Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Jack_SSW 05-19-05, 03:35 PM	I'm not sure if they've made one of these yet, but it would be cool to check get an oncore if they have. (These 101...-1001... things seem to be in style :) ) Let's see just how comical D&D can be!
Rednaxela 05-19-05, 04:31 PM	my friend tryed to lock pick a ogres underwear...... :( my group burnt down a cultists temple whith the cultists inside (he he he ) :D (is this what you want?????)
Arakano 05-19-05, 04:50 PM	3) One of my players once said he wanted to wear a large mirror beneath his shirt. Then, when an enemy approached, he would lift his shirt and blind the enemy temporarely with reflected sunbeams. Afterwards, he would pull down a bag over the head of said blinded opponent and beat the crap out of him. Well, somehow I did not allow this tactic to work, but thanks a lot anyway. :D 4) A different player tried to bungee-jump using the guts of a dead warhorse. Fell to death screaming, thereby alerting a castle full of orcs to the presence of his comrades... 5) Same player also decided - for no reason, REAL CN-guy :rolleyes: - to kill an elf who had just been rescued from an orcish prison by the group. He "accidently" stumpled and thereby "accidently" attacked the elf with his dagger. Fell, he managed his nearly impossible bluff check, but failed on the attack. The friendly elf tried to help him up, whereupon he used the good opportunity to once again stab "accidently" at the elf. This time, the elf realises his intention. And therefore, when the player shortly afterwards invited the elf to join him on the (open, flat, unsecured) roof of the tower "to enjoy the view", the elf NPC politely declined... Long story short, in the next night said PC was killed in his sleep by an elven PC who lived according to the saying "right or wrong, my people"... (btw, in this case, "right" :D ).
Myst_the_Moonscout 05-19-05, 05:41 PM	Upon finding a strange underground pool one of our fighters decided to dunk her head in and inhale the water to see if it was breatheable. It was.
Maerdash 05-19-05, 06:12 PM	7: One of my players recently told the local lord "Shut up, stop asking for details and just pay me" 8:players open a gate to the abyss, the demon prince Orcus steps through laughing maniaclly. Cleric casts destruction and orcus rolls a 1. The cleric then says."Hurry close it before something REALLY dangerous comes through!"
mcnoo 05-19-05, 08:53 PM	9) The party monk: "I initiate a grapple with the razor golem" 10) My own duelist (deliberate IC idocy) "Nine of you, one of me? Thats hardly fair, I shall have to fight you unarmed"
jera 05-19-05, 09:18 PM	one of the better ones that happend in our group 11. an airship lets high jack it how hard can it be to fly one?
Meshakhad 05-19-05, 09:44 PM	12. I will never forget this case. Our newly minted party was in a graveyard in Manifest. There we met a ghoul. Rogue: I charge (rolls) DM: You miss. The ghoul attacks (rolls) Rogue: He hits. DM: (rolls damage) Rogue: That drops me DM: The ghoul says "One more move and he dies" Fighter: I throw my spear at him. (rolls) DM: You hit. Fighter: (rolls low for damage) Drat. DM: He reaches down, rips out the rogue's heart, and eats it. Rogue: (to fighter) I'M GONNA KILL YOU! Wizard: I cast magic missile (rolls for damage). DM: He takes a hit, but he's still standing. Cleric (me): I raise my holy symbol. TURN UNDEAD. (rolls) DM: Uh... the ghoul is literally blown apart. Cleric (me): Divine Energy Focus ROCKS! The rogue rose as a ghoul 24 hours later. If the campaign ever continues, he will advance as a ghoul monster, and will eventually take levels in rogue again.
Kalli 05-20-05, 12:05 AM	13. My fiance was running an off-the-cuff game, partly to introduce my little brother (hereafter referred to as LB) to DnD, and so...started off in a bar, complete with brawl. When LB's turn came up, he asked if he could make a Spot check for a belt on one of the brawlers. When asked why, he explained "I want to pants him." Logic following that a belt would make pantsing more difficult, of course. Fiance eyerolls, tells him to roll (success) and says that there is no apparent "beltitude." So LB tries to pants the guy and misses. As it was, I was the one who ended up pantsing one of the brawlers. (A side note: LB was about 18 at this time. I was around 21, fiance was about 23. It wasn't a matter of age, just a very silly one-shot.)
TheChilliGod 05-20-05, 12:35 AM	14: This was a method I was using as DM to get to players to meet up each other. One of them, a rogue, had just stolen another PC's longsword (off a guy that stole it from the PC, so it's okay) and was running to the thieves guild she worked for. Another PC, a necromancer, decided to follow and buy the longsword off her so he could give it to the rightful owner. After a bit of heated conversation, the necromancer cast acid splash on the rogue. It missed. "Pff! You think you're a real wizard? I've seen chickens with better aim!" Necro then fired a Magic Missle, it dealt minimal damage. "Oh, now that's weak. C'mon! You're not all tough at all!" Well, he then proceeded to charge the rogue ( :uh-huh: ) with his scythe that he wasn't proficient in, and he missed. Rogue proceeds to 5ft step back and shoot with a shrotbow, dealing minimal damage. He followed suit with his crossbow, missing (I don't think he's landed a hit on anything since he started with this character!) and the rogue then shot him in the stomach. The necromancer decided to play possum, succeeded his Bluff check, and the rogue, believing he had collapsed, walked right up to him and kicked his face, dealing about 3 non-lethal, which was enough (just) to really knock him out. Rogue then taught him a lesson by stealing his scythe and spellbook, ripped a page out of it and wrote "Serves you right" on it before placing it on the necromancer's chest. They were 1st level, if you didn't know, and that was the first real battle the players had in this campaign. *Sigh* It's more of a noob thing than a stupid thing, but still, it's funny as...
anomaly_agent 05-20-05, 01:26 AM	This isn't so much funny as it is cool. There was a paladin, a druid, and a cleric in the party at that time. I (the paladin) and the cleric characters were brothers. Anyway, we're fighting a succubus, and she manages to cast suggestion on both of the brothers. She suggested that the druid was trying to destroy us, and she suggested to my character that she needed protecting. Well, the druid just went ahead and killed the succubus, which left my character furious at him killing our "charge", and the cleric furious for making me furious. After some deliberation, we decided that the druid was under suggestion, and went after him. Heh. He treeshaped, and we beat on him until he got a call lightning hit off on both of us.
Mirikon 05-20-05, 03:17 AM	15) There was one of those grey oozes that are basically an underdark version of a Gelatinous cube in the path. Player 1: I give it a hug! DM: The cube hugs you back, and draws you inside. All your gear dissolves instantly, as does a third of your flesh.
Nordman 05-20-05, 08:12 AM	16: stepping in to that portal leading to some flamey hell, yeap, it was me playing my favoured soul 17: calling a dwarf elf ****er, we all done that so many times, even the half orc barb fleed from that dwarf that time. Some games later my halfing said it and he almost died.
digoraccoon 05-20-05, 08:51 AM	18. PCs were confronted with Timat's daughter who wasn't too pleased that the Players desicrated her temple. The party broke into two groups. Half went running for their lives, the other half stayed thinknig they could take her on. The party Druid won initative. Druid: "I run up, give her a big sloppy kiss on the lips and go running off, I kissed a goddess! I kissed a godess!" DM: "... Make a save versus disintigration loverboy."
Gurthoron 05-20-05, 11:00 AM	Fighting a Blue Dragon in a cave, my character is the Dragon Slayer. (Ranger/Foe HUnter with dragon slayer feats from Draconomicon. I was a beast against dragons.) One of the first things the dragon does is cast Evard's Black tentacles on me, and I was rolling terribly to break through them. So I started cursing and challenging the dragon. Eventually the dragon walked over and lay down on me, while continuing to fight the rest of the party. I didn't do any damage to the bastard. Same character later. I spotted a Black Dragon polymorphed. (recognized the form form from previous experience) So I charged and stared fighting the dragon. It was a Great Wyrm. We were in a bar in the middle of a town. After we killed the dragon we left quickly cause we had trashed most of the place, and the dragons tail sweep had decimitated every person in the bar. (I was drifting towards CE at this point) Someone taking a hit off an eversmoking bottle. Note this person did not know how to smoke, and thus described it as gulping down a mouthful of the smoke. He almost died. Animal lord in Dire tiger or so form. With the special charge that gives you 10 times your speed (dash?) In an area we can't see, decides to charge in the direction she last saw a foe. Ran into a wall halfway through and knocked herself out for a couple rounds. In a massive flying ship to ship battle on the Plane of Air, one of the ships had an insane lighting cannon. It fired at the ship I was on, destroying it and turning a nearby vessel into a massive capacitor. Please note I'm playing with 2 physics majors, including the DM. I take around 200 damage to my fighter, and while healing am tossed back towards the boats by a friendly dragon, as I couldn't make the save to change direction myself. After the battle, I want to check the capacitor boat for goodies. I have been healed by this point. 1st try- running jump between boats. Soon a I got near got shocking for 200 damage and went flying off. Was retrieved by the dragon, got healed, and decided that the boat had to be discharged. Tied myself to the boat this time, leapt across. 200 damage, and I'm reeling myself into the boat. The cleric is out of heals for the day, and I just go and hide ignominiously in a cabin for the trip back to the harbor. Meanwhile, the cleric goes over to the other boat (ring of electric immunity that he didn't mention) picked up a suit of INSANE armor (DM listened to his dice and gave us the random treasure they actually rolled. It was +27 full plate) and discharged the boat. To do this, the physics majors calculated the charge of a boat-farad capacitor and had him leave a gate to the elemental plane of water open for 11 hours to discharge it. I then volunteered to check the charge when we returned to harbor. I am an idiot.
snowlynx 05-20-05, 11:23 AM	Our group had been traveling in the bizzare extended cellar of a house. We have a rogue, but she kept on overlooking the traps (wasn't rolling well enough) and when she or the cleric went to continue on with our exploration, they kept on being severly beat up by the traps. Knowing that this was the case, I offered to lead,claiming I wouldn't be hit by any of them (I can take it!) so that the two females in the group wouldn't keep on getting hit. Thus far, we had encountered no more then one trap in each area. The rogue had found a pressure plate but wasn't sure how to deactivate it, so I volunteered to jump over it. I successfully jumped over it onto the area beyond it.... DM: Roll three reflex saves. Somehow though, I managed to overcome the poision, one trap missed me, and I took a small scratch from the last. So my reckless character is still reckless.
Gryllmyre 05-20-05, 11:50 AM	Mine: Hmm, charred bodies, burned walls. Looks like the trap was sprung already. Let's open the door! *BOOM*
Noti Animboa 05-21-05, 02:26 AM	My friend was playing a goblin Diego ( imagine someone who has neither bathed or ever-not-soiled themselfs ... in their life...thats Diego, in a word Filthy) so as part of a quest he went through a goblin racist town. Being the bold guy hey was he cassually jaunted into the town tavern, his weapon was a hammer that was far too large for him and a little unweildy even for a human...so you know this wont go well... Diego:I head into the tavern DM:you know this town is goblin racist right? Diego:yes, i go in DM:Roll to see how mutch noise you make. (rolls) Diego:2 DM:the bartender rolled a 1 you win. after some descripion basically Diego coughes and sneezes as he drags his hammer sparking across the stone floor stopping for breaks along the way and he killed the by smashing his hammer on the counter and pulling himself up to a bar-stool by it. to which the bartender pulled out him reapaeting cross-bow(the "shot-bow" as we call it ,their notorius for one flaw...) he rolls a 1 and the whole thing explodes under it's own tension and the shrapnel kills the bar-keep (yes thats the fatal flaw bad rolls = *boom* PC and NPC)
SnowbearK 05-21-05, 03:46 AM	300ft drop out a window. Paladin with 7 coils of 50 ft silk rope ties them together, ties one end around the bed, and jumps out the window holding the other end. Paladins and math do not mix.
Witchblade 05-21-05, 11:29 AM	- The PCs had to cross an enormous 300ft. wide abyss filled with mini-tarrasques which he had just set on fire. The party's druid had a dire bear, the only thing we couldn't get over the abyss. Druid: Oke let's see... I cast airwalk on the bear. DM: He's not trained to play superman so it's no use. Druid: Ehm... I got it! I cast Gust of Wind on the bear's back. DM: The sudden force of wind is just strong enough to knock the bear off his feet, sending him into the 150ft. deep abyss. The bear moans and growls as he survives the immense fall, but then gets hacked to pieces by mini-tarrasques, as the fire devours its flesh.
Callista 05-21-05, 11:33 AM	What?! That doesn't make sense... Airwalk ought to have kept him in the air, though he might've been terrified out of his wits in midair, refusing to move...
Witchblade 05-21-05, 11:47 AM	SRD: ''You can train a mount to move with the aid of air walk (counts as a trick; see Handle Animal skill) with one week of work and a DC 25 Handle Animal check.'' Depends a bit on how you interpretate it, but the DM ruled it was useless.
Titan W 05-21-05, 12:12 PM	30) Wizards casts Fireball in a 20x20 foot space (This is in fact waht actaully happened. 31) Wizard using said firebal against imps 32) Cleric healing said wizard after he fell unconsious from said fireball only to have the wizard pull the same stunt yet again, this time knocking out the rest of the party except for the cleric, who saved him for last this time. 33) Same wizard on back of a dragon flying 500 feet in the air: I cast feather fall DM: It fails due to an anti-magic field the dragon cast, to keep you on him till he could take you back to the city where you helped the ranger escape from prison via teleport, which is when you found the dragon and told him waht you did... to the gold dragon... Player: I jump off and cast a quickened feather fall as I drop. DM: Concentration check Player: **** I rolled a 1, total... 3 (He put no points into it) DM: You fail... That's 1D6 damage per 10 feet... max 10D6... that's amazingly only 26 damage... you're at exactly 0 HP...your'e now knocked out in the middle of nowhere. 34) The party ranger, in front of the guard office, after capturing a bandit, and having no proof as to his idenity, therefore havign the bandit get off, impaled him onto the guard office wall... in front of the guard captain...
speeblefreak 05-21-05, 01:59 PM	I was playing a high-level assassin. A client contacted me (not in person) about someone he wanted killed. The only description i got was that this person was on the Plane of Shadow and almost never showed his face. So I go to the Plane of Shadow I get the feeling that someone is nearby. Me: Who's there? Mysterious Voice: Me. Me: Show yourself! MV: No. Me: (dire threats) MV: Very well. You have forced me to reveal myself, something I do not like to do. (guy appears directly in front of me, a blob of darkess appears right next to him) Why are you here? Me: To kill you. (attacks) Turns out this person was my client. And he was an epic spellcaster in the highest favor of Mask. And the blob of darkness was his pet Sphere of Anihilation. 'Twasn't pretty.
scaledwingofsmog 05-21-05, 08:09 PM	I have a few first two of my brothers esscapades in 2nd ed. DM:you enter a room littered with filth the ranger(my brother):this looks like it's inhabited.....burn it DM:that was the only room i had planned:weep: DM:you enter a dark room. brother:I look up DM:*sigh*... you see several cobwebs on the celing brother:I raise my torch into the webs:evillaugh DM:****sigh**** several crispy spider corpses fall to the ground
scaledwingofsmog 05-21-05, 08:39 PM	in a more recent session of undead bashing DM: one corner of this room is collapsed underneath you, you hear... in the split second of his hesitation me: Braaains:rimshot: one of my buddies took a good ten minutes to regain his calm
Arkidisey 05-21-05, 09:24 PM	My character was in a town under attack by these creepy skinless monsters and couldn't be seen by them (DM made the mosters, made them blind to dragons) anyway, my NPC buddy was told by me to stay close and like 10 seconds away from his house a creature ran up.grabbed him, jumped 500+ ft. in the air and dropped him... DM: you see jerry get taken away as the black dot in the sky seperats, jeery comes closer and closer and then lands on a sharp flag pole, impaled half-way down. Me: ok.... hmm... i'll revive him later.(later when revived, he was ripped to shreds again...hehehe) (i then beat the **** out of one as it left town :cool: )
D&D_Madness 5000 05-21-05, 09:25 PM	38. In a lvl-20 module, 7 of the 8 players flee from a pair of Tarrasque in a cave. The only lvl. 1 character in the game decides to hold them off for a few MINUTES. :D 39. A player with a huge raven takes 20 minutes to discover a way across the riverbank. :D
Arkidisey 05-21-05, 09:28 PM	hehehe what was a level one doing in a level twenty campain mod.?
D&D_Madness 5000 05-21-05, 09:31 PM	Let's just say he was a persistent little fellow, he still sends me postcards from the outer planes... Wait, actually he was lvl 5
Arkidisey 05-21-05, 09:35 PM	hehehe ok ;) describe how he died! give some core details such as where his limbs went, where his guts flew!
D&D_Madness 5000 05-21-05, 10:20 PM	Oh, sorry. I thought this forum was for 1001 stupiddest things a player COULD do. Sadly, nobody was ever killed by a pair of Tarrasque's for sacrifice... :(
Elly 05-21-05, 11:55 PM	Okay, stand back. I've got a freaking list this point, most of which have been done by me. :bored: 40. First session. Tried to eat Druid's monkey familiar with a knife and fork. 41. Second session. Fighting against a banshee. Can't attack it with ranged weapons, because it's stolen a baby and we want it (the baby) back in one piece. I convince my group to use me as a projectile weapon. 42. Third session. We're walking in town after raiding a local dungeon, and a rich noble walks by. I pickpocket everything he owns, including a journal and lots of coins, and then when I'm done with that I climb on top of his head and steal his hat. He still doesn't notice me. So then I take his belt, and his shorts fall down around his ankles. I run. He wanders down the street, unaware that anything happened. I eat the journal and am sick for the rest of the night. 43. We're walking along a corridor and come to a pool of water with gems at the bottom. Me, being the group kleptomaniac, demand the group ties a rope 'round my waist and throw me in after them. It was at that moment that I first learned what a water elemental was. Since then, 3 or 4 situations exactly like the one above have occurred, all ending with either the Paladin or the new Druid (old one died when that player left our group) rescuing me in a heroic, XP-filled display of bravery. As you can imagine, I was pretty steamed when I learned that the 5th pool of water we walked by wasn't an elemental at all, and I could have gotten all the contents of it easily. It was the first one that I had passed up. :twitch: 44. Our group is called to a town when some sort of planar imbalance leads to the presence of unending darkness and the creatures that thrive in it. I decide to raid a local store's cash storage while the others are figuring out what's going down. Unfortunately, one of said creatures finds me, and I lock myself in a safe to avoid being consumed by a 15-foot long python. It sticks its tongue through the door just as I'm about to shut it, I slam the door on its tongue, and then proceed to beat it with some sort of rune that bursts into flame whenever it strikes something. 45. After that, I escape, and noticing that it's gotten all dark and whatnot, I rush to the aid of my party. It seems that the creatures, whatever they are, will not go into any lit areas, so I cast dancing lights on myself and run to the middle of their group before they can advance any farther. Unfortunately for me, I'd forgotten that Dancing Lights lasts 1 round per level, and the lights go out just about the time I'm drawing my weapon. Luckily, with some very creative usage of a light spell, rope, and a bar of soap, the Druid manages to rescue me. Again. 46. I get in a fight with a pixie-thing outside a noble's house, which I try to resolve by swallowing it whole. :evillaugh 47. Our group is inside a circular room which is encircled on all sides by a dragon; the Druid once again saves me and himself by casting "meld into stone" just as the dragon breathes fire into the room where we're standing. 48. Later, we escape by "surfing" down the dragon's hoard on two metal shields, scooping up handfuls of coins as we go of course. I'm happy to say that for once it was my idea. ^^ 49. Okay, so our group is finally meeting up with the big bad villain we've be chasing for months, and our DM's warned us that he'll probably escape, at least this first time. However, the Druid simply casts "Heat Metal" on this guy's armor. He's forced to remove it or be burned. We all jump on him simultaneously, and the whole thing was over in about 5 minutes. 50. There have been several occasions in which I've screwed up badly in front of important NPC, and have achieved Bluff checks that have been called "Borderline 'Jedi Mind Trick'" by my groupmates, that have managed to keep me out of trouble.
Loren Pechtel 05-22-05, 12:03 AM	300ft drop out a window. Paladin with 7 coils of 50 ft silk rope ties them together, ties one end around the bed, and jumps out the window holding the other end. Paladins and math do not mix. Wouldn't have worked anyway. I would have inflicted full damage for the distance fallen when he hit the end of the rope. It's not a bungee cord!
Worguron 05-22-05, 04:08 AM	51. After the party has spent an entire day searching a city's sewers for a mass murderer who killed over a dozen people and then raised them as Ghasts, 4 out of the 5 characters decide to turn in for the night. The party Psion asks me (the Sorceror) for a Light spell so he can continue searching down there. We all tell him that it is a foolish thing to do, but he ignores us. Four hours later (we were level 5 so the Light had one more hour left on it), he meets a nice new friend. . . . . a troll. Needless to say he died. The good news is that the rest of us ended up finding and killing the murderer a couple days later. 52. The same player, different campaign, is playing a Sorceror whose only useful combat spell was Magic Missile (level 4 with this character) decides that instead of staying away from the two Hill Giants that the rest of us are fighting and pegging them with MM, he will run up to them and use his new combat strategy. . . . . Prestidigitation to change the Giant's spit so it tastes like poop. The Giant then proceeds to Power Attack him and knock him down to -6 HP (The DM chimed in, "If it makes you feel better, the Giant was spitting when he hit you."). Frustrated, my Warlock runs over and uses a Wand of Cure Light Wounds. Unfortunately, the Giant didn't like that I was helping my friend and proceeded to hit me with a max damage critical which took me to -11 health (I had been at full health before that).
snoleo457 05-22-05, 05:00 AM	Ok, this is my first post and would like to say hello. Any way, there is this one player who is a real copycat. If I suggest I'm making something, he also has to. So I have this Drud and so he makes one to.53. Anyway as we enter our first dungeon, there is a gold piece on the floor. He checks for traps and sees nothing.(he got a 2) So he picks it up and falls 30 ft. After our Raptoran Ranger flys down to help him, he gets up and sees another piece of gold. He sees the outlines of a trap door and stands behind it and goes for the gold. he grabs it, opens a door, makes a horrible save, and falls into a pit with a propped up glaive. He impales himself and we fall over laughing at his stupidity. 54. Same guy, the other druidsson. :rolleyes: He walks up to a pit and looks in. Falls over onto three glaives. kills himself, again. 55. now its the uncle. :rolleyes: we are fighting some orcs and he runs at them and they beat him to death. I take his bow and slaughter the things. 55. before I killed one orc he threw his club and did 1 damage(we like to say he hit my pinky :D ) and after I kill him, I run up and jab my punching dagger in his head and yell "That's for billy, my pinky!" once again laughter follows. 56. Me and the Ranger are in a room with a huge pile of gold, and know its an illusion. So we, for the fun off it, go back and roll the dead body of the other druid into the gold. He sets of the illusion, sending bolts at him and he falls into anoother pit, on more glaives. :D Oh that was a fun dungeon
High Octane 05-22-05, 05:14 AM	This guy is a VETERAN roleplayer by the way, so he should have known better. He was playing a rogue and this was his first game in 3.5 (He had played many 1st edition games) DM (me): You reach a door. Player: Is it unlocked? DM: Do you check? Player: Yeah. DM: Its unlocked. Player: Okay, I open it, and ROLL IN AND TO THE LEFT! DM:........*checks map* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Player: Oh dear god, what? DM: You just rolled down a circular flight of stairs. Player (after the group laughs as hard as possible: *rolls d10, gets an 8* my pride takes 8 damage. Trust me on this, I am NOT creative enough to come up with that one on the spot. He actually rolled into a circular flight of stairs.
D&D_Madness 5000 05-22-05, 10:14 AM	DM (me): You reach a door. Player: Is it unlocked? DM: Do you check? Player: Yeah. DM: Its unlocked. Player: Okay, I open it, and ROLL IN AND TO THE LEFT! DM:........*checks map* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Player: Oh dear god, what? DM: You just rolled down a circular flight of stairs. Player (after the group laughs as hard as possible: *rolls d10, gets an 8* my pride takes 8 damage. Were there any monsters,traps,NPC's,items,or warbands at the bottom of the stairs? If there was, that would have made it even more funny.
Talinna 05-22-05, 01:00 PM	Played in an old campagin setting "Battle of the Hill Giants" modified for 3.5 ..... well the group was having trouble getting players to show up, and there were only 3 of us this week.... and we were supposed to be making a raid on a Giant Fort in the middle of the woods...Me, a lvl 6 bardic gnome, my husband a lvl 6 Elven Ranger and a friend, lvl 6 Half-orc Monk (with wings insted of legs) did the raid on our own (stupid huh?) Anyhow we're headed down the hill to the gate, unnoticed as the guards are drunk because there is a big party going on. We're halfway down when the ranger finally hears me going "hold up, I've got a scroll of invisibility"... anyhow we go invis get into the fort, figure there are about 120 Giants and other nasties (don't remember the races), to many for indoor melee for just three, so we'll loot a few things and come back with help.... Plans don't go smoothly ever do they? Stupid monk gets to far away from me, gets noticed by a guard, kills him, more guards come in to bring more beer back, find dead guard - we kill them take off quickly..... we get half way up the hill when we're discovered... We somehow manage to set fire to the forts outer wall on two sides, the panic cause the giants to knock out that side of the wall, smart me climbs up the hill half way and shoots at the with a bow, the ranger does the same.... stupid monk is down there using his wings to do fly bys and all sorts of weird stuff (this guy was a power gamer).... anyhow we actually managed to take out about 80 giants (and learned that there were way more than 120 in the fort) before the monk got to bolders thrown at him, the 1st hammered him into the ground, the second made a nice head stone. (he was at about -18) ... the ranger and I took flight, not looking back.
arson 05-22-05, 02:13 PM	59. Radiant Servant (14th lvl, full hp) gets isolated by walls of ectoplasm, being attacked by a soulknife (which he doesn't know is lvl 6; yeah this was supposed to be a throwaway encounter). RS: I cast Flamestrike, centered on him. Me: Are you sure? you do know the radius of flamestrike right? RS: ummm...... ok then i cast here (5ft away) Me: uh, okay. A pillar of flame descends from on high, engulfing both of you. roll reflex and damage. (50 damage, they both fail saves). Now roll Fort. dont worry, your save is high enough; just dont roll a 1. guess what he rolls. At this point the game stops for several minutes with our uncontrollable laughter
Head_PC 1 05-22-05, 11:28 PM	There is the unforgettable instance where the Elf Warrior tried to sneak past an army of foes by stealthily killing a sentry... then cutting off his (the sentry's) face and wearing it. He walked into the encampment without knowing the language and wearing a hacked off face, and was summarily tortured and killed. The other PC (me) sneaked around it while they did this to him.
Elriczero 05-22-05, 11:46 PM	60. Me and another player were getting somewhat bored with the mission at hand so we noticed there was a boat just coming into harbor so out of nowhere we both charged the ship kill everyone on it and become pirates it changed the entire campaign from dungeon crawl to pirates in an instant 61. In a different campaign we were hired to assasinate the king so we gained his trust and were in his room talking to him and we killed him the guards heard the commotion but in a stroke of genius my character pulled out a dagger stuck it in the kings chest and claimed he commited suicide. (funny thing is i made the bluff check and the guards belived it so throughout the mission we would kill gouards and put "suicide" daggers i them) it was hilarious
The Hive Custodian 05-23-05, 02:40 AM	62. We're exploring this ruined castle, but by the time we reach the top of the walls we haven't found anything useful. Not wanting to walk all the way down, the party wizard casts feather fall and steps off the wall. The party fighter then tries the same thing, without benefit of feather fall. Sadly, he survived. 63. Later in the same campaign, the party has just fought off a group of dinosaurs. Our party paladin is at 4 hit points, and the rest of our party isn't doing too hot. Somehow we neglect to rest, or even cast healing spells, and end up running into an Umber Hulk. Result: we manage to kill the Umber Hulk, at the cost of half our party, including our paladin. Now, the survivors decide to return to town... but we forget to take the paladin's +5 Holy Avenger! 64. On the way back to town, the party wizard and I (the only two surviving characters) are ambushed by a few bandits. We kill all but one, who I proceed to interrogate and coerce into leading us to his camp. Upon reaching camp we see about 20 bandits with crossbows. The party wizard says, "I'm going to kill you all." At this, I dash into the bandit leader's tent and try to kill him. Unfortunately, he turns out to be about 3 levels higher than me. The battle ends as I detonate a necklace of fireballs in the tent, killing us both, as well as the "replacement" character for the paladin. The wizard surrenders, and the DM let him live. This was a few years ago, when we were all young and stupid. Today, we're not so young, but we're still stupid. 65. Our DM's running Forge of Fury and we're trying to find the orcs. We reach the Stonetooth Mountains, and we see smoke coming out of the ground. Coming up to the smoke, the party finds that they cannot see, but continues forward anyway. The fighter/sorcerer nearly falls down the hole that the smoke is coming out of. He then decides to hold his breath and rappel down the hole. This results him pulling a "big bad wolf", as there is a boiling cauldron of stew at the bottom. Upon returning to the surface, the dwarven cleric drops some poison (lye) into the hole in full view of the party. The fighter/sorcerer then speaks. "Why don't we all go down that hole and attack the orcs from behind?" We point out to him that there's no visibility due to the smoke and that there's a fire and a boiling cauldron of poisoned stew at the bottom. Fortunately, we dissuade him from going down again, though he still grumbled something about "element of surprise"... Earlier, the fighter/sorcerer had also tried to steal alcohol from our dwarven cleric, which was also pretty stupid considering his target was a dwarf and the party cleric. In any case, my character is following the party around, staying hidden from them and sniping orcs, but is not actually part of the party. I don't feel comfortable around them...
scaledwingofsmog 05-23-05, 08:19 PM	the party was sitting around the town tavern planning thier next adventure when the inn gets attacked by a hoard of undead so all heck is breaking loose in the tavern when the party's wizard has the absolutly brilliant idea that he is going to attck the enimies from behing by using his quarter staff to polevault himself though one of the windows to get out side which he succeeds in doing only to find himself not only in the middle of said hoard of undead but at the feet of an undead ogre ....squish
Rogue Newb 05-23-05, 09:03 PM	2 days ago this happened to my Warmage friend. We were fighting a level 14 drow-lich and a level 14 Frenzied berserker. While we were all distracted by the berserker the Lich cast these spells: insanity, baleful polymorph. My friend faled his first save and became insane. He failed the second save and became a insane squireel (wait it gets better), he then made the second baleful polymorph save. He became the first, in thirty years of D&D history, Insane Spellcasting Squirell, it was epic.
CryoSilver 05-23-05, 09:45 PM	One of my former D&D buddies charged a cleric with his monk. After listening to the cleric's player declare that he was casting half a dozen buff spells on himself. And setting his spear against a charge. The cleric critted, btw.
Elriczero 05-23-05, 09:47 PM	68. I had a high level wizard who's entire battle srategy was to fly around the battle field and drop summoned animals on the enemie's head
Chosen of the Dark Sun 05-23-05, 09:47 PM	2 days ago this happened to my Warmage friend. We were fighting a level 14 drow-lich and a level 14 Frenzied berserker. While we were all distracted by the berserker the Lich cast these spells: insanity, baleful polymorph. My friend faled his first save and became insane. He failed the second save and became a insane squireel (wait it gets better), he then made the second baleful polymorph save. He became the first, in thirty years of D&D history, Insane Spellcasting Squirell, it was epic. Sigged! :D
Loren Pechtel 05-23-05, 11:46 PM	68. I had a high level wizard who's entire battle srategy was to fly around the battle field and drop summoned animals on the enemie's head You can't summon them up in the air like that.
Myst_the_Moonscout 05-24-05, 12:49 AM	65. Our DM's running Forge of Fury and we're trying to find the orcs. We reach the Stonetooth Mountains, and we see smoke coming out of the ground. Coming up to the smoke, the party finds that they cannot see, but continues forward anyway. The fighter/sorcerer nearly falls down the hole that the smoke is coming out of. He then decides to hold his breath and rappel down the hole. This results him pulling a "big bad wolf", as there is a boiling cauldron of stew at the bottom. Upon returning to the surface, the dwarven cleric drops some poison (lye) into the hole in full view of the party. The fighter/sorcerer then speaks. "Why don't we all go down that hole and attack the orcs from behind?" We point out to him that there's no visibility due to the smoke and that there's a fire and a boiling cauldron of poisoned stew at the bottom. Fortunately, we dissuade him from going down again, though he still grumbled something about "element of surprise"... Either you have a mean DM or I have a nice one... Fun thing: We apporach the chimney in Forge of Fury, at the bottom is a small fire, we can still see a little down one side of it. Thief: do I hear anything? DM: you hear orc voices but you can't make out the words. Me (pyromaniac cleric): I take my oil flask and drip some onto the fire. DM: psssss, ksssss. A small flame erupts and sizzles. You hear more voices and an orc pokes his head in and looks up the chimney. Me: I drop the flask :smirk: Dumb thing: one of the fighters starts a fist fight with the cleric wearing spiked gauntlets (This is the same character who inhaled the strange water to see if it was breathable).
Direwolf141 05-24-05, 02:51 AM	69. The party is in a Wild magic zone but dont realize it. Wizard: I cast mount. DM(Me): *Rolls on wild magic surge table* You summon a Gargantuan Blue Dragon, it looks ******. Wizard: OH *!#%! I cast Fireball! DM: *Rolls again and starts laughing* Wizard: What? DM: You summon a Huge Red Dragon, it looks ******. Rest of the party is rolling at this point. Wizard: Oh $&*@! I cast teleport other! (player made spell) DM: Ok, let me roll. *Rolls, spell goes off normally* Ok whats the target and the target area? Wizard: I teleport the Huge Dragon into the Gargantuan Dragons stomach! Everyone: *Bursts into laughter* DM: *Recovering from laughter and rolls a Fort check for the blue, rolls a one.* Wizard: Oh god. DM: The Blue dragons stomach explodes sending a a gooey mess everywhere, roll me a Dex check. Wizard: 2 DM: Your splattered with entrails. The blood-drenched Red walks up to you, it looks ******. Wizard: I say "Ah, Crap" DM: It says "Just get me out of here." Wizard: I cast Teleport other! DM: *rolls, and slaps forehead* Wizard: Oh god. DM: Congradulations, you just cast Ray of disintegration on the Red. *rolls the reds fort save* Surely he wont f.... UGH! *rolled a 1* DM: The Red Dragon is now a pile of dust. Wizard: I cast.... Everyone else: NO!!! Needless to say someone leveled up. :) 70. Same party is fighting a group of goblins DM: Ok Tomas its your turn. Tomas (Fighter): Ok I attack it with my sword. DM: Roll it. Tomas: a one. DM: Ooooh a botch. *rolls on his botch chart, smiles at Tomas." Thomas: What? DM: You lose your grip on your sword roll a d8. Tomas: 7. DM: *Looks at the battlemap.* Krackers roll me a Dex check. Krackers (Bard): Oh god a 10. DM: Not good enough. As Tomas loses his grip on the sword it flies strait at you and sticks you in the stomach. Take 5 points of damage. Krackers: OW! After the Goblins are dead. DM: Dont forget Krackers is on the ground with Tomas' sword in him. Thomas: OH Yeah! I walk over. DM: Ok. Tomas: *Grins at me* I pull my sword out of my friend. Everyone: Starts rolling. Krackers: OWWW! DM: Krackers take 1 point of damage as Tomas yanks his sword out of you. Krackers: OWWWWW!!! This was on the first adventure too. :rofl:
nephtis 05-24-05, 09:55 AM	71: Group reaching a village in Cormyr at nightfall. They have been attacked by head hunters carrying a strange note saying proof of death was worth 1.000 gp to someone named F. C. (Said person was Fzoul Chembryl, but we didn't know that at the time... by now the bounty is much higher...) Paladin approaching the local guards: *in a complaining the-world-is-unfair-do-something-about-it voice* "There's a price on our head...!" Well, the group spend the first night in prison until the misunderstanding had been cleared.
FatherNature 05-24-05, 11:13 AM	72. I was DMing for my group of 2 others. I was running Stone Dead and my party's main character (Zedd) had saw that there were gargoyals on top of the entrance towers...so the party took off up to the top. once there, combat insued when Zedd stabbed one with his longsword. ...first, lemme fill ya'll in on Zedd Zedd is a human young adult who was turned into a vampire, and so he...passed his time in shadows as a rogue and them made his own guild/PrC that empasized remaining hidden and not being seen. his weapons where 2 longswords which were held to his wrists by a 1 foot chain. anyway as the fight was going, a gargoyal tried to escape and he jumped and grabbed onto its leg...so it was gonna slam him into the catwalk... Zedd: I wrap my chain around his leg and brace for the impact, where I will them Spider-Climb and use his speed aginist him. ...he succeeds, and spat, the gargoyal has gray matter comming from his head wound. he then sees that his friends are in trouble, so... Zedd: I run, jump and climb as fast as possible to the top. me: ...(since he didn't release the gargoyal from his chains, ill add +20 to the DC) Roll. Zedd: *rolls*jump 35, *rolls*climb 41. me: :uh-huh: ...you make it too the top and are now flanking another gargoyal, but your arm feels heavy. Zedd: what's wrong? me: >_< you still have a dead gargoyal cought by the leg in your chain... *round of laughter* Zedd: oh...I use him as a weapon and swing him at the flanked gargoyal. Zedd:*rolls*...attack 33 me: you hit...that was just wrong...screw it, no Sneak Attack for you. Zedd: ...35 damage. me: I hate you so much right now. he's dead and falls over the edge. Zedd: no, wait...I want his stuff! Zedd: I jump over after him me: You're 50 ft up! Zedd: I'm undead, too! needless to say...the BBEG battle is another story too...
Flushmaster 05-24-05, 04:21 PM	Okay, now that one was funny. Sounds like you've got a semi-clueless powergamer who's actually a mediocre roleplayer and has an interesting style...both frustrating and funny at the same time.
Venom of the Yuan Ti 05-24-05, 04:37 PM	1st level party Vs an oger (large party, Oger is BBEG) Elven Wizard: I charge the oger. DM: What weapon are you using??? Wizard: My longsword. DM: Make your attack roll. Wizard: 21 (20+1 str) DM: Confirm?? Wizard: 17 (16+1) DM: Roll damadge... :mymy: Wizard: 18 DM::blink: Wizard: Thats max damadge. DM: :blink: ....Next round.... Oger has failed to hit Wizard, everyone else has failed to hit oger. Wizard: 20 (19+1) DM: Oh :nonono:. Wizard: 18 (17+1) DM: :uh-huh: :banghead: :help: :twitch: :twitch: :gah: Wizard: 17 DM: Its down. The wizard beat it to death... *has lie down*
Thamiorathon 05-24-05, 05:05 PM	74. I think. I was in a party of three in the woods and we come across a small house. My brother's monk looks in and sees a dwarf tending to an unconcious and wounded elf on a bed next to the window. he smashes through the kills the dwarf. we walk in and take the body out, then the elf wakes up and asks where Tordek is. My brother says he left. 75. We were playing the burning plague and were fighting the final orc guy. my brother's monk, really stupid character runs up, while me and my cousin are shooting at the orc from below. my brother's character runs up, grapples him and they both fall from the tower. the orc dies and my brother takes barely any damage. 76. I was playing my first module, and me and the two other players hadnt met in character yet. anyway, i meet them in the woods and they say they saw something in the trees, so i climb up to investigate. My brother's rogue shoots a bolt at him and hits me in the back for one damage. I turn around. Ranger: What was that? Rogue: I thought i saw the thing in the trees. Ranger: ok, there seems to be nothing. I let them leave, and explore the woods. im fighting a group of orcs along, theres one left with 1 hp left. it attacks me and knocks me out, i would have survived if it werent for that stupid rogue!
Kohdok 05-24-05, 07:03 PM	Here's the first game I played. It was the middle of the night at Anime Fest, and I was probably the only Non-security person there. I was playing a knife-happy Shadow Elf Bard. What happened was a character from Oriental Adventures had been warped into our world followed by some goblins. After killing the goblins, we decided to go and drop their bodies off a nearby cliff. We bought a cart for 10 GP, revived the Shaman that had come through, strapped him to the cart, and made him pull it to the edge by himself After dropping the bodies off, however, some goblins attacked him! Soon, the Shaman was running back, still firmly strapped to the cart. I had to cut him free. At this point, our Fighter had gotten really drunk off of a bottle of Sake he'd found in the shaman's stuff. He kept missing his attack rolls due to anebriation, fell over, and crashed into a barrel... filled with wine, getting him even MORE drunk. Meanwhile, I was chucking one of my knives and it ended up in someone's doorframe after I really fudged my roll. It goes on from there...
Jarlaxle_The_Rogue 05-24-05, 09:03 PM	Okay we're in some crazy dungeon that changes every time we visit it. We find a pit and everyone except the wizard and the rangers wolf have repelled down. We discover a pool of water at the bottom and figure the water will cushion the fall for the animal companion cause we have no way to get him down. So we yell up at the wizard to give the wolf a shove. Strength check: wizard succeeds. *Clunk**Crunch**Snap**Yelp**Bang**Splash *
Arkidisey 05-24-05, 10:25 PM	Ok, so again it was the same campain with my half-dragon, Ark Arin and a paladin (the only reason he didn't try to kill me was because i was like 4 levels higher) and a fighter... DM: you climb into the window and are in a noble-style room, there is a button on the wall and a door in front of you, what do you do? Me: i make a listen check to see if anyone is outside.... DM: you hear about... 40 guards right outside the room... Paladin: we should stay in here! Fighter: i'm ganna push the button :bump: Me and Paladin: NO! *alarm sounds and the guards rush in and hand cuff us ' YOUR UNDER ARREST'* Me: don't a get a reflex save or anything? DM: nope. Me:Huh?!... don't you like have to do that? DM: nope...(continues with me fumed without showing it) Me: :mad: :weep: :(
Josheva 05-24-05, 10:50 PM	Lol i have a ton of these. Please don't mention any game mechanics as this happened a long time ago and we have corrected everything. 80. I had a halfling sorcerer who was a trouble maker and one of my friends had a half ogre barbarian with 26 or so strength. He picked me up and threatened to eat me for reasons i cannot remember. I told him if he ate me he would be poisoned and die because i was stringy. He responded in a typical half-ogre sense. He threw me. He rolled a 20. Being that i weighed only 30lb (with equipment 35lb) and I had cast feather fall ( which we had interpretted to mean it slows only your descent) I flew about 80km to the edge of the island we were on and freaked out the fisherman i landed beside. Told him the stork brought me. 81. That same person was playing a fighter who specialized in archery in another campaign. We had bought a specialized carriage that in addition to the middle room had a lip of walls around the outside n top. By this i mean thatthe walls extended farther than te roof. He was hiding behind tat wall and we were attacked by 7 rangers on horseback. He, at 4 hp decided to pop up and fire some arrows at the rangers. 7 readied actions later we had one *very* dead and bleeding fighter on our roof. 82. Same person again was playing a monk as we travelled through the underdark (inexperienced dm as we were lvl 7). After attacking and capturing a drow our attention was drawn to his 27friends who had just caught up to their scout. They told us to let im go and we did, but as he was leaving he spit at the said character who, apparantly started caring about honor, attacked the drow. 27 arrows later he was at -67hp. Not joking. 83. Same guy... We were playing an Ebberon campaign and i was dm. The Pc's had a mansion tat could travel planes but could not figure out how to use it ( a guild was in there trying to figure out what activated the control center thing). The player was playing a warforged juggernaut who specialized in unarmed attacks. Anyways, he's scrapping with another PC half-ogre in the third story of the mansion. Meanwhile, outside, the half elf wizard is talking to two other guilds (halflings and dwarves) about coming in and studying the house. A fight broke out between the halflings and the dwarves over who would get to make the deal when the half elf got upset and yelled at the top of his lungs *SILENCE*. Just then, the warforged rolled 20, 20, and 18 + bonuses on his attack resulting in about 68 damage to the 39hp atm half-ogre. The halflings and dwarves outside just stopped fighting to look over at the half-elf just in time to see a half ogre break out of the third story window, go flying over the courtyard, and impale himself with a spike atop the gate they were standing beside. Needless to say, appointments were re-scheduled. 84. Although this situation is mentioned in my sig i will detail it here. SAME person was playing a dwarven fighter with spiked armor who specialized in the bull rush. They had just jumped down a muddy hole to find themselves in an underground cavern when some gully dwarves (Stolen from DragonLance Books. Small dwarves that are very pathetic and stupid, insults to dwarvenkind really) saw them and went running down the hall. "Wait, I need your help" shouted the dwarf as he took chase. Seeing a fully armored muddy dwarf with spikes protruding from him only made the gully dwarves go faster down the narrow hall. The gully dwarves turned a corner and, all of a sudden, came to a halt as they ran into a closed door. The dwarf turned the corner to see the gully dwarf pounding on the door but, because I had cast hold portal on it (to stop the madness!) they couldn't get through. "I'll help you!" shouted the dwarf as he went charging through the gully dwarves and into the door. *Wham* the door swung open, and we came around the corner to see a very muddy and battered up dwarf with 6 dead gully dwarves hanging from his armor spikes standing beside another gully dwarf on the ground, who had fallen there after being flattened between the stone door and the wall. "I was only trying to help.." was the last thing we heard before we all started laughing. 85. SAME PERSON (this guy just doesn't stop, seriously) was playing a human fighter who had just walked into a tavern holding a large bag of gold. The owner, seeing his large sum of money, approached him, ensured he wasn't respectful to the law or a guard, and asked him if he would like to watch and possibly bet on the gladiator fights in the back. "Sure" he said, and was led past a large number of bouncers and 2 locked doors into a large room with a semi circle of seats around a pit. Taking a seat he proceeded to watch as a dwarf clutching a rusty knife was pushed by 2 bouncers into the pit where a hungry troll with a club was waiting. 1 mangled and very dead dwarf later the fighter, wanting to show off his 18 strength, approached the betting master and volunteered to be a gladiator. After some confused discussion, the fighter was led by 2 bouncers into a room with a long row of prison cells and pushed into one. He died shortly after when he attempted to escape the very obviously ILLEGAL gladiator pit. 86. Same guy was playing a radiant servent of pellor from the complete divine book, but was slowly but very surely drifting away from his good alignment. He had killed off a total of 4 party members who had broken the oath they took to protect each other by stealing etc. I decided to teach him a lesson so he had a dream where he was brned by the sun and then it faded away. The next day he found he couldn't cast spells. Since one of the characters had seen him try to cast the spell but fail (he went outside earl in the morning to try) he questionned him about it, but the he said that everything was okay. Later on, they found thmselves in a fight with 1 large, 2 medium and 6 small fire elementals. The group wasn't doing so well so he was called on to heal them. "Well, um, actually..." he said. 2 of the party members had died that fight and he left shortly after. 87. Heh same person was playing a halfling paladin. They were invading a goblin cave when, in a bedroom, they saw a hole going into the wall. The guy asked me if he could fit, I answered probably but its going to be very very tight and you'll have to take off your armor. He takes off his armor and puts his head in the hole but his shoulder get stuck. "You can back out if you want" i say. "No" He says, "push me someone!". One of the Pc's come up to him and start pushing him. He no realizes that the hole slopes downwards slightly and blood is rushing to his head but his feet are still sticking out the hole. I tell him that while he can move himself at all he can see the other side is really close. "Keep pushing" he yells, and they obey. The halfling now realizes that his head is sticking out the other side of the hole and he cannot move his body at all. He also realizes that there are 2 sleeping wargs in the room and bars on the other side (I had determined earlier that it would be a neat idea to have feeding holes in the goblins rooms so that they could throws scraps to the wargs). Both wargs fail their listen checks to wake p as the halfling comes scraping into the room. I ask him what he is doing, fully expecting him to quietly ask the other characters to come around and save him. Instead, screaming at the top of his lungs he said "PULL ME BACK, PULL ME BACK!" "We can't" they yell, as his feet were now flush with the wall. Naturally the yelling wakes up the wargs. You can imagine what happened after that. 88.This is a different guy that i am speaking abut here but you would not believe the stuff he has done. I am speaking literally when i say about 3 out of four gaming sessions of 2 hours each he must make a new character because his died (we play twice a week). Now let me say that this is not fault of the dm, it's his own supidity. For instance, one day he decided to make a kobald character (out of all those character he has made about 3 core race characters). After finsishing him up, the PC's were in a clearing except for a human who had just run off. The human, after being chase by a bugbear, was hiding behind a stump when, in a hole dug under it, he saw the kobald hiding as well. The human got scared when he saw the morning tar the kobald was clutching and took off. Making his way back to the clearing he told all of his friends about his narrow escape from a bugbear and close encounter with a kobald the size of him. Just ehn, the kobald character comes walking into the clearing only to be seen by all the other PC's. All of them, failing to understand the kobalds Draconic speech, kill him. The player proceeds to roll up another kobald character. After some talking in the same clearing, another kobald walks in. This time, the player remembered to get common as a language, but common doesn't do much good when you are a kobald with 6 seconds to speak. Especially when you waste your time saying, and quote, "Why is there a dead kobald hanging from that tree?" 89.Other things this guy has done include standing in the middle of a road that an ogre king, surrounded by four of his royal guard, were walking down. Might I mention that he was a lizardman sorcerer. One hit from the king brougt him to -27 hp. Many other times he does less than intelligen things like jumping in the green pool, trying to negotiate with te bloodthirsty daemons, and most of all attacking guards when he's caught stealing or murdering someone. Heh thats my group, and i can honestly say that its not my fault that they die so often because: a) I have never lost a character b) My friends have lost a minimal amount of characters c) All of their deaths show a complete lack of logic and common sense. Hope you all enjoyed this post, I enjoyed creating the situations :D
Worguron 05-24-05, 11:55 PM	This one happened in my DM's custom campaign setting. The setting is quasi-futuristic (Think Star Wars with magic instead of tech). My party is zooming along in a ship heading for an area on a planet covered with a giant storm called "The Maelstrom". Despite my suggestion that we learn about "The Maelstrom" before flying into it, the party wanted to get our mission over with (Find the pirates who seem to be based in "The Maelstrom"). As we pass under the first bank of clouds, we get told to roll Will saves. Three of the seven characters fall unconscious, and the rest of us suffer massive Str, Con, and Cha damage from the intense radiation. At this point the ship is going down and we know it. I (the sorceror) cast fly on myself and move to cast it on the nearest conscious person. I manage to cast it on him and move for another as the Cleric informs me that she has cast Air Walk on herself. While I am doing this the party monk (the first guy I cast Fly on) states that he is going to go open the airlock door. I gasp and the DM gives me a look that says "Say anything and die". The Monk then makes two intelligence checks. He succeeds at the first check to remember where the airlock controls are, but fails the second check which would have told him that openning the airlock, when the ship is travelling at the speed it is, would cause extreme decompression and cause everyone to be sucked out of the ship. Well, so he hits the button, the door flies open and the party Fighter who I haven't cast fly on yet gets sucked out the door, with one of our NPC's and my Cohort both thrown over his shoulder. The rest of us manage to fly down to find that the NPC and Fighter are both alive (funnily enough the Fighter didn't even get knocked unconscious), but my Cohort is dead. "Let's go open the airlock!!" is now a running joke in my group.
TheErsatzFacsimileOfMe 05-25-05, 12:51 AM	Here's the scene: Party of 4 DM: As you enter the cave you see realistic statues of adventurers, frozen in time. Ranger: I make a Spot check (rolls) (passes) DM: Ahead in the cave you see a large mass and two small glowing green orbs... Rogue: I'm going to scout ahead and figure out what that is... DM: as you walk ahead you see the mass begin to move toward you. Rogue: I move closer DM: In the darkness you can barely make out the six-legged creature as it moves closer still Rogue: I stand my ground DM: Roll a Fortitude Save Rogue: (rolls)(fails) DM: Your muscles feel stiff as you see your hands shifting to stone and creeping up your arms... Rest of the party: You got stoned with a Basilisk!
Flushmaster 05-25-05, 03:55 AM	You got stoned with a Basilisk! Good one.
Cire Darkenson 05-25-05, 02:59 PM	I was playing a Gnomish Artificer once and me, a rouge, and a ranger were sent in to a giants fort, we were fighting the head giant (there was like, 50 in the entire place) and I decided to spend my first 3 turns moving over to and climbing up the giant. Once I get to the top of the giants head, I pull out a hammer and a spike, I look at the spike for a minute then toss it and pull out a sword then proceed to start trying to drive my sword into the giants skull. I failed and the giant took his hand and swept it back across his head and knocked me to the ground.
Jonnadiah 05-25-05, 04:18 PM	DM: OK, NPC Kayla shoots an arrow at the dam and unfortunately, since goblins don't know how to store oil, a spark ignites the oil and the dam explodes. *silence* Me: Well, I hope everyone has blank character sheets. *more silence* DM: Why? Me: According to the laws of physics, flaming oil remains on top of water, so therefore a huge wall of flaming water is rushing at our caravan. We'll have to make ungodly saving throws to survive. DM: Well here, I make the laws of physics. Isil (Wizard): Are there any life boats on your ship? NPC Bushka: Why would we need lifeboat? We have THIS boat!
Hustler One 05-27-05, 11:21 AM	During a game me (Sorceror) and the rest of the Party. Fighter, Rogue, Ranger, and a Druid. Where supposed to find this Werewolf that was terrorizing the town. Well we spent a few game days trying to do some detective work. And well...our suspicions laid with the Town Captain of the guard. He was always missing at night and when he went trying to track the wolf. We never saw any traces that he had gone out into the forest nearby. Well we confronted him about it, and he played ignorance. My party members and he where in a hostile debate over the true identity of the werewolf. When the fighter says and I quote "Take him down!" then draws his weapons. I win intiative. Me: I disintigrate the Guard. DM: Uh...*rolls for save* He turns into pile of ash. Me: "Problem solved." Rogue: So was it the Werewolf Me: *shrugs* "Those look like werewolf ashes?" Druid: Oh my... Fighter: That's gotta be him we couldnt track him at all Werewolves can do that! Ranger: So can Rangers... Fighter: Oh... Me: Great...
Elriczero 05-27-05, 02:43 PM	Our party needed help from a local thiefs guild and were working on getting in to their base to request help but the guards wouldn't let us in so my friend's character a fighter who never thinks anything through broke in through a window killed five people and then asked the guild leader for help. Obviously the plan didn't work
LCD2YOU 05-27-05, 03:22 PM	1st level party Vs an oger (large party, Oger is BBEG) Elven Wizard: I charge the oger. DM: What weapon are you using??? Wizard: My longsword. DM: Make your attack roll. Wizard: 21 (20+1 str) DM: Confirm?? Wizard: 17 (16+1) DM: Roll damadge... :mymy: Wizard: 18 DM::blink: Wizard: Thats max damadge. DM: :blink: ....Next round.... Oger has failed to hit Wizard, everyone else has failed to hit oger. Wizard: 20 (19+1) DM: Oh :nonono:. Wizard: 18 (17+1) DM: :uh-huh: :banghead: :help: :twitch: :twitch: :gah: Wizard: 17 DM: Its down. The wizard beat it to death... *has lie down* My group, the one I DM which consists of my eldest daughter, my friend and his oldest boy, burst into a room with 4 orges. They were not expecting any sort of "company" and had their weapons against the wall. The first round was a surprise round for the party. The raging barbarrian and cleric take out one ogre on their first swing. The Sorcerer sleeps a second. The next un-surprised round, the party still has initiative, and the orges still flat footed, and kill one more. Still the last ogre dropped the cleric, rogue and put the barbarrian into negatives before the sorcerer slept it. The party was ALL 1st level. Also, I couldn't hit with my dice.
<<Seraphim>> 06-05-05, 11:02 AM	Well, I used to play a half-orc barbarian, and my DM attacked us with a bunch of illusions. When we found the culprit, it was a pixie illusionist, who (me still being in a rage) I promptly wedgied. However in my zealousness, I killed the pixie. Which changed my alingment to CE from CG. The moral: Pixies are small enough that a strong wedgie can kill them. Wedgies=bad.
hiroshimahamster 06-10-05, 09:03 AM	The party I'm in at the moment are all completely barmy. Just so you know... I'm one of them... The party rogue was climbing on the ceiling using spiderclimb gloves (don't ask). He decided to drop his double-ended sword through the centre of one of the five trolls we were facing. Critical. Dead. Did same with dagger. Decided to drop down from the ceiling onto a third one. Forgot he had no weapons... Began to bare-knuckle fight it... Only survived because the crazy halfling wizard 6/rogue 1 (me) hit it in the face with a large fireball and killed it outright. :cheer: I'm not a pyro... Honest...
Wilkow 06-10-05, 10:39 AM	First adventure we come to this town that has a wishing well just outside. So we are told about it an hired to help lift the curse or whatever, as the wells grants any wish that can be taken from said town. We all go and try it out on some random mundane stuff just to see if it really works. Well we kinda take it overboard and after quite a few warnings guards are summoned and we get pushed into the well. DM: Well what are you guys going to do now your stuck at the bottom of this well barely alive, no equipment and they sure arent going to let you out. Player: I wish for the blood of the townspeople! After a few swim checks we loot the town and get our reward since they dont have to worry about the well anymore.
The Man from Uncle 06-10-05, 10:53 AM	101. A mid-level party encounters an 18 inch iron golem with swords in each hand. Fighter: Attack! (Rolls high) DM: What's the magical plus of your weapon? (we were playing 3.0) Fighter: +2......hmmm...oh yeah.... i don't think i can damage it. Golem attacks with both swords and hurts the fighter. Fighter: Help Mage: I'm useless Rogue: Nothing I can do Bard: As if Cleric: Come on....it's knee height....we must have something. (we all back away from the tiny metal construct) (everyone looks at their sheets) Cleric: What's the floor made of? DM: Stone Cleric: Stone shape a little dome over it DM: Done Golem: Tap, tap, tap, tap... When we came back through the dungeon 2 days later and the tapping hadn't stopped.
nyaif36 06-10-05, 02:36 PM	keep in mind that this is staring at a 20 ft. tall door that is heavily inscribed with runes.. me:hey, why is everyone just standing around? aren't you gonna see if it is even locked? person behind me: RUN!!! other unfortunate behind me: Why? followoed by a prompt boom as a fireball trap goes off... next scenario, we are walking down a hall.. dm: your axe senses something that involves orcs on the other side of the wall me: a get ready to bash it down 5 party members: stop! (they then tackle my character) other 5 party members: hide! as they jump behind some rocks wizard casting detect and read magic: lets see, touch this wall and you will be burned, marred, crushed, killed and a number of other unpleasant things. different campaign: friend:I throw the zombie into the sewer river Dm: a pair of hands reaches up and pulls you under with them, roll a swim, dc15 friend: the best i can get is a 7 dm: im sorry you are forever lost in sewers with a immortal character that does not need to sleep or eat being chased by a zombie that does not need to sleep or eat... later in the battle: other friend: no the goblin can't get away! (he then throws a little ball that activates and causes a fireball with he and i in it, and the goblin was already gone)
Alcari Ambaron 06-11-05, 04:35 PM	47. Our group is inside a circular room which is encircled on all sides by a dragon; the Druid once again saves me and himself by casting "meld into stone" just as the dragon breathes fire into the room where we're standing. how can 1 dragon encircle a room??? we enter a room with a moster in it, to stop him from pouring acid in the local stream. He goes (greater)invisible and kills nearly the whole party. Me and the (near death) fighter decide to jump in the pool to see his footsteps, but we forgot to notice the pool was nearly all acid.....and 20 ft deep....and had a small dragon living in it.......... we were sneaking through a forest in 3 groups, we kept in touch through a couple of magic field radios. It was ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL we arrived without being detected. one group (mine) was attacked en route.... the fighter called for the other groups to help out, but they didn't know where we were. So he told us we needed to signal them somehow, i did the first thing i thought of and shot a fireball up into the sky....about 20 seconds later we got picked of by some patrolling dragons.
Alcari Ambaron 06-11-05, 05:09 PM	96 - (i think) WARNING, MATH INCLUDED in a semi epic campaign I was playing an orc barbarian with 42 strentgh. We had aquired a "weatherlight (MTG)" like flying ship, which we had managed to crash it near a huge ravine on another plane. We couldn't teleport or otherwise get out, except with our (now non-functional) ship. We knew it had to reach a certain speed before we could plane-shift, so we needed to go fast. Our rogue came up with an idea. *players talk* Me - I tie a rope around my waist and attach it to the ship DM - uhhh ok? Me - I push te ship down to cliff DM - YOU WHAT???? Me - i push it down. DM - you can't, it weighs like 40 tons. *checks lifting chart* Me - hmm, heavy load is *calculator* over 8000, push is 5*8000 = 40 tons DM - damn you!, ok the ship falls down, you get pulled down with it Cleric - i pull him aboard DM - (****** of because he had a whole campaign planned in this plane) ok, your ship fails to meet the required X km/h to planeshift and it crashes into the ground, destroying it utterly. wizard - but our ship has Y square meters forward surface area, and if the cliff is Z feet deep, acceleration is 9,8 m/s, we can make the X km/h easily... DM - NO WAY (he spend days and days hours planning the campaign) this ended with our asking the physics theacher if the ship could make that speed, it could. the DM tore up his 30+ page in front of the webcam... later we told him he could just have fudged the gravity....he stopped DMíng our group... but our in-joke is now to "just multiply it with 9.8"
Meshakhad 06-11-05, 05:50 PM	I just remembered another incident from the same adventure I mentioned earlier (this is before the rogue had risen). We had arrived at a warehouse on a tip we found on what was left of the ghoul. We entered, and got into a fight. After a time, both the fighter and myself were unconscious. That left our elven wizard who had ran out of spells. He draws his longsword, and outfights the last enemy. One CLW potion later, we have to deal with a sniper on the roof. He is covering our means of escape. Trouble is, he only pops out to shoot. So the wizard and I try our only possible strategy: Use readied actions to shoot him when he pops out. Eventually, after the wizard was dropped (but I had a chance to use Cure Minor Wounds) I finally killed the sniper. That adventure, I probably used my crossbow more than my morningstar.
Valgaav 06-11-05, 07:08 PM	how can 1 dragon encircle a room??? small room, big dragon? :D Also, though it isn't D20, much less DnD, the Usual Gang of Idiots has some fun quotes: http://www.dimfuture.net/elsewhere/roleplaying.html
OrionNo9 06-12-05, 12:58 PM	This happend at the end of last sestion I played. I am playing a MoMF with maxed out ranks in Bluff and a Chrisma score of 18. Anyway I was in town, in wildshape form of a young human, going to sell the amour and weapons to the local weapon shop. I make small talk with the owner of the shop and sell my my stuff at a really go price, and then is where it gets funny, he asks me if my father was a blacksmith. I bluff and say yes, and he believes me. He ask me about my blacksmith father, to which I bluff and say that he is my blacksmith father, and again he believed me. The shop owner is sooo happy to meet his long-lost 'son' that he gives me share to half the store.
Talinna 06-12-05, 01:13 PM	5 member party, Cleric,Fighter,Ranger,Bard and Sorcerer Sorcerer is driving the weagon (couldn't make this playing session) and we're following a caravan of red wizards from They across the desert to another town which has a church that our cleric belongs to, the bard (me) has banded this little group together because she is under attack by an unknown idenity for an unknown reason. Anyhow we're in the middle of the desert and the fighter is an moon elf who has this special gift of having wings that appear on comand so he can fly... needless to say he scouts out the area from time to time giving us a birds eye view.... well him and his armor happy butt spot an entcag (sp), he deceids to go after it, but first tells the party (looking for help), we inform him that they are like ants and where there is one you will find hundreds and that we want no part of it (at only lvl 3!). Well he takes off anyhow and the ranger has a sudden moment of realization that if the elf comes back after killing one, or has to flee his battle the whole mound of them will follow him back to us (in thus eating all of us!), so he sends his egal out with "pass with out trace" to tack the elf with... the elf gets spooked when the egal wings him over and turns back with out doing anything. Same kid, different campagin... again playing the fighter Fighter to Cleric(me=half-dragon cn) : Help me lift this lid Me: I'm not going to help you defile a crypt, specially when my god told me to put things to rest, not to disturb them!!! Fighter to DM: can I lift it on my own? DM (fighters mom irl) No, you need someones help Rest of part has gone down a whole in the wall, slipped and fallen into some sort of liquid (sented oil) the hole looks like it was designed for the crypt to fit into and slide down a ramp into this oil... Fighter: fine then, I'll just have to bash it open Cleric: No you wont (turns to DM) ~ I'll push him down the hole ~ DM: make a strength check (str mod 5 + roll 18) needless to say the fighter losses Fighter: Hey! ~ I'll grab his leg~ DM: (rolling her eyes) Make a graple check (clerics have sucky checks! roll an 11, lose) DM: He grabs your leg and pulls you down with him. you both fall into the middle of a stream of oily liquid, make a swim check. Cleric makes the check takes one round to reach the edge, fighter fails, seems he is carring a 'heavy' load. other party member: I push a rope down to him in the liquid DM: He weighs to much for you to lift party member to cleric: help me get him out? Cleric: fine! but I wont heal him!! draging me into that muck, wanting to robb the dead! DM: it takes all of your combined strength to pull him out OOC: me to fighter: What the heck is he carring?!?!? fighter ooc: just an anvil, a 25lb chunk of marbel, my two swords, my armor and a few other things in my bagpack... ** should of let him dround!**
Monk of Silence 06-12-05, 05:22 PM	DM:you roll a 20 on serch eh.You find nothing. Me: I roll 1 d20 DM:on what? Me:On search.I roll 20 what do I find. DM:Erm nothing. Me:Countinue rolling till I find somthing Dm: :mad:
lady_ghofen 06-12-05, 07:46 PM	About six months ago we revisited a high level 2e campaign where I was playing a CN Fremlin mage/thief, another player had a dwarven fighter/cleric, and there was a half-demon. We were underground in a huge cavern filled with an oncoming horde of 150+ undead and come across some strange red/black dragon crossbreed that my acid bow couldn't affect, so I cast lower resistance and greater malison on the dragon. The dragon flies up to the top of the cavern, where he apparently has his lair. I cast fly on the rest of the party, and we head up after said dragon. On my second attempt with polymorph other, I turn the dragon into a chicken. I then convinced the LN dwarf to kick the chicken over the ledge for a 1000+ foot drop. The chicken lands *splat* and is instantly killed and transforms back into a dragon, killing almost all the undead in the area. Yah!
Prince FyreDragon 06-13-05, 06:24 PM	A couple of bad ones... Had just started a brand new campaign in a homebrew world based off of 1e. Town is primarily built in tree branches, with only main buildings on the ground. Playing a fighter with a Charisma of 3 (rolled 4 1's at creation...yuck), I was explaining his low Charisma as him being a drunkard, thus he never went anywhere without a mug of ale in his hand. In this town, there is a snake cult, with a temple on the ground. Our party, not wanting to be discovered as anything other than townspeople, hid our belongings and joined everyone else in entering the daily mass in the church. Me, being the drunkard, smuggled a mug of ale in with me. As we walk inside, there are minor priests standing like ushers at the end of each pew. I see something moving on one of their wrists, and see that it is a tiny snake. Me being totally sloshed, decide I am going to pet the snake. DM even had me make a Wisdom check, which I failed horribly. So I reach out to pet the snake, which turned out to be an asp, bit me, and I promptly fell to the floor dead. This was such a stupid act, that to this day, other players from that game still accuse me of intentionally trying to kill my character LOL A more recent 3.5e game saw me playing a Barbarian 3/Fighter 3 who had a passion for juggling. He started off with fruit, but once he got decent, he switched to juggling wood hatchets. So our party goes into a nearby town, and get into a fight with thieves in the inn, at which point the paladin wants to go get the town guard so that we can have them collect the evidence. I volunteer to stay behind to watch things over until they get back. So while they are gone, I pick up all the bodies and set them in chairs around a table to be an audience for my juggling act with the hatchets. I was there for some time on my own, as my party got waylaid by other attackers before the town guard could be found. So when the town guard shows up, they walk into a barbarian juggling hatchets with 4 of the 5 bodies having their heads on the floor due to me making some very very bad rolls for my juggling LOL One last one...a DM that I used to play with had this story about another person he used to play with. This person was all by himself in a part of the woods. DM: You come across a structure erected in a clearing in the woods. It's a gazebo. Player: I say hello. DM: It does nothing. It's a gazebo. Player: I walk up to it. DM: Ok, what next? Player: I push it. DM: Alright, you push it. It doesn't move. It's a gazebo. Player: I want to jump on it. DM: You jump on it. Nothing happens. It's a GAZEBO. Player: I'm going to attack it. (rolls to hit) I hit. DM: You hit it and nothing happens. IT's A GAZEBO. Player. I jump off of it and set it on fire. DM: It burns to the ground and is now a pile of ash. Player: What kind of treasure did it carry? DM: Nothing. IT'S A FRIGGING GAZEBO! Needless to say, anytime we run into something that is so obvious that it seems too obvious, out comes the phrase "It's a gazebo"
Glenn4Moose 06-14-05, 12:30 PM	I'm playing a cleric 2/bard 1 in eberron. Worshipper of olladadra(or however you spell it), ladies man and likes to play the gullable bumpkin role. We had arrived at Kornith so my character decided to go visit the local temple. On arrival, he offered the halfing some help with something around the temple. The following conversation occured. Halfling - "So what can you do?" Me - "Better question is what can't I do." Hafling "Hmm okay, I wish I could fly." I go to pickup the hafling and fling him at this point, make the touch attack fail the grapple horridly and he squirms away. Halfling - "What the heck are you doing?!? I wanted to fly not be flung!!" In perfectly even tones, me - "You just said you wanted to fly, you never mentioned anything about duration, distance or landing capabilities so its your own fault." The group started cracking up as I attempted to fling him and it just got worse. :)
Sinaz 06-14-05, 02:59 PM	Had a party exploring the waterworks of a city... ended up in the sewage- suffering from the fumes, they had to make con checks constantly. Eventually they encountered kobolds, and the sorcerer cast fireball down the sewer tunnels. One moment, the drainage pit lights on fire like a line of gasonline... five rounds later, the entire local sewage system flash-fires and blows the kobolds away, the party surviving only by diving under the waist-high trough of raw sewage. Another adventure back in 2E land had our party running from the hordes of hell to a rope bridge that spanned some sort of gap between the rhealm of the dead and rhealm of the living. The over encumbered thief (looting the riches from hell) couldn't keep up and was halfway across this enormous rope bridge when the horde of demons starts crossing on the other end. The fighter readies his sword to cut the ropes. The thief starts dumping his loot, running faster, yelling hysterically at the fighter. Final words of the fighter: "Don't worry, we'll find a way to ressurect you!"
Winter Fallout 06-15-05, 10:02 AM	The party had engaged a group of Dwarves in a drinking competition. And they were a little ticked that the Dwarves were doing better than them (gotta love Dwarf constitution). Earlier that day the fighter had bought a shrinking potion, and then he had the idea of spiking one of the Dwarve's drinks with it. He passed a Sleight of Hand check, and the Dwarf, not knowing that his drink was now spiked, downed his drink. A moment later the Dwarf feels sick and falls off the chair, he climbs back on to the chair (literally climbs), and everyone is now shocked to see him even smaller than he already was. Luckily his Dwarven buddies were too drunk to care that much and the effects weren't permanent, but it was still quite funny. It's what i've since called: A wild time of heavy drinking and Dwarf shrinking.
GunsNRoses 06-15-05, 05:58 PM	In a first lvl. campaign i was a elven paladin. I wore scale mail armor, the best I could get. We fought goblins. One started to run away. I, the 100 pound elf in 30 pounds of armor with something like 20 pounds of gear on me, decided to tackle the goblin. The DM didn't say what broke. He said the goblin broke.
Curio 06-17-05, 11:06 AM	Our regular DM is very fond of playing intelligent opponents as planners, often with illusions and other decoys. weve got a bit paranoid about these and one of my characters died after poking a dragon to see if it was real or not, it was. CHOMP!! :eek: :( Ive also rolled a rock onto a dragons head but that character survived. the first time i saw a prismatic wall is even worse DM: you see a multi-coloured wall blocking the path, the colours shift and whirl. Me (level 7): its just a big wall? DM: :confused: Yeah Me: i knock on it looking for a hollow spot. :nonono: DM: :evillaugh Shows me the spell Me: :uh-huh: :surrender :ghosted:
Ragey 06-17-05, 02:56 PM	Two Funnest things: First is in a seperate campaign, where I am a Elf Fighter with 27 Strength. I'm in a party with: 1 Monk 1 Ranger 1 Druid 1 Spellthief and myself, the Fighter. We land on a beach where are general had sent us and are attacked immediately. We roll initaitive, the Monk goes first, Spellthief, Druid, Myself, then the Ranger. The Monk's first action is to rush forward in a sprint and do whirlwind kick, which gives him a few hits, but lands him very far ahead. I sigh as I watch the enemies start to flank him. The others look for the means to defend him, they start blaming me cause I'm not a Cleric like I was 'suppose to be'. Pfft. Anyway. Monk: Uh, I need help! Few seconds later, Monk is unconcious, very close to death. Ranger: I'd shoot them, but I don't have percise shot. Druid: Busy right now ... Spellthief: *Fleeing away from another enemy currently* So I take a minute to think and glance to my sheet. Myself: DM. DM: Yo'? Myself: How much do one of these creatures weigh? DM: I suppose.. 200 pounds at least ... I look at the map, crawl over to get a better look. There is one enemy diagnolly five feet in front of me, in a straight line is the monk, flanked from behind and another on his side. Myself: I want to bargain to save the Monk. DM: Kay ... Well ,I don't want to kill 'em. Myself: Good, alright. This is what I want to do, I want to take a free five, and grab this creature face with my palm and launch it into its friend on the other side of the map to knock it away from the monk. Everyone: ........ DM: :uh-huh: I watch my DM calculate ... DM: Alright. I'll allow it to be a one round action if you can do two things. Roll a high enough Grapple Check against the creature and beat it by 10. Then I want a strength check with a DC of.. 28. That means.. I HAD to roll a crit to get the 30. I give it a moment.. And I go for it. Me: I run forward and grip the creatures face with my hand and reel back. DM: Roll. What you get? Me: 26. ( 19+8 ) DM: ...Holy crap, well you made the first check, I rolled **** poor. Now.. Me: I launch the little bastard like a rocket at the enemies near the monk. DM: ...Roll.. I lean over, and roll on the map for everyone to see. DM: ...20. Your kidding me.. Everyone: ... *stare* I successful made every monster on the scene turn to me and begin to run. DM: ... Well, You officially learned the 'Throw Anything Feat' Fighter. ------------------- The Second funniest part ever.. at least to me. The other campaign I'm in, I watched as everyone begun to prepare to fight a White Dragon Wyrm. We had 2 hours approximately to prepare. My character worriedly tried to get everyone together and say that this wasn't needed, we had more then enough time to escape! The DM did it because my group was always begging for a fight, everyone but my little Ninja/Wizard/Dragon Disciple (Unique mix, I know, but it went with my characters theme). So what usually happens happens. The Warmage gets delusions of granduar(spelling?) and runs off to see if he can amass a army. The Dwarf tries and bribe people to give him free things so that they live. The people are very religious and believe that its their time to die, so they do not help, thus he sits and decides he's not even going to fight. The Rogue and the Cleric run off to think of something alone without asking anyone or telling anyone. Me? My little ninja begins research on White dragons, runs off to scount the last area to see if anyone knows anything about the dragon, the one thing that is said countless times is that the Dragon will not fit through the gate into the current world I'm in, she will need to alternate forms in. I try to alert the group, doesn't work, so I prepare with my Brass Dragon, Young Adult Cohort and talk of strategies. The first to come through the gate is a flood of people.. I eep and start herding them out as fast as possible. Since both me and my cohort are good. While I'm doing this, the dragon appears. The Rogue and the Cleric had put up a Ward that did a ncie amount of damage, but not enough. Immediately after there, the Rogue sets off a trap that fires arrows into the area. Nearly kills me, but kills a good 50 people! My character nearly has a fit. The dragon immediately kills the two of them with a breath weapon. After I see that, I decide to pull out my trump card. Scroll of Planar Shift. Off we go. Me and my Cohort only. Everyone: ....... DM: .. W.. WHAT? How?! No, everyones suppose to d-- Me: ...I never wanted to fight anyone. Everyone else dies. My character survives. *snickers*
Ariez Vorn 06-18-05, 02:30 AM	I once cast a darkness spell on my crossbow.... :nonono:. It was my first campaine. Later on in that campaine we wondered into a giants cave which later callapsed behind us and the only way out was to tie some rope off to a well. We later found out that the well was the giants toilet and were now wondering through giant droppings. :yuck:
shadowfox628 06-19-05, 02:04 AM	One PC tried to start a fight with a barbarian 26 levels higher than he was. He was only stopped because the DM suggested that it was a bad idea. A half-orc barbarian failed to intimidate a teenager halfling, but was intimidated greatly by the teenager halfling.
AjaxUD 06-19-05, 02:21 AM	DM: "Well, you fail to break the grapple. So.... the gnoll decides to punt you. Let's see, that's 10d6 damage, and you land 150 feet away from the encampment..."
Elussan of the Bow 06-19-05, 08:30 AM	There were 6 of us playing an evil one-shot one day. Among the group was a human kensai from the OA handbook, and a Minotaur Warlock (we have a player that is fond of playing monstrous characters, no matter what the reaction of the other characters might be). Forget just how it happened, but somewhere along the lines, the kensai went to strike down a foe and the minotaur WARLOCK decides he wants to catch the blade! The sword he was using was a +2 keen falchion, and adding in the kensai's improved critical factor, the man criticalled on a 10-20 (provided he hit, of course). So the two made opposed attack rolls and, the short version, the minotaur lost his hand. Fortunately for the warlock, the DM offered to reverse time to before it happened, leaving the minotaur with a bad case of deja vu and giving him another chance at a "wiser" decision. But the overall player reaction was, "You idiot!" followed by hysterical laughter.
sleazeonwheels 06-19-05, 12:58 PM	My party was fighting a pair of Huge gorillas. Our Paladin decides to attempt to trample one on his warhorse, runs straight into the gorilla and falls over. Later in the same battle, one of the gorillas grapples the Paladin and throws her at me. I managed to dodge. While fighting a trio of Hill Giants, one of them grapples our monk and stuffs him into a bag. He cut his way out using a shuriken, which took 2 rounds.
sleazeonwheels 06-19-05, 12:59 PM	The sword he was using was a +2 keen falchion, and adding in the kensai's improved critical factor, the man criticalled on a 10-20 (provided he hit, of course). Improved Critical and Keen don't stack.
Planar Wanderer 06-20-05, 11:56 AM	Improved Critical and Keen don't stack. They did back in 3.0, in 3.5 they don't though
OracleYori 06-20-05, 04:08 PM	My friend's first level wizard, when the party was attacked by ravenous wolves, whipped out some meat and cooked it with burning hands... He was also the closest one to the wolves.
pertoleum 06-20-05, 07:56 PM	my half dragon used his 60 foot line of fire while we were in a giant tree only 30 feet wide( supirisingly we survived) note : trees = flammable-highly flammable
Mr Kelvin 06-20-05, 10:42 PM	My first real D&D character was a Human Cleric. I particularly liked him, and enjoyed finishing an adventure called "The Ettin's Riddle". My group, a Human Monk, a Halfling Rogue, and a Human? Wizard, came to a fork in the road and, having finished the adventure, decided to take the other fork than the one we usually took. Being a Cleric in massive armor, my Move Silently check was horrible (not aided by the fact that I rolled super low, like a 2 or 3, with a modifier of like -5 or -6) I made a horrible noise walking down the road. From the woods on either side of us, the group hears a deep roar. I figure that whoever made that noise only hear me, so I told the others to Hide. No sooner do they make thier Hide checks, than two, not one, TWO Ogres come out of the woods and flank me :eek: . I won the Intit. check, and ran like hell. Of course I got an AoO, and they both hit me, leaving me with like 1 or 2 HP. I got as far away as I could, but they chased me. I ran again, but this time only one of them was in range to hit me, and he missed. I ran around a corner and hid. The Ogres got spot checks to see where I went (which the DM of course rolled), but they BOTH crit. missed. They began to argue over which way I went, then they started to fight. One of them swung at the other, but crit. missed the attack roll, and landed prone. The other just did a Coup De Grace on his former friend, and then chased off after me, runing right past me in the process. :rofl: I was thanking Palor for saving me after that one. That was my proudest moment right there, but I don't think I want to repeat it anytime soon. ;)
Squirrel_of_the_Forrest 06-20-05, 10:58 PM	I don't even know what number we are I am that lazy not to look. :-P *our orc threw a pet cat of one of the players (not a familiar, just a pet) and killed it
LED6180 06-20-05, 11:22 PM	My friend bet another PC at the bar that he could drink a full bottle of whiskey and walk out the door without passing out......Unfortunately for him he rolled a 5 on his DC20 constitution check :surrender
ĐēşţĩŊŷ 06-21-05, 06:57 PM	Player: I jump aboard my spaceship! Rumskib(danish word for spaceship)! me: Rumskib? what the hell are you talking about? Player: Luftskib! (airship) Was very funny, makes me think the dude is retarded. Another quote from the same player: That's too insane, i don't wanna play anymore if he can convince the other players of that i stole his wallet.
Doklahar 06-23-05, 02:56 AM	Ok, the party had 7 people: Me, a sorceror/rogue drow A ranger 2 paladins A wizard A fighter A cleric We were fighting a great-wyrm black dragon, the paladins, ranger, fighter, and cleric were sorounding the dragon, but we wernt making much progress. The wizard wasnt doing much either. Well, I got this idea to defeat the dragon: Me: I take out my bag of holding type 4 (filled with rumblesticks (dwarven dynamite)) and toss it at the dragon with my first attack, throw a dagger at it with my second attack, then cast a quickened fireball as the bag bursts, emptying the contents onto the ground. DM: ... :uh-huh:...um...wow... Me: So...everbody has to make reflex saves, right? DM: ...right... (everbody roles, only me, the wizard, and ranger makes the save) DM: ...well...there were 1500 sticks... at 6d6 damage each...ouch... (gets calculater) DM: 9000d6 damage, 4500d6 to all who made the saves...I do believe that everybody but you dies. Me: So...I win? DM: (Shakes head) yes, you defeated the enemy that you were meant to run from. (Everbody stares at me) Me:What, I killed the dragon, didn't I? Needless to say, that was the last time that the group allowed me to use that character
The_Prophet 06-28-05, 01:55 PM	:bump:
BloodBought 06-28-05, 11:03 PM	Ok, the party had 7 people: Me, a sorceror/rogue drow A ranger 2 paladins A wizard A fighter A cleric We were fighting a great-wyrm black dragon, the paladins, ranger, fighter, and cleric were sorounding the dragon, but we wernt making much progress. The wizard wasnt doing much either. Well, I got this idea to defeat the dragon: Me: I take out my bag of holding type 4 (filled with rumblesticks (dwarven dynamite)) and toss it at the dragon with my first attack, throw a dagger at it with my second attack, then cast a quickened fireball as the bag bursts, emptying the contents onto the ground. DM: ... :uh-huh:...um...wow... Me: So...everbody has to make reflex saves, right? DM: ...right... (everbody roles, only me, the wizard, and ranger makes the save) DM: ...well...there were 1500 sticks... at 6d6 damage each...ouch... (gets calculater) DM: 9000d6 damage, 4500d6 to all who made the saves...I do believe that everybody but you dies. Me: So...I win? DM: (Shakes head) yes, you defeated the enemy that you were meant to run from. (Everbody stares at me) Me:What, I killed the dragon, didn't I? Needless to say, that was the last time that the group allowed me to use that character That has to be the funniest idea I've ever heard in my life! I imagine your DM's jaw hit the floor when you told him your plan there.
mungojerrie 06-29-05, 01:17 AM	The party: Elven fighter. female Elven Bard. female Halfling Ranger.female Halfling Rogue. Female The party is traveling through the woods in a carraige owned by the patron, that is going to take them to their next adventure.turns out that the Half-elf driving the caraige gets scared and decides to turn around, taking the carraige with them leaving the PCs stranded in the middle of the forest.So......The Fighter whips out her dagger and says "You can continue driving us through the woods, or walk back home...and leave the carraige with us."She easily surpases the Intimidate DC and the guy runs away.Then she plants her behind on the seat and takes them the rest of the way herself. Maybe you had to be their, I don't know
Ilikan Holyaxe 06-29-05, 01:21 AM	... wow This isn't my campaign, but I sat in on one of my cousin's session, (who is 13(it is done by the same DM, same campaign et all) at the time only three of them could make it to the session, I didn't want to intrude, having gone through that particular episode already, and I did not want to make a cameo appearance. So anyways, the BBEG which was supposed to last another few levels appeared, they decided to take them on, one of the players (the tank) was away from the other two, so the two (caster types) decided to take him on alone (this guy is level 10 to their level 3s), they were both casting types, and they were very, very new to the game. So anyways, they chase BBEG into a forest, where combat commences. First round the wizard casts reduce on the BBEG (his second session, he started at level three because he was new to the group), then summons a celestial monkey, this celestial monkey has 1 hp, and lasts for the entire duration of the spell, grappled to BBEG's face, and pounding him into the dirt, the BBEG had cursed die or something because he failed absolutely everything to get the monkey off. once the monkey went away, he started to attack them, I thought they were done for sure, so did the DM, BBEG rolls a natural 1 first attack, and lets his +3 sword slip and fling into the middle of nowhere, the other player (telepath) "suggests" that BBEG doesn't need the sword, BBEG fails the save, even though he had a 60-70% chance of beating it, so a few magic missles later he's dead (the monkey got about three crits on him, I was watching DM dice), and they wander back to village, and became legendary heroes... it was incredible. I had initially thought that there were only three options for this situation 1. They die, headless, dismembered after second round 2. They run for help, and with the assistance of the town guard, and after a dozen or so fatalities, kill him 3. Run away, far away P.S. Please note that BBEG is fighter, designed for mage-smashing, and could not be hit once by my goliath paladin with a +12 to attack and damage, and was constantly hitting said goliath at 26 AC.
-Shade- 06-29-05, 09:28 AM	Actually, this story is an action I took myself. And it was pretty stupid, come to think about it. It all started with a town under siege by the evil ogre forces. My character, a half ogre fighter named Grint the Unstoppable, was at the walls when this occurred. The other players (btw, this was a 14 lvl campaign full of munchkins and powergamers, and it was MEANT to be as such just to see how powerful we could make our characters) charged after the ogre army, laying them to waste... ...while I languished at the walls. You see, they were either already outside and charging them head on, flying over the wall, or featherfalling, or tumbling, or even sliding down the wall like our ubermonk did. I was the only one that couldn't get over the wall without hurting himself. At first, the party butchered away... and I languished, wondering if I should take the plunge. Ogres were throwing rocks at me, but being 14th lvl, those boulders pinged off my spiked armour of spell resistance like they were mere pebbles. I taunted the ogres, calling them weak, stupid, uglies, thickies, etc... The damn Ogres called my half ogre 'Baby Fangs'. That was it! Damn the wall, I was jumping down to kill the mofo! We calculated, at that point, that a fall wouldn't hurt me too much. So I went for it... I rolled to jump... twisted my wrist, blew on the dice, and gave it a vigorous toss... Natural 1. My half ogre snagged the edge of the wall with his steel boot. He plummeted down the wall, a nearly one tonne piece of metal and flesh towards an unyielding ground. So I had to roll again to see if I would make a decent landing. I spun my wrist, rubbed the dice, had a few practice rolls to let probability run its course, and.... Rolled a Natural 1. Grint the Unstoppable did not live up to his nickname as he plowed facefirst into the dirt, armour and all, bending all his limbs in awkward and painful angles. But that wasn't all. With leers and laughs, five ogres surrounded my poor fighter and gangbeat him with clubs. Think about it, even a 14th lvl fighter and half ogre at that would be pretty messed up, prone on the ground, beaten, with every hit from all five ogres being able to hit perfectly without much of a defence... poor Grint the Unstoppable was mincemeat! Being at the edge of death, our party druid noticed the problem, and called upon his Dire Bears (named Bert and Ernie). He said, "Bert, Ernie... FETCH!" So not only did Grint the Unstoppable trip on a rampart, take a faceplant into hard packed earth, get gangstomped by his fullblooded kin and almost died... he also had the indignity to be dragged away kicking and screaming by two giant bears... :weep:
Gurthoron 06-29-05, 01:06 PM	Originally Posted by Doklahar Ok, the party had 7 people: Me, a sorceror/rogue drow A ranger 2 paladins A wizard A fighter A cleric We were fighting a great-wyrm black dragon, the paladins, ranger, fighter, and cleric were sorounding the dragon, but we wernt making much progress. The wizard wasnt doing much either. Well, I got this idea to defeat the dragon: Me: I take out my bag of holding type 4 (filled with rumblesticks (dwarven dynamite)) and toss it at the dragon with my first attack, throw a dagger at it with my second attack, then cast a quickened fireball as the bag bursts, emptying the contents onto the ground. DM: ... ...um...wow... Me: So...everbody has to make reflex saves, right? DM: ...right... (everbody roles, only me, the wizard, and ranger makes the save) DM: ...well...there were 1500 sticks... at 6d6 damage each...ouch... (gets calculater) DM: 9000d6 damage, 4500d6 to all who made the saves...I do believe that everybody but you dies. Me: So...I win? DM: (Shakes head) yes, you defeated the enemy that you were meant to run from. (Everbody stares at me) Me:What, I killed the dragon, didn't I? Needless to say, that was the last time that the group allowed me to use that character I had a similar character, who had maxed out craft (alchemy) and used to make massive amounts of alchemist fire and acid. I limited to only using the 250 lb capacity bags of holding (can't remember type). We were epic, and I blew a feat on epic alchemy. Thus, each pound of my alchemist fire did 3d6 dmage and 3 splash. Thats means one of those bags did 750d6 damage, and I always had 4 of each type. The only reason it wasn't a game breaker was becuase I used it sparingly. 1.) Used it to kill a devestation beetle to prove to a Pit Fiend I was worthy of taking over the devil army. 2.) Killed a Paragon Solar who we were unable to hit. Bastard's friends miracled it back next round. 3.) Used it to finish off a Dracolich after a long, painful epic duel that started with the dragon exchanging places with the nightmare abomination thing. (epic level spell replacing yourself with epic level critter. Downright mean) I killed the nightmare thing, at which point the dragon returned and I dumped an alchemists bag on his head. The best thing bout the bag was that I was a Sado-Masochist. (permanent versions of boths spells on me) Thus, each time I used one of these bags I got around a +3000 for the rolls the next round. Using this I once bullrushed through a prismatic sphere, hit the 3-4 solars inside it, and took them through it. All of them died. Good times.
brainster31 06-29-05, 05:42 PM	Greatest moment ive ever had This takes a little backstory so bear with me Were in an Eberron spider lair 6 of us In this huge chasm 2 already at the bottom being attacked by BIG spiders the druid at the top summons his bear familiar and kicks it off the cliff where it kills 3 spiders and dies from the fall promptly loses all his druidic abilities and gets smited by his god not to mention the warforged who jumps off holding the rope in hopes of slamming his fist into the wall to stop his fall and failing misurably leaving the wizard with 9 strength to hold the rope supporting the now falling 200 lb warforged classic first post :D
Baron Von Chaos 06-30-05, 01:24 PM	I had set up a small side advenure in which one of rooms had a cocktrice in it, the party then take about 10 mins to make sure their eyes are completely covered (in the players words) "so the cockatrices gaze wouldnt petrify them" (so said the sorceror). Well they go in blindly swinging wildly, walking into walls, eachother etc.... after about 30 mins and a dead cockatrice my one player says " I dont understand why we had to make saving throws if the cockatrices eyes never met ours" and then through uncontrolable laughed i read HOW a cockatrice petrifies. From that day forth the sorceror was not allowed to speak!
DragonDeadite 06-30-05, 04:24 PM	Okay, this one is just funny. Back-ground: I'm running a game where everyone is pretty much evil. They're a mercenary band in a rather nasty city and they just moved into a haunted house. They have in their posession an intellegent lute that I decided (for some odd reason) needed to speak in voices, so whenever it has something to say it says it in the form of a .wav from some movie or another. An urban ranger and a warmage don't like each other, so the warmage calls out the ranger and they have it out, the warmage hits the ranger with Hail of Stones and he goes inside only to be taunted (rather well) by the lute. After some taunting back and forth the lute says "Hey you, come back here and fight like a man!" (Kurt Russel in Big Trouble in Little China) so the Ranger comes back and says "I'll fight all right!" and proceeds to urinate on the lute. After a moment of laughter from the group I look at the sheet for the lute and just start cracking up harder than before. Everyone looks at me funny and asks me what's up. "The urine changes course and lands on the floor at your feet!" "He's got protection from Lawful!" (Which the ranger was lawful) Took us about half an hour to recover from that! :dragon:
the dmg 06-30-05, 05:51 PM	Last year in a campaign, I had a character that was all action and asks questions later kind of guy. We were pursuing a slave trader in the sewers of a city, and were able to defeat him. While searching his body, we find a pouch with what appears to be monsters trapped in tiny balls. Knowing full well OOC that it would cause trouble, I attacked one of the casings (remember: all action, no thought). My party members tried to stop me, but my intiative beat theirs and all the monsters ended up getting free. Imagine that the city we were trying to save, ended up being completely destroyed. WHOOPS!!
Evil Glowstick 07-01-05, 05:36 AM	my sig.
^Graff_EpsilonIX 07-01-05, 10:54 AM	Ok. So a party of a centaur ranger, a mage, a spike chain fighter and a rogue get hit with a meteor swarm with every metamagic feat on it and guess what, since save dcs suck, the rogue makes his save. that is just stupidly annoying. damn evasion.
Raindragn 07-01-05, 05:35 PM	DM: You come across a structure erected in a clearing in the woods. It's a gazebo. Player: I say hello. DM: It does nothing. It's a gazebo. Player: I walk up to it. DM: Ok, what next? Player: I push it. DM: Alright, you push it. It doesn't move. It's a gazebo. Player: I want to jump on it. DM: You jump on it. Nothing happens. It's a GAZEBO. Player: I'm going to attack it. (rolls to hit) I hit. DM: You hit it and nothing happens. IT's A GAZEBO. Player. I jump off of it and set it on fire. DM: It burns to the ground and is now a pile of ash. Player: What kind of treasure did it carry? DM: Nothing. IT'S A FRIGGING GAZEBO! Needless to say, anytime we run into something that is so obvious that it seems too obvious, out comes the phrase "It's a gazebo" Gazebo is my favorite word!! Really! Gazeeeeeboooooo. And gazebos are cool. Anyhey, here's how one campaign started. Last week actually. To tie the party together, the CN half-elf rogue twins (seriously) were on the run from a failed bank robbery attempt in a small town. They come across a lone cabin in the woods they were fleeing through. It's where the party's PC cleric was squating. They hadn't eaten in 3 days, and the smell of soup cooking attracted their attention. So they kicked open her door, tied her up, and talked about selling her into slavery while eating the meager amount of soup she had prepared for herself. And, she was one of the rogues GF. To the DM's credit, he was able to amend the story and bring me into it with amazing speed and aplumb.
codexia 07-02-05, 12:17 AM	This happened in the last campaign I was in... We ended up at the ruins of some tower, there were four Bodak's standing on the ruins. They watched us walking around the ruins, didn't even once try to stop us...till we tried to approach the part of the ruin they were on. We were told to leave, and considering we had no spells or anything prepared to fight creatures like that, we left. We had the night to prepare anti-death effect spells and will save boosts...and my brother got bored. He's playing a half orc barbarian (who happened to be a frenzied berserker...which after this campaign, by the way, my DM said "NEVER AGAIN!") and he liked to carry around his own life food. Aka, sheep o.o he actually bought amulets of adaptation for his sheep and stuffed them into his bag of holding with food so that he had portable dinner. Anyway, he got bored...so he sent one of his sheep towards the bodaks. Anyway, i'm sure if your on this board, you know what happens if a Bodak kills you with it's mind attack...in the morning >.> we were fighting a frigging Sheep Bodak. Easily the funniest encounter in the entire bloody campaign.
angelshelper81 07-02-05, 12:56 AM	So we've just gotten into town, and my brother's new Kender character is being, well, Kenderish. In other words, he's randomly pickpocketing people for random things. Bro: I'm going to pickpocket somebody. :roll: 23. What do I get? DM: :roll: :roll: :roll: You get a spool of thread. Bro: Cool! What color is it? DM: :confused: Orange? Bro: Cool. How long is it? DM: You'll have to unwind it to find out... So he spent the next hour and a half of in-game time determining that, to the best of his knowledge, it's an endless spool of thread. And he was happy. Later in the same session, we had snuck into a formal party. Bro: I pickpocket somebody. :roll: 28, what do I get? DM: :rolling lots of dice: Umm... You get a platinum piece. Bro: :dancin: Me & Bro, in unison: Is it Shiny? DM: No. Bro: :pbbbtt: I throw it into the crowd. Gotta love those Kender...
Valgaav 07-02-05, 01:07 AM	Last year in a campaign, I had a character that was all action and asks questions later kind of guy. We were pursuing a slave trader in the sewers of a city, and were able to defeat him. While searching his body, we find a pouch with what appears to be monsters trapped in tiny balls. Pokemon?
captainmorley 07-02-05, 03:03 AM	So i was a demagouge/cleric half nymph maybe 10th lvl so i decide with my great speaking skills a +13modifier in charisma and a +26 on all charisma checks that i can convince a man that the prisoner we came for is rightfully mine. Unknowingly to me this man is a schitzophrenic psycopath who is the second in comand to his master. So it went like this..... me: yea i work for your master i happen to be second in command! him: really? i was under the im pression that i was. me: wel maybe he has two seconds? him: whats his name? me: well i cant just go around telling that to everyone can i? him i and everyone else know his name. me: well you see i dont know him all to well for him to tell me! him: and ur a second in command? So this went on for about 2 hours real time him trying to get me to fess up and all the other chars are itching to kill him if it doesnt end soon so it ends like this..... me: OK thats it ive had enough BS with you im taking the prisoner wether you like it or not and there aint a dang thing you can do about it! him: (draws dagger) me:(i ready a defensive roll and walk up into his dagger threateningly) I go and try and intimidate him roll a +40 him: rolls natural 20 and has a +30 sense motive him: starts grapple make opposed check me: ok roll 2 him: he binds me and cuts my whole arm off and slices to cut every finger off me: (being half nymph im obsessed with how i look so i get ****** and get away adn everyone else jumps on him) So we killed him i got my arm sewed back on all pretty like and i castrated the man and ***** his sac on my neck which has gotten me in quite a few fights since then. For some reason people think its evil to wear human reproductive organs on ur neck?
Ehlijen Iswa Tschingjo 07-02-05, 08:19 AM	The party had just defeated some ogres who had just stolen a wagon full of wine from some gnoll bandits when the ranger declared: Ranger: Let's have a party and drink all the barrels! After a while came the following: Wizard: Hey, lets stick the halfling in a barrel and roll him down a hill! Other Wizard: Which one? There is two halfings in our party. Wizard: Great! We can have a race!
The_Prophet 07-02-05, 01:35 PM	The Party is approaching the Keep on the Borderlands (Greyhawk). Upon reaching the gate, the tower guards aska very simple question. Guards: Friend or Foe? Will: Friend! ME: Friend! Jason: Friend! Jon (being an idiot): he he.... FOE! US::mymy: :nonono: DM: You are struck by 12 crossbow bolts and dealt 78 damage. (Note: We were level 1).
Urzza 07-03-05, 05:23 AM	I, as a level 7 gnome wizard, rushed and hugged a Mind flayer Lich, so he would have a harder time finding the guy with the anullis. (Think big anti-psionic donut)
Tiran 07-03-05, 12:26 PM	I have some pretty good stories, and one very disturbing one. A friend of mine, sorta dumb, but a cool guy was playing a thief (2e). We had some rivalry with the local sheriff who we had managed to **** off a few times. He decided to pickpocket the sheriff (cause he had some amulet of recall or something) He got caught and arrested. He managed to break out, sneak out of town and hid in the shadows, waited for the sheriff to come by, and hit him with his sling, and snuck off. After the whole town goes into a panic (everyone was on edge due to orc raids and such) he sneaks back into jail somehow, and sits there. So... he escaped and then went back to prison. For some odd reason. --- Next story, same guy, same character. We had all moved on from that town and gone adventuring. Our adventures led us to a giant's lair. Anyway, we're at the base of the hill, having to go upwards to reach the giant's lair. Everyone charges up the hill, not wanting to be hit by flying boulders. The same guy as before decides to stay there, where for some reason he has this idea he can't be hit. However, he still only has one long range weapon. A sling. So as the rest of the party charges, and he stays there. Well, after about three rounds of combat, he went down. My dad, who DMed just has enemies randomly target (d8 for the party, it was a big group) us. Well he decided to make the fallen thief still a valid target. So after another three or four combat rounds, the thief had a nice burial site under 7 or 8 boulders. --- Now for the disturbing one. As in pretty ****ed up, also 2nd edition. My other friend, who played a chaotic evil cleric. He literally bought Splint Mail and a shield (giving him great AC), a flail, and the rest of his money went to greek fire. He used that greek fire whenever he could. Well, we were in town, and he decided he wanted to get laid, so he hooked up with some people at the bar (don't ask). They had some wine and went up to the room we were staying at. They played along with what he wanted until the poisoned wine took effect. He started feeling woozy (took penalties on action and damage every round until unconciousnses (custom poison) They decided to kill him, and took out "hidden daggers". My dad, the DM said "do you have any weapons on you?" My friend said quickly "Ya i keep a dagger strapped to my leg" My dad didn't question it, and battle commenced, with the Level 4 Cleric, taking on two 6th level thieves with a knife he wasn't proficient with, no spells left, poisoned, everyone buck naked, and utterly slaughtering them both in less than 10 rounds of combat. Well... afterwords, he decided that he was going to cut off their breasts and use them as pouches for some sick reason. He then heard someone coming upstairs (the girls screamed at death obviously), so he shoved their mutilated corpses under the bed, poured some greek fire on the bed, lit it, grabbed his equipment and leaped out the window. Needless to say we weren't welcome in that town again. After that he earned the title of "The Chaotic Evil Pyromaniac Boob chopping Cleric.
howlingwolf 07-03-05, 01:14 PM	DM: "Well, you fail to break the grapple. So.... the gnoll decides to punt you. Let's see, that's 10d6 damage, and you land 150 feet away from the encampment..." And it's to the judges.. And.. IT'S GOOD!
Valgaav 07-03-05, 01:47 PM	I, as a level 7 gnome wizard, rushed and hugged a Mind flayer Lich, so he would have a harder time finding the guy with the anullis. (Think big anti-psionic donut) DnD's Homer Simpson (FTR3/COM6): MMM...Doughnut... :drool:
D&D_Madness 5000 07-03-05, 07:31 PM	On my (and everyone else in the party's) first adventure, we went to a restaurant to retrieve a rare tree for a spell. Our halfling got hungry and ate there for 4 hours. We eventually got kicked out, after we grabbed the tree. Since that was a japanese restaurant, the term "4 houa" is now a team joke! :D
20goingon1232 07-03-05, 08:24 PM	Ok. So a party of a centaur ranger, a mage, a spike chain fighter and a rogue get hit with a meteor swarm with every metamagic feat on it and guess what, since save dcs suck, the rogue makes his save. that is just stupidly annoying. damn evasion. Umm, if you targetted the ROGUE and made any of the 4 ranged touch attacks, he don't get to make a save for that particular fireburst..... Although the all-round best damage spell vs Rogues is the Psion's Energy tree :D "Make a FORT save...."
lady_ghofen 07-03-05, 09:09 PM	I had a character once, who was a specialty priest (2E; can't remember what god). She was specialized in punching/kicking stlye, and would cast protection from fire (priest spell, absorbs x dmg of fire/level for caster), and then would douse herself in greek fire, and then go beserk punching the crap out of everything. Repeat when neccessary. It was partly for damage and partly for intimidation. Yeah, that worked well :D
Decree Of Boredom 07-03-05, 10:31 PM	My epic monk jumped onto a tremoundously big kraken in a pool of boiling water from about 200 feet up in a PbP game I'm in. Took out about half my HP from the AoO. Ouch.
20goingon1232 07-04-05, 06:54 AM	Not the smartest thing in the world: The three PCs (ECL 3 each) stop by a cave after a fight with an ankheg. Temperate climate + cave + hilly region = high possibility of BEAR! Ranger forgot about this and decided to use the CLW wand they found to heal up. 1 CLW later, they hear a roar. The Wizard wins initiative and legs it. The bear (CR4) charges out and attacks. The Fighter and the Ranger fights and the horses react by stomping the bear. Bear runs off (down to 20% hp in 1 round) back to its cave lair. And what do the crazy PCs do? They charged after it. Cornered bear + full attacks (because THEY ran to it, instead of the other way around) + horses too frightened to attack = 1 dead PC + 1 unconscious (at -7hp) PC. Luckily, the Wizard crept back after his headlong flight and managed to fry the bear with a well placed Scorching Ray (it was down to 4 hps....). Moral of the story: Do not corner bears. They hurt. A lot (to the tune of 44 hps in one round :twitch: ). Oh, and never roll a natural 1 when tossing an acorn at a squirrel (long story) that is right above you when you are on a horse..... Especially when the DM is in a very playful mood.... :tongue:
ork warlord 07-04-05, 02:12 PM	dont know why but my friend tried to stab the wall!
Swarms 07-04-05, 06:25 PM	One day, my brother and his friends (like 4 10 year olds) decided they wanted to learn to play dnd. I agreed to teach them and quickly set up a first level campain and gave them default chars (Tordek, Lidda, etc.). Everything was going well until the Big Bad Villain appeared. I introduced him as dramatically as I could and as a reply, got "My character pees on him"
Tsipaf 07-05-05, 03:39 AM	in our last campaign our Dm( a very aggressive dm) had run a bras-de-fer tournament.Our fighter was schedulled to play with a barbarian from Vaasa(the region where a was from)this is the dialogue between them Barbarian: I like u cause u have in your party a man from my country Fighter: Yes but i have something more, more tatoos than your mother Next session he was dead and when ressurected he has form a new party only with NPC'S
Bbutcher8819 07-06-05, 09:20 PM	Ok here is something really stupid that I did with my charecter. Ok I am a half-elf that is a 7 level druid but i am also a were-owl ( creation of the DM's). Well we are travelling down a river on a boat towards the line of the unknown were the bbeg has gone. We get attacked by one of those dinosaurs that live in the water with the very long necks. Well my charecter is usually the one that doesn't have the wacked out schemes but me in my infinite wisdom wildshape into a crocodile and try to grapple the dinosaur that is a size larger then me. Well one of the rules that my Dm has made for a lycanthrope like myslef is when I take damage of at least a quarter of my hitpoints I automatically change into my owl form. Well I get bitten and tranform into an owl. I am then of tiny size grappling this huge dino and I am underwater. Miracoulously I survive. Ok here is another but it was a different guy in the group that did it. We were still continueing down the river and we are attacked by a shipful of orc pirates. Well after a long fight we force the orcs to return to their ship and start to flee. Well I set it on fire with a flaming sphere. Our resident barbarian takes it on himself to jump on the now blazing ship that is pulling away from our own. He then realizes how dumb this was and trys to jump back. Unfortunantly the ship had pulled away and he fell into the river. he is carry his flaming greatsword so its wieght begins to pull him down into the water. We are yelling at him to let go of the sword. He finally lets it go when he realizes its the sword or him. He returns to the ship with our help. The guy was grumbling about loosing the sword and we just happen to point out that if he hadn't have jumped onto a BURNING ship in the first place that he wouldn't have been in the water and have lost his sword. He still hates the fact that I just had to tell him that.
Gnomemaster 07-07-05, 12:21 AM	one of my players milked orcus, then proceeded to drink the black chunky goats milk. "you can milk anything with nipples." he tells me
DeathMagus 07-07-05, 01:14 AM	"you can milk anything with nipples." Ladies and Gentlemen: the definitive example of the oh-so-important difference between the words "can" and "should." :teach:
RavenoftheCrags 07-07-05, 12:43 PM	Heres one: Me and two other players are in an abandoned tower on a desolate moor. Dylan(4th level rogue): What should we do? Bob(3rd level Fighter): Search the ruins of the tower. DM: You search the ruins and find a trapdoor. Me: Open it! DM: You open... Me: No wait. I haven't said I've opened it. I want Bob to. Bob: O.K. I'll open the trapdoor. DM: You open up the trapdoor and a sulphurous cloud rises out. Take a fortitude test. (he fails it) DM: You start coughing as the pungent gas fills your lungs, you fall forwards and plunge to your death. Me: Shoot! He had good items as well! Search the body. DM: You make your way towards the trapdoor. Me: No, I want Dylan to. DM: Dylan? Dylan: No. Me: Come on, I'll shine some light down there. Dylan: No! (I then push Dylan down the trapdoor, he survives the fall) Dylan: What?! (he tries the ladder but it is rotten and breaks) Me: Thank god! That could have been me down there. Throw yours and Bob's stuff up. Dylan: No. (I close the trapdoor) Me: Right, where to next. That proves that getting others to do your handywork saves your skin, however I had to do the rest on my own and met an awful incendiary death, much to the delight of my teammates.
The_Prophet 07-11-05, 09:40 PM	Druk, the Half-Orc monk in the campaign I DM, has now twice used rather, shall we say, *unorthodox* objects as thrown weapons. Instance one: Picks upa goblin, proceeds to use him as a thrown weapon against another goblin. Result? Critted! Yes that's right, critted a goblin with a goblin. :mymy: Instance two: Fighting against drow in a bedchamber. Round before combat: Druk: I pick up the dresser: DM (Me): :mymy: Um, ok make a Strength check (he has a 20 strength) to pick it up and a Dex check to maintain your balance. ( He passes) *Drow enter the chamber* Will: I hit it with scorching ray ! DM: ok it hits. Druk: My turn!!! I throw the dresser!! DM: :nonono: ok that's a large improvised thrown weapon -2 size, -4 nonproficiency, -1 range penalty Druk: *rolls* :mymy: natural 20! confirmed! 36 damage!! DM: :surrender:
Silais 07-12-05, 01:53 AM	In the first campain I ever DMed (is that a word?) I let one of the players be a half-dragon(brass) and gave him functional wings, my other player played a Rouge that was powergamed to all insanity (I let her take the vow of poverty feat out of the Book of Exalted Deeds). Anyway they were fighting a 11 headed Hydra with the half-dragon(blue) (also had wings) template on it. So in order to kill it they have the Half-dragon Fighter pick up the rogue and attempt to place her on it's back. This takes multiple attempts. By the time they succeed their 500ft in the air. She manages to climb down it's legs, all the while avoiding it's attacks, and holds on well enough to sneak attack its balls. She not only hits but roles a critical... On a sneak attack. Needless to say she kills the thing in one hit. The only problem is that she was 500ft. in the air and I house ruled that their is no cap on falling damage. This was so memerable that I put it in my sig.
Cherry 07-12-05, 06:04 AM	First day of our campaign, our warmage decided it would be funny to goose our monk, she whirled around and hit him...knocking him unconscious until our Cleric healed him....
MarkB 07-12-05, 09:56 AM	As a 4th-level party, we're investigating some Orcish vikings from the next island over who are occupying an abandoned mine on our home island for some reason. Our instructions are to find out what they're doing and why, and whether by any chance it's a legitimate activity. The party consists of myself (gnome sorcerer), a gnome druid, a human barbarian, a human ranger, a halfling rogue, and an elf wizard. As we stealthily approach the mine, we discuss whether to charge in or attempt stealth. Me: "Wait, wasn't there supposed to be a small chance they weren't doing anything illegal? We should talk to them first." So we approach openly, crest the rise in front of the mine, and make ourselves known. Barbarian: "Hail and well-met!" Orcs: <Throw a dozen javelins, recuding him to 1/3 hitpoints in one round> Me (deadpan): "I told you it was a bad idea to talk to them!" Eventually we fight our way past the outer guards, the druid uses a CLW wand to heal up the barbarian, and we head into the mine. Next fight features two orcs and a warg, and the barbarian's character is on the front line again. Barbarian: "I swing at the orc in front of me!" <rolls and misses> "Damn! Okay, I'm annoyed by that, and go into rage." Me (out of character): "Hey, you should wait until the start of next round to do that, so you don't lose AC." Warg: <Charges and bites the barbarian, then makes its free Trip attempt. Barbarian fails opposing Strength check by 1, and falls prone.> Barbarian (OOC): "Dammit, if I had my strength boost, I'd have made that!" Me (deadpan): "I told you you should've raged last round." Barbarian (OOC): "Is it okay if I kill the gnome now?"
Azrael23 07-12-05, 10:34 PM	Our party was on a mission to bring an afterlife to our world. The quest involved a trip to Ravenloft, and on the way we bumped into Lord Soth. Our sorceror got lippy with him and he told her that he could slay her with merely a word. Her response? "You can't kill me with a word." Duh...Power Word Kill. She narrowly escaped death, but I won't share the details because our DM didn't want to end the campaign due to such a foolish mistake. She didn't really learn after that though...
TheChilliGod 07-12-05, 11:32 PM	I love being a rogue. No, really. It's wicked. Such as this one time, last session, we came across a safe in an unguarded room. Well, my rogue open the safe, and the whole party is right behind me. My rogue checks the safe for traps, none found. (not with a bloody 16, no trap can be found!") My metagaming side knew there just had to be a trap, but My rogue sticks his hand in the safe to look for treasure and whaddo you know? It's a freaking in there after all! But here's the bast bit. My rogue passed my reflex save for half, and because he was the only guy with evasion, he didn't take any damage. Only the rest of the party took full. So when he looked behind him he noticed they were all in pain, and he's just peachy! And he set off the trap in the first place! In that safe were some elvenkind boots :ayyyy!: . I have to say it again- I love having a rogue character. Except when you're up against freaking undead which, of course, are immune to the one thing that makes you truly special; sneak attacks and bloody critical hits. The DMPC rolled, like, 20 criticals in that battle, and was so peeved because none of them counted!
AramilWindwalker 07-12-05, 11:46 PM	I was a lizardfolk monk fighting a black dragon, and it was flying when I thought it would be a good idea to leap up and grab it's legs, there were AoO followed by success, and then I was hanging onto the legs of a dragon... but why?
Big_Fau 07-13-05, 04:36 AM	I was running a 4-5 level campaign and about three hours into hour first session I wanted to have some fun so I threw a treant at them. It proceeded as expected for the most part, lots of crushing :D The favored soul, Sorceror, and Samurai got trampled. Then our Ranger got off the first proper attack(also his first hit of the campaign) which made the treant ignore his trampled victims and go after the now suprised Ranger. In his wake the samurai rose and placed his hand on his Katana hilt(he had fought with his shortsword earlier) He then charged the treant from the back. Chargin and drawing his sword and slashing in one motion he was able to pull off a natural 19 then confirmed with an 16 with the Iai-jutsu bonus and his thundering katana he was able to sever its leg/trunk and do enough damage to bring the Treant to 2hp in one hit! This however is not the end of our tale... ONe of my PC's created a custom class who's only real ability is his beads which can summon a celestial version of whatever he has killed with the beads (1d6 x2) returning throwing weapon. As it was now his turn he threw his beads at a now prone treant. For his first time in three encounters he hit and he killed the treant. He was then able to summon a celestial treant the next day thus boosting the partys total CR to a staggering(for five fifth level characters) 25 1/2.
Keeperof the Dragons 07-13-05, 05:07 AM	i was playing a sorcerer stuck at the bottom of a pit about 15 feet deep with a guard on patrol above it, kinda a makeshift prison cell. I taunt the guard like crazy, and even the DM is irratated, so in his haste he has the guard throw his spear at me. I use it to try and pole vault out, and make it! I get5 captured in my mistake and am thrown back in I get a look at the room above gettin gin this time, its VERY wide and the guard is usually far from the hole. I get mad and randomly throw a custom made 2nd level mini-fireball spell(half radies and damage or something, i dotn remember) and make an impossible roll to see if i spook the guards. Natural 20 The guards fried corpse falls down the hole with a rope caught around his foot. the DM was ticked at my awesome rolling and thwarting all his plans to trap me, but it was the best session ever!
digoraccoon 07-13-05, 08:29 AM	Ranger: "Enough stealth and hiding. Hey you, dragon! Yeah you, remember me!? Your little snack that got away 2 years ago? Yeah you, you dumb little lizard, come on and eat me now!" The only thing unfair about that battle was that the ranger survived. No one likes that player. :D
dark_youkai 07-13-05, 06:45 PM	I was playing an elven ranger that had just returned from an adventure with his companion, a human fighter. There was a rather large misunderstanding with the castle guard and as a result, my companion was being thrown in jail. The guards were going to seize me too because I was considered an accomplice. So me, being chaotic neutral, simply decked the guard in the face. Genius, right? It doesn't stop there. I proceded to dodge the guards's grapple checks doing a backflip (that part was pretty cool actually.... :P ). I tell the fighter that I'll come back for him and dash into the streets. My ranger was on the top of his game, looking as cool as hell as he evaded the guards and made his way to the roof tops. That's where it went wrong. I was on the roof top but the next roof was kinda far away. The guards had caught up and I was cornered so I figured what the hell. I rolled my jump check thinking that this could be my coolest stunt yet. 1. I rolled a freaggin' natural 1. Turns I smacked into the wall and lost consiousness for a few minutes. I woke up quickly but I was already being grappled. The once cooling looking ranger was know being dragged to prison, kicking and screaming all the way.... I spent the next few days in a jail cell with a bruised face and a Fighter that wouldn't stop laughing. The brutal irony was that I landed next to a wagon full of hay when I hit the wall..... :weep:
kam_Islash 07-13-05, 08:59 PM	Letting an atropal touch my face as it gently reached out to me. Ten points of con drain It looked so innocent!!!!!!!
The Almighty Bob 07-15-05, 05:40 AM	I have a player with the record for the fastest death I've ever seen. In his defense, it was only the third week he'd been playing, but still... He created a character for a one-shot game, which he decided would be a halfling barbarian (whichever subrace in Faerun has barb. as a favored class). He then decided to specialize in kukris. So, this halfling, starting off in a nasty, seedy bar in the middle of nowhere walks up to "the biggest, meanest son-of-a-***** in the place," equipped with his 1d4 damage die. He climbs up onto this guy's table (a nasty, scarred half-orc), and kicks his drink across the room. The orc stands up and scowls at him, and my player decides the best course of action is to punch the orc in the nether regions. The halfling, being a halfling, doesn't do much damage. The orc, however, draws a greatclub and smashes him through the table. With exactly 1 hp remaining, my brilliant player decides to stab at the orc with his puny knife. Again, being a halfling, and unraged at that, the orc hardly noticed (I had placed him as a second level fighter-- not too bad, but more than enough.) The half-orc did what came naturally and swatted the fly that annoyed him... my player's total time from creation to death from stupidity was less than 15 minutes. To top it off, he hadn't even met any other PCs. Great game, that. :cheer:
Shir 07-15-05, 06:57 AM	Speaking about fastest death ever: My character was once killed during the charachter generation phase. It happend as follows: After my previous character died I was busy creating another charachter. I had already rolled the stats determined race/class/level/name, but I was still picking out skills and feats. At this moment my DM decided that it would be a perfect moment to introduce my char into the campaign, in a dungeon, chained to the wall. So the party defeats my captors, opens my cell and what happens is: DM: you see a prisoner chained to the wall Cleric: I cast "Detect Evil" DM: Yes, he has an evil aura Cleric: ok. <closes the cel door> Shortest career ever... I must admit I used the same sheet for my next character, but with a different alignment... :P
Tiran 07-16-05, 02:03 AM	Since we're on the subject of quick character deaths. Alright, we have three players involved in this, alex, monty and nick, and our DM. All three are dwarven fighters. Dialogue isn't exact, its just the general idea of the conversation. This was like a year ago. DM: You all start off in a tavern. Nick: I wanna be leader. Monty: No way, I am. Alex: Monty should be. Monty: See alex agrees! Nick takes a stool and tried to hit monty with it and misses. Monty fights back, neither really doing anything to the other. Nick decides to draw his weapon and hits monty for some minor damage. Alex draws his weapon and attacks nick after saying something about defending his leader. Rolls a natural 20, confirms the critical and rolls max damage, and decapitates nick. lol. 5 or 10 minutes into the game and we had a player kill another player.
Monk of Silence 07-31-05, 04:59 PM	My group that my dad was dm for had a barbarian a male druid[me and a female druid we were taking a brake ina clearing when the barbarian sees a group of bison bbn:I see a bison what does it do. dm:Nothing it a bison. bbn: I walk up to it and attack it doing 18 points of damage. dm:it drops dead. Bison2 attacks the bbn doing 15 points of damage. me: I attack the bbn. WOW with my scimtar I do twelve points of damage :eek: . female druid: wo next you might attack me ! me: take the wand of healing then and use it on him. female druid: fine wow your almost fully healed. dm: the bison run off on acount of dead people coming back to life :clap: :clap: :rolleyes: .
Nordman 07-31-05, 06:27 PM	When I charghed at the evil half orc barbarian, wounded in a burning village.
peakaboojones 07-31-05, 09:56 PM	Top this, I've just started a paladin (aka level 1), but Im hanging around the other players who where all level 12. An ogre mage and mind flayer (I know, right. WTF?) raid the town. They all die. I charge the mind flayer, trusty morningstar aimed at the face, and pow 20, 20, 20. He goes down. Holy Crap that worked well. Needless to say the DM was angru, and the Players were angry, but im in the corner doind a happy dance.
peakaboojones 07-31-05, 10:13 PM	Im a level 38 monk, apostle of peace with the paragon and saint templates. My friend Jake has his character sign a contract with a man he never met, and the contract is written in abyssal. He cant read abyssal. Two days later his body drops limp to the floor. Me hand my epic warlock friend go into the abyss, navagate through 213 layers of demons, kick a demigoods butt and give him his soul back. Then we make him our cheesecake B*tch. We geas/quested him to have to get us cheesecake whenever we asked for it. LOL!
Salookanana 08-04-05, 03:47 AM	A friend of mine was playing a druid and his party was going through a dungion. They were fighting and fighting and when they got to a empty room the following happened (Note: Not word for word. Just general idea. I was not there, but was told about it) DM You see an empty room with mold growing in the corner Druid: I speak with the mold!! DM:... seriously? Druid: YES! DM:.... Congratulations. You found the worlds smartest mold. It has 40 INT. Party: :mymy: I did not ask if they found the meaning of life from this mold. Probably would have been 42 if I know the DM as well as i think i do... Also, this Druid likes to smoke...every thing. He recently got an immunity to all poison and has taken up smoking all maner of plants. After he got the immuinty: Druid: *Takes out pipe* PC: Hey you dont smoke! Druid: I do now! *Druid smokes some poisonous and mysterious stuff* PC: What is that your smoking?! Druid: Hey we druids get the best stuff, man.
Vexsom 08-04-05, 04:15 AM	Stupidist idea ever (but still a hoot): My group for D20 modern started out nicely enough. We eventually began fighting against holiday figures, because, we thought it would be fun to show these representations of amusement and happiness as depraved monsters. This was in a group of four people. I will hereby be known as tipsy the smart hero, the stoner of the group will be lele the fast hero, our DM for the game and resident strong hero will be poe, and the moron of every game is dinky stinky the charismatic hero (who cross class skilled into demolition... my gawd!). Enemy: Santa Location: Suburban home Time: 1 AM (4 AM for reality) We pull up to the house in a car attained through Lele's use of disable device on a luxury sedan. Lele remained outside and took aim at the raindeer on the roof with his sniper rifle whilst dinky stinky, tipsy, and poe approached the house. Dinky Stinky and poe worked their way into the house through the front door while Tipsy snuck around the back. While Dinky Stinky walked down the hall and almost into the frontroom, Tipsy motioned threw a window that santa was around the corner. Dinky Stinky: I'm gonna blow the house- Poe: ARE YOU CRAZY?! their might still be people in the house! Dinky Stinky: Santa probably killed them. Poe: Go make sure first. Dinky stinky walked a bit up some nearby stairs and made a listen check, but only managed a result of 5. He heard nothing. Considering he made a 5 he might want to go up and check, as he should have done not needing a listen check. He ignores this fact and walks to the basement steps and goes down without Poe's notification. Meanwhile, Tipsy and Poe work out a plan by use of hand signals. As Poe turns the corner and aims at santa, Tipsy jumps through the window and lands aiming at the christmas fiend. (Note before continuence: Santa was aware of our presence as soon as Poe and Dinky Stinky entered the house. That means he is also aware of Dinky Stinky in the basement. Santa can also detect surface thoughts.) Dinky stinky makes a knowledge architecture check to determine which part of the basement would cause the most damage. He makes a 22 (rolled a 20) and then makes a demolition check. He rolls a 15 and gets an 18, still so far so good. Now OOC insues: DM: Are you sure you want to do this? DS: Yes! I can take him out like this, easy as pie. T: ... Seriously, maybe you should rethink this. DS: I already did it! Dinky Stinky makes a will save and fails. Meanwhile: Santa: Ho Ho Ho... you three have been very bad boys! I'll have to give you a very... bad... preasent! Santa then teleports to Dinky Stinky and charms him into handing over the detonater. He then teleports to the next house and initiates the explosion. Tipsy and Poe are nearly crushed by the house, but manage to jump out the windows. Dinky Stinky is blow apart by proximity to the bomb and under a multitude of rubble. Techniqually playing a roll in the slaughter of a woman, man, and two small children.
Vexsom 08-04-05, 04:21 AM	Shortest death in one of my groups campigns: I was a dwarf named Blareny Mcscotish (who would live until level 23 and then leave our group). my companions were a wizard named telmak and a halfling rogue who I shall never remember his name as anything but "milk, builds strong bones". We were sent to a farm to defeat some goblins from taking the livestock. We waited for hours and my character took a nap ontop of a cow while the halfling slept against it. Once my character awoke to need entertainment, he pushed the cow he slept on over (not knowing about the halfling). A level 1 halfling rogue, crushed by a cow, without ever even rolling a skill check. See why milk does the body good? And why I never play halflings?
CaviosDaryll 08-04-05, 04:16 PM	Oops, double post. Real post below this one.
CaviosDaryll 08-04-05, 04:17 PM	Okay, now, let me set the scene for everyone. I am a Fighter/Barbarian, it is near the beginning of a campaign, so we are all about Level 5. Also, this is my first character I have ever had in Dungeons and Dragons. Anyways, I was following around one of the other PC's, he tells me to wait outside because he was going to buy illegal poisons (Although my character had no clue about this). So, I start howling like a wolf that is sad and lonely. My DM warns me of a guard that is walking towards me, but I continue to howl. The guard grabs me and drags me towards the entrance of the town. He asks me what the heck I am doing, so I take out the bowl I have and put it on my head and continue to howl, he grabs the bowl and throws it to the ground and stomps on it. So, I have my character rage and swing his axe at the guy. The guard retaliates by throwing a punch at me, but the DM rolls a natural one and misses. He rolls again, the guy misses nearby objects, he rolls one last time and gets a natural one to hit the air, so he opens up a vacuum where he punched. The DM decides to rule that he learned a new attack, Vacuum Punch. Next turn the guard hits me with it a few times until my character is unconscious. We had a good laugh about the guard who couldn't hit anything for a while. Same character, different setting. We are now about Level 7 in this DM's campaign. We have been hired to be secret guards during a wedding because they knew someone was going to attack them during it. After a bit of fighting, I have my character sit down and let them tie him up. They knock me out and capture my character. So, I awaken in a dungeon owned by a powerful Thieves Guild. I almost make my way out, but then I have to fight a whole bunch of thieves while the leader watches. He says he will spare me if I can defeat his Right Hand Man, a Level 16 Rogue. After a long and epic battle, I barely lose. If I had scored a couple more hits, the Rogue would have died. And because how much higher levelled than me he was, and because of all the things I did in the dungeon, I would have advanced to about Level 13. Unfortunately, due to my idiocy, I lost this character, and had to make a new one. Same campaign, different character, much higher levelled. We are in this high-tech facility, and we are trying to figure out the password on a computer mainframe just before we leave. The other PC's give up, so I give it one more try. I fail and it says Security Drones are being activated. Egg-shaped metallic things fall from the ceiling. My character's famous last words, "What kind of harm could they do? They don't even have any weap-" They all begin to blast my Level 20 Figher/Gladiator away with L.A.S.E.R.'s and kill him. A PC asks if I will be making a new character, I then proceed to bite chunks off of my character sheet in reply. The Shortest Lived character I have ever had. I was participating in a D20 Modern-ish campaign, and I decide to play a Rogue instead of the normal, which is Fighter. I try to steal some rich looking guy's wallet, but he catches me. "What are you doing?" he asks. I think for a second and reply with, "Um, this is how I walk." The guy obviously makes his Sense Motive Check and begins to attack me. I run away and head into an alley and up a fire escape. A cop chases me up and corners me, I threaten to use my crowbar, and he proceeds to arrest me. Life span, about twenty minutes, real time.
Xodion 08-04-05, 07:25 PM	This is my friends sig on this board (Kikoskia): "My paladin is a penitant paladin of the Order of the Black Rose (PrC). He wants to die an honourable death in battle so he can redeemed in the eye of his god, Heironeous .Here is an example of how suicidal he is: DM: Right. The Grandmaster, who trained you all from when you joined the guild has been knocked for six and looks critcally wounded by the augmented ogre general of a 20,000 man strong barbarian army in front of you, who the mage has now learned is wearing demonic +4 full plate and holding a demonic and terribly evil huge two handed morning star in his hands. What do you want to do? Me: Challenge it to a duel. DM: :confused: " I was said mage, and pretty stunned by his reaction - he was crazy but we didn't think he was THAT crazy. AND he survived... :eek:
20goingon1232 08-04-05, 09:14 PM	Happened in the last session: The party is exploring a well-hidden cave that turned out to be a mine of some sort. DM (Me): There is a mass of whitish transluscent crystal embeded in the rock where the floor meets the right hand wall. Wiz: Cool. I inspect it and try to get it out. DM: It is stuck. Knight (homebrew class): I use my daggers to prise it out *roll attack rolls and crits with one of them* DM: Your first dagger bounces off, the second enbeds itself in a crack and when you remove it, it is missing its blade. Wiz: I cast Acid Splash on the rocks around the crystal. DM: The acid dissolves enough of the rock for you to pull the crystal out. Later, they were walking along a ledge overlooking a dark chasm with water sounds coming from it. LOUD water sounds. A Darkmantle drops down on his head and succeeds on the grapple check vs the Knight. Wiz: I cast Grease on the Knight. DM: Ok. *rolls opposed Grapple checks with the Knight* It didn't work. He is still grappled and what's more, you think the Knight is starting to suffocate. Knight: I draw my sword and hack at it *rolls Nat 1* DM: You try to draw your sword, but the jostling cause it to slip from your grasp and over the side of the ledge. Knight: Burn the sucker! Wiz: You are covered in grease! Knight: DO IT!!! Drd: I cast Produce Flame *and hits* DM: Both of them go up in flames. The Darkmantle falls off. (to Knight) Make a Reflex save, DC 15. He failed a few times and was reduced to single digit hps. He is level 3. The Drd healed him back up to full. Knight: Where is my sword? (Wiz points over the side) I use my rope to go down there to find it. DM: In your armour? Wiz: I am not carrying that much weight. Knight: I strip to my undies and go down (Finds out the rope isn't long enough) I let go of the rope. Everyone else: :eek: DM: You feel the rope go slack and after a second or so, you hear something hit the water below loud enough for you to just hear. Drd: The ledge is sloping down right? DM: Yes. Wiz & Drd: We run off down the ledge. DM: You just leg it? PCs: Yes. After a long run, they meet up with the wet, bruised and thoroughly brassed off Knight (he couldn't find his sword in the pitch darkness and the swiftly flowing water). Knight: Damnit! I put on my armour. DM: What armour? Knight: My armour! The one I took off. DM: Yep. You took it off. About 20 mins back that way *gestures* Knight: But... but... they took it with them, right? DM: I specifically asked what they did earlier. They said they legged it as soon as they heard you hit the water. Other players: :lightbulb :rofl: Opps! Knight: Fine! I am going back there. Wiz: I have the only lantern and it is not leaving my side. Knight: I want to get my stuff! Wiz: Fine. Here is a light spell. It lasts about 40 mins. Should be enough for you to get there and back. (To DM) I cast it on his head. DM & Drd: :rofl: He ran into a few kobolds, got knocked down to 1 hp, ran, and returned with the Wiz and Drd only to find his stuff gone. Poor guy.....
guru7892 08-06-05, 04:17 AM	"i lick the door" "make a lick check" *rolls* yeah but combat was very funny (our dm was late, so, well, the licking began) oh and when the dm go there: we went through a portal. he said it looked like it was portal from stagate: sg1. one of our players watches stargate: sg1. "wait wouldnt he be ripped apart by the event horizon of the..." " god-damnit i said it looked like the-" "but the dwarf used a control pad to activate the portal-" good times, gooood times and dont get me started on the p90... "did the sg1 team-" "no"
Felin 08-07-05, 06:47 AM	*Snicker* Fun times, here we go... We were going towards our second run-in with the main villaness of a custom campaign, a large castle, magically protected except the front door. We had flown by magical device and such, our party consisted of a female elf Rouge/Shadowjumper who was also part weretiger lycanthrope, a none-too-bright male half-orc barbaian, a male human fighter, and myself, a male elf bard/rouge/wizard. The story goes, the barbarian,Choppy, protects me, while I get him weapons, and the rouge/shadowjumper/lycan is teaching me to steal. <After landing infront of the door.> Me: Well...uuuhhh there's probably a trap here, right? I'll use sense magic. DM:...You sense magic...on the entire castle, but the door. Me: Ok, trapfinding. DM: You find nothing. R/S/L: I'll try to find some traps. DM: You also find nothing. Me: Hey Choppy! Knock on the door! Now the trap was sprung as the door was opened, luckily only the R/S/L Got hurt by the giant boulder that fell from a magic door above us. So, we get into the hallway after beating on the boulder enough so it could be moved. The R/S/L was smart enough to toss a rock into the hallway, first rock set of an arrow/explosion magical trap when it hit the ground. Second one thrown to the center of the hallway, fell and didn't stop. third all the way to the end section, the cieling fell on it. Me: So...who's going first? To save time, I'll just jump to the good part. The R/S/L climbed and such, made it to the fake floor, found a balance beam type thing leading across. It was about that time the Fighter got bored. F: I'm bored, I toss a rock onto the trap to see an explosion. DM: Ok, Mike (R/S/L) roll a reflex save. Mike: Why? DM: Just do it. Mike rolls the saves, we find out why. DM: Ok, you feel the explosion against your back and you get launched clear across to the other end of the hall, roll a d4. *Watches, nods.* You take 3 damage. Mike had picked up some extra rocks incase we came to more hallways. Mike: When I land, I'ma get up, aim real nice, and chuck a rock at Kai's (Fighter) head. *Does the rolls hits, does 3 damage as well.* Jumping ahead to the third and final floor, some banter, our characters find out that Mike's had been working for her. Mike now decides to fight her. Sage(villaness): Do you really think you can beat me? (Me in background: No! They made me come along!) Mike: Or I'll die trying. Sage: Then die you shall. (ME again in background: But I don't wanna die...) Whew, that was long.
theif lord 08-07-05, 07:52 AM	my swashbuckler "accidently" used the halfling paladin as a +1 club against an orc cheiftan
Vexsom 08-07-05, 08:12 AM	As I've mentioned so often, I played a large sized dwarf fighter with a metal maw and the willing deformity obease feat. His name was blarney mcscotish... and heres a scene from a previous adventure in hell: DM: Bel is flying above the army he has summoned to fight against the onslaught of abyssal warriors. Here is your chance to take him out and take over the layer... in this battle... Biorn got first on initiative, go. Blarney: Cast greater invisability on me. Biorn (wizard): Fine, I'll quicken greater invisabili- Blarney: and jump. Biorn:.... and normal cast jump... DM: Okay, its your turn blarney. Blarney: I make a jump check. I rolled a 16, thats 30 from jump, 23 from my ranks, 8 from strength, and 10 from my boots. DM:.... a total of 87... you jump into the air and fall onto bel, sending him plumiting to the ground. You remain unharmed as bel is smashed, creating a great creater into the dust of the 1st layers bloodiest battlefield. -everyone proceeds to gock and then laugh- And heres another scene: DM: You meet the man on the 4th layer you were told to bring the talon of yandem to. Biorn: Who has it? Gnome Guy: Not me! DM's PC Torque: I dont have it.... Blarney: Oh! let me check! -I proceed to have my character search his enormous fat rolls and he pulls out a goblin- Hey, you're the wizard from the 3rd layer. Goblin: OH GOD! I SAW HORRIBLE THINGS... HORRIBLE... THINGS... Blarney: Well, in you go. Goblin: NOOOOOOOOO!
Valgaav 08-07-05, 08:27 AM	As I've mentioned so often, I played a large sized dwarf fighter with a metal maw and the willing deformity obease feat. His name was blarney mcscotish... and heres a scene from a previous adventure in hell: DM: Bel is flying above the army he has summoned to fight against the onslaught of abyssal warriors. Here is your chance to take him out and take over the layer... in this battle... Biorn got first on initiative, go. Blarney: Cast greater invisability on me. Biorn (wizard): Fine, I'll quicken greater invisabili- Blarney: and jump. Biorn:.... and normal cast jump... DM: Okay, its your turn blarney. Blarney: I make a jump check. I rolled a 16, thats 30 from jump, 23 from my ranks, 8 from strength, and 10 from my boots. DM:.... a total of 87... you jump into the air and fall onto bel, sending him plumiting to the ground. You remain unharmed as bel is smashed, creating a great creater into the dust of the 1st layers bloodiest battlefield. -everyone proceeds to gock and then laugh- And heres another scene: DM: You meet the man on the 4th layer you were told to bring the talon of yandem to. Biorn: Who has it? Gnome Guy: Not me! DM's PC Torque: I dont have it.... Blarney: Oh! let me check! -I proceed to have my character search his enormous fat rolls and he pulls out a goblin- Hey, you're the wizard from the 3rd layer. Goblin: OH GOD! I SAW HORRIBLE THINGS... HORRIBLE... THINGS... Blarney: Well, in you go. Goblin: NOOOOOOOOO! *dude*! I want players like that in my game...
insanefighter29 08-08-05, 01:36 AM	OUr party had a really dumb pallidan, he started a fire in a tavern room that belonged to a Drow ranger. She rushed into her room and extinguished the fire and sees the pallidan. He jumps out the window and lands on her bodyguard, a half-orc monk. It was very funny and we almost felt sorry for him. :) :)
Vexsom 08-08-05, 02:23 AM	There was the time also when we made characters to see who would win. We discribed our entrances and mine was a japanese school girl who was a barbarian frenzied berserker with a chain that had maces on each end. -The mentrals play a song as she walks into the arena- "riden round, sittin on chubs, cat my eye was high on shrubs. sittin on my horse, man im paid I got it made. take me to your special place, close you' eyes show me you' face... im gonna **** on it" (dave chappelle "**** on you") Yoko looks toward his psionic enemy and screams out "YAAA! Give up, dont make me rip off your head and **** down your throat!" Hillarity insued. But then there was the one time where I had a dominatrix female(from erotic fantasys) that had a yoko style cohort and one time they were getting hit on by a bar tender and the dominatrix sighed and said "come on sakura, lets go have some fun with evads black tenticales" Then there was the time we were chasing a little girl as the pervious group i mentioned: DM: you wind up in a dead end with only an empty trashcan. Jerrad: I head back to the square. Blarney: -makes munching sounds- Gnome Guy: Hey! stop eatting that statue! Blarney: fine... I spit it out and walk to the trashcan, shuving it in my mouth. DM: you hear the scream of a little girl as you swollow the trashcan. Blarney: -belches- Oh! and who can forget this! DM: Blarney and Torque are stuck in the pit trying to solve the riddle, what do you do assassin? Gnome guy playing a new character named assassin: I go in the other room. DM: You are shocked by the handle. -15 minutes later- DM: Blarney and torque exit from the pit and walk up as the door slips open. You all see a hot naked woman, make wills. -only blarney succeds- DM Toruqe: I jump on and ride. Assassin: I DONT! Torque: But you failed the save. Assassin: I...uh...um! IM GAY! DM: A portal opens up and begins to summon an incubus. Assassin: I RUN! DM: The succubus asks blarney to come over and have a taste. Blarney: I devour her whole. Torque: howd she taste? Blarney: Mmmmm, firey brimstone scank. Chicken fresh.
Vexsom 08-08-05, 02:31 AM	Sorry to post right after a post, but I just remember this: (this is from a modern game, but, I felt it was amusing, so sorry if its a bad place). DM: One sec., let me look something up. Fast hero: -rolls a d20- I have... a 9 inch weener. (Me) Smart hero: what? -snickers- let me try. Charismatic hero (worst player we ever had): Me too! Fast hero: Hah, smart hero got a 19! Smart hero: WOOO! Charismatic hero: AH! Smart hero: HA! you crtically failed your weener check! Edit: I felt that ***** would be weird, so I replaced it with another word.
Jinja 08-09-05, 03:52 AM	Cleric: I look in the locker. DM: A blue meanie jumps out and attacks you! [battle ensues] Cleric: I loot the corpse. DM: You get a tower shield. Which you can't use. ---------------- Druid: I cast [this-spell-that-makes-a-staircase]. DM: Ok you make a staircase going down. Druid: I go down the stairs. DM: You're in a room. The walls are metal and they're going like this. (Imagine those rooms with the walls that close in to crush you.) Druid: I quickly go back up the staircase. ---------------- Cleric: I open the door. DM: Behind the door are three blue meanies! [battle ensues] Cleric: I loot the corpse. DM: You get a sock. Cleric: Is it a +1 sock? DM: Yes. And it glows. ---------------- Cleric: What are the walls made out of? DM: They're made out of stone. Cleric: Is there anything hanging on the walls? DM: Yes. There's a painting of a sad clown on the wall Cleric: I attack the painting of the sad clown with my Morning Star! DM: The sad clown painting explodes. Take 5 damage. Cleric: Gah! Can I loot the scorch mark? DM: You can't loot the scorch mark. ---------------- DM: At the end of the hallway, it goes straight. Cleric: uhm.... (at this point you should realise that the DM didn't actually have an adventure/campaign and was making stuff up on the fly) ---------------- DM: You walk into the room and there's an old druid sitting at the end of the table. Druid: Cool. I attack the druid. DM: It's an epic level druid. Druid: Oh. Then I don't attack it. ---------------- (I was playing the cleric at the time but it was really the DM's char (since I didn't have one) and she had previously acquired a duck as a pet and even learned Duckian so she could speak to it.) DM: A woman run up to you. She's wearing a shirt that says "I [heart] Ducks" on it. The woman asks you if she can pet your duck. Cleric: I say "Sure" and hold up the duck so she can pet it. DM: The Duck bites off one of her fingers and eats it. (The Duck, of course, is named Jeffery. Oh, and it eats people.) ---------------- DM: Ok now I have to think up a boss monster. Druid: Alright, but no hydras this time. DM: Ok. You walk in and there's the Blue Meanie Mama. She has two heads. Druid: Like a hydra. DM: Yeah. *grin* ---------------- And that was my first D&D game ever, in a nutshell.
Thistrial 08-09-05, 05:35 AM	We were playing 3.5 and we had 2 human fighters, a human druid, an elven pally, a human barbarian, a gnomish rogue, a human psionist, a human pirate and a human wizard. We were in a cave with multiple rooms and one hallway with a mithril door at the end. In the hallway, there was a Symbol of Fear in the middle, and a Symbol of Fear in each of the 12 alcoves. So one of our fighters, who was a blacksmith and severely lusting after that mithril, covers his eyes and takes off running down the hallway. And was promptly cut down by a beam of disintegration. He died and was later granted a true rez by Ehlonna... Later on, upon accidentally caving in said cave, we needed to run like all get out so we wouldn't perish. Problem: Large, Steep Hill requiring an ungodly balance check to run down... so the pirate has a great idea. He knocks out the blacksmith fighter, flings him down on the ground, has everyone pile on, and we ride the fighter down the hill like a sled. Poor guy had his +2 FullPlate Armour ruined. The pirate almost died after that. His monkey too. :gah:
Jagnis 08-09-05, 12:58 PM	While we were on the high seas (Ranger, Bard ,rogue) DM: The waves get rougher and the sky darkens. Ranger (captan of the ship): Hit the hay boys we get up early tomorow! Bard: Sir, I think they're clouds. Ranger: AH mother nature, we meet again! When we were still on land the halfling rogue (me) had a sign that said halfling for hire. Ranger: Halfling for higher you say? You look pretty sort to me.
Jagnis 08-10-05, 04:00 PM	This happend last night. (different campagne then last post) Bard with drunkard concept: I take out a mug of ale. Bartender: You want me to fill that up? Bard (out of character) Wait dont they come full? DM: You mean you actualy put a full mug of ale in your backpack? Bard(out of character): Then why the f*** did I buy ten of them? DM: Ok guys you notice that the half-elf you met yesterday has been walking around with a backpack soaked in ale. Army captain: So what can you do? Bard: Support magic. Army captain: Support magic? We need soldiers not sissies! Bard: Well if you dont want +1 on your attacks thats fine with me! (tunred out he joined an other branch of the army and thier side beat the side that there were 3 PC on in wargames)
Mighty Max 08-10-05, 09:30 PM	Army captain: So what can you do? Bard: Support magic. Army captain: Support magic? We need soldiers not sissies! Bard: Well if you dont want +1 on your attacks thats fine with me! (tunred out he joined an other branch of the army and thier side beat the side that there were 3 PC on in wargames) ... when did this one happen??? after me and Dan left I suppose?... cuz my samurai would've cut that bard to pieces if I would have played it... half-baked rob...
MarkB 08-14-05, 08:04 AM	Much to my surprise and dismay, I managed to remove almost all opposition in a near-epic battle, entirely unintentionally. This happened last night, as our 17th-level party (Ivan the monk, Gworyn the paladin, Samson the ex-pirate wizard (with his flying ship) and my character, Gimlet the dwarven cleric) attempted to ambush a half-fiend great white wyrm dragon as she went hunting. Unfortunately, the dragon had learned of our attack, and came prepared along with her progeny - about a dozen half-dragon frost giants - and her current mate, and ancient white dragon. One of the things I'd been quite determined about at the planning stage was that we weren't going to let this great white wyrm just get away to plague us again another day. It was always in the plan that Gimlet would slap her with a Dimensional Anchor early in the combat, before she started to think of retreating. We were well prepared with Resist Energy and Protection from Energy all round, and immunity to fear effects thanks to a Heroes' Feast, and Ivan and Gimlet even had draconic support - each was a passenger on a juvenile metallic dragon along with its paladin dragonrider. Furthermore, Gimlet had Gated in an ancient gold dragon to fight at his side. Well, what with one thing and another, we'd reached the second round of combat, and Gimlet still hadn't got round to the Dimensional Anchor. There was too much to do - first busting up an artificial cloud bank with Control Weather to reveal the ambushing wyrm, then hitting the half dragons with Fire Storm to stave off their attack on the airship. At this point, the ancient gold dragon, whom I was roleplaying and for whom I'd painstakingly picked out spells the previous day, decided to hit the great wyrm with a Prismatic Spray. I rolled its caster level check to penetrate the great wyrm's significant Spell Resistance. "Damn! Natural 2. With his effective caster level of 15, that's only 17." "Not nearly enough." "Ah well, nevermind - oh, wait! There's one slim chance still - if I roll an 8 on the Prismatic Spray's effects table, the dragon is hit by two rays, each of which requires a separate caster level check." I roll the d8, and roll an 8! Result! "Okay, the first ray, the one that bounced off the Spell Resistance was... number one, a red fire ray. And the second ray is... 7, a violet ray, one of the powerful ones- Oh. Um, victim is sent to another plane." This resulted in some rather... intense looks from the other players. "Well, hold on, he's still got to make his caster level check, I just have to roll low... um, 17 on the dice. That's 32 in total. Well, no problem, the dragon gets a Will save against this effect, and a Great Wyrm gets a massive bonus on its saves." At which point the DM rolls a natural 1. And so, the primary target of our attempted ambush went 'plib', and vanished from our plane of existence. Now, obviously, this was a one-in-a-thousand occurrance at the very least. Clearly, inadvertently dismissing an enemy to another plane due to an unanticipated spell effect is extremely rare and not something you're ever likely to see happen once in a session, if at all. Anyway, the rest of the round was resolved, the juvenile gold dragon and his rider teaming up with Gworyn and his hippogriff mount against the ancient white dragon that remained, whilst the half dragon frost giants menaced Samson and his crew on the deck of the airship. Back at the top of the round, Gimlet directed his mount back down to the ship to aid Samson, and (Air Walk spell already in place) stepped into empty air thirty feet above the deck to deal with the half-dragons by casting Holy Word. This, as you probably know, is the no-save spell that inflicts various nasty effects on creatures with fewer hit dice than the caster's level. It also has a lesser-used secondary effect... "I'm in position, and I cast Holy Word." "What's the save DC on that spell?" "Huh...? The saving throw is only for the effect that dismisses extraplanar creatures to their home plane. I thought these half dragons were the king's siblings, which the great wyrm bore after she arrived on this plane and began consorting with the Frost Giant tribe?" "Not exactly. So, what's the DC?" "Ahm, 25." "Gimlet and everyone on deck sees the half dragons go 'plib'... 'plib'... 'plib'..." "Oh god, I've done it again, haven't I?" What're the chances...? On the bright side, the DM rolled on the random planar destination chart and found that the great wyrm had been sent to the Nine Hells. Given that her fiendish heritage was demonic, he assured us that she received a very warm welcome.
DraconsNighthawk 08-15-05, 02:58 PM	One of the funnier moments was this. The two pcs just slayed the ice giant disciple of thrym triplets, and were in town. The fire gensi monk had bought a new suit. (The player and his character are gay, and he made it very.. um. Rated NC-17 so people were screaming and shielding their children). So he got depressed and went to the local bar at the village in the far north where they were staying. He starts talking to Danafa, the local bar-keep and friends of the pcs. He mentions something about what his new suit is, and how it may affect how the villagers look at him. A cat that the two pcs have found walks up the monk and curls up to it onto it shoulder. The monk starts to scratch it, and Danafa askes why is he scratching his soulder. PC: Ya mean he can't see the cat? ME: He just asked why you were scratching your shoulder, no mention of the cat. PC: I GET IT! ... Danafa is BLIND!!! . He said this with such a happy face like he discovered the most crucial moment of all time. Sadlily enough the other PC has figured it out that the cat can only be seen by them, but the monk has yet to figure that out. :uh-huh:
jennibert 08-15-05, 03:56 PM	Our party consisted of a barbarian/rogue/scout (Hroth), two clerics (one multiclassed with fighter), and a ranger, with an NPC fighter along as well. We were looking for the NPC's girlfriend, who had disappeared from her home, and had information that a restaurant in town was related to a number of disappearances, possibly including hers. So we go into the private room our information led us to, and start searching the walls for secret doors. Hroth searches the wall, finds nothing. My fighter/cleric (Misery) with no ranks in search and a 13 int, finds the door on a lucky nat 20. We then proceed down a hallway. Hroth searches the way for traps, finds nothing. Is then nearly decapitated by a scythe swinging from a door, but passes his reflex save. We proceed down the hallway, and Hroth continues to search for traps and fails....but finds them all anyway in the traditional manner of the Polish Mine Detector. It is at this point that we discover that he has no ranks in Disable Device. So we make it down the trapped hallway and into a room. Fearing more traps, Hroth takes a running leap and skips the first square of the room....landing in the gelatinous cube that's concealed beneath the illusion of that part of the floor. So the rest of the party crowds into the room, and one of the clerics (Alfors) hits Hroth with remove paralysis, and then enlarge person. We beat up the gelatinous cube and move on. Turns out that the owners of the restaurant are running a prostitution ring out of their basement....using dominated townsfolk as the...uh...merchandise. The NPCs girlfriend isn't there. We do some poking around looking for her, and in the back Misery and Hroth see some mist in a corner. Hroth charges it, his longsword swinging harmlessly through the mist....which then reforms into a vampire spawn and proceeds to dominate him. It gives him the order to kill the rest of us. He turns with an evil smile and says, "Gladly." Misery, at this point, freaks out. "We can't defeat Hroth! He's going to kill us!" Fortunately, the other four of us (thanks in no small part to the NPC), did manage to drop Hroth and defeat the vampire spawn, though we nearly lost Alfors in the process. Needless to say, Hroth's player endured large amounts of tormenting for the entirety of this incident.
digoraccoon 08-16-05, 08:43 AM	One player in my campaign was awoken late one night by the avatar of Tiamat after the party slain a powerful white dragon. Tiamat "applauded" the player for slaying a troublesome ex-minion and offered her thanks in the form of a favor. The player made the 1st big mistake by accepting it. Now the player has a tatoo of tiamat's symbol on her chest that causes a semi-perminant loss of 2 hit points until the tatoo is removed or used. The player isn't the brightest and simply ignores it. It's been many sessions since and the player still has that tatoo. Little does she realize the tatoo allows Tiamat to spy on the party's location and their actions through that tatoo. And the group is wondering how the BBEG is always one step ahead of them?
Greyleaf 08-18-05, 01:34 AM	Hehe, haven't read all, some funny stuff here: Mine, close to what happened, can't recall exactly: Me(DM): At the end of the hall, you come across a dark figure, a grey cloak draped across him. A strange aura emminates from it. Rogue: Who are you? Me: The figure turns, but you see no face, only a blue glow where the eyes should be. He responds (Oh BTW these are like 3rd level characters) "I am knoledge - I am not but the scource. I know all, see all, control all, and I know why you quest now." Ranger: "Tha' ain' good 'nough. Now tell me who ya're, or I'll shuv my sword up yar arse!" Needless to say, after the 7th "up yar", the party spent the next three hours attemting to free themselves from the cloaked figure's mind.
Killermiller 08-18-05, 02:04 AM	Our group was a 1st lvl Half-Orc Barbarian(my brother) and a 1st lvl elf ranger (me): We are going through a forest path to find an orc encampment. Barbarian: I want to climb one of the trees to check if there is anything in front of us. DM: Ok make a climb check. *he succeds and climbs the tree.* DM: There is nothing in front of you. Barbarian: Ohh, now I want to jump from branch to branch like Tarzan. DM: Ok you try, miss the first branch, fall and break your neck. (That time we didn't had DMG so we didn't know aboput falling damage.)
DarthLoser 08-19-05, 03:43 AM	One of my players ****** me off, so after warnings, I sent St. Cuthbert after him. Then, the fool treid to fight. He lost, rather badly.
Myst_the_Moonscout 08-23-05, 02:54 AM	I wish I had some more entertaining stories to add but my game life hasn't been as eventfull as a few others it seems. This was a particularily memorable scenario (kind of lengthy though). Background: we're looking for the lost pieces of an artifact that has the power to destroy realms and are currently in an underground stronghold of forsaken dwarves (sword and sorcery flavour). The party enters a large cavern with a nasty slime trail running through it. We assume big slug and walk in and find a hidiously obese and slimy humanoid (fatling). Not being familiar with fatlings we decide to talk to it. Freya (fighter) walks up to it while Thor (fighter) and Akula (cleric of mass destruction) are keeping their distance and I (ranger) am doing my usual non-descript don't-mind-me-I'm-not-important act. We're all rather hurting at this time so when the fatling launches a fireball at Freya she is poised to die if she fails her reflex. She gets a natural 1. However we have a sympathetic DM and he decided that she failed her ref save SO BADLY that she slips on the slimy floor and lands on her back in the goo while the fireball goes wizzing overhead. We procede to beat down the fatling and enter a nasty clutch of rooms with spider web sacks everywere. One starts moving and we all vote to leave but Freya insits on opening the writhing sack (it didn't help that the DM cried "let it out!"). We are now overun by reams of baby spiders. I cast windwall to hold them off and we run back into the fatling room which is now a dead end from the fireball and the only escape route is passed the ten million spiders. Resorting to a now routine tactic, Akula raises the fatling as undead, causing all the flesh to fall off so we have a warped skeleton sort of thing and we all climb aboard. Since fatlings can't walk, only jump, we are now piled on top of a hopping skeleton moving through a sea of baby spiders with the cleric directing his new minion from inside the ribcage.
l33t Shinobi 08-23-05, 04:14 AM	omg, just got through another one. cleric wants to command orcs, per the spell, i give him a shot, doesnt work, im sire you can see it Cleric: :confused: why wont it work DM(me): :twitch: language dependant effect :twitch: cleric: ahh, i see next party he sees Cleric:i will command one to "flee" DM:dude, we went over this asecond ago, language dependant? Cleric:yeh, llok, i can speak orc, its on my char sheet. DM: umm ok, thats not my handwriting, that wasnt there when we looked 5 mins ago, and i dont spell "orcish" with a "k" cleric: i was hoping you wouldnt notice.[/deadpan] DM: :uh-huh: :twitch: :looloo: :help:
caliir 08-26-05, 01:20 AM	Many years ago while DM'ing for a party consisting of a gnome, a halfling,and a couple of dwarves, I presented the party with a seemingly innocent situation. They needed to scale a fairly high wall. It was found that the thief's climbing ability was not up to the task, so the idea of tossing a rope over and climbing up was presented. Unfortunately a good selection of rope was carried by our heroes but no grappling hook. After a scathing remark by the thief about the intelligence of his companions, the two fighters announced their intention to grapple the thief. A few rounds later the thief was securely tied to the rope and thrown over the wall!!!!
Samusic 08-26-05, 04:15 AM	My group was in a haunted house and there was this room with a skeleton in it that polymorphed anybody who entered into an animal. My character had been in before, so when the other characters went in and changed into animals my character stayed in the hall trying to figure out how to change them back. Well, the half orc barbarian (who had changed into a gorilla) wanted me to change into an animal as well so he proceeded to grab me with both hands, one hand grabbing his package and threw him into the room, thinking he was the funniest guy in the world. Luckily, my character made the save. Figuring, "screw it" my character just had the big dumb ape and everyone else follow him exploring the house. We opened the door to a room and as soon as the orc gorilla saw the bed he ran and jumped on it. As a 700 pound gorilla. He smashed through the floor (taking the halfling with him, who jumped as well) about 100 feet down into some secret cave.
MattyB13 08-26-05, 03:26 PM	This guy is really Stupid. DM: You come to a door that is slightly ajar. Player: "I take the Jar" Yes that right folks. That is a true story
Horseshoe_Hermit 08-26-05, 08:33 PM	DM: "The room is much larger than the others you have been in in all dimensions, but seemingly vacant. There is a door identical to the one you just used opposite the room" PC: "Can I lick the door?" DM: ". . . sure. It tastes. . . like wood. Congratulations." Oh and the same guy in an earlier session: DM: "The door seems to be jammed, and is not budging from your pushes" PC: "I'm gonna ram the door" DM: "You know that would just be another Strength check right? And you're the weakest one in the party?" PC: "I'm running at the door with my face." DM: "Okay I'm gonna roll. *rolls dice* . . . . Okay, you take five subdual damage. The door doesn't move" PC: "Crap!"
Loren Pechtel 08-26-05, 11:47 PM	PC: "I'm running at the door with my face." DM: "Okay I'm gonna roll. *rolls dice* . . . . Okay, you take five subdual damage. The door doesn't move" PC: "Crap!" Ok, there's a stinky brown pile on the floor. :D :D
speeblefreak 08-27-05, 11:15 PM	The party had most of their equipment stolen by a dracolich and they tracked it back to its cave. The main chamber contained a huge acid pool with some acid-resistant crates at the bottom. Figuring that the dracolich was at the bottom of the pool,... Cleric: I cast earthquake on the cavern roof. DM: :eek: Um..why? Cleric: So the rocks will crush the dracolich. DM: Okay huge chunks of rock drop from the ceiling all over the place, splashing into the pool. You hear splintering sounds. (the party learns their treasure was in the now-smashed crates) Fighter: :mad: I spend a full-round action swearing. DM: You don't need to spend a full-round action to swear. Fighter: I DO IT ANYWAY. :rant: :rant: :rant:
Vampiress Valanthe 08-27-05, 11:52 PM	This happened while i was DM'ing, but here it is. A dwarf and an elf are being arrested by the Lithian Military(They're on a boat). The elf overhears an officer say, "They are spies, execute them." The Lith advance with a rope to tie them up, and they dive overboard. The officer drops a bomb into the water, and they decide to climb back up and surrender. theyre promptly tied up and Coup de grace'd by a pistol. LMAO
Karreck 08-28-05, 08:06 AM	So my human ranger has been tied naked between two poles upside down in an X kinda way. There are about three hundred other people tied in a similar way and all of us are surrounding this small orc encampment. Beneath us, is a moat filled with spikes and pitch. Well, my party sneaks in to rescue me and rescue our second characters and in the process of trying to free the remaining prisoners, we are spotted. We flee across the bridge and a short time later, the orcs are charging over the bridge. Now, in our party is a CG Dark Elf wizard named Halacon. My ranger's first favored enemy are Dark Elf's, so needless to say, our characters do not get along. Well, attemping to stop these orcs from following us, good ole Halacon does the following. Halacon - I cast Fireball on the bridge DM - You do what? Halacon - Fireball on the bridge *moment of silence* DM - Okay, bridge is destoryed, orcs cant cross, and your fireball has ignited the pitch in the moat. You all hear the screams of agony as over 300 people burn to death. Me - I attack Halacon DM - Um, you are still naked Me - So I can make an Intimidate check too then? Group - :rofl:
homey188 08-28-05, 10:54 AM	in 2nd ed in the first game i played, we were negochiatiting(sp?) peace with viking or something when the diplomat took out a knife and stabbed the other diplomat and ran into the woods
Karazephryn 08-28-05, 10:20 PM	A truly selfless act if I ever saw one. In the party is a druid (me) a ranger (my bf) a rogue (NPC MEEPO!!) a cleric (DM's mom) and a sorceress (my bf's mom who's 64. She rocks.). We encountered a YOUNG black dragon... at level 4ish... This was meant to be a lesson in "RUN!!" To get away, we had to climb vertically about... 100 feet or so. The ranger decides to go toe to toe with this thing to give the rest of us time to get out. He calls it a coward, in draconic mind you, and keeps it distracted long enough for us to get out... He managed to kill it single-handedly. The DM says she shouldn't have let him get his black dragonhide plate armor out of the thing, but we all feel that he earned every bit of that hide.
Midas 08-29-05, 03:37 AM	I used to play advanced dnd with really slooow guy as a matter of fact his nickname was Dim. 3rd level party exploring a haunted house and Dim was playing a paladin who kept charging headlong into every encounter I was playing a halfling rogue and explained to him that he was gonna get us all killed if he kept doing that. DM: at the end of the hallway is a door. me: I quietly open the door a crack to see what is inside DM: you see 8 wights they havent noticed you me: I quietly close the door and explain what is inside Dim: I open the door and charge inside yelling KILLLLLL me: I close and lock the door behind Dim and ask the other characters if they want to explore less protected areas of the house. Rest of the party: Yeah that sounds like a good idea........ Another game another group dm: you come across a fountain in a small room and a watery snakelike creature begins to rise out of it (waterweird) roll init dm: ranger wins init what do you do? Ranger: i pour my potion of flying into the fountain Party: gasp what are you doing dm: ok the watery snake rises completely out of the fountain and attacks, as he is now flying..... (we were meant to avoid that encounter and barely survived instead) same player different game 3rd ed. we were fighting a group of really tough baddies this player was running a cleric cleric: I pluck a 5d6 fireball from my necklace of fireballs hold it infront of the bad guy and cast command "EAT" dm: he fails his save and eats the bead blowing his head off..... (genious) Same campaign higer level now I was playing a sorc and we were on a flying citadel of demons who were in the process of invading the world. We were running quite a bit and trying to escape the citadel. Dm: you come across a huge door that looks to be made of solid adamantine. me: I cast shrink object on it dm: ok its not magical it shrinks down into a tiny door me(with demons breathing down our necks): then I take it and snap it into my glove of storing... dm: oh noooo I really didnt want that to be loot (afterwords we calculated the value by its weight and discovered it was worth billions of gp) never ever place an object in a characters path unless you are prepared for it to become property of that character
digoraccoon 08-29-05, 08:29 AM	A truly selfless act if I ever saw one. Wow, and he lived through it! That Ranger deserved the armor in my eyes! :D In my campaign, the party is exploring a lady vampire's castle looking for a machine that drains the life force from the planet (Gaia). We have a druid in the party who worships Gaia and at first this druid didn't like the idea that someone is trying to drain the energy of his god to use for foul means. Last session the druid is slightly modifying his plans... now he wants to use the machine to gain power and become an immortal huntsman of nature. DM: "So let me get this straight, you want to use Gaia's power without her consent to become an immortal with near demigod powers?" Druid: "Well I'm sure Gaia wouldn't give me consent, but it's done in her name and I can be her champion of might and all that." I don't think the other players EVER seen me smite a PC that hard before, let alone with a goddess. The player was totally cool about it. He didn't think his idea would work, but he said he "had to try" anyway. :)
phoen777 08-29-05, 05:46 PM	Stupidest thing... hmmmm... Hunting monsters in an evil dimension, our low-level party was having a few troubles with barghests when we heard a commotion from around the bend. We all decide to peek around the corner, and see a young adult red dragon wreaking nasty fangy havoc on the main body of the barghest pack. The following is my account of the final moments of Milboy, the Elven sorceror. Everybody else in the party: I sneak away... Milboy: I'm gonna walk up to the dragon and ask if it wants help! DM: :mymy: The dragon glares and says, "Give me all your valuables and MAYBE I'll let you live, maggot!" Milboy: No :censored: way!! DM: :nonono: The dragon looses its flaming breath, burning you into a blackened husk before devouring your crispy remains. Milboy, who never thought the DM would actually kill him no matter how stupid he was: :censored:
Commander of Chaos 08-29-05, 07:56 PM	My frend was a dwarven monk, and was gonna run past a bodak(undead with a death gaze). He only had to make one save, and not roll a 1. Someone (me) said, hey you only need to not roll a 1. And he proceeded to try it. And we all know what happens in situations like this.
Vampiress Valanthe 08-29-05, 10:14 PM	lady vampire's castle Was it mine? :D
digoraccoon 08-30-05, 08:50 AM	Was it mine? :D Well if it is, I hope you have it insured! :) There's a laboratory in the castle and in it's storage room there's 12 animals locked away in separate cages. Immidiately the players free all the animals, not once thinking that they were anything but ordinary little forest critters. Until I declared they roll initative as the 12 little animals became 12 ravenous were-animal monsters. :D That was a funny fight as everyone tried to squeeze out the door at the same time. The druid wildshaped into a bear and attempted to throw the party cleric out the door because she was heavily flanked. He missed and she ends up body surfing into the door frame. She's dragged out by the ranger while the Druid overruns the were-squirrels to freedom. The druid and ranger shut the door and nail it closed with the carpentry tools the druid carries while the sorcerer gets the half gallon jar of unstable alchemist's fire to burn the storage room down. At this point I had to declare a time out before the party TPKs themselves by burning the lab down. :rolleyes:
lordfeint 09-03-05, 12:59 PM	#1. A cleric trying to pole vault from a fast moving wagon to another fast moving wagon... (She ended up in a loft) #2. Same player, several years later, playing a Druid... Attempts to pole vault on ice. Very THIN Ice... (She got eaten by the Remorhaz under said Ice) #3. Player who claims to have played D&D for EVER willing touches a Rod of Cancellation against a Sphere of Annhilation... For no reason other than to see what it does... (He died) #4. Thief who has just looted a small onyx statue of Kurtelmak from a Hidden Shrine presents said idol to a rather unamused band of Kobolds waiting outside the shirine, believing that it held divine influence over them... (It didn't but I liked the Idea, she lived but didn't stick around long) #5 Wizard decides to throw a Dart of the Hornets Nest at a fleeing Skulk, not caring that the party Thief (same thief that stole Kurtelmak) had taken off after the Skulk and was in harms way... (The Darts actually Killed the Skulk, 5 hit it, but the Thief took 4 in the Back... Only a single dart missed both targets.)
Valgaav 09-03-05, 01:53 PM	So our DM ended up with work problems and couldn't show up for an extra hour after game was supposed to start. we had some good lines, most of which I forget, but two stick in my head. Party's spirit Shaman: "and then I activate Fire Wings. and take a free action to say 'gimme a hug!:love:' before grappling. S.Shaman, to party Wizard: "Hey, Damia! does a 20 hit you?" Wizard: "I'm a wizard, of course it does" S.Shaman: "No, I mean like this!" *throws his 20sider*
Lamoron 09-05-05, 04:23 PM	Turns out that the owners of the restaurant are running a prostitution ring out of their basement....using dominated townsfolk as the...uh...merchandise. The NPCs girlfriend isn't there. We do some poking around looking for her This is so wrong!!! :rofl:
Jagnis 09-05-05, 06:06 PM	When the Rogue had just finised killing the mayor in his room he knew the guards were coming in Rogue: ok i take out my grappling hook and jump out the window DM(me): Well half-way down you realise that you didn't hook it to anything Rogue: Damn! ehh I try to hook it on a window sill DM:Ok, make a use rope check. Rogue: (roles dice)..... ehh 30 DM: Ok well you hook it and you take 1 point of fire dmg from the rope burn Other campaine Right after a Dire wolf had killed and dragged away a PC Gnome rogue(me): If dire wolfs are anything like Tyrannosaurus rex's he won't need to feed for another half hour and BELIEVE ME I know my Tyrannosaurus rex's. (good old gnome useless knowlege)
Jagnis 09-05-05, 06:49 PM	This one happened last night The party was looking for a guy elf named Galadriel (I was tired ok!) anyways the halfling rogue, halfling ranger and gnome wizard decided that they would do a gather information to find out where he lived while the full orc just decided to go house to house and ask people BTW orcs had a bad reputation in this town. So the orc fighter askes me if any of them say they're Galadriel, in fact most of them tell you to f*** off and leave them alone. Fighter: Tell me when the 5th person tells me to f*** off Me(Dm): Ok some elf says it Fighter: I punch him in the face(roles dice) AC 13 flat-footed? Me: ehh yeah... Fighter: deal him 8 leathal (he had imp. unarmed) Me: (roles spot checks for the guards) ok Josh AC 12 at the lowist? Fighter :yeah they all hit Me: You feel 5 arrows stuck in your back... 9 dmg you hear SURRENDER from behind you, them the elf backs off and casts somthing, his wounds seem to disapear Fighter: I move 5 forward and punch him again(roles dice) 10 dmg Me: Ok you guys (to the 3 other party members) hear Surrender from a little wile away.... Josh 1 arrow hits you 8 dmg then 3 of the guards draw swords and charge 2 miss and one get a crit. 10 dmg Fighter: I'm down but i stableize Rogue: I run twards the sound Me: you see your friend lying on the ground, a guard looks like he's gonna coup de grace him. Anyways the guard tells him that they wont kill him if he takes him into his custodie the rogue wont Rogue looks at Josh: sorry man, (looks at me) I walk away Me: ok make a listen check Rogue: awww NO i plug my ears Me: ok you 2 (the other party members) hear two squishing noises Ranger: ehh should we bury him?
Maevoth 09-05-05, 09:58 PM	im proud to say that we did infact bury the guy.....and we did one crummy job in doing so.... DM: O.K. you guys get back to town. Guy's you see a dog gnawing at an arm poping out of the ground(the orc guy had made a new character) Rogue: GET AWAY FROM HIM! i throw the butter knife at the dog. (rolls) AC 23 flat footed? DM: yes... Rogue: alright sneak attack! damage him by 7! DM: you get the dog right in the neck and he dies. you hear a little girl screming out the dogs name and crying.... Barbarian: i go check on the dog. DM: hes pretty dead... Barbarian: i give the little girl 10 GP DM: the little girl says thank you and then grabes the wolf you were carrying around by the neck and walks away happilly. Barbarian: i dont think you wana do that. DM: she's gone Barb: ok then.... Ranger(me): first you kill a innocent little girl's dog and now josh gives the girl a wolf.....great job guys..... Later the barbarian descides to give his former character a proper burial... EDIT: i forgot to explain the wolf....i bassically downed one and then the nature freak barb draged him around for a while.....shortly before that hapened we also jumped and innocent bystander, threw a butter knife into his eye, knoked him out with a club and took his gear....he wasnt dead at the time but on the way back we found out he had been devoured by wolves.....oops.....
Maevoth 09-05-05, 11:00 PM	here's another few wich i found quite funny... DM(as the army seargeant): ok you and you(point at me, the halfing druid, and the half-elf bard) take point. tell us if you hear somthing. after a while of walking me and the half-elf hear something in the bushes. the HE raises his hand to inniciate a halt. while i try and figure out what gestures mean what... Me: Captain! I hear something in the bushes! DM: the captain waves at you to have you check it out. Me: O.K. i draw my shield and sling and move slowly towards the bushes... DM: ok....AC 36 Flat-Footed...(we were of course lvl 1) Me: yeah..... DM: ok make an opposed grapple Me: (i roll then say i fail withought looking) DM: ok bassically you guys see a HUGE claw reach out of the bushes and snag the halfling...Luc(me) damage yourself by 14 Me: im down.... Dwarf: i go towards it and check it out. DM: ok....Dwarf AC 31 flatfooted.. Dwarf: damn what happens? DM: you see the halfling beeing hurled at you. take 6 damage. now then you guys see a dire bear come out of the bushes and throw the halfling at the dwarf... Samurai: and we couldn't see a dire bear hiding in the bushes how? anyways its safe to assume that battle went terribly. but luckely the army npcs ran off with our unconcious carcases.....me and the samurai were dead....afterwards we got revived for free and were removed from the army due to the mental damage we suffered....a few sescions latter this hapens... Monk: ok lets go to the inn guys Me: im out of money.....im gona make myself a hut next to the inn with a survival checks....15 DM: ok you guys see the halfling wander off and make himself a little hut out of a box... Other members all go to bed DM: ok the monk and the wizard are awake after 4 hours on account of them beeing elves...what do u 2 do? Monk: i go to the wizards room and bring him with me to take a walk outside. DM: ok, Luc give me your character sheet....(scans throught it)....damnit you bum. you lose all the worthless crap your carrying....and you dont wakeup.... Me(out of character): great i get robbed.... DM: ok Monk make a spot check. Monk rolls fairly well. DM: ok you see a backpack in the halflings box...the halfling isnt there... Monk:i go check it out DM: ok you find his head in the backpack..... things like this seem to happen alot with that DM.....mostly to me....lol
digoraccoon 09-06-05, 08:47 AM	Last Saturday the PCs "completed" the campaign quest. It wasn't a very good win, especially due to one of the players. Near the beginning of this quest some four months ago (real time), the female half-elf scout was visited by Tiamat who offered the scout a "reward" for disposing of a white dragon that threatened her throne of power. The half-elf did the dumb thing by accepting and now has a tatoo of Tiamat's holy symbol on her chest. She proceeds to hide it and did nothing to study it nor take any reasonable action to rid herself of this mark. So essentially she could be a walking time bomb and not know it. Forward to a couple sessions ago where the party visited the "Dragon King", a young silver dragon who founded a somewhat democratic nation with him as the first elected president. Now the PCs are good friends of this dragon. They stop by to give him information on their quest and he's happy that the PCs have nearly completed their quest. The half-elf scout gives the dragon a hug (against his wishes, for she claims she adopted the dragon as a brother and the dragon finds this notion annoying). This activates Tiamat's tatoo, which by now she has nearly forgotten. The tatoo was a "Slay Living" spell modified to work only on dragons. To invoke it one just has to touch a dragon with both hands. The hug constituted this so the dragon it hit with the deadly spell. The silver dragon barely made the high DC safe to not die, but is reduced to 0 hit points instantly. The half-elf scout is arrested on the charge of attempted assasination of the president. However, the president has been good friends with her for so long that he manages to somehow get the courts to only banish the half-elf from the country for 40 years instead of imprisonment for life. The other PCs are given various "slap-on-the-wrist" charges and let go. It could be worse, but the PCs think they got off very well for what happened. The silver dragon's wife, a half red/half gold dragon wrote a letter to the half elf condemning her that she should have told someone about that tatoo and gotten rid of it when she had the chance. She then tells the half-elf that she doesn't want her near her family or her children when she returns after the 40 year exile. The half-elf then writes a letter back saying that the dragon's threats are meaningless to her and that she will go where she pleases. Further, the half-elf says this is a declaration of war (no one is sure why she said this, the half elf has no country of her own) and threatens to smear the dragon family's good reputation across the world, blackmailing the family into secrecy. The half elf then proceeds to break the terms of exile to write another family member speading rumors to cause internal conflict, though the half-elf reveals both homes she stays at in the letter as well, giving away her location...? I'm not sure what possessed the player to di such a thing, but that was pretty much a death sentence to blackmail a dragon family. The family is now going to hunt the half-elf down to kill her for her "Crimes Against Intelligence" as the other players put it. I'm not sure exactly what the dragons will do once they catch her, but if you got a suggestion I'm open. ;)
BloodSpill 09-06-05, 09:09 AM	The half-elf should be cursed with a helm of opposite alignment. :)
RavenoftheCrags 09-06-05, 10:39 AM	Didnt know they had presidents in those days. The other day my brother lifted the lid off a well. I told him he could see a dark shape swimming rapidly upwards towards him. What does he do? Slam the lid and sit on it? Hold his sword ready to impale it? No. He takes his armour off and jumps in.
ShadowDragon8685 09-06-05, 11:04 AM	I'm not sure what possessed the player to di such a thing, but that was pretty much a death sentence to blackmail a dragon family. The family is now going to hunt the half-elf down to kill her for her "Crimes Against Intelligence" as the other players put it. I'm not sure exactly what the dragons will do once they catch her, but if you got a suggestion I'm open. ;) Beat the holy living hell out of her, give her a couple of good curses of their own, and send her on her way with a very thorough spanking.
Lyranis 09-06-05, 10:52 PM	3 players in a cave go into a room, do a spot check. No one looks up, 4 knolls jump down on us and attack. We shred them. We never foreget to look up again. 6 lvl 10 players are in a dark hallway looking into a dark room. Cleric says, If anything moves, duck, I'll use Color Spray. SHadow moves, Cleric casts color spray, Loki (god of Mischief) makes color spray into rainbow spray paint which hits a statue of a god of healing who says, Welcome to my temple.. Tie-dyed statue! Same level 10 group, rogue is leading, drunk off her derier, finds a trap covered with a sheet. Uses imoveable rods, we cross it, the rogue then TAKES the sheet and puts it in her backpack. Every so often we see her take hre backpack off and start whacking it. We think she's still drunk. We get into a room. THere's a passed out theif on a chest. I walk up (druid) say, "I'm tapping him on the head to make sure he stays passed out." DM goes, He's passed out drunk, but you hit him on the head and he falls over, still passed out. I say to the group, "Let's tie him up to make sure he doesn't wake up and attack him." It's overkill at this point, but half the group is drunk and they agree. Rogue says, "Here, I have this sheet, will tie him up in it." Group agrees, ties sleeper up in the sheet. Sleeper starts screaming, sheet starts moving. We all stab at the sheet and the sleeper, kill them both. SHeet turns out to be a sheet wraith.. Oi. :) Same Lvl 10 group! (this is ALL in one night btw) We enter a room, fighter and rogue and cleric are all up ahead, druid and wizard and one more are behind. Everyone up ahead gets attacked, while the Wizard, other person and druid (me) are gambling with dice... (Don't do OOC stuff while ingame. IE. Show another player your neat cherry cherry cherry dice.)
Lyranis 09-06-05, 11:59 PM	Bard/scout Gnome I'm playing comes up to a Tower of necromancy with her group. A cleric/monk(not sure) and a Fighter of some sort, human. THere's this curtain of green over the doorway. My bard rolls for knowledge check and fails. TUrns to the other and says "I'm tying this rope around me, pull me out if I yell." and proceeds to ENTER the doorway. Of course, she takes many points of damage (down to like 4 hp) as all her flesh is stripped away. She screams, they pull her out and the cleric heals her. ONce she's back on her feet she turns to them and says, "I don't think we should try to go in there yet." Okay, So I'm captain obvious.
spectralphoenix 09-07-05, 01:10 AM	Some of the players I played with back in high school were a little...unpredictable. (1). We're in a dungeon specifically made to test the mettle of adventures, and we enter a room apparently empty except for a river that runs through the middle. The majority of the party starts planning how to cross the river overhead using some immoveable rods. One character, however yells "I run up and stomp on it!" The feasibility of stomping on a river aside, it turned out to be an aballin, a homicidal water elemental thats immune to almost any form of attack. The player gets sucked inside and starts to drown. Our DM was merciful and lets him escape once its discovered that the PC had the only magical bludgeoning weapon in the party. (2) The same character (Drew) received a wish. His request? "A bag of severed heads." While he got the bag, the DM ruled that all of the heads were cursed. As soon as each head was touched, they would trigger a spell on the creature or object touched. Drew immediately emptied the bag, then realized that he could not put the heads back in. My character solved the problem by poking each head with a stick, so Drew got his heads after all. (3) Much later, Drew aquired the BOVD. This was disturbing on many levels, but one day our party entered a town. Drew announced his cleric was using a spell to create drugs from the stone wall (I don't own the BOVD so I don't know if there is such a spell or how it works.) Regardless, the cleric was promptly arrested for possession. (4) This was a game I DM'd. One of my bad guys cast darkness (3.0), took a move so the players couldn't attack his old location, and proceeded to start summoning minions from the safety of the darkness. Tyler was a psion, and he was the only one who owned the book. He used a power he claimed would telekinetically disarm the wizard, and that the PC's could charge along the path of the staff flying out of the darkness and hit the wizard. The power was summon weapon, and while I thought a low level power couldn't do that, I didn't have the book and Tyler didn't bring it, so I acquiesced. Anyway, it all evened out in the end when two PC's tried charging on the path the staff took. I then explained that if the ranger charged the wizard, and then the barbarian charged along the same path, the barbarian will end up attacking the ranger. Of course, what really made it amusing, was when they both attacked right in front of them next round. (5) We were in a trap set piece made in a chessboard pattern that had a number of traditional traps as well as special squares that would make the entire floor rotate when stepped on. The entire thing was in a darkness spell (3.0 again) and we were very lost. Eventually, Greg, who was playing a Thri-kreen with an inconceivably high jump bonus, stumbles out the way we came. My solution: have him keep making noise so the rest of the party can pick our way to the exit and then he could jump over. His solution: jump across the darkness into the next room. He rolls an obscene 57 or so, and the DM informs him that he has slammed into the closed door at roughly Mach 2, fell on a rotation tile, and got knocked out cold.
Lyranis 09-07-05, 02:18 AM	Okay, so we have this D20 Modern game going on when there's just two of us. I'm a Wildlord lvl 4 and my partner is a charismatic hero, an actor. Well, the two of us now have a reputation for solving the puzzles presented to us in ways that the senario writer didn't even THINK of. The first one, we were supposed to stop a black Humvee from crossing tracks with a broken signal and a train coming. So, what do we do? I, the female, get out, stand by the actor's car with my butt out, looking all distressed and stuff. The Humvee slows, but doesnt' stop. So, my partner, runs across the street and get's hit in the knee for 3 damage by the humvee, that stops it. He has a reputation and this Movie producer steps out and they make friends. Then ANOTHER black humvee is coming and it swerves around the other one heading for the tracks, so, what do I? My gal runs out infront of it, get's hit for 24 hps (she has.. er.. 24 hps at this point) but doesn't manage to stop the car despite her best efforts. Luckily it was the first one that we were supposed to stop. She ends up in the hospital, but the DM gives us extra XP for solving the scenario without using violence. Every solution written by the scenario writer, included some form of violence. Another time we end up in this lab, and this mad scientist guy locks us in a room with a big tube holding a genetically engineered Dinonichus... Yah.. Raptor, Baby. I'm a wildlord. Writer of the scenario didn't think about a wildlord. The thing is let loose, it looks at us, I talk to it, succeed my handle animal check with a nat 20 +whatever points I ahve in it.. and the DM says... Okay, I'll allow you to make this your animal companion (which I don't have the skill for yet) if you blow half your action points. (We use action points, I have 16 at the time) I go, HELL YA.. bang. I walk away from that scenario with a Raptor pet...
digoraccoon 09-07-05, 08:21 AM	The half-elf should be cursed with a helm of opposite alignment. :) I'm not sure the helm would be able to witstand the character's stupidity. :D The character sheet says Chaotic Good, the player RPs as Chaotic Neutral, and everyone else has nick-named her the "Chaotic-Nutty Half-n-Half". The helm might explode. ;) Beat the holy living hell out of her, give her a couple of good curses of their own, and send her on her way with a very thorough spanking. That's part of the plan, except "sending her on her way" is translating to "Banish her to a chaotic plane", which for the greater good really. That character has caused so many people greif and she's been directly responsible for the deaths of several good NPCs.
JakeQuistis 09-07-05, 11:50 AM	I have a game going, with an elf hating orc friend wood elf warrior and a changeling rogue. There are two other characters who haven't shown up yet, a human rogue and a wood elf barbarian. The first three players are all working for the Orcs. However, the barbarian absolutely will not let his character be anything beside Neutral Good, and he worships Corellon. He believes that if he just talked with the elf hating elf, he could just show him the error of his ways, that even an elf like him could be redeemed. He, and his character, are both Stupid Good, the kind of person who would try to talk it out with a metallic dragon to stop it from killing people. I'm going to have fun seeing how quickly he dies once he comes into the game.
Some_call_me_Tim 09-07-05, 02:22 PM	Player: I knock on the evil dudes door. [knock knock] DM (as evil henchman): Yes? Player: :confused: Er, ummm. DM (as evil henchman): What do you want? Player: :confused: Er, ummm. [meekly] Can we see the boss? DM (as evil henchman): About what? Player: :confused: Er, ummm. Can we see the boss? Er, ummm, we want to talk to him. DM (as evil henchman): About what? Player: :confused: Er, ummm. [turns to other characters] Help? For the rest of session everytime we wanted to do something it was, ok, lets figure out what we are going to say or do first, ok? HEY! where the :censored: is....[knock, knock].... :banghead: I literally had to cover the mouth of the player in question several times to keep him from getting us in deeper. Then there was guy in full plate armor when told about the frigid, swift flowing river, said "No problem. I just jump in. Sink to the bottom and walk across." :blink: Then there was the time we were infultrating the evil pirate town, disguised as, you guess it, evil pirates. We come across this pathetic old lady. Several characters rush over to her, giving her untold sums of wealth, offering to heal her, politely asking if they can help. "Excuse me, guys. :ahem: We are supposed to be EVIL!!! Way to blow our cover."
The Forgotten Traveler 09-13-05, 04:36 PM	I've seen a really stupid one. Sadly, this was me doing the first stupid thing. Ranger: I tie up the bandit! He ties up the bandit. Paladin (Me): Okay, bandit, tell me where the prisoners are or I will kill you! Bandit: Never! Paladin: (Me): COUP DE GRACE!! The Bandit dies. I became a ex-paladin that day... Same campaign, just later. DM: As you open the treasure chest a green mist leaks out Players: RUN AWAY! Player 1: I shut the door. Dm: Okay, you're safe. What now? Player 1: Ooh, I toss the unconious body of that guard we beat into the room! DM: Okay, the mist eats away at his still living flesh until he is dead. You are now chaotic evil. Players: :eek: :rofl: :ahem: :rant: :mymy: That's my story.
Jedah 09-13-05, 06:14 PM	I have a favorite story to spin! I had just taken over a FR game for a friend. The previous DM, while a great player and good DM, didn't know squat about FR, which is okay, we managed. With that in mind I decided to finish off the campaign. The players were around level 18-20 and were approaching the final battle with Umberlee's weakened avatar. The catch here is that an epic artifact of the opposite alignment was needed to destroy her. The LG monk and LG fighter went on a side quest to grab a gauntlet set of Torm. Sadly the monk had his head chopped off later on in the last dungeon. After a long dungeon crawl they spotted Umberlee sitting by a crystal clear pool of water, paying no heed to the introducers. This is where the group makes their very unorganized mistake. The wizard/cleric/true necro slips one of the gauntlets on, dimension doors behind her, and takes a big swing at her. He provokes an AoO and pretty much gets nailed to the ground. Umberlee and the w/c/tn roll initiative, she wins, he dies. Our wizard/archmage sees this and flees to save his own life. Earlier the party bard died and was reanimated, but ignored by the party. Lets just say the wizard and zombie bard met on the retreat. The druid casts his phoenix wings, dives in, and gets crit for max damage. He was injured from the last battle, so he was speared with the trident and left for the dogs. But this is what kills me....the fighter was scrounging up the artifacts as the battle went on. Umberlee casts a sphere of ultimate destruction. Our fighter, both IC and OOC freaks out and throws the artifacts into the sphere. The epics roll two 1's, ultimately disintegrated. Ouch.
Herald@Large 09-14-05, 03:35 PM	Once had a 5th-level fighter decide to challenge the BBEG to a one-on-one duel. :confused: Seriously! The player really thought his PC was Superman. Never got to issue his challenge -- the guards on the walls saw him coming & hit him with Power Word: Stun as soon as he got in range. The PC woke up in chains in the dungeon (I believe stupidity should have consequences ...)
Karazephryn 04-15-06, 05:40 PM	Okay, this is a recent one. My boyfriend and I joined in on a really interesting epic level campaign here at college. All of the party's characters, except for my boyfriend's, are strangers to this place. Us strange folk died and then were summoned here for some purpose. We start heading to what I guess is like the capital city of this nation and on the way we pass the true "heart" of the land. We stop for the "festival" and watch. There are these trippy little will'o'wisp type things that start dancing around in this natural bowl and they're fun to watch. Then this wedge shaped shadow starts moving in on one side of the bowl. Each time one of these "wraiths" as they're called, jumps into the wedge, it disappears. The party monk, who's a communist Githzehri (I think I spelled that right) saint, has the fastest movement speed, so he gets over there first to investigate while the rest of us start moving. DM: Okay, you're there. It's a wedge of darkness. What do you do? Monk: I attack the darkness. At this, we all laughed so hard we damn near fell out of our chairs. ^^ The darkness was in fact attackable. He put his foot through it... it turned out to be 180 minotaurs... With one big nasty leader in the front. So me, being the halfling rogue shadowdancer equiped with a Fulabin cloak (so black that the eye either doesn't register it at all or you appear as an amorphous gray blotch), sneaks up during the whole combat to get in position for a sneak attack... 1d4 + 8d6 + 2 = one VERY dead minotaur... especially since he'd already taken damage. I must say I'm proud of that shot.
Doopliss 04-15-06, 09:50 PM	the kind of person who would try to talk it out with a metallic dragon to stop it from killing people.Metallic's good, Chromatic's evil. :) (Unless you meant he actually would talk with a metallic dragon to stop him killing people, in which case that is stupid.)
Max Octavious Xavier 04-16-06, 03:22 AM	My party opened a door to a room with only the 1 door/exit and a pack of ghouls in it. A perfect location to let them come to us. But the groups halfling decides to charge INTO the room instead of waiting for them to come to us through the bottle neck of the door. This is followed by a battle where my paladin, who had the best For save in the group, was the only 1 paralyzed. My personal stupidest is from a Champions (superheros genre) game. Our heros were fighting some villians for possesion of a magic item. During the battle we discovered that the item wouldn't teleport. So after chasing down and knocking out the last villian (out in the street in front of the museum), I picked up the item and asked my teamate to teleport us back inside. And he did! As soon as he did that we both look at each other and go "doh". To make matters worse, there was another villian in the crowd who got the item before we could get back outside to get it. 1 more from an L5R game. The group were magistrates in a city that was having a serious oni (demon) problem. The group knew that the oni's were killing people who were running around at night,alone. The oni's needed a jade weapon to kill. They were NOT attacking members of the Unicorn clan but were attacking members of the Scorpion clan. So this 1 player decided to go out at night, alone, disguised as a scorpion and he left his jade weapon (a spear) at home. Then he was surprised when he got attacked and killed. Duh.
reff42 04-16-06, 06:56 AM	well mine isn't too terribly funny, but it is odd. We were playing d20 future, and there was one character (you know the type). chose 'way of the sword' as his primary allegiance, and proceeded to not use a sword for sessions 2-4 at all. chose 'christianity' as his secondary allegiance, and proceeded to coup de grace everything 'just to be sure' decided to lock up another players mech with the stipulation that he be deemed psychologically sane beacuse he went out of his way to prevent a clone from being killed for no other reason than the fact that she's a clone. based this character on himself at first oppurtunity decided to go total organ replacement. His new visage- a prepubecent fox girl (fox-like people are a standard race in this homebrew setting) decided to totally abuse the gadget system to obtain a 32 def @ level 5 (no fast hero levels) flew off from a military checkpoint beacuse he didn't have the proper id (using a jetpack) and decided to GRAPPLE THE STARFIGHTER as it came after him. when he landed, the DM decided that all of his armor was ruined (trying to remove that 32 def) he climbed into a truck and tried to say that his beam sword 'was broken, so it looks like it's on' when the military came by to retieve him. later, I took him with me to meet with a very patriotic senator that would help us against this major corporation that was instigating a war between planets, within 10 min. he's revealed that he is the most wanted criminal in the galaxy (in his previous form) and decided to take credit for an attack on the president. so we killed him, and turned his body into the company to try and buy the planet more time before the armada of the other planet shows up. He decided to pass a note to the DM stating that if he was powered down for more than 6 hours, he would explode. After he was powered down. And he had no explosives, nor a self destruct system. and the 'surgery' that we powered him down for in the first place takes 10 hours. same guy- warcraft campagin played a demon worshiping blood elf scout. Had no ranks in spot/listen/survival, but did have max ranks in craft (siege engine) and profession (seige engineer) cursed at night elves in a tavern, in demonic. stole a horse from an orcish border town (death penalty normally) and got imprisoned for it. (horse dies) new character is searching for his old character, and "fancies himself a priest of the burning legion" he dies after being ooc yelled at by other party members for running away every time combat happens. first character comes back- demands his stuff back, we pawned it to pay the owner of the horse that he stole back. he dies shortly thereafter from his own stupidity (I don't recall exactly how) next character, a xenophobic night elf. campagin ends shortly thereafter. I'm sure theres more stuff, but it's 5 in the morning and some things stick out more than others.
DMaster42 04-16-06, 08:50 AM	X. Once of my players got a rod of wonder. He was a crazy gnome. He pointed it at the grumpy cleric and got "permanently change color." So the party cleric became a nice shade a purple. He didn't find it very amuzing. X+1. Sed gnome then pointed sed rod of wonder at the Large size skeleton they were facing and got Enlarge. So it became huge size. Hehe X+2. Sed gnome then pointed the rod of wonder at the cleric again and turned him to stone. So he became a purple stone. Then he tried to get him get getting all sorts of random effects in between. Like Lightning bolt. X+3. The party went into a room with a huge "pool of black water." It was oil. Sed gnome pointed his rod of wonder at the "pool of black water." He got a Fireball! :mage: :rofl: I think you can imagine the explosion that followed and nearly wiped out the party. X+4. "I grapple the black dragon." X+5. "I shave the dwarf while he's sleeping." X+6. One of the players in my group once was hitting on my female Paladin Npc. This is one of those times. Player. So, what's your life like babe? I bet it's steaming. NPC. One without men. *Walks away* ooo.... rejected
kaoswarrior 04-16-06, 03:57 PM	Okay - some real corkers... I wonder how my few rank up. +1/ Was running a rather 'free-form' game: Player 1: Kobold Monk. Player 2: Young Minotaur. Player 3: Ash Para-Gensai Rogue. dm: you wander from the town confident in your ability to deliver your message to Kheon within the three day limit... the path is cobbled and winds off towards buraven in the distance. P1: what does the area look like, the villiagers told us not to stray too far from the path. dm: The land around you seems green and lush, dragonflies skit around freely and reeds reach up from the long grass - Knowledge: Geography or Survival checks anyone? P1: Survival. (success) P2: Survival. (success) P3: Knowledge-local? - I am a local of the villiage. GM: Ok, you both (1 & 2) figure out that the land off the path is swampland, (P3) you have travelled this road before and know all they do and that the swamp gets more difficult to traverse the deeper you move into it. GM: the night comes without problems... the sky grows dark. P3: Lets set camp for the night... I will take first watch. P2: I will take the late watch P1:Okay... I will take the early watch. GM: okay... Spot/Listen check results please. (no encounter, P1 and P3 suceed... P2 gets lost circling camp and is guided back by me fudging him in) GM: okay, the sun is up and its a bright new day... as you trek down the path you come to a bridge spanning a waterway. P2: I thought the area was a swamp? Where has the water come from? GM: sooo... there is no water in a swamp... P2: um... no clear water! GM: I didn't say 'clear water'... It is a bridge spanning an algae rich, lilypad strewn, murky waterway. P1: Can I cross the bridge... GM: Spot/Listen checks. (P1 succeeds and notices the Nixie playing by the water) P1: Quiet... can anyone here speak to fey? P3: I can speak sylvan (he had a blank language slot, and decided as there were Fey around his home villiage, it seems reasonable - I allowed it) P3: (in Sylvan) Excuse me friend Nixie, would you mind if we passed this waterway?) P2: I charge the Nixie. P1/P2/GM: HUH?!? -initiative rolled, P1, Nixie, P2, P3 (rolled a 1)- P1: Stunning fist on Minotaur. (succeeded) GM: P2, you gird yourself ready to charge, when suddenly there is a sharp pain in your lower region and blackness overwhelms you. After talking to the Nixie, the players were allowed to pass in return for a gift... the mintaur wound up missing a large portion of hair. later in the same game... Gm: you walk down the path, and you catch sight of the city about a half days journey away... Spot/Listen checks. (all succeed) Gm: off the path about 40ft away, you notice a Giant Praying Mantis bearing down on you - Initiative. (P2/Monster/P1/P3/) P2: I charge at it!! P1: Nooo P3: Nooo GM: okay, you charge towards the monster and slowly sink into the swamp, you are now stuck in thick mud as the creature draws closer for its attacks (5ft step, full attack) ...ooooh thats 2 claw attacks that allow it to make a bite attack - umm... I dont want to kill you, so by grace of fortune - you guys can act before the monsters last attack. P1: I load my sling and launch a rock at the monster (hits... good damage) P3: I shoot at it with my crossbow (great hit, crit... monster nearly down) P2: I hit it with my axe... GM: ... you are still stuck in the mud and caught in its claws... this is an interruption action. (roll concentration for mantis and fail - the minotaur is saved for a round) GM: okay - next round. P2: I duck into the mud. Gm: why? P2: once they have killed the mantis I can get to safety... but it can kill me with one hit Gm: okay - you guys see the minotaur sink under the mud... the mantis claws at the area but doesnt seem to find him. P3: umm... do you have any rope? P1: no... Game ends... couldn't keep a straight face. another group, quite experienced players... level 5 campaign. A: Rogue5 B: Fighter5 C: Ranger5 D: Ftr2/Sor3 E: Ftr2/Rog3 on route to meet last player - F: (evil - but hiding it from payers) Cleric 5 okay - you set off, ready to meet up with your new collegue as instructed by your employer... as you leave the city, the path forks off in front of you - one path circles the forest and leads to Loromir, the other path cuts through the forest and would shave the journey down to a day. C: I am the Ranger, we take the forest path! group goes along in the hope of getting to city quicker. C: I am going to keep 40ft ahead of the party, the forest is my speciality Gm: are you using any skills? C: no... I ready my bow. GM: oookay... most of the journey is uneventful... Listen/Spot checks please. (all fail, Ranger rolls 1 on BOTH!) GM: okay, Ranger - you are surprised as the Gorillon jumps out at you garing its fangs and swatting at you with its fists. (hits... HARD - ranger goes down in surprise round.) GM: ow... Initiative please ( players ALL go before monster - and proceed to beat it down until it flees) GM: okay what are you dong with the critically injured Ranger (one player gives up his only cure moderate potion to the Ranger) - okay, he had... 3hp now. ~group continues along path, looking out for trouble and eventually come to the city gates~ GM: the city stands before you, tall towers reach for the sky, the sounds and smells of its mighty marketplace assail your senses... as you approach you see the gate is locked and there are 2 guards posted at it. C: I charge the Guards... -I assure you... this was NOT the same guy who played the minotaur- Party: SHUT UP - we talk to the guards and present our contract of employment. GM: the guards gulp, and open the gate directing you to a tower in the distance. It was a fun game, but the Ranger didn't think so - the group split up for a few weeks and the game was halted - we never did continue it. Another stupid situation, which I found amusing, happened in character creation in a game I was just a player in. Me: I am Karpath, CN, Feyri Sorcerer. P2: I am Deadmeat, CN Teifling Rogue, my demonic side comes from the same demon as Kenny's Feyri - we think of ourselves as brothers. GM: good character background. P3: I am a lawful Evil Cleric of Nerull - but my Cursed Armour has shifted my alighnment to Lawful Neutral. Me: haaaha - the Cleric was Neutered by his armour - what an image! GM: Okay - thats a great themed group so far - Dark but not quite Evil... just one more... P4: I am a Lawful Good Paladin of Helm. group:..... (dumbfounded) Okay - I have more, but this is already one helluva post - Peace out People
Shadowblade2000 04-17-06, 12:20 AM	I got an original one. Tell me if anyone who reads this has done it 1) Sneak attack and kill orc gaurds at the end of a 50 foot stone hallway without allerting the tribe around the bend 2)Cut off said orcs heads 3) All PCs ready ranged attacks. 4) Rogue moves silently up to bend in cave. 5)Rogue lights orc heads on FIRE 6) Rogue whips the heads around the corner and hides 7) Orcs begin running around the corner only to be sneak attacked and decimated with missile weapons It was my idea :cool:
Sssargoth 04-17-06, 12:47 AM	I got an original one. Tell me if anyone who reads this has done it 1) Sneak attack and kill orc gaurds at the end of a 50 foot stone hallway without allerting the tribe around the bend Check 3) All PCs ready ranged attacks. 4) Rogue moves silently up to bend in cave. Check and check 5)Rogue lights orc heads on FIRE 6) Rogue whips the heads around the corner and hides ruining of perfectly good trophies 7) Orcs begin running around the corner only to be sneak attacked and decimated with missile weapons check 2)Cut off said orcs heads current campagn: check. Me and another player are taking a head from each species we kill. currently we have Aboleth, Mid Flayer, Orc, Human, Dracotaur, Black Dragon, Half-Black Dragon Goblin, Giant Wasp, Skum and mini beholder which I think are called Gauth. Im probably wrong on the spelling of that last one. Just so you know, this is each, well actually I dont have an Aboleth, and he doesnt have a Skum. :D Currently we are plotting the demise of a human kingdom and a Red Dragon. The dragon is an ally of ours against the kingdom, but we dont like him. We know the dragon is at least 50 from IC interaction, but probably in the range of 80-100. If this isnt a idiot moment for us, I can think of a few others. Earlier in same campagn, and me as a human wizard, we tried to wipe out an entire orc city. Wizard drops fireball at feet, and commits suicide. The other charicters were captured and sold into slavery. Still planning to finish that city off eventually. Currently in the same campagn, with me as a Skarn Rogue which happens to be one of the 3 damage monkeys in the party as long as Im flanking, and the other charicters technically o longer slaves, currently going through Mind Flayer controlled cavern system to get to the other side of a mountain because its faster. Were making good time, and killin plenty of squid faces. Also figured out uses for an immovable rod as a torture tool on paladins...
fenix99 04-17-06, 12:59 AM	Once while playing a paladin, I ended up in a temple on a shadow demiplane. Within I encountered the god of shadow and Illusion. My detect evil was going haywire from the proximity to an evil god. Seeing as the situation would be completely hopless if I attacked and I would therefore be useless to my companions and our goal. When asked what I would do by the god himself, I decided to be civil and merely asked for tea. Following our lovely chat on the nature of good and evil he cast me back to the material plane to fight a pyrohydra with my companions merely for his enjoyment.
ddan0901 04-17-06, 11:22 AM	Situation one: The party is exploring an old cave complex when we come across a pit and a big sign that reads "Carfule Bottomless pit." Well our bard decided that it was just an illusion and that there could be no such thing as a bottomless. "It is just not feesable even with magic, the dynamics and phisics is just so impossible that it can't be a bottomless pit. I chose to disbelieve it." Well he was right, it was not bottom less, just 1500 feet deep. ouch. Number two: We were playing an elf campain in a DM made world. The story was the elfs isolated themselves and contact was lost between all the elven citys. Our party was trying to reopen contact and communications between them all. Well during our adventures we killed a pretty old green dragon, then proceeded to tell all the villagers in this one town about it. These villagers had no contact with the outside world and freaked. "Dragons, there are Dragons all around us." Well It quickly became the L.A. riots in about two minutes. two B: After sending the town in a panic we were ordered to stay in our rooms at the barrax until it was time to leave. Well we did not like being told what to do so I (being the rogue) snuck out the window and got us a keg of ale. I then wheeled it up to the front of the barax, walked past the first set of guards and was then halted by the milita commander. Long story short, the keg got split open with an axe and we ended up sleeping in the woods that night. Diplomacy was never our strong side.
FighterDoken 04-17-06, 11:24 AM	This one happened just a couple days ago. 2-Person party: -Me, a 7th level CG elf archer rogue -a 6th level CE barbarian (we were forced to unite to save the town or something...there was some kind of explanation behind it, of course) Aaaanyway, we ended up in the tavern. The barkeeper says "how do you do?" (the trigger-happy barbarian intimidates him, changing that to a "please don't hurt me!") and I look around for any well-placed plot devices. The best I could do was a sad old woman sitting at a table by herself. I asked her what was going on (making sure the barbarian was far, far away), and she told us something about some children going missing in town and her sister's horrific death. I asked the barkeeper if he had heard anything about it, and he alluded to a strange staircase in the back of the tavern that nobody seemed to notice before (the DM left it out of his description :P ). We ventured down the staircase to find...an ogre guarding a rather large steel door. We kill the ogre, and attempt to gain entry to the (animated) door by way of bluff checks, strength checks, and attacking the guards on the other side through a small eyeslit (great idea, I know). I end up shooting the door's tongue off, and the barbarian works on breaking it down while I head up to the bar to find a key. I ask the barkeeper and everyone in the bar, and just as I'm about to ask the old lady, the barbarian comes up the staircase (uh-oh). Me: "Excuse me, but you wouldn't happen to know anything about the big, evil door downstairs, would you?" Old Woman: "Weeeellll....let me see...." Barbarian (impatient): "I kill the old woman." Me: :rolleyes: ("He wouldn't really kill her, would he?") DM: Attack roll. Barbarian: (some ungodly high roll) DM: Damage. Barbarian: 17. DM: The old woman screams and dies. Everyone in the bar is staring at you. Me: "Why did you...!!!" DM: The barkeeper rings a small bell behind the counter (we know from experience that that bell summons the town guard: a group of high-level paladins!) Me (OOC): What the heck?!?! Barbarian: I go back downstairs. In summary, he ends up chipping away the door with his greatsword until it falls off his hinges, but first a small group of paladins runs through the bar (past me) to attack him downstairs. I head down there and try to convince them to stop, and that he's crazy (well, he is crazy...), but they don't listen to me. I (in a small lapse of judgement) decide to attack the paladins. I drop two of them, but one gets away, and, of course, brings reinforcements. I pass my will save to not become evil. By the point the other paladins arrive, the door downstairs is already gone, and the Barbarian finds himself in a room full of ogres(!), with very few hitpoints left after the battle with the paladins. He runs through the door, and through another door, and takes 30ish damage from a flame trap. Minus one barbarian. I'm hanging out upstairs, watching the paladins from an open window. I'm about to head down to check on the barbarian's progress when the paladins smash through the barracade we constructed out of tables and chairs. I run back upstairs, and attempt to climb out of the window onto the roof. Failure. I fall into the dust in front of the paladins outside. After quite a few attacks, i'm down to 7 hitpoints, and running quickly away. Another paladin gets a hit with a shortbow for another 4 damage. Wonderful. Sometime during my running through alleyways and such, the DM actually says to the other player "Hang on just a second, I'm going to kill his character". :eek: I finally die on the roof of a cottage with three arrows in my back. I must have learned something, right?
Coren 04-17-06, 02:15 PM	This just happened on Saturday. Party was in the dragons lair counting out the 90,000 in copper that they just 'liberated' when they notice a deep pit. After a casting dancing lights into the pit they find a large, round monster with a big central eye, big teeth, and many eyestalks (bardic knowledge check says that it looks like a beholder). The party is level 6 and they start running around and sceaming. The bard runs to the entrance to get the rpe ready, the hexblade, monk and fighter run back to the treasure trying to scoop up as much as possible into their sacks, and the warmage tries to keep it occupied long enough for the rest of the party to get away. When the target is about 15 feet away he hits it with hail of stone. BOOM. The explosion is enough so it knocks the warmage off his feet but when he gets up their isn't anything left of the Gas Spore. I (DM) just can't stop laughing when the look of panic on the players faces change to confusion and they all start yelling at me. After that everyone had to go out for a smoke. :D :D :D :D :D :D
LivingShadow 04-23-06, 10:13 AM	one of my players (a ranger) just decided to flip the bird at a few bugbears (they were lvl2 fighters) after doing so they pulled out a composite longbow each and hit the guy so he went down to 6 hp (his total was 34) then one of the party sorcerers fried the bugbears with a fireball
LivingShadow 04-26-06, 02:16 PM	here's another few I just remembered here is the party: human lvl 5 rouge (me) minotar lvl 2 cleric/3 barbarian human lvl 5 fighter here is the setup we are in a town looking for a weapons shop and we are asking a blacksmith for help finding one after getting no useful info the minotar and the fighter start annoying the blacksmith he threatens to call the police they ignore him and they keep on annoying him the blacksmith does as he promised bringing a large force (remember we had a minotar) meanwhile I slip into the crowd that gathered to watch and got away :D the leader of the police group (I think he was a bard) used some kind of compulsion spell to get them to lay any weapons they had on the ground (only one of them fails but the other choose to comlpy) they are then escorted out of the town given their weapons and told not to come back Meanwhile I'm still in the city bar having a meal that night they had to sleep in the cold and I had a room in the Inn :P story #2 same group in a bar of a diferent city the fighter decides to try to get info from the shadyest guy in the bar (the one picking his nails with a dagger) gets on his nerves and starts a brawl ends up dieing due to a crit story #3 same group different chars the party druid (same player as the fighter) decides to randomly open a door in a goblin infested dungeon (we were first lvl) gets skewered by about five spears and drops unconsious we ended up killing the 10 plus goblins with a fighter and a cleric in their number using two out of three of the party
BeerMan5000 04-26-06, 03:02 PM	Some of you guys have pretty strange games.
theDuBixCube 04-26-06, 06:25 PM	96 - (i think) WARNING, MATH INCLUDED DM - you can't, it weighs like 40 tons. *checks lifting chart* Me - hmm, heavy load is *calculator* over 8000, push is 5*8000 = 40 tons DM - damn you!, ok the ship falls down, you get pulled down with it I really don't mean to be ****, but...I...just...can't...help...myself. :( 8,000lbs x 5= 40,000lbs 40,000lbs= 20 tons Unless of course...DnD books in European countries are written with Kilos in mind. Then the numbers would be lower as 1 Kilo is roughly 2.2 pounds. But, say we went with pounds for arguments sake. With a strength of 42, your Max. carrying capacity would be in the neighborhood of 5,552-8,320. That would make you able to drag/push 41,600lbs or, just over 20 tons. I hate myself for having done that. It's a vice. Sorry.
theDuBixCube 04-26-06, 06:25 PM	96 - (i think) WARNING, MATH INCLUDED DM - you can't, it weighs like 40 tons. *checks lifting chart* Me - hmm, heavy load is *calculator* over 8000, push is 5*8000 = 40 tons DM - damn you!, ok the ship falls down, you get pulled down with it I really don't mean to be @n@l, but...I...just...can't...help...myself. :( 8,000lbs x 5= 40,000lbs 40,000lbs= 20 tons Unless of course...DnD books in European countries are written with Kilos in mind. Then the numbers would be lower as 1 Kilo is roughly 2.2 pounds. But, say we went with pounds for arguments sake. With a strength of 42, your Max. carrying capacity would be in the neighborhood of 5,552-8,320. That would make you able to drag/push 41,600lbs or, just over 20 tons. I hate myself for having done that. It's a vice. Sorry. No, I'm not a rules lawyer. I'm @n@l about math. And grammar.
Damior 04-30-06, 06:23 PM	The fighter in myparty decided to attack the mayor while we were being congradulated for saving the town. We had to have the barbarian wrestle him to the ground and sit on his head while the mayor ran for it.
Druidsrule 05-01-06, 12:30 AM	Paladin: My warhorse attacks the Ghast to the left! *rolls attack and damage* DM: It misses. Now it's the Ghast's turn. *rolls attack and damage* DM: Well, it was your fault for bringing such a woulded horse- Druid: I start butchering it. Everyone: O_o Druid: Well, it's my turn, right? Suffice to say that we didn't get much healing assistance, and the Druid was hit by an arrow during the fight, few seconds after he'd gotten the left ribs out of the horse. The player was so devastated, he still refuses to tell us why he started butchering the horse.
Hodo 05-01-06, 03:31 PM	We're a 2 person group, playing 4 characters (2 each), all at level 2. His characters were... Human Rogue Human Fighter Mine were... Dwarven Cleric Dwarven Monk We were part of the military and sent to SCOUT out the location of an Orc camp. We encountered a sentry group and took them out before they could get away. When we found the camp, the rogue and the monk snuck ahead. We counted at least 40+ orcs, many of which seemed to be getting ready for fighting. In the middle of the camp, we saw an elaborately decorated tent- the chieftan's. We debate whether or not to head back. The rogue wants to get closer. So he rolls a high hide check and makes it behind a tent. He asks the DM what time it is, and the DM informs him that the sun is close to setting. His response: "I wait here for 2 hours until the sun goes down so I can sneak around in the shadows of night." We inform him that Orcs have darkvision, but he insists. DM rolls a percentile check to see if any random orc passes by and spots him while he's sitting there. He gets lucky again. Night falls and many of the orcs retreat to their tents. Thanks to insanely lucky rolls, he manages to sneak over to the chieftan's tent, and slips inside. There he finds the chieftan asleep with 2 female orcs beside him. So he coup de graces the chieftan and his concubines, cuts of the chieftan's head, and then carries it into the center of the orc camp, yelling at the top of his lungs for all to hear and see. Keep in mind these orcs don't speak common (we captured one earlier) and the rogue doesn't speak orc. So he decides to try and save himself. His fighter (who speaks orc) rushes into the crowd surrounding the Rogue and slices the closest orc in half (critical). He proclaims that he and the rogue are now the chieftans of the orc tribe. The orcs insist there can only be one chieftan, and that the fighter and rogue must now fight to the death. So the rogue and fighter come up with a plan (the player's plan actually). They're going to "fake" the fight. The fighter rushes the rogue and makes a failed attack, afterwhich the rogue stabs his dagger under the fighter's armpit. The fighter stumbles back and falls to the ground and pretends to be dead. Appropriately, they failed their bluff/perform checks. The orcs demand blood, so the rogue cuts the fighter a bit, attempting to make it look like he's finishing him off. They fail another couple of checks. Just then, a fireball erupts in the middle of the orc camp! A wizard, accompanied by several mounted armored knights rush in (accompanied by my dwarves), allowing the rogue and fighter a chance to escape.
Chybi 05-01-06, 04:01 PM	Our party consists of this: 2 Barbarian Half Orcs(Low Int, Very close to each other, Are iliterate but act as if they aren't to impress the Wizard) 1 Halfling Wizard 1 Human Ranger So the party has to go through a set of caverns to reach the BBEG's lair on the other sides of the mountain. For some reason, the path through the caves is clearly indicated on the walls by signs, We have no idea why, but so far it's been leading us correctly and we don't have any reason not to believe what is written. So at some point we arrive at a fork with 2 doors and a sign which clearly states: "Cave Exist on the Left, Certain Death on the right" (DM doesn't tell this to the barbarians) 1st Barbarian: I point to the right door and say "Sign say we go left door" The wizard and the ranger try to convince him he's got it wrong, but he just ignores them. So he goes through the door, there's a flash of light, and he end up lying on the ground. So the Ranger goes over to him and tells the group that he was wounded by whatever hit him but he's in a stable condition for now. So at that moment the Other barbarian, rushes over to him, looks at him for a few seconds and says: "He no Hurt, He just Sleep, Me Wake up" With that said, he pulls out his heavy mace, and 'gently' Taps his friend. Needless to say, a 'gentle' tap from a level 10 barbarian with 20 strength is quite alot.
Awakened_Gelatinus_Cube 06-11-06, 07:39 PM	Theres this big global torniment with dozons of events. One PC figures he would get experiance for each event, so he entered all of them with out reading what they were. His first day scendual: 8:00 swimsuit compitition 9:00 caligrify (in a language he didn't know) 10:00 refreshment selling 11:00 chess 11:00 flying race 11:00 bomb defusing 11:00 sword eating 12:00 fire eating 1:00 bowling (as pin) 2:00 pionic duel (he was a druid) 2:00 wood cutting 3:00 woman's sword eating His face: :shocked: :twitch: :OMG! :headexplo :surrender
Toloran 06-12-06, 01:48 PM	Situation: The party I am in has 11 people (more of a small army really, each char with a player. Never more then 1 PC being ghosted). We enter this town (after a small journey) and decide to split up and do our seperate things. Three of us wander off. A lvl 6 fighter A lvl 6 Barbarian (dumb as a rock, plays it well) A lvl 6 Paladin (also dumb as a rock, also has a faulty detect evil ability because of certain homebrew campaign conditions). (note: I wasn't in the sub group myself so this is based off of what I was told and the parts I actually saw) They eventually come across a store that is run by an old female druid. There are also a LOT of kittens around (about 40) (think crazy old lady with lots of cats). The paladin thinks the druid looks strange and casts detect evil: The druid is evil. Thus, by his paladin duty, must defeat the evil druid. He gets lucky and somehow manages to knock her out cold (she doesn't die though, although she to this day doesn't know what happened). Then the kittens attack the group. I should point out at this point that the druid is lvl 20 and all the kittens are dire kittens. The three of them get the bejesus beat out of them. The fighter falls down and gets covered by kittens. The barbarian gets his foot bitten off (nibbled?) at just below his ankle and starts to fall. The paladin grabs him and plows out through the kittens and runs away with the barbarian (leaving the fighter buried in kittens. He didn't see him fall so he thought he had escaped). The barbarian then goes into full protection mode covering his whole body using his shield and armor (the kittens can't get through his armor). He then waits 2 hours until the kittens forget why they were attacking him. I eventually meet up with the barbarian and get a slightly distorted version of the story. I roll a 20 when I go to craft him a fake foot and make a PERFECT working replica of his old foot (no permanent penalty but he gets a temporary penality until he got used to it). =========== Our DM likes to throw in friendly lvl 20s every once in a while. He does this knowing our group is full of morons.