 AM	Please do. I think you're violating the racial damage cap. I really hope that you aren't really gullible enough to believe that racial damage cap nonsense. If you are, I pity you all the more. Here is all relevant information: Level 12 Fighter (Nearly 13) Abilities: (Current, No EQ) Str:18 Dex:20 Con:16 Int:16 Wis:14 Cha:15 (Current, with EQ) Str:24 Dex:22 Con:22 Int:16 Wis:14 Cha:15 AC:32 (10+7[+3 Mithral Chain Shirt]+6 Dex+3 [Bracers of Armour]+2 [Amulet of natural Armour], +4 [2 rings of Protection +2] HP:168 Fort:+14 Reflex:+10 Will:+6 Feats: Improved Initiative Power Attack Cleave, Great Cleave, Mighty Cleave [Mighty Cleave from Complete Warrior] Exotic Weapon Proficiency (Greatbow) Weapon Focus (Greatsword), Improved Weapon Focus (Greatsword) Weapon Specialization (Greatsword), Improved Weapon Specialization (Greatsword) Ready Shot [Heroes of Battle] Monkey Grip (Greatsword) [Complete Warrior] Full Attacks: +1 Coldflaming Greatsword +23/+18/+13 (3d6+16+1d6 Cold+1d6 Flame) Composite Greatbow [+6 Str enhancement] +19/+14/+9 (1d10+6)
Mr.Atheist 09-30-06, 01:45 AM	Definitely breaking the cap. You may be missing the point of elves. Sure, you can give a housecat 13 levels in fighter to make it impressive. But let's be realistic; *****'s don't wield +1 coldflaming Greatswords. (Oh, great, they censor the "P" word for cat) ((Dicking around aside, I'm fairly certain some of your magical items bonuses to AC don't stack. May want to check that))
Maekrix_Waere 09-30-06, 02:16 AM	Dicking around aside, I'm fairly certain some of your magical items bonuses to AC don't stack. May want to check that Oh, they all stack, I made sure of it. Bracers give Armour bonus (Armour bonus from armour and armour bonus from a Wondrous Item do stack), Ammy gives Natural Armour, and Rings give Deflection. It isn't like if I took the Extra Magic Item feat and wore two Belts of Ogre Strength +6. THOSE wouldn't stack. Oh, and, technically, without house rules, you can't give anything class levels unless it's advancement is by character class, or there are rules in a book specifically allowing it (E.G.-Dragons and the Draconomicon) And, no, I'm not missing the point of Elves. Every race has to have at least a FEW melee fighters. Armies can't be all Archery and Magic. (Well, they can, but if they were, then Orcs would always win...always)
Sapp 09-30-06, 02:40 AM	I believe Armor Bonuses do not stack. Natural Armor Bonus and Armor Bonus do stack, because they are not the same bonus. An armor bonus applies to Armor Class and is granted by armor or by a spell or magical effect that mimics armor. Armor bonuses stack with all other bonuses to Armor Class (even with natural armor bonuses) except other armor bonuses. An armor bonus doesn't apply against touch attacks, except for armor bonuses granted by force effects (such as the mage armor spell) which apply against incorporeal touch attacks, such as that of a shadow. Deflection bonuses also don't stack, so your second Ring of Protection is redundant. A deflection bonus affects Armor Class and is granted by a spell or magic effect that makes attacks veer off harmlessly. Deflection bonuses stack with all other bonuses to AC except other deflection bonuses. A deflection bonus applies against touch attacks.
aotrscommander 09-30-06, 08:01 AM	I really hope that you aren't really gullible enough to believe that racial damage cap nonsense. If you are, I pity you all the more. You've really missed the point of this thread, haven't you... (Oh and on a serious note, Sapp is correct; armour bonuses don't stack, regardless of whether they're from bracers, normal armour, Mage Armour; and deflection bonuses don't stack with each other, either.)
Gold Medal Jedi 09-30-06, 06:57 PM	Oh, they all stack, I made sure of it. Bracers give Armour bonus (Armour bonus from armour and armour bonus from a Wondrous Item do stack), Ammy gives Natural Armour, and Rings give Deflection. It isn't like if I took the Extra Magic Item feat and wore two Belts of Ogre Strength +6. THOSE wouldn't stack. Oh, and, technically, without house rules, you can't give anything class levels unless it's advancement is by character class, or there are rules in a book specifically allowing it (E.G.-Dragons and the Draconomicon) And, no, I'm not missing the point of Elves. Every race has to have at least a FEW melee fighters. Armies can't be all Archery and Magic. (Well, they can, but if they were, then Orcs would always win...always) Dude seriously, chill out. This thread is for fun, nothing more nothing less... so stop with the vibes and just have fun with it. Enough with the rule mongering. This is about us poking fun at elves and those who adore them. Nothing here is meant to be taken seriously and most, if not all, realize that (even those ruddy mods ;) ).
Kresalak 09-30-06, 07:06 PM	AC:32 (10+7[+3 Mithral Chain Shirt]+6 Dex+3 [Bracers of Armour]+2 [Amulet of natural Armour], +4 [2 rings of Protection +2] AC: 10+7(+3 mithral chain shirt)+6 Dex+2 natural+2 deflection=27. Armor bonuses do not stack, nor do deflection bonuses. The ONLY kind of bonus that stacks is dodge bonuses.
Gold Medal Jedi 09-30-06, 07:52 PM	OK OK OK OK.... STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!! this rules lawyering is getting out of hand lets get back on topic here and have some more fun.... Here we go.... Who in hollywood are closet elves? Who are secretly masquerading around as mere mortal humans on the silver screen and the boob tube? I humbly submit my list (subject to random growth) Richard Simmons Katie Holmes Conan O'Brien Milla Jovovich Drew Carey Dick Clark Carrot Top Andy Dick Adam Sandler and Mr. T (likely a drow, ok maybe im wrong then but i still feel he was at least raised by elves)
KirkBb 09-30-06, 08:04 PM	No, too many elf-lovers are invading this thread, trying to make this place unholy.... QUICK, WE MUST ALL CHANT IN UNISON TO SCARE THEM AWAY! Elves suck, teh suck they be, evles suck....
aotrscommander 09-30-06, 08:08 PM	Who in hollywood are closet elves? Who are secretly masquerading around as mere mortal humans on the silver screen and the boob tube? *snip* I humbly submit my list (subject to random growth) *snip* Mr. T (likely a drow) So you don't think the facial hair and that fact he could not only wield a greatsword, but throw it like most folks would a dagger mean anything? Come on, Gold Medal Jedi, Mr T is clearly a Dwarf! The beard. The attitude. The hardness. He's just probably on stilts. Or he had his legs extended or something. He drinks milk, for crying out loud, to make his bones stronger! Everybody knows real Elves don't drink milk! They drink tree sap and nectar. And that's only the really 'tough' ones! That's why they snap in half when you breathe on them to hard. If an Elf drank milk, his head would explode! Drow indeed. Tch.
Cyric 09-30-06, 09:10 PM	I'm sorry to ask this from a post dating back to 08/26/06, but as a guy trying to hunt down the material for all the D&D elf races I have to know, are there actually great elves? Contrary to what most elves believe, there are no GREAT elves, puny elves, yes, but no great great one.
Kresalak 09-30-06, 10:58 PM	Mr. T (likely a drow, ok maybe im wrong then but i still feel he was at least raised by elves) Mr. T pitty da' foo' who call Mr. T an elf! Also, aren't you Richard Simmons' best friend... Richard Simmons?
Vestigial_Thumb 09-30-06, 11:35 PM	I am not a hippy! Are you sure? I will believe you if you say so, but if you are lying, I will not be able to (not-so-much) face you ever again. :P
Kresalak 09-30-06, 11:39 PM	Like Elves, artists are hippies, and therefore not human. That's just like... your opinion, man.
Vestigial_Thumb 10-01-06, 09:45 AM	Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy **** with me, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the ****ing trigger 'til it goes "click." That's what I'd say to an Elf. Which Kresalak is not. I am not threatening him.
Rickiel 10-01-06, 01:12 PM	You can trust me Vestigial_Thumb, I am definately not a hippy. :) I have however, made at least three hippy types cry at an art convention :evillaugh:
Gold Medal Jedi 10-01-06, 03:38 PM	Mr. T pitty da' foo' who call Mr. T an elf! Also, aren't you Richard Simmons' best friend... Richard Simmons? Richard Simmons??? ME??? oh ho... now thats a laugh.... no no no... i am no friend to that atrocity of elven kind.
Vestigial_Thumb 10-01-06, 03:40 PM	You can trust me Vestigial_Thumb, I am definately not a hippy. :) I have however, made at least three hippy types cry at an art convention :evillaugh: Hooray!
Gold Medal Jedi 10-01-06, 03:48 PM	and the world rejoices at the plight of another ruddy good for nothing elv..ahem... Hippy.
Vestigial_Thumb 10-03-06, 08:57 PM	Shall I get the shovel?
Lord_Varos 10-03-06, 09:26 PM	One time, an elf looked at me wrong, so I killed him with a hammer.
Vestigial_Thumb 10-04-06, 11:33 AM	One time, an elf looked at me wrong, so I killed him with a hammer. At band camp?
oxybe 10-04-06, 12:02 PM	in an orc camp.
Lord_Varos 10-04-06, 06:04 PM	Actually, it was at a camp for differently-abled Elves. Most there had natural 7's and 8's in Constitution, but the elves' racial "handicap" of -2 Con just makes their lives so sad. That's why I didn't mind killing him: he was in a wheelchair.
bansheeman 10-04-06, 07:15 PM	One time, an elf looked at me wrong, so I killed him with a hammer. One time, an elf was there, so i killed him with a Q-tip brand ear cleaner.
Gold Medal Jedi 10-05-06, 01:11 PM	no doubt it was a wet q-tip at that.
Toptomcat 10-05-06, 01:43 PM	Let This Die.
Gold Medal Jedi 10-05-06, 02:48 PM	Let This Die. Must be an elf lover:evillaugh
metamind 10-05-06, 04:45 PM	Let This Die. NO.
Rickiel 10-05-06, 04:53 PM	I too am in favor of not letting this thread die. Hmmm... All we need now is a theme song about the silly elfling that tried to pick up a greatsword one day.
pierow37 10-05-06, 05:36 PM	Well at least you aren't making it a god like we did with the last HUGELY long thread about swords [uranium sword]...
Sapp 10-05-06, 05:52 PM	Well at least you aren't making it a god like we did with the last HUGELY long thread about swords [uranium sword]... That would mean that we'd need to make a God of Elves Who Wield Greatswords. 1. That's absurd. 2. How many elves would he be representing? 3. We have too many damned gods dedicated to elves already!
pierow37 10-05-06, 05:56 PM	That would mean that we'd need to make a God of Elves Who Wield Greatswords. 1. That's absurd. 2. How many elves would he be representing? 3. We have too many damned gods dedicated to elves already! Well you see... Elves have so many gods because of their holy nature. Or you could just say he is a demi-god.
Norsesmithy 10-05-06, 07:04 PM	Or maybe he is an effeminate human with putty ears that is worshiped by elves because they think he is an Elf that can actually use a great sword.
Archangel62 10-05-06, 07:15 PM	Or maybe he is an effeminate human with putty ears that is worshiped by elves because they think he is an Elf that can actually use a great sword. He could also be an elfish impersonator who somehow stumbled into the divine luncheon at the wrong time.
pierow37 10-05-06, 09:01 PM	or maybe when he was ressurected a deity's soul got put into the elf... So he had super human str... so he COULD weild a greatsword...
Gold Medal Jedi 10-05-06, 10:45 PM	or maybe when he was ressurected a deity's soul got put into the elf... So he had super human str... so he COULD weild a greatsword... cant happen, Elven gods only have a Max STR of 10 so he would be right on par for a regular human and because he is elven he isnt allowed to carry any weapon that weighs more than himself. (this last part i use as a general rule for all characters in my game, i mean come on how the heck could anyone weild a Mac Truck??? If the weapon weighs more than you then the weapon weilds you, see simple.:D )
Burgundy Lotus 10-05-06, 11:00 PM	[Yakov Smirnoff] "In Soviet Russia, sword weilds you."[/Yakov Smirnoff]
Omega the Powerfull 10-05-06, 11:24 PM	[Yakov Smirnoff] "In Russia, sword weilds you."[/Yakov Smirnoff] That's weird. :P
Burgundy Lotus 10-05-06, 11:54 PM	That's weird. :P Thank you. :D
Toptomcat 10-05-06, 11:57 PM	SOVIET Russia. The cadence is all wrong if it's just 'Russia.'
Always-Late 10-06-06, 12:11 AM	In Soviet Russia, elves wield greatswords!
Insanit 10-06-06, 01:20 AM	There are two kinds of elfs i run. grey elf conjurors with the alternate ability of warping 10ft from PH2. this kind is always an arse, at first. the exception is Kyavel the crazy CE elven fire wizard, he is cool. the other kind is the LN elf fighter, dual wielding elven thinblade waving inproved crit everywere, that with flaming and icy burst. :yuck: when i actualy get to be a PC, i like to be human fighters with a long or bastardswords and a tower shield. I dunno why but its funner, somehow.
KurenaiYami 10-06-06, 02:11 AM	In Soviet Russia, this thread is allowed to die.
John05 10-06-06, 02:24 AM	Bleh... This thread reminds me that I have to play a Valenar Elf. :yuck:
Kargush 10-06-06, 02:45 AM	God....can you handle a broad as well as you sling innuendo? I'm still laughing. OMFG!!! I'm laughing so I hard I can barely type... :bow: :bounce:
Burgundy Lotus 10-06-06, 07:10 AM	SOVIET Russia. The cadence is all wrong if it's just 'Russia.' My bad. I'll fix that.
razorboy 10-06-06, 08:25 AM	Still not fixed. :P "In Soviet Russia, your posts edit you!"
coldfire_x 10-06-06, 09:52 AM	i feel you all way offtopic. how funny is that from a little none intresting thread like if an elf can..... there are so much post. btw i didn't noticed,did it past 10 pages?
Cthulhu-LQ 10-06-06, 11:14 AM	The truth about elves lies there http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2472939768568405065
Vestigial_Thumb 10-06-06, 11:34 AM	In Soviet Russia, this thread is allowed to die. In Republic of Iceland, thread kills you!
Gold Medal Jedi 10-06-06, 02:01 PM	i feel you all way offtopic. how funny is that from a little none intresting thread like if an elf can..... there are so much post. btw i didn't noticed,did it past 10 pages? HUH!? :confused: :uh-huh:
pierow37 10-06-06, 04:14 PM	In Soviet Russia, You aren't allowed to play DND. ^^these could be almost as good as chuck noris jokes....
zvbxrpl 10-06-06, 05:57 PM	In Ebberon, Aerenal elves can wield greatswords, but only to cut themselves with.
Cifer 10-06-06, 08:47 PM	^^these could be almost as good as chuck noris jokes.... Since those become pretty stupid, boring and annoying as soon as you are trapped in a car with two WoW-fanatics for four hours, that's not hard to reach.
pierow37 10-06-06, 09:38 PM	Since those become pretty stupid, boring and annoying as soon as you are trapped in a car with two WoW-fanatics for four hours, that's not hard to reach. As true as that may be. I can never hold myself back from chuckling when I hear "Chuck Noris doesn't read, he stares at books until it gives him the info he wants"
pierow37 10-07-06, 10:28 AM	sorry for the double post. In Soviet Russia, People can't joke about Chuck Noris. That combines the stupidy of both! I love it!
MagnaSecuris 10-07-06, 02:32 PM	You don't get it do you? the Soviet Russia jokes are supposed to follow a pattern. Like a knock-knock joke. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_Reversal "In Soviet Russia, DnD group finds YOU." You're worse than an elf trying to understand the advantages of full plate.
Gold Medal Jedi 10-07-06, 06:16 PM	In D&D, Chuck Norris weilds +5 keened soviet russians.
Vestigial_Thumb 10-07-06, 06:49 PM	In D&D, Chuck Norris weilds +5 keened soviet russians. No no no. In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris kills you!
Gold Medal Jedi 10-07-06, 07:50 PM	No no no. In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris kills you! Chuck Norris kills everyone the everywhere.
Moon-Lancer 10-07-06, 07:56 PM	but thier is one thing chuck fears, and thats an elf with a great sword.
Vestigial_Thumb 10-07-06, 08:25 PM	Chuck Norris kills everyone the everywhere. Exactly. but thier is one thing chuck fears, and thats an elf with a great sword. That may be true, but he doesn't even flinch at the notion. He actually has to encounter such an elf.
Red12 10-07-06, 09:26 PM	but thier is one thing chuck fears, and thats an elf with a great sword. Why? Chuck can kill even that which does not exsist.
CrystalSeraph 10-08-06, 07:05 AM	My elf uses a fullblade XD But she is part dragon. Elves can use big weapons provided they are a) pretty b) mithril and c) human or orc bane weapons of ballet dancing vorpal mega crit. It helps if the weapon has flowers engraved on it somewhere.
Stickboy2323 10-08-06, 10:43 AM	Sure elves can wield a greatsword. They can wield rapiers which are greatswords for stabbing or scimitars which are greatswords for slashing. ;) But seriously, I used to think elves were the worst but then Races of Destiny was released and Illumians were introduced. Baldies with floating neon signs encircling their heads. Lame. And then Races of the Wild was released and Raptorans were introduced. Bird-people that can't even fly. That whole race just needs to be gone. Permanently. So the worst three races in D&D are: 1. Raptorans 2. Illumians 3. Elves (all types) Oh, one other thing... Can't really find a way to praise an entire species where their males look like your females. It's like The Crying Game, but with a bow and lasting centuries . Too funny!
Godzilla 10-08-06, 04:04 PM	Yeah, an Elf can weild a greatsword. Is your next question gonna be, "Can a Gonme weild a greatsword?" or "Am I an idiot?"
Vestigial_Thumb 10-08-06, 04:10 PM	Yeah, an Elf can weild a greatsword. Lie.
Kresalak 10-08-06, 04:26 PM	Can a gnome wield a greatsword?
pierow37 10-08-06, 04:26 PM	Yeah, an Elf can weild a greatsword. Is your next question gonna be, "Can a Gonme weild a greatsword?" or "Am I an idiot?" Probably more like "Can a housecat wear full plate?"
Kresalak 10-08-06, 04:28 PM	Cats break rules.
Vestigial_Thumb 10-08-06, 04:36 PM	Cats break rules. This is true. It's true because I said it.
Gold Medal Jedi 10-08-06, 09:18 PM	This is true. It's true because I said it. And sayeth the Thumb. All hail the Thumb.
pierow37 10-09-06, 07:42 AM	Cats break rules. Rules includeing the abliitly to wera fullplate?
Kresalak 10-09-06, 11:17 AM	Yes.
RobbyPants 10-09-06, 11:18 AM	Rules includeing the abliitly to wera fullplate? Oh yeah! My cat's always breaking rules like getting on the counter and wearing full plate. I espescially hate the latter, cuz it's sooo loud when I'm trying to sleep.
Vestigial_Thumb 10-09-06, 11:22 AM	And sayeth the Thumb. All hail the Thumb. I sigged that. :thumbsup:
Gold Medal Jedi 10-10-06, 11:23 PM	I sigged that. :thumbsup: well at least one thing good came of this thread. ;)
Stickboy2323 10-11-06, 04:18 AM	well at least one thing good came of this thread. Hey, a lot of elf bashing was done too. That's a good thing.
aotrscommander 10-11-06, 06:04 AM	So, the next question must be, given that Elves cannot use Greatswords, and given Vampires are very actually as bad/wussy as Elves (albeit it a different way, weating blak instead of flowers and composing different but equally bad poetry), can Vampires also not wield Greatswords? And if so, if an Elf Vampire merely touches a greatsword, does the meeting of uber-wussiness and uber-hardness cause an explosion like that of matter/anti-matter? If so, we have the beginnings of a new superweapon.
razorboy 10-11-06, 08:00 AM	Can a gnome wield a greatsword? The correct question is: Can a greatsword wield a gnome? ;)
Vestigial_Thumb 10-11-06, 09:10 AM	The correct question is: Can a greatsword wield a gnome? ;) Yes, in Soviet Russia, they can.
babysamurai 10-11-06, 09:19 AM	Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy **** with me, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the ****ing trigger 'til it goes "click." …Jesus…
Trondant 10-11-06, 09:22 AM	Yes, in Soviet Russia, they can. in soviet russia, a sword can wield a great elf. (yeah, I know, paradox)
Vestigial_Thumb 10-11-06, 10:34 AM	…Jesus… You said it, man. Nobody ****s with Jesus.
RobbyPants 10-11-06, 10:43 AM	You said it, man. Nobody ****s with Jesus. I thought it was "The Jesus"... ...I haven't seen that one in a while :) Question: Where did that whole "Soviet Russia" reference come from? I've heard it on Family Guy before...
Toptomcat 10-11-06, 10:51 AM	Wikipedia explains the Russian Reversal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_reversal)
RobbyPants 10-11-06, 10:55 AM	Wikipedia explains the Russian Reversal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_reversal) Thanks... :D I just found that same page from Google, and was returning to edit my post...
Kresalak 10-11-06, 12:27 PM	So, the next question must be, given that Elves cannot use Greatswords, and given Vampires are very actually as bad/wussy as Elves (albeit it a different way, weating blak instead of flowers and composing different but equally bad poetry), can Vampires also not wield Greatswords? And if so, if an Elf Vampire merely touches a greatsword, does the meeting of uber-wussiness and uber-hardness cause an explosion like that of matter/anti-matter? If so, we have the beginnings of a new superweapon. Yes, in fact, it will. I even have the equations that govern the release of failure from it. What unit measures failure?
Sorti 10-11-06, 01:15 PM	Yes, in fact, it will. I even have the equations that govern the release of failure from it. What unit measures failure? Losers. The minimum amount of failure is 1 loser (AKA "you did some little mistake"), the maximum observed in nature is around 10^24 kilolosers (AKA "Complete Psionic")
Maekrix_Waere 10-12-06, 10:09 PM	Probably more like "Can a housecat wear full plate?" Yes, they can, and there are rules for it...sadly enough...
pierow37 10-12-06, 10:21 PM	Yes, they can, and there are rules for it...sadly enough... are u serious?
Salla 10-12-06, 10:23 PM	Yes, in fact, it will. I even have the equations that govern the release of failure from it. What unit measures failure? I'd respond, but we're not allowed to discuss politics. :)
babysamurai 10-13-06, 04:13 AM	You said it, man. Nobody ****s with Jesus. …8-year olds, dude.
RobbyPants 10-13-06, 09:16 AM	…8-year olds, dude. :confused:
babysamurai 10-13-06, 09:28 AM	:confused: It’s a line from the film The Big Lebowski.
RobbyPants 10-13-06, 09:42 AM	It’s a line from the film The Big Lebowski. I know... you meant the movie's 8 years old? I was just confused.
Vestigial_Thumb 10-13-06, 10:13 AM	…8-year olds, dude. And thus concludes our enactment of a part of a scene from the movie The Big Lebowski. Thank y'all for the attention, and hope to see you again for our enactment of a part of a scene from a different movie.
babysamurai 10-13-06, 10:21 AM	And thus concludes our enactment of a part of a scene from the movie The Big Lebowski. Thank y'all for the attention, and hope to see you again for our enactment of a part of a scene from a different movie. Just name the film and I’ll be there, baby!
Kresalak 10-13-06, 10:42 AM	Losers. The minimum amount of failure is 1 loser (AKA "you did some little mistake"), the maximum observed in nature is around 10^24 kilolosers (AKA "Complete Psionic") Of course. Now, what experiments can we do to measure the losers of an elf and vampire? I think some observations on the reaction of elves to cool things like Snakes on a Plane. However, SoaP may be too much, as it has a value of -10^64 kilolosers (aka 10^64 kilowins, as 1 win=-1 losers).
Judging Eagle 10-13-06, 11:02 AM	are u serious? Yeah, look at the armour section in the PHB, small size (or smaller) so the size difference does nothing, but it's non-humanoid, so x2; x1 if it's tiny or smaller though. Hmm, I should outfit an army of grasshoppers with padded armour; then cast like.. legions magic vestments. Oh, better still, bees, awakened bees. The only thing funnier than that is the fact that Treents (whatever Ents are called in Dnd) can run around in full plate. Battle Oaks, Hooo! Now I want to make a bunch of Treent mercenaries who run around in massive spiked, fire-proof armour. The psionic anthropomorphic felines with a massive cougar fortress I'll reserve for an other day. I still have to throw the Phrennzy 'my-little pony' NPC Asperi barbarian/frenzied berzerker at the party... to save his best 'friend' (yeah).
aotrscommander 10-13-06, 11:09 AM	Of course. Now, what experiments can we do to measure the losers of an elf and vampire? I think some observations on the reaction of elves to cool things like Snakes on a Plane. However, SoaP may be too much, as it has a value of -10^64 kilolosers (aka 10^64 kilowins, as 1 win=-1 losers). This raises a good question. What is 'moderately cool'? What has a basic value of 0 kilolosers? Or is it a binary sort of situation where it's either cool or not cool, with no middle ground? I can't actually think of anything that's 'moderately cool' off the top of my head. Maybe we could try something that, while still having a very high cool factor (i.e negative kilolosers), the Elf or Vampire can associate with on some level (say, Pokemon for Elves as an example). Or is even that too big a test unit to measure (i.e. as soon as the cool battle starts, does the Elf's head explode?) Perhaps we could find something that starts out lame and gets better as it goes along, and measure the reaction against time. We could call it the Aotrs-(whoever-comes-up-with-the-test-thingy) Scale or something. And make graphs of pretty, pretty numbers about it.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-13-06, 11:52 AM	Perhaps we could find something that starts out lame and gets better as it goes along, and measure the reaction against time. We could call it the Aotrs-(whoever-comes-up-with-the-test-thingy) Scale or something. How'bout this thread? It gets better with time. Then again, maybe that is just my sanity slipping away.
CryoSilver 10-13-06, 11:57 AM	In Soviet Russia, armor dons YOU!!
pierow37 10-13-06, 01:06 PM	so... back to the cat thing... what if i wanted a war cat in my adventure...?
Vestigial_Thumb 10-13-06, 01:29 PM	so... back to the cat thing... what if i wanted a war cat in my adventure...? I direct you to this thread (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=695175). I did a fairly good job at statting Fluffy, if I say so myself. However, she breaks rules. But that's only because she's a cat, and cats break rules.
RobbyPants 10-13-06, 02:14 PM	But that's only because she's a cat, and cats break rules. I think that's a prerequisite for being a cat... Alignment: any. Size: tiny. Special: must break the rules.
Gold Medal Jedi 10-15-06, 06:27 PM	I think that's a prerequisite for being a cat... Alignment: any. Size: tiny. Special: must break the rules. No way man.... cats are always Chaotic Stupid. Thats what makes cats so fun to watch.
Maekrix_Waere 10-15-06, 07:23 PM	are u serious? Tiny or Small Sized (depending on the size of the cat) Barding Armour for Full Plate. Oh, and yes...War Cats are possible. All you have to do is find a way to make them want to fight, and be one size category smaller then they are.
Omega the Powerfull 10-15-06, 11:07 PM	This thread should be renamed to "BRAIN MELTDOWN" :ton:
Gold Medal Jedi 10-17-06, 08:58 PM	This thread should be renamed to "BRAIN MELTDOWN" :ton: Or D20 Unglued
Vestigial_Thumb 10-19-06, 05:19 PM	*comes running* Oh god, oh god, oh god... Wait, it isn't dead. It's just sleeping.
lears_fool 10-19-06, 05:23 PM	What'cha really have to watch out for are the kitten-armor wearing rangers dual-weilding vorpal bunnies
Vestigial_Thumb 10-19-06, 05:29 PM	What'cha really have to watch out for are the kitten-armor wearing rangers dual-weilding vorpal bunnies Okay, but only as long as they're not elves. Elves don't get to be awesome.
lears_fool 10-19-06, 05:38 PM	Okay, but only as long as they're not elves. Elves don't get to be awesome. I'm pretty sure the elves all decapitated themselves trying to dual-weild uranium greatswords
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-19-06, 05:46 PM	I'm pretty sure the elves all decapitated themselves trying to dual-weild uranium greatswords I think you are overestimating their abilites.
TheWerg 10-19-06, 08:33 PM	DAMN YOU V_T!!! It was dormant for two days! :weep: Ah well. At some point people will stop having anything dumb to say about elves wielding greatswords.
trapspringer 10-19-06, 11:44 PM	hahaha. I haven't even gotten started. You have no idea the stupidity I could conjure.
Starman IX 10-20-06, 12:57 AM	DAMN YOU V_T!!! It was dormant for two days! :weep: Ah well. At some point people will stop having anything dumb to say about elves wielding greatswords.Dumb? Dumb, you say? IN ALL MY 26 YEARS! DUMB?! ... Well, yeah, but it's dumb fun :D
aotrscommander 10-20-06, 05:13 AM	Ah well. At some point people will stop having anything dumb to say about elves wielding greatswords. You realise that is a statisitcal impossibility, right? This raises a good question. What is 'moderately cool'? What has a basic value of 0 kilolosers? Or is it a binary sort of situation where it's either cool or not cool, with no middle ground? I can't actually think of anything that's 'moderately cool' off the top of my head. Maybe we could try something that, while still having a very high cool factor (i.e negative kilolosers), the Elf or Vampire can associate with on some level (say, Pokemon for Elves as an example). Or is even that too big a test unit to measure (i.e. as soon as the cool battle starts, does the Elf's head explode?) Perhaps we could find something that starts out lame and gets better as it goes along, and measure the reaction against time. We could call it the Aotrs-(whoever-comes-up-with-the-test-thingy) Scale or something. And make graphs of pretty, pretty numbers about it. Einvaldurinn_mikli aside, we never did come up with answer to this. Inquiring minds want to know. How else can we statisically prove Elves' and Vampires' inherent wussiness? I've spent some time in the meantime, collecting Elven and Vampire pris...ah...test subje...erm...volenteers (yeah, let's go with that) to perform the test, all we need now is an actual test medium. (In addition, I've have order some Greatswords from the Aotrs armoury, should be here in a few days. Lord Deather himself (he's like number two of the Aotrs!) has expressed interest in the results, so my chances of promotion are in the line here too!)
Brehon 10-20-06, 11:03 AM	Ah, go ahead and let the flower-kisser wield his greatsword. After all he has to have trained until he was at least 116 years old in order to know how. It's a feat that a 16 year old human could duplicate with practically no effort. I figure a century of extra training would just about make an elf the near equal of a human teenager at fighting, so why not?
Vestigial_Thumb 10-20-06, 11:23 AM	so why not? Because he's an elf, and therefore a wussy. Wussies don't get to wield greatsword. That's for men (And some women. Not all, some).
David_Roben2 10-20-06, 04:03 PM	How else can we statisically prove Elves' and Vampires' inherent wussiness? I've spent some time in the meantime, collecting Elven and Vampire pris...ah...test subje...erm...volenteers (yeah, let's go with that) to perform the test, all we need now is an actual test medium. (In addition, I've have order some Greatswords from the Aotrs armoury, should be here in a few days. Lord Deather himself (he's like number two of the Aotrs!) has expressed interest in the results, so my chances of promotion are in the line here too!) Ok...Ive got an idea. It will require using all of your volunteers as well as 2 greatswords. We need to face the hippies and the suckers, ehem elves and vampires against each other in mortal combat...and here is the key...using only greatswords. By calculating the number of elves per greatsword and the number of vampires per greatsword and correlate it against the amount of time needed to kill one or the other, we can calculate the constant of "moderately cool." Now for the math. The number of elves (e) needed to simply carry the sword and throw it at the vampires (v) or visa-versa will be correlated against the amount of time (t) needed for them to not only figure out this tactic but also carry it out. This gives us e-v/t. This relatively simple calculation can be expounded apon in many ways. For example: eg-vg/t allows for multiple greatswords (g) for either party (the idea being that multiple swords would help them to get the idea to use them instead of trying silly slap fights because obviously neither group would be able to utilize more than one greatsword) There is one major flaw in this theory. As (t) approaches infinity, the results become proprotionately less accurate. And, as we all know, (t) approaching or even equalling infinity is a distinct possibility. The only counter to this would be to use masterwork or even magical (m) weapons. By increasing (g) to the power of (m) accuracy is increased. Then we slap on a quantifier on a sliding 10 point scale and we have the aotrs-Roben sliding coolness scale! BTW this scale has a calculated coolness factor of 8.3 Robens. (you got first billing so I get the unit name :P)
aotrscommander 10-20-06, 04:09 PM	Ok...Ive got an idea. It will require using all of your volunteers as well as 2 greatswords. We need to face the hippies and the suckers, ehem elves and vampires against each other in mortal combat...and here is the key...using only greatswords. By calculating the number of elves per greatsword and the number of vampires per greatsword and correlate it against the amount of time needed to kill one or the other, we can calculate the constant of "moderately cool." Now for the math. The number of elves (e) needed to simply carry the sword and throw it at the vampires (v) or visa-versa will be correlated against the amount of time (t) needed for them to not only figure out this tactic but also carry it out. This gives us e-v/t. This relatively simple calculation can be expounded apon in many ways. For example: eg-vg/t allows for multiple greatswords (g) for either party (the idea being that multiple swords would help them to get the idea to use them instead of trying silly slap fights because obviously neither group would be able to utilize more than one greatsword) There is one major flaw in this theory. As (t) approaches infinity, the results become proprotionately less accurate. And, as we all know, (t) approaching or even equalling infinity is a distinct possibility. The only counter to this would be to use masterwork or even magical (m) weapons. By increasing (g) to the power of (m) accuracy is increased. Then we slap on a quantifier on a sliding 10 point scale and we have the aotrs-Roben sliding coolness scale! BTW this scale has a calculated coolness factor of 8.3 Robens. (you got first billing so I get the unit name :P) Works for me! Boys, get the Greatswords...it's experiment time...
lears_fool 10-20-06, 04:14 PM	Works for me! Boys, get the Greatswords...it's experiment time... Hooray! This experiment ranks a Green Camel on the Lear's Scale of Genreral Interestingness Let the games begin!
Maxwell_Silverhammer 10-20-06, 04:25 PM	Definitely not. Why would elves ever use greatswords? Everyone knows that elves are limited to the longsword, longbow, fairy-ass dance moves and ultra-sissy poetry.* *This message funded and supported by the Dwarven Coalition of Elf-Haters HEAR HEAR!!!
aotrscommander 10-20-06, 04:44 PM	Right. For this initial experiment, I have taken 20 random Elves and 20 random Vampires. As this will be a control of sorts, I have ensured the Vampires are minimum rank (we can deal with the effect on increasing vampire rank on wussiness in a later experiment). Captain Foulstorm of Space station Bleak Despair has graciously offered us the use of his facility to conduct these experiments. I have placed the test subjects in a sealed room aboard the space station. I have provided both food and water for the Elves, and blood for the vampires (as I fully expect this to take a long time). I have left each side with 10 greatswords (a 2-1 subject to sword may seem a bit generous, but I'd rather over estimate to start with). The greatswords are enchanted with the standard +2 flaming bonus most of our melee weapons are made with and are coated with a surface of standard-issue Anti-Supernatural Oil (a mix of silver, cold iron and adamantine, which gives us about 20 swings before it wears off, which should be more than sufficent). This allows the Elves and Vampires to hurt each other, eliminating any DR issues. (Again, we can examine the effects of DR later, and in any case, low grade vampires like these have very minimal DR.) I am already planning the next series of experiments. Two more controls: 1) Elves vrs Wardroids (the latter have no melee programming anyway and will have thier plasma-pulse weaponry and shields disabled, so we will see if the Wardroids figure it out faster than the Elves). 2) Vampire vrs Wardroid (as above). 3) Experiments to determine the effect of DR on wussiness (which goes hand-in-hand with increased Vampire rank) by altering the type of greatswords given out. 4) A control with standard Aotrs issue +2 flaming short swords instead of greatswords (our primary melee weapons, so we have crap loads of these!) for both sides. 5) Tests against some selected subspecies of Elf, to see if this has any effect on wussiness. Feel free to suggest any other ones, as we'll have plenty of time to prepare while this first experiment is cracking off! We are working on a containment chamber to attempt handing an Elven Vampire a greatsword, but this may take some reinforcement. We will begin with a non-magic greatsword, and work up from there, provided the energy output is within safe levels. So, one final question, David_Roben2, what will the conversion rate of the aotrs-Roben scale to KiloLosers be? (Obviously this will be dependant on our first test results.)
David_Roben2 10-20-06, 05:05 PM	So, one final question, David_Roben2, what will the conversion rate of the aotrs-Roben scale to KiloLosers be? (Obviously this will be dependant on our first test results.)Well, due to the simplistic nature of the 10 point sliding scale, we should be able to just assign a number to the high and low ends. (kinda like that stupid Kelvin temp thing) We know that the largest naturally occuring KiloLoser event registered was a massive 10 to the 24 KiloLosers, we can set that to our low number of -10. Now I unfortunately have been unable to locate a KiloWin event of equal intensity, but I guess nature like symmetry, so lets set a matching number of KiloWins to the +10 end, leaving 0 as a neutral value. This will also allow us to give proper weight to events above or below +/- 10. "That was an amazing -11.4 Robens! Another blow like that might make the thread asplode!" Edit: Further calculations has, by some cosmic fate greater that us, proven to be 98% accurate! We are brillant!
Brotter_Lutgehr 10-20-06, 06:19 PM	The best part of my day is when the Elf's face is smashed under my warhammer.* *elves suck
Vestigial_Thumb 10-20-06, 06:26 PM	a KiloWin event of equal intensity Easy: You forget that Yogi is smarter than the average bear. He's seen it all. That's like a +30 Sense Motive modifier right there. And Febreeze can show no emotions, so that has to count for something (something being a penalty to Bluff checks). So, assuming the Feint succeeds, Febreeze gets an attack the next round (it's a standard action to Feint), just enough time for Yogi to plant a pic-a-nic basket on Febreeze. Then, of course, Park Ranger Smith will help Yogi. Boo-Boo joins too. The three of them maul the Febreeze bottle. But Oxy needs to enter the bear's square (it's from the movie The Edge BTW. You don't kill it that easily) to make the attack. It provokes an AoO from the bear, so the bear gets to kill it by grabbing it and mauling it. This has to be awesome. To set the maximum: Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bad guy (I'd set this at about 100 KiloWins; it has to be a simple scale).
TwiddleStootch 10-20-06, 06:35 PM	i jsut want to say: This is the msot amazing example of spam on a message board I have ever witnessed. :D Three cheers to all you spammers! NOW LET THE ELF BASHING CONTINUE!
David_Roben2 10-20-06, 07:02 PM	To set the maximum: Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bad guy (I'd set this at about 100 KiloWins; it has to be a simple scale).*SLAP* If Chuck ever finds out how low you set his KW rating he will kill you so hard that it will blot out the sun for a brief moment!:nonono:
Kresalak 10-20-06, 10:04 PM	V_T, you can't set an arbitrary amount to a value like this-it's unscientific. However, I have measured the coolness factor of Samuel L. Jackson's Line from Snakes on a Plane to have a value of precisely 10^100 kilowins, or 10^103 wins. However, this number is extraordinarily large, and a more easily usable number would be the absolute value of Epic Fail Guys' failure, which is |2.58076338*10^4| losers. This number is, itself, rather unwieldy, so I propose a new unit, the EFG, with a value of |2.58076338*10^4| losers, or 2.58076338*10^4 wins. In a few years, when I have to write a paper to get my Ph.D in physics, I will be tempted to write it on this. But I won't, since I actually want to get that degree.
Brotter_Lutgehr 10-21-06, 12:20 AM	A problem that I have with Elves is the technology. I mean they like like 800 years older then humans and their technology isn't even up to the humans technology! Freaking hippies
Vestigial_Thumb 10-21-06, 04:52 PM	*SLAP* If Chuck ever finds out how low you set his KW rating he will kill you so hard that it will blot out the sun for a brief moment!:nonono: Naw. He's teh good guy. I'm also his buddy, and as shown in numerous instances, I can count up his whole pantheon of movie/TV badasses. They are all my friends, and I am theirs. BTW, the arbitrary number I set was set because Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is immeasurably cool, and as such is not a good maximum for the Win scale. A problem that I have with Elves is the technology. I mean they like like 800 years older then humans and their technology isn't even up to the humans technology! Freaking hippies My sentiments exactly.
CaoSlayer 10-21-06, 05:25 PM	Could be worse... An elf with a great axe.
Vestigial_Thumb 10-21-06, 05:32 PM	Could be worse... An elf with a great axe. Good god, that can never happen. Greataxes are for hairy men. Elves have no body hair. It would just be silly for an Elf to even touch something like that.
aotrscommander 10-21-06, 06:01 PM	Day 1: No deaths yet. Both sides are milling arnoud looking baffled. They've noticed eath other and the words, but haven't figured out what they're for yet. This could take a while. (Is it just be or are the boards being phenomically difficult to access today? It's taken me half-an-hour just to get this one post up.)
Callista 10-21-06, 10:32 PM	I would suggest a strategy which might bring results more quickly. When trying to measure a rare event (such as a neutrino colliding with a molecule of heavy water, or an elf picking up a greatsword), it is often expeditioius to provide many opportunities for that event to happen. For neutrinos, that means filling up a really big tank with the aforementioned heavy water. I therefore recommend obtaining many more elves and vampires, putting them all in a big tank, and waiting for rare events. WE NEED MORE ELVES!
Vestigial_Thumb 10-21-06, 10:37 PM	WE NEED MORE ELVES! I'll go get a six-pack or two.
aotrscommander 10-22-06, 06:41 PM	Day 2: One of the Elves tried to pick up a greatsword, but cut his finger and fainted. there was much panic in the Elf camp. The Vampires spent all day bad composing poetry about why it sucks to be a Vampire (no, I'm not kidding, they actually said that in one poem), you know "woe is me, am I a monster etc." One or two of the Elves gave them dirty glances. I actually think that the differing opinions on poetry might be the catalyst... Ho hum. Captian Foulstorm informs me that the containment chamber will be ready on (ironically) October 31st. Lord Deather has located several Elven Vampires, and is ah...processing...them.
MagnaSecuris 10-22-06, 09:06 PM	I feel we may want to run an set of two opposite tests for additional control. While I have the necessary scientific instruments to measure the number of wins produced in the following tests, I lack the necessary magical greatswords. 1) Man vs Man with +2 Flaming Merciful greatswords coated with the same oils, so as to duplicate those given to the elves. I expect one person to 'kill' the other within five minutes. But it would be scientific to record this. I would also recommend providing a minimum of armor to better simulate actual combat, though this may interfeer with measurng equipment and should be used in a second test.. 2) Find a a pair from a suitable 'awesome' race or species and have them perform the above test. This race should be one known for its toughness, strength, and possibly body hair.
Vestigial_Thumb 10-22-06, 09:10 PM	2) Find a a pair from a suitable 'awesome' race or species and have them perform the above test. This race should be one known for its toughness, strength, and possibly body hair. My suggestion: Orcs and werewolves. Both are savagely brutal, hairy, tough, and strong. Werewolves are also way cool. So are orcs.
TheWerg 10-22-06, 10:32 PM	My suggestion: Orcs and werewolves. Both are savagely brutal, hairy, tough, and strong. Werewolves are also way cool. So are orcs. In place of the orcs, I suggest ogres. Bigger, tougher, stronger, more brutal, and slightly hairier.
David_Roben2 10-23-06, 02:03 AM	And in place of the ogres...um...better ogres. You know. With more hair.
MaximumPain 10-23-06, 02:49 AM	Just noticed that this was on the first page again so I thought I would say..................................... ...PLEASE GOD LET IT DIE Thank you very much and have a nice day.
Gurslak 10-23-06, 10:27 AM	I must say that while Ogres are indeed bigger, stonger and possibly hairier they're by no way cooler than Orcs. Ogres have to think about what they want to hit or work themselves into a frenzy because the price of sheeps wool stockings has risen again, in order to hit anything. Orcs dont think they just hit. Werewolves however are just plain cool. Though the equal oppotunity section of World Wildlife Fund for Killing Experiments (WWFKE) is calling for the increased use of WereTigers. Werebears were recently used in a experimental raid on a honey factory, the experiment was a resounding success and future experiments have been postponed so not to put undue strain on the species. As a side note are the Elves and Vampires all male? As surely including female varients may further complicate things. This obviously depends on the 'mood' the females are in, its either going to be over very quickly or your going to have a lot of sulking.
The White Sorcerer 10-23-06, 11:03 AM	PLEASE GOD LET IT DIE The elf or the greatsword?
Cifer 10-23-06, 11:35 AM	Just noticed that this was on the first page again so I thought I would say..................................... ...PLEASE GOD LET IT DIE Thank you very much and have a nice day. Never ever...
Vestigial_Thumb 10-23-06, 12:04 PM	As a side note are the Elves and Vampires all male? Does it matter? Both sexes are equally feminine. The reason I chose Orcs and Werewolves, was not only because of coolness factor, but also because of racial enmity, similarities, and differences. Elves, like Orcs, are standard LA +0 races. They share an enmity. Orcs are masculine to the same extent that Elves are feminine (Elves have no stigma against men crying in public - totally wuss-a-tronic). Now, things get a bit more complicated with Werewolves and Vampires. I had to apply the Underworld Syndrome to get a decent counterpart to Vampires. This is a forgivable sin, as the movies themselves were decent action flicks. Similarities between the two are that they are both the effects of a curse, and they are both templated creatures. Similarities go as far as both having Evil alignment. Werewolves are also savage and brutal, while Vampires are french (not as in from France -note the non-capitalized 'F'-, but the derogatory meaning of the word), sophisticated, and by a longshot more emo than the feral beasts. Now we need a setting. A large community of Illithids was nice enough to offer their underground cavern complex, but their stay at the local Hilton will have to be part of the expenses of this experiment, lest they take our brains. An artificial light has been installed to simulate a full moon. However, for just an extra kick of cruelty, no food will be provided. In addition, the greatswords are not made of any special materials; the Orcs have to find another way to pierce the Werewolve's DR. However, the Orc camp is comes complete with 6 trap kits. The Orcs know of these kits, and have been instructed that they may use them if they so desire. Seeing the interaction between the two will be interesting. Possible control experiments include: 1. Orcs vs. Demons (Greatswords will be made of cold iron, and Demons instructed to use only their spell-like abilities. Orcs will be provided with placebo potions, which they'll be told will be of Bull's Strength). 2. Werewolves vs. Demons (Greaswords will not be made of cold iron, and Demons will be provided with traps, same as Orcs). 3. Nymphs will be inserted into the complex to observe the effects of an overstimulated sex drive on the love of greatswords. 4. A fight with natural weaponry, traps, and intelligence ONLY. 5. Gargoyles are cool, so they'll be somehow used in this one. Anyone with suggestions on how to improve the quality of this experiment, please, hand 'em over. I don't want to put a gun to anyone's head, so please, just help improve it before we start.
Tharin G'tal 10-23-06, 01:54 PM	How about a combined experiment? Place a gargoyle into a room with a greatsword, a hammer and a chisel. Then allow a number of elves into the room, watch and wait. Repeat with any of the other test sub..er.. races. Although the outcomes may at first be obvious, the speed at which these out comes arise may be an interesting factor, as will the response of the gargoyle when elves decide to give it eyelashes :D You could also place a suitable 'bait' such as nymph or elf into a central room, then start two suitably cool competitors at either end of the test centre.watch and wait. Speed, sense of direction and ability to overcome (or go through) obstacles can all be measured.
Rickiel 10-23-06, 04:38 PM	I have an idea to contribute (or interject, my choice :evillaugh: ) Step 1: Place an elf into a room with a medusa and a gargoyle. Step 2: Have the medusa petrify the elf. Step 3: Give the gargoyle a hammer and a chisel. Step4: Watch and learn to see if the gargoyle's reputation as a master stonemason and artist is true as the rework the elf statue into something less wussy. Step 5: Repeat steps 1-4 with varying races/subraces. Step 6: If displeased with how long it's taking for the elf to be de-wussified, give the medusa a greatsword and say what happened to her mommy (de-capy-tation) and say that the elf did it.
aotrscommander 10-23-06, 06:13 PM	Day 3:No change yet, though there were some more dirty glances and lite requests to keep the noise down...but tension between the two sides is simmering... As to another control, we of course can do far better than ogres or werewolves as 95% of the Army of the Red Spear are spirit-bound Liches* (obviously, nothing rate as a high on the (species) Awesome scale as Liches). More importantly, we have lots of volenteers to hand, and we if can dredge up some shocking greatswords, we won't have to worry about casualties (as our spirit bound Undead will regenerate from electrical damage even after being knocked-out). I will have some teams dig up some humans for another experiment. (I could very easily set a test of Liches v Liches in about 5 minutes, or we could throw some animated dead into the mix somehow (again, we have these in spades)). *As all recruits into the Aotrs are taught basic necromancy as part of their initial training, the spirit-bound skeletons who would otherwise be classed as Skeleton Warriors techically qualify for Lichdom as they can cast spells, albiet in a limited fashion. (Note that real spirit-bound Liches, unlike in D&D, do not have phylacteries; though we do have a few like that in the Aotrs, they are the exception not the rule.)
Vestigial_Thumb 10-23-06, 07:56 PM	As to another control, we of course can do far better than ogres or werewolves as 95% of the Army of the Red Spear are spirit-bound Liches* (obviously, nothing rate as a high on the (species) Awesome scale as Liches). Actually, it's Orcs and Werewolves. There is one thing that rates higher than Liches, and that's me (unclassified Chaotic Evil Outsider type of guy).
TheWerg 10-23-06, 09:28 PM	He is indeed higher than a lich, my attempts to banish him were to no avail. Oh and there are technically two things higher than a lich: Vestigial_Thumb and Chuck Norris.
Gurslak 10-24-06, 09:13 AM	Thats no technicality my good man, Chuck Norris simply rises above everything and anyone, he truely is a god of gods :D
aotrscommander 10-24-06, 09:32 AM	I said on the species Awesome scale. I was not counting individuals, for example, Lord Death Despoil the Lichemaster and the overall leader of the Army of the Red Spear is so far beyond awesome that he exceeds all other beings, including Pun-Pun and Chuck Norris1 1: Aotrscommander is required to say this as per Aotrs regulations.
Gurslak 10-24-06, 10:03 AM	While I cannot fault your undying devotion to your commander, it has to be noted that Chuck Norris is in fact a species all by himself. How else can you explan his pure, undiluted coolness?
aotrscommander 10-24-06, 10:49 AM	While I cannot fault your undying devotion to your commander, it has to be noted that Chuck Norris is in fact a species all by himself. How else can you explan his pure, undiluted coolness? I assume he is a 'merely' an adventurer of sufficently high level that even overdieties of afraid of him, perhaps with (significantly high) divine rank. I am aware that I am in the minority in this, however.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-24-06, 11:29 AM	Oh and there are technically two things higher than a lich: Vestigial_Thumb and Chuck Norris. Mayhaps they are one and the same? Now that would be interesting!
David_Roben2 10-24-06, 12:37 PM	Mayhaps they are one and the same? Now that would be interesting! Wha...how...I... *brain melts a little bit* edit: After some initial calculating it actually looks as though combining the the two lowers the coolness factor on the Aotrs-Roben scale to 8.34 Robens. This is completely counterintuitive. It appears that as two "events" draw closer to 10 Robens, combining them detracts from the overall "cool." I'm going to have to look further into this. I'll start with a Stone Cold Creamery and Green Mill Pizza experiment.
Gurslak 10-24-06, 12:54 PM	Wha...how...I... *brain melts a little bit* Oh come now, good sir you really shouldn't lower yourself to the level of such base degenerates by lying. Everybody knows to enter into this philosophical and highly scientific experiment, you have to have your brain removed! This is of course for our own safety, in case we are subconciously subjected and altered by the negative rays of wussiness given off by our 'volunteers' :D Any more mishaps and you may have to be placed in the test chamber along with the vamps and elves :eek:
TheWerg 10-24-06, 07:37 PM	Mayhaps they are one and the same? Now that would be interesting! Wow. This must be the best day of V_T's life. My new aspiration is to have a "Chuck Norris Day", in which you are somehow compared positively to Chuck Norris.
Kresalak 10-24-06, 08:17 PM	My suggestion: Orcs and werewolves. Both are savagely brutal, hairy, tough, and strong. Werewolves are also way cool. So are orcs. Kobolds. Kobolds are awesome, because they hate you, and they're lizards. This is Cool. Gnomes are similarly cool, because they use illusions and then stab you in the kidneys. Also kobolds and gnomes hate eachother, and so this rivarly enhances the coolness. Also, Pun-Pun is a kobold. That's like... +10 coolness or something right there.
TheWerg 10-24-06, 08:22 PM	Kobolds. Kobolds are awesome, because they hate you, and they're lizards. This is Cool. Gnomes are similarly cool, because they use illusions and then stab you in the kidneys. Also kobolds and gnomes hate eachother, and so this rivarly enhances the coolness. Also, Pun-Pun is a kobold. That's like... +10 coolness or something right there. Kresalak loses the thread for mentioning gnomes in the same sentence as the word "cool" without the words "definitely not" preceding it.
scienceman47 10-24-06, 08:47 PM	Elves operate under the anime rule of the bishounen power scale. That is, the less manly, the more powerful. An elf male with long flowing locks, feminine facial features, and a slight frame will crash castle walls by pushing at them and wield swords four times their body length with one hand. Inversely, an orc with bulging disgustingly over-sized muscles will profess to be powerful, but will struggle with gallons of milk and be immediately ripped apart by the elf just to showcase his bishounen power. And gnomes are the scariest thing in DnD that you never even realized was terrifying. You really didnt need your kindeys did you?
TheWerg 10-24-06, 09:25 PM	I just realized... we're not being nearly creative enough with the experiments. For the ultimate in species manliness, why not delve into Star Wars d20 and take the Wookie? This says it all. (http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2005/02/11)
Kresalak 10-25-06, 11:13 AM	Kresalak loses the thread for mentioning gnomes in the same sentence as the word "cool" without the words "definitely not" preceding it. The gnome gninjas will be along shortly to stab you in the kidneys.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-25-06, 11:22 AM	Wow. This must be the best day of V_T's life. My new aspiration is to have a "Chuck Norris Day", in which you are somehow compared positively to Chuck Norris. I suppose I can compare you to Chuck if that is your wish. No guarantee the comparison will be positive though.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-25-06, 11:23 AM	The gnome gninjas will be along shortly to stab you in the kidneys. Contrary to popular belief, having that extra g does not make them any more deadly.
Kresalak 10-25-06, 11:24 AM	It does, in fact. The Trust merely spread that to give a false sense of security.
Vestigial_Thumb 10-25-06, 11:24 AM	Elves operate under the anime rule of the bishounen power scale. That is, the less manly, the more powerful. An elf male with long flowing locks, feminine facial features, and a slight frame will crash castle walls by pushing at them and wield swords four times their body length with one hand. I don't know about that. I've seen Elves get ripped apart by touching the sharp edge a piece of paper. BTW, it was about time people realized how awesome I am! I will not go as far as to say I beat Chuck Norris or Samuel L. Jackson, but it's fair to estimate that I'm about the same level as they are. ;)
Kresalak 10-25-06, 11:27 AM	By definition, you are inferior to Samuel L. Jackson. If you check the dictionary, it defines him as "a... person who is tired of these mother****** snakes on the mother****** plane and better than you."
Vestigial_Thumb 10-25-06, 11:31 AM	By definition, you are inferior to Samuel L. Jackson. If you check the dictionary, it defines him as "a... person who is tired of these mother****** snakes on the mother****** plane and better than you." Hence the "about" preceding "the same".
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-25-06, 11:35 AM	It does, in fact. The Trust merely spread that to give a false sense of security. That extra g didn't seem to help them when I slaughtered them by the dozen last friday. They died like any other gnome.
Kresalak 10-25-06, 11:35 AM	That's what they wanted you to think.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-25-06, 11:37 AM	That's what they wanted you to think. Well, in that case, man are they commited to the lie.
Kresalak 10-25-06, 01:37 PM	Illusions mother***er, do you habeeb them? (Another SLJ reference)
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-25-06, 02:10 PM	Illusions mother***er, do you habeeb them? (Another SLJ reference) Impossible. Being a Molydeus I can easily pierce any illusions and see all things as they really are. Those gnome gninjas were definetly real.
Kresalak 10-25-06, 02:18 PM	Never said the illusions weren't real. Gnome illusions are 120% real.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-25-06, 02:27 PM	Never said the illusions weren't real. Gnome illusions are 120% real. Well, seeing as how those were a 120% real, regular old gnome gninjas are quite a bit weaker. This means that they are ****-ass weak and should be eradicated. P.S. Would having illusions that are 120% real make them immune to true seeing, or is the 120% percent thing only for shadow evocation and conjuration?
Rickiel 10-25-06, 02:36 PM	Kresalak, Einvaldurinn_mikli, both of you are derailing this thread from its prime objective. The defacing of the elven populace and the rejection of any possibility that masculinity exists within said populace! And that elves cannot wield greatswords. Or vampires for that matter...except perhaps for that guy from Ravenloft.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-25-06, 02:41 PM	Kresalak, Einvaldurinn_mikli, both of you are derailing this thread from its prime objective. The defacing of the elven populace and the rejection of any possibility that masculinity exists within said populace! And that elves cannot wield greatswords. Or vampires for that matter...except perhaps for that guy from Ravenloft. All those points have been established long ago. Now in an attempt to remain somewhat on topic, can a gnome gninja wield a medium sized greatsword using the Monkey grip feat or would that be so bad that natural selection takes over and erases him from the multiverse?
Kresalak 10-25-06, 03:13 PM	Any gninja found using Monkey Grip is immediatly executed. So no.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-25-06, 03:19 PM	Any gninja found using Monkey Grip is immediatly executed. So no. So is it safe to assume that gninjas are all optimized? If that is true then I was wondering, how much do they charge for their services? I need to expand my army if I ever want to become a true Demon Lord you know.
Kresalak 10-25-06, 03:24 PM	Gnome gninjas are pretty much all Killer Gnomes or Melee Killer Gnomes. There were real gninjas, but they were so good at hiding that they couldn't find themselves. The Trust is not a mercanary organization. They're the Zilargo secret police. Like the KGB but not Russian.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-25-06, 03:26 PM	Gnome gninjas are pretty much all Killer Gnomes or Melee Killer Gnomes. There were real gninjas, but they were so good at hiding that they couldn't find themselves. The Trust is not a mercanary organization. They're the Zilargo secret police. Like the KGB but not Russian. Please elaborate, I haven't been to the prime for quite some time. Does this mean I can't hire my very own squad of Killer Gnomes? Damn.
necrom99 10-25-06, 03:34 PM	Elves are THE most badass race. not only are they incredibly masculine but they embody the Errol Flynn kinda charisma that always lands the cool chicks! so if ya wanna picture an elf with a greatsword just picture Cloud from final fantasy with pointed ears..... this thread reeks of jealousy.....it just reeks of it!
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-25-06, 03:42 PM	Elves are THE most badass race. not only are they incredibly masculine but they embody the Errol Flynn kinda charisma that always lands the cool chicks! so if ya wanna picture an elf with a greatsword just picture Cloud from final fantasy with pointed ears..... this thread reeks of jealousy.....it just reeks of it! :heehee Silly man.... no wait, that doesn't sound right.... Silly thing
Vestigial_Thumb 10-25-06, 03:43 PM	Elves are THE most badass race. not only are they incredibly masculine but they embody the Errol Flynn kinda charisma that always lands the cool chicks! That's what the last Elf I mistook for a woman said.
John05 10-25-06, 05:16 PM	Elves are THE most badass race. not only are they incredibly masculine but they embody the Errol Flynn kinda charisma that always lands the cool chicks! so if ya wanna picture an elf with a greatsword just picture Cloud from final fantasy with pointed ears..... this thread reeks of jealousy.....it just reeks of it! Elves are very pretty! :love: Anyone who disagrees with that is OBVIOUSLY just racist against them! :mad: My only problem with them is that even their MEN are pretty... which is kind of disturbing. :twitch:
Kresalak 10-25-06, 05:35 PM	Please elaborate, I haven't been to the prime for quite some time. Does this mean I can't hire my very own squad of Killer Gnomes? Damn. I'd say more, but I can't endanger state secrets. Oh yeah, apparantly we have some interest in Eberron. Who knew?
Far_Traveler 10-25-06, 05:44 PM	For the love of god, people, let this thread die! Why must a simple question, which could be answered with a simple explanation of race restrictions in 3.5, or lack thereof, etend to 500+ replies! Hopefully the post to end all posts.
Khan the Destroyer 10-25-06, 05:50 PM	Hopefully the post to end all posts. I just posted like... 6 other posts in several different threads. So, even beyond this one particular response to you, you are just expecting too much of yourself.
Gurslak 10-25-06, 06:05 PM	Please elaborate, I haven't been to the prime for quite some time. Does this mean I can't hire my very own squad of Killer Gnomes? Damn. Well you can if you want too invade somewhere small, like Luxumburg or your grans backyard. Now for a truley terrifying squad of unstoppable killers you hire a squad of gnome bards. They pull out their instument, start strumming away and everyones either ran away or dead on the floor, brain dribbling from their ears from boredom and the sheer sense of depression given to all who hear a bard. Now thats conquering in style!
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-25-06, 06:11 PM	Well you can if you want too invade somewhere small, like Luxemburg or your grans backyard. Actually I am planning to invade and take over a layer of the abyss. Thought that was kinda obvious what with me being a Molydeus and all. Anyone have any reccomendations on specific layers for me? Or just tips in general....
Gurslak 10-25-06, 06:24 PM	Why only A layer? Why not all of it? Why aim for something small and possibly get nothing, when you can aim for all of it and possibly only get a part of it! Aim for more then you want! That way when some interferring do-gooders come along and spoil your plans right at the end you only lose a bit of your new domain, the bit you wouldn't mind having but didn't really want anyway! :D
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-25-06, 06:28 PM	World domination is of course my long term plan. I will however start small and consolidate my holdings before expanding. Being an outsider means that I have all the time in the world to accomplish this. And adventurers? Pfft, no mortal can withstand my might!
Gurslak 10-25-06, 06:36 PM	I bet your mum can! 'Evil overlord you come here right now and eat your supper! YOur not going any where young man until i've washed behind your ears! Massacreing villagers will have to wait, no I dont care if you've arranged to go and play with some adventurers you'll do as your told' :D
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-25-06, 06:38 PM	I bet your mum can! 'Evil overlord you come here right now and eat your supper! YOur not going any where young man until i've washed behind your ears! Massacreing villagers will have to wait, no I dont care if you've arranged to go and play with some adventurers you'll do as your told' :D You realize that this means I will have to kill you dead right? I hope that was worth it. But yeah, she can, being Pale Night and all.
TheWerg 10-25-06, 07:38 PM	I need to expand my army if I ever want to become a true Demon Lord you know. You'll never overthrow Vestigial_Thumb! NEVER!!!
Vestigial_Thumb 10-25-06, 07:54 PM	You'll never overthrow Vestigial_Thumb! NEVER!!! It's true, you know. It won't happen. You may, however, be my general. I'd treat you like the rest of the slaves others, but you'd have a fancy title.
DungeonJman 10-25-06, 08:27 PM	Try layer 230, i bet you could use the power of the dreams of forgotten evil deities for a lot of evil world domination plots. Then again, upon hearing this, the LG part of me (which is a pretty big part) would show up incarnate as an epic 30th level paladin/20th level knight/10 level kensai and hurt you pretty badly. (Ouch! That's actually the build i'd like to make if i ever got that high in epic D&D, insanely powerful :D)
Gurslak 10-25-06, 08:38 PM	You realize that this means I will have to kill you dead right? I hope that was worth it. But yeah, she can, being Pale Night and all. Fair enough, but i'm afraid you'll have to take a ticket and join the back of the queue. You shouldn't have too long to wait for your turn, just a few thousand years or so. :D
Kresalak 10-25-06, 08:40 PM	Try layer 1. It's the first layer, so if you rule it, everyone will know you and you'll be invited to all the cool parties.
Gold Medal Jedi 10-26-06, 12:20 AM	All those points have been established long ago. Now in an attempt to remain somewhat on topic, can a gnome gninja wield a medium sized greatsword using the Monkey grip feat or would that be so bad that natural selection takes over and erases him from the multiverse? Maby not a Great sword, but i see no problem with a gnome weilding the vampire. Espcially a gninja gnome, they are uber weilders of vampires.
Thanqol 10-26-06, 04:23 AM	Try layer 1. It's the first layer, so if you rule it, everyone will know you and you'll be invited to all the cool parties. And you get the Neighbours from Hell coming over to visit all the time.
BloodSpill 10-26-06, 04:32 AM	Re: Can an elf weild a greatsword? What do you mean? I think it's more like, can morons like everyone before this post wield/use/own/have intelligence? The answer is No.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-26-06, 06:46 AM	You'll never overthrow Vestigial_Thumb! NEVER!!! Wouldn't dream of it...yet anyway. It's true, you know. It won't happen. You may, however, be my general. I'd treat you like the rest of the slaves others, but you'd have a fancy title. Tempting, but no thanks. Being treated like crap really isn't my cup of tea. Would welcome an alliance though. Now, I have decided to overthrow Fraz-Urb'Luu and take over his layer (the 176th) seeing as how he is considerably weakened without that blasted staff. Anything in particular I should be looking out for? I am already aware of his ability to summon powerful demons to his side so I will strike when he has already expended that ability for the day.
Gurslak 10-26-06, 07:25 AM	I hear he has a cabal of Elves, who can drain the manliness from you in mere seconds with their rays of wussiness :eek: A carefully placed knitwear magazine should distract them long enough for you to slip by though :D
Stickboy2323 10-26-06, 07:50 AM	A couple questions. Would a changeling that has used it's abilities to look like an elf still be able to use a greatsword? I think that it would be able to but as far as I know, no self-respecting changeling has even turned into an elf. Could a changeling compose poetry equally as bad as any elf or vampaire if said changeling were to change into an elf or vampire? Or would said changeling need the Assume Supernatural Ability feat. Or would a single level in Bard suffice? I guess what I'm really wondering is if a changeling were to change it's appearance to that of Chuck Norris would it suddenly become uber-cool or would it just explode?
aotrscommander 10-26-06, 07:52 AM	Hopefully the post to end all posts. Given that the idol chatter over the few days is partly due to waiting for the experiment to finish, I suspect that to be unlikely. Speaking of such, I haven't reported, because there wasn't anything to say, save the tension is increasing and I expect actual vilolence to initiate in the next 24-48 hours. (The only thing of note, about fifteen minutes before i posted was a brief slap-fight between one Elf and Vampire, before they both knocked each other out. Yeah, I was amazed the Vampire got knocked out too; must be a really wussy one, though I suspected that from the makeup he was wearing). *Snicker* Taking over the outer planes...sigh. W ehave the entire of the universe to conquer! (Eventually.) Joking aside, Einvaldurinn_mikli, if you'd like some help, I could arrange for a few Aotrs starships to Gate* in and clear out a few fortifications (for a suitable recompenstation, of course). Blasting outsiders from a great height on any plane is always a cheap laugh for the crew, and allows us to practise orbital bombardment techniques without getting embroiled in too many unneccesary wars (we may be good in the Aotrs, but we're not so good that we can tackle the entire rest of the universe at once!) *Our method of FTL transit/teleportation is called a Gate drive; I won't explain to specifics, save to say it's not a magical effect like D&D's Gate spell and functions completely differently.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-26-06, 08:43 AM	Starships eh? What exactly are those and more importantly how powerful are they? Well anyways orbiting around the planet and taking out some key fortifications would indeed be helpful. The strongholds I want obliterated are Karantis and the core of Zoragmelok. How much would the aotrs charge for three starships or so and maybe 10.000 spirit-bound liches(your grunts if I am not mistaken)? Just keep in mind I will not recompensate you for any losses that will occur.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-26-06, 10:26 AM	I hear he has a cabal of Elves, who can drain the manliness from you in mere seconds with their rays of wussiness :eek: Unless those elves number in the millions I am man enough to handle all of their rays with ease. In fact I am pretty sure that if you took my collective manliness and spread it around you could actually make approximately 689.450 elves into real men. I am talking Orc-like musclemen with hair on their chests.
Vestigial_Thumb 10-26-06, 10:47 AM	Would welcome an alliance though. Alliance? You mean... like... not killing each other? :confused: What do you mean? I think it's more like, can morons like everyone before this post wield/use/own/have intelligence? The answer is No. He's definitely an Elf.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-26-06, 11:04 AM	Alliance? You mean... like... not killing each other? :confused: I know it's an alien concept, it took me quite some time to understand it as well but I think I have the gist of it. What it boils down to is that we would not attack each other, possibly come to one another's aid when the other is in trouble and just lend what aid we can in general. At first I thought the whole idea was ridiculous and only for the weak of heart but upon further contemplation I had a revelation, The sum of the whole is greater than it's parts. So what do you say, alliance or mayhaps just a truce if alliance sounds to strange?
Gallameed 10-26-06, 12:42 PM	I am talking Orc-like musclemen with hair on their chests. But would they swagger, scratch and burp or understand the offside rule of soccer? If yes then you surely win the Testostolympics!
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-26-06, 12:44 PM	But would they swagger, scratch and burp or understand the offside rule of soccer? Hell yeah, they could even wield greatswords!
Vestigial_Thumb 10-26-06, 01:09 PM	But would they swagger, scratch and burp or understand the offside rule of soccer? If yes then you surely win the Testostolympics! Fullfilling all these criteria truly makes you a man. It also doesn't hurt if you drink stout heavily, and only stout. Beers and lagers are usually not man-beers.
Vestigial_Thumb 10-26-06, 01:10 PM	Hell yeah, they could even wield greatswords! Then surely they would no longer be Elves.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-26-06, 01:10 PM	Then surely they would no longer be Elves. That's kinda the point. After they are exposed to my manliness they are transformed into something greater then they were.
Vestigial_Thumb 10-26-06, 01:15 PM	That's kinda the point. After they are exposed to my manliness they are transformed into something greater then they were. That's an understatement. It's like going from negative infinity to positive infinity, from Aleph-0 to Aleph-1, from glue to rubber, from Elves to men.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-26-06, 01:16 PM	Indeed. Anyways, what are your thoughts on that alliance thing I mentioned?
Vestigial_Thumb 10-26-06, 01:35 PM	Anyways, what are your thoughts on that alliance thing I mentioned? I wish to join this... al-liance you speak of. If it works, I shall speak highly of it to all my slaves friends!
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-26-06, 03:37 PM	I wish to join this... al-liance you speak of. If it works, I shall speak highly of it to all my slaves friends! Simply splendid! Oh the havoc we will wreak, the empires we will conquer, the threads we will troll....:plotting: How about we make our first act ganging up on CryoSilver, put that gnat in it's place and rule the boards forever?:devil:
necrom99 10-26-06, 03:54 PM	That's what the last Elf I mistook for a woman said. right, clearly you haven't heard a single woman give her opinion of the lord of the rings movies..... all they ever say is "yeah thats a great film....Orlando bloom the Elf....is hot" so next time you mistake a male for a female make sure your just not in the wrong kinda bar....:mrt: Elves kick rampant amounts of a$$ and you just don't like it, admit it!
Vestigial_Thumb 10-26-06, 03:58 PM	all they ever say is "yeah thats a great film....Orlando bloom the Elf....is hot" That's because he's feminine. so next time you mistake a male for a female make sure your just not in the wrong kinda bar....:mrt: Why would you put Mr. T after that sen... wait a minute... are you inferring that Mr. T is gay? Elves kick rampant amounts of a$$ and you just don't like it, admit it! They only thing they kick is their own asses.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-26-06, 04:00 PM	right, clearly you haven't heard a single woman give her opinion of the lord of the rings movies..... all they ever say is "yeah thats a great film....Orlando bloom the Elf....is hot" so next time you mistake a male for a female make sure your just not in the wrong kinda bar....:mrt: Elves kick rampant amounts of a$$ and you just don't like it, admit it! The fact that women go rampant over Orlando Bloom can be attributed to the fact that he is not an elf, has large amounts of money and is famous. Also as a side note, don't associate Mr.T with elves. That's just wrong. Unless of course you are implying that he is gay, which is actually quite a bit less insulting.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-26-06, 04:04 PM	They only thing they kick is their own asses. Are you sure they can? I kinda figured they were to busy composing bad emo poetry to do anything else? Then again, maybe that is what the racial mod to Dex is for....
Vestigial_Thumb 10-26-06, 04:12 PM	Are you sure they can? I kinda figured they were to busy composing bad emo poetry to do anything else? Then again, maybe that is what the racial mod to Dex is for.... They do compose a lot of emo poetry. It's true, though, that Elves do have a good quality: You don't have to make an effort to kick their asses because they just do it for you.
Celestine_AutumnStar 10-26-06, 05:19 PM	right, clearly you haven't heard a single woman give her opinion of the lord of the rings movies..... all they ever say is "yeah thats a great film....Orlando bloom the Elf....is hot" Ummm WHAT!?!? Are you trying to be funny or is this serious? If this is serious you need to step away from your keyboard, unplug your computer and never touch it again. Stupidity is rampant enough without comments like this accelerating its growth.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-26-06, 05:21 PM	Ummm WHAT!?!? Are you trying to be funny or is this serious? If this is serious you need to step away from your keyboard, unplug your computer and never touch it again. Stupidity is rampant enough without comments like this accelerating its growth. :heehee So in addition to being stupid Necrom99 is also a chauvinistig pig. How nice.
aotrscommander 10-26-06, 05:27 PM	Starships eh? What exactly are those and more importantly how powerful are they? Given you have access to the internet, a simple trip to wikipedia will answer the first question, assuming it was not a rhetorical one. To the second part, very powerful. Our navy is unbeaten, and has a technological (and thaumatological) advantage over the galactic average. We may not be the most advanced out there, but we're significantly better than the bulk of the riff-raff. Well anyways orbiting around the planet and taking out some key fortifications would indeed be helpful. The strongholds I want obliterated are Karantis and the core of Zoragmelok. How much would the aotrs charge for three starships or so and maybe 10.000 spirit-bound liches(your grunts if I am not mistaken)? Well, that depends on what we need for the job. Though I suspect it would not require a lot; orbital bombardment of the type I am suggesting will leave very little standing, outsider, fortress, terrain or otherwise. Heck, nuclear weapons are easily within our reach from our contacts in the black market and very cheap (we have much better weapons ourselves 'in house', as it were); against target that are unable to relatiate, these primative weapons would be effective (plus I've always wondered, are demons immune to radiation? It's a fun way to find out!) Perhaps you could provide a few more specifics of the environs and objective in question? Ten thousand troops, though, we might struggle. Impressive though we are, we not unlimited in number. However, given as even demons are not kitted out to deal with shielded Grav tanks with heavy energy weapons, I suspect that the actual numbers required would be vastly diminished, depending on what you need doing exaclty. If you intend to conquer, rather than simply erase, we can assist, but we lack the ground troops to invest in full-scale war (we do have our own battles to fight). Again, if you are less familiar in what the humans laughably call 'modern' warfare, a quick trip to wiki will underline the differences. (And we have magic to boot, too!) Just keep in mind I will not recompensate you for any losses that will occur. Given the range of spells is in feet, and the range of starship weapons is in light-seconds, in all likelihood there will be no losses.
Celestine_AutumnStar 10-26-06, 05:30 PM	All I know is that I was far more interested in watching the movies for Ian Mckellen, Christopher Lee and Hugo Weaving than I was for Orlando Bloom. Hell I was more into Liv Tyler than Orlando Bloom. But of course thats another story...
Vestigial_Thumb 10-26-06, 05:33 PM	are demons immune to radiation? I know I am.
Whisper_Swiftblade 10-26-06, 06:03 PM	Are you sure they can? I kinda figured they were to busy composing bad emo poetry to do anything else? Then again, maybe that is what the racial mod to Dex is for.... they can not, that's why they make the bad poetry, so others will get anoyed and do the ass kicking for them.
Kresalak 10-26-06, 06:12 PM	Well, that depends on what we need for the job. Though I suspect it would not require a lot; orbital bombardment of the type I am suggesting will leave very little standing, outsider, fortress, terrain or otherwise. Heck, nuclear weapons are easily within our reach from our contacts in the black market and very cheap (we have much better weapons ourselves 'in house', as it were); against target that are unable to relatiate, these primative weapons would be effective (plus I've always wondered, are demons immune to radiation? It's a fun way to find out!) If I may make a suggestion, just covertly send a swarm of engineered plagues (natural or nanomachine, it makes no difference) to every part of the enemy. Within the year, at least 90% will be dead. Ten thousand troops, though, we might struggle. Impressive though we are, we not unlimited in number. However, given as even demons are not kitted out to deal with shielded Grav tanks with heavy energy weapons, I suspect that the actual numbers required would be vastly diminished, depending on what you need doing exaclty. If you intend to conquer, rather than simply erase, we can assist, but we lack the ground troops to invest in full-scale war (we do have our own battles to fight). If you need help, I could lend you the use of a couple million troopers, scuta, and bloodstocks. A pittance, really. All I'd need is some artifacts (not Artifacts), and an 8-9 hour window to ship the transports through portals. Or about a hundred years, a flowstone generator, and the planar coordinates of the target plane.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-26-06, 07:04 PM	Aotrscommander The layer in question is Hollow's Heart, the 176th layer of the abyss. The layer is finite and not very large at all. Only some 6000 miles across. A large portion of the layer is taken up by various mountain ranges. Considering what you claim to be able to arrange, leveling those would be welcome. Just the mountains though, keep in mind I want to rule this thing. In the southern half of the layer there is a large sea that goes by the oh so original name The Hollows Sea. That is where most of the layers residents live so please, don't bomb the crap out if it. What you can bomb the crap out of, and indeed, what I am hiring you to do is blow up a temple devoted to Fraz-Urb'luu. The temple is located close to Zoragmelok the capital city and is full of powerful spellcasters. Make sure to get the drop on these as they supply Fraz-Urb'luu with quite a bit of power and eliminating them will make my job much easier. What I need troops for is Zoragmelok and the fortress in it's middle. The fortress is said to be impregnable but was in all likelyhood not build to withstand advanced technological weaponry. Your troops will be accompanied by most of my own squads and whatever other mercenaries I can hire. I will personally handle Fraz-Urb'Luu but you should still be on the lookout for him just in case. He is very dangerous and should be handled with care, his Deception ability in particular is very potent and if he manages to Summon a Demon Lord such as Demogorgon or Orcus inside one of your starships... well lets just say the repercussions would be dire indeed. So all in all, how much aid can you lend me and how much will I have to pay you? P.S This modern warfare thing is quite clever. A very interesting read Aotrs, thank you.
Gurslak 10-26-06, 08:04 PM	Before you gentlemen start your minor skirmish I'd like to make a few points! 1) When you say your navy's unbeaten does that actually mean untested? Heck my goblin armada is unbeaten, it just hasn't managed to get out of the docks either! 2) I thought an alliance was when two or more nations/armies team up on a prospective target and launch their attacks, only for one member of the 'alliance' to be slightly delayed and actually attack their former allies when they and the origional target have been significantly weakened. I may be wrong, but remember I deal in goblins :D
TheWerg 10-26-06, 08:15 PM	Gurslak, this is an elf-bashing thread. Goblins have nothing to do with it. All they are is smaller, less manly orcs (and a key part of a balanced diet-for dragons and zombies.)
Vestigial_Thumb 10-26-06, 08:23 PM	Gurslak, this is an elf-bashing thread. Goblins have nothing to do with it. All they are is smaller, less manly orcs (and a key part of a balanced diet-for dragons and zombies.) Don't forget that they're also sources of income for adventurers.
Kresalak 10-26-06, 08:38 PM	The destruction of a temple could be easily done. Simply pay me enough to risk a portal generator ship above the temple, followed by the cost of materials and time for a Soul Bomb. The soul of a major demon should be sufficient to power a single bomb. Do you know how many troops defend that fortress? I could literally bury it under Phyrexian killing machines. Or carpet bomb it, that's easy too. And if you need defense against flying demons, we long ago salvaged (and improved upon) Urza's Flacon Engines, so I could sell you a flight of those. Leveling mountain ranges would require an immense amount of energy, and could render the layer uninhabitable. I suggest carpet bombing them in temporary plagues-after about a year, they would be completely safe to live in. Blanketing them in stone chargers would also work, but those are extremely old (>9000 years) technology and aren't garunteed to be effective. As for the capital itself, I suggest swarming it with about a hundred thousand troopers, scuta, bloodstocks, and a few hundred gargantua. Possibly a Witch Engine or two and a flight of Dragon Engines. Of course, if you REALLY want power, we could let you test out the Titan Engine we tried to rebuild. I doubt even Demogorgon could stand against something like that. Though we're not sure if a non-'Walker could survive the integration mechanism.
Kresalak 10-26-06, 08:39 PM	Don't forget that they're also sources of income for adventurers. The dictionary defines "source of adventurer's income" as "anything that isn't an adventurer".
TheWerg 10-26-06, 08:40 PM	Don't forget that they're also sources of income for adventurers. Ah yes, I knew I'd forgotten something: the Humanoid (Treasure Fodder) subtype. Providing adventurers with teh loot since 1974.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-26-06, 08:54 PM	Do you know how many troops defend that fortress? I could literally bury it under Phyrexian killing machines. Or carpet bomb it, that's easy too. Roughly sixtyfive-hundred elite troops, most of the being Clerics. All by themselves they really aren't a problem. The fact that they charge Fraz-Urb'Luu with immense amounts of power is. Leveling mountain ranges would require an immense amount of energy, and could render the layer uninhabitable. I suggest carpet bombing them in temporary plagues-after about a year, they would be completely safe to live in. Blanketing them in stone chargers would also work, but those are extremely old (>9000 years) technology and aren't garunteed to be effective. The mountain ranges themselves, not their inhabitants, are the problem. They quite literally embody the chaos and rage in Fraz-Urb'Luu's heart. Obviously I don't want a huge reminder of him everytime I look out the window or go for a ride on my Great Wyrm. That would be seriously lame. As for the capital itself, I suggest swarming it with about a hundred thousand troopers, scuta, bloodstocks, and a few hundred gargantua. Possibly a Witch Engine or two and a flight of Dragon Engines. The problem here is that being only a fledgling Demon Lord right now, my army isn't such a vast host. In fact they only number about 300.000 troops or so. They are tough but they lack numbers. It should be sufficient though. Also, what exactly is a Witch engine, I am pretty sure I know what Dragon Engines are though. Of course, if you REALLY want power, we could let you test out the Titan Engine we tried to rebuild. I doubt even Demogorgon could stand against something like that. Though we're not sure if a non-'Walker could survive the integration mechanism. Ooohh interesting! Well, seeing as how any type or subtype is only a Shapechange away... bring it on!
aotrscommander 10-27-06, 05:16 AM	Before you gentlemen start your minor skirmish I'd like to make a few points! 1) When you say your navy's unbeaten does that actually mean untested? Heck my goblin armada is unbeaten, it just hasn't managed to get out of the docks either! 2) I thought an alliance was when two or more nations/armies team up on a prospective target and launch their attacks, only for one member of the 'alliance' to be slightly delayed and actually attack their former allies when they and the origional target have been significantly weakened. I may be wrong, but remember I deal in goblins :D No, I mean 'unbeaten'. We have kicked the living crap out of the opposition in every battle we've ever fought in space, not least because Lord Death Despoil knows what they're going to do before they do - and he doesn't need his precognition skills to do that either. The layer in question is Hollow's Heart, the 176th layer of the abyss. The layer is finite and not very large at all. Only some 6000 miles across. A large portion of the layer is taken up by various mountain ranges. Considering what you claim to be able to arrange, leveling those would be welcome. Just the mountains though, keep in mind I want to rule this thing. As to dealing with the mountains, that's easy. Our primary enegery weapons are Cold Beams, which tend to cause mater to shatter (before you ask, I don't fully understand the workings of cold beams myself, I'm not a technician! But I understand they fire beams that are elemental cold, i.e. below absolute zero (no, I don't know how you can have less than zero particle movement for the same reasons!)) So a steady barrage of Cold Beams will simple smash the mountains into fragments. What you can bomb the crap out of, and indeed, what I am hiring you to do is blow up a temple devoted to Fraz-Urb'luu. The temple is located close to Zoragmelok the capital city and is full of powerful spellcasters. Make sure to get the drop on these as they supply Fraz-Urb'luu with quite a bit of power and eliminating them will make my job much easier. Easy. A single structre won't last long against starship weapons, and we have the presicion. Heck, if neccesary, we'll senf in a couple of Crater-class Fightercruisers and level it with a couple of Skull or Shatterer warheads. I will personally handle Fraz-Urb'Luu but you should still be on the lookout for him just in case. He is very dangerous and should be handled with care, his Deception ability in particular is very potent and if he manages to Summon a Demon Lord such as Demogorgon or Orcus inside one of your starships... well lets just say the repercussions would be dire indeed. Decption will be difficult to get to work on a)Undead and Wardroids and b) Undead and Wardroids with scanners. Fortunately we have shields which will nicely prevent Frazzy summoning anything inside a starship (besides, I suspect his range isn't, like 500 miles or something' at that point, he's not easily going to be able to see us to aquire the target! And we could be at 5000 or 50000 miles without any decrease of accuracy. When you can hit ships moving at significant fractions of the speed of light at ranges approaching lightseconds ad beyond, a stationary target is terribly easy!) What I need troops for is Zoragmelok and the fortress in it's middle. The fortress is said to be impregnable but was in all likelyhood not build to withstand advanced technological weaponry. Your troops will be accompanied by most of my own squads and whatever other mercenaries I can hire. Are we talking standard low-tech fortress here? A few Skulls or even a Horde salvo from a couple of Gloombat Multirole attack craft or Reign of Anger firesupport vehicles should knock the walls down. (I'll have my forces look into Gating in a Sentry Drone to do a flyover of the target area in question for recon.) As a initial estimate, though, I'd Say we could manage to spare maybe a Black Hole fighter carrier and maybe a Midnight Drednought (maybe a Midnight A since that would eliminate the need for the Black Hole and we won't need the extra firepower). I think maybe 2-4 companies of groud troops (including armour, artillery and wardroids) ought to be sufficent. Payment, well, I guess you don't have credits, but we would accept raw materials, plus the chance to examine the place for any interesting magical spell of devices. And as well, there may be a time when we request your help at some point (we like to keep our information network nice and spread out). We could even negociate potentially to set up a small facility on that layer, as it's always handy to additional bases.
Vestigial_Thumb 10-27-06, 04:42 PM	I think I could help you conquer the layer. I control an army of savage Bar-Lguras. I also have a huge-ass greatsword (used for killing stuff) that I could swing a couple of times to destroy a few legions. I'm also immune to radiation, fire (including explosions), blunt force trauma, high-concentration energy beams (including Cold Beams), and people poking me in the thighs. I also wield powerful magic of fire and pain (basically all spells that cause fire damage and/or pain). Bestiality, brutality, and destruction are my names.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-27-06, 05:16 PM	I think I could help you conquer the layer. I control an army of savage Bar-Lguras. I also have a huge-ass greatsword (used for killing stuff) that I could swing a couple of times to destroy a few legions. I'm also immune to radiation, fire (including explosions), blunt force trauma, high-concentration energy beams (including Cold Beams), and people poking me in the thighs. I also wield powerful magic of fire and pain (basically all spells that cause fire damage and/or pain). Bestiality, brutality, and destruction are my names. Now that's an offer to my liking! Ok Thumb, Aotrs, your legion(s) should arrive the 29th of October at approximately 1200 hours Greenwich time. There they will be joined by my legions. By my estimation the battle should take roughly three hours if all goes according to plan(which of course it won't seeing as how we are talking about demons here). Afterward Aotrs will have his payment and Thumb my thanks(unless of course you require some compensation for your time), If at all possible I would like to pay you in souls. How many will you require?
Vestigial_Thumb 10-27-06, 06:04 PM	If at all possible I would like to pay you in souls. How many will you require? I take serial payments with a 6% yearly interest. About 2000 souls should cover all the expenses. It's a pretty sweet deal if you ask me.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-27-06, 06:09 PM	I take serial payments with a 6% yearly interest. About 2000 souls should cover all the expenses. It's a pretty sweet deal if you ask me. I'll pay half up front and the rest when I sit in my throne is Hollow's Heart. *Hands Thumb a thousand of these, all of them virgins*:ghosted: (This website needs a better soul smiley.)
DemonDavyJones 10-27-06, 06:40 PM	[awesome undead voice type thing]I have arrived here at last, after many trials and tests *read: my internet broke whenever I tried posting here* and as such my forces stand here to do best. I have ninteen-odd legions of troops at command, and each of them is truly a man. No elven wussies can be found here, only half-orcs and humans with swords, axes, and hair. I wish to join this fight here, for glory and honor, for the abyss holds not terror, for men of such power. Whose side shall I fight on, which army will bleed, at the hands of my troops, and their simple creed. "Charge when outnumbered, outgunned, and outmanned, for vict'ry alone depends on each man." Now for the technical details! The "ninteen-odd legions" consist of 15,000 fighters, wizards, clerics, rogues, and others, each. They also have 1,000 pieces of heavy artillery, each wielded by two men. The remaining 3,000 members consist of dragons, trolls, liches, and other such things. This is all in each legion. We have sufficient casters to Plane Shift and Teleport to anywhere in the multiverse within a few seconds. Now, the question is... who 'da highest bidder? The demons have already offered quite a pretty penny... 280,000 troops. One very bloody day for my opponents...
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-27-06, 06:43 PM	Regrettably I have no need of your troops as of right now. I am still very interested and want your business card. Also, how much would you charge for say, three legions(overkill is always fun)?
TheWerg 10-27-06, 06:49 PM	I have a 95 year old blind one-armed hobo pushing a rusty shopping cart at my command. He is yours if you wish. Any takers?
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-27-06, 06:51 PM	I have a 95 year old blind one-armed hobo pushing a rusty shopping cart at my command. He is yours if you wish. Any takers? I'll take him. I need a fool for my court. You don't mind if I beat him do you?
DemonDavyJones 10-27-06, 06:51 PM	I just recieved some very... unfortunate... news. The demons appear to be overconfident :censored: es and have insulted my commanders parentage. These generals are very sensitive about their parentage... As such, I had decided to sent 10 legions to one of the lower layers of the abyss to make a point. But... to instead spare 3 legions? With the anger of my commanders at the moment, they'd practically pay you to get in. The three legions are now scheduled to arrive at 12:00 on October 28th (they like being early). They require no more payment than you not attacking them (doi) and of course, the treasure of whatever demons they themselves kill. I like having an army of hardened mercenaries!
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-27-06, 06:53 PM	Splendid. Just make sure that you do not tip off Fraz-Urb'luu or things might get nasty.
DemonDavyJones 10-27-06, 06:56 PM	If things get nasty my generals will have something to say about it. In particular, the one that's a lich who's phylactery is his phylactery (very confusing, but thoroughly cool). As of right now, he's enjoying a vacation on the elemental plane of fire... he likes fire. However, I sent him a message informing him of the upcoming skirmish, and he might show up, to take a few potshots, y'know blow away a few enemy divisions, collapse the walls, small stuff really :P .
TheWerg 10-27-06, 06:58 PM	I'll take him. I need a fool for my court. You don't mind if I beat him do you? Not particularly, but he might die, and I do find him rather amusing. He claims that he once saw an elf wielding a greatsword. My laughter boomed out unrelentless for the next 3 hours.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-27-06, 07:00 PM	Not particularly, but he might die, and I do find him rather amusing. He claims that he once saw an elf wielding a greatsword. My laughter boomed out unrelentless for the next 3 hours. :heehee Amusing fellow he will be. I might even decide not to beat him if he entertains me enough.
TheWerg 10-27-06, 07:01 PM	:heehee Amusing fellow he will be. I might even decide not to beat him if he entertains me enough. Excellent. I'll send him out as soon as you are victorious.
DemonDavyJones 10-27-06, 07:04 PM	Just the fact that my troops will be there means we are victorious already. Was that confident? Yes. Was it overconfident? Considering that my troops are the reason there are only 9 layers of Hell instead 10 like there used to be... (and we only lost 1 legion! So now we have 19... although we did almost lose a few others...) Possibly.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-27-06, 07:10 PM	Was that confident? Yes. Was it overconfident? Considering that my troops are the reason there are only 9 layers of Hell instead 90 like there used to be... (and we only lost 1 legion! So now we have 19...) No. Now, now, don't overestimate yourself. Considering you only have some 280.000 troops you are still relatively small fry compared to major Archdevils like the Lords of the Nine. You realise that there is an infinite amount of devils right? And that means there is also an infinite amount of devils( or demons for that matter) that are individually more powerful than one of your troops. I don't intend to be mean, but you need a reality check. Heck, those 19 legions of yours are impressive but not that ridiculously powerful. Just the fact that my troops will be there means we are victorious already. This is true though. Between your troops, the Army of the red spear, my horde and Thumb's army of savage demons. Victory is assured. As they say in badly dubbed computer games: All your base are belong to us!
DemonDavyJones 10-27-06, 07:14 PM	True. I allowed my confidence in my generals abilities to get the best of me there. I also miswrote the number of layers of Hell there used to be. It was 10, not 90... how the heck I wrote that wrong I have no idea... Anyways, what I meant to say was: Commence sending troops! (They want to be really early... so they're teleporting in about *the maximum range of teleport* above the ground and using Feather Falls to delay their coming close enough to be attacked untill the 28th. EDIT: Reality check added to my above post. Further EDIT: The troops have arrived, and are stationing themselves on Walls of Force untill such time as the battle is about to begin. If aotrscommander knows at what position his ships will jump in, we could combine our landing with his bombardment for maximum effect. Yet another EDIT: I have decided that 60,000 troops are not enough for me to send in, simply because I need to be able to have a few thousand walk around handing out my business cards without fear of ineffectiveness of my army. Thus, I have decided to sent 10 legions instead of 3. 200,000 troops! Of these, 60,000 are already there (see above edit), another 100,000 are preparing themselves by using Distintigrate and Move Earth to shape a temporary underground cavern complex with which to drill out from using maximized empowered Flame Strikes. Not very efficient, to be sure, but... man it looks cool! The remaining two legions will station themselves in the caverns, but, once the battle starts, they will casts Mass Invisibility on themselves, Dimension Door themselves above the fight, Feather Fall, and let loose on their way down. Yes, I know they'll be visible after the first attack, but, after the first wave of Fireballs and Chain Lightning comes from the sky, I think the second will be effective regardless of whether it comes from air or visible creatures! Yay for a subtle *cough* battle plan!
David_Roben2 10-27-06, 08:07 PM	Anyone else feel like this thread is circling the drain? Just askin.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-27-06, 08:10 PM	We are simply waiting for Aotrs to complete his study. Once that is complete we will go back to bashing elves(and vampires).
Gurslak 10-27-06, 08:10 PM	Well now lads got any room for an few gobbo's? It does seem like you've got all of your crack troops sorted but you can never have too much cannon fodder. Exact numbers are a bit sketchy but if you see one he's got at least a thousand of his mates hiding behind a rock ready to pounce! They're all completely trained (as far as gobbo's can be) to simply charge en masse towards whatever you point them and they may even kill something! To be honest i'm not really asking as the gits have already set off , they just get so excitable at the mere mention of a invasion, they'll reach you late evening of the 28th. Good luck with the little buggers! Oh yeah, payment is 2 dozen cows, half a dozen sheep, a chicken and a small cave system :D
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-27-06, 08:14 PM	I think this invasion of mine has tripled in size from what is was originally intended to be:uh-huh: Those goblins can make camp around the Hollow Sea with their brethren. Plenty of caves and cows around there. Unless of course you want them back, but then again, they are goblins so getting rid of them is a bonus.
Gurslak 10-27-06, 08:16 PM	Ok i've had a brief check over my stock and you should have at least 60,000 gobbo's on your doorstep soon, you may only see around 60 of them initially, but the rest will be there ready to swarm over your enemies picnic in no time. Now i must get back to pulling the eye lashes from my elven 'guests'.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-27-06, 08:19 PM	Wow. This thing has gone on for 21 pages and six hundred posts!. :D
Vestigial_Thumb 10-27-06, 10:19 PM	Thanks to The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, I missed my bid on the one-handed bum. Thank you, Universal Studios. You now owe me a bum.
TheWerg 10-27-06, 11:05 PM	Thanks to The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, I missed my bid on the one-handed bum. Thank you, Universal Studios. You now owe me a bum. Don't worry, I'll be able to scrounge up another one in no time! Thank you, Leadership!
TheWerg 10-28-06, 12:00 AM	WE MUST STAY AHEAD OF THE "Can a Paladin kill an Evil creature?" THREAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111 111
MagnaSecuris 10-28-06, 02:06 AM	I say, seeing as I am an intelligent Greataxe capable of speech, would there be any room for me in your plans? Greataxes are debatably more manly than greatswords, and I am sure to provide witty commentary and scathing remarks.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-28-06, 08:22 AM	Well, the greataxe is my weapon of choice, but I already have a pretty impressive axe. Namely a +6, Keen,Wounding, Vorpal,Dancing Cold Iron one that automatically pierces through damage reduction.( One of these comes with being a fully advanced Molydeus). You however sound like a fun weapon. What are your enhancements?
Kresalak 10-28-06, 04:35 PM	Roughly sixtyfive-hundred elite troops, most of the being Clerics. All by themselves they really aren't a problem. The fact that they charge Fraz-Urb'Luu with immense amounts of power is. 6,500? That's nothing. Unless they're Metathran or something. Regardless, those are extinct. One set of plague bombs, coming right up! I could send a construction crew to level the mountains in a conventional and not-going-to-overheat-the-atmosphere way. [quote]The problem here is that being only a fledgling Demon Lord right now, my army isn't such a vast host. In fact they only number about 300.000 troops or so. They are tough but they lack numbers. It should be sufficient though. Also, what exactly is a Witch engine, I am pretty sure I know what Dragon Engines are though. Witch Engines are giant floating jellyfish shaped engines of destruction. They're composed of Maggot Engines, which make them impossible to destroy unless you quite literally rip them apart. Ooohh interesting! Well, seeing as how any type or subtype is only a Shapechange away... bring it on! Planeswalker isn't a type, but rather a state of being. Like being a god. You might be able to survive the interface, or your mind might be ripped apart by the extra sensory inputs and physical differences. I don't know, I've never tried it.
aotrscommander 10-28-06, 05:28 PM	Now that's an offer to my liking! Ok Thumb, Aotrs, your legion(s) should arrive the 29th of October at approximately 1200 hours Greenwich time. There they will be joined by my legions. By my estimation the battle should take roughly three hours if all goes according to plan(which of course it won't seeing as how we are talking about demons here). Afterward Aotrs will have his payment and Thumb my thanks(unless of course you require some compensation for your time), If at all possible I would like to pay you in souls. How many will you require? Acknowledged. We are dispatching Midnight A Dreadcarrier Fury of Darkness with a squadron of twelve Foulwing Fighters (Sunkiller Squadron) with a Strike load out, giving you of 48 Skull (medium anti-starship warheads) and 48 Slayer (heavier anti-starship warheads) and 72 Reaper dogfight missiles (the latter will not do a terrible amount of damage to structures but will be nice for picking off flying enemies of even concentrations of ground troops. In additon, these vessels have twin Coldbeam cannons and twin plasma-pulse cannons and a coldbeam twin turret. This should mean that with their shields and armour, they should easily be able to last the duration of the fight. The Dreadcarrier (at approximately a kilometer long) has sufficent firepower to be able to deal with any targets (four heavy coldbeam batteries, two medium energy beam batteries and two cpatial-scale warhead launchers plus six anti-fighter weapon arrays that will be more than sufficent to decimate structures and target in an of their own right). We are sending three reinforced companies: seeing as you seem to be well equipped for ground troops, we are sending primarily armour: (* indicates the units have force shields) Company One Armour Platoon One and Two: Each of 4 Hammer of Hatred Heavy Grav tanks* (with their 'can-opener' MLA )magnetic linear accelerator) cannons they should deal with larger demonic target quite nicely) Support Platoon Three: Four Reign of Anger tracked firesupport vehicles each armed with 8 Skulls and two Sentry Drone scouts. Infantry Platoon Four: Four squads of eight ground troops armed coldbeam, Snake Light Missile Launchers and full battle armour and their attendant Fallen Soul* transports (these are geared up for ramming into starhip hulls to board, so if you need to tranport some troops directly into (or over) an enemy installation, they will do the job excellently). Company TwoArmour Platoon Five and Six: Four Gloombat Multirole atack craft* (each armed with four Skulls and Four Reaper, quad coldbeams and an energy beam turret) Armour Platoon Seven and Eight: Four Storm Cleaver Battle Walkers* each with 4 Skulls and 40 Frost Bomb. Recon Platoon Nine: 4 Viperskull Jet Bikes, two Bonecracker Recon Cycles and two Bonesmasher Rocket Cycles. Company Three (Wardroid Platoon) 12 Sentry Drone scouts. Wardroid Platoon One: Two squads of six Wardroids* and command squad of three Wardroids* (all are armed with two plasma-pulse cannons; the wardroid command in cludes a plasma-pulse support cannon), two squads of four grav Hunter Drones. Enrager Platoon Two and Three: Each of four Enrager Heavy Battledroids* (plasma-pulse gatling and coldbeam cannons). Siege Platoon Four: Two Profaner Heavy Siege Droids* (battle claws, plasma-pulse cannon, coldbeam turret and Horde multiple semi-guided warhead launcher) In addition, we will be bring 50 communication devices that can be distributed to unit leaders to request fire support from the various units, plus a specialist Desolation Commando to use them. Right, now with business out of the way down to pleasure and the elf/Vampire/Greatsword experiment! While finalising the experiment, it finally happened. Apparently, according to those on watch, after the slap-fight, both sides worked out to to 'use' the greatswords...in teams of three! The resulting battle started 169 hours, forty-two minutes after experiment initiation, and lasted a further twelve minutes, six seconds. At the end, all the Elves were eliminated and all but one vampire (90% casualties; guess that 'enhanced' strength meant something after all!) This gives us total time to elimination of Elves of 169 hours, 54 minutes 27.56 seconds. Okay, David_Roben2, time to crunch the numbers from round one... (The techs inform me the dangerous Elven vampire experiment will go ahead on the 31st; we have found an especially wussy Elven Vampire, who never stops crying about a lower he trod on once as a small child. Consequently, we have moved the containment chamber approximately 30 light-seconds outside the station.) Edit: Oh, for those of you participating in the coming battle, I am dispatching a sensor video log of the experiement, as it's jolly funny. Sorry to the rest of you, but Aotrs computer system aren't compatible with human computer terminals (encryptions all off!) Edit 2: Side note: I myself will not be leading the attack (I have other duties, unfortunately, dealing with commanding a starship engagement). However, Brigadier Bloodrazor Void Spawn will be, and his is the absolute best ground commander that I have available (and whn I say best, I mean he's really, really good!) You will find him experienced, creative and extremely professional. I'd wish you luck, but frankly, you won't need it...
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-28-06, 06:42 PM	You didn't specify your price.
aotrscommander 10-28-06, 07:23 PM	You didn't specify your price. Ah yes. Caught up in the heat of preparing for battle at Storkor, sorry! 1) 5% of any battle spoils (especially of low-grade magical weapons, and any unusual magic spells, and including demonic organs and blood etc for magical components) 2) A number of humanoid corpses equivilent equal to 5% of enemy battle casualties or 50,000, whichever is smller suitable for animation as skeletons (preferably demonic but we're not fussy; don't worry about the sizes, our necromantic animation spells are better than normal Animate Dead) to be delivered at an agreed date after victory (we will provide you with our corpse equivilency tables). 3) Alternately, or in part to 2) metric tonnes of metals (preferably iron or steel, but copper and gold are acceptable as well; other metals at an equivilency rate); we will harvest the metals from the ground under our own expense if you cannot deliver them easily yourself. 4) At some point in the future, we may require assistance from you, typically either informational or some limited military force. If military assistance is more than minimal, we will negociate a deal at such time equitable to both parties. Note: 1 and 2 may have upper limits dependant on the amount of enemy casualties and the amount of spoils obtained (up to 110% of the value of our physical resources (i.e. warheads etc) used).
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-28-06, 07:31 PM	I accept all of those terms. And in regards to 3. I will pay in adamantine if at all possible. Cold Iron works to. As adamantine is considerably more valuable than iron, how many kilograms will you be needing? Anways, good luck in your Storkor battle.
aotrscommander 10-28-06, 07:41 PM	I accept all of those terms. And in regards to 3. I will pay in adamantine if at all possible. Cold Iron works to. As adamantine is considerably more valuable than iron, how many kilograms will you be needing? Anways, good luck in your Storkor battle. Adamantine and Cold Iron?? In bulk?? Unholy frakking Elf fecal excretion! Wow! That's definatly a two-one ratio for Cold Iron and, let's say 10 to one for adamantine (Brigadier Void Spawn can compute the actual result once we've won with you in person.) Edit: Got to go...fleet breaks orbit in twenty...
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-28-06, 08:27 PM	Planeswalker isn't a type, but rather a state of being. Like being a god. You might be able to survive the interface, or your mind might be ripped apart by the extra sensory inputs and physical differences. I don't know, I've never tried it. Regardless, I wish to try it. Can you make sure it is ready by 1200 tomorrow?
DemonDavyJones 10-28-06, 10:06 PM	Whatever you do aotrs, please don't fire on the humanoids, dragons, and others under a blood-red banner with a clenched fist around a planet. They are the Army of The Claw, my "19-odd legions" if you will. They will be prepared to appear exactly six seconds after the battle begins, "paratrooping" drilling out from cave complexes using Flame Strike (not efficient, but thoroughly awesome!) and Dimension Door-ing above the enemy. We commence the assault in less than 2 hours.
DungeonJman 10-28-06, 11:23 PM	well, this certainly looks like its going to be an epic army, how does Fraz Urb'luu stand a chance against this? And, since no one else has done this yet... ALL OF FRAZ URB'LUU'S BASE ARE BELONG TO YOU.
Kresalak 10-28-06, 11:54 PM	Regardless, I wish to try it. Can you make sure it is ready by 1200 tomorrow? Of course. But be warned, if it is damaged beyond a reasonable amount, we will plague bomb you and your legions until such a point that the shrapnel from the weapons kills you instead of the virulent fast acting plague contained within.
TheWerg 10-29-06, 12:52 AM	well, this certainly looks like its going to be an epic army, how does Fraz Urb'luu stand a chance against this? And, since no one else has done this yet... ALL OF FRAZ URB'LUU'S BASE ARE BELONG TO YOU. It actually has been said, on page 20: As they say in badly dubbed computer games: All your base are belong to us!
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-29-06, 06:32 PM	A smashing victory! Fraz-Urb'Luu has been defeated and I have bonded with the layer. Finally I am a true Demon Lord. As for the rest of you, I am deeply grateful for your help. Kresalak: It seems that those plague bombs were ineffective. Most of the demons were immune to that plague. The Titan Engine though, was a completely unique experience. Not sure how to explain this. I guess this means I have the spark, whatever that is. Aotrs: Your troops proved to be very effective at cracking tough nuts like fortresses and the like. The air support in particular was invaluable. Void spawn was very insightful and helped minimize losses. He also checked out the metals and he was impressed with their purity. We agreed on the previously suggested ten to one and two to one exchange ratios. I have already paid him the metals and he is scavenging the battlefield as we speak for the rest of your payment. Also, Void Spawn told me you suffered some complications during the battle. What was that about? DemonDavyJones: Your troops helped capture the capital. They performed admirably. I regret to inform you that two of your legions were pinned down under heavy fire and suffered huge casualties. I will compensate you for the loss. Thumb: Seeing as how you were there, I don't really need to tell you how your horde fared do I? Gurslak: Those goblins were... for a lack of a better word, annihilated. Only 68 of the little buggers remain. You owe me for taking them of your hands.
TheWerg 10-29-06, 06:43 PM	68 Goblins are left? That many? Or is it just a typo? Perhaps you meant 6 or 8 or just meant 0 and missed completely? The hobo is on his way as we speak. He just sent a message that one of his cart's wheels fell off and he is seeking a replacement. He should arrive as soon as he can find an interplanar train to hop on.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-29-06, 06:51 PM	No typo. There are 68 goblins left. One of them had invoked rule 34 on end tables. The rest crowded around him and did not participate in the battle at all. Oh, and looking forward to meeting that hobo.
Starman IX 10-29-06, 06:54 PM	...One of them had invoked rule 34...QED :(
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-29-06, 07:10 PM	QED :( Meaning? I couldn't find it in the urban dictionary.
Always-Late 10-29-06, 07:32 PM	Meaning? I couldn't find it in the urban dictionary.Q.E.D. is an abbreviation of the Latin phrase "quod erat demonstrandum" (literally, "which was to be demonstrated"). In simple terms, the use of this Latin phrase is to indicate that something has been definitively proven. Go go Wikipedia. (Actually, I knew what it meant beforehand, but Wiki explains better than me.)
Vestigial_Thumb 10-29-06, 08:02 PM	Thumb: Seeing as how you were there, I don't really need to tell you how your horde fared do I? Those apes didn't even blink an eye as they ripped the throats out of the opposition. The one thing I wasn't too happy about was that they had to ritually stake the head of everyone they killed. Then they mutilated the bodies and attached their thumbs to a necklace (a homage to me).
DemonDavyJones 10-29-06, 08:20 PM	Horaay! We won! Unfortunately the 13th and 16th legions seemed to be a bit out of practice... use them brains of yours, guys, and don't get pinned down like that... :nonono: Anyways, glad to see we could help. *mutters in the background* now to prepare the Weapon to take the second layer by our lonesome... :schemes:
TheWerg 10-29-06, 08:45 PM	The hobo, known as "One-Armed Jimbo", has reported a group of incredibly powerful good adventurers traveling to your layer, saying something about "Overthrowing a Demon Lord." He vomited on their shoes until they let him come along, so he'll arrive shortly. You should be warned that these are real big shots; however, I'm sure that in all your power you can handle them. Also, be prepared to hear a lot of *****ing about the DM sending them up against something too hard and TPKing them.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-29-06, 08:49 PM	Thank you for the heads up Werg. Will make the minions keep watch for those pesky things. Why must adventurers constantly meddle in the affairs of evil overlords? Are they suicidal or something?
TheWerg 10-29-06, 09:08 PM	Thank you for the heads up Werg. Will make the minions keep watch for those pesky things. Why must adventurers constantly meddle in the affairs of evil overlords? Are they suicidal or something? I've heard a rumor that it has something to do with this game called "Dungeons and Dragons."
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-29-06, 09:12 PM	In that case, I must eliminate that game. To this purpose I have dispatched my most diabolical minion, Jack Chick. He will spread false unsubstantiated rumors in an attempt to discredit Dungeons and Dragons. . . . . . . . . . Is this breaking the CoC in any way? If so, I will edit this away.
Kresalak 10-29-06, 10:22 PM	Kresalak: It seems that those plague bombs were ineffective. Most of the demons were immune to that plague. The Titan Engine though, was a completely unique experience. Not sure how to explain this. I guess this means I have the spark, whatever that is. Nah, it means that Demon Lords are suitably immaterial that the Titan Engine interface mechanism didn't kill them. This gives more credibility to the theory that Urza tricked us and put an anti-Phyrexian mechanism in it and is a dirty stinking worthless liar. Oh yeah, and the demons weren't immune to the plague. I sent you a nano-machine plague, and currently billions of nano-bots are swarming around your layer of the abyss, spying for our invasion of lower abyssal layers. We won't invade yours though, as long as you pay for services rendered. Also vote for me in the Optimization Challenge contest
theotherdraxen 10-29-06, 10:50 PM	Sorry to interrupt, but seeing as you guys want more posts anyway, I figured I could ask. Is this thread about elves or greatswords anymore? And does anyone else think it's time to ask whether or not dwarves can wield rapiers? Just some questions, no need to get hostile. Edit: Er...sorry for putting this at 22 pages, considering I haven't read the first 21...:embarrass
TheWerg 10-29-06, 10:53 PM	It's now about demonic hordes, the conquering of a layer of hell, a one-armed hobo, and massive goblin casualties. Good question about the rapier though. I don't think a dwarf would even acknowledge that something that girly exists... I mean, even their women have beards!
theotherdraxen 10-29-06, 11:21 PM	:rofl: Thanks, Werg! You just made my day, and my sig!
GalaGalaxia 10-30-06, 01:59 AM	What's an Elf? I would say a schizophrenic human can wield a sock ...
aotrscommander 10-30-06, 05:33 AM	A smashing victory! Fraz-Urb'Luu has been defeated and I have bonded with the layer. Finally I am a true Demon Lord. As for the rest of you, I am deeply grateful for your help. Aotrs: Your troops proved to be very effective at cracking tough nuts like fortresses and the like. The air support in particular was invaluable. Void spawn was very insightful and helped minimize losses. He also checked out the metals and he was impressed with their purity. We agreed on the previously suggested ten to one and two to one exchange ratios. I have already paid him the metals and he is scavenging the battlefield as we speak for the rest of your payment. Also, Void Spawn told me you suffered some complications during the battle. What was that about? Superlative! I did briefly check yesterday, but I was too busy dealing with the results of those 'complications'... Instead of dealing with a relatively simple mopping up operation, clearing out a band of pirates who were preying on our (genuinely legitimate, but duped) merchants, we ended up getting jumped - if you can believe the irony - by a large force of the Elven Kingdoms stellar navy*! I feel so terribly embarrassed, but Intel are even more so, since they thought that the Elves were still reeling from a bitter battle fought over the homeworld and hadn't replaced thier ship losses. Despite being out-numbered nearly two-to-one (not even counting the pirates!) we won, of course (our ships are just better, and our crews are fortunately better trained, and well, just better). However, it was rather longer and bloodier than I'd anticipated; we lost several corvettes, fighters and five larger escorts and two cruisers, and the Midnight Dreadnought Unholy Curse suffered extensive damage, having bourne the brunt of the Elves' concentrated attack. We actually spent seven hours putting out all the internal fires, and managed to tow it home (that being one of the advantages of the Gate drive at least!) Elven casualties were approximately 65% (not bad for saying they broke off and ran as soon as they started to lose; apprantly they hadn't recovered that well!), running to close to thirty vessels (of which three were captial ships). On a brighter note, we are all set for the Elven Vampire experiment, and I'm setting up several other Elf/Vampire (etc) experiments and controls. These should be started by the end of the day. 1) Elves vrs Wardroids (the latter have no melee programming anyway and will have thier plasma-pulse weaponry and shields disabled, so we will see if the Wardroids figure it out faster than the Elves). 2) Vampire vrs Wardroid (as above). *snip* 4) A control with standard Aotrs issue +2 flaming short swords instead of greatswords (our primary melee weapons, so we have crap loads of these!) for both sides. We are designating the experiments as follows: Original Elf vrs Vampire: G1 Elf vrs Wardroid: G2 Vampire vrs Wardoid: G3 Elf vrs Vampire (with shortsword): G4. I'm in the process of locating appropriate subspecies of elves for checking the variations therein. Erm...I'm, probaly going to regret asking this, but what sub-races do think I should use? (Obviously, base line Elves are a given - actually, by co-incidence rather than design, it turns out all those Elves in G1 were actually baseline Elves) Side note: Oh, Einvaldurinn_mikli, if those adventurers haven't been dealt with, Lord Deather says he'll pop on over and slaughter them for you (free of charge); he's waiting for the go tomorrow, and he feels like he wants to hack something up while he waits - to keep his eye in. (Seriously, he spends like, four hours EVERY day (as has for over like two thousand years) practising with his sword! Serious respect! Lord Foul Skream, the Aotrs chief engineer, has already started cruching the numbers of using the adamantine (he thinks fitting a squadron of Foulwing or the larger Craters with adamantine armour would be the nest use ). I have suggested and it has been approved about calling the new squadron the Einvaldurinn Mikli Squadron if that's okay with you... *(Elves may not be able wield greatswords, but unfortunatly, the elven Kingdoms go back thousands of years, and like chimps and Shakespeare, they accidentally eventually managed to build spacecraft and energy weapons. And even Elves are capable of pushing a simple button, especially if it's shiny with flowers on it.)
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-30-06, 07:25 AM	Tell Lord Deather that the adventurers have been dealt with. They was one o'dem new optimized folks. They had no fighter, just two clerics, a druid and a wizard. They left me some phat loot though so I'm happy. Oh, and it's fine by me to name the squadron after me. Also, use Sun elves. They are even wussier then the normal ones.
Kresalak 10-30-06, 07:29 AM	Sorry to interrupt, but seeing as you guys want more posts anyway, I figured I could ask. Is this thread about elves or greatswords anymore? And does anyone else think it's time to ask whether or not dwarves can wield rapiers? Just some questions, no need to get hostile. Edit: Er...sorry for putting this at 22 pages, considering I haven't read the first 21...:embarrass Dwarves can indeed wield rapiers, since they can use whatever the **** they want. They're dwarves. However, they won't use them, as rapiers are neither axes nor hammers.
aotrscommander 10-30-06, 08:03 AM	Dwarves can indeed wield rapiers, since they can use whatever the **** they want. They're dwarves. However, they won't use them, as rapiers are neither axes nor hammers. I concur. I talked with Lord Deather, and he said that over the years he's seen (well, killed) Dwarves wielding virtually everysort of weapon. He did, however, mention he'd seen Dwarves wielding Elves more often than wielding rapiers. Oh, experiments G2 and G3 are already over! Despite the lack of melee combat programming and generally being a bit dim, the Wardroids still figured out how to use the greatswords in under 15 minutes. That gives us a time to elimination of: Elves: 15 minutes, 18 seconds Vampires: 15 minutes, 23.59 seconds Verses Wardroids wielding greatswords (very badly).
Gurslak 10-30-06, 08:47 AM	Sorry my comrades in arms for not reporting in earlier but i've been on vacation in sunny Preston, where I unleashed my fury upon elves and other lesser races. I am pleased with the convincing victory, but am highly dissapointed with the goblin casualty rate! 68 survivors? I'm afraid your inadequecies as a commander have been highlighted, never before have any of my goblins survived, no matter what clause they claim :nonono: Quite often after my battles if any of the little gits survived ther's usually a 'freak accident' and no more gobbo's. Still, a win is a win. When and where is the next invasion? as my newest 'crack troops' are ready for dispatch, Goblin bards with bagpipes!
lantan_gnome 10-30-06, 09:04 AM	yes, yes they can. :embarrass in a far far land called FF there is a elven subrace ( wich elves specialize in) called the cloud where elves have learned a new hair teqnique. in wich they make style there hair BIG and PIONTY. this gives them a counter weight, like a crain and crains carry heavy stuf ergo elves can carry greatswords. though they do get a -4 because its a improvised weapon for them. random smileys ! :duel: :cheer: :uh-huh: :fight!: :v: :doh:
Vestigial_Thumb 10-30-06, 10:19 AM	So, speaking of dwarves and rapiers... are dwarves into bestiality?
Gurslak 10-30-06, 10:23 AM	So, speaking of dwarves and rapiers... are dwarves into bestiality? If your asking that, you haven't seen their women! :D
Vestigial_Thumb 10-30-06, 01:05 PM	If your asking that, you haven't seen their women! :D For those of you not familiar, I am now on a campaign to mention bestiality at least once in every thread I post in.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-30-06, 03:34 PM	Why don't you just put it in your sig Thumb? Seems simpler.
MagnaSecuris 10-30-06, 04:01 PM	Tell Lord Deather that the adventurers have been dealt with. They was one o'dem new optimized folks. They had no fighter, just two clerics, a druid and a wizard. They left me some phat loot though so I'm happy. I beleive one of the clerics was carrying me. I was in the process of manipulating them into taking me to my new partner. If you could be so kind as to complete the delivery. I am a +5 Keen Wounding Vorpal Icey Burst Elfbane Spell-Storing Ghost Touch Speedy Greataxe. I can speak common, orc, goblin, abyssal, infernal, giant, draconic, dwarf, elf, roper, celestial, undercommon, and can communicate telepathically. Int 17 Wis 16 Cha 18. Bard 10/ Sorcerer 5. Like all axes, I can be modified to any wood/metal combination you want. And I currently am ironwood/silver, but if you have any halfway competant craftsmen and magicians, I can be upgraded to cold iron. I hope you still have need of me, as it can be hard to find people worthy of my powers.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-30-06, 04:14 PM	I beleive one of the clerics was carrying me. I was in the process of manipulating them into taking me to my new partner. If you could be so kind as to complete the delivery. I am a +5 Keen Wounding Vorpal Icey Burst Elfbane Spell-Storing Ghost Touch Speedy Greataxe. I can speak common, orc, goblin, abyssal, infernal, giant, draconic, dwarf, elf, roper, celestial, undercommon, and can communicate telepathically. Int 17 Wis 16 Cha 18. Bard 10/ Sorcerer 5. Like all axes, I can be modified to any wood/metal combination you want. And I currently am ironwood/silver, but if you have any halfway competant craftsmen and magicians, I can be upgraded to cold iron. I hope you still have need of me, as it can be hard to find people worthy of my powers. That heavy thing was you? That hurt! Anyways, you appear to be worthy of me. I will have my artificers upgrade you with the ability to pierce all damage reduction. Shouldn't take more then a couple of hours. Nice to have you aboard.
Kresalak 10-30-06, 04:38 PM	Hmm, I wonder. Can elves wield picks? They don't violate the racial damage cap, but they are miners tools. Dwarves' tools. Are they simply too awesome for elves to touch? I'm not sure if I've *****d out my entry (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=723729) yet in this thread, so I'll do it now. (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=723729) Three times in one post, in fact. (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=723729)
Einvaldurinn_mikli 10-30-06, 04:49 PM	The poll is closed. Was going to vote for you put I couldn't.
Kresalak 10-30-06, 05:39 PM	Nooooooo! I was too late... The turnout for that competition was depressingly low. Only three entries and 15 votes...
aotrscommander 10-30-06, 06:04 PM	Nooooooo! I was too late... The turnout for that competition was depressingly low. Only three entries and 15 votes... Well, I managed to get in and voted for you anyway; and for your technical merits too! (I thought you idea was rather clever. I really must get around to getting ToB at some point...) Bad luck about not winning though. You woz robbed.
TheWerg 10-31-06, 01:47 AM	I have discerned a situation in which a dwarf would wield a rapier! If the dwarf needed to pick bits of gnome (hey, they probably don't have much livestock under the mountains) out of his teeth after a light snack, he would surely turn to the long, metal toothpick in his arsenal! On a side note, One-Armed Jimbo should be arriving shortly... at least that's what I think "Them darned whippersnappers done stoled my cart and I ain't never found a new replacement. Maybe that newfangled thingamabob you're sendin' me to will have somethin' worth eyin' " means... Sadly, after 10 years with this guy, I still don't understand half the sentences that come out of his mouth.
Vestigial_Thumb 10-31-06, 02:53 PM	Why don't you just put it in your sig Thumb? Seems simpler. I finally got around to it (read: I could finally be bothered). I also encouraged people to admit to their liking bestiality. ... You know, 'cause everybody like bestiality.
KurenaiYami 10-31-06, 04:11 PM	I finally got around to it (read: I could finally be bothered). I also encouraged people to admit to their liking bestiality. ... You know, 'cause everybody like bestiality. Do not. Wait...do cat girls count as... Nevermind.
Vestigial_Thumb 10-31-06, 04:19 PM	Do not. Do too.
Vestigial_Thumb 10-31-06, 05:24 PM	BTW, I tried to make those jackasses in the Paladin-Kill-Evil thread to shut up, but they just ignored me.
Kresalak 10-31-06, 09:24 PM	Do not. Wait...do cat girls count as... Nevermind. I have a Chart. (http://i99.photobucket.com/albums/l284/Cielingcat/AChartisFineToo.png)
LCD2YOU 10-31-06, 10:41 PM	Elves and "Great Swords"? Well, there's Great Swords for real Heros and "great swords" for elves. I am of the opinion that a "great sword" for an elf is what a dwarf would call a "steak knife". OBTW, would people start coming up with new elven subraces? I like the idea of the pointy-hair, counter-weight elf race. WoTC is coming out with another new supplement and they need more elves cause someone there feels the other 985 sub races just aren't enough. Perhaps though they need a few more inter-species offspring of elves and whatever. Here are a few of mine, all are 1/2 Elf AND: 1: 1/2 Orc, also known as Kender 2: 1/2 Dwarf, also known as bullied and picked on in school 3: 1/2 Gnome, always experimenting with new stuff but in this case it's all wines and perfumes. 4: 1/2 Giant, they only type of elf that can actually use a real great sword Any others?
Always-Late 10-31-06, 11:44 PM	So where do the gully dwarves fit in?
TheWerg 10-31-06, 11:59 PM	So where do the gully dwarves fit in? Sewers. Graves. My pants. The list goes on and on.
Gurslak 11-01-06, 05:00 AM	BTW, I tried to make those jackasses in the Paladin-Kill-Evil thread to shut up, but they just ignored me. Now there's another goody goody paladin thread, our attempt at forum conquest is starting to falter lads. We need more elves, vamps and greatswords! Would a dwarf even recognise a rapier as a weapon? or just something to pick up litter with?
Stickboy2323 11-01-06, 05:27 AM	Elves? Paladins? OMG!!! I just remembered the one of the funniest in-game moments ever. I was running my group through an evil campaign and part of it entailed having to retrieve an ancient magical item from an elven villiage. Of course the easiest way to do this was to exterminate every last elf (children included) in the villiage. The group's necromancer took a lot of the corpses home and made a stew out of them which everyone agreed was tasty if not entirely filling. A few weeks later a group of eleven paladins came by the party's base of operations looking for them. I figured it would turn into a huge fight of course. Instead, the necromancer rolled a nat 20 on his bluff check convincing the paladins that they were barking up the wrong tree. He then invited them inside for dinner. Guess what was served. Awesome.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-01-06, 05:58 AM	Man, I really hope that necromancer ends up as a petitioner in my realm. He sounds awesome.
Kresalak 11-01-06, 09:18 AM	Elves? Paladins? OMG!!! I just remembered the one of the funniest in-game moments ever. I was running my group through an evil campaign and part of it entailed having to retrieve an ancient magical item from an elven villiage. Of course the easiest way to do this was to exterminate every last elf (children included) in the villiage. The group's necromancer took a lot of the corpses home and made a stew out of them which everyone agreed was tasty if not entirely filling. A few weeks later a group of eleven paladins came by the party's base of operations looking for them. I figured it would turn into a huge fight of course. Instead, the necromancer rolled a nat 20 on his bluff check convincing the paladins that they were barking up the wrong tree. He then invited them inside for dinner. Guess what was served. Awesome. Your ideas intrigue me and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
aotrscommander 11-01-06, 09:19 AM	Sorry I didn't report on the Elven Vampire experiment yesterday, but you shall see, we were a bit tied up. We finally got the containment chamber ready, and dropped it 1.5 lightseconds from the station (this seeming more than enough distance, given we were trying this blind), then had the vampire shoved thr oug the gate (which made him cry more). I freely admit we picked the wussiest, most pathetic Elven vampire we could find for the experiment. In the end, we went with a greatswords Lord Deather had floating around in his spare weapons locker for severak hundred years, which he wasn't going to use. In D&D terms, it panned out to a +10 adamantine/silvered shocking weapon. We had discuessed using a large katana he'd got, but mercifully decided not to. So, we had left the greatsword in the chamber, and through communications, persuaded the vampire Elf to pick it up (this took threats and eventually the promise of some pretty flowers if he did it (which we had no intention of giving him, of course!). He reached down and touched it. From then on, things are a bit hazy. Unfortunately, we don't have exact data on the energy output strength of the explosion, as the resulting blast wave caused massive damage to the station, including destroying the sensor array and badly damaging the computer core. We had just about enough time to raise the shields, or it could have been much worse. Casualties were low; we suffered none, but several Elves got killed; sadly this means experiments G4 will have to be started again, due to contamination of the test conditions. We have since spent the time repairing the base and getting back on line; there was a distinct possiblity that those Elven ships could show up while we were vulnerable and that could have been very bad. We have learned something; next time we try an experiment like that, we'll set it ten times further out! However, this particular result is unlikely to be obtained again, since it required a very, very wussy Elven Vampire and a very very powerful greatsword (Lord Deather does have better, but not any he cares to sacrifice!) So, our advice is do not, under any circumstances, allow an Elven Vampire to come into contact with a greatsword.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-01-06, 10:03 AM	So, our advice is do not, under any circumstances, allow an Elven Vampire to come into contact with a greatsword. Well duh! They are like matter and antimatter. And we all know what happens if the two of those meet.
Kresalak 11-01-06, 10:30 AM	Well duh! They are like matter and antimatter. And we all know what happens if the two of those meet. Yeah, those guys hate eachother.
Gurslak 11-01-06, 11:07 AM	Can someone start another invasion soon, as my crack goblin bards are getting bored and begining to sing! Not sure how much longer I can last.......:eek:
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-02-06, 04:34 PM	Can someone start another invasion soon, as my crack goblin bards are getting bored and begining to sing! Not sure how much longer I can last.......:eek: Well, why don't you have them go make a visit to Azzagrat, the others will..um meet you... there :shifty:
Kimokeo 11-02-06, 04:36 PM	My elven hero doesn't used a greatsword. Fools use greatswords. I use broadsword, dual. With a broad in each hand:devil:
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-02-06, 04:37 PM	Old joke dude. Old joke.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-02-06, 05:50 PM	Old joke dude. Old joke. I don't think that joke can ever get old.
Kresalak 11-02-06, 07:01 PM	With all the annoying BoVD based alignment threads that just sprang up, I have to propose a new rule. Shut up, Vestigial_Thumb is always right.
TheWerg 11-02-06, 08:41 PM	With all the annoying BoVD based alignment threads that just sprang up, I have to propose a new rule. Shut up, Vestigial_Thumb is always right. Seconded.
tsuyoshikentsu 11-02-06, 08:57 PM	This thread just keeps getting more and more confusing. And also shows a remarkable tendancy not to die.
The White Sorcerer 11-02-06, 09:01 PM	This thread just keeps getting more and more confusing. And also shows a remarkable tendancy not to die. Thanks to the awesome power of Science!
TheWerg 11-02-06, 10:19 PM	This thread just keeps getting more and more confusing. And also shows a remarkable tendancy not to die. Something borne of pure evil cannot die, for it is driven by those who created it. You're gonna have to kill like 15 forum members to kill this thing off. Even then, you might get the people who keep dropping in to bump it while saying "Won't you let this thing die?" God I love hypocrites, they give the rest of us something to laugh about.
VampireGoth 11-02-06, 10:55 PM	actually sixteen, including me.
Kresalak 11-03-06, 07:29 AM	Thanks to the awesome power of Science! WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE?
Burgundy Lotus 11-03-06, 08:00 AM	WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE? Science once saved me from drowning! Pulled me out and gave me CPR it did! .....oh wait....those are lifeguards aren't they? yeah, I think they are. Never mind.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-03-06, 09:04 AM	actually sixteen, including me. We actually got a Vampire to not hate us? You must be special.
Kimokeo 11-03-06, 10:18 AM	My elven warrior asks, "If only I could find a great broad?"
VampireGoth 11-03-06, 06:36 PM	We actually got a Vampire to not hate us? You must be special. i am, not in the stupid way.
teenageghostcouncil 11-03-06, 07:33 PM	councils of ghosts are way better then vampires, even if they dont use swords, they do drains peoples souls so I too, am special, and not in the stupid way for the next invasion, me and my councils of ghost will help you invade anything not ghosty
Vestigial_Thumb 11-03-06, 09:25 PM	i am, not in the stupid way. Okay. so I too, am special, and not in the stupid way for the next invasion, me and my councils of ghost will help you invade anything not ghosty Watch your tongues, ghosts. I may just hold you to your promises.
teenageghostcouncil 11-03-06, 09:32 PM	Watch your tongues, ghosts. I may just hold you to your promises. your scaring me now
VampireGoth 11-04-06, 06:52 PM	your scaring me now Vampires are better, even better if they are drow.
VampireGoth 11-04-06, 06:56 PM	Vampires are better, even better if they are drow. elves are weak, but not drow. my drow vampire character is awesome too, she uses her mind to levitate the greatsword around her. no contest.
Krulla 11-04-06, 08:01 PM	elves are weak, but not drow. my drow vampire character is awesome too, she uses her mind to levitate the greatsword around her. no contest. Wow! Why didn't anyone think of this earlier?! Elves, CAN, in fact, wield greatswords, provided they use psionics to wield them, with no physical contact involved!! This is a giant breakthrough! SOMEONE GET THIS MAN A NOBEL, STAT!
teenageghostcouncil 11-04-06, 08:25 PM	Wow! Why didn't anyone think of this earlier?! Elves, CAN, in fact, wield greatswords, provided they use psionics to wield them, with no physical contact involved!! This is a giant breakthrough! SOMEONE GET THIS MAN A NOBEL, STAT! This is ok with a greatsword, but not great axe, even being in near proximity to an great axe, an non-drow elf might explode with the awesomeness coming into its system
The White Sorcerer 11-05-06, 12:12 AM	This is ok with a greatsword, but not great axe, even being in near proximity to an great axe, an non-drow elf might explode with the awesomeness coming into its system Drow are not exempt. Unless it's a greataxe WHIP.
teenageghostcouncil 11-05-06, 12:41 AM	Drow are not exempt. Unless it's a greataxe WHIP. they can come close to it, not actually wield
CroBob 11-05-06, 02:16 AM	Drow are not exempt. Unless it's a greataxe WHIP. Much, MUCH, too cool for any fey. Ever.
Krulla 11-05-06, 08:17 AM	they can come close to it, not actually wield Actually, recent study in the field suggests that drow do in fact share mundane elves' weakness to all things awesome (Greatswords/axes included). So yes, a Drow will in fact spontaneously combust, just as a elf will, if brought into close proximity with a greatsword. Vampiregoths' discovery that elves can in fact wield greatswords using psionics of some sort, is however still a monumental leap; however, some method must be discovered to let the psychic elf wield the greatsword at considerable length from his or her own body; only then can elves reach the lofty goal of joining the rest of civilzed races in the awesomeness that is wielding a greatsword.
The White Sorcerer 11-05-06, 09:30 AM	Much, MUCH, too cool for any fey. Ever. Drow can't actually wield a greataxe whip, they can just get close to one. The whip component makes the presence of the weapon tolerable for them. And I agree, the greataxe whip is a pretty awesome weapon.
teenageghostcouncil 11-05-06, 11:22 AM	Actually, recent study in the field suggests that drow do in fact share mundane elves' weakness to all things awesome (Greatswords/axes included). So yes, a Drow will in fact spontaneously combust, just as a elf will, if brought into close proximity with a greatsword. Vampiregoths' discovery that elves can in fact wield greatswords using psionics of some sort, is however still a monumental leap; however, some method must be discovered to let the psychic elf wield the greatsword at considerable length from his or her own body; only then can elves reach the lofty goal of joining the rest of civilzed races in the awesomeness that is wielding a greatsword. I just thought of something, if an axe was teleported directly into and elf's hand, how big would the explosion be?
Krulla 11-05-06, 12:03 PM	I just thought of something, if an axe was teleported directly into and elf's hand, how big would he explosion be? Hmm... I'm not really sure, but it would be gargantuan. The military applications of teleporting greatswords or axes into elves could be tremendous - A elf could, for instance, infiltrate a enemy city or stronghold, at which point mages would teleport a object of great awesomeness (+5 Greataxe?) directly into the elf - the resulting explosion would wipe out the city.
teenageghostcouncil 11-05-06, 12:08 PM	Hmm... I'm not really sure, but it would be gargantuan. The military applications of teleporting greatswords or axes into elves could be tremendous - A elf could, for instance, infiltrate a enemy city or stronghold, at which point mages would teleport a object of great awesomeness (+5 Greataxe?) directly into the elf - the resulting explosion would wipe out the city. I think we could go somewhere with this
Vestigial_Thumb 11-05-06, 12:47 PM	Why couldn't there just be a Nobel War Prize? You two would definitely get it. Dibs on being the first to use the technology!
VampireGoth 11-05-06, 06:33 PM	Why couldn't there just be a Nobel War Prize? You two would definitely get it. Dibs on being the first to use the technology! :clap: say, maybe teleport the elf INTO the weapon (or drop a dimension door in front of the elf, and have it lead over a (like 500 feet (falling damage:w00t:), find a way so that the elf does not cast self levitation or stuff like that) pit of +20 Acidic Blast, Fiery Blast, Icy Blast, Lightning Blast, Sonic Blast, Dread Chaotic and Unholy Power Great Spears that all hit with natural 20's!!!!:evillaugh:). :tiphat: :OMG! an Elf over a pit of +20 Acidic Blast, Fiery Blast, Icy Blast, Lightning Blast, Sonic Blast, Dread Chaotic and Unholy Power Great Spears = one incredibly Dead:drool: Elf!!!:bravo:
Vestigial_Thumb 11-05-06, 06:37 PM	I suppose we could experiment with different enhancement bonuses on the greatswords, and maybe Elves with different templates or classes. Dropping an Elf Paladin onto a +1 Flaming Burst greatsword, for example, might theoretically cause an effect identical to Flame Strike. EDIT: We could also try different angles and controlled velocities. Or drop both an Elf and a greatsword from different drop points and calculate the vectors so they collide at certain points (kinda like a nuclear bomb; most effective when it explodes in the air above the surface).
teenageghostcouncil 11-05-06, 06:57 PM	:clap: say, maybe teleport the elf INTO the weapon (or drop a dimension door in front of the elf, and have it lead over a (like 500 feet (falling damage:w00t:), find a way so that the elf does not cast self levitation or stuff like that) pit of +20 Acidic Blast, Fiery Blast, Icy Blast, Lightning Blast, Sonic Blast, Dread Chaotic and Unholy Power Great Spears that all hit with natural 20's!!!!:evillaugh:). :tiphat: :OMG! an Elf over a pit of +20 Acidic Blast, Fiery Blast, Icy Blast, Lightning Blast, Sonic Blast, Dread Chaotic and Unholy Power Great Spears = one incredibly Dead:drool: Elf!!!:bravo: the exposions from all those spells and pit would not be anywhere near as large as if u teleported a +20m flame burse vorporal greataxe into an elfs hand how about many, many axes? or axes and pits? or a pit of axes?
Morrowner 11-05-06, 07:06 PM	I have to say that a +5 Heavy Goliath Greathammer in the hands of a Gray Elf would level a city.
teenageghostcouncil 11-05-06, 07:10 PM	I have to say that a +5 Heavy Goliath Greathammer in the hands of a Gray Elf would level a city. howbout a elf teleported into a pit of +5 heavy goliath greathammers? :devil:
Vestigial_Thumb 11-05-06, 07:12 PM	howbout a elf teleported into a pit of +5 heavy goliath greathammers? I think a single weapon would be enough to level the Tarrasque. And a city.
teenageghostcouncil 11-05-06, 07:12 PM	I think a single weapon would be enough to level the Tarrasque. And a city. yes, i guess, but we could level a country with a pit of them
Vestigial_Thumb 11-05-06, 07:13 PM	yes, i guess, but we could level a country with a pit of them I'll remember this.
Morrowner 11-05-06, 07:33 PM	Hmm, what if those greathammers were platinum and had Greater Mighter Wallop cast one them? MY. GOD.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-05-06, 07:41 PM	People, we are now on the verge of a new era in fantasy warfare. Thousands of giant airships dropping masculine weapons and Elves rain destruction upon lesser worlds and level them in hellish firestorms and great pillars of thunder. Upon these ruins, I, Thumb the great and mighty lord of all demons, shall build my throne and dominate lesser beings with my mighty greatsword. Elves will be bred like plants, and weapons built by the million every day, until all that is left is me and those I favor. ... So start kissing my ass! Now! BTW, Krulla will get bonus XP in future sessions. The rest of you aren't in my group, so: No XP for you!
Odinn 11-05-06, 07:57 PM	hmm.... I was wondering, are elven children less masculine than fully grown elves or do elves, as they grow up, lose the masculinity they had as children. For if the children are less masculine than the grown ups, imagine the damage you could cause by teleporting a greataxe (or even an orc double axe) into an elven child.
TheWerg 11-05-06, 08:19 PM	hmm.... I was wondering, are elven children less masculine than fully grown elves or do elves, as they grow up, lose the masculinity they had as children. For if the children are less masculine than the grown ups, imagine the damage you could cause by teleporting a greataxe (or even an orc double axe) into an elven child. You fool! There is no such thing as less masculine than full-grown elves, besides full-grown elf vampires. Elves are born without masculinity and never gain nor lose any masculinity. If anything, they're more masculine at birth, since they don't yet know what flowers are. Although this is an interesting question: How much masculinity do elves lose over time, and does it continue, or just stop at zero? There could conceivably be a very, very old elf out there who has negative masculinity... :plotting:
teenageghostcouncil 11-05-06, 09:38 PM	People, we are now on the verge of a new era in fantasy warfare. Thousands of giant airships dropping masculine weapons and Elves rain destruction upon lesser worlds and level them in hellish firestorms and great pillars of thunder. Upon these ruins, I, Thumb the great and mighty lord of all demons, shall build my throne and dominate lesser beings with my mighty greatsword. Elves will be bred like plants, and weapons built by the million every day, until all that is left is me and those I favor. ... So start kissing my ass! Now! BTW, Krulla will get bonus XP in future sessions. The rest of you aren't in my group, so: No XP for you! I now patent the idea, so i will only let you use if i get HUGE amounts of XP, and a supa awesome greataxe of killing everthing except squid. or i will use this weapon of mass destruction to destroy the whole world, so hand over teh goods
teenageghostcouncil 11-05-06, 10:49 PM	This thread rocks new avatar :) pika powa
VampireGoth 11-05-06, 11:36 PM	This thread rocks i agree, why do we not teleport the elf into a solid block of platinum?:plotting: or even better, into the tarrasque's mouth? :ayyyy!: elves live out to be about 350 years old in dnd (i think, i have not read the players guide book today, a new record!!!!!!!!!) so that would make one preety non-masculine elf male. and if you were to put one weak and frail elf (it is what they are) into anything or close to anything (except for air) it would just kill the lame thing outright, or obliviate it from the entire world. :elf:+weak+frail=:ghosted:
VampireGoth 11-05-06, 11:39 PM	i think we are on to something... Let the ANASEBC (All New Already Started Elf Bashing Convention) Start!
teenageghostcouncil 11-06-06, 12:00 AM	i think we are on to something... Let the ANASEBC (All New Already Started Elf Bashing Convention) Start! but remember, I patented the idea of using the elves and weapons of awesomeness, as our equivilent of a nuclear missle, so i must be asked permission before anyone uses this idea,(THAT MEANS U, MISTER THUMB) and I do require payment(THAT MEANS U, MISTER THUMB)
TheWerg 11-06-06, 01:16 AM	but remember, I patented the idea of using the elves and weapons of awesomeness, as our equivilent of a nuclear missle, so i must be asked permission before anyone uses this idea,(THAT MEANS U, MISTER THUMB) and I do require payment(THAT MEANS U, MISTER THUMB) I believe that by making demands of Vestigial_Thumb, you will receive payment. In the form of pain (death sometimes included.) You might want to surrender now, before he reads your post. :surrender
Vestigial_Thumb 11-06-06, 04:54 AM	You might want to surrender now, before he reads your post. :surrender Too late. I'm disappointed in you, teenageghostcouncil. To think you can patent something I already patented (I patented it before I posted it). I think I'll be requiring your services now. Ready the Royal Fecal Hall for Mr. Ghost Council. He shall be cleaning it soon enough. While wearing a body suit made of barbed wire. Covered in acid and feces. Also, Odinn gets bonus XP for posting in this thread.
Morrowner 11-06-06, 08:35 AM	What happens if incredibly sissy weapons are teleported into the manliest of races? Would a fine pink Keen rapier into a Dwarf create a black hole?
Vestigial_Thumb 11-06-06, 08:56 AM	What happens if incredibly sissy weapons are teleported into the manliest of races? Would a fine pink Keen rapier into a Dwarf create a black hole? I think the rapier would collapse in on itself in a sissy-ass black hole that wouldn't really do anything.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 09:08 AM	So what is the manliest race? Dwarves? Orcs? My interest has been sparked.
Krulla 11-06-06, 09:08 AM	I think the rapier would collapse in on itself in a sissy-ass black hole that wouldn't really do anything. That sounds a bit far fetched. I think the likely scenario is, upon seeing the rapier wink into existance in front of him, the dwarf will either proceed to laugh and mock the rapier, thus hurting the rapier's feelings, at which point it retreats into a dark corner to write emo poetry and cut itself. Alternatively, the Dwarf will mock and laugh at the rapier, and then proceed to break it into tiny pieces using his uber-manly +5 vorpal flaming mighty greataxe... though, of course, this could possibly create a minor explosion as the awesomeness of the greataxe comes into contact with the sucktitute of the rapier, which would greatly amuse the dwarf.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-06-06, 09:15 AM	So what is the manliest race? Dwarves? Orcs? My interest has been sparked. Truly it is Orcs and Werewolves. Krulla, you may be onto something there. Extra XP for you!
RobbyPants 11-06-06, 09:34 AM	Truly it is Orcs and Werewolves. How about an orc werewolf?
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 09:36 AM	How about an orc werewolf? That would be the opposite of an elven vampire wouldn't it? Hmmm, maybe I should create legions of orcish werewolves and rule the entirety if the abyss :plotting: :schemes:
Vestigial_Thumb 11-06-06, 09:39 AM	That would be the opposite of an elven vampire wouldn't it? Yes.
Odinn 11-06-06, 11:09 AM	You fool! There is no such thing as less masculine than full-grown elves, besides full-grown elf vampires. Elves are born without masculinity and never gain nor lose any masculinity. If anything, they're more masculine at birth, since they don't yet know what flowers are. Although this is an interesting question: How much masculinity do elves lose over time, and does it continue, or just stop at zero? There could conceivably be a very, very old elf out there who has negative masculinity... :plotting: That does not really answer my question, first you say that elves are born without masculinity, and thus can not lose any. After that you say that with time elves lose their masculinity. I am sorry but I do need a straight answer. And as a side note. Which is more masculine, Greataxes or orcish double axes?
teenageghostcouncil 11-06-06, 11:20 AM	Too late. I'm disappointed in you, teenageghostcouncil. To think you can patent something I already patented (I patented it before I posted it). I think I'll be requiring your services now. Ready the Royal Fecal Hall for Mr. Ghost Council. He shall be cleaning it soon enough. While wearing a body suit made of barbed wire. Covered in acid and feces. Also, Odinn gets bonus XP for posting in this thread. I patended it before i came up with the idea i am phycic, so i knew the future. --------KABOOM--------- oops, there goes Austrailia with this new power, remember thumb, u will be next if you continue to threaten the ghosts LOL soon me and thumb will have to wage full out war
teenageghostcouncil 11-06-06, 11:22 AM	And as a side note. Which is more masculine, Greataxes or orcish double axes? Greataxes, have more awesomeness, don't know bout masculinity
Vestigial_Thumb 11-06-06, 11:29 AM	Greataxes, have more awesomeness, don't know bout masculinity Masculinity and awesomeness go hand in hand. I have to say greataxes are both more masculine and awesome than Orc double axes. I mean, I have never seen an Orc wield a double axe. Teenageghostcouncil, if you want to wage war against me, feel free to do so. However, I patented the idea, I hold the legal copyrights of the idea (and I pay Krulla and VampireGoth a generous percentage of the profits that come of it, along with a full salary o work as engineers for my powerful army). If it's war you want, it's war you get. Don't try to steal the technology. It will result in horrible burns, pain and/or death. Odinn, how would you like to work as a scientist to test the technology? Big pay, you know.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-06-06, 11:32 AM	That does not really answer my question, first you say that elves are born without masculinity, and thus can not lose any. After that you say that with time elves lose their masculinity. I am sorry but I do need a straight answer. If we think about it, does the scale for masculinity go below zero?
Odinn 11-06-06, 11:39 AM	Odinn, how would you like to work as a scientist to test the technology? Big pay, you know. For you? Sure, but if you want to keep me happy, I need a bit more than that. You know first hand how awesome I am. Oh. And a good point about the orcs never using double axes, I was blinded by the title. And besides, Greataxes are GREAT axes. Not many things are better than great. EDIT: Just because I love the word. Masculinity!
Vestigial_Thumb 11-06-06, 11:43 AM	For you? Sure, but if you want to keep me happy, I need a bit more than that. You know first hand how awesome I am. Yeah, you're right. You are awesome and deserve some extra XP. I'm sure we can come to and understanding. Oh. And a good point about the orcs never using double axes, I was blinded by the title. And besides, Greataxes are GREAT axes. Not many things are better than great. True. The "great" descriptor pretty much automatically makes stuff awesome. And if we do this logically, since axes are more awesome than swords, then greataxes must be more awesome than greatswords. We could even take it further with hammers. Goliath greathammer, anyone? And since "great" is a positive multiplier, then we can deduce that bows are indeed NOT awesome. Bows suck.
aotrscommander 11-06-06, 12:01 PM	Just so you know, guys, given that we've only just finished fixing the station after the last Elven Vampire/Greatsword experiment, I am NOT doing anymore potentially catastrophically explosive tests! Someone else can blow their base up this time! We should be able to restart the other Elf and Vampire experiments again, though, now that we've tidied up, repaired the explosion damage, mopped up all the blood, conducted retaliatory strikes on the Royal Elven Navy for the ambush at Storkor, got promoted and found some new test sub-, ah...volenteers.
Odinn 11-06-06, 12:52 PM	And since "great" is a positive multiplier, then we can deduce that bows are indeed NOT awesome. Bows suck. I disagree. Rambo used a bow, and Rambo is even more masculine than a Greataxe. I'd rather be hit with a Greataxe than with Rambo.
Odinn 11-06-06, 12:56 PM	I disagree. Rambo used a bow, and Rambo is even more masculine than a Greataxe. I'd rather be hit with a Greataxe than with Rambo. My own post gave me an idea. Rambo with a Greataxe! That would be like the paragon of masculinity.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-06-06, 01:00 PM	I disagree. Rambo used a bow, and Rambo is even more masculine than a Greataxe. I'd rather be hit with a Greataxe than with Rambo. But Rambo was so masculine that his masculinity transferred to the bow. Something I like to call the 'Rambo Effect'. Rambo's bow is now very much a masculine weapon and the mark of masculinity will never leave it. My own post gave me an idea. Rambo with a Greataxe! That would be like the paragon of masculinity. Hell yes!
Odinn 11-06-06, 01:04 PM	But Rambo was so masculine that his masculinity transferred to the bow. Something I like to call the 'Rambo Effect'. Rambo's bow is now very much a masculine weapon and the mark of masculinity will never leave it. Ah... You make a valid point. EDIT: I am concerned about the effects of combining elves and Greatswords. Aotrscommander has made some experiments and the elf only exploded when it was a vampire elf. The normal elves did not blow up. So either the theory relating to the effects of combining elves and Greatswords is flawed, or Aotrscommanders test subj... sorry. Aotrscommanders volounteers were not real elves.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-06-06, 01:05 PM	Ah... You make a valid point. Odinn, I'd like to show you the greatest post I've ever written. It' pretty great, but other board members may very well have written better ones. This one, however, contains the history of the world as we know it. This is the post I am most proud of. (http://boards1.wizards.com/showpost.php?p=10559276&postcount=14)
Odinn 11-06-06, 01:13 PM	Odinn, I'd like to show you the greatest post I've ever written. It' pretty great, but other board members may very well have written better ones. This one, however, contains the history of the world as we know it. This is the post I am most proud of. (http://boards1.wizards.com/showpost.php?p=10559276&postcount=14) That is the most beautiful thing I've ever read. Finally I know the origin of all those great heroes.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-06-06, 02:07 PM	That is the most beautiful thing I've ever read. Finally I know the origin of all those great heroes. You wouldn't believe the work I put into it. I had to travel back in time and work my way through history, twice.
CryoSilver 11-06-06, 02:11 PM	My own post gave me an idea. Rambo with a Greataxe! That would be like the paragon of masculinity. Werewolf Rambo with a Greataxe.
Krulla 11-06-06, 02:17 PM	Werewolf Rambo with a Greataxe. This is unfortunately impossible, since Lycanthrophy is a disease, and Silvester Stallone is immune to all forms of diseases. :( But yes, that would be the paragon of awesomeness.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-06-06, 02:37 PM	This is unfortunately impossible, since Lycanthrophy is a disease, and Silvester Stallone is immune to all forms of diseases. :( It's true. I know this first-hand. I realize, however, that Cryosilver was talking in terms of theory. So theoretically a Rambo Werewolf is the unreachable high end of the Win scale.
Kresalak 11-06-06, 02:45 PM	You guys are missing an important factor. Barbarians. Not only is their favored weapon the Greataxe, but they can flip out and kill things. This is like a ninja, but cool because it hasn't been corrupted by weeaboos and failure. They also dress in the uncured hides of things they kill, often with their bare hands. Sometimes they use their Greataxes, but they're so awesome they don't even need them. Here's some data. I threw a naked barbarian with a spoon into a pit full of tigers. A few minutes later, he left the pit clothed in bloody, uncured tiger hides, wielding a greataxe made of tiger bones and teeth. And a spoon. For reference, Brock Sampson is a barbarian. The favored class of the Orc is barbarian. The Vikings, who were like pirates, but instead of robbing people, flipped out and killed them and plundered their villages and discovered America, were also barbarians. Also, this talk of rapiers being wussy weapons has got to stop. Do you think people like Inigo Montoya or the Dread Pirate Roberts were sissies? Was Zorro a sissy? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you fail at life.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 03:00 PM	This is the post I am most proud of. (http://boards1.wizards.com/showpost.php?p=10559276&postcount=14) Best. Post. EVER. I thank you for enlightening me.:bow: Edit: Oh, and Kresalak, you realize that I, and quite possibly Thumb and Odinn, are Vikings. This makes us awesome, doesn't it?
Vestigial_Thumb 11-06-06, 03:18 PM	I am indeed a viking. Not only that, a Demon, too? A Viking Demon Prince of Barbarians, Pirates, Vikings, Ninjas (the masculine ones, like Rambo), Bestiality, Pain, and Fire. Also, I seem to be gathering much favor with the members of this board. Those who somehow mention bestiality in their sig (and in some way mention me in the same sentence) automatically get Pepsi from me (I'm out of cookies for now).
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 03:27 PM	Those who somehow mention bestiality in their sig (and in some way mention me in the same sentence) automatically get Pepsi from me (I'm out of cookies for now). I guess that excludes me, as I don't drink Pepsi. Now if it was Coca Cola on the other hand, I might be persuaded to join your bestiality campaign....
Vestigial_Thumb 11-06-06, 03:29 PM	I guess that excludes me, as I don't drink Pepsi. Now if it was Coca Cola on the other hand, I might be persuaded to join your bestiality campaign.... *Sigh* I'll send an errand boy to the store. You'll get your free Coke.
DrObviousSo 11-06-06, 03:29 PM	How about an orc werewolf? No, the manliest of all races is a Dwarf infected with were-Orc disease. They are so manly, they get +3 situational bonus to the "Change Oil" skill, and cars don't even exist yet. The are so manly, if an elf touches their garment, the are instantaneously transformed into halfling. They don't even have hands. They have greatax Holding Devices at the end of their arms.
Odinn 11-06-06, 03:39 PM	Edit: Oh, and Kresalak, you realize that I, and quite possibly Thumb and Odinn, are Vikings. This makes us awesome, doesn't it? Yes, I am a Viking. No, the manliest of all races is a Dwarf infected with were-Orc disease. I disagree, I believe that the manliest race would have something to do with minotaur. They are bigger, more buffed and have more hair than orcs. Also, they have horns. There is a reason Baphomet loves them so.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 03:41 PM	Yes, I am a Viking. I disagree, I believe that the manliest race would have something to do with minotaur. They are bigger, more buffed and have more hair than orcs. Also, they have horns. There is a reason Baphomet loves them so. I believe that the level adjustment detracts from their awesome. Edit: Thumb, the sig is in place, I want my Coke now.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-06-06, 03:42 PM	I disagree, I believe that the manliest race would have something to do with minotaur. They are bigger, more buffed and have more hair than orcs. Also, they have horns. There is a reason Baphomet loves them so. Why yes. The Minotaurs. And Baphomet, my age-old friend. Truly it is awesome hanging out with him drinking beer.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-06-06, 03:44 PM	I believe that the level adjustment detracts from their awesome. Edit: Thumb, the sig is in place, I want my Coke now. Not really, though. That +2 level adjustment is well worth it in the case of minotaus.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-06-06, 03:44 PM	Edit: Thumb, the sig is in place, I want my Coke now. The errand boy is on his way. EDIT: And I didn't just edit my posts. No-o-o-o, I had to post three times in a row.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 03:50 PM	Not really, though. That +2 level adjustment is well worth it in the case of minotaus. But the racial Hit Dice are killer though. Also, does anyone know anything about the Last word that Orcus used to have? On the subject of Demon lords, which one (excluding me and Thumb that is) is the manliest and most awesome?
Odinn 11-06-06, 03:50 PM	EDIT: And I didn't just edit my posts. No-o-o-o, I had to post three times in a row. As Vestigial_Thumb you are allowed to do that. And to stay on topic: Elves can not wield Greatswords.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-06-06, 03:54 PM	On the subject of Demon lords, which one (excluding me and Thumb that is) is the manliest and most awesome? Definitely Baphomet. As Vestigial_Thumb you are allowed to do that. I realize that. I was merely poking fun at myself. I have a good sense of humor, you know (I guess you really know that, Odinn).
Odinn 11-06-06, 03:56 PM	Hmm... quite a lot of Vikings on this thread. It must be that we are drawn to swords and axes, especially Great ones. And we also dislike elves.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 03:59 PM	Not just swords and axes, Vikings are drawn to all things awesome and loath all things wussy and weak. This thread has both and has attracted a large number of Vikings because of it.
Odinn 11-06-06, 03:59 PM	Definitely Baphomet. I concur, Baphomet is definitely the Greatest.
DrObviousSo 11-06-06, 04:11 PM	Hmm, you make a compelling argument...
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 04:33 PM	Hmm, you make a compelling argument... Who exactly?
Odinn 11-06-06, 04:35 PM	Hmm, you make a compelling argument... Who does, and relating to what? (I'm not trying to be an a**hole, I'd just like to know :) )
Odinn 11-06-06, 04:36 PM	Blast! :headexplo Einvaldur you beat me to it.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 04:37 PM	And I always will. Remember that.
Morrowner 11-06-06, 04:45 PM	Skol Vikings! Let's win this game Skol Vikings! Honor your name. Go get that first down Then get a touchdown Rock 'em, sock 'em, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT! FIGHT! Go Vikings, run out the score, you'll hear us yell for more! V-I-K-I-N-G-S Skol Vikings, let's go!
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 04:49 PM	No mate, we are real Vikings. You know, burn and pillage and all that crap. I myself am 6'5 with huge shoulders, blue eyes, blond hair and a great capacity for mead. I also like axes.
Odinn 11-06-06, 04:50 PM	Jólasveinninn dópar í skapabörmum? EDIT: Again you beat me to it.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 04:51 PM	Ekki gera það. Þræðinum verður læst. Edit: Just what did I tell you?
Odinn 11-06-06, 04:52 PM	Gera hvað? já nei, einkahúmor, myndi ekki vera hresst á ensku
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 04:54 PM	Meina tala íslensku sko. Þetta með jólasveinninn var samt frekar....sérstakt.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-06-06, 04:55 PM	This thread is taking a sudden turn for something different. Not worse, just different. This is now the drunk ramblings of Icelandic vikings about Yuleboys doing drugs in places they normally wouldn't fit.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 05:01 PM	This thread is taking a sudden turn for something different. Not worse, just different. This is now the drunk ramblings of Icelandic vikings about Yuleboys doing drugs in places they normally wouldn't fit. Hmmm, depends, Stúfur might fit.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-06-06, 05:02 PM	Hmmm, depends, Stúfur might fit. Yes, but it would take some strategical thinking.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 05:07 PM	Any news on the last word( I believe that I might have discovered it or something akin to it)?
aotrscommander 11-06-06, 06:05 PM	EDIT: I am concerned about the effects of combining elves and Greatswords. Aotrscommander has made some experiments and the elf only exploded when it was a vampire elf. The normal elves did not blow up. So either the theory relating to the effects of combining elves and Greatswords is flawed, or Aotrscommanders test subj... sorry. Aotrscommanders volounteers were not real elves. I can assume you that the test su- volenteers were indeed Elves. It is only when the combination of two inherently wussy things like Elves and Vampire are combined and exposed to an awesome catalyst you get an explosive result. An Elf or a Vampire touching a greatsword is merely humourously pathetic. There is a critical mass of wussines vrs Awesome that causes explosions, an I suspect it to be based on the not only the differential but the magnitude. I remind you that the catastrophic experiment combined the very wussiest specimn if Vampre Elf we could find, as well as the most Awesome greatsword. If you managed to find a very very pathetic Elf or Vampire, you might manage a small explosion, but only when the two are combined with each other (or, I postulate, other extremely wussy things e.g. peacenik hippies or thespians (as opposed to actors)) that they reach a critical mass of destructive proportions. However, I suspect you could get a passable explosion using an Elf or Vampire combined with an especially Awesome entity, though I feel sacrificing Awesome in this manner would be rather wasteful.
Krulla 11-06-06, 06:31 PM	Hmm... quite a lot of Vikings on this thread. It must be that we are drawn to swords and axes, especially Great ones. And we also dislike elves. I am also a viking. Let's start a club or something. We could hang out, then go to America and flip out and kill people, and take all the beautiful american women back to Iceland where we make sexytime. Those who somehow mention bestiality in their sig (and in some way mention me in the same sentence) automatically get Pepsi from me (I'm out of cookies for now). I'm so going to hold you up on that.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 06:39 PM	I am also a viking. Let's start a club or something. We could hang out, then go to America and flip out and kill people, and take all the beautiful american women back to Iceland where we make sexytime. Everyone knows Iceland has the most beautiful women in the world. There is no need to bring in foreign women. Could be fun though, the exotic factor can be kinda cool.;)
Krulla 11-06-06, 06:42 PM	Meina tala íslensku sko. Þetta með jólasveinninn var samt frekar....sérstakt. Ever seen a cow, chasing boots?
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 06:43 PM	Yes. They were leather boots to.
Krulla 11-06-06, 06:45 PM	Yes. They were leather boots to. Okay. Have you ever seen ice cream... boxing?
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 06:46 PM	Yes, the match took place in a box.
Krulla 11-06-06, 06:50 PM	Everyone knows Iceland has the most beautiful women in the world. There is no need to bring in foreign women. Could be fun though, the exotic factor can be kinda cool.;) I thought this was common knowledge here, but... The reason we have the most beautiful women in the world is, our ancestors sailed in they're totally awesome longships all over the globe, totally flipped out and pillaged all over the place, abd took all the beautiful women back to Iceland. It is our duty, we owe it to our descendants, to keep this tradition alive - If we do not, our omghawt women will degenerate into hawt women, and eventually, in a few short centuries' time, the average hawtness per woman will have degenerated into mediocrity.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 06:51 PM	I thought this was common knowledge here, but... It is. I am just too lazy too sail around the world right now. Maybe if I had some good company I might be more inclined to loot and pillage. Edit: besides, in the modern world that would have repercussions. This is why we Icelanders are building a strong economy with lots of very rich people. That is, to lure all the hot women to Iceland(everyone knows women are attracted to money).
Krulla 11-06-06, 06:57 PM	Okay, that's enough viking talk. Back to topic. Greatswords; Can Elves wield them?
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 06:59 PM	No I think trying to remain on topic is kinda redundant by now. Besides, that's no fun.
TheWerg 11-06-06, 07:04 PM	I'm a Half-Ogre Half-Minotaur Werewolf Orc! :evillaugh
teenageghostcouncil 11-06-06, 07:04 PM	No I think trying to remain on topic is kinda redundant by now. agreed
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 07:05 PM	I'm a Half-Ogre Half-Minotaur Werewolf Orc! :evillaugh Are not!
Vestigial_Thumb 11-06-06, 07:06 PM	Ever seen a cow, chasing boots? Ah, the wonders of Icelandic comedy. "Would you like some ice cream, Björn?" Fun fact: This is a direct translation of the Icelandic phrase "viltu ís, Björn". "Ís" and "Björn" combined make the word "ísbjörn", which means "polar bear". Basically, it's a pun.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 07:09 PM	Ah, the wonders of Icelandic comedy. "Would you like some ice cream, Björn?" Fun fact: This is a direct translation of the Icelandic phrase "viltu ís, Björn". "Ís" and "Björn" combined make the word "ísbjörn", which means "polar bear". Basically, it's a pun. Liar. That was by no means a fun fact. This is a fun fact "The average bra size today is 36C. Ten years ago it was 34B" See, the world is improving steadily. Also, this is a fun fact "The Bible, the world’s best-selling book, is also the world’s most shoplifted book."
teenageghostcouncil 11-06-06, 07:11 PM	I have evil plan thumb, you take over world, I will breed the elves for you, and be evil henchman, with bonus XP and i get an awesome weapon, that or me and vampiregoth, and whoever else, will start a rebelion
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 07:13 PM	Your rebellion will be squashed. Now behave.:behold:
teenageghostcouncil 11-06-06, 07:14 PM	Your rebellion will be squashed. Now behave.:behold: NO
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 07:15 PM	Well then, bring it on :censored:
teenageghostcouncil 11-06-06, 07:21 PM	Well then, bring it on :censored: *gasp* no bonus XP, no henchman status?
Vestigial_Thumb 11-06-06, 07:24 PM	*gasp* no bonus XP, no henchman status? You can be henchman, but I'm not your DM so I can't promise you any extra XP. To be my henchman, mention bestiality and my name in the same sentence in your sig.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 07:24 PM	Just to keep it fair, you can have enough Xp to level up once.*Hands over the Xp* Now, are you going to rebel or are you satisfied with the Xp( for your sake, I hope you are)? You should be warned though, that Thumb occasionaly treats his slaves henchmen like crap.
VampireGoth 11-06-06, 07:34 PM	You Have Been Promoted, teenageghostcouncil, To Henchmen Duty. I am going to help thumb-boy and the noses(edit: Norse's) take over all the elves, :thinks:and reduce them to forced and slaved child labour. Mwahahahahaha.:evillaugh bring it on :censored::censored::censored::censored: :elf: further transcripts of this message have been translated into 1337. :dancin: I 4/\/\ 12/_/1_312 07 71-13 /_//\i\/312$3!!!!! :teach: y0/_/ i$ 4/\1) \/\/4$ 1*4\/\//\$4/_/(31).
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 07:36 PM	Could you translate that last part for me, I don't speak 1337
VampireGoth 11-06-06, 07:38 PM	it means, i am the ruler of the universe.
VampireGoth 11-06-06, 07:38 PM	do we have a deal, noses? or gealic man, i don't care.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 07:39 PM	it means, i am the ruler of the universe. No you are not, I am. It even says so in my profile.
TheWerg 11-06-06, 07:39 PM	Are not! Am too! And I wield an Orc/Minotaur/Ogre Triple Greataxe.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 07:41 PM	Am too! And I wield an Orc/Minotaur/Ogre Triple Greataxe. If that is true I must recruit you to the cause. Seeing as how you are so very awesome I will even make you my right hand man. If you accept you will get to rule your own outer plane and the ability to Commune with Chuck Norris.
teenageghostcouncil 11-06-06, 07:48 PM	I QUIT FROM HENCHMAN STATUS(keep XP), i am now elf breeder, each elf cost you a mere 10GP, or you can get special bulk deals, 100 for 750GP or my ''Full deal pack" 10000 elves, 500 orcs for you army, and 50 Greataxes of +5, +5 versus elves, flame burst, voreperal, all of this for just 100000GP!! like my sales pitch?:evillaugh :evillaugh edit: and 3/4 off for all greater demons who have thumb in thier name
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 07:51 PM	No. It lacks coherence and grammar. If you want to improve your pitch, get a spell checker. Oh, and just for the record* hits teenageghostcouncil with level draining effect* Nobody screws over the norsemen and gets away with it.
teenageghostcouncil 11-06-06, 07:53 PM	You Have Been Promoted, teenageghostcouncil, To Henchmen Duty. I am going to help thumb-boy and the noses(edit: Norse's) take over all the elves, :thinks:and reduce them to forced and slaved child labour. Mwahahahahaha.:evillaugh bring it on :censored::censored::censored::censored: :elf: further transcripts of this message have been translated into 1337. :dancin: I 4/\/\ 12/_/1_312 07 71-13 /_//\i\/312$3!!!!! :teach: y0/_/ i$ 4/\1) \/\/4$ 1*4\/\//\$4/_/(31). Actually, in the terms and agreements, is says no 1337 on the forums, srry
teenageghostcouncil 11-06-06, 07:55 PM	No. It lacks coherence and grammar. If you want to improve your pitch, get a spell checker. Oh, and just for the record* hits teenageghostcouncil with level draining effect* Nobody screws over the norsemen and gets away with it. curse the norse awesomness
TheWerg 11-06-06, 07:58 PM	If that is true I must recruit you to the cause. Seeing as how you are so very awesome I will even make you my right hand man. If you accept you will get to rule your own outer plane and the ability to Commune with Chuck Norris. I accept your offer, as long as the plane is next door to Vestigial_Thumb's. That guy throws the best parties.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-06-06, 08:00 PM	I accept your offer, as long as the plane is next door to Vestigial_Thumb's. That guy throws the best parties. Great! I now have an awesome right hand man:D . And about getting to those parties, we can just establish a permanent gate.
TheWerg 11-06-06, 08:31 PM	I believe our first item on our agenda should be dealing with the insurgent teenage ghost councils that have been floating about of late. They are disrespecting our ally's power far too much... Something must be done. :plotting:
teenageghostcouncil 11-06-06, 08:37 PM	did you not see, the awesome deals i said? and that greater deamons with thumb in thier name get 3/4 off? that is not disrespectful, you just jealous you dont get a percent off
multipleheads 11-06-06, 08:39 PM	how did this turn into a giant joke? but any way...you may live to seven hundred,but you're as frail as an old human anyway:P
TheWerg 11-06-06, 09:14 PM	did you not see, the awesome deals i said? and that greater deamons with thumb in thier name get 3/4 off? that is not disrespectful, you just jealous you dont get a percent off Quiet, insolent fool(s), for my Orc/Minotaur/Ogre Triple Greataxe has ghost touch among its plethora of magical powers!
teenageghostcouncil 11-06-06, 09:15 PM	Quiet, insolent fool(s), for my Orc/Minotaur/Ogre Triple Greataxe has ghost touch among its plethora of magical powers! so you are jealous
Manic Man 11-06-06, 09:34 PM	I don't known if the OP's question was answered, but no, elves cannot wield great swords. The males have too much estrogen, so they end up being half-female. Greatswords are just too masculine for them. Now a giant sized lipstick is something they can wield
VampireGoth 11-06-06, 09:38 PM	did you not see, the awesome deals i said? and that greater deamons with thumb in thier name get 3/4 off? that is not disrespectful, you just jealous you dont get a percent off it's a lame deal. The noses and the thumbs are angered by you. i am the ruler of the universe. And i have an army of noses, and one thumb that hitchhikes from forum to forum. me, i telepathicly wield a +20 every single weapon enchantment +20 against elves great war-axe. i also teleport it into elves.:drool: (awwww man, no smilies for intense gore, mass massacre, or bloody mess. dang it)
teenageghostcouncil 11-06-06, 09:44 PM	it's a lame deal. The noses and the thumbs are angered by you. i am the ruler of the universe. And i have an army of noses, and one thumb that hitchhikes from forum to forum. me, i telepathicly wield a +20 every single weapon enchantment +20 against elves great war-axe. i also teleport it into elves.:drool: (awwww man, no smilies for intense gore, mass massacre, or bloody mess. dang it) you just lost buying rights, and I have decided to further reduce the thumb discount to 1/3 instead
VampireGoth 11-06-06, 09:44 PM	I don't known if the OP's question was answered, but no, elves cannot wield great swords. The males have too much estrogen, so they end up being half-female. Greatswords are just too masculine for them. Now a giant sized lipstick is something they can wield Non-Masculin Elf Males have 98% more Estrogene than Female Elves. A Baby elf is way stronger and more skillfull than older elves. therefore a baby elf can weild a greatsword. A non-masculin Male Elf can weild the following: blunt rapier, bow of easy draw-back/pullingness, puce lipstick of infinite rage, and their middle fingers.
VampireGoth 11-06-06, 09:52 PM	you just lost buying rights, and I have decided to further reduce the thumb discount to 1/3 instead I already have and telepathicly wield a +20 every single weapon enchantment +20 against elves great war-axe. i DO NOT need anything from a pokemon. unless you have anything different than poke balls :eek: :eek: i am fine.
teenageghostcouncil 11-06-06, 10:16 PM	I already have and telepathicly wield a +20 every single weapon enchantment +20 against elves great war-axe. i DO NOT need anything from a pokemon. unless you have anything different than poke balls :eek: :eek: i am fine. I didn't want to well you sell you pokemon, and the axes are not for use, they are for when you need to explode the elves, see, if you used your axe, it might get damaged, so these are expendable axes
VampireGoth 11-06-06, 10:28 PM	I didn't want to well you sell you pokemon, and the axes are not for use, they are for when you need to explode the elves, see, if you used your axe, it might get damaged, so these are expendable axes i do not need material weapons to kill, they are merely for show.
teenageghostcouncil 11-06-06, 10:31 PM	i do not need material weapons to kill, they are merely for show. but you still will need weapons of mass destruction by elf explosions, which u can not use you awesome weapon, even if it is for show only
TheWerg 11-06-06, 10:31 PM	I am not in the least jealous of your elves-and-axes supply service, for my many templates combined with my ridiculously powerful weapon render your mass destruction methods meaningless. Oh and by the way, if you had been with this thread longer than 4 pages, you would know that the explosion effect only works with incredibly wussy elven vampires, not mere elves. As I'm sure Thumb and the other demon lords know this as well, your business is likely to be a short and unfruitful one, ending in bankruptcy and possibly death. :)
VampireGoth 11-06-06, 10:36 PM	I am not in the least jealous of your elves-and-axes supply service, for my many templates combined with my ridiculously powerful weapon render your mass destruction methods meaningless. Oh and by the way, if you had been with this thread longer than 4 pages, you would know that the explosion effect only works with incredibly wussy elven vampires, not mere elves. As I'm sure Thumb and the other demon lords know this as well, your business is likely to be a short and unfruitful one, ending in bankruptcy and possibly death. :) awesome. demons my butt. i do not need a ghostcouncil's services. i am power unbound, the ruler of the universe.
VampireGoth 11-06-06, 10:37 PM	those of you that have not posted for more than 3 pages are not worthy of the elven explosion fun.
Kresalak 11-06-06, 10:39 PM	Discussion is over now. I claim this thread in name of glorious nation of Kazakhstan!
teenageghostcouncil 11-07-06, 12:21 AM	Discussion is over now. I claim this thread in name of glorious nation of Kazakhstan! to bad for u, u must declare war and defeat the great overlord thumb to take over this thread and that is very unlikely
teenageghostcouncil 11-07-06, 12:22 AM	those of you that have not posted for more than 3 pages are not worthy of the elven explosion fun. that being you included, i do believe, or have you posted for 4?
teenageghostcouncil 11-07-06, 12:22 AM	I am not in the least jealous of your elves-and-axes supply service, for my many templates combined with my ridiculously powerful weapon render your mass destruction methods meaningless. Oh and by the way, if you had been with this thread longer than 4 pages, you would know that the explosion effect only works with incredibly wussy elven vampires, not mere elves. As I'm sure Thumb and the other demon lords know this as well, your business is likely to be a short and unfruitful one, ending in bankruptcy and possibly death. :) I did not mention that I had a few vampires to make them all vampires?
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-07-06, 03:13 AM	I did not mention that I had a few vampires to make them all vampires? Note the incredibly wussy part. Aotrscommander only had that effect with they wussiest elven vampire he could find. And by the way, what triggered the explosion was the awesome in the sword, something you don't have access to.
JoAT 11-07-06, 03:58 AM	Though it is most certainly off topc.... *This message paid for by the bear that follows V_T and does his bidding. The payment (pic-a-nic baskets and a smaller bear) was accepted for fear of being mauled. Is this your fear of being mauled by the bear, or the bear's fear of being mauled by you?* *This message brought to you by the Missing Children of War-torn Bears, an afiliate of the National Mournland Dandylionfication Committee, a subsidiary of the Association for the Undammagement of the Cross-cutter Dwarves of Greentarn, in assossiation with the Elven National Sword Greatness Judging Commitee, owned and opperated by the 'A Bear in Every Pot' campagin, a outreach program of the Totemist and Ardent College of Morgrave, Broad(sword)'s division, currently being sued for sexual harrasment by the Corporation for Shifter, Changeling, Half-Elf, Half-orc, But Most Certainly Not Warforged Rights, a seceret project of The Campaign for Equal Heights, a tax write-off for the Warforged In Adamantine, opponents of the Lord of Blades, who is an Elf With a Sword Fetish In Disguise, a distinct, trademark infrigement on Chuck Norris, who is So Much Better than Elves, and a secert weapon development program by the Canadian Government, who, along with the Swedish Government, was actually behind the whole Cold War, a front for The Small, Grey Elves From OuterSpace to mutilate crops and form cow circles, discovered by Squirrel Girl and the rest of the Great Lakes Avengers, who are wholy owned and opporated by Wooly Rupert, the Giant Space Hamster of Ill Omen, a creation of the Gnomes of Zurich, founded by the Foundation for Artists are so Humans Foundation, a splintered group of the Coalition of Kill Satan Claus, formed by the Federation of Babies Are Shapeshifters From Another Worl, the worshipers of the God of Elves Who Wield Greatswords, a power-gamed creation of the Village Elves, a band of Elvish Impersonators, led by Imp y Celyn, conjured by the THAC0 is Wacko Canibal Cabal, origionating from the the 231st Layer of The Abyss, the Accountant's Intestines, the superheroic Origin of My Realizing that this Part of the Joke Died more than 20 pages ago. Also brought to you in part by some guy named Bob.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-07-06, 08:01 AM	Is this your fear of being mauled by the bear, or the bear's fear of being mauled by you?* Mutual mauling would have occurred. It would not have resulted in anything, so we took the option that both parties would gain something from. I got my post sponsored and the bear did not get mauled.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-07-06, 09:14 AM	Discussion is over now. I claim this thread in name of glorious nation of Kazakhstan! And I claim glorious nation of Kazakhstan in the name of Thumb. I also make Borat president.
teenageghostcouncil 11-07-06, 10:39 AM	Note the incredibly wussy part. Aotrscommander only had that effect with they wussiest elven vampire he could find. And by the way, what triggered the explosion was the awesome in the sword, something you don't have access to. The breeding of elves was actually thumbs idea, I will breed them for him so he dosen't get his hands dirty with the scum, and I was the one who came up and tested the idea of the exploding elves, so you are not one to tell me how it works
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-07-06, 10:43 AM	The breeding of elves was actually thumbs idea, I will breed them for him so he dosen't get his hands dirty with the scum, and I was the one who came up and tested the idea of the exploding elves, so you are not one to tell me how it works Read the thread. Aotrs mentioned elven vampires exploding when they made contact with awesome greatswords in post #664. And I do what I damn please.
RobbyPants 11-07-06, 10:58 AM	Do you think it's possible for an elf to wield a greatsword if it's made of mithril and has feathers hanging off the handle? I'm scared to test the hypothesis, but I fear it's the only way it will work. :yuck: Also, what if said elf had Bull's Strength cast on it? For that matter, would the spell have any effect, or is it countered by the inherent elf wussieness? :eek:
Morrowner 11-07-06, 11:17 AM	Hmm, the action of "elf buffing" is intrinsically disordered. Its possible, but the action place's the committer's body and soul in great danger. Just don't expect the Church of Pelor to condone it any time soon.
Krulla 11-07-06, 11:20 AM	I accept your offer, as long as the plane is next door to Vestigial_Thumb's. That guy throws the best parties. Last party I was at with Thumb was the most awesomestest party I've been to. Thumb, in a state of drunken overconfidence, tried to bull rush me in the middle of a narrow hallway. I, however, have rediculusly high dodge bonuses to AC, and daftly dodged aside, which caused Thumb to headbutt the wall. At this point Thumb is lying on the floor, bitterly complaining about how he hurt his head, and laughing hysterically. However, I've yet to go to a party at Thumb's place (plane?), however I am very confident that would be the most awesomestest party evar.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-07-06, 11:51 AM	Last party I was at with Thumb was the most awesomestest party I've been to. Thumb, in a state of drunken overconfidence, tried to bull rush me in the middle of a narrow hallway. I, however, have rediculusly high dodge bonuses to AC, and daftly dodged aside, which caused Thumb to headbutt the wall. At this point Thumb is lying on the floor, bitterly complaining about how he hurt his head, and laughing hysterically. I don't remember the bitter part, but I'll take your word for it. ;) However, I've yet to go to a party at Thumb's place (plane?), however I am very confident that would be the most awesomestest party evar. I think so, especially since nearly everyone I know is allergic to something I own.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-07-06, 03:50 PM	I think so, especially since nearly everyone I know is allergic to something I own. You wouldn't happen to have any fish now would you? That't the only thing I am allergic to.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-07-06, 03:58 PM	You wouldn't happen to have any fish now would you? I hate fish.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-07-06, 04:00 PM	And here I was thinking you were into all kinds of bestiality, apparently not. Just for the record though, I too hate fish.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-07-06, 04:01 PM	And here I was thinking you were into all kinds of bestiality, apparently not. Mammal-on-Woman is my kind of thing.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-07-06, 04:02 PM	I don't believe I have ever seen Mammal on woman bestiality and I am not sure I want to. Am I really missing something great?
Vestigial_Thumb 11-07-06, 04:09 PM	I don't believe I have ever seen Mammal on woman bestiality and I am not sure I want to. Am I really missing something great? It depends, really. But you'll be happy to know that you can support bestiality without watching it.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-07-06, 04:16 PM	It depends, really. But you'll be happy to know that you can support bestiality without watching it. So bestiality is like gay rights?:P As a side note I thought I should tell people that this is the fourth largest thread on the "What's a DM to Do" forum. We need some 500 posts to move it to the top, so get posting!
Vestigial_Thumb 11-07-06, 04:22 PM	Aye, aye!
Vestigial_Thumb 11-07-06, 04:23 PM	I think we should do it fairly, though.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-07-06, 04:23 PM	Like, by not spamming it and stuff.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-07-06, 04:24 PM	Are you sure about that?
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-07-06, 04:25 PM	Doing it like this seems to be more effective.
MagnaSecuris 11-07-06, 04:39 PM	Spamming makes your magic greataxe cast nasty things on you. Now get on with the conquering. I thirst for elfblood. I am greater than all your minions combined, remember that and you shall win over all.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-07-06, 04:43 PM	I am greater than all your minions combined, remember that and you shall win over all. I know, just don't tell TheWerg.
RobbyPants 11-07-06, 06:10 PM	Now get on with the conquering. I thirst for elfblood. Even wussy elf-blood? :yuck:
RobbyPants 11-07-06, 06:12 PM	I'm still curious, though, if an elf could wield a greatsword if it were made entirely of mithril, and it had colored feathers tied to the handle. ...it would probably do less damage, or course, from the inherent wussieness.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-07-06, 06:17 PM	I'd say no. Defiling things greater then yourself never seems to work in literature.
TheWerg 11-07-06, 06:51 PM	I am greater than all your minions combined, remember that and you shall win over all. Maybe so, but do you have thousands of hordes of dire weasels readily awaiting your orders to go forth and TPK a level 2 or 3 party of adventurers? I think not.
DungeonJman 11-07-06, 07:25 PM	Ok, so we know what a really good greataxe does, but what if you were to have a orc/werewolf barbarian/ninja/pirate during a rage in hybrid mode, who charges an elven vampire with a +5 flaming burst, mighty cleaving, wounding, etc. greataxe?
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-07-06, 07:31 PM	Did you play the Heroes of Might and Magic series? Think about the intro in IV. That is what would happen.
DungeonJman 11-07-06, 07:32 PM	I didn't play that, what happens?
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-07-06, 07:33 PM	Huge ass explosion that covers the world. Everyone is forced to leave with the use of weird gate things to another planet.
DungeonJman 11-07-06, 07:36 PM	maybe that could be how you conquer other layers: do that, then claim what's left of the layer.
teenageghostcouncil 11-07-06, 11:24 PM	I have evil plan.
TheWerg 11-07-06, 11:33 PM	I have evil plan. Congratulations, you've now joined the ranks of everyone who posts on this damn thread! Want a cookie? :cookie: Yes? Well too bad, you can't have it.
Manic Man 11-07-06, 11:41 PM	Anyone realise that elf women seem to be so much better than male elves in literature (discounting all those dark elves anyway)? What does this mean? Well... probably that i like wet newpapers
Always-Late 11-07-06, 11:43 PM	I don't have evil plan.
teenageghostcouncil 11-07-06, 11:52 PM	I don't have evil plan. PIKA POWA well, you just proved TheWerg wrong;) I have decided that everybody on the whole forum should change thier avatar to pichu, or pikachu, so that pika powa could take over the world(different world then thumb), plus it would look funny
teenageghostcouncil 11-07-06, 11:56 PM	Anyone realise that elf women seem to be so much better than male elves in literature (discounting all those dark elves anyway)? What does this mean? Well... probably that i like wet newpapers I dont get the wet newspapers part, and someone will probably tell me that if I don't already get, that I don't deserve to know, or maybe no one gets it?
TheWerg 11-08-06, 01:00 AM	Actually, he didn't prove me wrong. I was correct at the time of posting, since before then, he hadn't been posting. At this point in time, the statement is false, but at the time it was written, it was correct.
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 01:59 AM	Actually, he didn't prove me wrong. I was correct at the time of posting, since before then, he hadn't been posting. At this point in time, the statement is false, but at the time it was written, it was correct. obviously, and u need a pika avatar, by the way
Naragonth 11-08-06, 02:00 AM	Naragonth has arrived, and he is always watching. He moved into the layer of the abyss three layers below Thumbs. If you want to know how I did it, it's simple. I bought it. With a lot of money :b: (this is the best impersonation a archlich can do of a smile.) You know have an Arch-Lich as a near-by neighbor, and a very rich demon without a home running about. All your spies vanish mysteriously as soon as you send them, so don't send any more. Edit: Oops, bit of third person talking there.
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 02:03 AM	Naragonth has arrived, and he is always watching. He moved into the layer of the abyss three layers below Thumbs. If you want to know how I did it, it's simple. I bought it. With a lot of money :b: (this is the best impersonation a archlich can do of a smile.) You know have an Arch-Lich as a near-by neighbor, and a very rich demon without a home running about. All your spies vanish mysteriously as soon as you send them, so don't send any more. I join abyss one level lower the mister naragonth, you now have a epic level half-dragon warlock 4 layers lower then u thumb. And I bring many evil minions. I got this level by destroying everthing that used to be in there
myusernameis 11-08-06, 02:23 AM	This is what I have to say about that. http://i99.photobucket.com/albums/l284/Cielingcat/iminurnorthpolesnipinurelves.jpgAnd then fluffy found out why staring down the gas vent of an RT20 is bad for your eyes, fluffy got to snipe no elves.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-08-06, 01:45 PM	:heehee
VampireGoth 11-08-06, 01:53 PM	i join mister teenageghostcouncil and nargonth. i am at level 5 on the abyss. my drow vampire liche minions swarm, waiting for battle.
VampireGoth 11-08-06, 01:55 PM	i join mister teenageghostcouncil and nargonth. i am at level 5 on the abyss. my drow vampire liche minions swarm, waiting for battle. i simply oblitorated everything here, and i am now the sole owner. hmmm, five levels lower than mister thumbs...:schemes:
Vestigial_Thumb 11-08-06, 02:14 PM	How the hell can you be lower than I am? I put a large lid on every portal that can lead lower. I also put barbed wire all over them. I will not take this insolence from lesser beings!
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 02:29 PM	How the hell can you be lower than I am? I put a large lid on every portal that can lead lower. I also put barbed wire all over them. I will not take this insolence from lesser beings! we broke your large lids, or I did, maybe they teleported, and do you really expect barbed wire to stop epic level characters? I think not
Vestigial_Thumb 11-08-06, 02:33 PM	we broke your large lids, or I did, maybe they teleported, and do you really expect barbed wire to stop epic level characters? I think not I have you ever seen someone trying to walk through those things? And what self-respecting Demon Prince would use normal wire? I think you're lying.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-08-06, 02:38 PM	I think you're lying. They all are. Just humor them. Everyone knows barbed wire is deadly. Or at least hurts like a *****.
RobbyPants 11-08-06, 02:43 PM	Maybe he has Wire Cutters of Sharpness +1, but doesn't want to tell you.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-08-06, 02:48 PM	Maybe he has Wire Cutters of Sharpness +1, but doesn't want to tell you. WTF? No magic, mortal or otherwise, can cut V_T's Barbed Wire™!
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-08-06, 02:51 PM	Well, he is undead.... does that count as mortal? Still not buying it though, that wire held back a couple of hellish legions for a while.( Or so I have heard, maybe that is just propaganda) As a side note , this is my one hundredth post in this thread. W00T!
sneak_Blast 11-08-06, 02:52 PM	Dude. Elves are medium creatures. They CAN wield a medium two-handed weapon. Period. End of discussion.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-08-06, 02:54 PM	Dude. Elves are medium creatures. They CAN wield a medium two-handed weapon. Period. End of discussion. LIES! And also, you can't use that avatar, it's mine, all mine:evillaugh
Vestigial_Thumb 11-08-06, 03:06 PM	Well, he is undead.... does that count as mortal? ... Yes. Still not buying it though, that wire held back a couple of hellish legions for a while.( Or so I have heard, maybe that is just propaganda) It wasn't just any wire. It was V_T's Barbed Wire™, the brand that keeps any legion out of your home. Dude. Elves are medium creatures. They CAN wield a medium two-handed weapon. Period. End of discussion. Wha... ? Do you think you can just waltz in here with your fancy... words and... rules and undermine 30 thread pages of reseach on Elves, greatswords, and the nature of manliness? Get the f*** out of here, you crazy bastard. ;)
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-08-06, 03:10 PM	Wha... ? Do you think you can just waltz in here with your fancy... words and... rules and undermine 30 thread pages of reseach on Elves, greatswords, and the nature of manliness? Get the f*** out of here, you crazy bastard. ;) Exactly! The nerve of some people...:nonono:
Naragonth 11-08-06, 03:10 PM	The wire was simple. I used your own weapon against you. An elf with a weapon of awesomeness.:b: :b: :b: (Lot's of undead smiles) With Silence, on the operation, you didn't hear anything.:detect:
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 03:14 PM	Wha... ? Do you think you can just waltz in here with your fancy... words and... rules and undermine 30 thread pages of reseach on Elves, greatswords, and the nature of manliness? Get the f*** out of here, you crazy bastard. ;) seconded
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 03:17 PM	here are the many options for how i could have got past your wire teleportain levataion digataion (digging) size decreasage to fit threw holes I also have a scroll of animate wire
SerraAdvocate 11-08-06, 03:18 PM	I suppose adding a few Balors won't make any difference? You see, i just call upon years of military history books, and then send in a very big tank. It runs over your wire. Period. Oh, and by the way, i summon the powerful beings from BEYOND! As i am an epic level alienist.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-08-06, 03:19 PM	You realize that Thumb IS a powerful being from beyond right? Ég er ekki viss um að mér líki hvernig þessi þráður er að þróast. Þyrftum að losna við "ákveðna aðila" held ég. Er ekki nægilega gott skopskynið í þeim.
Kresalak 11-08-06, 03:20 PM	Barbed wire is, by nature, incapable of stopping a spy. This is a fact. Obviously, he was spying on you.
SerraAdvocate 11-08-06, 03:21 PM	Wha... ? Do you think you can just waltz in here with your fancy... words and... rules and undermine 30 thread pages of reseach on Elves, greatswords, and the nature of manliness? Get the f*** out of here, you crazy bastard. ;) It seems he just did. As for the nature of manliness... Well, we will see about that.
RobbyPants 11-08-06, 03:53 PM	Thumb: you seem to have this all down. Can a half-elf wield a greatsword, or is there still too much wussiness involved?
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 04:13 PM	there are now 4 teenagers attempting to take this thread from mister thumb me naragonth vampiregoth and serraadvocate
Vestigial_Thumb 11-08-06, 05:12 PM	Ég er ekki viss um að mér líki hvernig þessi þráður er að þróast. Þyrftum að losna við "ákveðna aðila" held ég. Er ekki nægilega gott skopskynið í þeim. Ég held að ég þurfi að „grysja“ aðeins ef þú skilur hvað ég á við. here are the many options for how i could have got past your wire teleportain levataion digataion (digging) size decreasage to fit threw holes I also have a scroll of animate wire Mm-hm. I suppose you could use any of those... In the deepest, darkest bowels of your dreams. I suppose adding a few Balors won't make any difference? You see, i just call upon years of military history books, and then send in a very big tank. It runs over your wire. Period. Oh, and by the way, i summon the powerful beings from BEYOND! As i am an epic level alienist. I'd like to see you try. I take out Balors with by flipping my fingers at them. Also, like Einvaldurinn said, I'm not only a powerful being from beyond; I am THE powerful being from beyond. The Great Old Ones are distant because I kicked them away from Earth. Barbed wire is, by nature, incapable of stopping a spy. This is a fact. Obviously, he was spying on you. But can a spy conquer a layer? No. Thumb: you seem to have this all down. Can a half-elf wield a greatsword, or is there still too much wussiness involved?[/QUOTE They cannot. [QUOTE=teenageghostcouncil]there are now 4 teenagers attempting to take this thread from mister thumb me naragonth vampiregoth and serraadvocate And I don't know why. Do you crave attention or something? If you do, too bad.
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 05:16 PM	And I don't know why. Do you crave attention or something? If you do, too bad. but your giving it to us;) ;)
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-08-06, 05:16 PM	Ég held að ég þurfi að „grysja“ aðeins ef þú skilur hvað ég á við. Mér sýnist það á öllu, þetta væri í lagi ef þeir væru fyndnir, en þeir eru það ekki, bara pirrandi. Leiðinlegt að þeir þurfa að skemma góðan hlut.
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 05:17 PM	and apperntly your barbed wire wasn't good enough, because we've all ready moved in ;) ;)
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 05:19 PM	which thread were we competing to be bigger then?
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-08-06, 05:21 PM	which thread were we competing to be bigger then? "The new riddle thread!" It's way old. We only need another hundred posts or so to move up to third place.
Krulla 11-08-06, 05:21 PM	Mér sýnist það á öllu, þetta væri í lagi ef þeir væru fyndnir, en þeir eru það ekki, bara pirrandi. Leiðinlegt að þeir þurfa að skemma góðan hlut. Svar: Greataxe + víkingar.
Kresalak 11-08-06, 05:22 PM	But can a spy conquer a layer? No. I cite James Bond. Also, get your moonspeak out of my thread!
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-08-06, 05:25 PM	Also, get your moonspeak out of my thread! That isn't moonspeak. It is the Dark Speech.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-08-06, 05:35 PM	I cite James Bond. But James Bond is on my team.
SerraAdvocate 11-08-06, 05:35 PM	So... if you ARE the greater power... then i summon you, and then banish you because i have that power... and then i lock the dimension gate. 3 times. okay ghostcouncil, brought any candy? this demonic couch is really comfortable. Let's see whats on TV... OH! the Blood War! Get the popcorn... Quick. Ans some of that roast elf from yesterday!
SerraAdvocate 11-08-06, 05:37 PM	But James Bond is on my team. Hmm... i never could win the car chase levels with him, maybe he isn't as competent as you say? Meanwhile, better check your home, it's getting rather loud in here!
Naragonth 11-08-06, 05:37 PM	Dark speech Pa. Are these the spies that I eliminated that you are talking of, or is that still about whether I could get through the barbed wire? If it is about the barbed wire, it's done, I'm through. If it's about spies in my domain, there all dead.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-08-06, 05:39 PM	So... if you ARE the greater power... then i summon you, and then banish you because i have that power... and then i lock the dimension gate. 3 times. okay ghostcouncil, brought any candy? this demonic couch is really comfortable. Let's see whats on TV... OH! the Blood War! Get the popcorn... Quick. Ans some of that roast elf from yesterday! /ignore
SerraAdvocate 11-08-06, 05:43 PM	/ignore Thanks for that, i should sig how many times i get ignored! In fact... i'm so happy you get your house back! and i go back to the nice 5th level... Not so hot there, and that's where... right... nevermind.
Gold Medal Jedi 11-08-06, 05:44 PM	Woot!!! Almost a thousand Posts... YEE HAAWW!! So this elf and two dwarves walk into a bar... The Bar eats the two dwarves and uses the elf as a toothpick.
Sim_antix 11-08-06, 05:44 PM	So you guys openly admit to spamming this thread in order to get more posts than some other thread. Not only is that the saddest thing I have ever heard but it makes me wonder why the WizOs refuse to lock this thread down.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-08-06, 05:45 PM	Not only is that the saddest thing I have ever heard but it makes me wonder why the WizOs refuse to lock this thread down. They have all been payed off man.
SerraAdvocate 11-08-06, 05:46 PM	Woot!!! Almost a thousand Posts... YEE HAAWW!! So this elf and two dwarves walk into a bar... The Bar eats the two dwarves and uses the elf as a toothpick. Look, another person who takes no regard for the current debate on... what looks like barbed wire and james bond. But yes, elves are thin, but don't make very good toothpicks. their rapiers on the other hand...
SerraAdvocate 11-08-06, 05:48 PM	So you guys openly admit to spamming this thread in order to get more posts than some other thread. Not only is that the saddest thing I have ever heard but it makes me wonder why the WizOs refuse to lock this thread down. We aren't spamming, we are having a notable discussion... And as the great being Thumb said: On manlihood, elves, and something that is currently a blown up australia and barbed wire in the abyss that is indestructible.
Gold Medal Jedi 11-08-06, 05:55 PM	So you guys openly admit to spamming this thread in order to get more posts than some other thread. Not only is that the saddest thing I have ever heard but it makes me wonder why the WizOs refuse to lock this thread down. Spam and elf pudding go great together. As to the Wizos not locking it down, well Price is Right is still on TV and no one is looking to cancel it are they? Its simple. This thread is entertaining. And good entertainment is hard to come by on these boards. *by no means am i stating that the Price is Right is entertaining in the least, CBS is obviously controlled by Elves and insist upon airing the most ghey programming they can get their hands on in a lame attempt at brainwashing the general public into thinking they might be somewhat cool*
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 05:56 PM	But James Bond is on my team. If you get james bond, then I get inspector clouseau from the pink panther, and gandalf too
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 05:57 PM	Spam and elf pudding go great together. As to the Wizos not locking it down, well Price is Right is still on TV and no one is looking to cancel it are they? Its simple. This thread is entertaining. And good entertainment is hard to come by on these boards. *by no means am i stating that the Price is Right is entertaining in the least, CBS is obviously controlled by Elves and insist upon airing the most ghey programming they can get their hands on in a lame attempt at brainwashing the general public into thinking they might be somewhat cool* Yeah, when all the wizos are depressed they are like "lets go look at the can an elf wield a greatsword thread"
SerraAdvocate 11-08-06, 06:29 PM	You know, why can't we just say: 'Yes, an elf can wield a greatsword!' and leave it at that? Really, this is getting rather off-topic.* *Payed for by the Elven Coalition for Cean Rapiers. Dsiclaimer: The writer of this article is currently dead, as he has an axe through his head. Please do not attempt to kill him, he has turned into a rather nasty lich.
Krulla 11-08-06, 06:58 PM	So you guys openly admit to spamming this thread in order to get more posts than some other thread. Not only is that the saddest thing I have ever heard but it makes me wonder why the WizOs refuse to lock this thread down. There are such concepts as "fun" and "humour" involved too. Of course, the very notion that such concepts enter into a forum dedicated to a game is preposterous!
TheWerg 11-08-06, 07:31 PM	I join abyss one level lower the mister naragonth, you now have a epic level half-dragon warlock 4 layers lower then u thumb. And I bring many evil minions. I got this level by destroying everthing that used to be in there Translation: I'm a filthy liar. Reasoning: 1. You have already declared yourself to be a council of ghosts, and your name proclaims it to be true. Now, you say you're an epic level half-dragon warlock. Which is it? Most likely neither. 2. You say you can do something, but Vestigial_Thumb says you can't. 'Nuff said. 3. You can't gain a level by destroying everything that used to be there. That would include destroying the level, so you would be rendered incapable of gaining it.
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 07:37 PM	You know, why can't we just say: 'Yes, an elf can wield a greatsword!' and leave it at that? Really, this is getting rather off-topic.* *Payed for by the Elven Coalition for Cean Rapiers. Dsiclaimer: The writer of this article is currently dead, as he has an axe through his head. Please do not attempt to kill him, he has turned into a rather nasty lich. FOOL
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 07:39 PM	Translation: I'm a filthy liar. Reasoning: 1. You have already declared yourself to be a council of ghosts, and your name proclaims it to be true. Now, you say you're an epic level half-dragon warlock. Which is it? Most likely neither. 2. You say you can do something, but Vestigial_Thumb says you can't. 'Nuff said. 3. You can't gain a level by destroying everything that used to be there. That would include destroying the level, so you would be rendered incapable of gaining it. Uhh........ thumb let out a few flaws,(remember this day) and the ghosts imbeded the spirts within this half-dragon, talking him over, and the and the levels was destroyed too yes, leaving an open area for me to do what i want with
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-08-06, 07:41 PM	Uhh........ thumb let out a few flaws,(remember this day) and the ghosts imbeded the spirts within this half-dragon, talking him over, and the and the levels was destroyed too yes, leaving an open area for me to do what i want with HA! You have just shown that you are lying. Thumb doesn't have any flaws. Now get outta here you (here being the abyss).
TheWerg 11-08-06, 07:43 PM	Uhh........ thumb let out a few flaws,(remember this day) and the ghosts imbeded the spirts within this half-dragon, talking him over, and the and the levels was destroyed too yes, leaving an open area for me to do what i want with If he's epic, wouldn't he have ridiculous saves and random items that prevent ghost possession? And on top of that, you're claiming that V_T made several errors in the same day? Once again, I'm calling BS here.
TheWerg 11-08-06, 07:44 PM	HA! You have just shown that you are lying. Thumb doesn't have any flaws. Now get outta here you (here being the abyss). Ah, you beat me to it. Great evil thinks alike.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-08-06, 07:45 PM	I am calling the 1000th post in this thread. Everyone must refrain from posting once we hit 999#. Well, yeah great evils think alike. This is why we ally and take over the world. It is more efficient when there are many of us.
TheWerg 11-08-06, 07:47 PM	I am calling the 1000th post in this thread. Everyone must refrain from posting once we hit 999#. Or they might be eating some Orc/Minotaur/Ogre Triple Greataxe for <insert meal appropriate to time of posting here>
Vestigial_Thumb 11-08-06, 08:04 PM	You know what, Einvaldur, Krulla, and Werg. If I claim (mistakenly or otherwise) the 1000th post, I shall claim it in your name, too. Though I treat my posse badly sometimes, I also treat them well when they are good to me.
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 08:09 PM	lol, i am afraid it is all true, the ghost are actually far more powerfull then the dragon, but they like being material.
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 08:10 PM	HA! You have just shown that you are lying. Thumb doesn't have any flaws. Now get outta here you (here being the abyss). you have shown your lying, you say get out, implying im already in, so I must have gotten past the wire
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-08-06, 08:13 PM	Though I treat my posse badly sometimes, I also treat them well when they are good to me. I was under the assumption that we were allied? You know, an equal partner relationship? Since when am I a member of your posse? Might not be a bad thing, but I am not sure. Teenageghostcouncil, you aren't making any sense. Not any I can see anyway. Also, use capital letters when appropriate.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-08-06, 08:14 PM	you have shown your lying, you say get out, implying im already in, so I must have gotten past the wire The Abyss is a big place. Never said you were in the layer you claim to be in.
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 08:16 PM	I was under the assumption that we were allied? You know, an equal partner relationship? Since when am I a member of your posse? Might not be a bad thing, but I am not sure. Teenageghostcouncil, you aren't making any sense. Not any I can see anyway. Also, use capital letters when appropriate. thumb has no equals You told me to get out of the abyss. The abyss gaurded by the barbed wire. The wire I could not pass But I must have passed it to get into the abyss.
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 08:16 PM	The Abyss is a big place. Never said you were in the layer you claim to be in. to bad for u, I still am in, even the layer I said I was.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-08-06, 08:16 PM	I was under the assumption that we were allied? You know, an equal partner relationship? Since when am I a member of your posse? Might not be a bad thing, but I am not sure. You're in my posse, and I'm in yours (not too shabby, eh?).
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-08-06, 08:19 PM	You're in my posse, and I'm in yours (not too shabby, eh?). Not too shabby indeed. Mutual gain is the best gain. Teenageghostcouncil, not all of the abyss is guarded by the wire, just the layers below Thumb's. This still leaves a whole shitload of layers that you could be occupying. And Thumb does have equals, ever heard of Sly or Arnie? He is on a similar level of awesome as they are, slighty higher then Sly though. Or was it Samuel L. Jackson?
DungeonJman 11-08-06, 08:23 PM	The answer to all of this is obvious: V_T's barbed wire is only guaranteed to stop "legions". Theoretically everything else can get through, but teenageghostcouncil still wouldn't get in, and V_T may need to speak to his lawyer about reformatting the guarantee and the wire before someone else moves in.
TheWerg 11-08-06, 08:30 PM	I'm still going with the "teenageghostcouncil wouldn't know truth if it walked up to him and shot him in the foot, shin, left buttock, groin, liver, right pinky finger, and ear in succession" theory. Edit: Huzzah! I am a member of Vestigial_Thumb's posse.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-08-06, 08:31 PM	The answer to all of this is obvious: V_T's barbed wire is only guaranteed to stop "legions". If you want to get into technicalities, the wire stops legions, and all theoretical/actual components of said legions. My guarantee was mainly to save space and for ease of reading.
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 08:33 PM	The answer to all of this is obvious: V_T's barbed wire is only guaranteed to stop "legions". Theoretically everything else can get through, but teenageghostcouncil still wouldn't get in, and V_T may need to speak to his lawyer about reformatting the guarantee and the wire before someone else moves in. What part of me already being in don't you understand?!?!?! He already has 4 epic characters and their minions below him.
DungeonJman 11-08-06, 08:33 PM	Oh, okay, nvm then, but either way you look at it, there's no way that teenageghostcouncil can get in.
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 08:33 PM	If you want to get into technicalities, the wire stops legions, and all theoretical/actual components of said legions. My guarantee was mainly to save space and for ease of reading. See another flaw, he miscamunacates ;) ;) ;)
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 08:34 PM	Oh, okay, nvm then, but either way you look at it, there's no way that teenageghostcouncil can get in. ALREADY IN
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 08:35 PM	I'm still going with the "teenageghostcouncil wouldn't know truth if it walked up to him and shot him in the foot, shin, left buttock, groin, liver, right pinky finger, and ear in succession" theory. Edit: Huzzah! I am a member of Vestigial_Thumb's posse. i have no left buttock
Vestigial_Thumb 11-08-06, 08:35 PM	And Thumb does have equals, ever heard of Sly or Arnie? He is on a similar level of awesome as they are, slighty higher then Sly though. Or was it Samuel L. Jackson? I can't say I'm more/less awesome than any of them. They're all pretty damn awesome and I'd say I'm at about the same level. I'm also the only Demon Prince that actually uses his powers responsibly (read: not to kill his allies).
SerraAdvocate 11-08-06, 08:46 PM	Woah there... so you are saying that the abyss is an impossible barricade of doom? Okay, you have the abyss... for now. Now, let us review the facts. Teenage Ghost Council does have an army, albeit a small one, in your base, along with an epic level character. If any of you play magic, you might care to check what the card 'ghost council of orzhov' does... Now, as for my army, i have permanently made my mark in the seven mounting heavens of Celestia. My angels are primed and ready. Along with a wonderful epic level Hound Archon Paladin called Spot, thanks to my good friend Teenageghostcouncil. And fluffy. Can't forget fluffy. And V_T, i apologize for any annoyance i may have caused your house staff when surveying the blood war.
SerraAdvocate 11-08-06, 08:48 PM	Or at least I won't use them to unresponsibly No offense, but do you know how creepy that sounds?
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 08:49 PM	Woah there... so you are saying that the abyss is an impossible barricade of doom? Okay, you have the abyss... for now. Now, let us review the facts. Teenage Ghost Council does have an army, albeit a small one, in your base, along with an epic level character. If any of you play magic, you might care to check what the card 'ghost council of orzhov' does... Now, as for my army, i have permanently made my mark in the seven mounting heavens of Celestia. My angels are primed and ready. Along with a wonderful epic level Hound Archon Paladin called Spot, thanks to my good friend Teenageghostcouncil. And fluffy. Can't forget fluffy. And V_T, i apologize for any annoyance i may have caused your house staff when surveying the blood war. my army may appear small, but only because most of it is hidden and its not in his base its 4 layers of hell below it
DungeonJman 11-08-06, 09:04 PM	Hey, wait a minute, isn't conquering one of the Seven Mounting Heavens of Celestia, even for a good cause (which it doesn't sound like), an evil act?
CroBob 11-08-06, 09:11 PM	Hey, wait a minute, isn't conquering one of the Seven Mounting Heavens of Celestia, even for a good cause (which it doesn't sound like), an evil act? Nope. Murdering angels is a Lawful Awesome act.
teenageghostcouncil 11-08-06, 09:12 PM	Nope. Murdering angels is a Lawful Awesome act. very true
WizO_Cat 11-08-06, 10:33 PM	Ok, I'm going to leave this thread open as long as the discussion stays on the topic of D&D. (hint, hint ...) Aloha!
Naragonth 11-08-06, 11:00 PM	Naragonth is always watching. He own's his layer, proven by lack of contesting. VestigiaI_Thumb's you recieve reports of kobolds sneaking around your layer. Do not ask why. (hint: it's not good for you.):b:
Naragonth 11-08-06, 11:03 PM	Oh, and Moderator, does fighting over the abyss count as the topic of D&D? :b: you can't tell, but this is a pleading skull smiley. It looks the same as the smiling skull smiley.
SerraAdvocate 11-08-06, 11:04 PM	Ok, I'm going to leave this thread open as long as the discussion stays on the topic of D&D. (hint, hint ...) Aloha! See... they do find us entertaining. And by blowing up australia, i'm sure teenageghostcouncil meant some strange island in Greyhawk. As for the seven mounting heavens of Celestia... I didn't conquer them, i... requisitioned... them. I mean, my Character is an Epic level Honud Archon Paladin. With levels in uberness. Just take it for granted that you have to find another army on another plane to fight in this war buddy!
Naragonth 11-09-06, 12:15 AM	Um... Just out of 'curiosity' did you just say you are a paladin...? I suppose that a paladin would be interested in attacking the abyss, but living in it... seems unpaladinish. Yes? Edit: Oh, nevermind, you're talking about heaven and requisition.
TheWerg 11-09-06, 01:46 AM	What part of me already being in don't you understand?!?!?! He already has 4 epic characters and their minions below him. The part where you've offered no proof, and, if anything, given supporting arguments against you being in. Now, let us review the facts. Teenage Ghost Council does have an army, albeit a small one, in your base, along with an epic level character. If any of you play magic, you might care to check what the card 'ghost council of orzhov' does... Fact= proven and irrevocable. So far, many people have not believed that he is in, especially if you count myself as many people. See above.
The White Sorcerer 11-09-06, 04:26 AM	You know, why can't we just say: 'Yes, an elf can wield a greatsword!' and leave it at that? Because lying makes Baby Jesus cry.:weep:
The White Sorcerer 11-09-06, 04:30 AM	ALREADY IN Teenageghostcouncil's illusions of grandeur courtesy of Gnome Illusionists Associated.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-09-06, 07:59 AM	Because lying makes Baby Jesus cry.:weep: HAHAHA! Awesome. Anyways, when can we expect an update from Aotrscommander?
Stickboy2323 11-09-06, 08:08 AM	Seems like you guys have hit a stalemate concerning certain ghostcouncils and the claims it is making about it's present whereabouts. I think I can help. My name is <<UNTRANSLATABLE>>. I am the ghost of a layer of the original Abyss. Yes, the original Abyss. The Abyss that you all are squabbling over currently is in fact the third incarnation of said plane of existence. While I may be a dead and mostly forgotten layer I have one rather unique ability. I can possess any plane of exsistance that I choose to. I am not able to exert any influence on what happens on the planes that I possess but I do gain complete and total knowledge of all things pertaining to the plane in question. If you want me to I could pop into the disputed layer, take a look around and report back my findings. I require no compensation for my services. I find all of this rather amusing and would like to help settle this dispute once and for all. If you decide to take me up on my offer you can contact me on the plane of Awynestalistia (it's a demi-plane entirely populated by wood nymphs that spend their days frolicking naked. It's an OK place for an eons old ghost of an abyssal plane to spend it's time.)
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-09-06, 08:11 AM	Yes, please go on and do that. And also, give me the address of that plane. Seems like good fun.
Krulla 11-09-06, 09:28 AM	You know what, Einvaldur, Krulla, and Werg. If I claim (mistakenly or otherwise) the 1000th post, I shall claim it in your name, too. Though I treat my posse badly sometimes, I also treat them well when they are good to me. We shall claim the #1000th post for great justice! Also, this gibberish about how someone could possibly wrest the control of Thumb's plane from him is absurd. Not only is Thumb a Viking Demon Prince armed with a +5 Mighty Keen Flaming Icy Vorpal Greataxe, he has a posse of three viking greater demons, all armed with similarly awesome greataxes. And as everyone know, you can't beat vikings with greataxes.
RobbyPants 11-09-06, 09:35 AM	You know, why can't we just say: 'Yes, an elf can wield a greatsword!' and leave it at that? Really, this is getting rather off-topic.* *Payed for by the Elven Coalition for Cean Rapiers. Dsiclaimer: The writer of this article is currently dead, as he has an axe through his head. Please do not attempt to kill him, he has turned into a rather nasty lich. I think it's been said (both politely and not) about 86.4 times. But most of those posts were within the first 4 pages. Now the thread has evolved. We are looking deeply into the inherent reasons why: wussiness, mithril, vampires, orcs & greataxes, and many others. Apparently, Mr. Thumb has all the answers locked tightly away in his domain, and he's being very careful who he lets in (with barbed wire and balors). Thumb: How many elves do you haved locked away for study? Have any of them even expressed an interest in picking up a greatsword, or do they all prefer their rapiers?
Vestigial_Thumb 11-09-06, 09:52 AM	Or at least I won't use them to unresponsibly I'm sorry, dude, but please stop impersonating me. It's not good publicity.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-09-06, 10:00 AM	Thumb: How many elves do you haved locked away for study? Have any of them even expressed an interest in picking up a greatsword, or do they all prefer their rapiers? I have quite a few Elves being studied in my fortress. A very strange specimen showed interest in learning to wield one. However, his drema were cut short when (after an astounding 2 days of training with it (I theorize that he was not completely Elven)) he tripped over it and dismembered himself almost completely in one swing.
RobbyPants 11-09-06, 10:51 AM	Makes enough sense. I'm surprised he could get enough force to actually hurt himself (let alone anything) with such a manly weapon! Puny elf! :nonono:
aotrscommander 11-09-06, 11:31 AM	Anyways, when can we expect an update from Aotrscommander? Sorry, busy, busy, busy! Being sector Commadore, sorry, Vice-Admiral *shines extra Red slash* does detract from my time! I have also complied a history of the experiment into a document on the Earth computer, so I can now keep a better track of what it is I've told you, so updates should be easier! First a brief summary of the data collected so far, for those of you who have got lost in the moras of posts! Experiment G1: 20 Elves, 20 Vampires, 10 +2 Flaming Greatswords each side, one Vampire surviving after 169 hours, 54 minutes 27.56 seconds (169.95 hours). Last Vampire killed was at 169 hours, 50 minutes, 0.2 seconds (169.83 hours). G2: 20 Elves, 20 Wardroids, 10 +2 Flaming Greatswords each side, 20 Wardroids surviving after 15 minutes 18 seconds. G3: 20 Vampires, 20 Wardroids, 10 +2 Flaming Greatswords each side, 20 Wardroids surviving after 15 minutes 23.59 seconds. G4: 20 Elves, 20 Vampires, 10 +2 Flaming shortswords each side, result pending, currently running at 27 hours. Calculations: As David_Roben2 seems not to be around at the moment, I'll take a stab at it. The forumale is thus C= [(eg1^m)-(vg2^m)]/t Where: C= amount of Cool e: Number of Elves killed (on losing side) g1^m: number of greatswords used to kill the Elves (g1) to the power of magical or mundane enchancement +1 (m) v:Number of Vampires killed (on winning side) g2^m: number of greatswords used to kill the Vampires (g2) to the power of magical or mundane enchancement bonus equivilent +1 (m) t: total time of experiment. Thus: G1: e=20, v=19, g1 and g2 =6, m=+3, t=169.95 hours C = [(20*6^4)-(19*6^4)]/169.95 = 7.63 So we have a factor of 7.63 for Moderatly Cool. Now I'm at a loss as to how to convert this to the Aotrs-Roben scale and/or Kilolosers, but at least it's a start point! For G2 and 3, I subtituted w for the Wardroids on the winnign side (actually, there is a note here, for these two; the Vamps and elves hadn't figured out how to use the greatswords, so the Wardroids took them all, and thus this explains why 20 greatswords figure into the equation.) G2: C = [(20*20^4)-0]/0.28 = 11428571.43 G3: C = [(20*20^4)-0]/0.29 = 1103448.76 And at this point, I think we need to re-examine the formulae, as the results are not making much sense to me. Have we got the awesome factor of the swords right; should it be a power or a lesser value (like a percentage) or it that right? Is cool actually releated to time? And it's just that the longer you take to kill something, the less cool it is? ('Cos otherwise I don't get why killing vampires is less cool than killing Elves). So, other maths people, analyse! I'll start setting up a few more experiments (G5 through G7 will be a repeat of G1 to check the results and give us a better average; I'd like to do more, but we have only so much time and space on the station. We're being a bit more Mythbusters and less proper science here, but we should at least get in the right ball park!) I'll keep you posted! Edit: Corrected calculations!
teenageghostcouncil 11-09-06, 11:33 AM	Seems like you guys have hit a stalemate concerning certain ghostcouncils and the claims it is making about it's present whereabouts. I think I can help. My name is <<UNTRANSLATABLE>>. I am the ghost of a layer of the original Abyss. Yes, the original Abyss. The Abyss that you all are squabbling over currently is in fact the third incarnation of said plane of existence. While I may be a dead and mostly forgotten layer I have one rather unique ability. I can possess any plane of exsistance that I choose to. I am not able to exert any influence on what happens on the planes that I possess but I do gain complete and total knowledge of all things pertaining to the plane in question. If you want me to I could pop into the disputed layer, take a look around and report back my findings. I require no compensation for my services. I find all of this rather amusing and would like to help settle this dispute once and for all. If you decide to take me up on my offer you can contact me on the plane of Awynestalistia (it's a demi-plane entirely populated by wood nymphs that spend their days frolicking naked. It's an OK place for an eons old ghost of an abyssal plane to spend it's time.) can I come and live in your plane, sounds way better then this one. there are no meanies who don't understand how awesome ghosts are. but I would have to get past the barbed wire on my way out
RobbyPants 11-09-06, 04:01 PM	nk. Sounds like a fun place :drool: :love:
TheWerg 11-09-06, 06:28 PM	can I come and live in your plane, sounds way better then this one. there are no meanies who don't understand how awesome ghosts are. but I would have to get past the barbed wire on my way out Oh, I'll harass you no matter how many nude wood nymphs are on the plane you say you're on. You can run, but... I'll still be here. Anyway, I would like to propose another theorem: Ghosts aren't that cool. I mean, come on. You're the losers who "didn't have enough time" to do stuff in life. So instead of being a useful dead person and going to your rightful plane, you stick around and... moan? And walk through walls? And moan some more? Please indicate where the awesomeness resides in this.
Krulla 11-09-06, 06:31 PM	So instead of being a useful dead person and going to your rightful plane, you stick around and... moan? And walk through walls? And moan some more? Please indicate where the awesomeness resides in this. I dunno... walking through walls is pretty awesome.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-09-06, 06:32 PM	Breaking through them with a greataxe is way cooler though.
TheWerg 11-09-06, 06:44 PM	I dunno... walking through walls is pretty awesome. Yeah, but I mean, come on. To become a ghost, you're admitting that you "cannot easily rest in your grave" (Translation: you're lame.) Then you're going to be dropped in random dungeons to get owned by adventurers with Ghost Touch weapons for the rest of your pathetic half-existence. Oh and in your off-hours, you hang around in the ethereal plane with a bunch of ethereal filchers running around stealing everything that's not nailed to the floor or part of your body. Breaking through them with a greataxe is way cooler though. QFT.
Naragonth 11-09-06, 06:55 PM	Well, I think he's more of a "lich ghost" then a "restless ghost." Like, an alternate way for everlasting life. Like me. A necromancer type who wanted to live forever and take over a layer of the abyss.:b: (never forget that this is an undead smiley.)
TheWerg 11-09-06, 07:18 PM	I don't think so. If he were a "lich ghost", why would he even bother being a ghost? Why not just circumvent the whole lame ghost thing and go right to being a lich?
teenageghostcouncil 11-09-06, 07:35 PM	Yeah, but I mean, come on. To become a ghost, you're admitting that you "cannot easily rest in your grave" (Translation: you're lame.) Then you're going to be dropped in random dungeons to get owned by adventurers with Ghost Touch weapons for the rest of your pathetic half-existence. Oh and in your off-hours, you hang around in the ethereal plane with a bunch of ethereal filchers running around stealing everything that's not nailed to the floor or part of your body. QFT. see that is why they take over the half-dragons, orcs, or minotaurs and mine can sacrafice its minions to revive itself and I am starting to think you are soon going to step over the line, and I would prefer less harasing, the others are doing it in a fun way, you, as I said, are walking a fine line
teenageghostcouncil 11-09-06, 07:36 PM	I don't think so. If he were a "lich ghost", why would he even bother being a ghost? Why not just circumvent the whole lame ghost thing and go right to being a lich? cause a lich council isn't as cool
TheWerg 11-09-06, 07:47 PM	I'm expressing my thoughts on the awesomeness (or non-awesomeness) of ghosts. I don't think they're that great. Would you like to tell me why they are?
teenageghostcouncil 11-09-06, 07:50 PM	I'm expressing my thoughts on the awesomeness (or non-awesomeness) of ghosts. I don't think they're that great. Would you like to tell me why they are? ghost themselves dont rock, but a council of them is lich council sounds wierd
TheWerg 11-09-06, 07:51 PM	Oh and I'm sorry if you think I'm being mean for the sake of meanness. I'm not; I'm being mean for the sake of fun. Just mine, not yours :P.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-09-06, 07:52 PM	Oh and I'm sorry if you think I'm being mean for the sake of meanness. I'm not; I'm being mean for the sake of fun. Just mine, not yours :P. It's my fun to you know. You make me laugh.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-09-06, 07:52 PM	A council of ghosts, eh? It depends on whether they serve me. If you do, the Rambo Effect will take care of you.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-09-06, 07:53 PM	The Rambo effect?
Vestigial_Thumb 11-09-06, 07:56 PM	The Rambo effect? Yes, it's the reason Rambo's bow isn't a wussy-like weapon. His masculinity transfers to his weapon, making it manly. In all other instances, bows are for wussies.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-09-06, 07:57 PM	Yes, it's the reason Rambo's bow isn't a wussy-like weapon. His masculinity transfers to his weapon, making it manly. In all other instances, bows are for wussies. So a lame council of ghosts starts working for you and some awesome rubs of on them? How clever.
TheWerg 11-09-06, 07:57 PM	Rambo can make even a longbow not wimpy and actually rather manly due to his inherent massive amount of manliness. V_T is applying this to the ghost council, which is also akin to acknowledging that he agrees that ghosts are a bit lame. EDIT: Damn! I hath been defeated in a typing-race.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-09-06, 07:58 PM	Beat you to it. Again.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-09-06, 07:59 PM	We have officially moved up to third place. Woot!
Vestigial_Thumb 11-09-06, 08:05 PM	If someone hasn't said this before: Best. Thread. Evar.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-09-06, 08:05 PM	I think it has been said. Don't feel like looking for it though.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-09-06, 08:06 PM	Well I just can't stress it enough.
TheWerg 11-09-06, 08:07 PM	I believe it was said that Thumb's parties are the best evar, but not the thread itself. My memory could be playing me for a fool, though.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-09-06, 08:07 PM	Ah yes, now I recall.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-09-06, 08:08 PM	1000 posts HELL YEAH!!!!! *Runs around like a fiend on crack* WE MADE IT YEAH!!, YEAH!!,YEAH!! I got it, MWAHAHAHA. Oh, yeah umm,, Elves,Greatswords, manliness, wussy, vampires. Now it is on topic.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-09-06, 08:08 PM	I claim this post in my name. EDIT: I suppose Einvaldurinn can have it, mostly because he's my ally.
TheWerg 11-09-06, 08:09 PM	Sooo, uh, how about that D&D? Eh? Please don't kill our thread Mr. Cat
Vestigial_Thumb 11-09-06, 08:10 PM	Please don't kill our thread Mr. Cat Pretty please. :(
Kresalak 11-09-06, 08:11 PM	Well, letting the thread stay would be against the rules, but Cat is a cat. Cats break rules.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-09-06, 08:13 PM	Well, letting the thread stay would be against the rules, but Cat is a cat. Cats break rules. Why is it against the rules? Off topicness? Spamming? Racism? Then again, now that I think about it...
TheWerg 11-09-06, 08:15 PM	I want to create a half-ogre half-minotaur orc character who rides a permanently enlarged cat into battle. Man that would be awesome.
teenageghostcouncil 11-09-06, 08:34 PM	ghosts aren't manly, there just not un-manly either thier ghosts, of many different races, manly and not and I do not serve you, i serve me and only me
teenageghostcouncil 11-09-06, 08:37 PM	I want to create a half-ogre half-minotaur orc character who rides a permanently enlarged cat into battle. Man that would be awesome. a ninja cat right? or a barbarian. if so, you have my approval
TheWerg 11-09-06, 08:39 PM	thier ghosts, of many different races, manly and not Cheater! You're using sentences so illegible that I can't make fun of them! Oh, wait... hehe ;) Note: You're saying that the ghosts of different people are manly or not, depending on what they were before, if I surmise accurately? Hmm, does this also apply to vampires? Like, would an Orc Vampire still be manly? Tests must commence immediately.
TheWerg 11-09-06, 08:41 PM	a ninja cat right? Redundant phrase alert! Cats are already ninjas, you don't have to call them "ninja cats". When a person says cat, it's already assumed that the cat in question is a ninja.
teenageghostcouncil 11-09-06, 08:45 PM	Redundant phrase alert! Cats are already ninjas, you don't have to call them "ninja cats". When a person says cat, it's already assumed that the cat in question is a ninja. I feel so stupid
teenageghostcouncil 11-09-06, 08:46 PM	Oh and I'm sorry if you think I'm being mean for the sake of meanness. I'm not; I'm being mean for the sake of fun. Just mine, not yours :P. In that case, its ok to an extent
TheWerg 11-09-06, 08:47 PM	I feel so stupid It's okay, we all make mistakes. At least now you know.
teenageghostcouncil 11-09-06, 08:49 PM	Cheater! You're using sentences so illegible that I can't make fun of them! Oh, wait... hehe ;) Note: You're saying that the ghosts of different people are manly or not, depending on what they were before, if I surmise accurately? Hmm, does this also apply to vampires? Like, would an Orc Vampire still be manly? Tests must commence immediately. A new test must commence immediatlley, like you say
MagnaSecuris 11-09-06, 09:39 PM	WAIT! Why aren't we invading other planes? There is a practical limit to research to be done. Eventually it matters not whether we're using Minotaur/Orc/Giant/Werwolves or Orc/Werebear/Hobgoblin/Gnolls to hunt down and kill elves. It's like arguing the difference between 5.1 digital surround sound and 7.1 digital surround sound; they're both more than good enough to get most jobs done. If anything, we should be looking to crossbreed our warrior elites with faster races, not stronger. That way they can kill the elves in less time. Really, when you're doing enough damage per hit to drop any known elf what matters is when you run out of people to Great Cleave and need to move. Speaking of which, I would like the Throwing , Returning, Ghost Touch, and Seeking abilites, as soon as your artificiers have the opportunity to spend their precious xp on making your favored weapon even more awesome.
DungeonJman 11-09-06, 09:48 PM	The point is for the kilowins:kilolosers ratio, the time is only one factor, so decreasing the fight time by using less awesome creatures makes the whole experiment worthless. ... Well, i'm bored, anyone for an invasion of smilies to keep them interested? :invasion:
MagnaSecuris 11-09-06, 09:53 PM	Well excuuuuuse me for being the practical Greataxe and not the scientific knowledge seeker. I personally look foreward to the day when knowledge about both elves and vampires will be irrelevant and useless. For obvious reasons.
DungeonJman 11-09-06, 09:59 PM	Not possible, for the elves, maybe, but vampires are like the Sorg: as long as one exists, or the possibility for one exists, they will continue to be. Btw, what's the stance on the elven fighter using monkey grip to wield two Large broadswords?
Naragonth 11-09-06, 10:09 PM	Naragonth starts all his posts in third person. Don't know why. Further testing must comence immeadeatly. On the ausome scale, how ausome is a flail, or a glaive? Probably the best way to test it would be to give each to an elf, and measure the energy released. :b: I would like to negotiate trade with Master thumbs. I have no end of ausome weapons but due to all the barbed wire that appears to have been piled mile-high over the entrance,, it is really hard to import elves.
Always-Late 11-09-06, 10:23 PM	Is an oversized Fullblade an awesome weapon, or does it try to go so high off the scale that it goes back down again?
The White Sorcerer 11-09-06, 10:30 PM	Is an oversized Fullblade an awesome weapon, or does it try to go so high off the scale that it goes back down again? I used to love the fullblade, but then I realized that it's actually worse than a greatsword. Cooler looking, just not as effective. Certainly doesn't deserve to be an exotic weapon. My hopes and dreams, torn asunder... :weep:
teenageghostcouncil 11-09-06, 10:33 PM	I used to love the fullblade, but then I realized that it's actually worse than a greatsword. Cooler looking, just not as effective. Certainly doesn't deserve to be an exotic weapon. My hopes and dreams, torn asunder... :weep: HA, i mean........... thats to bad
Kresalak 11-09-06, 10:34 PM	No, it's inspired from anime, which is an automatic failure. Seriously, guys from anime are less masculine than elves! Of course, the anime elves... I just saw something on the History channel. Someone made a barbeque out of a car engine. That is awesome beyond any level I've ever imagined. If only it could still drive...
DungeonJman 11-09-06, 10:58 PM	But you're forgetting the basic principle of awesomness which states that by definition, Pun-Pun, Bruce Lee, and Chuck Norris must be more awesome. Pun-Pun is included because even if he was not awesome, he could use manipulate form to grant himself awesomeness Also, i have not made 100% sure that they're in the right order, and i also know that i'm missing a lot of guys.
teenageghostcouncil 11-09-06, 11:20 PM	But you're forgetting the basic principle of awesomness which states that by definition, Pun-Pun, Bruce Lee, and Chuck Norris must be more awesome. Pun-Pun is included because even if he was not awesome, he could use manipulate form to grant himself awesomeness Also, i have not made 100% sure that they're in the right order, and i also know that i'm missing a lot of guys. you forgot mister thumb
VampireGoth 11-09-06, 11:35 PM	you forgot mister thumb and the noses. and the non-masculine male elves.
VampireGoth 11-09-06, 11:38 PM	mistress thumbs?
teenageghostcouncil 11-09-06, 11:47 PM	mistress thumbs? MISTER THUMB
teenageghostcouncil 11-09-06, 11:47 PM	and the noses. and the non-masculine male elves. there is no nose
The White Sorcerer 11-10-06, 12:29 AM	I just saw something on the History channel. Someone made a barbeque out of a car engine. That is awesome beyond any level I've ever imagined. If only it could still drive... Bah. That's nothing compared to the tractor that runs on water. And not as in "water as fuel," but as in "you can drive it on top of a body of water." How cool is that?
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 12:34 AM	Bah. That's nothing compared to the tractor that runs on water. And not as in "water as fuel," but as in "you can drive it on top of a body of water." How cool is that? almost as cool as me
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-10-06, 04:33 AM	Speaking of which, I would like the Throwing , Returning, Ghost Touch, and Seeking abilites, as soon as your artificiers have the opportunity to spend their precious xp on making your favored weapon even more awesome. Will get to work on that right away precious. Don't you worry, might even add Undead bane.....for obvious reasons.
Kresalak 11-10-06, 07:19 AM	Bah. That's nothing compared to the tractor that runs on water. And not as in "water as fuel," but as in "you can drive it on top of a body of water." How cool is that? Does it barbeque things?
Stickboy2323 11-10-06, 07:27 AM	Yes, please go on and do that. OK. So I poped into the layer in question and took a look around. The council was not lying when he said that he was in the layer but there was no army as far as I could tell and the council itself was caught in the barbed wire that runs along the edge of the layer. So, it looks like he wasn't completely lying, just embellishing the story. On a side note, a new demi-plane has formed in recent days. It seems that the energies released during certain experiments involving elves, vampires and greatswords have begun to coalesce creating a stable plane on which nothing yet stands. Although if you view it from a high altitude and squint you can start to make out the beginnings of some bad emo poetry being etched into the surface.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-10-06, 10:09 AM	I just saw something on the History channel. Someone made a barbeque out of a car engine. That is awesome beyond any level I've ever imagined. If only it could still drive... Bah. That's nothing compared to the tractor that runs on water. And not as in "water as fuel," but as in "you can drive it on top of a body of water." How cool is that? Those two things are the coolest ever. I think I'll need a vehicle fitting of my status. Of course it would barbecue stuff while I'm driving it, and it would be able to drive on water. Anything else? Oh yes, it should be able to wreck stuff. So I'm thinking about starting with a monster truck and go from there.
Kresalak 11-10-06, 11:23 AM	Put spikes on the wheels, and make sure they're larger than the truck itself.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-10-06, 12:11 PM	Put spikes on the wheels, and make sure they're larger than the truck itself. Of course. That's a give. I was also thinking about wrapping some V_T's Barbed Wire around it, to give it that junkyard "I'm a lot cooler/indie than you are and I don't care" look.
TheWerg 11-10-06, 12:16 PM	Will get to work on that right away precious. Don't you worry, might even add Undead bane.....for obvious reasons. :heehee :rofl: HAHAHA.... Nice... And no one even noticed this yet. I think Undead Bane is a must, I just got it added to my Triple Greataxe. :devil:
Krulla 11-10-06, 12:40 PM	Point out, I will, talk like yoda day, today it is. Uncyclopedia, according to, mm, yes.
RobbyPants 11-10-06, 12:40 PM	Anything else? Oh yes, it should be able to wreck stuff. So I'm thinking about starting with a monster truck and go from there. Put a cow-catcher (those pointed things at the bottom front of old-school locomotives) on the front, but make it out of adamantine, and sharpen the crap out of it. That way, you can hit other cars at full speed and shear them in half! :evillaugh Also, get an "Elves can't wield greatswords. Cope." bumper sticker on the back.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-10-06, 01:20 PM	Put a cow-catcher (those pointed things at the bottom front of old-school locomotives) on the front, but make it out of adamantine, and sharpen the crap out of it. That way, you can hit other cars at full speed and shear them in half! :evillaugh Sounds good. I think it should be something you can lower, in case you see stuff you want to cut in half. When it's up, you can smash stuff with the car by running over them. Also, get an "Elves can't wield greatswords. Cope." bumper sticker on the back. I'm also thinking about a vinyl graphic of an Elf being impaled by one, or an Elf getting his head chopped off by a greataxe.
Kresalak 11-10-06, 01:28 PM	Of course. That's a give. I was also thinking about wrapping some V_T's Barbed Wire around it, to give it that junkyard "I'm a lot cooler/indie than you are and I don't care" look. Make sure you have A-1 steak sauce. It's that important.
RobbyPants 11-10-06, 01:35 PM	Make sure you have A-1 steak sauce. It's that important. It's how steak is done! Of course, as much as I like A-1, we all no that this is a lie. A well cooked steak shouldn't need any sauce. Perhaps keep a bottle handy for BBQed elves, to cover up the flowery flavor.
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 02:11 PM	It should also be able to transform, or fly, or have some kind of giant weapon on top
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 02:16 PM	I here by declare this thread: SPAMTASTIC! and just to stay on topic, well on the original topic, since this thread has moved from bashing elves to listing awesome stuff, but to get back to the original topic: Elves are SPAMTASTIC!
Vestigial_Thumb 11-10-06, 02:18 PM	I here by declare this thread: SPAMTASTIC! and just to stay on topic, well on the original topic, since this thread has moved from bashing elves to listing awesome stuff, but to get back to the original topic: Elves are SPAMTASTIC! I'm confused. Is SPAMTASTIC an adjective used to describe an object in the most meaningless fashion possible? EDIT: By that I mean that Elves have no positive connotations, while this thread is ultimate awesomeness.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-10-06, 02:19 PM	Make sure you have A-1 steak sauce. It's that important. Sure will. Also, there must be beer.
TheWerg 11-10-06, 02:20 PM	So has anyone here actually ever seen a person play an elf wielding a greatsword in a D&D game? If so, were they instantly smote from the heavens?
Vestigial_Thumb 11-10-06, 02:27 PM	So has anyone here actually ever seen a person play an elf wielding a greatsword in a D&D game? If so, were they instantly smote from the heavens? I once saw a player try. He had written 'Elf' as his race, and as he finished writing the word greatsword, the character sheet burst into flames and consumed him in a fiery inferno.
TheWerg 11-10-06, 02:30 PM	I once saw a player try. He had written 'Elf' as his race, and as he finished writing the word greatsword, the character sheet burst into flames and consumed him in a fiery inferno. He got all that he deserved, if you ask me. That's kind of a "Why was I so stupid?" moment in the afterlife... :banghead:
Vestigial_Thumb 11-10-06, 02:33 PM	He got all that he deserved, if you ask me. That's kind of a "Why was I so stupid?" moment in the afterlife... :banghead: He now rents a room in my fortress. He's cool and has atoned for his mistakes.
TheWerg 11-10-06, 02:35 PM	He now rents a room in my fortress. He's cool and has atoned for his mistakes. Oh well, I guess he can't be blamed. No thread on the forums existed as yet for him to reference if he attempted such an endeavor. See, they can't close us down, we're saving lives here! :angelhide
Vestigial_Thumb 11-10-06, 02:40 PM	Oh well, I guess he can't be blamed. No thread on the forums existed as yet for him to reference if he attempted such an endeavor. See, they can't close us down, we're saving lives here! :angelhide Exactly. It wasn't the poor guy's fault. But if anyone tries this now, the only person he can blame is himself.
TheWerg 11-10-06, 02:46 PM	Exactly. It wasn't the poor guy's fault. But if anyone tries this now, the only person he can blame is himself. Friends don't let friends make elves wielding greatswords.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-10-06, 02:48 PM	Friends don't let friends make elves wielding greatswords. True.
MagnaSecuris 11-10-06, 03:06 PM	Friends don't let friends make elves. There are no qualifiers here. Also, I don't really have anything againt Undead. Unless vampires qualify for Undead Bane. Then sure, go ahead. Moving to a different tack, what reach weapons are awesome enough for general use? We don't want no sissy reach weapons exploding through contact with our awesomeness when it's time to put a polearm through somebody's eye. Not that a spellcasting greataxe personally needs a reach weapon. It's just a nice thng to be able to give to the troops.
TheWerg 11-10-06, 03:07 PM	Friends don't let friends make elves. There are no qualifiers here. Also, I don't really have anything againt Undead. Unless vampires qualify for Undead Bane. Then sure, go ahead. Moving to a different tack, what reach weapons are awesome enough for general use? We don't want no sissy reach weapons exploding through contact with our awesomeness when it's time to put a polearm through somebody's eye. Not that a spellcasting greataxe personally needs a reach weapon. It's just a nice thng to be able to give to the troops. Greatspears are cool. I just wish they weren't exotic.
Vestigial_Thumb 11-10-06, 03:10 PM	Greatspears are cool. I just wish they weren't exotic. There's also halberds and glaives. Spiked chains are cool, PROVIDED they are not wielded by Vampires.
DungeonJman 11-10-06, 03:11 PM	The thread has nothing against undead, just vampires. Also, friends don't let friends come within a mile radius of an elven vampire who is about to pick up an awesome greatsword. Since everyone else is building empires, i guess i should too. I wonder if there's a way to link the demiplanes created by the genesis spell?
TheWerg 11-10-06, 03:12 PM	There's also halberds and glaives. Spiked chains are cool, PROVIDED they are not wielded by Vampires. Good candidates all. Reach weapons and Combat Reflexes are fun.
TheWerg 11-10-06, 03:15 PM	Oh and by the way, the undead bane thing is more of a jest about teenageghostcouncil, I believe.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-10-06, 03:49 PM	Oh and by the way, the undead bane thing is more of a jest about teenageghostcouncil, I believe. Indeed you are correct. A playful jest.
TheWerg 11-10-06, 03:56 PM	Indeed you are correct. A playful jest. Of course.
terrainmonkey 11-10-06, 04:01 PM	okay, this thread defys description. it now has a life of its own and cannot be shut down or locked. interesting. we have now hit the half life of a thread here. we have slain the Uranium Sword! Long live the elven greatsword!
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 04:02 PM	Of course. Its all just a huge conspiracy you make if undead bane because you are afarid, and you know it
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 04:03 PM	okay, this thread defys description. it now has a life of its own and cannot be shut down or locked. interesting. we have now hit the half life of a thread here. we have slain the Uranium Sword! Long live the elven greatsword! no, the elven greatsword died before it was made
TheWerg 11-10-06, 04:07 PM	You both lose the thread for saying the words "elven greatsword"... DAMN IT!
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 04:09 PM	no, the elven greatsword died before it was made no, the ELF making the sword died before completion, due to the fact that no Elf can touch a greatsword, else they will burst into divine flame and be obliterated forever. no rezing.
DungeonJman 11-10-06, 04:10 PM	AHA! You also said ... No wait, i'm not going to say it, anyway i've calculated that it's going to take a week for two cohorts of mine to get a newly created demiplane. Granted it'll only be 360 ft in all directions, but it's a start.
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 04:12 PM	oh! oh! I want a demiplane too! I want it to be 1745.3823729 square feet. and be colored Cobalt. And have mechs, lots of mechs! and vorpal bunny and vorpal poodle guards for my castle! and cookies!!! :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie:
TheWerg 11-10-06, 04:16 PM	AHA! You also said ... No wait, i'm not going to say it, anyway i've calculated that it's going to take a week for two cohorts of mine to get a newly created demiplane. Granted it'll only be 360 ft in all directions, but it's a start. That's why I said "DAMN IT!"
DungeonJman 11-10-06, 04:21 PM	There's two problems: one, the cleric cohorts who are doing this work for me will only assist a non-evil character. two: even if i asked them two, it would take 10 weeks, and you'd have to add the mechs, bunnies, and poodles yourself
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 04:22 PM	That's why I said "DAMN IT!" so does that mean you lose too? yes I do believe it does
TheWerg 11-10-06, 04:23 PM	There's two problems: one, the cleric cohorts who are doing this work for me will only assist a non-evil character. two: even if i asked them two, it would take 10 weeks, and you'd have to add the mechs, bunnies, and poodles yourself Ah, and therein lies the problem. Anyone who posts on this thread has their alignment changed to evil, if it's not already. You're going to have to solicit elsewhere.
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 04:24 PM	There's two problems: one, the cleric cohorts who are doing this work for me will only assist a non-evil character. two: even if i asked them two, it would take 10 weeks, and you'd have to add the mechs, bunnies, and poodles yourself IME NAUT EVIL! I don't know why I spelled it that way, but I just HAD to! :D but does that mean they'll bring the cookies and castle? WOOT!
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 04:26 PM	Ah, and therein lies the problem. Anyone who posts on this thread has their alignment changed to evil, if it's not already. You're going to have to solicit elsewhere. I am more lawful neutral probably Or at least I pretend to be:eek:
TheWerg 11-10-06, 04:28 PM	I am more lawful neutral probably Or at least I pretend to be:eek: Correction: You were Lawful Neutral, until you posted here. Now you're Lawful Evil.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-10-06, 04:29 PM	I am more lawful neutral probably Or at least I pretend to be:eek: Well, on the topic of alignment, I am Chaotic Awesome. Possibly Chaotic Evil with the (Awesome) suptype. I believe I share this alignment with several other posters in the thread. You know who you are.
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 04:31 PM	NEUTRAL UBER! that's me :cool:
TheWerg 11-10-06, 04:35 PM	Since Alignment: Chaotic Awesome is a prerequisite of the TheWerg PrC, I must be Chaotic Awesome too, regardless of what Druid's Grove tells me. Also, I believe that Vestigial_Thumb and Einvaldurinn_mikli require their posse to be Chaotic Awesome.
DungeonJman 11-10-06, 04:37 PM	I'm lawful good, which is the algnment requirement of being a powergamer and a paladin. I will get the quote for that if you argue. Well, genesis states that only functions of the plane themselves are created, but not stuff within. Although they can cast true genesis, so that's not a problem, but the main problem is time, and the fact that they're currently working on building me a demiplane (which takes a week just to get 360 ft, and i'm trying to get enough area for at least a massive citadel of good in the current time)
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 04:41 PM	sorry DungeonJman, but no one who posts, nay even reads this thread can be lawful good :p WOOT! Page 37!
DungeonJman 11-10-06, 04:43 PM	That depends on how you look at things, i look at this thread in abstract, but technically correct way, which allows me to read and post on it without violating my alignment, plus when the clerics are done, one of them will cast atonement, just to be sure.
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 04:44 PM	NEUTRAL UBER! that's me :cool: really? me too. I lied before because I didn't know if they could handle it
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 04:45 PM	That depends on how you look at things, i look at this thread in abstract, but technically correct way, which allows me to read and post on it without violating my alignment, plus when the clerics are done, one of them will cast atonement, just to be sure. You should leave now your to smart for this thread
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 04:46 PM	You should leave now your to smart for this thread yeah, even now, your pure brain is being corrupted by the forces on SPAMTASTICNESS!!!!! MUWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! :devil:
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-10-06, 04:47 PM	You should leave now your to smart for this thread Actually, I belive most of the posters on this thread have considerable brainpower. I know I do. You are however the best judge regarding your own intellect so I won't comment on that.
DungeonJman 11-10-06, 04:49 PM	[QUOTE=TwiddleStootch]yeah, even now, your pure brain is being corrupted by the forces on SPAMTASTICNESS!!!!!] No it's not, because i only make one post before somebody else responds, i don't really spam the board. Also, if anyone comments on how it is impossible for a lawful good being to post on this thread, I WILL post a logic proof which shows how it is possible, and how no creature can truly be evil or neutral.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-10-06, 04:51 PM	It is impossible to comment on this thread if you are lawful or good.:P (I want to see this).
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 04:54 PM	It is impossible to comment on this thread if you are lawful or good.:P (I want to see this). ME TOO! ME TOO! and just so I can say I said it too: it is impossible for a lawful good being to post on this thread
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 04:58 PM	oh, and you don't have to double post for it to count as spam. where as, double posting ALWAYS counts as spam, just like this post,. since I could have just edited my last post, this is spam. spammy spammy spammy spam! oh, but bumping a thread before it has any post, which is double posting, is a exception to the rule of double posting be spam.
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 04:58 PM	Actually, I belive most of the posters on this thread have considerable brainpower. I know I do. You are however the best judge regarding your own intellect so I won't comment on that. You just go on believing that
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:00 PM	oh, and you don't have to double post for it to count as spam. where as, double posting ALWAYS counts as spam, just like this post,. since I could have just edited my last post, this is spam. spammy spammy spammy spam! oh, but bumping a thread before it has any post, which is double posting, is a exception to the rule of double posting be spam. How long do you spend figuring this out?
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:00 PM	It is impossible to comment on this thread if you are lawful or good.:P (I want to see this). Seconded this does not count as spamming because I am quoting people, so their
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:00 PM	about 3 minutes.
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:01 PM	ohh, triple post!!!!!!
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-10-06, 05:01 PM	You just go on believing that Are you calling my intelligence into question? For your sake I hope you aren't.
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:01 PM	Seconded this does not count as spamming because I am quoting people, so their sure, :rolleyes:
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:02 PM	ohh, triple post!!!!!! this does not count as spamming because I am quoting people, so their oops this one counts as spam
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:03 PM	now you are just trying to increase your post count. +1!!!!!!!
TheWerg 11-10-06, 05:03 PM	Seconded this does not count as spamming because I am quoting people, so their Teenageghostcouncil, I am now thoroughly confused. :confused: You said you were Lawful already. You're kaaarraaaaazyy.
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:03 PM	Are you calling my intelligence into question? For your sake I hope you aren't. no, but he is way above us, because he dosen't have dumb conversations like us
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:04 PM	You're kaaarraaaaazyy. agreed, so no lawful, just uber
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:04 PM	well lawful people can post here, just not lawful good. and Teenageghostcouncil is Neutral Uber :P
TheWerg 11-10-06, 05:04 PM	Are you calling my intelligence into question? For your sake I hope you aren't. Not just yours, but Thumb's entire posse. I'm thinking it's time to pull out our Ghost Touch Undead Bane Greataxes. :evillaugh
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:05 PM	now you are just trying to increase your post count. +1!!!!!!! your posting just as much :P
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:05 PM	blast! you guys post to fast! how am I supposed to do a row of 17 posts?
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:05 PM	blast! you guys post to fast! how am I supposed to do a row of 17 posts? no possible way fool
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-10-06, 05:06 PM	no, but he is way above us, because he dosen't have dumb conversations like us There is no "us". I exist on a level of being far superior to yours. The only reason I reply to your posts is that I am being punished(by Pale Night BTW). Now stop the freekin' spamming. You are going to get this thing locked.
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:06 PM	your posting just as much :P yeah, but I have been lurking here for months, so i am just getting my post count up to date with my time spent here :p
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:06 PM	Not just yours, but Thumb's entire posse. I'm thinking it's time to pull out our Ghost Touch Undead Bane Greataxes. :evillaugh I can avoid all your attacks by sacraficing my minions that is my special power, invinsasbilty by minion sacrafice
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:07 PM	yeah, but I have been lurking here for months, so i am just getting my post count up to date with my time spent here :p ok, I just like posting Like he said, neutral uber
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:08 PM	I'm just plain invincible :cool: and if this does get locked, we can start a "Can a Dwarf wield anything but an axe?" thread :plotting:
TheWerg 11-10-06, 05:09 PM	I can avoid all your attacks by sacraficing my minions that is my special power, invinsasbilty by minion sacrafice If only you had invincibility by minion sacrafice. Then you'd be rendered immune to our attacks! But, of course, it's just "invinsasbility", so we can hack away with impunity. Even if you did have invincibility, you don't have any minions to sacrafice.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-10-06, 05:09 PM	ok, I just like posting Like he said, neutral uber Neutral Uber wouldn't act the way you are acting. You are Chaotic Stupid, a very common alignment for barbarians. Not just yours, but Thumb's entire posse. I'm thinking it's time to pull out our Ghost Touch Undead Bane Greataxes. :evillaugh Indeed. They must be eliminated. Also, STOP THE SPAMMING, NOW!
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:09 PM	wow, a whole page, and then some, in less then 30 minutes!
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:11 PM	Neutral Uber wouldn't act the way you are acting. You are Chaotic Stupid, a very common alignment for barbarians. lol, your witty reportay is proving you way more awesome then me NOT no commenting on my spelling fools
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:12 PM	STOP THE SPAMMING, NOW! Mod wanna-be :p
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:12 PM	If only you had invincibility by minion sacrafice. Then you'd be rendered immune to our attacks! But, of course, it's just "invinsasbility", so we can hack away with impunity. Even if you did have invincibility, you don't have any minions to sacrafice. curse your extreme spelling skills that is what i meant, so that is what I have fool
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:12 PM	Mod wanna-be :p this almost made me smile
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:12 PM	that is what i meant, so that is what I have fool Mr. T wanna-be! :P
TheWerg 11-10-06, 05:13 PM	no commenting on my spelling fpp;s No. lol, your witty reportay is proving you way more awesome then me NOT I'm fairly certain "reportay" is also spelled wrong. Anyway, I was just pointing out that having "invinsasbility" wouldn't help you.
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:13 PM	Mr. T wanna-be! :P who is mr. T?
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:14 PM	http://files.myopera.com/WhiteLotus/albums/20060/thumbs/mr-t.PNG_thumb.jpg
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:14 PM	No. I'm fairly certain "reportay" is also spelled wrong. Anyway, I was just pointing out that having "invinsasbility" wouldn't help you. spelling is in no way related to awesomeness
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-10-06, 05:15 PM	Mod wanna-be :p No, I am just concerned for the well being of this thread. Teenageghostcouncil, I am more awesome then you are. Period. I know for a fact that anyone with a brain will back me up on this. Also, your spelling and grammar are awful. Please fix them. spelling is in no way related to awesomeness Yes, it is. In a place where your spelling and grammar are the only thing separating you from idiots, it is related to how awesome you are.
TheWerg 11-10-06, 05:15 PM	spelling is in no way related to awesomeness Then why do Thumb and Einvaldurinn both spell everything right?
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:16 PM	No, I am just concerned for the well being of this thread. Teenageghostcouncil, I am more awesome then you are. Period. I know for a fact that anyone with a brain will back me up on this. Also, your spelling and grammar are awful. Please fix them. I can do many things you can't, making me more awesome
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:17 PM	Then why do Thumb and Einvaldurinn both spell everything right? because they have no life. also, see below
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:17 PM	they cheat and use a spell checker :P
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-10-06, 05:18 PM	I can do many things you can't, making me more awesome Give me one good example for this. Then why do Thumb and Einvaldurinn both spell everything right? Because we are awesome as hell. they cheat and use a spell checker :P Naw, we are just supremely intelligent. unicycle Unicycles suck. I can ride one though, I just don't like as it is very lame.
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:18 PM	Give me one good example for this. . unicycle
TheWerg 11-10-06, 05:18 PM	because they have no life. also, see below I think a new plane invasion is in order.
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:19 PM	sounds fun! the invasion, not the unicycle :P
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:19 PM	sounds fun! the invasion, not the unicycle :P but it is fun awesome avatar
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:20 PM	never used one, wouldn't know
TheWerg 11-10-06, 05:22 PM	Which layer did you say you'd taken over again, teenageghostcouncil?
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:22 PM	never used one, wouldn't know you should, it is an enlightining experience
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:23 PM	Which layer did you say you'd taken over again, teenageghostcouncil? I do believe 4 layers below MR. thumb
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-10-06, 05:23 PM	I think a new plane invasion is in order. Yes, we must invade the plane of Moderators, take their thread locking and poster banning powers for our own and take care of certain "things". If people mistakenly believed that an invasion into teenageghostcouncil's realm was being planned, I want to correct them. He doesn't have a plane of his own and it is therefore impossible to invade.
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:25 PM	Yes, we must invade the plane of Moderators, take their thread locking and poster banning powers for our own and take care of certain "things". If people mistakenly believed that an invasion into teenageghostcouncil's realm was being planned, I want to correct them. He doesn't have a plane of his own and it is therefore impossible to invade. note that he is completley ignoring the unicycling power, because he knows I am way more awesome AND I DO HAVE A REALM I AM SITTING ON MY SOFA IN SAID REALM
Naragonth 11-10-06, 05:25 PM	I need to post more, so far my dominance of a layer has gone completely unnoticed.... Maybe if I dropped elfs and weapons on thumbs layer I would get attention... Maybe too much attention...
Naragonth 11-10-06, 05:26 PM	And I took over a layer before Teenghostcouncil. I'm 3 layers below thumbs
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:27 PM	And I took over a layer before Teenghostcouncil. I'm 3 layers below thumbs curse you to the 5th layer of hell under thumbs
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-10-06, 05:27 PM	I need to post more, so far my dominance of a layer has gone completely unnoticed.... Maybe if I dropped elfs and weapons on thumbs layer I would get attention... Maybe too much attention... You can have that layer in peace if you get rid of teenageghostcouncil. He is getting on my nerves. Also, being able to ride a unicycle isn't a power. Now stop lying about you being more awesome then I am or I will be forced to sue you for slander.
Naragonth 11-10-06, 05:28 PM	No, I'm staying right where I am.
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:28 PM	You can have that layer in peace if you get rid of teenageghostcouncil. He is getting on my nerves. Also, being able to ride a unicycle isn't a power. Now stop lying about you being more awesome then I am or I will be forced to sue you for slander. it is too, and you just jealous sue me? I'm in control the entire court of my homeworld
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-10-06, 05:29 PM	No, I'm staying right where I am. You misunderstand. We will forcibly remove you from your current layer if you don't get rid of him. Kinda like the mafia.
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:29 PM	wow, 2 pages + in under an hour!
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:30 PM	You misunderstand. We will forcibly remove you from your current layer if you don't get rid of him. Kinda like the mafia. I am ungetridofable wow that is a good word again you are admitting I am in the realm
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-10-06, 05:31 PM	I am ungetridofable wow that is a good word That is actually quite a fitting description of you, that is, you are "ungetridofable" just like cockroaches.:rolleyes: Edit: I am not referring to your presence in the realm as much as your presence in the thread.
Naragonth 11-10-06, 05:32 PM	Um... If I don't get rid of Ghost Council? We took over the layers with united forces. We're sort of on the same side... as much as a council of ghosts and an arch-lich can be on any side not their own. I would quote the alliance discussion that went on a while back between thumbs and someone when he first took over his layer, but I don't know where it is.
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:33 PM	That is actually quite a fitting description of you, that is, you are "ungetridofable" just like cockroaches.:rolleyes: cockroaches are in a way similair to me they are ungetridofable but I have much more power
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:33 PM	I have always considered my self similar to cockroaches :D
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:34 PM	Um... If I don't get rid of Ghost Council? We took over the layers with united forces. We're sort of on the same side... as much as a council of ghosts and an arch-lich can be on any side not their own. I would quote the alliance discussion that went on a while back between thumbs and someone when he first took over his layer, but I don't know where it is. peace dude we will never be moved, ever me add twiddle to friend cause he rocks
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:34 PM	well cockroaches are just neutral, vermin. WE are Neutral Uber :coo:
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:35 PM	well cockroaches are just neutral, vermin. WE are Neutral Uber :coo: NEUTRAL UBER IS THE BEST
Naragonth 11-10-06, 05:35 PM	What is this peace of which you speak, a peace of pie? Where? (Edit: Piece, I know the correct spelling) And we shall never be removed, Ghost Council because he is a coackroach, and I because no one really cares that I'm here. If they start caring, I will need to come up with a new strategy
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:35 PM	Spammers of a feather should stick together. and we are both of the insanely spammy and nutty kind of feather. and thats kind of funny, considering I only started spamming here today, meh
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-10-06, 05:36 PM	Um... If I don't get rid of Ghost Council? We took over the layers with united forces. We're sort of on the same side... as much as a council of ghosts and an arch-lich can be on any side not their own. I would quote the alliance discussion that went on a while back between thumbs and someone when he first took over his layer, but I don't know where it is. But that is perfect, stab him in the back! He'll never see it coming, well he might now but still. Now get at it. Also, it is Thumb and I that are allied. We are the most awesome force in the multiverse.
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:36 PM	Spammers of a feather should stick together. and we are both of the insanely spammy and nutty kind of feather. and thats kind of funny, considering I only started spamming here today, meh POWA TO TEH SPAMMAS
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:37 PM	bah the multiverse is small peanuts now, the real power, and that is us roaches, is those with power over the tri-quad-multi-plex-verse
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:38 PM	But that is perfect, stab him in the back! He'll never see it coming, well he might now but still. Now get at it. Also, it is Thumb and I that are allied. We are the most awesome force in the multiverse. the problem there is a whole council, who combined could beat mister lichy, not by themselves, but togetha
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:38 PM	bah the multiverse is small peanuts now, the real power, and that is us roaches, is those with power over the tri-quad-multi-plex-verse that was so deep i am going to put in sig
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:40 PM	me to!
Naragonth 11-10-06, 05:40 PM	But that is perfect, stab him in the back! He'll never see it coming, well he might now but still. Now get at it. Thumbs, watch your back. And as Ghost Council said, HOW THE heck do you STAB a ghost "Council" in the back?
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-10-06, 05:41 PM	the problem there is a whole council, who combined could beat mister lichy, not by themselves, but togetha Assuming that the Ghostcouncil are who they claim to be, that just might be correct. After all, the must precious commodity in D&D are available actions. If you to decide to get rid of him Naragonth, I will bestow upon you the Demi-Lich template along with the Evolved undead one several times, before you enter into battle. And as Ghost Council said, HOW THE heck do you STAB a ghost "Council" in the back? Figure of speech. resorting to bribery are we? Of course, bribery is a very effective tactic and one of the most commonly used methods of persusion known to man(Or Demon in my case).
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:41 PM	with a six armed dervish wielding ghost touch scimitars!
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:42 PM	resorting to bribery are we?
Naragonth 11-10-06, 05:42 PM	I play second fiddle to none.
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:43 PM	how about 3rd flute? or 9th drum? 5th banjo? 10th trombone? 19384th Ocarina?
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:44 PM	with a six armed dervish wielding ghost touch scimitars! TRAITOR the peanut multiplex cockroaches must stick together
Naragonth 11-10-06, 05:44 PM	None of those either. Liches do not play instruments.
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:45 PM	I play second fiddle to none. what about 4th guitar...... oo, twiddle beat me to it 3 PAGES
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:46 PM	in the hour from 1:41 to 2:41, we made 87 posts. that is nearly 1.5 posts a minute!
Einvaldurinn_mikli 11-10-06, 05:47 PM	Fine, I must do it myself. *Waves hand and mumbles something under his breath and Naragonth, teenageghostcouncil, Twiddlestootch and that Vampire fellow all pop from existence* (/ignore)
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:48 PM	Fine, I must do it myself. *Waves hand and mumbles something under his breath and Naragonth, teenageghostcouncil, Twiddlestootch and that Vampire fellow all pop from existence* (/ignore) I sacrafice one of my rock minions to become momentaraly invincible
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:48 PM	well, since we poped out of existence at the same time, does that mean we pop into the same non-existence? so we can still spam together :D
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:48 PM	in the hour from 1:41 to 2:41, we made 87 posts. that is nearly 1.5 posts a minute! We shoud all remember this day
Naragonth 11-10-06, 05:48 PM	I laugh at your finger twiddling.
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:49 PM	i also sacraficed twiddle, and brought him back to life with my skillz, so he is safe too twiddles last post disregarded
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:49 PM	oh yeah, we're the invincible tri-quard-multi-plex-verse ruling roaches! disregard my last post.
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:50 PM	do I lose a level? cause i worked hard for this high of a level in SPAMTASTIC Spammer.
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:51 PM	do I lose a level? cause i worked hard for this high of a level in SPAMTASTIC Spammer. nope, that is how awesome this council of ghost are PHEAR THE MONO-BI-TRI-QUAD-CINC-TIPLEX OF SUPER ROACHES or something
Naragonth 11-10-06, 05:53 PM	I'm a lich, not a ghost. Still. Einvaldurinn_mikli's magic got nothing on me.
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:54 PM	it's Tri-Quad-Multi-Plex-Verse and how do you join this ghost council, i am intrigued *scratches chin*
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:55 PM	it's Tri-Quad-Multi-Plex-Verse and how do you join this ghost council, i am intrigued *scratches chin* you die and get revived by them YOUR ALREADY A MEMBER. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 05:56 PM	oh, I'm putting it in my sig! do I get a membership card?
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 05:57 PM	oh, I'm putting it in my sig! do I get a membership card? two and I guess I should put "leader of the tri-quad-multi-plex-verse roaches and ghosts council" in my sig edit: i lead the ghosts, u lead the roaches awesome sig by the way
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 06:02 PM	Deal! we need membership cards for our sigs!
Naragonth 11-10-06, 06:09 PM	I think posting fever has run it's course. :b: Einvaldurinn_mikli, you are now my enemy. Watch the skys, for you may soon see exploding elves
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 06:10 PM	nah, we're just winding down for the day. I'll get going again tomorrow around lunch!
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 06:13 PM	Deal! we need membership cards for our sigs! could you do the membership cards? I am to lazy maybe we should post a new thred for our council I SENT YOU A PM TWIDDLE
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 06:19 PM	hmm, I have some basic skills with flash, I might be able to put something together. are there any specifics on what the ghosts in the council look like?
TheWerg 11-10-06, 07:11 PM	My dark master hath ignored ye, so I shall as well [/ignore]
Naragonth 11-10-06, 07:18 PM	I send kobolds gninjas (see Gnome Gninjas) to invade the Werg, because he's busy ignoring. They get lost, because I can't remember where the Werg hangs out. Is he in the abyss (it just keeps getting more crowded in here). They will find him eventually with magic locating skills.
teenageghostcouncil 11-10-06, 08:14 PM	I send kobolds gninjas (see Gnome Gninjas) to invade the Werg, because he's busy ignoring. They get lost, because I can't remember where the Werg hangs out. Is he in the abyss (it just keeps getting more crowded in here). They will find him eventually with magic locating skills. you should have sent your cat ninjas
TwiddleStootch 11-10-06, 08:41 PM	Squirrel Ninja FTW :cool:
Kresalak 11-10-06, 10:17 PM	In the span of a few short pages, this thread has descended from epic win into fail. Not even kittens can save this thread now.
MagnaSecuris 11-10-06, 10:28 PM	TwiddleStooch, you stupid spammer. This is not a "spam" thread. Or was not, until you got your dirty hands on it. This is a topical discussion and a way for a group to have a friendly, if not serious, discussion. Your "+1 postcount" mod-baiting has no place here, and is asking for a thread lock. Now either grow up and join the fun as an adult, or find some other thread to spam. Because this isn't about postcount, this isn't about being the biggest, it's about enjoying ourselves. Now, as to the Reach weapons (seeing as I intend to contain topicical information in all my posts), I beleive the Spiked Chain, while useful, is not something a truly virile warrior would choose first. I would rate it at about 50 Losers. Not enough to be a explosive danger, just far below optimised for our multi-kiloWin brutes.
DemonDavyJones 11-10-06, 10:28 PM	[Booming Voice] WHO DARES INSULT THIS THREAD??!!?[/Booming Voice] Thumb will be here to make it Win again. In the meantime, my awesomeness, while modest in comparison to Thumb's, will save this thread from non-win-ness temporarily. And, to keep it on-topic... I use the standard Thread Question "My DM/Player/GF messed up my game. What should I do?" :P
Vestigial_Thumb 11-10-06, 10:32 PM	Those of you thinking about the following: 1. Conquering any layer of the Abyss (not Hell, as some of you seem to think) below mine. 2. Overthrowing my rule. 3. Stabbing me in the back. 4. Doing anything that (even subtly) displeases me. 5. Trying to steal my stuff. 6. Speak highly of Elves or Vampires. You can just forget any of them. Just let go of it.
MagnaSecuris 11-10-06, 10:34 PM	I invoke the Sandard Response to the Standard Question: Find a New Game. Your DM/Player/GF must suck. Also, now that the GreatAxe is here, the Win will return. I am an experienced de-spammer. Step One is to call them out. Step Two is to not respond to anything they say. There is no Spammer, there is only the Bearers of Win.
DemonDavyJones 11-10-06, 10:39 PM	See? This thread is now several KiloWins. Thank you Thumb. Also, here are my answers to his 6 Forbidden Acts... 1. I'm focusing my efforts on the Nine Hells at the moment, and I wouldn't seek a fight with Thumb anyway. Ever. 2. I have my own rule, which will never conflict with yours. 3. Stabbing in the back is cowardly. I am no coward, and I wish to ally, or at least become minionated (which is now a word because I said it!) to Thumb, as opposed to stabbing him. 4. Rediculous. Me? Never. 5. I'm no rogue, and I certainly don't steal things from KiloWin-worthy people. 6. Elves and Vampires are only spoken highly of by Elves and Vampires. :P
Vestigial_Thumb 11-10-06, 10:40 PM	In the span of a few short pages, this thread has descended from epic win into fail. Not even kittens can save this thread now. It's time for me to clean this mess up. Ghost council, Twiddlestootch, Naragonth, either show respect to this thread by respecting other posters, or get the hell out (not abyss, in case you want to try a cheap joke). If you're going to act like juveniles playing Cops and Robbers ("I hit you!" "No you didn't. I have extra invincible armor" "But I have a laser." "I'm fireproof") then do it over PMs. Also, I own all cat ninjas (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=695175), and all the Elven Vampire explosive techonlogy. You using them is disrespectful and not even original. If you want to Win (capitalized w). Now stop spamming the thread. Seriously.
WizO_Cat 11-10-06, 10:41 PM	Ok, I've already given one warning. Now it is time to close the thread.