Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Gene2324 09-26-05, 07:50 PM	Alrighty folks lets hear 'em, regail all with the tales of ways that enemies and friends alike have perished in a comedic way. I'll start: I was DMing a game and the players were fighting some Dekanter Goblins, one kept attacking and critical missing(3 in a ROW) so on the third one I told the players that it charged passed and smacked into a wall so hard it broke its own neck. Laughter ensued. Lets hear 'em, -Gene
Mighty Ranter 09-26-05, 07:58 PM	Well, i wasn't DMing, but i was in the game. We were planning to ambush a group of tieflings. I, the psion decided to make thier weapons float in the air, while one of the other members would pretend to use ghost sounds. I lifted there weapons into the aird and the other member started doing these eiree ghost noises "This is the ghost of the dungeon you have desecrated, leave now or die!" I made the weapons do some moke swing at one of the enemies and cause him to back up against the wall, like real fast. Unfortuanly, he didnt' know the wall had spikes... He died instantly. The battle was one easily after that. :D
DraconsNighthawk 09-26-05, 08:07 PM	In a gesalt game I was running, the fighter/psion bullrushed a goblin onboard the enemy ship so hard, that the goblin flew all the wa across the 10 feet to the other ship, (The party ship), over it, and smacked into the ocean on the other side, before being devored by the ghoul sharks. The fighter rolled 3 twenties in a roll, gobin rolled two ones and a two.
Sidartha 09-26-05, 09:10 PM	Just last night we(the party) were ambushed by a Cloaker who promptly decided to use it's grapple ability on the pointman. The battle was not going so well because as you may know anyone who is grappled by a Cloaker takes have it's damage. Not wanting to kill my friend(yet) I did some quick reading of the grapple rules during the other players turn and had a flash of genius I'm a Golith with a +6 Str bonus, at 2nd level my grapple modifier was in double digits :D. So yes I jumped the Cloaker, unpinned my friend and without it's damage shield the monster quickly succumed to violent beatings from my party.
JimmyB 09-26-05, 09:31 PM	we've got 4 in our group (and a NPC because we're only at level 5 and the DM is throwing EVERYTHING at us) and two of us take a trek ourselves. recently the other character (a level 5 druid) decided to trade a spell (DM allowed) for enlarge. my level 5 fighter character saw the possibility of being stronger in battle and took to pursuing the druid for a go at this spell. we find ourselves against a barbarian who is in rage and REALLY not happy with us. i pull out my two impact bastard swords (crit is 13-20 cos i have keen ring...one is thundering) and start hacking. i am struggling cos this guy is absolutely pelting me, i'm getting healed as much as possible and go through a whole lot of postions(i'm hitting so poorly) and then she casts enlarge on me. i do a critical on each weapon next round. the druid's controller's eyes nearly popped when i did 55 damage and carved the guy in half...i've had enlarge cast on me as often as possible since then
20goingon1232 09-26-05, 09:47 PM	If there is a meleer in the party, I choose Enlarge over most other 1st level combat spells any day of the week.
AlphaSquirell 09-26-05, 10:09 PM	Most fantastic kills tend to be done by me in our party. (the party spellcaster, usually) Killed a Ghoul with a quarterstaff blow to the head. (critical, it already had a gaping head wound) Playing my Satyr (Ranger). A group of Orcs were surprised, and knocked over their table for cover. (underground) Instead of rushing them, I fired an arrow long-range to keep them down. 2 20's. DM said the arrow pierced the table.... AND an Orc's skull. (instant kill) Later, doing a large group (very powerful monster-raced PCs), we fought in an arena. Everyone fought their own monster (Fire Giant, Mammoth, Blue Dragon, Skeletal Red Dragon, and 3 other things) I attacked the Fire Giant, weakening him. (as a Sorcerer) Next move, I stole a kill from a good friend of mine. Magic Missle. Straight into the side of the Blue Dragon's head. (2 damage less and it would have survived)
Judging Eagle 09-26-05, 10:20 PM	I had an invisible'd flying ogre magess fly over her hired orcish mercenaries that were tieing up the PCs and swing at the party bard (level... 3 at that point; yes, I threw an ogre mage at my party, but in all fairness they have like... 8-11 party members/cohorts and higher than average stats). The ogre magess missed his flat-footed AC, she then went invisible, provoked an AoO since she was using a spell-like ability. The Bard critted with his rapier (he like.. ALWAYS freaking crits when he actually NEEDS to get a crit; ex, him and the two wizards face off agaisnt 10 trogs with 1 lvl of barbarian and he get's 2 crits in a row giving the wizards time to fire dual colour sprays). Sufice it to say, the ogre magess lost her eye and had her brain pureed by the damned support character's rapier. : ( He's a great player though, and he's taken on 3 pcs now (since other players don't show up as often now) and his original PCs (the bard) formian cohort. An other one would be at lvl 2 when the ranger, the rogue and the formian do this little scouting foray, spot an ambush, alert the party. Then they proceed to fire at a robed kobold in the tree branches (rogue, and the ranger manyshott'ed) or .. use their insane jump and climb check modifiers to charge the tree, long/high jump the trunk, then climb up and disembowl the kobold sorcerer that had 3 lvls on them (made the other 20 other kobolds much easier to take).
feartheinvinceblehamster 09-26-05, 10:23 PM	my 1st level elf wizard's favorite spell was fist of stone from the complete arcane. he got 2 20's in a row and, with the flourish of the DM, the orc was hurled into the mid stratosphere, then landed and made a 300 ft. deep crater, killing the orcs, and severely damaging the fighter-types in the party. my wiz was the only one who made his save to jump clear. not a death, but still funny: in a dungeoneering campaign, it's all fighter-types, with different outlooks on stuff. one is an honorable samurai that charges into battle. one is a straght forward elf that shoots with his greatbow and then charges in with his sword. i'm running a tricky human who throws axes and javelins, and he negotiates, ALOT. this is why: so we ran into these minotaurs, and my PC likes treasure. so he negotiates with the minotaurs. ROLLS A NATURAL 20, MAKING THE MINOTAURS HELPFUL, and has them join the party. he's CN, so he's bored, takes watch, and kills the minotaurs in there sleep while everyone else is sleeping, then steals the treasure. that was the first evil action of the game. so he may be drifting towards NE.
speeblefreak 09-26-05, 10:39 PM	I had one player who decapitated an orc. On his next turn, he threw the decapitated head at another orc, killing it.
Gene2324 09-26-05, 10:43 PM	^^^ lol Another game I was DMing the player was playing an Archery specced Ranger, he plucked off an arrow and missed, but the arrow hit a rope that was holding up a rather large load of rocks. Long story short they had ogre pancakes for breakfast. -Gene
Loren Pechtel 09-26-05, 11:40 PM	1E game. The party has been temporarily transported to the Abyss. They are on the side of a mountain with a lava river flowing by it's base. They decide to take cover in a cave to rest (the trip was unplanned, they were fairly low on spells). Oops, it's occupied by a succubus. (I wasn't really prepared for this, I didn't expect them to get that far that day, nor did I expect them to carelessly trigger the transport mechanism. I should have known better--that party had a major blind spot when it came to messing with altars. I was winging it, I picked an appropriate-level demon.) The succubus doesn't want to be surrounded so she fights from a doorway. The guy in front of her has this problematic magical sword. +3 (when most of the party had +2's) but it's -3 vs anything with life-level draining abilitiy. Furthermore, it's intelligent and has a special purpose to kill life-level draining critters--it will force it's wielder into combat and force it's wielder to use it. Back then I used a critical miss system. 1's would have a variety of bad effects. Round 2 he swings and fumbles. The sword goes flying and lands in the room with the succubus. Now, she realizes it's a powerful weapon but she doesn't know what's wrong with it. She picks it up. Given it's -3 vs level drainers I rule that for her it fumbles on a 4. She fumbles and strikes herself and rolls maximum damage. At that point I decide she's had it and bugs out. I describe her as dashing out of there with the sword sticking out of her back. She almost gets away but they get lucky with arrows and drop her just before she's out of range. I had forgotten that she was roughly over the river at that point, they asked if the sword went in. I roll and decide it did. At that point they give it up for destroyed. Never mind that a +3 weapon should be basically unaffected by lava.
Tiran 09-27-05, 01:25 AM	New to D&D, playing 2nd edition. Bought a bunch of eggs (barrel or whatever they were available in) for the hell of it. I was hiding cause I was almost dead (thief) and decided to chuck one at a goblin. For some reason the DM ruled they did 1 damage each. The goblin only had 1 hp left. And so, I killed a goblin with an egg.
SnowbearK 09-27-05, 02:23 AM	Hmmm...looks like most of the "funny monster deaths" so far come from either an imperfect understanding of the basic mechanics of the game, arbitrary DM rulings (which can make for the best kind of FMD's frankly), or blatant ignorance of the rules (you cannot crit undead, for example). My tale... Lone PC rogue strolling down a road to a town located near a swamp. Spots the ambush of 6 lizardmen (3 to each side) ahead... Starts firing at them. Four of the lizard men are using mighty composite shortbows, the other two are using greataxes. Greataxe-wielders charge, miss...and die, all before the PC gets her turn again. The other four lizard men do not have Precise shot.
Coren 09-27-05, 03:21 AM	TWF ranger (me), rogue, and fighter is traped in a room with some kind of ooze that seemed to be immune to physical damage with wizard outside the stone door. Fighter and rogue are sucked into the ooze leaving the ranger. After a quick look at inventory, I decide to throw a pound of salt on the thing. The DM got this look of shock and asked me why I did that. I asked him if hes ever poured salt on a slug :) ? Instant ooze death. Now it seems noone sells salt :raincloud .
Black Kitten 09-27-05, 04:04 AM	My best move was during a game with a n00bish DM and I hadn't realized his lvl3 party was SEVERELY underwealth (300gp each or something), while my brand new character had more gear. So I distributed the gear to the rest of the party and we got a little more even. However, I kept my MW Composite Longbow and my Alchemist fire. So we came to fight some stirges. I asked the DM if I could use 2 different weapons while using rapid shot. He ruled I could. So I chucked an alchemist fire bottle between to damaged stirges and shot it, killing both stirges. Another end-level battle, way epic (we're all combined races and my 55 Str Cleric of Kord is a weakling) fighting some Epic Demon-vampires. My party isn't doing well, so I cast MASS HEAL (3.0 ed.) and suddenly realize I what am doing causes me to make some SR checks... Out of the 20 vamps, 2 made it. The next turn was the wizard's who simply chucked a fireball in it. The DM (Munchkin type whose DMPCs had dominated the campaign) was like: :OMG! and spen half an hour trying to find a loophole to make my spell invalid... but it wasn't :thumbsup: 2 Epic Demon-Vampires and a boss left and one fully healed party :ayyyy!:
boh 09-27-05, 11:21 AM	it was the fact that i was wanted for something or another and the fight somehow got onto a moving cart. there wae a chain hanging on to the back of the cart. I had precise shot and hit the chain and it snappedthe dm ruled that it flew through the air with the kinetic energy from the arrow and cleaved the npc(constable) in half. my character jumped off the cart and "recovered" the items the constable had.
Nuntius128 09-27-05, 11:51 AM	I was playing a Common Oni(Oriental Adventures), and the group was ambushed by a band of Kobolds. The very clever Kobold leader figured it'd be smart to try to grapple me(Kobolds are small, an Oni is Large, and looks quite like an Ogre, but with Charisma, so they're scarier). Well, just for fun, I intentionally failed most of my saves while it clung viciously to my giant red body. Then, while the rest of the group was busy, I pulled him off(it was a very simple grapple DC to beat, even one-handed), and used my Spit Copper ability(perk of the Oni) and made him a nice molten mask, and pulled out my Greatclub, swinging him like a golfball into a group of other Kobolds. They didn't have very good morale after seeing me play with the leader. Maybe that's more sadistic than funny? :D
Blazara 09-27-05, 12:55 PM	Well my fighter was lvl 4 and was sparring with the head of the militia. It was just fun, so no killing was involved, and all wounds would be cured by the pc cleric (4th level also). So i hit him a few good times and he hits me. The next round the Dm rolls 3 20's too hit, and since we were playing the instant death rule, he removed my head from my shoulders. The irony was i killed his npc orc chieftain this way.
Selena Ombrenoire 09-27-05, 01:14 PM	My pally lvl 4 paladin killed one of the mini BBEG of the campaign: a bugbear evil ranger riding an umber hulk. Both, the bugbear and the paladin, were charging on their mount, face to face. My pally won the initiative and rolled a critical hit, empowered with smite evil, on the mount ( an Umber hulk ) I rolled max damage, 2x for charging and 3x for critical hit for a total of 6x damage. I did something like 70 damage, just enough to drop the umber hulk below 0 hp. The bugbear rider made a ride check and rolled a critical fumble. He fell under its mount and died, before my paladin was able to get him out of there. I've never been so lucky in my life ! ( Ever saw someone roll 5 critical failures in a row ?!?! ) Before this game, I didn't make any critical hit in one year ( playing once / week ) This roll just broke my unlucky sequence :)
Selena Ombrenoire 09-27-05, 01:18 PM	Blazara's post remind me of another funny kill. My friend once killed the BBEG ( an epic Ogre mage ) with a lvl 10 fighter. He just rolled 3 natural 20 in a row (an since we were playing with the instant kill rule) the ogre mage perished... The fight lasted less than one round :P
Deekin 09-27-05, 01:38 PM	I think the most entertaing kill ever in one of my games was in a one-shot with gestault charicters. One Was a half-dragon fighter/rouge and the other was a gold dragon/sorc. After beating the crap out of a Huge zombie, they fought the Nerco who, upon seeing a gold dragon, cast energy restance fire. The dragon firballed and quicked breathed, but the wizared was uneffected. "Did you not think I would prepare?" Mocked the wizard. The half-dragon then sneak attacked and killed the wizard in one hit.
Secrets Untold 09-27-05, 05:40 PM	Fear The Thatch!!! In explanation to the above statement, let me give you this equation: (2b)+e+r+t=V In other words: 2 bugbears + Elven Ranger (1st level) + Roof + Table = Victory! Two Bug bears charged my ranger, who pulled out a peice of the thatch roof we were fighting on, and the bugbear fell down through the gap in the roof and fell on the table, it. I have one bugbear standing on the edge of a roof and i have a chunk of grass in my hands. I threw the roof at the bugbear and knock it off the roof, where it broke its skull and died. Not bad for the fist time you've played, is it?
Gedrin 09-27-05, 06:03 PM	Setting: Drow outpost under attack by Beholders. PC's are caught in the middle. Drow are winning a phyric victory. PC's have busted into a wealthy drow's quarters, probably a priestes or the outpost leader. The begin looting, and find a very large diamond. They are careful to check for traps, and find it has been coated in some very deadly contact poison. As they discuss how to transport the enormously valuable gemstone, a Beholder sneaks in on them. Keeping it's eyestalks trained on the party, ready to blast them in the blink of an...you know. The two sides size each other up and the beholder decides to threaten them rather than outright attack. Eventually the party decides to bribe the beholder with the gem. They rogue tosses it to the beholder who catches it with the only thing not threatening a PC...his mouth.
psionichamster 09-27-05, 06:21 PM	had a group exploring an ancient pyramid-temple, in the middle of the jungle, looking for a magic pattern (schema) in the temple, they encounter a number of traps, mostly pit, spiked-pit, and falling rock type. they also encounter a number of skeletons (mindless and shambling type) combine fast-moving monk and rogue, decent jump scores, and a pit trap in front of a door (they entered the other way), and you have a skeleton trap now. they proceeded to pull a door off its hinges, and drop it on the skelly's. why? none of them had bludgeoning weapons, save the monk. another funny moment: fighting a hydra (7 or 8 heads, i dont remember), and im playing a wizard/alienist. rather than summoning, i use a new-to-me spell: stinking cloud. (IC, i didn't know it had a good fort save, OOC, i wanted to use my new spell). the thing rolls a 2 or 3, and spends the next few rounds retching and puking from it many heads, unable to attack or defend itself. i say the next few rounds, because it was dead within 3 or 4. ahh, gotta love the many-headed, puking swimming lizard-thing. namaste' the hamster
Bruunwald 09-27-05, 07:56 PM	Hmmm...looks like most of the "funny monster deaths" so far come from either an imperfect understanding of the basic mechanics of the game, arbitrary DM rulings (which can make for the best kind of FMD's frankly), or blatant ignorance of the rules (you cannot crit undead, for example). Then here's one you will like. I posted this in another thread the other day, but it's worth repeating. In one of our long-running games, the party adopted a fremlin as its mascot. That's a 2nd Edition friendly gremlin. Doesn't do much damage. I think it has a bite for 1d3-1. Anyway, he stuck with the group for years, mostly sitting around picking his nose for comedy relief, but occasionally helping out. Eventually, I gave him a level in something. Might have been warrior (by now we were into 3rd Ed), but might have been rogue. Gave him a feat (since he didn't have one in 2nd Ed). In any case, one day the dwarf fighter snuck off for a side thing, taking the fremlin and his single devoted hireling. They encountered an umber hulk inside a mountain, and a raging battle ensued. It went their way for awhile, and they got the creature down to 2 hit points. But then things went bad, and it got the upper hand. Both the dwarf and his hireling had several bad misses in a row, while the umber hulk got in a couple good crits. The dwarf started shouting for the fremlin to attack. It was really a joke, because he didn't think the thing could do anything against that creature. I knew that he needed a 19 to hit. So I obliged, thinking that it would make for some comedy for the dire situation, and more importantly, because the fremlin had been very much devoted to this character for a good long time. Well, I rolled a 20 for the fremlin's attack. Then I rolled to confirm, and it was a 19. Damage after the crit? Two points. Down went the umber hulk, totally Kosher, totally hilarious. The thing is, sometimes you have to let the dice play themselves out, and ask, well what did that mean? In this case, it could only mean that the crit represented the fremlin getting his jaws in-between the plates covering the thing's neck, and hit an artery. So not everybody here got an arbitrary ruling, so much as the DM trying to describe what the rolls meant.