Post/Author/DateTime	Post
speeblefreak 01-17-05, 01:57 PM	I shall start. Please make these real, by the way. #1. Fighter: I headbutt the rust monster. DM: :confused: Okay, you inflict no damage and you lose your helmet. #2. The party just had its best items stolen by a dracolich, and they had tracked the dracolich back to its lair. They found a large cavern with an acid pool. The acid pool was where all their items were contained in acid-proofed boxes. Figuring the dracolich was somewhere in the room, the cleric cast earthquake to flush it out. Needless to say, gitant chunks of the ceiling dropped into the acid pool, smashing the box to oblivion. No more items. #3. Fighter: I attack the orc with my axe. DM: (rolls) The orc is beheaded. Fighter (next round): I pick up the orc's head and throw it at the other orc. #4: One PC, when confronted by a yuan-ti abomination, threw his spiked gauntlet at it.
Draco Strang 01-17-05, 02:04 PM	One of my players once posted one of those 101 threads on the Wizards boards..... :D
Saurenda 01-17-05, 02:17 PM	#6 Player 1: Ok I buy the half dragon a drink. The waitress takes the money from you and a moment later arrives with a drink for the half red dragon, and says "Compliments of that young lady" and nods to the direction of player one. Player 1: Argh ok, I didn't want him to know I was here after I rushed him in the caves and he saw through my hat of disguise. Ok I got up and introduce myself. (Says his character name too) HRD: Hello, have we met before? (rolls wisdom to remember as it was a while back, and this NPC had been through other events. This is a clearly fighter type Half dragon, and the PC had seen his greatsword used before as well as the fact of him wearing platemail in a bar of all places. ) Players 1: (turning to other players across other tables of the bar) Get ready to run guys! HRD: Excuse me Miss. I'm still right here... Player 1: I turn to him and cast flare in his face. (Does so shoving hand in my face, and shouts spraying spit on me) "FLARE~!" DM(me) :Ok, I roll fortitute save. DC is? Player 1: (looking smug and self satisfied) DC 10 fortitude. DM(me): Ok he has a base fort of 9, anything sides a one will work. I rolled a 2, he makes it. He observed you tried to do something harmful to him, possibly magic. He stands up and draws his greatsword. Player 1: I take out my dagger and stab him. I rolled low never mind. DM(me): He slices you with the great sword(hit confrimed). 2d6+6 damage. You are unconcious on a minimum roll (player had 8 hp total), if I roll higher you are considered bleeding to death. 17 damage. You are bleeding to death. You are unconcious. Player 1: Guys help me out! (I let it slide the others were in an in game conversation when it happened and across the room, so the player could have screamed before she struck him with the dagger) DM: He Coup de Graces you. He dumps 3 platnum at the bar. He leaves saying to the bartender, "For the mess." The other players roleplayed thier confusion and laughed out of character.
Lord Santheocles 01-17-05, 03:19 PM	#7 (role-playing an insane Paladin) ME: I detect evil! DM:okay, you pass out, and fall to the floor, and BBEG hears it, and starts going to the door ME:(ooc)let me wake up, i have a high diplomacy check Ranger:i ready an action to punch him DM:the door opens up,na dyour fist lashes out, roll damage Ranger:...a one... DM:wait, you punched a necromancer for one damage? Ranger:... shut up... i dont want to talk about it
Santrilla 01-17-05, 03:37 PM	Our party has come across a group of evil cult members examining a giant flaming leaf that fell from the sky. They're in dark robes. We're working for the church, sent to examine the same phenomenon. Paladin- I walk down to the leaf and say "Hi, we're with the church." Evildoers- *kill kill kill* Paladin- Doh.
Aricandor 01-17-05, 03:43 PM	#9 (Come one people! Number your posts!) The players frontal assault an enemy encampment, with no surprise, as they had already let some of the scouts and sentries get away. (They did it as they had actually succeeded with this tactic once before, but then they were 12th level, not 4th...)
The_Cheat137 01-17-05, 05:02 PM	# who gives a damn ....okay okay #10, probably In hostile territory, resting for the night, keeping a watch, supposed to be guarding very plot important items. PC on watch: "okay my watch is over. I groove over to PC2." DM: -.- PC on watch: " I nudge him with my foot. I groove back to sleep." Well in the morning, lets just say that all of our quest items had been grooved away ^^
speeblefreak 01-17-05, 07:22 PM	#11. DM: As you enter the room, you notice that the ceiling is sagging. Howver, something in the middle of the room you can't see is holdng the ceiling up. It's about ten feet by ten feet. Sorceror: I go up to the area and poke it with my quarterstaff. DM: The quarterstaff gets slurped up. Sorceror: I say, "Sweet, that must be how we get out," and jump into the area. It was a gelatinous cube. :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:
Soranos 01-17-05, 07:58 PM	Once, while finally agreeing to run a low level game ((i usually only 15th level or above but my blasted players talked me into it)) The following situation occured. DM: You come into a room. There is little light shed by the few torches that remain lit in brackets on the wall. You can see about 120 feet away the glint of something small and silver. It appears to be a globe. PC1: I pick it up. DM ((internal monologue....so you walk into a dark room, in the underdark, and see a silver orb sitting in the floor that for all you know is an enchanted landmine of destruction +9...sigh....)) Ok. Roll me a will save. PC: 6 DM: The orb which turns out to be a cursed hammersphere possesses your mind. You immediately release it and it speeds towards your party, beginning to slaughter them all. What do you do? PC: I attack the party as well. That way the orb will stop attacking them because they will be dying. You don't die till minus ten right?
Xanthia 01-17-05, 11:28 PM	#13) Party is outrunning a Wyrmling. They cross a bridge in the complex, and the door is locked. One PC headbutted the door in frustration, trying to break it down. He was playing a Dwarven Bard, and insted of using Open Lock, he throws the Gnome at the door, hoping to break it down. The most popular saying (and the all-purpose answer to every dilemma) from then on was,"I punt the gnome!".
wonlee76 01-17-05, 11:38 PM	#14) Party is entering a sewer through a manhole. The ranger of the group decides to go in first. Ranger: I jump down into the sewer. DM: Jump? Ranger: Yes. DM: The rest of the group watches the ranger jump down the manhole chute for approximately 30 feet before you hear a thud shortly thereafter. You see several rungs along the side of the manhole chute designed so that you could easily climb down the manhole into the sewer. Ranger: I'm all right...
Undead_Zeus 01-18-05, 12:03 AM	#15. I am the DM. My brother is the PC. My brother just killed 3 snowbolds (my twist on the kobold) DM: It seems you have 2 hp left... Oh well, the items on the kobold might heal you. What do you do? PC: Um..uhh *10 minutes later* DM: May I make suggestion? Try searching the snowbold's bodys. *10 minutes later* PC: I go and open the door that has a symbol of rocks falling on a person. DM: Ok, as you open the door a 200 pound rock crushes you. #16. Same people Earlier in the adventure he obtained a piece of parchment that said: He who finds the Orb of Storms shall recieve great wealth! DM: You find an orb on the table. What do you do? *5 minutes later* DM: You shoul- PC: I look at the orb. DM: There is a lightning storm inside the orb... *7 minutes later* PC: I break the orb. It was an Orb of Storms from the DMG worth 38k.
Damaramu 01-18-05, 12:39 AM	#16: I'm DM'n and we have a player that was just attacked by several animated objects. PC: So we come out of the teleporting pool into this cave Is there anything here? DM: There are stares on the north side of the cave and above the water is a statue of a woman in a cloak. It appears to be the godess Mystra PC: I ATTACK IT! I KNOCK IT OVER AND BREAK IT TO PIECES! DM: WHY? PC: It might've attacked me! I'm heading up those steps. What do I see? DM: You see Glyphs on the wall. As you draw closer they begin to glow. PC: I keep walking. Stupid gods. DM: Roll reflex as lightening hits you from 6 glyphs. #17: I'm DM'n again......same PC. PC: I'm sleeping in the tent. Do I hear the fight going on? DM(rolls): Yes. PC: Ok I'm going to stand straight up and grab the end of the tent and pull it up and attack! DM: You do realize it's a pup tent, and it's staked into the ground, and has a floor? PC: I already told you what I'm doing! DM: You stand straight up but the ten is only about 2 1/2 ft tall. You hit your head but manage to get ahold of the floor of the tent *rolls strength* And you unstake it. But you fall over with the tent in hand from hitting your head and you and then entire tent tumble backwards into the bushes. PC: IT'S ANOTHER ANIMATED OBJECT!
Maybelater 01-18-05, 02:24 AM	My fighter was going through the temple of elemental evil. He had prestige classed into the weapons master class and was using a mercurial greatsword (x4 critical) The party was just finishing up a large battle led by an evil cleric. We're about 8th level -wizard: just knock the cleric out, we'll need her for questioning later. -fighter: ok...(rolls his first attack at -4 for subdual damage) 20! woo hoo! I finally get to try my new increased critical! (which made it a x5 modifier instead of x4) -fighter: lemme see (rolls ALOT) 89 DAMAGE! I sooooo knocked her out! -DM: (rolls) actually she failed her save against massive damage, she dies as you crush her skull with the flat of your sword. -fighter: ummmm, well shes out cold . . . real cold -wizard: well at least now we know you've been holding the sword wrong this whole time.
Kalanth 01-18-05, 03:13 AM	#19: Caught between two burning buildings with very little space, the part ranger is battling the party bard (bard was under a vampires domination). Ranger: I cast Entangle at his feet DC: You realize that is flamable, right? Ranger: Yeah, thats the point. . . I want to kill him with fire damage. I cast it directly ontop of his space. (11th lvl ranger, casting entangle, and the characters are 5ft from each other) DC: Ok. . . Those remaining bits of grass and root sprout forth and wrap around both you and the bards feet (both fail saves), almost instantly they go up in flames, adding to the massive fire that rages around you. (12d6 fire dmg, 12d6 smoke dmg, and 4d6 heat dmg later). You both take 78hp dmg (both dead). Ranger: Ooops!
PhaedrusXY 01-18-05, 03:58 AM	The PCs have met a dwarf who has a treasure map on his back. It was put there by a mischevious genie when he Wished for a map leading to a "great dwarven treasure". After earning his trust, they are helping him decipher the map (which he can't read... because it's on his back). They've traveled for many days, and think they are getting close to the end of their journey. (I told them they were less than a day from their destination, based on their survival rolls.) PC1 is on watch. When his watch is up, he goes and wakes up PC2, who is supposed to take the next watch. PC1 then decides to go explore. (It's the middle of the night, the rest of the party is asleep, and they are nearing a "great dwarven treasure".) PC2 says "I'll go with you!" DM: ... (After they "explored" for a bit) DM: You see a cave entrance ahead. PCs 1&2: Cool, lets go check it out! DM: ... Are you sure? PCs: Yes. They were killed and eaten by 2-3 green dragon wyrmlings. (They were about level 3 or 4). I was feeling merciful and said that the party heard their screams from a distance, but they were dead before the others got there. And I guess I'll tell one on myself while I'm here. :D The PCs are making a harrowing escape from the evil Death Knight's keep. (We were way too low level to actually fight him. We just snuck in and stole something, I think.) We're on something like the 10th floor, and decide to use some rope to climb out of a window. (This was 2nd edition, by the way). The brave elven bladesinger volunteers to guard the rope while we climb down, then jump down using his Ring of Featherfall. The elven wizard and myself (human ranger) both climb down successfully. The dwarf starts his descent, and in storms a skeletal knight and a few skeletons. The elven bladesinger takes one look at them, and immediately jumps out the window. The skeletal knight walks right over and cuts the rope, and the dwarf starts falling, passing the elven bladesinger on the way down. The dwarf is my character's best friend, so I say "I'll catch him!". The DM says "Are you sure?" I say "Yes!" It broke both my arms, and both his legs. Then the Death Knight showed up. The moral of the story is: If the DM looks at you and says "Are you sure?" You should probably reply "No."
Jelstan 01-18-05, 09:24 AM	Paladin: I detect evil ... is it evil? DM: yes/no (the answer doesn't matter) Paladin: I kill it. (repeat into infinity) :banghead:
Vol 01-18-05, 09:52 AM	This happened to one of my PCs, back in 2nd edition DM (me): The elf swings his longsword towards the spectre. -Dm rolls- A hit! The spectre takes 9 damage. PC Fighter LG: What? I thought spectres could be hit only by +1 weapons. DM: Yeah, it's true. PC Fighter LG (with a normal longsword): I attack the elf.
TheBard 01-18-05, 10:54 AM	This one is from Shadowrun: The Runners were in the midst of a vast jungle, near a wide river. Suddenly, something approaches. DM: "As you look through the grass near the river, you see a patrol boat approaching your position. They must know you're there. At the front of the boat there is a gun mounted, operated by one of the soldiers." My Character: "Ok, I hide in the tall grass, take my carbine and try to take the gun on the boat out." Other Character: "Me, too. I aim at the patrol boat and open fire!" Well, the GM was quite puzzled about what we were about to do, but let us roll damage. We rolled great, but strangely, we didn't even leave a dent. Then the patrol boat opened fire, one shot was enough for our two characters to be seriously wounded and knocked unconscious. It turned out that we misunderstood the GM. While we thought that the patrol boat would be nothing more than a small nutshell with a mounted LMG, operated by some goon standing behind it, this boat really was an armored beach cruiser, more like a swimming tank... which hit us dead-on with his anti-tank weapon. Misunderstandings can be *very* deadly.
speeblefreak 01-18-05, 09:41 PM	#15. I am the DM. My brother is the PC. My brother just killed 3 snowbolds (my twist on the kobold) DM: It seems you have 2 hp left... Oh well, the items on the kobold might heal you. What do you do? PC: Um..uhh *10 minutes later* DM: May I make suggestion? Try searching the snowbold's bodys. *10 minutes later* PC: I go and open the door that has a symbol of rocks falling on a person. DM: Ok, as you open the door a 200 pound rock crushes you. #16. Same people Earlier in the adventure he obtained a piece of parchment that said: He who finds the Orb of Storms shall recieve great wealth! DM: You find an orb on the table. What do you do? *5 minutes later* DM: You shoul- PC: I look at the orb. DM: There is a lightning storm inside the orb... *7 minutes later* PC: I break the orb. It was an Orb of Storms from the DMG worth 38k. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Anybody who plays like that deserves to die anyway! #24. Cade (halfling riding a dog): I run to the goblin. DM: Okay, you are now in the area of the Entangle spell. Cade: Oh. Me: You do realize that, because you took the run action, you can't do anything else this round? Cade: Oh. #25. The party is trying to get out of a cave filled with blue ice. In our campaign, touching blue ice freezes you solid liquid-nitrogen style, even if it's just a sliver. Belril (wizard/ranger): I walk around whacking all the blue ice I come to. DM: A blue icicle spikes your head. Me (thinking): And you're surprised?
MattHawk 01-19-05, 12:16 AM	#26 The player... err... ok, it was me. I get overconfident, and when full attacking, I just start rolling all my attack dice at once, not waiting for the results (I had the highest attack bonuses in the party by a decent margin). However, we were fighting a Black Pudding and I'd never seen one before (this was my first campaign) - not knowing about what they do in advance, I just roll all my dice at once. Combine this with us messing up the rules about combining Multiattack and a full attack/Rapid Shot, and 6 arrows were going off at once. Now, there were lots of black puddings, and one nearly dead party member standing in the midddle of them (who thankfully made her stabilization check a couple rounds later while the rest of us fought off a vicious horde of black puddings)
Sukugaru 01-19-05, 07:30 AM	#27 (Playing a Slayers d20 game, where casting spells causes subdual damage) Me: I cast Opening on the chest. (Rolls, a success!) DM: The lid of the chest clicks as it unlocks. Roll for subdual. Me: ...oh. It doesn't matter, I'm on 1 HP.
speeblefreak 01-21-05, 10:20 AM	#28: This was a high-level stealth campaign set in Calimport. My character was currently robbing a rival guildhouse. I had just gained access to the treasury. Me: Okay, I stuff all the treasure into my portable hole that can fit. DM: Now what do you do? Me: I walk out the nearest wall. (I had a cloak of improved blinking) DM: You can't. Something is blocking you. Me: ARRRG stupid wall of force. I try the opposite wall. DM: It's blocked, too. Me: I try every surface. :tantrum: DM: They're all blocked. Me: Shoot. I guess I'll have to wait this out. I tap the wall every round to check for walls of force and ready an action to run out when it drops. (two hours pass) :waits: :waits: :waits: DM: You keep tapping the wall, and suddenly your finger meets no resistance. Me: YES! I sprint out of the guildhouse. DM: You're out of the guildhouse as soon as you leave the room. Me: :confused: DM: You ran into a portable hole. Me: D'oh! Is it possible to open one of those from the inside? DM: You're not in the portable hole. Me: :uh-huh: DM: You carried a hole in with you. You're on the Astral Plane. ME: :hoppingma
Kratch 01-21-05, 01:57 PM	#29 After finishing off a baddy, my character began looting and detecting magic while the others searched for secret stuff in the rooms we had just finished clearing. On the leader i find a silk bundle containing a few nice items, one of which is a small silver/black sphere which turns out to be magical. Me, thinking it to be an ioun stone, held it over my head and released it. After a dazzling explosion, and over the next little while i got to conteplate the notion that not all things round, shiny and magic are ioun stone while confined within the bubble of a bead of force.
Verenal 01-21-05, 04:23 PM	#30 Player: "I stick my hand in the fire elemental to prove it's an illusion." DM: "Your hand burns." #31 Player: "I try to slip poison into his food." DM: "Do you have sleight of hand?" Player: "No, can I use an action point to use this skill?" DM: "I'd say two action points." *rolling dice* DM: "He notices you and asks what you were doing." Player: "Oh, that's a spice we use, you might like it." Another Player: "Yeah, but have you used up your stash? here, have some of mine." (Takes some bat guano from a spell component pouch and spices his food with it, then gives some to the other character.)
gamerdork 01-21-05, 06:52 PM	1 - Cast Fire Shield on self (7th level Wizard with 24 hp remaining :mage: ) 2 - Move adjacent to a construct similar to a Stone Golem, but not as powerful in melee (some gnome psycho designed this clockwork, mechanical construct about 25' tall), 3 - Taunt construct with wizard, just enough so it attacks wizard TWICE!, 4 - Take 1st hit for 19 damage, :eek: 5 - Take 2nd hit for 18 damage, realize you are deceased, dead beyone repair! :bigeyes: :weep: 6 - Wait! Rules lawyer in group blurts out that 1st hit activated Fire Shield, dealing 9 damage to the construct who ONLY HAD 4 HP LEFT! :w00t: 7 - Stop pouting about (near)-dead wizard, GOOD GUYS WIN!! :bounce: 8 - Hugs for rules lawyer! :cheer:
Sorti 01-21-05, 07:03 PM	#33: Location: a tavern in a fiend-free abyssal layer (Planescape campaign). A couple of patrons taunt the group githzerai, who immediately attacks to knock them out. DM: You see the half-orc bouncer approaching the brawlers, he seems angry Me (playing Maiet the modron with a Charisma score of 6): I try to stop him with well-placed words DM: Roll a Diplomacy check Me: I rolled a 1, with Maiet's Diplomacy modifier I score a -1. Maiet approaches the half orc and tells him: "Instead of being here, shouldn't you stop your mother from selling her own body for a low price?" :D Edit: forgot number :)
Xantel 01-21-05, 09:09 PM	#34 theres a dwarven druid in my party(lvl1)...and he has...a...rideing dog...and....the riding dog is stronger than him (the rider)...he has the dog fight for him in battle, never fights for himself...that, my friends, is a forever stupid PC action, and a stupid PC THEN he tries to force the other druid in our party that he CANT use a sling OR studded leather armor (which was studded with bone, which we had stated before), and TELLS him that he has to use a scimitar (like himself...a dwarf...with a scimitar...noooooo...). the other druid doesnt even HAVE a scimitar...stupid...
twad 01-21-05, 10:16 PM	# 35 : i did this.. sometimes i should learn to shut up.. after we found and recovered some uber-stuff from the ultra-top-secret-trap-filled temple of olidamara, we went into a small city and me and another player (i was a lvl4 Rogue and she was a 2/rogue 2/sorc i think) enter a "normal" temple of olidamara.. we discuss a bit and i said to the temple priest that we met a little friendly goblin named Oli (i believed that Oli was olidamara.. but no.) in the maze under the pirate city (said top-secret temple) then the priest ask me if i whorsphip olidamara... i said no. then he invited me and the other girl to follow him inside a door and we died in an instant, filled with a ridiculous amount of arrows. Aww.. Well.. lessons learned.
HomebrewedMonster 01-22-05, 04:19 AM	#36 - 4th level party fighting giant spiders and an etter cap in a forest. Fighter - I move next to the wizard and ready an attack action. Cleric - I cast bless. Wizard - I cast bear's endurance on the fighter. Bard - I climb a tree to get away from the spiders. #37 - 6th level party with a new 2nd level bard. Misty morning 20% conceal 15ft., total past that. We see a camp fire and my rogue goes to investigate. Eerie singing begins and I make a will save, I see a harpy feasting on a small group of human hunters. DM - what do you do? Rogue (me) - I wait till she leaves and go loot the bodies. Bard - Ooo...I go and try to find the rogue. (2nd level mind you) DM - ok you walk into the mists and loose the rest of the party, make a will save. Bard - 4, damnit DM - Rogue you see the bard walk up to the harpy and stand there helplessly. She turns and rips out his throat. Rogue - Another one bites the dust, does a little jig and sneak attacks the harpy for 50 points. The bard player truely has a wisdom of 6.
MantraSong 01-22-05, 11:30 AM	#38 - 1st level party, exploring a dungeon, elven rogue leading, using her low-light vision to see ahead, because the fighter behind her is carrying the torch. DM: You see a cavern up ahead, you can dimly make out many things lying on the floor, and you think you see some movement. (10 minutes later, when we have gotten no where) Sorcerer: I run ahead into the room. DM: Alright, you run into the darkness ahead. Something snaps at you, take 6 points of damage, and roll two fort saves (She had run into a room filled with ghouls... Amazingly enough, it didn't knock her out, though :banghead: )
Alcari Ambaron 01-22-05, 02:29 PM	#39 The party was fighting a group of demons, that were scouting ahead of a giant horde, on an overhanging part of a huge cliff. the party sorcerer decides it has been long enough and utterly destroys the overhang....behind them....with them on it. everybody cursed him ofr weeks :)
sabrewolf 01-22-05, 09:10 PM	I was the DM on this.. the party was one fighter, two arcanes and a cleric.. They were almost lv10.. Scene 1: The group was disguised as goblinoids using a special potion from an NPC and on way towards the main camp/base and well within their territory.. while searching for a bridge to cross a large river they spot about 5 troops (of 20) of well armed goblinoids on the other side of the river.. and spot a stone bridge about 100ī away.. the small army seemed to not mind the smal group, a sign the disguise was working so far.. #40: (wizard): * :censored: * it, i have to kill something! I cast cloudkill from a scroll at them.. the other player (ftr/wiz) ended up casting the same spell from a scrool he had.. one troop, composed of bugbears with two great axes storm out of the clouds and on for the bridge.. player 1 (ftr): i run for the bridge.. player 2 (clr): i chase after.. me (dm): you run abot the same speed as the bugbears, nearing the bridge at the same time.. itīs about 80īlong and 20ī wide, enough for four bugbears storming along side, wich is exactly their marching formation.. Player 2 (clr): i turn around and run away.. Player 1 (ftr): i run 20īon to the bridge, stand ready with my tower shield and long sword.. me: :uh-huh: Uh..??? Player 1: I will hold them there!! Two rounds and 8 attacks latter from raging barbarian bugbears.. the wizard rescue the fighter with magic and teleport the group away to safety.. #41: same group,months latter in a temple of fire.. after crossing a lava pit, the temple maze and fought two firey critters for the orb of fire.. (wizard, with the orb in hand): all right, iīll teleport all back in safety now.. just stand together.. Player 1(ftr): i wont go with you.. i rather walk all the way back.. me (dm): you do recll it was two weeks of travel and and your rations last for more3 days only.. Player 1: i dont mind.. (wizard): ok.. *ka-poof* me: now alone you walk all the way till the lava pool.. Player 1: the silk rope still there? Me: *roll dice* hmm.. no.. it burned somewhere along the evening.. Player 1: errr... hmmmm... oops.. Me: what you do now? Player 1: can i make running-leap cross the pit.. Me: itīs a two leap try.. thereīs one small rock island in the middle, but itīs too small to run there.. Player 1: all right.. iīll do it.. *roll - success* so far.. so good.. iīll make the other leap. *roll.. miss by 1* holy- *Tssssss..* I was mercifull and gave him only 20d6 of fire damage for two rounds and allowed him to roll to climb out of the pit.. (he was the groupīs comic relief, i couldnt let him die if possible.. :D ) ..and the party waited for three weeks as the 3 hp, extra crispy elven fighter crawled his way back to town.. #42 Same group, long after at the end of the quest. there was a new player, a half-red-dragon agzer (fire-element dwarf) in the group.. hey got teh help from an anthro griffon ftr/wiz.. and went to fight itīs nemesis, a griffon lich wiz, at a floating enclave.. the two giffins were air-battling and at some point the good griffin went uncontious and started falling.. Player 2 (clr): iīll catch it.. Me: (recalling it was now a half celestial elf but still 12 str and 10 con) :uh-huh: it is a lrge creature with half plate armour on free fall.. are you sure of that? Player 2: Sure thing!! Me: *Whump* eeeee... *crush* - at least you both hit the enclave and by falling on yoy, the griffin is only dead.. Player 2: what about me? Me: does SPLAT! means anything for you? Player 2: . . . . . #43: moments latter in battle: (dm): you nottice the griffolich is growing weak.. player 2 (clr): i cast harm on it.. <whole group aroung table> :blink: #45: long moments latter (tnx to the clr): (hrd azer): i fly to the griffolich and grapple him so he stops flying.. (and i did described the creature as having tattered wings and all) *roll roll roll* Me: ok, you did it.. (hrd azer): i close my wings so to freefall with it.... Me: :blink: :uh-huh: <party> :nonono: Granted, i forgot halfdragons are paralizy imune, but the azer player forgot it too adn the group intentionaly didnt spoke a word, so.. i casted hold, made sure the damage was maxed and teleportd the griffolich back up to the sky while the azer cratered in the forest waaay below.. with worked as a hold/silence player for about 20 minutes for the azer player while all the others went tashaīs hideous laughter for about 15 mins... :D myself, i jsut gave a break to resume the battle latter... #46 ** Another campaign, the wizard was the dm i was a playing with a half-gold-dragon saurial cleric of bahamut.. somewhen along our path we find a small field of mushrooms.. from my newly bought book i just lent the dm i knew they were boomshrooms.. while the group studied the new found carefully: Player 2 (yep, that cleric from before, now a wild elf, weretiger, barbarian): i pick one and eat to see if itīs poisonous.. dm: *BOOOM!* #47: weeks latter, while exploring a cave we strip over a whole corridor filled with a great patch of what my char adn another one recognized as boomshrooms.. (random player): will we cross that? Me: i can clear that out for you.. or we can go very carefully and slow.. (other player): crossning is better.. we dont want to draw in any wandering monster that might live further inside.. (others) agreed.. cross we go then.. And while the goup talked the wild-elf barbarian (player 2) was examining the mushrooms.. and as the group started itīs way into the great patch of boomshrooms, the barbarian finally rolled a success on identifying it.. (player 2): "hey, i recall that!! itīs the evil red mushrooms.. bad mushrooms.." player action: i pick up a rock and toss it at the mushrooms.. (group) :gah: dm: *BOOOM!* ..again... And thatīs my gaming group... not much healthy PC-wise... but one sure laughs like hell with it... :D :rofl: :D
conjurer_lord 01-22-05, 11:42 PM	# 48. I was DMing for three characters, a rogue, fighter, and ranger. They were about 4th level. I will describe how our first gaming session went. PC's: We look around town. What do we see? Me: You see an old crone in a chair on a porch, knitting. Rogue: I ask her what the latest news in town is. Fighter: I ask her where we can buy some supplies. Ranger: I stab her. :confused: Later... Me: You come to the shop. What do you do? Fighter: I club the ranger with the flat of my axe. Me: *roll* You knock him out. Fighter: I tie him to a pole outside the shop while we buy supplies. That night in the inn... Ranger: I wake the fighter up with a knife to his throat. I say, "If you ever try a stunt like that again, I'll kill you." # 49. Different session. The ranger was a wizard, and the rogue was a fighter. I was a DMPC ranger. We were raiding a yuan-ti temple and I was hit by a poisoned arrow and lost conscoiusness. The group brought me outside and hid in the bushes. The mage sent his raven familiar that spoke common out to get help. In an hour, it returned with a ranger on a horse. He healed me, and then the mage asked if he would help more. When he declined: Mage: I wait till he turns away, then stab him. :rolleyes: The ranger fled, trampling me as he went. So I died anyway, and our group once more fell apart. *sigh* I really try, but...
Shini Neko Ni 01-23-05, 01:41 AM	#50 True story in our group. The Sorcerer in the group I was dming was trying his best to be the party leader ( we sometimes have problems of nobody wanting to take this job mainly because if I’m a player I normally do ^^;; ) regardless he walked up to two guard that were in front of a castle of a Well Known by the PC's To Be very Evil and...Do not nice things to try to talk to him...I wasn't sure where he was going with this because well...he made a very bad lie and failed his bluff. Well the guards getting annoyed at him finally said. Ok come with us, he resisted. Up to this point he wasn't being Really stupid...just not role-playing his character...he was just acting randomly I guess. Well then he said this..."well...my friends are over there behind those bushes" he then points them out and before they realize what has happened the entire party was captured. Well soon afterwards the Evil warlord made use of them to take over a nearby kingdom I soon stopped that game however...because of things the Sorcerer would do x_x...
Tsai_Auron 01-23-05, 01:33 PM	# 51 A group of 3 PCs. A Psion, a were-bear dwarf, and a one armed barbarian(me). In a dungeon the were-bear and I were hurt rather bad and the psion had no power points left. So we decided to rest before leaving the dungeon and head to the BBEG lair, we thought we cleared out the dungeon. The Psion decided to take refuge inside a room, the were bear and I decided not to because a black ooze in the corner scared us. While sleeping a large ooze(clear), that touchs both walls, ceiling and floor, comes down the hall. A good save prevents me and the were bear from getting absorbed. We wake up and start running toward the exit. The psion hears screaming about a large ooze in the hall. He walks to the door of the room and see nothing in the hall. So he sticks his head out the door and rightn into the ooze, getting instantly absorbed. he was in there so long he went from full Hp of -6, before we got him out.
Innomado 01-27-05, 03:10 AM	#52 My group was adventuring in a dungeon and I had been having bad luck with my dice rolls. With this in mind I decided to use my Frost Brand to freeze the lock on a door making it brittle and easier to break. (I'm actually rather proud of this) What followed is the idiotic action. The DM gave us a description of the room (fair size, a door on the opposite wall) and congratulated me on my ingenuity to the tune of 50 XP Player 1, not about to be outshone by anyone, proceeded to run across the room while firing an exploding arrow at the door. The door is destroyed and he jumps through feet first landing on his back only to find two big bad uglies and us two rounds of movement away. Of course he was the dice Jesus of the group and *somehow* managed to win the initiative roll (while lying on his back) and succeeded in blinding them with the use of another explosive arrow. Without that luck he probably wouldn't have lasted long enough for the rest of us to save him.
Seeker of Lore 01-27-05, 06:20 AM	#53 I remember this death easily because it was also my first time at a D&D table, 2nd ed. rules (the exact descriptions are not 100% but the death is unforgettable). Sadly, upon getting to my (then new, but one of the players (PC1) was an old friend of mine) friend's house, I learned that another of the players (PC2) had angered the DM :eek: . Then the DM starts to pull out his Ravenloft books, as PC1 tells me that this particular DM likes using the place to scare/kill off PCs :blink: . My first question at that time was "Should I make another character?" Anyway, as we go through the adventure (all lvl 1 characters), the two fighters (mine and PC2's) are trying to get away from a small mob of people looking to capture us. The chase led us to the town's dockside, where there was a crowd of people boarding/leaving some of the ships. DM: As you work your way past the crowd, you see the waterline ahead of you. The mob is trying to pick it's way through to find you, but is having a little trouble. Me: I double back into the crowd and try to get around the mob. PC2: I jump in the water!!! Me: :uh-huh: DM: (to PC 2) Are you sure? PC2: Yeah, I'll swim down the shore! DM: Okay... You drown. Roll a new character. PC2: Huh? What?!? Me: :banghead: You're wearing splint mail armor and dont know how to swim... what the :censored: did you expect!?! I'd like to add that I did survive this adventure, albeit with lycanthropy (which I managed to get removed, long story).
Callista 01-27-05, 11:25 AM	My human barbarian (INT 10) threw a warg hide she had collected from a recent kill at a black pudding she encountered. The warg hide dissolved, doing no damage... of course. Neither she nor I knows why she did that...
that_evil_guy 01-27-05, 12:09 PM	#54- The story of Calvin, priest of Kord Setting - night time, base camp. Our party bard and sorceror are keeping watch. They are ambushed by trolls. Bard & Sorceror: *calls for help* Calvin: *gets up, is wearing just his clerical vestiments and unarmed, rushes out of his tent* FOR KORD!!!! There are 4 trolls. One attacks our bard, one attacks our sorceror, two trolls attack Calvin. Calvin: *leaps upon a troll and attempts to wrestle it* DIE FIENDS! The other troll thinks this is funny and rends Calvin in two neat pieces next round, causing the party to later bury all of Calvin, except for his head, which they bring with them in a bag of holding ' just in case'.
that_evil_guy 01-27-05, 12:47 PM	#55 - In a Forgotten Realms campaign our party consisted of a apprentice Red Wizard of Thay named Ganeth, a Tethyrian Psychic Warrior named Eidric, his berserker sister Rowen, a half fey fighter/bard named Brianna, an inept woodcar ... uuhhh... "fighter/rogue" named Geran and a psychotic Red Wizard who specializes in Evocation named Meyverya. We were currently travelling in Amn which was being attacked by a HUGE monster army which had been formed by one of the more "eccentric" branched of the Church of Cyric. We were attempting to make our way to Athkaltla (the capital city of Amn) to warn the leaders of the huge monstrous army making its way there and to offer our services in evacuation and we came upon a portion of the army sieging a city. Ganeth: "I polymorph myself into a 7 headed hydra and rush the army!!!!" *charges maniacally towards the horde of monsters* Eidric: *looks at him as if he's stupid* Well, you have fun with that! *party stealthfully makes its way past the occupied army while the wizard continues to engage orcs and soldiers in melee combat* Ganeth: "I got a critical!" DM: "Good for you. That makes three dead. You only have about four hundred to go..." Meyverya (who was under a curse in which if Ganeth died, she died): "IF YOU DON'T CEASE YOUR IDIOCY THIS INSTANT I SWEAR I WILL SPREAD YOUR ASHES ALL THE WAY TO THAY!!!" Ganeth: *while retreating after turning back into a human and using a few spells* "Yes dear. ;_;" This is the same wizard who cast lightning bolt. At a cieling. Inside of a deep cavern. Causing a cave-in and almost killing himself. --- #56 (Same players) The party was looking for a high ranking cleric of Cyric who had a thing for killing the elderly (we had been "recruited" by a rival branch of the Church who was waging a crusade) and so, like smart individuals, we approached the town Sheriff for information and the proper paperwork to be skulking about at night without the town guard stopping us every 5 seconds. Sheriff: *heavy hick drawl* "Well, if you're just going to help us out, I don't see the harm in it, after all, you will be in plain sight and earshot of the city guard." Geran: "No we won't." Sheriff: "Pardon?" Geran: "Well, I will be out and I will be around your guards, but I doubt the fact that they will see me or hear me." Sheriff: "So you're going to be skulking about in the dark like a thief?" *pause* Geran: "Ummmm... kinda." ---- #57 (again, same players!) In this setting the party had made its way to Sembia after a very failed attempt to defend Athkaltla from the army thanks to the generosity of Ganeth's master Veydrin. At this point, Ganeth was engaged to Meyverya who was VERY pregnent at the time, and was set on meeting Laezari, a high ranking cleric of Kossuth, a member of the Order of the Black Flame, quite evidently a HALF FIEND (Marilith) and Meyverya's BROTHER. The first thing Ganeth does is freak out because he believed that Mey was only a tiefling (yes, "only" a tiefling). Laezari: "Greetings, I am Laezari, high cleric of Kossuth in the city of Selegaunt, a native of Thay and, as you know, Meyverya's brother." *he bows ever so slightly* Ganeth: *stares confused at him* "I... thought your family was related to succubi..." Laezari: *laughing* Ganeth: "I hope that the child takes more after Meyverya than you!" Laezari: *eyes narrow* "Are you... insinuating some sort of improper relation between myself and my sister?" Ganeth: *quickly backs up* "No... no... it's just that Meyverya is just much more... lovely than you are!" Laezari: *with a fiendish glint in his eye* "I assure you, Meyverya is from the same bloodline as I. Underneath all the glamour, she and I are not so different." Ganeth: *guzzles down a glass of brandy and continues to make comments on just how hideous this seven foot tall, three armed, highly powerfully built cleric of Kossuth really is. In his defence Laezari was slouched in a chair to specifically hide his height* Laezari: *standing up* "You know... you do have very few friends in this city, besides myself of course." Ganeth: *finally just noticing just how HUGE and INTIMIDATING this monster is* "Yes... I see." 6 hours later Laezari beats the tar out of Ganeth to 0 hp in front of all the Red Wizards in the city just to show him how much his position is higher thanks to his relation to Samas Kul and the fact he's a cleric of Kossuth. --- #58 There was the time when we were exploring the laboratory of a highly intelligent and innovative necromancer named Nekaj sometime after we murdered him (yes, murdered in his sleep) and we had come across this vat filled with preservatives and alchemical substances which contained an amphibious looking corpse. Ganeth: *disgusted* "I hit the corpse on the head with my staff so that it dies!" *BONK!* *corpse "awakens" thanks to the awesome 2 points of damage done to it and leaps out of the vat, proceeding to nearly shred the party to bits* Ganeth: "...Oops?" Lest we forget... you can't coup de grace the undead! --- #59 *Party is faced with a rampaging flesh golem that had been modified to be able to blink* Geran: "I attack it with my dagger!" *stab* "Oh, wait... Eidric is flanking him!! I GET TO FINALLY SNEAK ATTACK!!" *roll roll* "I do... 15 points of damage!!" DM: "How much of that was sneak attack damage?" Geran: "Well, I rolled my 2d6 and got maximum damage!" DM: "Okay, so you've done a grand total of 3 points of damage to it. The flesh golem barely notices the minor annoyance and continues to face the greatsword wielding warrior." Geran: "What...?" Eidric: *yelling* "You can't hit the vital organs of a flesh golem... THEY HAVE NONE!!" Geran: "Oh... right. I knew that." You also can't sneak attack undead! --- #60 Geran attempts to purchase thieves tools from a semi-deaf shopkeeper. At a general store and NOT a thieve's guild. SK: "What did you want?" Geran: "I'd like to purchase... tools." SK: "Okay... what kind of tools?" Geran: "Well... tools of a more... discreet nature." SK: *confused* "You want discreet tools?" Geran: "No, no... you know... tools to... get places." SK: *even more confused* "Like... a rope and grappling hook? Why didn't you say so in the first place?" Geran: "NO! I want LOCK PICKING TOOLS!!!" *saying this annoyed and loudly* SK: *pauses* "...Are you a locksmith?" Geran: "Well... no." SK: "Indeed. Please leave." I could fill up the rest of the list so I'll give someone else a turn.
Skit 01-27-05, 05:56 PM	Well, my wife has done a few classics in her roleplaying career: D&D The first game she ever played, she was with a bunch of new players being introduced to their first game by an experienced DM. They were raiding a bandit hide out, and got into the room with the bandit king, and by luck of the dice, she rolled a natural 20 to shot the bandit king, the DM rolled a natural 1, so she managed to shoot the big bad designed to give the noobs a bit of a challenge through the eye and kill him instantly.... And a few others: Call of Cthulhu: Whilst investigating a big nasty beastie, they are in an abandoned house, when they hear a commotion from the attic. My wifes character climbs on the shoulders of another character and sticks her head through the trapdoor leading to thge attic, fails a dodge roll and has half her scalp ripped off, decreasing her appearance, plus she falls on the other character breaking his arm. Vampire: The Maquerade Again, the wife cocks up by transforming into a wolf BEFORE she is meant to climb a large iron fence, another character trys to leviate her over the fence, but botches the roll, and the wifes PC is then impaled on the fence....
Darth Tucan 02-03-05, 03:35 PM	A halfing rouge trys to intimidate a wall by mooning it. (i did that)
Elven Doritos 02-03-05, 10:40 PM	#65 DM: There are five men standing in front of the jewelry shop. The appear to be the gang of thieves you were warned about, probably here for the Fire Opal. Two of the men break into the building... Sorcerer: I cast burning hands on the side of the building. DM: Um, the building catches fire. Rogue: Why in the Nine Hells did you do that? Sorcerer: To save the jewels. All: Stunned silence. #66 DM: And you come across a new doorway. It's locked, and the door appears to be made for a creature around 12 feet in height. Psychic Warrior: I knock on the door. DM: You what? Psychic Warrior: I knock on the door. DM: A bugbear opens, he looks a little groggy. Psychic Warrior: We were just wondering if anyone was in here... Bugbear crits for max damage, instantly killing psychic warrior. Bard fascinates, and the party escapes. Bugbear goes back to sleep.
hiroshimahamster 02-04-05, 06:46 AM	Bard opens peephole in door and sees a face He kisses it Necromancer laughs and says he was dead cue laughter :rofl: Bard shouts and swears :yuck: Half-Orc Druid: I'm going to taste the water DM: The water tastes funny HOD does it again and takes 4 damage Rogue jumps in water and floats up unconsious Necromancer shakes her head and says "The black dragon i just finished off fell in that water - maybe, by the off-chance, it is acidified?!" Rogue: But the treasure :weep: Necromancer: Get over it! Rogue: I'm going to skip stones on the water! Necromancer: I'm hiding behind the half-orc!!!!!! :eek: Necromancer: I'm going to remove one of the eyeballs in my pocket and chuck it at the monster DM: The monster eats it and attacks you looking for more Necromancer: Oops!
Skadrian 02-04-05, 08:36 AM	Player kisses kobold Queen (Former frienly) Kobolds: Charge! and a near TPK happens...
robertliguori 02-04-05, 02:27 PM	Sorceror/Dragon Disciple: "I attempt to grapple the marilith!"
Executrix Swordslasher 02-04-05, 04:44 PM	Same group, same game: #71 (Party psion is 60ft up in the air and surrounded by 4 black dragon knights) Psion: I manifest energy missile at them. (deals damage) DM (me): Ok, on their turn, the four of them charges you at once and deals 100+ damage...you die and falls 60ft to the ground... Psion: what about player2 (rogue), he s flying just 10ft away from me, why don't they attack him? DM: He's in lower altitude, invisible, and u were the one who got surrounded and still hit them with intensified energy missiles Psion: Grrrr... #72 (the pcs were defending a castle) DM: ok their cavalry slams into the front gate after a full charge and bashes the wooden gate to pieces with their lances. Rogue: I move 5ft away from the gate onto the tower. Half-Dragon Ftr: I step in front of the second gate and block them with my huge size (and he is huge-sized) ...after the others finish their turn... DM: the four front line cavalry charges towards you (rolls), pierces you with four lances... you know they're cavaliers right?!!! #73 (the PCs are fighting a squad of ogre troops and two archers) Half-Dragon Ftr: I charge the ogre infantry. (he's already 60ft in front of the party). DM: which one? Half-Dragon Ftr: #4 (the one in the back) *half dragon runs in and begins melee with the ogres while the rest of them flank him on 4 sizes, begins clubbing him and hitting him with arrows* Half-Dragon Ftr: help! (to the party like 3 moves behind him) #74 (the PCs are trying to get directions inside a dwarven city being sieged) Psion: I go up and asks him, btw currently I look like a black dwarve wearing shades. (he's a doppelganger) DM: ok, he doesn't say anything, it appears he doesn't trust you, and looks at you funny. O you also notice there are no black dwarves around here. Psion: I change to a normal dwarve. DM: right there? Psion: yes DM: Ok you shapechange in front of the dwarve, surprises him. He runs past you and away. Psion: I go ask those dwarves over there. DM: You walk over, they look at your back funny and also leaves. Rogue: Smooth.. Psion: I check whatz on my back. DM: You find a note saying "multi-racial sex-changer" stuck on your back. (rest of party keels over in laughter)
Shaitan0.2beta 02-04-05, 05:14 PM	Is it just endemic for my region or do a lot of TPKs start with somebody saying "It's just a goblin/kobold/orc?" :D
Black Kitten 02-04-05, 06:10 PM	I don't know whether this is really as stupid as some of the other things. We were at the brink of an encounter and we knew it. So my character (a Cleric in Full Plate) stands back, but is (accidentally) pushed down a 100ft. pit. I barely survive (13hp left) and the Ranger throws me a rope (which he secures, cos he needs to get to the fight). So I see myself faced with a DC0 climb check, but I'm in full plate armor, no ranks in climb, a +2 strength modifier and a character that is far too worried about her friend to worry about her own safety. So I announce to the DM that I am going to climb the rope in a hurry (-5 on the roll). So I have a DC 0 rope to climb with a -10 penalty on the roll. I roll well first, getting up a little, but the next round I fall back down, leaving my character at 6 subdual damage and 2 HP. I knew it was bound to happen, so I'm not sure whether this is plain stupid or just some sort of attempt to role-play... :S
nytemare66 02-05-05, 03:13 PM	#76 My ranger in an ancient temple who has found a flaming staff and the room has a small carved out trench in the middle where what seems to be highly flammable. Instead of lighting an arrow and firing it I proceed to say "I put the staff to the liquid." The entire party was all confused along with the DM. #77 This is almost considered just a PC stupid line but amusing nonetheless. This was my first campaign and most of the PC's were all newbs along with me and our sorcerer's player had a bit of a mouth on him. We were in the Sunless Citadel and this bat came down from the rafters and transformed into an old man who warned us to leave. Our Sorcerer proceeds to say to him "Why should we listen to you? You flithy bastard!" Now he's at level 3 I think by then and the old man "finger of Death"'s him. The rest of the party had a good laugh at him. Not the funniest stuff but still good at the time.
Sukugaru 02-06-05, 08:51 PM	The party wizard and party cleric were bikcering amongst each other about looting this room we were in. I (the party rogue) was attempting to listen for enemies I knew had to be close, but their bickering was too loud. In exasperation, I yelled, "Stop arguing, I'm trying to listen here!" Alerted by my shout, a couple of harpies burst into the room. :)
hiroshimahamster 02-07-05, 09:08 AM	My boyfriend was in a roleplay with a few of my mates. They had just captured a prisoner and were about to interrgate him. My boyfriend decided to kick him in the gonads. Did minimum damage. Killed him. Was subsquently nearly killed by his party as the dead dude held the information they needed. :turkey: Another time my necromancer was busy firing spells and arrows at some rats. Evil DM :devil: sends two to charge me. I critical miss on the attack roll and got owned by the rats. :weep: Luckly the fighter (my boyfriend) came to my rescue and splated them. He then tried to heal me. Nearly, but not quite, killed me. I hit him under table. :ahem: Talking of splating, we (elven necromancer, human samuri, human rogue, human fighter and half-elf bard) came across some insects. Rogue critcals one. It goes *splat* :D . Fighter (again) missed. Necromancer hits one and kills it easily. Laughs at "lush fighter" :rofl: When my necromancer was very young, she and the bard stole two tankards from a bar using mage hand. A few hours later, we came across bandits. Instead of using magic, I decided to run at one using my new improvised weapon and knocked the guy out cold. :) . Fighter tried to hit one and missed :D . Necromancer laughs at "lush fighter" :rofl: (see a recurring pattern here?) Another time not so long ago, the elven fighter acquired this sword. :whatsthis The magic users couldn't figure quite what it was, only that it had a transmutation spell cast on it. Unfazed, the fighter proceeded to use it in battle. :crazy: When she/he [female PC, male player] hit the black dragon, she/he turned into a raven and flew onto the dragons' head. Turned back a few rounds later. Naked. Purched precariously between two spikes. A round or two later was thrown off. Took massive falling damage. Nearly died. Again. :smirk: [The player is on his 3rd character in this campaign while all but one of us are still on our 1st, the exception is only on his second!]