Post/Author/DateTime	Post
dragonchic1500 12-10-05, 11:01 AM	Question: At what point can what the player would do override what the PC would do? Background: I am a female gamer playing a female PC. In RL I am engaged to one of the other players in the group. My PC is highly inexperienced in the realm of romance and physical intimacy. She had a crush on an NPC she met once, but due to her personality (full of hatred, anger, desire for revenge and general prudishness) she would not make the first move. She has since died and been raised. She realized all she has not done and as a result her personality has changed. Now she is more relaxed, not as angry, willing to forgive and wants an intimate relationship (after all every time we are in town the male party members seek it out so it must be something good). She still has a crush on the NPC and in her downtime she has created an imaginary romance with him. This NPC is in another city currently besieged by big bads so going to him just to say hi and flirt is out of the question. A new PC has just joined the party and has caught her interest (mainly because he can hold his own as a fighter and probably hold his own against her). The player of the PC is married and there is no desire or sexual tension between he and I (that tends to come up on these types of posts so I am stating ahead of time). As a player I would not have my character try and pursue the new PC (may cause party tension, etc), maybe flirt a bit but that is it. However, my PC would pursue the new PC, she would be very inept in the pursuit but still. The entire group is mature so that would not be an issue. My question is should I play my PC as I want and just have her flirt or as the PC would actually do and pursue the other PC? Sorry for the length, I wanted to make sure there was enough info for analysis. Please let me know if anything is unclear. Thanks.
WayneTheGame 12-10-05, 11:04 AM	If the group is mature and would understand its in-character, then play the character and do what she would do. :)
smoker 12-10-05, 11:29 AM	Your character wants to have romantic encounters with other characters (played by other players)? I have seen couples get divorced in LARPS that I have played, where this was taken too far. I have been hit on in character by women players that were married. They wanted to be "romantic" in character. The reality is that they just wanted an excuse to cheat. Becareful. smoker
pwatson1974 12-10-05, 11:47 AM	They don't. If you as the player don't want the PC to pursue the other party member, she doesn't. Despite all his good points, I'm sure you can think up enough good reasons not to. If not, there's always the suspicion that he's too good to be true to fall back on. But if there's something you think you shouldn't do, even if it's what you think the PC would do, just don't do it and spend a little while figuring out why the PC wouldn't. PCs can be just as unfathomable as real people, so they sometimes get to act 'out of character'.
celtredleg 12-10-05, 12:04 PM	The question is, what is more fun for you and your group? If you have a group that wants to spend the time watching this play out then go for it. On the other hand, if the rest of the group is going to be bored to tears, then it is a bad idea. In game romance can have RL consequences. Be sure you want to run that risk before you go there.
Hatgirl 12-10-05, 12:22 PM	Like the others said, if you don't want your character to do something then don't have her do it. If you need an excuss you can just say that she thinks (like you do) that pursuing a romantic relationship with in the adventuring group would harm the working relationship between the members of the party. It's just like in the military where you can't date a superior officer. She could easily be concerned that a relationship with the party fighter would change his motivations in battle and alter the effectiveness of the party.
The Phantom Flan Flinger 12-10-05, 12:27 PM	I'd bring up the subject with your fiance first, see what his reaction is. Are you intending to act out this IC flirtation/pursuit as a series of real time encounters? I'm not sure I'd want to watch my other half do that (and the other character respond to it) regardless of whether the other player was attractive or not. It's not a question of cheating, but of player-level comfort. I think that in some ways the maturity of the group might be a problem - it'd almost be better to play this against a background of adolescent sniggering and breast jokes just to hammer home the fact that it's a game. I wouldn't go there, really, especially not if this would be the first time that there's been an IC romance within the party. As pwatson says, there are a hundred reasons why your character just wouldn't click with this other character in spite of all his good points - think of one and stick with it. Maybe have some wistful glances and leave it at that, if you don't want to ignore it altogether. I also agree with celtredleg. I've never been in a gaming group, however mature, that doesn't get bored within a couple of minutes when two PC's have an IC conversation that their character cannot join in with. Leading on to another possibility - can you just assume it's developing during the downtime, so that you can have all the IC implications of being in a relationship without risking OOC awkwardness by actually playing it out?
dragonchic1500 12-10-05, 12:28 PM	Thanks for the replies. I figured out what I am going to do. There was one key character trait that I did not take into consideration, her loyalty. She has an ongoing romance with a NPC (granted it is all in her imagination) and so would not pursue another until after she knows the NPC is dead and has mourned.
Thorak 12-10-05, 03:54 PM	Something else to consider, since everyone's naysaying. You don't have to roleplay the proceedings. There's no d20 roll to see if you "score". If it's an amusing bit of RP to roleplay the infatuation, then RP it. But be clear that it's an RP thing. I played a MUD at one point which, entirely on a player-driven basis, developed an extensive family system. My character ended up "married" to another character, played by a nice woman I'd never met OOC, for essentially political reasons within the game. It was amusing. Heck, we even had kids, in-game. And that's without mentioning my illegitimate child by another character, prior to this "marriage", who I'd never actually met, in-character. It was filled in to a period I hadn't played. Just like you don't have to RP your character going to the bathroom, you don't have to RP other aspects of their lives that are nobody's business. If you and the other player are mature, and both your SO's (if applicable) are OK with it, then feel free to have your characters be flirty. Just be clear to distinguish between the characters and your actual selves; in my online "romances", we were often chortling about things in private tells while carrying on in public. Just like how my character and his "daughter" would be laughing and chatting in private tells while our characters were screaming battlecries at each other and trying to hunt each other down. Separation of character and player. If you can handle that, and your SO's can understand that (and I mean that, not that they say they do, that they actually do, the two aren't necessarily the same), there's no reason against it really. Just don't bother with the icky stuff.
Gailbraithe 12-10-05, 05:21 PM	Sometimes the best way to deal with these sorts of situations is to "cheat". Role-playing is like improv theater in a sense, and like improv, the best of it is usually far less improvised than you might suspect. Improv actors discuss what they are going to do before their show, and it is perfectly acceptable for players to do the same thing, or for players and the Dm to do the same thing. Take another player aside, not the player of the PC your PC is attracted to, and preferably the player of a PC that is older, wiser and more experience in romantic matters than your PC. Tell that player that at some point in tonight's session, you want to have a private, in-character discussion about your PC's feelings for the other PC. Explain to the player that you want them to talk you out of it. Let them decide how they will do that, and when the time comes to have the conversation, remember that you want to ultimately agree with them, and "be convinced" to not pursue the other PC. Your fiancee's character might be a good choice,a nd I'll bet money your fiancee will be more than happy to help out. I know I wouldn't want my girlfriend rping a romance with another guy right in front of my face. Talk about an uncomfortable situation.
Talonz 12-10-05, 09:08 PM	You're playing with fire. You could keep it to a few obviouslly over the top innocuous comments towards this new pc, but no further. Keep romantic relationships to npcs.
adelro28 12-10-05, 11:45 PM	Real life relationships are hard enough, why bring that kind of complexity into the game? I play because i want to leave all of the things I can do as me, behind. Good luck.
dragonchic1500 12-11-05, 09:22 AM	A few quick responses: Our group handles any IC conversations between 2 PCs via email. This way game time is devoted to things that involve the whole (or most of) the party. The only PC in the group my PC trusts is nearly as naive about romance and would be highly unhelpful (unless I was talking about seducing a magic item, in which case he would give me all sorts of hints and tips - he is a cleric of the deity of magic). I have talked to my fiancé and he would be fine with a romance b/w my PC and another PC so long as it did not drag down game time. Also I would give him the opportunity to read any emails received or sent concerning the romance. As far as why I would bring the complexity of a relationship to the game, well, my PC has earned it. I tend to give my PCs backgrounds with a lot of pain and suffering and since all of the DMs in my group are evil they cause my PCs even more pain and suffering. ;) This PC has been through a lot and she deserves some happiness that does not involve the slaughter of another army. Like I said before though, I am going to keep my PC devoted to her imaginary romance with one of the NPCs, at least until she knows he is dead. But if a PC/PC relationship does ever come up I will keep all of your advice in mind.
curan69 12-11-05, 12:52 PM	One of my P.C.'s has an ongoing relationship with another P.C. the other players husband plays in our group, and there has been no problem. In fact we have started playing new characters, but when her husband is on afternoons, our DM will make up adventures for our 2 other characters. In fact her husband has made up adventures for us when our regular DM cant play. It all depends on whether the players in the group can seperate Reality and the game. Our group is older too. i am 36 the other P.C.s player is 26 . other Players are 28 and 33.
Andrew_980 12-11-05, 01:21 PM	There is nothing wrong with 2 PCs falling in love or fooling around as long as the PLAYERS can keep things seperated from reality. I have a PC that was set to marry another PC, we in real life get along just fine but have no intenetion of thing in game becoming more than that, and her boyfreind (another player) is mature enough to understand that. If all parties involved really ARE mature then there is no problem.
shadowrisae 12-11-05, 04:02 PM	If the group is mature enough and no one has problems with it, then you can go for it. I personally am a female gamer who about 50% of the time plays male characters, 50% of the time plays female characters, and I DM fairly often. As a player, none of my characters ever had a relationship with any of the other PCs and only 1 character ever actually had a significant other. However, this particular character was a male gnomish wizard (of Mystra) who was handfasted to a female gnomish cleric (of Mystra). The cleric was not in the party, nor did she ever make an appearance in the game. The reason he joined the party is his significant other had a vision from Mystra that he NEEDED to go on this adventure. It was painful to separate mere days after their ceremony of handfasting, but they did. The only time she came up was during downtime, occasionally my character would mention his "dearest Karina", what she might do during a situation or what she would do to smack him into line. :D
Callista 12-11-05, 10:48 PM	You are worried about carrying on a romance with a PC that doesn't belong to your real-life significant other, right? I would just carry it off-screen; that way you don't have to go through the confusion of having your character love a PC played by someone that her player doesn't love. And, anyway, romances are generally focused on two PCs to the exclusion of the others (unless you do a love triangle, or an even larger polygon--that's fun). It's better when everyone's involved. I don't think there are a lot of groups that will spend even ten minutes on one PC's dalliances with the tavern wenches... Is your PC the sort to want to be private about a romance? If she's inexperienced, most likely she's not going to be the sort to openly do any more than holding the guy's hand. So make her a little shy; after all, this is her first big love interest and she doesn't want to display it out in the open. Just mention that she's becoming more protective of the man she likes; or that she and her love interest have decided to get their own table at the tavern, or their own room at the inn, or are going off together on walks. Et cetera. It doesn't need to be in-your-face at all. Whatever you do, make sure it doesn't bother your significant other. After all, a game is so much less important than real-life relationships, and making him wonder for no reason isn't really all that nice.