Post/Author/DateTime	Post
feartheinvinceblehamster 05-04-05, 10:34 PM	1: i wish my barbarian DR went up by 1 point 2: i wish my HP went up by 12 3: i wish i had the greatest sandwich ever(This actually was twisted by someone around here, the wish stole like demogorgon's sandwich or something like that)
Mirikon 05-05-05, 12:26 AM	1 and 2 reference game mechanics directly, so, at best, I would have them fail. I'd most likely twist them to remind you not to metagame.
BrainInAJar 05-05-05, 12:58 AM	4. I wish I had a small, mundane, everyday rock about the size of my fist. 5. I wish that frog over there was a foot to the left. 6. I wish my DM knew better than to give me enough excess xp to Wish for those two things.
Sargon 05-05-05, 01:11 AM	7. I wish i had a bowl of nyphm's blood and material compnets worth 10,000 gp so i could become a corpse creature. (that would give you all d12 for HD and immunity to Crits) 8. I wish i had the abilty to cast raise dead. my next level is true necromancer
SnowbearK 05-05-05, 01:34 AM	Being one of the patients running the asylum...er...resident... 1, 2, & 6 all fail -- your character has no knowledge of such crap 3. A Sea Hag Sorcerer20 appears and fries you. (sand witch...fries...) 4. Fist turns into a rock and falls off, congrats, you're bleeding everywhere. 5. It's not where the frog is that you should worry about anymore...it's what is attached to the left foot that the frog turned into. 7. The bowl and components all pop in, but so did the entire ceremony they were a part of. Oh, and High Priest of Wee Jas looks rather upset at the interruption. 8. Poof...your wisdom becomes 15.
Sargon 05-05-05, 01:43 AM	7. The bowl and components all pop in, but so did the entire ceremony they were a part of. Oh, and High Priest of Wee Jas looks rather upset at the interruption. 8. Poof...your wisdom becomes 15. I appologize and explain...
Moon-Lancer 05-05-05, 01:55 AM	9 i wish my wisdom protected me from physical harm like a monk without becomeing a monk. I wish to gain the speed of a monk without becomeing a monk
green_yawgmoth 05-05-05, 02:04 AM	10. I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner. :D http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v91/yawgmoth/kittyjig.gif
Arcen 05-05-05, 02:30 AM	Ok but Oscar Myer's not gonna like it :p
Flushmaster 05-05-05, 02:31 AM	I appologize and explain... For the first one, the things you want for the ritual appear, but so do other people who are currently using those very ingredients to perform the ritual themselves. A high priest (very high level cleric) of Wee Jas (goddess of death and magic) is overseeing/performing the ritual and seems to be angry at you for interrupting it. You're likely to become a plain old corpse, but the priest just might animate you as a zombie later. For the second one, 15 is the minimum wisdom score required to cast 5th level cleric spells, such as raise dead. If you have a wisdom of 15 then you have the ability to cast the spell, in the meaning of the word as it pertains wi str, dex, con, int, wis, and cha. Wishes are notorious for being twisted to the displeasure of the wisher by DMs who nitpick the wording so as to keep overly ambitious PCs at appropriate power levels. SnowbearK obviously has some practice at this.
SnowbearK 05-05-05, 02:54 AM	Nitpick is such an ugly word... :D And yes, I have had a lot of experience at it. It all started with the 1st Ed AD&D "I" series modules... ;) Seriously though, I generally don't twist wishes unless the player doing the wishing is trying to be a jackass - like wishing for a billion gp or the ability to spit diamonds, crap rubies, and wizz grape kool-aid. edit: 9. poof! you gain Monk Wisdom AC bonus or Speed bonus...due to the vast influx of data to your brain & body, this ability replaces your ability to cast spells (if spellcaster), or some other rather important class ability. 10. Yep, Arcen's got it. Bet you didn't know the God of the Otyughs' name was Oscar Meyer, did ya? And it's mating season. :P
guru7892 05-05-05, 03:12 AM	10. I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner. :D http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v91/yawgmoth/kittyjig.gif LOL! acually id wish "i wish all those oscar meyer weiner singing people would get their stupid wish" then id be the last man on earth...
RogerWilco 05-05-05, 05:11 AM	11. I'd wish Goku back to life ;) 12. I'd wish to become a Greater God 13. I'd wish to have 3 more wishes 14. I'd wish the DM would pay the pizza 15. I'd wish an unlimited-engergy light sabre (in a D&D setting) 16. I'd wish I could cast all my spells without components 17. I'd wish I could cast 2 second level arcane spells. 18. I'd wish I could never die 19. I'd wish to receive a Tome of bodily health+5 20. I'd wish for the ability to fly at will 21. I'd wish for the ability to turn invisible at will now you tell me...
mcnoo 05-05-05, 05:46 AM	22: I wish the paladin was made of yogurt 23: I wish I had unlimited fingers 24: I wish to be protected from otters 25: I wish the party rogue was on a tropical beach, surrounded by a harem of admiting ladies, catered for by the worlds finest chef, relaxing, slowly acquiring a full body tan, and dead, quite, horribly dead. 26: I wish for kittens 27: I wish for the kittens to be removed 28: I wish the gods would step down from their mighty thrones to bow before me and proclaim me to be the true ruler of the universe. 29: I wish the party bard would be plagued day and night by a flock of winged lampreys. 30: I wish for kittens again
SnowbearK 05-05-05, 06:22 AM	11. Goku returns to life, then promptly realizes he's the most idiotic creation in the universe and beats your character to death with a moldy bologna strap before hanging himself with his own intestines. (NOTE: the DM is perfectly within his rights to inflict a similar punishment on the player, depending on the availability of bologna in the immediate vicinity) 12. Poof. Your character disappears from the campaign world and finds himself looking into a mirror at E. Gary Gygax's reflection. Oh, and since he's no longer part of the campaign, make a new character. 13. Since this is explicitly forbidden, normally I'd say the wish fails, but I'm in a fun mood tonight -- great, you get 3 more wishes...3...exact...copies...of the first wish...soon you'll have effectively infinite wishes, but you'll never get to use them except to wish for more wishes. The deity or deities of magic pop in and pimp-slap you across the planes. Make a new character. 14. "I wish the DM would pay the pizza" Alrighty, but I don't know what a stuffed-crust extra large mushroom pie's gonna do with $10... :D If you mean pay for the pizza, your character has no knowledge of such crap, wish fails -- see wish 1, 2, & 6. 15. Wonderful. Too bad you didn't wish you could turn it off. Go ahead, set it down or drop it, I dare's ya. Hope nobody comes along with the Disarm feat. 16. Poof. A training manual called "Epic Wizardry for Dummies: Feat Selection at 30th level" falls into your hands. It describes the necessary feat and it's requirements. 17. Poof. A training manual called "Minor Wizardry for Dummies: Multiclassing and obtaining 3rd level as a Wizard" appears. 18. Poof. Your character becomes a solid Adamantite statue, which is then plane shifted directly into Ao's living room. He thinks you're cute. 19. Great! Adventure hook coming up! You get a letter in the mail: "Congratulations! You have won a free manual of bodily health in the Adventurers Clearinghouse sweepstakes! Just bring this letter in person to Lord Jellybelly, Babyskull Castle, 534th layer of the Abyss." 20. Poof. You're a mayfly. Oh, and by the time you're done reading this, change your stats to reflect the next age category. Make a new character, because this one will be dead by the time you're done. 21. Poof. You're a pixie. Too bad you've completely forgotten your previous life. Make a new character. (edit: I'm off to sleep for the day, another sadistic DM will have to take over, though I think the point has already been made :devil: )
HypnoticMonk 05-05-05, 09:27 AM	I wish to gain the speed of a monk without becomeing a monk Ok, I would take you high up in the sky and let you fall. You would fall just as quickly as even an Epic level monk would. ... show off...
fallabel 05-05-05, 09:49 AM	Don't Epic Monks have slow fall or feather fall, or something like that?
mcnoo 05-05-05, 09:51 AM	they have to be near a wall to be able to bounce off it to slow themselves
Mirikon 05-05-05, 12:28 PM	22: I wish the paladin was made of yogurt 23: I wish I had unlimited fingers 24: I wish to be protected from otters 25: I wish the party rogue was on a tropical beach, surrounded by a harem of admiting ladies, catered for by the worlds finest chef, relaxing, slowly acquiring a full body tan, and dead, quite, horribly dead. 26: I wish for kittens 27: I wish for the kittens to be removed 28: I wish the gods would step down from their mighty thrones to bow before me and proclaim me to be the true ruler of the universe. 29: I wish the party bard would be plagued day and night by a flock of winged lampreys. 30: I wish for kittens again 22: The paladin is turned to Yogurt. He uses the Schwartz to throw you into space. 23: Poof! You have unlimited fingers. They now erupt from under your skin, sprouting all over your body. Take one dice bag damage. 24: You have a continuous Protection from Otters spell effect laid upon you. You are then Baleful Polymorphed into whatever otters like to eat the best and teleported into a river full of otters. 25: Poof! The rogue is on a tropical beach, surrounded by a harem of admiting ladies, catered for by the worlds finest chef, relaxing, with a spit through him rotating over an open fire. See, the world's finest chef is a cannibal. Oh, and you and the rest of the party are also spitted, rotating over adjoining pits. The rogue, however, is the only one who's dead yet. 26: Poof! You are baleful polymorphed into a cat. As it so happens, you're a female cat, and you're about to give birth to kittens. Congratulations! 27: The kittens are teleported to good homes. You, however, are still a cat. 28: The gods make an example of you by flaying you alive, but not allowing you to die until your flesh is gone. Then they give you to clerics of Orcus for 'quality time'. 29: This happens. However, you and the bard have switched bodies. Hope you like lampreys. 30: Since you're still a cat, you get gang raped by a bunch of tomcats. You get pregnant, are about to have kittens again!
Faragon 05-05-05, 01:32 PM	Don't Epic Monks have slow fall or feather fall, or something like that?Doesn't matter. He wished for the speed, not the slowfall :)
ehrin 05-05-05, 01:39 PM	Maybe it's just me, but in the rare times I granted wishes, I always thought it was "unfair" to add curses, extra spells, etc. into the mix. I didn't mind creatively twisting the wish, but casting other spells ahead or behind the wish seemed unfair. If you were going to do that, I think the character should be informed that "the entity granting the wish may cast multiple other spells on you while he does in order to harm you". I always played it straight to the vest: You want protection from Otters, you get it. You could get spines that protect you from otters, or you could be turned into a statue, or transported into a desert a thousand miles from the nearest otter, but that's it... You don't get it and then get turned into a fish, and then transported to Otter Breeding ground, and then doused with wounded fish attractant, etc.. Have I been doing it wrong all these years?
Kainsin 05-05-05, 01:51 PM	Correct me if I'm wrong, but from the title I assumed that the point of this thread was to come up with wishes that a DM wouldn't twist around. Either completely irrelevent wishes or things that aren't just trying to become overpowered. Number 24 seems like a reasonable thing to grant, I mean...you rarely if ever introduce otters into your game unless you came up with some sort of crazy otter race. >.> Anyways: 31. I wish I was stronger. (Used for an inherent Str+1 which is legal) 32. I wish I was more nimble (Dex+1) 33. I wish my body was hardier (Con+1) 34. I wish I was smarter (Int+1) 35. I wish I was wiser (Wis+1) 36. I wish I was more likable (likeable?) (Cha+1) 37. I wish I could read, write, speak and comprehend X language 38. I wish I could hold my breath indefinitely 39. I wish I was proficiant at using X (specific weapon or armor) 40. I wish I could drink as much alcohol as I wanted without getting sick
bjorntfh 05-05-05, 02:22 PM	41. "I wish for that rock." (Points at small stone on the ground.) I used that one when the party opened a bottle and found a mad Efreet that was being forced to grant wishes. The next two were: 42. "I wish for that stick." (Again, a random object on the ground within reach.) 43. "I wish you (the Efreet) were returned to the Elemental Plane of Fire and set free."
Da Dinictus 05-05-05, 04:47 PM	44. "Dragon of old, I would like this wish granted if it lies in your grand power. I am a gargoyle of the searing sands of the west, and I wish for my skin, as strong as stone as it is already, to become as hard as onyx, while remaining as supple as my skin is right now." Yes. DR change. And even with RP-lines given :P
Lincoln Hills 05-05-05, 05:51 PM	"I hate this stinkin' rain. I wish it was sunny!" "Oh, I wish I hadn't said that." "I wish I knew what was going on!" You'll notice that in none of these cases did the player address the wish-granting agent: in fact, he might not even have been speaking in character! He was just running his mouth, and the dreaded W word slipped from his lips. That's when the DM pounces, and actually grants a wish that is no more and no less than what was wished for... after all, if you can't wish with a pure heart, wishing with an empty head is a good second place. ;) (I leave you all with my favorite "untwisted wish" from TV: "I wish for a turkey on wheat with mayo and - AND!! - I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises!" And lo, it was granted!)
Nordman 05-05-05, 06:43 PM	45: I wish one more Wish, "really needed :rolleyes: " 46: A drow female slave "IT would kill you" 47: A army "It would attack you" 48: A worthy enemy "sure, a noble man!" 49: some gold for a room in that nice in 50: A mind flyer "So I cant speak about spells and magic with him!"
SnowbearK 05-05-05, 11:12 PM	The point of the thread indeed (according to the OP) was to come up with 1001 wishes that only crazy people (DMs specifically in this case, since they're the ones adjudicating the wish's effects) would twist. My point was simply that if you wish it, it will be twisted unless it's specifically covered under the description of the Wish spell. Why? Because anything that isn't covered specifically under the wish spell is completely subject to the interpretation of the DM listening to the wish. It doesn't matter what your intent is, what you want to happen, if you wish it, the DM has to interpret your words. If you find yourself playing with a DM that's willing to turn your hand into a rock and let you bleed out, I suggest bringing a lawyer next time, that is, if you bother to ever play with the maniac again in the first place.
Loren Pechtel 05-06-05, 02:13 AM	10. I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner. :D http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v91/yawgmoth/kittyjig.gif Poof: You're the reproductive organ of Mr. Oscar Meyer.
Swiss619 05-06-05, 02:41 AM	I’ve always decided whether to twist a wish or not depending on who’s granting it? If the player casts the spell, no twist (Unless he gets -very-stupid). A Genie or a Devil? Your screwed. A Ring of wishes you find? 50% chance. Etc.
mcnoo 05-06-05, 08:09 AM	I can't stand it when people twist wishes in ridiculous ways like "Yes, you get what you wish for, but you also get XYZ which is a disadvantage, but in no way did you ask for it. Asking to be as quick as a monk and falling as fast as one is fine and happy, but wishing you had something and suddenly teleporting somwhere where it becomes a disadvantage, or the truly shamelessly awful random body swap with someone you wish bad things on just irritate me as a dm no end. Twist words by all means, but just screwing people over in random ways because you can is petty and pathetic. Now, the real way to twist any wish is for when they say "I wish i had X" you say "X appears in froint of you and promptly dissapears, you now HAD it".
The nameles one 05-06-05, 09:03 AM	Poof: You're the reproductive organ of Mr. Oscar Meyer. :uh-huh: Eww.
Need_A_Life 05-06-05, 11:25 AM	44. "Dragon of old, I would like this wish granted if it lies in your grand power. I am a gargoyle of the searing sands of the west, and I wish for my skin, as strong as stone as it is already, to become as hard as onyx, while remaining as supple as my skin is right now." Yes. DR change. And even with RP-lines given :P Flesh to Stone. "I wish that I was never granted a wish in the first place" *DMs head explodes* "I wish that I could just get the spell components that this spell requires..." *Wish fails, 5000xp is just not going to be given away...* "I wish to ascend to divinity, becoming a quasi-deity" *It succeeds. Unfortunatly for you, you become a deity of slugs. You gain a 5ft. land speed (all other types of movement are lost), you take triple damage from piercing and slashing, and you gain the ability to use slow (self only) at will* "I wish that I get the ability to grant Wish at will," *May he rest in peace* "I wish that I could fly!" *is teleported into a 1 mile tall shaft, it's 5x5 wide and you have a fly speed of 5ft. (poor), there's spikes at the bottom (You can fly, just only downwards)* "I wish that all paladins fell from grace" *DM passes a note saying that he is working on it already* "I wish that I was never born!" *It'd cause a time abnormaility, multiverse implodes*
Da Dinictus 05-07-05, 05:51 AM	Flesh to Stone. But you still missed the 'supple skin' part :P