Post/Author/DateTime	Post
lilymaid 11-15-04, 11:16 AM	I'm honestly terribly shy. I find it rather hard to speak up, and half the time my DM doesn't hear me when I do. Most of the time the only person who seems to notice what my character is doing or saying is me. The other day I had been suggesting the party do something only to have them come to the same conclusion on their own a good while later. I don't think that is particularly ideal. I was wondering if anyone had any advice or suggestions that might be helpful.
Sucineri 11-15-04, 11:23 AM	That's fine, I am also one that is pretty shy..until I get VERY comfortable with people that is. If you are new to the group and don't quite know everyone yet, then what you are experiencing is okay for now. After a few sessions when you have warmed up to people, make some jokes about stuff that happen in game..get people laughing and enjoying your company..and then you should naturally start being able to speak up a little more than now. Atleast that's how it's worked with me. :)
Callista 11-15-04, 11:30 AM	Ouch. Been there, done that. I think a lot of us have, actually; role-playing games are a "geek" pastime, and many geeks are shy. A small group helps. A large, noisy one will just overwhelm you. Also, just give it some time and keep trying. Anything gets better with practice--including speaking up. Try concentrating on volume levels--speak loudly enough to be heard, even if you don't speak often. Sure, that takes courage. Trust me, I've been there. But it can be done. Once you have that down, role-playing will become easier. Until then, try to sit close to the DM, so at least s/he will hear you when you speak.
Sucineri 11-15-04, 11:37 AM	Until then, try to sit close to the DM, so at least s/he will hear you when you speak. That is probably the best possible thing for you to do. EVERY game I have been in I have sat next to the DM because it's the best way for you to get your information across especially in the case of a shy player.
MMaster 11-15-04, 11:49 AM	or sit next to someone you get on well, talk with him into developing the background of the 2 pgs as one, just think of Caramon and Raistlin from DL, work on the relationship between the 2 and how the try to benefit from each other's strenghs, it might help to get yourself noticed (when your buddy loudly asks for your opinion/help) and do some good roleplaying
lilymaid 11-15-04, 12:28 PM	Hehe. :) So I guess I'm a geek now. I've been playing with them for a bit now, but I guess it's all entirely new to me, and I'm the only person who hasn't known everyone else for years. And they tend to be a bit noisy. I have gotten a bit more comfortable already, though. At least I'm attempting to speak (however futile it may be) more. I have been sitting close to the DM. He still doesn't hear me a lot of the time, I'm afraid, but the noisyness factor probably plays into that. I don't think working closely with another person would help alleviate the problem in the long run, however it might work in a particular game, and it doesn't seem particularly suited to my character just now. I just tend to think it would give me too much of an excuse to keep being quiet. So I will have to work on speaking more loudly, for now, as much as that scares me. Thank you all very much for your suggestions. It helps just knowing other people can sympathize. :)
Thorak 11-15-04, 12:58 PM	Hehe. :) So I guess I'm a geek now. "And lo, the geek shall inherit the earth." It's nothing to be ashamed of, especially on a forum dedicated to a geeky topic. I've been playing with them for a bit now, but I guess it's all entirely new to me, and I'm the only person who hasn't known everyone else for years. And they tend to be a bit noisy. I have gotten a bit more comfortable already, though. At least I'm attempting to speak (however futile it may be) more. Throw cheetos at people who talk over you. If your group doesn't eat cheetos, bring some yourself, even if just as ammunition. They're light enough to not hurt, and edible to get rid of the evidence. I have been sitting close to the DM. He still doesn't hear me a lot of the time, I'm afraid, but the noisyness factor probably plays into that. Poke him. Poke him harder if he doesn't listen. If he doesn't listen after two pokes, grab his dice and refuse to give them back. If it's a noisiness factor, this'll get through at some point. And if it doesn't, keep grabbing more stuff. I don't think working closely with another person would help alleviate the problem in the long run, however it might work in a particular game, and it doesn't seem particularly suited to my character just now. I just tend to think it would give me too much of an excuse to keep being quiet. The trick here is often to pair yourself with someone who's into roleplaying, and is willing to put you on the spot constantly. As in, his character will constantly ask what your character thinks, or toss the spotlight your way, etc. There's often one of these guys in every group, even if the rest are attention hogs. So I will have to work on speaking more loudly, for now, as much as that scares me. Thank you all very much for your suggestions. It helps just knowing other people can sympathize. :) And poking. And throwing cheetos. As long as your group doesn't have a collective stick up their rear, this can quickly devolve into an ice-breaking food wrestling match, though. But that's fine; after you've bodyslammed someone into a box of donuts, it's hard to be shy around them.
Capt. Pixel 11-15-04, 01:27 PM	For those of you having trouble getting the DMs attention, please remember that he/she has a lot of things going at the same time. There's the almost inevitable argument going on between player 1 and player 4, the bawdy joke being told by player 3, pages of DM notes that seem to flip over by themselves, the unforgiving 'game balance' ball that has to be attended to almost constantly, etc, etc For my part, it's not that I don't care what my shy, quiet players have to say, (and there are several around our gaming table) it's just difficult sometimes to winnow through the noise and hear the pearls that they're dropping at my feet. Speak Up! Speak Up, I say! ;) :cool:
trapspringer 11-15-04, 06:02 PM	Don't shout, don't fight your nature, that is a waste of time. Sit near the party leader or the DM. When everyone else is shouting to each other and the DM is getting board with the lack of co-operation, simply tell him what you do. Party: I'm going here, then you move here... Party: Well I think that the laws of physics have been suspended in a 10 foot radius and... You: Excuse me, DM, are there any barrels near the BBEG? DM: You see a couple marked with small red cannons next to the trebuche. You: I pull one of Ted flaming arrows from his quiver while he is arguing with the paladin. Party: So, it is decided, we will fling acid at the base of the castle and... DM: You hear a loud explosion as the barrels next to the BBEG go boom. But, if you screw up, the blame is all on you. I would suggest only doing this if you have a really good idea.
Nom 11-15-04, 09:28 PM	The best way for a DM to handle this is to specifically address questions to the shy player (or his/her character). DM: The guard turns to Bruce and asks "Why are you here?". Bruce: ... Player 2: "We're coming ..." DM (guard): "You'll get your turn, short-stuff. I'm talking to this guy. Now shut it!" (turns back to 'Bruce') As a player, I'd talk to the DM about your concerns, and ask him to pay special attention to giving you (OOC) and your character (IC) time to interact. This is something he/she should being doing anyway, but may be forgetting in all the bustle. If you can't get good traction with the DM, ask another player (who you trust) to champion you instead. In time, you'll become more confident, but while you're getting there it can be a big help to have someone louder clear the floor for you and defend your right (and time) to speak.
Vix Damnul v2 11-15-04, 11:55 PM	If you're really shy and have no ability to speak above a mousy whisper, raise your hand, or, better yet, bang a hammer or something very loudly on the table (if it's a glass coffee table, even better! it'll break, and ensure you get attention!). Seriously, nonverbal means of getting someone's attention exist, and everyone's conditioned to notice a raised hand as an attention grabber. And, uhh, fire works wonders, too. Once you set someone's pants on fire, they take notice. Don't grab someone's stuff, or throw food (if you have to throw anything, fling poop, chimps do, and people pay attention to them!), that'll just irritate people. Raising a hand will probably work to get the DM's attention, or at least enough other people's that the DM will notice, too. So will fire.
Mordmorgan the Mad 11-16-04, 02:07 AM	I'm honestly terribly shy. I find it rather hard to speak up, and half the time my DM doesn't hear me when I do. Most of the time the only person who seems to notice what my character is doing or saying is me. The other day I had been suggesting the party do something only to have them come to the same conclusion on their own a good while later. I don't think that is particularly ideal. I was wondering if anyone had any advice or suggestions that might be helpful. A player in my last group had that same problem. As previously advised, sitting next to the DM is helpful, but you should also sit next to the party's leader. Speaking directly to the leader about possible courses of action will not only get your opinion in, but if the party thinks it's a good idea, the party leader will probably try to get everyone to listen to you when you speak. Once that happens a few times, everyone will quiet down when you open your mouth. You may also want to talk to your DM (or party leader) and let them know that you feel you're not being heard. A good DM or player should make an effort to include you.
trapspringer 11-16-04, 04:57 PM	I had forgotten about the 'raise your hand' deal. I do that all the time. It is a quiet way to let the DM know you have something to say, but it doesn't interupt the game and lets the DM finish saying anything important.
strontium 11-16-04, 10:32 PM	Another couple of options i have found usefull... To overcome shyness, especially in new groups, i tend to play characters with accents, completely loud and overdone. This way there is no confusion that i am roleplaying, and that i am saying something. They dont always have any interest in what i am saying, but when i say it loud in a broad scottish accent, they at least know i'm there :D And it's so much fun you tend not to worry about anything else. To get the dm's attention, write down what you want, fold it up and pass it to him (or throw it if he ignores the pass). Not only will the dm get the hint that you exist, and want to play, but the other characters will probably start to take more notice since there is stuff happening that they no longer know anything about. Stick with it, after you have saved their butts a couple of times they will pay a bit more respect :)
Delusional Illusion 11-17-04, 03:27 AM	I guess beeing shy is a common problem. I remember when I joined my first DnD group and I found it very hard to speak up and when I did half of the time I wasn't heard. Of course it might have been because I only knew well one player from the group (the only other girl player) and all the others were boys I had never met. Being a girl caused some difficulties on getting to know the others. But in the end I guess it worked out as I came more confident on my abilities and opinions. We're still playing and we're having a blast. I still sometimes experience the "silent" moments but I'm starting to get over it. What I'm trying to say is that get to know the others better and don't be afraid to voice out your opinions and ideas. Loudly if you have to ;) Make the others notice you. Shyness is something that can be overcome. It's all just for fun and you should have as much fun as the others :)
Crossover-Chronicler 11-17-04, 11:33 AM	I have a player like this. He's not really shy, just quieter than the rest of my group of loudmouths with a poor grasp of the "you act once per turn" thing (you guys know I love you all) but the end result is the same: he gets skipped and/or ignored. As a DM I solve this by writing down initiative orders, and consciously attempting to pay attention to everyone. The player handles this in part by playing characters whose opinions the party has to ask. You don't want the party's Paladin to suddenly decide you've fallen to the dark side, and the ethics of a cleric's deity must always be considered, for example. You want the group's primary healer/meat-shield to be on-board with any plans, and you want to make sure that character can go along with such a plan.
lilymaid 11-19-04, 05:57 AM	Throw cheetos at people who talk over you. If your group doesn't eat cheetos, bring some yourself, even if just as ammunition. They're light enough to not hurt, and edible to get rid of the evidence. While the Cheetos idea sounds amusing, I don't know if I ought to be getting orange on the carpet. :) Perhaps if I poured tea on them now and then it would be fun, though. Don't grab someone's stuff, or throw food (if you have to throw anything, fling poop, chimps do, and people pay attention to them!), that'll just irritate people. Raising a hand will probably work to get the DM's attention, or at least enough other people's that the DM will notice, too. So will fire. So fire's ok, but not throwing things. I'll have to bear that in mind, and keep my dignity and good standing with everyone by igniting the DM's trousers instead. :) Of course it might have been because I only knew well one player from the group (the only other girl player) and all the others were boys I had never met. Being a girl caused some difficulties on getting to know the others. I think they're less comfortable with my being of my particular sex and gender than I am. I get the impression that they're not used to having many women around. To me it just means I'm not likely going to be dress shopping with any of them. I have been trying to speak up a bit more, because it is probably quite hard for him to notice if I don't. I think raising my hand might be a good idea as well.
mclimbin 11-19-04, 09:03 PM	I am a shy person, and believe it or not, I'm a teacher. It took me a while to get comfortable enough to be able to stand in front of a class, but I did it eventually. I'll give you the same advice that I give new teachers who are nervous in class: PRETEND that you are confident. :) This is especially appropriate given the roleplaying nature of DnD, but even without that aspect, it will still work. If you pretend you know what you are doing long enough, you will start to believe it yourself (now, whether you really know what you are talking about, well, that is a different question :P) Sounds silly, I know, but give it a try for one game and see what happens. mc
fractal 11-20-04, 07:11 PM	I think they're less comfortable with my being of my particular sex and gender than I am. I get the impression that they're not used to having many women around. To me it just means I'm not likely going to be dress shopping with any of them. Well, it's almost always a bit of an issue, particularly because people tend to play characters of their own gender. It's a fine line to walk, between ignoring the gender of the other characters (not really accurate rp), and focusing on it (also questionable rp, plus then no progress gets made in the campaign).
Afarian 11-20-04, 08:41 PM	I have a group like that too!! There as noisy and unorganized as a bunch of preschoolers!! And since there is 8-9 people lots of times you have several different conversations going on at once. Fortunately I've never/rarely been skipped in melee and everyone is settling down now. However, I do find it hard to roleplay with 3-4 other boisterous noisy people in the group. So to get to the point I'm glad I found this thread and I do have a bit of advice. 1. Passing notes IMHO is on of the best things to do, it doesn't add more commotion of noise to what already exists. (breaking tables, taking DM's or other players stuff will just cause more chaos and conflict) 2. Sitting next to the DM is a good idea but be careful not to accidently look at his stuff. I did this accidently during our last session. He laid a Monsters Manual down practically right in front of me and while I was waiting for my turn I sorta started daydreaming while looking at a picture of DragonKin. He caught me and gave me a warning saying if I ever did that again my "man" was dead. 3. Initiate the idea to the DM of having everyone take an equal turn (and no speaking out of turn) on how your reacting/what your doing in a particular situation. Sorta like taking initiative in combat but it can apply to any situation. 4. I don't think I like the throwing things idea or fire idea either. I'm sure the fire was a joke but if you were to throw stuff in my group I know of at least a few people who would scream "Hey, what did you do that for?" and immediately return fire with some of their own food ammunition.
lilymaid 11-21-04, 04:57 AM	If you pretend you know what you are doing long enough, you will start to believe it yourself (now, whether you really know what you are talking about, well, that is a different question :P) That's not honestly a bad idea. :) It's a fine line to walk, between ignoring the gender of the other characters (not really accurate rp), and focusing on it (also questionable rp, plus then no progress gets made in the campaign). They worry more about propriety because my character is a woman than they otherwise would, but mostly they behave as they would toward any other party member, which is quite alright with me. I don't see why gender always has to be an issue. I have a group like that too!! There as noisy and unorganized as a bunch of preschoolers!! They're not so much terribly unorganized, I think, as a bit too loud and jolly in general. It's quite amusing but sometimes makes the actual playing difficult if you're not given to being as loud and pushy as they are. :) 4. I don't think I like the throwing things idea or fire idea either. I'm sure the fire was a joke but if you were to throw stuff in my group I know of at least a few people who would scream "Hey, what did you do that for?" and immediately return fire with some of their own food ammunition. I was of the impression they were both joking. :)
Subway 11-22-04, 12:42 PM	My gm gave us each a tablet to write on with dry-erase markers. If we wanted to either say something to him privatly or say something that people just wern't listening to we could write it down and present it, kind of like writing something down on a parchment and presenting it to the group. However, this would use up a parchment, so bring lots of those ;)