Post/Author/DateTime	Post
DM Dave 01-25-06, 03:52 PM	Seeing as there are over 1500 replies to the previous thread it seemed like a good idea to start fresh, eh? Don't Say You Weren't Warned In a low level dungeon I ran, as the delvers reached the bottom of the stairs they come upon a large "CAUTION!" sign. Directly underneath the "caution" is written something in extremely small print. As the delver looks closely the small writing becomes clear, "this block subject to sudden movement", but at this point its too late... the block juts out smacking the character in the face for 1d6 points of damage. Annoying, but no too deadly... at least I thought. Anyway, after several trips into the dungeon, the dwarven fighter "Bender Flagonquaff" got the biggest kick out of sending "the newbies" (especially elves) to check out the sign. The party lost not one, but two elven mages to this trap! (not really killed, but knocked unconcious) When the second elf fell in this manner Bender merely chuckled slightly and said: "We lose more elves that way." :D DM Note: I actually printed this sign out and held it up for the player to read. Invaribly the player's eyes would squint and he would move closer to read the "fine print." In which case I'd suddenly move the paper towards him and say, "smack!" The table was in stitches every time. :D Caution! this block subject to sudden movement. this block subject to sudden movement.
Rickiel 01-25-06, 05:24 PM	Happened yestereve! Situation- Rogue-Mage Raz, Fighting Woman Mina, Paladin Orden (human guy), and a cleric of Pelor (whom's name I can't immediately recall); are working together to bring down an Enchantress' evil hold over a prospective nephew of the king (not to mention current heir to the throne) who rules a great chain of islands. However the nephew's 'beloved' had set up patrols and is out on the hunt for us 'lil disturbances' and had also already begun propaganda to make us look like criminals! Not that Raz already wasn't. Some lines from last night. Raz: Okay, this will be simple. I'll need three candles, 150feet of hemp rope, two machetes, a pully, 3 barrels of fire-powder, a ton of bricks, and for Mina to dance in the nude with two big palm leaves. Mina: Would two giant swords do the trick? Raz: Actually yes.... in the mean time someone get me a board with a nail on it! ------ Cleric: In all my days of serving in Pelor's light, never have I considered the prospect of being thrown to the sea out of a crow's nest by a gnome. ------ Mina: DO YOU THINK I CANNOT FIGHT BECAUSE I AM WOMAN!? Orden: No, I simply think you need to lessen your roar. ------ Raz: You know...it's a good think we had those goats. Trolls never stood a chance. ------ Cleric: Doest thou wish to confess thine sins and turn to Pelor's light? Raz: Nay! For yonder breaks have yet to recline amidsts Lady Luck's ample bosom with which she so smothers mine shining smile in!
Robo_Mafia_Latte 01-25-06, 09:08 PM	Why? ok a dwarf, me(im drizztian(im female in game)), a human, a human, and i guess a human are trying to find traps in a room....im the rogue.....i make like a 6 on the roll. i set it off and two metallic lions come out. I yell at our bard, a human, "distract them!."Ok they actually play a harp in real life and brings it. Me"play somthing!" "What?!" "Anything!" (she found a harp tab for feel good inc) Her" Is Feel Good Inc. good?" :D i think that hilarious
Callista 01-25-06, 11:21 PM	As a comrade is taken down to 0 HP by an orc... Sorcerer: "I cast Save Butt!"
CalemJones 01-26-06, 12:27 PM	ok i was playing in a game with a poisondusk lizardfolk (mm3) and a lumi cleric (also mm3) and me i was the gnome sorcerer. so we just got done fighting some ettins and the chief was spell warped (mm3) and after i throw some spells at him and totally fail to penetrate the spell resistance the ettin beefs up so after we kill it: Me:"quick cut off his head before he comes back to life" Cleric: "The dead don't walk again unless i say so" it was soooo perfect.
Tolby 01-26-06, 01:46 PM	Player on top of a tower with a large orc patrol walking past. Playing a Half Fiend in 2nd edition who were immune to fire. Player: "i set myself on fire and leap onto the orcs..." DM: You do WHAT???
Thubby 01-26-06, 03:03 PM	:heehee nice!!! we have just encountered a gibbering mouther, when i was new. dm: discribes it me(im a clr):i turn it dm: its not an undead me: ok... i banish it dm: its not an outsider me:right then then... i cast flame strike dm: there you go!
Thubby 01-26-06, 03:10 PM	im playing a simple character... i mean REALY simple, 3 int, he is a fighter with 2 heavy maces DM: you see black pudding thubby(fighter, yes i am named after him, he was that cool): i squish!!! smart allik rogue: its already squished thubby: hmmmm.... i poke it with my wpn dm: nothing happens thubby: Weeeeeeeeeeeeee(leaps into the pudding) everyone else: :uh-huh: :uh-huh: :uh-huh: :uh-huh: :uh-huh: :uh-huh: :uh-huh:
Bat 01-26-06, 05:09 PM	I was playing a one-shot game on Halloween once, and for that game our DM created our characters for us. In this game, I was playing a dectective with a gun; other people also had guns. Our party gets to a big mansion, where we had been invited for a party, but find the place empty. We get attacked by something, I don't remember what, and we shot it. A few minutes later, we found a servant cringing in a closet. He mentions that he heard shots fired and was scared. Without even stopping to think, I replied: "Oh, don't worry, that was us." The servant promptly ran away from us.
Twotall 01-28-06, 02:38 PM	Our group were recruited into a Special Unit of our contry's army during a huge war with a neighbour country. One time, we got a mission to halt the advancement of an enemy army division that was marching toward an important keep. We had to slow them down until reinforcements could arrive. So we used everything, created mudslides, set up traps, sabotaged their wagons etc. But one time, my gnome rogue (who was very skilled with poisons) almost got caught. I had snuck into their camp with a sack full of dried, poisonous mushrooms we had harvested for this purpose, and had managed to "relieve" a cook of his duty and take his place. Just as I was starting to empty my sack into the pot, my GM decided it had gone a little too easy and tried to create a problem for me: GM: "You feel a hand on your shoulder and the guard captain asks you 'Hey you! What's that you're putting into the stew?'" Me (without hesitating for an instant): "Mushrooms, sir!" Everyone: :rofl: And, of course, since this was technically true, no Bluff check had to be made, and he had no choice but to order me to "carry on!"... Ah, well. Maybe you had to be there...
Blairconz 01-28-06, 11:27 PM	Fun with Hit/Effect As one houserule I have been using lately, I have worked up an area hit / effect system (which I will post if there is enough interest). Now this system is downright hilarious at times, especially it's alarming tendency to produce hits to the left foot (1% chance on the table, 100 on a d%, happend 3 times in one evening). So, I was running a piratical campaign with houseruled bombs. These bombs explode and deal sharpnel damage. Now, the party found an improvised fortress made by ratmen. Now, they thought they could use bombs to clean the ratties out. Now because of the nature of the fuse, one is best off using readied actions with the explosives. However, they have a small chance to blow up in the hand, due to a misfire system. So the party barbarian grabs, lights one and delays. I secretly rolled a misfire, a short misfire. So as you can imagine, it blows up in his hand. The explosion's damage is nothing to this fellow with the giant hit die, neither is the sharpnel. However, the sharpnel got a disablement of the upper chest, making him exhausted (-8 to Str and Dex) and did permanent ability damage to his left hand (-3 Dex and -1 Str). So our angry friend went from 18 str, 14 Dex to 9 and 3 respectively. He wisely decided to limp away, on roughly 3/4 of his HP. In that one battle, 4 bombs were employed. All four misfired. Now the other group had the reverse of this luck. One fellow, playing a samurai, managed to roll not only enough damage to put his foe well past -10 but also got a disablement of the upper chest. Me: "With a mighty slash across his chest, he staggers back a few steps, coughing blood, before collapsing into a pool of his own organs and blood." Samurai: "Cool, so was that the last goblin?"
ukjester 01-29-06, 06:39 AM	Fun with Hit/Effect As one houserule I have been using lately, I have worked up an area hit / effect system (which I will post if there is enough interest). Now this system is downright hilarious at times, especially it's alarming tendency to produce hits to the left foot (1% chance on the table, 100 on a d%, happend 3 times in one evening). Every hit location system I've ever played has shown a tendancy to target the left leg/foot. It got so bad in one game that a couple of the players were discussing whether it was possible to add extra armour to their left leg without penalty.
ukjester 01-29-06, 07:04 AM	Not sure it's one of the best lines, but it got a few giggles. This is a new game, and with a standard point buy, so the characters are a little less powerful than in the other game we're playing. Ivan is a fighter, so it's no surprise he's not got more than average intelligence. However, over the last couple of sessions he's had to make some Int checks, and he's twice rolled a natural 1. Kara (me) is a Favoured Soul, so again, only average Int. My previous chars have had above-average Int scores, for more skill points. this game's being played via OpenRPG, so we're using double-brackets for OOC comments, and I'll not put in the exact text you see for dice rolls, because it's hardly relevant Kara - rolls a 3 Kara: ((must remember this character isn't a genius)) Ivan - rolls a 1 Kara: ((except compared to Ivan))
digoraccoon 01-29-06, 08:33 PM	Two funny moments from last Saturday: DM: "It's a magical chainshirt that absorbs negative energy." Olivia: "Nagumo could use that." Nagumo: "It would interfere with my spell casting class. It's spell failure is only 20%, but i'd be all over that 20%." DM: "Half his class levels are spell caster. He'd be half the man he used to be." Olivia: "No, he'd still be 80% the man he used to be." Nagumo: "80% of me is like me without my head!" Vincent: "Could I have a crotch ring? It'll be like a ring of growth." DM: "Imagine taking a Rod of Cancellation to the crotch then." Party: *LOL* Vincent: *Makes Deflating Noise* Nagumo: "More cruel is if someone casts Mordenkainen's Disjunction and his crotch explodes."
tharivol266 01-29-06, 11:40 PM	player 1: *some wierd action* player 2: "why did you do that(edited for language)" player 1: because im cn and i felt like it
VladTheInstaller 01-29-06, 11:51 PM	"I put on my Robe and Wizard's Hat." never ceases to get a laugh out of our group.
Callista 01-30-06, 09:25 AM	DM: "The celestial grants your wish. You now have a Charisma of 21." Bard: (singing) "I feel pretty, oh so pretty..." *thrown dice fill the air*
Secrets Untold 01-30-06, 09:55 PM	Rogue (Me): *charges into shop* Clerk (male): Hello, sir. How may I help you? Rogue: I'm a bank robber! Put all of your money in the bag and I wont need to see what happens to a man with a rapier lodged in his skull! Clerk: This isn't a bank. Rogue: (politely) Oh, then what is it? Clerk: It's a women's underwear store. Rogue: So that makes me a pantie robber, right? Clerk: Yes.
Rickiel 01-31-06, 03:57 PM	The Rogue-Mage Raz has successfully researched and created a completely new spell. During some downtime he decides to show off his newfound power! Specifically he shows off for a human archer friend (Bobby) and his dwarven cleric pal (Bordic). Raz: Okay guys, I know you two keep telling me to find ways to be more effective in a fight. Bordic: Aye, cause we don't need to be draggin' any pansy elves about! Raz: Never mind that. Anyways I think I created a solution! I've created a spell that will let me merge my familiar with me and allow me to access unfore-told possibilities! Bobby: What's a merge? Raz: Allow me to show ya! (Casts the spell and becomes a hybrid amalgamation of elf and ferret) There! I can climb like nobody's business! My physical dexterity and mental wits are sharpened! And I can talk with skunks! Bobby:.... You're spell lets you become...a furry? Bordic: That's one way to put it. Bobby: ..... :mad: :censored: :headexplo :hoppingma Raz: Ehhh what's wrong Bobby? Bobby? No need to get your longbow out... Bobby: I hate... Bordic: RUN RAZ! USE THOSE SCRAWNY LITTLE LEGS!!!
Ganny.Harper 01-31-06, 04:01 PM	A rogue I once played who was trying to get lucky after a long adventure. Elf rogue to female NPC: Can I help you or there some other reason why you are looking at me like I'm the last cookie in the jar.
spongeknight 01-31-06, 09:35 PM	Gjord of Moonshae (my male half-orc Fighter7/Barbarian 1) approaches a shopkeeper in the interest of upgrading his axe. This is how the conversation went. Shopkeep: Yes, can I interest you in anything? Weapons, armor, magic, women? Me: Women? Shopkeep: Right this way sir! (Leads me to the Drunken Pixie, a somewhat less reputable inn with women whose services could be purchased for money. At this point, the players start an out-of-character conversation) Cleric: How would this work anyway? DM: I guess you'd have to use your Con score. Wizard: What is your Con score, anyway? Me: 15. But I can rage...
Nartu 01-31-06, 11:43 PM	The first D&D game I was in, and I was fighting a pair of rats. DM: Your magic missle hits the first rat, killing it. Me: Yay! DM: His turn *Rolls a one on dice, confirms critical failure* Me: And? DM: He tries to wake up the other rat. Me: Ouch... Then a more recent game. Me rolling for bite attack: *Rolls one*...*Rolls one on confirming critical failure*...*Rolls one on confirming critical critical failure*...*Rolls one on confirming critical critical critical failure*...*Rolls two* A TWO! *waves arms and points at dice*. DM: Can you kill yourself with a bite attack? No? Ok then, give me a second... The dice favors 1's and 15's... Centaur mage (me): *Dies at bottom of 70 ft. pit trap* Everyone else: I'm not carrying him back to town.... You, warlock with spider climb, go loot his corpse.
b3jsd73jfx 02-01-06, 02:27 AM	We're all around level 5, preparing to fight in Ragnarok (the final battle). We end up getting out of it but this is probably our most memorable discussion We're sitting on the gates of the town that we've barricaded ourselves in, as we look out into the desert around us, there's seemingly nothing. Whenever lightning flashes though, we can see millions of enemy soldiers off in the distance. Eventually one of them comes up and although we can't see each other, we can talk just fine. We invite him up and do some tests to make sure he's not ethereal. As we begin discussing "terms" for battle, this is how we win: Toshiro the Monk: "Can your men fight things they can't see?" Enemy Negotiator: "No, not really" Toshiro: "Well... ours can, so you might just want to leave" DM: Rolls sense motive against bluff check and fails Enemy Negotiater: "Oh really then? Then yeah, I think we'll get going, we can just say you won..." DM: :censored: And that's how we averted the first ragnarok...
Lluks 02-01-06, 05:13 PM	Okay, I run my own version of the dnd pantheon. Boccob is the supreme deity, becuase, I mean come on, he's the god of magic. He SHOULD be the supreme deity. Well, anyways, in my campaigns he sets out one day of every year for each of the deities. Since he is all powerful and has eternal life, he gets really bored. So, he screws with stuff. Since he is true neutral, he always balances out his actions with another action of the opposite motive (good action to balance bad, chaotic to balance lawful, etc.). Well, during his days with the deities they have a "Night on the town," in which they are at Bocoob's mercy. However, at the end of the day, they get one wish. Well, after a night of getting Pelor really drunk, Boccob was asked by the sun god to avenge him on the moon god, as the moon god's clerics had been defiling his temples. So, Boccob gathered up 1000 clerics and casted "Great, re-improved Burning Hands" on them (Boccob has created new versions of spells and new heights of spell power, the strongest being "Greatest, Re-improved_________" Well, the next day Corellon Larethian show up, fairly angry. 500 of those clerics were his. Boccob vows to fix the problem, and so has one of his High Preists gather up 500 of his clerics in a field. He says to them: "CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE NOW ALL CLERICS OF CORELLON LARETHIAN!" Well, they don't want to be, especially those of orc blood, and protest that they aren't all elves. So, Boccob casts "Greater Elf, Mass" (he made it up) to fix the problem. The orcs feel dirty. Well, they still don't want to be clerics of ol' Corellon, so Boccob turns. "defiance?" "GREATER RE-IMPROVED BURNING HANDS!!!" And so, Boccob happily returns to a speechless Corellon Larethian and says "All right, I fixed it. I killed 500 of your defiant clerics!"
ShadowDragon8685 02-01-06, 08:10 PM	Okay, I run my own version of the dnd pantheon. Boccob is the supreme deity, becuase, I mean come on, he's the god of magic. He SHOULD be the supreme deity. Well, anyways, in my campaigns he sets out one day of every year for each of the deities. Since he is all powerful and has eternal life, he gets really bored. So, he screws with stuff. Since he is true neutral, he always balances out his actions with another action of the opposite motive (good action to balance bad, chaotic to balance lawful, etc.). Well, during his days with the deities they have a "Night on the town," in which they are at Bocoob's mercy. However, at the end of the day, they get one wish. Well, after a night of getting Pelor really drunk, Boccob was asked by the sun god to avenge him on the moon god, as the moon god's clerics had been defiling his temples. So, Boccob gathered up 1000 clerics and casted "Great, re-improved Burning Hands" on them (Boccob has created new versions of spells and new heights of spell power, the strongest being "Greatest, Re-improved_________" Well, the next day Corellon Larethian show up, fairly angry. 500 of those clerics were his. Boccob vows to fix the problem, and so has one of his High Preists gather up 500 of his clerics in a field. He says to them: "CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE NOW ALL CLERICS OF CORELLON LARETHIAN!" Well, they don't want to be, especially those of orc blood, and protest that they aren't all elves. So, Boccob casts "Greater Elf, Mass" (he made it up) to fix the problem. The orcs feel dirty. Well, they still don't want to be clerics of ol' Corellon, so Boccob turns. "defiance?" "GREATER RE-IMPROVED BURNING HANDS!!!" And so, Boccob happily returns to a speechless Corellon Larethian and says "All right, I fixed it. I killed 500 of your defiant clerics!" UHmmmm, that sounds a lot more like CN, trying to act like TN, than TN.
AJMANandCORNDOG 02-01-06, 09:48 PM	A monk(my friend, being introduced into our party) walks in to our camp late into the night, with his weapon drawn. Alarmed we all draw our weapons and tell him to drop his. he drops them then states his name, his buisiness for being out here and we all think hes pretty cool. MONK: can i have my nunchacku back. ruoge: no, they are mine now Me(being a paladin): go ahead and give em back, they aren't yours. (smiling at him) ruoge: no monk: then i will have to take them from you! *rolls a one*(to take them) ruoge: oooooooo, let me geuss what your nickname is... SPEEDY!!! *rolled 20* group laughs at monk
Psynaps12321 02-01-06, 11:55 PM	Player: Can I be prismatic male human DM: Why Player: So I can say "Look at my :censored: and die". Group: **Laughs**
kam_Islash 02-02-06, 10:51 AM	The male human barbarian believed the female elf fighter to be an imposter, so he attacked. Agrappling match ensued. The half-orc fighter watched as he chomped down pork... Flark: So THAT'S where half-elves come from! That same player had some great lines as 2 different characters. Dwarf Fighter: Hold the door mage, we're takin them all fokkin down! Warforged: I do not age. I can continue to take you to the brink of death and back for an eternity if I have to.