Best bonehead plays that turn funny, ever? [Archive] - Wizards Community

Best bonehead plays that turn funny, ever? [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
ShadowDragon8685
03-26-06, 10:51 PM Okay, so I know it may not be the best lines, but... This is for your best bonehead plays. :)

First, some set-up. This is essentially a two-PC game, two of us and a DM.

We're in the Anarouch, about to go and investigate some Netheril Ruins (read, "slice our way in and swipe everything, and for those things nailed down we have brought prybars",) and we're stopped by a Bedine leader. He regrets that he must resort to extortion, but his tribe has had their livestock herd poached by another tribe.

So, we offer to get the livestock back, and try to resolve this little spat peacefully. And so we, and our NPC wizard friend, go to the enemy tribe villiage. (I'm also a Wizard.)

Our plan is simple: Me and my Girrash fighter friend infiltrate the leader's house have a 'chat' with him to cease their hostilities. We make him an offer he can't refuse, basically. If that goes wrong, I make a big enough ruckus that our wizard friend sees, she lets all their animals loose, and we leave.

Well, it goes wrong. He's in bed with a very smokin' hot young girl, ugly old codger. The Girrash decides to "kiss" the girl with a Paralysis kiss, and before I can stop her, has kissed him the same way, and grappled him for good measure. Now that peaceful soloutions are out of the question, we subdual CDG the sucker inton unconciousness, cocoon him in rope and manacles, stuff him in an open BoH and leave. I let the horses outside the chief's house loose to cause a ruckus, but not enough of one, so I set off a fireball in the air. That causes a ruckus, and our NPC lets all the animals in the big pen loose.

So then I go to her, and we get ready to make our escape. Before I do, I blast the animal feed (grain) with Scorching Rays - kaboom. Grain explosion. Teleporting back to the own villiage (six days' hard ride) we can see the fire on the horizon. Oh yeah, we started the war you sent us to avert, Mr. Friendly Khan. Please don't hate us, we'll fix it.

So our plan now is that we're going to use Wall of Stone to create a wall around the town with battlements and crenelations for his warriors to fire from, and when the time comes, we use Lesser Dragon Ally twice (which our Khan has agreed to pay for, 15HD juvvie brass dragons,) and use battlefield control spells like wall of force, wall of gears, and so forth and so on.

Yeah. We started a war. :)
TheChilliGod
03-27-06, 12:38 AM Urm... Curse my low wisdom for having to ask, but what exactly would you call a 'bonehead play'?
I might have a few, but I'm not sure if they would count. Heh.
ShadowDragon8685
03-27-06, 12:57 AM Starting a war when you were meant to be a peace envoy? :)

If it seems silly or ill thought out, but is funny, then put it up.
Rosisha
03-27-06, 01:47 AM Background: Our DM loves critical fumbles, we, the players, do not. We came up with a compromise. You can critical fumble, but anything can happen. You don't necessarily hurt yourself, or your party, or disarm yourself. You're weapon can go flying and impale itself on another bad guy or something. All in good fun. DM determines what happens using premade charts.

STORY:

Ok So I am playing a gnome wizard with a low intelligence and our party is in an Indian like setting. We have managed to find (read: worked up the courage to go and face) the hideout of the main bbeg. Things are looking up for us as well. We have found a number of magical powers that are helping us out: like magical horsies. And we're all mounted and facing the temple, which is guarded by monks.

We try shooting them... doesn't work. They're monks.

So we decide "Lets charge em!" So I and a gnome sorcerer are tasked with fire support. I use up my few spells (3rd level) quickly so I, roleplaying low wisdom, don't pull out my crossbow or alchemist fire and add fire support.

No.

I decide to charge as well.

I have one point in ride skill. I am charging into combat. My horse trips (read critical miss on overrun or charge attack... whichever). I learn to fly (without the spell!) and through the air I fly (20 feet to the right of the temple doors). My horse, however, goes barreling straight into combat.

Now these are big animals. Full size horses biggest you've ever seen, and I tripped, the DM decided, a foot before entering the space of the Monk I was charging. He was hoping that using random dice rolls (which he explained before doing this) that I would knock down some allies.

It didn't work out. He had this system all prepared for what to do if one of the players screwed up while charging into combat on their nice new horsy (our DM is evil and mean) but though the dice didn't fall in my favor... they didn't fall in his either. First, of the PC and Monk right in front of me (50% change to hit either) i hit the monk,doing enough damage to kill him.

My horse continues to roll and, though it dies this round dissolving into mist, it manages to damage another monk ..... and crush my store of alchemist fire. vials and jars go everywhere.... missing all the PCs (by the DMs rolls. He was swearing at this point. I'm laughing).

I kill two more monks.

I stand up shakily and use my gnome power to use Ghost Sound to make the main statue of the god/dess (hard to tell) scream "BEGONE FOUL SCUM OF <insert badguy name>" Or something similiar. The surviving monks made, and I quote "Holy BEEP" saves and ran.

the whole table was laughing. The best part was that I, the lowest level party member, took out three of the really tough bad guys and the DM was the one doing all the rolls... in an effort kill us. He was rip ****. Since that day we've not had another critical fumble.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
ShadowDragon8685 03-26-06, 10:51 PM	Okay, so I know it may not be the best lines, but... This is for your best bonehead plays. :) First, some set-up. This is essentially a two-PC game, two of us and a DM. We're in the Anarouch, about to go and investigate some Netheril Ruins (read, "slice our way in and swipe everything, and for those things nailed down we have brought prybars",) and we're stopped by a Bedine leader. He regrets that he must resort to extortion, but his tribe has had their livestock herd poached by another tribe. So, we offer to get the livestock back, and try to resolve this little spat peacefully. And so we, and our NPC wizard friend, go to the enemy tribe villiage. (I'm also a Wizard.) Our plan is simple: Me and my Girrash fighter friend infiltrate the leader's house have a 'chat' with him to cease their hostilities. We make him an offer he can't refuse, basically. If that goes wrong, I make a big enough ruckus that our wizard friend sees, she lets all their animals loose, and we leave. Well, it goes wrong. He's in bed with a very smokin' hot young girl, ugly old codger. The Girrash decides to "kiss" the girl with a Paralysis kiss, and before I can stop her, has kissed him the same way, and grappled him for good measure. Now that peaceful soloutions are out of the question, we subdual CDG the sucker inton unconciousness, cocoon him in rope and manacles, stuff him in an open BoH and leave. I let the horses outside the chief's house loose to cause a ruckus, but not enough of one, so I set off a fireball in the air. That causes a ruckus, and our NPC lets all the animals in the big pen loose. So then I go to her, and we get ready to make our escape. Before I do, I blast the animal feed (grain) with Scorching Rays - kaboom. Grain explosion. Teleporting back to the own villiage (six days' hard ride) we can see the fire on the horizon. Oh yeah, we started the war you sent us to avert, Mr. Friendly Khan. Please don't hate us, we'll fix it. So our plan now is that we're going to use Wall of Stone to create a wall around the town with battlements and crenelations for his warriors to fire from, and when the time comes, we use Lesser Dragon Ally twice (which our Khan has agreed to pay for, 15HD juvvie brass dragons,) and use battlefield control spells like wall of force, wall of gears, and so forth and so on. Yeah. We started a war. :)
TheChilliGod 03-27-06, 12:38 AM	Urm... Curse my low wisdom for having to ask, but what exactly would you call a 'bonehead play'? I might have a few, but I'm not sure if they would count. Heh.
ShadowDragon8685 03-27-06, 12:57 AM	Starting a war when you were meant to be a peace envoy? :) If it seems silly or ill thought out, but is funny, then put it up.
Rosisha 03-27-06, 01:47 AM	Background: Our DM loves critical fumbles, we, the players, do not. We came up with a compromise. You can critical fumble, but anything can happen. You don't necessarily hurt yourself, or your party, or disarm yourself. You're weapon can go flying and impale itself on another bad guy or something. All in good fun. DM determines what happens using premade charts. STORY: Ok So I am playing a gnome wizard with a low intelligence and our party is in an Indian like setting. We have managed to find (read: worked up the courage to go and face) the hideout of the main bbeg. Things are looking up for us as well. We have found a number of magical powers that are helping us out: like magical horsies. And we're all mounted and facing the temple, which is guarded by monks. We try shooting them... doesn't work. They're monks. So we decide "Lets charge em!" So I and a gnome sorcerer are tasked with fire support. I use up my few spells (3rd level) quickly so I, roleplaying low wisdom, don't pull out my crossbow or alchemist fire and add fire support. No. I decide to charge as well. I have one point in ride skill. I am charging into combat. My horse trips (read critical miss on overrun or charge attack... whichever). I learn to fly (without the spell!) and through the air I fly (20 feet to the right of the temple doors). My horse, however, goes barreling straight into combat. Now these are big animals. Full size horses biggest you've ever seen, and I tripped, the DM decided, a foot before entering the space of the Monk I was charging. He was hoping that using random dice rolls (which he explained before doing this) that I would knock down some allies. It didn't work out. He had this system all prepared for what to do if one of the players screwed up while charging into combat on their nice new horsy (our DM is evil and mean) but though the dice didn't fall in my favor... they didn't fall in his either. First, of the PC and Monk right in front of me (50% change to hit either) i hit the monk,doing enough damage to kill him. My horse continues to roll and, though it dies this round dissolving into mist, it manages to damage another monk ..... and crush my store of alchemist fire. vials and jars go everywhere.... missing all the PCs (by the DMs rolls. He was swearing at this point. I'm laughing). I kill two more monks. I stand up shakily and use my gnome power to use Ghost Sound to make the main statue of the god/dess (hard to tell) scream "BEGONE FOUL SCUM OF <insert badguy name>" Or something similiar. The surviving monks made, and I quote "Holy BEEP" saves and ran. the whole table was laughing. The best part was that I, the lowest level party member, took out three of the really tough bad guys and the DM was the one doing all the rolls... in an effort kill us. He was rip ****. Since that day we've not had another critical fumble.