Post/Author/DateTime	Post
amandathehunter 05-01-07, 12:52 PM	I've been playing DnD with the same 5 guys for 2 years now. Just recently, one of the guys has announced that he is moving out of state. So we started shopping around for a new player. Last session, The group invited a guy who had called them so we could see how he'd fit with the group. This new guy gave off a MAJOR "creepy-stalker" vibe. After the session, I looked him up and found him on the registered sex offender list for my area. I'm the only girl in my group, and when I told the guys I am NOT going to play DnD with him (sorry, he just creeps me out WAY too much, and I don't feel safe with him around), they said I was overreacting, and are being pricks about the fact that I don't want to game with him. They want to invite him back for this Friday's session. Am I wrong? Am I being too paranoid? Or should I stand my ground/leave the group over it?
narukagami 05-01-07, 12:56 PM	The guy is a registered sex offender. I'd say its him or you. I'm a guy, and even I would refuse to play with him.
Platstud 05-01-07, 12:58 PM	What are you, crazy? I wouldn't go within a hundred kilometers of the guy. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable and unsafe, trust your instinct: it's not worth the risk. I wouldn't recommend playing with someone who creeps you out, even if he wasn't a registered sex offender.
Puca 05-01-07, 01:28 PM	"Creeps you out" is a good enough reason. Id start worrying about the rest of your group if "registered sex offender" isnt good enough for them. (Seriously, who would "fail" in their opinions?)
Kouk 05-01-07, 01:55 PM	He probably creeped you out because he was giving you the "strange" attention and not the other players. Note to self: Look people up on registered sex offender list before inviting to group.
Droma 05-01-07, 02:08 PM	You mentioned to your fellow players that he was on the registered sex offender list right? If not do so immediately. If they still insist on inviting him back then dont show up. If they value your friendship, you not showing up and telling them why you wouldnt come should be more than enough to never have this guy back again.
MrSpaceBear 05-01-07, 02:29 PM	HOLY CRAP!!! :blink: That is totaly creepy!!! :hides: I dont blame you at all for not wanting to game with that deranged :censored: So he was like eyeing you and stuff!!! :drool: SICK!!! I would totaly say " Me or him!" and since girl gamers are more rare and valuable than..... oh.....say SEX OFFENDERS!!!! I think the choice is obvious!!!
daggeroflath 05-01-07, 02:48 PM	:uh-huh: Honestly, I don't believe you. But whatever... I'm a roleplayer, I can accept a hypothetical situation. Don't roleplay with someone you wouldn't be willing to spend the same time doing something else with.
drizzt420 05-01-07, 03:01 PM	I am not quite sure I believe you either but who am I to discredit a stranger I don't even know... oh wait is not that kind of what you are doing? "Registered sex offender" is all I would need to hear to show that guy the door - for good. Regarding this, are you sure it is him? Was there a picture or just a name? Don't get me wrong here - even though I would not allow the guy in the group, I still would have to advise you to not jump to conclusions... However, it still is all sorts of wrong... Bottom line, if he creeps you out - don't game with him. If you could not see yourself just hanging out with the guy then he is not good for your group.
Alamax 05-01-07, 03:25 PM	I believe you are correct in the actions you took. Even if you do not have kids, it would be a good idea to get him out of your neiborhood.
orionm42 05-01-07, 03:41 PM	Joe: Hello...Joe's Tavern. How can I help you? Caller: I am looking for one of your patrons...Amanda. Joe: Amanda who? Caller: Amanda Hug-N-Kiss! Joe (announcing to the bar): Is there an Amanda Hug-N-Kiss here? I'M LOOKING FOR AMANDA HUG-N-KISS!! Caller: Bwaaaaahaaaaahaaaaa! Seriously...the OP must be trolling.
tahngarth40 05-01-07, 03:48 PM	What D&D group DOESN'T have a registered sex offender in it? Seriously, any time I hear about a human wizards loving relationship with a halfling I die a little inside.
QuantumSteve 05-01-07, 03:52 PM	Even though he's a sex offender, I might still give the guy a chance(I play in an all male group). But, If we played with a female he'd be gone, no questions. If your friends know he's a sex offender, and still want him anyway, I say walk. You shouldn't have to game in an environment where you don't feel safe. Explain to your friends your reasons for leaving, and leave it to them to decide if they still want you in their group.
Cold Napalm 05-01-07, 04:02 PM	Well you'd be surprised how many registered sex offenders there are in some areas. My parents town that takes 10 min to drive through has 43. So depending on what area amanada lives in...totally possible. That said, feeling creeped out around this guy is enough to not play with him. Confirmation thats he's on the list is enough to apply for a concealed weapons permit.
allenchan 05-01-07, 04:10 PM	Even though he's a sex offender, I might still give the guy a chance(I play in an all male group). But, If we played with a female he'd be gone, no questions. Sex offense do not necessarily equate Male => Female offenses, fyi.
KillerGM 05-01-07, 04:17 PM	That said, feeling creeped out around this guy is enough to not play with him. I agree with this. Yes, the registered sex offender part adds more muck to the waters. But it's ultimately that the guy creeps you out. Otherwise, you would have never checked on him, and would not have even known. Someone else you know may be a sex offender, served his time, and just doesn't trigger your "creepy" radar. The real issue is that he makes you uncomfortable, regardless of his past. You need to stress to your group that you REALLY don't want to play with this guy. I'd hope they would side with you, as you've been playing with them longer (2 years is a long time to throw out for a n00b). But, ultimately, you have to decide for yourself if you CAN play with this guy. If not, then say YOU won't play with this guy. If the others don't feel the same, it's their choice. You'd have to leave the group. I'm sorry and wish you luck finding a new group.
Geddonight 05-01-07, 05:03 PM	I'm of a similar mindset to KillerGM. The creeping-you-out part is the key. Being a registered sex offender... well, while it's not something you want to put on the top of your resume, it's definitely not an automatic disqualifier. Sex offense laws are rather arbitrary and can be capricious. In some states, a couple dating in highschool aged 15 and 16 means that the 16 year old is, should anything happen, committing statutory rape. Since the registered sex offender database does not distinguish the offenses. Your creepy sex offender could be anything from a pedophile to someone who's girlfriend's parents forced a stat rape charge upon back in highschool, even if the relationship was 100% consensual. We as gamers should know what it's like to be made an "other;" to be dehumanized and reviled. How quickly we jump to summary judgement over a situation we know very very little about. I for one will not persecute this person who wishes to join your group (perhaps it's because I realize I can be creepy sometimes myself, but am completely harmless and have never been in trouble with the law). I won't tell you that you should deliberately put yourself into situations that make you very uncomfortable. You shouldn't. It does sound to me that your friends might be more open-minded about a person's past than you are, though this may be because they feel they are in no danger, while you might. You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. Nor are your friends wrong for wanting to give the chap a chance. Imagine the social woes those people already experience... the stigma attached to their label is so strong that often they are--despite their best intentions--forced into a cycle of recidivism. Now imagine how happy this guy must be that a group of people is willing to accept him irrespective of his past. Does that mean they should be insensitive to your feelings? No. Without more detailed information, I do not think you can get any sort of quality reply from this board. You need to have an open mind yourself, otherwise you'll feel completely justified by the knee-jerk reaction so common these days. I wish you (and myself... for I'm sure the pitchforks are coming) luck and happy times in your endeavors. Cheers!
daggeroflath 05-01-07, 05:14 PM	I wish you (and myself... for I'm sure the pitchforks are coming) luck and happy times in your endeavors. I personally completely agree with everything you said. Had I thought this post had a chance of being legitimate I would have said the same. Though not so eloquently.
seldom_seen 05-03-07, 09:03 PM	Regardless of the fact that he's a sex offender, you said he creeps you out. That should be your only concern. As the only female gamer in the group, you need to feel comfortable with any new players. Your group should take a vote after the introduction of any new player. If any one of you don't feel right about someone new, then keep looking. And if the rest of the group is not going to back you over a new player, regardless of his history, then you need to walk. Who knows what else they may agree on with the new guy?
Evil DM Mk3 05-03-07, 09:08 PM	Ultimately the group has to gel. If it doesn't the game will die. Clearly yours doesn't.
tankschmidt 05-03-07, 09:38 PM	You have two solid reasons to leave the group. 1. It may now include a registered sex offender, who you intuitively thought was creepy before you even knew about it. 2. Your group (in your words) were being "pricks" about your feelings. If that's not time for a new group, I don't know what is.
sineous blackspell 05-03-07, 09:49 PM	if you told the group and they still didnt want to kick him out i would leave just because your 2 year "togetherness" dont mean much and i wouldnt want to hang with them for that but this topic does bring an interesting point that rpgs in general breach the age gap whereas you find adults with kids not always supervised i submit maybe we ought to pay a bit more attention in these situations oh and by the way if you dont already know martial arts go learn some i think youd be less "creeped out" though it takes enough guts for a girl to sit with a buncha guy (we know how we can be )even us nice ones but everyone not knowing everyone shouldnt be cause for alarm
danielinthewolvesden 05-04-07, 03:14 AM	This new guy gave off a MAJOR "creepy-stalker" vibe. After the session, I looked him up and found him on the registered sex offender list for my area. I'm the only girl in my group, and when I told the guys I am NOT going to play DnD with him (sorry, he just creeps me out WAY too much, and I don't feel safe with him around), they said I was overreacting, and are being pricks about the fact that I don't want to game with him. They want to invite him back for this Friday's session. Am I wrong? Am I being too paranoid? Or should I stand my ground/leave the group over it? Yes, I think you are wrong. I think you are wrong because I do not believe a word of this. Sorry, but you asked. I get very suspicious when someones very first post out of the blue is something like this. But let us assume you are right. Maybe he is a RSO that likes boys? Maybe he is completely harmless as Geddonight said. Maybe you got his name wrong, as it is odd, but rarely do folks come forward to join a game with enough personal info so that you can be sure he is the John Smith you found on a sex offender list. I am a retired Federal Agent, and I know that you need more than a name (unless the name is really unique, and even then...). And of my group of TEN YEARS there are still a couple of guys that all I know are their names ( and I am not really sure if I do know one guys last name) and emails. If your guy was a Registered Sex Offender, why would he even use his full name, not to mention his address, DoB and what not? I know the address of only the folks who have hosted a game. And that is a group of TEN years. So, unless you checked his ID, there is a very good chance you have the wrong guy. Or......
PenderGrass 05-04-07, 03:19 AM	Since the OP hasn't replied, we can only assume the worst. Fare thee well, OP - we knew you nought. :dragon: ****
Warforged Goblin 05-04-07, 09:04 AM	No, you're not wrong at all. I ran a campaign where, among our players, was a woman and her 12 year old son. In addition the mother, let's call her Lidda, brought her 3 year old toddler daughter along due to divorce issues. Most of us were fine with this. Her son was bright, intelligent, and eager to play and her daughter was adorable, albeit a distraction some times. However, there was a player who joined our group with us having no prior knowledge as to who he was or what he was like. He was quiet and seemed to be the standard, introverted DnD player. However, as the game progressed, he began making more and more harsh comments about women and children. The "woman's place is in the kitchen" and "children are just noisy, useless annoyances" clap-trap. Now, aside from Lidda, the only other female playing was my wife, so at first it was gloosed over as a "character quirk". However, it eventually got to the point where I had to TPK and end the campaign under false pretenses and restart it elsewhere. Needless to say, I feel that the OP should do the same. If she needs help finding a more reasonable group, I'm sure that almost anyone on the boards would be willing to help her out.
Leo 05-04-07, 09:14 AM	As long as he's spending time playing D&D, he's not harrassing other people. What? Even criminals have hobbies. They aren't always thinking in the next way of hurting someone. Maybe he repented himself. But still be carefull.
lizzistardust 05-04-07, 09:38 AM	Wow, yeah, they are wrong. Did you tell them he's on the sex offended registry? I'm disgusted that they wouldn't respect you saying that you don't want to spend hours gaming with a sex offender who scares you. Explain it to them again, explaining that your safety and peace of mind are essential to enjoying they game. And after all, you invited him over to see how he fits with your group. I think scaring one of the long-term players qualifies as not fitting with the group! Then stand your ground. Don't demand they choose, just say that you won't be in the game if he is. If they're jerks enough that they so long to their long-term player in favor of a brand new sex offending player, then I so be it. Find some more reasonable gamers to play with.
Dragoloth 05-04-07, 09:39 AM	Actually it's easy to find all sex offenders in your area, and some names come with pictures. That being said if this isn't a troll then she should leave the group if they keep him. Noone man or woman needs to feel uncomfortable while playing because of a creepy player. If the OP is just a troll then they should be ashamed of making a joke of a serious subject. P.S. some people consider me creepy at first. Big, bald, and a long goatee.
tankschmidt 05-04-07, 09:40 AM	I am a retired Federal Agent, and I know that you need more than a name (unless the name is really unique, and even then...). And of my group of TEN YEARS there are still a couple of guys that all I know are their names ( and I am not really sure if I do know one guys last name) and emails. If your guy was a Registered Sex Offender, why would he even use his full name, not to mention his address, DoB and what not? I know the address of only the folks who have hosted a game. And that is a group of TEN years. So, unless you checked his ID, there is a very good chance you have the wrong guy. Or...... Not that I mean to argue with you, but in some states -- Virginia for example -- you can search sex offenders by location, and the computer will spit out names, crimes, and pictures. Without really thinking about it, that's how I assumed the original poster found out about the guy.
lizzistardust 05-04-07, 09:45 AM	I am not quite sure I believe you either but who am I to discredit a stranger I don't even know... oh wait is not that kind of what you are doing? Um, no, she's not. If she's posted the guy's name, then yeah.
Nephlite 05-04-07, 09:48 AM	Wow, yeah, they are wrong. Did you tell them he's on the sex offended registry? I'm disgusted that they wouldn't respect you saying that you don't want to spend hours gaming with a sex offender who scares you. Explain it to them again, explaining that your safety and peace of mind are essential to enjoying they game. And after all, you invited him over to see how he fits with your group. I think scaring one of the long-term players qualifies as not fitting with the group! Then stand your ground. Don't demand they choose, just say that you won't be in the game if he is. If they're jerks enough that they so long to their long-term player in favor of a brand new sex offending player, then I so be it. Find some more reasonable gamers to play with. Yes, but he didn't do anything to scare her (it is not like he touches her). One legally does not have a right to be unscared (though it'd be a cool law). I'd just be cautious bnut still explain your feelings to the others. Make sure he sits sway from you as you don't like him.
Toran_A_Sunder 05-04-07, 10:04 AM	A couple of points I'd like to mention 1: Until about half-way down I thought it was a legit post, but you haven't replied at all. I wont say it's no longer legit. Not everyone can spend hours and hours on these boards. But still. A little feedback would be nice when you get the chance. 2: In the area where I've spent the last 8 years of my life (southern NH) there are a ton of people who game that I consider creepy. I've noticed it in other areas (I travel a lot) and I think that creepy gamer dudes need to be dealt with some how cus they turn off the oh-so-valuable female gamer population to the idea of gaming. I submit that we employ the use of thumbscrews to aid in this ritual creepy-cleansing. 3. I'm a little sad that so many people are insensitive to this situation, trolling or not. While I am never one to judge another prematurely, and I am willing to give almost anyone a chance, I am also a guy who has a number of friends/ex girlfriends who have been the victim of a sexual assault. I don't blame the OP (if this isn't trolling) for feeling nervous/unsafe. Yes, it's true that he could be the victim of circumstance when it comes to this sex offender stuff, but any dude who at first sends off an overall creepy guy and is then discovered to be a sex offender will rightly set off any woman's spidey sense. She shouldn't be burned at the stake for a natural instinct to protect herself, especially if this guy is not the victim of circumstance. Trolling or not, a little compassion for females who have seen the ugly side of these types of situations is in order I believe. If you aren't trolling, OP, and you are checking back for advice, here is mine. Talk to your group. Tell them he makes you uncomfortable. If that isn't enough impetus for them to oust him then and there (as I would for any of my female friends if this came up) then 2 years hasn't been as special as one might think to them, and you would do better to find a different group.
BloodDragon 05-04-07, 10:09 AM	Do your other friends know he's a sex offender? If they're asking to come back and play, I don't think they do. Prehaps you should print off the list from the web site. And if they ARE aware of that fact then it's time to find a new group.
Platstud 05-04-07, 10:45 AM	If you aren't trolling, OP, and you are checking back for advice, here is mine. Talk to your group. Tell them he makes you uncomfortable. If that isn't enough impetus for them to oust him then and there (as I would for any of my female friends if this came up) then 2 years hasn't been as special as one might think to them, and you would do better to find a different group. Personally, I wouldn't limit this to females. If any of my long-time friends objected to a new gamer for any reason(up to and including the cut of his jib :)), I would politely tell the new player that I'm afraid it's not working out, but I wish him luck finding a group he meshes with. No hesitation whatsoever.
ORC_Tuhteth 05-04-07, 12:37 PM	I think that every possible piece of advice has already been given, so I'm going to go ahead and close this thread before it has a chance to take a turn for the worse. (My "WizO Sense" already feels it veering off course.) In short: Don't game with anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe ... and frankly that applies to any kind of voluntary association, not just gaming. It's enough of a no-brainer that I'm not sure what else anyone can add to make this discussion go anywhere new.