Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Akisa 02-10-08, 03:25 PM	(I know there are previous threads but they're over 2 or 4 years old and I don't have raise dead thread or animate dead thread) 1) We were on a ship that we didn't know was a pirate ship until they found an Amn (sp?) trading vessel and told us head down below to avoid battle with the pirate vessel. After sense motive checks we knew we were on the pirate ship. We go up above after formulating a plan and we easily take out their spell caster and captain the ship. Everything goes smoothly until cleric decides to use control water which tilts the ship and threatens to sink the ship. But in dooing so causes us to fall on our feet. Then the first mate said for his crew to attack us, but the crew focused on keeping the ship afloat and away from whirlpool. At this point none of us has taken any damage due to poor dm rolling and great rolling on our part. The cleric then decides in all his wisdom to cast control water to sink the ship even though we were handling things. Now it was only through DM fiat that barrels magically apeared in the water and we didn't have to make swim checks to stay afloat or swim to the barrels. All we had to do was get rid of first mate and then we could've taken control of the ship. If it wasn't for DM fiat the fighter and cleric would've been in big trouble because they would've had to stay afloat in stormy weather (after boat tilted the cleric would've have to use 2 standard action to dispel the spell) much less swim to a barrel in full plate.
Sir_Phil 02-10-08, 05:01 PM	I got one. One time I was playing a dwarf fighter during the Savage Tide campaign, and everyone was waiting around too long. So, I yelled "Come on laddies!" and tried to clear a mini lake thing, unknowing there were water-scouts in there.. I then quickly died. My allies attempts to rescue me were futile.
Tovec 02-10-08, 06:52 PM	One time the LN paladin convinced the naive CN sorcerer to stay behind while everyone else fled to try and defeat an epic (beyond epic) black colossal+ dragon. One round, sort of, that's all the character lasted.
Iktomi 02-10-08, 08:33 PM	4) (in a dungeon in which we had had many MANY random encounters with darkmantles) DM: A sudden darkness descends around you Monk: I flurry my head dealing subdual DM: Um... nothing's landed on your head yet, I just said it got dark Monk: ...oh DM: But, y'know... if you really WANT to... 5) While the wizard was on watch at night, a very large wolf attacked the camp. The wizard panicked and cast sleep. Of course, he'd forgotten that sleep effects the creatures with the fewest HD first meaning the 2 hd wolf was fine, but the rest of our 1st level party was out cold.
Master_of_Rouges 02-10-08, 09:24 PM	6) Ok im a rogue right, well im a very very greedy rogue and there was this king and he was filthy filthy rich this is how it went. Me: ok im going to rob the king and hole his daughter for randsom. DM: Alright roll move silently check, rolls gets 25, Ok your in the daughters bedroom Me: ok im going to wait untill she gets back. 5 seconds later she comes out of her bath room naked and spots me and i she persuaded that she would help me in my escape. So i get to the treasure room with her behind me and when i turn around I got three succubuses behind me not very good.
Guardian1 02-10-08, 11:29 PM	One time we were playing a tournament campaign and we had all whipped up 12th-level characters. One of the characters involved in this was a Druid who also had levels in one of the Masters of the Wild PRC, the one that improves wildshape abilities, and the other was a Gnome with levels in the Ghostwalker PRC. This particular gnome was named Shrapnel Boombang, and true to his name, he was obsessed with explosives. He was covered with them, a fact that led to the characters' demise. How, you ask? The second battle we were in, our druid wildshapes into a 12-headed pyrohydra. You know the rule that says that polymorphed and wildshaped characters can't use any of the spells, spell-like abilities, and supernatural abilities of the creature? We didn't know about that rule at the time. The druid uses the breath weapon, so there's cones of fire coming from all 12 heads. The gnome is in range of the cones, and encouraging the druid on this, because if he survives, he gets stronger. I look up, and say "Wait, what about your explosives"? The DM calls for a Fort save on the explosives, the result: Fail. The resulting explosion was big enough to take out the gnome, all but two members of the enemy team, and a large chunk of the jungle arena we were in. One of the coolest, yet dumbest, character deaths I've seen.
Shadowshimmer 02-11-08, 01:52 PM	We had an Elven Ranger who shot an arrow at the Party Fighter and the Evil Wizard rolling around on the ground, fighting each other. Well the good news was that it was a hit but the bad news was he missed the Evil Wizard. The Party Fighter had the arrow sticking out of the shoulder. Boy was he mad.
warefumetsu 02-11-08, 02:16 PM	Well, just last week, my group was down in a dungeon looking for the source of a 'magical pulse'. So we end up in this room with two lifts, one is broken and is just a pit while the other works but we don't know how to work it. The smart thing would have been to climb down with some rope. Instead, my wizard just leaps down without any thought. Turns out the pit was 80 feet deep. Naturally, my wizard died.
Gardag 02-11-08, 07:01 PM	Once one of my players (Lv1 Human Rogue) was in the swamp with the rest of the party, I don't know why he decided it was a good idea to scout ahead (without telling to anyone else), he found a squad of lizardmen and even there he decided to go greet the lizarmen (actually saying hello and waving his hand), suddenly he was running and screaming and everyone went to the rescue; strangely he came out alive we made fun of that lki for a year.
Gardag 02-11-08, 07:14 PM	I remembered 1 more, once two players were going to be hanged in the town square (they tried to stole relics from a temple of Pholtus and kill a paladin) actually they were 2 rogues (they weren't evil they were just dumb) a 6 lv neutral wizard and a cleric went to the rescue (they planned to make a distraction to untie and rescue the rogues) I asked the wizard: How do you intend to distract the guard and the justice hungry commoners; he just said "I throw a lightning bolt at them" (he meant the people) making a frying line of damage to the multitude (actually the plan worked but once again none of them were evil) at the end they escaped and the 6th lv wizards asked, how much XP do I get? (he just killed like 15-18 1st lv commoners).
Rhojin 02-11-08, 07:52 PM	While investigating an old stone three story house the dwarf of the group activated an old trap which blew the main support of the house to dust. They all managed to escape before the house fell but the dwarf runs back in yelling "I forgot my weights!" and is promptly crushed by the house.
fighter_mcwarrior 02-11-08, 08:56 PM	My party was ambushed by several Spawns of Tiamat once, and the party druid decided to cast heat metal on the spawns' armor. Only thing was that these were red dragon spawns, so they healed any damage they took for the duration of the spell. In another encounter (same party), we were in a huge temple to Tiamat, and we had to descend a staircase that was over a mile long. The dwarf fighter (me) decided this was taking too long, so he sat down on his tower shield and used it as a sled.
fighter_mcwarrior 02-11-08, 09:10 PM	I just remembered another gem from about a year ago. The primary front line fighter in another one of my groups had grown accustomed to hacking his way through walls using an adamantine spiked chain, and this was beginning to really irritate the DM (so much so that he posted this (http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/sg/20070126) article in Save My Game). At one point we were chasing a random baddie whom we had tracked down to a maze, and to ensure that the guy with a spiked chain didn't take a shortcut through the maze, the DM said that the walls were made of voidstone. In response, the fighter told the cleric to cast death ward on him and then proceeded to tunnel through the voidstone.
Akisa 02-11-08, 10:15 PM	What does Voidstone do?
fighter_mcwarrior 02-12-08, 11:35 AM	Voidstone causes level drain if touched.
Jagyr Ebonwood 02-12-08, 04:10 PM	Me: ok im going to rob the king and hole his daughter Oh god... Anyway, we had a great one with a player who had a way of doing the wrong thing ALL the time. He told me he wanted to play a "sneaky" type character, and he wanted a dwarf, so I set him up with a first level rogue dwarf. Over the first couple of adventures he levels him up to Rog1/Brd2. Did I mention he plays him like a Barbarian? :rolleyes: Quick flashback: before this character (Bradok) joined the party, another dwarf in the party (Tordek) had managed to single handedly kill two ogres at first level during an awesome battle with incredible rolls, during which Tordek uttered the immortal words, "I ride the ogre." (He succeeded with a nat 20) Flash forward: Tordek, Bradok, and the human paladin Aramis (same player as Tordek) are ambushed on the road by worgs. About halfway through the battle, Aramis and Tordek are stuck on one side of the battle, while Bradok is stuck on the other side, under a wagon, with only a crossbow and 1 hp. There's a worg right next to the wagon who doesn't notice Bradok. It's Bradok's initiative, and Aramis' initiative is next in line. Aramis: Bradok, stay down! I'm coming to heal you! Bradok: No, it's my turn to be the hero! You guys get to do cool stuff, and now I'm going to! Aramis: No, Bradok, just stay there and use your crossbow! I'll heal you in six seconds! Bradok: No! It's my time to shine! Aramis: But you have ONE HIT POINT! You'll DIE! Bradok, NO! Bradok: I RIDE THE WORG! So he leaps out from under the wagon onto the worg, critically fails, and the worg throws him to the ground where it critically hits and rips his throat out. Bradok eventually came back as a ghost who possessed Aramis and tried to steal his girlfriend. The girlfriend realized something was wrong when Aramis could no longer speak elven and kept getting grabby while speaking with a Scottish accent. Sigh.
Dinin_Devilhand 02-12-08, 05:51 PM	All right guys, I have one to trump you all... I had an evil game running of 6 players, led by a cleric of Bane that was starting to prestige into True Necromancer. They had recently been working for a high level wizard that had connections with Manshoon (High Mage of the Zhentarim) in Zhentil Keep. The wizard they were working for introduced them to Manshoon, who was very interested in the Necromancer both because of his arcane skills and his connection with Bane. Manshoon inducted them into the Zhentarim and explained that his plan was to replace Fzoul (Chosen of Bane and the other head of the Zhentarim) with this necromancer. He would be the perfect replacement, more aracne minded and agreeable with Manshoon and a representative for the Church of Bane. Of course, the PCs would have to gain trust and status in the Zhentarim and the Church of Bane. Manshoon gave them all fantastic magical items and his blessing, and in exchange the PCs only had to secretly infiltrate the organization without mentioning they were in his employ. Eventually they would have the chance to kill Fzoul and make a newly united Zhentarim. After their initial meeting with Manshoon the PCs meet a cleric of Bane working under Fzoul with several companions, a beholder, a blackguard frost giant, and several higher level various classes. The cleric tells the PCs he had never seen them before, where they came from, etc. Simple conversation would have goten them through it. Here comes the stupid player part. Fighter says, "If you wanna know so bad, why don't you go ask Manshoon?!" Cover blown. Of course Fzoul and Manshoon are sworn enemies, even though they lead the same organization. Now the NPC cleric knows what the PCs are up to. Combat ensues. Three of six PCs die, three escape into the outskirts of Zhentil Keep. Of course a simple disecern location and teleport later, Manshoon finds the other three hiding in a hole, their dead companions in a bag of holding. As a favor to his colleage that introducted them to him, he doesn't kill them. Instead, Mordenkainen's Disjunction destroys all their items and he teleports them into th emiddle of Chult to be eaten by dinosaurs.
YamiShinobi 02-12-08, 08:42 PM	in shackled city a dwarven fighter (me and 2 others) 2 other dwarven figthers, a dwarven cleirc of moradin, a human warmage, and a drow rogue of St. cuthbert raised in the latern street orphange went into a goblin cave, we were slaying goblins just fine, i killed a dire weasel and a bugbear at 1st level with no hp loss from either, while walking into an area behind the kitchen, (me the rogue and cleric wandered there ) a gelatonous cube attacks the cleric and knocks him down to 0hp even, the rogue waves a burning torch at the cube damaging it, i with my chainmail on, heavy steel shield strapped to my forearm and two hands on my dwarven waraxe power attack the ooze ( the feats granted +6 one hand +7 2hand, so i dropped the one bab for +6 hit and +3 damage, ended up d10+7 Ac 19 w/ 28 point buy, armor had a locked gauntlet in each hand (8 extra gp)). stats 28 points total hill dwarf fighter 1 male 5 ft 4 200 lbs named Ulgar "The Horrid" str 16 dex14 con16 (14+2) int10 wis10 cha6 (8-2) equip (post module) mwk dwarven waraxe +6 (+7 at level 2, +8 2hand at l2) standard greatclub (+6) chainmail w/ locked gauntlets heavy steel shield 74 gp 2pp 5sp standard adventurers kit feats power attack weapon focus (dwarven waraxe) hp 13 plans for level 2 (if not executed) fighter 2 bonus feat, endurance Bab 2 (waraxe +7 1hand +8 2hand) Hp22 (half hd+1+con mod) this saturday he may end up level 2 where i'l take endurance the ooze absorbs the axe and pushes it through kiling the cleric, whose corpse flew into the rogue killing him too, they made new characters, there were no witnesses, my axe melted, i grabbed the burning stick and finished the ooze, the other two fighters and the warmage took sides, the warmage and one of the other fighters (the dual weilder) failed a knowledge check and believed that i murdered in cold blood, the other fighter (also axe and board) saw the ooze and believed my story (which was true) a dwarf paladin ( Ex, clerics player and ex clerics twin brother) and a cleric of some viking wargod (rogues player) want me exectuted on the spot, but have to go through trial first. i keep apologizing to the paladin, i save him and the new cleric from a wyrmling black dragon who decides to fly away (we ran out of time, it was divine intervention by the dm). i get a new dwarven waraxe as well as make a great club (the axe was masterwork but not the club) the other axe and board fighter gets a new axe (same as mine, masterwork dwarven waraxe), the dual wielder gets banded mail and a longbow (w/ 20 arrows), and the paladin gets splint mail, we got a few potions of cure light wounds to distribute as needed (pally and cleric are in charge). the dumb thing was i accidentally killed a cleric and a rogue and may be hung.
Blarghy 02-12-08, 10:59 PM	The players are given a task from a nature spirit to drive off a winged demon that has driven her out of her forest and is killing it by preventing rainfall, in exchange for the spirit's help in ressurecting one of their dead party members. The players track the demon down to a spooky looking dying forest. After an hour long debate, they decide that it would be much easier and safer to set the forest on fire and drive out the demon, rather than have to deal with any other creatures and traps that might be in the forest and risk more death. The demon flies away while the forest burns to the ground, as the fire spreads to the nearby drought-striken plains, which erupts into a massive wildfire, which utterly devastates the entire area for miles. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sulacu 02-12-08, 11:23 PM	Playing a Frenzied Berser in general is one of the dumbest thing players can do and have done, but to further exemplify this particular idiotic action, I'll have to dip into it a bit. Alright, big, musclebound Frenzied Berserker with enlarge person on him, likes to bull rush and trip and all that. Fun things, fun things. We're right on the edge of a cliff, right? Frenzied Berserker bull rushes Titan; Success! He rolls like a god, 18 or 19, Titan gets pushed into the pit. Hurray! Frenzied Berserker is still berserking and attacks the next closest creature, which was Titan BicMcLargeHuge's pet sheep, Bonnie. Rush/Trip: Critical Fail. Frenzied Berserker trips himself over the sheep and falls in the pit, where he was dealt like 50d6 damage. One round later, Frenzy dropped, Deathless effect rescinded, Frenzied Berserker is dead outright, vanquished by a sheep. The Frenzied Berserker, having a total of 18 class levels, defeated by a 2 HD sheep. We gave Bonnie 79,200 XP points for her mighty battle-bravado. She is now a level 13 fighter sheep.
zeratulcraft 02-12-08, 11:36 PM	Playing a Frenzied Berser in general is one of the dumbest thing players can do and have done, but to further exemplify this particular idiotic action, I'll have to dip into it a bit. Alright, big, musclebound Frenzied Berserker with enlarge person on him, likes to bull rush and trip and all that. Fun things, fun things. We're right on the edge of a cliff, right? Frenzied Berserker bull rushes Titan; Success! He rolls like a god, 18 or 19, Titan gets pushed into the pit. Hurray! Frenzied Berserker is still berserking and attacks the next closest creature, which was Titan BicMcLargeHuge's pet sheep, Bonnie. Rush/Trip: Critical Fail. Frenzied Berserker trips himself over the sheep and falls in the pit, where he was dealt like 50d6 damage. One round later, Frenzy dropped, Deathless effect rescinded, Frenzied Berserker is dead outright, vanquished by a sheep. The Frenzied Berserker, having a total of 18 class levels, defeated by a 2 HD sheep. We gave Bonnie 79,200 XP points for her mighty battle-bravado. She is now a level 13 fighter sheep. How did the FB fall 'past' the sheep into the pit? How did he move after he was counter tripped? Why do you have critical fumbles? A natural 1 just means failure. Fall damage caps at 20d6. Also about the sheep, 1 level at a time. But yes, aside all those houserules, amusing story ^_^
Sulacu 02-13-08, 09:46 AM	How did the FB fall 'past' the sheep into the pit? How did he move after he was counter tripped? Why do you have critical fumbles? A natural 1 just means failure. Fall damage caps at 20d6. Also about the sheep, 1 level at a time. But yes, aside all those houserules, amusing story ^_^ 20d6 damage from the fall, yes, but the lava at the bottom easily did the rest. I should also have said that the sheep was allowed a counter trip, and she crit'd, and the FB sucked again. Using the natural 20 = 30 houserule in case of such checks, the FB was tripped, hence he fell. Of course, I know the 1 level limit, but for something like that, the sheep deserved to gain ultimate power.
Rhojin 02-13-08, 10:46 AM	20d6 damage from the fall, yes, but the lava at the bottom easily did the rest. I should also have said that the sheep was allowed a counter trip, and she crit'd, and the FB sucked again. Using the natural 20 = 30 houserule in case of such checks, the FB was tripped, hence he fell. Of course, I know the 1 level limit, but for something like that, the sheep deserved to gain ultimate power. Little did he know the sheep had Mountain Stance :D
geekling 02-13-08, 12:06 PM	New epic campaign. First session. I have a newly created lvl 20 Hexblade. Equipped to the teeth with all the shineys and wizbangs you can purchase spending 760000 gp at character creation with no restrictions. Including, with all the other toys, bedecked in armour with spikes.- Spellstoring spikes, loaded up and ready to go. We're in this small temple, talking to this NPC that seems to take some kind of irrational offence at my little hexblade. When *bang* the NPC turns out to be a dragon who suddenly, because my character chortled at something he said, decides to revert from human form into dragon form. A form that only just fits inside this this small building. That would be if there was no one else inside the building. Which there was - us! the PCs. So our party finds itself being squished between the walls and the dragon. Squeezed hard enough by the bulk of the dragon to take damage. Now, in my innocence. In my defence was still very new to D&D. I posed the question to the DM: What about the spikes on my armor? If we're pressed that hard against the wall by the dragon's fat underbelly. Wouldn't that kind of mean that the dragon impales itself on the spikes? Isn't the dragon sort of sitting on a spikey thing, and that hurts? And the DM - poor thing, even newer at DMing than I was at playing. Ruled that yes, I was right, it would. Setting off the stored spells... Two rounds later we had a dead dragon.
Dunsel 02-13-08, 02:13 PM	So, I am running the Vecna Lives! module and my players have recovered the Sword of Kas from Kas himself. Kas informs the PCs the sword is useless against Vecna. He also drops more advise for the upcoming battle in the form of "Don't all you charge him at once. He can stop time and that is his favorite spell to use against over eager opponents. He is also fond of dropping a delayed blast fireball in the middle of the group and then teleporting away." The players did not prepare for either of these possibilities. They confront Vecna, and the paladin yells charge! Apparently, this fired up the rest of the close combat types (one fighter, a ranger, and an alternate paladin) and they yell charge! They charge up, one of them (the fighter) is holding the sword of Kas (why?). Vecna is ready for them and casts time stop. Back in those days, TS was deadly and the module itself states Vecna may kill three PCs a round with this spell. The TS ends and three of them drop to ground. The stunned faces at the table told me what was next...the anger. I calmly reminded them of the warnings of Kas concerning the sword and the arch lich's favorite battle tactics. Here is the reply, "We thought he was lying!" :eek: He wasn't. They lost that battle and the world was taken over by Vecna for 20 years before he was finally defeated.
Tectorman 02-14-08, 04:12 PM	We're at the beginning of the Tomb of Horrors at the hallway with the red path and the many, many paintings on the walls. We have a Half-Orc Barbarian with an Int score of 3 who decides to go waltzing down the hallway. He triggers about three different traps (trap doors), but being a Barbarian (trap sense) and rolling high, he avoids all of the traps. This gets described as the Barbarian walks along the hallway and is so enthralled by the pretty pictures ("Hey! Hey! There picture of me. Hello me!") that he just walks over the trap doors as they swing out from under him, and so the Barbarian never knew there were traps underneath him. He gets to the end of the hallway and sees a big demonic face with a pitch black gaping mouth (the inside of which is a Sphere of Annihilation). In fact, the DM specifically tells everyone that's what it is. And then the Barbarian... ...Reaches out and sticks his hand in the mouth! He is promptly erased from existence.
TwistedPuppy 02-15-08, 09:10 AM	Characters were visiting a town of an allied noble to pay respects on his wedding day. They had also learned that an assassin was headed for the town, probably to kill said noble and frame another potential ally. Upon spotting the assassin (thru magical means, I just can't remember exactly what they were), some of the characters made sure the wedding party was safe while the rogue, fighter, and sorceror went after the assassin. The sorceror wisely did not want to risk coming face to face with the assassin (or not seeing him and ending up a victim himself), so he cast a spell to give him a bit more oomph in close quarters combat. Shapechange. To a 19 HD Red Dragon (19th level Sorceror). In town. In the middle of the packed marketplace.
Emissary666 02-15-08, 12:08 PM	We have a love for common sense and science, so when our players disregard either of these they to be punished. After a skirmish with some goblins, the DRUID pulls a javelin out of a wound, rips a piece off of a dead goblins padded armor, dips the cloth in a random puddle on the ground and ties it around the wound. At this point we determined that he had contracted more diseases than those that exist, so he died. He had three different spells that could have avoided the situation.
Akisa 02-15-08, 04:31 PM	We have a love for common sense and science, so when our players disregard either of these they to be punished. After a skirmish with some goblins, the DRUID pulls a javelin out of a wound, rips a piece off of a dead goblins padded armor, dips the cloth in a random puddle on the ground and ties it around the wound. At this point we determined that he had contracted more diseases than those that exist, so he died. He had three different spells that could have avoided the situation. Ummm unless you included an incubation period for those diseases and fort saves then you would be disregarding science. Nor does it sound like you asked for a survival and/or knowledge nature check for the pool of water to see if it's clean enough. Have you heard of self aid buddy care? You could use cloth or whatever is available to dress a wound. If the goblins were filthy creatures did you remind him of that fact?
bloodtalon 02-15-08, 04:31 PM	this happen back in 2E back then a shambling mound got more hit dice if it was hit by a lighting bolt the party mage went first and shoots the creature with one. after he sees it grows and becomes stronger he hits it again with a lighting bolt 3 round later with him shooting it with lighting the party's half oger barbabrain knocks him out
bobothechimp 02-15-08, 05:31 PM	Through a heroic/stupid action, I had managed to help the party defeat the BBEG (a hero to the people, gone evil, though not many knew of the evil part), falling to my death in the process. The rest of the party gathers up the corpses and loot, then poofs up outside the dungeon, where they are greeted by a troop of guards, along with a guard captain we (especially I) had attempted to kill earlier, when we were accused of (framed for) treason. One player, lacking any social skills whatsoever, begins the dialog with "We've killed (BBEG loved by all)." The living members of the party, along with the baron, his daughter, and his servants that we had just saved were promptly killed in a hail of crossbow bolts. The whole thing really fit the campaign's theme of "never a good day in Sharn."
Emissary666 02-16-08, 09:01 AM	Ummm unless you included an incubation period for those diseases and fort saves then you would be disregarding science. Nor does it sound like you asked for a survival and/or knowledge nature check for the pool of water to see if it's clean enough. Have you heard of self aid buddy care? You could use cloth or whatever is available to dress a wound. If the goblins were filthy creatures did you remind him of that fact? A: We did have an incubation period, 1d4-1 days, it was a fast acting disease. B: He did not a survival/knowledge nature check for two reasons, and we quote, "You are actually going to use a pool of brown water with misquote eggs in it?" and "You are going to use a piece of lice infested, filth covered cloth to bandage a wound you can cast a spell to heal?" and he refused to make them. C: Two other player successfully made a survival check and determined the water was diseased, the player himself refused one with the reasoning, "The DM wouldn't kill PCs." D: He rolled a 1 on his fortitude save E: We like making lettered lists.
Avatar of Kokusho 02-16-08, 10:56 AM	My level 8 evoker/7 fighter decided to try and take on three frost giants in melee, armed with a sunblade and not much else. Dimension Door is the only thing that saved her from smashitude.
Ikeman04 02-16-08, 11:25 AM	I've got a stupid one that worked: I was playing a Human Cleric, with good stats and Fire and Strength as his domains. We(the party) had been captured by Drow and were in the Drow equivalent of a police station. I was sick of being in jail, so I used my Strength Domain Power to break one of the bars on my cell. I picked it up and gave it a few experimental swings, because all our equipment had been taken. at this point, the party members(across the hall, in different cells) was wondering what I was doing, and was doing so verbally. I told them confidently, "Whaddaya think I'm doing? I'm being a hero!" I stepped through the hole I'd made and, due to great rolls on my part and a few terrible rolls on our Dm's part, I manage to take out all of the lvl. 3-ish Drow fighters, about ten or twelve of them, using nothing more than a length of pipe. Even though it worked, I was no longer allowed to do anything that has stupidly low chances of working. I later disobeyed this when I removed a magical 'house-arrest' anklet by taking my foot off with it, then reattaching the foot with a needle, some thread, and a good Heal check. The DM was kind enough to let me put my foot back on with a Cure Moderate Wounds.
justicar347 02-17-08, 01:02 AM	Stupid ideas, I know a hundred stories. Our party was staying at a mansion owned by a powerful vampire. He was more interested in procuring us as servants than as meals so we stayed the night. We figured we would go after him in the morning. Anyway, one of the wizards desides to sleep with one of the women at the mansion. When they were done, he didn't want her to go warn the vampire, not that she had anything to tell him. So he desides he is going to stop her from going, which she was not going to do. He first tries to sneak up behind her and get her with a sap. When this fails she tries to flee so he pulls out a dagger and stabs her. She makes it out into the hall and wakes everyone up before he kills her. We're all running out, wondering what is going on and the servants are getting panicked. This sends the serial killer NPC into a slaughter frenzy. The end result is a bunch of inocent civilians are killed and the wizard almost gets bumped of for being a moron. A booboo on my part happened while playing a warlock. The parties cleric gets possessed by a spirit. I deside to hit her with my voracious dispelling to see if it will force the spirit out. I knew it would hurt her, but I figured it wouldn't kill her and might get the spirit out. Unfortunately the cleric was uber buffed and took so much damage that she that she was almost killed. I would like to note in my deffence the DM through his own spin on voracious dispelling. However, the spirit did leave once the body was no longer of use. I was at Origins one year and me and my friend were playing in an RPGA game with these two other guys that we got stuck with. One guy was using a fast play character, the Warforged Wizard. For his two spells, he choose Mage Armor and Repair Light Damage (even though I told him I was an artificer). This meant he had no ability to attack. The other guy, a Khalashtar, was so intent on rping is character properly that he ate up over an hour of game time that we need to get through the dungeon in time talking in character when we could have just rolled a Diplomacy check. The biggest thing came when we entered an abandon fort and that was suppose to be home to a beholder. He wanted to lower the portcilus so it couldn't get out. We told him that meant we couldn't escape either so he said he wouldn't lower it till we found the beholder. I ended up telling him, "If you trap us here with a beholder, I swear I'm going to kill you before I get dissentigrated."
mfwahwah 02-17-08, 11:48 PM	I have a few that I can think of. A player in our party needed to by a new wheel for our caravan so we went to the local machine shop. Turns out the merchant there tried to rip us off by ~50g so the Tinkerer in the group slaughters him. Seeing the store full of blood we decide to just not leave --fast forward the next morning-- We need a place to hide out so we go to a random home and kill the old man living there: it's the middle of the day and the Tinkerer is the only one captured and arrested. We decide to break him out of jail by knocking down the wall of the prison, which means a wall of bricks just fell on him. We were in a church and realized one priest was actually a demon in disguise so we beat him to a literal "bloody pulp." One of the real priests at the church just happened to walk in at the very end and made it kind of difficult to explain. Just last session we were in an inn at town. Turns out some orcs set it on fire, so to escape I tie a rope to the bed and try to climb out of the window. The DM states that my knot is terrible, but I might as well take the chance. I fail miserably, but the worst part is that the next 2 out of 4 players follow me >.<.
angelus_obscura 02-18-08, 04:34 PM	The following happened a couple of years ago. Dramatis Personae: Lanie - human rogue Orenthal - half-elf ranger Virikhad - human psion 1st incident: We were in a cramped tunnel in the Underdark (investigating an open portal to the Shadow Plane) when we encountered a gelatinous cube. Our ranger, Orenthal, specifically told us not to touch it, as it was acidic and will suck us in. Our rogue, Lanie, kicks it. :gel: It got real messy after that, but we managed to save her. But not before Orenthal (the one who pulled her out) and the rogue lost all their non-magical perishables and body hair to the ooze. Wasn't a pretty sight. :yuck: 2nd incident: We finally managed to find and fight our way to the portal. Now, we couldn't really figure out a way to close the portal. My psion tried to dispel it, to no avail. Again, Lanie the Rogue steps up and says she will try to disable it. She fails and kicks at the portal in frustration, and gets sucked into the Shadow Plane (random location, the portal was unstable). Egged on by my heroic psicrystal, I jump in after her after I tether myself to the other party members with rope. Now LUCKILY, I ended up in the same place in the Shadow Plane as Lanie. I dragged her back before the portal blinked out behind me. :banghead: Last incident: We are sailing across a sea on a ship. We bump into an angry dragon turtle. Now, at this point in our adventures, our ranger was already turned into a vampire (long story, but he was struggling against his nature so we let him stay), my psion went through 2 psicrystals, and Lanie sported a pretty ruby necklace she knew was a necklace of fireballs type IV. We were all in our lifeboats except Orenthal and his coffin and Lanie. I told Lanie I will send my psicrystal to fetch the coffin via deliver touch power and to get in the boat, but she opted to go after the coffin. :headexplo One breath weapon later, everything goes KABLOOEY! My psicrystal managed to time hop the coffin before his last thought, ensuring Orenthal's survival, and I retrieved it with TK. We were the only survivors, lifeboats were gone (thanks to the chain reaction), and I pulled a 'Jack Sparrow' by sharing a coffin with a dead person (using psychoportive shelter) for a couple of weeks until we reached dry land. :twitch:
justicar347 02-18-08, 05:26 PM	The following happened a couple of years ago. Dramatis Personae: Lanie - human rogue Orenthal - half-elf ranger Virikhad - human psion 1st incident: We were in a cramped tunnel in the Underdark (investigating an open portal to the Shadow Plane) when we encountered a gelatinous cube. Our ranger, Orenthal, specifically told us not to touch it, as it was acidic and will suck us in. Our rogue, Lanie, kicks it. :gel: It got real messy after that, but we managed to save her. But not before Orenthal (the one who pulled her out) and the rogue lost all their non-magical perishables and body hair to the ooze. Wasn't a pretty sight. :yuck: 2nd incident: We finally managed to find and fight our way to the portal. Now, we couldn't really figure out a way to close the portal. My psion tried to dispel it, to no avail. Again, Lanie the Rogue steps up and says she will try to disable it. She fails and kicks at the portal in frustration, and gets sucked into the Shadow Plane (random location, the portal was unstable). Egged on by my heroic psicrystal, I jump in after her after I tether myself to the other party members with rope. Now LUCKILY, I ended up in the same place in the Shadow Plane as Lanie. I dragged her back before the portal blinked out behind me. :banghead: Last incident: We are sailing across a sea on a ship. We bump into an angry dragon turtle. Now, at this point in our adventures, our ranger was already turned into a vampire (long story, but he was struggling against his nature so we let him stay), my psion went through 2 psicrystals, and Lanie sported a pretty ruby necklace she knew was a necklace of fireballs type IV. We were all in our lifeboats except Orenthal and his coffin and Lanie. I told Lanie I will send my psicrystal to fetch the coffin via deliver touch power and to get in the boat, but she opted to go after the coffin. :headexplo One breath weapon later, everything goes KABLOOEY! My psicrystal managed to time hop the coffin before his last thought, ensuring Orenthal's survival, and I retrieved it with TK. We were the only survivors, lifeboats were gone (thanks to the chain reaction), and I pulled a 'Jack Sparrow' by sharing a coffin with a dead person (using psychoportive shelter) for a couple of weeks until we reached dry land. :twitch: Please tell me you did not resurect the rogue.
gixanthrax 02-19-08, 07:35 AM	mhm, not really a dumb thing, bad a really bad decision: Party Lvl 8 to 9th, kobold sorc, whispergnome rogue, grimlock fighter and ogre spirit shaman. the party is in jail in a small city of the underdark during lolths silence, all spiderfans in the cityare killed by "kiransali(sp?)" fans. The sorc gets teleported out of jail to a high lvl male drow who tells to kill all intruders and he would reward us with loads of stuff. he offers to teleport us (together with our equippement) to anyplace in the city we want to. To wchich our sorc says:" Yust teleport our equippement into our jail-cells and open the doors" Unfortunately he did not ask about the setup of the city, the location of the opponents forces or where we could find the rebels that might help us... So we are in our cells, our stuf pops up( unfortunately everything is in the wrong cells, so we gather to distriute our belongings, put on our armour and such( taking quite some time). Now two guards appear ( ECL 6) who immediately give alarm... What we did nor know: The prison is on the deepest layer of the garison komplex. One way leading to the next layer. That layer also got only one exit. but also the guard room. The sleeping rooms of the garrison... We manage to kill of the first wave of guards (ecl8) the next arrives with some magical support (ecl 11) and while we battle them another troup led by amge arrives ( total ecl now 15). We are pushed back into the small corridor of the cell block and two area effect spells later we had a TPK. The DM told us that if we had managed to survive another for 10 rounds 5 additional high level mages would have arrived and 30 rounds 20 clreics of mixed levels, for a total ECL of 21.... After we died he said: Ähm, you know i would have never thought that you could want to start a "kill all inhabitants" mission on the center of the enemy forces... I thought it was logical to be teleported to an emty house, buff up and kill the patrols and eleminate them groupwise, involving hit and rin Tactics but so...
Emissary666 02-19-08, 09:27 AM	mhm, not really a dumb thing, bad a really bad decision: Party Lvl 8 to 9th, kobold sorc, whispergnome rogue, grimlock fighter and ogre spirit shaman. the party is in jail in a small city of the underdark during lolths silence, all spiderfans in the cityare killed by "kiransali(sp?)" fans. The sorc gets teleported out of jail to a high lvl male drow who tells to kill all intruders and he would reward us with loads of stuff. he offers to teleport us (together with our equippement) to anyplace in the city we want to. To wchich our sorc says:" Yust teleport our equippement into our jail-cells and open the doors" Unfortunately he did not ask about the setup of the city, the location of the opponents forces or where we could find the rebels that might help us... So we are in our cells, our stuf pops up( unfortunately everything is in the wrong cells, so we gather to distriute our belongings, put on our armour and such( taking quite some time). Now two guards appear ( ECL 6) who immediately give alarm... What we did nor know: The prison is on the deepest layer of the garison komplex. One way leading to the next layer. That layer also got only one exit. but also the guard room. The sleeping rooms of the garrison... We manage to kill of the first wave of guards (ecl8) the next arrives with some magical support (ecl 11) and while we battle them another troup led by amge arrives ( total ecl now 15). We are pushed back into the small corridor of the cell block and two area effect spells later we had a TPK. The DM told us that if we had managed to survive another for 10 rounds 5 additional high level mages would have arrived and 30 rounds 20 clreics of mixed levels, for a total ECL of 21.... After we died he said: Ähm, you know i would have never thought that you could want to start a "kill all inhabitants" mission on the center of the enemy forces... I thought it was logical to be teleported to an emty house, buff up and kill the patrols and eleminate them groupwise, involving hit and rin Tactics but so... Proof a DM should never expect the players to do the smart thing.
justicar347 02-19-08, 12:08 PM	Yea, maybe its the guys I'm use to playing with, but I find it best to assume that they are not going to make the greatest descions.
angelus_obscura 02-19-08, 01:05 PM	Please tell me you did not resurect the rogue. Rest assured, we didn't. :D
RabidPirateMan 02-20-08, 12:20 PM	In one of my Castle Ravenloft games- DM: You open the doors to see Strahd. He smiles, and says 'Welcome to Ca- Player: I run in and pull out my mace. DM: ... Player: Well? Me: That's... Not a good idea... Player: We know he's evil, we HAVE to kill him. Me: We also know he's THE Strahd, the Baron, the King, the Mac Daddy of Ravenloft himself. He controls an army of werewolves. He has the three hags under his thumb. He eats trees and craps out copies of the New Yorker. DM: Uh, position your character. Player: OK, there. DM: You, make a will save. Me: ME? Uh oh... Shoot, is 15 enough? DM: You're dominated. He orders you to close the door. Player: ??? DM: Next turn, he tells you to use Hold Portal. Me: Dude, roll a new character now. Player: Dude, its a SILVER MACE. I'll be fine. Two rounds. He lasted TWO ROUNDS.
themocaw 02-20-08, 03:40 PM	This is a long story, but it's a good one. It is 1996, and we're playing 2E AD&D. For our DM, this is his first time running a campaign, and it shows. For many of our players, this is their first time playing D&D. Our party consists of the following: Kenzie: Sylvan Elf Mage/Thief. Kenzie belongs to a race of elves who disdain the use of steel, and use either natural implements or mithril. His desire is to prove himself in the outside world and return home to become a Seeker, a group of thief/infiltrators who defend the elves through guile and stealth. Actuarius: Actuarius is a Human Priest. He's a bit of a kindly doddering old man who spreads the word of his god Matricus wherever he goes. Matricus is kind of an Old Testament fire and brimstone kind of god, and it is reflected in human society. Actuarius also has a mule named Petunia. Petunia is his best friend in the whole world. Edwina: Edwina is a female Human Psion. . . and that's about all I really remember about her. Grout: (sigh) Grout. Grout was played by my friend Jon. Grout was a dwarven berserker who was a worshipper of Fluoros, God of Fire and War. Grout had 20 Constitution and saves that were absolutely insane. Grout was insane. Grout was 2e Chaotic Neutral insane. Grout was. . . Grout. As the story begins, it's one month into the game and we're all still first level. Total experience handed out: 5. Not 5 each. 5 xp. This is after three game sessions and a couple of rather nasty fights, including one against gnolls that almost resulted in a party wipe. The DM argued that he'd hand out experience later, when he had time to process what we had learned. He never did. This probably tells you something about the game we were in. I'd missed the last half of the prior game session because I'd had to leave early. During the week, though, I'd talked to Jon, and he told me, after I'd left, that the group had encountered a pack of orcs, whom they'd slaughtered. My elf, played by Jon, had personally taken down three with critical hits from his longbow. Jon was pretty proud of that. So we walk into the kitchen and the DM tells us, "Hey, remember that big fight? It never happened. I'm restarting the campaign from just before that fight." At this point, I see a piece of Jon's soul die. All those critical hits. All that awesomeness. . . gone, just like that. I truly believe that is where the events that would transpire began to take shape. We start the game. The DM tells us, "You are riding along the path when you see a pack of orcs on the ridge above." Remembering what happened last time, we attack, of course. I should have known something was wrong when my first attack was a 17 and the DM told me, "No, not good enough." Or when Grout hit for 12 damage and the DM said, "The axe scores a minor wound on the orc." As it turned out, the DM had rewritten the encounter to teach us a lesson. These level 1 wuss orcs were now level 4 fighter-orcs, with heavy armor and long spears, and they quite handily beat the party down with the butts of their spears and took everyone captive. We awoke to find ourselves bound hand and foot and slung over the backs of the orcs' horses. Of course, we assumed the worst: the orcs were taking us to their camp to kill and eat us. We tried several times to escape: each time, we got a few dozen yards from camp, were captured again, and dragged back in chains. We refused to eat, believing they were fattening us up for the slaughter. We acted like jerks to them. Of course we did. We were adventurers. They were orcs. Orcs were for slaying. That's what we did. We arrive at the orcish village. Except it's not a village. It is, in fact, a city. In fact, it's more than a city, it's a metropolis. There are orc guards with shining armor and halberds standing in front of thirty-foot marble walls with banners flying from the towers. There are orc children running through the streets laughing and playing. There are orcish gentlemen and ladies wearing top hats and monacles and long dresses walking down pristinely swept streets with horse-drawn carriages. We had, in fact, attacked a patrol from the one civilized orcish nation in the world. Not only were they civilized, they were a democracy. Not only were they a democracy, they were decent people. They were hard-working, pleasant, they made Leave it to Beaver look like Apocalypse Now. They were so damn decent that when the judge orc in his black robe and powdered wig passed sentence upon us, he decided that we would be put under house arrest and not allowed to leave the city until we'd paid a 5000 gp fine for assault and battery. That's it. We walked out of the courtroom in a daze, feeling like chumps. Jon is particularly quiet. There was something going on in that head of his. . . and soon, we'd find out what. We quit for the day there and decided to start up again the next day. The next day, the DM introduces a new player: we'll call his character Kevin. Kevin takes a seat and pulls out his character sheet, and we start. As the session begins, it's two weeks later, and we're at the orcish quarries trying to make some money. We earn about a gold piece a day. Someone did some calculations and realized that by the time we paid off our fine, we wouldn't have to bring it to the judge in leather bags, we can just email it to him and then fly back home in our hovercraft as the space shuttle launches in the distance. So that's where we are when an orc wearing official looking robes comes up to us and says he has a job for us. "One of our noblemen was captured by a human patrol," he says, over a mug of ale. "We need someone to get him back, but we don't want to provoke an incident with the humans. So we figured you could help us out. This is Kevin. Kevin is one of our spymasters. He's a human foundling raised by orcs, and he'll help you guys out on this mission." So Kevin opens up his mouth to talk and he's a complete tool. "Don't you guys worry about anything," he says, in a horrible British accent. "I can do this on my own. I won't tell anyone, though, I'll give you the credit. Just come with me, do as I say, and we'll all be fine." Okay. We set out to the human fortress. When we get a few hours out, Kevin takes me and Grout (the two demihumans) aside. "Look," he says, "We can't take nonhumans with us. The guards will get suspicious. You two can just wait here. I'll take care of it. We won't tell anyone, you'll get your share of the reward. Just wait here, and we'll meet up again when we're done. Oh yes, and watch the mule. We'll leave her here with you." So, it's ten minutes into the session, and Kevin, Actuarius, and Edwina ride off to have an adventure, leaving Kenzie and Grout standing behind holding onto the reins of a mule. In one fell swoop, two PCs have been cut out of the entire adventure. Nowadays, if someone had tried to pull that on me, I'd have raised a stink. I'd have pointed out that it's not all that unusual to see demihumans around, and that it would be easy as hell to concoct a cover story to explain why we were there. I would have pointed out that I, OOC, would be damned if I let the others go off and have fun while I sat behind. I didn't. Like I said, only my first time playing D&D. So as Grout and I watch, this sequence of events occurs. First, Kevin decides that they shall all pose as merchants. He walks up to the fortress, pounds on the door. A guard opens the door. "Yes?" the guard asks. "We're travelling merchants, and we need a place to stay for the night," Kevin says. "Can you help us?" "Merchants?" the guard asks. He looks around. "Ummm. . . where are your wagons?" There are several ways Kevin could have responded to this. He could have said, "We were attacked by bandits! They stole our wagons! Send a patrol to get them, please!" He could have said, "We're on our way to pick them up. We didn't want to drag empty wagons all the way across the country, you know." Or something. What he chose to do was to lean forward and, in a conspiratorial voice, say, "Actually, we're not really merchants. We're actually. . . agents. Agents. . . of the crown. If you. . . help us. . . the Queen. . . will reward you." Just like that. William Shatner would have been proud. The guard thought for a moment. "Agents of the Queen, huh? Come inside, we'll give you a hand." The guard leads them inside. They sit the three of them down at a table and give them something to drink. "Now," the guard captain says. "About this Agents of the Queen thing. . ." And that's when three burly guards grab Kevin from behind, throw a bag over his head, and pin him down. "My god!" says the guard captain. "How long have you been traveling with this madman? Is he dangerous?" What Kevin had failed to realize. . . and hadn't bothered to ask. . . is that there was no Queen. The King was a bachelor. The Priest and Psion look at each other, and the Psionicist says "Ummmm. . . he's not dangerous at all. But if you could put him in a jail cell for his own safety, I'd appreciate it. We're taking him to the next city to be put in an asylum." "Right, no problem." And so the two guards march Kevin down the stairs, toss him into a jail cell, and lock the door. Coincidentally, the jail cell is right next to a certain orcish nobleman who looks over at Kevin and asks, "Hey. What did they get you for?" "I'm here to rescue you," Kevin said miserably. "Oh. Good work," says the orc. "All right," said Edwina's player, "this worked out just as I expected. Now all we have to do is distract the guards, and while they're asleep, Kevin can pick the lock on the door, rescue the orc, and we'll all be scot free." "Ummm," says Kevin's player. "I don't have lockpicks." "WHAT!?" "I don't have lockpicks. I spent my money on a sword instead," Kevin explains. Meanwhile, Kenzie, sitting a few hours away with a rather sullen dwarf and a mule who is placidly chewing on some grass, an elven mage-thief trained in the arts of infiltration and stealth, goes through his gear and does some small maintenance, including wiping a spot of rust off of a set of metal lockpicks his player had thoughtfully purchased as part of his starting gear. Edwina's player said a rude word. Time passed. It was dinner time. There was thirty minutes of dinnertime roleplaying, during which Actuarius, the priest, basically went around giving sermons, blessing everyone, and reciting long prayers on behalf of the guards, the tower, and their spears. At no time did he try to continue the mission. Why should he? He was among his people. Edwina, meanwhile, decided that the best thing to do would be to sow terror and dissent among the guards. She used Id Insinuation on one of them. If you don't remember, Id Insinuation basically caused someone to pass out by causing their animal side, or Id to take control and overwhelm the ego. So in the middle of dinner, as Actuarius is regaling the guard captain with a tale about his beloved mule Petunia, Edwina looks up at one of the guards, waves her fingers, and basically daks him. The guard suddenly screams. "What's wrong Jak?" the captain asks. "I. . . I don't know. . . I. . . I. . . AAAAAAARGH!! BLOOD!!!!!" screams the poor guard, who passes out, spilling his stew all over himself. "Oh my god!" screams Edwina. "It's the howling plague!" I don't know why she thought this was a good idea. The guard captain orders everyon to chambers, he sends a messenger to the nearby town to ask for a chirugeon, and then he puts Jak in the infirmary. "I think," he said, "that we'd all better go to bed. The Father can stay with us in the barracks, but we'll find something more suitable for the lady." At this point, the DM turns to me and Jon and says, "Well, how about you, what do you do for dinner?" We look at our supplies. "I'm out of rations," I say. "I can hunt, though, that's usually what I do." "Don't bother," Grout says. "I'll slaughter the mule instead." Everyone gets a good laugh, except Jon. "Seriously," says Actuarius' player, "What do you do for dinner?" "I am serious," Jon says, "Have Petunia roll initiative." To make a very long story slightly less long: after a few cries of, "He can't do that, can he?" the DM said, "Yes, yes he can." Grout won initiative, criticalled his axe hit, Petunia dropped. So as Kenzie picked up his bow to go hunting, he heard a thump and a whinny that ended in a dying gurgle, turned around, and saw a dead mule and bloody dwarf standing over her. I imagine, from Petunia's perspective, it probably looked like something out of a JAWS movie, complete with John Williams score. That's when things went downhill. DM: "There is now a dead mule in front of you." Grout: "I drain her blood into a wineskin for later." Act: "What?" Grout: "Waste not, want not. Also, I skin her and keep her head to make a helmet." Act: "Oh my GOD! You can't. . . Kenzie, are you just going to let him do that?" Me: "Can I make arrowheads out of her bones?" DM: "Sure, make your fletching check." Act: "WHAT!?" Me: "She's dead, no point letting it go to waste." Grout: "I'm gonna stew the brains and make a nourishing porridge." Meanwhile, back at the tower, Edwina decides that now would be a good time to use Id Insinuation on the guard leading her up to her bedroom. He passes out frothing at the mouth. She grabs her dress, tears it, and screams for help. The guard captain runs up with two of his men. "My god, what happened here!" "H. . . he tried to rape me!" screams Edwina. The guard captain sees his guard laying on the ground and gives her a look. "Lor? That's not like Lor at all. . . are you hurt? Where are your bruises?" Edwina's player said another rude word. "Wait here," the guard captain said. "I'm gonna get to the bottom of this." He led Lor off to the infirmary and came back a few minutes later, looking grim. "I talked to Lor and to Jak," he said, "and both of them said the last thing they remember is looking into your eyes and feeling their animal sides overcome them. What are you trying to do, witch?" They tied her up, blindfolded her, and locked her in her room. Then they threw Actuarius in jail for good measure. So by this time, the entire party who was sent to the tower to rescue the orc prince have all been captured. A little ways outside the tower, Kenzie and Grout looked up from their meal of mule brain porridge and mule kabobs and knew, somehow, that their friends were in trouble. A different, wiser Kenzie might have just said, "screw it," and gone home to report the mission as a failure. Instead, they decided to go to the rescue. Grout: "I don my muleskin cape and my mule skull helmet." DM: "Okay." Me: "I grab my bokken (wooden sword) and my bow, and my new bone-tipped arrows" DM: "Okay." Grout: "We start walking towards the tower." We get to the tower. The guards, looking down from the walls, slightly shaken by recent events, see a red-clad elf and a dwarf walk up to the foot of the tower and stop a few dozen yards away. Grout reached into his backpack and pulled out a bottle of lamp oil. The guards continued to watch. Grout poured the lamp oil all over the outside of his leather cloak The guards looked at each other, confused. Grout pulled out his flint and steel and struck a spark. The guards bricked themselves. Kenzie cast cantrip on Grout's eyes. A moment later, a screaming dwarf in a flaming muleskin cape, wearing a mule's skull on his helmet, his eyes glowing bright red with magical energy, charged the gates, screaming, "NO SURVIVORS! NO SURVIVORS! NO SURVIVORS!" at the top of his lungs. He kicked down the door and started laying waste to the guards with his axe, while Kenzie laid down some arrow cover fire. Meanwhile, Edwina had somehow managed to escape her bonds and was running down the stairs with the jail keys in one hand. She raced down into the basement, past the screaming, flaming dwarf, and tossed the keys into the spy's jail cell. "Get yourselves out!" she shouted. "I can't reach the lock from the inside!" the spy pointed out. "The door's made of solid wood!" Edwina's player said a rude word. Then a guard smacked her in the back of the head, and she passed out. Grout ran down into the basement just as the guards upstairs slammed the door down on Kenzie, stopping him from using his bow. He managed to get the key from Kevin, open the cell door, and run back out. . . and as he passed another jail cell, a certain priest noticed the cape he was wearing, recognized that pattern of spots, and started weeping like a baby. Kevin ran outside, unlocked the door, grabbed Actuarius and Edwina and yelled to the orc. "Come on! We're getting out of here!" "Forget that!" shouted the orc. "I'm not going out there with you madmen! It's safer in here, and they're planning to execute me!" There was a fight on the stairs, but by then reinforcements had arrived. Kevin went down with an arrow in his chest. Actuarius just sobbed on the stairs. Grout finally went down after enough arrows had pierced him to make him look like a pincushion. . . but he didn't die. There was silence. Down below, in his jail cell, the orc shook his head and got up. Picking up a sword from a dead guard, he walked up the stairs, past the groaning forms of his erstwhile rescuers. Outside the walls, Kenzie looked up from his attempt to pick the locks at the sound of screaming and crunching and gurgling dying sounds. A few minutes later, the door opened from inside. There was the orc with a bloody sword in one hand and an orc slung over one shoulder, a spy slung over the other, and a female psionicist in his arms, dragging a weeping priest behind him. "Hi," I said. "We're here to rescue you." ". . . thanks," said the orc.
themocaw 02-20-08, 04:07 PM	. . . a few minutes later, the door opened from inside. There was the orc with a bloody sword in one hand and an orc slung over one shoulder, a spy slung over the other, and a female psionicist in his arms, dragging a weeping priest behind him. "Hi," I said. "We're here to rescue you." ". . . thanks," said the orc. The story, believe it or not, does not end there. We got back to the orcish city and the orcs were, understandably, quite angry. We'd been sent to prevent an incident, and we'd caused one instead. Still, we had managed to rescue their nobleman, so some thanks were in order. They paid off our healer bills, forgave our debts, and invited us to dinner the next night to say thanks. We're sitting in our inn room that first evening eating dinner and discussing what to do next when an orc in a cloak walks up to us. "I understand," he says, "that you're having dinner with Lord Thogg tomorrow. I have a mission for you, if you wish to accept it." He laid a bottle on the table. "Lord Thogg is a strong man, but his policies are leading us towards ruin. There are. . . factions. . . who wish to see that change. We are not murderers, we don't wish to kill him, but we do need him. . . out of the picture. . . just for a while. This potion will cause him to develop a debilitating sickness that, while not fatal, will require a week of bed rest. Deliver it to him at tomorrow's dinner, and you shall be rewarded." He left. Now this was about when Edwina, Grout, and Kevin looked at each other and realized what was going on. They spent some time trying to discuss how to handle this without using too much OOC information IC. That's when Actuarius, who'd been sitting in the corner quietly turning Petunia's stirrup over and over in his hands, settled the matter by reaching up and drinking down the entire potion in one gulp. He promptly fell over dead. The strange orc had, of course, been an assassin who'd been trying to assassinate Lord Thogg, and thought he could use us as patsies to do it. Meanwhile, we're trying to figure out what to do next. Kevin and I decide we need to get rid of the body. We head outside with Actuarius wrapped up in a blanket, looking for a place to get rid of the body. "I think," I said," that we should just slit his throat so it looks like he was mugged, and dump him in a sewer or back alley somewhere." "We can't do that! We have to take him outside town and bury him, so that the guards don't find him." "There are guards at all the city gates!" I pointed out. "How do you expect to get a dead body out past them?" We argued for a while until I got mad and told him to take care of it himself, and went back up to my room and went to sleep. There were some other arguments, and then we decided on what to do with our spells and such, and went to bed. That's when the DM asked, "Did you ever decide what to do with the body?" "Kenzie took care of it, right?" Kevin said. "I told you to take care of it!" I replied. There was a moment of dawning realization. Kenzie woke up the next morning to the sounds of a very loud hubbub on the streets. He looked out the window. There, on the street outside the inn, were a bunch of orcish magistrates standing around a dead body wrapped in a blanket, with the medieval equivalent of yellow caution tape and a chalk outline around the body. The DM ruled that since we never determined what to do with the body, Kevin and I had put it down during our argument and walked away in a huff, both thinking the other was going to take care of it. That night's dinner was cancelled. We could have gone to the orcish lord and told him assassins were after him. I'm not sure why we didn't. Nor why we stayed in town, or stayed in that same inn room. Anyway, that night, Edwina the psionicist woke up to find an orc in a black ninja outfit leaning over her with a dagger in his hand. She didn't survive. The rest of us did a bit better and decided it was time to get out of Dodge. We ran into the hallway, where a few assassins came at us through the windows, whom we killed. Then the DM said, "You hear footsteps coming up the stairs." Kevin: "I shoot an arrow." Me: "NOOOOO! WAIT!" DM: "Too late. You hear a thump and a groan, and then something falling down the stairs." We got there. It was the innkeeper, wearing his nightgown and a stocking cap, with an arrow in his chest. He'd heard the noise and was coming upstairs to see what was going on. We ran for it. We got outside into the alleyway, where more assassins hit us from the roof. I managed to take down one with an arrow to the head, while Grout led us through the back alleys, cleaving orcs in half as he went. And that was when we introduced our new PC, played by my friend Altair: the Crimson Helix. Crimson Helix, or Helix for short, was a swashbuckler who fought for truth, justice, and genetic purity. As he was running across the rooftops doing what heroes do, he saw an orc in a black outfit shooting arrows down at people. "Ah ha!" he said. "Evildoers!" He rolled for initiative, criticalled with one rapier strike, and ran the assassin through with one stroke. He then carved his symbol (a helix) on the orc's forehead and jumped down into the alleyway. Seeing a darkened figure in the alley, he charged. Meanwhile, Grout clove through another orc. The DM said, "You see a darkened figure charging towards you." Grout said, "I charge!" The DM turned back to the Helix. "You see the dark figure raise an axe and run towards you screaming." Helix: "Wait! That dark figure, is it an orc?" DM: "Actually, it looks like a dwarf." Play stopped for five minutes as the two players tried to figure out if their characters would know. They rolled Wisdom checks, both of which botched. Altair and Jon looked at each other, shook hands, and rolled for initiative. Grout won initiative and criticalled his axe strike, causing the Helix to die in one stroke. The rest of the fight went about as badly as could be expected and once again, we came within inches of a party wipe. When we all came too, Lord Thogg was standing over us, saying, "Yeah. Leave town and don't come back. Ever." And so we did, where in another town, Grout got into a bar fight where someone broke a keg of ale and went berserk, laying waste to random strangers in his path before he finally got his head taken off by a halberd. Kenzie, meanwhile, never did go home. He found a quiet little forest somewhere and built traps and lived with animals, living in constant fear that some day, a dwarf with an axe would show up looking for his friend and want to go adventuring some day: yes, he saw Grout decapitated, but it was Grout, and that guy just didn't die! The big question, though, is what the orcish magistrates who had to clean up thought of the whole thing. "Okay, here we go. . . dead orc in black cloven in half. . . dead orc in black cloven in half. . . dead orc in black cloven in half. . . dead orc in black run through with a rapier and a helix carved in his forehead. . . dead human in red with a rapier cloven in half? WTF?" Kenzie was right, though. Grout never did die. Grout would show up again and again in other campaigns. Sometimes, he would devour gryphon's eggs that other player characters wanted to hatch and raise into mounts. Other times, he would try to eat the unicorn that was the focus of the quest. Still other times, he was diving down a Green Dragon's throat, axe in hand, screaming "I'M GONNA EAT YOU WITH HOLLANDAISE SAUCE ON A BED OF RICE!" at the top of his lungs. I fully believe that somewhere in the multiverse, Grout is still marching through the Monster Manual from A to Z, butchering and eating everything in his path, just to see what Aaracora and Zombies taste like. . .
justicar347 02-20-08, 04:54 PM	I really don't know it that was a good story or a sad one. It is comparable to the 213 Things Skippy the Dwarf is no longer aloud to do in the Dungeon.
Pezz 02-20-08, 08:39 PM	One of my DMs (Kim) used to be a player. He is no longer allowed to use fire spells. Situation 1: Banned from the Darkness Spell Our party was fighting it's way through caves to reach a bugbear barbarian who had a price on his head. We found him, and rushed into the cavern where numerous goblins, the bugbear and a campfire were. Kim had previously died and was just coming back into the campaign. he came in as a Drow Rogue. Upon entering the cavern by a different entrance, he realized that there was nothing he could do to harm the enemies. except, maybe, keep them from seeing the party, so he cast Darkness on the campfire. It was at this point that the DM casually mentioned that the bugbear had darkvision. TPK. Situation 2: Banned from Alchemist's fire/lightning Very simple. We were on a ship in the middle of the ocean, fighting some sea-based creatures who had climbed the sides. I can't remember what they were. So he gets the bright idea of throwing Alchemists fire. on a wooden ship. He botched the roll, and DM fiat kept the ship from burning. Next round, realizing that open fire on a wooden ship was a bad idea, he looked what else he could throw. He only had one other thing, Alchemist's Lightning. He botched that roll too... TPK in the middle of the ocean, days away from any shore in heavy armor. Situation 3: Banned from Fireball Airship battle, fireball into the cabin of the enemy's ship. The bard of the party (relatively new to DnD) used Pyrotechnics on the resulting fire to blind the airship pilot who was turning towards our ship at the time. Lots of falling damage as the two ships crashed to earth after that one. near TPK (would have been for all but the wizard if we didn't have that ring of 1 wish)
justicar347 02-20-08, 09:17 PM	I've had some experiances similar to that. On a side note, darkvision doesn't work in a darkness spell. Here is a funny story of mine. I had a gnome bard that used singing to activate his bardic music. I decided that I would sing a few lines from a song each time I activated it. I always chose highly inapropriate songs for the occasion such as Its the End of the World as We know it when we were outnumbered or Suicide is Painless when we were in uber creepy cave. As it turned out I was the first bard that was ever forbiden to sing in and out of character.