Adventurers almanac (rules for adventurers to follow) [Archive] - Wizards Community

Adventurers almanac (rules for adventurers to follow) [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
Venom of the Yuan Ti
08-25-05, 09:09 AM Rather than make this a 101/1001 thread, Lets see howmany sensable Adventurer rules we can find.
1. Never attack seemilgly harmless smilign old men with brooms.
2. Never split the party.
3. Never attack a bartender.
4. Never gamble agaisnt somone with "Doctor" or any place man in his name.
5. Never try and make the Paladin fall.
TheErsatzFacsimileOfMe
08-25-05, 09:12 AM 6. The word is "Almanac (http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=Almanac)"

7. Don't cast spells on nobility.
8. Don't pick on/beat up beggers.
9. Talk to the lone scruffy looking person in a tavern.
10. Weapons are good....better weapons are....,well.....better.
Nom
08-25-05, 10:02 AM 11. Remember to cast detect magic on any treasure that looks like it might be masterwork.
DrMorganes
08-25-05, 10:14 AM 12. Remember to cast Detect Magic on treasure, period. Not all magic items stand out as masterwork quality...
eudas
08-25-05, 10:45 AM 12.a. Learn to figure out when something is magical and when it's just Nystul's Magic Aura. :)

eudas
Ithandor
08-25-05, 10:58 AM 13. Given the choice, never EVER take the path which looks easiest. If in doubt, turn left.
14. Never tempt fate (read: DM)
15. Before entering dangerous areas, draw your weapons.
16. Never let the new NPC party member take first watch at night.
17. Never trust anything that thinks for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain.
18. Running is always an option

1. Never attack seemilgly harmless smilign old men with brooms.

Btw, genius :D

Ithandor
Illion the Red
08-25-05, 11:11 AM 19. Don't ever assume that "The DM wouldn't do that to us."

20. Lawful Good is not Lawful Stupid.

21. Chaotic Neutral is not Chaotic Stupid.

22. Never cast "fireball" in an ICE CAVE!

23. Make sure you have your exit route planned out before you kill the spellcaster in his tower constructed purely out of his own magic.

24. If the door is too heavily reinforced...maybe the wall isn't.
cambric
08-25-05, 11:13 AM 25. Always have the rogue check the doors before you open one.
26. Having an extra potion of healing around is a good option, just in case the cleric drops.
27. Never tell the dm, "you can't kill my PC...I dare you to try".
28. If you have the time, ALWAYS make scrolls for the mudane things: Identify, knock, etc...
weasel fierce
08-25-05, 12:40 PM 29: if you stick around to hit the monster one more time, odds are, it;ll stick around to hit you one more time

30: Everything you own is a resource and should be expended as appropriate. Dying with 3 magical potions untouched because you were saving them for a tougher fight is silly
rbrt_Spade
08-25-05, 12:48 PM 31-never cast wish for becoming a god(dms are evil)
32-use every magic idem you got to your side
33-chances are, that cloaked figure at the inn in the shadowy corner is the bbeg, cast hold person
34-when you come to a fork in the road take the one where a hell hound growls at you!
35-dragons are not your friend ;)
Fort deadly kick
08-25-05, 01:10 PM 36: Cool weapons give you better dice rolls.
Illion the Red
08-25-05, 01:39 PM 37. Never play the odds, for the gods of chance are always against you.
38. Sometimes a few well-chosen words are much more effective than many well-placed blows.
39. The more complex the plan, the quicker it will backfire on you.
40. Never enter the dungeon without a way to map and mark your path.
41. 50' of silk rope. Just because.
Red_Ninja
08-25-05, 01:57 PM 41. never assume that you won't need...
food
water
beer
wine
flint and steel
rope
a burlap bag the size of a halfling\
horses?

42. Also- do not under estimate the humanoids...they live their entire lives in a state of warfare, looting and scavenging, and they have been around as long as the elves and dwarves...humanoids (if played properly) can be incredibly difficult foes!

43. Whenever you are challenged to a fair fight (or contest of champions) assume that it will not be fair, and that you will lose (that's what the challenger[run by GM] is assuming)

44. If something decidedly evil is negotiating with you, trying to strike up a deal of some kind, the net outcome of the deal cannot be good. Even if your objective has been fulfilled, in the process evil with have triumphed (somehow). I have never run or played a game where this was not true.

45. Any kingdom that has the means to hire you as mercenaries, usually has the means to dispatch of you as traitorous mercenaries...

46. Dragons eat people, even good dragons
cambric
08-25-05, 01:58 PM 47. Rest when you can rest!! (Don't think, "we should be ok..." If the dm suggests resting, do so!)
48. Never under-estimate a dragon! For you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup!!
rbrt_Spade
08-25-05, 02:00 PM 49-dont challenge dwarves to drinking contests at inns
50-listen to bards tales
51-dungeons always have treasure
52-fireballs are your friend
53-treat your friend pit fiend with respect or else...
54-planar traveling is fun-
55-solars are evil :P
56-buy a hoopak to take the bad guys
57-collect as many dragon orbs you can to take over the world
58-paladins spread goodness to the world
Fanged Fremont
08-25-05, 04:43 PM 59. The party paladin has no qualms with slicing/smashing/smiting you to tiny bits. Get the others on your side before you overthrow him.
60. Anything mentioned is important.
61. The obvious, relatively harmless trap is a lure for a deadlier trap.
62. 10 foot poles don't help against 10 foot blast radii
63. Halflings are good at throwing. Therefore by proxy they are good at being thrown.
HammerHeart81
08-25-05, 05:08 PM 64.Sometimes that anoying goblin is either a high level rogue or a vampire.
Pryrates
08-25-05, 05:18 PM 65. Never use weapons in a bar fight.
66. Their is always someone strange and Mysterious in the shadowy corner of every inn. Talk to them, as they are either the BBEG, some ultr-powerful NPC who's help you'll need later, or at the very least an adventure hook.
67. Always take away the old mans walking stick, it is infact a staff of power.
68. Gold scales or Red scales its always a bad idea to wake a dragon.
69. Never use wish for anything more complex than a ham sandwich.
70. Never say "make me a ham sandwich" when using a wish spell.
71. The more gold they offer the more sure they are that you will not be be around long enough to collect.
TacoClone
08-25-05, 05:23 PM 72. NEVER try jumping on strange vines while walking through the woods, they are probably assassin vines that will KILL you.

73. Never stay near Satyrs, or ask a party member what happened after you rescue them from being held captive with satyrs. Don't ask! :weep:

74. Don't make Swashbulcker/Bards into meatshields. :weep: It hurts alot . . .
tharivol266
08-25-05, 08:00 PM 75)"they're just kobolds"....all i need to say is NEVER say that aloud. they might be that time but they wont be the next time
DraconsNighthawk
08-26-05, 12:17 AM 76: If, for some reason you have a gut feeling that some super natural being is ether smiling or laughing manically at a idea you just propose, Do NOT do it!

77: That magical spoon that makes gruel, and presdigation spells are your friend. You can make gruel taste like steak!

78: If fourteen people have to ask you to do something, chances are that super natural being is getting desperate, and you will soon be smited if you do not do what they ask.

79: Always keep a strand of hair of everyone you met. You never know when you need to cast resurrection on them to spoil super natural being's plots.
Venom of the Yuan Ti
08-26-05, 04:12 AM 80 Never laugh at a man in a dress.
81 Drow preistesses do NOT want to "explore your underdark".
82 Never insult a Cleric, he has a very powerfull boss.
83 Never punch a ghost
84 Never punch an ooze (saw this one happen, black pudding...)
85 Never trust Fey.
86 Never trust any group of people who meet in 13s
87 Small children who come up to you in the street are either horrifically evil or carring vital knowladge.
88 Never eat orange snow.
Darkhearted
08-26-05, 04:58 AM 89. listen to the cleric when he says "I can cast divination to find out the dragons weakness".

90. never go into the room "guns blazing" thinking you'll win

91. never morph into a dragon, then ask the druid to triple your size, on the fourth floor of a castle with two other bigger then life dragons in the same room.

92. Never ask the DM that you want to become a vampire, in front of the cleric.

93. If your a good cleric with evil teammates, And they start bragging about how powerful they are. just smile and remind them the next time they need help.

94. If the worse can happen, it will

95. if your teammates find a set of books in a library with an evil aura, stay outside when they try and open it.

96. never listen to anyone when they say "we never need potions".

97. if number 96 happens, Start stocking up

98. If the DM has never run a cleric in any campaign, be nice to him. he might help you out more then everyone else.

99. also, never be disapionted in being a cleric. Your more powerful then what you think.
ShadowDragon8685
08-26-05, 05:07 AM 100. Never sleep with the human princess unless you're looking to get hung, married (if of good blood,) or leave the country in a hurry, with or without the princess.

101. Always sleep with the elven princess. They're Chaotic, they dig it. Just make sure you please her, or some strapping elf prince/dashing elf princess might come along to beat you up for displeasing his bride/her lifepartner.

102. Never, ever, ever sleep with the succubus. You will roll a Natural 1, no matter how good your saving throw.

103. In the event you have a tatooed death ward, it is acceptable to sleep with the succubus. Just remember to please her, because Balors angry that you didn't please his squeeze are infinately worse than angry elf princes/princesses.

104. Hell yes sleep with the Drow Princess/Queen/Priestess. Caveat about death ward is still in effect, for entirely different reasons.

105. Chances are, the bard coming onto you is Chaotic Evil and wants to murder you, is Chaotic Neutral and wants to rob you blind, or is Chaotic Good and is being coerced to kill or kidnap you.

106. It is perfectly acceptable for the good guys to keep items of Detect Good onhand. You can know who is and is not your enemy with Detect Evil, but Detect Good lets you find your friends.

107. Always take precautions before sleeping with a member of the opposite sex. Especially if that member of the opposite sex can track you down in the event it's a she and you get her pregnant.

108. If the thought of something makes you giggle for more than fifteen seconds, it's a dangerous idea and you should not do it.

109. Always have something handy to stabalize a dieing person, even if it's just a potion of Cure Minor Wounds. You never know when you'll need to stabalize someone.

110. It's perfectly acceptable to discriminate on killing people because of gender and/or attractiveness. Just try not to allow your enemies to uncover this weakness.
rbrt_Spade
08-26-05, 03:07 PM 111-creatures of ce are not your friend
112-always have a trusty backup weapon/spell for just in case
113-anything that tracks you down is trying to kill you
114-that rogue you met is polymorthed silver dragon in hiding
115-spell casters always have dispel magic
116-treat the poor beggar on the corner with respect(might be a l20 monk with vow of poverity)
117-rogues steal everything you can(including stuffing the halfling in a sack to sell ;)
Laranis Callirr
08-26-05, 04:34 PM 118. Think unconventionally. Fighting invisible foes without Glitterdust or other means of detection? Use sawdust! Fighting a swarm of bugs? Use sawdust, and a torch!

119. Always carry 100ft of silk rope, and a grappling hook.

120. Horses can also double as jerky in times of dire need.
Venom of the Yuan Ti
08-26-05, 04:35 PM 121: The party rouge will steal everythign not nailed down.
122: The Party rouge will steal nails.
Jagyr Ebonwood
08-26-05, 04:53 PM 121: The party rouge will steal everythign not nailed down.
122: The Party rouge will steal nails.
Ack! Animated make-up! ;)

123. And the hammer as well.
l33t Shinobi
08-26-05, 05:04 PM 79: Always keep a strand of hair of everyone you met. You never know when you need to cast resurrection on them to spoil super natural being's plots.
ehh, wont work, gotta have a part from time of death...

124:carry at least 3 weps, sword, hammer, and dagger. you can throw the dagger, can bypass DR, and can suvive a sunder/disarm. if you can spare room for a polearm, all the better! :D
Argon_Asimov
08-26-05, 09:38 PM 125 - If you just killed a powerful undead being, dont settle for just looting its corpse. Chop / smash it into little pieces and burn it untill its just ashes. Then stomp on the ashes untill they are -really little- ashes. Then bury the ashes. In as many differnt time zones as possible. You can never be to careful in this regard :)
Lao, Ninja of the Dragon
08-26-05, 10:02 PM 126) When fighting dragons, keep the elves at the back of the party, because elves are skinny and dragons like lean meat.

127) Kobolds are never just kobolds

128) If you see a small girl in a dungeon, run, she is a elder god!

129) Ninjas are always epic. Always.

130) Gnomes are weird. They also tend to have issues.

131) Never call a elf a girly man.

132) Clerics of Lolth do not appreciate bards hitting on them, they polymorph into giant black widows and bite the bards head off.

133) If it is shiny, Gnomes like to poke it and it is an uber magic item.

134) Don't annoy weaponless elf warriors, they are warmages.
l33t Shinobi
08-26-05, 11:40 PM 135: never jump over the >open< pit trap.. 2x damage on the hidden one beyond it, and that one usually has spikes... :ghosted:
captainmorley
08-27-05, 01:20 AM 136. Never lick strange items they will ALWAYS disintegrate your tongue

137. Never say this campaign every combat round we have im going to say i charge and grapple.

138. Never let the Dm have you grapple oozes
ShadowDragon8685
08-27-05, 01:31 AM 139. Never, ever, ever sick your hand into something you can't see.
weasel fierce
08-27-05, 01:32 AM 140: If it looks and sounds like a sphere of annihilation, it propably IS a sphere of annihilation. Insert gnome to test
ShadowDragon8685
08-27-05, 01:33 AM 141. It is never worth chopping off your own head for the purposes of having someone attach a shrunken one to your neck in an attempt to gain power.
l33t Shinobi
08-27-05, 08:53 AM shadowdragon, dude, use some sblocks... just wrap [sblock] around your sig, ppl will <3 you.

on topic:
142: never save your spells for versatiltity, they dont help when you're dead
143:keep all your out of combat kit(tent, rope, skill kits, etc.) in a backpack for easy weight loss in dragon chases.
Von Bek
08-27-05, 05:04 PM 144. The Princess' bodyguard can whup you without breaking a sweat.
145. Mooning the King is NEVER a good idea.
homey188
08-27-05, 08:22 PM 146:always take the most mudane looking treasure it could be a bucket of annalilation(sp) (actually happened)
147: dont stab diplomats
ShadowDragon8685
08-27-05, 08:34 PM 148. No matter how good it may seem, never take responsiblity for more land and/or people than you can gather in one place at one time and guard personally.

149. Never consume any energy field bigger than your head.

150. If it does not have a magical aura, under no circumstances consume it. It's probably an Artifact of some sort.

151. Never accept a challenge to any sort of duel or single combat.
Cherry
08-28-05, 12:55 AM 1. Never attack seemilgly harmless smilign old men with brooms.

Yes- But never trust them either.

152- Do not goose the party monk, for she will hit you and it will hurt.
153- Never touch a duck in a dungeon :P
154- Do not reach into the gelatinous cube because its last victim had better armor/weapons than you.
155- Do not walk into a bar and say to the DM "I go find the biggest meanest son-of-a-***** in here and kick him in the nuts" especially if you are alone...and a halfling.
156- Do not wake the terrasque up by poking him in the eye with a stick.
157- Do not attempt to RIDE the terrasque.
158- Do not talk back to a god...they're a bit on the...touchy....side.
159- Consult your party PRIOR to casting a spell that could potentially tell the BBEG exactly where you are.
160- MAP OUT THE DUNGEON you are crawling around in, or you may not find your way out. Take chalk with you and draw on the wall so you can find your way back out.
161- Do not steal from your party and expect them to be happy about it.
162- Never, EVER be caught without a ranged weapon of some sort, even a dagger. What good is your +3 greatsword going to do when a monster is attacking from the air?
163- Never tell the princess that her dress would look good on your floor, especially in front of her father.
164- If the game is no longer fun, talk to the DM and/or other players about it, if it's still not fun, leave.
Valgaav
08-28-05, 01:20 AM 41. 50' of silk rope. Just because.
41.A. No, a Spiked Chain will *NOT* substitute except in dire circumstances.
In which case, USE the Mount Celestia-ing Chain!
Venom of the Yuan Ti
08-28-05, 04:51 AM 165: If you cant see a nobles body guard it is because either he has nop bodyguard becasue he can take you apart without noticing, or he has a REALY GOOD body guard.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Venom of the Yuan Ti 08-25-05, 09:09 AM	Rather than make this a 101/1001 thread, Lets see howmany sensable Adventurer rules we can find. 1. Never attack seemilgly harmless smilign old men with brooms. 2. Never split the party. 3. Never attack a bartender. 4. Never gamble agaisnt somone with "Doctor" or any place man in his name. 5. Never try and make the Paladin fall.
TheErsatzFacsimileOfMe 08-25-05, 09:12 AM	6. The word is "Almanac (http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=Almanac)" 7. Don't cast spells on nobility. 8. Don't pick on/beat up beggers. 9. Talk to the lone scruffy looking person in a tavern. 10. Weapons are good....better weapons are....,well.....better.
Nom 08-25-05, 10:02 AM	11. Remember to cast detect magic on any treasure that looks like it might be masterwork.
DrMorganes 08-25-05, 10:14 AM	12. Remember to cast Detect Magic on treasure, period. Not all magic items stand out as masterwork quality...
eudas 08-25-05, 10:45 AM	12.a. Learn to figure out when something is magical and when it's just Nystul's Magic Aura. :) eudas
Ithandor 08-25-05, 10:58 AM	13. Given the choice, never EVER take the path which looks easiest. If in doubt, turn left. 14. Never tempt fate (read: DM) 15. Before entering dangerous areas, draw your weapons. 16. Never let the new NPC party member take first watch at night. 17. Never trust anything that thinks for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain. 18. Running is always an option 1. Never attack seemilgly harmless smilign old men with brooms. Btw, genius :D Ithandor
Illion the Red 08-25-05, 11:11 AM	19. Don't ever assume that "The DM wouldn't do that to us." 20. Lawful Good is not Lawful Stupid. 21. Chaotic Neutral is not Chaotic Stupid. 22. Never cast "fireball" in an ICE CAVE! 23. Make sure you have your exit route planned out before you kill the spellcaster in his tower constructed purely out of his own magic. 24. If the door is too heavily reinforced...maybe the wall isn't.
cambric 08-25-05, 11:13 AM	25. Always have the rogue check the doors before you open one. 26. Having an extra potion of healing around is a good option, just in case the cleric drops. 27. Never tell the dm, "you can't kill my PC...I dare you to try". 28. If you have the time, ALWAYS make scrolls for the mudane things: Identify, knock, etc...
weasel fierce 08-25-05, 12:40 PM	29: if you stick around to hit the monster one more time, odds are, it;ll stick around to hit you one more time 30: Everything you own is a resource and should be expended as appropriate. Dying with 3 magical potions untouched because you were saving them for a tougher fight is silly
rbrt_Spade 08-25-05, 12:48 PM	31-never cast wish for becoming a god(dms are evil) 32-use every magic idem you got to your side 33-chances are, that cloaked figure at the inn in the shadowy corner is the bbeg, cast hold person 34-when you come to a fork in the road take the one where a hell hound growls at you! 35-dragons are not your friend ;)
Fort deadly kick 08-25-05, 01:10 PM	36: Cool weapons give you better dice rolls.
Illion the Red 08-25-05, 01:39 PM	37. Never play the odds, for the gods of chance are always against you. 38. Sometimes a few well-chosen words are much more effective than many well-placed blows. 39. The more complex the plan, the quicker it will backfire on you. 40. Never enter the dungeon without a way to map and mark your path. 41. 50' of silk rope. Just because.
Red_Ninja 08-25-05, 01:57 PM	41. never assume that you won't need... food water beer wine flint and steel rope a burlap bag the size of a halfling\ horses? 42. Also- do not under estimate the humanoids...they live their entire lives in a state of warfare, looting and scavenging, and they have been around as long as the elves and dwarves...humanoids (if played properly) can be incredibly difficult foes! 43. Whenever you are challenged to a fair fight (or contest of champions) assume that it will not be fair, and that you will lose (that's what the challenger[run by GM] is assuming) 44. If something decidedly evil is negotiating with you, trying to strike up a deal of some kind, the net outcome of the deal cannot be good. Even if your objective has been fulfilled, in the process evil with have triumphed (somehow). I have never run or played a game where this was not true. 45. Any kingdom that has the means to hire you as mercenaries, usually has the means to dispatch of you as traitorous mercenaries... 46. Dragons eat people, even good dragons
cambric 08-25-05, 01:58 PM	47. Rest when you can rest!! (Don't think, "we should be ok..." If the dm suggests resting, do so!) 48. Never under-estimate a dragon! For you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup!!
rbrt_Spade 08-25-05, 02:00 PM	49-dont challenge dwarves to drinking contests at inns 50-listen to bards tales 51-dungeons always have treasure 52-fireballs are your friend 53-treat your friend pit fiend with respect or else... 54-planar traveling is fun- 55-solars are evil :P 56-buy a hoopak to take the bad guys 57-collect as many dragon orbs you can to take over the world 58-paladins spread goodness to the world
Fanged Fremont 08-25-05, 04:43 PM	59. The party paladin has no qualms with slicing/smashing/smiting you to tiny bits. Get the others on your side before you overthrow him. 60. Anything mentioned is important. 61. The obvious, relatively harmless trap is a lure for a deadlier trap. 62. 10 foot poles don't help against 10 foot blast radii 63. Halflings are good at throwing. Therefore by proxy they are good at being thrown.
HammerHeart81 08-25-05, 05:08 PM	64.Sometimes that anoying goblin is either a high level rogue or a vampire.
Pryrates 08-25-05, 05:18 PM	65. Never use weapons in a bar fight. 66. Their is always someone strange and Mysterious in the shadowy corner of every inn. Talk to them, as they are either the BBEG, some ultr-powerful NPC who's help you'll need later, or at the very least an adventure hook. 67. Always take away the old mans walking stick, it is infact a staff of power. 68. Gold scales or Red scales its always a bad idea to wake a dragon. 69. Never use wish for anything more complex than a ham sandwich. 70. Never say "make me a ham sandwich" when using a wish spell. 71. The more gold they offer the more sure they are that you will not be be around long enough to collect.
TacoClone 08-25-05, 05:23 PM	72. NEVER try jumping on strange vines while walking through the woods, they are probably assassin vines that will KILL you. 73. Never stay near Satyrs, or ask a party member what happened after you rescue them from being held captive with satyrs. Don't ask! :weep: 74. Don't make Swashbulcker/Bards into meatshields. :weep: It hurts alot . . .
tharivol266 08-25-05, 08:00 PM	75)"they're just kobolds"....all i need to say is NEVER say that aloud. they might be that time but they wont be the next time
DraconsNighthawk 08-26-05, 12:17 AM	76: If, for some reason you have a gut feeling that some super natural being is ether smiling or laughing manically at a idea you just propose, Do NOT do it! 77: That magical spoon that makes gruel, and presdigation spells are your friend. You can make gruel taste like steak! 78: If fourteen people have to ask you to do something, chances are that super natural being is getting desperate, and you will soon be smited if you do not do what they ask. 79: Always keep a strand of hair of everyone you met. You never know when you need to cast resurrection on them to spoil super natural being's plots.
Venom of the Yuan Ti 08-26-05, 04:12 AM	80 Never laugh at a man in a dress. 81 Drow preistesses do NOT want to "explore your underdark". 82 Never insult a Cleric, he has a very powerfull boss. 83 Never punch a ghost 84 Never punch an ooze (saw this one happen, black pudding...) 85 Never trust Fey. 86 Never trust any group of people who meet in 13s 87 Small children who come up to you in the street are either horrifically evil or carring vital knowladge. 88 Never eat orange snow.
Darkhearted 08-26-05, 04:58 AM	89. listen to the cleric when he says "I can cast divination to find out the dragons weakness". 90. never go into the room "guns blazing" thinking you'll win 91. never morph into a dragon, then ask the druid to triple your size, on the fourth floor of a castle with two other bigger then life dragons in the same room. 92. Never ask the DM that you want to become a vampire, in front of the cleric. 93. If your a good cleric with evil teammates, And they start bragging about how powerful they are. just smile and remind them the next time they need help. 94. If the worse can happen, it will 95. if your teammates find a set of books in a library with an evil aura, stay outside when they try and open it. 96. never listen to anyone when they say "we never need potions". 97. if number 96 happens, Start stocking up 98. If the DM has never run a cleric in any campaign, be nice to him. he might help you out more then everyone else. 99. also, never be disapionted in being a cleric. Your more powerful then what you think.
ShadowDragon8685 08-26-05, 05:07 AM	100. Never sleep with the human princess unless you're looking to get hung, married (if of good blood,) or leave the country in a hurry, with or without the princess. 101. Always sleep with the elven princess. They're Chaotic, they dig it. Just make sure you please her, or some strapping elf prince/dashing elf princess might come along to beat you up for displeasing his bride/her lifepartner. 102. Never, ever, ever sleep with the succubus. You will roll a Natural 1, no matter how good your saving throw. 103. In the event you have a tatooed death ward, it is acceptable to sleep with the succubus. Just remember to please her, because Balors angry that you didn't please his squeeze are infinately worse than angry elf princes/princesses. 104. Hell yes sleep with the Drow Princess/Queen/Priestess. Caveat about death ward is still in effect, for entirely different reasons. 105. Chances are, the bard coming onto you is Chaotic Evil and wants to murder you, is Chaotic Neutral and wants to rob you blind, or is Chaotic Good and is being coerced to kill or kidnap you. 106. It is perfectly acceptable for the good guys to keep items of Detect Good onhand. You can know who is and is not your enemy with Detect Evil, but Detect Good lets you find your friends. 107. Always take precautions before sleeping with a member of the opposite sex. Especially if that member of the opposite sex can track you down in the event it's a she and you get her pregnant. 108. If the thought of something makes you giggle for more than fifteen seconds, it's a dangerous idea and you should not do it. 109. Always have something handy to stabalize a dieing person, even if it's just a potion of Cure Minor Wounds. You never know when you'll need to stabalize someone. 110. It's perfectly acceptable to discriminate on killing people because of gender and/or attractiveness. Just try not to allow your enemies to uncover this weakness.
rbrt_Spade 08-26-05, 03:07 PM	111-creatures of ce are not your friend 112-always have a trusty backup weapon/spell for just in case 113-anything that tracks you down is trying to kill you 114-that rogue you met is polymorthed silver dragon in hiding 115-spell casters always have dispel magic 116-treat the poor beggar on the corner with respect(might be a l20 monk with vow of poverity) 117-rogues steal everything you can(including stuffing the halfling in a sack to sell ;)
Laranis Callirr 08-26-05, 04:34 PM	118. Think unconventionally. Fighting invisible foes without Glitterdust or other means of detection? Use sawdust! Fighting a swarm of bugs? Use sawdust, and a torch! 119. Always carry 100ft of silk rope, and a grappling hook. 120. Horses can also double as jerky in times of dire need.
Venom of the Yuan Ti 08-26-05, 04:35 PM	121: The party rouge will steal everythign not nailed down. 122: The Party rouge will steal nails.
Jagyr Ebonwood 08-26-05, 04:53 PM	121: The party rouge will steal everythign not nailed down. 122: The Party rouge will steal nails. Ack! Animated make-up! ;) 123. And the hammer as well.
l33t Shinobi 08-26-05, 05:04 PM	79: Always keep a strand of hair of everyone you met. You never know when you need to cast resurrection on them to spoil super natural being's plots. ehh, wont work, gotta have a part from time of death... 124:carry at least 3 weps, sword, hammer, and dagger. you can throw the dagger, can bypass DR, and can suvive a sunder/disarm. if you can spare room for a polearm, all the better! :D
Argon_Asimov 08-26-05, 09:38 PM	125 - If you just killed a powerful undead being, dont settle for just looting its corpse. Chop / smash it into little pieces and burn it untill its just ashes. Then stomp on the ashes untill they are -really little- ashes. Then bury the ashes. In as many differnt time zones as possible. You can never be to careful in this regard :)
Lao, Ninja of the Dragon 08-26-05, 10:02 PM	126) When fighting dragons, keep the elves at the back of the party, because elves are skinny and dragons like lean meat. 127) Kobolds are never just kobolds 128) If you see a small girl in a dungeon, run, she is a elder god! 129) Ninjas are always epic. Always. 130) Gnomes are weird. They also tend to have issues. 131) Never call a elf a girly man. 132) Clerics of Lolth do not appreciate bards hitting on them, they polymorph into giant black widows and bite the bards head off. 133) If it is shiny, Gnomes like to poke it and it is an uber magic item. 134) Don't annoy weaponless elf warriors, they are warmages.
l33t Shinobi 08-26-05, 11:40 PM	135: never jump over the >open< pit trap.. 2x damage on the hidden one beyond it, and that one usually has spikes... :ghosted:
captainmorley 08-27-05, 01:20 AM	136. Never lick strange items they will ALWAYS disintegrate your tongue 137. Never say this campaign every combat round we have im going to say i charge and grapple. 138. Never let the Dm have you grapple oozes
ShadowDragon8685 08-27-05, 01:31 AM	139. Never, ever, ever sick your hand into something you can't see.
weasel fierce 08-27-05, 01:32 AM	140: If it looks and sounds like a sphere of annihilation, it propably IS a sphere of annihilation. Insert gnome to test
ShadowDragon8685 08-27-05, 01:33 AM	141. It is never worth chopping off your own head for the purposes of having someone attach a shrunken one to your neck in an attempt to gain power.
l33t Shinobi 08-27-05, 08:53 AM	shadowdragon, dude, use some sblocks... just wrap [sblock] around your sig, ppl will <3 you. on topic: 142: never save your spells for versatiltity, they dont help when you're dead 143:keep all your out of combat kit(tent, rope, skill kits, etc.) in a backpack for easy weight loss in dragon chases.
Von Bek 08-27-05, 05:04 PM	144. The Princess' bodyguard can whup you without breaking a sweat. 145. Mooning the King is NEVER a good idea.
homey188 08-27-05, 08:22 PM	146:always take the most mudane looking treasure it could be a bucket of annalilation(sp) (actually happened) 147: dont stab diplomats
ShadowDragon8685 08-27-05, 08:34 PM	148. No matter how good it may seem, never take responsiblity for more land and/or people than you can gather in one place at one time and guard personally. 149. Never consume any energy field bigger than your head. 150. If it does not have a magical aura, under no circumstances consume it. It's probably an Artifact of some sort. 151. Never accept a challenge to any sort of duel or single combat.
Cherry 08-28-05, 12:55 AM	1. Never attack seemilgly harmless smilign old men with brooms. Yes- But never trust them either. 152- Do not goose the party monk, for she will hit you and it will hurt. 153- Never touch a duck in a dungeon :P 154- Do not reach into the gelatinous cube because its last victim had better armor/weapons than you. 155- Do not walk into a bar and say to the DM "I go find the biggest meanest son-of-a-***** in here and kick him in the nuts" especially if you are alone...and a halfling. 156- Do not wake the terrasque up by poking him in the eye with a stick. 157- Do not attempt to RIDE the terrasque. 158- Do not talk back to a god...they're a bit on the...touchy....side. 159- Consult your party PRIOR to casting a spell that could potentially tell the BBEG exactly where you are. 160- MAP OUT THE DUNGEON you are crawling around in, or you may not find your way out. Take chalk with you and draw on the wall so you can find your way back out. 161- Do not steal from your party and expect them to be happy about it. 162- Never, EVER be caught without a ranged weapon of some sort, even a dagger. What good is your +3 greatsword going to do when a monster is attacking from the air? 163- Never tell the princess that her dress would look good on your floor, especially in front of her father. 164- If the game is no longer fun, talk to the DM and/or other players about it, if it's still not fun, leave.
Valgaav 08-28-05, 01:20 AM	41. 50' of silk rope. Just because. 41.A. No, a Spiked Chain will NOT substitute except in dire circumstances. In which case, USE the Mount Celestia-ing Chain!
Venom of the Yuan Ti 08-28-05, 04:51 AM	165: If you cant see a nobles body guard it is because either he has nop bodyguard becasue he can take you apart without noticing, or he has a REALY GOOD body guard.